Ep.64 - The 2nd Best Feelings in the World... - Conversational Humor - An Improv Comedy Hour

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I freaking love our podcast. I'm so hungry right now.
I assumed his name was Darth Virgin.
Come on, you're talking dirty tome right now.
She's like, what do you got in your mouth?
And I got a fruit by the foot, hanging halfway down to my lap.
I like to eat my calories, not drink them.

(00:24):
All right, hello, hello, and welcome back to episode 64 of
Conversational Humor with Pun and Ball Rock.
This is Pun across from me. Hi, guys, sort of.
We are attempting to record Mobile for the first time ever.
My son was really bummed out that Pun was not coming over
tonight and I just told him. I said hey, all you got to do is

(00:44):
turn 21 and come on a pub crawl with us and then you'll be.
Right. Be a man, Come drink with us.
And then you'll just be bummed that pun cancel the pub crawl.
I know man, I heard you threw meunder the bus on social media.
Hey, shout out to the couple. I mean we're still going so I
don't know if you and Lauren aredown, but on February the 15th

(01:06):
we have a small group that is still pub crawling downtown.
So if you guys want to meet up after wrestling, that's where
you'll find us. Are you snowsuiting?
It I did get a text from friend of the pod Allen yesterday that
said Dad, I'm wearing a snowsuit.
Well, well, I mean, we may actually just meet you right
after wrestling and just join upwith you guys.

(01:26):
Yeah, it'll work. We'll be there.
Today is Friday, February the 7th of 2025 and we're going to
be talking about finally the second best feelings in the
world. Yeah, I wonder if I did mine a
little differently than you did,because I also listed what I
thought was the first best feeling in correlation to these
second best feelings. So we'll see how this works.

(01:48):
The beautiful thing about an improv podcast is that I did it
differently, but there's no rules, so I'm glad I'm.
Glad you did do whatever. We can do whatever the hell we
want. There's a Topanga pun.
There's actually I typed here. There are a lot of Topangas
because as my list goes on, I'm just going to keep going.
That's even better than the lastone.
Yes, there is a debanga, but before I forget, should we talk

(02:10):
about the lunatic in the parkinglot at Sam's Club?
As I was just picking up my order this guy was flying off
the handle and my only thought was like I'm never going to ever
be mad in front of people ever again because if this is how it
looks it's ridiculous. When you lose it in public, the
only time I'm trying to think ifI have, I mean, everyone loses

(02:32):
it when they have a kid here andthere because you know, you're,
you're not mentally in a good state of mind when you have
children, young children. But yeah, when you lose it in
public, it's. I don't think I've ever had a
meltdown like that. I mean, yes of course.
Like you said, kids. I've definitely yelled at kids
in public. Mine only never random kids, but

(02:54):
yeah, no, I've never had a meltdown like that.
This guy was just laying on the horn flight because it because
there wasn't enough room for himto fit his ginormous pickup
truck in a line of like four other pickup trucks that were
waiting. So he was like flooring it,
hitting the brake, flooring it, hitting the brake, hitting his
horn. And I was like, oh man, I don't
know if this guy thinks he's intimidating anybody, but we all

(03:16):
just think he's a lunatic. It's funny because I had it in
sports, but I'll just say it nowthat pawn, if you're going to
intimidate somebody, don't mess with pawn because last week you
said you were 6 foot two last week.
When pawn's big enough that whenhe walks into my front door of
the house, like if my neighbors thought you were a burglar last
week, you're an intimidating burglar.

(03:36):
I'll just say, 'cause you feel pun's about doorway size, 'cause
he's pretty tall. And I saw something online that
showed how deceptive, how deceiving NBA players heights
are. Did you see that?
It was like. It was like comparing NBA
players to NFL players. You are the same height, believe
it or not, as point guard Jalen Brunson and point guard Steph

(03:59):
Curry. That's crazy.
Steph Curry seems like a miniature, like a tiny human
being on TV. Jalen Brunson looks like Mugsy
Bogues, which these guys are tiny.
Insane. You're you're 1 inch shorter
than Steve Nash. It's insane to think.
About You talked about how big Iwas.
You didn't mention how handsome I was.
So you're a you are. He is a handsome devil.

(04:20):
Hey, you ought to throw that in there.
I'm OK with that. Yeah, since my office doesn't
smell like oil today. Or feet.
I know I'm actually, I actually brought gym clothes and I
showered at work, so I'm actually fresh and clean now
that I'm not at your house. For the first time ever.
For the first time ever, should we talk about what I'm recording

(04:41):
on and why I'm walking around myhouse with a headset on looking
like I'm Jerry Maguire making a deal?
Help me help you. Help me help you.
Jerry, listen, this pun's like can we make it mobile?
And Pun calls me from a truck with a headset on.
He's the guy. I'm ready to rock'n'roll.
I was like alright, cool Pun, just get home and call me.
Now now I'm at home preparing Sweetest Meatballs while we do

(05:05):
the podcast. So it's.
Nice. This is also that time of year
pun that everyone has that like sports depression as football
starting to go away. Like the day after the Super
Bowl is always the worst day of the year because it's so long
until you have football again. I've.
Stayed busy this time of year with recruiting for college
football 'cause I'm such a college football nerd that like
so. Funny that's I've never.
Stayed busy nonstop. I've never got into it.

(05:27):
I go, I myself, I, I go right from football to golf.
Plus Michigan hoops for sure. You know what?
Both Michigan college basketballteams are are playing pretty
damn good basketball right now. But last week, last Sunday, the
staff put on, she goes, hey, puton the Grammys.
I want to see what people are wearing.
Oh, we did the same. Oh my God, pun can I just

(05:49):
describe to you what has been going through my head for a full
week now. I immediately started going to
church after watching the game. We we are back in church in this
household because there is something that was the wildest,
craziest thing to watch. The Grammys in their outfits.
It's insane. Oh, the nudity, the absolute

(06:10):
nudity. But I was watching.
But you know how they did the performances for best new
artists? And there's a there's a girl.
Her name is Chapel Roan. Do you know this person?
No. She sings.
She sings The Pink Pony Club. Oh yeah.
Keep on dancing at the Pink PonyClub pun.
This has been haunting my Everlywaking moment of my life since

(06:33):
Sunday. I can make.
Flash to her in the audience dressed like that too.
Yeah, she actually, I went into like a huge rabbit hole on
Google about her 'cause she's, I'm like, fascinated by it.
I'd never heard of her. She's really talented and she
kind of reminds you of like LadyGaga.
Not interested. Wow, I'm not with your salad.
I'm gonna send you this song andit's gonna be stuck in your head
for full week as well, because Imust admit I listened to her all

(06:55):
the way to and from work one day.
I didn't rabbit hole her in thatlike a lot of times that will
like I do fall into those rabbitholes where you see somebody
intriguing and then you spent 4 hours of your drives for the
whole week listening. My son's a jiu jitsu.
I'm like Googling Chapel roan. I'm like, yeah, you can find us
on Spotify. You can find us everywhere

(07:16):
podcasts are found. Leave us a five star.
And if you guys want a sticker, I mentioned stickers.
I dropped off a sticker to M3 Dan.
So my buddy Dan, who was on M3 acouple times, you guys remember
he owns Party Adventure. There's now hopefully by now a
pun and ball sticker on the front door of his store and you
guys should check him out because apparently they deliver

(07:38):
and you can go to Party Adventure.
I'm assuming it's like Party adventure.com.
Just Google them, they're on Saint Clair shores.
Check them out. Check them out and they will
deliver balloons for every partyyou have.
I was like, hey, you got any whippets back there?
Should we talk about how I brokemy wrist and I am in a can't
cast? I forgot about that.
You broke your wrist and your son broke his ankle.

(08:00):
Yeah, wow. Which?
Now looks like a Cankle he. He got he got lucky.
Also the most proud I've ever been to that kid ever.
He wasn't supposed to wrestle Saturday because his shoulder
was blown out. He convinces the coach to let
him wrestle and he gets up in between the first round and he's
like, I hurt my ankle and he keeps wrestling.

(08:22):
He ends up winning. I didn't realize how bad it was.
Andy seen the pictures. His ankle was bruised and
swollen and huge. Gus, he just pretended like it,
it didn't matter and just and pinned the kid in one in
dominant fashion, too. He just was like, I don't even
care if my ankle's broken. I went in this match.
I was like, that's my boy. I didn't even know it was the
ankle when you sent me the picture.

(08:42):
It was so big. I thought you were sending me
scenes from America's Biggest Loser or whatever that weight
loss show a couple of go. You can find us on Instagram a
conversational and humor. You can find us on Facebook at
That's Your Line. I'm sorry I got what take 32A
conversational humor podcast with pun and ball rock.

(09:06):
If you haven't listened yet, youcan listen to episode 63 on the
things we Thought We'd be when we grew up.
And it's it's so funny. Like we were talking improv
before. We both take completely
different paths whenever we do these lists, which is like my
favorite part about it. Like yours were yours were the
wholesome ones in mine were. How come mine are always the
perverted ones? Your your list was perverted.

(09:29):
Although I gotta say, I'm watching a True Detective now
for the first time. No spoilers, please.
And oh, it's fantastic. I'm pretty.
Yeah, it's spectacular. But I'm.
He dies. They all die.
Everyone dies. Game of Thrones Pretty shitty,
yeah. Hey Titanic, the boat sinks.
I'm pretty sure you chose the girl from that show as either
your TV show Ultimate Babes or Underrated Babes.

(09:51):
Alexandra Denario is her name. The girl Woody Harrelson is
hooking up with, right? I'm pretty sure you chose her
and I'm watching it going, you know, I come off as the pervert
and Puncho's the one that's got like a full frontal on this
show. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh yeah. So you're just low key perv.
Correct. Oh, the reason I brought up the
cast. Listen, I cannot my my cast

(10:15):
smells like an old baseball hat.I cannot stop sniffing.
It stinks nice and good. I can't.
I can't stop. Smelling it like I go.
To the gym in the morning and all I can do is like incline
walk, you know, But I'm still sweating.
So it's like it just, it just festers in there and it smells

(10:37):
like an old 10 year old baseballhat.
That's how my cast smells. How long do you have it on for?
Supposed to have it on for untilMarch 3rd I believe, so another
almost month. PS That's my wedding anniversary
to Stephanie, so I won't let youknow what we'll be doing while
you're getting your cast off. That's for a different podcast.

(11:02):
I get into our appetizer section.
Pon's already explained what's going on, you know.
What pisses me off? And that came through the mic
perfectly. I just said the F word.
We're going to have to edit thatone.
Have you ever been duped by a rewards program or a credit card

(11:22):
offer or so? OK, so I won't name the place,
but they send me this this e-mail and they're like, oh,
then we have the greatest offer for you ever.
Three times points on all grocery purchases.
And I'm like with the all the kids, we're spending an an
insane amount of money every month on grocery.
So I'm like, dude, if I can earnthree times for every dollar

(11:45):
spent, this is this is worth doing?
So I sign up for it. And do you know what the fine
print says? Except grocery purchases at
major chains like Walmart, Meyer, Kroger.
Where am I buying grocery from the gas station?
Weird. I can't.
I can't redeem rewards at Walmart or Sam's Club or Costco

(12:09):
or Meyer's or Kroger. Then where am I buying it from?
The party store. You gotta get canned beans from
the party store. Yeah, that's.
So I got duped. I got duped into signing up for
a credit card. My appetizers are, we went to
see my son's probably like just about too old for it, but he

(12:31):
read the books a couple years ago and liked it.
We went to see that Dog Man movie.
You probably don't even know what I'm talking about.
No, I remember Dog Man Jackson had the had the books.
Oh yeah, yeah, our boys are justa year apart.
So it has nothing to do with themovie except for the fact that I
now want to write like a kids book because I just didn't think
it was that great of a story. And they're like multi
bajillionaires now. This.
Is how you know you're getting old.

(12:51):
You go see something like. I could for sure write.
Something better this? Yeah, well, I noticed when we're
at the movie theater, I I thought of you, by the way, when
I was buttering my popcorn, whatI noticed was my son and I think
that whole generation of kids donot enjoy or even want to watch
previews. Have we ever talked about this
before? No.

(13:12):
Like he's like doesn't care if we're late for the previews and
he complained halfway through the previews.
He's like, when's the movie starting?
And I'm like what? The previews are the best part
of going to the moon. I know what are you talking
about? How am I gonna know when Denzel
Washington has a new movie coming out?
Shut up. It's so true.
But you know what? Nowadays kids are like, why are

(13:34):
you showing me YouTube when I paid to go to the movie?
It's like so true. He's like, I can just watch this
when I get home. Like I can just look it up.
He just pulls his iPad out, starts playing Tetris while the
previews are on. He's like, did this suck suck?
I also realized, you know how I I raised him, like with the
retro stuff I always talk about,like the retro video games and

(13:55):
movies that he likes to watch. Yes, Yep, Yep.
So what were you playing? You said when you came and you
were at our house while I was picking up from school last
week. Was I playing ninja?
Turtles. You were playing Ninja Turtles,
and he and I went into an absolute Ninja Turtle.
We beat that game two days later.
It's such a good. Game.
It's such a good game. It's like a remake of the old
Turtles but on Nintendo Switch. And then he was, which is, which

(14:17):
is one of the best games ever, by the way, the one on Nintendo,
or was it Nintendo or Super? I think it was Super Nintendo,
Turtles in Time. Yeah, Turtles in Time.
It was one of the best games ever.
We beat that one, too. It's so good.
So I was like, we need to look up like the movies on Netflix,
but nobody has the movies right now, you know, with like the
actual turtle costumes. Oh, those were fantastic movies,

(14:38):
too. Maybe it's just I do I all
right, finish your story so I can say what I want to say
because I want. I'm intrigued about something
He. He's looking at me while we're
playing the video game and he's like beat that ninja up and I'm
like, it's a foot soldier. And he's like, OK, I'm going to
get the the the warthog. You get the rhino.
I was like B bop. B Bop and watch steady.
He's like, we got to fight the guy that looks like a brain.

(14:59):
I was like, it's Krang. Oh.
My. God, he's like, I don't like
those little tiny robots. I'm like, they're Mousers.
Hey, did you ever end up findingthe movies?
We didn't find the movies, but Ibought them.
I forgot a couple years ago I bought them for Christmas.
The full series of the original cartoon.
Oh so. Good.
I was like, we got I was like, we got to tear through the

(15:20):
cartoon just so you stop callinghim the guy with the metal face.
I was like, it's Shredder I. Wonder Shredder.
I wonder if the movies hold up. I I'm curious as well, did you
know that Shredder's voice is Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince of
Bel Air? Is it really like?
Couldn't believe it. We're watching this cartoon.
I'm like, is that Uncle Phil? That's crazy.
I I would have to go back and look cuz you know how you like.

(15:42):
I almost don't want to go back. I want them to stay perfect in
my brain because there's there'snot very many cartoons that hold
up or even movies. I mean, but that could just be
nostalgia to be completely honest with you.
We watched 2 episodes of the cartoon and I was like, this is
actually like so difficult, thisis so bad.
Yeah, I'm not gonna watch. I was like, you know what, bud?

(16:03):
We got to get through season one.
Maybe it gets better in Season 2.
Yeah, I'm not doing it. It's like, you know how
everybody says Babe Ruth's the greatest baseball player of all
time? You.
And then if you could go back intime and watch you back, this
dude's like a minor leader today.
The guy saw us You. Got anything else for
appetizers? Feel like a?

(16:24):
Dude, I saw some. I saw some.
Funny, You know, I talked about the Buy Nothing page on Facebook
a couple weeks ago. Yes, but we also have this we
have this Grosse Pointe, it's called Grosse Pointe handyman
page. I think I got on there when I
was taking down those awnings inthe back of the house that I
almost sliced my fingers off with.
And so it's like all these like odds and ends jobs.
You can find people to do this and that paint your house, do

(16:45):
whatever. And I'm looking on there and and
this wife posts. I told Stephanie I would murder
her if she ever did this to me. This wife posts Hey I'm looking
for I'm looking for someone to who can clean a grill my husband
refuses to grill until it's clean and I was.
Like, Oh no, I, Oh no. I'm telling you, the comment

(17:06):
section was pure cinema. I needed movie popcorn to read
them. I don't who's worse, the husband
who won't clean the grill or thewife who tells everybody?
I mean, there were dude, there were dudes responding like this
has to be a joke. This has to be like a a fantasy
football last place punishment. Yeah, 100, that's such a good
punishment too. That would be a fantastic last

(17:28):
place punishment for fantasy. The best comment that got your
wife. Yeah, go.
Ahead, your wife just emasculates you all over
socials. Yep, 100%.
And then people, cuz you know what happens is people click on
her picture and then he's next to her in the picture and
they're like, oh, that's what that guy looks like.
Yeah, you're seeing mutual friends.
You're like, Oh my God, I actually know this.
Are you friends with Ted? The comment that got the most

(17:52):
likes and the most laughs was, hey, it sounds like your husband
needs a husband. All right, get into our errors
and omissions section. What do I got here from episode
63? The things we thought we'd be
when we grew up. You know, when we were talking
about being a football coach, Yes.
This isn't even funny, but I wasgoing to tell you the story of I

(18:13):
coached basketball when I was a freshman in high school or a
freshman in college. Sorry.
I coached the basketball team 5th and 6th grade boys and the
parents were so mean into me. Granted I was not the best coach
ever because that's when I really started to like get into
my party boy phase, you know? So I may or may not have been
late to a couple games. You're showing up with fireball

(18:34):
shooters in your pocket. Yeah, boys did move.
It's like a bag of cheese puffs stuck to the back of my neck.
One of the dads would like yell at me after the games.
They'd be like, how come my son doesn't know how to dribble
behind his back? And I was like, what?
I was like I can't never got there.
Yeah, man, the parents were so mean to me.
So. You know why?
Cuz I'm like, I'll be like, dude, I I hate to say this to

(18:56):
you, but Lil Bradley's terrible bro.
He can't dribble above the guy'sgarbage.
I'm telling he's not. I put in our I put in our social
media story that I picture CoachTaylor from Friday Night Lights
and that's what we all like, imagine and dream in our heads.
But really it's just a lot of angry parents.
Like, why isn't my son playing? I tried to play all the kids.
It was tough. Oh yeah, there's a lot of

(19:17):
politics and a lot of we talked about this off air and we don't
even need to go into it too much, but there's a lot of
politics and like complaining and whining and posturing in, in
in sports. It's it's a really silly, crazy
process. We talked, you talked, you
talked about wanting to live in a cul-de-sac.

(19:39):
I got a picture from my Uncle Pat that said this is my
cul-de-sac crew 'cause they livein a cul-de-sac and it was all
of them at a fire pitch just having the time of their lives.
Did you see there's a Bud Light cul-de-sac commercial now with
what's that, Shane Gillis and Post Malone?
Did you see this commercial? No, but I love shade.
It's. So funny and Peyton Manning

(19:59):
shows up wearing a pair of George with a tucked in Plaid
shirt. So dude, that's exactly how I
picture cul-de-sac activities. A dad in George.
Peyton Manning got a hip sack on, and he's got Oakley
sunglasses. Get into our sports section.
Pun who you got for the Super Bowl.
Oh. Man, you know, I was listening
to some guys earlier talk about Andy Reid scripted 1st 15 plays

(20:25):
and even just the last four games they went down the chart
and how it was like on his 1st 15 plays of every game was like
touchdown field goal, field goal, punt, touchdown, touchdown
field goal, like his 1st 15 plays.
That's what you're you're battling against when you go
against Andy Reid is he scripts the beginning of the game so

(20:48):
well that you're you're facing an uphill challenge and long
winded way of saying I'm going with Andy Reid in a scripted
place. Well, that has me quite nervous
because I currently have $110 onthe Eagles.
Yeah, I just. Well, it sounds like it's going
to be 28. Nothing in four plays.
My bad. I just.
I just, I just feel like the Eagles roster is better.

(21:10):
I, I mean they have the better, the better O line and the better
D line, which to me are very important.
I mean Patrick Mahomes is obviously the difference in like
all their games but the Chiefs don't have AI heard on the radio
today. The Chiefs don't have 1000 yard
rusher or receiver. That's insane.
No, it it is insane and. And they're 15 and. 1. 15 and

(21:30):
one without that Patrick. Mahomes is is in competition to
be the greatest quarterback of all the time, but the Eagles got
the best player for sure this year in Saquon 5.
I know he is. I think that he is.
I think, I think he's gonna havea huge game.
Actually. I saw a funny tweet that said it
said NFL memes, responded to a tweet that said the tweet said

(21:54):
the US national debt is a staggering $37 trillion.
And they responded it and said, hey, at the US Treasury
Department, you just need to put70 trillion on Saquon Barkley
anytime. Touchdown in the Super Bowl at
-190 and hey, we'll be out of this mess cuz he's gonna score.

(22:15):
What is this? Anytime Saquon Barkley touchdown
in the Super Bowl, it's got to be like -1000.
No, I just said it. It's -190.
All right. Well, that I mean.
You got a. -190 is pretty good though, but that's it's not as
high as I thought it would. You still got a bet double to
make money you know you make basically. 50%.

(22:37):
So that's a tough bet to make. I just think the Eagles have a
better roster. They have a good defense.
I think they're all lines the difference.
And I think Saquan is gonna havea huge day.
Did. You see Travis Kelsey, Jason
Kelsey asked them. Hey, what do you think the
difference is in who are you taking this year for the Super
Bowl and or no, he said, Hey, what do you think the difference

(22:58):
is this time around facing the Eagles and Travis Kelce goes,
oh, it's clearly the offensive line.
They upgraded so much, especially at center, and poor
Jason Kelsey's just sitting there looking like.
I hate my brother. Yes, it was.
It was definitely little brotherenergy.
It was funny. I saw something online that said

(23:19):
I saw a meme that said Tom Bradymade the Super Bowl in 48% of
the seasons that he played, 48%.And Joel Embiid only plays in
47% of total games that he's hada chance to play in.
So Tom Brady has more of a chance to make a Super Bowl than
Joel Embiid has of playing any certain night.

(23:40):
That and man, you know, I they were talking with the Luca in AD
trade they were saying how good is AD and somebody said, well,
he's the second best center in the league.
I'd say he's the third best, butindeed won't play.
And so it's joke. It's AD and and indeed.
But like he plays so little thatlike you have to drop him down

(24:04):
and how good he is. I mean, if we count longevity
towards LeBron, we have to knockand beat for this.
Absolutely. That's that's actually a great
argument. It's the opposite of why we say
LeBron is great. Yes, I don't know 100%.
How can you be an MVP when you're playing in like 60 out of
82 games? But my question to you would be,
don't a lot of people play less games than they used to though?

(24:25):
Nobody plays 82 anymore, right? No, very few.
And they they get celebrated forit.
I hate now that I'm drawing a blank on it, but I just seen a
thing not too long ago talking celebrating the players who play
in extraordinarily high amount of games.
It's, it's, it's so rare that like it gets pointed out, if
they play in the same number of games that everybody in the

(24:47):
league would play just 15 years ago.
Yeah, like I would I would look at like Anthony Edwards or Kate
Cunningham, like these young guards that are in great shape
and they're probably playing, what do you think, like 7475
games. Yeah, but I don't, I don't think
that's necessarily like Kate or Anthony Edwards fault.
I bet because Anthony Edwards actually has addressed this in a
press conference where like he says I'm going to play no matter

(25:10):
what. The same thing as Kobe said that
some people spend all of their like all their excess money is
buying a ticket to come see me play.
And if I don't play that night, that may be their only chance to
have I've ever seen you play. Absolutely.
So I want to play it. I, you know, so I think that's
probably coaches, the GM's do that more than even the players.
I hate it. I think it's the number one

(25:31):
reason that the NBA should shrink down.
How many games are playing do you see?
Viewerships down like 54 percentor something, some astronomical
number. It's so bad.
I got two more things to say on NFL, but I want to just say this
about the NBA. Tell me if this makes any sense.
Like the reason viewership is down is because first of all,
stars sit a lot like we're talking and second of all, we

(25:52):
talked a few weeks ago about howmany 3 pointers are being taken
in the league in per game and it's disgusting.
Like you're, you're just watching people run back and
forth and shoot threes and it's not entertaining.
It's not as entertaining as it used to.
Be it's got to be the single biggest factor.
It has to be. So there's like all these things
that Colin Coward had all these ideas of like you can get rid of

(26:13):
this, the corner 3 because it's the shortest distance to the
hoop. You can move the three-point
line back to make it harder. You can make a four pointer
instead of a three pointer, which is like way further away.
But I don't think any of that. This is my idea.
This is Barog's idea. You ready for this pun?
It'll never happen because of the all time record books.

(26:35):
But the problem with the three pointer let me let me Scroll
down so I can get my my numbers correct.
Oh, I didn't type it. The problem with the three, the
problem with the three pointer is it's a 2 pointer is worth
only 66% of a three pointer. So all the stat geeks got up and
they were like, dude, you're missing out on 33% of a of a

(26:57):
possession, call it of a total possession.
So what the NBA needs to do is they need to increase both
values they need to make becauselike let's just say A2 pointer
was worth 4 and a three pointer was worth 5.
Now you're at 80% instead of 66%.
So now you're only missing out on 20% of a possession.

(27:18):
Keep going with it and you get like 7 out of eight, or 88 and
10A2 pointer's worth 8, or A2 pointer's worth 9 and a three
pointer's worth 10. Now you're 90% of a possession
for a layup or a dunk or like a 5 foot shot compared to a three
and people will stop shooting them because it's a huge
problem. They'll never, they'll never do
it. And no, you just engineered a

(27:40):
perfect solution. The problem is is mentally
watching somebody make a layup and see them score 4 points
because of how popular the NBA has been and how much is
ingrained in our brains. It just would make me not want
to watch it if I seen a layup for even though mathematically
you just solved the problem it people's brain wouldn't allow

(28:00):
them to enjoy it. It would be too hard to like
track, you know, you're watchinga late game and you're like,
okay, how many possessions do weneed?
Because you can score like 9 or and like yeah it'd be impossible
to watch. You're down 12 and you turn it
off, You're like, dude, that's only three possessions.
Plus the all time scoring. Like you can't like Chase

(28:20):
Lebron's all time scoring recordanymore because you're going to
be scoring like a million pointsover a career, you know?
Yeah, you'd have to try to do somehow baskets made, but even
then they're not the same numerical value.
You're right, it would just destroy everything they got to
do. It is the perfect solution.
They got to do something, and that's the reason that it's
being shot at such a high rate, because it's a 2 pointer is only

(28:42):
2/3 of a three pointer. Listen, you're not going to out
of our NBA. You nerds are the problem.
Why everybody shoot more 3 pointers?
There's no doubt. Engineering it.
The last two things, just to quickly get back to football
before we end sports. I did want to go through some
NFL rule changes, but we'll savethat again for next time because
we'll go too long. You know what the Lions were

(29:04):
able to accomplish this year? What the Lions got both of my
sisters and my mom to love football.
They did the unthinkable. Yeah, you know who's listening,
Lawrence. Sister Jackie is the same way,
Has no interest in sports but found herself with her husband
watching the Lions and rooting. For him, yeah, isn't that crazy.

(29:25):
Football is such a perfect and beautiful game.
All you need is a hometown team that's good and it it's gender
neutral. Everybody loves them.
Yeah, I mean, you can just tell by, like, just seeing the
panoramic view of a Super Bowl parade or even an NBA title
parade or when the Red Wings used to win.
Like, you could see the celebrations and you're like,

(29:46):
excuse me, Third, ma'am, you don't watch.
What are you? What are you doing out here?
You. Just have a crush on Steve
Eiserman. Yeah, he made 3 Red Wings
players right now. Last thing I got on NFL is pun.
You know how I know I'm old? Because you can't walk on
Saturdays after basketball. Yeah, because that's where

(30:07):
pajama pants to basketball. This is the first year you you
won't be the same as me, but this is the first year that I
don't know any songs by the Super Bowl halftime performer
Kendrick Lamar. I don't know any of his songs.
Oh, I love Kendrick Lamar. I probably, I probably do know
his songs, but I don't know it'shim, you know?

(30:28):
Dude, you got, you know what, you've got too old.
We're going to take you out Saturday and we're just going to
pop up. We're going to pop a Kendrick
Lamar CD truck and we're going to roll.
No, I, I, I love Kendrick Lamar.Lauren does too.
Next thing you know, I'm switching the song over to Pink
Pony Club. Dude, I got I might, I might

(30:48):
clip this back to sports. I got one other thing to read
you about hockey. All right, what you got?
Because it was Wayne Gretzky's birthday last week, and as you
know, we can't get enough of these Wayne Gretzky statistics.
Wayne Gretzky played minor league hockey for the Brantford
Nadrofsky Steelers. I had to look up what that even

(31:10):
was. He was, I think 9:10 and 11:00
or no, he was 8-9 and ten years old.
What the hell? So he was playing minor league
hockey. He these are these are his
scoring statistics per season. In his first year, in 62 games,
he had 104 goals and 63 assists.Jeez.

(31:31):
At 8 years old dude, that's 167 points.
In year 2 he had 70. He played 76 games, scored 196
goals and had 120 assists. He played 76 games at nine
years. Old at nine years old isn't that
insane. Oh my.
God, and he scored 196 times, dude.

(31:55):
In his third year, third and final year in minors at 10 years
old, he played in 85 hockey games.
He scored 378 goals and had 139 assists for a total points 517.
It's like nothing I've ever heard before in my life.
Just for a little bit of reference, because obviously the

(32:16):
NHL is a much tougher league than the Brantford, Nadrofsky
Steelers. The most points he ever scored
in the season in the NHL was in 198586.
He had 215, so as a 10 year old he had 517 points.
That's not even real. I was like, this might be the
best Gretzky's dad ever. All right, it's list time, baby.

(32:37):
Let's do it. And this week's list is the
second best feelings in the world.
So I think I said my Topanga weeks and weeks and weeks ago
when we thought of this list, and that was just when you're
getting designated driven and you're hammered and you got to
take a leak like it's your life source.
And when you finally get to break the seal, you're like.

(33:00):
Oh God, you waiting and waiting.Wait, God.
That's got to be every time it'shappened to me, I'm like, this
is the second best feeling on the planet.
Yep 1000% being buzzed up and holding it it almost.
It captures your buzz and stealsit because you're so focused on
holding it. When you finally get to release

(33:22):
it, it's like you're buzzed again in your head.
It's like you got released from prison.
Yeah, you don't have to focus anymore.
You don't have to focus. I'm not pissing yourself
anymore. Yeah, All right.
My next one would be like, all right, if being on vacation is
one of the best feelings on Earth, you've talked about this
before, the night before vacation, it's got to be the

(33:45):
second best feeling on Earth. It is like when you're packed up
and everything's good to go and you're just watching the clock.
Like when I wake up in the morning, I'm out of this joint.
That to me is the second one of the second best.
Feeling it is the second best feeling it.
I'm a little bit of an anxious traveler nowadays, like flying
airplanes or whatever. But we used to go when I was

(34:06):
living with my friends. We'd go to Vegas and like a
bunch of idiots, we'd like partythe night before we flew out
because we were like, we don't have to work in the morning.
So we'd like add on to our jet lag hangover.
But you're right, being packed up and everything's ready to go.
All you got to do is wait for the Uber to get to the airport.
But I, I'm, I'm assuming it's onmy list.

(34:28):
I, I wrote this a long time ago,but how about when you're on
vacation? And it specifically has to be in
like February, March, April timeframe going from Michigan winter
when you first feel sand on yourfeet on the beach, dude.
It's going to be next month for us.
It's like the greatest. Way to get in that sun.
Feeling every time I've done it,which we used to go, I used to

(34:49):
go every year to Florida pre COVID.
I would say why don't I live in a place that I can just do this
anytime I want to? Like it's crazy.
You know why? Hurricanes, Scorpions.
Snakes, alligators, Sharks. I'm so scared of sharks, dude.
I I'm so scared of sharks. I've never even seen that movie.

(35:09):
Sharknado, Stephanie. I love it in Florida so much
that we're already shopping for a double wide trailer down
there, baby. That would be the ultimate
transition, by the way, to go from Grosse Pointe to a trailer.
Yeah, that's right. Go from Rouge to Grosse Pointe
to a trailer. The ultimate circle of life.

(35:32):
This circle of life. My first one I have on here and
I, again, I never put mine in order.
It's just when I think of them is you know how when you
accidentally fall asleep and you're not planning a nap?
Oh yeah. And you and you wake up from a
nap fully refreshed, like, and you and you don't even know
where you are and you feel like $1,000,000 and you're just like,

(35:56):
you have time to shake off that grogginess.
There's no alarm clock waking you up.
Like waking up fully refreshed is the greatest feeling, second
greatest feeling in the world. I I cannot remember the last
time I woke up refreshed. Whenever I fall asleep
unintentionally, I wake up panicked, feeling like I'm late
or like. Oh God, is there?

(36:17):
A kid who's waiting on me to pick him up.
Where are we at? What day is it?
What about what about? I always joke with staff and say
I'm not an alcoholic, but I mustbecause I get hungover.
I think I'm addicted to waking up the day after you're hungover
and then you feel like $1,000,000 again and you're
like, yeah. It's over with.

(36:37):
Yeah, or waking up on a Saturday.
Just like when you don't have toset an alarm, Anytime you don't
have to set an alarm is the second best feeling in the
world. I did, you know, I wish I would
have put that because it's so rare, even on Saturdays or
Sundays where I don't have to set an alarm when you can wake
up naturally, that feeling of like I'm tired, but I don't

(37:00):
really got to go to bed if I don't want to.
Yeah. Is is an undefeated feeling.
That's a fantastic. One second best feeling.
Yeah, my, my, my, my next one isgoing to show how fat I am.
I, I would say ordering a pizza when it gets there is, is hands

(37:21):
down one of the best games when you're starving and a pizza
being delivered, it's beautiful.But you want to know what's even
better than that? It's waking up on the couch and
realizing you forgot to put thatpizza away and there's still a
couple of slices left on the on the stove top.
Next day. Room temperature pizza is one of

(37:43):
the best things on earth. I love moldy room temperature.
Pizza. Oh, you eat it when it's been
out of the refrigerator all night long.
Yes, listen. For some reason, when you forget
to like, put the pizza box in the fridge, the pizza's easy
right out of that box the next morning.

(38:03):
Now, you probably can't do it 24hours later, but 12 hours?
You're fine. You're fine.
The cheese coagulate it protectsyou.
You're. Good Todd is proud of you for
because he's my buddy Todd. If you remember, he's the one
that ate the big Buford out of apassenger seat of a car.
Still. I'm like, dude, there's, I'm

(38:24):
pretty sure there's mayonnaise on that thing.
You're going to projectile vomiting in two hours.
I love. That.
How about this? That's my kind of human.
Yeah, Todd. Todd's a top five human of all
time, no doubt. How about this one?
Getting second best feeling in the world?
Getting into underwear after you've been in a bathing suit

(38:46):
all day long. Oh my God.
And you shout and you, and you change and you.
Get out of the dampness. And you're in.
Briefs. Put on a warm pair of boxer
briefs out of the dryer and you're just like, I could just
die happy right now. Yeah, especially if you've been
actually on a beach and like your feet are wet slash sandy

(39:07):
and you've got all your sand. All in your, all in places the
sand doesn't need to be. Listen, showering after a beach
day is elite level and that may be the Topanga.
That's such a good one. Yeah, this You put on the power
boxer briefs and it's like sliding into heaven.
My, my next one's not really funny, but it's definitely true.

(39:30):
All right, One of the best feelings on earth is getting or
the smell of getting into a new car.
You know, like that smell of like a you know what, what do
cars have when you buy them? Do 100 miles, 84 miles.
That smell is is beautiful, but an even better feeling is
getting into a paid off car or buying one cash.

(39:55):
Straight cash, I mean. That smell is beautiful, but
that $0.00 among payments even better.
That's the second and third bestfeelings in the world.
Yeah, it is actually really. That's like such a love hate.
I I don't know if I said that purchases that we love and hate
when I did it with Dan the new car is like such a great feeling

(40:15):
but the payments man are for real.
Oh, yeah. But how, how long does it, I
mean, realistically, like how long does it take before that
newness wears off? I mean, especially like, I'm not
really a materialistic person, so it's cool leaving the
dealership and maybe even a month to let's say six months,

(40:36):
but you got five years worth of payments on the thing.
It 4 1/2 years of like I really didn't need this.
Five if you're lucky. I mean, nowadays you can get car
loans up to like seven years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 84
months they went and you're, they're like, oh, your payments
will be what are you putting $30,000?
Your payments will be 999 for 84months.

(40:56):
By the way, that kid looks like you can work in a sweatshop.
How much for him? How many jobs?
You got? One.
Yeah. You're not going to qualify.
For any you know, you know, you know what's crazy is I agree
with the paid off car. I was going to say you can just
get a new car air freshener, butthey don't work.
They're not. How they don't work like that?
How? Is no scientist perfected the

(41:18):
new car smell? It's almost impossible to put
into an air freshener. I listen, I have been so drunk
before that I legitimately thought that I could craft and
sell a new car smell in a candleif I could scientifically
engineer the actual new car smell.
And I was like, could you imagine walking into your house

(41:38):
and it smells like a new car? It'd be a beautiful thing.
And then Randall. And then Randall wake up in the
morning and he's like, hey, BillNye, how's the candle wax going?
I. Was like be an hour it just eats
your pizza rolls and shut up. All right, my next one is how
about when you have this is a, this is a simple one, but
everybody's going to agree with this.

(41:58):
How about when you got one of those horrible itches in your
ear that your finger cannot get?To Oh my God.
You. And you go and.
You go and grab a Q-tip and it is like, I think you might also
have the first best feeling in the world when you're using that
Q-tip. It's like Zeus fingertip went

(42:21):
into your ear, just struck lightning down on that edge.
That is the second best. I said everything on my list.
I'm going to say no. That's the Topanga the list,
yeah. I only did 5, so my last one
would be since we were talking about the rewards and the credit
card. Having a house completely

(42:42):
stocked with groceries like is ais a beautiful thing.
But you know those times where like there's just nothing in the
house, you need to desperately get to the grocery store and
then you remember, you hit a little snacky snack, you find a
half a bag of Cheetos hidden behind the dishwasher from 9

(43:04):
months ago. You're like I dishwasher did put
those Cheeto pumps back there did not.
Yeah, a fully, a fully stocked pantry is so good when you open
it and you're like. I have oceans.
I got you don't even want. It's like, it's like a new pair
of shoes. They're so nice.
You don't even want to wear them.
Like the pantry. You're like, I don't even want

(43:25):
to open anything. Yeah, if I open that trail mix.
It's all done. Once one thing's open, it's over
from. Oh, dude, we were at Kroger last
weekend. We did like a family.
I told Steph, you got to stop bringing me to the grocery store
because I go bonkers at a grocery store and just buy
everything. And I was like, I'm going to get
one thing of sweets and just like have sugar only on the

(43:46):
weekends. And I bought the peanut butter
and chocolate trail mix. Oh my God, talk.
Dirty. To me, Oh my God it's so good
but the the opposite of the second best swing in the world.
We get home and I'm like dude, we got a fully stocked fridge
this and that but I like a lot of the fresh fruits and
vegetables. Same same.
But then I'm on this time crunchand I'm like, I totally forgot

(44:09):
we got spinach in the other fridge.
I can't eat all this I. Know.
I hate letting it spoil. Yeah, we, we go through that
with a lot of stuff where it's like you can never quite find
the perfect ratio of fruits because sometimes the kids go
through 9000 lbs of grapes and then sometimes they only eat a

(44:30):
pound and, you know, a half a bag that week where it's like
sometimes you can't keep clementines in the fridge.
And then sometimes like you got 6 bags leftover.
It's hard to find that perfect ratio.
I think I said it before on the pod, we have a rule in the house
for fruit. There's no such thing as
sharing. If you're hungry and you want to
eat the whole pack of raspberries, eat them before

(44:51):
they grow a green beard tomorrowmorning, you know?
Oh, Jackson always does. This guy is like, oh, you get
and I order an extraordinary amount of grapes.
Usually you go in to grab one inthe morning and you're like
where in the hell did 18 lbs of grapes go?
I got I'm I'm reading through mylist right now.

(45:14):
I only did 5 because I knew you had 55.
I have 18, but I've just read through three of them.
I just read through three of them that I'm.
Not reading. Put down here when we release a
new episode or get text feedbackor a 5 star.
Oh yeah, this guy can't he? He has to mark it no matter
where. He I guarantee you at the

(45:34):
grocery store, he's OK. Could I interest you in a
sticker? How about how you feel about the
Party Ball Rock podcast? Interest you in a sticker?
I cut one in half for the sliding glass doors.
My face is on one side, yours ison the other side.
How about I put this one for Christmas season?
How about when you're when you're wrapping Christmas gifts
and you start to and the scissors start to glide across

(45:55):
the perfect cut. Oh, it's the perfect.
It's not jagged, it's just sure.It's not tearing and you're
like, am I a professional gift wrapper right now?
Oh my God it's only happened to me like 3 times in my paralyze.
Similar feeling for us is since we have this house from the
1960s is as you know from previous podcasts, we're peeling

(46:15):
a lot of wallpaper. We only have the hallways in the
kitchen left. But when we're peeling wallpaper
and you get a big piece that doesn't tear right away and you
RIP off like a whole sheet, you're like victory.
That's what you, this is going to be disgusting, but I feel
that way with a sunburn. You know when your skin peels
and you get a giant piece of your skin just peels all the

(46:38):
way. It's not really your skin.
It's like flake, you know, the dry skin.
But you get a 2 foot section, you're like, Oh yeah, peel that
forearm off, baby. Pull it off.
How about? Actually, I only have.
I've repeated myself a lot on this list.
How about when Michigan beats Ohio State Hell.

(46:59):
How about, hey, can you rememberthe last time Ohio State?
Ohh, it's 2019. That's the last time I actually.
Am keeping that in this time 'cause I clipped it out last
time, but those rivalry games when you beat your rival and
ours being Ohio State and football, I'm like floating on
my tip toes for the rest of the weekend.
Pawn. I just, I'm literally not lying

(47:22):
to you. I'm just coming down from the
Michigan national championship on top of beating Ohio State.
You can even dig deeper on what's the better feeling
winning against Ohio State at home when the whole crowd is
cheering and they rushed the field or when they're supposed
to kill us and we win in the horseshoe, I mean.

(47:43):
I would say on TV for sure in the horseshoe, but if you were
in the stadium, for sure at home, no question.
But on TV, it's beautiful watching.
Three years ago, when Aiden Hutchinson was a senior or
whatever and he beat Ohio State,debuted Ohio State, and
everybody rushed the field pawn,I was like an emotional wreck.

(48:03):
I was so happy. Yeah.
I had, I remember when we won the first one, which would be
21. I had COVID bad.
I, I was like bedridden for, I don't know, 10 days or
something. And it was that Saturday was the
last day I was bedridden and, and I hadn't been up standing

(48:24):
up. It really was kicking my butt
when that clock kicks zero, I'm telling you, I stood up like
Jesus came down and sprinkled fairy dust on me.
I was like, I'm healed. Dude that's that's top 3-4
feeling of all time for my sporting life.
You know what's beautiful? You know what's funny about the

(48:45):
Michigan National Championship is I loved it, but can you even
imagine how much better it wouldhave been if they'd played
Washington 1st and then beat Alabama in overtime for the
national title? Oh.
That Rose Bowl you know, I just made, I just made Jackson watch
it. That would have been, it was
already a beautiful run. But if it had been Alabama for

(49:08):
the Natty with Nick on Nick Saban's last in overtime, that
would have been It would have been crazy.
I'm telling you, Pun, I see thatthat pops up on like Facebook,
like there's compilations of like all the big plays in the
games of that Alabama game and it's like 5 1/2 minutes long or
something. I've watched this like 10/15/20
times and I'm still nervous on that 4th down pass to Blake

(49:31):
Coram. I know I'm like don't.
Drop it. It's. 4th down.
Yeah, it was. But you know what?
This is going to sound like blasphemy.
Part of me is sort of happy since Michigan wasn't in it,
that Ohio State won it, because now the game is like we've won
four years in a row. It's going to be so big next

(49:52):
year. It's going to be we just won the
national title or we won last year, they won this year.
It's like we have the number oneplayer in the nation.
They got the number 2 quarterback in the nation as
recruits this year. It's insanity how big this game
is going. To be I'm going to be a nervous
wreck as usual. It's going to be so good.

(50:14):
It's when we're in attendance. I, I really hope we get a group
of us to go as soon as we can get tickets.
I don't care if it's the secondary market or what, the
moment we can pull the trigger, we should.
Let's just wear our snowsuit pubcrawl suits to the Michigan Ohio
State game. Do 100.
Listen 1000% We should wear ridiculous snow suits to the

(50:35):
game. Absolutely.
All right, I got two more here pawn.
How about, and I think most guyscan relate to this and I know
you can, how about the last gameof a parlay, of a long parlay
that you're about to hit and you're like, and you and you're
like, dude, I'm about to have this much money in my account

(50:55):
because it's all coming togetherfor me.
Do you I will have to dig into our text messages, but I forget
the biggest I I remember I text you and Russo.
The biggest parlay I ever almosthit was I lost the last game of,
I want to say A12 legger. And it was like a I'm gonna bet

(51:17):
20 bucks just to be dumb and putit on this 12 legger.
And the last game lost me that emotional roller coaster.
I didn't take the buyout. I earned the cash.
Out. Yeah, you gotta take the cash.
Out it was. Like it If you hit that that
that would have to be the first best feeling in.
The world yeah, I the longest one I ever hit was an 18 parlay

(51:41):
8. Oh, my 88 or 18/8 team?
OK 818 team, 08 team. OK, OK.
How about I say it like this? I hit an 8 teamer I'm.
Like Dad, you hit 18 it. Might have been a 10, I might
have been A10 Teamer. I'll have to check with my buddy

(52:02):
I used to gamble with. I almost said his name, but we
used to read ads for him on thispodcast.
We used to. We used to gamble before it was
legal in Michigan and we actually hedged back like we
were winning $1500. So we hedged back 300, which was
the Max bet. I, I almost can remember it was
like it was a Big 12 basketball game.

(52:22):
It was like Oklahoma, Baylor or something like that.
So we ended up netting $1200 on like whatever the bet was, 20
bucks or 40 bucks or whatever itwas.
It was spectacular. And, and this is going to sound
dumb and people might not understand the money is
secondary. It's like you are the greatest

(52:43):
sport, better than is ever bet. You feel so smart.
You feel to hit an 8 team parlayor A12 team or a 15, whatever
your longest 1 is you. You almost have to be a G.
Yeah, you're like and. You're never gonna get the
respect you dessert. You're like, this is you're like
sports. Batting is easy.

(53:03):
All these games seem happiest tome.
I submit my resignation to work immediately upon hitting because
I'm gonna just make easy money but.
Oh, I'm sorry, this is how easy life.
Is, you know, what's funny is every dude in their car is
laughing right now and every woman is like fast forwarding
because they just have no idea what we're talking about.

(53:24):
Yeah, every dude is like. Oh yeah, all the dudes are like,
yeah, gamer wants. Yeah, they're like you won 1200
bucks, but how many, how many hundreds of dollars did you lose
trying to get to that 1200? Yes, Yeah, yeah, infinite.
Do you know listen what happens is say if I deposit X amount of
dollars in my account I bet and I notice I only have two four $8

(53:44):
left in my account. My brain goes, you should try to
turn that into $19,000,000 and bet 34.
Absolutely. And the crazy they know that
they know that they're making. Money, they do know that.
I sit there, everybody does it. You sit there and you're going,
well, I might as well just add on Jameer Gibbs over 60 yards
because he's going to get 60 yards.

(54:05):
And. It's really like 150.
Bucks you make you can make sucha common sense like 4 or 516
parlay and you're like oh it's only paying me maybe double my
money this is stupid why don't Ijust bet Andre Ryzen with 400

(54:25):
yards receipt it's plus just. Saquon's scoring on the 1st Dr.
Listen, book it. Saquon first drive of the game.
Touchdown, first Philly drive. You heard it here first.
Put your college kids fund. Yeah, put your college fund for
your children 70 trillion. And then sprinkle in eight NCAA

(54:50):
teams. Of which you win three of eight.
You know, I was so close, only Ididn't take Marquette to be
closer. All right, the last one I got on
my list Pawn, and I think every human being on earth can relate
to this. When you're going somewhere and
you're not expecting a traffic jam and you get to the end of
the traffic jam where the cars open up and you can finally step

(55:13):
on the gas pedal again. That's my daily life.
I cannot believe you drive for aliving.
When I get to the end of stop and go traffic or a traffic jam
and I can just go full throttle,I'm like taking, I'm like
swerving across all three lanes,like taking the whole freeway
up. I'm like, Oh my God.

(55:35):
I used to, I used to be like that, but I get paid now to do
that. So like if I run into traffic,
I'm like, so it kind of ruined my happiness of what you're
describing. Like if I get into traffic, I'm
like, Oh well. Well, then I'm going to clip
this one at the beginning of thelist.
I mean, when you're on a road trip, but I'm, if I'm on like a

(55:57):
road trip with the family and wehit traffic, I'm like outside
myself. And then, Oh yeah, you get me.
Go again. Oh my God.
We're taking because there's seven of us going on the
vacation next month. We're driving and it's 20.
The way we got it figured is 24 hours with stops and you know,

(56:21):
food, bathroom breaks. So it's going to be if you hit
traffic when you know you have Xamount of 12114 or whatever,
whatever amount of. Time to that it's.
Torture. Oh yeah.
You just keep seeing that. Estimated arrival time just keep
rising. It's brutal.
Just, well, I don't want to jinxyou, but if it happens, then you

(56:44):
get to the end of that traffic jam, you'll be in heaven.
It's the second best feelings inthe world.
All right, pun, get into our goodbye section we picked up.
Guess how many new countries we picked up this week?
Just take a guess. I'm going to say.
Three, we picked up three new countries this week, which is
insane. I know that, Aiden, I texted you

(57:10):
that you did because I was beingvery dry this week and you were
trying to drum up some excitement out of me and you
were like, hey. That's so funny.
We have picked up a couple countries.
Pun breaks his wrist and he stops texting Bara.
Dude, Lauren got the death flu. I got sick Friday.

(57:32):
Saturday, I broke my wrist, Jackson blew his ankle out, all
in the span of like 24 hours. It's we're just coming out of
the fog in the Crane house. I didn't want you anywhere near
a rough week. I didn't want you anywhere near
me. All right?
So, yeah, yeah, it was bad. So the new countries we got are

(57:53):
we got New Zealand, which is where.
That's a manly ass country. I think, well, I think that's
maybe we already had that one, because maybe I already said
this, but that's where they filmed a lot of Game of Thrones.
I don't think we had. It I don't think we did either.
I counted because at the first show of the year I said we had
48 countries and now we have 51.So actually.
No big deal. That's all brag.

(58:16):
That's also cool that we have more countries than we have
United States States now. Yep.
I don't know. Canada keeps talking crazy.
They're all gonna have 51 real quick.
We just lost 60% of our listeners. 40%.
The other two countries we got were, you know, there's a lot
going on over there, but they'reprioritizing conversational

(58:37):
humor, and that's Ukraine. Ukraine.
Ukraine. There's someone running from a
crumbling building after a bomb hits it.
They're they're listening to ourpodcast.
Wait, wait, we have an active war zone?
We have an active war zone, so they're they're probably
thinking they're listening to this episode.
They're like second best feelings in the world living
through bomb. Yeah.

(58:57):
Second best feelings in the world.
Not dying. That's terrible.
You're waking up. Waking up.
And the last one, remember I said the joke about Australia
and Austria last week, Yes, and we picked up Austria, so.
I wonder if. Is that not insane?
There's like, I wonder if there's not like an algorithm

(59:18):
listening and just kind of like propping you up to Austria
because you said Austria. I wonder, like what?
That's a weird coincidence. Maybe all right.
And the last couple things I gothere, closing thoughts pun I got
is you. I, I tried to read this last
week, but you took that call from your son and you gave him
the new Rockney speech. So I didn't I I just clipped it

(59:38):
right out. I was like, dude, I'm ready to
put on pads and just kill someone.
You were I I don't know if you know this, but you were supposed
to be born in the South because I, I saw a map.
I follow these like such nerdy ass social media pages and one
of them's like weird maps and itwas a map of the Waffle House

(01:00:02):
locations per state. I love waffle houses dude.
Guess which state has the most Waffle Houses I'm.
Going to say Ohio. No, no, I think me saying you
should have been born in the South would have been a decent
hint. Yeah, you would think I, I
thought of that while I was saying Ohio.
I'm going to say Georgia. Georgia is number 1.
You were supposed to be born in Georgia Pond.

(01:00:24):
Go Bulldogs Georgia. Georgia has 381 Waffle Houses.
Holy crap. Which is a lot, and it's going
to seem like even more than a lot when you hear who has #2 on
the list is South Carolina. They come in second at 144.
Wow. Jordan has 381.

(01:00:46):
You know, the only reason I saidOhio is because I exaggerated a
bit when I said I love Waffle Houses.
I've only ever eaten Waffle Houses twice in both times where
in Ohio in both times I was hammered.
I love that I've had something twice.
I'm like, dude, I love. We go there every weekend.
Oh my God, I had the waffles andthe waffles.

(01:01:09):
No, Waffle House is actually known for having an insanely big
menu. I've never eaten one in my life.
Yeah, they have a huge menu. So I need.
It's like it's, it's like our kind of people.
It's it's like low to medium quality food, always tasty, kind
of cheap on the price, but superratchet with drunk people and

(01:01:30):
always craziness happen. Well, you might walk into a full
party, but you might also turn around because there's a fight
happen. We wouldn't turn around, we
would just keep eating. No, yeah, 100%.
Like, hey, who's over my handy and can you move me closer to
the fight? Closer to the fight, I thought

(01:01:53):
you were going to say there's all kind of people, low to
medium quality humans. Oh yeah, yeah, that's that's
exactly what I was applying there all.
Right pun. What are we doing next week?
And I have been inspired by my mail carrier.
Our mail carrier at this house has inspired me for what we're
going to do next week. I already texted this to you.
She left us. I didn't text this to you.
She left us a note on our mailbox.

(01:02:16):
That's how I know. That's how I know I'm living in
an uppity area. She left a note that was like,
you guys got a shovel and put salt down, better if you want to
get your mail. And I was like, listen, lady.
Oh. We we got our hands slapped for
not having the the everything cleared out properly, which I'm.
Sure, I respect the hell out of that.
Probably. Too I'm.

(01:02:36):
Shame on you. I'm really, really good about
it, but it was like that really,really like snow that was not
deep. So I was like, it's just like
it's going to melt in like a minute.
But it was 6° outside. So it did.
That is such a battle to when you walk outside, especially me,
like I get up really early and Igo outside and I'm like, should

(01:02:57):
I shovel, put salt down or is this going to be gone by 9:00
AM? Oh I checked it every time it
snows. I check the weather first before
shoveling. That's my.
That's just such an old man. I, you know, I never knew to do
that till recently where it's like I'm pretty close to bat
1000% now where I walk out and go, that'd be gone before
anybody. 'S gonna be gone.

(01:03:17):
That's gonna be gone. So I was gonna, I was gonna
leave her a note that said, listen, lady, you can just skip
our house for the next month because you're not really
bringing anything that importantto the house anyway.
Yeah, hey, news flash, I don't get my checks by mail.
Piss off, lady. News flash, I can live without
that coupon packet that you justput in our so that inspired me
to do next week because sometimes people say why would

(01:03:39):
you live in Michigan because of winters.
We're going to do because we have a lot of pet peeves, but we
have to break them up into categories.
We're going to do Michigan winter pet peeves next week.
I can't think of a Topanga rightoff the top of my head.
I have a Topanga, there's no doubt about it.
So. My Michigan winter pet peeves
don't they don't have a. Topanga, I got a Topanga.

(01:04:00):
It's it doesn't happen to me allthe time, but when it happens,
I'm like, why do I live here? So we'll say that last week
news. News flash to what drives Andy
crazy is me saying what are my chicken?
Winter Peppies is as much effortas I'll put into that list until
Friday night. I used to I used to worry about

(01:04:23):
it a lot and now I don't worry about it at all.
All right, you guys remember to like like subscribe, leave us a
five star pun. That's all.
I got what you got. Is it for me dawg?
Booze.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep.64 - The 2nd Best Feelings in the World...