July 25, 2025 • 32 mins
Dale Sutherland shares the story of Joy Tan-Chi Mendoza, who survived a violent home invasion and sexual assault when she was 15 years old. Joy is joined by her mother, Deonna Tan-chi, in this heart-wrenching yet inspiring conversation. They share how faith, forgiveness, and community support transformed their trauma into a testimony that has helped countless other survivors.
• Joy was assaulted by armed robbers who invaded her family home in the Philippines when she was 15
• Despite the trauma, Joy experienced supernatural peace amid the attack, reciting Psalm 23
• Joy and her friends collectively decided to forgive their attackers within days of the assault
• Going public with their story created space for other assault survivors to share their experiences
• Joy's mother faced her own spiritual crisis but chose to trust God would use even this trauma for good
• The family's approach to healing centered on seeing circumstances through the lens of who God is, not judging God by circumstances
• Joy describes healing as an ongoing journey, with complete restoration coming in heaven
• The family's testimony demonstrates how community support prevents isolation that compounds trauma
You can hear the full story in Joy Tan-Chi Mendoza’s book When a Good God Allows Rape, and you can find Joy on instagram as @joytmendoza.
If you're struggling with trauma or pain in your life, remember that real help is available, and healing is made possible through faith, forgiveness, and community. Greater is He that's in us than he that's in the world.
Let's connect!
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Website: theundercoverpastor.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Cops, criminals and Christ podcast,
where we will hear interestingstories and unique perspectives
about the work of cops, theworld of criminals and how faith
plays a role in the lives ofboth.
Dale Sutherland was anundercover cop and a pastor for
many years and will shareinteresting stories and
perspectives and interviewguests.
(00:22):
I'm your host, his daughterKristen Kru.
Come join us to learn moreabout these powerful forces and
how they shape the lives ofpeople just like you.
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So life seems like it's perfect growing up in your
house, I mean, it seems likeyou've got an ideal life, you've
got business, you've gotministry, you're close family,
and then something bad happened.
Something bad happened when youwere just a kid, you were a
teenager.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Yeah, so at that point in time I was no longer
homeschooled.
I was in a Christian schoolcalled Faith Academy.
It was actually I don't know ifyou've heard of it but it's a
school for missionary families,and so we transitioned from
homeschooling into that school.
So I was in my freshman year atthe time, and so the way our
family was at the time like momand dad would sometimes do Bible
(01:09):
studies outside of the home, sothat evening they were not home
.
It was a Friday night and wedidn't have cell phones back
then, so there was no way tocontact each other.
And I had asked my parents mom,is it okay if I go to gym night
with my friends?
And she was like why don't youjust invite your two?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
friends over and hang out in the house because we
won't be home.
Yeah, actually I said just stayhome.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
It's safer.
Oh, I, yeah, I don't evenremember that.
Yeah, so so then what happensis that friday night I was
waiting for my friends to comeover and eventually they did,
but around six o'clock in theevening robbers entered our home
.
Now, our home was was it'sgated?
It was gated.
We had all kinds of dogs and itwas unusual that they weren't
(01:58):
barking that much.
But what happened was one of mydad's was one of my dad's
cousins, like an uncle to uscame in to deliver rice, and the
guys must have been staking outthe home and they followed him
in.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
And Candy, our fourth child was the one who opened
the gate and she told the dogsto be quiet.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, so I'm finding out detailsas we speak.
It's a good thing you're here,so I didn't know that.
Oh, so I'm finding out detailsas we speak.
That's, it's a good thingyou're here.
So so I didn't know.
I was just talking to carolynthe other day because we we did
an interview together, butapparently my sister carolyn,
who's our youngest sister, theone who's pregnant with her,
with her six, she said the.
The men came in, they were allarmed and they took my siblings
(02:45):
who were there was my, mybrother, paul, canny and carolyn
, because peter, my oldest, myoldest brother, was away at a
basketball event which we weresupposed to go to the next day,
so took them tied them all up,hands and feet, on the marble
floor in our house and in theliving room area.
They were, they were tied upand of course, they were
terrified.
They were really the livingroom area.
They were, they were tied upand of course, they were
(03:05):
terrified.
They were really young at thetime they were instructed
carolyn said not to be.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Yeah, if you move, we'll kill you yeah, they were.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
So apparently this was a gang that had been going
around robbing houses in thearea.
So I didn't know, because I wasall the way in my parents
bedroom, which was down a longhallway and um, so I didn't hear
.
The only thing I heard was Iheard footsteps on the wood
floor of our house.
Because it wasn't common tohear rubber shoes squeaking, I
(03:36):
understood what it would soundlike to hear feet like.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
If my siblings were running around.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
But rubber shoes squeaking in and out of bedrooms
was a very unusual sound.
So that's what I heard and Iwas like, lord, there's
something wrong.
I don't know what it is, I'mjust going to peek.
But then I said a prayer.
I said, lord, but if there'ssomething happening, would you
just protect our family?
And when, sure enough, when Ilooked down the hallway, I saw a
(04:00):
man running down the hallway.
He was a mask on and he wasrunning towards me and so I
tried to close the door but Icouldn't bolt it.
It was a very old Nara door,very heavy, and the lock didn't
work anymore.
It misaligned even back then.
So I couldn't lock that door.
But I went into the bathroomdoor, which was just like a push
(04:21):
lock.
It was like one of those knobthings that you, you turn, and
then it had a lock on it and Iwas just waiting because I
didn't know what to expect and Iwas just praying.
I did lock the bathroom door,but the guy comes into the room
and he starts banging on thebathroom door and and he was
yelling and he had keys.
(04:42):
So how he got the keys, I don'tknow.
It's almost like they knewwhere to find things in our
house and the way that our housewas um situated was you could
see all around it because thereweren't houses around us, so you
could see it from the front,where the gate was.
From the sides you couldactually look into our home and
we weren't particular even.
(05:03):
I mean you, would you, if itwas nighttime, you would see
everything we were doing in thehouse practically.
So they must have, I'm not sure,but they probably, you know,
sure planned yeah, observed,observed our family, yeah, and
so the guy was able to come in.
He eventually found the rightkey and then he was yelling at
me for hiding and he had a gun,and so he was asking me where,
(05:28):
where's the money?
Um, and I mom, mom and dadnever really kept cash in the
house, but they used to have ajewelry business.
So the stocks I knew where thestocks were kept, and so what I
did was, since I knew that, Isaid, well, okay, here is you
the jewelry, you might beinterested in that.
And I just decided to becooperative.
Because he had a gun and Ididn't know where the rest of my
siblings were At the time.
(05:49):
I didn't know how many peoplehad entered the house.
So then he asked where are yourdad's guns?
Which was interesting, becausehow did he know that my dad had
guns?
My dad did have guns because hewas interested in guns.
He kept them in differentplaces in the house, so I showed
him what I knew.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Did you know where they were?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Some of them, because he had some secret compartments
right Like one in the closet,where there was a secret door.
I knew where those were, so Ishowed those and then after that
I thought he was going to shootme because I thought he was
just one guy that entered thehouse and he said okay, so I
can't remember exactly what hesaid, it was in tagalog and then
(06:27):
and then that's when heproceeded to to assault me at
gunpoint.
So I, just when it washappening, I was like what?
I was a virgin.
I never kissed anybody, neverhad a boyfriend.
I was 15 at the time and so,like some of the stuff that he
was doing to me, I didn't evenit was my first time to
experience all this, so it wasjust it was.
(06:50):
It was terrifying.
I was like this is.
This is a literal nightmare thatI'm experiencing yeah but you
know, interestingly, there was a, a peace that transcends
understanding.
That I knew came from the Lord,because I remember from that
first moment.
God reminded me, like I wasjust reciting Psalm 23 in my
(07:13):
mind, and God reminded me, youknow, joy, they can touch your
body, but they cannot touch yourspirit Because, no matter what
happens, I knew that if I wereto die that night I would be
with I would be with jesus, andI really owe that to my parents,
yes, yes, um, so what happenedwas from from that, from that
(07:36):
guy, I was passed around todifferent men, different rooms
in the house, because they werethey were looting and ransacking
the rest of the house.
And it was only after then thatI was like thinking what
happened to my friends?
Did they come?
it was a pretty large house andwhen I was brought out to the
living room area, um to the tothe foyer area, and I was tied
(07:59):
up there, I saw my friends bags.
They had been like it, likeit's like exploded on the floor
right at the entrance.
So apparently they had come inand they were also taken and
their stuff was everywhere.
So at some point the three ofus were tied up together.
I didn't know where my othersiblings were and we knew that.
I knew that stuff had alsohappened to them.
(08:20):
So we were kind of chattingabout it quietly, but eventually
, after everything was done,that's when we processed it.
But but so how that whathappened then is maybe two hours
later they were.
They were trying to wait for myparents.
They want I think they probablywanted more money, because they
weren't getting any cash really.
So what I what I did was I liedand I said, look, my parents are
(08:44):
out of town so they're notgoing to be home.
And then, at a certain point,somebody rang the doorbell of
our home and they were a littlebit like, what are we going to
do?
Because somebody needs to goanswer the door.
So I think because I had beencooperative, because I just knew
, since there were guns.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I am not going to fight them.
Yeah, there's nothing I can do.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
They had a knife also , right, yeah, they had all
kinds of stuff.
So then what I did was theysaid to me you go answer the
gate, which was shocking,because I think what happened
was because I was cooperative, Iwas showing them the things
that they wanted to find and Iwasn't being difficult.
I think they felt like, like,we'll send her out, so they sent
(09:35):
me out, and then it was theparents of one of my friends who
were just checking on us and Ijust looked at them, I opened
the gate and I looked at themand I just said there's robbers
in the house.
And then I closed it and I justsaid bye later, like to act out
that whole, that whole thing.
And then I ran back inside.
When I came in, the guys werelike you told them, didn't you?
which maybe they were trying tothreaten me and just find out if
(09:59):
I had and, and then they saidwell, we going to have to kill
you all now.
So they started cocking theirguns.
Oh my, and I just rememberpraying.
I know it was kind of a selfishprayer.
I was like Lord, if they reallyplan to kill us, can I go first
?
I don't want to see a massacre.
I knew there were a lot ofpeople in the house, so for some
(10:20):
reason they decide then it wastime to go, so they just decide
to leave, and they took my unclehostage to have him drop them
off somewhere, and then that'show they got out.
So I don't know all the detailsof that part, but what happened
(10:40):
then was maybe 30 minutes afterthey left, because we were just
in the quiet.
It was all dark.
None of us knew what to do.
We weren't sure that if we gotup and did something would they
come back.
Were they really gone?
We had no idea.
So then, like 30 minutes later,we saw people shining
flashlights into our house, andso we were like, oh my gosh,
they're back.
But it was neighbors, neighborsand friends.
(11:04):
So these neighbors and friendscame to rescue us.
So my friends and I were takento a different location because
they found out what happened tous yeah, I don't know it was.
It was a home in in riverside,it was somebody's house, it
wasn't a dorm.
We went to the dorm later onthat night to sleep.
Oh okay, yeah, that's where Iwas with you at that time.
(11:25):
So then we had to wait for myparents because they had no idea
what would happen.
We were taken there, and then Ithink that my siblings were
taken to A dorm, but not us, notthe three of us.
So then, when you came, whatdid you see?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
You were at the dorm already.
No, I wasn't.
I was at that house, you cameto see me at the house.
Well, Candy was there.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
But when you first entered the Our house, our,
house.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
What did you see?
Oh, it's like there had been atornado.
Everything was gutted, you know, and my husband, when we drove
up from the Bible study, therewere some police cars outside
and my husband said somethingterrible has happened.
And I'm not an alarmist so Ididn't think anything.
But when we got in, the wholehouse was gutted and we thought
it's okay.
Whatever they got is fine.
Just so our kids are okay.
But we thought maybe our kidswere killed, we didn't know.
(12:14):
But then we had missionariesliving downstairs and by god's
grace they didn't rape the wife.
And then the guy came up totell us that there had been a
robbery.
And then, um, he said yourdaughter was raped.
And I just burst into tears.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I didn't know, they knew that.
I just thought that they hadtold you something happened to
joy so they told me you wereraped that night how do you
manage, I mean as a mom?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
uh, you know, you're at a bible study.
For heaven's sakes, doing what,what, the Lord wants you to do
and something horrible happens,like this by the way, it was
seven men.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
you were raped by right yeah, so it was a carnage.
There was ten men.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
And then one friend was one and the other one, I
think it was three or four, yeah, and we had a helper that was
also raped.
I mean it was horrible.
I think they went ballistic.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
They got so comfortable they made the helper
cook for them.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Yeah, and there was like a bowl of brownie batter
that my sisters were working onand they had like licked that up
.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Did these guys go to prison, by the way?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Okay, you can share that so.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
I burst into tears because I thought I thought lord
, why hurt, why not?
Me yeah sure, and so on the waydown to um see her, I realized
satan is an opportunist.
So going through my brain wasthis thought why will I follow
god?
Why will I follow follow god?
(13:40):
He didn't protect our daughter.
What if I just turned away?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
yeah, you know, so this is thought on the other
side.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
I was thinking but if I turn away from god, where
will I go?
Because he's my life and he'smy love, he's everything.
So this, uh, this was going on,and I didn't know that was
going on in peter's brain also.
We weren't talking, actually,we were just riding silently in
the car.
But in the midst of this chaos,god spoke to me.
And he just said Deanna, willyou trust me that I will use
(14:08):
this rape for good?
I'll turn it into good.
And I was like what A rape.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You know, we know, god causes all things to work
for good.
Right, right right.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
He said, yes, Will you trust me?
And then I just said, by hisgrace.
I said, okay, I will trust youand like Joseph, Jacob, like
Jacob, I will hold you to yourpromise that you will keep your
word to cause it for good.
So somehow that calmed myspirit and my husband and I both
decided in the car before wesaw her that we were going to
(14:39):
trust God to cause it for good.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Now, in the car before, we saw her that we were
going to trust god to cause itfor good.
Now we have to face two sets ofparents.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Oh my, not only her, but the other girls.
They weren't with you in thesame house.
They were somewhere else?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
no, because what one of my friend's parents was based
in hong kong they weremissionaries in uh, macau, sorry
macau.
So they had to fly in the nextday.
The other one was there becausethey're the ones that came to
the door, so they were there.
So when you arrived at thehouse, I was even.
I was trying to process.
How am I gonna tell my?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
parents yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I didn't know that they knew because I didn't get
sure that he had told them and,in the meantime, with my, with
my two other friends, we werealso just trying to think
through.
This really happened and whatare we gonna do?
Are we gonna get pregnant?
What are we going to do?
Are we going to get pregnant?
What are we supposed to do?
And so, um, when you came tothe, to the house, I saw you.
I saw you first.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
No, candy wasn't there.
Yes, she was.
She came out and she asked meis my sister going to get
pregnant?
Speaker 3 (15:33):
oh, they were you you must have gone to the um, not
to that house, mom.
You must have gone to the dorm,first to check on them and then
to me.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Okay, maybe, yeah, I don't remember yeah, I know, and
so when you came to me, I wentout alone to then I saw you.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
We hugged yes you had your purse.
You were holding your purse andthen I saw you and dad standing
there at the entrance.
You had.
I didn't want you to come intothe house yet because I wanted
to go out and tell you Becauseit's.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
It's just too horrible.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Yeah, and you know, the thing about something like
this is you feel so much shame,just feel so dirty and so
ashamed, and I didn't know howto say the words to my parents
that it had happened and howwould I explain it to them.
And I know that they hadhappened and how would I explain
it to them.
And and I know that they hadprotected me all my life we
(16:25):
prayed every night for god'sprotection.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yes, of course, and so.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
so when I went out there to talk to them I just say
just say, you know, mom and dad, I was, I was raped and I think
you just hugged me right.
And then we went inside andthen we processed it with the
other family and my two friendsand then I can't even remember
whose house you were in thatpart was a blur.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Here's what I don't get.
If this would have happened, Iwould think you would never
mention it again, that it wouldbe too horrible to ever even
think about it.
But you've written a book aboutyour life, right?
Is that right?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
It to ever even think about it.
But you've written a book aboutyour life.
Right Is that right it took me20 years to write that book, and
this is why it's because whenthat happened to me, because of
the support systems in my life,first of all, I had those two
friends, so we journeyedtogether.
I didn't feel alone in thatsense.
But I had this really strongfamily anchored in the lord and
(17:23):
we processed everything from abiblical perspective yes we had
our church community, we had theschool community, so it was
like all these people rallyingalongside us praying for us just
kind of really showing us god'slove and presence during that
time.
So I think it made it easier.
But I think all of us in thefamily had to come to a point
like a crossroad where we had todecide are we still going to
(17:45):
choose to believe that God isgood?
to trust him and, of course, toforgive the man who did this and
to look forward and believethat he's going to cause
something so terrible to be usedfor something good, right.
And so, since that was thestarting point for our journey
(18:07):
towards healing, and then I feltlike when I wrote that book
Lord, this is your story in mylife, so how can I maximize it
to be?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
a blessing to others.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Because I knew that the statistics at the time was
like one in every five girl getssexually abused or raped.
So I'm like it's not like it'suncommon, but since it became
public, because our churchcommunity found out about it,
the school community found outabout it.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Actually, that night everyone purposed to forgive the
guys.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I mean, it was like the next day.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah, so together, collectively, the girls said
they would forgive the rapistsand the robbers because they
didn't know Jesus.
And so they forgave, so theydidn't carry the weight of
bitterness and you know,unforgiveness in all of us.
And then, because some in theschool knew about it, because
they were in the dorm, theydecided to go public to the
(19:01):
school.
I mean, in our family we don'thide stuff.
I mean you know if God allows,god does not cause it.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
They realize it's sin because yeah, those guys don't
know Jesus If.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
God allowed it, then God's made a promise to use it
for good.
So they had a missionary, readtheir statement and basically
said that you know, this is whathappened to them and their
virginity was taken away, butthey could be spiritual virgins
for the Lord, something likethat.
And then after that, after theymade the announcement, a lot of
women came.
People came forward to hug them, but other women came forward
(19:34):
and said could you hug?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
us Could you?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
hug me Because I was raped and I've told nobody, and
I think that and I told nobodyand I think that's the harder
part If something like thishappens and you keep it a secret
.
It's a secret you have to keepyour whole life.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
It's so heavy, and so that was the beginning of
healing and I remember therewould be adult women that I mean
.
We were young at the time butadult women that would come up
to us and say you know what?
This happened to me when I wasyounger.
I've never even told my husbandwow and and so so you realize
that there is so much brokennessin the world and people, when,
(20:06):
when you start sharing and beingvulnerable, it's like you heal
together, like you invite otherpeople into the journey, and
then they resonate with it, andthen you all process this
together, and so I think thatthat was one of the good things
that came out of it.
For sure, and because we sharedit, there was like people all
around the world praying for us,yeah, and so just the power of
community right to get throughsomething like that, and I
(20:28):
remember my parents too.
I think one of the good thingsthat they did which I didn't
like at the time, to be honest,was maybe the very next day.
So what happened was that nightMom stayed with me in the bed.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I slept with her.
Yeah, just hugging me.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Actually, we didn't talk much that night, I think.
I think Mom was just processingwhat happened and she just
hugged me that whole night.
And the next day I went to thedoctor.
We went to the doctor, and thenI think we were talking about
it as a family and I think it'samazing, right, we went to the
doctor and then I think we weretalking about it as a family and
, um, I think uh, it's amazingshe wasn't, I mean you weren't.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
You didn't have any major.
I was in shock.
I was in total shock.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
I think the shock what else was you know, for it
was just I was still thinkingthis.
I used to read those readersdigest stories and I felt like
this is one of those stories,like it doesn't even seem real.
But I was processing it and Ihad like all these things where
if people like slam the door orif I heard certain noises, I was
(21:33):
always on edge.
I would imagine and I didn't.
I was so scared to be alone andI had a fear of men, for a while
but you know God helped meprocess that and it was all part
of the healing.
So if you you know when I hearthe story.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
As a matter of fact, I heard the story years ago when
I first met your father, backwhen I was at the church there,
and I thought I have daughterstoo and I just thought I mean,
even as I listen to you here,I'm glad you've forgiven them,
because I haven't.
I'd like to kill them.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
So that's the way, as a policeman, my dad wanted to
kill them.
Yeah, I mean as a policeman, asI listen.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
As a policeman I say you know, these guys were
particularly evil, as homeinvasions go money, I understand
all that, but this kind ofassault was just horrific.
So I would just say that'swhere I'm a spirit.
But spiritually, to hear whatthe Lord has done in your lives
and he's turned it into a way tohelp, actually, other women
that have gone through this kindof pain and torture, it's very
(22:31):
encouraging to hear what theSpirit of God does.
Because you know how we say it'slike when you testify at a
trial all you're doing istestifying to things you saw and
heard.
And that's all of our story iswe're just testifying to what
God has done through theseevents, whatever events it may
be, how you know, would you say,looking back, you know, to
(22:51):
today, how has God restored you?
Where's your life today?
How has God redeemed this foryou and changed your life?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
You know, I think that growing up it was sheltered
, in the sense that I didn'treally see a lot of the
brokenness that people I mean Ididn't live the brokenness that
most people do.
Right, we had a great family,and so I think that my idea of
goodness was very humanistic.
So what happened was when Irealized, lord, I can forgive
(23:25):
these people because you haveforgiven me, and actually they
are sinful, but I am sinful too.
You know like I had to frame it.
I had to realize and recognizethat god died for those guys.
He also died for me.
Therefore, who am I to say thatI'm better?
You know what I mean.
(23:45):
Like, when we compare ourselveshorizontally, we think, well, I
would never do something likethat, you know.
But it's when we see ourselvesvertically that we begin to
understand, lord, I too am afallen person and apart from you
, I, my destiny, is the same.
So it's only by your grace thatI've experienced your
forgiveness and I've experiencedyour grace.
(24:06):
Therefore, with thisforgiveness and grace that I've
experienced, who am I not tobend that outwards and forgive
the guys who did this to me,because who don't know you, and
so it's like I can't explain it,but there was like in my heart
all of a sudden.
It was like a pity for themthat I realized people do these
things because they don't havegod, and that's why we need
(24:27):
jesus, and so my desire was that, lord, I pray they come to know
you so that they will change,because no amount of reform well
, yeah, no, no, nothing humancan change.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
It's really the Lord this is the gospel at work.
Hearing what the gospel livedout in your heart, it's just
supernatural hundreds andhundreds of victims of crime,
and I've never heard anybodytalk about it the way you just
talked about it, and it is, uhevidence that the spirit of god
(25:02):
has done supernatural things.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
It's just grace, it wasn't even me, I mean I think
that, you know, I think thebenefit we had was we grew up in
a home where we where we lovedjesus, and my parents taught us
the word of god, so we had thatfoundation yes and I had a good
family, so I knew that god wasreal right.
But when I went through that,it's like God reminded me of all
(25:24):
his truth.
And you know, joy, I preparedyou for this moment because of
your background, your foundation, and it was all by his grace,
really, and honestly, me as aperson, I wouldn't have chosen
the right thing to do.
It was really god's grace andand then I began to think my
situation in some ways is easierbecause I didn't know these
(25:47):
guys.
You know a lot of the women Icounsel.
It's like an uncle, it's arelative, it's a close friend.
Yes, that they have tocontinually see, see again, yeah
and again yeah, and that isdifferent, right, because I
could choose to forgive theseguys, but then I didn't have to
live with them or see them, andso I felt like that was also
(26:09):
grace in my life, that I didn'tknow these people, and my heart
really went out to those womenwho they were in situations
where they couldn't even telltheir mother because they told
their mother.
Their mother said, no, that'snot true.
That can't possibly be true orbe quiet, so that's like a
double betrayal right.
So imagine living with that kindof pain.
So I think it was justreframing.
(26:31):
Lord, what are the good thingsthat can be seen in this
situation?
Your goodness, despite howterrible it was.
The goodness of your grace inmy life and just how you have
saved me.
You have forgiven me.
And secondly, your truth, thegoodness of your truth that
anchored us that God issovereign.
He knew it was happening, heallowed it and so he must have
(26:55):
something planned for this.
And then just the goodness andbeauty of community and healing
alongside others and family.
You know all those blessingsthat I just felt.
Like, lord, I am so fortunate.
So if you want to do somethingwith this story in my life, I'm
willing because I believe thatyou allowed it's to be a
(27:18):
blessing to others.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
so you know the when I prayed, god showed me that,
that actually I believe that wehave his force field around us.
You know we're protected by thepower of god.
God does protect us, but heshowed me that for a moment in
time he opened his hand and thenhe gave me the verse in john 10
10.
He says the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy.
(27:43):
But jesus said I've come togive life and I've come to give
it abundantly.
And so we chose not to not tojudge god based on the
circumstances, but to judge thecircumstances on who god is.
And we believed him andactually we didn't go through
depression.
I did cry, but she didn't livewith depression, I think.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I definitely wrestled with.
You know, when you're violatedlike that, there's a loss that
you have.
Yeah, the loss.
I think I really grieved theloss because I didn't know how
to process it.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
And that's what I cried about too, because you
know, her innocence was stolenfrom her, yeah, so it's like
when I Maybe I originally sawthe world with rose-colored
glasses and then all of a suddenit's like no, this world is a
really evil place and I had tothat put.
That part of the healing Ithink was realizing they're also
(28:38):
good people in this world,because god has redeemed
people's lives, but not kind ofyeah, lump everybody, everybody,
yeah, because you you.
You struggle with, with trustissues, right like you're you're
, you're not sure of people'smotives.
I don't know why it's like allthis whole, all of these
distortions that I had towrestle through, but I've told,
I've told people, you know it'slike all of these distortions
(28:58):
that I had to wrestle through,but I've told people, you know,
healing is a journey and ourdestination is ultimately in
Christ.
But you make decisions that arealigned with God's word Forgive
, choose to trust God, choose tosee your perspective from the
lenses of faith that God can usethis for good.
And then God puts you on thathealing journey and there's a
(29:18):
lot of things that you wrestlewith as you grow in your life
and your walk with the Lord.
But then you see every step ofthe way how God brings more and
more healing and then ultimately, we'll be healed in heaven.
Completely right.
But I remember that there was acertain point when, as a mom
now having kids, I was like alittle bit wacko when it came to
(29:39):
.
I'd always ask my, my kids hey,okay, so make sure that nobody
touches you in these ways.
And I would, I would always beasking them did anyone touch you
inappropriately?
You can always tell.
Mommy and daddy, I think, waslike okay, I think you're a
little over, make your point, Ithink, and and because I was
always concerned that somethingmight happen to them, yes, sure,
I remember during one fastingweek as a church and I was like
(30:03):
Lord, I'm not having abreakthrough.
And God specifically said to mehave you ever entrusted, have
you ever surrendered your kidsto me?
Because you live with this fearthat something?
Speaker 2 (30:13):
bad is going to happen to them.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Because in my mind I was thinking, lord, what if
something like this happens tothem?
Of course you know.
And then he said, joy, have Inot given you the grace to go
through something like this?
I gave you the grace.
Do you not understand that Iwould give the same grace to
your children if anything wereto happen to them?
And that was the first time Ireally just cried before the
Lord and I surrendered and Isaid okay, lord, you know, I
(30:35):
know my children are not my own.
I'm going to choose tosurrender them to you.
And it was a different kind oflike.
There was a different releaseand relief.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, when that happened, well, let me say this
this is the grace of God inaction, this is the gospel and
mercy, both supernaturally, butalso in your lives.
It's incredible to meet you andand to think of this, and think
of our wonderful Savior.
One day soon, though, we'regonna be in heaven and all
(31:04):
that's gonna be restored, and hewill be able to see a world
that is healed from all thiswickedness and all this pain.
So can I pray for you guys?
Pray God's blessing, lord boy.
You've already done so manymiracles here.
Lord Jesus, people talk abouthealing a leg that is hurt or a
(31:24):
bad heart.
Those are amazing, jesus, whenyou do this, but to heal joy
like this is just beyond belief.
We are amazed at your wonderand your mercy and the power you
have.
I pray, lord Jesus, that you'dpour out your mercy on her, pour
out your mercy on this ministry, and that you might use her to
(31:44):
encourage others.
We pray for others that aresuffering as a result of
horrible circumstance in theirlife.
That they might turn to you,lord Jesus, and find at your
feet the mercy and the gracethat Joy found.
Guide us, lord Jesus, and findat your feet the mercy and the
grace that Joy found.
Guide us, lord Jesus, together,how we can be better at loving
you and trusting you, in spiteof this kind of horrific pain
(32:06):
that the enemy wants to cause.
So we look to you, lord Jesus.
Greater is he that's in us thanhe that's in the world.
We thank you for that, inJesus' name, amen.
Welcome to the Cops, criminals and Christ podcast,
where we will hear interestingstories and unique perspectives
about the work of cops, theworld of criminals and how faith
plays a role in the lives ofboth.
Dale Sutherland was anundercover cop and a pastor for
many years and will shareinteresting stories and
perspectives and interviewguests.
(00:22):
I'm your host, his daughterKristen Kru.
Come join us to learn moreabout these powerful forces and
how they shape the lives ofpeople just like you.
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So life seems like it's perfect growing up in your
house, I mean, it seems likeyou've got an ideal life, you've
got business, you've gotministry, you're close family,
and then something bad happened.
Something bad happened when youwere just a kid, you were a
teenager.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Yeah, so at that point in time I was no longer
homeschooled.
I was in a Christian schoolcalled Faith Academy.
It was actually I don't know ifyou've heard of it but it's a
school for missionary families,and so we transitioned from
homeschooling into that school.
So I was in my freshman year atthe time, and so the way our
family was at the time like momand dad would sometimes do Bible
(01:09):
studies outside of the home, sothat evening they were not home
.
It was a Friday night and wedidn't have cell phones back
then, so there was no way tocontact each other.
And I had asked my parents mom,is it okay if I go to gym night
with my friends?
And she was like why don't youjust invite your two?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
friends over and hang out in the house because we
won't be home.
Yeah, actually I said just stayhome.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
It's safer.
Oh, I, yeah, I don't evenremember that.
Yeah, so so then what happensis that friday night I was
waiting for my friends to comeover and eventually they did,
but around six o'clock in theevening robbers entered our home
.
Now, our home was was it'sgated?
It was gated.
We had all kinds of dogs and itwas unusual that they weren't
(01:58):
barking that much.
But what happened was one of mydad's was one of my dad's
cousins, like an uncle to uscame in to deliver rice, and the
guys must have been staking outthe home and they followed him
in.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
And Candy, our fourth child was the one who opened
the gate and she told the dogsto be quiet.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, so I'm finding out detailsas we speak.
It's a good thing you're here,so I didn't know that.
Oh, so I'm finding out detailsas we speak.
That's, it's a good thingyou're here.
So so I didn't know.
I was just talking to carolynthe other day because we we did
an interview together, butapparently my sister carolyn,
who's our youngest sister, theone who's pregnant with her,
with her six, she said the.
The men came in, they were allarmed and they took my siblings
(02:45):
who were there was my, mybrother, paul, canny and carolyn
, because peter, my oldest, myoldest brother, was away at a
basketball event which we weresupposed to go to the next day,
so took them tied them all up,hands and feet, on the marble
floor in our house and in theliving room area.
They were, they were tied upand of course, they were
terrified.
They were really the livingroom area.
They were, they were tied upand of course, they were
(03:05):
terrified.
They were really young at thetime they were instructed
carolyn said not to be.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Yeah, if you move, we'll kill you yeah, they were.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
So apparently this was a gang that had been going
around robbing houses in thearea.
So I didn't know, because I wasall the way in my parents
bedroom, which was down a longhallway and um, so I didn't hear
.
The only thing I heard was Iheard footsteps on the wood
floor of our house.
Because it wasn't common tohear rubber shoes squeaking, I
(03:36):
understood what it would soundlike to hear feet like.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
If my siblings were running around.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
But rubber shoes squeaking in and out of bedrooms
was a very unusual sound.
So that's what I heard and Iwas like, lord, there's
something wrong.
I don't know what it is, I'mjust going to peek.
But then I said a prayer.
I said, lord, but if there'ssomething happening, would you
just protect our family?
And when, sure enough, when Ilooked down the hallway, I saw a
(04:00):
man running down the hallway.
He was a mask on and he wasrunning towards me and so I
tried to close the door but Icouldn't bolt it.
It was a very old Nara door,very heavy, and the lock didn't
work anymore.
It misaligned even back then.
So I couldn't lock that door.
But I went into the bathroomdoor, which was just like a push
(04:21):
lock.
It was like one of those knobthings that you, you turn, and
then it had a lock on it and Iwas just waiting because I
didn't know what to expect and Iwas just praying.
I did lock the bathroom door,but the guy comes into the room
and he starts banging on thebathroom door and and he was
yelling and he had keys.
(04:42):
So how he got the keys, I don'tknow.
It's almost like they knewwhere to find things in our
house and the way that our housewas um situated was you could
see all around it because thereweren't houses around us, so you
could see it from the front,where the gate was.
From the sides you couldactually look into our home and
we weren't particular even.
(05:03):
I mean you, would you, if itwas nighttime, you would see
everything we were doing in thehouse practically.
So they must have, I'm not sure,but they probably, you know,
sure planned yeah, observed,observed our family, yeah, and
so the guy was able to come in.
He eventually found the rightkey and then he was yelling at
me for hiding and he had a gun,and so he was asking me where,
(05:28):
where's the money?
Um, and I mom, mom and dadnever really kept cash in the
house, but they used to have ajewelry business.
So the stocks I knew where thestocks were kept, and so what I
did was, since I knew that, Isaid, well, okay, here is you
the jewelry, you might beinterested in that.
And I just decided to becooperative.
Because he had a gun and Ididn't know where the rest of my
siblings were At the time.
(05:49):
I didn't know how many peoplehad entered the house.
So then he asked where are yourdad's guns?
Which was interesting, becausehow did he know that my dad had
guns?
My dad did have guns because hewas interested in guns.
He kept them in differentplaces in the house, so I showed
him what I knew.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Did you know where they were?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Some of them, because he had some secret compartments
right Like one in the closet,where there was a secret door.
I knew where those were, so Ishowed those and then after that
I thought he was going to shootme because I thought he was
just one guy that entered thehouse and he said okay, so I
can't remember exactly what hesaid, it was in tagalog and then
(06:27):
and then that's when heproceeded to to assault me at
gunpoint.
So I, just when it washappening, I was like what?
I was a virgin.
I never kissed anybody, neverhad a boyfriend.
I was 15 at the time and so,like some of the stuff that he
was doing to me, I didn't evenit was my first time to
experience all this, so it wasjust it was.
(06:50):
It was terrifying.
I was like this is.
This is a literal nightmare thatI'm experiencing yeah but you
know, interestingly, there was a, a peace that transcends
understanding.
That I knew came from the Lord,because I remember from that
first moment.
God reminded me, like I wasjust reciting Psalm 23 in my
(07:13):
mind, and God reminded me, youknow, joy, they can touch your
body, but they cannot touch yourspirit Because, no matter what
happens, I knew that if I wereto die that night I would be
with I would be with jesus, andI really owe that to my parents,
yes, yes, um, so what happenedwas from from that, from that
(07:36):
guy, I was passed around todifferent men, different rooms
in the house, because they werethey were looting and ransacking
the rest of the house.
And it was only after then thatI was like thinking what
happened to my friends?
Did they come?
it was a pretty large house andwhen I was brought out to the
living room area, um to the tothe foyer area, and I was tied
(07:59):
up there, I saw my friends bags.
They had been like it, likeit's like exploded on the floor
right at the entrance.
So apparently they had come inand they were also taken and
their stuff was everywhere.
So at some point the three ofus were tied up together.
I didn't know where my othersiblings were and we knew that.
I knew that stuff had alsohappened to them.
(08:20):
So we were kind of chattingabout it quietly, but eventually
, after everything was done,that's when we processed it.
But but so how that whathappened then is maybe two hours
later they were.
They were trying to wait for myparents.
They want I think they probablywanted more money, because they
weren't getting any cash really.
So what I what I did was I liedand I said, look, my parents are
(08:44):
out of town so they're notgoing to be home.
And then, at a certain point,somebody rang the doorbell of
our home and they were a littlebit like, what are we going to
do?
Because somebody needs to goanswer the door.
So I think because I had beencooperative, because I just knew
, since there were guns.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I am not going to fight them.
Yeah, there's nothing I can do.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
They had a knife also , right, yeah, they had all
kinds of stuff.
So then what I did was theysaid to me you go answer the
gate, which was shocking,because I think what happened
was because I was cooperative, Iwas showing them the things
that they wanted to find and Iwasn't being difficult.
I think they felt like, like,we'll send her out, so they sent
(09:35):
me out, and then it was theparents of one of my friends who
were just checking on us and Ijust looked at them, I opened
the gate and I looked at themand I just said there's robbers
in the house.
And then I closed it and I justsaid bye later, like to act out
that whole, that whole thing.
And then I ran back inside.
When I came in, the guys werelike you told them, didn't you?
which maybe they were trying tothreaten me and just find out if
(09:59):
I had and, and then they saidwell, we going to have to kill
you all now.
So they started cocking theirguns.
Oh my, and I just rememberpraying.
I know it was kind of a selfishprayer.
I was like Lord, if they reallyplan to kill us, can I go first
?
I don't want to see a massacre.
I knew there were a lot ofpeople in the house, so for some
(10:20):
reason they decide then it wastime to go, so they just decide
to leave, and they took my unclehostage to have him drop them
off somewhere, and then that'show they got out.
So I don't know all the detailsof that part, but what happened
(10:40):
then was maybe 30 minutes afterthey left, because we were just
in the quiet.
It was all dark.
None of us knew what to do.
We weren't sure that if we gotup and did something would they
come back.
Were they really gone?
We had no idea.
So then, like 30 minutes later,we saw people shining
flashlights into our house, andso we were like, oh my gosh,
they're back.
But it was neighbors, neighborsand friends.
(11:04):
So these neighbors and friendscame to rescue us.
So my friends and I were takento a different location because
they found out what happened tous yeah, I don't know it was.
It was a home in in riverside,it was somebody's house, it
wasn't a dorm.
We went to the dorm later onthat night to sleep.
Oh okay, yeah, that's where Iwas with you at that time.
(11:25):
So then we had to wait for myparents because they had no idea
what would happen.
We were taken there, and then Ithink that my siblings were
taken to A dorm, but not us, notthe three of us.
So then, when you came, whatdid you see?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
You were at the dorm already.
No, I wasn't.
I was at that house, you cameto see me at the house.
Well, Candy was there.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
But when you first entered the Our house, our,
house.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
What did you see?
Oh, it's like there had been atornado.
Everything was gutted, you know, and my husband, when we drove
up from the Bible study, therewere some police cars outside
and my husband said somethingterrible has happened.
And I'm not an alarmist so Ididn't think anything.
But when we got in, the wholehouse was gutted and we thought
it's okay.
Whatever they got is fine.
Just so our kids are okay.
But we thought maybe our kidswere killed, we didn't know.
(12:14):
But then we had missionariesliving downstairs and by god's
grace they didn't rape the wife.
And then the guy came up totell us that there had been a
robbery.
And then, um, he said yourdaughter was raped.
And I just burst into tears.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I didn't know, they knew that.
I just thought that they hadtold you something happened to
joy so they told me you wereraped that night how do you
manage, I mean as a mom?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
uh, you know, you're at a bible study.
For heaven's sakes, doing what,what, the Lord wants you to do
and something horrible happens,like this by the way, it was
seven men.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
you were raped by right yeah, so it was a carnage.
There was ten men.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
And then one friend was one and the other one, I
think it was three or four, yeah, and we had a helper that was
also raped.
I mean it was horrible.
I think they went ballistic.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
They got so comfortable they made the helper
cook for them.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Yeah, and there was like a bowl of brownie batter
that my sisters were working onand they had like licked that up
.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Did these guys go to prison, by the way?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Okay, you can share that so.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
I burst into tears because I thought I thought lord
, why hurt, why not?
Me yeah sure, and so on the waydown to um see her, I realized
satan is an opportunist.
So going through my brain wasthis thought why will I follow
god?
Why will I follow follow god?
(13:40):
He didn't protect our daughter.
What if I just turned away?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
yeah, you know, so this is thought on the other
side.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
I was thinking but if I turn away from god, where
will I go?
Because he's my life and he'smy love, he's everything.
So this, uh, this was going on,and I didn't know that was
going on in peter's brain also.
We weren't talking, actually,we were just riding silently in
the car.
But in the midst of this chaos,god spoke to me.
And he just said Deanna, willyou trust me that I will use
(14:08):
this rape for good?
I'll turn it into good.
And I was like what A rape.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You know, we know, god causes all things to work
for good.
Right, right right.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
He said, yes, Will you trust me?
And then I just said, by hisgrace.
I said, okay, I will trust youand like Joseph, Jacob, like
Jacob, I will hold you to yourpromise that you will keep your
word to cause it for good.
So somehow that calmed myspirit and my husband and I both
decided in the car before wesaw her that we were going to
(14:39):
trust God to cause it for good.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Now, in the car before, we saw her that we were
going to trust god to cause itfor good.
Now we have to face two sets ofparents.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Oh my, not only her, but the other girls.
They weren't with you in thesame house.
They were somewhere else?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
no, because what one of my friend's parents was based
in hong kong they weremissionaries in uh, macau, sorry
macau.
So they had to fly in the nextday.
The other one was there becausethey're the ones that came to
the door, so they were there.
So when you arrived at thehouse, I was even.
I was trying to process.
How am I gonna tell my?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
parents yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I didn't know that they knew because I didn't get
sure that he had told them and,in the meantime, with my, with
my two other friends, we werealso just trying to think
through.
This really happened and whatare we gonna do?
Are we gonna get pregnant?
What are we going to do?
Are we going to get pregnant?
What are we supposed to do?
And so, um, when you came tothe, to the house, I saw you.
I saw you first.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
No, candy wasn't there.
Yes, she was.
She came out and she asked meis my sister going to get
pregnant?
Speaker 3 (15:33):
oh, they were you you must have gone to the um, not
to that house, mom.
You must have gone to the dorm,first to check on them and then
to me.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Okay, maybe, yeah, I don't remember yeah, I know, and
so when you came to me, I wentout alone to then I saw you.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
We hugged yes you had your purse.
You were holding your purse andthen I saw you and dad standing
there at the entrance.
You had.
I didn't want you to come intothe house yet because I wanted
to go out and tell you Becauseit's.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
It's just too horrible.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Yeah, and you know, the thing about something like
this is you feel so much shame,just feel so dirty and so
ashamed, and I didn't know howto say the words to my parents
that it had happened and howwould I explain it to them.
And I know that they hadhappened and how would I explain
it to them.
And and I know that they hadprotected me all my life we
(16:25):
prayed every night for god'sprotection.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yes, of course, and so.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
so when I went out there to talk to them I just say
just say, you know, mom and dad, I was, I was raped and I think
you just hugged me right.
And then we went inside andthen we processed it with the
other family and my two friendsand then I can't even remember
whose house you were in thatpart was a blur.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Here's what I don't get.
If this would have happened, Iwould think you would never
mention it again, that it wouldbe too horrible to ever even
think about it.
But you've written a book aboutyour life, right?
Is that right?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
It to ever even think about it.
But you've written a book aboutyour life.
Right Is that right it took me20 years to write that book, and
this is why it's because whenthat happened to me, because of
the support systems in my life,first of all, I had those two
friends, so we journeyedtogether.
I didn't feel alone in thatsense.
But I had this really strongfamily anchored in the lord and
(17:23):
we processed everything from abiblical perspective yes we had
our church community, we had theschool community, so it was
like all these people rallyingalongside us praying for us just
kind of really showing us god'slove and presence during that
time.
So I think it made it easier.
But I think all of us in thefamily had to come to a point
like a crossroad where we had todecide are we still going to
(17:45):
choose to believe that God isgood?
to trust him and, of course, toforgive the man who did this and
to look forward and believethat he's going to cause
something so terrible to be usedfor something good, right.
And so, since that was thestarting point for our journey
(18:07):
towards healing, and then I feltlike when I wrote that book
Lord, this is your story in mylife, so how can I maximize it
to be?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
a blessing to others.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Because I knew that the statistics at the time was
like one in every five girl getssexually abused or raped.
So I'm like it's not like it'suncommon, but since it became
public, because our churchcommunity found out about it,
the school community found outabout it.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Actually, that night everyone purposed to forgive the
guys.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I mean, it was like the next day.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah, so together, collectively, the girls said
they would forgive the rapistsand the robbers because they
didn't know Jesus.
And so they forgave, so theydidn't carry the weight of
bitterness and you know,unforgiveness in all of us.
And then, because some in theschool knew about it, because
they were in the dorm, theydecided to go public to the
(19:01):
school.
I mean, in our family we don'thide stuff.
I mean you know if God allows,god does not cause it.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
They realize it's sin because yeah, those guys don't
know Jesus If.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
God allowed it, then God's made a promise to use it
for good.
So they had a missionary, readtheir statement and basically
said that you know, this is whathappened to them and their
virginity was taken away, butthey could be spiritual virgins
for the Lord, something likethat.
And then after that, after theymade the announcement, a lot of
women came.
People came forward to hug them, but other women came forward
(19:34):
and said could you hug?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
us Could you?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
hug me Because I was raped and I've told nobody, and
I think that and I told nobodyand I think that's the harder
part If something like thishappens and you keep it a secret
.
It's a secret you have to keepyour whole life.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
It's so heavy, and so that was the beginning of
healing and I remember therewould be adult women that I mean
.
We were young at the time butadult women that would come up
to us and say you know what?
This happened to me when I wasyounger.
I've never even told my husbandwow and and so so you realize
that there is so much brokennessin the world and people, when,
(20:06):
when you start sharing and beingvulnerable, it's like you heal
together, like you invite otherpeople into the journey, and
then they resonate with it, andthen you all process this
together, and so I think thatthat was one of the good things
that came out of it.
For sure, and because we sharedit, there was like people all
around the world praying for us,yeah, and so just the power of
community right to get throughsomething like that, and I
(20:28):
remember my parents too.
I think one of the good thingsthat they did which I didn't
like at the time, to be honest,was maybe the very next day.
So what happened was that nightMom stayed with me in the bed.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I slept with her.
Yeah, just hugging me.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Actually, we didn't talk much that night, I think.
I think Mom was just processingwhat happened and she just
hugged me that whole night.
And the next day I went to thedoctor.
We went to the doctor, and thenI think we were talking about
it as a family and I think it'samazing, right, we went to the
doctor and then I think we weretalking about it as a family and
, um, I think uh, it's amazingshe wasn't, I mean you weren't.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
You didn't have any major.
I was in shock.
I was in total shock.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
I think the shock what else was you know, for it
was just I was still thinkingthis.
I used to read those readersdigest stories and I felt like
this is one of those stories,like it doesn't even seem real.
But I was processing it and Ihad like all these things where
if people like slam the door orif I heard certain noises, I was
(21:33):
always on edge.
I would imagine and I didn't.
I was so scared to be alone andI had a fear of men, for a while
but you know God helped meprocess that and it was all part
of the healing.
So if you you know when I hearthe story.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
As a matter of fact, I heard the story years ago when
I first met your father, backwhen I was at the church there,
and I thought I have daughterstoo and I just thought I mean,
even as I listen to you here,I'm glad you've forgiven them,
because I haven't.
I'd like to kill them.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
So that's the way, as a policeman, my dad wanted to
kill them.
Yeah, I mean as a policeman, asI listen.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
As a policeman I say you know, these guys were
particularly evil, as homeinvasions go money, I understand
all that, but this kind ofassault was just horrific.
So I would just say that'swhere I'm a spirit.
But spiritually, to hear whatthe Lord has done in your lives
and he's turned it into a way tohelp, actually, other women
that have gone through this kindof pain and torture, it's very
(22:31):
encouraging to hear what theSpirit of God does.
Because you know how we say it'slike when you testify at a
trial all you're doing istestifying to things you saw and
heard.
And that's all of our story iswe're just testifying to what
God has done through theseevents, whatever events it may
be, how you know, would you say,looking back, you know, to
(22:51):
today, how has God restored you?
Where's your life today?
How has God redeemed this foryou and changed your life?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
You know, I think that growing up it was sheltered
, in the sense that I didn'treally see a lot of the
brokenness that people I mean Ididn't live the brokenness that
most people do.
Right, we had a great family,and so I think that my idea of
goodness was very humanistic.
So what happened was when Irealized, lord, I can forgive
(23:25):
these people because you haveforgiven me, and actually they
are sinful, but I am sinful too.
You know like I had to frame it.
I had to realize and recognizethat god died for those guys.
He also died for me.
Therefore, who am I to say thatI'm better?
You know what I mean.
(23:45):
Like, when we compare ourselveshorizontally, we think, well, I
would never do something likethat, you know.
But it's when we see ourselvesvertically that we begin to
understand, lord, I too am afallen person and apart from you
, I, my destiny, is the same.
So it's only by your grace thatI've experienced your
forgiveness and I've experiencedyour grace.
(24:06):
Therefore, with thisforgiveness and grace that I've
experienced, who am I not tobend that outwards and forgive
the guys who did this to me,because who don't know you, and
so it's like I can't explain it,but there was like in my heart
all of a sudden.
It was like a pity for themthat I realized people do these
things because they don't havegod, and that's why we need
(24:27):
jesus, and so my desire was that, lord, I pray they come to know
you so that they will change,because no amount of reform well
, yeah, no, no, nothing humancan change.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
It's really the Lord this is the gospel at work.
Hearing what the gospel livedout in your heart, it's just
supernatural hundreds andhundreds of victims of crime,
and I've never heard anybodytalk about it the way you just
talked about it, and it is, uhevidence that the spirit of god
(25:02):
has done supernatural things.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
It's just grace, it wasn't even me, I mean I think
that, you know, I think thebenefit we had was we grew up in
a home where we where we lovedjesus, and my parents taught us
the word of god, so we had thatfoundation yes and I had a good
family, so I knew that god wasreal right.
But when I went through that,it's like God reminded me of all
(25:24):
his truth.
And you know, joy, I preparedyou for this moment because of
your background, your foundation, and it was all by his grace,
really, and honestly, me as aperson, I wouldn't have chosen
the right thing to do.
It was really god's grace andand then I began to think my
situation in some ways is easierbecause I didn't know these
(25:47):
guys.
You know a lot of the women Icounsel.
It's like an uncle, it's arelative, it's a close friend.
Yes, that they have tocontinually see, see again, yeah
and again yeah, and that isdifferent, right, because I
could choose to forgive theseguys, but then I didn't have to
live with them or see them, andso I felt like that was also
(26:09):
grace in my life, that I didn'tknow these people, and my heart
really went out to those womenwho they were in situations
where they couldn't even telltheir mother because they told
their mother.
Their mother said, no, that'snot true.
That can't possibly be true orbe quiet, so that's like a
double betrayal right.
So imagine living with that kindof pain.
So I think it was justreframing.
(26:31):
Lord, what are the good thingsthat can be seen in this
situation?
Your goodness, despite howterrible it was.
The goodness of your grace inmy life and just how you have
saved me.
You have forgiven me.
And secondly, your truth, thegoodness of your truth that
anchored us that God issovereign.
He knew it was happening, heallowed it and so he must have
(26:55):
something planned for this.
And then just the goodness andbeauty of community and healing
alongside others and family.
You know all those blessingsthat I just felt.
Like, lord, I am so fortunate.
So if you want to do somethingwith this story in my life, I'm
willing because I believe thatyou allowed it's to be a
(27:18):
blessing to others.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
so you know the when I prayed, god showed me that,
that actually I believe that wehave his force field around us.
You know we're protected by thepower of god.
God does protect us, but heshowed me that for a moment in
time he opened his hand and thenhe gave me the verse in john 10
10.
He says the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy.
(27:43):
But jesus said I've come togive life and I've come to give
it abundantly.
And so we chose not to not tojudge god based on the
circumstances, but to judge thecircumstances on who god is.
And we believed him andactually we didn't go through
depression.
I did cry, but she didn't livewith depression, I think.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
I definitely wrestled with.
You know, when you're violatedlike that, there's a loss that
you have.
Yeah, the loss.
I think I really grieved theloss because I didn't know how
to process it.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
And that's what I cried about too, because you
know, her innocence was stolenfrom her, yeah, so it's like
when I Maybe I originally sawthe world with rose-colored
glasses and then all of a suddenit's like no, this world is a
really evil place and I had tothat put.
That part of the healing Ithink was realizing they're also
(28:38):
good people in this world,because god has redeemed
people's lives, but not kind ofyeah, lump everybody, everybody,
yeah, because you you.
You struggle with, with trustissues, right like you're you're
, you're not sure of people'smotives.
I don't know why it's like allthis whole, all of these
distortions that I had towrestle through, but I've told,
I've told people, you know it'slike all of these distortions
(28:58):
that I had to wrestle through,but I've told people, you know,
healing is a journey and ourdestination is ultimately in
Christ.
But you make decisions that arealigned with God's word Forgive
, choose to trust God, choose tosee your perspective from the
lenses of faith that God can usethis for good.
And then God puts you on thathealing journey and there's a
(29:18):
lot of things that you wrestlewith as you grow in your life
and your walk with the Lord.
But then you see every step ofthe way how God brings more and
more healing and then ultimately, we'll be healed in heaven.
Completely right.
But I remember that there was acertain point when, as a mom
now having kids, I was like alittle bit wacko when it came to
(29:39):
.
I'd always ask my, my kids hey,okay, so make sure that nobody
touches you in these ways.
And I would, I would always beasking them did anyone touch you
inappropriately?
You can always tell.
Mommy and daddy, I think, waslike okay, I think you're a
little over, make your point, Ithink, and and because I was
always concerned that somethingmight happen to them, yes, sure,
I remember during one fastingweek as a church and I was like
(30:03):
Lord, I'm not having abreakthrough.
And God specifically said to mehave you ever entrusted, have
you ever surrendered your kidsto me?
Because you live with this fearthat something?
Speaker 2 (30:13):
bad is going to happen to them.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Because in my mind I was thinking, lord, what if
something like this happens tothem?
Of course you know.
And then he said, joy, have Inot given you the grace to go
through something like this?
I gave you the grace.
Do you not understand that Iwould give the same grace to
your children if anything wereto happen to them?
And that was the first time Ireally just cried before the
Lord and I surrendered and Isaid okay, lord, you know, I
(30:35):
know my children are not my own.
I'm going to choose tosurrender them to you.
And it was a different kind oflike.
There was a different releaseand relief.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, when that happened, well, let me say this
this is the grace of God inaction, this is the gospel and
mercy, both supernaturally, butalso in your lives.
It's incredible to meet you andand to think of this, and think
of our wonderful Savior.
One day soon, though, we'regonna be in heaven and all
(31:04):
that's gonna be restored, and hewill be able to see a world
that is healed from all thiswickedness and all this pain.
So can I pray for you guys?
Pray God's blessing, lord boy.
You've already done so manymiracles here.
Lord Jesus, people talk abouthealing a leg that is hurt or a
(31:24):
bad heart.
Those are amazing, jesus, whenyou do this, but to heal joy
like this is just beyond belief.
We are amazed at your wonderand your mercy and the power you
have.
I pray, lord Jesus, that you'dpour out your mercy on her, pour
out your mercy on this ministry, and that you might use her to
(31:44):
encourage others.
We pray for others that aresuffering as a result of
horrible circumstance in theirlife.
That they might turn to you,lord Jesus, and find at your
feet the mercy and the gracethat Joy found.
Guide us, lord Jesus, and findat your feet the mercy and the
grace that Joy found.
Guide us, lord Jesus, together,how we can be better at loving
you and trusting you, in spiteof this kind of horrific pain
(32:06):
that the enemy wants to cause.
So we look to you, lord Jesus.
Greater is he that's in us thanhe that's in the world.
We thank you for that, inJesus' name, amen.
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