September 18, 2024 • 26 mins
Ever wondered how a positive mindset can catapult you to success? Join us as Mandy Schaniel, the brilliant mind behind Schaniel Consulting Incorporated, takes us on a journey from her meteoric rise at ZipRecruiter to launching her own consulting empire. Mandy gives us a candid peek into her battles with imposter syndrome and shares the transformative power of allocating "think time" for personal and professional growth. This episode is packed with practical advice on how to carve out time to reflect, conquer self-doubt, and build unshakeable resilience.
Struggling to find purpose on tough days? Learn how to harness the power of mindset to turn those challenges into opportunities for growth. We delve into strategies to avoid the victim mentality and manage emotional highs and lows through faith and self-acknowledgment. For parents, Mandy offers insightful tips on using our children's well-being as a motivator for self-care, inspired by Simon Sinek's "Power of Why." Discover how small, manageable tasks, as endorsed by Navy SEALs and the 75 Hard program, can lead to major accomplishments and create a sense of progress and achievement in your life.
Leadership is not just for the boardroom; it's a skill for everyday life, especially for parents. Mandy sheds light on the multifaceted nature of leadership, offering strategies to harness different leadership styles while avoiding burnout. We discuss how to balance family responsibilities with personal growth and share creative ways to integrate leadership lessons into daily routines, including how to communicate with children about their emotions. Concluding on a note of self-compassion, we emphasize the importance of shifting from self-criticism to constructive self-improvement, with Mandy's book "Faith Over Fear" as a guide for those who want to delve deeper into these powerful concepts. Tune in for heartfelt advice and practical tips to help you thrive in both your career and personal life.
Find Mandy Here:
https://www.facebook.com/mandyschaniel
Faith Over Fear Book: https://www.mandyschaniel.com/book
Mama Mental Wellness Guide: https://www.sydneycrowe.com/mamamentalwellness589191
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, hey, mamas, Welcome back to Conquering Chaos
A Mom's Guide to Self-Care andSanity.
I'm your host, Sydney Crow, andtoday we have Mandy Cheniel,
from Southern California.
She is the founder and CEO ofCheniel Consulting Incorporated.
Sorry, a little tongue-tiedthere.
Her rise to leadership cameearly, when she was recruited to
(00:21):
join the executive team at ZipRecruiter as an employee number
19.
Her time at Zip Recruiter as anemployee number 19.
Her time at Zip Recruiter ledto early retirement, which has
allowed her to take her passionfor leadership and mentorship to
the next level.
In her debut book, Faith OverFear how to Adopt a Success
Mindset, Mandy offers aone-on-one style reading
(00:41):
experience, providing practicaland actionable tips for
achieving success in every areaof life.
One of the final lessons in thebook is the power of lifting
others up, which she embodies inher commitment to donating 10%
of her net proceeds from thebook to various nonprofit
organizations.
Welcome, Mandy.
Thank you so much for having me.
(01:02):
I appreciate it.
I'm excited to kick this calloff.
You and I were just chattingprior to the call and I feel
like you have such an amazingoutlook just given your
circumstances, given the abilityto retire very early.
Why don't you fill thelisteners in on who you are and
what you're all about.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Sure, absolutely so.
As you said, I, I, my careergrew very quickly very early and
you know, as as parents, we, weknow that kids experience some
pain during growth spurts, andit is very similar when you go
through the kind of growth spurtthat my career went through.
(01:41):
It was a wild ride, bestexperience of my life at
ZipRecruiter, and it was notwithout its moments of fear and
doubt and lack ofself-confidence because things
were moving so fast and I wassuch a newbie when it came to
leadership and being anexecutive.
But really, at the end of theday, what that all taught me was
(02:02):
that really anybody can doanything.
It all comes down to yourmindset, and that's something we
talk about in our house withour kids quite a bit, because
it's so easy to get caught up inthe day to day.
We all have our routines,especially if you have kids.
You know one day bleeds intothe next and you've got your
(02:23):
schedule and suddenly you'relike it's Friday, what?
Let's do this all over again,and now we have sports and all
of the things.
But if you're not taking thetime to slow down, pause, to
breathe, to think and reallyfocus on your mindset and your
thoughts, it can just becomeoverwhelming.
(02:43):
You can just get into the cycleof things, and a lot of times
that breeds unhappiness ornegative self-talk or just
feeling like something's missing.
And I think that key is havingthose moments where we reset our
mindset and we think about whatmeans fulfillment to me, what
(03:05):
is my purpose and what I'm doingtoday.
And it's hard, don't get mewrong.
I'm not saying it's just soeasy.
It takes time and the more youare consciously aware of your
thoughts it can be scary atfirst, but the more you realize
you have the power to controlthe energy you go into things
with.
So I was very blessed to havementors throughout my career who
(03:29):
would tell me to like slow down, slow your roll.
Let's think about this for aminute.
You're doing a great job when Ihad self-doubt and I eventually
realized I was experiencingimposter syndrome and that
helped me a lot.
So my goal with writing thisbook is to try to bring that to
everybody.
It doesn't matter if it's aboutyour job or parenting or
(03:52):
relationships or your health.
It it all ties together and thesame concepts of resilience and
mindset really play a huge rolein the success that you have in
anything that you do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
And it's so important and Ithink a lot of people,
especially when you have a lotof success off the like in the
beginning of our career, thatimposter syndrome can can creep
in, right.
You have like, like in life,business can be kind of up and
down and when you go throughthose those downturns it can be
like, oh well, maybe this is itand maybe it's like maybe that
(04:32):
was just like a one hit wondertype thing, and you start to
have that little like ego voicestart creeping in and that's not
there to serve you in thosemoments.
So why don't you tell thelisteners what your top three
tips around mindset are in termsof overcoming that imposter
syndrome?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Absolutely, I think the first thing is find time.
Whatever works for you, findtime to dedicate to what I call
think time.
So, whether you are workingfull time or working full time
in the home because that is afull-time job as well Whatever
your situation is, whetheryou're in an office, a home
(05:10):
office or in the home, do youuse a calendar?
Put it on your calendar.
It is so powerful to dedicatethat time where you know you're
not doing drop-off or pickup ormeetings or whatever may be part
of your day, and you dedicatetime to think.
And this throws a lot of peopleoff.
(05:30):
You know, in my business careerthis was something I had.
Everyone who reported to me whowas really struggling to find
what was next and kind of figurethings out.
I would say block an hour offon your calendar.
Let's start with at least oncea week, but eventually I'd like
you to do it every day.
And they're like what are youtalking about?
An hour a day where I donothing?
(05:52):
And I'm like, yes, we are notlaborers, that wasn't the
business that we were in, we arethought workers.
So you're actually doing thecompany and yourself a
disservice by not dedicatingtime to just think.
Let your brain process, nodirection at all.
Sit and think.
(06:13):
You will be amazed by theconnections that are made and
the things that come up and yourealize, oh, I wouldn't have
come to that idea or that nextstep if I hadn't taken the time
to pause.
So that's one thing is makingsure you're giving yourself and
your brain.
There's so much going on aroundus.
(06:35):
If we don't take that time, ourbrain's just going like crazy
and it doesn't have time tosettle and to process what's
happening and what we can learnfrom it.
And it doesn't have time tosettle into, process what's
happening and what we can learnfrom it.
That's the next thing islooking at every experience you
go through as an opportunity forgrowth, an opportunity to learn
.
And that's really what a growthmindset is all about.
(06:57):
Right, you kind of referencedit earlier.
A fixed mindset is I encounterthis challenge.
Maybe it's a downturn, or maybeit's a challenge with my
child's behavior or somethinggoing on in the home.
Whatever it may be, we allencounter challenges and it
doesn't go great.
And a fixed mindset would go ohwell, I'm just not capable of
(07:20):
excelling in that area or Ican't move past that roadblock.
It doesn't serve you right.
A growth mindset is one thattakes that power back in
situations like that and says,okay, this is something I need
to learn from.
How can I learn to tackle thisobstacle the next time it
happens?
What could I have donedifferently?
(07:41):
What skills do I need to attainin order to succeed?
The next time this comes aroundand it flips the switch, it
really changes your mentalityfrom things are happening to me
or not having faith in yourselfto.
I have the power and I'm goingto overcome this.
That's a powerful position tobe in and everyone has the
(08:03):
ability to do that.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, and that's the ability to do that.
Yeah, and then that mentalityright.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Exactly.
And lastly, I would say one ofthe most important themes, of
course, in my book, as you canassume by the title, is just
have faith in yourself.
We all go through periods ofdoubt and in fact I was just
talking to a friend this morningand I was telling her I'm like
it's really interesting how,after writing this book, so much
(08:30):
of that stuff bubbles back upbecause I'm reopening all of
those things and experiencesI've been through and I have a
tendency to be critical ofmyself.
And so if I doubt, I'm likewhat are you doing?
You have to be living faith.
You have such strong faith,what are you doing?
And I realized doubt is actuallya blessing because if you
(08:53):
didn't encounter anything thatchallenged your faith or your
belief in yourself or anythingoutside of yourself, you
wouldn't have as manyopportunities to appreciate it
and to reaffirm it.
So as we go through life andwhatever experiences come our
way, instead of harping onourselves, I'm talking to myself
(09:13):
here as well.
When we have those moments ofdoubt be like thank you so much,
what a blessing.
Thank you for the reminder thatI do actually have this
wonderful, huge amount of faithin myself and all of these
things outside of myself andthat was a great reminder.
I needed that today.
You know it's just flipping it.
(09:33):
You have control over adjustingthose scenarios and how you
look at it, and it can make thedifference between having a
terrible, no good, horrible dayto having a wonderful,
purposeful day you know Ahundred percent and it is.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I mean, we are in control of ourselves.
We can't control the thingsthat are going on around us, the
people that are going around us.
We can only control ourselves.
And so if you have these thingswhere you're, you know, riding
those highs and lows and thoseroller coasters of emotions, you
have to learn how to rein thatin and put that spin on it so
(10:10):
that you don't get stuck in thatvictim mentality, because it is
.
It can be very easy to get stuckthere, right, we, we, we have
these picture perfect windows onsocial media.
Now.
There's a billion differentopinions at our fingertips.
With the internet, like you cangoogle anything and get you
know a hundred differentresponses as to like how you
(10:32):
should tackle this or what theright course of action is, and
it can be really.
You know a hundred differentresponses as to like how you
should tackle this or what theright course of action is, and
it can be, really, you know,overwhelming and confusing.
And so then you kind of getstuck in this like fight or
flight situation, and when youcan lean into your faith instead
and just know that the power iswithin you, then you will find
yourself not stuck there.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Absolutely, and as parents too.
I always say this to any womanI've ever mentored who is
thinking about kids or haschildren.
A lot of times, unfortunately,we seem to be wired and maybe
it's a societal thing.
We probably won't tackle thattoday, but we seem to be wired
to be more willing to do thingsfor other people than for
(11:12):
ourselves.
Right, we put ourselves on theback burner.
So I always tell women who arekind of in that mentality they
fall into those patterns, whichI've been.
One of them is, if you'refinding it difficult to dedicate
this time and these effortsbecause you need it, think about
(11:32):
doing it for your children.
Or, you know, as a leader, thinkabout doing it for your
employees.
Or you know, if they don't havechildren or whatever, because
the two are very intertwined.
But if we, you know all of thethings you mentioned about
social media and how it gives usthis comparison syndrome and
it's very different than realityour kids are growing up in that
(11:55):
world way more than we did, andyou can limit them from social
media Eventually.
I mean, even if they don't haveaccess to it, they're going to
hear about it from friends,they're going to see it on
friends and devices.
It's inevitable, right?
So if we want them to have thepower to control their thoughts
(12:15):
and their reactions to thingsand really step into the power
of what they can do and how theywant to live life, we have to
do it first.
So that that, I think, isanother little mindset hack,
right?
If you're struggling to dothings for yourself as a parent,
do it for your kids until yourealize that you really need to
(12:36):
do it for yourself and there'svalue in that.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah Well, and I think that kind of nodes to like
Simon Sinek's, the Power of why?
Right?
Because even if we don't havethat same faith or belief in
ourselves or our willingness toshow up, like you were saying,
for ourselves, I would say 99%of moms are willing to do way
more for their kids than theyever will for themselves.
And, like you said, we'reconstantly putting ourselves on
(13:01):
the back burner and I love that.
This, like I've done quite afew episodes where we've talked
about that and you know,self-care is being a necessity
and there's a reason why theytell you to put your oxygen mask
on first when the plane isgoing down, and you know there's
all of these sayings andphrases that society leans into.
But it's, how do we overcomethat?
(13:23):
How do we actually step intothat power and make the time for
ourselves?
And a lot of women need tostart with, like I'll do it for
my kids with like I'll do it formy kids.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yep, it really is.
And there's another trick thatI use and I think the Navy SEALs
actually invented it or coinedthe term micro tasks so
incredibly powerful.
It's actually how I wrote mybook in less than a year.
I learned it through the 75hard program by Andy Frazella
and cause.
At first there were certain.
I did the whole live hard yearand at first there were certain
tasks that you know 10 minutesof guided visualization a day,
(14:01):
which was not something I wasused to at the time.
I'm like 10 minutes, what isthat going to do for me?
And I very quickly realized howpowerful it was.
And so I I really leaned intoit and I did some research on
micro tasks and I was like thisis a game changer.
So when I did retire fromworking full time for someone
else and started writing, mybook took me a bit to figure out
(14:24):
where I was going to write,what my writing process looked
like and what was going to workfor me, because at that point I
could not work in my office.
I'd like nothing would happen.
I was so used to working in myoffice and I was like this is
not working for me.
And so eventually I just said,okay, 15 minutes a day working
on the book, whether it'sresearch, writing, thinking,
(14:45):
whatever, it's open 15 minutes aday.
And so that was the micro taskI assigned to myself, and the
beauty of it is you number one,it's such a small amount of time
, you can't come up with anexcuse not to do it.
And, number two, you wind upgetting so into it.
(15:06):
You spend significantly moretime more often than not.
So the progress that you'remaking snowballs so, and you
know, there were days, certainly, where wasn't feeling great,
didn't really feel like doing itor didn't think I had any ideas
.
So I'd spend the 15 minutes andthen I was done.
But I could check that off.
And what happens is you checksomething like that off of your
(15:28):
list, whether it's digital or onpaper, and you release dopamine
, serotonin and oxytocin andthose all the happy brain
chemicals, the reward system inyour brain that encourages you
and says like, hey, let's keepdoing that.
That felt really good and itbuilds that discipline and those
(15:49):
good habits.
So same thing applies.
You can use it for anything.
You know.
Anytime I feel like I'm in aslump, I'll create a little
micro task for myself and I'mlike ah, I feel so good, I got
that done.
I'm doing this consistently,that feels great.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, and I find that like for me, I need that, so
like I've started doing like adigital habit tracker.
For example, I've always drankan okay amount of water, but I
never really like tracked it,and so now I have like a little
automated checkbox that I canlike check off how many bottles
of water I have every day and it, you're right, like it feels
good because you're you feelaccomplished with what you're
(16:26):
doing, and it can be as small atask as drinking water to as
large a task as writing thechapters of your book or beyond
that, right.
So why don't we dive into alittle bit more about your book?
Why don't you tell thelisteners what it's all about?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, absolutely, it's really about.
I broke it up into kind of aflow that you can go through.
If you're in a place of lifewhere you're trying to figure
out what is a purposeful goalthat I can set for myself, how
do I go about fulfilling it andnot giving up or feeling
defeated along the way?
So I walk through what I callthe keys to success and we start
(17:05):
at the very top with let'sfirst identify your purpose.
Because, at the end of the day,if you have a goal without the
backing of purpose, whensomething comes along fear,
doubt, some sort of obstacle, afailure, what have you you're
less likely to push through itif there's not a very strong
(17:26):
purpose that you can tie toother people.
So I I encourage people to lookfor the ripple effect.
Who will be impacted outside ofmyself If I accomplish this
goal?
What good can I do throughaccomplishing this goal?
And if it's health related,your kids, your family,
inspiring other people aroundyou, things like that.
(17:47):
So really looking at thatbigger picture and establishing
that first.
Because, again, at the end ofthe day, if we're chasing after
goals that don't have deepseated meaning for us, that
don't generate fulfillment, it'sgoing to be a lot harder to
push through when, when it getstough, and inevitably it will
get tough.
So I walk through variousstages of outlining goals and
(18:13):
how to map them out.
How to start small.
Let's do this without stress.
This is the main purpose.
Let's eliminate stress from theprocess, let's take it slow so
we don't burn ourselves out, andlet's do something meaningful
and fulfilling.
I do talk a lot about leadershipin the book as well.
So, from a perspective ofwhether you work in a business
(18:40):
of some sort, understanding thedifferent leadership styles that
you might be encountering, howto work with them, how to
leverage the pros and cons ofeach of the styles, but also
realizing that, no matter whatyour position is, you are a
leader.
Everyone in life has theopportunity to be a leader,
(19:00):
especially as parents.
We are leaders.
So really identifying what ismy leadership style, what are
the pros and cons of it, how canI kind of borrow from other
styles and be the best leaderthat I can be?
Because I think that's animportant part of the process of
achieving any goal and reallyachieving fulfillment in life.
(19:21):
So I tell a lot of storiesabout failures that I've made,
slip ups, little funny anecdotes, things along the way and some
inspiring quotes and storiesfrom from others that I find
inspiring.
But the whole goal is really amessage of you can do anything
you set your mind to, and let'swalk through the easiest way to
(19:42):
do it without stressing yourselfout.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I think that's so important because there is a ton
of personal development booksout there, but I feel like a lot
of them are geared more towardslike a masculine style, energy,
and when you talked about likeit was almost like hitting the
easy button and not having extrastress, like that's a mom's
like holy grail, right there,right, we all want an easier
(20:06):
path.
We want we don't want stress,we want to be able to show up as
our best selves and be theleaders that our kids need us to
be, but also, like a lot oftimes, our plates feel really,
really full.
So when you go to take on, likeI'm ready for the next level, I
want to, you know, improve onmyself and improve on my
leadership skills.
A lot of these books I find arelike very male, masculine,
(20:30):
dominated and almost in anoverwhelming state.
I'm like, yeah, ok, I could dothat, but like I might do end up
in burnout if I keep going atthat pace.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Right, you tend to have one of two reactions to
those types of books, right.
Either like fires you up, andthen I used to consistently run
too hard, too fast at things andthen burn out and I'm like I'm
sick of doing that, I don't wantto do that anymore or it kind
of totally turns you off.
You're like, well, my wholelife isn't going to be about
(21:01):
this one thing.
I'm juggling a family andchildren and I have these big
responsibilities that this hasto fit into, and so that's kind
of why I wanted to connect allthe dots that I've learned along
the way many times, throughfailing at them several times,
until I learned the lesson.
My readers don't have to do thesame thing, but we've all been
(21:25):
there.
But you're right, it's.
It's really about finding a wayto move forward without making
it feel like another heavyburden, feeling like you're in
flow and it fits in with therest of your life.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I love that.
How would you say that writingthis book helped your?
Speaker 2 (21:44):
parenting.
Oh, I mean number one.
Given the ages of my kids,they've been very interested in
it and wanting to understandmore of the book and each have
their own signed copy, causeespecially my middle child, he's
like you're going to be famousmom, I need it signed.
So I'm like, okay, thank you.
(22:05):
So we've, we've had lots ofconversations about it, but also
, at the same time, it reallycemented a lot of these things
that I've learned, and you knowagain, my name is on this, this
advice is out there.
I have to practice what Ipreach.
So having more of thoseconversations with my kids has
been a result of writing thebook and one of the things that
(22:28):
I kind of came up with prettyrecently.
Actually, you know, you've gotkids that you drive to and from
school and, depending on theirages, you get them home from
school, you're in the car andyou ask them how their day was
and you get nothing out of them.
And so what I?
I flipped the switch on themand at first I was fully
(22:51):
expecting eye rolls and I wassurprised.
I didn't really get them, evenfrom my high schooler.
And so I'll ask them what, ifanything, made you feel happy
today?
What, if anything made you feelsad, mad, we'll just go through
a bunch of different emotionsand it is wild how much more
information I get out of themand you can like almost hear the
(23:15):
wheels turning in their brainof them processing how something
made them feel, and so thatthat is a beautiful result of
this Cause.
The more I've tapped into all ofthe mindset stuff that I've
been working on.
I'm trying to instill that inmy kids and I always tell them
I'm like look, if you can learnlike even half of this stuff
that I've been working on.
I'm trying to instill that inmy kids and I always tell them
I'm like, look, if you can learnlike even half of this stuff
that I'm trying to teach youright now, you're miles ahead of
(23:37):
a lot of adults that I'veworked with who are leaders of
companies who don't understandthis yet.
No harm, no foul.
They didn't learn it then Ourkids are having the blessing of
learning a lot of these social,emotional stuff in school today,
but we have to really bolsterthat at home as well.
So there's a tip if that helpsany parents who get nothing on
(24:00):
their car ride home, which Iused to it's really fun to see
how they process and whatemotions they tie to different
events in their day.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh, I love that.
I'm definitely going to try itthis week.
If you could give one lastpiece of advice out there to the
moms listening, or the parentsor anybody that's out there
listening, what would you saythat piece of advice would be?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I would say stop being so hard on yourself.
As parents, leaders, justpeople in general, especially
women, we tend to be incrediblycritical of ourselves and, at
the end of the day, every parent, leader person in life is going
(24:44):
to realize at some point intime they could have done
something better or they missed.
You know they.
They miss it here or there.
All is not lost.
You can always pick things upand improve on things.
That doesn't have to come froma place of negativity or
criticism or being down onyourself.
(25:05):
It's about again taking thatpower and going okay, that
didn't go well or that wasn'tthe way I really wanted that to
turn out, so what can I dobetter?
What can I learn?
How can I make this better inthe future?
That can come from a positiveplace and still acknowledge the
need for growth.
So that that would be thebiggest message.
(25:26):
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I love that and such an important message as moms to
teach our kids that right.
I mean it can be their worstcritics, just as we are, and
teaching them that resiliencepiece is so important.
So thank you so much for beinghere today.
Mandy, we will have a link foryour book in the show notes, so
if you guys want to get a copyof faith over fear, then that
(25:51):
will be available to you guys.
And thank you guys for tuningin to today's episode where we
help you conquer the chaos oneday at a time.
Hey, hey, mamas, Welcome back to Conquering Chaos
A Mom's Guide to Self-Care andSanity.
I'm your host, Sydney Crow, andtoday we have Mandy Cheniel,
from Southern California.
She is the founder and CEO ofCheniel Consulting Incorporated.
Sorry, a little tongue-tiedthere.
Her rise to leadership cameearly, when she was recruited to
(00:21):
join the executive team at ZipRecruiter as an employee number
19.
Her time at Zip Recruiter as anemployee number 19.
Her time at Zip Recruiter ledto early retirement, which has
allowed her to take her passionfor leadership and mentorship to
the next level.
In her debut book, Faith OverFear how to Adopt a Success
Mindset, Mandy offers aone-on-one style reading
(00:41):
experience, providing practicaland actionable tips for
achieving success in every areaof life.
One of the final lessons in thebook is the power of lifting
others up, which she embodies inher commitment to donating 10%
of her net proceeds from thebook to various nonprofit
organizations.
Welcome, Mandy.
Thank you so much for having me.
(01:02):
I appreciate it.
I'm excited to kick this calloff.
You and I were just chattingprior to the call and I feel
like you have such an amazingoutlook just given your
circumstances, given the abilityto retire very early.
Why don't you fill thelisteners in on who you are and
what you're all about.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Sure, absolutely so.
As you said, I, I, my careergrew very quickly very early and
you know, as as parents, we, weknow that kids experience some
pain during growth spurts, andit is very similar when you go
through the kind of growth spurtthat my career went through.
(01:41):
It was a wild ride, bestexperience of my life at
ZipRecruiter, and it was notwithout its moments of fear and
doubt and lack ofself-confidence because things
were moving so fast and I wassuch a newbie when it came to
leadership and being anexecutive.
But really, at the end of theday, what that all taught me was
(02:02):
that really anybody can doanything.
It all comes down to yourmindset, and that's something we
talk about in our house withour kids quite a bit, because
it's so easy to get caught up inthe day to day.
We all have our routines,especially if you have kids.
You know one day bleeds intothe next and you've got your
(02:23):
schedule and suddenly you'relike it's Friday, what?
Let's do this all over again,and now we have sports and all
of the things.
But if you're not taking thetime to slow down, pause, to
breathe, to think and reallyfocus on your mindset and your
thoughts, it can just becomeoverwhelming.
(02:43):
You can just get into the cycleof things, and a lot of times
that breeds unhappiness ornegative self-talk or just
feeling like something's missing.
And I think that key is havingthose moments where we reset our
mindset and we think about whatmeans fulfillment to me, what
(03:05):
is my purpose and what I'm doingtoday.
And it's hard, don't get mewrong.
I'm not saying it's just soeasy.
It takes time and the more youare consciously aware of your
thoughts it can be scary atfirst, but the more you realize
you have the power to controlthe energy you go into things
with.
So I was very blessed to havementors throughout my career who
(03:29):
would tell me to like slow down, slow your roll.
Let's think about this for aminute.
You're doing a great job when Ihad self-doubt and I eventually
realized I was experiencingimposter syndrome and that
helped me a lot.
So my goal with writing thisbook is to try to bring that to
everybody.
It doesn't matter if it's aboutyour job or parenting or
(03:52):
relationships or your health.
It it all ties together and thesame concepts of resilience and
mindset really play a huge rolein the success that you have in
anything that you do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
And it's so important and Ithink a lot of people,
especially when you have a lotof success off the like in the
beginning of our career, thatimposter syndrome can can creep
in, right.
You have like, like in life,business can be kind of up and
down and when you go throughthose those downturns it can be
like, oh well, maybe this is itand maybe it's like maybe that
(04:32):
was just like a one hit wondertype thing, and you start to
have that little like ego voicestart creeping in and that's not
there to serve you in thosemoments.
So why don't you tell thelisteners what your top three
tips around mindset are in termsof overcoming that imposter
syndrome?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Absolutely, I think the first thing is find time.
Whatever works for you, findtime to dedicate to what I call
think time.
So, whether you are workingfull time or working full time
in the home because that is afull-time job as well Whatever
your situation is, whetheryou're in an office, a home
(05:10):
office or in the home, do youuse a calendar?
Put it on your calendar.
It is so powerful to dedicatethat time where you know you're
not doing drop-off or pickup ormeetings or whatever may be part
of your day, and you dedicatetime to think.
And this throws a lot of peopleoff.
(05:30):
You know, in my business careerthis was something I had.
Everyone who reported to me whowas really struggling to find
what was next and kind of figurethings out.
I would say block an hour offon your calendar.
Let's start with at least oncea week, but eventually I'd like
you to do it every day.
And they're like what are youtalking about?
An hour a day where I donothing?
(05:52):
And I'm like, yes, we are notlaborers, that wasn't the
business that we were in, we arethought workers.
So you're actually doing thecompany and yourself a
disservice by not dedicatingtime to just think.
Let your brain process, nodirection at all.
Sit and think.
(06:13):
You will be amazed by theconnections that are made and
the things that come up and yourealize, oh, I wouldn't have
come to that idea or that nextstep if I hadn't taken the time
to pause.
So that's one thing is makingsure you're giving yourself and
your brain.
There's so much going on aroundus.
(06:35):
If we don't take that time, ourbrain's just going like crazy
and it doesn't have time tosettle and to process what's
happening and what we can learnfrom it.
And it doesn't have time tosettle into, process what's
happening and what we can learnfrom it.
That's the next thing islooking at every experience you
go through as an opportunity forgrowth, an opportunity to learn
.
And that's really what a growthmindset is all about.
(06:57):
Right, you kind of referencedit earlier.
A fixed mindset is I encounterthis challenge.
Maybe it's a downturn, or maybeit's a challenge with my
child's behavior or somethinggoing on in the home.
Whatever it may be, we allencounter challenges and it
doesn't go great.
And a fixed mindset would go ohwell, I'm just not capable of
(07:20):
excelling in that area or Ican't move past that roadblock.
It doesn't serve you right.
A growth mindset is one thattakes that power back in
situations like that and says,okay, this is something I need
to learn from.
How can I learn to tackle thisobstacle the next time it
happens?
What could I have donedifferently?
(07:41):
What skills do I need to attainin order to succeed?
The next time this comes aroundand it flips the switch, it
really changes your mentalityfrom things are happening to me
or not having faith in yourselfto.
I have the power and I'm goingto overcome this.
That's a powerful position tobe in and everyone has the
(08:03):
ability to do that.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, and that's the ability to do that.
Yeah, and then that mentalityright.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Exactly.
And lastly, I would say one ofthe most important themes, of
course, in my book, as you canassume by the title, is just
have faith in yourself.
We all go through periods ofdoubt and in fact I was just
talking to a friend this morningand I was telling her I'm like
it's really interesting how,after writing this book, so much
(08:30):
of that stuff bubbles back upbecause I'm reopening all of
those things and experiencesI've been through and I have a
tendency to be critical ofmyself.
And so if I doubt, I'm likewhat are you doing?
You have to be living faith.
You have such strong faith,what are you doing?
And I realized doubt is actuallya blessing because if you
(08:53):
didn't encounter anything thatchallenged your faith or your
belief in yourself or anythingoutside of yourself, you
wouldn't have as manyopportunities to appreciate it
and to reaffirm it.
So as we go through life andwhatever experiences come our
way, instead of harping onourselves, I'm talking to myself
(09:13):
here as well.
When we have those moments ofdoubt be like thank you so much,
what a blessing.
Thank you for the reminder thatI do actually have this
wonderful, huge amount of faithin myself and all of these
things outside of myself andthat was a great reminder.
I needed that today.
You know it's just flipping it.
(09:33):
You have control over adjustingthose scenarios and how you
look at it, and it can make thedifference between having a
terrible, no good, horrible dayto having a wonderful,
purposeful day you know Ahundred percent and it is.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I mean, we are in control of ourselves.
We can't control the thingsthat are going on around us, the
people that are going around us.
We can only control ourselves.
And so if you have these thingswhere you're, you know, riding
those highs and lows and thoseroller coasters of emotions, you
have to learn how to rein thatin and put that spin on it so
(10:10):
that you don't get stuck in thatvictim mentality, because it is
.
It can be very easy to get stuckthere, right, we, we, we have
these picture perfect windows onsocial media.
Now.
There's a billion differentopinions at our fingertips.
With the internet, like you cangoogle anything and get you
know a hundred differentresponses as to like how you
(10:32):
should tackle this or what theright course of action is, and
it can be really.
You know a hundred differentresponses as to like how you
should tackle this or what theright course of action is, and
it can be, really, you know,overwhelming and confusing.
And so then you kind of getstuck in this like fight or
flight situation, and when youcan lean into your faith instead
and just know that the power iswithin you, then you will find
yourself not stuck there.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Absolutely, and as parents too.
I always say this to any womanI've ever mentored who is
thinking about kids or haschildren.
A lot of times, unfortunately,we seem to be wired and maybe
it's a societal thing.
We probably won't tackle thattoday, but we seem to be wired
to be more willing to do thingsfor other people than for
(11:12):
ourselves.
Right, we put ourselves on theback burner.
So I always tell women who arekind of in that mentality they
fall into those patterns, whichI've been.
One of them is, if you'refinding it difficult to dedicate
this time and these effortsbecause you need it, think about
(11:32):
doing it for your children.
Or, you know, as a leader, thinkabout doing it for your
employees.
Or you know, if they don't havechildren or whatever, because
the two are very intertwined.
But if we, you know all of thethings you mentioned about
social media and how it gives usthis comparison syndrome and
it's very different than realityour kids are growing up in that
(11:55):
world way more than we did, andyou can limit them from social
media Eventually.
I mean, even if they don't haveaccess to it, they're going to
hear about it from friends,they're going to see it on
friends and devices.
It's inevitable, right?
So if we want them to have thepower to control their thoughts
(12:15):
and their reactions to thingsand really step into the power
of what they can do and how theywant to live life, we have to
do it first.
So that that, I think, isanother little mindset hack,
right?
If you're struggling to dothings for yourself as a parent,
do it for your kids until yourealize that you really need to
(12:36):
do it for yourself and there'svalue in that.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah Well, and I think that kind of nodes to like
Simon Sinek's, the Power of why?
Right?
Because even if we don't havethat same faith or belief in
ourselves or our willingness toshow up, like you were saying,
for ourselves, I would say 99%of moms are willing to do way
more for their kids than theyever will for themselves.
And, like you said, we'reconstantly putting ourselves on
(13:01):
the back burner and I love that.
This, like I've done quite afew episodes where we've talked
about that and you know,self-care is being a necessity
and there's a reason why theytell you to put your oxygen mask
on first when the plane isgoing down, and you know there's
all of these sayings andphrases that society leans into.
But it's, how do we overcomethat?
(13:23):
How do we actually step intothat power and make the time for
ourselves?
And a lot of women need tostart with, like I'll do it for
my kids with like I'll do it formy kids.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yep, it really is.
And there's another trick thatI use and I think the Navy SEALs
actually invented it or coinedthe term micro tasks so
incredibly powerful.
It's actually how I wrote mybook in less than a year.
I learned it through the 75hard program by Andy Frazella
and cause.
At first there were certain.
I did the whole live hard yearand at first there were certain
tasks that you know 10 minutesof guided visualization a day,
(14:01):
which was not something I wasused to at the time.
I'm like 10 minutes, what isthat going to do for me?
And I very quickly realized howpowerful it was.
And so I I really leaned intoit and I did some research on
micro tasks and I was like thisis a game changer.
So when I did retire fromworking full time for someone
else and started writing, mybook took me a bit to figure out
(14:24):
where I was going to write,what my writing process looked
like and what was going to workfor me, because at that point I
could not work in my office.
I'd like nothing would happen.
I was so used to working in myoffice and I was like this is
not working for me.
And so eventually I just said,okay, 15 minutes a day working
on the book, whether it'sresearch, writing, thinking,
(14:45):
whatever, it's open 15 minutes aday.
And so that was the micro taskI assigned to myself, and the
beauty of it is you number one,it's such a small amount of time
, you can't come up with anexcuse not to do it.
And, number two, you wind upgetting so into it.
(15:06):
You spend significantly moretime more often than not.
So the progress that you'remaking snowballs so, and you
know, there were days, certainly, where wasn't feeling great,
didn't really feel like doing itor didn't think I had any ideas
.
So I'd spend the 15 minutes andthen I was done.
But I could check that off.
And what happens is you checksomething like that off of your
(15:28):
list, whether it's digital or onpaper, and you release dopamine
, serotonin and oxytocin andthose all the happy brain
chemicals, the reward system inyour brain that encourages you
and says like, hey, let's keepdoing that.
That felt really good and itbuilds that discipline and those
(15:49):
good habits.
So same thing applies.
You can use it for anything.
You know.
Anytime I feel like I'm in aslump, I'll create a little
micro task for myself and I'mlike ah, I feel so good, I got
that done.
I'm doing this consistently,that feels great.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, and I find that like for me, I need that, so
like I've started doing like adigital habit tracker.
For example, I've always drankan okay amount of water, but I
never really like tracked it,and so now I have like a little
automated checkbox that I canlike check off how many bottles
of water I have every day and it, you're right, like it feels
good because you're you feelaccomplished with what you're
(16:26):
doing, and it can be as small atask as drinking water to as
large a task as writing thechapters of your book or beyond
that, right.
So why don't we dive into alittle bit more about your book?
Why don't you tell thelisteners what it's all about?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, absolutely, it's really about.
I broke it up into kind of aflow that you can go through.
If you're in a place of lifewhere you're trying to figure
out what is a purposeful goalthat I can set for myself, how
do I go about fulfilling it andnot giving up or feeling
defeated along the way?
So I walk through what I callthe keys to success and we start
(17:05):
at the very top with let'sfirst identify your purpose.
Because, at the end of the day,if you have a goal without the
backing of purpose, whensomething comes along fear,
doubt, some sort of obstacle, afailure, what have you you're
less likely to push through itif there's not a very strong
(17:26):
purpose that you can tie toother people.
So I I encourage people to lookfor the ripple effect.
Who will be impacted outside ofmyself If I accomplish this
goal?
What good can I do throughaccomplishing this goal?
And if it's health related,your kids, your family,
inspiring other people aroundyou, things like that.
(17:47):
So really looking at thatbigger picture and establishing
that first.
Because, again, at the end ofthe day, if we're chasing after
goals that don't have deepseated meaning for us, that
don't generate fulfillment, it'sgoing to be a lot harder to
push through when, when it getstough, and inevitably it will
get tough.
So I walk through variousstages of outlining goals and
(18:13):
how to map them out.
How to start small.
Let's do this without stress.
This is the main purpose.
Let's eliminate stress from theprocess, let's take it slow so
we don't burn ourselves out, andlet's do something meaningful
and fulfilling.
I do talk a lot about leadershipin the book as well.
So, from a perspective ofwhether you work in a business
(18:40):
of some sort, understanding thedifferent leadership styles that
you might be encountering, howto work with them, how to
leverage the pros and cons ofeach of the styles, but also
realizing that, no matter whatyour position is, you are a
leader.
Everyone in life has theopportunity to be a leader,
(19:00):
especially as parents.
We are leaders.
So really identifying what ismy leadership style, what are
the pros and cons of it, how canI kind of borrow from other
styles and be the best leaderthat I can be?
Because I think that's animportant part of the process of
achieving any goal and reallyachieving fulfillment in life.
(19:21):
So I tell a lot of storiesabout failures that I've made,
slip ups, little funny anecdotes, things along the way and some
inspiring quotes and storiesfrom from others that I find
inspiring.
But the whole goal is really amessage of you can do anything
you set your mind to, and let'swalk through the easiest way to
(19:42):
do it without stressing yourselfout.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I think that's so important because there is a ton
of personal development booksout there, but I feel like a lot
of them are geared more towardslike a masculine style, energy,
and when you talked about likeit was almost like hitting the
easy button and not having extrastress, like that's a mom's
like holy grail, right there,right, we all want an easier
(20:06):
path.
We want we don't want stress,we want to be able to show up as
our best selves and be theleaders that our kids need us to
be, but also, like a lot oftimes, our plates feel really,
really full.
So when you go to take on, likeI'm ready for the next level, I
want to, you know, improve onmyself and improve on my
leadership skills.
A lot of these books I find arelike very male, masculine,
(20:30):
dominated and almost in anoverwhelming state.
I'm like, yeah, ok, I could dothat, but like I might do end up
in burnout if I keep going atthat pace.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Right, you tend to have one of two reactions to
those types of books, right.
Either like fires you up, andthen I used to consistently run
too hard, too fast at things andthen burn out and I'm like I'm
sick of doing that, I don't wantto do that anymore or it kind
of totally turns you off.
You're like, well, my wholelife isn't going to be about
(21:01):
this one thing.
I'm juggling a family andchildren and I have these big
responsibilities that this hasto fit into, and so that's kind
of why I wanted to connect allthe dots that I've learned along
the way many times, throughfailing at them several times,
until I learned the lesson.
My readers don't have to do thesame thing, but we've all been
(21:25):
there.
But you're right, it's.
It's really about finding a wayto move forward without making
it feel like another heavyburden, feeling like you're in
flow and it fits in with therest of your life.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
I love that.
How would you say that writingthis book helped your?
Speaker 2 (21:44):
parenting.
Oh, I mean number one.
Given the ages of my kids,they've been very interested in
it and wanting to understandmore of the book and each have
their own signed copy, causeespecially my middle child, he's
like you're going to be famousmom, I need it signed.
So I'm like, okay, thank you.
(22:05):
So we've, we've had lots ofconversations about it, but also
, at the same time, it reallycemented a lot of these things
that I've learned, and you knowagain, my name is on this, this
advice is out there.
I have to practice what Ipreach.
So having more of thoseconversations with my kids has
been a result of writing thebook and one of the things that
(22:28):
I kind of came up with prettyrecently.
Actually, you know, you've gotkids that you drive to and from
school and, depending on theirages, you get them home from
school, you're in the car andyou ask them how their day was
and you get nothing out of them.
And so what I?
I flipped the switch on themand at first I was fully
(22:51):
expecting eye rolls and I wassurprised.
I didn't really get them, evenfrom my high schooler.
And so I'll ask them what, ifanything, made you feel happy
today?
What, if anything made you feelsad, mad, we'll just go through
a bunch of different emotionsand it is wild how much more
information I get out of themand you can like almost hear the
(23:15):
wheels turning in their brainof them processing how something
made them feel, and so thatthat is a beautiful result of
this Cause.
The more I've tapped into all ofthe mindset stuff that I've
been working on.
I'm trying to instill that inmy kids and I always tell them
I'm like look, if you can learnlike even half of this stuff
that I've been working on.
I'm trying to instill that inmy kids and I always tell them
I'm like, look, if you can learnlike even half of this stuff
that I'm trying to teach youright now, you're miles ahead of
(23:37):
a lot of adults that I'veworked with who are leaders of
companies who don't understandthis yet.
No harm, no foul.
They didn't learn it then Ourkids are having the blessing of
learning a lot of these social,emotional stuff in school today,
but we have to really bolsterthat at home as well.
So there's a tip if that helpsany parents who get nothing on
(24:00):
their car ride home, which Iused to it's really fun to see
how they process and whatemotions they tie to different
events in their day.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh, I love that.
I'm definitely going to try itthis week.
If you could give one lastpiece of advice out there to the
moms listening, or the parentsor anybody that's out there
listening, what would you saythat piece of advice would be?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I would say stop being so hard on yourself.
As parents, leaders, justpeople in general, especially
women, we tend to be incrediblycritical of ourselves and, at
the end of the day, every parent, leader person in life is going
(24:44):
to realize at some point intime they could have done
something better or they missed.
You know they.
They miss it here or there.
All is not lost.
You can always pick things upand improve on things.
That doesn't have to come froma place of negativity or
criticism or being down onyourself.
(25:05):
It's about again taking thatpower and going okay, that
didn't go well or that wasn'tthe way I really wanted that to
turn out, so what can I dobetter?
What can I learn?
How can I make this better inthe future?
That can come from a positiveplace and still acknowledge the
need for growth.
So that that would be thebiggest message.
(25:26):
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I love that and such an important message as moms to
teach our kids that right.
I mean it can be their worstcritics, just as we are, and
teaching them that resiliencepiece is so important.
So thank you so much for beinghere today.
Mandy, we will have a link foryour book in the show notes, so
if you guys want to get a copyof faith over fear, then that
(25:51):
will be available to you guys.
And thank you guys for tuningin to today's episode where we
help you conquer the chaos oneday at a time.
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