Ep.67 - The Things We Will Never Be Too Old For…

PUN & BALROG TALK ABOUT:  The Things We Will Never Be Too Old For…

(35:31) – Improv Comedy List.  Tap this time stamp to hear the improv comedy ramblings.

Pun & Balrog will always be immature, kids at heart.

SHOW OPENING:

Pun’s weight loss is almost ready for his cruise.

Balrog is finally healthy.

Pun & Manute Bol each have invented phrases.

(11:10) APPETIZERS:

Balrog ate his last Chimichanga.

A new pub crawl idea!

(22:00) ERRORS & OMISSIONS from last episodes:

From Ep. 66 – The Donuts DRAFT SPECIAL!

Scones!?

Those chocolate covered donuts. 

(25:33) SPORTS:

A few of Balrog’s sports pet peeves:  Including cheering for “Cooper”, Tiger’s wardrobe, Angel Reese in general, and the San Antonio Spurs tank job.

Also, the Sparty tradition of kissing half court.

(35:31) The Improv Comedy List:  The Things We Will Never Be Too Old For…

We give props to Nate Bargatze’s talent, and also talk about water slides.

Joe Rogan – You should listen to our comedy list and laugh!

Theo Von  - You should also!

(55:08) GOODBYES –

Balrog’s neighborhood has sponsored bins for dog poop bags.

Pun bought his first pair of WHAT!?

NEXT TIME:   TBD?  The Reasons the 90’s was the BEST decade…

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I freaking love our podcast. I'm so hungry right now.
I assumed his name was Darth Virgin.
Come on, you're talking dirty tome right now.
She's like, what do you got in your mouth?
And I got a fruit by the foot, hanging halfway down to my lap.
I like to eat my calories, not drink them.

(00:24):
All right, hello, Hello, and welcome back to episode 67 of
Conversational Humor with Pun and Ballrog.
This is Pun across from me, I guess, and I'm Ballrog.
As you know, today is Friday, March the 14th.
You don't know what pisses me off, The fact that I have lost
16 lbs and you didn't notice a pound of it gone.
I I when I walked in you did. Your first words out of your

(00:46):
mouth were Dang you look slimmer.
Hey, you know what? In my own, in my own defense,
the last five times I've seen you, you've been wearing bibs.
That's true. Shirts, that's true.
I haven't seen you in such a tight white.
Shirt. Thank you.
Thank you. Puns looking quite sexy.
Thank you. Thank you.
Wait. Say it again, dude.
Let's do one more. Take go one more.
I was gonna get to this later inthe show but and ease and OS, my
sister of the pod said. You wanna know what pisses her

(01:08):
off? How easily guys can lose weight
compared to girls. Oh, yeah, Yeah.
She's like you had me. She's she's got a bone to pick
with you, man. Oh well, listen, I I.
She said the only reason she continued listening after you
bragged about how much weight you lose per day is 'cause you
also complain about how hungry you were.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starving. Also.
Lauren is the opposite. She constantly battles gaining

(01:30):
weight, which I cannot understand.
I feel like she's a quitter who quits when they're.
You're not gaining weight to eatmore ice cream.
It's not rocket science. Eat a cherry pie.
And gain weight like when I was younger I would eat.
Anything I want, yeah, it's. After the doughnuts draft
special, I would have had one ofeach.
Oh thank you. So my.
Daughter laughed I. Would have driven all the way to
Taylor to have a cherry bar. Oh, A. 1000 Per Randall, after

(01:51):
the Every Person who listened tothe doughnut episode.
Sent me. Cousin Patrick was there.
I'm telling you, we need sponsorships.
What'd your daughter say? Last night, my it's that time of
the month in my house, so thingstensions were running high and
Lauren also loves ice cream at the end of the night.
So I had to buy everybody ice cream while I, you know what I

(02:11):
got? I ate 12 ounces of watermelon,
12 ounces. 12A whole oz 12 ounces.
That is miserable. I'm also dieting.
As mentioned last time, it is Lent.
I haven't lost a single pound yet.
I'm probably up a pound. Wait, Lent?
Is that some stuff in your bellybud?
Yeah, that's. Right.
Oh, that's Lent. That's Lent stuff in my ass
crack. I feel a million times better.

(02:35):
I do million times better each night I go to bed craving and
I'm like no, just think about how sick you're gonna wake up
tomorrow if you eat this. Crap.
Yep. And when you wake up, you feel
fantastic. No problem but but happy bladed
birthday to my son. From when was his birthday?
Tuesday. Oh, I'm a bad uncle.
No, I'm a terrible. Uncle Yeah, I I break it for my
kids birthdays. I have ice cream 'cause they're

(02:55):
both. My daughter's birthday is
Monday, so I'm like, I'm never not going to have ice cream with
them on their birthdays. Yeah, you have.
To Yeah, I had a second bowl later that night.
Well, I've. Already I've already.
Broken it. Yeah, I mean, the sad thing is
I've lost. Actually, I think I'm at 17 lbs
now and I let myself fall so farthat you you I can't even really

(03:17):
notice anything in the mirror. I just like I can't my sister.
'S seething again. Yeah, I'm impressed at what
you're doing, man. It's not.
That's not easy to do. I think it's easier said than
done. It's easy to just say, oh, I'm
going on a cruise or oh, it's Memorial Day.
In two months I'm just gonna limit myself to 1700 calories a
day and just go with it. Well, it would have so hard, it
would have really pissed people off when if I didn't break my

(03:38):
wrist, I can. If if I was given six weeks, 7
weeks, I can do quite a bit of damage.
You looked like you had a terminal disease at the Pistons
game. Yeah.
You were so tired. You were pale.
I was you. You were.
Your ears were. Eyes were water.
I was there sweating. I was.
Nutrient. Deficient.
Oh my God this is not healthy dude.
I ate one gummy bear. And then he went home, puked

(03:59):
into a jar and put it in his closet.
Anyhow, today is Friday, March the 14th of 2025.
We're going to be talking about the things we will never be too
old for and Pawn. I'm going to be releasing this
episode on Monday, which happensto.
Be just, so happens to be. Just so happens to be Saint
Patchy's day and as tradition would call for, what do we

(04:23):
usually do on this podcast on St.
Patch We should drink beers and record two shots, all right.
I I'm trying to respect pawn andhis calories so I just have a
little Irish whiskey here for. Him.
OK, I am actually at my daily limit but I'm going to break it
for you. I'll just throw up and die

(04:44):
tomorrow. Cheers.
That tastes like the first two times I had kids.
That's proper 12. That's your boys.
Honors, Yeah. Pretty smooth.
Oh I know we don't discuss politics, but there is a

(05:05):
political agenda that I want to get behind.
I was watching the news and I'veseen some ladies in France
protest and topless and I don't know what their thing was.
I don't know what their beef was.
Didn't matter. I'm on board, ladies.
Bring it to America and I promise you I'll show up.
They. Could have been like you're only
allowed to have one kid, you gotta get rid of two of your 3

(05:26):
punches. Yeah, they, they, they, they
were talking about exterminatingall of men.
And I'm like, let's go, ladies. Let's go ladies.
Yeah, fantastic. Pop this shirt off.
He's like, hey, can I interest you ladies in a -16 lbs since
last month? So we didn't record last weekend
because I was, I got. Little bit of, yeah, definitely.
Cell I was meeting because I was, I, I had like a sinus

(05:49):
infection. I immediately got onto
antibiotics 'cause I was like, Igot to kick this thing in the
ass as soon as I can. But guess what didn't work?
I mean, when you get sick, you're just sick and I'm sick of
hearing this. And this is you don't know what
pisses you. Don't know what pisses Andy off.
In the Midwest or any state that's cold, when the seasons
change and they're like, I got acold 'cause I was hanging around
Gary, stop blaming people. Yeah, it's your immune system.

(06:11):
It's gonna. Happen you can't avoid it.
I I'm done. We're done as a family saying
we're not gonna go somewhere because such and such said they
had the sniffles 2 days ago. Like this is just life dude.
The option, the other option is just being your house all by
yourself. I'm I'm over it man.
Doesn't it seem? Is it maybe because we're older?
But doesn't it seem like flus and colds are lasting longer now
than ever? It's definitely because we're

(06:32):
older. It's like they drink.
Don't you remember grandparents that have colds for like 3
straight weeks? Yeah, we're almost there.
Like grandma, it has been sick. Since I used to have them for
like 6 days, now I'm like an 8 day type of sickness.
I mean, I'm just feeling good. Although I do take a
considerable amount of vitamin Devery day I take vitamin C so I.
I pump myself full of those. I don't get sick all the time,

(06:54):
but when I do I'm down for the count.
But I told I walked up the stufflast week.
I, you know, you know your body.I knew it was coming.
I started to feel that across mysinuses.
And I was like, then the plumbing in my head goes off and
I just looked at her and I go, hey, this isn't a man cold.
Yet this is an actual cold. But if it turns into a man cold,
you're going to hear about it atleast 10 times a day at least.

(07:16):
I, I think we've talked about this before.
The reason why guys get so sick is because we're not used to
being sick. We're not used to being weak and
vulnerable. That's right.
When you get weak and vulnerable, you curl up in a
ball and you. Cry, but it was.
And asked for a bowl. Too.
And complain to yours, and complain to another.
Who is just at work Like this guy is an absolute Sissy.

(07:36):
She's blowing her nose with a vacuum in one hand, helping
helping my son with science homework in her.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just pushing a child out of my body.
Go ahead and tell me about your sniffles.
Yeah, but talk about second bestfeeling in the world.
I said it during our episode when you're finally feeling
good, like today is the first day I'm feeling 100% pawn.
I feel like I could run a marathon right now.

(07:57):
I want to go to the gym. I want.
I'm like, I was like typing the show doc like be bopping around.
I was like, God, it feels good to be.
Isn't that that's? A healthy gangster.
The problem is is I went, I jumped off the couch and started
working out like just just like I was in the middle of it.
Slept down while Lauren was in Florida, Yeah.
I did. Oh, you're home?
I got to go to the gym. But I'm I was dead lifted and I

(08:23):
tweaked my back and it's been itjust it, it will not go away.
I don't remember where I was going with that, 'cause you're
such a. Be sure to click subscribe,
click the notification bell and leave a five star pawn.
We are currently steadily gaining listeners again, our
star, our stagnation period is over.
We're getting like a a new listener a week and I'm loving
it. OK, but we've only gotten a

(08:43):
couple additional 5 stars. So if you're a new listener, if
you can just pause the the podcast and click that five
star. We'll wait.
Right now, we'll wait. All right.
Thank you. That would be perfect.
And let us know who you are. If you're new to the podcast and
you leave a review on Apple, we'll read it on the air or any
comments on Spotify, we'll read it on the air.

(09:04):
And also just a reminder to all our faithful followers, you can
actually five stars on both platforms, Apple and Spotify.
We should you know what I was thinking, we should start
preparing for our next Pope Crow, because with the weather
breaking. It's funny you say that, Pond,
because you got the showdown. The showdown.
Let me tell you something. I got some options and
appetizers. Okay?
Thought I thought of a couple ofdandies.

(09:25):
Because all some things to be excited about now that the doom
and gloom of winter. Is wait till you hear my ideas
for the club crawl. You're going to be excited, all
right. I'm with it.
Make sure to share our episodes of Friends as well.
You can find us on on Instagram a conversational humor and on
Facebook at. Conversational humor podcast.
And if you haven't already listened, go back and check out

(09:47):
our Episode 66, our Doughnuts Draft special, Where Puns Mind
Pon's mind went to mush after I completely Topanga him at the
beginning of the draft and took the Figure 8 glazed.
I have never felt, I know Andy always says he wins on his
drafted. I have never felt like he has
stolen something from me, like there was a Michael Jordan in

(10:07):
this draft that I just didn't think he knew about.
But I took Topanga in the Topanga draft in in the TV Babes
draft. I just don't.
I don't. I don't know how you knew to
take it. All I'm saying.
You're scouting system shit. Hey, in the last three years,
I'm Michigan, you're Ohio State.I saw this recently.

(10:29):
Did you know that Minute Bowl, the late, great Minute Bowl,
invented the phrase. My bad.
No, he did. Because of his poor English.
He was from, I think, Senegal. Senegal or yeah, that's right,
something like that. What a poll.
I know he actually is from Senegal.
That was from memory. I didn't have that type.
So minute bowl, allegedly I saw it online.
You never know. Invented the phrase.

(10:51):
My bad, because he just had poorEnglish and I want to say that
Pun has also invented a phrase Ihad it wrote down.
People don't forget. Show me.
I had it wrote down which is also due to poor English.

(11:14):
Like I get into our appetizer section.
Pun just asked me if I have any or Pun just said he needs an
energy drink. I was energy drink and I was
like do I have any? And I just held up our empty
shot glasses. I was like, I got some more
whiskey and damn I one shot of whiskey Pun.
I listen. I'm I'm.
I'm right now. I'm.
I'm treading that line of like we can rage.
I'm like, if I have two more shots, is it gonna be a

(11:36):
fistfight whiskey or a sobbing into your shoulder whiskey?
Oh God, I. Just don't know.
My favorite thing about whiskey is when I crawl into bed and
stuff's there and she's like, you smell like an old catcher's
Med. You're damn right I do, babe.
Damn right I do you. Got lucky with this one.
Lucky girl. You are a lucky guy.
I love messing with stuff so much.

(11:56):
I walked in. She was folding laundry the
other day and she's folding a pair of my boxer briefs from
Fabletics. Not a sponsor, no big deal.
I just looked at her and said, hey, lucky girl.
You know how many podcast fans would love to be folding those
boxer briefs? There's like 5 dudes named
Steve. All my relatives, yeah.
And a bunch of dudes. So quickly before I get to my

(12:17):
pub crawl. Ideas.
The other day we went two Fridays ago before I got sick,
we went on a double date with some friends we've made from jiu
jitsu. My son's jiu jitsu class,
actually. We brought the boys.
They really, you can't hang it. You're on a diet.
I'm like, snap, should we hang on a Pun and Lauren and she's
like, yeah, maybe in July. He's done dieting.

(12:39):
Not into eating crabgrass. That's right, Pun.
I didn't know if Pun was poor oron a diet because he didn't want
to order anything at the restaurant.
That's a fake story. So we go out to this Mexican
restaurant. I was like, what are you guys in
the mood for? They say Mexican.
We go to this Mexican restaurant.
I think I told you I like I textpawn after this date 2 words.
Jimmy Chongas. Jimmy Chongas.

(13:01):
Pawn a chimichanga for a 43 yearold is like a tranquilizer dart.
I was like non functional in my recliner at home on a Friday
night. I did that for about 6 months
and that's why I got in the position on me I had two.
Margaritas, a chimichanga. And I was like, dude, I was like
Will Ferrell and old school Steph was like, you want to

(13:23):
watch a episode of Game of Thrones?
I was like, you're crazy. I like man, but you're crazy.
I was like on my I could only lay on one side of my body.
OK, that's better. I'm laying sideways in a chair
like I'm trying to give a water birth here to the chimichanga
dude. Apparently I said we should do a
list foods that put us down liketrank darts.

(13:45):
Chimichanga is the the Topanga. Eating six extra large pizzas.
Oh wait, that's I'm. Oh, pizza would be up there on
the list, but I think the reasonit's not just the chimichanga
man, the rice at our age, white rice.
Get out of here. I'm a little worried because,
you know, on cruises all you caneat too.
It is there's so I what I'm going to do is I've just raised

(14:07):
my calories. So I'm going to, I'm going to,
I'm going to be able to drink and eat and have some fun, but
not go off so. That you're not like an
emaciated war victim like that starts puking, correct?
Correct. I've I've a lot.
Sorry to all the emaciated war victims out there.
Yeah. Pows.
I've allotted calories for boozeand for calories for ice cream

(14:28):
every day, but not enough to go off the rails.
Coning on your. Cruise, I'm gonna count.
Come on dude, Yeah, you know howmany listeners are go are just
yelling into their. Speech.
I mean, you don't think I'm gonna double Dong ice cream,
cause of course I am. I'm just not gonna do it four
times a day. Claimed.
That's what you claim. I'm gonna you know what I.
Find. Go ahead.
No, no. When we go on vacation, I'm too

(14:48):
full to double to double fist ice.
Cream. That's why I don't.
Know why you call it double Dong?
I mean, you know why, you know, big boy?
No, I, I also was discussing that with Lauren.
I was like, you know, the problem is, is I start if I go
off the rails, I'm going to be tired early.
I'm going to be like the chimichanga thing, you know, You
know, it's like I want to actually enjoy my vacation.

(15:10):
I want to I want to drink until from sun up to sundown and I
just want to nibble on a little bit of celery here and there to
keep myself alive. Stefan I've learned that when we
eat on vacations because we don't eat out a ton, right, we
enjoy going out to dates. I don't.
I almost never eat out. Yeah, we don't.
For us, if like we go out, we we're just as happy splitting an

(15:31):
appetizer and having cocktails. Yeah.
Because otherwise, that's the move.
Tired. No, that's the move.
Especially on vacation. And if you're on vacation, we
eat late. We're like, OK, we're we're just
eating so that that chimichanga can actually just put me into
well, complete R.E.M. Rebound.
I don't know how it's going to work in my head.
It's going to work. I'm going to get up.
I'm going to work out for for anhour while everybody's sleeping.

(15:52):
Eat breakfast. Eggs, some fruit.
Normal. Yeah.
Then you can like afternoon cocktail into dinner.
Totally normal into dinner. We don't eat lunch on vacation.
Yeah, yeah, That way you're light and not feeling like I
need to take a nap. Even at the all inclusives, I
probably said this before, we only ate breakfast and dinner.
You cannot eat out for three full meals.
No, you can't. And I yeah, you just can't.

(16:12):
Also, how old am I that I'm trying to come up with a
strategy for vacation instead ofjust going?
You know what your strategy should be?
Dad mode, dad jokes and Hawaiianshirts.
Bro, just go. Just go.
Oh. God, I'm so excited.
You want to know? Before I get to the You want to
know what you'll never hear a guy say?
Steph said something to me this week.
We were talking to my mother-in-law and.

(16:33):
Can you open this jar? Do you know the the trick of
hitting the jar with a the back end of a butter knife around?
No, I just opened it 'cause I'm a man.
No, OK, it's OK. Don't ask it again.
So my son gets picked up on Wednesdays by my mother-in-law
and they always they, they he likes to show her his new
favorite movie and he he they watched Megamind.
I was like, oh, I love Megamind.You ever see that one with the
Big Blue head? Yep.

(16:54):
Will Ferrell. It's so good.
I think I dated her a couple of years ago.
And he I, I went to my mother-in-law.
I was like, did you did you likethat movie?
I love it. And Steph goes, it was cute.
And immediately I wrote into my notepad, you want to know what
you never hear a guy say? It was cute.
It was cute, it was cute. It's cute.
So here's what I got. One of our most popular
episodes, Episode 6, is our unique pub crawl ideas.

(17:19):
Pawn said he you know what? We need to schedule a pub crawl.
You're the one that said we needto do it seasonally, like
quarters. Yes, I and I agree.
I stand by that wholeheartedly. Do you know that was a cute
idea, you know? That'd be cute, that.
Would be cute. Is that a new blouse that looks
cute? So even though it's one of our
more popular episodes, I think because it's a cool title of an
episode. Even though I have listened

(17:39):
recently to some of our old stuff.
We sound like absolute mice on the microphones.
But we were so unsure of ourselves.
It's like embarrassing how awfulwe were.
But that was our unique pub crawl ideas and pun.
So what are the ones we have on on deck right now?
We said my sister said dress like your spouse.
Yep, you said the holidays, which I think we need.

(17:59):
We need to do the holidays, you know, it would be hard in the
summer, so, but it could, it could be a spring thing, yeah.
So here's the ideas I had. How about dress like a comedy
movie character? Think about.
Dumb and Dumber Tuxedo. There are, there are.
Endless options pun. One year for Halloween I dressed
up like blue from old school. I was wearing a long long

(18:22):
underwear with a wrestling helmet.
You're my boy, Blue. Ring the bell, you pansies.
How about this one? I saw this thing.
Have you seen this online? There's a fake front carrier of
a baby. It's a doll, but there's a straw
in the back of its head. So you can drink so.
You fill the baby with booze. Love that.

(18:42):
But listen to this. I was going to, I was going to
combine it because Dudak, the often mentioned Dudak, you know,
you can't just bring your own booze into a bar.
You can't bring a baby doll fullof alcohol into a bar.
So what I thought was she said we should do a bakery pub crawl
in honor of the doughnuts draft special.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Talk to me. No, talk to me.

(19:03):
Just talk to me real quick and tell me about this.
We start at 9:00 AM, I'm thinking and.
We just go glazed donut for glazed donut.
Just go glazed after glazed on abakery pub, crawl on foot and
we're drinking whiskey. We're drinking Irish coffee on
the back of a baby. So the rules would be you gotta
do 1 beer and one doughnut and every Baker.

(19:25):
You gotta how well we need we need to have a plan to refill
the baby dolls. Yeah, that's true.
This would be the most amazing and degenerate pub crawl we
could. Well, you know how everyone
would throw up everyone. Every single part after three
glazed twists? Oh yeah, and seven Irish car
bombs. You would just be an absolute

(19:46):
wreck. You're drinking curdled,
curdled, baby. It would be amazing, though.
We'd be, we'd be midday walking into bars in Detroit, going
Yeah. What do you got for Donuts?
You know how much glazed crust Iwould have all over my shirt?
Dude, I would have a, I'd have a, I'd have a dozen Hostess and
backup. All right.

(20:06):
The last idea I had was similar to that was just I was thinking
along those lines. Have you ever been to a place
that does like endless Bloody Marys or endless mimosas on
Sunday mornings? Oh, and see the 1st to fold.
I was just thinking how about wesee how early we can start a pub
crawl pun like as soon as doors open.
At 9:00 AM, Pub crawl. And we're just brunching.

(20:29):
By 3:00 and mimosas by 8 PMI will have came out of blackout
showered. Ben and Ben and back up.
Again, I'm back up and I'm a human again.
Is it tin roof? Where?
Is. Everybody do you think about it,
A brunch pub crawl in like I'm I'm thinking like Cork town

(20:49):
would be amazing pun. Earlier the better.
Not on a Sunday, though. Yeah, no, not on a Sunday.
I was just saying like those happen on Sunday sometimes.
If we could find a place that did mimosas and Bloody Marys on
Saturdays having a blast, you wouldn't even eat a bunch of
places because after you get a Western omelet, you're going to
be immobile for a little while. We should start the pub crawl at
the International House of Pancakes couple.

(21:14):
We get so hammered we catch a flight down to Georgia and go to
a couple of Waffle Houses. I think they got him in Ohio.
We get a Zaxby's chicken sandwich to go, please.
Yeah, we got a flight. We got a pub crawl in Dayton,
OH. I'm in man.
Go down to Findlay. Findlay, OH.
Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking there's, you
know, if we ever feel too old for a pub crawl, all you gotta

(21:35):
do is wait, go on the pub crawl while the young people are still
asleep. Yeah. 11:00 AM Let's.
Up. Yeah, let's dress like a dad
breakfast pub crawl, man. Breakfast pub crawl would be
amazing. We're we're climbing into Ubers
at 1:00 PM. Oh my.
Hammer on the way home. Like my son will be getting out
of bed and I'm walking in like, who are you, kid?
What are you doing in my kitchen?

(21:57):
You're just getting up all. Right, get into our ES and OS
section. Our errors and omissions from
last time. As we say in the past, we don't
make errors. These are just the omissions.
Our omissions from episode 66, the Donuts draft special.
I did see this meme that I wanted to read last week.

(22:18):
It says I choked on a carrot at lunch today and all I can think
is would it never happen if thatwas a donut?
I I have one thing to bring up. I heard RB Lovett it is Girl
Scout cookie time. By the way, our beloved Girl
Scout cookies are being sued because they have toxic
chemicals. I saw arsenic from Rogan on
that. Didn't make a dent in me wanting

(22:40):
to buy them. I don't care if they're killing
me. I don't care if there's arsenic.
You ever had a Samoa? I do not care if it kills me
one. Does a shot of the red dye
that's illegal. Now give the four.
In the Samoas, Yeah. I girls no cookies ain't going
any. They're not going anywhere.
They can kill literally 8 million people a year and we're
going to be fine with power. OF Joe Rogan is strong, but he

(23:02):
can't even slow down the no scout cookie train, especially
because they're so well priced. They're like dude, they're
killing you. So aren't tostinos pizza rolls?
But I've been eating them for 28years.
I told you, we were at Tan Trisha the other day and they're
like, you guys going to buy GirlScout cookies?
I was like, I'm watching the calories and blah, blah.
They're like, they're just threebucks a box.
I'm like yeah, give me 7. And they get 12.
Give me a dozen. Dozen the thing I couldn't think

(23:23):
of last week I said I ordered these things from Panera that
were like dry and had some fruitflavors and were like just the
most disappointing dessert thingI've ever had crepes, scones,
you ever have a. Scone, you sound like you're
from London. You ever have a scone then top
of the morning to you, no. Because I live next to actual
bakeries with Donuts. Yeah, I made the mistake of

(23:45):
getting sconed. I think they had them like
prepackaged, and I grabbed them and I ate it and I felt.
You ever do that challenge whereyou try to whistle after eating
saltine crackers? No, I was.
Come on, I've never done that. I swear I never even heard of.
It Do you think you could whistle after eating a?
Salt. You got crackers?
Go get one I. Don't think we have saltines in
the house, right? Now what?
You just call me white boy. Did you know that there are, you

(24:09):
mentioned the Maple bars? Maple bars?
Yeah, there are Maple glazed. Donuts.
Oh yeah, it's brown. It almost looks like caramel,
but it's actually it's Not only is it good, but it'll not get
gone. You better be careful because
bakeries might still be open when you.
Leave. They're fantastic.
And the last thing I got for Arizona emissions is something I

(24:30):
forgot to mention. I do not like this ones, not
even tempting for me if it's thelast one.
That was something really funny you said when we were talking
about cake doughnuts. And you're like, they're no
good. But when you have they're the
last two in the box and you lookat them and you eat it, you're
like, oh, man, this is all that's left.
And you're like, that's yeah, that's kind of good.
I'm never tempted by is it Hostess that does the chocolate

(24:51):
covered? I'm completely covered.
I I can understand why you don'tlike them.
I, however, will eat. It's too like the the chocolates
like. Waxy.
Yes, it is very waxy. Builds up.
Yeah, yeah, no, I I like them, but I totally get if somebody
hates them because they are veryfake.
Ishy. Outside, Yeah.
I had food poisoning once when Iwas little and that was the last

(25:12):
thing I ate and it just ruined me for life.
But I don't like the way they taste.
I had that happen with the Hostess pies when I was a little
kid. I was young.
I just ate a bite of one. I got food poisoning and I
couldn't until I was in my 20s. Eat another one and I'm back.
Maybe I'm back and better than ever.

(25:32):
That's so good. All right, get into our sports
section. I got I actually put a bunch of
stuff on here for sports becauseI have not updated the things I
had for sports recently. You want to know?
Pisses me off. These are some sports pets
peeves. I have not a ton of them, just a
couple that I wrote down. I can't stand it when there's a

(25:54):
player on a team whose name is Cooper or something that sounds
like that. This sounds like white hate.
You hate all white basketball players.
Speaking of that, I was actuallythinking about that today.
Who's the best non euro? Who's the best American white
player in the league this year 'cause it's gonna be Cooper
Flag. Yeah, all coming in, yes.
Who is it right now? The best white non euro.

(26:16):
The kid on the Lakers. Yeah, Austin Reeves.
I didn't know if there was otherpeople I'm thinking about.
Also he's above average basketball player and I just
went hey what's that white kids name in LA?
Yeah, that white guy that's. Not what's that white boy's
name? The Cooper guys on a team, when
they do something good and the crowd goes.

(26:37):
I. It's like pawn.
I hate it 'cause it sounds like you're imagine being that guy
and wanting people to erupt. For you who did we?
Who did is? There anything better than your
boys going nuts when you have a good playing basketball and he
never hears it? Yeah, he always just hears
booze. It's so stupid.
Who, who did Detroit used to do that 'cause growing up as a as a

(26:58):
small kid, I used to think we were booing, but it was really
them saying Lou Whitaker. Lou Lou.
Yeah, I used to think they were booing him when I, you know, we
were talking 8. 9-10 years stupid.
I don't get it. I don't whoever thought of that.
We need to abolish it. I hope that this podcast gets
famous enough just for everybodynamed Lou and Cooper so I can
finally hear some cheers for once.
Did you hear those two guys? Those two morons in the spare

(27:21):
bedroom. Idiots.
Yeah, no, I hit a walk off home run.
I can finally cheer. Two dumb dumb said we can.
You know what else? You know what else annoys me?
This is a stupid one too, but I was watching golf earlier.
I had it on it's Players Championship week.
Tiger just popped his Achilles, so he was.
Not yeah, I seen that. Which is a bomber.
He's almost 50. I think it's just time to call
it a career. And he's a billion dollars.

(27:43):
I mean, he's gonna need to set his family up just in case.
And he could do so much more after golf.
He can design golf courses and host tournament.
Bang Denny's waitresses. I mean, he could even move over
to Applebee's if he wanted. To It's up to him.
The world is. Maybe on the border if he likes
the Latinos. He's on the border now.
He's on the border stuff. No idea.
You just showed your age. When I go to Mexican restaurants

(28:03):
I want them to barely pass the health inspection.
No interest in on the. Board Yeah, I want them to be
annoyed that white people are coming.
Yes, absolutely. Like this is not for us.
To be someone that who's white, I want a gringo at the table
with me to whisper across the table they might be spinning in
our food and I'm like it's worthit.
I don't. Think we should be here?
So this is what annoyed me aboutgolf.
I was thinking back to Tiger, 'cause they were showing

(28:24):
highlights of him. I'm annoyed that he almost
always he has like however many wins he's tied for the most ever
88 or something, the Sunday red.It annoys me.
It's the Sunday red. He always will wear black pants
and a red shirt on. That annoys you?
Yeah, you like, can't differentiate.
I was like, it's just, it becomes I don't like it when
things are too much of your shtick.
I yeah, I don't know. I never know.

(28:45):
I never even knew. That's how little I watch it
all. Just I didn't know that was his
thing. I don't know.
Why? That bothers me, but I'm like,
you can't tell any tournament heever wins apart from another one
because he's wearing the same. It's like, but his most famous.
Tiger, you don't have to be Homer Simpson with the blue
pants and the white shirt every day of your life.
But his most famous pictures definitely are in red polos.
Yeah, because he won all of his major championships in red pole.

(29:06):
I had no idea. Yeah, I really did.
The Tiger Sunday Red. I'd never put that together in
my brain. Like why are all his best
pictures in red something? About it just bothers me and
another thing that pisses me. I don't know what pisses Andy
off. I don't want to start a fight
here with people, but Angel Reese, man.
I I OK, let me start. Loathe.
Her. All right, it has gotten to a

(29:28):
point now where she's abysmally bad.
Like she's so bad that people, even the pundits that supported
her just like did. You see, she was being
interviewed by Lisa Leslie, likeHall of Fame, WNBA, mad respect
for this woman. And she was like, what should I
work on in the offseason? And Lisa Leslie's answer was you

(29:49):
should work on your layups pun. This is a professional
basketball player. And her response was you should
work on. I'm glad her double double
streak came to an end. Dude, there's a Instagram
account, I can't think of his name.
I'm going to drop it next time. That just makes fun of all of
her misses. And every time he's like Angel
Race and it's like the worst bricks you've ever seen in your

(30:13):
life. Dude.
Butter Macan. But her comments recently about
the seat collective bargaining agreement, did you see those?
What did she say? Quote I'm hearing if y'all don't
give us what we want we sitting out.
Well, I mean, I don't think thatlisten, I am a a huge advocate
for women's sports. Absolutely.
Let me tell you that is not the move.

(30:34):
Yeah, that is not you guys are operating.
I, I heard somebody else was, was saying just because we're
operating at a loss doesn't meanwe shouldn't get what we
deserve. And her point was, well, the NBA
wasn't for until Bird and Magic,the, the, there was razor thin
margins for the NBA and which istrue, but a lot of the NBA

(30:55):
players had second jobs. They were making 30 forty
$70,000 a year. They were not making what
they're making now. The, the, the revenue mirrored
that. This is like, you have like an
opportunity. How about you just shut up,
embrace the people who are coming up that are fantastic
basketball players and then we push them on to people.

(31:16):
You push it, you push it generationally forward and she
can make tons of money right nowon sponsorships, which is she
has sponsorships. I've said that same.
She just. Paid her mom's house off I've
seen that was pretty cool. That same guy made a video,
'cause she's on those Reese Puffs cereal boxes and he's at a
grocery store and he goes Angel Reese Reese.
'S bang. He throws it towards the grocery

(31:37):
cart and misses. It's so good he doesn't just air
ball. I really truly want to because
I, I do often see that like the rivalry thing is very good, like
Bird magic. I, I, I think the adversarial
thing is good for sports, but I,I tried so hard to support her.

(31:57):
She is so unlikable and she's not selling a product.
She genuinely believes that she's a 30.
She thinks she's a $30 million ayear I'm.
Not even convinced of that. I think I actually will give her
credit for this. I think she's really smart pun.
You think this is all all? Characters.
I would have no clue who Angel Reese was well if she wasn't
making all these outlandish comments.

(32:19):
And that makes me like her a little bit.
If this is all a part of a mastermind and you actually know
what you're doing and you're to sell this product and I can get
behind. If she doesn't know, she's not.
If she doesn't know, she's inferior to Caitlin Clark.
Then that's why I have a problem.
Evangel Reese caught my eye in the NCAA's, which she did not
and several players have. I would be behind.
I don't give a about anything other than what the the the eye

(32:42):
test. You know what had my eye during
the NCAA tournament was that what was that girl from
Stanford? Cameron Bring.
Yeah, was she the hot? One, the tall one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I had to be a pig.
I I I didn't know her name because of her game.
OK, I I know her description because of the way she looks.
Hey, the hot. One, yeah, we can't talk about
women's sports. That I can like pigs, at least

(33:03):
for a second. All right, the last thing I got
that pisses, that pisses me off on is that the San Antonio
Spurs. You know what I'm about to say.
Yep, dude, enough is enough. Like the draft lottery exists so
that teams can't tank, and theseguys are the kings of working
the system by tanking. Not to be confused with

(33:24):
Sacramento. They tank and they got I.
I'm not convinced it's not a conspiracy theory.
They got some in with the leaguebecause it's it's they, they had
David Robinson, Tim Duncan, theyjust got Wemby.
So do you, Did you see who's sitting?
They shut down Wemby for the year, which is fine.
He has like a blood clot or something.
Something that actually he. Needs something that he actually

(33:46):
needed. But they traded at the trade
deadline for Darren Fox, who's one of the best guards in the
league. I think those two guys alone
make them a fringe playoff team.Yes they do.
And Wendy went down and now DE Aaron Fox is magically being
shut down for the rest of the year cause of a wrist injury.
I'm like calling bullshit on. This What do you think they're

(34:06):
going to draft? Yeah, I wonder.
Maybe the generational talent named Cooper Flack.
Weird. I swear to God I'm coming back.
Can. You imagine 2 lengthy tall 5
tool players. With DE Aaron Fox.
With DE Aaron Fox. Who was I think the 5th overall
pick his year. Dude if they get Cooper flag I'm
clipping this back into a futureepisode saying what's what's

(34:28):
David Stern's little brother's name?
That's now the commissioner AdamSilver.
Adam Silver. I'm calling Adam Silver out and
saying if they get Cooper flag it is a conspiracy theory.
We're sick of it. Maybe I got one last thing that
pisses me off. What are your thoughts on the
Sparty tradition of kissing the center court?
Doesn't bother me. No, I What did you think about

(34:49):
the guy shoving the Michigan Wolverine?
I, I didn't think anything aboutit.
I I love rivalry, Chippy. I agree.
I it doesn't bother me. It when it, when we're on the
receiving end, it, it doesn't bother me because of how much
joy it brings when we're the ones doing it.
Yeah. So it's like if, if you're going
to bully somebody, you're going to get bullied back

(35:09):
occasionally. It just happens.
The only reason it annoys me because it is in game and they
do like extend the end of the game for it.
Yeah, Other than that, I don't care.
I love Dusty May's comments whenhe backed him up and said, hey,
you know, I didn't know we weren't allowed to stand on a a
Spartan head that took up a third of the of the third of the
floor. Like you said, I like it when it
gets. Shipped.
I do too, especially between those two I.

(35:34):
Feel like we got something goingon later.
We're not running long, but I feel like we, oh, we're walking
through. We might walk through a house.
As a house, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute via text
message. Did you just give me shit about
going on a almost two week vacation and you live in the
nicest neighborhood in Michigan and you're looking at another

(35:54):
house? Yeah, we're not even selling
this one. We're just going to own boat.
This one's going to be Airbnb. This is going to be our Section
8 rental. Hate him.
He just gave me so much shit 'cause I was taking my entire
family on a two week vacation. Said Ohh we can't keep up with

(36:17):
the grains. This guys buying mansions to
piss them away. You know it's funny.
You know, you want to know how lazy and awful humans we are?
We've gone through one kitchen remodel in our lives in our last
house. Did it exactly how we wanted it.
Oh, that's why you're buying another house you don't want to
do. It.

(36:37):
I can't thank you. He's buying another house
because so he doesn't have to renovate his kitchen.
The audacity. That's the exact reason pun I'm
lying if I said no. Also because it would be a
ranched out home and we want to grow old in the house, but
mostly. Because of the kitchen.
That's a weird thing to say in your 40s.

(36:57):
I'm telling you, man, living through one kitchen remodel was
hell. So Steph sent me a listing
today. She goes, you want to walk
through this? I was like, Yup.
This guy's so rich that he doesn't feel like doing steps
anymore, so he's looking for theright layout on the water.
Got to have those marble countertops.
All right, it's list time, baby.Let's do it.

(37:20):
And this week's list is the things we will never be too old
for. All right, I'll let Pongo.
Since it's not a draft special and I seem to win all the coin
flips, I'll let Pongo. I would say I'm going to start
with one. This is not my Topanga.
I'm not going in order, but I would say, remember that
voicemail I received from you while you were in Vegas?
I am never going to be too old to drunk call people that I

(37:40):
absolutely love today. What are you even doing right
now? It's Wednesday at 12:48 by the
way. And what are you even doing?
What are you doing? I miss you buddy.
I love you, Elias. His name is Birthday.
Would you think about maybe likemeet me downtown getting some
tacos? Hey Pawn, spoiler alert, it's on
my list I put on here. I will never be too old for

(38:05):
themed pub crawls. Talk to me, Daddy.
We just got to cater what bars we went to as we already
discussed breakfast pub crawls. Yeah, we got to just adjust.
We got to. Adjust to our age group.
I will never be too old for going to parties like if you
guys hosted a Halloween party. This.
Year. Yeah, I agree.
Stefan, I have done the one in 10 years.
We'd go immediately. I love that you put that on

(38:25):
there because I didn't think about that.
I wouldn't. I'm never going to be too old to
dress up or have fun. And for the Halloween party that
we went to at your house, I would try to make the funniest,
most inappropriate costume. Agree.
Think of that's got to be the Topanga because that is a
general and it overviews like I'm never going to be too cool
for a party. But I'll never we'll never be
too old for inappropriate Halloween costumes at Halloween.
I love that we will. Party.

(38:47):
Just a couple more things I haveon here because I did say act in
a fool in Vegas. That's one of the big draws of
Vegas, is that you it's like socially acceptable that we all
get to act like we're 20. One yes.
Yep. If I'm in a bar and there's a 60
year old getting unruly, I'm like hey what's?
Up the only normal. Only problem with Vegas is I am
too old to accept how they have priced everyone out.

(39:10):
Now if you're going for a company right you're getting
free flights, free hotel then it's palatable.
But if you're booking everythingon your own, Vegas has become
like Disney World it. Is morbidly overpriced.
We went for our 40th birthday, I'm 43.
We went and the lot. We just sat in a lounge at
Caesar's Palace for like 2 hoursdrinking probably a group of

(39:32):
like eight of us and we all had like, call it 4 drinks each.
Our bill was like $1000. Each couple was putting in 250
bucks for drinks. That's gross.
The last one I got on here just to stay in the getting unruly
category. Pun.
And I know you'll like how I termed it.
I'll never be too old to go on adventures.
Oh no IA, 100% agree. Hey, put a couple beers in your

(39:55):
packet, we're going on. Yeah, where to?
Doesn't matter, Just get over here.
If I hear the words get a flashlight, I'm even more down.
Even more down. Get a flashlight.
We're going on a mission. A flashlight and a Leatherman.
We need to go out. Aw, man, talk dirty.
You know, actually when I said that out loud, the thing that

(40:16):
would make me want to go on the adventure more is if I say where
are we going and you say, don't worry about it, just get over
here, Yeah, Then I'm like. Oh, I'm yeah, yeah, yeah, you
got me. You know what that is?
That's like not paying attentionto the hot girl at the party,
not telling your friend where the adventure is.
That's right. I'm intrigued, alright, I'm
intrigued. Why?
Why you blowing me off? What you got?

(40:38):
I will never be too old as long as the kids aren't around.
Whenever Lauren is in the showerI always open the door and go
Damn girl dude. Every single time she is in the
shower it does not fail. I'm going to sneak a peek.
That is the universal guy thing.You just got to not.

(41:01):
Just sneak a peek you got, even if I got to make some
inappropriate comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like what are you doing ifLauren's bending down to grab
some groceries? Off the floor, that's also on my
list. Slapping.
I'm never going to be too old towalk by if her ass is just
there. I don't care if it causes a sine
wave that goes all the way down to her ankle because she's 90.
And if she ever God clip that, if she ever acts like she

(41:27):
doesn't enjoy it, she ain't the one.
Oh man, stuff always gives me the eye roll.
There's no doubt about it. So maybe she ain't the one.
No, the eye roll is she women feel obligated to act like
they're annoyed by that, so the eye roll is mandatory, but she
secretly. You're right.
You know what I mean? It's true because if I didn't do
it, she'd be like, what's wrong with you?

(41:47):
Yeah, she would do. Yeah, yeah.
What about when you're getting out of the shower and she walks
by? Do you give her the old flying
squirrel? No.
I. So Lauren slaps my ass
occasionally and I got to tell you, I always go no, no, no.
No. No, that makes me feel like you
should be the big. Like you're the girl.
Do not do that to me. I am not cooking tonight.

(42:11):
Ponzi quarter teaspoon. She slaps me on the teaspoon.
She slaps me on the ass and whispers, good girl.
I'll I'll stick with that and goone more.
And now this is only if boys arein the room, if the boys are
around now, if it's just Lauren and I or if my daughter's in the
room and this is something serious, I I cannot giggle.
But anytime somebody says the word boobs if the boys are.

(42:35):
Boobs what we what we talking about?
Where, where where? As long as the fellows are
around I'm I'm never going to betoo cool to act like a 12 year
old boy when he hears the word boob for the first time.
Dude, unless I have to be an adult and.
Anybody who acts too old for that is such a creeps million to
me. If if somebody says boob and I

(42:56):
look at the guy next to me and he doesn't go, then I eat.
It and if someone goes, what a pervert and you're not like,
Yep, I'll even try to I'll be the one upper guy right now and
say my son was doing his math homework the other day and he's
like doing percentages and fractions.
So he's like, I was like, well, you got to divide those numbers.
He's like he goes, hey, we're allowed to use calculators in

(43:16):
class. I go, hey, hand me that
calculator, bro. Let me show you something. 8005
spells boobs to stick with the theme of what we're talking
about. The boobs and the perversion.
I will never be too old to not giggle at that's what she said.
Like if I'm too old to at least go.

(43:38):
Haha yeah. That is what she said and and
you know what that is a universal men and women.
Oh, both, both appreciate it if you give her, that's what she
said. And it's like.
Perfect, perfect. The most corporate human on
earth goes. How's it going?
How's it going? How's it going?
You're talking to the CEO of your company.
That's on my list. I'm going to.

(43:58):
I will keep going with yours, but the one on my list is me
being me, whether I'm talking toa vagrant in an alley or the CEO
of my. Hey, save the vagrants for the
pub crawl. Or the CEO of my company.
I always say things that people in the room go, Oh no, hey, I'm
not looking. I'm not looking for promotions

(44:19):
here, guy. I'm just trying.
To be mean, to stay real, man. Yeah.
And actually, people who appreciate that, by the way, at
work, they appreciate that. You know what's weird?
Is they also let it out a littlemore when you're around too.
But hey, that's. All right, so let me just so let
me just stick with that topic and say not only those jokes,
but like I will never be too oldpun for raunchy stand up comedy.

(44:42):
Dude, that's my next one saying the most awful, inappropriate
thing, so go ahead, but. It's not just you saying it.
I'm talking like, have you ever been with someone that you used
to watch like Martin Lawrence specials with or Chris Rock?
Yes. And then you get to a certain
age and they're like, this is kind of tasteless, kind of
tasteless. And you're like, but I.
Never say that. No, I never say.
That if you know what if tasteless means hilarious, then

(45:04):
I agree with. You I I seen a meme that said I
won't say what it said, but it said you didn't find that funny.
I did. That's why I'm happier than.
You. I like all forms of stand up
comedy. I like dark humor.
I like. Dead humor.
I love humor, Neighbor. He's the funniest dude on earth.
Hell yeah, dude. Do you see how much he made last
year? 70 million.
Oh my God, dude. It never said one cuss word.

(45:26):
It's he's his delivery is if youcould.
It's it's so good. He is if you could form LeBron
in a lab and say, hey, I want the perfect athlete.
Nate Bargatzi is like the his delivery is.
He's trending towards one of thebest to ever do it.
Hear me careful when I say this.No, no, with delivery.

(45:47):
With delivery his time, he is inthe upper elite echelon of the
audience. Ever, Nate.
Bargatzi is a true so good talent.
I hope he hears his name on AI in this.
Podcast so good. To do what he does with no cost
words is so difficult. And it's not difficult to make
the moms laugh. I feel like with clean humor, if

(46:08):
you're funny, it's very difficult to make the raunchy
dads laugh with clean humor, because often with a dude who's
raunchy, he'll listen to somebody who's clean and go, oh,
this guy's trying to be clean onpurpose.
He's a nerd, he's a dork. That guy makes me hysterically
belly laugh. And I never, I never go, Oh,
he's not cussing. Oh, it's not dirty.
It's it's clean, hilarious humor.

(46:29):
Like I said, I like all forms ofstand up.
I like my favorite kind of standup.
Up to watch is actually before you get famous.
I like when you go to a club andsee a dude that's like.
Like a star search esque. Kind of, yeah, Man, when you see
a headliner that can go up therefor 45 to 60 minutes, you've
never heard of him. And you laugh so hard your
stomach hurts. Yeah.
And you're in a crowd of only 200 people instead of going to

(46:49):
see someone at LCA. Yeah.
It feels way more intimate. Absolutely.
You know what? I unfortunately.
By the by the way, you know whatI was going to call my album if
I ever made a stand up special? What?
Just because my mom said, are you ever going to grow out of
potty humor? I was going to call you Mom
Potty humor. Just for you, Mama Mama Baylog,
it was going to be called potty humor.
Andy Baylog presents. Potty humor.

(47:13):
You know, I don't know how you'll feel about this one.
One that I am never going to be too old for.
That's not preparing for this podcast.
I had to text Andy yesterday. I forgot you texted me.
We have been off for two weeks. And I text him yesterday last
minute. Hey, like, hey, what?
What are we doing again? What's the every time he texts

(47:34):
me, what's the topic again? Like 12 hours before we record?
I always reply with I love that you're willing to actually
reaching out to write something.And then I laugh.
And so for full transparency, I asked him what the topic was
because I was just taking my 30 minute lunch and within 6
minutes I put no more effort into that.

(47:55):
I put 6 minutes of. Such a Nate Bargati level talent
please that he writes his whole list.
Stop showering. Stop showering me with these
compliments. Meanwhile, I'm up here sweating
with a pencil behind my ear. No, but seriously, I, I, I need
to, I need to grow out of that and and start preparing.
Hey, as I said to pawn, when we when we first started this, I
was always, I'm such a preparer that I was like pawn, please

(48:16):
write, please write. You're such a gifted writer.
And then I realized Pawn's hilarious.
I don't need to coach you at all.
You just do you, Pawn. It doesn't bother me at all.
Can I say one more because this is about the show that I for
real will never grow up and I really am immature.
The next one on my list says going down a water slide and
yelling because anytime I could not yell weed anytime I'm on a

(48:43):
water slide or a regular slide playing with the kids at the
park. Maybe I don't do it verbally out
loud, but in my head I always go.
You want to know why? Because water slides are.
Awesome. They're awesome.
You got to bring your boy to thepark this year.
We got to have two water slides at the park we want.
To here at your Country Club, yeah.
That's the one. Oh, over there at Oakmont.

(49:03):
Oh, the one our Vance family goes.
Yeah, you know, Jordan Belfort used to belong to it before he
became poor. Hey, you ever heard of the
Fords? That's right.
Yeah. They're my best friends.
So since it's I'm just going to continue to Segway off of what
you say. I wasn't going to say this one
yet, but I have a few things on here for being an adventurous
dad. The first thing I will never be

(49:24):
too. I hope I'm never too old for
this one, but I might get too old roller coasters.
Oh yeah. Yeah, freaking.
My son and I go to Cedar Point. We are roller coaster junkies,
Yeah, and I hope we have so muchfun on roller coasters that I
hope I never. Go Americas roller coat.
Americas Roller You got some girl in culottes.
Americas Roller Coast, 1994. Unfortunately, I told you about

(49:46):
developing this weird fear of heights.
Yeah, but I love roller like I Ilove roller the.
Heights I will just fight through and swallow that fear.
For me, it's the motion sick that could eventually get you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because when we went to Universal, there was a couple
rides that like, but those are the 4D visual ones that I got
off of and I was like, I need tolike crawl across that trash
can. Am I going to get motion

(50:06):
sickness on the cruise? Have you done a cruise?
We have never done a cruise. We will never do a cruise
because Stephanie gets severely motioned.
Well, we bought, I don't know ifif Amazon has a tier level.
I'm platinum tier. I've bought so many different.
If Amazon has a tier tier level of anti emotion sickness, I am.
He's going to be the Heisenberg.When I walk in, they go.

(50:28):
Mr. Crane. Mr. Crane, I didn't know you
were coming. I didn't know you and Jesse
Pinkman were cooking up those pills.
The other things that I will never be told for that are
adventure dad stuff, like you said.
It's funny you said water slidesbecause diving boards, dude,
diving boards, There's diving boards.
My son goes off the high dive. I'm getting too old for that.
But the low dive, I'll jump off a diving board all day.

(50:50):
Long You know why? Because you were skinny as a
kid. As a fat kid, I never went on
the diving board. Kelly flopped and sank to the.
What's that? Kid.
What's inside that kid? You know what I am too old for
though? In the water sports thing is
tubing. I've done it quite a while.
10-15 years ago I was with my friends Marcin Tatiana tubing

(51:11):
and he was trying to get me off that tube.
A spoiler alert he did and I scorpion dude both my feet
touched the water in front of myface and I couldn't walk for
like a week. I was like and that is my
retirement from the tubing sport.
Last sport I got on here is our fun dad thing is sliding.
I took my butt my boy Saber the other day.

(51:31):
Never too old. Oh, you know what I have on here
actually. Snowball fights.
If you I could be called a form of bullying pun.
Oh, sorry if you your kids are too old now, but if you had a
kid that was young enough to go to a Chuck E Cheeses and you saw
one of those tube mazes. Oh, 100%.
Listen, Lauren and I were just when we went to Cheesecake

(51:51):
Factory, we just found an arcadein Novi and we're we did a laser
tag. My daughter and her boyfriend
met us there. I'm I'll never be too old for
laser tag. Also I was like laying on the
ground trying to sniper people. Missed every shot.
Apparently when you're down at their ankles, you can't hit
their chest rig. The technology's not that.
It's not that good. No, I have.

(52:12):
I have ice cream on my list. I'm never going to be too old
for ice cream. Always will be too old for
sprinkles. I was saving it till the end pun
but I put on here. I will never be too old for
large vanilla ice cream. Soft serve cones with rainbow
sprinkles I love. Soft, Sir.
We used to belong to Greenfield Village because we lived a mile
and a half from there. Like stuff used to walk my son.

(52:34):
Such a white person. It is.
It is such. A.
We belong to Greenfield. Village.
Yeah. Well, the Fords, you know, we
know them, Yeah. Yes, yes.
They sell really good soft serveice cream.
And there's this thing inside ofme that goes, don't get
sprinkles, you're an adult. And then I'm like, yeah, let me
get the sprinkles, like what size?
And I'm like, get a small, you're an adult.
Give me what's the largest one? Biggest.
One you got. How tall can you make it Before

(52:55):
I start tipping sideways, I. Often say that to waitresses,
like I know Lauren has to get embarrassed 'cause they're like
what, what? What kind of burger you got?
I'm like, what's the biggest 1 you got?
Yeah, I don't. I don't care what's on it.
What's the medius 1 you got? The.
Pun wasn't very good at math. He's like, what's bigger, a
quarter pound or a third pound? At Greenfield Village one time I
got this large vanilla ice creamcone.

(53:17):
As mentioned. I couldn't resist it.
Pun. It's like a large farm.
'Cause I'm never too old for it.And it was like a July 93° day.
It was so embarrassed. I'm walking by like Edison's
making light bulbs over here. I'm licking ice cream off my
wrist. I was like, I feel like such a.
Kid right now, if there were things that could emasculate a
man and make you feel real feminine, the way I lick an ice

(53:39):
cream cone has to be even in a perfect swirl around the whole
thing so there's no drips. That makes me feel like a tender
little lady, the way I lick around that ice cream.
Yeah, that is very, very, very suspecting.
Questionable. Weird because my preferred way
to eat an ice cream cone is. Just it's just a dog, that baby
down your throat. I like to look like a $20 valet

(54:02):
service on Michigan. I like to just straight from the
top pond and just take that bitch down.
But when it's melting, you have.The last one I have is I I said
that saying the most inappropriate things to the boys
to get a laugh. And it'll be like during
terrible times, like a pick up basketball game, somebody breaks

(54:25):
their leg and you're like, hey, you going to lay there all day
or are we going to do we got to pick one up?
Insensitive. Insensitive, terrible humor.
But it only works with the boys.You can't do it with kids and
and the wife. A case spouse.
Your spouse yes, but if there's other women in the room you
can't be a shit bag to your spot.
But you can say awful funny jokes if it's just you and your
spouse or it's just the boys. Yeah, Steph and I are running or

(54:47):
jogging outside and she's wearing yoga pants.
I'm making some funny inappropriate.
Oh, some crude count. Yeah, look at that.
That must be jam, because Jelly don't shake like that.
Hey, you want no difference between Jelly and jam?
What you can't get? I'm going to clip out the
punchline of that. If you guys really want to know
the answer to that joke, hit me up on socials.

(55:11):
All right, get into our goodbye section.
We did pick up two countries, pawn two more countries.
Kazakhstan I will give and Croatia.
No and no, we definitely don't have Kazakhstan yet.
We I don't think we have Croatiaeither.
I'll give you a hint. One of them, you won't get this
one. It starts with an E Ethiopia.
I know you won't get this one because I never, I didn't even

(55:33):
know it was a country until it showed up.
You Ecuadors. It just.
You back, right. I think one just combined five
countries into one. 100%. Estonia.
Did you know there's a country named Estonia?
I actually did. Yeah, I did.
I did not. Because I'm smarter than you, I
think. Yeah, I knew that.
I. Think it's in Northern Europe
and also this one we mentioned on the podcast.

(55:57):
Czechoslovakia. I said there's no such.
Some people in Sweden say there's no such thing as too
cold of weather, just inappropriate clothing, and then
boom, the next week we have Sweden on our list.
So I'd like to do a little social experiment with AI here.
Pun. Which ones don't we do we have?
I don't know how I feel about. Iraq.
Iraq. Iraq.

(56:18):
Somalia, Somalia. Somalia.
Argentina, anybody? Let's see if we get Iraq.
Argentina. Argentina.
What about Afghanistan? Afghanistan.
Afghanistan. Afghanistan.
I love me some Afghanistan. And by the way, when I said that
Topanga comes across as Japaneseword, I read it wrong on the
air. I hated myself.
For it, what was it? Topanga comes across actually,

(56:38):
Terry pointed out, not on iPhone, not on Apple podcast,
but on Spotify. It comes across as Topanga is
Japan guy, Topanga Japan guy. And PS, did you know that
Topanga was in full house? Panga was on full house?
No, I just saw reel with her on full house.
I said this to Stephanie. I go, I said, I said, you know
that she goes, yeah. Wasn't she like Stephanie's

(56:59):
classmate in in like whatever grade?
And I was like, you're holding information back from me right
now about I didn't. Know that what was what was
Uncle Danny's wife's name? Danny was single Uncle Jesse.
'S Uncle Jesse. Was Aunt Becky Aunt Becky who?
If you recall, I did draft her in one of Did you draft her
Underrated babes? TV babes.

(57:19):
Becky was Aunt Becky was she wassome she.
Got She's one of the hottest babes.
She was all the time. She is I we say this about all
kinds of she is like when you'rea child and you're just coming
into like puberty and you're like, I wonder what my wife is
going to look like. You often picture a smoking hot

(57:40):
babe like Aunt Becky, which I I out shot my shot here.
I say I. We got a couple.
Aunt Becky. We got a couple.
Aunt Becky's on her hands over here.
You know when you hear of a famous person getting in trouble
for something? Yeah, a celebrity.
You're like, celebrity gets in trouble for this, and you're
like, what a freaking scumbag. Like, you don't have it all
already. Yeah.
Aunt Becky was so hot that she was involved in that college

(58:02):
scandal where she was she was getting her kids in
universities. And we were like, So what?
Who cares? Yeah, she's Aunt Becky.
She can do whatever the hell she.
Wants also that college scandal.I mean, I feel like if you're
not rich and powerful and you'renot pulling some strings to get
your kids ahead in life, you're kind of a scumbag.
Yeah, you should be. You should be doing it.
I agree, Pun's making fun of howrich my neighborhood is that I
live in. So I did actually write this.

(58:23):
It's it's spring in Michigan, soI'm walking when I'm whenever
I'm home at lunch, I'm walking the dogs, both dogs at
lunchtime. And did you know that we have
bins around the neighborhood forus to drop our poop bags into?
Hey, do you have little guys in tuxedos that empty them each
night? No, but they're sponsored pun.
Oh. Boy, I dropped mine in this blue

(58:43):
one that says United States Postal Service on every walk I
go on. It took me a minute.
It took me a minute to no, it took me a minute to register.
That was a beautifully cracked and a beautifully delivered joke
That was fantastic. Bargati didn't even.
Give my brain and like I was giving you a fake courtesy laugh

(59:05):
until I realized and I was like,Oh my God, this excellent.
I'm telling you, I'm such a scumbag that I I had a couple of
bags in my hand for way too longthe other day and I walked by.
You didn't. No, you didn't.
No, you didn't. Don't.
Don't cut this out. I don't want to look at you
different. You did not put dog poop in a
postal bin. I, I, I did not thank you, but

(59:26):
you considered it. I looked at it for a few seconds
and then I was like no I've beenbut I am going to type this into
my notepad as as we speak. I have been walking in the mall
seeing a kid eating an ice creamand thought, what if I just palm
that ice cream and eat it right in front of his face?
What do you want to do little Todd?
What are you going to do? Oh, my name is a kid Todd, and
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

(59:47):
What was I going to say? Oh, Speaking of random text
messages, tell me the differencebetween men and women with
Lauren's picture from when we went out to eat compared to mine
eating cake. I totally forgot this.
It's a screenshot that actually,yeah, Lauren was like this
beautiful young lady. She's just.
Smiling. She's got martini.
Yeah, yeah, like an espresso martini.

(01:00:09):
Punch face looked like a kid. One I was to the left, one I was
to the right and my whole mouth was open and I was shoving
cheesecake in. One looked like one of those
orphans next to Annie that hadn't eaten a piece of.
Cheese. Oh my God, is that bread?
That's so good. Hi, Pun.
Have fun on your cruise when this is out.
You'll be leaving in four days. Yep.

(01:00:31):
I was gonna say, what are we doing next time?
But Pun's off for two weeks. The podcast will not be off
'cause I did schedule. Sean Oh, did you?
Did you? I can't be gone one week.
So hey Sean, what are we doing next time?
We're gonna suck, We miss pun are.
We're not gonna be very funny. Not.
Gonna be funny at. All I did write down a couple of
really good new list ideas though.

(01:00:52):
Pun. See what you got here for when
you get back. How about the reasons that the
90s were the best decade? Ohh damage embossed jeans.
Ohh. First of all, I'm about to say
something. Hang on, I also bought my first
a pair of sunglasses because I'mgoing on this vacation.

(01:01:14):
I for my entire conversation, myentire life, I just thought that
only women wore sunglasses and men were supposed to let their
retinas get burned by the sun. I put a pair of sunglasses on
and I was like, you mean to tellme I can keep my eyes open from

(01:01:34):
3:00 to 6:00 PM? I'm like.
Unimaginable. It is.
I'm texting me this and he's a Chuck driver.
He texts me the blue. He's like.
I've been raw dog in the sun my whole life.
My whole life. I always, I thought that it was
the most feminine thing you could do is to wear sunglasses.
I was like, look at this guy toochicken shit to burn his.
God bless me with these big bushy eyebrows because he knew I

(01:01:57):
needed some protection. I cannot handle sun.
In my eyes, I'm a religious sunglass wearer.
I am now too. Summertime.
I won't even leave the house without them.
In Florida, they were utterly necessary.
Do you know how hard I had Lauren belly laughing?
She was like, we should make this a series of things you've
never done because I was going, babe, when you lift the

(01:02:18):
sunglasses up, you can't see anything, and when you put them
back down you can drive like normal things.
That's a list idea, the things that Punch should easily have
done by now in life. I got my first pair of
sunglasses and I was thoroughly impressed.
All right, that's all I got. Make sure to like our podcast,
click subscribe. Remember, if you're a new

(01:02:39):
listener, give us a five star please, and let us know who you
are and we'll read your stuff onthe air.
That's all I got. Pun what you got?
Sit for me, dog pooch.