June 18, 2024 • 38 mins
This Conversations on the Rocks episode focuses on guest Paul Gosselin and his lifelong passion for soap operas. Paul reminisces about bonding with his mother and grandmother over their favorite soap, Guiding Light. This childhood enthusiasm led Paul to study acting for daytime dramas, hoping to land a role on a soap. While that dream didn't come to fruition, his love for the genre inspired him to write and produce his own web series, Misguided. Paul gets candid about his challenges in developing the series, from navigating the pandemic shutdown to grieving the loss of someone close to him. But through it all, his dedication to honoring soap operas shines through.
Paul's life is not just about his creative pursuits. He also plays a significant role as a caregiver, a 'manny' to two young boys. His experience with one child's diabetes diagnosis and his commitment to their wellbeing are testaments to his compassion. Paul's approach to caregiving is marked by flexibility and understanding, as he shares fond memories of special outings. His priority is to bring joy to the lives of those in his care, a value that shines through his actions.
Paul's story offers a window into his multifaceted world as an artist and caregiver. He thoughtfully reflects on navigating challenges with creativity, family, and compassion—lessons that continue to guide his journey.
About Paul:
Born and raised in small-town Vermont, Paul Gosselin always harbored a passion for acting. After high school, he pursued his dream in New York City, studying at the New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts and apprenticing at the Barrow Group Theater. His first television role on "One Life to Live" fulfilled a lifelong dream, leading to appearances on various TV shows like “Damages,” “Saturday Night Live,” and "The Good Wife." Moving to Los Angeles, he delved into theater and storytelling, performing with Mortified across the country. Now based in LA, Paul is focused on building his production company, Cosmopaulitan Entertainment, which debuted its first series, "MISGUIDED," in 2015.
Connect with Paul: instagram.com/cosmopaulitan || www.paulgosselin.net || http://YouTube.com/cosmopaulitan ||
http://www.misguidedseries.com || TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mrpaulgosselin
Interested in possibly being a guest on the show? Click the link to get started!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristen Daukas (00:00):
Kristen daukas, welcome to Conversations on the
(00:06):
rocks, the podcast where thedrink is strong and the stories
are stronger. I'm your host,Kristen daukas, and this isn't
your average chat fest. Here,real people spill the tea
alongside their favorite drinks,from the hilarious to the heart
wrenching, each episode a wildcard. You'll laugh, you may cry,
but you'll definitely learnsomething new. So grab whatever,
(00:26):
what's your whistle and buckleup. It's time to dive into the
raw, the real and theridiculously human. Let's get
this chat party started. Hey,friends, it's Kristen daukasin
in on conversations onconversations on the rocks the
show that is as random as I am,as well as the questions that I
(00:46):
tend to ask my guest I am herewith. I just gonna call you my
old friend, but he's not oldold. He's just like we've been
friends for a while. PaulCrosland, and the fun thing
about this is that Paul and Imet over Twitter, formerly known
as Twitter now x, which I'm noton anymore because I took my
blue check away. And not onlywas it just Twitter, but it was
(01:09):
over a shared love of GuidingLight. So I am a total latchkey
kid. I'm a few years older, alot of years older than Paul.
And you know, I was a total GenX or latchkey kid, and I think
at seven, I've started stayinghome by myself. And who would do
that now? And I would come homefrom school, and that was my
(01:33):
ritual. I would get home and Iwould watch Guiding Light, and
that was just and I watched itpretty much, you know, once I
started having kids, it wasn'tas easy to watch it, right? So I
watched it as much as Isteadfast until I started having
a family. And then the saddestday, not the saddest day of my
life, but one of the saddest TVdays of my life, was the day
(01:54):
that the light went out. Same,absolutely the same. So Paul,
tell us a little bit aboutyourself, and I definitely want
you to touch on misguidedbecause we just it's a great
segue talking about guidinglight into what you do, which
will be great segue into ourconversation today.
Unknown (02:16):
So thank you for having me back again. I very much
enjoyed being here the firsttime around three
Kristen Daukas (02:22):
feet. This is the three peat. Remember the
time you called in when I was onthe radio station?
Unknown (02:26):
Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Kristen Daukas (02:29):
That was shortly after we we connected online,
and I was hosting a radiostation, and you called in and
we
Unknown (02:35):
did that. Ah, okay, so three peat, Oh, yes. So I also
grew up. I loved Guiding Light.
I was introduced to it by my momand my grandma, and I would go
over to my Nana's house, and wewould watch Guiding Light after
school, and it was justcaptivating. I think is the
word, and I don't know if thatwas just me trying to find
(02:58):
something bigger than myself tobe a part of, because I just
wanted that in my life, andguiding light, sort of like took
hold of me, and at the sametime, wanted to be an actor,
wanted to have a career as anactor. And thought, what is the
best possible acting job I couldget is a soap opera, because
(03:22):
it's like almost a nine to fiveand you work almost all year
round. And I thought this issomething. I think my parents
can get around like they canwrap their heads around this
kid's got one have a nine tofive job. He wants to have
stability as an actor. So wehave them go after a soap opera.
(03:43):
And so that's what I did. Foundmyself in New York City wanting
to be on guiding light, and wentto the school for film and
television that it was known atthe time. It's now called the
New York conservatory forDramatic Arts. And they had an
acting for daytime dramas class,and that was the only reason I
(04:06):
went to this school I studiedwith.
Kristen Daukas (04:12):
I can imagine what the sessions were like in
that like, were they like, you?
Like, I mean, just think howdramatic soaps are, yeah. So,
like, it's like, here's how youkiss, here's how you do this,
yeah.
Unknown (04:25):
So there were things that were taught. So I was
taught. I took this class indifferent forms. Once was with a
former casting director fromGuiding Light, Jimmy Bohr, and
then I took it with an actresswho was on as well turns
Margaret, Reid Maggie Reed, whois best known for having her
she's the only person in daytimeto have her head shrunken.
(04:51):
Shannon Shannon O'Hara, I thinkit was her character name on
asphalt turds. So I took classesfrom her. And there's so many
different like. Are ways thatsoap operas are shot, that
regular, regular TV shows areshot. I don't know that's right
way to say that, but there'slike three cameras, usually, and
(05:13):
different ways you'repositioned, and they always
taught you to kiss with yourleading ladies head facing
towards the camera, becausethat's who they want you to see.
And I mean, granted, the it's awhole, there's a whole dynamic
Science, Science, that's it. Ohmy gosh, crazy. So anyway, so
(05:36):
that's me in a nutshell. Sowanted to be a sofa actor, went
to guy, went to school for it,and then ended up booking my
first daytime role on one liketo live. And I thought, dreams
are happening. This ishappening. We are moving and
shaking in New York City. Fastforward to 2009 guiding light
(05:56):
gets canceled. And I didn't seea reason to stay in New York
anymore, so I moved to LosAngeles, and I moved to Los
Angeles without any sort ofplan, didn't have a place to
live, bought a car in New Yorkand just drove West. And 12
years later, I'm still here. SoI created this web series based
(06:19):
on my love of Guiding Light andwanting to be a soap star, and
it's called misguided, orhashtag, reigniting the light.
And I asked friends that haveworked in soaps to be on the
show that they've worked onyoung, the restless All My
Children Guiding Light, and thenended up progressing into three
(06:44):
seasons, worth hiring morepeople that I had never met, but
I've always wanted to work withwho were on General Hospital and
older actors from Guiding Light,and it's just been a really fun,
creative journey that I've beenon through this whole love of
guiding lanes that just sort ofpaved the way for me,
Kristen Daukas (07:10):
and it's fabulous. I have to make sure
that I put the link to yourYouTube channel in the notes
when we were talking. It'sreally brave, I think, to take
on a project like that. It's onething to have a hobby, and it's
another thing to take somethingthat you're really passionate
(07:32):
about and try and turn it intosomething that not just feeds
your soul, but feeds yourstomach and pays your bills.
Right? Did you ever so? Did youever have to stop this process,
this passion project?
Unknown (07:48):
Yes, so i The series was created shortly after I did
a storytelling show calledmortified. Basically, mortify
it, similar to the moth. It'slike a storytelling show where
one person gets up on stage andreads things that they created
(08:09):
as an angsty youth, whether it'sa Dear Diary, love letters or,
in my case, letters to theexecutive producer and head
writers of guiding lights on howto make the show better. And
it's sort of initiated and resparked the Guiding Light love
that I had. So I created thisshow because someone said,
(08:30):
create something from that. Andso season one comes about. I
write five episodes that just Ithought were a standalone. Here
we go. Easy peasy. No big deal.
I had friends that had worked onsoaps be in it to add it little
bit of clout, and then I justsort of left it. And I was like,
okay, cool. Now I'm going to bea successful actor, and we're
(08:51):
the sky's the limit. That's itdone. And I was like, I can't I
have to do more. And so you, yousit with it for a minute. And I
was like, Well, how did I justdo these five? Like, now I have
to do five more, essentially.
And how do I do that? So I sitwith it, and I pause, and I was
(09:16):
like, well, now let mefundraise. Let me build some
sort of community that cansupport this. And so I did that.
And then I thought after thosefive I was like, maybe I could
do five more, and I ended updoing six more. So those pauses
happened because I just waslike, Okay, I think maybe I need
(09:36):
to do more. But then somethingbig happened with the pandemic,
and it just stopped all of thatmomentum. And the last thing we
talked was, yeah, go ahead.
Kristen Daukas (09:48):
I was gonna say it's so interesting, because I
when I made the decision tofinally get off my and get the
show back on, I reflected onthat it was during the pandemic.
That I stopped, you would thinkthat would have been the perfect
time for us as creatives to man,just be churning that stuff out.
(10:10):
We didn't. Why do you think thatwas, do you think it was just we
needed to survive that that likeit was just too much?
Unknown (10:18):
I think, I think, I think yes, yes, and no, I really
listened to our to our podcastfrom the first time, from the, I
guess, the second time. And wetalked about how people were no
longer commuting. So there thepodcast numbers were down,
because when most people arelistening to a podcast, they're
commuting, which makes sense.
But then we added these, thisvisual thing, like we weren't
(10:42):
doing video. We did video forthe podcast, but we didn't do
video, essentially, right? Butnow you're doing video, and
that's a whole other aspect thatwasn't really happening. So
everything's sort of morphingand growing, which is amazing,
and I think for me, doing aseries was challenging during
(11:03):
the pandemic, one because weweren't physically in touch with
everybody, like, we weren't inperson at the time, so we were
trying to, like, I was trying tofigure out, How does one make
creative stuff during thepandemic like so let me write a
season. Let me write the nextepisode so that when we come out
(11:25):
of all of this, we're ready togo. And I did, and I wrote what
I thought were five. I don'tthink I had six. I think I had
five episodes ready to go, andthey weren't, I don't think they
were. I wanted to end theseries, essentially, is what I
(11:46):
wanted to do. And I don't thinkit told the ending that a way I
wanted to attend. So I was sortof like but it was good enough,
and I was ready to go once theworld reopened and then the
actor strike happened, and Ididn't know what that meant for
creatives, and I didn't knowwhat that meant, especially for
me. I still have a SAG aftercontract with the process of
(12:09):
doing this web series, but Ididn't know if I could, and I
didn't know if anyone would wantto work with it. So let me just
pause and see what happens,because we were still also using
covid protocol, and you neededto have testing and all of this.
And I thought, my little show,it just does not have the budget
for all of this, right? Let mepause, and as I pause, I still
(12:32):
sort of, you know, tinker withthese episodes and figure out
what can happen, and still,still taking all this time to,
like, really, sort of figure outwhat's going on, and then just
it was almost a year, I guess, alittle more than a year ago,
like last week, the woman thatplayed my mom passed away,
(12:54):
Jacqueline Zeman, who was onGeneral Hospital For 40 plus
years, and played my mom likebetter than my own mother. So
she was a phenomenal person inmy life, and having been a
season that included her, I thenhad to figure out what this new
(13:19):
version would look like, right?
And I think that that's the partwhere I needed to give myself
the most grace and most pause tolike figure out what's, what's
the show going to look like now.
And so I still figuring out Ithink I'm good. I actually
(13:44):
joined a writer's group to keepmyself accountable, to like,
who's gonna say accountability?
Yes, it's so oh my god. It's sohelpful. I'm so thankful for
this group, and we've onlyrecently been doing it. So it's
like, Oh, that's amazing, but Ifeel really good about the pause
(14:06):
that I took instead of trying torush into figuring out what this
looks like, how do I how do I doall of this without just making
it messy? Now, because given allof these outside circumstances
that have happened becausemisguided was here before
(14:26):
Jackie's Eman joined, and itwill be here, you know, now that
she's gone, but it will still beA part of everything.
Kristen Daukas (14:36):
And I think it takes maturity, and we were
talking about this a little bitin the beginning, to learn how I
know the answer. But again, it'sa maturity thing. Why do you
think it's so important for usas human beings, not just
creatives, but as human beings,to give ourselves. Race, and
(15:01):
before you answer, I'm gonna,like, kind of preempt that by
saying the like we were saying,how much has changed in the past
four years, right? Yeah, and wemove at such lightning speed and
the instantaneous gratification,it's not even instant
gratification. It'sinstantaneous, like right now,
(15:25):
and I think people struggle withif they don't get something
done, soup to nuts, A to Z insome arbitrary piece of time,
their failures. What is youradvice and how would you
encourage them? How would youteach someone teach, quote,
(15:46):
unquote, how to give themselvesgrace, how to speak to
themselves kindly.
Unknown (15:53):
Wow, I love that question only because I haven't
actually ever thought abouttelling someone else how to do
this. I think, I think taking abreath is so important. And
actually the first step in like,giving yourself grace is like,
(16:15):
because our lives were so like,like you said, we just want
everything so fast, soeverything is moving at
lightning speed. So if you takeone second to just breathe, it
sort of stops everything else,like it just forces you to
(16:37):
pause. And as soon as you takethat first pause, the next ones
are easy. I I don't want to saythey should be they should
become easier. I think is, ishow you should
Kristen Daukas (16:50):
Well, I think if you, if you allow yourself that
pause, or, as we say in thetheater world, the pregnant
pause, and everything doesn'tfall apart. I think people need
to I think you need to seefirsthand that if you just stop
and pause and pump the brakes,whatever phrase you want to use,
give yourself some andeverything doesn't fall apart.
(17:13):
And all that stuff that you wereso worried about is still there
tomorrow, I think you're right.
Then it becomes a little biteasier. So the next time you go,
I've seen this movie, and I knowhow it ends exactly.
Unknown (17:26):
I think that once you once you allow yourself to to
almost relax into the pause, itbecomes easy, like it just is
like, okay, and it almost givesyourself the sense that you're
clear headed, and that you canfigure out, like, what might be
the next step that you should bedoing? Okay, I'm gonna take this
(17:48):
pause, and I can see now, likethis step is next, and then
this, this will lead to this.
And it's it makes things alittle bit more manageable. And
I, and I know that, I know thatthat's what I did. Like, I I
mean death and is a whole otherissue, but like, giving yourself
that pause to grieve and like,have the moments of like, I'm
(18:11):
not gonna write today becauseI'm feeling this, but I know
that I will write, and I knowthat it will happen. It's not
happening now and it won'thappen at this moment.
Kristen Daukas (18:27):
Here's the thing, sometimes we need to just
step away from something thatwe're in, and you step away,
it's like, Why do you think someof your best ideas come when
you're in the shower or whileyou're driving, because you're
not distracted by all the thingsgoing on, the only thing that
you could really focus on is, amI lathered up enough? And is
(18:50):
that a hole coming into my lane?
Right? So those are when most ofus have our most brilliant, like
Aha Aha moments. Is when we'rein the shower, because you're
not, you're completely there'snone of the stuff around you. So
taking that pause, getting awayfrom what you're so bent on
doing that, and then you cancome back and you're refreshed.
Unknown (19:15):
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Kristen Daukas (19:45):
This, I think, is a good opportunity for us to
segue into your other world. Andso Paul is a true this is us,
Manny. He's the Manny. So. Therewas a big change in your family
that you are a man so, soanother time that you had to
(20:07):
take a big call,
Unknown (20:10):
yeah, I I've been a manny. I 2016 I think I started.
I have two little boys, Oliverand Jasper. Oliver is eight, so
he was five months old when Istarted watching him, five
months of, like, Baby bliss,like, how did the smell? I got
(20:33):
so lucky. Everything about it,oh, just thinking about, like,
changing diapers. I'm like,Whoa. I was doing that, but I
did, and I like, love it. I loveI was living my dream of
domestic bliss, watching soapoperas and feeding a baby a
(20:53):
bottle and, like, foldinglaundry. That's literally all I
wanted in my life. And I wasliving it. I Yes. So doing that
for for day in and day out,multiple days a week,
Kristen Daukas (21:08):
I'm gonna call you Paul cleaver instead of
June. Yes, please,
Unknown (21:11):
please. I A nanny, a Manny, a nanny, whatever you
want to call it. I have grownemotionally attached to these
children. It's, it's differentthan any other job. I think,
like you, like a regular job,you could, sort of, if you don't
like it, you could just walkaway and like, not, this has
such a like, emotional hold onmy heart that, like, I've become
(21:33):
a part of this family. And sothrough, two years ago, I left
on a fry. I think it was workingTuesday the Friday at this
point, and I left on Friday, andwhen about my weekend, Sunday
night, I get a phone call fromthe mom that I work for, and she
was like, Can I call you? Can wetalk about Oliver? Of course,
(21:56):
call me. She calls. She's like,we're in the hospital. Oliver's
been drinking a lot of water.
He's been peeing a lot. He hasdiabetes, and it's like, I'm
sorry, what out of the blue? Outof the blue. And so I went into
work the next day, was watchingthe younger boy, Jasper, and
Oliver was in the hospital forthe day. He came home later that
(22:21):
night, and from that moment,life just sort of changed for
all of us, especially Oliver.
But like for all of it, like weall sort of had this moment of
like something is very differentnow, like our lives are all no
longer what they were lastFriday when I left. That's a
(22:43):
major diagnosis.
Kristen Daukas (22:44):
One of my best friends, you know, one of my
oldest and longest friends, wasdiagnosed with type one diabetes
when she was a freshman incollege. And same thing, same
signs, drinking a lot and peeinga lot, and you don't think
anything about it, because ifyou're peeing a lot because
you're drinking a lot. It
Unknown (23:01):
just you don't, yep, there's nothing about it. Yeah,
it's such an and I it's one ofthose things, like, I kick
myself because it's like, Ishould there were, there were
signs leaning up to it, and,like, you could have sort of
been piecing together. We didn'thave, like, a huge like, he
didn't, he wasn't in ketosiswhen it first happened, like,
(23:23):
when we first were diagnosed.
So, like, that was good. Hewasn't. He was his blood sugar
was high. It just wasn't, like,super high, but it was. It was
obviously a huge change. And Iam so thankful that the family
sent me to Children's Hospitalto, like, get fully, like,
educated on how to treat andmanage and have Oliver with the
(23:44):
best possible help and care thatI could give him. Well, of
Kristen Daukas (23:52):
course, because you're with him, you know all
the time, you need to know that.
One
Unknown (23:59):
of the first questions that so they, when you're at
Children's Hospital, and theyset you up with this education
class for in the endodepartment, they give you a
binder about how to treat andmanage and all of this. And the
very first question is, how, howare you feeling like, what are
your feelings on this? And I wasso happy to be in this situation
(24:22):
alone with the nurse, because itwas just a saw like I just
sobbed, like I cried so much,and I told her exactly why I was
crying, and I knew what it was,because so I told the nurse that
(24:44):
was helping me, I said, this isa grief like I feel not that
he's my child and that I hadthis whole life expected for
him, but
Kristen Daukas (24:53):
he is kind of your child, yeah, but you have
this, these ideas of what hislife will be. Be and now they're
not that. And I told her, I kindof equate it to like my parents
and like any, any parent ofsomeone that's gay, when they
come out to them, you're gay,it's, it's, I know, I know,
(25:15):
Shawn, this is my coming out,honored. Oh, sorry, no, no,
there goes Kristen again.
Somebody. Let her filter off.
I'm
Unknown (25:35):
sorry, but I think that, yes, I felt like it was
the same, similar situation,like, I know what this what,
what these tiers are like, I getit, let me have them. And then
we and then we moved on. Andthen, like, it was great to have
that moment to just, like, letit go, take that moment to give
yourself grace. Like, here's,here's the emotional like
(25:56):
component of this, and now wecan move on. And now, how many
carbs do I do? What do I Whatsays correction factor? Like all
of these things that I had noidea was it was in store for me
going down the road, wait, wait,
Kristen Daukas (26:09):
wait, wait, you just said something so
significant, I don't even thinkyou realize that you said it.
You just and it just when youlet your when you let yourself
have that pause, when you giveyourself the grace to have that
pause, then you can move on withyour life, or you can move on to
(26:30):
the next thing that you'resupposed to do. And if you don't
give yourself that you'reholding yourself back, and you
might be holding somebody elseback, that might be, you know,
involved in your life. And so bygiving yourself the opportunity
to have that grace, to have thatmourning, because that's what it
is, you're mourning somethingthat is no longer the same, then
(26:54):
you can rebuild. You can riselike the Phoenix, yes, yes, and
be better.
Unknown (27:02):
I was about, I was literally about to say, yes, you
can, like, create something evenbetter, because now you've taken
all that stuff that you've hadbefore, mushed it up into the
whatever this is, and thencreated something even, even
better. And I kind of it's likewhen the kids made something
with art, and they're like, ohmy god, I messed up on this
little piece. I said, Well, howcan you make that mistake into
(27:24):
something even better, intowhatever you're working on, in
that, in whatever picture youwere drawing, or whatever I was
like, how can you use thismistake, or this, this thing
that, like your pencil slipped,or something like, how can you
use that? Because I think thatthat's a tool that you know
we're not taught as much. Like,Oh, you made a mistake. Crumple
(27:45):
it up and throw it away. Like,let me start again. Use the
mistakes. Use the mistakes andlearn from them and use them,
because then I think that that'swhere you're able to, like, help
yourself with the grace that youcan have and like, give yourself
a full bucket.
Kristen Daukas (28:06):
It's like the old saying that, and I've got it
somewhere in the house, but it'sthe the cracks are, how this,
how the light gets in exactly,and that implies in so many, not
just our hearts, but our souls.
And in everything that we do,people don't they think the
cracks are bad, but that's howthe beauty gets in. That's how
(28:28):
the light gets in and makes itinto something that
metamorphoses into somethingthat is far greater than you
know, mistakes are justopportunities, right? Yes. And
so completely random, butsomething you said that reminded
me you, you and Oliver actuallyjust went to a like a gala,
(28:52):
didn't you? And it may, it maynot, have been just, but I know,
yeah, in the time warp. Tell meabout that. He looks so dapper.
He
Unknown (29:04):
is. He's my little man, like we so I love that his
family, like trusts me and lovesme enough to like do things with
him that we went to it was we'vedone a lot like I shortly after
his diagnosis, we had planned atrip to San Diego, and part of
(29:26):
that trip, I have a friend thatworks for tandem, and we got, he
got a private tour of how, like,an insulin pump got made that
day. So, like, he I try to,like, wow, I know, like, it was
really cool. He, like, he loves,like, the show, this, how, this,
how things are made, or how,how, yeah, I think, on Sci Fi or
(29:46):
something. So, like, he lovedit. But the gala that we went to
was at California Adventuregrand, the grand California
Adventure hotel, but it was forhis diabetes camp. And so this
was our second year. We went,and we make it a whole like
Disney weekend. So I pick him upfrom school early on Friday. We
(30:08):
drive down, just the two of us,and we do Disneyland. So I think
this year we did both parks.
Yeah, we did both parks. Westayed at the new Pixar hotel.
He is so he just loves to talkto people. So, like, we're
checking in. Like, I didn't knowwhere there was, like,
(30:30):
construction or something, so wewere checking in. It was, like,
almost a self check in for thehotel. But I was like, I don't
know where to go. Let's just go,like, talk to someone. Let's go
into the front Yeah, so he wentto the front desk, and he's
like, Hi, we're here to checkin. This is my Manny Paul. And I
was like, I just let him takethe take the reins. He knows
(30:52):
what. Let's just do it. Like,why do I need to say anything?
He the person on the front deskloved him so much they, like,
gave him a like Pixar backpackwith like activities in it. It
was, like, so cute. I was like,do I get one of these? Because I
want her Disney fan than thiskid I paid. Yeah. So we did a
whole Friday, Saturday, Disney,Disney weekend. The gala was
(31:19):
that night, and it was, I forgetthe guy that hosted. He's on one
of the Marvel I don't think itwas Supergirl, but he was
someone he he also has type onediabetes, but he's in like the
CW, Marvel Universe. I forgetwhat his name is, but I
Kristen Daukas (31:41):
would character name, Mm, yeah,
Unknown (31:46):
I'm not sure, but anyway, it was, it's such a
lovely experience and that I'mable to, like, now, I'm able to
take him places and, like, we goto Disneyland, and I can handle
his Diabetes and figure out,like, Okay, let's go get these
snacks. And, like, figure out, Ibring, I'm like, maybe a little
(32:07):
OCD, but I bring, like, a littlemini scale, because then we can
weigh, we can weigh, like, theslices of pineapple, and how
much pineapple is this? Andlike, what are the carbs? And
it's, I don't think
Kristen Daukas (32:21):
that's OCD. I think that's just being a very
caring person, right? And I meanthat ish is serious. I mean,
yeah, the last thing you want,especially because of all the
excitement and stuff like thatat a park. I mean, in general,
definitely. But I mean, like ata park is, that's the last place
you want that to happen?
Unknown (32:41):
Oh, absolutely I did learn, like, one of the biggest
lessons that I've learned thisis our second year going just
Oliver and I for Disneyland. AndI know this isn't for everybody,
and I know that, like, I'm in avery different situation,
because I'm not paying for thisDisney trip. It's his parents.
But I have learned, and this isgiving myself grace in that the
(33:05):
Disneyland experience that Iwould like to have is not going
to be the Disneyland experiencethat we are going to have, and
I'm going to allow him todictate what our day looks like.
Because if I try to force anysort of expectation on the day,
it's going to go south realfast. So like Oliver, what are
(33:28):
we going to do if we're going toride this three times in a row?
Fantastic. Let's do that, and itmakes it. It makes it for a day
that there are no breakdowns,like there was no, like, full on
meltdown. He just had, like, thebest day. And he said at one
point he just wanted to go backto the hotel and chill. And I
(33:50):
was like, perfect. Okay, let'sgo. Let's go do that. We've
done, we've done enough, like,for right now. Let's go back. It
worked out because we had tochange his CGM and as the XCOM.
So that was great. It's thelongest two hours of my life,
Kristen Daukas (34:07):
yeah. But in addition to giving yourself
grace, one of the biggest thingsthat you learned too, is that
the fastest way to bedisappointed is to have
expectations,
Unknown (34:16):
absolutely. I mean, pretty much with everything I
set the bar right, absolutely,like, it's hard to be
disappointed when the bars likeway down here, but
Kristen Daukas (34:25):
it's really hard to do that when you're you're
young, you are your younger youright? Because society tells us
these are the expectations,right? And then we as
individuals go, Okay, well, myexpectation is that I'm going to
it doesn't until later that yougo, that's some malarkey right
(34:46):
there. And you know, when youlet go of expectations, it's
just such a freeing thing, andthen you truly do enjoy all the
things that are around you. Sowe're about to wrap up, and I'm
going to throw something on youthat I've just. Decided, like,
while I was talking to you, thatI'm going to make an every guest
thing. I'm going to just ask areally weird, random question,
(35:07):
and I want you to answer it. Ithink for you, I'm going to say,
Do y'all have winter coats outthere in LA, LA land that I
can't
Unknown (35:18):
I was going to say, I do. I mean, it's not like a full
on winter, but it's just in caseI go traveling and like, I'm not
Kristen Daukas (35:26):
gonna ask you that question, because that's
that. That's a like, if you havea winter coat question. So So
you find yourself with anunexpected day off, nothing to
do, absolutely nothing to do,and you got some cash in your
bank account, right? What areyou doing? What are you doing
(35:47):
for the day? Wow, or it doesn'thave to be the whole day. It can
be just one thing. What? Almostlike, what's, what's your little
guilty pleasure that you wouldbe like, I'm out of here. Let's
go do this just one day, though.
Unknown (35:59):
That's all I need. One day unexpected off, I would
probably go to Disneyland andjust spend the day I haven't
done like, just me, though Iused to do Disneyland all the
time, I like, oh gosh, I had aan annual pass. It was lovely.
(36:21):
And I would go down at leastonce or twice a month. And I
think I haven't done that in along time, and I would
definitely do that like, I I'mone of those people that just
had, like, the favorite thingsthat I like to do when I'm
there. I like to go to theanimations building and, like,
(36:41):
just sit and get how amazing itis, and also the AC, but it's
like, it's truly, like, myfavorite building, I think ever,
like, it's so beautiful inside.
And the fact that, I don't knowif you knew this story, but it's
so like, John Stamos proposed tohis wife in there, in that
(37:01):
building. Oh, that's, like, thestory is, I just finished his
book recently, and, like, he hadit all closed down, and he went
in and it was just the two ofthem, and this whole, uh, if I
get proposed that way, when Yes,the yes is coming. Like, I don't
think I'm gonna get married,but, like, the yes would
(37:22):
definitely come anyway. ButDisneyland, I think, is the one
thing. Like, I if I had noplans, like, I just unexpected
day off, yeah, I'd hop down andgo to Disneyland.
Kristen Daukas (37:34):
I love it. I love it, all right. Well, thank
you, my friend, for our threePete, and what might be 2.5 so
that means we got to throwanother point five in there,
right? So okay, we can do that.
We could do that. I do hang onfor one more second. But in the
meantime, I'd like to say thanksto everyone who's listening or
watching. However you choose toconsume your media is a private
thing. Until next time. I hopeyour drinks are cold or your
(37:58):
coffee's hot, and whoever'sbothering you is not till next
time friends, as the sayinggoes, you don't have to go home,
but you can stay here. Andthat's a wrap for this week's
episode. A big thanks to myguests for sharing their story
and to you for listening. Don'tforget to share the show with
(38:19):
your friends and spread thewords and if you'd like to be a
guest on the show, the link isin the show notes till next time
cheers you.
Kristen daukas, welcome to Conversations on the
(00:06):
rocks, the podcast where thedrink is strong and the stories
are stronger. I'm your host,Kristen daukas, and this isn't
your average chat fest. Here,real people spill the tea
alongside their favorite drinks,from the hilarious to the heart
wrenching, each episode a wildcard. You'll laugh, you may cry,
but you'll definitely learnsomething new. So grab whatever,
(00:26):
what's your whistle and buckleup. It's time to dive into the
raw, the real and theridiculously human. Let's get
this chat party started. Hey,friends, it's Kristen daukasin
in on conversations onconversations on the rocks the
show that is as random as I am,as well as the questions that I
(00:46):
tend to ask my guest I am herewith. I just gonna call you my
old friend, but he's not oldold. He's just like we've been
friends for a while. PaulCrosland, and the fun thing
about this is that Paul and Imet over Twitter, formerly known
as Twitter now x, which I'm noton anymore because I took my
blue check away. And not onlywas it just Twitter, but it was
(01:09):
over a shared love of GuidingLight. So I am a total latchkey
kid. I'm a few years older, alot of years older than Paul.
And you know, I was a total GenX or latchkey kid, and I think
at seven, I've started stayinghome by myself. And who would do
that now? And I would come homefrom school, and that was my
(01:33):
ritual. I would get home and Iwould watch Guiding Light, and
that was just and I watched itpretty much, you know, once I
started having kids, it wasn'tas easy to watch it, right? So I
watched it as much as Isteadfast until I started having
a family. And then the saddestday, not the saddest day of my
life, but one of the saddest TVdays of my life, was the day
(01:54):
that the light went out. Same,absolutely the same. So Paul,
tell us a little bit aboutyourself, and I definitely want
you to touch on misguidedbecause we just it's a great
segue talking about guidinglight into what you do, which
will be great segue into ourconversation today.
Unknown (02:16):
So thank you for having me back again. I very much
enjoyed being here the firsttime around three
Kristen Daukas (02:22):
feet. This is the three peat. Remember the
time you called in when I was onthe radio station?
Unknown (02:26):
Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Kristen Daukas (02:29):
That was shortly after we we connected online,
and I was hosting a radiostation, and you called in and
we
Unknown (02:35):
did that. Ah, okay, so three peat, Oh, yes. So I also
grew up. I loved Guiding Light.
I was introduced to it by my momand my grandma, and I would go
over to my Nana's house, and wewould watch Guiding Light after
school, and it was justcaptivating. I think is the
word, and I don't know if thatwas just me trying to find
(02:58):
something bigger than myself tobe a part of, because I just
wanted that in my life, andguiding light, sort of like took
hold of me, and at the sametime, wanted to be an actor,
wanted to have a career as anactor. And thought, what is the
best possible acting job I couldget is a soap opera, because
(03:22):
it's like almost a nine to fiveand you work almost all year
round. And I thought this issomething. I think my parents
can get around like they canwrap their heads around this
kid's got one have a nine tofive job. He wants to have
stability as an actor. So wehave them go after a soap opera.
(03:43):
And so that's what I did. Foundmyself in New York City wanting
to be on guiding light, and wentto the school for film and
television that it was known atthe time. It's now called the
New York conservatory forDramatic Arts. And they had an
acting for daytime dramas class,and that was the only reason I
(04:06):
went to this school I studiedwith.
Kristen Daukas (04:12):
I can imagine what the sessions were like in
that like, were they like, you?
Like, I mean, just think howdramatic soaps are, yeah. So,
like, it's like, here's how youkiss, here's how you do this,
yeah.
Unknown (04:25):
So there were things that were taught. So I was
taught. I took this class indifferent forms. Once was with a
former casting director fromGuiding Light, Jimmy Bohr, and
then I took it with an actresswho was on as well turns
Margaret, Reid Maggie Reed, whois best known for having her
she's the only person in daytimeto have her head shrunken.
(04:51):
Shannon Shannon O'Hara, I thinkit was her character name on
asphalt turds. So I took classesfrom her. And there's so many
different like. Are ways thatsoap operas are shot, that
regular, regular TV shows areshot. I don't know that's right
way to say that, but there'slike three cameras, usually, and
(05:13):
different ways you'repositioned, and they always
taught you to kiss with yourleading ladies head facing
towards the camera, becausethat's who they want you to see.
And I mean, granted, the it's awhole, there's a whole dynamic
Science, Science, that's it. Ohmy gosh, crazy. So anyway, so
(05:36):
that's me in a nutshell. Sowanted to be a sofa actor, went
to guy, went to school for it,and then ended up booking my
first daytime role on one liketo live. And I thought, dreams
are happening. This ishappening. We are moving and
shaking in New York City. Fastforward to 2009 guiding light
(05:56):
gets canceled. And I didn't seea reason to stay in New York
anymore, so I moved to LosAngeles, and I moved to Los
Angeles without any sort ofplan, didn't have a place to
live, bought a car in New Yorkand just drove West. And 12
years later, I'm still here. SoI created this web series based
(06:19):
on my love of Guiding Light andwanting to be a soap star, and
it's called misguided, orhashtag, reigniting the light.
And I asked friends that haveworked in soaps to be on the
show that they've worked onyoung, the restless All My
Children Guiding Light, and thenended up progressing into three
(06:44):
seasons, worth hiring morepeople that I had never met, but
I've always wanted to work withwho were on General Hospital and
older actors from Guiding Light,and it's just been a really fun,
creative journey that I've beenon through this whole love of
guiding lanes that just sort ofpaved the way for me,
Kristen Daukas (07:10):
and it's fabulous. I have to make sure
that I put the link to yourYouTube channel in the notes
when we were talking. It'sreally brave, I think, to take
on a project like that. It's onething to have a hobby, and it's
another thing to take somethingthat you're really passionate
(07:32):
about and try and turn it intosomething that not just feeds
your soul, but feeds yourstomach and pays your bills.
Right? Did you ever so? Did youever have to stop this process,
this passion project?
Unknown (07:48):
Yes, so i The series was created shortly after I did
a storytelling show calledmortified. Basically, mortify
it, similar to the moth. It'slike a storytelling show where
one person gets up on stage andreads things that they created
(08:09):
as an angsty youth, whether it'sa Dear Diary, love letters or,
in my case, letters to theexecutive producer and head
writers of guiding lights on howto make the show better. And
it's sort of initiated and resparked the Guiding Light love
that I had. So I created thisshow because someone said,
(08:30):
create something from that. Andso season one comes about. I
write five episodes that just Ithought were a standalone. Here
we go. Easy peasy. No big deal.
I had friends that had worked onsoaps be in it to add it little
bit of clout, and then I justsort of left it. And I was like,
okay, cool. Now I'm going to bea successful actor, and we're
(08:51):
the sky's the limit. That's itdone. And I was like, I can't I
have to do more. And so you, yousit with it for a minute. And I
was like, Well, how did I justdo these five? Like, now I have
to do five more, essentially.
And how do I do that? So I sitwith it, and I pause, and I was
(09:16):
like, well, now let mefundraise. Let me build some
sort of community that cansupport this. And so I did that.
And then I thought after thosefive I was like, maybe I could
do five more, and I ended updoing six more. So those pauses
happened because I just waslike, Okay, I think maybe I need
(09:36):
to do more. But then somethingbig happened with the pandemic,
and it just stopped all of thatmomentum. And the last thing we
talked was, yeah, go ahead.
Kristen Daukas (09:48):
I was gonna say it's so interesting, because I
when I made the decision tofinally get off my and get the
show back on, I reflected onthat it was during the pandemic.
That I stopped, you would thinkthat would have been the perfect
time for us as creatives to man,just be churning that stuff out.
(10:10):
We didn't. Why do you think thatwas, do you think it was just we
needed to survive that that likeit was just too much?
Unknown (10:18):
I think, I think, I think yes, yes, and no, I really
listened to our to our podcastfrom the first time, from the, I
guess, the second time. And wetalked about how people were no
longer commuting. So there thepodcast numbers were down,
because when most people arelistening to a podcast, they're
commuting, which makes sense.
But then we added these, thisvisual thing, like we weren't
(10:42):
doing video. We did video forthe podcast, but we didn't do
video, essentially, right? Butnow you're doing video, and
that's a whole other aspect thatwasn't really happening. So
everything's sort of morphingand growing, which is amazing,
and I think for me, doing aseries was challenging during
(11:03):
the pandemic, one because weweren't physically in touch with
everybody, like, we weren't inperson at the time, so we were
trying to, like, I was trying tofigure out, How does one make
creative stuff during thepandemic like so let me write a
season. Let me write the nextepisode so that when we come out
(11:25):
of all of this, we're ready togo. And I did, and I wrote what
I thought were five. I don'tthink I had six. I think I had
five episodes ready to go, andthey weren't, I don't think they
were. I wanted to end theseries, essentially, is what I
(11:46):
wanted to do. And I don't thinkit told the ending that a way I
wanted to attend. So I was sortof like but it was good enough,
and I was ready to go once theworld reopened and then the
actor strike happened, and Ididn't know what that meant for
creatives, and I didn't knowwhat that meant, especially for
me. I still have a SAG aftercontract with the process of
(12:09):
doing this web series, but Ididn't know if I could, and I
didn't know if anyone would wantto work with it. So let me just
pause and see what happens,because we were still also using
covid protocol, and you neededto have testing and all of this.
And I thought, my little show,it just does not have the budget
for all of this, right? Let mepause, and as I pause, I still
(12:32):
sort of, you know, tinker withthese episodes and figure out
what can happen, and still,still taking all this time to,
like, really, sort of figure outwhat's going on, and then just
it was almost a year, I guess, alittle more than a year ago,
like last week, the woman thatplayed my mom passed away,
(12:54):
Jacqueline Zeman, who was onGeneral Hospital For 40 plus
years, and played my mom likebetter than my own mother. So
she was a phenomenal person inmy life, and having been a
season that included her, I thenhad to figure out what this new
(13:19):
version would look like, right?
And I think that that's the partwhere I needed to give myself
the most grace and most pause tolike figure out what's, what's
the show going to look like now.
And so I still figuring out Ithink I'm good. I actually
(13:44):
joined a writer's group to keepmyself accountable, to like,
who's gonna say accountability?
Yes, it's so oh my god. It's sohelpful. I'm so thankful for
this group, and we've onlyrecently been doing it. So it's
like, Oh, that's amazing, but Ifeel really good about the pause
(14:06):
that I took instead of trying torush into figuring out what this
looks like, how do I how do I doall of this without just making
it messy? Now, because given allof these outside circumstances
that have happened becausemisguided was here before
(14:26):
Jackie's Eman joined, and itwill be here, you know, now that
she's gone, but it will still beA part of everything.
Kristen Daukas (14:36):
And I think it takes maturity, and we were
talking about this a little bitin the beginning, to learn how I
know the answer. But again, it'sa maturity thing. Why do you
think it's so important for usas human beings, not just
creatives, but as human beings,to give ourselves. Race, and
(15:01):
before you answer, I'm gonna,like, kind of preempt that by
saying the like we were saying,how much has changed in the past
four years, right? Yeah, and wemove at such lightning speed and
the instantaneous gratification,it's not even instant
gratification. It'sinstantaneous, like right now,
(15:25):
and I think people struggle withif they don't get something
done, soup to nuts, A to Z insome arbitrary piece of time,
their failures. What is youradvice and how would you
encourage them? How would youteach someone teach, quote,
(15:46):
unquote, how to give themselvesgrace, how to speak to
themselves kindly.
Unknown (15:53):
Wow, I love that question only because I haven't
actually ever thought abouttelling someone else how to do
this. I think, I think taking abreath is so important. And
actually the first step in like,giving yourself grace is like,
(16:15):
because our lives were so like,like you said, we just want
everything so fast, soeverything is moving at
lightning speed. So if you takeone second to just breathe, it
sort of stops everything else,like it just forces you to
(16:37):
pause. And as soon as you takethat first pause, the next ones
are easy. I I don't want to saythey should be they should
become easier. I think is, ishow you should
Kristen Daukas (16:50):
Well, I think if you, if you allow yourself that
pause, or, as we say in thetheater world, the pregnant
pause, and everything doesn'tfall apart. I think people need
to I think you need to seefirsthand that if you just stop
and pause and pump the brakes,whatever phrase you want to use,
give yourself some andeverything doesn't fall apart.
(17:13):
And all that stuff that you wereso worried about is still there
tomorrow, I think you're right.
Then it becomes a little biteasier. So the next time you go,
I've seen this movie, and I knowhow it ends exactly.
Unknown (17:26):
I think that once you once you allow yourself to to
almost relax into the pause, itbecomes easy, like it just is
like, okay, and it almost givesyourself the sense that you're
clear headed, and that you canfigure out, like, what might be
the next step that you should bedoing? Okay, I'm gonna take this
(17:48):
pause, and I can see now, likethis step is next, and then
this, this will lead to this.
And it's it makes things alittle bit more manageable. And
I, and I know that, I know thatthat's what I did. Like, I I
mean death and is a whole otherissue, but like, giving yourself
that pause to grieve and like,have the moments of like, I'm
(18:11):
not gonna write today becauseI'm feeling this, but I know
that I will write, and I knowthat it will happen. It's not
happening now and it won'thappen at this moment.
Kristen Daukas (18:27):
Here's the thing, sometimes we need to just
step away from something thatwe're in, and you step away,
it's like, Why do you think someof your best ideas come when
you're in the shower or whileyou're driving, because you're
not distracted by all the thingsgoing on, the only thing that
you could really focus on is, amI lathered up enough? And is
(18:50):
that a hole coming into my lane?
Right? So those are when most ofus have our most brilliant, like
Aha Aha moments. Is when we'rein the shower, because you're
not, you're completely there'snone of the stuff around you. So
taking that pause, getting awayfrom what you're so bent on
doing that, and then you cancome back and you're refreshed.
Unknown (19:15):
Hear what actual AI generated voices are saying
about the Wheelers dog podcast.
It can be amusing. It's betterthan going to the dentist. The
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Listening to Eugene is betterthan looking at Eugene. Let's
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(19:35):
having your leg broken by a lonestar. If AI generated voices are
saying that about the Wheeler'sdog podcast. Shouldn't you be a
listener too?
Kristen Daukas (19:45):
This, I think, is a good opportunity for us to
segue into your other world. Andso Paul is a true this is us,
Manny. He's the Manny. So. Therewas a big change in your family
that you are a man so, soanother time that you had to
(20:07):
take a big call,
Unknown (20:10):
yeah, I I've been a manny. I 2016 I think I started.
I have two little boys, Oliverand Jasper. Oliver is eight, so
he was five months old when Istarted watching him, five
months of, like, Baby bliss,like, how did the smell? I got
(20:33):
so lucky. Everything about it,oh, just thinking about, like,
changing diapers. I'm like,Whoa. I was doing that, but I
did, and I like, love it. I loveI was living my dream of
domestic bliss, watching soapoperas and feeding a baby a
(20:53):
bottle and, like, foldinglaundry. That's literally all I
wanted in my life. And I wasliving it. I Yes. So doing that
for for day in and day out,multiple days a week,
Kristen Daukas (21:08):
I'm gonna call you Paul cleaver instead of
June. Yes, please,
Unknown (21:11):
please. I A nanny, a Manny, a nanny, whatever you
want to call it. I have grownemotionally attached to these
children. It's, it's differentthan any other job. I think,
like you, like a regular job,you could, sort of, if you don't
like it, you could just walkaway and like, not, this has
such a like, emotional hold onmy heart that, like, I've become
(21:33):
a part of this family. And sothrough, two years ago, I left
on a fry. I think it was workingTuesday the Friday at this
point, and I left on Friday, andwhen about my weekend, Sunday
night, I get a phone call fromthe mom that I work for, and she
was like, Can I call you? Can wetalk about Oliver? Of course,
(21:56):
call me. She calls. She's like,we're in the hospital. Oliver's
been drinking a lot of water.
He's been peeing a lot. He hasdiabetes, and it's like, I'm
sorry, what out of the blue? Outof the blue. And so I went into
work the next day, was watchingthe younger boy, Jasper, and
Oliver was in the hospital forthe day. He came home later that
(22:21):
night, and from that moment,life just sort of changed for
all of us, especially Oliver.
But like for all of it, like weall sort of had this moment of
like something is very differentnow, like our lives are all no
longer what they were lastFriday when I left. That's a
(22:43):
major diagnosis.
Kristen Daukas (22:44):
One of my best friends, you know, one of my
oldest and longest friends, wasdiagnosed with type one diabetes
when she was a freshman incollege. And same thing, same
signs, drinking a lot and peeinga lot, and you don't think
anything about it, because ifyou're peeing a lot because
you're drinking a lot. It
Unknown (23:01):
just you don't, yep, there's nothing about it. Yeah,
it's such an and I it's one ofthose things, like, I kick
myself because it's like, Ishould there were, there were
signs leaning up to it, and,like, you could have sort of
been piecing together. We didn'thave, like, a huge like, he
didn't, he wasn't in ketosiswhen it first happened, like,
(23:23):
when we first were diagnosed.
So, like, that was good. Hewasn't. He was his blood sugar
was high. It just wasn't, like,super high, but it was. It was
obviously a huge change. And Iam so thankful that the family
sent me to Children's Hospitalto, like, get fully, like,
educated on how to treat andmanage and have Oliver with the
(23:44):
best possible help and care thatI could give him. Well, of
Kristen Daukas (23:52):
course, because you're with him, you know all
the time, you need to know that.
One
Unknown (23:59):
of the first questions that so they, when you're at
Children's Hospital, and theyset you up with this education
class for in the endodepartment, they give you a
binder about how to treat andmanage and all of this. And the
very first question is, how, howare you feeling like, what are
your feelings on this? And I wasso happy to be in this situation
(24:22):
alone with the nurse, because itwas just a saw like I just
sobbed, like I cried so much,and I told her exactly why I was
crying, and I knew what it was,because so I told the nurse that
(24:44):
was helping me, I said, this isa grief like I feel not that
he's my child and that I hadthis whole life expected for
him, but
Kristen Daukas (24:53):
he is kind of your child, yeah, but you have
this, these ideas of what hislife will be. Be and now they're
not that. And I told her, I kindof equate it to like my parents
and like any, any parent ofsomeone that's gay, when they
come out to them, you're gay,it's, it's, I know, I know,
(25:15):
Shawn, this is my coming out,honored. Oh, sorry, no, no,
there goes Kristen again.
Somebody. Let her filter off.
I'm
Unknown (25:35):
sorry, but I think that, yes, I felt like it was
the same, similar situation,like, I know what this what,
what these tiers are like, I getit, let me have them. And then
we and then we moved on. Andthen, like, it was great to have
that moment to just, like, letit go, take that moment to give
yourself grace. Like, here's,here's the emotional like
(25:56):
component of this, and now wecan move on. And now, how many
carbs do I do? What do I Whatsays correction factor? Like all
of these things that I had noidea was it was in store for me
going down the road, wait, wait,
Kristen Daukas (26:09):
wait, wait, you just said something so
significant, I don't even thinkyou realize that you said it.
You just and it just when youlet your when you let yourself
have that pause, when you giveyourself the grace to have that
pause, then you can move on withyour life, or you can move on to
(26:30):
the next thing that you'resupposed to do. And if you don't
give yourself that you'reholding yourself back, and you
might be holding somebody elseback, that might be, you know,
involved in your life. And so bygiving yourself the opportunity
to have that grace, to have thatmourning, because that's what it
is, you're mourning somethingthat is no longer the same, then
(26:54):
you can rebuild. You can riselike the Phoenix, yes, yes, and
be better.
Unknown (27:02):
I was about, I was literally about to say, yes, you
can, like, create something evenbetter, because now you've taken
all that stuff that you've hadbefore, mushed it up into the
whatever this is, and thencreated something even, even
better. And I kind of it's likewhen the kids made something
with art, and they're like, ohmy god, I messed up on this
little piece. I said, Well, howcan you make that mistake into
(27:24):
something even better, intowhatever you're working on, in
that, in whatever picture youwere drawing, or whatever I was
like, how can you use thismistake, or this, this thing
that, like your pencil slipped,or something like, how can you
use that? Because I think thatthat's a tool that you know
we're not taught as much. Like,Oh, you made a mistake. Crumple
(27:45):
it up and throw it away. Like,let me start again. Use the
mistakes. Use the mistakes andlearn from them and use them,
because then I think that that'swhere you're able to, like, help
yourself with the grace that youcan have and like, give yourself
a full bucket.
Kristen Daukas (28:06):
It's like the old saying that, and I've got it
somewhere in the house, but it'sthe the cracks are, how this,
how the light gets in exactly,and that implies in so many, not
just our hearts, but our souls.
And in everything that we do,people don't they think the
cracks are bad, but that's howthe beauty gets in. That's how
(28:28):
the light gets in and makes itinto something that
metamorphoses into somethingthat is far greater than you
know, mistakes are justopportunities, right? Yes. And
so completely random, butsomething you said that reminded
me you, you and Oliver actuallyjust went to a like a gala,
(28:52):
didn't you? And it may, it maynot, have been just, but I know,
yeah, in the time warp. Tell meabout that. He looks so dapper.
He
Unknown (29:04):
is. He's my little man, like we so I love that his
family, like trusts me and lovesme enough to like do things with
him that we went to it was we'vedone a lot like I shortly after
his diagnosis, we had planned atrip to San Diego, and part of
(29:26):
that trip, I have a friend thatworks for tandem, and we got, he
got a private tour of how, like,an insulin pump got made that
day. So, like, he I try to,like, wow, I know, like, it was
really cool. He, like, he loves,like, the show, this, how, this,
how things are made, or how,how, yeah, I think, on Sci Fi or
(29:46):
something. So, like, he lovedit. But the gala that we went to
was at California Adventuregrand, the grand California
Adventure hotel, but it was forhis diabetes camp. And so this
was our second year. We went,and we make it a whole like
Disney weekend. So I pick him upfrom school early on Friday. We
(30:08):
drive down, just the two of us,and we do Disneyland. So I think
this year we did both parks.
Yeah, we did both parks. Westayed at the new Pixar hotel.
He is so he just loves to talkto people. So, like, we're
checking in. Like, I didn't knowwhere there was, like,
(30:30):
construction or something, so wewere checking in. It was, like,
almost a self check in for thehotel. But I was like, I don't
know where to go. Let's just go,like, talk to someone. Let's go
into the front Yeah, so he wentto the front desk, and he's
like, Hi, we're here to checkin. This is my Manny Paul. And I
was like, I just let him takethe take the reins. He knows
(30:52):
what. Let's just do it. Like,why do I need to say anything?
He the person on the front deskloved him so much they, like,
gave him a like Pixar backpackwith like activities in it. It
was, like, so cute. I was like,do I get one of these? Because I
want her Disney fan than thiskid I paid. Yeah. So we did a
whole Friday, Saturday, Disney,Disney weekend. The gala was
(31:19):
that night, and it was, I forgetthe guy that hosted. He's on one
of the Marvel I don't think itwas Supergirl, but he was
someone he he also has type onediabetes, but he's in like the
CW, Marvel Universe. I forgetwhat his name is, but I
Kristen Daukas (31:41):
would character name, Mm, yeah,
Unknown (31:46):
I'm not sure, but anyway, it was, it's such a
lovely experience and that I'mable to, like, now, I'm able to
take him places and, like, we goto Disneyland, and I can handle
his Diabetes and figure out,like, Okay, let's go get these
snacks. And, like, figure out, Ibring, I'm like, maybe a little
(32:07):
OCD, but I bring, like, a littlemini scale, because then we can
weigh, we can weigh, like, theslices of pineapple, and how
much pineapple is this? Andlike, what are the carbs? And
it's, I don't think
Kristen Daukas (32:21):
that's OCD. I think that's just being a very
caring person, right? And I meanthat ish is serious. I mean,
yeah, the last thing you want,especially because of all the
excitement and stuff like thatat a park. I mean, in general,
definitely. But I mean, like ata park is, that's the last place
you want that to happen?
Unknown (32:41):
Oh, absolutely I did learn, like, one of the biggest
lessons that I've learned thisis our second year going just
Oliver and I for Disneyland. AndI know this isn't for everybody,
and I know that, like, I'm in avery different situation,
because I'm not paying for thisDisney trip. It's his parents.
But I have learned, and this isgiving myself grace in that the
(33:05):
Disneyland experience that Iwould like to have is not going
to be the Disneyland experiencethat we are going to have, and
I'm going to allow him todictate what our day looks like.
Because if I try to force anysort of expectation on the day,
it's going to go south realfast. So like Oliver, what are
(33:28):
we going to do if we're going toride this three times in a row?
Fantastic. Let's do that, and itmakes it. It makes it for a day
that there are no breakdowns,like there was no, like, full on
meltdown. He just had, like, thebest day. And he said at one
point he just wanted to go backto the hotel and chill. And I
(33:50):
was like, perfect. Okay, let'sgo. Let's go do that. We've
done, we've done enough, like,for right now. Let's go back. It
worked out because we had tochange his CGM and as the XCOM.
So that was great. It's thelongest two hours of my life,
Kristen Daukas (34:07):
yeah. But in addition to giving yourself
grace, one of the biggest thingsthat you learned too, is that
the fastest way to bedisappointed is to have
expectations,
Unknown (34:16):
absolutely. I mean, pretty much with everything I
set the bar right, absolutely,like, it's hard to be
disappointed when the bars likeway down here, but
Kristen Daukas (34:25):
it's really hard to do that when you're you're
young, you are your younger youright? Because society tells us
these are the expectations,right? And then we as
individuals go, Okay, well, myexpectation is that I'm going to
it doesn't until later that yougo, that's some malarkey right
(34:46):
there. And you know, when youlet go of expectations, it's
just such a freeing thing, andthen you truly do enjoy all the
things that are around you. Sowe're about to wrap up, and I'm
going to throw something on youthat I've just. Decided, like,
while I was talking to you, thatI'm going to make an every guest
thing. I'm going to just ask areally weird, random question,
(35:07):
and I want you to answer it. Ithink for you, I'm going to say,
Do y'all have winter coats outthere in LA, LA land that I
can't
Unknown (35:18):
I was going to say, I do. I mean, it's not like a full
on winter, but it's just in caseI go traveling and like, I'm not
Kristen Daukas (35:26):
gonna ask you that question, because that's
that. That's a like, if you havea winter coat question. So So
you find yourself with anunexpected day off, nothing to
do, absolutely nothing to do,and you got some cash in your
bank account, right? What areyou doing? What are you doing
(35:47):
for the day? Wow, or it doesn'thave to be the whole day. It can
be just one thing. What? Almostlike, what's, what's your little
guilty pleasure that you wouldbe like, I'm out of here. Let's
go do this just one day, though.
Unknown (35:59):
That's all I need. One day unexpected off, I would
probably go to Disneyland andjust spend the day I haven't
done like, just me, though Iused to do Disneyland all the
time, I like, oh gosh, I had aan annual pass. It was lovely.
(36:21):
And I would go down at leastonce or twice a month. And I
think I haven't done that in along time, and I would
definitely do that like, I I'mone of those people that just
had, like, the favorite thingsthat I like to do when I'm
there. I like to go to theanimations building and, like,
(36:41):
just sit and get how amazing itis, and also the AC, but it's
like, it's truly, like, myfavorite building, I think ever,
like, it's so beautiful inside.
And the fact that, I don't knowif you knew this story, but it's
so like, John Stamos proposed tohis wife in there, in that
(37:01):
building. Oh, that's, like, thestory is, I just finished his
book recently, and, like, he hadit all closed down, and he went
in and it was just the two ofthem, and this whole, uh, if I
get proposed that way, when Yes,the yes is coming. Like, I don't
think I'm gonna get married,but, like, the yes would
(37:22):
definitely come anyway. ButDisneyland, I think, is the one
thing. Like, I if I had noplans, like, I just unexpected
day off, yeah, I'd hop down andgo to Disneyland.
Kristen Daukas (37:34):
I love it. I love it, all right. Well, thank
you, my friend, for our threePete, and what might be 2.5 so
that means we got to throwanother point five in there,
right? So okay, we can do that.
We could do that. I do hang onfor one more second. But in the
meantime, I'd like to say thanksto everyone who's listening or
watching. However you choose toconsume your media is a private
thing. Until next time. I hopeyour drinks are cold or your
(37:58):
coffee's hot, and whoever'sbothering you is not till next
time friends, as the sayinggoes, you don't have to go home,
but you can stay here. Andthat's a wrap for this week's
episode. A big thanks to myguests for sharing their story
and to you for listening. Don'tforget to share the show with
(38:19):
your friends and spread thewords and if you'd like to be a
guest on the show, the link isin the show notes till next time
cheers you.
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