Ep.71 - The Things that DON'T Piss us Off!!! - Conversational Humor - An Improv Comedy Hour

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I freaking love our podcast. I'm so hungry right now.
I assumed his name was Darth Virgin.
Come on, you're talking dirty tome right now.
She's like, what do you got in your mouth?
And I got a fruit by the foot, hanging halfway down to my lap.
I like to eat my calories, not drink them.

(00:24):
All right, hello, hello and welcome back to episode 71, A
conversational humor with Pawn and Ball Rock.
This is Pawn across from me. You know what pisses me off?
I want this. I'm tired of this guy flaunting
his wealth to me. I walk up.
I walk up. He has three full size candles
on the porch. Not the small ones.
Not the 699 specials from Meyer.Three full size at least 2599

(00:48):
candles. But you know what's going to
really piss you off? On what?
We don't know why they're out there, why we were giving them
away. That's it.
I'm done. I'm done.
Are we selling them? No, we're just giving them away.
We don't want those. Things cost a minimum of $30 a
piece. If you think that Lauren would
like those love scented candles out there, feel free to bring

(01:10):
those home with you. Steph put him out there for the
gross point. Buy nothing and someone didn't
come pick him up. What so?
Listen, in my neighborhood, people would have traded you
their kid for one of them. I'm telling you, there were 3
candles and a a shake weight outthere for like a month.
I'm like Steph, we look like theghetto house on the street where

(01:30):
there's a Shake Weight sitting out.
There, Yeah. Why is that out there?
Yeah, so it's funny that you start off with, you know, pisses
me off because this week's episode is the things that don't
piss us off. You know, I struggled with this
one a little bit because so manythings annoy me.
Oh yeah, that very few things don't actually annoy me.
I'm becoming the disgruntled neighbor now like everything

(01:52):
pisses me off I. Was actually writing my list and
having the same problems as I would write something.
I'd be like, yeah, it doesn't really bother me.
Then I'd be in the next one and I'd still be thinking about the
previous one. Yeah, like about.
It every single one spiraled andshe pisses me off.
Well, I text Lauren's sister Jackie, who listens to the show
all the time. I text her and go, what are some
things that don't annoy you, that annoys everyone?

(02:13):
And I'll, I'll read exactly what?
Whoa. Whoa, save.
No, there's no list items, she said.
She was like, you know what pisses me?
She. Goes I go what are some things
that don't annoy you that annoy other people?
And she wrote have you met me? Everything annoys me.
Then she proceeded to list 7 things that annoy her that she

(02:34):
put I have to think hard about things that don't annoy me.
And then she never responded. She couldn't help herself.
She's like, well, I can't think of anything right now, but while
we're on the subject, she said no.
Pisses me Arias. We should, we should have a list
of of of Jackie's things that piss off Jackie.
Actually, I've had a lot of people recently say, are you
ever going to do a pet peeves list?

(02:54):
And we will. Oh yeah, we have to category.
There's a Topanga because. There, there.
There are like, categories of things that piss me off, but
there's like a few things that are my number ones.
Yeah, actually Chad's sister Jess, my friend Jess, I should
just call her that. We were out to eat with her and
her her wife the other day last weekend.
And she goes, she asked me the question.

(03:15):
She goes the she goes. The number one thing that pisses
me off more than anything. People chewing with their mouth
open now. She goes when I'm walking
somewhere in a group and someonein front of me just stops.
Oh. And I was like.
Oh, I made it. That's such a good.
One that does not that hey add it to the list doesn't bother do
not bother me. What about when if you're at the
store and somebody stops and yougot the buggy?

(03:37):
I just go around them. I just run right in there.
Yeah, I mean, they'll learn. They'll learn when their
Achilles are all swollen up. Today is Friday, May the 2nd, by
the way. I didn't.
I didn't. Mention it's gonna be May.
Let's see what I put on here. I put I put, I put this on here
when you got back from vacation,actually pawn, there was I, I

(03:58):
read something that said there'sa haiku about my life.
It said and I thought I thought of pawn.
I said, I'm so tired. Where did all my money go?
My back is hurting. Yep, and I was that's got to be
pawn after a week when I come back from vacation.
Listen, you're doing haikus and you want to know what I had
wrote down. Why?

(04:20):
Why is it called laundromat and not laundry mat?
That's why in my nose say save that for appetizing.
Why I? Mean let's get into it.
Let's unpeel this. Where's.
The O Come from Why is it calledLaundromat let.
Me. Just ask Google.
Hey, Siri. Well upon the AI overview of

(04:42):
laundromat by the way, says the word first.
It made fun of you because it said the word laundromat is the
correct and why are they accepted term?
Yeah, whatever you say. It says while laundry mat is a
common mispronunciation from people like Pun.
Yeah, why would you call the place you do laundry at laundry?
It is a It is believed to be a combination of laundry and

(05:02):
Automat automatic. You know what?
You want to know what pisses me off?
Nothing pisses me off more than stupid AI explanation.
Add that to my list of things that don't.
Piss It is why it is widely believed Shut up shut up laundry
mat. You can help us get rich by
clicking that five star and sharing our episodes.

(05:24):
Never going to. Happen, you know, we have 97
five stars on on Spotify and I just upon you know, we did the
cell phone apps draft last week.In case you missed it, go back
and listen to episode 70, the cell phone apps draft.
Every morning I wake up and see did anybody else five star
podcast or one star podcast? And we're just sitting at 97 on

(05:45):
Spotify. So if you know three people that
could get us to double digits tofive star.
How a stranger. Much appreciated because we do
want to. I saw something that said
Citigroup. Speaking of getting rich,
Citigroup mistakenly credited a customer account with $81
trillion. Wouldn't even notice it.
I wouldn't even notice it. For the guy that checks his bank

(06:07):
account every morning. Every single day.
It said it took hours in full caps hours to reverse.
Can you imagine the damage we would do with 81 trillion in a
few? Hours, you know, yes, they would
be getting. Unemployable.
They would they would be gettingback 8 million less than what
they said. They would be like, Andy, that's
no longer your money and you arenow under arrest and you're no

(06:31):
longer going to work in the in the United States again.
When you go to click the five star, when you go to click on
our podcast, you know what you should not click on?
What I clicked on was a cheesy Mother's Day gift.
And my my feeds on my phone right now is filled are
inundated. Yeah, with the cheesiest
Mother's Day gifts I've ever seen.
Pawn and I might have jotted a few down.

(06:51):
Here a vacuum. Hey, if this offends people that
love and cry, it says your your your wife will never cry as much
until you get her this gift. And all I could picture was
Steph giggling the whole time. Yeah, like this is stupid.
Why'd you buy me this? There was the date of birth, the
always popular date of birth, street signs.
How about the to the world, you're a mother to our family,

(07:12):
you are the world. So it's just people that are
like. Laugh, love, They're like you.
That's what I put on here. It's the new Live Laugh Love.
You know what it is? It's people who are like, you
know what? Instead of me buying a Hallmark
card for you that has other people's words in it, I'm going
to frame it and then force you to put it on the wall whether
you like. It or not.
To be fair, if it were not for my daughters in Lauren, there

(07:36):
would be nothing on my wall. Maybe a Tupac poster, A 1997
Michigan national championship poster.
That's. Fair to God, if I come over
there's a Tupac poster. All eyes on me.
I already said to go back and listen to episode 70 of the cell
phone apps draft, but I always put in here before we get to
appetizers. My favorite parts were and

(08:00):
actually it wasn't even a part of the list.
It was when you I was laughing the hardest when Pawn said you
e-mail, you emailed yourself a picture of yourself.
To. Get back and you're like, get
it, get it together. Yeah, I've been telling
everybody that's so funny. Hang on, let's see.
It's right there number 2. Dude, if you pull up Pun's

(08:22):
pulling up a shirtless picture. It's not loaded.
Nope, it's it's I'm shirted. And since we are doing the
things that don't piss us off this week, you want to know it
doesn't piss me off about last week?
What loud hotels? Because I already told you I
drafted that white noise app last baby.
Oh, you sleeper the draft and pun made fun of me.
And that white noise app? That'd be as long as you want,
yo. That's almost as old man as me

(08:43):
checking my 4O1K every morning just to see that low percentage.
But not only do you do that, butyou draft that like third.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Hi. Hi all.
Right get into our appetizers section.
I jotted a couple down things down here for pawn pawn.
I looked like pawn came with some appetizers today because
he. No, this is the the old list.
Yeah, that all I had was the laundromat, but.

(09:06):
That was it. That's not true.
You said last week that your daughter, your daughter, came up
to you with a PowerPoint presentation.
Oh. So I don't know what it was
about, but I said I'm gonna typeit.
I told the story of how I caughtthem with the Halloween party,
right? Yeah, party.
So she, she's trying to, she wanted to one up it and she did
a PowerPoint presentation. Also, it should be noted there

(09:27):
was like Taylor Swift music playing in the background while
she's doing this PowerPoint presentation.
Heather. Heather, she started it off and
she said together she said, OK, this is my presentation on why
we should host the after prom party at our house and she's
got. Slides and this is a horrible
mistake. It's not happening.
So her first one, I won't get into all the points but her she

(09:49):
LED this off and. Said tell us the funny points.
She's LED it off and said, you know, honesty is very integral.
Integral, integral, integral. There we go.
Honesty is very integral. It's actually integral if you
say. Integral, right?
Did I say it right the first? Time, I think you did.
OK, is that a word? Honesty is very and it's very

(10:13):
important. Damn, it is is very important to
me. And so I could tell you that
only 5 or 10 of us are going to be here, but that'd be a lie.
And I don't want to start this off with lies.
I want to start this off with honesty.
There's going to be at least 40 people ish.
No. And she goes, you know, and, and

(10:34):
another thing is I could sit up here and tell you that we're not
going to be drinking, but we would be drinking and that's a
lie. I'm like.
You're home for two Cam you're home for.
Two, she went to one of those, like, classes on how to
interview. Yeah, they're like, hey, come
straight forward with the shocking things.
Not only that, is she shocking, she goes I I don't know how much

(10:54):
power she wields around the highschool, but she said, do you
want me to have five boys? We're at you. 5 paragraph essays
on why we should hold the why should we should host a party at
your house because I'll have those for.
You tomorrow you're like, damn dude, there was no way.
When we were at high school, we were writing A5.
No, no these. Boys need to get some.

(11:16):
These boys have a crush on your daughter.
And so she's Taylor Swift is thesong for any of the women out
there listening will know is don't you ever grow old?
So it's like this sadish. So I'm playing in the
background. She's like, these are the last,
this is the last party of my high school years.
And I'm never going to see thesepeople.
Her friend is on the side of herand she said she ordered a

(11:38):
security uniform. She's like, I'm going to put
them out and they gagged up. They're doing this old.
No way, no way. I'm not being responsible for 40
people. And she's like, she's like, we
did the calculations and with air mattresses, we can get 15
people to sleep up here in 15. And I'm like, I not only do you
want 40 people to party in my house, you want 40 people to
stay the night. Yeah, we hey.

(11:59):
Not happening. We ain't got that much.
Sweet cereal. Listen, I I know, I know for a
fact I would punch at least seven of those kids before the
night was over. Can you imagine being 8 now?
I was a very respectable, I was always like a funny,
respectable, respectable kid. But I hung out with a lot of
people who would say crazy dumb stuff all the time.
Imagine you're waiting to use the bathroom in the morning and

(12:21):
out come some boy with Alana. Hair.
There's no way. There's no way I'm slapping the
shit out of them. There's no way.
Yeah, my daughter gave us a PowerPoint presentation of why
we should get a dog. And I always say, where on that
slide, where in those slides wasit that we walk the dogs all the
time? And we pick up the.
And we I was going to say, guesswhat I got to do before I cut
the grass tonight? Pond pick up.

(12:41):
Well, I'm going to make my son pick up the poop, but that's
neither here nor there. Speaking of kids nowadays, it's
so funny, like my, my son comes out of school the other day and
he goes, my teacher's so mean tome.
And I was like, oh boy, what happened now?
Because he's had some issues here and there.
So we, you know, and I'm like, what happened this time?
And he's like, he's always yelling at me.
And I was like, for what? And he's like, I'm talking with

(13:03):
my friends and he just keeps yelling at me and I'm like.
You're talking to class. He's telling you to shut.
Up like this is the tack that you're taking with me, Yeah.
You're you're you're. This is the wrong point here.
It's unbelievable. Kids nowadays, yeah.
It's just funny because I was always getting detentions.
I never did anything crazy bad. I just.
Talked a lot. I was, yeah, I was class.
Clown. Yeah, class clown.

(13:24):
And I couldn't even imagine coming out to my mom and dad and
being like that teacher yell at me for talking.
You know what's crazy? You got 1000 days of middle
school, and our middle school was 6th, 7th, 8th, I think yes.
Or whatever. Mine was 7th, 8th.
Mine was 7th, 8th. Call it 6th, 7th, 8th.
I was always getting in trouble.Yeah, it's like 1000 days.
A little over 1000 days. I think I was grounded for 200

(13:44):
of them. Yep.
For sure. You know, it's crazy now is is
it points to where we're at as asociety When when my kid, my
kids teachers thank me when I back them up and they send these
long like you can tell they do not get any support from
parents. Yeah, they send these long like
thank you so much for for for reinfor.

(14:05):
Also, now I'm being self-conscious about saying like
and I don't know. Why it is integral?
Yeah, and integral and integral I.
Think it was integral. Integral I if it's an integral.
It's an. Integral God Dang it.
I'm adding an extra R in there. Sorry, go ahead.
Anyways, No, it's it's crazy that the thank you in the pat on

(14:29):
the back you get for just supporting your kids or your,
your, your children's teachers now is wild.
It's pathetic. My my, I told this story at work
today. My, my neighbor one time scolded
me and slapped me on the ass. I went home and told my mom and
I thought for sure, like, my mom's going to go fight
Charlotte. My mom disciplined me because my

(14:50):
neighbor disciplined me. She didn't even ask why, right?
My If you got in trouble with anadult when I was a kid, you were
in. Trouble.
You were the reason. Why you were the reason why?
They were like, no matter what happens, yeah, I do not care.
They were like guilty until proven innocent.
Yes, I'm like, mom, he was drunkdriving.
He jumped up on the grass. There was no explanation.

(15:11):
By the way, my son came in the other day and he's like, what's
at night time? And I was like, get out of my
chair. Yeah, get out of my chair.
I I had my my food, I had a drink.
I was like, got to sit there, watch the Pistons.
I'm like, get out of my chair. Yep.
You know what he said to me? What?
Same thing my dad, I used to sayto my dad when I was little.
Why is this your chair? And I was like, you're about to
find listen, that's hilarious, though, because I debo my kids

(15:34):
all the time. They sit down like, my daughter
will make a perfect sandwich or a perfect, you know, she has
like, for some reason, women's plates always look really pretty
the way they make food. Her sandwich is cut evenly down
the middle. They're like there's. 7 precise
chips on the plate. I always walk up in.
Just handle her food. I just grab a handful of chips.

(15:56):
I just pick up her sandwich, take a bite of her sandwich and
put it back down. Dude, what would you do if
someone, what would you do if Lauren walked up?
You guys are eating, and I was going to say sandwich because
that was your example, but let'sjust say you got like the best,
most perfect, evenly distributedcondiments on your cheeseburger
ever. Yep, which I do like my plate
pretty neat and stuff. Pretty neat, but you eat like 3

(16:17):
bites around and then you got that one.
The best bite of the burger. That's that middle bite, Yeah.
And she just picks her up and takes the best bite of your
burger. All right.
You only because she's doesn't you guys are still in love.
She doesn't do things like that.She's very like would I would
probably think it was cute because she never tries to do
dumb stuff like that. I enjoy and appreciate some

(16:39):
stuff like that so I would probably laugh and put secretly
be like I can't pull pond just tucked.
His feet under his chair and puthis hands in his lap when he
gave me that 1000%. I think we've lost a fellas.
1000% did. That I think we've lost a
fellas. He was like.
I was swinging. You would never do that because

(17:06):
I was looking at you like this. I was like, what's happening in
front of my eyes right now? I put my hand over my, you know,
two hands over the cheek and went.
Stop. Meanwhile, I've been married for
I told Stephanie on our anniversary last month.
I go, hey babe, happy 12. She goes.
It's 13. I was like, oh, into our ES and
OS section from last week, Episode 70, the cell phone apps

(17:31):
draft special. How about a couple of apps that
what were honorable mentions that we didn't mention?
I'm just going to roll through them.
The calendar app I use quite frequently.
I do too. Family especially, like family
calendar stuff. I clipped out the fact that I
use the weather app all the timebecause I had a tee time.
I mean, I'm checking the weather, especially like in
spring and fall. Yeah.

(17:51):
I checked the weather daily, yeah.
For sure, but you said that you're a minimalist so you use
like whatever Google. Tells yeah Google I go I just
type in West and immediately weather Detroit pops up nice you
know just because it. Gives you hour by hour.
It's location based. What am I doing?
Well, that's another one, Google.
Google should be neither of us mentioned.
Google the Internet browser. Yeah, that's the Internet
browser I Google at least 1020 times a day.

(18:16):
Something. Anything.
Easily yeah a lot and and my Google history is all over the
map dude today I googled Jalen my Google history right now pun
is. P Hub.
Why is it laundromat and not laundromat?
Jalen Rose, Jalen Brunson and the Masters.

(18:36):
How about this one? Do you ever use?
I use this for Tigers games. There's an app called TuneIn
Radio. Yeah, TuneIn I used to use all
the time, all the time. I actually, I wanna say back in
the day, the reason I got it wasI was searching for Michigan
games when I was in Ohio to listen to and I think that's why
I downloaded TuneIn. How about this one?
We both used it recently when wewent to the Pistons and Celtics

(18:57):
game the Apple Wallet for tickets.
Apple Wallet I love. I don't use it often, but when
you need it, it's so convenient.Yeah, it's really cool.
Or if you're running to the store and you forget your
wallet. I've done this several.
Times I don't, I don't use it for money, I've used it for
tickets. I have my, I have my debit card
on the Apple Wallet. So there's been several times I

(19:18):
get up to a cash register and I do not have a wallet.
And then I go to walk away and I'm like, oh, wait, no, I can
use my phone. Yeah, that's why you need it.
That's why I need it. Can you?
You can use Venmo for that stuff, right?
You could use Venmo. Yeah, you can use Venmo, but
the. Back in the day when you'd be
like, can you just hold all these groceries for me right
here? Look, so I just double clicked
it in my credit union. So convenient.
It's so convenient. How about this one if you're

(19:39):
going you and Lauren, if you didn't Uber to the game last
weekend or two weekends ago whenyou went to the.
Tigers game. Yeah, two weekends ago, or yeah,
last week, I don't know. You ever use the apps like this
one? The one I use is spot hero to
like pay for parking downtown ahead of.
Time. No, I don't even know what it
is. It's.
So convenient it gives you a list of all of the parking lots
if you're going to the tigers game and you can pre book it and
it's cheaper. You can get a spot for like 20

(20:01):
bucks. If you drive down there, it's
40. I'm sure my daughter and her
boyfriend who went to the game yesterday would have.
I love that because they I'm sure they got it makes.
It easy too, because you know when you get downtown for a
concert or a game and there's like traffic everywhere and
you're like, some streets are one way and you don't know where
to turn? Yep.
You just type in the address of your parking spot and go into
Google Maps. Oh, you.
Know what we didn't talk about? What was that?

(20:22):
Expedia? Let's talk about vacation that.
Would have cost you a little bitof money.
I use Travelocity. I use them all.
Yeah, I, you know, to be fair, IGoogle and then Google will
dictate where to go because you type in Punta Cana blah blah
blah, and it'll say Expedia for some reason, these sites.

(20:42):
I love the travel apps. We're going, we're getting real
close. We're about to find out a date
real soon when we're going to Punta Cana next year.
We know, we know roundabout whenit is early next.
Year all of a sudden Steph and Iare just flip flopping by like
hey fancy seeing you guys here. Listen, I discussed that
actually at work. I said hey, Lauren's sister is
getting married next year. We know round about the time we

(21:05):
know the place that it's going to be.
Would I be a piece of shit if Andy and Steph just happened to
be there and they they yelled atme and said I would be a jerk
for doing? That would I be a piece of shit
if Steph and I went only up to the day of the wedding and then
left so we didn't have to give gifts?
I was I was thinking. My least favorite app, Oh, Matt

(21:26):
Cold said. ChatGPT.
Do you ever use that? No, no, I'm not a dork.
Dork. I have not used the ChatGPT or
the AI stuff. I'm sure we will in the future
and then we'll be like, oh he was right, but I haven't for
sure any of it. My least favorite app on the
whole phone. Can you guess?
E-mail. Phone.

(21:47):
Oh yeah. Don't call me.
Do me a favor, Don't call me. I hate when people call.
When people call me, if it's notsomething that's important and
I, I'm looking at the, every once in a while, I go to this
and just look at how long the call is going.
Yeah. Just know that if you're on the
phone with me and it's getting to the five minute mark,
starting to get a little sweaty.The only person I actually talk
on the phone with besides Laurenor if my kids call me briefly.

(22:07):
But even the kids, they're they're mostly text.
But Randall calls me frequently.He always, he always calls me.
But I think that's probably because he can't text at work.
And you know, I think there's a reason why.
Maybe he wears a headset or something.
I don't know. But stop calling me.
I'm just kidding. And call me as much as you want.
I saw remember I said about stuff.

(22:29):
How many unread text messages she had?
The red bubble. Jackie actually sent me a
picture of that guy. I'll just close the easy nose
with this. I saw the best ad ever for a
Timex watch, a wristwatch and itsaid hey know the time without
seeing you have 1249 unread emails.
That's actually a brilliant. The best AD I've ever.
Heard of my life? I get into our sports section,

(22:53):
Pawn, pawn. That was tough.
That was tough. Last night.
The Pistons, let me just say a couple things I forgot because
we haven't been in the playoffs since 2018, so 7 years and we
haven't won a playoff game since. 08, I think 70. 8 so 17
years. I forgot.
I always used to say, oh, March Madness is perfect.

(23:15):
The one and done or NFL playoffsthe one and done because it's
just like the underdog. I feel like you have more of a
chance. And it's yeah, with the one and
done. Yeah, the NBA playoffs sometimes
is boring because all the higherseeds just win, win win because
of seven game series. I forgot how much A7 game series
makes you despise the other players and the coaches and

(23:37):
everything. I I I'm glad you brought that up
'cause I haven't hated a player the way I hate Jaylen Bronson.
My son called him an asshole. I his face, I hate him down to
his face. His face makes me angry.
It's and and it wouldn't be thatway if it was a one and done.
No. That seven game series, I'm
like, guess how many games I've watched Jaylen Bronson play in

(23:58):
my life? 6, because that's how many games
the Pistons just played with him.
Yep. I can't stand the guy.
He's he's a great player, arguably.
Yeah, I mean if you want to count flopping.
If you want to count flopping, I'm just saying like you get
involved with like hating the refs when it doesn't go your
way. Like how he's getting called.
He uses that forearm to shove. People then you're questioning

(24:18):
like I, I really appreciate and enjoy our coaching staff, but I,
I, I was even getting angry yesterday yelling at the TV.
Oh my God, I, I just like I the drama in the fun that NBA
playoffs brings. I've missed it.
I missed it. We're talking about how crappy
the NBA is. We haven't won a playoff game in
70. We don't know.

(24:39):
I watched a lot of playoffs lastyear because it was like the
teams that that made those superteams were all out.
Yeah. Like Phoenix lost, LA Lakers
lost. I started watching it and it was
enjoyable. Not even close to when your team
is. So fun.
It is so. The cool thing is the Pistons,
you could watch them and go, oh,they're just too young.
They're not ready to win yet. Like they, they, they would go

(25:03):
on these insane momentum swings and it's only even Cade.
Like there were times where Cadeshould take over the game and he
would just kind of be passive and pass the ball.
Next year I I have a feeling we're going to witness a far
different product from the pistol.
Or he misses the shot like that's what Bronson was doing
that Cade wasn't was Bronson wasmaking.
Average The Knicks never missed an important.

(25:26):
Shot. Oh my God, it was unbearable.
But they had you. You go through those
progressions. Bad team, decent team playoff.
Team winning playoff. Team and that's that's the that
journey you just described makesit so much better.
That's why that O 4 Pistons championship was like ecstasy
because we watched it come all the way like you just described.
You know what else is crazy about the modern NBA 'cause I

(25:47):
don't watch a ton of it is the current setup and I don't know
if it's a Pistons thing because Caden needs more help.
The Pistons need guys that can shoot the ball better, like.
Flat out. Everybody on New York can shoot
everybody and. They're an offensive threat.
Yes. And in the in the fourth
quarter, the reason the Pistons were so volatile, I mean we were
up 7 yesterday with 227 left. It was painful.

(26:12):
But the fourth quarters have been so volatile the whole
series because we have no mid range anything.
No, it's either a three, like just three, and DNBA makes the
fourth quarters volatile becauseif you go cold from deep then
that's like a big part of your offense.
Yeah, it's all threes and dunks.So like that's why Bronson was
so good in value because he's got that mid range jumper.
And you know, he he also has that killer instinct like I that

(26:35):
is we're missing a guy who is primarily focused on offense
that win. Like you could see Jalen was
getting the ball no matter what he was taking.
We didn't have that. Tim Hardaway would pump fake a
wide open 3 pass it. Jalen Durham would pump fake a
layup, and he needed to. Take it and they'd get too deep
into the shot clock and it would.
And they'd force a shot. And I'm being the guy that's

(26:57):
yelling at the TV going Cade, you have to take that shot.
Yep, you just have to, because now look what happened.
Yeah, but that's so that we're missing.
Like you could see why we lost. And I understand that we do
need, they're talking about yourboy Devin Booker maybe coming to
the Pistons next year. That is the kind of guy we're
missing. We need that.
Would be that would be amazing. If we don't give up, I don't

(27:18):
want to give up, Thompson just. Get him and Giannis.
Yeah, I just don't. I, I, I love a lot of our
pieces. I love Jalen Duran, I love
Thompson, I love Kade. Everyone else I'm kind in a beef
Stew I'd like to keep. But I mean, Jaden Ivy I'd like
to keep, but if they gotta go, they gotta go.

(27:38):
But I'm not willing to bend Thompson.
I'm more excited about him than a player I've.
Him, Holland and Ivy are all thetrade pieces that would get you
the yeah, Devin Booker's or the Giannis's of the world if you
like them, plus four first roundpicks.
I would be cool with the four first round picks, but we gotta
keep my boy Thompson. He's I love.
He needs to develop a shot. He does.
Yeah, he does. But he's not a threat.

(28:00):
No, they didn't have to guard him.
No, no, but he's a, a, a, a guy who just like he stepped up to
Bronson in a way that like, it made me excited watching him
clamp up Bronson momentarily. When Bronson last night, when he
got Usser off of him, I had the wide open three.
I thought it was over. Steph and I were watching it and
all I said. I looked at the TV and I didn't.

(28:20):
I didn't even yell. You just knew.
I just sat there and quietly went.
It's over. Yeah, but but that's the problem
with playing aggressive defense like that is that crossover in
that off arm. Like you will create some
separation and get that 3. God I hate Jalen Bronson
campaign. I can't even look at the guy
tart. A noise?
No. So I forgot.

(28:41):
Yeah. Karl Anthony Towns.
I hate him. I got the.
He's a trash bag. I hate him.
Watch him run down the court. I'm like, there's no way an
athlete runs like that. That's how we run, yeah.
There's no way we should talk about Tom.
Thibodeau I can't even look at the guy's hair.
Anymore we should talk about thecoaches, the delusion of Lauren,
who she's trying to tell me. She goes, I really like to see

(29:01):
you out there and I go the the NBA and.
She's like, yeah, you're. Just one second placing a Gus
Macker and I'm like, babe, she'slike you were playing against
some college players and I'm I don't think that.
That's a very rude impersonationof Lauren, by the way.
I do not think that. I don't think the normal person
is aware of the separation from a normal guy to an NBA

(29:26):
basketball. You wouldn't even be able to get
a shot. Off.
I wouldn't get a shot off. Because he Cade's 6 foot 6 that
was what pawn was texting me, hesaid.
Or what we talking about Cade, right?
Oh, she said. She goes, I go.
She said I'd like to see you outthere.
I go, babe. They would beat me 100 to
nothing. She goes.
You don't think you could get one point?
I go, babe. Cade's like 6.

(29:47):
I I said this on a podcast before, you're the same height
as Jalen Brunson. I'm on the same height as.
Yeah, I know. That's crazy.
That's crazy. He looks like a.
But that's why he's so. I like to say that word.
He looks like a ohh yeah, a small person.
Looks like a little person out there.
And he would. He's probably twice as quick as
you with the ball. At minimum twice as fast, I'm
telling you. Like and freak athlete Kate.

(30:08):
Cunningham is a six six point card.
You wouldn't be able to get a shot off.
Again, not if he didn't want me to.
If he didn't want me to shoot, Iwould not get a.
He's faster than you, can jump higher than you.
He's 4 inches taller than you. He's a freak.
Athletic and you're a truck driver.
I always give you credit for a. Broadcast.
I mean, how many points do I think I could score on an NBA

(30:28):
player? What about against Luca?
Oh, I might beat him. He might not get the ball back.
He's the worst defender I've ever seen to ever be in the NBA.
He's so bad. Ever I I have a funny meme I've
had on here for a while. It says Luca and LeBron.
One guy invests a million a yearinto his body, the other treats
his body like a bottomless breadstick basket.

(30:50):
I. Love Luca, he's the most
relatable. He's the worst defender that the
NBA has ever. Seen.
No. Yeah, no one has ever been
worried. Talk NFL draft for a second
because I know pawn needs to defend his boy.
Yeah, I think I I do not agree with the narrative that there
was some kind of like crazy raceconspiracy.

(31:11):
What I think happened is I thinka young cocky athlete annoyed a
lot of rich old dudes and they were like, you know, that I, I
don't think he was a number one or a number #2 overall.
I think that his arrogance and then his father, people, people
going, well, we're going to haveto deal with Dion.
I think they were out to set outto prove a point and he they

(31:32):
tanked his his draft intentionally.
Yes, he was overhyped. And I mean from their eyes, like
tool wise, I can understand why you wouldn't think.
Listen to me, I'm telling you right now, if he gets on the
field, that's your rookie of theyear.
I think they just light lit a fire under that man.
This that's probably the best case scenario for him.
Best case scenario for him was that he that was a wake up call

(31:55):
for him and that unfortunate prank prank call.
Yeah, it was horrible it. Was horrifying but young people
are so stupid. I did listen.
I don't think Shadur Sanders like I watch.
I love the, the, the Sanders family.
I, I do not, I am not a fan of overly cocky, arrogant, rude
people. He is cocky in the way you would

(32:16):
want your son to be cocky. He's very polite and humble.
He I think he has this bad reputation because Dion's so
flashy. I I don't think any of the
Sanders family is disrespectful and rude.
I think they are appropriately cocky and I like the confidence.
I told you Dion was hurting those kids, man.
Listen, I I love and as a fatherwatching Dion, the way he raises

(32:40):
those boys, I have a lot of admiration for who he is as a
parent. He made a draft his own private
draft party room with the word legendary all.
Over. Yeah, that got.
Drafted in the 5th. Right.
But that, but that's also so that I can see how you would say
that would hurt him, but that that is his father instilling an
unshakable confidence in his sonwho needs that?

(33:01):
He's the A quarterback. Confidence is good, but I heard
his interviews were nightmarish.Now I don't, I don't know how
true that is because I I've, like I said, they have an
entertainment company that followed them around and I've
never seen him act the way they're if he acted that way,
unprepared, rude, of course, IA 100.
Percent also agree that he's notthe.
Type He's not a disrespectful kid, I.

(33:23):
Don't think he'd be rude, I think he could be unprepared.
Yeah, I just, I have a hard timebelieving that because Dion, as
flashy as he was, grinds, he's ahard work.
I just. That's the problem with Shadur
is that he had a combination of two things, The circus that was
him and his family and everything that came with it.
And, and let's let's face it, it's actually the media's fault.

(33:45):
The media's the circus. Yes, Dion's cocky.
Maybe Shader is a little bit cocky for his skill level, but
the media circus is what teams don't want.
And I understand that. Fault, but teams will accept it
if you're as good as. Andrew Law.
Joe Burrow. Right.
They'll be like, you know what it is what it is.
It is, yeah. But he just wasn't at a skill
level that teams were like, I'm going to accept this circus.

(34:06):
I just think they they believe he's not.
I do think he will prove to be. I think he could be.
I mean, he was rated high by a lot of people.
Is he better than those quarterbacks?
We're getting drafted in front of him, no doubt about it.
That was the weird. That's what that that, yes,
that's the part that's like you're watching these kids
coming out of Idaho State or wherever these kids are coming.
There's, I mean, look at look atcap.

(34:27):
I don't want to talk politics atall, ever, but look at
Kaepernick and look at Tim. Tebow.
Yes, who are essentially sort ofthe same quarterback.
They Kaepernick went to a Super Bowl.
Tebow won a playoff game. Yes, both of them were well,
Kaepernick was better than Tebow.
Neither were great. Once it turned into a circus,
they didn't have work any longer.
That, and I agree with you 'cause I know every the

(34:49):
narrative behind Kaepernick, at least in my take, it was never a
racial thing. I think it was the the circus
doesn't your talent doesn't justify the circus.
Cause guess what? You can say race all you want,
but the the NFL will accept murderers and drug dealers and
and wife beaters and people who say racist thing at concerts.

(35:10):
If you are Uber for Riley Cooper, if if there are if you
if your talent justifies, they will overlook just about
anything. Those people, you can call them
race all you want. They're greedy more than.
Anything kid on our board is a second round draft pick, which
there's nothing wrong with that being picked 34th overall.

(35:31):
Or maybe he's got you trade up into the end of the first 4, but
he wasn't good enough to justifythe circus.
Well, let's talk about my boy. Let's talk about my boy Travis
Hunter, then. You said you want a dog on on
the Sanders. Let me just give you a old Dion
quote. I I heard a story, a combine
story. Deion Sanders, the Giants gave
him a book thicker than a phone book at when he was coming into

(35:51):
the league. And he said, what's this?
And they said, that's the test, all the players.
And he said, excuse me, but whatpick do you have?
They said, I, I we're 10th. And he said, oh, I'll be gone by
then. I'll see you later.
I ain't got time for this. Handed in the book and left.
You know you can say what you. Want Dion is.
The third greatest athlete to ever walk this earth.

(36:11):
Dion yes, behind Bo Jackson. Bo Jackson and I'll leave one
spot for whoever anyone wants toargue.
I'm saying objectively 3rd at worst.
Yeah, all. Right.
It's list time, baby. Let's do it.
And this week's list is the things that don't piss us off.

(36:32):
I would start by saying that if you want something to not annoy
me, all I need is alcohol. That's true.
No, that's a great. When you're cocktailing like
nothing bothers you, No, that's how I answer people who are
like, what does it feel like to drink beer?
What does it feel like to drink wine like if they've never drank
like? Imagine somebody sitting next to
you chewing with their mouth open and it doesn't.
That's the magic of alcohol. Plus it makes you feel like

(36:54):
you're awesome. So yeah, I used to throw these
parties at my first house. I bought that house when I was
23 years old. And it was like, we talked about
it. It was party.
It was insanity. And I, my buddy Tim would always
say, Andy, you're always the drunkest person at your own
parties. And I was like, people are
trashing my property, right? Now.
And you don't even. And I so you kind of have to be

(37:17):
to be at your own party. Plus, hey, plus I just wanted to
have fun. Oh, man, so many things got
broken. Now, my buddy Steve just kicked
off his Doc Martin shoe right through the picture window in
the front, right right there. We just thought there was like,
scrolls on the couch when we woke up in the morning.
All right, so you want to start the list.
Yeah, my first one will be I think this is going to be highly
controversial, especially because you are work in a far

(37:40):
more professional setting than Ido.
When people cuss, as long as there's context in it, in a
corporate or professional setting, I think annoys a lot of
people. It doesn't, it actually endears
that to me. I when somebody is giving a
speech or hosting a meeting and talking and they they're not

(38:00):
just saying crazy things, but ifif there is a a good reason for
it and they throw a cuss word out there and it fits with the
flow of the IT hits home. It hits home.
It makes me like a Moore. You knew Jim was awesome.
This guy is the man. Jim from accounting was a
virgin. Dude, when people cuss in a
corporate setting, as long as itis not trashy, it makes it makes

(38:22):
me think like, oh they're passionate and they like, they
like what they're doing. I.
Thought Jim was a virgin. Turns out he's in a motorcycle
gang. Yeah, that's a funny one.
But I remember when I, I don't swear on my parents a lot.
I don't say the F word around them, but I say other words
around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And my mom would always be like when I was in college and my
internship or before my internship, she'd be like, got

(38:45):
to clean up that mouth before you get into the professional
world, you know what I mean? And I'd be like, oh, man, I will
have to like, I have a great censor around kids, for example.
So I was like, I'll just censor it when I'm at work.
First day I'm in there. Some guys like, what the.
And I was just like, Oh yeah, let me tell you something about
the white collar world. What you just because of what
you just said, there is the majority of people that want to

(39:09):
fit in and be that blue collar, like the cool guy there.
There's like more people than you think.
I think people think of the white collar world and they're
like a bunch of nerds. Walking.
Around and protecting us. It's not like that.
You know what else didn't used to be acceptable in the white
collar world and now you can't get around it?
They used to say you can't get tattoos below your shirt sleeve.
Yeah, it's not true at all anymore.

(39:30):
Because you will not get hired. You'll be unhireable.
And then the world realized theywere like, well, if they're not
hireable, then we sort of can't hire anybody.
Can't hire anyone. I'm one of the only people I
know that doesn't have a tattoo in our age group.
Dude, I've just seen a picture of FBI agents with sleeves where
you're like, this guy is wears asuit, he takes it off and he's
jacked with tattoos. I'm like guys.

(39:51):
So like dude. Let me know when we're going
undercover. Dude, I wanna rock with that
dudes. Also, I'm not gay but I'd make
out with them. I'm just saying that.
I think that our kids generation.
Do your kids have tattoos? No, no, my daughter is trying.
Won't my daughter? No, my daughter's trying.
My middle daughter, she's in a high school senior.

(40:11):
Every time, every single thing that happened, she's like, I
should get a tattoo to commemorate that.
And I'm like, hey, how about youget a black eye when I punch in
the face? I think tattoos sort of became
the mustache of our generation, of our dad's generation.
The mustaches are coming back. They're coming back, but what
I'm saying is we you don't want to look like your parents.
Right, right. Right and everybody's parents

(40:32):
right now have tattoos. 18 year old's parents right now are all
tatted up. I agree.
And they're like, I don't want to look at mom and.
Dad, don't you have a tramp stamp?
What makes you think, Oh my God.All right, what's your first
one? All right, so I'm trying to see
what order I should put him in because mine are going to.
I guarantee all the things that don't piss me off piss you off.

(40:53):
And that's that's the funny partabout this list.
You don't know what doesn't pissme off.
What? Kids that are crying.
Oh yeah, that pisses me off. Does it really?
Get your kid to shut his face? No, go ahead.
I'm sorry, I mean like when you're on, when you're certain
places at a restaurant, for example.
Yeah, No, it doesn't. Yeah, kid starts crying.

(41:13):
Doesn't bother me. The only thing that bothers me
is if the if like the parents donothing about.
It and it's. Prolonged and it's prolonged.
Agreed. I'm I'm on board.
But my number one thing that does not bother me that like
infuriates normal people, most people that I talk to is they're
like, I was on this flight over to England and there was this
kid that cried for like 5 straight hours and I was like,

(41:34):
oh I'm sorry. There was an infant on there
whose ears were popping that could do nothing about it.
And it cried just to go. They're like, why are they
taking them on trips over to overseas?
I'm like, I don't know, to see it's grandparents family.
I'm with you. I think Contacts, yes.
Contacts, totally. It definitely does.
I. Think the reason it doesn't
bother me is because I come froma huge family.

(41:54):
Also, I'm one of I think 43 wow grandchildren on my mom and dad.
Side that's so damn cool. And I'm one of 17 or 18.
I'm my my dad side. I'm the third oldest of 43
grandkids. So like there were kids and
babies. Like you could just hold pick up
a baby whenever you wanted at family parties.
And if you think that you're going to be around 25 babies and

(42:15):
not and then none of them are going to be crying, you're
wrong. I used to work at Wendy's when I
was in high school. It was like my first job ever.
And like, I think I just tuned things out because of the big
family. I'd be like, they'd be like
chicken Nuggets and they'd be beeping.
Are you ready? Beep.
And, and someone would just comeby and they'd be like, Andy, are
you going to get the chicken Nuggets out?
I was like, oh, I didn't even know that they were ready.

(42:37):
They're like, you haven't heard that going off for the last two
minutes. I was like, didn't hear it at
all. Yeah, I could just tune it out.
I'm great at tuning things out too.
What else? My next one's I'll go with you
on. You said something about a
restaurant. Mine is wait, I I.
Damn, I think you're taking mineI.
Do not mind waiting for the waitress that is super super

(42:59):
busy that the waitress maybe doesn't come around It's.
Not quite the same as mine. She doesn't come around for
maybe 10-15 minutes, but you cansee her bus in between tables.
I can promise you she's in hell.She's running her ass off like
yeah, I haven't had, I haven't had a drink of water in 10
minutes. It just know whatever the reason
is, whatever the condiment I'm missing, I am not annoyed by a

(43:21):
super busy bartender who who like looks.
At least if they give you an acknowledgement, if they look
over over. If you can see in the background
the waitress running around. I don't care if it takes her
2530 minutes to get to me if she's busy.
If she's busy, if you haven't seen them in a long time.
Then you get. Enough then you.
Should there's six people at the?
Restaurants my whole life. Do you know what it's called?

(43:43):
When, When, what? You describe what that's called
for the waitress. No what?
It's called being in the weeds. Oh yeah.
All right, it's a terminology that all restaurants use because
it feels like you're walking in weeds, like you can't keep up
you. Can't keep up?
Right. And when people are like in the
weeds, it's so difficult, difficult to get out.
I'm sure it is. The weeds are so awful pun that
my my younger sister also workedat the Olive Garden with me.

(44:05):
We still we're in our 40s now. She just turned 40.
We have we call them. I'll text her like I had another
weeds dream last night where you're having a dream that
you're a waiter and you can't keep up with your tables.
That's how miserable. Yeah, that doesn't bother me at
all. That doesn't like.
That's a good one, I mean. Maybe that's just because I have
courtesy and some people are just shit humans.
By the way, do you know we went to her 40th birthday party?

(44:27):
You guys weren't invited. I had no big deal.
I was. Probably she overlooked that.
One Yeah. Oh, that was an oversight.
We went to this brewery near thehouse.
You said that when the bartenderis busy, if you go to a bar,
what do you do to get a drink? I usually walk to the bar and I
kind. Of just.
Fill in there that's. Right.
You know what you know what you know what Gen.
Z or whatever, whatever generation is old enough to
drink now does what? They form a line.

(44:48):
Oh. I was like, Oh my, my God.
So I'm What's that? Debauchery.
It's awful. Steph and I are just sitting in
line waiting behind 5. People, you're waiting for the
water fountain. I'm like no, no, no, no.
I like to use my eyes to get served before those people.
Uh huh. I have an.
I have an ability. This is one of my abilities.
Hey, there's an Irish bar downtown.
Yeah, Irish bar downtown after the Tigers game.

(45:09):
Also increasingly difficult to find a sports bar to grab a
burger and some cocktails downtown now.
Everything is like super fancy. Yeah, we found a Irish bar and
this is one of those times. We walked in, he was a little
bit busy and he didn't acknowledge us, didn't
acknowledge us. Then he walks over as he's
cleaning a dish and does not make eye contact with us.

(45:32):
Walks over three people down andcontinues talking.
He we've been there 1520 minutesnow.
He never addressed. Us.
You said it was an Irish bar down.
Irish Bar, it's called. I'm sure you could Google it.
There can't be many. So anyways, we ended up leaving.
Like when he walked to us, all he had to do was just say, hey,
how are you? I'll be with you in a minute.
No big deal. We went from being very pleasant

(45:52):
and patient to like, oh, that was intentional.
He won't even make eye contact. He won't even make eye contact.
It felt intentional, so we got up and.
Left, you're segueing into mine that I thought you were going to
say the thing that you want to know.
It doesn't piss me off. What?
Waiting for a table when Steph and I go out to eat or waiting
for food as long as my food comes out and it's not cold
right or dead like it's been sitting under a heat lamp.

(46:14):
When I we go to restaurants, we want to have a cocktail before
we get seated. And if that turns into two
cocktails or three cocktails, sobe it.
So be it. All the better.
Yep, what does piss me off is when my cocktails empty.
I need the cocktail in order to maintain that happiness.
My table can take 45 minutes andmy food can take another 45
minutes as long as we have wine or drinks in front of us.

(46:36):
Steph and I are content because we always like to get an
appetizer here there when we go on a date.
I don't know why we don't eat itall, but we just like to.
We don't go out often, so we do the whole experience.
So I don't mind waiting a long time.
I just you gotta keep hey girl, you gotta keep fresh.
You gotta keep fresh. Ice gotta.
Keep it flowing. No, I I think that's probably a
universal experience where people just don't.

(46:58):
We don't. I think if you're a semi decent
human being you don't mind waiting but you do not want to
be ignored though. I will tell you that people hate
waiting for table. I mean oh really?
This is the Olive Garden people think it's fancy.
It wasn't it's not. Spoiler alert, I love PS not
authentic the. The appropriate arrogance in

(47:19):
that statement, because it like we're talking about the olive.
We're talking OG. Yeah, we're talking OG, talking
South. This is this is one step above
Old Country Pond, OK. People would go in there and
expect on a Saturday to be seated within 5 to 10 minutes.
Yeah. And the food to come.
I was like, listen, lady, there's a Leon's Coney Island
right down the street. That's what you're looking for.

(47:39):
Go over there like. I actually like Leon's people.
Oh for sure. People would come wait at the
bar. I was bartending, wait at the
bar for their table, not order alcoholic drink and not talk to
one another. And I was like.
And they sit on their phones a whole.
No, this is back in. I worked there in 2002, 2003 or
No, I worked there before I was 21 years old.

(47:59):
I worked there in like 2000. That's just how miserable people
were. They were like, they would go to
the bar with their wife, not order a drink and not talk to
their wife. I was like, why are you here?
You can just get carried. Out.
So they actually just want a burger to go home.
I. Guess dude, I guess we'll keep
going on that one thing that youwant to know.
It doesn't piss me off. There you go.
When they get my food order wrong.

(48:22):
And I don't mean the entire mealwrong.
I mean I I if I'm getting a burger and and I ask for no
ketchup, it almost inevitably comes with ketchup.
I'm not sending it back. I'm not like you.
You sent onion when I asked for no onion.
Although I do like onion but saysay they just not.

(48:42):
On a first date. Not on a first date, but if
there is an oversight, ketchup, mustard, or like you asked for
cheese on the fajitas, or if it's a small oversight, I'm not
sending it back. I'm not gonna bother this lady.
I'm not sending food back. I'm gonna eat it.
I've seen people mess with food.It's just I don't even like

(49:02):
going to restaurants with peoplewho always send food back.
You know, there are people that always send food.
Back, yeah, not not not my cup of.
Tea. I know people that if you go to
a restaurant with them at all times, they're sending food
back. And it's so uncomfortable for
the other people in your party, especially for something like
you said, like they put onions on your burger.
Ketchup. Like if you hate ketchup, yeah,
you can't really scrape it off. I get it.
Well. That's not true because I do.

(49:23):
I do not like ketchup on my burger.
Oddly, I'll eat it with French fries, so I just scrape the cat.
I know it's something in my brain's not right, but I'll just
just scrape it off the burger with my friend.
But when people are like I ordered this with no tomato, I'm
like just just take the tomato off 1 tomato sliced.
Now again, we are talking, we'renot talking about people with
food allergies. Obviously you're going to need
to send that back the. Only thing I will send back,

(49:44):
there's two things I'll send back a steak that's not cooked
properly, correct? Because if I'm going to a steak
house, it's not Applebee's. Yes.
So I'm paying for the fancy steak, correct?
You should know what you're doing.
Yeah, I don't want it. Well done.
I'm paying $65 for that filet. I'd like to have it how I want.
I want that baby. And then when you have, if I, I
said it before, if you wait a long time for your food and it

(50:06):
comes out cold, oh, it's the worst.
I can sort of deal with cold food.
But when I there's like if you get a sandwich with a side of
fries and the fries are tastes like they just came out of the
refrigerator, I'm like the only go drop new fries, please.
The only. Or just re drop these.
Well, you said you could deal with cold food.
The only time you can deal with cold food is if your food comes
in 17 seconds. You're like, hey, can I get a

(50:27):
Big Mac with the Sprite? And then you pull up to the
window and and it comes like youcan't even pay as fast as your
food is in your car. Like if the if the fries are
like Luke warm, so be it. Who's up?
You're up. Maybe, yeah, for my next one.
Getting away from restaurant things.
One thing that doesn't bother me, you know, I don't know.
It doesn't piss me off. What?

(50:49):
It pisses off a lot of people isloud music.
I love loud music. I do too.
Some people do not like loud music.
I used to irritate people when Iwould host parties because the
music was loud. It.
Gets to be sensory overload. It does, and it's hard to talk
to people. Loud music bothers me when I
want to actually have a conversation with somebody.
But when you're in a place wherethe music could be loud, you go

(51:10):
to a party, which I guess we don't go to parties anymore.
No, you just kind of got to expect that it's going to be
loud music. Or if you get into someone's car
or. If it's 5:00 AM you're on your
way to work, or if it's a littleDMX.
And you just, yeah. So I can handle loud music.
I actually love music and I loveto just crank it up.
Yeah, yeah. But unlike, unlike loud

(51:32):
televisions, when I walk in and the TV is like accosting my
senses, I'm like, OK, we got it.I I got to do something about
this because the TV is so loud. Are are you a I'm a constant
volume adjuster because for somereason commercials, commercials
just go to volume. Piss me off.
I don't know what pisses me off.Yeah, I'm a constant volume

(51:54):
adjuster. You want to know what?
Pisses me off about loud commercials is I watch stuff
with stuff and ads. Come on.
Because we don't pay for the ad free stuff.
No, I mean spoiler alert, we don't pay for Max, we just
steal. It.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're watching Game of
Thrones and an ad comes on and Iknow that I'm going to turn it
down because I didn't noise the crap out of me, but every single
time an ad comes on before I caneven get to the remote.
It blows your ears. No, Steph tells me to turn it.

(52:17):
She's like, can you turn that down?
And I'm like, I'm like, listen, babe, I'm trying to get the
remote. It's dark in here.
My next one is you know what doesn't piss me off?
Say it with your chest out. You know what doesn't piss me
off is so who someone voted for.I don't care on either side.

(52:37):
I got to toe the line. Here I don't care.
Like I listen. I voted for who I voted for and
if you voted for someone opposite I legitimately could
not care less because there's more things that I judge you
based off, like how you treat people.
Do you have a sense of humor? Are you?
You got a fat ass but I could not.

(52:59):
I do not care who you voted. For I don't even like talking
about that stuff. I don't ask.
I would never ask anybody who never I could care less.
Nope. You want to know what doesn't
piss me off? Offensive comedy.
Damn it, that was my next one. That pisses off a lot of people.
I think we talked about it before.
And when you get older, you're like, this is inappropriate.
Yep, I love offensive. Comedy I do too.

(53:20):
Insensitive jokes or edgy humor or my jam.
There was like a while during COVID where you like couldn't
make fun of any group. No, yeah.
And stand up comedy. Like I get a lot of my stand up
comedy now from Instagram reels.Yep and it was trash.
I was like some of these specials that came out when you
weren't allowed to make fun of groups.
It's horrendous. Was trash.
Only Nate Bargazi can do it. I know well he doesn't talk

(53:42):
about groups. Though no, he only talks about
himself but like. If Dave Chappelle makes fun of
this person, that person, it's just funny.
And he even he got he got backlash.
He. Did, but he's big enough to.
He's big enough to live through it.
If I'm not offending at least three groups of people when
during our conversation, I'm notdoing.
It. But I will tell you, having done
amateur comedy, there are a lot of comedians who like overstop

(54:05):
lines. I'd be like backstage.
I'd be like, there's hey, Rick, you can't be saying that because
you're not Dave Chappelle. Yeah, like you can't talk about
that. I just don't I I enjoy.
As long as it is in good taste and as long as you can craft it
in a funny way, you should absolutely make make jokes about
every single person. Because I make fun of myself

(54:28):
more than. Anyone so funny?
Dude, those are the those are some of the funniest jokes, yes.
Where like no single group of people is safe.
It's all. And let me listen, let me tell
you guys, just comedy. Let me tell you a little secret,
all you little politically that's my my next one is not
being politically incorrect doesnot offend me.

(54:48):
The reason why is like people, we don't think you're a better
person because you like carefully craft, carefully
curate. It.
Yeah, like, we know what you're doing.
You're trying not to offend people, to appear as a better
person. But you're still saying the same
thing. Just what I said, Yes.
Yeah. Like, just say some dark, edgy

(55:10):
stuff. Almost every person in my life
that knows me knows me, that knows me well enough to know
like I don't mean any harm and I'm actually a fairly decent
person most of the time. If I say an edgy joke it's not
because I like hate someone or Iwant to see bad like I'm not.
It doesn't make me a better person.
Hun, I almost said the M word earlier.
What's the M word legit you had you legit you had to self police

(55:34):
before I. Self police because this is a
public podcast. It's craziness, and if you and I
were in a private conversation, I would say I'd pick.
Dude as as you know, you know the most politically correct
people and I can make fun of these people because I am white.
Women are the most politically correct in the least.

(55:55):
Funny piece. They ruin everything.
You should probably clip that soI can keep my job.
All the Karens I don't know, it doesn't piss me off.
This is actually probably true for a lot of people, so I
shouldn't say it doesn't. It does piss off most people is
unmade beds. Do you make your bed every day?
I do not. Lauren does.
Did you make your bed every day when you were single?

(56:16):
God no. Some people if I, if I can't
stand it, no, Let me tell you something.
When someone comes over and says, oh, you guys bought the
house and they come over, we have more for dinner, we'll show
you around. When Lauren comes here, we'll
show around. Guess what?
We're not showing her the bedroom, our bedroom, because
it's a disaster. I I actually I'm slightly
uncomfortable when I go into people's.
Bedrooms, yeah. 'Cause you're like I what if I

(56:37):
catch something on the dresser Idon't want to see?
What if I catch a whiff or something?
What if Andy's dirty underwear right at the edge of the bed?
I also am very uncomfortable walking through people and then
the next thing you know they show you the ensuite bathroom
and now it's like 4 people crammed into a small space that
you don't want to be in. And this is our mirror.
OK listen, this is my. In case you're wondering who's

(56:59):
electric toothbrush, this is where you take it.
Mine. So yeah, our bedroom.
Thank God I married a woman who doesn't mind living in a
baseline of I don't want to say filth but like.
Andy's house is not OK. Our house is cluttered.
When Andy says that Andy's houseis not picture perfect out of a

(57:20):
book clean to where you feel uncomfortable moving around.
His house is very clean. It is just lived in.
There is a there might be a bag of chips on the counter, but
there's no crumbs on the like. Andy's house is very clean.
It's just lived in and not, you know, the weird people who's
like, you can't sit on their couch.
You can't like if you have a cocktail, you have to stay in

(57:41):
the kitchen at the sink in case you spill it.
Yes, that's not how his house is.
That's how I do you want to knowwhen I'm the most uncomfortable
about how cluttery our house is?When Pun and I are texting all
the time and he sends or whatever he's taking a picture
of in his house. Not a thing out of place in
punts. House Punts got to be very
paranoid about the cluttered in our.
House I mean my last one becauseI took 2 with the dark edgy

(58:05):
humor and politically incorrect.My last one would be and I think
this is going to be wildly unpopular.
I you know, it doesn't piss me off.
What's that when my friends don't check on me or when my
friend if I go six months I without a certain person?
This one's. So good like if people this.

(58:26):
Is Russo and me. If people don't like save, save
my butt. Russo's a great example.
If Russo doesn't text me for eight months, never once in that
eight months have I went. Does he not like me?
Yeah. Why isn't he checking on?
Me or when he does or like dude you have no yeah.
Bro what's it been a year? I'm like, what up?
Like I when, when when we go extended periods of time.

(58:47):
That does not bother me at all. Not at all.
Such that might, that might be the Topanga.
List doesn't bother me. No, it's a true friend, Yes.
Like Russo is my oldest and longest friend.
I had a couple of friends on theblock, like like Chris.
I know he listens. Not Crane.
That I like, grew up, grew up with, but like Bruce when I have

(59:09):
been friends since the third. Grade.
I know it's a long long. Time.
It's a long, long time. And so I can go.
I don't think I've seen him in person in two years.
Yeah, if I saw him tomorrow, we wouldn't miss a beat.
Dude, I give him the biggest hugin the world.
Yep. It wouldn't be.
Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you do this?
We would just have a ton. I I I want to be a good friend
to you, but like life. Yeah, dude.

(59:32):
I have a career in children you.Want to know it doesn't piss me
off? What does it?
This one only is if it's people I know.
If it's strangers, it's different.
If we're sitting around a poker table or a dinner table and you
and I touch knees, doesn't bother.
Me, yeah, it doesn't bother. No, no, it doesn't make me feel.
Some people now. If we're now if we're in a porta
potty together and we touch tips, that makes me a little

(59:54):
weird. There is no way.
First of all, there's no way I would be in a porta potty.
Would we ever be standing next to each other porta?
Potty. I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
A bathroom germaphobe would be. To be fully honest.
I argue with you. Porta potties are like 60
seconds of hell for me. Yeah, I mean, listen, just don't
touch nothing. Dude, we were at a Michigan
tailgate. We were at a Michigan tailgate

(01:00:15):
once, and the porta potty line was so long that there was this,
you were probably at this tailgate with me.
There was this group of trees behind it and, and dudes are
just peeing on the trees and there was like a little bit of a
down slope. Oh, no.
And it was getting nasty. And some girls, the coolest
chicks pee in public, dude. Oh yeah.
And these girls were like, screwthat line.
And this girl went and she stands next to the tree and

(01:00:36):
squats to pee, and she just starts to hit that slippery
slope. Oh no.
Oh no. She went down the piss loose.
Oh no. Once the momentum started
downward, there was no stopping it.
So now she's got piss mud all over.
I was like, if you were my she. Probably got ringworm.
If you were my girlfriend, I would burn you at the stake.

(01:00:59):
There's no way sloppily trying to kiss you later.
So we've been we've been eye to eye on most of them, but I say
this one for last because I am the only person I know that this
doesn't piss off. All right, let's see.
This doesn't bother me at all ifit's winter time and I'm in the
front hallway and socks and I step in a little tiny puddle and
my socks get all wet. That doesn't piss.

(01:01:21):
You off does not bother me in the least.
You don't immediately. Take it.
I want I don't know. I want to burn my foot.
I want to I want to amputate my foot at the.
End like what the kids say and chop off my foot.
Dude, nothing pisses me off. Crazy that that doesn't bother
me at all. I'm telling you, pun, I am the
only human on earth. I don't change my socks.

(01:01:41):
I don't take them off, I just let them dry.
Also the wet sock doesn't botheryou, does.
When's the last time you had a loose sock?
Remember when? Remember when ankle socks were
cool? Although I still wear ankle
socks. Remember when one like you'd
have one that was Also we were alot poorer than we are now.
But do you remember when you used to have a loose sock and
one would like slip down? It was the worst thing.

(01:02:05):
A loose sock is worse than looseneck.
It's so. Bad.
Yeah, I'd way rather have bacon neck than loose sock.
Loose sock was the absolute worst feeling on earth.
Nothing made you feel more poor.Also, Oh yeah.
I get into our goodbye section. Have you seen this thing going
around the Internet? I just had to ask you about it

(01:02:27):
because we talked about some things that guys think they can
do and the latest thing is who would you take in a fight?
100 guys versus Silverback Gorilla.
You want you want my answer? I want your true answer.
My true answer is I do believe the humans would win, and I'm
going to tell you why. I'm going to tell you why we are
at the top of the food chain. Why?
Because our brains, right? I would venture to say 100 of

(01:02:48):
us. I mean, listen, here's the thing
boys, 80 of us are going to die,and in a brutally 90, Awful.
Way, but imagine going first I. Feel like, yeah, that's the
problem, right? Is like, who's the 1st 75 to go?
Yeah, but I I do truly believe if a hundred of us are in a room
and a silverback gorilla comes in, if before he tears through

(01:03:09):
all 100 of us, we can't come up with a solution and of how to
win this fight, we deserve to die.
Bare knuckles, though upon the only.
Thing we could jump listen to OKhere imagine the weight of
1520304050 people. We could by the sheer volume and
number of people we have, we could subdue the thing and then

(01:03:30):
all we have to do at that point is suffocated bite its neck.
We could 1000%. The thing about?
We could beat the gorilla dude, I'm telling you right now.
When you say we, you're not talking about me because I'm.
In the last 10. You need people that are like
I'm Ray Lewis size. Yeah, first of all, I'm charming
enough to get 90 people in frontof me.

(01:03:51):
Yeah, to tackle it while I come up with.
How to tell jokes in the. Back the LA dude.
Listen, girls are girls are girls.
What if like I knew Harambe, theonly thing that would the only
thing would be if it got tired because you can only you can
only have like 4 guys at a time on it.
Yeah, I disagree. Have you ever seen how fast they
move? Punch.
Oh man, listen. There's no way.
They have sharp teeth. But here's what I think.

(01:04:13):
Yes, I think people are assuminglike.
But next out? We're not doing 1 by 1 by 1,
bro. There's a hundred.
We're jumping this thing like it's blood versus Crips.
We're attacking. We're not waiting.
It's not like, ho, hey Brian, you're up.
Hey, Ted, your turn. But I'm telling you how many
people can be around it at once.We're about to find out.

(01:04:34):
Six. Seven.
No, no, come on, listen to me. I have money on the silver you
ever played. I don't know how to say.
Speaking of being politically correct, remember the football?
Yeah. How many people could pile on
top of you in that game? 6810 SO.
You'd have to use like everybody's weight, yes, but
man, those things are strong. Yes, there you do you

(01:04:55):
understand. OK, truly, what I believe is
that 30 or 40 people are going to be horrifically mangled and
or killed. In the 1st 5 minutes.
In the 1st 2 minutes, yes, it's going to be fast, vicious and
violent. But after that initial SO
onslaught, I feel like, yeah, I mean, we should be smart enough

(01:05:18):
to think of how to how to get. This guys are the best because
we think of stupid like this to talk about and it goes.
Viral. I could spend all night talking.
Do you remember? The last one that we did I I put
it on here because I saw a meme.It must have gotten popular
again after the silverback. Airline 1.
Yeah. It says how many guys think they
could land a plane. Yeah.
And it said approximately half the guys out there think they
can land the plane. And some guy commented, Yeah.

(01:05:39):
And the other half are Speaking of guys that you don't want in
that fight against a gorilla with you.
I was doing, I'm at the gym the other day and I'm doing, I told
you, I've been doing my legs a few days a week now because I
want to strengthen my I. See your calves look great.
Your calves look great. Hey, these are.
Solid quads are looking good. And I'm at the gym, there's two

(01:05:59):
leg slides right next to each other.
And I notice that there is a woman next to me.
So, you know, as a man, she. Wearing yoga pants.
Neither here nor there all right, she may remain happy and
you know with you know all guys look and she looks.
She gave me a little smile, so Igave her a smile back.
I'm working out. I look at the weight I'm lifting
pawn. I look over and wait, She's
lifting and we're lifting the same exactly away.

(01:06:21):
So if her smile was that she's attracted to me, once she
realized that I was weaker than she was probably gonna add
weight as it. Was she was looking at him like.
She probably looked at my ring right here.
My my, my wedding ring. It was like.
He must have a one 401K. I wonder.
I wonder if his husband wears A matching ring?
Every woman in the car driving now understands the level of

(01:06:44):
delusion of men. They go punt.
Legitimately think you can beat a.
Silverback Gorilla, it's so goodthat I'm at the clip out a bunch
of stuff from earlier just to keep all this in.
All right, punt, what are we doing next week?
We did not talk about it. I had something my uncle texted
me a long time ago and said you guys should do this one.
Let me know. Just think the things that you
have to do perfectly. OK.

(01:07:09):
Do you think you can make a listout of that?
I think I can make a list out ofanything.
Got. It, That's how delusional.
All right. Fun.
So next week we're doing the things that you have to do
perfectly. Remember to like us.
Click subscribe. Click the five star.
That's all right, 97, get us to 100.
Get us to 105 stars on Spotify. Jackie, make it happen.

(01:07:33):
Make it happen. Three more.
Five stars all. Right, that's all I got what you
got.

All Episodes

Ep.71 - The Things that DON'T Piss us Off!!!

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep.71 - The Things that DON'T Piss us Off!!!