Ep.66 - The Donuts - DRAFT SPECIAL!!! - Conversational Humor - An Improv Comedy Hour

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I freaking love our podcast. I'm so hungry right now.
I assumed his name was Darth Virgin.
Come on, you're talking dirty tome right now.
She's like, what do you got in your mouth?
And I got a fruit by the foot, hanging halfway down to my lap.
I like to eat my calories, not drink them.

(00:24):
All right, hello, hello, and welcome back to episode 66, a
Conversation on humor with Pun and Balrog.
This is Pun across from me. Hi, guys.
And I'm Balrog, as you know, today is Friday, February the
28th of 2025. Goodbye February.
And we're going to be talking about the Donuts Draft Special.
And worst possible, I'm on a diet right now.
I hate this episode. I'm so hungry.

(00:47):
I as I was writing my list out today, I was drooling dude.
As you know, Punches asked me right before we started
recording. He's like, how many you got,
450? As you know, I sometimes like to
Google things to make sure I cover the entire topic.
You want to talk about Google image and doughnuts?
Oh my God dude, it's like. You know it's funny food.

(01:07):
Porn. Yeah, I could eat a doughnut.
I could eat 100 doughnuts every day for the rest of my life.
If you could grant me a superpower it would be that you
Donuts are 0 calorie and I couldjust have as many as I wanted.
Do you remember that this came up on our I?
I have it typed in here. I think it was like episode 26

(01:28):
or something. The foods we would magically
make healthy Donuts made both ofour lists.
That's actually one of our most popular episodes.
Is it great stuff? If you haven't listened, go
listen to. That what was my number one
cheesecake. I don't.
I have a pretty good memory for this stuff, but not that good.
That was probably like a year and a half ago.
Do you really think you could eat 100 Donuts a day like?
Seriously. No, I mean, how many could I

(01:48):
eat? Well, all right, here's the
problem is I've been I haven't had anything to eat all day.
So this number is not going to be accurate.
OK, We have to we have to take this into account.
This is not going to be a real number.
Trying to be honest, I would sayI could probably put.
I bet you I could eat a bakers dozen a right now.

(02:11):
Yeah, right now I would say any man our size could eat that.
You could eat a dozen. But nuts?
We'd be sick. My stomach could be.
The problem is sugar and you would feel real horrible after
real horrible the first three. You bet this is full.
Let's go. But after like I think 4-5 and
six is where you'd be and after that you're just gotta be a man.

(02:33):
Start seeing double Yeah, you got the.
First three, you're like, this is the best competition.
Ever. You would get real jittery and
like it would be, yeah, it wouldn't be good.
You'd almost have to like, what's that?
Joey Chestnut, the hot dog guy? Yeah, you gotta like dip in my.
Water. Let's go bring another one.
You got to like, cram him in there.
I'm sure he must vomit after those contests, right?

(02:55):
I don't know. I don't, I don't know.
I don't know what he does, but he how many?
What's his record? 98 hot dogs or something.
Disgusting. What he?
Does, and dipping it in water iseven more.
There is one thing worse than eating 98 hot dogs.
It's eating the 98 wet hot dog buns.

(03:16):
Reprehensible, but if it were Donuts?
No seriously, like if you held the gun to my head and said how
many doughnuts could you or you you forced me to eat them I bet
you I could get through 15 before I puked.
Oh my. God, I bet you I could.
So tough to just try. I bet you soon.
Soon because. Pun's on a diet right now, as

(03:36):
you mentioned. Down 12 1/2 lbs.
Seen that picture of myself, hated it.
I'm sorry. Yeah, nothing makes you lose
weight more than a side view picture.
Oh. Seeing yourself, you, like you.
Dish Oh dude, Gus, I was at the gym the other day doing leg
slide. You know how it like curls you
up? Yes.
Try looking at your side when you're in a mirror.
Your belly's blocking your thighs from a full.

(03:58):
That's when. You're like chubby little shit.
That's when. You're like, I'm not even
drinking water anymore. I'm just doing air.
I'm on a air diet. I hung out with Pun this week.
We went to the Pistons game and he is on a diet because we had
all the food for free. Would you eat Pun Total of?
One gummy, one gummy bear. And I did that only because Max

(04:19):
had him there and I had to stealone just off principal.
But no, I had, you know, I watch, I'm watching my calories.
I know exactly how many I'm supposed to be at in a cut.
And I had I I was hungry throughout the day and I knew
that if I did not eat before I went that I would ravage.
So I didn't want to open the jarhere.
So I filled up in and I just held my composition.

(04:41):
It's so funny because the last episode we talked, I don't
remember what we were talking about, You said, Lauren said.
Enough with the like raw chickenor not plain chicken.
Breast, Chicken breast. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And I think because we were
talking about how they are so disciplined and serving women do
serving sizes. Yeah, Stephanie says the same
thing to me. She's like, just eat that and
then stop. And I'm like, I think that what
they don't understand. But we can't stop.

(05:02):
Can't I tried to stop? Once you open Pandora stores,
box of food, you're just like, well, today's lost and you just
go. Yeah, and the cool thing about
being is obese as I am right now, it's just not obese, is
that I this weight melts off. It literally falls off.
It will hit a plateau at some point, but it is falling off

(05:23):
about a pound and a half on average a day.
And it'll do that for another 20lbs.
And you feel great. I feel fantastic.
Fantastic. Yes, I feel great.
I feel good today because I dieted the last night.
I know that sounds funny for. I've been dieting since not 3:00
PM. But like at night, when you
don't eat the nasty sugars at night, you you just feel so much

(05:45):
better than a. 100%. Like your gut, you don't wake up
with that. It's it's you have to remind
yourself it's better to wake up feeling hungry than with that
gut rot stomach of like sugar and booze and any of that crap.
Well, I got a lot of a lot of stuff came in for the cruise
shirt wise, short wise and. This guy's going to be looking
like Jimmy. Buffett there is no, there is

(06:07):
nothing more motivating than like seeing, seeing clothes that
you're going to wear on the cruise.
You're like, Oh yeah, I want to look good in that.
The most weight I ever lost since before since I've met
Stephanie. I saw pictures of myself at a
pool in Vegas with two of my German buddies, flooring and
stuff on it, and I was like that.

(06:27):
I was like, there's no way that human being is me and I lost a
bunch of weight. I'm gonna try again.
Pun's Pun's motivating. He's very disciplined that, like
I said, free food of the Pistonsgave me another.
Oh, chicken wings, Philly cheesesteaks, Pizza nachos.
Everywhere. Candy bar ice cream sauce
machine. Oh, I wanted to do a ice cream
stand like a keg stand. I wanted Andy to hold me up and

(06:49):
just jump. Soft serving.
Mine, Pun was looking at me likePun was looking at my hands,
like they were Lauren when I waswhen I was eating those chicken
finger, those chicken wings at halftime.
Chicken wings. If I had to pick like 5 foods
for the rest of my life, chickenwings would make that.
List no doubt about. It I love chicken wings.
That's a good that's a good listidea the foods for the rest of

(07:10):
your. Life book it.
So I, I, I also wanted to say I appreciate Pong.
This is 2 weeks in a row we're recording because let me tell
you something weird. This guy's work schedule, I just
said to him, was it tough for you waking up the next morning
for work because you wake up at 4?
I'm Pong. I was like, were you exhausted
that day? Pong goes, I'm still exhausted.
Yeah. Oh yeah, At one point I looked

(07:30):
at him at the Pistons game and Iwas like, you getting emotional
over there, dude, You crying? He looks at me and he goes,
Nope. That's how tired I am.
Poor guy. Yeah, I.
Well, fell. Off Jax and I had a blast
though. It was awesome.
It was awesome. The club lounge also, we don't
in the Crane household, we don'tpartake in those kind of seats.
We get the 899 seats that come with a bottle of water and a

(07:53):
hot. I did tell Steph I committed to
scraping wallpaper 'cause I haveto finish the wallpaper in the
hallways, in the kitchen, and I go, how about this every
weekend, that pun and I don't record, I won't have to edit, so
I'm going to scrape wallpaper. So pun, I need you here.
And I've been here 2 weeks in a row.
Two weeks. In a row baby, but we will be
taking a week off soon or maybe 2 cause pun's going on, said

(08:15):
cruise. Oh yeah, that'll be.
Two weeks. So jealous.
In honor of Punchki Day, right around the corner this Tuesday
is Fat Tuesday. Is it coming up?
So we're doing the Donuts. Draft right on fat every
Tuesday. Right on time.
What do you do? You give up stuff for Lent or
no? Grow up.
Do I give up stuff for Lent? Do you believe in God pun?

(08:35):
I do believe in God, yes, but I do not think that God wants me
to give up sweetness Fish Andy, no.
Let's just get one thing straight.
I give everything I give up is for absolute selfish reasons.
I'm sure I said that before. Every year I give up sugar,
chips and pizza. Pizza is a top.
One that is tough that's actually that if if I were God,

(08:56):
which I'm not, I would I would look down and be like, wow,
you're how long are you giving up pizza for it's.
Like 4546 days. I would grant you sainthood if
you gave up pizza for 45. The hard thing is when you go to
functions and the only thing youcan really buy as a group is
like pizza or Chinese. Yes, right.

(09:16):
And most of the I would. Say, I don't know I've ever been
in a group that bought Chinese well.
That's how we roll sometimes. Really.
Yeah, because they give you so much.
I feel like Mexican is more maybe tacos but Chinese.
I first of all invite me to all any Chinese parties I love, I
love Chinese. Food.
It's so funny. Anytime I'm unhappy with the way
I look like wait, I'm like when's the last time I had?

(09:37):
Oh, I did go on a Chinese food better recently.
What's the what is it? MSGS or whatever?
What? Yes.
Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in chat, yeah.
So the only things we ever get for groups is those two things.
But pizza's like 8090% of the time.
Yeah. So when it's Latin, I've given
it up. I'm like, well, I gotta eat.
I gotta bring up PB and J or eatsomething before I go to this
party. That actually is tough.
It's very tough giving up pizza like that.

(09:57):
It's tough. That's tough.
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(10:18):
Come on, Matt, come on, Matt. You can hit us up on Instagram a
conversational humor. We do have a Facebook page also
called Conversational Humor podcast, where I actually posted
this week all the photos from the pub crawl, all the ones I
had. I need to post them all on the
Instagram page as well. So if anybody, like I said last
time, if you wonder what cousin of the pod looked like as
Russian Vladimir, it's up there.And actually, the pictures of

(10:39):
you kissing his rings are also on the Facebook page.
Are they just so good? So good.
If you haven't listened yet, go back and listen to episode 65 on
our Michigan winter Pet peeves, where Pun went berserk with his
list. Did I?
I texted upon as a spoiler. I texted upon a hat.
I was like, dude, it would be hilarious Next time we do
peeves. If every time I start to talk,

(11:00):
you just scream and don't piss you off every time.
But it was great. I it was hilarious listening
back to that. What I wanted to say that I
didn't say 'cause we were doing pet peeves, is for the people
who live in places without winter.
There is not. It should be second best
feelings in the world that firstspring day.
Oh man, when the weather is likeperfection.
I thought we were going to get that today, but then the wind

(11:21):
came out because it got althoughwe've been tricked because it's
been so cold. When you're driving for the
first time in the year with yourwindows down, the radio going,
dude, that is second best feelings in the world all over
it. Listen, I we are driving because
there's a big group of us going on vacation and I am already
plotting that I am going to. I don't care what the weather is

(11:42):
up here. I'm wearing shorts all the way
to Florida. Oh yeah, I do not care.
That's actually a pro move because those planes can get hot
and sweaty. Yeah, when you get off the plane
waiting for luggage. I said I was driving though.
Oh, you're so there's that man. We're gonna act like so CC just
doesn't pay attention. Yes.
It's funny how many things we miss of each other when we're
sitting literally right across from one another.

(12:03):
That's a pro move though. It is.
You get out. Hey, get out at a rest stop in
Tennessee. You really?
Hey bet y'all wish you weren't wearing joggers.
At what point do you concede thefact that you are a dad?
Because I made everybody watch a12 minute Bucky's YouTube video.
I was like, we're stopping in Georgia at this Bucky's.
I made everyone said that my children are all teenagers and

(12:27):
they were miserable. I'm like, look at the pork
sandwich we can get right? They make their own roasted
walnuts. We have we have a Bucky's magnet
on our fridge from Steph's mom, dude.
Lauren seen a one piece bathing suit.
She goes, I'll buy that one piece Bucky's bathing suit if
you buy a Bucky's tropical shirt.

(12:48):
So on vacation you may get a picture of us Bucky.
I was. Just going to say I don't want
to be requesting pictures of your girl in a bathing suit, but
I do want to see the Bucky's paraphernalia.
What I was going to say also, maybe I'll clip that back, is
when you. I was going to say that first
day of spring, you can roll downthe windows of your truck.
Yeah, I don't have a truck pun. I drive.
I drive a grandma car. I drive a Ford Escape.

(13:09):
I was driving with my daughter one day and she's like, you
drive a grandma car. And I was like, do not drive a
grandma car. This car is fine.
I swear to you. It's like on the Truman Show.
We pull up at a red light right behind a Ford Escape and the
license plate said best Nana. She's like, see, told yourself.
She doesn't understand there's nothing better than a paid off

(13:30):
car. She just doesn't know.
She doesn't know a. Lot of people drive around like,
yeah, you got to sweep souped uptrucks, but you're paid.
Off car, pay it off. Your mom pays it off.
That's right. Yeah, she's got no payment.
I get into our appetizer section.
Just a couple notes on the Pistons game that we were at,
what were we calling the guy that was wearing a jersey with

(13:51):
no, no T-shirt guys? Dude, OK, so set the story up.
What happened is that the Pistons were smacking Boston a
pretty good. It was fantastic, but we had a
there was a family leaving the game because the game was over.
It was maybe 8 minutes left in the fourth quarter.
He had been yelling the entire. He had been yelling the whole

(14:11):
game, but the thing that really set it off was when the family
was leaving, He's like, oh, go back to ball, like being just a
degenerate to a family. Yeah.
And we're like, bro, you don't even have an undershirt on.
On a 1994 Ben Wallace jersey. I put an undershirt on.
When do you how do you become that guy Pun?
I I don't. I mean, that was legitimately a

(14:33):
early 2000s Pistons jersey with no undershirt.
Might as well have been teal. It was like, Sir, I think you
should have, and you're hammered.
It's Wednesday. Yeah, you have a couple of beers
at the game. That's valid.
But you're hammered on a Wednesday evening.
It's actually. The only thing that can explain
that type of strange behavior because when you first see him,

(14:53):
you're like, oh, he's just trying to razz a couple people
at the very beginning. But when you carried on the
whole game in his mind, he's going, oh, I'm being hilarious.
And then he goes too far and he's like, I have to keep up the
yeah, the image at this point. How do you go to a Hey, I
apologize to any listeners out there that wear tank top Pistons
jerseys with no undershirts to the games, but how do you
become. I mean listen dude, unless
you're doing a photo shoot for amuscle magazine, don't ever not

(15:18):
have an undershirt on on your jersey unless you're at home
lounging and even there. In like a cotton tank top
somewhere in the summer fine. Is it inappropriate to wear NBA
jerseys at our age? Yes, I feel like it is.
I think it has been probably we're in our 40s.
Yeah, it shouldn't. I would say once you're out of
your young. 20s early 20s would be acceptable, right?
Which which? I've heard this on sports radio

(15:41):
1,000,000 times annually. Which of the jerseys would you
be willing to wear at this? In my life, yeah, I guess a
baseball jersey, probably. In a game and out of a game.
Going to a game, no. I I wouldn't be willing to wear
a jersey to a game. I well, no.
Jersey is the only one I would wear 2A game.
OK agreed if I had to pick out of the three cuz the tiger I

(16:02):
don't know why but it just seemsmore mature than the other ones.
It just does seems. Like and it's also like more
socially acceptable. Yeah, the Tigers jersey doesn't
seem is an NBA jersey. Just says scumbag to me and it
doesn't. That's not it's weird, it just
it just seems like this guy makes reckless choices with his
life. I would wear a lion's jersey

(16:23):
only to the game, not outside the game.
I'm not a Jersey guy though, youhave to understand that.
Me neither. So yeah, we're speaking about
something we don't do. But think I'll wear hockey
jersey anywhere. I might wear it to the game, but
I'm more of like a Red Wings T-shirt guy.
Same, you know, you know. This was a pub crawl and I was
wearing full uniform with ice skates just following up the
hallway. I'm die hard Michigan fan and I

(16:43):
I don't think I could wear a Michigan jersey to the game.
No, I got I'm nuts. I go ahead, look at that.
Wow. I also some I know I shouldn't
judge people and I know this is wrong but when I'm watching TVI
always wonder about the guys whopaint themselves up how much
their wives hate them. Like I just wonder if you they

(17:04):
don't sleep in the same bed. There's no way they sleep in the
same bed as there was you. Know, I mean, you know, you come
home and you're like wondering if the well, I can't.
Talk about this. Look, I don't know how you can
go home from a game and the expectation is your wife is
gonna be all over you when your face is painted like a winged
wheel you're wearing. Shoulder pads with spikes on
them And your names, Ted. You're wearing metal cleats

(17:26):
tearing up the wood floors. Why it's?
It's crazy. You know what pisses me off?
Not unless you say it with. Your say it with your chest.
No, no, pisses me off is we get we have club seats, right?
We get we have access to the club lounge and all the food you
can possibly eat. And what does my son do?
He's like a bird, right? Because why would you eat a
billionaire's food when as soon as we leave the stadium, he

(17:48):
asked me to stop and get him food?
You want to eat 100 Aires food and not a billionaire?
Yeah, you're not on Tom Goris's come.
On this guy had his his pick of the litter.
They even had cut up fruit traysand just anything you could
possibly want. This guy wants to make chicken.
And even if there's even if there's nothing for the kids

(18:09):
like cuz some of the stuff is like not real kid friendly.
Yeah, no, but. There was like whitefish or
steak. Yeah, but there's there's pizza,
there's not. Yeah, there's stuff.
Yeah, they can find it. Speaking of pizza, we were at a
pizza party get together at Chadand Trish's house last weekend.
My. Sister wasn't invited.
Purpose purposely pun was not invited.

(18:33):
So my younger sister's there andeverybody brings appetizers or
dessert, whatever. We get the pizza and she's
eating only the shark coutre as she says she's a French stage
shark cuttery board. And I'm like, have you had any
of this pizza yet? Because they get it from this
really good place called Mama Rosa's.
It's excellent. And she's like, no, I had pizza
for lunch. And I was like, as a guy, I'm

(18:54):
like. So.
So what the hell? Does that have to do with
anything that I just asked? My girls are so weird.
Isn't that so weird? That I'm glad you agree with me
because I thought that's the most female response there can
be. No, you.
I want to take a plate so I can have at breakfast time.
After lunch, dinner and breakfast I'd like.
I said when you wake up and the pizzas are on the stove for 12.

(19:14):
Hours. Fantastic.
A little bit of food poisoning. Gets the gets everything swollen
juice is swollen weight loss. Could you imagine, just imagine
for a second being in a conversation with a guy and
you're like, hey, hey, hey Mike,you want a slice?
And he's like, sorry, had that for lunch.
Oh, I'm not eating that twice inone day.

(19:35):
Every guy in the conversation would stupid stop like a record
scratch and like like what did that guy just say?
That's such a fatal thing to say, Figure Nancy.
Last thing I got an appetizer isstuff.
We were at that party, one of the kids had Girl Scout cookies.
There's boxes of Girl Scout cookies everywhere and dude,
Girl Scout cookies are like at the worst time.
They need to sell them before Christmas when we stop caring

(19:56):
about our. That's 100% 'cause it's like
Thanksgiving, everything falls off the ledge.
Christmas, you're in full. Like, yeah.
Girl Scout cookies should be sold like starting the day after
Halloween to New Year's. That's fantastic.
I would buy a hundred boxes. If I want to be eating 100
doughnuts, I'd be sitting there just popping trefoils.
Listen, Oh my God the upset minded trefoils.
I am so hungry right now. So Steph, we, I was like, I was

(20:20):
like, that's all up to Steph. If we're buying some because I,
I don't want to eat any of it. As the night was wearing on and
Steph was having wine, she's like, you know what?
Let's add another box of thinness.
Let's add another box of swords.We, I think we bought like seven
boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I was like, do not bring those
into this house she's bringing them to.
Work My you know, I will say I did think of you last night.

(20:40):
My daughter's selling for a group and she's in school.
She's selling homemade cookies. Not she's not making them, but
whoever the organizer of this isand I think a dozen were 10
bucks, but the idea was the money goes to somebody bought 11
dozen cookies. 11 My math isn't as good as it used to that.

(21:03):
I think that's 132 cookies. And I said only the Punning Ball
Rod podcast after a couple drinks on our when do we, when
was our Saint Patty's day? That's the only time that
something I could possibly in mymind be like, you know, we
should get 11 dozen cookies. You know it's better than one

(21:27):
dozen cookie 11 but. I just wonder, somebody was just
sitting there like, oh, you're selling cookies.
Yeah, I'll take 11 dozen. No, they're like you selling
cookies. Yeah, I'll take a dozen.
They come and it doesn't. So you want one?
No, no it doesn't. Does It doesn't.
Doesn't. All right, get into our ES and
OS section. I got a few here upon we got
some listener feedback from episode 64 No 65 the.

(21:51):
Hens clucking about now. They're both hands, actually.
Oh, we're the 60. Five our Michigan winter pet
peeves. The often mentioned Dudek said
her pet peeve is tire tracks in a driveway.
She can't stand not shoveling first because once you roll over
it, right? And then she, yeah, yeah, I was
like, yeah, that annoys us too. But I'm a little bit lazy, so we

(22:12):
just kind of deal with it. Oh yeah, mine look like ramps,
no? Also she says she hate and this
is actually a great one. This is true for me too.
I guarantee for you too. She says she hates driving with
a winter coat on. Ohh I would never no I would
never. I could never do that.
I overheat and cars like quicklynothing else.
I go from freezing. This is Antarctica about the

(22:33):
guy. I'm so hot, please turn this
off. You hate your life to going on
Amazon to find flip flops. That's right.
Yeah, sister of the pod said. She said, you want, I want to
see how you react. She said you want to know what
pisses her off about winter is how when it goes away and they
have these beautiful springs down in Virginia, then the

(22:53):
summer's too hot to be it. It's unbearably hot in the
summer. And I was like, oh, pun's going
to tear into you for that. Man, I.
So her Michigan winter pet peeveis that Virginia summers are too
hot. I'm going to leave it alone.
I'm no, I'm not, I'm not. She's she's family, she's
royalty. I'm not going to be pissed right

(23:14):
now on the spot. I'm not getting mad.
She's got protected. She's got protected status and
we're going to let her live. The ones I had on my list were
when you look at the weather appand it gives you like wind chill
and real feel. I'm like, can you just tell me
what it is outside? What I don't understand is why
are you giving me an imaginary number exactly, and then saying,

(23:35):
no, I know we're saying it's 14,but it's actually -574 why not?
Just why is that not the temperature?
Whatever my body's going to feelwhen I go outside.
That's what's not interested. That's that's the number I want
to. Take the actual temperature and
just toss it in the garbage. And the wind chill, man, those
Michigan winters. And the wind chills the most
important too, because if you walk outside and you're like 21°

(23:57):
but wind chills 13, that wind slices through you.
It sure does. Uma Thurman wearing a yellow.
Jump Kill Bill Reference Kill Bill it.
You know, the wind is the one thing.
Like it felt springy for a whileoutside today.
Like I walked outside and I was like, man, it feels great out
here. And then the wind started
whipping and I was like. Wind is the worst.
Another one I got out here that we I missed was I, I did say I

(24:19):
have lack of hobbies, but when people are like, I love winter,
man. I love going skiing.
I'm like really? So you go skiing for three hours
a time, maybe 3-4 times a season?
What are you doing for the other5000 hours of winter depression?
It's a straight depression depression.
My son, this is a fun one actually, I said in Michigan.
One thing I hate about Michigan winters is if we actually it

(24:41):
doesn't matter if it's a tough winter, a long winter, what not.
The lack of spring in Michigan actually bothers me more than
winter. Same with fall, though, and I
don't. Yeah, like a real fall.
We've had really nice falls. We we lately we have yes.
But when it like the spring starts late, it really bothers
me. I need to be in a state that
it's really nice on March 1st mentally.
I mean, spring is definitely thelike the appetizer when you go

(25:01):
to a nice dinner, you know, spring is that nice.
Like be prepared. Wow.
Get into our Advertiser section.Spring.
What you got? Pond Spring.
I man I am 20 day actually less.I have 19 1/2 days away from
Florida then the Caribbean. I'm in Florida again.
I'm so jealous. What's the total days you're

(25:22):
gonna be in the warm weather? 10 total days in the warm
weather. Oh my God, that was our
honeymoon. Yeah, 10 we did.
We did. 10. We wanted to do less than two
weeks but more than one and it was perfect.
Yeah, I could be your neighbor with what I'm spending on this
vacation for seven people, how you see a house right in front
of you could have bought. It you know, the best thing
about going on vacation for 10 days is that that's what we did
on our honeymoon. You guys might like meet a cool

(25:43):
couple and be like hey what's updude?
Going with like they. Fly home and you're like losers.
Losers. Whoa, looks like we're hanging
out with the pores. We'll meet you again next
Thursday. Yeah, same spot.
Hey hit me up on Facebook but wewon't be home for another 4 days
or so. Also, I'm such a dad I have
wrote down on our board where wewrite out for dinner.
I. Love how you say wrote down.

(26:05):
Instead of written. I'm a truck driver, Andy.
Cut me some slack trying to tella damn story here.
Bring this story. What did you wrote down?
It sounds so much worse when yousay it versus when it comes out
my mouth. You want to know how to get
something out of a podcast, say,wrote down and then we laugh

(26:26):
about. It get the story.
I'm not. I'm not telling it.
I got two more ES and O's. You ready for these pun?
I got one that says the pet peeve I got about winter is
well, actually my dogs are are they go to the bathroom in the
toilet in the winter time. Can you believe that they're
toilet trained in the winter? What type of Grosse Pointe
activities you got go. What type of rich people you

(26:49):
have? Potty trained dogs.
No, I got a 9 LB dog and a 15 LBdog and the order of operations
are they poop on the floor. I pick it up and throw it in
said toilet. So my winter pet peeve is that
our tiny little dogs refuse to go outside.
Makes sense because I walked in and you had the door for your
kitchen. Andy wasn't here when I got

(27:10):
here. His kitchen door was closed and
he had a a puppy pad down. We.
Lock him in there makes. Sense because then they can poop
on the pad. Not only do we have Steph's late
grandma's furnitures in the front room, but we also got
remember Ralph Wilson's rug? Yep.
I mean, no big deal. No big deal.
Last one I got here is so I'm driving.
The other day I took my son to the Snow Hill over here.

(27:32):
Yep. And he goes, man, I love playing
in the snow. You know, kids just love playing
in snow. And then it was quiet for a few
seconds and he goes, do you missthe old days?
I was like, well, now that you mentioned it, I do.
I get into our sports section. I don't have a ton for sports

(27:52):
right now. Pawn.
I got a few stats. I'll read you.
Wayne Gretzky one time. I saw.
I saw an NFL stat. This one will blow your mind if
you haven't seen it already. Do you know who Zach Martin is
for the Cowboys? Yes, all pro offensive lineman.
I think you went to Notre Dame, right?
He did. Sorry, I was burping.
Russos boys school Zach Martin just announced his retirement.

(28:13):
Guy was a stud. Yeah this stat said he had 9 all
pro selections, not Pro Bowl allall pro.
Meaning he's what does he play tackle or guard?
He's a. Whatever, there's two of his
position so there's two all pro guards every year.
He has nine of those in his career.
Insane. Do you know how many accepted
holding penalties he has againsthim in his career 7. 7.

(28:38):
He has less holding penalties than he has all pros.
That is insane. That may be the most impressive
stat I've ever heard from. Think about it, 16 games.
Plus. Seven accepted holding penalty
calls. Wow, I know there's there were
dudes in the Lions a few years. They got like 2A game seven his

(28:58):
whole career. That's crazy.
We did go to the Pistons game. The Pistons, I saw something
that said, man, the Pistons are exciting.
Are they playing? Yeah.
I saw a meme, I know there's people that listen from outside
Detroit, but I saw a meme that said Detroit sports teams are
just flat out fun as hell, right?
Very fun. Tigers had that run at the end
of the season to make the playoffs.
Wings are in the seven, seed in their conference.

(29:18):
Pistons are in the six. Dude, I know 6.
And the Lions are in the league.It's not hard in the East.
But for the Pistons, they feel like revitalized right now.
It is. It's fun.
That energy in that building pond, it was so loud.
The League Bees. When Beasley hit those threes
and we were going nuts. There, he just chirps with.
Everybody he was giving it. He's like old school Detroit,

(29:39):
Richard. Yeah, yeah, he gives it to
everybody. I love it.
So the piston. So not only are we good right
now, maybe in a weaker conference, but the piston
starters ages give me a lot of hope for the future.
The start, these are starters and not so age is Ron Holland,
who's a bench piece, probably 7th man, 19 years old.

(30:00):
Jalen Duran's a starter playing like an All Star 21.
Dude, he built, he's built like a guy you do not want to tussle
with. He is a he's a tank.
Foster Thompson, the rookie or no second year player, now 22.
Kate Cunningham, best player on the team, 23.
Jayden Ivey, 23. Isaiah Stewart, 23.
Like, dude, the core is so young.

(30:20):
It's very exciting. Very.
I saw an IG story from Shaq on players ages, which is why I
read you all that. He said something about, like,
players ages being a little bit depressing because, like, a lot
of people's childhoods are theseguys, you know?
Yeah, he says. LeBron 40, Chris Paul, 39.
Crazy Kevin Durant 36 Steph Curry 36 Russ Westbrook 36 James

(30:42):
Harden 36. Paul George Ass, that's what.
Dude. That's a Shaq put.
Paul I love Shaq. He's so good, dude.
Let's talk for a second about, you know, what's a There were
two buzzer beaters this week. Michigan State had one against
Maryland. Michigan had one last night.
Did they? I didn't.

(31:03):
See you. Yeah.
You want to know why? Because you want to know what
pisses me off as Peacock Channel.
Oh, is that what it was it? Was not on that.
They both have, you know, they're, they're the reason I
bring them both up is because there is just something
beautiful about buzzer beaters. Man, it's the best.
It's it's, I think it's better than a walk off home run.
Especially in college basketball.
Yeah, college basketball March Madness tournament was built on

(31:24):
the buzzer. Beater is the buzzer beater 1
and walk off home run 2. Now if it's playoff baseball, a
walk off playoff. Walk off home, run in the
playoffs. Is get out of town.
It's probably #1. Or like an overtime goal in the
playoffs that ends the game. I mean it's.
Intense that should we should break those with the best walk
off moment is. You love MMAI do I saw

(31:46):
something? Did you know there's been
instances I fall into these likebig time wrestling rabbit holes?
Because once you get onto a realon in in a real on Facebook.
Or yeah, your algorithm. Just the algorithm just sends it
to you. I see all these old school
wrestling things. There have been dudes that have
like jumped in the ring and liketried to attack professional
wrestlers. Like, how insane do you got to
be? But anybody that says

(32:07):
wrestling's fake, it's not. Those guys are supreme athletes.
But they were like, pummeling this guy and he gets up and
leaves the ring. Could you imagine what happened
to you if you got into an MMA cage?
Oh God, you wouldn't be. Conscious.
So even though wrestling's not fake, I I thought about that
because I know you love MMA. Anyway that gets in that ring,
you're going to be laying down with your knee back underneath.
You, I mean you wouldn't even make it over for MMA, their

(32:29):
trainers and stuff would just and if Roundhouse kick you in
the. Throat did.
You might die because those guysknow how to hurt you.
I mean, people jump in with tigers at the zoo though.
Guys like people are idiots, allright?
People are not like people are stupid.
I. Don't know why you just had to
remind everybody about Harambe too soon man.

(32:50):
All right, Pee Harambee. All right, Pee.
All right. It's list time, baby.
Let's do it. And this week's list is the
Donuts Draft special. Cue the music fat.
Little shit. So pawn, as you know, I like to
do my little blurbs at the beginning of these Pawn asked me
today we were texting each otherand what did I say?

(33:11):
I sent you something I said or no I just sent you something out
of the blue that said well as you know I like to Google about
the list and I am in an absolutedonut rabbit hole right now.
So I just thought, where did Donuts even start or come from?
The origin of Donuts. That is a great question that I
have not went down that rabbit hole, but I'm going to guess.

(33:32):
Can I guess? Try to guess the year and where.
I'm going to guess 1890s eight in Denmark.
Wow. I mean, you're like, so cool.
What is? It punt someone's someone's
hacking into my computer over here.
It's 1895. You're paranoid about your
credit cards in Florida. What is it?

(33:53):
It is from the Dutch or the Netherlands, which is quite near
Denmark in the 17th or 18th century.
Wow. They prepared fried.
Dough. Bet you didn't wrote that down.
You a big dummy. Hey wrote that down.
They prepared fried dough balls called Olie cocaine or Olie Cox,
which means oil cakes. Macaulay Culkin.

(34:14):
What a bunch of geniuses. But there's also like, records
of Native Americans who used fried cakes of dough.
Oh, that's what that's all I want.
Ancient grow. What do you want for your
birthday? Fried cakes of.
Dough. That's right.
I'll take the peace pipe and a. Doughnut and a doughnut.
There's ancient Greeks and Romans who used fried cake with
honey, but the earliest written records of the doughnut are

(34:35):
Washington Irving's eighteen O 9book, A History of New York when
he mentions a doughnut. So this dude's going through,
that's how good doughnuts are. This guy's going through the
history of the city. Well, we got the, we got, we got
the Statue of Liberty. You ever had a 10 bit?
There's gangs in New York and have you?
Can I interest you in this? Donut there's there's this fried
cake ball that's. Europeans brought this stuff

(34:58):
over and I love them for it. Last thing I got to open is pun.
Just humor me and close your eyes for a second, OK?
The smell when you walk into a bakery.
I'm. So close.
I'm so close right now. Is there anything better?
Is there anything better? Than no, no.
The bakery smell. The best bakery that ever

(35:19):
existed was Vinewood Bakery in Wyandotte.
Or Donut, Castle and Taylor. Oh yeah, the one on.
Eureka, right. It's so good.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh man, Vinewood had the
best. So what you got?
You can go first one. All right, if I had to go first.
Giving the music the pick is in.If you force me.
Oh, wait a minute, this is a draft.
Special This is a draft special.You got to get this coin going.
What do you got? Oh, no, we don't have to call

(35:39):
it. I don't have to.
Thanks. Dudek.
Yep. Who is it?
You can't. It's Papa Bear.
It's. Ball right.
I can't. See, looks like pun from here.
Alright, go what you got. Dude I got me A2 sided coin.
The Bo says ball are. Unbelievable.
So with the number one pick, thepick is in.
I'm going with. Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Can we clarify some rules? Sure, I think for most things.

(36:02):
So say like different shapes, but the same thing like say a a
glazed doughnut, which is a glazed twist counts counts,
right. OK.
It's not the same thing. It's not the same thing, I
agree. OK.
Fine 1,000,000% and then any kind of textures and there's
even some fringe things that might not be an actual doughnut.
Yes, agreed. But I got some comments about

(36:25):
those for later. OK.
So with the number one pick of the doughnut draft.
Pick is in. I know you're going.
I've said it on the podcast multiple times.
The Figure 8 glaze. Oh.
No. Why would you take that?
Is that your pick? That's my number one pick
figure. You never scout like this.

(36:45):
You never scout the Midwest and you found it.
Figure 8. Glazed.
It's the best, the Topanga. It's the Topanga, absolutely.
It's so good. It's something about with me for
all food is about ratios, Yeah. And when you get into those
corners, it's. Perfection.
It is absolutely. Perfection 100 It is a glazed

(37:05):
circle. Doughnut is good, but it is not
a twist or a Figure 8. I I agree I and I quit.
I I concede. I'm done.
I don't want to do. This I just stole.
Another thing, you never do that.
It's so funny you just asked about shapes because I did.
I was like, oh, if Figure 8 glaze is very, I almost said
Figure 8 glaze is different. All right.

(37:27):
Since I'm drooling right now, you I know me too.
You took Tom Brady off the boardand I think I'm going to take
all right. I I don't have like uniquely
specific ones like oh, this one from, but I do in some
scenarios, but I'm going to go very specific with this one.
Donut castle, the cherry cake sticks at donut castle.

(37:48):
Have you ever had one? I know exactly where it is
because that's where I turned tobring my old friend home from
football. Practice is they are like you
know the the Donuts you dip in coffee donut sticks.
They're called dunkers. Whatever, they're on the list.
They are those, but homemade. Oh, you mean the kind you Dunkin
coffee? Yeah.

(38:10):
Oh, wait. And cherry.
That's that's is it like exclusive to that place?
No, but I think that they do it the best.
The best, Yeah, yeah, they're. And you know how I know that
they're good is because they're open for such a small window of
time during the day. They're open from like 4:00 AM
to like 8:00 AM and then they shut down, I mean.
Think about being a Baker. You got to wake up early to get
that stuff going. Any anybody with limited hours I

(38:32):
respect the hell out of and I think they're good.
That's how you know something isso delicious is when my kids ask
me for something pun and or we should stop and get let's order
B dubs carry out. No, it's too many calories, my
son. Let's stop and get some Skittles
or some gummy. No, it's too many calories.
My daughter's like let's stop and get a donut.
I'm like, yeah, we. Should.
Yeah, we should do that. We.
Need to stop and get a donut? There's no doubt about it.

(38:53):
If you had all right, so I'm being I'm not going to cheat on
my diet. I'm going to be extremely strict
until vacation. Had you had Donuts here, I would
have. I would have.
It's impossible. I would have I, I Donuts are
often in the office space that I'm in.
Yeah, even though I do have HomeOffice now.
But it's that's one of those things we talked about earlier.

(39:15):
Once you have one, game over. It's over.
Game over. So like the.
Gates of it can. Resist until I have one.
Even if I go, you know what? I'm just going to have 1/2 of 1.
The people. The people that cut the Donuts
in half in the shared area. Horrible humans.
And I'm like, that was a hilarious joke.
Nice try. First of all, you touched it a
lot. Thanks, Nancy in accounting.
They are. They're similar to pizza in that

(39:37):
fashion. Once you have one, it's it's
downhill. Oh.
When you slice a piece of pizza in half and you're like, I'm
just going to have half a. Piece I would never I am a man.
With the times I do it, immediately after eating that
half piece, I go get the. Other half piece.
Yeah, what was I even thinking about?
All right, so for my my second pick is in give me the music.
I'm sticking in the glazed category, OK, And I'm going to

(39:59):
go with the write in ballot for Matt Cole and say Krispy Kreme
glazed doughnuts. I don't even, I don't even know
if they're so good that they're almost like a candy that they're
not even a donut. They're they're perfection.
They're they're perfection and they but you're right.
That's one most places I could for sure eat more than one
doughnut. Krispy Kreme, if you eat two of

(40:22):
those, so they're so rich, they're so that it's it's so
that that knocked it back on my.I want to be able to eat 84 of
them, OK? Krispy Kreme's almost got I I
put in here earlier that they almost have like a monopoly on
Donuts. Yeah, but they don't because of
Dunkin. There's.
I think bakeries. I think small independent
bakeries. Yeah, why wouldn't you go there?

(40:42):
Just when you drive by there, you're like, I bet they have
great coffee in it in the. Best doughnut Black coffee.
Clays Doughnuts. Forget about it.
So the reason I like the Figure 8 glaze so much, we talked about
ratios of any kind of food. I made my daughter, like, she
always jokes and says she's OCD because I made her the first
sandwich I ever made her. I was like, you got to get those

(41:03):
ratios in there. So she's like the type that
takes a bite of salad with everything on the fork.
Oh yeah, yeah, I agreed. Agree.
Doughnuts are the same. That's why the Figure 8 glaze is
so good. And that's why the Krispy Kremes
are so good even though the ratios of a Krispy Kreme are
off. Yep, the glaze portion is so
good. So good.
But there's a doughnut shop by the house that she was like,
let's stop at that donut shop. I don't want to drag them
through the the mud. But the ratios were off.

(41:26):
The glaze was like too thick or the the doughnut was too.
Tall call it so. It was way too bready.
Way too bready and I was like I'm getting way too much bread
here, not enough glaze. All right.
My problem is I would see that and go oh more I want that one.
But then you take a bite and theand the ratios off.
It was one of the most, yeah. I was like excited for a new

(41:48):
donut shop. It's very disappointing.
It's like when you order a burger and it comes out huge and
then it just tastes like no seasoning.
You're like, ah, and I just got a big hunk of cow.
Where? Am I like England?
All right, all right, pick his in and give him the music.
My next. One what?
Oh God. There's so many good.
I'm going to go all right now. A lot of people may not like

(42:09):
this. The cherry fritter I'm going
with I want. I want a cherry fritter.
My man's got. The size of Massachusetts.
I want, I want. But you talk about ratio.
I want equal parts white dough as pink.
You know, the pink cherry I wantequal parts I want.

(42:33):
I want a one to one ratio of cherry in yellow cake or
whatever that is, whatever the dough is that they use in a
cherry fritter. Pawn loves cherries.
I love cherries. This is obvious.
Yes, it's so funny 'cause I googled I was like, what are
people's favorite doughnuts and apple?
Fritters on there. Apple fritters on no, no, no and
no no, no. No, no, no.
We're going Cherry. All I could think of was even if

(42:54):
I liked apple fritters, I don't want to say the word fritter in
front of anybody in public. I'm listen.
I will Apple fritters. I will push the crowd out of the
way. 2 fritters right here, 2 cherry fritters, fritters over
here all. Right, the pick is in with my
next pick pond. I'm going to go with the
aforementioned dunkers. I'm talking about the kind that

(43:17):
look like, yes, they kind of look.
They're shaped like turds, almost.
Kind of. And they're amazing.
But, you know, all right, so that kind of takes a little
because those are sour cream doughnuts, right?
I think they're sour cream doughnuts.
So I I went into that rabbit hole.
I listen, there something about sour cream doughnuts.
The the, the, we'll save this. Go ahead.

(43:37):
Go ahead. The sour creams are like
dunkers. They're a little more crispier.
Is that the right? Their textures a little more
firm and it works. Yes.
For what it is, it works. For what it is, that sour cream
glaze, it's a it's just a thing.It's like a hybrid between the
like traditional, like old school, old school doughnuts,
right And the glaze, Yes, it's like the perfect medium.

(44:00):
Between the somebody probably ate a gummy and was like, all
right, this doughnut thing, we're going to get this right.
My dad My dad used to bring homedoughnuts from where he used to
work when we were little kids and I immediately, if there were
no glaze, which there typically was not, dunkers were were set.
Next on the last man. Come on.
Next on the list. All right, so I'm gonna, I'm
gonna wipe. I'm gonna give Andy that whole

(44:22):
category of take sour cream glaze because I had sour cream
doughnut on there. I have more sour cream.
Oh, you do. There's different flavors, dude.
All right. My next one.
You know what else they were calling sour cream doughnuts, by
the way, was where does it say type of doughnuts is old
fashioned doughnut? Yeah, similar, Yes, similar.

(44:42):
My next one, this is going to beoddly specific.
And it it, it, I'm going to go with a punch key.
And it can be, it can be cream or it can be cherry.
But here's the thing, there's too much in there.
You got to scoop half of whatever's in there out.
I could not do. We're like the same doughnut.
Gotta take half of it, Yeah. How?

(45:02):
Have they not figured that? Out, I don't know, it's too
much. It ruins, like you said, it's
the ratio. It ruins the taste of the
doughnut. You know how you realize that
when you're little or or when you're 40?
Well, I didn't. That's why I was fat as hell.
I ate all of the Jelly out of there.
You take that one bite where you're like, Oh my God, that's.
Way too, too much. And then the rest of the donut
is perfection. It's because there's a little

(45:23):
bit left in there. That's it's like the cake, you
gotta scrape a little, a little frosting off.
You gotta take cake frosting as well.
Frosting off, you know? What My favorite kind of cake is
ice cream cake 'cause it's ice cream.
Baby, but yes, I agree a punchki, it can be the the
cream. What was I don't, I don't know
what the cream is called, but whatever's inside of a Boston
cream comes inside a Punchki or it can.
Be a fan of the Boston Cream. It can no.

(45:45):
It can be in a punchki, it can be any flavor that is Raspberry.
It can be anything that's red Raspberry.
The. Go To's punchkis are like if you
have a real punch key, like a Polish, I mean, you're from
Wyandotte, you get the good stuff if you get one from
Wyandotte or Hamtramck. Hamtramck this one.
Or place where they have the real Polish people, old school
Poles. What's these fake poles you're

(46:07):
talking about? These old school pollocks.
Am I allowed to say the word Pollock?
Yeah, alright. What?
What does he say in the breakup?He's like, and I ain't just
talking about anybody, I'm talking about lowlife Pollocks
with nothing to lose. So if you get a real punch key
they are so good. It's almost like a mix between a
dunker and a filled doughnut, because a regular Jelly doughnut

(46:27):
is edible. It's, it's at, yeah, it's
edible, I said. Edible, yeah, I wrote.
Imagine being so dumb, you say. Edible.
I wrote. I wrote that down.
I wrote. Wait, wait, what'd you say?
No, I I wrote down or no, I had it wrote down.
I had a rope down that it was edible, that was edible.
But like Krispy Kreme, for example, I've had I brought when

(46:47):
I used to be on site at the customer, I would bring like
around this time of year, I'd bring doughnuts and just put
them out with my business cards and Krispy Kremes fill doughnuts
with all the different flavors. Amazing.
But nothing. Nothing's as good as a punch
key, no. I agree.
All right, next, give me the music.
The pick is in pawn. This one I thought you would
have taken by now. I, I oh, I got to delete this

(47:09):
one. Go ahead.
I'm talking about the cinnamon roll doughnut.
That. Especially the kind with like
the perfect glazing on the outside of it that like crumbles
almost when you open it. Listen to me.
Stealing all of his draft picks.Well, I'm deleting it now
because that was going to be my next one.

(47:29):
All right, when I say that I'm aGod fearing man, I would sell
certain things to Satan for a cinnamon roll donut.
So for me, cinnamon roll Donuts,the only reason it was below the
other ones is because sometimes they sometimes are hit or miss,
correct? They're very dangerous if you're
talking about threat level of you ready.

(47:49):
If you're at 7-11 buying one. But they can sometimes be too
bready if you get the ones that are like the thin sections with
a good amount of cinnamon and glazed on them, they are like.
You know, they're my favorite. Perfect.
Where you can tell the little lady who's mass producing them
on a conveyor belt like her cinnamon spilled on that

(48:10):
doughnut. That's my favorite.
You're like, whoa, this is 150 to one ratio of cinnamon to
doughnut. Do you ever buy doughnuts at
Meijer? Yes.
Do you eat them before you get to check out?
Come on, what are we 7? Of course I do.
Do you know why they took the candy out of Meijer?
Remember when you could bulk buycandy as a crazy?
I did that. I personally did that.

(48:31):
I pistachios. Can you get can you get bulk
paset? No, you can't cause wait without
pun. OK, we'd be walking.
I'd be like, Oh yeah, we're going to have spaghetti.
We'll say we need garlic bread. Gummy Shark.
Your mom. Your mom stepping on shells like
she's at a Lone Star steakhouse.My mom's like you're 400 lbs,
Christopher, put the hot tamalesback.

(48:54):
All right, what do you got? Fun because?
Well, I mentioned because Meyer does have good Donuts.
Oh yeah, they do. You know who actually does all?
Right, Myers Whole Bakery is pretty.
Good it is. This is going to sound funny,
and I mean, if you're in a pickle and you need a A twist
glazed, 711 sells so many of them.
I've never not had a fresh, delicious glazed twist from 711

(49:16):
because every morning they're getting delivered because they
sell so many of them. It's almost like when you get a
draft beer and you can tell you're like, yeah, this has been
this. They've had this barrel for a
long time. Nobody drinks this.
All right, my next one, and I'm going to catch health for this
because you guys know that I'm ascumbag.
So I'm going to take a scumbag donut.
The crumb Donuts from Hostess, the the ones, the little 6 pack,

(49:37):
the crumb donut. Which flavor though the?
Crumb is the flavor the the crumb.
Yeah, Google it give. Me a second I got to see the
picture because they have so many.
Hold please. Oh, I mean look at this donut
porn I was looking up earlier. Dude that's disgusting.
Get it off the screen right now.I'm strong.
I'm gonna stop at a bakery on the way home.

(49:59):
Like man. Man crashed his truck through
bakery with them. Hostess crumb Donuts, Yeah.
Oh, yeah, those are those are the bows are so, so good.
That's just. Crumbs, huh?
That's just crumbs. Thought it was like nuts.
It is nuts. I think it's OK, yeah.
I mean, I don't know what it is.I'm sure somebody listening is
banging their head against the window because they know what it

(50:21):
is. It is the crumb of a nut.
I just We just don't know what kind of.
Nut, well, I think it's crumb ofnut and crumb of like crumbly
awesome perfection of happiness,yeah, but.
It's a crumb of happiness. Hostess makes that one in the
white. Powdered sugars are those on
your list. Yeah.
Yeah. All right.
All right, all right. So the pick is in my next pick

(50:46):
pawn I'm going to go to. I'm a little nervous because you
might take one of these ones coming up here.
So I'm. Going to go to.
I know this is hard. It is hard because.
You, you. My entire draft has been thrown
off because you took the. Well, this is the first draft
you've ever done. My uncle Joe, he's a friend of
the pod. He said a long time ago you guys

(51:07):
should share the population of picks.
So you're stealing each other's draft picks more.
This is the first time we've really.
Because there's not a million different types of Donuts.
No, we're stealing each other's picks this time.
Yeah, I'm going to go with. You're probably not going to
take this one, but I'm going to go with the apple orchard
doughnuts, the cinnamon ones that are like.
Oh, you mean like the next one that says warm fresh out of the

(51:28):
oven? God, Doggy God.
That's all just going to be a series of bleeps even though he
didn't cost once. Yeah, apple cider doughnut,
sugar doughnut is on. Cider sugar cinnamon doughnuts
are absolutely perfection. Son of a Those ones are so good
that there's actually a difference if you eat them at

(51:50):
the apple orchard or wait till you get home.
Because when they're fresh and hot, Oh my.
God, OK, I feel like we should differentiate because when I
think apple orchard, I think sugar doughnut and I know a lot
of people think plain doughnut. No, if I go to an apple orchard
that doesn't have the sugar doughnuts.
You're not getting a dough I'm. Never going back to that Apple.

(52:11):
Orchard I will say they're they're OK.
I'm not a plain doughnut guy. I'm not above it.
But they're I'm not above. It that's how you know doughnuts
are great because I'm not above any doughnuts.
All right, so the only thing left in the box is 2 plain
doughnuts and you're like dude, this sucks.
And then you eat them and you'relike, man, he's kind of good.
At least recycle. A little bit of coffee.
You're like, man, bad. It's pretty.
Good. No, I know they're good.

(52:32):
It's because Steph buys the doughnut, the plain Meijer or
Kroger doughnut holes. And I'm like, dude, of all the
flavors, you get the plain ones.Next thing you know, I'm like
God. These are.
These are good. Just popping them like Skittles,
yeah. All right, so if I'm up next,
I'm going to go with and I'm going to, I think the flavors
matter, the Donuts. This is where I almost went to

(52:54):
already the doughnut. Hole.
I'm gonna I'm, I'm struggling whether I'm drafting glazed or
chocolate glazed when it comes to the doughnuts.
OK, I'm going glaze. I'm going glaze.
Maybe let's go. He just did not turn me off.
Dude. Doughnut holes.
Like I said, sometimes you get aa cinnamon doughnut that the

(53:17):
ratios are off on. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's donut holes are the
safest doughnut you can buy outside of Figure 8 because
ratios are perfect. They're never bad.
The rate and that's. And you can eat them like
Skittles. Oh, yeah.
How you doing? I you know, you're shaking me.
Oh, yeah. When?
Those when someone brings those into our break room, forget
about. It which is so dumb I can.
Pass up a whole doughnut, but you can't pass up a single

(53:39):
little. Doughnut no.
And and you know what's crazy isthey like, if you think about
it, they're probably charging you about 8 bucks per donut.
When you factor all the donut bites in you say you're so dumb
I need 186 donut bites. Well since you took that one,
I'm going to go with the pic being in.

(53:59):
Actually I should just steal thechocolate ones.
You can just have those both foryour picks.
OK, let me let me say that gets the glaze twisted.
All of a sudden he's passing on Donuts.
All of a sudden I'm royalty. Over here, Topanga, you don't
care how many mistresses somebody has.
I do love the glazed chocolate and I like that style doughnut
too, but I'm not if it's on yourlist, you can just have it all

(54:20):
day long. The traditional cake chocolate
doughnut. Oh yeah, not my thing.
Yeah, absolutely not my. Thing I mean I put them in the
same, I don't hate them. I don't like chocolate that much
on like breakfast Y stuff. I don't like chocolate flavored
coffees. Yeah, I agree with.
Them doughnuts are not my favorite.
But I put them in the plain category.
They're like they're. Really.
Chocolate, only ones that are left are chocolate, but after

(54:42):
you eat it, you're like, that's pretty good.
It's. Pretty good.
So what I'm gonna go with is actually I'll stick with the
doughnut hole category and I'm gonna go with the blueberry
ones. You can have.
It Oh dude, blueberries. Like my jam.
Dude, you don't like blueberriesat all?
I like blueberries. I bought 10 lbs from a guy who
had a farm and I still have 18 lbs in my I bought 10 lbs and I

(55:02):
still have 18 in my freezer. They're multiplying, they just
are coming out of nowhere. I love blueberries.
The blueberry doughnut holes arelike, that's a tough one for me
to walk by at Kroger. I I agree that they're not awful
tasting and they're good tasting, but they would never
register in my mind. That's so funny that you really
this guy gets figure out glazed.He's just handing me out Donuts.

(55:23):
Yeah, he just had take. This is just a mercy.
Don't say. You want the rest?
Take them off. I feel bad for you Pun.
You can have these donut holes. So this this next one is a
specific 1 and it is like the Long John, but it's a Maple bar.
Have you ever had that? A Maple.
Bar Google Maple Bar. The long Johns are not my thing,
by the way. It's a Maple bar.
Are they amazing? I mean Maple.

(55:44):
Anything. It'll knock you.
Maple frosting is amazing, but what I'm seeing here is there's
no filling. No.
There, do any of the long Johns have filling?
Yeah, Long to me a Long John hasfilling in it.
To me too. And I don't if it doesn't have
if it doesn't have fillings thenit elevates it to me.
This. Maple bar I'm looking at has no
filling with Maple time. That's why it's fantastic, OK?

(56:09):
You guys just seem fun talking to me like he's teaching a
lecture, like you just saw your student finally get there
mentally. Yeah.
Ohh, welcome to class. Did you finally get there?
Ball rock. Now.
Now we're on the same page. So I these are amazing.
I'm like you, if if it's a long John and I can scrape the
filling out, it makes it that much better.

(56:29):
Yeah, right. So that's that's what a Maple
bar is that that Maple syrup frosting is So and then you get
the bread to wash it down with the that's in the doughnut with
no overly excessive cream. How do you feel about frostings
on doughnuts in general? Because there's a million
flavors of doughnuts when you goglaze with strawberry frosting,
glaze with cherry frosting. Unless they're on your list, you

(56:51):
don't. Spoil it, I don't.
How do I feel about them? I prefer simple like AI don't.
I don't want complex. If it's the only thing there,
I'll eat a glazed with strawberry on it.
But you're right, if I'm at the donut shop, there's no way I'm
buying that over a regular glazed.
Never. This is never happening.
And also I forget. Well, never mind.
I'm saving this one because I knew you wouldn't take it.

(57:14):
Go ahead. I think I just went through.
My last pick was the blueberry donut hole.
I don't know. You went Maple.
I'm sorry. All right, so give me the music
the pic is in. They run a little bit low, but I
don't know even what they're called.
But when you're talking about filling doughnuts, any of them
with the lemon filling in it, I'm like a sucker for lemon and
lemon and the ones with like thelemon Jelly on the inside are

(57:37):
amazing to me. See, to me the ones with the
lemon are like I got home later than everybody and all that's
left is the lemon. I went to the bakery at 355, it
closes at 4. Hey.
I got 3 doughnuts, 2 of them arelemon.
Oh. Dude I love lemon.
Lemon everything, man. I do like lemon flavored things.
What you got what you got? OK, I have 1234.

(58:07):
I have Hold on. This is a this is this is a big
moment in podcast history. Pun has more of his list than I
have. Pun's the guy with 55 things on
his list today, but I only have one more.
My, all right, I can keep going,but do you consider this, do you
consider a bear claw a doughnut?Because that's my next pick is a
bear claw. Yeah, you can go.
I, I said you can go with anything.

(58:29):
I I again I went down a rabbit hole.
I'll read one more or Google this.
You know what a buttermilk bar is?
Yeah, a buttermilk bar. Google it.
I've only had these twice. Those I probably had variations
of. So here's what I want to say.
Go ahead. I was just.
I've only had them twice any Google so I I wanted to Google

(58:52):
in. With the word buttermilk in it.
Is fantastic and it's got like Philly cream cheese in it so
that the flavor is fantastic. But also the more I researched
it because I wanted to make surethat like I think they were
called butter bars the way I hadthem, but but a butter bar is
not what I had. I had a buttermilk bar but I
only had them twice and they were top notch but I don't know

(59:15):
if you consider it a donut. Yeah, I consider it a donut for
sure. I mean, if if it's at the bakery
in this donut section, yes. Get it?
OK, I mean, there's things like churros that yeah.
Are they Donuts? Are they not Donuts?
Right. I.
I I would have called foul if you would have took a churro.
I was gonna say foul, foul. All of a sudden, puns got a
whistle. Around his neck.

(59:36):
We got a booth replay on that. We got, we got a single bonus
shooting one-on-one here, fellas.
So what I was gonna say about the buttermilk?
What was it called? Buttermilk what?
Buttermilk Bar. Buttermilk bar is here to a
Panera, obviously. You've been?
Yeah. Andy, have you ever been to a
Walmart? Hey, you ever been to Speedway?
You ever been to a gas station? I was gonna say the same joke

(59:58):
when you go and do a Panera and everything looks amazing.
Yeah, Panera, I like. But it's not all amazing.
No, why I've. Ever had What are what are the
They're not crepes. What are they called?
What are the little? Like beignets or?
The little fruit things that look like they could be Donuts
and you bite of them and they'redry and you're like, what did I
just get freaking duped into? Buying right now.

(01:00:21):
I don't know, Andy, I said call.I said I had it wrote down.
OK, I don't know what your stupid fruit desserts called.
It's going to drive me nuts inside, I think of the name, but
when you get stuff like that, it's like, don't be putting
those next to Donuts. Yeah, no, they just can't be in
the same category. I think I'm up my next pick.
The last one I've written down, although I can go for days, is

(01:00:44):
it's what? What did I say?
The old the the sour cream or the classic old fashioned
Donuts? And I I are those the same?
They're sort of this, I think. I feel like we could split that
one with the sour cream and. Mine would be the since I
already used blueberry donut holes.
That Vinewood bakery also had a strawberry kind that was like
perfection. Dude, I just realized, have you

(01:01:05):
ever had a funfetti doughnut bite?
Oh my. God with all the different
colour. Sprinkles.
You know the you know the Funfetti mini muffins, Sir?
I have had fun fatty doughnut bites.
Those are, those are so. Oh my God.
How do we forget that my next one would be a Long John with

(01:01:26):
the with the cream scraped out because I don't need nothing
popping cream in my mouth. I wonder how many people will
scrape the cream out before the Baker's like.
I thought it was just a me thing, like you're a weirdo.
Yeah, the Baker's like instead of waking up at 2:00, I could
sleep until 3:00 AM and not do the cream.
I'm like, hey, can you siphon the cream out of any of those
Donuts? I'm so glad you said that about
the punch keys man. Just too much filling on the

(01:01:48):
inside. And my last one would be a
Boston cream. Boston cream.
I don't know. I mean, they're OK again if it's
the last thing in there I had. A-15 wrote down.
Boston Cream made the list. OK, wrote down.
Not as a joke, that. That's got to be that's that's

(01:02:08):
got to be a shirt. It's 100% a part of Pun English.
All right, get into our goodbye section.
Dude I am so glad bakeries are closed right now.
It's almost 5:00. I want a doughnut more than so
my next breath of. Oxygen so bad.
Remember, Remember. close your eyes again.
Smell the bakery. Nope Nope smell so your T-shirt

(01:02:29):
that you're going to be wearing on on the cruise don't You don't
want man boobs. You don't want man boobs.
You don't want your. Face your favor and don't stop
at Meyer. Don't be tempted.
Suck it up, fatty. You know, I could buy, I was
going to say Homer Simpson, likehis character of loving Donuts
and coffee. When I was little, Simpsons came
out when I was the same age as Bart, Homer Simpson's character

(01:02:50):
of like loving coffee and Donuts.
I was always like, I don't really get.
It Yeah, I don't get it. Now that I'm a middle-aged dad,
I'm like. A lot more.
A lot of things. Make sense?
Homer's love of Donuts makes perfect sense, yeah.
There, there are a lot of moviesthat I view differently now that
I'm a dad where I'm like, I thought that guy was an asshole.
That guy just a good, Yeah, he'sjust a good dude.

(01:03:12):
That's right. Like nobody puts baby in the
corner. Ohhh yeah, imagine somebody
comes up and says nobody puts baby in the corner and you just
slapped this guy across across the room.
Nobody puts baby in the corner. Now you're in the corner.
Now you're in the. Corner Patrick Swayze.
Go pick up your teeth for me, will you?
We picked up one country this week, Yugoslavia.
Nope. I know it was because the CHM,
our corporate head of marketing,him and his family traveled.

(01:03:33):
Not Russia. So Pun is too poor to fly to
Florida. He sent he's not too poor to fly
to his whole family, to Turks and Caicos.
And they were listening to the podcast and Turks and Caicos.
So thank you, Santi Family. Thank you.
Thank you. Closing thoughts.
Do you know how much fun in a family of 70 Dude I'm.
Just kidding. But since he's a baller, yeah,
yeah. Which is good because then we

(01:03:53):
don't have to pay him if we evermake money for being the current
market. Marketing closing Thoughts.
I was looking the other day at one of the previews on our last
because I always check like, what's the preview for the
podcast? Because you can do like a 62nd
preview. I have the settings so that it
read. You can read our podcast too,
while you have it on your phone.What's that called?
Subtitles. Yeah, subtitles gives us the

(01:04:13):
subtitles. So we say the word Topanga a
lot. Subtitle AI does not like the
word Topanga. So I noticed instead of the word
Topanga, it just says Japanese word.
So every time we're like, by theway, there's a Topanga on the
list, it's like there's a Japanese word on the list.
Are you kidding? Me.

(01:04:34):
No, it says Japan. There's a.
Japan on the list. That is so fun so.
Topanga, Topanga, Topanga, Topanga, Topanga.
I want to see how many times it says Japan.
Last thing I got is a funny so Imeant to say this.
Last week was about I think I was talking to Lauren sister
Jackie at the pub crawl and it was her.
I don't think it was her husband.
I was talking to part of that group.

(01:04:55):
I was having trouble keeping everybody's name straight, who
was who. And Jackie hit me up.
She's like, hey, I want to, I want to change the microphone on
your podcast logo to not have the white around.
It right, right, right, right. And I was like, dude, I would
love that. It's fine by me.
And so she's I was, she's like, but I can't get it big enough
to, you know, modify it. I was like, I'll send it to you.
And we started joking, me and her and the guy we were talking
to. And someone was like, and I said

(01:05:17):
I used my, I said I used the picture of pun with the phone
over his face because you can't tell exactly who you are in case
you didn't want stuff for your job.
Same thing with my mustache. That was just a joke at a
bachelor party. And they were like, you look
good with a mustache on. You look sort of like Matthew
McConaughey. And I was like.
All right. Dude, I've never got such a good
compliment in my life. And then the guy goes, yeah, but
in Dallas Buyers Club, I was like, give me the one where he's

(01:05:40):
got AIDS and he goes, hey, it's HIV, all right?
It's not AIDS. Yeah, All right.
Pun. What?
What are we doing next time? We did not talk about this.
We should do only fans names if we were gonna create one.
English words we don't pronouncecorrectly, I wrote.
What are we doing? You wanna?
Written. You wanna do you wanna do the
one I thought last time. The things will never be too old

(01:06:01):
for. Yeah, we can do that.
Things we won't be too old for. I don't know, watch.
Bro Simpsons. Nobody's ever told to watch The
Simpsons. No.
All right. Make sure to like a subscribe,
leave a five star. That's all I got upon what you
got? For me, dog booze.

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