Ep.68 - How we'd do in Our Favorite Movies... - Conversational Humor - An Improv Comedy Hour

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I freaking love our podcast. I'm so hungry right now.
I assumed his name was Darth Virgin.
Come on, you're talking dirty tome right now.
She's like, what do you got in your mouth?
And I got a fruit by the foot hanging halfway down to my lap.
I like to eat my calories, not drink them.

(00:24):
All right, hello, Hello, and welcome back to episode 68 of
Conversational Humor with Pawn and Balrog.
This is Shawn across from me. Hi, damn, 68, that's a lot. 68
We're cruising. Still waiting on my royalties.
This is your third time recording.
Yes, those royalties since we'reactually negative Shawn, we I

(00:44):
don't know if you notice what pawn and I operate like the
WNBA. Please don't spit water, my God.
This guy doesn't. Bad time to drink?
Please don't spit water on the microphone.
Yeah, we operate like the WNBA. We're at a deficit.
So no check. We make no checks.
Oh crap. So I got nothing to share with
you, but hopefully one day you get royalties.
OK, today is Thursday, March the27th of 2025 and we're going to

(01:07):
be talking about actually, Sean said.
I'd like to propose my own topicfor today.
Yes, we the genesis was at your your kids birthday party when
you were I don't know how it came up.
I would. Just wait till you hear my idea
we. Were talking about.
We were talking Walking Dead, maybe.
We were talking Walking Dead andI told Sean that I'm not going

(01:28):
to spoil it all yet, but I was like, dude, I already know how I
would survive The Walking Dead. Yeah.
And I was like, you will not survive.
I have many reasons why you willnot survive.
But that kind of that that spawned the idea of the topic,
which is how do you, how do you got it written down 'cause I, I
gave it to you. I wrote exactly how you I I was
trying to figure out how to write it, so I just typed it
exactly how you text. How we do in the movies we love.

(01:51):
That's right. How you texted it?
No, you texted it how we would do in our favorite movies.
Oh. Oh, so I wasn't sure if you
didn't. Include love.
No love, no love. That's why my night stand is
full of open body. Dude, I just listened to that
song. It's 'cause Tommy's so into
Eminem and I, I, I don't, I don't play all this Eminem stuff

(02:14):
for him, but I, I had, what was that recovery?
Is that the album that was, and that song popped on.
It was, yeah, throw dirt on me like, and I started giggling
instantly. I was like, and I, I listened,
I, I stopped in the kitchen and listened to it.
I'm like, this is terrible. It's so bad actually, I was
driving with my son. I'll clip out your son's name if
you want to say. It's fine.
No, no, we're good. Tommy.
Angela. I'm Sean.

(02:34):
I'm a teacher. We're all good.
Oh. My God.
I was really worried when you started the podcast that it
would take off and it's since since it really hasn't.
Just taken. If it was a plane, it'll be
dragging its ass along the runway.
I didn't want too many details out there in the beats.
Next time Sean records, by the way, we're gonna do a cold open.
Cold. Oh, you're gonna use that idea,

(02:55):
huh? Yeah, for sure.
It's a good idea. Sean told me that the Always
Sunny podcast does a cold open where the microphones are
already on right when you walk in.
They walk into the studio. 'Cause it's, it's a running joke
with pawn and me. Right when he gets here, he, he
pawn starts talking my ear off about the funniest things you've
ever heard. And I'm cracking up in the
kitchen. Steph's cracking up in the
kitchen. And I'm like, you got anything
for appetizers? He's like, no, no, I got

(03:16):
nothing. I'm like pun.
By the way, the aforementioned pun is, yeah, he's still in
paradise. He is in paradise.
He went. They drove to Florida for two
nights and then a cruise for a week.
Royal Caribbean. I think he's on that boat until
tomorrow and they do in. Florida stayed in a hotel and

(03:37):
then they went. And then they cruised and then
they're going back to the hotel,I think for a night or two and
then driving back here. Wow.
I was like, whoa, it's like a two week vacation.
He must be getting some royalties.
Yeah, Pun. You got some running checks.
Pun's already started as Justin Timberlake portion of the
career. I was actually jealous of his
vacation until I asked him. I said I knew they were going

(03:58):
with a group, like it was him and another family.
I go, how many people are in your group?
And he responded, 47. I was like, oh.
This can't be all family. So I apologize to everybody
that's in that vacation with pun.
Wow. Is it family or is it like a
smorgasbord? It's a smorgasbord.
I think of like all the kids whoplayed sports together and like
sports parents stuff. Oh, that could be contentious

(04:21):
attack. My kids should have been
starting tailback. They could all booze up with the
kids to go to bed one night and there's fist fights over it.
That that's more like a Carnivalcruise.
I never have been. I get, I get.
I get ill. He had, Yeah, I said.
Steph gets ill. I remember Florian told me the
funniest story. German Florian, his wife
Alexandra, they said that they went on a cruise and we asked

(04:44):
them when they were we were hanging out.
We were like, Steph gets very, very sick.
Would she be able to do a cruise?
And Alexandra at the time, they just moved here and her English
wasn't super great. I mean it, it was fine.
So Alexandra, if you're listening, it was fine.
But it got better and and she goes Andy.
I was so sick that I wanted to fling my body to the shocks.
I was like, damn dude. Like that scared me out of any.

(05:07):
Cruise this stuff. I don't know.
Yes, she barfs. Oh yeah.
Really dude? Steph barfed into Acvs bag
driving home from Maryland one time.
But off of like sickness, like motions.
Well, we had been at a Irish pubthe night before and and motion
sickness. OK, OK, so it's a combo.
If she, if Steph looks at her phone in her car while I'm
driving, yeah, she just starts belching.

(05:27):
Yeah, I don't do it. I'm like.
Like sweet all of a sudden. And you being a teacher,
probably, I don't, I don't know how you can go anywhere that
there's teenagers. Yeah, it's tough.
No. Although the older you get you,
you know you don't have your ownpeople at all.
It's people in general. It is because, I mean, honestly,

(05:48):
how much really changed after high school, right?
I mean, we're all just kind of pretending to be adults.
Everyone's don't. Well, it's funny you say that
because we were just in Chicago and I told Sean my life went
full circle because I went to Chicago with him when I was 20.
We were 22. Freshies.
I'm now. 43 we'll be 44 soon and.
The only thing that really changed was that I was day

(06:10):
drinking with my wife instead ofyou, but we had to be
responsible enough to take care of a 12 year old while while we
were walking on the Michigan Ave.
That's, I mean, that's the I miss being young, like like
that, that's it. Like you could still do things
and visit old places, but like that Chicago trip that you spoke
of, like, like just just for that was like one of the best

(06:30):
days. Just just saying, you know what?
We're not going to go home. Like we were set to go home.
We checked out of our hotel. It was Sunday morning.
We check out. Right.
And the March Madness games are on this opening weekend, I
believe. Right?
Yeah. So.
Sunday we were watching the Manhattan.
Game. Yeah, The Sun, the Sunday slate
of games are on and and we we went to Billy Goat Tavern
because I think Dan and I were. Chee Burger, Chee Burger, Yeah,

(06:53):
we went to the same morning, went to Billy Goat.
I believe, yeah, because that's what got us started because.
He remembers everything. I remember nothing from being in
my 20s. You'll do the errors and
omissions next time. We'll we'll see if Stevens
listens to this. But we all had to work on Monday
and we had to get out of Dodge 'cause we had no hotel.
But we just started drinking at Billy Goat Tavern through

(07:13):
Collective. Collectively we're like, we
didn't, we're not going home. We're not going home.
I don't want to go home. It's like the best thing ever.
There's like no way I would do that again.
But I can tell you that Chicago,so I'm just going to go ahead
and announce it right now. I'm not even waiting for Pawn, I
said to Stephanie. We're doing a Chicago pub crawl
next year for the podcast. The group will be smaller.

(07:34):
You mean a Chicago themed? No, we're going to.
Going to Chicago? We're going.
To announce the date like for like May or June of 2026.
So you have, you can put it in your calendar way ahead of time.
Steph and I, I said, hey, if it's just you and me, Steph and
I are very capable of having a great time.
You and Inchcom, we'll have a blast.
I guarantee we'll get 10 people.In Chicago, it's like.

(07:56):
The pub crawl capital of the world.
There's bars everywhere. It's such a spectacular city.
What time frame like summertime?Stuff requires warmth.
OK, well, that could be any time.
That's not, you know, after Thanksgiving, right?
Is she? No, she doesn't like the the the
late. Reptilious.
Yeah, she likes it to be like 90, but I don't want.

(08:16):
It to be too warmth. That's heat.
Yeah. So I just think, I just think a
Chicago pub crawl would be so fun.
I won't force anybody to wear ATshirts.
Yeah, it's not. It's not not not fun.
So Sean, the one thing on intros, so we we have completely
gone cold open on the intros, which is fine.
But the one thing that I completely prepared for that you

(08:37):
didn't do this time was making fun of the title of the I know.
I know. I thought about it today.
I was like, you know what? It's time to let that go.
Well, Trance Course I. Had some, I had some.
I had some fight back at me thattoday.
I love it. I love that I didn't do it.
I. I typed out the synonyms for
conversational and the synonyms for humor.
Yeah, so pick a number. Let's see 1234.

(08:58):
Pick a number one through 7 and one through 7.
Let's go two and four. Very simple.
That's easy. Chatty comedy.
Oh, chatty comedy. Yeah.
But you know what, I always I I did the the HI did C&H.
You know when I when I said like, I know what did I?
Say yeah, Yeah. Continental.
Continental. Well, I always say that like

(09:21):
the. The title's too long.
Yeah. Like, I met a girl in Chicago.
No, I was with Stephanie. Don't worry about it.
Yeah, Her name's Annie Agar. She's, she's a you met her.
Yeah, yeah, she's. Phenomenal.
She's phenomenal. I had a conversation with her
yesterday. No way.
Yeah, yeah, she was at she was at Jake Melanak's Chicken Wings
in Chicago. Oh, wow.
She walked in. I looked over at her and we made
eye contact and I was like, hey,go Lions.

(09:42):
Yeah, she goes. Her brother Hitler, she's a huge
fan. She's Packer, right?
She's a Packer fan. She goes.
It would have been more appropriate if you said go bears
and then I didn't want to like bug her.
She was on a date but on the wayout she made eye contact and she
stopped me and stuff on the way out so we started chit chatting.
That's awesome and it was awesome.
Seems like a cool and. I was like, listen, I need to
shamelessly plug my podcast to you.

(10:02):
So I asked her to listen to it. She took a picture of the phone.
So hope you listen to Annie 'cause she's awesome.
I was like, I love your content.I've been following her for
years. She's good.
Like I, I don't know how she does it, like if she does, if
she's got a solo operation or ifshe has someone helping her out,
but she, it's a lot of writing. Everybody starts solo.
Do you think she has she? Works for Chicago Sports
Network. Does she?
Yeah, yeah, she got her. That's why she's out there.

(10:24):
Ohh. She's from Western Michigan.
Is she from Michigan? She's from Michigan, so we,
yeah, we chatted for, you know, a few minutes.
She was on a date. I apologize to her date.
How old is she, do you know? I think she's in her young 30s.
She was awesome. She was.
She was very gracious. And I wasn't the only.
There was one other person that annoyed her.
Yeah, not annoyed her, but talked to her.
I mean, when you're on a date, it's tough to be.

(10:45):
That dude, What was that dude thinking?
That dude, Yeah, it was a dude, I assume.
It was a dude naked some. He did have long hair and a full
beard. Really.
I was like, can I touch your beard?
And I'm just joking, but I was talking about the podcast.
I just told her quickly. I was like, I was like, I just
messaged you that I met you here.
And if you could just check out my podcast.
I'm from Michigan. You're from Michigan.
Yeah. But when I say conversational

(11:06):
humor to people, they're always like, yeah, what long words?
That's what I told you. That's I kind of poked fun at
it, but I. Can tell you, Sean, it's not.
It's not a colloquial. It's not the same as colloquial
ejaculation. That's good, Jackie Larry was in
a great title all. Right, get into our appetizers
section. I got a couple things I jotted

(11:28):
down here for appetizers. Yum.
So my son just had his birthday and we brought my son and a
couple of his best buds. We didn't want to do like a big
huge birthday party because likethat's probably the hell you're
living in right now where everybody throws birthday
parties with like 17, 8 year olds and it's just too much.
I was like, I just want to take them bowling on a Saturday.

(11:50):
And then whoever wants to sleep over can sleep over.
And it was just him and his three best buds and they went
bowling and they had an absoluteblast.
Steph and I didn't bowl Sean, but we sat in the back.
We each got a beer. If you're a parent of the kids
that we brought to the bowling alley, we only had one beer.
We weren't, we weren't booze cruising with your kids around
around Saint Clair Shores. One pitcher.
And and then we followed that upwith a Boilermaker and I just

(12:13):
realized I was sitting in the back of the bowling alley and I
was like, I'm like in my element.
I was so content watching, Like I didn't have to participate in
any of it. They typed their own names into
the computer. They were they got their own
ball. They like, I'm we're at we're at
that point in life where we're just like hands free.
Yeah, it was amazing. I was like, Steph and I ordered
food. I got a chicken sandwich, had

(12:34):
explosive. Three hours later, that
probably. Wasn't that was not a good idea?
Did you, did you take a bite outof it and look?
At it it. Was never look at it.
Never, never look at the chickenyou bite into at a bowling
alley. Never.
I don't know what I was thinkingabout ordering a chicken
sandwich from a bowling alley. You've done stuff like this in
the past. I'm I'm trying to think.

(12:57):
He's going to catch me on it. I'm telling you though, that my
sister, my younger sister, she had her kids birthday the week
before and she was like, their pizza's great.
So because we got pizza for the boys, they loved it.
It was really good pizza. But I gave it up for lunch, so I
guess so. I want the spicy chicken
sandwich. And that's when you're just
sitting at home going, of course, Balrog, you ate a
chicken sandwich at a bowling alley.

(13:17):
Like what was I thinking thinking about?
Yeah. And, and in Greece that was
probably, you know, has been there for for a few presidential
terms. That's the problem.
If anything deep fried those. They don't.
They haven't changed the Greece.If I was president, but.
What I was gonna The only other thing I had really had to say
about that is you know how like people talk about the
wussification of society. Now, of course, it's pretty bad,

(13:40):
right? See, I don't know, it's always
been relative. It's always I think it's
relative to a degree where the world, the world's a lot bigger
now, right? And you're, you people are on a
megaphone complaining to you nowas opposed to how it was when we
were growing up. This is, you know what I mean?
I think people were still like that.
There was still participation, like the the idea of well

(14:03):
participation trophy like that'sthat's always been the case.
I think I Remember, Remember like field day, like the ribbons
just for like participating and and yeah, like the trophies
you'd get just for being in the sport, like everyone.
Field Dave ribbons with like 5 different colored ribbons.
Those are the damn. Dude, so I it's, it's just
louder now I think. Well, I realized that our

(14:24):
generation was wussified becausethe, so the the boys bowled two
games. The second game they wanted to
put up the bumpers. And I was like, and I said, what
is with the wussification of society?
You guys know they're 12. He's 12. 12 is that?
Yeah, Bumpers got to go. But then I thought, Sean, whose
generation invented the bumpers,it was ours.

(14:45):
You think so? I think so.
I'm going to look it up. So we were wussification
wussified. In bowling.
It just like dawned on me. I was like we're the problem.
Yeah, maybe. All right.
I got this AI overview now. But it also made me think of a
list idea for Pawn or for you isthe places that were in our
element. Because I was in my element,

(15:06):
just hanging out at a bowling alley listening to the pins.
It does say late 80s early 90s. God bless it.
By the way, everywhere I'm in myelement always is gonna have to
do with some on athletic sport where I have a beer.
Was the last time you bowled? Didn't you guys do a league?
Yeah, we bowled for league many years.

(15:26):
It was awesome leagues. Are like too long though.
No, man, it was every. It was every two weeks.
Oh, it was every other week. Yeah, and it was.
That makes it more palatable. We started at like 5 on a
Saturday and we were done by like 7 and we just we went out
after or we stayed in the bowling alley and then at
karaoke that. One time all together when we
were in our 20s and we lost you.It's a different story for a

(15:49):
different day, folks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just, I just remembered it nowand I, I, I remember being
scared as to where I was. Yeah, Sean.
Every once in a while Sean wouldget lost.
Every once in a while I had to be babysat, but every once in a
while Sean would just flat out get lost.
Yeah, purposely. Like the time I got that phone
call at our at our apartment in college and you were like, I'm
on Cass Corridor. Kidnapped.

(16:11):
That night I got kidnapped. Kidnapped.
Lost. I mean, we're talking.
There was like we were outside by the the the rail, the the
parking gate and I was, I broke this thing and I was like
giggling it and then like this van pulled up almost like
Scooby-doo like and out out filed all these freaks.
It was like old school if you tell me about this, Will.

(16:32):
Kind of kind of they look at me and they're like you're coming
with and I'm like, huh. And they're like you're coming
with and they screwed me up in the van and I'm like, I'm into
it. It's I'm in, I'm into the idea.
We ended up going to what's thatbar that or that?
Like it's not a rave, but that'sthe word I think I used at the
time 'cause it was, it was like 2:00 in the morning.
This was like not, this was not 10:00 at night.

(16:53):
This is. It was close, it was our
apartment and I'm like city club, everyone left, they could
be. I'm all by myself.
Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, hey, has anyone seen Sean?
And then I realized I'm all by myself.
I had nothing to myself. I had no phone on me, no money,
no. Any maybe Adam was there and I
was like, where's Sean? Go Yeah.
Luckily I get a phone call on mylittle flip phone.
Luckily the IT was after 9:00 sothe minutes were free you.

(17:14):
Know it was well into the morning.
And Sean's like I'm on, I'm in Cass Corridor, please come pick
me up. Cass and Bagley every time I
pass it because I had to fight into where I was.
I had to like walk in the dark, which this was not.
People now would be like Cass and Bagley's fine. 2002 No.
Yeah, you was. You've gone too far.
I'm telling you, I don't want toadmit on here any times I drank

(17:35):
and drove, but that was one of them when Sean was your.
First podcast you guys were talking about drinking in the
booze crew. Sean was from Windsor, from a
different country, not from the bowling alley, from Windsor
from. Windsor Sean was like, I'm in
Cache Corridor and I was like, Igotta go rescue my friend.
Yeah. And I just white knuckled it
down Cass in my old pink grandmaintrepid car.
This is when I didn't this is when I didn't have a phone.

(17:57):
I had to go to pay. It was a pay phone.
I called you up in and thank Godyou I first of all, I knew your
number which. People are like, you know, how
many numbers do you know? Not many, I don't think I know
your number now. Yeah, I knew that.
I knew that one. I don't even remember that one.
But I had, I didn't have my wallet either because in my
wallet was my three by five cardthat I had folded up with
everybody's phone numbers on it.That's funny to young people,

(18:18):
but everybody our age had a three by five card in their.
Wallet. Yeah, cuz we weren't.
I don't think we loaded our names into our phones yet.
I don't think that was. I don't think you could do that
yet. It took a.
Half an hour typing all those numbers T. 9 or whatever the
hell that was. What do you mean we didn't have
our names and our phones? Like there's no caller ID, it
was just numbers. Remember there's no text
messages at that point. There was.

(18:39):
Caller. Idi don't think so.
Come on. I don't think so.
Bruh. Like the first flip phones.
Like if my girlfriend called me at the University Towers and
Wayne State, I would just have to know that it was her by
memorizing her number. By that time we did have names.
We must. Have OK, I'm stupid.
The funny part though, is that we didn't go with technology.
It offered us this thing, but wewere still like, why would I

(19:01):
type all this in when I could just have it on my 3 by 5 card?
Yeah, yeah, I got this 3 by 5 card for wall side.
Windows, I'm gonna laminate thisboy soon.
I don't have any of my 3 by 5. You still got any of them
puppies? No way.
We didn't have tax. Debt, I don't think we had and I
don't think there were names, Sean.
And I lived downtown Detroit on Cass Corridor when it was not
safe. Well, our part was safe because
it was right on campus. We were on campus, but I.

(19:24):
There was life. Two blocks north of where we
live. You walk, you walk a block N
yeah, and you're you're and we were there coming out of other
side of that smoke, the smoke from the sewers.
We were there with like the cloudy.
'S phone numbers and like no, nominutes to call anybody.
It was insanity. Yeah, good old days.
What you got for What do you gotfor appetizers?
I I got all this crazy shit. First of all, like the funny,

(19:47):
this is how bad my vision is. Like I, I have glasses and they
give me headaches and I know people say that they get lasik
and blah blah blah. And I'm just like, I'm not into
it. So you need glasses I.
Do no, I don't need it, but it helps.
So here's a reason why I was, I was driving the other day and I
pull up on a car and there's like bumper sticker on there and
it said usually I'm like, you know, bumper stickers and.

(20:09):
This one said try hummus on bread and I was like, yeah, that
shit's delicious. I got to give me one of the
bumper stickers. So I was like, I love hummus on
bread. Yeah, awesome.
But upon further inspection, I love the the Costanza squint
right from it, said tiny human on board.

(20:33):
And I was like instantly let down.
I was like, all of a sudden I hate this kid.
And that guy, I promise. You know my imaginary snack is
ruined. Sean and I were were driving one
night when we were younger and Iwas like, pull off of this exit.
We were on a boys trip. I was like, pull off this exit.
I really got to pee and you werelike, Bara, how do you know that

(20:55):
there's an exit up there? And I was like, because of that
sign. And he was like, what sign?
And I was like, you can't see that sign.
And I was like, Sean, tell me when you can see that sign.
And I'm like waiting for him to say now, Waiting for him to say
now we it like flies past the car and he's like, now I was
like, maybe I should be driving.Yeah, reading is definitely not
happening. I trust on landmarks and.

(21:16):
You said hummus on bread. Yeah, try hummus on bread.
I was like, I am, I am pro hummus, let's get it.
I can get into this. The other thing I've written
down here, do you say tighty whities or Whitey tighties?
Which one is more? Doesn't matter, it probably
doesn't move on. I have this written down because

(21:37):
I'm thinking about making a switch.
I'm first of all, do you wear them?
No, I don't. But Oh my God, nobody in our
generation does. You were about to blow my mind.
I'm gone. I think I'm going to.
I think I'm ready for that. Oh, you're gonna make a switch
on what you wear, not what you call it or no.
What I'm what I I'm wearing. I'm gonna start wearing them.
I think I was. I parade around the house.

(21:57):
I don't know if you, I didn't parade much when we lived
together, did I? I I kind of stayed out of my
underwear. Are we the most part parade in
your underwear? Yeah, not naked, but like.
We were like in our I lived withSean when we were 21 and we were
23. Most of our 20s, let's say 4.
Four years of our 20s. I don't think guys I, I, I don't
have any memory of anything, 'cause guys just walk around
their underwear and it's. No big deal.

(22:18):
Yeah, but you had sisters growing up, so you're probably
more careful. Very cognizant and I have a
daughter and she and I would I would parade until she turned
like 3 and then I was like, oh, I gotta.
Start wearing shorts 'cause we did parade prior to.
No doubt about. It OK, so I parade still 'cause
it's my my son. I think all.
Men grow out of it. We don't even realize it's a bad
thing at first, yeah. It's awesome.

(22:38):
Parade. I like.
I like the parade. To answer your initial question,
I call them. I think I'd say it the wrong
way. I call them Whitey tighties.
OK, that's what I got written down.
That I that you call them that. I got Whitey tighties question
mark I think. No, I got Whitey tighties
switch. Question mark switch.
I think they're supposed to be called tighty whities.
Probably. Maybe I do call them tighty.

(22:59):
I don't know. Briefs.
Tight boys. There's no way I'm ever
switching from boxer briefs. OK, well here I mean, I don't.
I think the reason I wore boxersin the 90s was because I didn't
want to get teased. Right, right.
Yeah, because. Everyone has underoos and stuff.
You had them growing up. I can.
Assure you that if you were praying around the apartment.
Wearing. I remember I did.

(23:19):
I did have a call. On Teddy Whitey's.
Do you remember in the apartment?
Speaking of, I did have Teddy Whitey's.
I had to wear them for my after my hernia surgery.
Remember I had my my surgery, I had to wear I needed more
support in that area. So I I had a package of of tight
boys that I just. Became a joke.
Yeah, threw them out probably because.
We'd be like having a party. We'd be like planning a party at
our apartment with Shawn. You should probably break out
the Woody Titus. I well, in my in one of my

(23:44):
escapades in one of my parades, I noticed that my my boxer
briefs because I made that switch, because boxers are
terrible. Yeah.
So you're a boxer briefs, right?You're a boxer, brief guy.
For the rest of my days. Like I was looking at my the
quality of my boxer briefs and there's a lot of holes.
There's a lot, there's a lot of holes.
Athletics not a sponsor. Yeah, it's life changing.

(24:07):
That's a good boxer. The brand Fabletics.
Is it right up your leg? No, really, because some kind of
right up your leg and others. These are amazing.
I I want Fabletics to be a sponsor.
I I bought them because I wantedbasketball shorts.
And I was like, I'll try the boxer briefs because I hate
exactly what you said. They write up your leg.
Yeah. And they were so good.
I filled out a second account with staff's name and bought
like 30 pairs. OK.

(24:28):
I was like, I'm never going to run out of these.
And when I do. They're colored.
Mama Baylog, I'm going to need your e-mail address so I can so
I can create a third account. I'm telling you, not a sponsor.
Fabletics boxer briefs. You don't need to go to the
tighty woodies or the Whitey tighties.
I'll, I'll think about it because.
Tighty whiteies. I kind of want to wear.
I want to be that dad that Tommy's friends come over.

(24:49):
I'm just, I'm just in the kitchen cooking ramen in my in
my wife's ideas. And your slippers.
I get into our ES and OS section, our errors and
omissions. Basically our omissions from
last episode, episode 67. The things we will never be too
old for. I asked Sean since he was not

(25:10):
here last week. I said instead of it being
omissions, it can just be what you would have written.
So give me a couple of things that will never be too old for
kites, did you say? Kite kites flying.
Definitely flying kites was not mentioned.
Lastly. Have you flown a kite in recent?

(25:32):
I'm so sad I cut you off. It's so relaxing.
Tommy. Tommy and I fly kites and like
just watching it in the air and everything about it is calming.
I'm see, I'm I'm, I'm not a lossfor words.
I'm so I'm sticking off flying kites.
All right, so we got we got kites.
It's so funny 'cause I texted him.
I was like, and if you repeat anything we said last week, I'll
just clip it all out when it comes.

(25:53):
It comes with kites. Cartoons will never ever get
all. I watch cartoons.
Which types of cartoons? It doesn't matter.
I watch all types of cartoons like Looney Tunes, all the
Hannah Barbera, OH. Yeah, Looney Tunes holds up
Looney Tunes, I was thinking. Looney Tunes is wild, man.
Like and Hanna Barbera stuff. It's like, holy crap, man.

(26:13):
But you didn't hear the other day, so I think I told you this
when you were here. Max and I were playing Ninja
Turtles and video games when we started watching the cartoons
because I have them all on DVD. They were tough.
Looney Tunes is way better than Ninja Turtles.
For sure. And I think that's.
Because if you did a cartoons draft like that.
Shouldn't be a surprise I'm. Sure you'd be hearing things

(26:35):
like Thundercats. It's probably just complete
trash, but like, movies for kidsare so wildly entertaining now.
Yeah. Like, you don't have a girl.
So you didn't have to go throughthe Barbie movie phase that I
went through back in the day. Pretty bad those.
Were painful. They were all about Barbie, who
has some wildly crazy problem. That's not a problem at all,

(26:55):
right? Just a Barbie.
They call them champagne problems.
And they always had this little animal.
It was a different animal in each in each movie.
And the animal didn't speak English.
It just went And I was like. Oh my God, not for you.
It was not for me. I I watch Simpsons every
morning, every morning and at night time I'll watch Bob's
Burgers. Is that good?

(27:16):
Bob's Burgers? It's so great.
I guess all the cartoons that have been on the Sunday night
lineup are having. Fox The Fox animation domination
is pretty spot on all. Right, get into our sports
section. I was, Sean and I were just
talking off air. I just have a few things on the
NCAA tournaments. My bracket is less busted than

(27:38):
normal. I guess that's one of the things
I was going to say, He was saying you said you had
Louisville in your Final Four. Yeah.
And one of my brackets in the Final four.
No, I had him in the Final four and I I changed this to state
and had had state beating him. So I had state in Louisville in
the Elite 8, which is not going to happen.
Right. I I think this is the first time
in probably 10 years I didn't lose a team, a Final Four team

(28:01):
in the first weekend. Yeah, because all the ones are
there. Because all the ones are there.
Yeah, that's true. I usually don't go with ones,
but I have twos I put down here.This is one of the lower seed
averages of like the last 15 years.
The average seed number in the sweetest 16 is a 3.4.
Yeah, and normally it's a much higher number.
Not much higher, but you know how you're a teacher, You're
not. Averages were correct, I.

(28:21):
And and I was just trying to think about what's behind that.
And I think it's because of the NIL, like kids are a lot of
transfer. This is you're, this is you're
not on an island. I've heard, I've heard of people
the same. Thing as like Bruce Pearl, the
head coach of Auburn started at like Milwaukee, WI or where the
hell he was and the coaches would transfer.
Those guys would get scooped up like crazy.
And now that's happening with the players, which kind of sucks

(28:42):
for the tournament, but I think upsets are fun in the first
round, maybe the second round. But I said last year with Pawn,
I prefer definitely elite 8 forward being like the blue
bloods and like the classic matchups.
I have no interest in watching Manhattan lose by 27 tonight if
they were in it, you know what Imean?
Yeah, It's just the the entertainment factor stopped
being. Good.
There is the buzzer, the buzzer beater in that Maryland,

(29:04):
Colorado State game that happened.
I mean when the guy traveled like.
That queen that that could have could have 12 in the Sweet 16.
So like this year may it seem tobe an aberration.
Yeah, in that regard, but. I think it doesn't feel like it
either because I think the lowest seed is, correct me if
I'm wrong, but it's Arkansas, and it doesn't feel like it
because it's John Calpier, yeah.That's scumbag.

(29:26):
I mean, I know I was watching like him and Rick Pitino on the
sidelines and I'm like, are these not two of the biggest
scumbags? Like they're so greasy, man.
Sean, you want a bear? Yeah.
Is that a red velvet you got there that?
This is a brew dog mug shot coffee cream ale.
Brew Dog sound good? Yeah, sure, man.
All right, as BYU and Alabama are about to tip off, this

(29:49):
really is the great. I don't like people that say the
Masters is better than the NCAA Tournament.
Like, are you talking about me right now?
Is it you? Are you one of those people?
Are you in that camp? No, I don't like to argue with
people like about that because it's it's all subjective and
it's all what you like. Oh, I love arguing with you.
You know what I mean? Well, you can't really win an
argument. You could just get louder than

(30:10):
the other person because it's they're all great events, right?
Well, what I would do is I try to point out the greatness, like
the Masters is a spectacular event in my opinion.
I'm a golf fan. But every year when I say, oh, I
like the NFL Draft as much as I like March Madness, I like the
Masters as much as I like March Madness.
I like NFL Championship Sunday. Like maybe NFL stuff compares,
but every year that this happens, the tournament, there's

(30:32):
there's nothing, there's nothingthat compares.
Nothing that's that's. Thursday, Friday.
Saturday. Sunday.
Not a soccer event. Because I had people say that
the soccer events are better. And I'm like, you're probably
right. Well, but I'm American and we
don't watch that stuff. Yeah, that's for countries that
don't watch basketball or football.
That is their March. Man, nothing compares to the
tournament. It's the best.

(30:53):
You know what, it truly is the best and I have a couple things
on it. So I'm going to have a couple
statements and questions. 1 And I think you disagree with me on
this because we, I think we've talked about it before.
I miss the paper brackets. There's something about it being
on an app that like annoys the shit out of me.
How fun was it? When we used to go to Bailey's
in Dearborn, everybody had a bracket folded up in their
pocket. Nobody's stopping you from

(31:14):
making a paper bracket, man. Just make a paper bracket.
I ain't got a printer because everything's an app.
Yeah, that's nice though. We used to fill out brackets,
send hand him to some dude and just trust that he would be
honest with the money. Isn't that hilarious?
I know, right? Like, and you didn't know what
the hell was happening in the you didn't know who you stand.
2500 bucks you had no idea whereyou were at.
You were just like, I hope Paul pays me if I win.

(31:36):
I I have a paper bracket every single year.
Do you? Yeah.
And I I must not. Have been you?
I was talking to someone was like the app's way better and I
was like, no, I I'd be like the live updates.
We need the. Let's be honest, we need the
app. Especially those days when we
lived in Dearborn together, whenwe went to B Dubs all day.
Yeah, and I spent my tax return at B Dubs on the tournament

(31:59):
games. Sounds about this entire tax
return like on opening weekend. Pooping in a urinal I have like
I need a nap to to tell me what place I'm in.
What the hell is going on? So I missed the brackets and I
said to pawn on we had like a hot takes episode and my hot
takes all sucked. They were like sports related.
I said to him if, if, if collegebasketball players had to stay

(32:20):
for three years like they do in football, March Madness would be
maybe better than the NFL. That's how good Duke would be,
though. That's why I started thinking
about it today and that's why I typed it out.
I said, well, it would be two top heavy.
Yeah. Like it would be the Final Four
would be Kentucky, Duke, Kansas.Like.
Jack Golke ain't upset in Kentucky.
Yeah, Jack Golke's not those. Kids could stay.

(32:41):
And actually, there's something charming about March Madness.
When you don't know all the players, right?
There's something charming. You learn them, man.
Turning on. We just have BYU, Alabama, Come
on, I can name one player. How many can you name?
00. You don't know Sears?
Marcus Sears, No. Or maybe his name's Mark.
No, I watched I I was more I'm more about quantity.
Like, I watch all the games, a little bit of them, yeah, and

(33:02):
learned some of the players, but.
Then after the game's over, you completely forget about them,
pretty much. I normally know Sears because
they made Alabama made the FinalFour last year, right?
That's the only reason I know his name.
So I think there's something that's charming about March
Madness where it is a bunch of unknowns, but man, college
basketball has it right. And how great of a marketing
ploy. I don't even know if this was an
accident, but the name March Madness makes it even better.

(33:24):
It's the alliteration. What?
If it's called the March Basketball Tournament, we were
like, oh man, I love the March Basketball tournament opening
weekend. Basketball is the best sport for
the one and done like a tournament style play like you
can't. You can't do it any other sport.
And you, I think it was you on our text ride with with Doug and
Eddie that said they're gonna maybe expand it.
And I'm reading it everywhere. That's OK though.

(33:46):
You. You don't mind?
No. It'll it'll it'll be cool if
they expanded it to make 64 bro.If they expanded a if they had a
couple more plans I'd be fine with it, but if no.
No, get rid of those dumb plans.And you, you could just make
what I don't know what the number is.
It's like 70 something. If you do like instead of 16,
you do you do 17 or 18 and you have like a first round buy for

(34:07):
like the ones for the ones or something like it's 70
something. I think that 76 might be the
number. It's a the play in no.
No, not a play in four. It's a well, you, you got, you
got the first round, Yeah. And you pick you you don't have
to like, OK, so selections on Sunday happens and then you got
to wait till when Wednesday to actually pick the actual teams
because you don't know if you'regoing to have one of the play in
teams. Win Oh, I always just pick a

(34:27):
play in team. I always pick an 11 because they
usually do well. This year they did not, right?
But that would just take that away from it.
I don't know, add more teams. It's just going to be more fun.
I'm not. I'm not.
Yeah, I'm not upset about that because again, there it was.
What? What was it in the 80s when
Magic and Bird and all that, youknow, before they made it 60?
I. Think it was 30 or No, it was
40. I don't.

(34:48):
Know, I don't think it was it wasn't that many.
I don't it was it was a low number and it was 87 or 88.
I don't know when they turned it.
You know what annoys me? I didn't even write this down,
but the I don't like the small conferences when you can play
all season long, win your conference and then someone wins
the conference tournament and they get in, but instead of your

(35:08):
team. I think that's disgusting for
the kids. Yeah, who like work their butts
off all year. Yeah, like what I think should
happen. This is the proposal.
I'm like at the gym thinking about this, my propose, because
then I also thought then what's the point of having a conference
tournament? This is what I think if you're a
non major tournament, if you wouldn't have already had in
that large bed, like it wouldn'tmatter with like for example,

(35:29):
Gonzaga and Saint Mary's, they're both getting in because
they're both perennially good. But like if you're talking about
what's the conference that like Oakland and Oral Roberts is in
the the horizon, whoever the theconference winner shouldn't play
the conference tournament. Whoever wins the conference
tournament should play the conference winner at their gym
to go to the NCAA Tournament. That's interesting.
And then you're not burning up spots and you don't need more at

(35:51):
large births because you're not burning up a spot for an Oral
Roberts. And you know, there's not these
multiple teams sneaking in on the bubble.
Yeah, that's a real panty dropper conversation we got
going on here. Click to the link to go to the
list Sports. Alright, it's list time, baby.
Let's. Do it.

(36:13):
And this week's list is how we would do in our favorite movies.
Yeah, I got to. I got to mess with that title a
little bit. We should.
Yeah. Doesn't roll off the tongue.
You know, I was, I was texting you while driving.
I think I keep the idea. Keep a loose grip on the wheel.
Hi Shawn, let's as our guest. I'll let you go first.
Well, let's pick up because remember the the genesis of this
topic was our discussion at youryour kids party and you think

(36:39):
you could survive in Walking Dead universe.
I was going to say I was going to save this to the end, but
I'll, I'll just go right. Off let's just get rid of that.
Let's just get right after because zombies is a big cat.
Zombie movies are like a big category that like we got to
kind of talk. About zombie movies are so
there's two kinds. There's two types of zombies,
yeah. The fast moving and the slow
moving, OK, I would do extremelypoorly with the fast moving.

(36:59):
Like have you ever seen those movies 40 Days Later or 30?
Days. Oh my God, each time that's a
ROM com 48 days later. No, you thought about 28 days.
28 days later, Yeah, those zombies.
I wouldn't last five. Years World War Z yeah, there's
like a faction of nerd that's like.
No fast zombies. A rotten corpse that hasn't

(37:19):
eaten or drank in days cannot have the energy to Sprint.
Like there's people that are enraged by those fast moving
zombies you. Ever talked to a Star Wars guy
about new Star Wars movies and they're like, it was so fake
because they didn't have a red stripe on their arm.
I was like, what are you even talking about?
How? I do.
Have you procreated with a woman?
I do appreciate the outrage and but like it is a zombie movie so

(37:42):
like the rules could be bent oneof those.
All right, so here's my theory. Here's.
The show got bad, but not not because of that I think.
I told Steph this years ago. So these are the things you need
to survive a zombie. Let's hear.
Let's see how you would last. You need a couple different
weapons. I think that they picked good
ones with the samurai sword in the bow, right?
Because you can reuse. So the other two things you need
are a sledgehammer and a ladder.So listen, you go into the

(38:09):
house, you raid the canned goods, and then you go upstairs
and you sledgehammer out the stairs, OK?
So now if the zombies come into the house with you, they can't
get to where you are. OK, so you're in a house, you're
not walking. I'm in a house.
You're you're surviving in a single domicile.
Single domicile and then if zombies come in they just fall
into the hole that used to be the stairs and start to fill up

(38:30):
the basement. That's a good living condition
for you. What are we eating?
Sustainable. Well, none of none of it's good
living conditions. We're eating the canned goods
that are inside home so let's just talk about a subdivision
got your standard 100 houses yeah and now maybe what what so
what's your next question about my.
Well, you're not going to survive long.
You're just going to live long enough.

(38:50):
Most people would say what happens when the zombies start
to fill up and get close. Exactly.
Or do you guys get more ladder? That comes in Sean.
OK. That's when you go out under the
roof, yeah. And you just put the ladder over
to the next house and you just crawl across the ladder.
So you're you're occupying a subdivision that no one else is
there. So no one else has these ideas.
That staircase in the next house.
You're getting killed by a faction of Nazis.

(39:12):
I'm. Sleeping in someones tempurpedic
mattress eating their Campbells chicken noodle soup until I run
out. You and then get.
Two weapons if you need them, noproblem.
I would die. You would die.
In hindsight, crossbow, samurai sword, sledgehammer, ladder,
good to go. I wish you'd luck.
I don't want you to. I don't want you to die.

(39:33):
I don't want to prove you wrong.Would you do?
I would die immediately. I wouldn't live first of all.
There's some on my list where I would die immediately.
I I have a chance with cardio. I think you need a good cardio
if you're going to be out running zombies.
What? Was it season 2 where the one
guy shoots the fat guy in the kneecap?
And I was like, that ain't that ain't right.
I could, I could outrun some zombies, probably.

(39:53):
That's like one of the things I could survive a little bit for
are. You getting cocky and saying you
can't run fast on. Me.
No, I can't do the 28 Days Laterthe World War Z ones.
Those ones scare me. And like I, I haven't lived with
you in a while. I don't.
I want to give you a little credit.
I. Think the people would be a
bigger problem, the horrible people than.
Right. The man versus man, not man
versus honest. Yeah, it's all.
It's all resulting in US dying. Yeah.

(40:16):
We're not, we're not, we're not resourceful enough all.
Right, so in summary, you disagree with my.
Yeah yeah, Chad, our friend Chadwould would would survive the
longest yeah, cuz he can live in.
Off the woods. Yeah, he doesn't want to watch
YouTube videos to make repairs in his home.
Like we are not handy and we wouldn't be able to to to make

(40:39):
shifts this and that. One of us hung canned interior
lights in their basement. Yeah.
Who helped you with that? Chad.
Chad. No, but you're right, the man
versus man component would do you in before the zombies
probably. Because I'm not a.
Fighter, you wouldn't really negotiate well with the people.
We'll get to my lack of fightingability in my future.
You'd be hanging out handing outconversational humor stickers.

(41:02):
Putting them on zombies. If you can get a frequency here,
if you get, if you get a good Wi-Fi connection.
You ever heard of a podcast? But yeah, the.
All right, what you got? The I Am Legend movie that's not
zombies but that's like movies. Great.
The the mutants like they there was like a disease and the
disease caused them to mutate, right?
Yeah, I think I do OK there. Are they fast?

(41:23):
Yeah, but they only come out at night.
Oh, right, right, right. I'm an early riser.
I go to bed early now. I think I'd be all right.
How would you make it through the night?
No. Well, you have to have a
obviously a secure home, but you're not going to be going
out, right? You're not going to be like a
person that's just trying to, you know, get supplies at night.
Like some people are lazy and they would sleep in, they would

(41:45):
sleep through the day and they're like, shit, I got to get
supplies and the the freaking mutants are going to be out on I
got we need supplies. That movie so good.
You got someone nagging at home,but you didn't get.
Supplies you slap in, you betterget the supplies.
Well, now we have no supplies toyou.
Someone drank a little too much last night.
So there'd be no, yeah, there'd be no mishaps like that.

(42:07):
If there's one thing I can't handle in movies anymore, it's
dogs dying, Sean, when that dog dies and I am legend, it's
tough. It's more than I can handle.
Yeah, that's all you had to really, besides his mannequins.
And now they're now. The other thing I can't handle
in movies anymore is Will Smith in general.
That's too bad. Steph and I were just talking
about him on the way home from Chicago.
I cannot even look. Hurts my heart man, because

(42:27):
Fresh Prince was such a big partof my childhood.
All right, Sean, the second one on my list is I'm gonna go, I'm
gonna go with this is all I typed right here.
Fight Club. How about slap fight?
Am I right? Dude, if I'm fighting myself,
there's no way I'm going at it that aggressively.
No way. It's going to be an absolute

(42:49):
slap fight. We would not do well in Fight
Club. No, no.
I mean, if you were the Brad Pitt Edward Norton spoiler alert
character, you would. Spoiler on that 1998 film. 99 I.
Think I like the word film. Film, film, picture.
If you say picture, get out of here.
Like I'll I'll tolerate guys that say film, but like, I saw a

(43:12):
picture there today, a motion picture.
So, yeah, Fight Club, those scenes where like to think about
it when you're like, oh, he's just punching himself in the
face. Yeah, yeah.
But then you see some of the scenes where he's completely
bloodied up and busted up and you're like, he did.
And the end of the movie, just think about he did it to
himself. Yeah, I know.
I never this, never watching himself.
Like this might would be a totalslap fast.

(43:33):
Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't have a real good
following. I wouldn't.
Yeah, my following would be justthe guy with boobs, yeah.
Yeah, that's meatloaf. Meatloaf.
You know who else in that movie?Jared Leto.
Jared Leto. He gets beaten to a pulp.
I. Haven't seen that movie a lot
so. Good.
That might be a that might be a top five for me all.
Right, what else you got? Wedding crashers I got a
boatload on. You I think how would how would

(43:53):
we do in Wedding Crashers, Be honest.
How do you think we would fare in that situation where we got
to go to like a rich, a rich person's house and like still
keep up the charade? I think we would actually do
quite well. You think so?
I. Think that when we're when we
sobered up the next day, we're rather charming, Sean.
No, that's when I would lose it.When when they saw him what I'm
actually like quite. Far in life on our charm alone.

(44:15):
Off the booze, I'm not the same they they I would I couldn't be
able to keep you might be able to keep it up because you got
more of that morning show humor,you know, and I'm I'm like just
a I'm just like just not as a socially.
So you'd have to stay drunk and I'd have to stay somewhat
because if I get too drunk, thenI'm a you're.
Not likable, right all? Right.

(44:35):
Let's just come right out with it.
If you come to 9 innings, 9 bars, hit me up before the 7th
inning. I don't think we would do well
in that scenario. You know, corporate head of
marketing Santi. Oh yeah, it's his nickname, Ch.
MI didn't. I didn't understand that.
Corporate. He's the corporate head of
marketing. I saw that in the March Madness
bracket. He named his team that or
something. I was like he.

(44:58):
Pushes the podcast on people he there was a was it his wedding
there was a wedding crasher at or was it Chad and Trisha's it
was a wedding crasher at some wedding one of their two
weddings yeah and we embraced the wedding crashers yeah it was
2 have to two women and we just we were like dude let's do shot
let's. Well that's different too.
If it's two women that are more,that's more likable. 2 dudes,

(45:19):
you're out. You're looking at a cock eye
dad. Like alright, what's you?
What's your angle? Looking dude some big big guy
with a bald head and a beard. But Vince Vaughn and Wilson were
something. That's stronger than me.
Get this guy out of here. What am I gonna do, slap him?
Me and you at a wedding. Wedding crashing wouldn't be
nearly as charming as Wilson andVaughn.
It would not be the same. What you got?
Jurassic Park. Oh, dude, it made my list.

(45:39):
Yeah, it made my list. How you would do would you be a
Newman and just get just get hitin the face with that ink and
and get killed by the dilapid Dilaposaurus?
Dilapid Dilaposaurus. Or would you be Sam, Neil or
Jeff? Goldblooder, you quoted the kid
Dilapa. I think that if I was in

(46:01):
Jurassic Park, I would have gotten out of Dodge into the
safest place I can get to. I can get out of dodge.
Helicopter I'll I'll figure it out.
Dude, there's got to be somewhere you can lock yourself.
The fact they had this park and there's nowhere safe to be.
The dude that says all you need is a machete and a, you know, a
sledgehammer and a ladder. I would have hid so.

(46:21):
It's going to be resourceful in some state-of-the-art compound.
How about in Every time I've ever worked a fish fry at my mom
and dad's church, every time I close the big freezer, I'm like,
I could lock a velociraptor. Yeah, no problem, dude, Dude,
those Raptors, man. This, it's the Raptor scene and
the open, the T Rex scene with the with the water cup and so

(46:41):
good. Those are just those live in my
head, man. How many years later?
That was like, like we said in 6th grade, like that's like 30
plus years. So I categorize my next ones.
I'm just gonna hit a couple because the list can't go for 90
minutes. The one.
So there's a difference between movies.
Like I said, fast zombie versus slow zombie.
Yeah, there's a difference between movies is that you're

(47:01):
just in a messed up, horrible situation and movies that you
can change your situation. You're talking about like a
dystopian type movie. I'm.
Talking about like, have you ever seen the movie The Edge
with Anthony Hopkins? They're, no, they're, they're
playing crashes in the woods andthere's grizzly bears hunting
them. OK, so look so bad should
happen. You're stuck.
Not like a Society of humanized oppressed people like a Hunger
Games or something. You talk.

(47:22):
OK, I gotcha. Jaws I just wouldn't get in the
water if I was. What's the captains name in
Jaws? I know the actor.
I don't remember that. So Richard Dreyfuss yeah, I just
wouldn't get in the ocean is. It rush.
Schneider, I think, is the captain.
I would almost say Captain Ahab,but yeah.
It's Moby Dick. Call me Ishmael.
So yeah, those types of movies where you could just leave,

(47:45):
Yeah, I've always been a little bit like.
It wouldn't be a movie. We wouldn't do well in these
movies because it won't be. It wouldn't be a movie.
Just get out. Sean would be like, Bah, there's
a shark eating people. I'd be like, let's go to Ohio.
We probably should go on the boat.
There, you want to go to Cedar Point instead?
The other one I had in that category was in between every
movie, every season of Stranger Things.

(48:05):
I'm always like, maybe leave Hawkins, Indiana.
There's some crazy shit going onin this one lab.
Will's alive somehow. Just leave Hawkins, Indiana.
It's only this one laboratory. Just get out of there.
Shows that I watch that they could just leave.
Drive me insane because I'm too logical to think like, why are

(48:25):
you still fighting this demagogue in for your life?
Yeah, just let someone else dealwith it.
They've got to solve problems. Let whoever is the manager at
the Blockbuster deal with it. Affecting the people they love,
they got, they got to fight. And grab them all and go, Yeah,
grab them all and go. All right, What you got?
Back to the Future. I top my list.
Yeah, Part 2 in particular. That is, that is my.

(48:47):
Favorite one? Not saying it's my favorite one.
What I'm saying is I would have been not morally or ethically
above you'd be Biff. Yeah, I would have went the
alternate time. I wouldn't have been called Biff
World or whatever it was called.It would have been called Bar
All World because I would have been like, dude, Sean, we got to
lay a lot of money on Alabama -6like, there's no way I would

(49:08):
have been morally above taking home Grey's Sports Almanac.
Oh man, no way. What were your thoughts on Back
to the Future? I wouldn't be Biff, I know that
much. I'm not saying I'd be as awful
as Biff as. Rich as he would turn you into
the awful. I think that's because he wasn't
totally terrible prior to. The He was a bully.
He was a bully. He was just a bully, yeah.

(49:30):
But if the podcast took off and I got rich, I'd probably be
Biff. That it makes me sad thinking a
robe. With a gun.
What money would have done to uswhen we were younger?
That does make me a little sad. I'm like it would have been.
Sean and I were wild enough thatif YouTube existed and YouTube
channels existed, we'd either bereally rich and famous right now
or completely unemployable, you know?

(49:51):
What was your thoughts on Back to the Future?
I just stole the microphone fromyou.
No. Well, I mean, I would just, I
would be Camp Marty and Doc. I'd be like, I wouldn't, I would
be against the Biffs. I would not, you know.
That was a that was a real hot take there.
You had I hope you know this is a comedy park.
You had me, I had something written down and this is when a

(50:15):
kid was back to the future and Ilike had a whole thing written
down and then a kid was asking me a question because I it was
after school. It was after school hours and I
was writing this, this, this dock up and he he was taking a
test and he kept asking me questions.
I'm trying to write this up and I had a whole thing on Back to
the Future and like my finger slipped and.
Was gone. Next thing you know it's just a

(50:37):
sounds like a movie recap podcast.
Some of the some of these. Things.
I'm like, Sean, what do you think about Back to the Future?
Marty's cool. Doc is intelligent.
How about Wolf of Wall Street? So here's my problem with Wolf
for All St. And there's so many movies like
it. They always get too greedy.
Like think about Jordan Belfort and whatever Jonah Hill's
character's name is. They could still be these out

(51:01):
because at the beginning of the movie they were doing nothing
illegal. They were just hilarious and
awesome. Yeah, I don't know about awesome
when we were younger. When we're younger, awesome.
When we're older, not so awesome.
Jonah Hill's character was not awesome.
Is hilarious but they always in all those movies they end up
getting too greedy and they try to get too much and they end up

(51:21):
getting arrested. Common denominators of cocaine.
So we would do OK, I don't think, well, I can't say that
one. I think you and I, apart from
the cocaine, cocaine part, you and I, when we were in our 20s,
dreamed of being Jordan Belfort.We dreamed of being Leonardo
DiCaprio and Jonah Hill. Yeah, unfortunately, you're
better looking than I am. So you have been Leo.

(51:41):
I have been Jonah. How?
But he was funnier. I don't think that was my goal.
I think we were more like let's be rock star famous, not like
let's be filthy. Like the being rich was never
like, really. No, it wasn't my but, but the
money allowed them to be. Rock star.
Yeah, but they were always hungry for that.

(52:02):
I mean, they were. That's what they were in it for.
Like I feel like if we, we, we. Would shout out wanted to be
rock star. Yeah, we wanted to be guys that
people came to see not, you know, I don't know that they
they got like P Diddy vibes like, you know what I mean?
Like that, those parties got a little.
Steve Madden. That would be so funny.

(52:22):
All right, what else you got? Well, I was looking down the
dystopian movie genre, right? And there's so many of those,
like dystopian societies or, youknow, when you lose your
freedom, there's a disaster, like environmental disaster or
something. OK.
So like Hunger Games will be like a dystopian.
Like, that's the movie I came upwith because I was thinking the
other ones like that. And I'm like, these are all

(52:43):
crappy movies. I thought about doing one for
The Hunger Games. And so Hunger Games, how do you
think there's no way you attribute yourself there's.
No, already said I'm a coward. There's no, although if it was
for my sibling I might tribute. Him.
You think he would? You wouldn't be like Jim.
I'll take the. Well, Jim's my elder brother.

(53:03):
If it was for like, Susie, who'smy younger sister, Yeah.
If she was like, if I'm 18 and she's 14 and I'm like, she's
gonna be the first one out. But she's more badass.
Like the kids? That more badass knew for a
while. The kid that ended up having a
role on Vikings, he would have smashed my sister's skull like
in the 1st 5 seconds of The Hunger Games.
Yeah, I, if I was in The Hunger Games, you know what character I

(53:24):
would have been? I would have been PETA.
I would have done exactly what he did when he camouflaged
himself and just like hid the hole.
He was a coward. No, he got injured, remember?
Yeah, but he was hurt. And then?
Also, you know, he developed into a better character that
just. Didn't read the books?
I did read the books. Oh, did you?
Yeah, I didn't. Did you like the ending of

(53:45):
those? Like he was okay, I guess.
I don't really remember it. Those movies got really bad, by
the way. Yeah, the movies, the. 1st movie
wasn't. It needed a narrator.
Actually, if I was in The HungerGame movies, I would have been.
You're just gonna change the rules of the pot?
Yeah, I'm just gonna go narrator.
I would have been. Mitch, you're gonna.
You saw Woody Harrelson, You're gonna be Mitch.
No. Hey, Miss, is what we're growing

(54:06):
up to be. I would have been the Morgan
Freeman narrator that that movieneeded.
Yeah. I'd have been like when Sean
first ended the entered the Hunger Game.
No, I don't think he needed a narrator.
I think he needed like a Dexter Morgan like like.
Psycho killer. No, no, he like he narrated his
own thoughts. All right, how about this one,
Sean? Let's I'm going to, I'm going to
pick it up a little bit here andI'm going to say the movie and
you're going to know exactly where I'm going with it.

(54:29):
If I was in my 20s still and I met Lucy on 51st dates.
Oh no. Let's just say I would have not
been welcome at her parents house.
Jeez. Because sometimes I would have
went to the diner and sometimes I wouldn't have went to the

(54:49):
diner, but I would have met Lucyseveral times.
Some nights she'd be my girlfriend, some nights she.
Got a re tab. Lucy's pretty soon here.
So just quickly, I'm going to reel off a few sticking with the
same category. How about Harry Potter?
Is that on your list? If I was Harry, yeah, there is
no way I wouldn't have tried to block the hell out of Ron for

(55:12):
Hermione. There's no way.
He's a, he's a, he's a ginger guy.
He liked. He liked Jenny, Yeah.
Oh, Harry, I thought you met Ron.
Yeah, I was like, that should have been a strike against.
Ron No Harry. Harry is all about that Jenny.
I think even Harry beginning in the books too.
Well, is that supposed to be theunderlying tone that you always
like, Jenny? So I didn't pick up on all that.
I what I'm saying is Emma Watson, come on, man.

(55:33):
Emma Watson in the first few where where she is, I got that
frizzy hair and just she's a little kid like he like he
didn't know it was gonna happen.He didn't know it was gonna
happen. My son, when he found out Emma
Watson was in her like late 30s,was visibly upset.
Like 'cause she's too old. Yes, he thought he's like,
Hermione is going to be my girlfriend.
I was like, I get it, bro, I getit.
But she's a couple years youngerthan dad and I'm married.
And he was like, what? Is she that old?

(55:55):
He like thought in the 30s. I think she is he he thought
that he had he had a shot with Hermione.
Yeah. He was like, I have such a
question. I was like, I get it.
If I would have, I would have totally blocked Ron for
Hermione. All right?
The last one I got for that piggish category, I think is.
Come on, dude. Ross on Friends.
He blew it with Rachel. Oh my gosh, Ross is one of my
least favorite characters in anyshow.

(56:18):
I'm the more the more I. Friends is trash.
Yeah, it was not good. It was not good.
I've never watched it in Chicagoand I was like, it wasn't always
this bad. It was.
It was it's that show's trash. I'm.
Gonna call it trash. It's it's kind of hard.
Kind of like a it's it's I hate to be that guy.
That's a chick show. I don't.

(56:38):
Like the, like, slapstick punch lines.
I didn't realize it was, like, chocked full of them.
Yeah. Like all of Chandler, who I
thought was the funniest character in that show, is just
like it's like that Charlie Sheen garbage show. 2 1/2 men,
is that what it's called? Charlie, how come a girl just
walked out of your bedroom but one of them left 20 minutes ago?

(56:58):
What's going on with that? There's a lot of you need that,
though, like you need to you need to like OK, so you know
what replaced that is trash reality TV like true, like you
can't all your entertainment can't be heavy, right.
You need some things like that and the and the and Joey was
good. Chandler was good.

(57:19):
There are some good parts. I think we also saw like some
later seasons. I didn't really I lost interest
in the show like live like it started to become bad when like
Joey dated Rachel. But I think the earlier stuff
would probably be. It's OK, It's just not.
It's not great. The other one, it's not the last
one I have in the piggish category is the last one that's
not realistic is that Jerry Seinfeld like hooked up with

(57:40):
Elaine before the show was on right in in the timeline arc and
then just was like, totally like, I'm not attracted to the
most awesome hot girl in the world, right?
Elaine is a total smoke show. So you're saying it's that he
would re tap that more than he did because he did a couple?
Times. Oh, did he?
Yeah, remember the Mango episodeand when she said she.
Faked it, yeah. And then there's always been

(58:02):
like that, that they're in love with each other, underlying.
Remember that when the plane wascrashing, it was crashing.
Yeah. And she's about to say I always
loved you, basically. And George?
George said he cheated on the contest.
Yeah, why'd you cheat, George? I'm a cheater.
That is the greatest show of alltime.
That Always Sunny. All right, What you got?
I'm just you had me going on Seinfeld now.
So I'm like trying to trying to dis bunk your your your your

(58:26):
theory. But debunk you idiot.
Debunk. You said chocked full, so I
didn't correct you there. What's the real word it's?
Just chock it's just chock full.It's chocked full.
It's talk tool. Don't.
Ever compare me to Haley, whatever name is?
She's got a documentary I think in the works.
Oh my God, I know it's time. Annie Agar, please help us get

(58:48):
famous. I promise I won't be as bad as
Hawk to a girl. Time to move on.
Here's something for you. What do you always say about my
muscles Whenever we're talking about they're on a what?
Do I say about your muscles? They're on a bit of a timer.
Or the. What do you always say about my
muscles when I'm when I'm cocktailing and I'm hanging out?
They're on like you, only you, you can't hold thing.

(59:08):
You you don't do negatives at the gym.
You don't hit those negatives. You got like 10 seconds that you
could hold something. Yeah.
And then then that timer goes off and you just go limp is a
Dick. So if I was Ryan Gosling, which
I am not, and I was in the notebook, I would have been
dangling from the Ferris wheel and just plummeted to my desk.

(59:29):
You know what I'm talking about.I don't.
He goes on the Ferris wheel withRachel McAdams character and
he's dangling and she's like come back in here and he's like
promise you'll go on a date withme?
He's messing around. I see.
I see that movie once. Promised me you'll go on a date
and she's like come in here and he's like not until you promise
and she promises that he comes back into the cart.
You'd expire. I would have just expired and.
Plummeted to my to my dad. So you wouldn't do well in a

(59:50):
notebook. I would not do well in a
notebook. Do you know I wrote the
notebook? Did I ever tell you that I wrote
a story like the Notebook in college for for an English
class? Missing in the rain?
No, it was a story. Well then it sucked.
I got. I got to highlight the ones I'm
still planning on doing because I got a few bangers.
Keep them going yeah, because again my my doc went put at the

(01:00:11):
end of my tutoring session. No, I got no.
All my movies I had and the stuff I had written down Where
is gone? I was prepared, but it got.
What do you mean it got deleted?I remember I hit the wrong
button and it it just took it all out and.
You don't remember anything you wrote.
I remember the the movies, but Idon't like the Back to the
Future. I don't, I didn't have, I had a
couple of good jokes written andI had a couple of points and I'm

(01:00:32):
like, oh shoot, you know, the beer is taking over and I it's.
All right, how about this one? How about this one?
All right, Sean, I think we're on the same page on this one,
Billy Madison. Norm McDonald and what's the
other guy? That's all I wrote was I would
have just taken the buyout and gotten drunk every day with Norm
MacDonald. We wouldn't either be the others
would be Billy, yeah, we would not be motivated enough to go

(01:00:55):
through all the school and. That's how the movie would have
changed if I was Billy. Yeah.
Oh, you would. And they were like, you can
either have a buyout and be a billionaire or fight for the
company to run the company. I would have been like, gotcha.
Sell it. Yeah, do whatever you want with
it. I'll be at the pool with Sean.
And Veronica Vaughn wouldn't wouldn't change your mind about
the things. How about the ending of Dumb and
Dumber? You know, I, I always forgot

(01:01:16):
about it, but it's my son's favorite comedy.
He loves these comedies and every single guy when they're
like, wait a minute. And every time I watch it still,
I'm like, they have to be smart enough to get it.
You're about to have the most satisfying ending.
And it's still the same ending. They should have done an
alternate ending, 'cause when hesays the town's that way, every
male that watches that is just like, this is too painful.

(01:01:38):
Yeah, this is. Too painful, but it's so
awesome. This one will be quick.
How about Empire Strikes Back? I would not have kissed Leia.
I would not have. I would not have kissed my
sister. What's that thing that he got
into in the beginning? All right, open the animal.
Yeah, I'm just going to bite my tongue off and choke.
I'm not going to my tongue. Off freezing to that takes too

(01:02:05):
long. I'm going to choke myself now.
Let's just get it over with. Get into that.
How about this one? How about Titanic?
I wrote this. There's still one person that
would have lived are. You going to be Billy Zane?
By floating on that door. And it wouldn't have been the
girl I just gave hepatitis to inthe model.
T Yeah, what a bitch she was. I would have been like Rose.

(01:02:28):
Rose is the worst. One of two things are going to
happen. Either we're both going to live
or I'm going to live. That's talk about unrealistic.
That Leo probably smelled like pee and she was banging.
She was banging them in the thatcar.
I was like home. No, she'd be like, she would
have gotten that car then be like, OK, never mind.
You were really She was in a property.
This is not going to work. All right, get into our goodbye

(01:02:52):
section. We picked up zero countries.
Paul and I did an AI experiment last week.
I said every country we talk about ends up being on the list
of countries that have listened to us.
So he started yelling Iraq, Iraq, Iraq.
Oh jeez. And I yelled Argentina.
Didn't pick up either though. You didn't get that.
Closing thoughts. I tried to go down to Brad Pitt.
Try to go down to Brad Pitt rabbit hole.

(01:03:14):
Didn't look at any of his moviesand just type this because I
asked stuff on the way back fromChicago.
You think Brad Pitt loves any ofthose kids he adopted?
I don't know much about his personal way.
Dude, he's got how many adopted kids?
Umpteen million. Him and Angelina and Jolie were
nuts. For a while they made kids.
She was 2 right then. That's why I said to Stephanie,
I go, I guarantee Brad Pitt loves his kid.

(01:03:35):
Because if you're a movie star, you probably don't see your
athletes movie stars. You don't see your kids a ton,
right? Now they got Andy's and stuff.
So you love the kids that you made?
Yeah. But.
He's been divorced for tennis years.
They adopted some kids from somethird world countries.
Brad's probably like agree to disagree guys, let's just part
ways. Yeah, I don't think, I think

(01:03:55):
stars have a hard time with their with their blood borne
kids. I don't think no way the.
Closeness. Adopt the kids.
All right, Sean, what am I doingnext week with Pawn?
What are you doing? If you can ever record on
Fridays at like 4430 you can join us.
And that's never going to happen.
He's going to be back from his cruise.
I don't know what I'm doing withPawn next week.

(01:04:16):
We'll figure that out. Whitey, tighty, tighty Whitey.
Let's.

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