Ep.70 - The Cell Phone Apps - DRAFT SPECIAL!!! - Conversational Humor - An Improv Comedy Hour

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I freaking love our podcast. I'm so hungry right now.
I assumed his name was Darth Virgin.
Come on, you're talking dirty tome right now.
She's like, what do you got in your mouth?
And I got a fruit by the foot, hanging halfway down to my lap.
I like to eat my calories, not drink them.

(00:24):
All right, Hello. Dude, pull your pants back up.
Sorry about that. Got to put that up.
All right, hello, hello, and welcome back to episode 70 of
Conversational Humor with Pun and Ballrog.
This is pun across from me. Hi, guys, and I'm Ballrog.
As you know, today is Friday, April the 18th of 2025.
And we're going to be talking about, well, actually, are we

(00:44):
going to do a draft episode? It's it's the it's the
smartphone apps draft special. We should we should do A side
note is that I dropped my phone in water today and I cannot use
my phone so everything I have wrote down because my phone is
cycling through and turning on and off.
The one time I want not pun on his cell phone compared to when
he says daydreaming while we're recording his cell phone doesn't
work. I actually was preparing for

(01:07):
this one. This is I mean draft specials
are the easiest to prepare for. But I was looking at my phone
and I was like, oh there will belike 5 or 10 that are like key.
And I was like damn, I use like a lot of apps.
Do you I only have? OK now we should put some
parameters here. I I put certain things as like

(01:28):
all in one category. Should we do that?
Oh yeah, yeah, I know what you. Mean so like I don't want to
give anything away, but certain things belong in categories as
as long as they're like grown upand mature ones, like ones that
obviously not YouTube's not going to go in a media category,
but like. Wow, YouTube's a big one.

(01:49):
Though it's a big one, that's just why it should be
individual. But using what do you mean
individual? Like.
I guess you have to give something.
So like financial apps, I put those shoot your banking apps
your yeah, yeah, those are one. Thing.
Yes, yes, I agree. The grown up mature ones I agree
we're are one category. Like me checking my 4O1K or my

(02:09):
bank is all the same. So I sort of let's not.
So it's not we're getting into it.
What do we do? We're getting into it.
We're. Doing it.
So yeah, we'll sort it out. I just, I didn't know if it was
going to be our favorite apps ordraft because for me the draft
just makes more sense. I don't.
Make the overdue drafts. It's draft next week.
Yeah, this is true. Coming up on Thursday, we'll get
wait, we'll get to that. Quick question for pun.

(02:32):
Yeah. Hey you got my Cupperware?
Ohh shoot, do you know that I have, I have you.
Recall I sent a nice Tupperware with.
You all right? I'm already a, I'm already a
Tupperware hoarder. Listen, this is serious, 'cause
I have, I don't have cabinet space anymore.
I have so much of my own Tupperware now, Lauren's
Tupperware now everyone else is.Tupperware out.

(02:55):
We're Tupperware out, you're getting yours back and maybe a
couple extra. I really don't care about and
maybe a couple extra. It's the big.
I'm going to pay you back some interest.
Paying the juice, I really don'tcare about it, but I just
thought right when you right when I sent it with you, you
said, Oh, this is. Nice, you ain't getting this one
back. Immediately in here I typed you
got my Tupperware. It's been in here for like a

(03:16):
month and 1/2. Yeah, I do.
I do ask you with it, I do indeed.
That is 1. Good, I am mad at you.
I oh, I almost messed up. I almost just said one good
thing about Lauren. Like, like there was just a list
of awful things. That's one great thing.
No, she is. That's one mediocre thing about.
My I've always been very neat and like my Tupperware would be
in a section together. She she had I mean size like

(03:41):
everything is perfect. You can't.
There's no missing lids. There's no missing anything.
It's perfection in my cat. It was like that when you were
on your own or no, No, no, I mean no.
When I met Stephanie, she openeda cover.
She goes what the hell is this? That's the Tupperware.
That's the Tupperware, yeah. It's just an Amazon box with a
bunch of lids crammed into it. Yeah, you know, Steph does.
It's really smart. She writes on the bottom of the

(04:03):
Tupperware. Like if it's a clear Tupperware
she writes dark blue, dark blue or purple or red.
So the lid color, yeah, that's like that's one level up.
Damn, why you big time and Lauren right now?
But yeah, I'm not mad at you. I was.
I was mad earlier, pawn. I was I'm, I was having a great
day. You know, I put the spring

(04:23):
furniture, front porch furnitureout.
Spring is in. I got a tee time tomorrow
morning after basketball. I'm in a great mood.
I'm heading to the gym at lunchtime and I'm in the left
lane behind this car. Pawn.
You know, like you're supposed to pull up in an intersection.
Yes. To turn left.
Yes. This woman did not pull up.
What do you mean she just? Stops.
She was like at the white stripeand then the light turns green.

(04:46):
You pull up and turn so that even if it's yellow or these
eight holes were like running yellows, you still go on the
red. Not the woman in front of me.
She was just chilling and I realized after waiting through.
You know what that's called? We call that capturing the lane.
I guess technically. I waited through a full light
and I'm waiting through a full second light and there's like
long gaps where she could be turning.

(05:08):
Did you? I did.
You you throw a chocolate milk at her.
I thought about it. I passed her.
I for the first time ever, I passed somebody.
I went around her, got in front of her and then turned left.
Was how old was she, do you think?
Would you ask me? Did you feel bad about?
It I felt a little bit bad you. Not look at her, make eye
contact. You're like, I'm not looking.
At her, I'm not looking at the cards.

(05:28):
Oh my God. You might have been dealing with
it You. Cut off an elderly grandma with
her grandkids did. Not I'm looking at a great mood.
Grandma, why is that guy yellingat us?
Yeah, I. Felt a little guilty about it
but there was no way I was waiting through it in my second
light cycle. Do you do that?
Do you not make eye contact whensomething weird happens at a
like obviously? Not that's on my mood.

(05:49):
If I'm ready for a confrontation, that's the
problem. Right.
Yeah, If you're ready for confrontation, you're like
hanging out the window like Ace Ventura and.
Pull it over. I'm already over.
I can't pull over any further. You can find us everywhere
podcast when we found make sure to like and subscribe and click
the notification bell. Give us a five star.
I did today make a real just a very simple one of our trailer

(06:10):
so that people can share our trailer.
Yeah, so please, if you're listening, share that trailer.
And I was looking at our our listenership pawn and there was
2 dips in the listenership. One was obviously when we laid
off last fall for a while, whichis fine.
Real life happens. The previous one I was like, why
don't we have a dip in December?Maybe it was the new year maybe.

(06:30):
And then I thought they were probably.
I wonder how many people are scorned by the fact we never had
the Bob Barker bash. His birthday was in December.
You know all of our listeners bailed because of the Bob.
People were ramping themselves up, getting ready to to get
roaring drunk at my old house inDearborn, and then we had no
party for Bob. Barker no party.
Oh, Speaking of that, what aboutis that date finalized June 7th?

(06:55):
For the pub Carl Crow I think so.
I was considering going to Vegasthat weekend because it is my
birthday weekend. I mean, hey, what are you gonna
do? You gonna be selfish and do what
makes you happy or are you gonnacelebrate with all your.
Through Vegas Pub Crawl. Yeah, we could actually.
Can find that reel that I postedon on Instagram.

(07:17):
A conversational humor. And Facebook at Conversational
Humor Podcast. I put about that long delay, and
if you haven't already listened,go back and check out our
episode 69 on the talents we wish we had.
I was actually amazed you didn'tmake a 69 joke.
I almost. Did you were cutting me off last
time to scream at me about the Samoas?
So I think it slipped your mind,yeah.

(07:38):
I almost just made one just now when you said episode 6.
I got to say when I really listened to upon, I was die of
the part when you I was trying to think of my favorite parts.
When you said that you wanted tobe a singer, I was like, yeah,
we all want to be a singer. But your reasons and saying that
you just want to just destroy somebody at karaoke that thinks
that they're or you said, I wantto invite friends over and be in

(08:00):
the shower accidentally just so they can hear how amazing of a
singer I am. I get into our appetizer
section. Speaking of pub crawls, when
Sean recorded and you weren't here, I announced the pub crawl.
What date? That's why I was kind of
fumbling over my words when you said June the 7th.
What date did you announce? It's for 2026.

(08:22):
Oh, what are we doing? It's going to be a Chicago pub
crawl. Oh, I'm in, I said.
Steph, me, Lauren Pond, we're driving Chicago in.
Anybody who wants to come is in.Yep.
And if it's just the four of us,we're still pub crawling through
Chicago. Dude it still would be freaking
sweet if it was just us 4. Punches excluded everybody who

(08:42):
was like hell yeah. No, I'm saying worst case
scenario is no one comes and it's still a blast.
Steph and I were pub crawling with our 12 year old son on
Michigan Ave. on a Saturday overspring break.
Like we have fun in Chicago. There's so many pubs with bars,
so let's plan a date between thefour of us, like the best time

(09:03):
of the year. When you're like for sports or
when you're definitely not goingto be involved in something,
just pick a weekend and people can plan it a year ahead of
time. Like right now.
Right now. Right now we're like right after
spring break because all we haveis track right now.
I'm down for anything. We would just we would just do a
quick two nights. So you just take a Friday off
work? Yeah.

(09:23):
Do a mini pub crawl Friday. Major pub crawl Saturday.
I'm home on a Sunday. Listen, I you know, I was just
thinking about this today. Is I already immediately from
getting back from vacation? I already am like I have nothing
right now. You got to have something.
You don't always have to be on vacation, but you always got to
have a countdown, yes. You got to have something on the

(09:43):
horizon. I need something and, and also,
Lauren said. Well, maybe a little bit more
modest than what you just spent on that cruise.
Yeah, well, we're going to do anadult only thing where.
So Lauren and I were discussing this at the track meet and one
of the moms who's a friend of ours was like, because we've
been talking about going to Key West and she's like, I'm not
going to Key West. And we were like, we didn't

(10:05):
invite you. So being funny.
I thought that we were just being funny.
But then when we got in the car,Lauren was like, if any friends
come on this vacation, and it's not just you and I, I'm stabbing
you because we never. She's like, so keep your trap.
She's shut. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you guys had 47 people. Like I said, you had fun, but
that's a lot. It's a lot of sort of small

(10:26):
talk. And her daughter is only eight.
Yeah. So it's like she was actually 8.
She was supervised. You said that you yelled at your
son. You're like, listen, I don't
always want to be your dad. Yeah.
Well, Pine, Lauren are going to go to a exclusive place with
just the two of them and we'll see you when you guys get.
Back the two of them. Let us know the countdown.
Yeah, so we're going to figure something out.

(10:47):
But I because I like to me the more the merrier.
I'm always like, I want everybody involved it.
Just depends, like my advice to you, Lauren, if you're listening
or Jackie, go ahead and notify Lauren.
Yeah, actually Jackie right now is on a flight to Aruba or
somewhere, I think. My advice would be to if you if
you want to spend any time with another couple or two couples,

(11:10):
just overlap it. Yeah, go for like 2 nights with
them and then four nights without.
Or vice versa. Yeah, yeah, you got to do you.
You have to I but I do find myself where like whenever we're
doing a dinner or especially in Wyandotte, because it's so
small, we always run into somebody we're.
Always fun is so Wyandotte famous.
Is so Wyandotte, but we we don'teven when we we set out to have

(11:35):
just a nice little quiet date night, it's like, oh, what oh,
what's up, what's up? Fun is so Wyandotte famous that
there is a mom at the jiu jitsu that my son goes to and we were
chit chatting and it turns out she went to Roosevelt High
School for a couple years. I think she's a year.
She's either a year or two olderthan you or behind you, I can't

(11:56):
remember. I go, so I go, hey, do you know
punt? And I was like, wait, actually
his name's Chris with Aki was like, you know, Chris Crane.
She's like, no, I was like, oh, then you didn't go to Wyandotte.
Then you were a nobody. You were a.
Loser. If you don't know.
Punt. He's joking.
By the way, you were not a right?
So last weekend I told you I wanted to talk about this on the
air. We and I forgot we went to see

(12:18):
thank you to my boyfriend in law.
My mother in law's boyfriend is what I call him my boyfriend in
law. Engelbert Humperdinck we went.
To see Engelbert Humperdinck dude.
And let me tell you something about old Engelbert Pawn.
He's 107. Years old, he was phenomenal.
Dude, this guy, I'm not buying it for a while.
I'm. Telling you, man, this guy is
turning 89. It was good in May.

(12:41):
It was as good as could be expected.
He was like sitting down in between songs.
He was still had a singing voice.
It was just like, it was just cool to see a dude that's 89
years old entertaining a a room with 400 people in it.
Yeah, it's insane. It was.
Insane. Where was it at again It?
Was at the ANI Amo. Showroom.
Oh yeah, that's right. Dude, I'm not trying to make fun
of anything, but we get there and Steph goes immediately into

(13:02):
the bathroom. I'm parking the car.
She had to poop. She comes back out and she goes,
wow, this is the first concert I've ever been to that there
were no line at the stalls because there was only only a
line at the handicap stall. You did text me.
I forgot. I forgot his hearts out the.
Door. Andy goes.
I'm for sure by several decades the youngest people.

(13:22):
Steph and I were definitely the youngest people there.
They announced 4 birthdays whilewe were there, 878783 and 81.
I was like, damn, dude, this guywas so funny in between sets,
Pawn that he was like, he goes, I wrote this song 'cause he'd
always take like a little break,'cause it's singing is
exhausting. So he had like a stool he would
sit on and then he would talk tous a little bit.

(13:43):
Like this guy performed in Vegas, Like at the Dunes in the
Sands, like places that are no longer existing.
Yeah, it's insane. He was like showing it on the on
the screens. They were up there like him at
the Dunes. I was like, this is so awesome.
And he would like talk between songs.
He's like, I wrote this song about what would it be about 58
years ago and it's a ballad and I love ballads.
And he turns around and he goes and I love drinking and grabs a

(14:08):
glass of like, whiskey, just just takes it down.
I was like, dude, Engelbert. You're the man.
You're the. Man, yeah, we had an absolute.
Blast. How was the dinner?
Dinner was good. It was more we had like a bunch
of appetizers, so we did like pizza and sliders and salads and
stuff like that. It was it was an awesome night.
Mitch Album was there. He sat right next to us.
Yeah, how freaking cool is that?Oh dude, I wanted to talk to him

(14:28):
so bad. I was several mojitos deep when
you text me that. Still on the mojito.
Train. Oh dude, I got to listen not
only are we on the mojito train still, we've eaten at the same
Mexican restaurant this week 3 times and we never go out like
that. We.
You do look like you got a little Turkey.
Guy, oh God, it's oh God, it's been just nonstop.

(14:50):
But so like, I'm drinking so many mojitos.
We're sitting there yesterday orno, the night before after my
son's track meet in Cameron's boyfriend's baseball game.
So we get home late and we end up going and Lauren's daughter
goes Where's your seaweed drink?The mojito with the leaves?
You're not having your seaweed drink.

(15:11):
I'm. About to have another.
One listen, there's a there's a bartender at unnamed restaurant
in Wyandotte, Mexican restaurant.
You probably can figure it out if you're from the area.
She made a mojito so good that Istopped eating my steak fajita
to walk up and thank her. I was like ma'am, this is the
best mojito I've ever had in my entire life.

(15:33):
Also, if I had to, I could eat steak fajitas and drink a mojito
every night and never ever ever get tired of it.
Never. Dude, I would never get tired of
steak fajitas. And mojitos feel light, right?
It's. Just they're, they're like, it's
very light. Oh, did you do a masters menu by
the way? I kind of like winged it.

(15:54):
I have it in my head. I didn't write it down.
I, I I asked you. I did.
We'll do. I did.
I'll do them now we're in goodbyes.
I would say now. Shoot from the hip pun.
We're going appetizers, right? All right, I'm going jumbo
shrimp cocktail first, then I'm going chicken and or steak shish

(16:15):
kabobs, right? Maybe it's the white people way.
I'm going Peppers, onion and then the meat.
I like it. I like it.
Then we're going to go steak bites with a garlic sauce.
Nice. And the pita bread served up
just like anywhere. You can get $1.50 Miller Lite.
Then. Now we're getting heavy.
We're about to get heavy for themain course.

(16:36):
I'm going southern fried buttermilk chicken, golden
brown, golden brown. Then I'm going Texas Roadhouse
rolls with cinnamon butter. Then I'm going pineapple and
watermelon fruit cup, but not the hard pieces.
I'm talking the moistest hand picked little delicious piece

(16:58):
and we'll put it in a little cognac cup or something.
Famous pineapple. And then we're going to go chef
salad only served with ranch. You're not getting Italian.
You're not getting French ranch.No, not ranch on a chef.
Salad on a chef salad. Or no, I'm thinking watery ranch
too. Wait, what am I thinking?
Not chef salad. I was thinking, you're thinking
Caesar. Salad, but it's a little too

(17:18):
fishy. Oh yeah.
Oh. Ranch only and I want you want
you want the butt, you want the watered down ranch.
A watered down Coney Island ranch.
Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.
Desserts. The kind you drink for a
hangover. Yes, yeah, you wake up Desserts.
We got the trifecta of a healthyserving of cookie butter ice
cream. Nice.

(17:38):
Not served in a plastic bowl. You're getting porcelain in a
real spoon. And we're not talking 1-2
scoops. We're just going to fill the.
Bowl up nice or this is what I expect to be at puns daughter's.
Graduation. A banana split with no nuts.
You're not. Nuts are not an option.
You can't get them. I'm avoiding some stuff at this
at this master's. Dinner.
And then to top it off, we're going New York strawberry

(18:01):
cheesecake. Nice.
Yeah, yeah. I had a feeling I might be
hearing about cheesecake at thattime.
I'd go with I had mine. I'd go with the Riblets from
Applebee's. I hope your kids please God be
just joking. Did I go with the Mick rib?
The only appetizer I had was I had a couple appetizers.
Normally when we get appetizers I go with the with the pickle

(18:23):
chips, but I don't think I can do that at the masters.
Dinner. I, I, I, you can.
It's your damn. Dinner steak bites are always
key. And then I got to go with them.
Stuffed mushrooms. We had the best stuffed
mushrooms at our wedding. We we our wedding was catered by
the Gem Theatre downtown. Steph and I were saying hi to
everybody in cocktail hour and they pulled the appetizers out

(18:44):
before we got any. Oh no.
But we tried them obviously in the in the tasting for the main
course. Listen, man, I'm a red meat guy,
I'm a steak guy. So I'm just gonna go like a
filet with the filet the 8 oz filet I'm forcing.
I'm making a. 10 oz. I'm not letting anybody get it
cooked anything more than. Medium.
Medium, yeah, that's good. I do medium rare.

(19:04):
That's good, that's fine. No, medium rare.
I'm a medium guy. I like to do a little bit of
seafood for the non red meat eaters, so we'd have some nice
salmon. Yeah, I like the firecracker
shrimp, but. I almost like the.
Jumbo I like the I like the small shrimp OK, but I I like to
do some kind of surfing. So does Stephanie, obviously, if
she married you. Hello.
And then for the dessert I wouldgo with.

(19:25):
Firecracker shrimp's so good. Maybe I'd go with Mama Baylog's
Christmas cookies. Did you ever eat all those?
Yes, I did. And.
And they were fantastic. That's why the Tupperware is
empty. I think for my dessert I would
just go with the ice cream truck.
It'd be it'd be parked outside the master.
It's a great no. That's actually a great idea.
You can order what you want. I getting into our errors and

(19:47):
omissions section. I got a couple from here, a
couple good ones that you might enjoy.
I'll start 2 episodes ago, episode 67 that things will
never be too old for. I had this on here twice and I
forgot to read it. I put down here.
I'll never be too old to be annoyed by the serving sizes of
ice cream at a kid's birthday. Party.
It's nonsense. It's freaking nonsense.
Some adult gives me half a scoop.

(20:08):
I'm just like, I lived in the bowl and I'm like.
Lady, listen, if you can't afford the ice cream, yeah,
don't have the birthday. Don't invite me.
Why are we rationing out scoops of freaking butter pecan?
I'm telling you, man, I try to like, I'm like, it's not
socially acceptable to get extras as an adult, but I'm
always like, yeah, maybe a second scoop.
Yeah, how much of that ice creamyou got?

(20:30):
Yeah, when I go to my mom and dad's house at the end of the
night, I always get the ice cream back out for show.
Yeah, it's nonsense. But I just stare at the bowl
like in. Utter disappointment.
Yeah, when some or they cut you a sliver of cake, yeah, you're
like, listen lady, I'd have thenmowed you an extra 15 to get a
freaking quarter sheet. Going back to episode 69, the
talents we wish we had, I would be remiss if I didn't talk about

(20:53):
a couple talented people in my family.
Actually, on my mom's side of the family, My godfather, if
he's listening to Uncle Steve, he juggles.
Oh. Dude can juggle like 6 batons at
a tiki, juggle torches he can dug, juggle knives.
But. How many can he juggle though?
Like 6 legitimately 6 things, yes.
He can juggle. If it's hacky sacks he can do

(21:13):
like 8 or 9. Do you all right?
On your eyeballs. Can't even like fathom what's
happening. Do you know how impressed that
would be if we were just see these are skills that like you
don't whip out all the time. If we were just out eating steak
bites and having a beer and you could you started juggling 6 of
anything, I would immediately get pregnant.
I got. Stuffed mushrooms flying through
the air. It's like such a funny thing

(21:36):
that he learned how to juggle that many things.
And I also have an uncle that I got to give a shout out to.
His name is Jeff Warzak. He owns his own company.
It's called A2 Magic. Call this guy.
Look him up online. He has 705 star Google reviews
700. If you have a kids birthday
party, call my Uncle Jeff. He's a magician.
He's a magician, dude. He he'll blow your mind.

(21:58):
He did. We brought him here for one of
the kids birthday parties. The adults were just as glued to
what he was doing as the kids were.
Really. Magicians are straight up
awesome. Yeah, also before we forget,
because I know even during sports we won't listen to me,
Not only is pagebackers going totear up the NBA, but Georgia
Amore. The National Basketball
Association. No, the WNBA.

(22:19):
Yeah, that's not what you. Said, What did I say to the NBA?
The NBA Did I Really. LeBron page is coming.
Yeah, Georgia Amor. That's the girl to watch.
I'm telling you, she's gonna. She was.
Why? Did she go to school?
She. She went to Kentucky.
Probably clipping that out. All right.
Also, I was trying to tell Lauren how much earlier I was on
Pagebackers and Caitlin Clark than everyone else, and she just

(22:41):
wasn't. I was like you and he.
Looked over, she was just reading and sleeping.
She was just like. What are you talking about?
Yeah, I know You were the first one to ever know about Caitlin
Clark. Oh, thanks, Chris.
Can we have a different conversation?
Saw logs as Pun's watching roundthree of the WNBA draft.
Baby, it's getting good. That's.
Where the sleepers are coming in.
All right, get into our sports section.

(23:06):
We got to. We can make it quick because
Pun's got a hard stop in about 40 minutes that he probably
could have told me about before.We were talking about four O 1
KS off the air. We're talking about borrowing
from 4 O1 KS and Roth Iras before we come on.
I didn't have a lot for sports. All I can say is that two
things. One, this is the best time of

(23:27):
year like March, April. I do still want to do the draft
of months, sporting months, but dude, March and April
back-to-back, and especially forme because I'm a huge golf fan
with the Masters. I was just going to say.
Going from March Madness to the Masters to the NFL draft, the
playoffs are starting like opening day of baseball is so
exciting. It's it's like the best.

(23:48):
Time of year, you know what? We, we, we got to give baseball
a little more credit because we bag on it and say how boring it
is. But it is one of the most
inexpensive date night things togo do.
Yeah, you guys, like I snagged $11.00 tickets.
I mean, we're in the nosebleeds,but we're not going there to
watch the baseball. We're going there to get
outside, drink beer, have fun. Go on a in park pub crawl.

(24:10):
Oh, we should. Actually.
That's a genius inning. Room only go on a pub crawl.
We're doing 9 innings, 9 concession pub crawl.
You have to do an entire lab foreach.
One and then you gotta ride the carousel in that barf.
Then we gotta add one of the Ferris wheel.
Yeah. Did you ever know there's a bar
in left field now? No, that's like credit card only

(24:33):
and they have like a wide menu of.
Drinks isn't everything only credit card only.
Yeah, I think. You're think it's cashless?
Yeah, there's just a bar. I don't remember what it's
called. It might just be called the left
field bar, but check out and left field.
Just go there and hang out. We're gonna go like bar stools.
You can just watch the game fromthere.
That actually sounds way better.Yeah, we have like a totally
awesome, inexpensive, we're gonna go from the Tigers game

(24:54):
right to there's a sports bar atthe corner.
I think it's actually called Detroit Sports Club, Detroit
Sports Bar. That was the one that has been
closed for both of the pub crawls.
We did 9 in these 9 bars. Sometimes it's open, sometimes
it's. Not Yep.
And then we're gonna go just have burger, fries, drink, and
then the Pistons game starts. So the Uber's picking us up at
noon and we probably won't be home till eight, 9:00.

(25:16):
Yeah, Steph and I might be. Come on down.
Baby be joining in progress. I saw a screenshot.
I saw a meme from the at the mental mate.
That's the name of the account that said my wife left me today.
I don't know why that's funny. My wife talking about sports.
My wife left me today. She says I put sports ahead of

(25:37):
our relationship. We were together for six
seasons. It's so perfect.
Oh, I did want to talk real quickly.
Rory winning the Masters. I know nobody cares about golf.
But no, I don't know, I feel. Like this is the career
achievement and if you you can hear my dog barking in the
background. That's right.
That's character. It's a career achievement.

(25:58):
Do you know there's only been five other people to win the
Grand Slam? So that's all of the four
majors, right? Tennis, for example.
But, and it's not in a calendar year, it just means the grand
ever. Lifetime, lifetime.
Only five people have done it pawn and and a few of them were
so early that there was like, they were like the only people
golfing. Yeah, they don't care not to bag
on Ben Hogan and Jean Sarazen. But when you do it in 1930, it's

(26:18):
a little different than now, right?
Like Jack, you can say is modernbut not really.
But not really. He was winning and in the 60s,
in the 70s and then into the 80s, Tiger and Rory, the only
ones to have done this in the modern, modern golf and with,
like, actual athletes golfing. Yeah.
So all those guys I just mentioned, Sarah's and Hogan,
Gary Player is the last one I didn't mention.

(26:39):
They all like, won three and then it took him like 1-2 or
three tries to win the fourth leg of it.
Rory was like tortured by modernmedia for 11 years.
This guy's like mental roller coaster he was on was insanity.
He stayed on the PGA when everyone went to live golf.
If you can, watch the emotion that that guy had when he hits

(27:00):
that last putt to win the Masters.
Then he dropped to his knees. He dropped to his knees and
starts sobbing in the middle of the green.
Dude, it was like, dude, if thatdoesn't move you, I don't care
if you're a golf fan or not. It was incredible, Yeah.
I think, you know, some people maybe can't relate if you've
never had any. It doesn't have to be sports.
It could be anything that you'vetried, whether school work or a
test or something you've dedicated just forever.

(27:22):
Endless hours. Endless.
And then imagine that times 1000, and that's what he felt.
I know and I know I try to keep everything in perspective.
It's just a sport. But like, man, this guy, I
wouldn't be surprised if he reels off 567 more majors now if
that pressures. Off yeah, it probably feels a
whole lot of relief right now. Yeah, yeah, it's.
Great. Another cool thing about the
Masters I want to mention is it's all over social media right

(27:44):
now. They have, this is like the
coolest thing is they have a no cell phone policy at Augusta
National. Yeah, so every single person
that was watching him in the playoff hole and hit that last
putt, they're 100% engaged pun. It's like a society that we
can't even fathom anymore. We've had cell phones for so
long. Remember when LeBron James
broke, it was creamed record, right?

(28:04):
The scoring record. Look at that picture.
Every single person's on their phones, except there was one guy
that someone circled in a in a screenshot and said this is the
only guy that's enjoying this through his own eyes.
Like, people fall into the GrandCanyon every year because of
cell phones, selfies. Like just it's so cool that they
they like go old school and don't let you have cell phones
there. Yeah, Augusta is just cool in

(28:25):
general. They're menu so cheap.
Like you ever? See, I'd be.
Smashing exact salads. Don't they restrict the they
give away the broadcasting rights right so they can control
who their advertisers are and. They have a masters app that you
can watch the whole tournament on.
You don't even have to have a streaming service.
Oh, really? Yeah, there's a Masters app.

(28:46):
I watched the whole tournament on it.
I had no idea. Someone said masters app is the
greatest invention since the automobile.
I didn't even know about it. Yeah, so like they, I think it's
the opposite. They they they refuse TV rights
or I. Guess.
There's some rounds that have TVrights, but it's in the contract
that they have it on their app. Yep, it's pretty awesome.
I love it. The last thing I got to say
about sports is we we might talkabout this for a minute, but Joe

(29:09):
Dumars just got hired as the general manager of Memphis or
New Orleans. New Orleans.
New Orleans. And Steve Eiserman is the GM of
the Red Wings. Yeah.
And like, I can't help but think, like, did did we do
Dumars dirty? In hindsight, it feels that way.
It it felt like that when it happened, but I mean, he was

(29:30):
making some real bad decisions there for a while.
I won a championship. He went to what, 6?
How many straight finals? 66 straight Eastern.
Conference finals, 2 finals. Yeah.
And one title, yeah. Like you'd think that that would
give you. I I thought about it because.
I mean, it did. He didn't get fired.
He didn't get fired right away. He made some awful moves.
Awful, awful moves. Like the Charlie Villanueva

(29:52):
signing, Ben Gordon trading for Allen Iverson.
Yes, the Darko pick is probably going down in history amongst
all the sports as one of the worst draft picks of all time.
Yes, but still like Ayerman has been.
I think he just finished his sixth season in in Detroit this.
Is done nothing. Hockey team done nothing.
Done nothing. He sniffed the playoffs like

(30:13):
twice, 1 1/2 times, and he's gotlike a lifetime contract.
I mean, to be fair, maybe you'reon to something because we were
talking like this about Harbaugh, remember?
Yeah, we were talking like we were like, it's.
I'm tired of it. He's got to go on a Harbaugh
esque run, or I hate to say it, but Steve Azerman needs to be
fired from Detroit. I know.
And at first I thought, well, he's got a long, long leash

(30:34):
because he's proven that he can do it.
He won a champion. He won multiple championships in
Tampa Bay, Tampa Bay Lightning. And I thought, but Joe Dumars
won one here. So he I don't know how he can
have a longer leash than Dumars I.
Mean if Bill Belichick can get kicked out of New England,
Stevie. Wyke him and his Him and his
creepy girlfriend. But you know, I almost respect

(30:55):
it more what New England did andwhat Detroit eventually did with
Joe Dumars, where it's like, you're not above the
organization Just because you win, it doesn't buy you an
infinite time glitch. I looked it up.
He was here 14 years. It's a long time.
That's a long time. It's a long time.
And if you're not going to win and you're making decisions that
are tanking, it doesn't matter what your history is, right?

(31:17):
Like if you I, I don't know whatelse to compare it to, but that
one title doesn't buy you forever.
Yeah, you're right. And it bought them.
You're right. They didn't fire him right away
so. Eventually, maybe teams just get
desperate and they. Try to imagine if they brought
Joe Dumar's back as like an advisor to.
I don't know why. I like what's happening right
now. I like what's happening.
This team is scrappy. I mean, dude, we, I listen.

(31:38):
No one on earth has taken the Knicks.
If Tobias Kajaris can quit his playoff choking.
We're beating the Knicks, dude. I we're beating the.
Knicks. I had it.
I had it. Logged into FanDuel.
I said Pistons win game one parlayed with Pistons win series
plus 6:50. I was like, might click yes on
that one. Yep, I love Joe Dumars, that's
all I gotta say. Yeah, you just, you just

(32:00):
defended Joe D with all you had.That's all I had, man.
All right, it's list time, baby,let's do it.
And this weeks list is the smartphone apps draft special
and pun her. I got a couple things to say
before we flip this coin. You want me to flip the coin
first? Yeah, no, I'll say a couple
things. Say a couple things.

(32:20):
I saw Steph's cell phone the other day.
Yep. You know, there's bubbles next
to things like a red bubble thatsays like you have two updates
or? Like oh right, right.
Like a notification. And how do you feel about the
red bubbles? I hate them.
I don't like notifications period.
I don't have emails just sittingin my e-mail so.
If you look down and it says youhave 10 unwritten emails you
have. I have to clear.
This. Now if I save an e-mail, that

(32:43):
means it's very, very important.Like I'll star it and save it
right now I'm going to, if my phone is working, I will check
my I'm going to pull it up rightnow Yahoo mail.
Let's see there is 2 in here and1 is a picture of myself when I
was in shape and it says get it together.
I emailed it to myself. Yeah, if this if what I'm doing

(33:06):
right now, I'm exercising six days a week again and dieting,
sort of dieting, mostly dieting.If this doesn't work upon people
are going to be seeing half nudepictures of me on socials
because I got to do it. Got to the only way I can
motivate myself is shirtless pictures.
So if I go to my home screen, I purposely put apps on my home
screen. Not only that I use a lot, but
that don't typically have red dots cannot deal with.

(33:28):
Now, as you can see, I do have some red dots because that's my
work e-mail. And then I have some text that
we've gotten since we started. I look at Steph's cell phone
cell phone the other day. Pun just take take a random
guess how many unread text. Messages Here's the thing you
got to remember, I have two daughters and Lauren, although
Lauren's really good about hers,she's the same way.
But the two daughters, it's I feel like it's a woman thing

(33:51):
they don't care about. Like my daughter probably has
498 text messages unread. They do not care about our
peripheral vision. They do seeing those red
bubbles, I guess. How many of text stuff has
unread? You're going to. 24. 261 Oh my,
I was like, Stephanie, what on earth?
I was like just click it and getrid of the red.
How do you know when somebody knew text you?

(34:14):
How do you know I had? That's how I know because my
notifications are clear, so if Isee one, that means I respond.
That's why I. Respond right away because my
notifications are always clear. Oh my Lord, I.
Said Steph. I had no reason you let this get
so out of hand and we need to help you.
Imagine what her e-mail looks like.
It's probably 24,000. Oh my God.
So let's flip the the old colon.Flip that colon.

(34:35):
Why don't you flip it? I've been winning a lot.
Hey, don't be cheating. Don't be.
Yeah. Pun wished he Pun wished he had
a more athletic talent. Again, call it.
Oh, we don't need to call it 'cause it's got names.
Come on, baby, shit's rigged, right?
And with the number one draft, hang on.

(34:58):
My scouts are chiming in. Hang on.
Yeah, OK, yeah, let's go with that.
Yeah, let's go with that. With the number one, pick the
Detroit puns, select YouTube. Number one overall YouTube.
It's where I get all my podcasts.
It's where I get all my music. Well, not all my music, but it's
what it is. The majority of my work day is

(35:19):
dedicated to. YouTube because you drive all
day all day so I. Click something and I just let
it sit in the. Background.
So you listen. What do you mean?
I listen to my. I listen to quite a few
podcasts. They're in the background.
While you're driving, I'm the background, even if I'm.
Not so. You listen to your podcast
through YouTube. Majority of them if anybody from
Spotify. Is listening that wants to pay
us. He listens listen to his podcast
through Spotify. Yeah, that's true.

(35:41):
But no, a lot of like rabbit hole stuff like documentaries,
crime documentaries, I'll just pop it up and you can't watch
it, but you can listen to it. When I go into, I can go into
absolute musical YouTube rabbit.Oh yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Can you even fathom we grew up.
Our kids cannot fathom we grew up with no access to music at a

(36:02):
fingertips. I fact that they can just listen
to any song they want at a touchof a button is unthinkable.
I can fathom because when I wentto my work Christmas party, we
have a mechanic who's, I don't know, early 60s.
Still got a flip phone? Hey, he still has a flip phone.
He's a old man, old school, likesalt of the earth kind of guy.
Fix anything still drives an oldpickup that he's fixed forever

(36:24):
past 300 and something 1000 miles on it.
Just a salt of the earth kind ofdude.
He was talking about. He he also has a new pickup that
he doesn't drive because that's how old dudes are, right?
But he his they were going up north and his girlfriend slash
whatever she would be. Slam piece.
His girlfriend, he, he said something like, you know, I

(36:47):
really want to hear like Aerosmith or something.
And she goes. Engelbert Humperdinck.
OK. And he goes, he's telling the
story. He goes, listen to me.
She typed it into her phone and it came right through the radio
on demand. And he's telling you like you
don't know. He's telling me like it's the
greatest invention of all. Just.
Staring at him straight facing like like is he?

(37:07):
Fucking with me. Welcome to 2002 Bob.
So yes, I can imagine what seeing somebody for the first
time being able to experience music on demand.
He'd never. I mean the guy listened to ACD
player around the fire. That's why around the fire,
Yeah. I like the memes that say, you
know your you were born in the early 80s if you owned one of
these. And it's like the five CD disc

(37:28):
changer. Yeah, with the speakers on the
side. Dude, those things were sweet
when we were they were so it wasyou had like we.
Had them in our college apartment.
Dude, Yeah, yeah, yeah. YouTube was the Topanga.
Yeah, well, we'll see. I got a couple Topanga.
I also got a couple deep. I got a simple sleepers is going
to knock you with the with ball rocks first pick with the number

(37:48):
two overall pick. This one seems like a layup, but
I think the way I ranked mine was like when I open my cell
phone, this is the order of operations I go in and we just
talked about it texting or WhatsApp.
And it's it's not just because it's my favorite.
It's because what it avoids for me is conversations,

(38:09):
conversation, humor it. I don't mind being on the phone,
but text messaging is so efficient that I can't believe
we used to live without it. Yeah, that I seen a meme that
said yeah, I sent you to voicemail.
You know how to type. Like why are you calling me?
Or like when my mom first got her cell phone, I love you Mama
Baylog, and she'd leave me voicemails that would just say

(38:31):
it's your mom, call me back. And I was like, Oh my God,
either text me that or don't leave me any message.
The cool thing is I do like thatthe voicemails converted into
text for you and just sent it toyou now it's it's so great.
I do like having some like if there's something heavy to talk
about, I like to have a phone conversation.
Yeah, that time. No, it's serious.
Like it's. Serious or it's too long for a

(38:53):
text, but text messaging saves us so much time.
Group text? How did anybody have a party or
invite people to do anything with just a phone?
We lived. I told you we were living
downtown. We were 21.
We had like 400 minutes a month.How did we get people to come to
parties? I don't even know how we
organize. Because we didn't have phones to
digging our to bury our face andpeople actually knew what each
other were doing like doing. That's right, that's right.

(39:14):
They kind of knew what I was. Doing like it's Friday at 5:00.
I know he's got some nasty ISIS.We must have known that we had
to mention on a Wednesday that we're thinking about a party on
a Friday. So it's in the back of someones
mind. Yeah.
So yeah, I have to put tax messaging.
Or just, but you think about it like at that age, it was every
day. So like if you didn't have
something going on, you had freetime.
You're like, who's having beers?Even for things like I have

(39:36):
poker group run WhatsApp, you know what I do?
I enter a poll that says poker my house Friday, yes, no, maybe.
And everybody just votes in a poll.
And that way I can like track the attendance so we can say it
like, sorry, we we ran out of chairs.
I don't know how anybody lives without text.
It's the best app. Ever.
I'm not in that damn text. I think you didn't think of

(39:57):
texting because we don't even think of it as an app, but it's
the. Best app yeah, yeah, we.
Just think of it as a part of life.
All right, so my next one would have to be, well, because I love
my children. I'm going to draft Venmo next
because my kids would die if I didn't send them money for food
every single day. It's on the list.

(40:17):
Every single damn day I. Didn't carry cash when credit
cards were invented, let alone now.
There's Venmo. I haven't had cash and I I found
a, a singular dollar bill in my wallet and I had to like blow
the dust off it. Actually, no, I I take that
back. I did have cash for the cruise
because I had to get tipping money tipping and I felt like a

(40:38):
boy. Just a stack of singles.
F knows. If I got cash on me, oh, it's
going down. No, she knows that if I have
cash on me, I'm either going to or have recently been to the
casino. Do you even know why I left this
morning? I found that gangsters role in
your pocket. It's not what you think.
We don't. Even for my poker game Pun, I
track everything on excel, who bought in for what and what they

(40:59):
cashed out and then we Venmo at the end of the night.
Nice. We don't even use cash for poker
anymore. That's beautiful.
Cash is yeah, Venmo. Venmo is the best.
Alright, for my next pick, they give me the music the pick is
in. I'm gonna go with I gotta follow
my rules and I gotta go with this one because this would be
the second thing I open and it'sdefinitely Instagram.
IG IG man, I know you are a ticktocker.

(41:21):
I got rid of it. You can say.
Just just for a reset, just probably a month.
Or two, you can save tick tock till the very end because I
don't have. I already planned on it.
Yeah, I already planned on it. Strategically and I can get
absolutely lost in Instagram, Reels, Instagram, like there's
like this new form of comedy that is Reels and memes.
Yes, that's how I feel about TikTok.
So entertaining man. I I open my phone instantly I'm

(41:43):
on Instagram. You know what's insane is I am
legitimately an old man cuz waittill you find out what I do
first thing when I wake up. Also first thing would obviously
be look at the text messages. Yeah, but I I'm gonna draft it
next. Pun looks at the text messages I
sent him at 10:30 at night. Yep.
And then when I wake up I see the text messages he sent me at
4:30 in the morning. Yep.

(42:05):
My next one I am going to go with if we're going in order of
what you do in the morning, no. No, you can go in whatever.
Order you. I'm gonna go.
Ask your favorite. I'm gonna go Grandpa.
I'm gonna go grandpa style and go Pandora or it could be any
music app, whichever. I personally am like a a
creature of habit. So because I've used Pandora,

(42:28):
I'm going to continue to use Pandora and my that's how I get
all of my music. If it's not YouTube it is for
sure I. Still use it too.
And some of my poker crew and Sean, Sean is a music
aficionado. So like him and my buddy Eric
are like, dude, how do you not have Spotify Premium?
Or you can make your own playlist.
And I said to me, there's something cool about Pandora
that you don't know a song. Is coming now.
It's like it makes you appreciate the good songs.

(42:49):
When a crappy song pops up and then the next one, you're like,
oh, here we go. Now we're back, now we're.
Back yeah, I'm still a Pandora uh, but I think most people have
gone over to. Spot they have, they have.
That's why That's why I didn't need to take it very high.
All right, give me the music. The pick is in the next one I
got on here, Pon. I'm nervous.
I'm gonna. I'm nervous you're gonna take
this one. I would take this one now, but I

(43:12):
already know that you use YouTube for your podcast, so
I'll just I'll just burn that one since you already kind of
used it and say like podcast apps in general, Like podcast in
general. I don't know how anybody drove
anywhere before. Like I like music too, but I got
to go from sports to music to like interesting pocket.
I have to jump around. I same I don't I I was at work

(43:35):
today with my phone is going through this cycle because I
dropped it in water. It's resetting like every 3 or 4
minutes and I I found myself like I I don't I'm so used to
having background noise something.
Commercials on WJR. Dude, I was like reading cans of
things again. Like I was Remember when you
used to like have to take a crapand you'd read the back of

(43:56):
something like a shampoo bottle?Remember you used to know every
ingredient that was in shampoo because you had nothing.
We used to keep magazines. Yeah, gross magazines on the
back of a toilet, They have like, hand washing marks all
over them. Yeah.
All right, then I'm gonna go with, I'm gonna go with this one
because it's something I also use every day and it's the

(44:17):
camera on our phone. Like, do you?
Do you just go 2 back-to-back? No.
Well, I oh, you did taking. You're not taking.
OK, You already. Used gotcha gotcha gotcha.
But I'm using, I'm using the camera app, I use the camera app
and I count the camera app as like screenshots as well.
Yep. Like I'm screenshotting or
taking a photo of something or doing something nonstop every

(44:37):
single day. Yeah, every single day.
That's how I write a lot of these show docs is by
screenshotting all the things that are funny that I see.
That's how also how I update people, what I'm doing when I
can't respond or like, you know,if I'm super busy and it's crazy
and the kids text, I like text apicture of the chaos that is
around me and they get it. Like yeah, camera app is super.

(44:57):
Huge, although I do miss. Taking pictures of your Willy,
You got that? You can either confirm or deny
that. You got to cut that.
I do miss, I don't miss old school cameras like my mom and
dad had to get film developed, but I do miss the disposable
ones that you take on trips. Yeah, they still have them.
Be like a boys weekend and be. Like, dude, I forgot we took
that picture. Yeah, they still have.
Isn't that crazy? How?
Many photos were good on a disposable camera and nobody's

(45:20):
eyes were closed. Like when you take pictures on
your phone like there's like a million trash ones that you end
up deleting. Yeah.
I wonder if that's because they were so like each one was very
important and now we're just like you.
Ever. Imagine if you found at your
house right now a disposable camera that you forgot you had.
You'd. Be Oh, it'd be sweet.
What you got? My next one, all right, this is

(45:41):
going to show my age and I'm going to put all financial apps
in one spot because I wake up and I'm every day.
One of the first things I do is I make sure I haven't been
hacked. I check my credit report, I
check my 4 O1 Ki check my creditcards, I check my bank.
I don't know why, maybe it's because I have had like I was

(46:02):
the long. Asperger's.
The last time, yeah, it's, it's a forum or something, 'cause the
way I do it in the, in the methodology, like it's, it's
ridiculous how much I check it. But I have had my debit card
compromised so many times. Like one time I, I was sitting
there eating dinner with the sports parents and I, my watch
was going 2525 vaguely remember you remember that?

(46:25):
Yeah, I, I got it stopped at like $625 transactions.
I did. So now I like always go through
every, I just, I just check, boom.
Look at all the balances. Look at my e-mail, look at my I
like, I check everything every day, my 401K every day.
I know if I'm up or down every day.
I check my 401 KA lot a lot. Yeah, I have.

(46:48):
We have friends who got married.All their gifts got stolen out
of their bank account. Like bank account was hacked,
clean, completely cleaned out. Do they get it back?
Though they got it all back. All right.
So I'm going to go all financial.
Apps all financial apps pick is in with the I think it's my 4th
pick because I'm an old man and I don't get out as much as I

(47:08):
used to. This one is I almost took this
last time it's so high on my list.
Pun. Please don't take it.
Please don't take it. I'm going with, and this is a
category I'm going with all the fantasy sports apps.
OK, Fantasy sports are like a such a huge part of my life that
like I'm always checking I'm in dynasty football leagues.
Like, do you do you realize thatpeople started playing fantasy

(47:29):
sports when they had to tabulatescores out of the sports page?
Yes, newspaper. That's insane.
And it's all in our hands. I'm a reformed fantasy player
and I don't miss it one day. I don't.
I know. I knew that you wouldn't hate
that. I took that one because I know
you don't play a ton. I'm I'm done with it.
I. Obsessed.
There's. It's stressful.
It's I, I needed to relieve thatstress.

(47:50):
And you still love it, so it's all yours.
Yeah. Because again, it's like it's
just whenever you're bored and scrolling, I can check my
especially during fantasy football season, I can check
that out. Maybe that's why I check my
e-mail like I do cuz I don't have fantasy support.
Yeah, puns like I got something from Verizon, huh, We got.
Capital One here, got this offerin the mail.
Dude, I also just realized that you're probably going to take.

(48:12):
I can't believe I passed. Over Oh yeah Oh yeah, it's
coming next Oh, man all right onthe music.
I'm hoping. I'm hoping this one slips,
because there's one that I'm worried you might be I.
Don't know how I type this one that I'm going to take so far
down on my list. Next, all right, Next with the
next pick and what I feel is thesleeper of the draft.
Don't you do it. I got.
I got the best. Sleeper in Amazon because

(48:34):
honestly, Lauren, every single day it saves me so many trips to
the store and I have Amazon Prime, so almost everything.
Oh yeah. Like, hey, we need dish soap.
Hey, remind me we need this. Hey, the dog needs a hey, this,
this. That's every Amazon is it's so
good. I'm talking from the time she
sends me a message to the time it's already on the way to my

(48:54):
house. Could be 7 seconds yeah, it's so
fast. You ever?
You ever buy something that's there the same day?
This, oh, every day. Oh, do you like it's gotten to
where a lot of a lot of the essentials are like, hey, we're
running low on toothpaste. Just remind me when we do
groceries on Sunday where I'm just like boop, I just buy it
right? As soon as she mentioned
something, I just buy it right then and there and it's there

(49:16):
that day. It's insane when it's there that
day, I'm like, what am I in? Some kind of a spaceship movie
like in the future? Amazon's a love hate.
Although I have a wife that doesn't shop a ton on Amazon, so
I love Amazon. I go out.
I have like so many things in mycart.
Yeah, it's so convenient, guys. It's so convenient.
I just saw meme today. My old football coach from high
school, Coach Jay, he put this is what Sears used to look like
before Amazon. You couldn't find a parking spot

(49:38):
and it was an entire. Yes, parking lot?
Yeah, jam packed Amazon. I got anxiety looking at that
picture. Amazon revolutionized
everything. And you know what?
I am one of those. Take my money.
I I, I, I I have a love hate because a part of me is so
grateful for Amazon. It's the greatest.
Greatest. She yes, there are just so many

(49:59):
things that comes up where it's like, Oh my God, I forgot.
And I'm like, don't worry, it can be here between 10:00 AM and
3:00 PM today. The little things.
Dude, the little things like you, you, you.
Had the ones that were perfect tan soap for the bathroom.
Yep, toothpaste toothpaste. The other day I needed new white
undershirts for work like a scumbag.
Instantly they come. I mean, I would have had to like
go to a store to buy Hanes undershirts.

(50:22):
And then you have to hope that they have your size because
sometimes they don't restock. Yeah.
Have to hope some other human hadn't worn them before and
returned it. Yep, I guess that's the Amazon
thing too. All right, so with my next one,
this is maybe what I do before Instagram.
Actually, when I open my phone, I there's a lot of different
apps that do the same thing. I use the score.

(50:42):
I am a sports box. Score a holic.
Ask me how many baseball games or basketball games or hockey
games I watched this season. Yeah, not a ton.
I watch a lot of football. I watch a lot of golf.
I watch a lot of college basketball.
I can tell you all the Pistons scoring averages because I just
I checked their score every single game.
Pawn. Now So what app is this?

(51:04):
The score. Oh, it's called the score the.
Score, but like sometimes peopleuse ESPN or whatever for box
scores. I'm going to cross ESPN off on
mine because you took that just because that's what I use my
next one would be this one savesme.
Not only do I use it for the podcast, but I use it for all of
Lauren's tidbits because I remember every little detail.

(51:25):
I use pages slash notes app in your phone.
It's. It's it was coming up for me.
It is, it saves everything because it could even be like a
A to do list it. I have all of Lauren's facts in
there so I don't have to remember what her favorite
Gatorade flavour is. I know after Hey, what's
Lawrence shoe size? I don't know.
Let me look at my list. I got everything there.
Steph calls me the other day. We're getting the kitchen.

(51:46):
We done. She's like, how big is the
kitchen? I scrolled through my notepad
from when we bought the house and I got all the dimensions of
every room in this house in my notepad.
It it is, it is and it's free, dude.
It's it's so great. It's a fantastic I.
Have like every single list thatwe've ever done.
This is episode 70. I have every list in a notepad
note that's called podcast. Yep, I just scroll to the

(52:07):
bottom. Also, there is one that is,
there's actually 2 that are sneaking through right now.
I got a car. I'm I'm not going to let this
one go on for any longer. Pun with the next pick Team Ball
Rock is going to give me the music.
The pick is in. I'm going to take.
I'm going to go with you might. You might think this is I'm
going to go with the upset minded flashlight.

(52:31):
I thought you were going somewhere way different.
Upset minded flashlight pun. Yeah, the flashlight does come
huge. I use my flashlight.
I'm not exaggerating here because I drafted.
I use it every single day of my life.
I probably use it every morning,every other day.
Nights when your spouse is sleeping.
Yeah, I use it a lot. To get to the bathroom when I
come in a little intoxicated, I need to not trip over things and

(52:52):
piss off Stephanie. I was helping my dad hang a TV,
hang a hang a wall mount. He had one of those corner
oscillating wall mounts the other day.
Yep. He's like, hey, hey, hey, Hon,
go get a flashlight. And I'm like, ma, when you get
it, throw it in the trash. Yeah, you don't need to own a
flashlight any longer. It's on your phone.
I use it's, it's on my little. What's the screen called?
Widget. Yeah, it's on my widget screen,

(53:13):
the flashlight. I use it every single day.
I'll tell you what, I use the flashlight a lot, but not quite
as much as I use my next pick. I'm gonna categorize these all
in one cuz you can use whatever you want.
I'm gonna go with the gambling apps.
I'm taking my sports book. Whichever 1 you want.
That one Caesar's. DraftKings, whatever you want.
That was towards the bottom of my list because it's in my love

(53:33):
hate category. Oh, Oh yeah.
Oh yeah. I mean, did I put in a 18 parlay
for the Masters the other day? Yes, you did.
And did I lose on the very firstleg of that?
Yes, you did. Yes, I did.
Because I just donate them $5 nonstop.
But they know that we and I say we.
I bet you half of dudes, maybe 40% of all guys can complete a

(53:55):
two or three leg parlay very simply every day.
And when you know, a dollar on your $5 bet, everybody can do
that. But they we can't.
There's something inside of men that go, let's make it a 9016
parlay. It's it's for 27.
Days you know why? Because you because you see
those stupid screenshots that they those sites post.
Yep, they're like look at Rick from Tennessee to hit for Yep,

(54:17):
and you're like, that could be me.
And you and you never like thinkabout how far in advance that
futures parlay was. You're like dude this is like 6
years worth the bets in one ticket.
I got a Leon Dry Seidel NHL MVP ticket right now.
He's like even money with ConnorHollaback.
Oh my. God, yeah.
I think I opened it in football season.

(54:40):
I was watching Alabama, Georgia with Chad and Jess, and I was
like, I kept on betting through her, like splitting it and Ben
Miller. And I was like, I just didn't
trust myself with it, you know? Yeah, finally I opened one up.
I'm I'm plus like 300 bucks. If weren't for parlays, $5
parlays I'd be plus like $800. What's crazy is they're all very
good about. So I I'm the same as you where I

(55:02):
will, I'll delete them. I'll close my account, go.
I'm done with this one. I don't want to.
I don't want to do it no more than I'm like, you know what
though? Let me open up Caesars promos.
But I'm almost even with every single one.
Yeah, maybe a couple 100 bucks either way on all of them.
I'm not up a a a a ton on any ofthem and I'm not down a ton.
They are pretty good at nickel and diamond.

(55:23):
You where it's like. That's the good thing is 'cause
if you go to Vegas, you're like,I'm here, I'm gonna bet Duke,
North Carolina, I'm putting 200 bucks on the game right in your
gambling app. You're like, I'll just put 10
bucks. I'll just put 10 bucks.
Just enough to make you interested.
Yeah, just so you're. Right, you don't get into too
much trouble. No, you might be down a couple
like I. Said I'm even with the parlays
that I pissed money away on, I'mstill up 300 bucks and if the
Andre I settle wins the NHLMVP, I'm up $430.

(55:47):
It's 5 to win 130 pun. Yeah, with my next pick, the
pick is in and I use this actually this one, this one, you
can make a case for it to be actually even higher.
I do not get on the freeway to drive anywhere without Google.
Maps. Damn it, I was just not thinking
you were going to take that veryhard.
Only does it avoid traffic jams that can just ruin your day.

(56:11):
Ruin a vacation, ruin a trip, ruin a weekend, whatever.
You're going to the beach and ittake you get stuck.
There is something about sittingin normal rush hour traffic that
if I know exactly when I'm goingto be somewhere, I'm like
happier. Yep, it's I use it.
I'm not exaggerating. I don't get on the freeway
without a match. I I think most people do because
if you ever look over in people's cars, almost everyone

(56:33):
has it up on their dash or on their Oh yeah.
And it's like, you know, not everyone is going somewhere
they've never been before. I think almost everyone uses it
and it's smart. And remember back in the day we
used to go against it if it was like, if you seen you're like,
why is it taking me this this way?
This is dumb. I'm not doing that.
I know which way to go. You always get bone.
You get always listen to Google Maps.

(56:54):
Now always listen to Google Maps.
Off an exit 43 is so stupid. Yeah, yeah.
Always listen to Google. Maps how many of our parents
fights could have been avoided by a the dad that wouldn't let
the wife drive anywhere on a road trip and him yelling damn
it honey, learn to read that Atlas.
I don't even want to know how many.

(57:15):
Fights my mom's house doing this, I think we've talked about
on the podcast, has an uncanny ability, no matter where he is
in the country to know where he's going.
It's crazy, insane. It it's a skill.
But he was talking about my, youknow, your mom don't know how to
read an Atlas. I'm like, yeah, dude, yeah.
They'll be backing on my mom, bythe way.
You know your mom can't read a damn Atlas.
You know, like listen, do you know that 95% of the country.

(57:36):
Can't react this. You probably don't think this is
funny and disagree because you drive trucks now, so I guarantee
you do this. But I hate when someone's giving
you directions. Or back in the day when I was in
my 20s and was clueless and theywere like, yeah, you just turn
West. And I was like, can you just
give me a direction? Left or right, I don't.
Know can we stop it with the with the northwest E South?
No. The upset minded compass I'm.

(57:58):
I'm the same way because as liketruck drivers now are even
spoiled where people aren't. No ones using an Alice anymore.
Yeah. I was, yeah.
My next one would be Uber 'causeI don't want a DUI.
Let's go, baby. I knew I was gonna get that.
I was gonna save that one. Yep, I I would take Uber and
also Uber's fantastic because not only do you get it, does it

(58:21):
save you $10,000 and possibly from killing a family, but you
can like pre schedule. I already I got my ride for
tomorrow already been it's been lined up and paid for done.
And it also says if your driver can't pick you up at that time,
we will maximize or we will optimize you with it or we will
pair you with the next closest drive.

(58:42):
We had an Uber schedule to take us to the Dominican Republic.
When you do those early, those are really early flights because
we like lay over in North Carolina.
I won't talk forever. This this guy pre we pre
scheduled it. He didn't come, charged us for
the ride and charged us a cleaning fee.
Are you kidding me? I didn't get the notification
until I was in the Dominican Republic, and I have like,

(59:03):
horrible Wi-Fi. I've never wanted to actually do
bodily harm to a human being more than that human in my life.
Wow, no, I was going to say if Iwas able to and should have
drafted Lyft slash Uber is how did we used to how did we used
to like go to opening day? We used to drink and drive like.
Man, the truth. Well, or find rides you know, we

(59:24):
can like convince somebody to drop you off.
I'm always stress free when I godowntown or pub crawls or
anything cuz I'm like whatever do when we're done we just call
a Lyft. Yeah, we used to have like taxi
cab. We used to take taxi cabs.
You know what I thought? So my daughter is she's got a
brand new car. By the way, did I tell you that
she bought a brand new freaking car?
You don't you show me pictures. Of it.
So Uber is so cheap that I mean,I know it's not cheap for some

(59:48):
people, but I guess like if you think about it in this way, like
if my daughter dropped me off, I'm going to fill her gas tank
up just because it, it cost me 30 bucks to get from my house to
Detroit. It saves me a DUI.
And that's probably what I wouldhave gave.
If you get a ride from a friend,you're going to compensate them.
You got to pay one way or the other.
Dude Uber and Lyft is the greatest.

(01:00:09):
Do you remember when they had the designate like two people
would come and one? Driving.
Yeah, yeah, yes, that wasn't gonna last no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. The only.
Time I could even I was the. Designated driver many times
that I woke up in a Bush it was I don't know how that car or
that you got that the. Designate makes sense nowadays.
I doubt it even exists. Is like if you were to go to a
tailgate. I was thinking about that

(01:00:29):
earlier, like if I was like I had opening day and I was like,
I want to do a tailgate for opening day.
It's so fun. It's more fun than going to the
game, yes, but like, how do you get your car home from these
lots when you're doing when you're taking shots off the end
of an. Ice Rouge you have, you have to
think like you got to just tell your wife like.
You're not allowed to drink. Tomorrow, no tomorrow we got to

(01:00:50):
come back and get the car. Yeah, but you're leaving it
overnight in Detroit, full all your equipment.
Yeah, no, I. Don't know about that.
Yeah. All right.
So the next one I'm going to take.
This one could have gone first. Overall, I don't know how any
parent lives without it. Is the clock app pun and you
know why? Why?

(01:01:10):
Alarms. Dude every alarm on my.
Phone. Oh yeah, I didn't think about
it. I have.
Like 20 repeating daily and weekly alarms.
Same. My kids schedules of what time I
need to be there in the morning and in the afternoon are in my
alarms. Half day times are in my alarms.
Like everything did I live? The clock app is so underrated.

(01:01:30):
You could have got that last picbut my alarm.
You want to know what time it isin Shanghai right now?
Bro, just go to the clock. Go to the clock app, dude.
I also use the timers on there if I'm like, exercising or doing
like a workout in the basement. Like yeah, if I'm doing a plank,
I use a 62nd timer app. It's underrated.
I'm gonna go with this next one.I'm gonna go with one that shows
my real laziness, and that is whichever your preferred grocery

(01:01:53):
app would be. Yeah, that's a good one.
Yep, because I am now way too busy of a human and I'm not
actually. This is just like I don't want
to leave on a Sunday to go pick up groceries.
I am now far more superior because now in my life I'm.
How can I phrase this without sounding like a bag?
That sounded horrible. A seed bag.

(01:02:15):
No, I, I, I am now far too busy to go do my own grocery
shopping. I got a popular podcast.
I can't be seen in public. I have a publicist I can't
possibly be admire. I had 2:00 on a Sunday so I'm
going to go with the grocery app.
We need to try it. We've never done a grocery app
and I guarantee we would be instantly addicted to it.

(01:02:36):
I would tell Steph to use it, but I'm pretty sure she goes to
Kroger to get the hell away fromus.
Yeah, so that's I actually was like, I like grocery shopping,
Lauren doesn't because I enjoy like walking through, but by
myself. I don't want to go with the
whole. There's a difference between,
it's the same thing for me as cooking.
There's a difference between grocery shopping on a weekend
when you got all the time and you're like, yeah, let's let's
buy this, let's buy that. Or like a weeknight when you

(01:02:57):
just. Got to get it.
Got to get it. That that it's torture.
Yep. All right, pawn, I'm running out
of things here. So for the last pick in the
draft I got some honorable mentions.
I'll save those for errors and omissions.
Next week I'm going to go with the upset minded white noise.
Oh my God, dude, I told me. I'm telling you, dude, this is

(01:03:22):
me. Every time I go on a business
trip or if I'm in a hotel room or the kids are, if I want to
sleep in on a weekend, the kids are going.
Downstairs, seven years old. I've put it on the airplane.
Sound right here. Pointless fuck.
I can't believe. This this will make you sleep
like the dead. It's funny because Lauren's
daughter's. In the hotel room that people

(01:03:43):
are slamming doors in and walking around above you.
I just fall asleep to a two-partDMX.
I'm half asleep, Right? I'll have a sleep right now.
All right, get into our goodbyes.
We'll make them quit because puns got to run.
Happy Easter, by the way. It's Easter on Sunday.
Yep, I saw a me. Wasn't this fun?

(01:04:05):
I saw a picture on Facebook thatsaid, oh, that's going to be in
our errors and omissions. How much I hate Facebook.
I haven't had it in. I don't miss it a bit.
No, I saw something that showed.Hey, you want to upgrade your
Easter egg hunt? Hide pierogies inside the.
Plastic eggs. Oh, also, I'm a really bad dad.

(01:04:25):
I opened my daughter's door. Lauren was in the backyard doing
something. So I went to like I was going to
scare her by opening my daughter's window and going hey.
But I noticed there was a gazillion filled Easter eggs in
baskets. So she does a lot of stuff for
school. I'm guessing that was for
something at school and I was like, well let me just take a

(01:04:46):
look and see what's inside. So because there had to be 1000
filled Easter eggs, I probably ate 17.
Of. Them sour patch kids.
Oh my God. Starburst.
Have you seen the Starburst Jelly beans?
Yeah. Oh dude, the laffy taffy.
'S you want to know something worse?
The Reese's eggs come. On I asked her where they were

(01:05:08):
going and they're for peer-to-peer, which is special
kids program that she participates.
Ate them all. Ate.
Special kids candy. You ate all their Cadbury eggs.
Are you a Cadbury egg? Guy, no, but I would.
Eat them. I'm I'm against Reese egg.
Come on. There's This is the most
superior candy on Earth. Speaking of Reese eggs, last

(01:05:30):
thing I'll say is I was at CVS the other day and do you know
what I saw up there? They have Reese's now has a
Reese's popcorn, Reese's flavored popcorn.
Did not see this. And I have to check that out.
And right next to it was, this sounds even better.
Reese's dipped animal crackers. Oh come on, God.

(01:05:50):
You know the white animal. Crackers with the sprinkles on
mine they're so. Good.
Yeah, Reese's dipped. Animal Crackers I got, I got to
buy them for us. And hey, don't worry about
weight because I saw something, Carnell Nicholas Junior said.
Hey, not one person on my 600 LBlife is single.
Go ahead, Go ahead and eat that cake.
All right, Pun. That's all I got.

(01:06:10):
What are we doing next week? I texted you something.
You didn't respond. Your phone might have been
broken. Would you text?
But I already wrote my whole list for next week.
Oh yeah, I did see that, but it was late.
The things that bother most people but do not bother us.
Have you ever been in conversations where someone says
something that annoys them and you're like, yeah, it doesn't
really bother me? Yeah, that's the list for next.
I I jotted down 10 of them in like 3 minutes.
All right, make sure to click subscribe, click the five star

(01:06:32):
button. Do me a favor and share that
reel that I made. It was a very simple reel to
make of our trailer. That's all I got.
Paul, what you got? For me though.

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Ep.70 - The Cell Phone Apps - DRAFT SPECIAL!!!

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep.70 - The Cell Phone Apps - DRAFT SPECIAL!!!