Ep.74 - The Places we want to Visit the LEAST! - Conversational Humor - An Improv Comedy Hour

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I freaking love our podcast. I'm so hungry right now.
I assumed his name was Darth Virgin.
Come on, you're talking dirty tome right now.
She's like, what do you got in your mouth?
And I got a fruit by the foot, hanging halfway down to my lap.
I like to eat my calories, not drink them.

(00:24):
All right, hello, hello and welcome back to episode 74, a
conversational humor with pun and Balrog.
This is pun across from me. Hi guys, and I'm Balrog.
As you know, today is Monday, June the 16th of 2025.
It's funs are. Look at the dudes ohh my with
their shirts off. He's going on a cruise the semen
conquest ice and there is no with 686 bucks for a 7 day six

(00:49):
night cruise all inclusive gay or not I'm I'm in for sure.
I'm 1000% in. Listen, I don't want to make out
with the guys, but those guys are good looking dudes, man.
How many? 123-4567?
He's got an 8 pack. Yeah, I was just gonna say I
wish. I wish I was in that good of
shape. And I liked women.
Geez. Today we are going to be talking
about the places we want to visit the least.

(01:13):
And for the record, my entire list is going to be Topangas
because. There is a, there's an immediate
they got. My list like in no time for this
one, cause initially Punt said Punt said the places you want to
travel to the least. And then I thought we could do a
lot out-of-the-box outside the box stuff if we made it visit
the least. Yeah, because I was just going
to say things like North Korea and Los Angeles.

(01:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too soon, way too quick.
A little bit too soon. There's like 60 people right now
just shutting it off just. Shutting it off.
You want to know what pisses me off?
I'm I'm going to go with since you got an American flag shirt
on Canada booming our national anthem.
No, but I was on the way. I've I've had this in the show

(01:56):
doc forever. I was on the way home from
basketball a few like a month ago and there were Canadian
geese crossing Michigan Ave. in Dearborn.
It didn't pitch you. Off I sort of got upon and no,
it didn't piss me off, but a Tesla truck rolls up and I was
like, here we go. Let's see what happens here.
You know what pisses me off is every time I think we've done
all of the gym no Nos because wedid a whole episode on it.

(02:19):
Yep, there are more no Nos that happened.
What happened? I was at the gym 2 Fridays ago
and this dude was whistling the songs that were on the radio.
Oh no, Did it piss you? Like, was it obnoxious?
It was like one of those guys that could whistle so loudly and
it was like piercing through my earbuds.
Was he, 40, slightly bald? Yeah, had a disc golf tattoo on

(02:44):
his pound. No.
So yeah, it's exactly what you're picturing.
Yeah, whistling with, I mean, I don't know, drawing any kind of
attention to yourself or, or here's a better way to phrase
it, breaking the attention of anybody who's working out.
You should. You don't want to really want to
break. All I could hear was this guy
and I might have jotted down. I might have jotted down a few

(03:04):
tunes that he had going. That's here.
Don't you give up, Don't you give up.
Na na, let me look. I was like this guy.
You can't be serious. The only I do whistle in my car.
That's I don't know why I'm a car Whistler thinks I'm a car
singer. Yeah, I'm a car singer, but.
The vocal cords get a little tired after a while.

(03:25):
Yeah, At work we have cameras inour vehicles now.
They don't face us, they face out, but they record.
They can record the volume and Ioften catch myself saying
insanely ridiculous. It's either whether it's DMX
rapping that or I'm just full onbelt and so you and.
Lauren are talking filth. Floren.
Floren filth. Oh yeah, yeah.

(03:46):
Come upstairs. What I get robe dude, this guy
was not only a so he gets done with.
Don't you give up. Nah, Nah, Nah, and all of a
sudden the Jackson Five song comes on and he didn't whistle.
I was like, good, he's done. And they were like, oh baby,
give me one more chance. But he did the backup vocals.
But he's like, I wanted to murder this guy.

(04:07):
Dude. Be sure to click subscribe in
the notification bell. Leave us a five star rating
wherever you find our podcasts and remember to share the
episodes. Shout out to Jackie who was
sharing our episodes. I didn't show the episode once.
We'll get to the pub crawl recap, but I didn't show the
episode once on the pub crawl. But she did.
Actually. I remembered at the Cork and
Barrel. Yeah, she is on top of it.

(04:28):
She's already like she sat me down a couple of drinks in and
goes, listen, this is your retirement.
I need you to focus. I need you to push this and
broadcast it. We're all.
Jumping on she's. Like you're the only one who
doesn't push it at all. Pun pushes it like 0 people say
the word podcast around. They're like, hey, have you got
any good podcasts? Like I haven't earned it?

(04:51):
Joe Rogan, if you haven't listened yet, you can go back
and listen to episode 73 on our adulting pros and cons.
Basically all of the cons were responsibility, money, and
worrying about your kids. Like all of the ones we said
were those three things. Yep.
And also, for the record, I did tell you the Anne Frank story

(05:13):
when I found a paperback next toit.
God. Should I forget about the Anne
Frank story? Just for the record, that is a
true story. But that was not.
What? Happened, right?
I don't know how the Anne Frank thing got into the golf bag.
You come out of the Porta potty with the diary of Anne Frank in
your hand. I swear to God, I'm calling the
police. Next time you get here, it's

(05:34):
going to be sitting on your chair.
All right, get into our appetizer section.
Pun. My health man has been.
I told you I busted up my ankle a couple weeks ago.
We had the cane. Yep, I showed you the cane.
Yep, I forgot to tell you that Iwas I was laying in bed the
other night and my ankle wasn't feeling good.
I had my cane next to me and I just went over jab stuffed with

(05:55):
the cane. I was like, hey, baby, you still
you still awake? But I've been having these
migraines. Dude, you ever get migraines?
No, but didn't you went to the doctor, right?
I got a CAT scan. Actually.
They scan. I know my brain.
I remember that. I was wondering, did you hear
back about? I haven't.
Heard anything back on that? I got a schedule follow.
Oh that's good. I'm assuming if they haven't
called me that I'm not dying. I think usually they're like, if

(06:16):
they're calling you like Mr. Baylor.
You might wanna come in. Just swing on by the clinic.
That's when I get a little bit nervous, but I go in.
So I go into it was actually in Southgate because my doctor's in
Wyandotte. I told you on the on the pub
crawl, dude, I freaking love when I'm in Wyandotte.
I only drove down N line and I was like, God, I love being in
Wyandotte. It's so nostalgic for me going
to high school there. And I go into this.

(06:37):
I had to go to Southgate to thisRMI place for like imaging.
He was like, they might not takeyou, but maybe you'll get lucky
and you could just do it today, which would be perfect.
So I go in there and I'm talkingto one of the receptionists and
the other one goes, you sound familiar.
And I was like. Oh, you listen to podcast?
I look at her and I go, well, you know, I do have a very
successful podcast with the guy named Pun.

(06:58):
And she looks at me and she goes, I know nothing about no
podcast. So for like a split second I
thought. You thought you had, Yeah.
I was like. Oh my God, is that Andy Baylor?
I had my first holy shit moment dude.
But then she put me in my place immediately and I talk pub
crawl. We can pun we I kind of glossed
over. I figured that you'd be the one

(07:18):
that announcing it in the introductions.
You have some, I don't know if you want to share it on the
podcast. I'm pregnant.
Well, what? Happened admit this I was
actually thinking about in the pub crawl at one point I
realized like Lauren is she's like athletic looking she's tall
and I was like listen between you guys you have five children

(07:38):
but I was like I guarantee there's a little part of Pongo
and think about the. Athletes.
Oh, yeah. Listen, I would have, I would
note although, all right, so you're, this is how my brain
works. You're right, 50% of my brain
goes, I've always wanted a big family so I could have a
gazillion children that wouldn'tbother me at all.
And she's really tall, 5's a lot, but she's really tall.

(08:00):
She's athletic. And I do, I'm like, well,
there's, there's the quarterbacks coming right out.
I have running backs coming right up looks.
Like a dual threat quarterback nine months from now.
I'm not saying we're getting on the.
Nil money, baby. All you got to do is whereas
Steph and I were the other day, we were at, oh, we were at
social district on Saturday night and we were like, we just

(08:21):
left our son home alone. We were only there for two
hours. That's the other 50% we.
Each had three cocktails. And we're looking at these
parents, like, dragging kids in the street by one arm.
And I was like, aren't you so glad?
They were like, Dad was pulling a wagon with a kid on his.
I was like. I we're past that.
Yes, I enjoyed those days, but to do it again?
She heard her the youngest wouldbe 8 out of the group and but my

(08:45):
real parenting days are over. All I do is look at grades, yell
at kids and ground them. I mean, you know, I send a Venmo
here, in there. Venmo, maybe go grocery.
Shopping OK, when I said 5050 onmy brain, it's more like 90 ten
90% is hey, we're I'm pretty much free and then the 10
percents like I don't. Know dual 3.
Quarterback I could get. I could get a Michigan

(09:07):
Wolverine. Could be a five star safety
yeah, get a left length I. Mean quickness, although I
probably have one already with Jackson, but we'll see.
Jackson is looking like a Unicorn, so I'm still dancing
around like big family news. Oh, oh.
Engaged. Ohh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if you want to. Announce on public podcast.

(09:27):
I thought I did. I clipped it out.
Ohh 'cause. You hadn't asked her to marry
you yet. I know, but it wasn't gonna be
released till after. So spoiler alert if you guys
haven't picked up on. IT guys do dumb shit.
I was gonna announce it on a podcast before I asked her.
Dude, you said it like twice on the last recording.
I was like, yeah, I have to clipthat one out too and make sure
to double check. It Yeah, yeah, I will ball and

(09:48):
chain. So from the entire
conversational humor podcast family, congratulations.
Thank. You.
Thank you. It's weird how things change
over a year, though. Isn't that crazy?
I was like, it's in the beginning of this podcast.
I was going to be a bachelor forever.
Yeah. Then one fateful night at a pop
crow. You bravely invited her on a
first date to a pub crawl. And I just bravely.

(10:10):
Accepted in like 50. We had 50 people pub crawl, two
people, 52 people pub crawl. And I was like, hey, this is
gonna be our first date and these are all the people we're
going with. Yeah.
So congratulations, We that was a pretty successful pub, pub
crawl. I had fun.
I think we had 16 people. Oh, you know what I got?
I actually almost threw up. Dude.

(10:32):
When I got home. Friend of the pod Aaron was
taking Brian and Kenny's place. Oh my God, that was an.
Animal. He was buying straight up
Jameson shots, nothing flavored.All right, so here's how it
went. It started with he was buying
shots for the group. Same amount of shots, however
many he was buying for whatever.Say he's buying eight shots, ten

(10:53):
shots at a time, and then it waslike 8 or 10 people and then the
next one, same thing. Then the next one there's only
like 6 people. But he still bought. 8 But he
still bought eight shots, right then the by the by the one
before me. And you snuck off and went to
the casino. Yeah, I was drinking double
shots at Jameson. So you did that one.
I already hammered. I was wondering who did that?

(11:14):
One and he was feeding me like hot and spicy nuts too.
That's. I forgot he had that nut sack.
He pulled the zip lock. Take the heck of nuts out, yeah?
Dude, that was. Crazy, but the I I wisely made
the smart decision. I won a couple 100 bucks at the
casino I was. Going to want I was going to ask
if. You I, I was, I, I was down on

(11:35):
the craps table. I got back even and I was like,
you know what? I'm going to leave.
I'm going to leave with my chin up.
Also I'm like bordering black out.
I was like, hammered. Patrick said they they told me
they were going to Take Me Out of the casino in handcuffs
twice. Dude, you know what I realized?
I kept trying to take pictures of our.
I was like oh at the table. I realized we were maybe a
little too drunk when I ordered those, lad.

(11:56):
You went to the bathroom and thewaitress came up and said.
Gin and tonics. I ordered gin and tonics and she
goes, she goes. You paying cash or card?
And I looked over at your chip Pala went chips.
She never, she never came back, never had.
So I asked the pit. I asked the pit boss.
Paying chips. Yeah, you can for sure.

(12:17):
But I think the way I must have been like I mean.
The fact that you, the fact thatyou pointed at another human.
Chip, that wasn't. Present.
No later. On that night, go ahead.
Then the pit boss, I go cuz I go, hey, where's our waitress?
And the pit boss walked up and he goes, what's going on, man?
And I'm like, where's our waitress?
He's like, oh, I'll get her for you. 30 minutes.
Never. He saw.
He saw. Yeah.

(12:38):
Yeah, he saw the shape. Yeah dude, I had to ask the
stick man like every 5 seconds. I was like, is that my bet on
the? 6th You know what?
The table seemed like it was getting hot though.
You know how much I won? How much did you win?
I walked out with nine O 8 when I started with three I think so
608. Bucks yeah, Patrick won 6 as
well. I won 710.

(12:58):
Do you know how I won mine? So I got all right.
I We were making. Large.
This is how I know I was hammered because I put my debit
card in the ATM and the first button said fast cash 300 and I
went, yes, that one. Boom.
You know, I take that option. And then so I got down probably
300 bucks on craps and then I got, got back even and I was

(13:19):
like, I'm going to walk away with my chin up.
But as I was walking past the wheel of fortune machine, the
dollar machines, I was like, youknow what, why not just put 100
in here and let's see what happens.
My first spin I won like 600 bucks.
Then my I cashed out, moved to the next machine, won 300 bucks,
the 2nd 2 spins, 900 bucks. So then I was like, let's try it

(13:42):
again. I go to the next machine and I,
I thought it was, I was betting $10 a spin, except I was betting
$10 to spend times 10. So because I, I started hitting
the button and I go, why does that look like I just spent 200
bucks and hit it again And I waslike, Oh yeah, I'm spending
$100. Oh God.

(14:04):
Imagine if you would have hit one of those 100.
Dollars. I know so.
An accident, you would have gotten paid.
I got up, whatever I got up, andultimately I walked away with
608 bucks. That's hilarious because I knew
I think through our tax, I knew you won money, but I thought I.
Remember, I walked back up. I was losing money.
I know, but that's The funny thing is, is that guys cannot
get out of a casino. You know, I also tried.

(14:26):
Yeah, and. I ended up in the poker room
till 11:00. I won 710 playing craps and 2:50
at poker. Nice.
I sent stuff pictures of both and her response was don't spend
any more of it. I'm coming to get you.
That's upset. I'm coming to get you before you
lose it all. And we dude, I got in the car,
it's 11:00. I mean, that pub crawl started
11 AM. That was a marathon of a pub
crawl. Oh, yeah, yeah.

(14:47):
And I got in trouble, by the way.
First time ever. Do not disturb.
First time do not disturb. First time ever.
Lauren's ever been actually mad at me.
I'm downtown. We're hammered.
So she goes out with her sisters.
They're going back down by our house, and Andy and I are
staying, and Patrick, Patrick and Hodge, and Yep.
So we're staying down and Alan was there.
Alan was there somehow I put my phone on do not Disturb, but I

(15:10):
did not, I don't know how I did it, like truly not even being
funny, not not for jokes. And I literally don't know how I
did it. So but my daughter ends up
telling me the next day. The secret to that is if you
call back-to-back, it will go through the do not disturb.
So, 'cause I talked to my daughter through the night,
right? She called me, but I scroll my

(15:31):
phone up and I got like 86 messages, not from Lauren, but
like all my, all my group chats.I haven't, I haven't responded
to a message in hours. I also, I'm hammered downtown.
And so I, I end up, I get in an Uber and then I finally go, I
should probably check and see where Lauren's at.
So I call her and she goes, whoa, whoa, where you been at?

(15:55):
And I'm like, what are you talking about, babe?
I'm like now I'm hammered and happy though, and I got her on
speaker. So the my Uber driver is
cracking up the way she answered.
So I go, I won whatever I want. I want 608 bucks.
She's like, I don't care how much money you want.
Are you safe and are you coming home?
So I had a sillers. I got in the car and and I was

(16:16):
like, she was like, I'm going tocome get you before you lose
that money. And I was like, all right.
I immediately cashed out becauseI knew smart.
Yes. Like I hit AI, cracked aces, I
called with top pair of kings, hit a third king and I looked
and thought I was also playing in a game that was above my
level. Yes, because there was it was
packed. So I was like, I'll just go into
the 2 five. Yeah.
And I was like, I should get outof this game because it's only a
matter of time before they have all my money.

(16:37):
So you had a couple good hands. And got out.
I hit, I hit. I mean, I played for two hours.
Oh, OK, that's. Yeah, yeah.
I didn't just smash and grab. You saw the shape.
I was, I was so me. I don't know how much hard you
want. Patrick won six, you won 6.
I won. I won 1000 bucks.
Almost love it. That is a mathematical almost
uncertainty. Never drunk people.
No, I actually OK sober people. That's a mathematical

(16:59):
uncertainty. Drunk people I feel like somehow
accidentally win. Sometimes because you make big.
I was making dude dumb bets. I was making $300.
Don't pass bets. Oh my God, $300.
My God. Also, Amy kept betting don't
pass and I had a really good role going.
I know I remember and you kept don't passing me.
What I was doing was I was playing the Don't Pass, so I had

(17:20):
the seven, then I'd buy the 6:00and 8:00 so.
I had seven and eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I get in the car with Stephanie and I just, I, we get
home and I was like, dude, look at this money I want.
She goes, you've showed me that seven times already on this
drive. She goes, so I had 2000 bucks in
my hand. She goes, how much did you get
out of the ATMI? Go 1000 bucks.
And then in my back of my head, I was like, I hope.
I think I think, yeah, yeah, it was.

(17:41):
It was awesome time. So The funny thing is we just
glossed over the entire pub crawl to go to directly to the
casino part. Yeah, the pub crawl was fun.
Nemo's outside is a great patio.We were playing bag toss, had
the sun. That was fun.
Great group of people. What happens I found at brunch
pub crawls is you don't eat anything but brunch.
Yeah, that's I ate. What did I eat?
Steph goes. Did you guys eat at all?

(18:02):
I was like, I had an omelet at 11.
Yeah, that's what I had. Did you?
I had, I had an omelet at like Igot there before you.
I got there before you. I ate before you even showed up.
I ate an omelette at 11:00 and didn't eat again until Taco Bell
and Uber drive. I didn't eat again till the next
day. Do you Remember Me?
You and Patrick invented the next pub crawl while we were

(18:23):
walking to The MGM No or no? It was when we were walking from
McShane is when we were walking two Mcshane's the second bar.
So we or no from Mcshane's to Nemo's, we went Cork and Gable,
Mcshane's, Nemo's Casino and between the the second and third
bar, I don't know what we were talking about, but I was like
the next pub crawl, Olive Gardenpub crawl.

(18:45):
Oh yeah? Oh, you can eat breadsticks.
We're just doing the soup, saladand breadsticks at 4 local Olive
Gardens. Uber into each and getting
hammered. I love Olive Garden.
I like. The problem is, I don't know how
many people would want to do this.
I get into our ES and OS section, Pun, I got a few ES and

(19:05):
OS here that we're working with.First of all, I just want to for
all the English majors out there.
Pun doesn't remember this because he doesn't listen to the
podcast, but I use the word recluse instead of reckless.
Sounded like a complete moron because a recluse is just
someone that like stays in theirhouse.
Or a brown recluse. From episode 72, the things you
have to do perfectly. Yep, I said editing the podcast
and you were like, he's good at it.

(19:26):
And it made me realize that's not what I had written down.
You have to edit this podcast perfectly cause Pawn and I every
week talk about something that would get us fired. 01000.
Percent there's like I hate to now banister sitting there going
dude release the rated R version.
It's we just we do every week, every week pawns like make sure
to clip that out. And we often have a pre podcast

(19:50):
conversation down in the kitchenor when I walk in.
That would 1000% get us. We would be single and jobless.
Right another E&O from adulting pros and cons is that was
episode 73 last time is a con ofbeing the dad adults is like

(20:10):
when shit breaks around the house and you have to like
schedule like people to come fixyour dryer or or.
You just fix it yourself. Or you just fix it yourself but
like. Not everybody has gross point
money. I fix it myself if I can, but
like, I got like those big tall Arbor vitaes in the backyard.

(20:33):
They're like looming over my happiness right now 'cause I
know I have to trim them. You, you want to talk about
people paying to do things? I got those quoted.
How much? $650 God.
So I went to Home Depot. Although I just won that at the
casino. You don't want a loan.
I got you. I got all that cash.
Oh, before I forget, what do we need cash for the next day?

(20:54):
I know Lauren was like still slightly secretly mad, but in a
funny way. We needed cash for something.
And I go, I never, I don't have cash.
And she goes, oh, you got cash? Oh, you got cash.
I was like, Oh yeah, I do actually.
That's right. That's right.
Sorry. Anyways.
So like those duties that I haveto do like are just.
Cons of yeah. Because when you're a kid, you

(21:15):
don't think buying that stuff. But we got some weed sidewalk
cracks out there, some weed pun adulting pro.
What do you got? You get to buy a freaking
flamethrower, dude. Look what I bought, dude.
Thanks sweet dude. Propane hooks here.
Dude, that's bad. This has got a cowboy's revolver

(21:36):
handle. The problem is is Steph has to
hide that after you have a couple cocktails.
Guys, you want to see some dude I'm those Arbor Vitas Screw
though. I'm definitely blowing off a
phalangie this far. The guy.
Dude, look at this thing. I'm gonna post a picture.
How much did this thing cost? It's like 25 bucks.
Are you kidding me? Yeah.
And I'm just gonna burn the sidewalk.
Dude, this thing's isn't that sweet.

(21:57):
It's like a four foot long. This looks like.
It looks like stuff from World War.
This looks like Leo in Django. This looks like the gun you
with. Long gun.
Yeah, Get into our sports section.
I don't have a lot on sports. I just have a couple snippets.
Kobe, couple snippets. Did you know?

(22:18):
I read a couple things. Did you know that Motor City Dan
Campbell is the Lions have been so bad for so long?
He's like he's their all time winning.
Coach in 28 wins. He'll be their all time winning
as coach. 28 more wins. Wins.
He's going into pun, he's going into Year 5.
And he went what, 1 and or two and 14.

(22:39):
In the first year, it's like so bad.
How bad? I couldn't.
Believe how small Fonts has who's number one?
It's got to be Wayne. Fonts is the man.
Wayne County, Wayne County Wayne.
Hell yeah, dude. I read a couple baseball
snippets because one thing I always, I don't know if we
talked about before, but all these rookies are getting like a

(23:01):
lot of rookies in the NFL get guaranteed contracts now that's
becoming more and more of a thing.
And I can't believe it's taking football this long to do it
because like some of these baseball numbers, like football,
you get hurt. Baseball, you don't.
I know almost very rarely. Did you know that Ken Griffey
Junior is the ninth highest paidCincinnati Red this season?
He's still getting paid. The 9th, the ninth highest money

(23:22):
on the team. Isn't that insane?
He last played a game in 2008. And Max Scherzer, you know
Scherzer from being in Detroit. Scherzer salary this year.
This is almost should be illegal.
I think I heard if I know what you're going to say, I think I
heard it may be slightly. He's getting 15 million from the
nationals. Yep, that's true. 30.8 From the

(23:43):
Mets. Yep. 12 and a half million from
the Rangers. So they have they stopped it
and. 15 and a half million from.The IT was like.
Blue Jays team and he hasn't even played a game for him.
Yet, Yeah, I I seen that and then I thought there was like a
disclaimer on that, that that's not really that.
Some of that is his dead cat money, but he's not actually
receiving the money. Oh, so it just goes against

(24:05):
their cat? Their cat.
Still, even if he's getting partial money, he's getting paid
by 4 baseball. Teams awesome.
And he's not playing for any of them.
He's just injured this year, which is fine by me.
These, you know, everyone who says the athletes don't deserve
this money. These owners make so much.
They're billionaires, dude. Remember when we talked about
1,000,000 versus billions? They're billionaires.
Yep. Like if they paid Max Scherzer

(24:26):
an extra $1 million, they wouldn't even notice it.
It'd be like I was giving somebody a $20 bill while we're
hammered at a craps table. That's exactly.
It'd be like you. It'd be like you paying for gin
and tonics out of my chip stack the last thing I got on sport.
I guess we could talk for a minute about the NBA Finals are
crazy. I didn't.
I didn't think Indiana had a chance.

(24:47):
No, I didn't either. I was talking with Sean about it
because he played poker last weekend at my house.
He was like, people think OKC rosters better than it is.
He's like, if you look at it, SGA is great and they got a
couple nice pieces, but they're nothing spectacular.
I mean, I don't think either oneof those rosters or anything
spectacular. I know, which makes me actually
disagree with the previous statement.
I said the NBA is broken and it has been for a while with the

(25:09):
Super teams. And it may be perfect it.
Might be perfect. Every single year there's a new
champion teams that have never won it before this.
Well, I guess Oklahoma City won it as Seattle, but still.
Oh, the SuperSonics never won. All in the 70s. 70S Yeah, that's
right. The only reason I know that is
because of previous podcasts. I read this because we talked
about LeBron James. We didn't talk about LeBron
James playing basketball. We talked about him playing

(25:30):
football. LeBron James.
I saw this online. LeBron James versus the New
Orlean Pelicans franchise. Oh.
My God. 22 seasons for LeBron, 23 seasons for the Pelicans.
I guarantee you he's got. LeBron has 1000 regular season
wins. The Pelicans have 848.

(25:53):
LeBron has 183 playoff wins. They have 22.
He's like better than their whole franchise history.
Oh my God. Last thing I'll say on sports,
since we talked MVP last week, my phone was listening to me and
I got a few You'll never believeit.
Wayne Gretzky stats. Oh here we dude.
I love Wayne Gretzky stats. Did You Know that he won the MVP

(26:16):
as a rookie? I mean, it's believable.
I I feel like I did know that. That's I don't, I don't have to
look it up if any other sport has had a rookie.
MVP was he with them Edmonton orI think he.
Was in Edmonton. Yeah, so he won it as a rookie.
Oh, and then the next seven straight seasons.
Oh my Lord. So we talked about how like
Djokic maybe won. Eight, yeah.
Just got into the league and waslike 8 straight years he's the

(26:38):
MVP. So we talked about like the
writers get sick of Djokic beingthe MVP, so they don't vote for
him this year, which. I think is a real thing.
It is a real thing, but it shouldn't be a thing.
NHL was just like dude, this guyis so good he's the MVP for
almost a full decade. The last thing on Wayne Gretzky.
So he won a total of 9 MVPS, 8 straight.
He played in a total 9 MVP, regular season and playoffs.

(27:02):
He played in a total of 1695 games.
He only had zero points in 266 of those games.
Wow. Like legitimately for 1400 games
he scored a point. Wow it's insane.
That's a goal or an assist. And he's not even the all time
guy anymore. Goals, right, Because didn't he
passed them OV OV passed them? Oh, that's a great sports I

(27:27):
watched. What's his PK Subban, Do you see
what he said? Ovie's stretch.
He's missed two games. All right.
What does he miss? Two games in 20 NHL years is
more impressive than Lebron's stretch, I thought.
You were going to say Cal Ripken.
No, it's more what Ovie has done.
Like everybody gives LeBron credit in in, rightfully so for

(27:50):
his his longevity and how he takes care of his body.
Ovi in an objectively more physical sport Sport.
Similar period of time. Same same period, real close to
the same period of time, and he's missed two games.
He missed two games. Damn, that's a pawn coming with
a great stat. That is far more impressive than

(28:10):
LeBron. That actually is.
I think LeBron beat the shit outof me.
No way dude, ease and O's from the dudes we want to fight the.
Last Hockey. Player.
Everybody listens. OK, who do you?
Think feed you your lung. Ovechkin versus LeBron James
68245 Pure muscle is beating theshit out of Ovechkin.
No way dude. Yes, Ovi is feeding that guy

(28:33):
fist, not after Hey Siri pawn. How?
Give me Alexander Ovechkin's body stats.
You ever watch a basketball? Let me just ask you a couple of
objective questions. You ever watch a basketball
fight? All right, you ever watch boxing
or rushing? Do you remember Larry Johnson
versus They were like punching and falling backwards.

(28:54):
You you watch wrestling or boxing or anything, right?
What do they have weight classes, right?
Yeah. This is true I.
It matters. I'm telling you it matters.
What did AI come up? What did Siri come up with for
over A? Gun.
I bet Ovie's like 61220. Five.
Yeah, that's probably, I bet something like that.
While you're looking that up, I lost my damn Leon Dry settle for
MVP. Bet he came in second place.

(29:18):
And also, God bless hockey Punt,did you?
See the Edmonton snap, son. What Ovie is 63236?
That's a big boy. He might make it out of half of
the first round. No 63236, I promise you he's
beat. He's feeding LeBron.
Hang on, hang on, right? Well, that's right.
This time 63236, right? Yeah, we already looked up

(29:40):
LeBron last week. He's like 69265 or 255.
There you. Go again while you're looking
that up. God bless hockey.
Because when Edmonton won their conference, did you see the girl
that was flashing behind the team?
Yes, yes. I was like, God bless hockey
people, man. Yep.
He asked me ask me Lebron's stats. 6926525250I mean.

(30:04):
Just an absolute powerhouse, no?He's only got 14 lbs on
Ovechkin, dude. Yeah, Promise you Ovechkin's
will be Lebron's ass. Look at Lebron's frame though,
versus Ovie's frame. That 250 is pure muscle and
Ovie's is a couple of paps and probably, you know, I.

(30:24):
Mean probably a lot of legs and.Ovie's a lot of ass and quads.
I'm telling you, dude, hockey players or not, to be
recognized. I'm I'm not saying I'm saying
Ovie would beat the crap out of most people, but he's not beat
NO69250 elite premier athlete ofin this world.
Hope that this is the thing thatgoes viral for us, that makes us

(30:45):
famous, that this, you know, allthese things on the Internet.
Could 100 guys beat a gorilla? Yeah.
Ovie versus LeBron. 100 Ovie's couldn't beat a LeBron.
I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
I'm doubling. I'm kidding.
He's doubling. Out in the back alley fight, I
got Ovechkin all day long. No way, dude.
He had to fight his way out of Russia.
Yeah, fair, fair. LeBron had to fight his way out

(31:06):
of Akron. OH, fair.
You know all. Right.
It's list time, baby. Let's do it.
And this week's list is the places we want to visit the
least. Ohio.
Anyone in the state from Ohio? I don't want to go to that
Scumbo Owen 4 loser of a state. That's my #1.

(31:28):
I don't. Want to go nowhere?
On my list is the. Topanga.
Not Cleveland. Not Toledo.
Not Akron. Not Columbus.
I was ruined earlier. I almost had North Korea and
Ohio. I'll tell you what.
So good. Here's the thing.
I got. I got a way to stop the Ukraine
Russia war. Let's let them both have Ohio.

(31:50):
We can just we'll pick it up. We'll transplant it.
The entire mass of land. I want it out.
Get it out of the country now. We do love all of our lists.
Yeah, we, yeah. Thanks everybody in Ohio for
listening. That's so funny you put I I was
when I typed Ohio I. Didn't want to let you get his.
I go. I wonder if Pun's going to also
have Ohio on his list to start off with the segments.

(32:14):
I like to say I just quickly, I might clip it out if it's not
funny, but what is the longest flight you've ever taken?
Not far, I'm not very well traveled.
Mines just to Amsterdam. Mine's still Las Vegas.
That's Amsterdam's only 6 and a.Half hours?
Oh, is it only 6 1/2? So.
Vegas is like 4 1/2 on the way there.
Four and a half, 4 1/2 is probably my longest like.

(32:35):
I also have not traveled far butlike I know people like Chad and
Trisha went on their honeymoon, they flew to like they did like
a 12 hour flight, had a layover and did another 12 hour flight.
Oh my Lord. Whoa, dude, I don't know if I
could do it. So when you first said the
places we want to travel to the least, there's a lot of places I
want to go. But you wouldn't.
But the travel's intimidating, man.
Yeah, it's intimidating. I'm looking up flights for that

(32:58):
vacation. We're going out for the her
sister's wedding and everyone has an insanely long layover in
Houston. In Houston, OR?
Fort Lauderdale I used to fly toMexico for.
Work. It's like they're in no?
They're going to Dominican. They're going Dominican, but the
the layovers are like 6 hours, 18 hours, 11 hours, 9 hours.

(33:20):
Wait, there will be better foods?
I, I I figured and prices are real crappy now and I said
flights are one of the weird things you can't buy super early
because they're pricing them instead of the plane sold out.
So you you will have like the perfect time is like 2 hours
because like on the way home yougot to clear customs.
So you got to make sure to have enough time, otherwise you.
Even if we grab some lunch, likeeven if it was 3 hours, lunch

(33:43):
and a cocktail. Do lunch and a cocktail, no
problem. Boom, we're good.
No problem. Or you could use some of that
casino money in Spring for a direct flight.
Well, I I was looking there were.
Absurd. Probably costs.
I didn't see any offer of a direct flight but it is almost
exactly a year away. I didn't see any direct flights.
I seen for plus 396 a person like a 2 hour layover or a one

(34:08):
hour. There's going to be way better
flights in six months. I'm hoping it's.
Like way too early to book. All right.
You want to go first? I got a boat.
Oh, I. Just went first.
All right, how about I'll choosethe other Topanga?
How about I haven't done it yet Pun but the doctor's office
where the guy wears the rubber glove.
Oh, the proctologist. That's the one.

(34:30):
Have you done that yet? No.
Am I supposed to? I think the new age is 45.
Spoiler alert, I just turned 44 last week.
So no, yeah. And to be honest with you, if it
saves my life, I don't care. But I don't think anybody is
looking forward to that visit. I also as a note, I only did
locations. Oh as a note I did all non

(34:52):
locations. Good, good, good, good, good,
good, good. My next one would be Ibiza.
I feel like there's just a constant DJ playing.
They just, it's just kids doing Molly.
They just stay up to an ungodly hour like 11 or 12.

(35:12):
AMI want no part of it. It smells like happiness.
There is a song called I Took a Pill in Ibiza.
Oh yeah. For a reason.
OK, let me just say that becauseI hear my younger sister went to
Ibiza when she was like 21 on anexchange program.
I have friends that have gone like Ibiza is the Vegas of
Europe, you know that. So like when we go to Vegas,

(35:33):
that's what they do and it is exactly what you just described.
I want no part of it. Like from what I heard there's
like hotel rooms like around this giant pool area with.
DJ that's my fear. And it's like a 24 hour DJ pool
party. That's my fear.
With a balcony at the pool. Yeah, because Lauren and I at
like, death. Lauren and I would be

(35:54):
cocktailing at 3-4 o'clock by 10:00.
We'd have like carry out boxes walking into our room and I
would be like, babe, I'm gonna I'm gonna freaking lose it.
I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna call.
Just shut the music. Off I'm gonna call about the
noise. Yeah, it would be the grumpy dad
for. Sure, that's actually a good
point. Like when you go to.
I've never stayed at Fremont Street, but that would be tough

(36:15):
to deal with that noise all night after.
Fremont I would be tossing and turning all night.
All night. I'm trying to watch PBS so a
documentary to put me to sleep. I'm trying to watch.
Ken Burns. I'm trying to watch Ken.
What do you say about damn Yosemite?
I can't hear the kids. How about this one?
How about when I was little likethis, the scariest place on

(36:38):
Earth? It was the principal's office,
was the place I wanted to visit the lease.
That's really crazy because I did think it was like prison.
I thought you would go to prison.
It was like the thought of goingto the principal.
'S office. I went there all the time.
I. Also ended up there a bit.
Yeah. But I remember I was in like
kindergarten, this is in. I was in kindergarten in 1986,

(37:00):
call it, and I was walking. That sounds so.
Long, I know it makes me sound ancient.
I'm walking something to the office, like not in trouble I
was. Just like I thought you meant
like your girlfriend. I was walking a little something
to the. Office this one might be you
know. Anyhow, I was I was walking
something to the office to deliver and the principal was

(37:22):
beating some kids ass with a paddle in the hallway pond and I
was like holy. Yeah, I remember kids used to
get spanked. That's insane.
Yeah, also I feel like we need to go back to it.
You would have no problem with aprincipal beating your kids ass.
Well. Everything subjective.
Everything is subjective, right?No, you're right.
Then you look at his Facebook profile.

(37:43):
He's got a big drinking problem.You're right.
You're right because as much as we say we want the world to go
back to much tougher, simpler bea man times, you're right.
Even when my kids goof up, I I raise them well enough to where
they don't disrespect somebody that warrants them.
I have seen some children that need to get backhanded.
But you've raised your kids to not deserve.

(38:04):
To not to not deserve to get padded.
Like I'll handle the discipline.So you're right that that is
definitely a dude's ego going. We need to go back to it.
But you're right, if it was yourkid getting hit, you're right.
You know what's funny is I said to my dad one time a long time
ago. I was like, we used to spank us
with a belt and he's like, I never, ever touched you with a

(38:24):
belt. I was like, yeah.
And he goes, no, What I would dois I would walk into the room
that you were being bad in and slap the belt against the wall
and make you guys would all yourpants.
And I like, stepped back and I was like, wow, that was so
effective. To this day I didn't realize it
was just the wall. You know what's crazy is my
oldest daughter now recognizes that we're like, I was saying

(38:46):
something to the effects to my son.
Like I will tear your butt up and she's like, you're not.
You always say that you're not going to hit us, but like,
because, yeah, but I realize now, see, if she's older and
recognizes they're simply just afraid of your voice.
Yes. And you look back, you're like,
Oh my God, I haven't spanked my kids and yeah, how like. 20 You

(39:08):
know what I find is when I'm saying that to my kid, it amps
me up, right? Voice goes higher.
You know what I used to do to myson is I would grab him by his
shirt. Right here.
Oh yeah. Trickle his shirt up.
Come here. Come here you little shit and
like half lift him off the ground and you would like drop a
load in his pants. Yeah, but you look back and
you're like, you're right. It's just your voice.
It's just your voice. It's just your voice.
And then your wife looks at you and says, how come they never

(39:28):
listen when I yell? And I'm like, you gotta learn.
Put a little bass on you boys, boy.
Make the bass go boom. Where you know my next?
One isn't so funny you said Ibiza because the last one on my
list is a dance club. It just sounds like hell to me.
It sounds awful. Anyway, go ahead.
Where did Natalie Holloway die again?
Aruba. Natalie.
I do not. Lady shoved off the Cliff into

(39:49):
the sharks. No, didn't.
Jamaica, baby. Who's Natalie?
Sorry, go ahead. Natalie, Natalie, Natalie
Holloway, you don't remember thegirl who the guy like she was
wanting to hook up with him And then guys correct me because I
don't remember the whole story, but she hooked up with this dude
who ended up killing another girl.

(40:12):
Like Natalie Holloway was missing because she was like
that was that was always the thing was like they're
broadcasting her because she wasa pretty white girl from
America. So it was like worldwide news.
That Natalie Holloway was missing.
The guy ended up killing her. He got away with it for the most
part. Everybody knew he did it, but he
was the same age, like college kids vacationing.

(40:33):
He ends up killing another girl and that's how he got popped,
man. So Aruba, that ruined that joke.
You know the story. I was thinking it was wasn't
that like a guy and a woman thatwent to Jamaica and he like
shoved her off a Cliff into where like sharks feed and
stuff. Did she?
So she was gone. Yeah, and he just said she
disappeared and like no one can prove.

(40:55):
Where she is. Four days prior, he signed
$1,000,000 life insurance. Yeah, usually gets you.
Hey dude, I'm not a rocket scientist but I could have
solved that. Dude, I told Steph I had a
migraine. She went on net benefits
immediately. She's like good, good, good.
Haven't heard better news all week?
How about this one? How about the You can actually

(41:15):
relate to this one. And if you can't relate to it,
consider yourself lucky and responsible.
Upon the place I maybe the leastwant to visit is the friend of
the court. Oh, they are not your friend.
No baby Mama drama. Dude, I don't ever.
I've only been there once and I never felt like such a loser in

(41:36):
my life. They treat you like you are
scum. Yes, and you know, but you got
to take I. Was like I'm just trying to do
the responsible thing here, stoptreating me like this.
It, it is, but you got to remember how many people I, I, I
struggle with that too. I understand why, because you do
get treated like crap. But yeah, I think how many
deadbeat dudes? But there was a guy behind me in
line on the phone going. I get.

(41:57):
That I told you I'm not. I'm not buying them bad ass
kids. No dinner.
So yeah, a friend of the court is up my list.
Man I hate I've only been there once and I was like I'm not
fighting ever again I'm just paying this until I don't have
to anymore. My next one would be here's my
next one that says downtown anywhere on a Saturday evening

(42:18):
past 6:00. Oh, you mean like last two?
Saturday like 2 Saturdays ago like oh I wrote downtown
anywhere on a Saturday evening past 6:00 PM.
Oh you want to jump around and scream and do shots?
Thanks. I'll take my robe and rerun to
Planet Earth on Netflix. You kids disgust me.

(42:38):
I saw a funny tweet one time that said it's 5:00 somewhere
and in Prince, he says while I'mputting my pyjamas on, Yes.
Yeah, yes. The funny thing is even when we
have the crazy, like you weren'tat the casino till late, I think
you left at like 8:30. Yeah, I got home well.
I. Don't know old woman Crane over
here was bouncing around from slot machine to slot machine.
That's the problem. That's what got me because I was
respond, I was, I was just buzzed enough to like come back,

(43:02):
go back even with my money and go.
That was a fun time. I'm going to leave.
And then I went oh. Hey but even when we did like
the 9 innings 9 bars, we were gone by like 9:00.
I love it. Like we don't stay out.
There, that was great. We we left I, you know, you get
up in the morning, you're like, man, we're going to go have
brunch and a couple of cocktails.

(43:22):
That's the best. And we were the only people in
the bars for most of the time. Yeah, we were like, I couldn't
believe how dead Cork Town was on a Tigers game day.
I am not. I do not want to get robbed and
I don't want to get anybody pregnant.
I got no business in a club at midnight honestly like.
I don't wanna, I don't wanna siton Detroit, but like the Greek
town area is not safe after darkness.
It's not. Yeah, it's just too big.

(43:43):
It's a young, too. Big, big crowds of people.
It's a young man's game. We didn't even notice at the
time. We didn't.
That's right, He didn't even notice.
Didn't even notice. I said to Sean once I was like,
man, I went there to play poker.I was in Vegas and I was like,
man, there's a lot of like nastypeople on the Strip at night.
All of a sudden he's like, no, they were there when we were
younger. We.
Just didn't we? We were just 19 sheets.

(44:03):
To the wind and. Didn't recognize it.
I was like, damn, it's. True, nothing has changed.
We've changed. We've changed.
I have a location when I put Howabout Gary IN?
That is actually one of the like, most dangerous, one of the
most dangerous cities in. The home of birth, home of
Michael Jackson. Gary, IN.
I did not. I was on my way home from my

(44:24):
sister, my younger sister Susie's house when she was she
got her master's degree in Chicago.
We would go out there, whoever fit in my car.
I had a company car at the time,so it was like free gas.
Whoever fit in the car. We would stuff 5 people in and
we'd go to Chicago for the weekend and just get unruly.
We're on our way back from Chicago and when you drive down
around the bottom of Lake MI, weget off the freeway because

(44:44):
we're like we need McDonald's breakfast.
We get off the freeway pun. We don't realize that we're in
Gary, IN at a McDonald's and we're at the drive through
window and in between the windowand our car, a homeless guy
pokes his head into my car and is like, I need some money.
I was like, we, I was like, dude, we're never going to Gary

(45:06):
IN again. That is hilarious.
That caught me off guard. Gary, IN Gary, my next one is
absolutely anywhere with a protest.
I'm sorry, all you young ideological kids, I don't know
what's happening in the forest of Sweden and I don't want no

(45:26):
part of it anywhere with protesting.
I don't want to go now. I got to clip that.
Yeah, you got. Yeah, no, I mean, you, you can
leave protest in there. All I would say is it's not safe
even if you believe in somethingor not.
Like I I told my daughter, you're not allowed to go to any
of those because who knows if someone's going to drive a car
through a crowd of people. Like it's just.
Well, mine's it's scary. My reason's a little different.

(45:49):
I have no more brain capacity for rabbit holes.
So whatever you're protesting now, I'm going to deep dive the
issue. And now I'm sitting up at 11:00
on a Saturday reading Wikipedia.Meanwhile, Ken Burns hasn't even
made a documentary on it yet. Yeah, so anywhere with a protest
I'm avoiding. Yeah, I actually put on here
Minneapolis during a peaceful protest.

(46:14):
Too soon? Probably too soon, no?
Ferguson, huh? How about this one?
This one I went way outside the box for a pond.
How about a seafood restaurant? What?
Why I? Hate the smell of seafood?
I like to eat some of it, but you know how seafoods
restaurants have that smell? You wouldn't like clip that out,
clip that out. Clip that out.

(46:35):
Got to clip. That out, got to clip that out.
Yeah, seafood. Seafood has that smell and I
just, I can't handle it. Like yeah, like the fishy.
Gamey smell like. Disgusting, but you know, like
lobster doesn't really have a gamey fishy smell.
It doesn't matter though. Crap when they make all the.
Things. The restaurant reeks of it.

(46:55):
And then if I order something that's not seafood, it ends up
tasting like whatever I'm smelling.
I can't stand going to seafood restaurants.
Yeah, that's crazy. I unless.
I'm somewhere like on the ocean,then I'm like.
If it fits the vibe, yeah in. Detroit.
It doesn't make sense to my brain.
I'll eat Maryland crab cakes allday because you know what
Maryland does? Crab cakes.
A football, baby. No, no, no, no.

(47:16):
No, I I haven't. I I cannot remember the last
time I've been to a seafood restaurant where the smell of
fish overwhelmed me. Even sushi places.
There's a place in Wyandotte that's really good that was
really, really popular and I went there once.
I don't remember Stephanie. I went with my brother and
sister-in-law and I was like, oh, can't do it.
Man, was it called Big boys? Yeah.

(47:39):
Was it called a Red Lobster? Actually, I loved Red Lobster.
That's how poor I was. You want to add that on to the
Olive Garden pub crawl I last stop.
Listen, I was poor growing up asa kid, and I thought Red Lobster
was like, Oh yeah, you were going to a Michelin restaurant.
Sure. If you went to Red Lobster, I
was like, oh, your folks got money.

(48:00):
Oh, dude. Oh, I.
Thought the Olive Garden was like going to Tuscany. 1000% Oh,
your mom's got a fur, huh? Yeah.
It's crazy how we look at it now.
You're like Red Lobster. If I wanted to spend 1695, let's
go to Wendy's. No, I actually, I like Red
Lobster. I like their the biscuits.

(48:21):
I. Thought it was closed, that's
why I. Was going to say last.
Stop for biscuits. Some of them.
Olive Garden pub crawl is going to pick up steam bro.
My my next one would be and thisone's short and sweet.
I feel bad Flint, MI I'm sorry. I I enjoy drinking water.
I just. I just juice.
I when I go to friend's house, Iwant to have tap water.

(48:44):
I'm not going to Flint. It is like, have you ever been
anywhere that has like well water?
Oh yeah, even like, yeah, my mom's house.
Oh yeah, that's right. So she has like those big
containers on the counter, right?
No, you just you just add salt. You just she just adds salt to I
always. Wondered how you grew to be as
large as you are. You know she just poured potato
salt right in my mouth. Did.

(49:04):
You grow up near the Fermi. How about this one?
How about the cookies or ice cream aisle at the grocery store
when I'm trying to diet? Oh yeah, you.
Cannot go down it that. Will not go.
It's like my tik toks. Yeah, it's it's like in and out
burger. Hey, you ever seen steak creamy
pasta dishes? Like, I need steak, creamy
pasta. Yes.
Now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(49:25):
It's impossible to go down thoseaisles when you're trying to.
Diet Lauren's already intentionally trying to keep me
fat in the moment I get if I get456 consistent days, she's like,
hey, what, you want to go to baskin-robbins?
She's like, oh hey, look, look what I made a.
Meatloaf, I do want to go to baskin-robbins.

(49:46):
How did you know? That and I'm always like,
listen, babe. Have you ever said no to that
question? No, baskin-robbins?
No. I'm good.
No. You know what Mama Baylog made
yesterday for Father's Day? No, I don't know 'cause I didn't
get invited and I don't have any.
She made butterscotch brownies dude.
Oh my God, I didn't even know that was the Butters.
Scotch brown. What?
Nobody knows it's a thing, but my mom makes butterscotch

(50:06):
brownies that will knock your dog.
Your moms an innovator. My mom, do you know how do you
have that's a. Salt of the earth, woman, right?
There put the over under at 6 1/2 brownies.
How many did I eat? I'm gonna take.
I'm gonna go under. It was the over.
I had 7 butterscotch brownies yesterday dude.
All right, we talking 7? Like did she pre cut them?

(50:26):
So she gave you the mom slice? Oh yeah, Jane.
Maybe it was 6 I lost. I started to go into a coma.
Butterscotch brownies were they?Were they pale ish tannish?
Oh. Yeah, add it to the list.
Where were they soft? Add it to the.
I. Actually like the corner ones
that are crunchy. And soft no.
Fun. Did you just touch your side?

(50:48):
I just had to fix my bands. Oh God, I swear.
Shea Butterscotch one more time.So I added to a list of things
more maybe now that's she heard that she won't make you
butterscotch brownies, but they're good.
Oh my God, Mama B, my next 101. I got a long rant about Canada
in here and I already did it because they booed our national

(51:10):
anthem. You know what guys?
I'm not even going to yell Canada.
I'm real disappointed that you booed us.
That makes me sad. I don't care what's going on
with you and the president. Yeah, you don't Boo our Dang
national thing. Boo our national anthem, have
you? Ever been anywhere?
Have you ever been anywhere that's enjoyable in Canada?
No, I haven't. Not a single place.

(51:32):
I. Toronto sucks.
Really. No, it's great.
Toronto's great. Toronto's great.
There is an uncomfortable thing about.
It's almost like when I go to Germany for work, I'm like, oh,
I'm in a different. World, I'm going to be
respectful. I'm completely in a different
world, but. Canada because they put you in a
concentration camp. You will legitimately burn to

(51:53):
death. I mean, that was hopefully not
any longer. When you go to Canada, it seems
like you're not in a different country because for those of you
who are not from Michigan, Detroit area, the border of
Canada is 15 minutes from here. Yeah, it's very so Pont and I
could be in Canada in 20 minutes.
It doesn't feel like you're in another country.
No, everyone speaks English. Until these idiots roll up
riding a moose. So you're driving down the the

(52:15):
freeway and it says how many kilometers you're allowed to
drive and you're like, I have noidea.
Russo and I got pulled over on our way to a basketball
tournament in London ON 'cause he was driving in mph and
supposed to be. Gets him everything.
Gets the Americans every damn time.
I think he actually let us off with a ticket.
He was really cool, Ice. All right, my next one I only
got a couple more. How about Taylor Walmart?

(52:40):
That's so low. That's so local, specific for
the people who don't know. Whatever city or state you're
in, just find the worst possiblemetropolitan area around.
You they call it Taylor Tucky. And then go.
Although Taylor has some beautiful places and beautiful
people, not a. Shot at all two guys golf.

(53:01):
Course, but I'm saying you, you guys know the Taylor people
we're talking about. The Taylor Walmart Last time I
was in the Taylor Walmart pawn, some guy yelled at me that had
one of those vibrating things onhis throat.
I eat your Dick on the corn flesh.
Exactly. I was like, what is that?
Yeah, listen, Taylor, I choose which city to go to my Walmart
in, basically. You just say choosed.

(53:21):
I choose the city of my Walmart based on my mood.
Yeah. Do I feel like getting into a
fist fight and seeing some domestic abuse?
That is what Taylor, Walmart. Walmart.
Do I want to see how to discipline my kids in line?
Go to Taylor Walmart. Everyone's in pyjamas.
Do you ever notice that they're all in pyjamas?
I I went to Germany one time with a Co worker of mine, Dave.

(53:42):
He's hilarious. He we get on the flight and he's
wearing jeans. It's it's an overnight flight
and you're travelling. We were travelling for 12 hours
because we had a layover. I'm wearing sweatpants. 100% he
goes. Oh, dude, I, I thought this was
like a work thing. I didn't want to wear sweatpants
in front of you. And I was like, oh dude, we're
going, I'm sleeping on this plane.
I'm wearing comfortable. Stuff I'm going to get black out
and sleep. In your bed.
He goes like this. He goes listen, he goes well, it

(54:04):
doesn't matter because I don't own sweatpants like that.
The only kind I have are the kind of fat people go to Walmart
in the middle of the night wheremy will be hanging out and fly.
And that's exactly what people. Because I wake up, my button
will be undone and I be hanging out on the plane.
I wish you got I got 2. More.
My next one would be anywhere inthe state of Utah.

(54:25):
I just can't. Wait to go to Utah.
Their state parks are. Oh, we're not talking scenery,
I'm talking 30 minutes into landing they're converting you
to Mormonism. You got 9 wives.
You can't drink coffee anymore. Oh my God, now you got to soak
with your wife. I don't think I could go
without. Could you live without coffee?
No, there's. No way.
No, I couldn't live with 9 wives.

(54:47):
I didn't get into let me take that back.
I got flipping that I got I got a a a little bit of an attitude
for putting my imagine times 9. I'm hammered downtown.
You just hear Babe, where are you?
Babe, where are you? Babe, where are you times 9?
Your phone would sound like a flat line beep.

(55:08):
Beep, beep Yeah. That's so good. 9 ball and
chains. I got a couple more here.
How about you? You can do it online now, but
you remember going to Secretary of State, like the line that
you'd have to wait in? Yeah, I went there as an intern.
They just abused interns. They were like, we had three
company vehicles that we like, used a van for deliveries and
stuff. I got pulled over for expired

(55:29):
place. They were like, we'll take it to
the Secretary of State and get them renewed.
I was hungover at work one day and I walk in the Secretary of
State and I'm like #57 lady behind me comes in after me,
gets #58 I look at her and I go,I'll trade you for 57 if you
wake me up when it's my turn. Yeah, she did.
Did she read? That's not.
The Secretary of State and all Ihear like 2 minutes later I

(55:49):
feel. Excuse me young man.
Hey. Sugar.
I was mouth breathing at the Secretary of State hungover as
an intern. Dude.
Oh man, Yeah, the Secretary of State used to be awful.
Misery. Now it's pretty awesome because
they have like kiosk and money. Check in and stuff you can.
Just go to Meijer and like renewyour tabs as long as your
insurance is with a reputable place and it's online.
I don't even deal with it, man. I got, I've married a good woman

(56:11):
that takes care of all that stuff for me.
Somehow stuff got the license renewal duties.
Hey babe, Hey babe, tabs are getting real close to expiring.
How about I don't want to talk junk about her because she's a
good woman but clothing shoppingwith my wife or any woman is
tough man. Like I have like a 2 store

(56:33):
limit. I'm like we need 2. 2 is the
Max. Yeah, that's exactly right.
It's the. Max and staff has this ability
to, like all women have the ability to look at like an
entire wall of shoes in like milliseconds.
Yep. And then they turn and they're
moving. You can't find them.
Clothing shopping is so stressful for me.
We went up to a Great Lakes crossing.

(56:54):
You know what they have in thesemalls now?
Enough guys complain. They have like a Dave and
Buster's type of thing. You can just go sit at the bar
and drink. That's perfect.
Play some arcade games while thewife is shopping.
You should have, like, a husbandchecking club.
You're like hell yeah, dude. Hey, what's up, dude?
My name's Chris. I'm.
What are you in for? I'm in at least two hours.
Let's get smashed. We're dealing Omaha High low.

(57:14):
Like 2 hours, you know you can make a whole friendship and like
you could have a really good time.
Actually, you might be honest. Something with an app there.
Intellectual property. Husband check in.
That's trademark. Husband check in.
I bet it exists, Stefan. I used to play a game.
Can you figure out an app that doesn't?
Exist like it'll be like. Think of an app that doesn't
exist. Like your wife will be like,
hey, I'm going to TJ Maxx at 1:00 PM on Saturday.

(57:35):
I got a 44 year old male. Anybody wanna go?
It's male shopping Tinder. Yeah, yeah, male shopping
Tinder. Hey, I got a I got a 40 year
old. Anybody want to?
Take it so funny. I'm a big, I'm a die hard
Pistons and Lions fan. It'll be like somebody's wife
would be like, Oh my God, my husband loves the Raiders too.

(57:57):
Yeah, like let's connect the you'll be like husband
connector. Husband, you'll be like I'm I
just got out of a World War 2 rabbit hole I'm going into.
A Vietnam rabbit hole I would 1000.
You'll walk into that TJ Maxx. That guy would be like, let me
tell you about the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
Real. Fast.
Do you know how freaking cool itwould be to like hook up with
the This is gonna sound horrible.
Hook up with a random husband and go to the Hawk Music and go

(58:19):
to the Holocaust Museum while they go shopping.
We're cocktailing. We're going to museums.
Damn, I knew we were going to make money somehow.
I don't know why I said we. It's your idea.
Last one I got on my list Pond. I don't know if you've ever been
to this place, but I should havesaid it when I talked about the
proctologist. Have you ever have you ever been
a good man and went to a gynecologist appointment?

(58:41):
Yes. What?
Yeah. When they use that tool.
The Spreader, Yeah. No, dude, I I've never watched
that happen. No, I never did.
I you have. Well, I was in the corner
crying, sucking my thumb like Lloyd Christmas in a bathroom.
Stall. Yeah, I've been to the pregnancy
gynecology. Thing.
Whoops. I thought you meant like you

(59:02):
just went like hell and I was like, dude, how much do you love
that woman? I.
Was like, damn, dude, what women?
I'm gonna have to clip all that out.
No, that's horrible. I It's really like a spreader
and I ain't talking long. Fertilizer.
I was thinking about like that movie Hostile.
I was like, what's about to happen with that thing?
And they just like, yeah, man being like being a woman, The.

(59:25):
Shape of that and the the the screw on it.
And in the position the. Fork opener.
They're laying on their back with their like, Oh my God.
Oh my God, you. Might have to clip that.
Up as a man, that was frightening.
Yeah, gynecologist is horrific. I'll just bleep it all out and
clip it out. Yeah.
I mean, could you imagine like, are you go to a proctologist

(59:46):
appointment? That's different.
They do jam something in your butt with a camera on it and
they're looking for stuff, right?
They don't. They just give you a rectal
finger. They just finger bang you.
Yeah, they just finger blast you.
I'm done. It's just.
Like, if that stops you from having cancer, so be it.
Yeah, You're thinking of a colonoscopy.

(01:00:06):
Oh, colonoscopy, you're right. I am thinking of a.
Colonoscopy. Yeah.
You just have to like, cleanse the system.
Yeah, They put you under. You wake up with.
A I mean, I I'd take a thumb in the butt to prevent.
I'd take I'd take 6 thumbs in the butt to prevent.
Prostate cancer. All right, get into our goodbye
section. We did pick up 1 country.
OK. Tell me if you can guess the

(01:00:28):
continent that this country's in, because I was wrong.
Asia. Bangladesh.
We have a listener in Bangladesh.
Guess what continent that's in? I I said Asia.
You were right. I.
You bet your ass I was right. I didn't tell you that ahead of
time. No, you didn't.
So you guessed right. But did you know that was in
Asia? Bangladesh.
We got a listener in Bangladesh.Yeah, I I wonder how we get to

(01:00:51):
Bangladesh. So that's.
That's hey talk about long flight.
Ain't no direct flights from DTWto BDW.
Closing thoughts. You said you were in a World War
2 rabbit hole. My phone listened to us, Pawn.
Yep, what you got? From Secret Nerd Base this is
insane. MTV debuted closer in time to

(01:01:14):
D-Day than it did to today. That's.
Why I? Seen MTV debuted in 1981, which
was 7, which was 37 years after D-Day in 1981.
Right now is 3043 years ago, 40-4 years ago.
You know that. Insane.

(01:01:34):
That is also. There we go.
My big my biggest side rabbit holes are watching things from
like the late 90s and early 2000s.
When you're talking 60 years after, some of these guys are
only in their late side of these80s.
Like I mean up until the 80s andthe 90s, like these dudes were

(01:01:55):
still like with within arms. I I'm in the rabbit hole now,
damn you. I cousin in the pod.
Patrick told you and me on that text read to watch Band of
Brothers, so I am. Are you watching?
It and they're interviewing dudes who were in the movie.
It's it's wild how close in timea human being like Adolf Hitler
lived. It's so freaking close it.

(01:02:16):
Makes it actually. Maybe cooler is not the right
word, but like more fascinating.More.
It definitely makes it more fascinating.
I was, I told you, I was taking my brother and my son to a
football camp and I was making them listen to World War 2
stuff. And I was trying to explain I go
boys, this just happened and they were like like yesterday
and they're TikTok and you know,I just, I just hear like girls

(01:02:38):
dancing. They had no, they're like.
But what you don't know is you will eventually go down the same
rabbit. I'm like dude, this guy had like
a thumb sized mustache and he's a lunatic.
I last thing I got is I saw a funny way to announce an
engagement. So some guy was on Facebook and
he goes, Rachel and I are no longer dating.

(01:03:02):
And all the girls are like, whathappened?
And the guys are like, that's a stupid way to say you got a
gaze. Oh, that's so good.
Yeah, I know. I I think we're too old to make
an announcement. We're just you just announced it
on a public. Podcast, we're just, we're just
living life happy. And I also saw a funny tweet
about that from at Ryan under score.
Patrick, this reminded me of you.
I saw on Facebook that a girl I went to high school with married

(01:03:24):
some guy despite writing I love You Forever in my yearbook and
hasn't talked to me in the last 15 years.
Real nice Brenda. That was his tweet.
I was like Pun uses the word Brenda, the name Brenda.
You know what I haven't had in along time?
What's that? Some baked goods out of Mama
Baylog's Tupperware. I was actually just with them on

(01:03:45):
Father's Day yesterday and my mom, as you know, is a listener
of the pod and she was like, tell pun, I do have a meatloaf
frozen. I would, you know, a Mama
Baylog. I would love that.
She's going to send you a meatloaf.
I would love that no matter whatyou think.
But she's mom. The meatloaf.
I never know for the meatloaf. Never know what she's doing.
She said she changed the recipe.So I was like, no, no, you

(01:04:06):
gotta. I haven't had her new recipe.
I was like, you gotta make the one that I grew up on.
That one's prim. Yeah, 'cause if she sends like
some vegan healthy, no, no, likemodern, she made it less.
Healthy. You don't know what she added to
it. She goes.
Instead of bread crumbs I use stove top stuffing.
Let's. Go, Mama, Boo.
Let's go, baby. Hell yeah, Hell yeah.

(01:04:26):
I want some of that. All you got to do is say stove's
not fun. Hell yeah.
I want these, not plain bread crumbs.
You can miss stove. Oh, I don't want like an
Impossible burger, like the Impossible meatloaf.
That's so funny. Hell, yeah.
All right, Pun. That's all I got.
What do you want to do? Next time, tell me if you like
this idea. Maybe you don't.
The reasons you're not allowed to date my daughter.

(01:04:50):
Ohh, you know what the whole time it would just go alright
and what does pun got and it would go click.
It would just be a gun clicking just be a gun crack.
I'll just. Add in the sound effect.
You gonna die? You gonna die, boy?
Both of my daughter's side note shout out.
I love to brag about them. They both are dating fantastic
dudes. My brother made the joke about

(01:05:10):
people not allowed to date his daughter, and he was like, and
I'm gonna have to kill that boy.And I was like, Jim, you live in
Gibraltar, bro. Their dads are way tougher than
Yeah, I went to the there's. Real men around there.
I went to the bar with Patrick after golfing in Gibraltar and I
looked around and I was like every single man in here can
kick my ass. Yeah, everybody.
They all got farms. Boys in Gibraltar build diff.
You drive a tractor. All.

(01:05:31):
Right. So maybe we're doing the reasons
you can't date my daughter that actually.
Would be pretty fun, or we coulddo like.
How about tools to use to get your weeds off the off the
sidewalk? Yeah, you'd win.
You got the Topanga right. 4 foot flamethrower.
All right, make sure to like andsubscribe and five star our
podcast pun. That's all.
I got what you got.

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Ep.74 - The Places we want to Visit the LEAST!

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep.74 - The Places we want to Visit the LEAST!