November 6, 2024 • 26 mins
Join us as we welcome the inspiring Dr. Crystal Nelson, a psychiatrist and mother of three, who masterfully balances her demanding career with the challenges of motherhood. Dr. Nelson, who navigates life as a widow in a blended family, shares her personal strategies for prioritizing personal time amidst professional obligations. Her heartfelt stories, like the cherished "mommy daughter date nights," offer a genuine glimpse into her world and provide practical tips for staying present and connected with those who matter most.
Do you find yourself overwhelmed by endless tasks and societal pressures? Discover Dr. Nelson's transformative approach to managing daily chaos by focusing on top priorities and embracing the "three D's"—delegate, delete, or defer. By letting go of perfectionism and learning to disconnect from social media, she reveals how to reclaim control over your time and find true fulfillment. Her candid experiences, like delegating household chores, illuminate the freedom gained from relinquishing control and concentrating on what truly matters.
Creating a personalized blueprint for mental wellness is at the heart of our conversation, as Dr. Nelson emphasizes individualized approaches over one-size-fits-all solutions. We explore the importance of nurturing relationships in a specific sequence, starting with oneself and extending to partners, children, and the wider world. This holistic perspective is a refreshing departure from traditional methods, empowering mothers to build meaningful connections while maintaining their mental health. Together, we provide actionable insights to help you conquer chaos and find balance in your everyday life.
Find Crystal Here:
Follow on Instagram @drcrystalnelson
www.blueprintpsychiatry.com
Mama Mental Wellness Guide: https://www.sydneycrowe.com/mamamentalwellness589191
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, hey, mamas, Welcome back to Conquering Chaos
A Mom's Guide to Self-Care andSanity.
I'm your host, Sydney Crow, andtoday we have Crystal Nelson
from Atlanta, Georgia.
Crystal is a psychiatrist.
She has been practicing for 17years.
She is a mom of three and is ablended family.
She's gone through loss and wasa widow from her first marriage
(00:20):
.
She's now raising a blendedfamily and she loves to talk
about all things in terms ofmental wellness, balance for
motherhood.
She also has a book called theBetter Blueprint to Mental
Health, so we're going to touchon that.
Welcome, Crystal.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Sydney, forhaving me on your show.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Thank you for being here.
I'm super excited to dive intothis.
Mental wellness and mentalhealth, especially for mothers,
is something I'm extremelypassionate about, so why don't
you just tell the listeners whoyou are and what you're all
about?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
So my name is Dr Crystal Nelson.
I'm a psychiatrist, like Sydneysaid, in Atlanta, Georgia.
I've been a psychiatrist foralmost 17 years Doesn't seem
like that long, but has been.
I have three kids, so I havetwo biological children and one
bonus son.
As Sydney stated, I was marriedand my first spouse passed away
(01:11):
from cancer.
So I became a single momunexpectedly Well, I would say
sooner than I would have likedand so I became a single mom and
then I remarried and then got abonus son and then had another
child.
And so in that whole process ofall of the changes, I've
balanced being a mom, alsostarting my own company, going
(01:35):
out on my own and and all of thechaos and craziness that comes
with trying to do the world'smost important things all at one
time.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yes, yeah, I mean.
Being a mother, especially whenyou're raising multiple kids,
is a tough enough balancing acton its own, let alone, you know,
starting your own practice andbuilding that up for the last 17
years, which is incredible.
So how do you manage it all?
What are, what are your go-totips and tricks for moms out
there that are, you know,starting their own business and
(02:06):
or raising kids?
From a psychiatrist perspectiveand from your personal
experience, what do you feellike is the most important
things that have helped youalong the way?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah.
One of my mentors early on.
I had my daughter in the middleof medical school and so I was
set to go forward to become anOBGYN.
That was my dream.
I was going to be an OBGYN, andone of my mentors at the time
she said to me well, if you'renot going to be comfortable with
(02:36):
, you know, having a nanny andsome resources, that you're not
going to really be able to pullthis off.
And so I had to really thinkabout that and one of the pieces
of advice that she gave me.
She says you can have it all,you can do everything, all these
things that you want to do, butnot at the same time.
And I shared that with so somany women over the years.
(02:57):
Because I tell everybody thereare some days I'm an amazing
doctor, fantastic, wonderful,and I'm not the greatest mom
that day or the greatest wifethat day, because it required
all of my time.
And then there are days, likeyesterday, when I literally
built a fort with my kids andwe're in a fort and me, my kids,
the dog, we're having a greattime.
But I was not a doctoryesterday.
(03:20):
I was not really spending timebeing a wife that much during
that time.
I was not really, you know,spending time being a wife that
much during that time.
So just being in the box andstaying in the box and being
okay with that as you go throughinstead of I find that women
women want to be 1000% oneverything at all times, at the
same time, and it brings moredistress than we can manage.
(03:43):
Absolutely Versus.
Okay, right now I'm being agreat mom and the rest has to
wait.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Oh, I love that advice so much and it's, you
know, hitting home.
I have a very, very busy monthahead of me and probably a
little busier than I'm used to,and that just really hit home
today.
So there was a reason we gotconnected and we're're doing
this interview today, because itwas a very gentle reminder that
I needed, and I'm sure there'sother moms out there that need
(04:12):
that today too.
So when you're looking at thatand you're having to balance
right, it comes down to a lot ofscheduling, I'm sure.
Do you have specific timemanagement tips that you can
share with the listeners thatwork well for you, or is it just
a?
This is the box I'm in in thismoment and I'm not going to let
anything else distract me fromthat.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Well, definitely scheduling things.
I, you know, hats off to anymom or anybody doing anything
major that doesn't have aschedule.
I mean, you have to haveeverything scheduled, in my
opinion, to pull all of it off,but you also have to schedule
the fun stuff.
I find that you know, peoplewill be really great at
(04:56):
scheduling their business stuff,but you have to schedule a play
, like when.
I I'll use another example mydaughter, when I was in med
school, on Thursday nights itwas mommy daughter date night
and she knew that it was mommydaughter date night because I
literally at times would beworking, you know, 80 hours, 110
hours, and she would have somuch.
(05:18):
She wanted to tell me everysingle day and I would say,
unless it's an emergency, can wesave it for mommy daughter date
night?
And on mommy daughter datenight I mean she'd unload, you
know she was here she was here,everything you know that she
wanted to talk about throughoutthe week.
But I put it on my schedule soand so when I am in that box,
(05:40):
just like when I'm talking to mypatients, if I'm in the room
with that patient, that's allthat's happening.
So they feel like they're myonly patient, I'm their doc,
they're getting my undividedattention.
So, same with my spouse, samewith my kids, making sure that I
put them on my schedule Becauseotherwise, I mean for most of
(06:00):
us work could take up all of it.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
It really could.
All day, every night.
Our work could take up all ofit.
It really could.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I mean all day, every day, Our kids could take up all
of it and we wouldn't have topay for work or our spouse or
significant others.
So it's really being scheduled,and then I would say being
flexible enough when theschedule doesn't go quite how we
plan.
A sick kid pops up, I mean yourschedule kind of goes out the
window.
Yeah, so you know beingflexible, but planning for the
(06:27):
most part all those things wewant to accomplish.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I love that.
It's very much so when you'relooking at your practice and you
know, as a doctor and mentalwellness, what would you say are
the key things that you'reseeing, especially in today,
because the world is a littlebit different after the last
three years.
So what are you seeing that youwould say is the most important
for either new moms or seasonedmoms to really help make their
(06:56):
mental wellness a priority forthemselves.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
So what I am seeing a lot of post-pandemic even
before, but I think the pandemicjust put some gas on the fire
is anxiety.
The amount of anxiety thatwomen are presenting to me with
is just.
(07:20):
I don't even know if there's aword to describe the amount of
anxiety and the amount of womenthat are dealing with this, and
I think it comes back to whatwe're talking about.
They have so many things ontheir plate.
There's so many more decisionsand so many more options that we
have in this society than everbefore, and so decisions bring
(07:46):
about fatigue and anxiety.
You know we don't have anunlimited supply of wanting to
make decisions every single day.
I mean some mothers, you knowwe're we're making 10,000
decisions before 12 noon youknow, and that weighs heavy
right that that gets to be toomuch.
(08:06):
So I think one of the ways tokind of cut down on that is to
decrease the amount of decisions.
Some of the things that we'restressing about or that are
adding to that decision fatigueare unnecessary.
So I try to focus in on whatare your top three?
What are your top three thingsthat you want to accomplish
(08:28):
today?
When I ask women you know, momswhat do you want to accomplish
today?
The list is unrealistic.
I mean, it is a ridiculousamount of things that is almost
humanly impossible.
But the problem with that is atthe end of the day if that was
your list in the morning and atthe end of the day you don't
accomplish that, you're stressed, you're beating yourself up,
(08:50):
you're having anxiety about thenext day because now you have
even more to come up with whenit wasn't realistic from the
start.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
So just narrowing down those things that are the
priority, so you can feelaccomplished.
So you can feel like, okay, I'mmoving forward, I'm making
progress, I'm happy.
So that that is my tip forladies Take some of these things
off of this to-do list.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
It's not realistic.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I hadsomebody that said it was the
three D's delegate delete ordefer.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I like that.
I like that.
I love that because delegate isa big one that I've had to
learn.
My goodness, that was a hardone for me, because I felt like
I had to be the person to do itall and if I wasn't, then it
wasn't gonna be done, right?
That's a control issue, whichalso brings about anxiety, and
there's so much that you don'thave to do you can easily
(09:46):
delegate, and some of it thatwhoever you may be delegating it
to would enjoy.
Some of these things that weare doing, we don't enjoy doing
them, and so we need to pass thebuck to someone who that's
their thing and they're in theirhappy space doing that for me
or for you, for sure.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Also.
I mean, for me one of thethings that I had to delegate
was my kids laundry.
You know, I still help themstart the wash machine, maybe
help them put it in the dryer,but for the most part they have
to bring it down, they have toget it started, they have to
fold their own clothes, but thenI would open up their dressers
and it would just be mayhem andI was like, oh, that was a hard
(10:27):
one, because you know you wanttheir clothes to look nice and
like.
For me it was like presentableand I was like I just have to
let this go oh yeah exactly.
No, it's, it's their clothes andif they like, I've showed them
a few times how to fold theirshirts and if they can't get it,
they will eventually.
This isn't, uh, like hill Ineed to go and die on.
And yeah, I mean that it wassuch a huge release.
(10:47):
Right, it took me a littlewhile, but it definitely makes
such a huge difference in myweek because it's one less thing
that I have to worry about.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, and that's so true.
What you said is just to letsome of it go, because, again,
some of those things they justin the end won't matter that
much.
I remember my son my bonus son,I mean, he's 23 now and you
know worrying about if the roomwas clean, worrying about if the
room was clean.
(11:15):
And then I remember when hemoved out.
When he moved out, the room wasclean and I thought, oh, rooms
that people don't live in areclean, right yeah.
So I was stressing about himkeeping this room clean and, at
the end of the day, how he keepshis room in his home or how he
keeps his home is still going tobe his business.
It is not going to affect me inthe long run and we might not
(11:36):
ever match up on how we likethings to be neat and tidy and
it doesn't really matter.
So, like you said, if thedrawer is mayhem, at the end of
the day, who cares?
The clothes are clean.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, absolutely, Absolutely.
You know, and there is thatlike age old saying whereas if
it's not going to matter in fiveminutes, is it really going to
matter in five years, Right?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
right and that's a lot.
I think that's a lot of stressagain.
And talking to ladies I hear somuch stress about, I mean,
every little detail of theirkids' lives.
They're stressed about, youknow, their child is, you know,
10.
And they're stressed about ifthe activities that their
10-year-old are doing, that it'sgoing to get them into college
(12:22):
Like they're 10.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I think that's part of society.
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I feel like, especially now, with everything
at our fingertips, with socialmedia, there's this huge
comparison game, and even if wedon't want to play it, our mind
still brings us there Right.
And so it is this like give andtake of, like learning how to
go with the ebbs and flows thatlife is, giving you focus on the
(12:49):
things that are really trulyimportant right now, but also
knowing that there are thingsthat we do need to set them up
for in the future.
But is that really the prioritytoday?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Right right.
And coming back to thatquestion you just said is it the
priority today?
And it's not.
And there is a more importantthing that we need to shift our
attention to that, and you'reright, it is.
We are in a society, especiallywith social media, where, even
if you don't want to compare, Imean you're seeing what
(13:21):
everybody and their neighbor isdoing, what they're eating, what
their kids have on.
You know all of those details.
So that's another thing oftenwe'll suggest to people is to
disconnect from that you know,regular disconnect time from
social media for you and foryour kids, because it can really
really zap your own creativity,your own desires, because some
(13:46):
of that.
Again, it's much easier for meto if I pull back from some of
the comparison, for me to saywho cares if my kids drawers are
mayhem.
But if I'm on social media andI see in my neighbor's children
they look perfect, their clothesare perfect, her house looks so
clean, you know, then that'sgoing to likely cause me to feel
bad when she might've justtaken the picture and she's
(14:09):
crying in the bathroom later,like you know, that's reality,
that's reality.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Well, and you'll see, like these, like I, like these
comparison.
There's some sort of socialmedia accounts now where they're
like this is the Instagrampicture and the kitchen is
spotless.
Right, they're there, theirhair is done, they look great in
their kitchen, and then they dothe behind the scenes and the
rest of the house is just anutter disarray.
And you're like this is reality.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah, this is I had.
This was years back.
I had two patients I was seeingand they were neighbors and
they didn't know that they wereboth seeing me and both of them
would come in basically feelingbad about the other one because
they thought that the other one,you know, had it all together.
(14:55):
They would talk about how, inchurch, you know, this one looks
so great.
And then I can't get mydaughter to be motivated, not
knowing that they're competingwith each other in this way and
both of them are falling apart,seeing a psychiatrist and just
thought, man, you guys couldcommiserate with each other,
support one another.
And you know, not have thisanxiety instead of competing
(15:18):
with one another about anunrealistic picture of your life
.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah, yeah, and I had a therapist one time tell me
that unsaid expectations willunravel everything.
And so it was one thing that,like now, my husband and I will
really like dive in andcommunicate.
Because once you startcommunicating those expectations
, or once you start having thoselike real conversations with
your neighbor and just beinglike man, like you got it all
(15:44):
together today, like how did youmanage that?
And she'll be like, oh well,you had it all together
yesterday, right, like it's.
And then you just can kind ofsit down and have like a real
laugh about it Because reallyyou're having this, they were
having this unsaid expectationof one another.
That's nobody has it alltogether.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
I mean zero, have it all together.
It does not matter who you'refollowing, who do you think?
Not me, not you?
I mean don't.
Some days you know that housemight be running like a
well-oiled machine and you'relike check, check, check, got it
all done.
And some days nothing isrunning like a well-oiled
machine.
(16:25):
It's a day where you're likelet me get through the next
couple hours and I'm going totake a nap and try to start this
all over again and we hit thereset.
Yeah, it's just chaotic somedays, but I mean, that's life.
We're all human beings in thishuman experience.
There's no magical way in orout.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I love that straight from the mouth of a psychiatrist
for 17 years.
You guys, this is nobody has itall together and we all are
going to have days with thatsuperhero cape and days where we
are crumbling behind the frontdoor.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I think that is again.
It's always shocking.
I was telling a story.
I was telling this storyactually on Instagram I think I
was on Instagram or Facebook, Idon't remember and I was saying
how I saw a patient of mine inthe library and I said, oh hey,
how are you?
And she like froze, and shedidn't even know what to say.
(17:20):
And she says, oh, this is sostrange.
It's like you're a real person.
And I thought, yeah, I don'tlive behind my desk at my office
.
Yes, I'm a real person.
But it made me think and Iposted that video to say the
same thing.
I'm saying we're all having ahuman experience.
It doesn't matter what positionyou may view someone in,
(17:42):
whether they're an influencer,celebrity your physician.
I mean, we're all having thesame human experiences.
My kids get on my nerves, justlike yours.
My stuff bothers me just likeyours.
I have disagreements with you,know it's the same.
I might have more tools to getthrough those things, those
(18:03):
moments, faster.
But that's it.
That is absolutely it.
There's nothing else that makesme separate.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I love that.
Yeah, that's great.
Well, why don't you tell thelisteners a little bit more
about your book?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Yeah, so a better blueprint to mental health I
created.
It's just a workbook, so Icreated this guidebook.
In my practice we do what wecall interventional psychiatry,
where we do a treatment thatuses magnets for the treatment
of depression, where people havefailed multiple medications and
they're looking for somethingelse other than medications.
(18:36):
So the patients are with us forabout six weeks, and so one of
the questions that they wouldask is well, what do I do every
day?
They wanted something to useevery single day to kind of give
them something really practicalto do while they were doing
treatment.
So I created it, so it is just adaily prompt, so it will talk
(18:58):
about some daily, basically acoping skill, give them some
context around it, and then atnight there are three other
prompts to have them focus onthree things.
So, like I said, my top threethings.
So there's a morning and anight, morning and a night, and
it was 40 days and 40 nights,and when I kind of thought about
that I thought, okay, wow, sothey're with us almost 40 days,
(19:21):
40 nights, and they're kind ofin the wilderness, they're lost
and confused, and so it gavethem something in the morning
and in the evening for them todo and I have them go through it
and then kind of land upon ahandful of things.
If they come out in those 40days, 40 nights with a handful
of things that really work,that's your toolbox, those are
(19:43):
your coping skills because,every coping skill doesn't work
for every person.
You know some people deepbreathing is not going to work.
It might be they have to sprint, you know.
So they come up with their setof coping skills and then they
continue to hopefully build uponthat after they finished the
treatment and they're going backto their normal life.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
I love that and I really liked that you were able
to, you know, highlight that noteverything works for every
single person.
I have been saying this for solong, Like I feel like a lot of
times people want you to fitinto the mold right, Like
there's like a shoe box orsomething where they're just
like this is how it is and itdoesn't work for everybody, and
so I really appreciate your takeon that and the way that you've
(20:27):
been able to design thisworkbook so that people are able
to figure out what works bestfor them.
I think that's so helpful towork through.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, I mean, I think that's that again as to that
level of stress that peopleexperience because we're trying
to have everybody fit in theseboxes and and we just don't.
I mean even in diagnoses.
Yes, we have general boxes todiagnose a patient, but
everybody who is my client knowsI hate, I hate labels, I hate
(20:57):
the diagnoses because they'rejust not creative enough to
describe a human being you know,I'd rather we say, oh, this
Sydney, and Sydney has thesesymptoms she's dealing with, she
wants to improve, that's it.
So we're figuring out how toimprove those symptoms that
Sydney doesn't like so she canmanage her superpower, that's it
(21:17):
.
I love that.
Instead of you know I, I willget so frustrated with patients
as it's, I am depressed, I ambipolar.
And here's the.
They come in with theirsymptoms, I've got to be on meds
or I've got to have this andI've got to have that.
Oh, what if it doesn't work?
Yeah, you know, we have tofigure out what works for you,
(21:42):
and I think when people approachit from that standpoint, you'll
find your solution.
You will always find a solutionif you're open to finding what
works for you.
So that may mean some trial anderror, but okay, there's not
another.
You, yeah, or figuring out, andthat's why it's a blueprint,
that's why the name of mypractice is blueprint, because
the blueprint is something thatis very, very unique, and so
(22:04):
we're trying to design and learnyour blueprint.
And I don't know what that is,and even you might not know what
that is.
So we're trying to figure thatout and write the right
blueprint.
So we're getting the rightfoundation, the right outcome,
the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I just have to say that your take on your practice
is such a breath of fresh air,especially in the mental
wellness space, because, yeah, Imean, everybody deserves to
find out what works best forthem and, like you said, I mean
sometimes that is going to be alittle bit of like testing
things out, but at the end ofthe day, if you get that custom
blueprint that's going to bespecific to what you need and
(22:42):
how you can improve the areasthat you need to improve or
hoping to improve, then whocares if it takes a while, right
, I mean, I think that's justthe way that it's going to go.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
And you're not on a time crunch in that way.
So you're not thinking about itas a time crunch, because this
whole thing is your life, it'syour journey.
There's no rush.
I mean none of us are trying torush.
If you get to the end, it'spretty much that's the end.
So you're on this journey tofigure out yourself and what
works for you.
(23:14):
So that is going to be sometrial and error.
We try to reduce that as muchas possible with some of the
tools we use in our clinic andso on and so forth, but just
trying to move people away fromthose labels that make them feel
bad, these ideas that this isthe way that it goes, and mental
health, and mental health hasgotten a bad rap.
I mean, it's gotten a bad rap.
(23:35):
People felt like guinea pigsand you know it was just about
let me throw a med at you, andthat is not always the answer,
nor is always the answer.
Just, you know, sometimestherapeutic things like talking
it out alone, that doesn't workfor everybody.
Some people get better withjust talk.
Yeah, do some other things 100%.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Well, that's yeah.
It is such a breath of freshair to hear you say that that's
how you run your practice.
So we will make sure that wehave the link for your blueprint
book under here so you guyswill be able to find Crystal
Crystal before we sign off.
Is there one last piece ofadvice that you'd love for the
moms to know out there?
Let's see.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Just I've been kind of reiterating what I said.
Moms, you know, make sureyou're prioritizing things in
the right order again, and Ididn't.
I didn't say this, but in myopinion, when you get
overwhelmed, you can always comeback to order.
What is the order in which lifegoes.
So the way that I look at thatis order starts with
(24:35):
relationships.
So first is you and yourcreator, whatever you call that
to be.
Where's that relationship?
Do I need to put some time intothat?
Then it's me and me.
So the relationship I have withmyself.
So, moms, we can't do much forother people if we are
neglecting ourselves.
So then it's me and me.
Then it may be you and yoursignificant other, your spouse,
(24:56):
particularly if that's yourparents, I mean your child's
parent.
That relationship, I stressthat, will be the most important
thing you will ever teach yourchildren, that relationship that
you have with their, theirparent.
Then it's you and your kids.
Then it's you and the rest ofthe world.
So if you stay in order,sometimes it won't be so
overwhelming because you canalways do a little spot check
(25:19):
and say, okay, today feelsoverwhelming, where do I need to
start?
Let me start with that firstrelationship and work myself all
the way through five.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, okay.
Well, that's wonderful.
Thank you for being here,crystal, and thank you guys for
tuning in to today's episode,where we help you conquer the
chaos, one day at a time.
Hey, hey, mamas, Welcome back to Conquering Chaos
A Mom's Guide to Self-Care andSanity.
I'm your host, Sydney Crow, andtoday we have Crystal Nelson
from Atlanta, Georgia.
Crystal is a psychiatrist.
She has been practicing for 17years.
She is a mom of three and is ablended family.
She's gone through loss and wasa widow from her first marriage
(00:20):
.
She's now raising a blendedfamily and she loves to talk
about all things in terms ofmental wellness, balance for
motherhood.
She also has a book called theBetter Blueprint to Mental
Health, so we're going to touchon that.
Welcome, Crystal.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Sydney, forhaving me on your show.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Thank you for being here.
I'm super excited to dive intothis.
Mental wellness and mentalhealth, especially for mothers,
is something I'm extremelypassionate about, so why don't
you just tell the listeners whoyou are and what you're all
about?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
So my name is Dr Crystal Nelson.
I'm a psychiatrist, like Sydneysaid, in Atlanta, Georgia.
I've been a psychiatrist foralmost 17 years Doesn't seem
like that long, but has been.
I have three kids, so I havetwo biological children and one
bonus son.
As Sydney stated, I was marriedand my first spouse passed away
(01:11):
from cancer.
So I became a single momunexpectedly Well, I would say
sooner than I would have likedand so I became a single mom and
then I remarried and then got abonus son and then had another
child.
And so in that whole process ofall of the changes, I've
balanced being a mom, alsostarting my own company, going
(01:35):
out on my own and and all of thechaos and craziness that comes
with trying to do the world'smost important things all at one
time.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yes, yeah, I mean.
Being a mother, especially whenyou're raising multiple kids,
is a tough enough balancing acton its own, let alone, you know,
starting your own practice andbuilding that up for the last 17
years, which is incredible.
So how do you manage it all?
What are, what are your go-totips and tricks for moms out
there that are, you know,starting their own business and
(02:06):
or raising kids?
From a psychiatrist perspectiveand from your personal
experience, what do you feellike is the most important
things that have helped youalong the way?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah.
One of my mentors early on.
I had my daughter in the middleof medical school and so I was
set to go forward to become anOBGYN.
That was my dream.
I was going to be an OBGYN, andone of my mentors at the time
she said to me well, if you'renot going to be comfortable with
(02:36):
, you know, having a nanny andsome resources, that you're not
going to really be able to pullthis off.
And so I had to really thinkabout that and one of the pieces
of advice that she gave me.
She says you can have it all,you can do everything, all these
things that you want to do, butnot at the same time.
And I shared that with so somany women over the years.
(02:57):
Because I tell everybody thereare some days I'm an amazing
doctor, fantastic, wonderful,and I'm not the greatest mom
that day or the greatest wifethat day, because it required
all of my time.
And then there are days, likeyesterday, when I literally
built a fort with my kids andwe're in a fort and me, my kids,
the dog, we're having a greattime.
But I was not a doctoryesterday.
(03:20):
I was not really spending timebeing a wife that much during
that time.
I was not really, you know,spending time being a wife that
much during that time.
So just being in the box andstaying in the box and being
okay with that as you go throughinstead of I find that women
women want to be 1000% oneverything at all times, at the
same time, and it brings moredistress than we can manage.
(03:43):
Absolutely Versus.
Okay, right now I'm being agreat mom and the rest has to
wait.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Oh, I love that advice so much and it's, you
know, hitting home.
I have a very, very busy monthahead of me and probably a
little busier than I'm used to,and that just really hit home
today.
So there was a reason we gotconnected and we're're doing
this interview today, because itwas a very gentle reminder that
I needed, and I'm sure there'sother moms out there that need
(04:12):
that today too.
So when you're looking at thatand you're having to balance
right, it comes down to a lot ofscheduling, I'm sure.
Do you have specific timemanagement tips that you can
share with the listeners thatwork well for you, or is it just
a?
This is the box I'm in in thismoment and I'm not going to let
anything else distract me fromthat.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Well, definitely scheduling things.
I, you know, hats off to anymom or anybody doing anything
major that doesn't have aschedule.
I mean, you have to haveeverything scheduled, in my
opinion, to pull all of it off,but you also have to schedule
the fun stuff.
I find that you know, peoplewill be really great at
(04:56):
scheduling their business stuff,but you have to schedule a play
, like when.
I I'll use another example mydaughter, when I was in med
school, on Thursday nights itwas mommy daughter date night
and she knew that it was mommydaughter date night because I
literally at times would beworking, you know, 80 hours, 110
hours, and she would have somuch.
(05:18):
She wanted to tell me everysingle day and I would say,
unless it's an emergency, can wesave it for mommy daughter date
night?
And on mommy daughter datenight I mean she'd unload, you
know she was here she was here,everything you know that she
wanted to talk about throughoutthe week.
But I put it on my schedule soand so when I am in that box,
(05:40):
just like when I'm talking to mypatients, if I'm in the room
with that patient, that's allthat's happening.
So they feel like they're myonly patient, I'm their doc,
they're getting my undividedattention.
So, same with my spouse, samewith my kids, making sure that I
put them on my schedule Becauseotherwise, I mean for most of
(06:00):
us work could take up all of it.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
It really could.
All day, every night.
Our work could take up all ofit.
It really could.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I mean all day, every day, Our kids could take up all
of it and we wouldn't have topay for work or our spouse or
significant others.
So it's really being scheduled,and then I would say being
flexible enough when theschedule doesn't go quite how we
plan.
A sick kid pops up, I mean yourschedule kind of goes out the
window.
Yeah, so you know beingflexible, but planning for the
(06:27):
most part all those things wewant to accomplish.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I love that.
It's very much so when you'relooking at your practice and you
know, as a doctor and mentalwellness, what would you say are
the key things that you'reseeing, especially in today,
because the world is a littlebit different after the last
three years.
So what are you seeing that youwould say is the most important
for either new moms or seasonedmoms to really help make their
(06:56):
mental wellness a priority forthemselves.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
So what I am seeing a lot of post-pandemic even
before, but I think the pandemicjust put some gas on the fire
is anxiety.
The amount of anxiety thatwomen are presenting to me with
is just.
(07:20):
I don't even know if there's aword to describe the amount of
anxiety and the amount of womenthat are dealing with this, and
I think it comes back to whatwe're talking about.
They have so many things ontheir plate.
There's so many more decisionsand so many more options that we
have in this society than everbefore, and so decisions bring
(07:46):
about fatigue and anxiety.
You know we don't have anunlimited supply of wanting to
make decisions every single day.
I mean some mothers, you knowwe're we're making 10,000
decisions before 12 noon youknow, and that weighs heavy
right that that gets to be toomuch.
(08:06):
So I think one of the ways tokind of cut down on that is to
decrease the amount of decisions.
Some of the things that we'restressing about or that are
adding to that decision fatigueare unnecessary.
So I try to focus in on whatare your top three?
What are your top three thingsthat you want to accomplish
(08:28):
today?
When I ask women you know, momswhat do you want to accomplish
today?
The list is unrealistic.
I mean, it is a ridiculousamount of things that is almost
humanly impossible.
But the problem with that is atthe end of the day if that was
your list in the morning and atthe end of the day you don't
accomplish that, you're stressed, you're beating yourself up,
(08:50):
you're having anxiety about thenext day because now you have
even more to come up with whenit wasn't realistic from the
start.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
So just narrowing down those things that are the
priority, so you can feelaccomplished.
So you can feel like, okay, I'mmoving forward, I'm making
progress, I'm happy.
So that that is my tip forladies Take some of these things
off of this to-do list.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
It's not realistic.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I hadsomebody that said it was the
three D's delegate delete ordefer.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I like that.
I like that.
I love that because delegate isa big one that I've had to
learn.
My goodness, that was a hardone for me, because I felt like
I had to be the person to do itall and if I wasn't, then it
wasn't gonna be done, right?
That's a control issue, whichalso brings about anxiety, and
there's so much that you don'thave to do you can easily
(09:46):
delegate, and some of it thatwhoever you may be delegating it
to would enjoy.
Some of these things that weare doing, we don't enjoy doing
them, and so we need to pass thebuck to someone who that's
their thing and they're in theirhappy space doing that for me
or for you, for sure.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Also.
I mean, for me one of thethings that I had to delegate
was my kids laundry.
You know, I still help themstart the wash machine, maybe
help them put it in the dryer,but for the most part they have
to bring it down, they have toget it started, they have to
fold their own clothes, but thenI would open up their dressers
and it would just be mayhem andI was like, oh, that was a hard
(10:27):
one, because you know you wanttheir clothes to look nice and
like.
For me it was like presentableand I was like I just have to
let this go oh yeah exactly.
No, it's, it's their clothes andif they like, I've showed them
a few times how to fold theirshirts and if they can't get it,
they will eventually.
This isn't, uh, like hill Ineed to go and die on.
And yeah, I mean that it wassuch a huge release.
(10:47):
Right, it took me a littlewhile, but it definitely makes
such a huge difference in myweek because it's one less thing
that I have to worry about.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, and that's so true.
What you said is just to letsome of it go, because, again,
some of those things they justin the end won't matter that
much.
I remember my son my bonus son,I mean, he's 23 now and you
know worrying about if the roomwas clean, worrying about if the
room was clean.
(11:15):
And then I remember when hemoved out.
When he moved out, the room wasclean and I thought, oh, rooms
that people don't live in areclean, right yeah.
So I was stressing about himkeeping this room clean and, at
the end of the day, how he keepshis room in his home or how he
keeps his home is still going tobe his business.
It is not going to affect me inthe long run and we might not
(11:36):
ever match up on how we likethings to be neat and tidy and
it doesn't really matter.
So, like you said, if thedrawer is mayhem, at the end of
the day, who cares?
The clothes are clean.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, absolutely, Absolutely.
You know, and there is thatlike age old saying whereas if
it's not going to matter in fiveminutes, is it really going to
matter in five years, Right?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
right and that's a lot.
I think that's a lot of stressagain.
And talking to ladies I hear somuch stress about, I mean,
every little detail of theirkids' lives.
They're stressed about, youknow, their child is, you know,
10.
And they're stressed about ifthe activities that their
10-year-old are doing, that it'sgoing to get them into college
(12:22):
Like they're 10.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I think that's part of society.
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I feel like, especially now, with everything
at our fingertips, with socialmedia, there's this huge
comparison game, and even if wedon't want to play it, our mind
still brings us there Right.
And so it is this like give andtake of, like learning how to
go with the ebbs and flows thatlife is, giving you focus on the
(12:49):
things that are really trulyimportant right now, but also
knowing that there are thingsthat we do need to set them up
for in the future.
But is that really the prioritytoday?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Right right.
And coming back to thatquestion you just said is it the
priority today?
And it's not.
And there is a more importantthing that we need to shift our
attention to that, and you'reright, it is.
We are in a society, especiallywith social media, where, even
if you don't want to compare, Imean you're seeing what
(13:21):
everybody and their neighbor isdoing, what they're eating, what
their kids have on.
You know all of those details.
So that's another thing oftenwe'll suggest to people is to
disconnect from that you know,regular disconnect time from
social media for you and foryour kids, because it can really
really zap your own creativity,your own desires, because some
(13:46):
of that.
Again, it's much easier for meto if I pull back from some of
the comparison, for me to saywho cares if my kids drawers are
mayhem.
But if I'm on social media andI see in my neighbor's children
they look perfect, their clothesare perfect, her house looks so
clean, you know, then that'sgoing to likely cause me to feel
bad when she might've justtaken the picture and she's
(14:09):
crying in the bathroom later,like you know, that's reality,
that's reality.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Well, and you'll see, like these, like I, like these
comparison.
There's some sort of socialmedia accounts now where they're
like this is the Instagrampicture and the kitchen is
spotless.
Right, they're there, theirhair is done, they look great in
their kitchen, and then they dothe behind the scenes and the
rest of the house is just anutter disarray.
And you're like this is reality.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah, this is I had.
This was years back.
I had two patients I was seeingand they were neighbors and
they didn't know that they wereboth seeing me and both of them
would come in basically feelingbad about the other one because
they thought that the other one,you know, had it all together.
(14:55):
They would talk about how, inchurch, you know, this one looks
so great.
And then I can't get mydaughter to be motivated, not
knowing that they're competingwith each other in this way and
both of them are falling apart,seeing a psychiatrist and just
thought, man, you guys couldcommiserate with each other,
support one another.
And you know, not have thisanxiety instead of competing
(15:18):
with one another about anunrealistic picture of your life
.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah, yeah, and I had a therapist one time tell me
that unsaid expectations willunravel everything.
And so it was one thing that,like now, my husband and I will
really like dive in andcommunicate.
Because once you startcommunicating those expectations
, or once you start having thoselike real conversations with
your neighbor and just beinglike man, like you got it all
(15:44):
together today, like how did youmanage that?
And she'll be like, oh well,you had it all together
yesterday, right, like it's.
And then you just can kind ofsit down and have like a real
laugh about it Because reallyyou're having this, they were
having this unsaid expectationof one another.
That's nobody has it alltogether.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
I mean zero, have it all together.
It does not matter who you'refollowing, who do you think?
Not me, not you?
I mean don't.
Some days you know that housemight be running like a
well-oiled machine and you'relike check, check, check, got it
all done.
And some days nothing isrunning like a well-oiled
machine.
(16:25):
It's a day where you're likelet me get through the next
couple hours and I'm going totake a nap and try to start this
all over again and we hit thereset.
Yeah, it's just chaotic somedays, but I mean, that's life.
We're all human beings in thishuman experience.
There's no magical way in orout.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I love that straight from the mouth of a psychiatrist
for 17 years.
You guys, this is nobody has itall together and we all are
going to have days with thatsuperhero cape and days where we
are crumbling behind the frontdoor.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I think that is again.
It's always shocking.
I was telling a story.
I was telling this storyactually on Instagram I think I
was on Instagram or Facebook, Idon't remember and I was saying
how I saw a patient of mine inthe library and I said, oh hey,
how are you?
And she like froze, and shedidn't even know what to say.
(17:20):
And she says, oh, this is sostrange.
It's like you're a real person.
And I thought, yeah, I don'tlive behind my desk at my office
.
Yes, I'm a real person.
But it made me think and Iposted that video to say the
same thing.
I'm saying we're all having ahuman experience.
It doesn't matter what positionyou may view someone in,
(17:42):
whether they're an influencer,celebrity your physician.
I mean, we're all having thesame human experiences.
My kids get on my nerves, justlike yours.
My stuff bothers me just likeyours.
I have disagreements with you,know it's the same.
I might have more tools to getthrough those things, those
(18:03):
moments, faster.
But that's it.
That is absolutely it.
There's nothing else that makesme separate.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I love that.
Yeah, that's great.
Well, why don't you tell thelisteners a little bit more
about your book?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Yeah, so a better blueprint to mental health I
created.
It's just a workbook, so Icreated this guidebook.
In my practice we do what wecall interventional psychiatry,
where we do a treatment thatuses magnets for the treatment
of depression, where people havefailed multiple medications and
they're looking for somethingelse other than medications.
(18:36):
So the patients are with us forabout six weeks, and so one of
the questions that they wouldask is well, what do I do every
day?
They wanted something to useevery single day to kind of give
them something really practicalto do while they were doing
treatment.
So I created it, so it is just adaily prompt, so it will talk
(18:58):
about some daily, basically acoping skill, give them some
context around it, and then atnight there are three other
prompts to have them focus onthree things.
So, like I said, my top threethings.
So there's a morning and anight, morning and a night, and
it was 40 days and 40 nights,and when I kind of thought about
that I thought, okay, wow, sothey're with us almost 40 days,
(19:21):
40 nights, and they're kind ofin the wilderness, they're lost
and confused, and so it gavethem something in the morning
and in the evening for them todo and I have them go through it
and then kind of land upon ahandful of things.
If they come out in those 40days, 40 nights with a handful
of things that really work,that's your toolbox, those are
(19:43):
your coping skills because,every coping skill doesn't work
for every person.
You know some people deepbreathing is not going to work.
It might be they have to sprint, you know.
So they come up with their setof coping skills and then they
continue to hopefully build uponthat after they finished the
treatment and they're going backto their normal life.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
I love that and I really liked that you were able
to, you know, highlight that noteverything works for every
single person.
I have been saying this for solong, Like I feel like a lot of
times people want you to fitinto the mold right, Like
there's like a shoe box orsomething where they're just
like this is how it is and itdoesn't work for everybody, and
so I really appreciate your takeon that and the way that you've
(20:27):
been able to design thisworkbook so that people are able
to figure out what works bestfor them.
I think that's so helpful towork through.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, I mean, I think that's that again as to that
level of stress that peopleexperience because we're trying
to have everybody fit in theseboxes and and we just don't.
I mean even in diagnoses.
Yes, we have general boxes todiagnose a patient, but
everybody who is my client knowsI hate, I hate labels, I hate
(20:57):
the diagnoses because they'rejust not creative enough to
describe a human being you know,I'd rather we say, oh, this
Sydney, and Sydney has thesesymptoms she's dealing with, she
wants to improve, that's it.
So we're figuring out how toimprove those symptoms that
Sydney doesn't like so she canmanage her superpower, that's it
(21:17):
.
I love that.
Instead of you know I, I willget so frustrated with patients
as it's, I am depressed, I ambipolar.
And here's the.
They come in with theirsymptoms, I've got to be on meds
or I've got to have this andI've got to have that.
Oh, what if it doesn't work?
Yeah, you know, we have tofigure out what works for you,
(21:42):
and I think when people approachit from that standpoint, you'll
find your solution.
You will always find a solutionif you're open to finding what
works for you.
So that may mean some trial anderror, but okay, there's not
another.
You, yeah, or figuring out, andthat's why it's a blueprint,
that's why the name of mypractice is blueprint, because
the blueprint is something thatis very, very unique, and so
(22:04):
we're trying to design and learnyour blueprint.
And I don't know what that is,and even you might not know what
that is.
So we're trying to figure thatout and write the right
blueprint.
So we're getting the rightfoundation, the right outcome,
the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I just have to say that your take on your practice
is such a breath of fresh air,especially in the mental
wellness space, because, yeah, Imean, everybody deserves to
find out what works best forthem and, like you said, I mean
sometimes that is going to be alittle bit of like testing
things out, but at the end ofthe day, if you get that custom
blueprint that's going to bespecific to what you need and
(22:42):
how you can improve the areasthat you need to improve or
hoping to improve, then whocares if it takes a while, right
, I mean, I think that's justthe way that it's going to go.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
And you're not on a time crunch in that way.
So you're not thinking about itas a time crunch, because this
whole thing is your life, it'syour journey.
There's no rush.
I mean none of us are trying torush.
If you get to the end, it'spretty much that's the end.
So you're on this journey tofigure out yourself and what
works for you.
(23:14):
So that is going to be sometrial and error.
We try to reduce that as muchas possible with some of the
tools we use in our clinic andso on and so forth, but just
trying to move people away fromthose labels that make them feel
bad, these ideas that this isthe way that it goes, and mental
health, and mental health hasgotten a bad rap.
I mean, it's gotten a bad rap.
(23:35):
People felt like guinea pigsand you know it was just about
let me throw a med at you, andthat is not always the answer,
nor is always the answer.
Just, you know, sometimestherapeutic things like talking
it out alone, that doesn't workfor everybody.
Some people get better withjust talk.
Yeah, do some other things 100%.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Well, that's yeah.
It is such a breath of freshair to hear you say that that's
how you run your practice.
So we will make sure that wehave the link for your blueprint
book under here so you guyswill be able to find Crystal
Crystal before we sign off.
Is there one last piece ofadvice that you'd love for the
moms to know out there?
Let's see.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Just I've been kind of reiterating what I said.
Moms, you know, make sureyou're prioritizing things in
the right order again, and Ididn't.
I didn't say this, but in myopinion, when you get
overwhelmed, you can always comeback to order.
What is the order in which lifegoes.
So the way that I look at thatis order starts with
(24:35):
relationships.
So first is you and yourcreator, whatever you call that
to be.
Where's that relationship?
Do I need to put some time intothat?
Then it's me and me.
So the relationship I have withmyself.
So, moms, we can't do much forother people if we are
neglecting ourselves.
So then it's me and me.
Then it may be you and yoursignificant other, your spouse,
(24:56):
particularly if that's yourparents, I mean your child's
parent.
That relationship, I stressthat, will be the most important
thing you will ever teach yourchildren, that relationship that
you have with their, theirparent.
Then it's you and your kids.
Then it's you and the rest ofthe world.
So if you stay in order,sometimes it won't be so
overwhelming because you canalways do a little spot check
(25:19):
and say, okay, today feelsoverwhelming, where do I need to
start?
Let me start with that firstrelationship and work myself all
the way through five.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, okay.
Well, that's wonderful.
Thank you for being here,crystal, and thank you guys for
tuning in to today's episode,where we help you conquer the
chaos, one day at a time.
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