March 28, 2024 • 27 mins
This week we welcome Brittany Lakose, Tammie’s sister-in-law and dear friend. During this episode she opened up about her bariatric surgery journey, the raw truths. This episode is a deep dive into her experiences, unearthing the profound mental and emotional transformations that accompany such an impactful physical change. Brittany's story illuminates the oft-ignored significance of mental health and support networks through the trials of bariatric surgery. She candidly addresses the challenges she faced post-surgery, from fluctuating friendships to discovering her own self-worth, offering an intimate look at how life can pivot on the axis of personal health decisions.
This episode underscores the importance of mental well-being, particularly when life throws us curveballs. Navigating the waters of a major surgery is one thing, but she also figures out the journey of pregnancy following that major surgery. We talk about the increase in fertility that can follow weight loss surgery, a crucial discussion for those considering the procedure, and the importance of transparent communication with healthcare providers to safeguard the health of both mother and child.
Brittany's resilience radiates through her story, reminding us of all of the power of self-drive and the courage to face adversity. Her determination to live authentically, to embrace second chances, and to not be defined by past missteps is nothing short of inspiring. As one of your hosts, Tammie finds herself offering a heartfelt apology for past misunderstandings while celebrating Brittany's strength. This conversation is an open invitation to anyone grappling with similar hurdles, to engage with us on social media, share your own stories, and find hope in Brittany's incredible journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Core Bariatrics Podcast hosted by
Bariatric Surgeon Dr MariaIliakova and TMA LaCose,
bariatric Coordinator and apatient herself.
Our goal is building andelevating our community.
The Core Bariatric Podcast doesnot offer medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
On this podcast, we aim toshare stories, support and
(00:22):
insight into the world beyondthe clinic.
Let's get into it All thefamilies on the podcast.
Today, our guest is mysister-in-law, who has had
Bariatric Surgery.
I'm going to go back to callingyou my best friend again one of
them.
At the end.
I kind of want to touch base onwhere I think we went wrong.
(00:45):
But anyways, this is BrittanyLaCose and yeah, thanks for
being with us.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yay, welcome.
Yes, thanks for having me.
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yes, yes, let's just dive in.
And how do you think yourexperience was with your
Bariatric Program?
Do you think you were supportedenough?
Was it you learned all thethings?
You needed to learn things?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yeah, I feel like my program was actually fulfilling
as far as setting me up forsuccess.
I was the person that was verymotivated to be able to make
this successful, knowing that itwas a lifelong thing, that our
commitment, that I was doing.
That was something I took itvery seriously.
I like what the surgeon said isexactly what I did, minus one
(01:28):
little thing, but we'll get tothat later in the podcast.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
We'll get to that later.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So I really I enjoyed the pre-part of it.
I enjoyed just the knowledgethat the surgeon and the staff
had to give to you as far as thedo's and the don'ts, and this
works good for one person andnot the next.
So I really just I justabsorbed all of the information.
But I also really went on thedeep end as far as self-taught
(01:56):
knowledge kind of stuff as well.
So I think my process went Iwould not have changed it for
the world and I think it wentbetter than most.
To be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
So let's say your program wasn't ideal and you
needed all the resources becauseyou're a, we're a lot alike and
did all the research.
Do you feel like you would havehad enough content out there to
support the good, the bad, theugly, all the things like
touching base with what canhappen after a surgery, with
mental health, withrelationships, because you've
(02:25):
gone through a divorce and Iknow you're very open about all
of that?
So do you feel like there'senough content out there to help
the good, the bad, the ugly?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Honestly, no, I don't think that there is, and I say
that because there's a lot oflike stuff for pre-surgery but
there's not enough about mentalhealth.
There's because it is such amind game pre-during and post-op
it's such a mind game, but inaddition to that, it's
relationships, it's connections,it's your job, workplace.
There's so much that it tiesinto and it's affected that I
(02:58):
don't think that there is enoughresources.
Because, in addition to whatyou eat, you want to have a
community of what you eat, butand that is a big source of it
but also you have to have yourmental state prepared and you
also have to have, like yourkids.
It affects your children.
There's just so much to it.
So I don't think that there is,because you can search out like
bariatric recipes and all ofthem are pre-workout.
(03:22):
If you go to Pinterest, they'reall pre-surgery, prepping until
you get to surgery, but it'snothing.
For I'm five years out.
There's no real good resourcesto what I should be eating now.
So I think that there's a lotof things that there could be
more resources.
If you are not searching for itor no search for it, then
(03:42):
you're totally lost.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
And so, since you're touching base on mental health
and I really do not want to missthis aspect is completely off
topic, but I wanted to touchbase on it so you had surgery
much earlier than I did.
We were best friends, bestfriends, we did all the things
together, did all the nailstogether, like literally talked
every day.
You had surgery.
(04:05):
I, very much so, was supportiveduring pre-op.
I even took you to, I think,your one week appointment, while
you're eating out of the oneounce cup saying I'm struggling
and I'm sitting here like whatis this?
But then you started losing theweight, becoming more confident
, becoming more self, or youfelt yourself worth and I
(04:27):
brought this up recently to youbecause now I'm experiencing
what you've dealt with is youstarted feeling the changes in
people around you includingmyself, including myself Like we
were so close anyways, and Iopenly told you that I thought
your posts on Facebook saying ifyou don't support me, if you
(04:50):
don't, I don't need you, and Ithought I'm like wow, that is
like toxic positivity, like what.
And so I we very much and Ieven I even did say this to you
and me had a conversation.
Just, it wasn't a greatconversation, right.
It was very much so me notbeing so nice, right, and but
(05:10):
now I recently reached out toyou and I told you like I
apologize, because now I amfeeling what I made you feel of
you're not, it's not a fakepositivity, it is a.
I genuinely feel good.
I genuinely know now I don'thave to put up with anybody's
crap.
I deserve more than what somepeople are giving me.
(05:33):
Yeah, I even just wanted to saybring that up that I was one of
those people that made anotherperson feel that way and karma
came a bit me in the butt.
No, for a good reason though,but I wanted to make awareness
of that that it could look likeyou're being fake positivity to
(05:54):
other people around you, butgenuinely, you just can't even
express your happiness enough,and you cannot express your,
it's so true, I don't need yourcrap enough, like you're just
yeah, so I just wanted to.
While you were touching base onthat, though, I do want to know
how did that?
I know how it makes me feel nowbecause I'm dealing with that,
(06:15):
but how did that make you feel,especially because we were so
close, so close.
I lost, yeah, yeah, how didthat make you, how did I make
you feel, literally other people.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I'm glad you did that because, yeah and I'm glad
you're bringing it up becauseyou're not the only connection
that I lost oh, absolutely.
You're one person pre-surgeryand you're a whole new person
post-op and I always wonderedwhat it looked like to other
people, like outside, in right,because I'm living my life and
you're like differentperspectives.
But at the end of the day, Ifelt like I was given a whole
(06:50):
new life, a second chance atlife, and I truly, genuinely I
had to take this seriously formy children's future, absolutely
so for me to lose connections,it wasn't anything.
It bothered me.
I can't say that it didn't.
It did bother me.
I also had to keep movingforward.
So I didn't have a minute tosit down and think about oh,
(07:13):
poor me this relationship orwhatever.
I really had to keep moving.
And it was a thought,especially, like you said, we
did everything.
We talked every day.
It was something that yourconnection or relationship was
the one that hurt the most oflosing because we were so close.
And I didn't have a sister Meneither.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, yeah.
You even said you were one ofmy bridesmaids at my wedding and
you were the one that had tomake the speech because my maid
of honor wasn't doing it.
And you said to Brett myhusband so this is his twin
sister not just twin sister.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
They share the same womb.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
But you said to Brett .
You said I'm sorry, I know thisis your wife, but you're
sharing her, Sorry.
Oh, yes, I'm going to pull thatvideo up for Maria.
Super cute.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So I think and this gets us into our topic today
Didn't you tell me that I wasthe first person you told that
you were pregnant, or maybe Iwas so nervous to tell anybody
and you were the only person Icould tell for for some time
because the stigma or like nothaving the judgment put on to me
because I already had wentthrough so much judgment of
(08:27):
having the surgery to begin with.
I didn't want to be criticizedand put down any more than I
already was.
There's a stigma on it.
So, yeah, you were definitely.
I told you and kept it to you,and that's it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah, yeah, two and a half months post up Is a staple
, even healed by them.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
We're healed, but that's rough.
Yeah, first of all because Idon't know you that well.
Was that something that?
How did it happen?
Was it intentional?
Was it not intentional?
Did you know it could happenthat way?
I'm really curious about it.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, I'll preface everything by saying when you
are fertile myrtle after surgery, you are fertile myrtle.
It took one time, and one timeonly.
Wow, here we are, literally onetime only.
So to give a little backstoryof myself and why I'm really
passionate about getting yourmental health and just having
your mental health post up justas much as pre up is.
(09:24):
I was in a marriage that wasrocky to begin with.
When I decided to have thissurgery, it was something that I
was criticized and ridiculedbecause I was going to better
myself.
So I do that right.
So I pushed on.
I still moved through because Iknew what I needed to do, not
(09:44):
what I wanted to do, and so Idid it and I separated, like two
weeks before my surgery dateand my husband my ex husband at
the time or at the now.
He still took me to my surgery,but it was the most awkward and
weirdest thing ever because youhave to have somebody and I
(10:05):
live an hour away from theclosest family member, so I had
to.
He was my only option.
He still took me to my surgeryand then we were we still stayed
separated.
I moved back to my hometown andI did my post-op down there.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
So I had to take her to another.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Wow yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, so all of this happened at the same time and so
I lived down there and I don't.
It was like such a fog.
I don't remember too much, butone of the days, for whatever
reason, I didn't want to drivehome I think it was in the
winter time.
In the drive, the travel anhour, one way I just didn't want
it with because I had kids,boys, and so I asked him no
history boys.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So quick telling him to have more for girls.
No, you don't need anymore.
I don't need you, mom, there.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
You guys are all fertile murals now, and all boys
yes.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Love it.
Yes, boy mom, yeah.
So I asked him to see at hishouse and it's late at night.
I had the conversation one timeand then I knew instantly, I
knew I was so pissed I went tobed so bad, because I knew I
said I even had to sign a paperto the surgeon saying I would
(11:14):
not get pregnant within thefirst 12 months.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I bet you did, I bet you did.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I bet you did.
I mean my custom.
I was so mad.
So yes, and so fast forward.
Here we are.
I was two months post-op andI'm divorced and happily in a
relationship, and it's a totallydifferent night and day pre and
post surgery.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
So Wow, wow, okay, tell me, okay, I'm going to dive
into a few things.
At the time, were you on, wereyou using any conceptive?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
I was not because I thought I was going through a
separation.
I was fine, I wouldn't need it.
And here we are.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, because that's anunpredictable thing.
Absolutely, that makes sense.
And then how did you feel whenit happened, talking to your
healthcare providers about it?
Did that feel difficult to do?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
It was something that burdened me for several weeks.
I the online portal.
I could not call and make theappointment I had to send my
surgeon.
My surgeon and I had a reallygood connection or relationship,
so I sent her a message and Isaid I am sorry.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Now and I apologize, oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
And then I told her and so yeah, so she called me
right away and we made theappointment and yeah, everything
was fine.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
These things happen and I do want to congratulate
you for actually contacting yoursurgeon and letting her know,
because there are so many peopleout there that are afraid of
what their surgeon or what theirhealthcare team or whatever
will think or do.
But guess what?
1000 times out of 1000, we wantpeople to come in and be seen
and communicate and tell uswhat's going on.
100% of the time.
(13:02):
I promise you Good for you.
So what did you do?
Speaker 2 (13:07):
I didn't find.
You know, like I yeah, I wasjust going to say that I didn't
find, or I found that it wasthey were very much more helpful
than I ever would have imagined.
Like you said, they will helpyou.
But it was something where Iknow I signed that paper.
I signed on the dotted linesaying I wouldn't.
So just that fear of what wouldhappen.
But at the end of the day, theyare here for our health, they
(13:28):
are here for our reason, and sothey really got me on the right
path as far as setting me up forsuccess on it.
Definitely reach out because,yeah, it was a lot more scary
sounding than it really was.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
And so what did you struggle with?
Since you were so far out andit's so new, you were still
probably trying to figure outhow to get your fluids in and
how to get all your nutrition in, so did you struggle with all
that?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yes, I did.
It was such a struggle becauseyou're still tapering into what
you can actually eat.
And so then now, once I gotpregnant, then I had to change
it up to what I was trying to do.
Traditional post-op was to whatI needed to do.
And then did it really haveproblems with eating per se?
It was.
(14:13):
I was still so fresh out ofsurgery I couldn't eat enough,
so, like I had to, what we endedup doing was doing five meals,
so I just made smaller mealsspread out through the day and
that helped.
So as soon as I changed, ormade that change, it was totally
different and it became a loteasier for me to be able to do
what was asked of doing that andhe's a healthy, crazy little
(14:38):
man.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Oh my gosh, it's crazy how much time flies.
So how did that change?
Because for our program it'sone week, one month, three
months, six months, a yearfollow-up.
So how did those follow-upschange for you, and were there
any extra testing you neededJust to make sure you and baby
were getting both what youneeded yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yeah, yeah.
So I actually ended up gettingreferred to a specialty OB
doctor to be able to monitor mejust because I was so fresh out
of surgery.
I went to I don't, yeah.
So I went to a major OB officethat did housewife or midwives
as well as regular OB, and so itwas a very hop in center, if
you will, and I was the one thatactually was the quickest after
(15:23):
surgery.
They had someone that was fivemonths post-op, but not two and
a half months, so they ended upbuilding a special panel to be
able to come together from allover the US to be able to
monitor my results.
I actually had a lot of extraappointments, wow, but I'm very
thankful for that, yeah, andit's helpful for them and they
(15:45):
just go ahead.
Oh no, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
They mean an error, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Oh yeah, no, they just they collaborated together
and this I got extra ultrasoundsand I was excited about that.
What mom doesn't like that?
But it was fun to go to allthese extra ones, even though it
was very time consuming andenergy exhausting because you're
trying to focus on your foodand anything else.
But it just fit in well and itwas fun to have the extra ones
(16:11):
overall.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
In some ways you're making it sound so good.
I'm afraid that other peoplemight go this route just to get
the extra ultrasounds and theextra eyes on them and stuff.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, but I do.
I know, please don't.
Yeah, maybe not so good, but Iknow your surgeon personally who
did your surgery and reallyrespect her a lot and it sounds
this surgeon really went aboveand beyond to make sure that you
(16:34):
were getting really great careand good coordination in that
and that really seems like itmade a huge difference in your
health and your baby's healthand sort of the overall process,
which otherwise could have beenchaotic and difficult.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Fair assessment yes 100%, I would agree.
Yeah, having the medicalsupport staff in the weight loss
surgery as well as my OB, andthey both collaborated together
in addition to the panel, so Ireally had a lot of support
post-op in the situation that Iwas put into.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
So, yes, Two and a half months post op.
That is just the beginning ofweight loss.
So obviously I know that kindof probably sucked in your brain
because you're like I just hadsurgery, this big surgery, to
get loose weight, and now I'mprobably getting gained weight.
But A were you mentally able tohandle the fact that you just
(17:29):
did all of this work to havesurgery to lose weight and now
you're gaining it?
You're supposed to gain it orat least stay stable, and do you
think it did affect youroverall outcome?
I think you've been prettysuccessful, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
So I was so nervous.
As you're pregnant, you havepregnancy gain right, and so
that was my biggest concern withall of the doctors that I
always addressed with them isthat I just don't want an
abnormal amount of weight gainbecause I didn't want to mess up
what I just went through andwhat I've been doing so far, and
(18:07):
that was my concern, obviouslyin addition to the baby safety.
But the surgeons and the OBdoctors took very seriously that
they wanted to be sure theymonitored as well.
So I do feel that even though Idid two and a half months
post-op get pregnant, I stillwas very successful because I
still took it seriously.
Even if I was pregnant or not,I still took it very seriously.
(18:29):
I still listened to what I wastold to do and I did it, just
making sure that I had the levelhead on my shoulder, I guess of
is this safe for me or the baby?
Our safety has to be put atfirst.
Weight loss is put second, butjust making sure that we were
safe overall like my biggestgoal.
So I do feel it was successful.
I do I have, I guess.
(18:50):
I'll tell you my stats.
My highest was 270.
I got down, so I always say mylowest was 190, but that's a
baby and baby weight.
So I, looking at pictures towhen I was pregnant, I
definitely feel like I got downlower than that, like closer to
the 170, but I've leveled out ataround 200, 1,200, about where
(19:13):
I plateaued for several years.
I am five years post-op Now.
I'm very happy still to thisday, even having gone through
the pregnancy and and your othertwo pregnancies.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I believe you were larger, right, I think you've
always struggled with yourweight, obviously.
So even though you were a highpregnancy, if I'm not mistaken,
I feel like you enjoyed thispregnancy more because you had
some nice photos done, I believe.
So do you actually think thatpregnancy was easier, just
(19:47):
honestly, on your body, youmight have been at the doctor
more than you were at home, butdo you feel like it was easier
at all, or really no difference?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
No night and day difference.
Honestly, I gained my all of myweight with my first pregnancy
and I could not get it off.
My average weight previouslywas around the 190 range, and so
that's where I gained the 100pounds, I feel, with my first
one and just never got it off.
And so I was just miserableinternally, like mentally, as
well as physically, because Ihave all the weight.
(20:18):
So I don't know if I was ableto really fully enjoy my
pregnancies and my children whenthey were little.
I definitely have a betterconnection with this child and
that's just naturally because Ican get down and play on the
floor with him and I'm not tootired or out of breath, or I can
go out and play or ride bikeswith all of the kids, not just
(20:40):
him, but like I am 100% enjoyingpregnancy I loved because I can
feel the kicks better versusbeing surrounded by fat and it
absorbs it kind of thing.
Yeah, I definitely had ahealthier pregnancy.
I had three pushes and thischild was out, versus hours of
labor with the other two.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
So, cohen, your neck move your pain in the butt, 92
hours of brutal, brutal.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, she had as many hours as you have Shut up.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
So do you recommend?
And if you say the wrong thingI'll edit it out.
But no, do you recommend?
Would you have done anythingdifferently?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I would have not gotten pregnant so close to
surgery.
I made it happen, but noteverybody is as mentally am
bunkish and prepared and just ago-getter as I am.
I'm fully understand and fullyaware of that.
But Even for me it was astruggle.
(21:52):
It's like in why self-inducethat?
Why not take care of yourself?
Because you're doing it for areason.
You're doing it to take care ofyourself for your own results,
so why would you not take itseriously?
You can have it anytime.
I promise It'll be there.
The baby will be there in ayear.
Just ride it out, take care ofyourself, get yourself prepped
and ready and then 100%.
(22:15):
Then you can go for it.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Actually, I do have a question.
Were there things that werehelpful to you in making it a
successful pregnancy?
What kind of things did you useas your supports and go-tos
during that time?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, so I found on Facebook it was a bariatric
pregnancy and I'm sorry, I don'tknow exactly what the, but I
found it and I just spent hoursin like these chat forums as
what I explain it.
What explain it to you is Ijust spent hours in there just
(22:51):
reading different people'ssituations, because even from
Tammy and I, our wholeexperience is so different.
We have another sister-in-lawthat had the surgery and her
situation was totally different.
So just really learning, okay,this, what could be the
possibility, or this is whatcould be the outcome, or just
really educating, so then I'mnot blindsided, or I know, oh,
(23:11):
this worked really well for oneperson, so that was like my
go-to, I guess, of beingsuccessful with Are you?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
struggling with anything now, like when it comes
to your exercise, your foodintake, your Mental health.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Mental health Anything.
Yeah, your babies yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Look, these lakosas are not for the week.
So many boys in this lakosasfamily.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
This is wild.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
This is true.
So I do see a therapist.
Now, is it because I'mstruggling?
No, I am a big advocate ofmental health.
I do.
My middle son is diagnosed withautism and ADHD, so mental
health is something that isalready just naturally.
I'm very pro mental health, Iguess just because of the life
(24:01):
or situation that I've beengiven, so that is something I do
.
But I also do talk to her aboutthe weight gain and how I'm
scared to gain it back or eatingand so on.
So I do crave sugar.
I've always said that my choiceof drug is not going to do
Always.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
You gotta have something I understand.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
No, there's just not.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Now I think now, looking back, I obviously know
Uli and obviously great kidobviously, but do you think you
could have handled him and hissituation and advocated as well
as you have for him having thepatients and all of that, and
honestly, you have to fight forthe services he got?
(24:45):
Would you have been able to dothat without surgery, honestly?
Speaker 2 (24:51):
No, there's no way I would have been able to.
He is so exhausting.
Something as little as puttingyour shoes on is just a fight
for everything.
So there's no way, mentally orphysically, that I would have.
Emotionally, there's no way Iwould have had the capacity to
with him.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
There's no way yeah I do have anything.
There's so much to her.
There's so much to this.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
We probably need to schedule a second visit with you
, because it sounds like youwent through not only bariatric
surgery, not only bypass, notonly sleep, not only asleep, but
also pregnancy within two and ahalf months, and then also huge
changes in your relationshipdivorce, things like that.
Having a kid withneurodivergence that's a lot in
(25:37):
and of itself.
That's not even touching onmore than the 30 minutes we've
been chatting, but just yourresilience, your grit, your
ability to trust yourself and tostick with things.
You are a remarkable humanbeing.
She's my twin.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, thank you.
You seem to be happy to getalong so well.
Just, we had a hiccup because,yeah, yeah, because yeah.
Life has heard so much.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
No, but as you said, though, it's just like you have
to have the self drive and will,and you have to not let things
or people bother you, so youreally just have to say true to
yourself, and you really do haveto do what fuels you, because
you do have a second chance oflife, and it's either you're on
board with me or you're not.
Just where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
And I feel that so much now.
So much now.
I will forever apologize forthe way I made you feel, but I
think you are very resilient,you are very.
Yeah, thank you so much forsharing your story.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, you, yes, you are an amazing person and yes,
we will have you on again, forsure and sharing with people.
There's a way to do it, even ifit's really hard and it's
really crazy.
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
So, for everybody listening, don't forget to
follow us, to go over toInstagram and look at
Corbariatrix if you have aquestion, concern, want to talk
about anything or anything likethat.
So thank you, miss Brittany.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
See you later, bye, bye, see you, bye.
Welcome to Core Bariatrics Podcast hosted by
Bariatric Surgeon Dr MariaIliakova and TMA LaCose,
bariatric Coordinator and apatient herself.
Our goal is building andelevating our community.
The Core Bariatric Podcast doesnot offer medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
On this podcast, we aim toshare stories, support and
(00:22):
insight into the world beyondthe clinic.
Let's get into it All thefamilies on the podcast.
Today, our guest is mysister-in-law, who has had
Bariatric Surgery.
I'm going to go back to callingyou my best friend again one of
them.
At the end.
I kind of want to touch base onwhere I think we went wrong.
(00:45):
But anyways, this is BrittanyLaCose and yeah, thanks for
being with us.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Yay, welcome.
Yes, thanks for having me.
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yes, yes, let's just dive in.
And how do you think yourexperience was with your
Bariatric Program?
Do you think you were supportedenough?
Was it you learned all thethings?
You needed to learn things?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yeah, I feel like my program was actually fulfilling
as far as setting me up forsuccess.
I was the person that was verymotivated to be able to make
this successful, knowing that itwas a lifelong thing, that our
commitment, that I was doing.
That was something I took itvery seriously.
I like what the surgeon said isexactly what I did, minus one
(01:28):
little thing, but we'll get tothat later in the podcast.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
We'll get to that later.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So I really I enjoyed the pre-part of it.
I enjoyed just the knowledgethat the surgeon and the staff
had to give to you as far as thedo's and the don'ts, and this
works good for one person andnot the next.
So I really just I justabsorbed all of the information.
But I also really went on thedeep end as far as self-taught
(01:56):
knowledge kind of stuff as well.
So I think my process went Iwould not have changed it for
the world and I think it wentbetter than most.
To be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
So let's say your program wasn't ideal and you
needed all the resources becauseyou're a, we're a lot alike and
did all the research.
Do you feel like you would havehad enough content out there to
support the good, the bad, theugly, all the things like
touching base with what canhappen after a surgery, with
mental health, withrelationships, because you've
(02:25):
gone through a divorce and Iknow you're very open about all
of that?
So do you feel like there'senough content out there to help
the good, the bad, the ugly?
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Honestly, no, I don't think that there is, and I say
that because there's a lot oflike stuff for pre-surgery but
there's not enough about mentalhealth.
There's because it is such amind game pre-during and post-op
it's such a mind game, but inaddition to that, it's
relationships, it's connections,it's your job, workplace.
There's so much that it tiesinto and it's affected that I
(02:58):
don't think that there is enoughresources.
Because, in addition to whatyou eat, you want to have a
community of what you eat, butand that is a big source of it
but also you have to have yourmental state prepared and you
also have to have, like yourkids.
It affects your children.
There's just so much to it.
So I don't think that there is,because you can search out like
bariatric recipes and all ofthem are pre-workout.
(03:22):
If you go to Pinterest, they'reall pre-surgery, prepping until
you get to surgery, but it'snothing.
For I'm five years out.
There's no real good resourcesto what I should be eating now.
So I think that there's a lotof things that there could be
more resources.
If you are not searching for itor no search for it, then
(03:42):
you're totally lost.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
And so, since you're touching base on mental health
and I really do not want to missthis aspect is completely off
topic, but I wanted to touchbase on it so you had surgery
much earlier than I did.
We were best friends, bestfriends, we did all the things
together, did all the nailstogether, like literally talked
every day.
You had surgery.
(04:05):
I, very much so, was supportiveduring pre-op.
I even took you to, I think,your one week appointment, while
you're eating out of the oneounce cup saying I'm struggling
and I'm sitting here like whatis this?
But then you started losing theweight, becoming more confident
, becoming more self, or youfelt yourself worth and I
(04:27):
brought this up recently to youbecause now I'm experiencing
what you've dealt with is youstarted feeling the changes in
people around you includingmyself, including myself Like we
were so close anyways, and Iopenly told you that I thought
your posts on Facebook saying ifyou don't support me, if you
(04:50):
don't, I don't need you, and Ithought I'm like wow, that is
like toxic positivity, like what.
And so I we very much and Ieven I even did say this to you
and me had a conversation.
Just, it wasn't a greatconversation, right.
It was very much so me notbeing so nice, right, and but
(05:10):
now I recently reached out toyou and I told you like I
apologize, because now I amfeeling what I made you feel of
you're not, it's not a fakepositivity, it is a.
I genuinely feel good.
I genuinely know now I don'thave to put up with anybody's
crap.
I deserve more than what somepeople are giving me.
(05:33):
Yeah, I even just wanted to saybring that up that I was one of
those people that made anotherperson feel that way and karma
came a bit me in the butt.
No, for a good reason though,but I wanted to make awareness
of that that it could look likeyou're being fake positivity to
(05:54):
other people around you, butgenuinely, you just can't even
express your happiness enough,and you cannot express your,
it's so true, I don't need yourcrap enough, like you're just
yeah, so I just wanted to.
While you were touching base onthat, though, I do want to know
how did that?
I know how it makes me feel nowbecause I'm dealing with that,
(06:15):
but how did that make you feel,especially because we were so
close, so close.
I lost, yeah, yeah, how didthat make you, how did I make
you feel, literally other people.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I'm glad you did that because, yeah and I'm glad
you're bringing it up becauseyou're not the only connection
that I lost oh, absolutely.
You're one person pre-surgeryand you're a whole new person
post-op and I always wonderedwhat it looked like to other
people, like outside, in right,because I'm living my life and
you're like differentperspectives.
But at the end of the day, Ifelt like I was given a whole
(06:50):
new life, a second chance atlife, and I truly, genuinely I
had to take this seriously formy children's future, absolutely
so for me to lose connections,it wasn't anything.
It bothered me.
I can't say that it didn't.
It did bother me.
I also had to keep movingforward.
So I didn't have a minute tosit down and think about oh,
(07:13):
poor me this relationship orwhatever.
I really had to keep moving.
And it was a thought,especially, like you said, we
did everything.
We talked every day.
It was something that yourconnection or relationship was
the one that hurt the most oflosing because we were so close.
And I didn't have a sister Meneither.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, yeah.
You even said you were one ofmy bridesmaids at my wedding and
you were the one that had tomake the speech because my maid
of honor wasn't doing it.
And you said to Brett myhusband so this is his twin
sister not just twin sister.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
They share the same womb.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
But you said to Brett .
You said I'm sorry, I know thisis your wife, but you're
sharing her, Sorry.
Oh, yes, I'm going to pull thatvideo up for Maria.
Super cute.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So I think and this gets us into our topic today
Didn't you tell me that I wasthe first person you told that
you were pregnant, or maybe Iwas so nervous to tell anybody
and you were the only person Icould tell for for some time
because the stigma or like nothaving the judgment put on to me
because I already had wentthrough so much judgment of
(08:27):
having the surgery to begin with.
I didn't want to be criticizedand put down any more than I
already was.
There's a stigma on it.
So, yeah, you were definitely.
I told you and kept it to you,and that's it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah, yeah, two and a half months post up Is a staple
, even healed by them.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
We're healed, but that's rough.
Yeah, first of all because Idon't know you that well.
Was that something that?
How did it happen?
Was it intentional?
Was it not intentional?
Did you know it could happenthat way?
I'm really curious about it.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, I'll preface everything by saying when you
are fertile myrtle after surgery, you are fertile myrtle.
It took one time, and one timeonly.
Wow, here we are, literally onetime only.
So to give a little backstoryof myself and why I'm really
passionate about getting yourmental health and just having
your mental health post up justas much as pre up is.
(09:24):
I was in a marriage that wasrocky to begin with.
When I decided to have thissurgery, it was something that I
was criticized and ridiculedbecause I was going to better
myself.
So I do that right.
So I pushed on.
I still moved through because Iknew what I needed to do, not
(09:44):
what I wanted to do, and so Idid it and I separated, like two
weeks before my surgery dateand my husband my ex husband at
the time or at the now.
He still took me to my surgery,but it was the most awkward and
weirdest thing ever because youhave to have somebody and I
(10:05):
live an hour away from theclosest family member, so I had
to.
He was my only option.
He still took me to my surgeryand then we were we still stayed
separated.
I moved back to my hometown andI did my post-op down there.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
So I had to take her to another.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Wow yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, so all of this happened at the same time and so
I lived down there and I don't.
It was like such a fog.
I don't remember too much, butone of the days, for whatever
reason, I didn't want to drivehome I think it was in the
winter time.
In the drive, the travel anhour, one way I just didn't want
it with because I had kids,boys, and so I asked him no
history boys.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So quick telling him to have more for girls.
No, you don't need anymore.
I don't need you, mom, there.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
You guys are all fertile murals now, and all boys
yes.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Love it.
Yes, boy mom, yeah.
So I asked him to see at hishouse and it's late at night.
I had the conversation one timeand then I knew instantly, I
knew I was so pissed I went tobed so bad, because I knew I
said I even had to sign a paperto the surgeon saying I would
(11:14):
not get pregnant within thefirst 12 months.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I bet you did, I bet you did.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I bet you did.
I mean my custom.
I was so mad.
So yes, and so fast forward.
Here we are.
I was two months post-op andI'm divorced and happily in a
relationship, and it's a totallydifferent night and day pre and
post surgery.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
So Wow, wow, okay, tell me, okay, I'm going to dive
into a few things.
At the time, were you on, wereyou using any conceptive?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
I was not because I thought I was going through a
separation.
I was fine, I wouldn't need it.
And here we are.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, because that's anunpredictable thing.
Absolutely, that makes sense.
And then how did you feel whenit happened, talking to your
healthcare providers about it?
Did that feel difficult to do?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
It was something that burdened me for several weeks.
I the online portal.
I could not call and make theappointment I had to send my
surgeon.
My surgeon and I had a reallygood connection or relationship,
so I sent her a message and Isaid I am sorry.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Now and I apologize, oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
And then I told her and so yeah, so she called me
right away and we made theappointment and yeah, everything
was fine.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
These things happen and I do want to congratulate
you for actually contacting yoursurgeon and letting her know,
because there are so many peopleout there that are afraid of
what their surgeon or what theirhealthcare team or whatever
will think or do.
But guess what?
1000 times out of 1000, we wantpeople to come in and be seen
and communicate and tell uswhat's going on.
100% of the time.
(13:02):
I promise you Good for you.
So what did you do?
Speaker 2 (13:07):
I didn't find.
You know, like I yeah, I wasjust going to say that I didn't
find, or I found that it wasthey were very much more helpful
than I ever would have imagined.
Like you said, they will helpyou.
But it was something where Iknow I signed that paper.
I signed on the dotted linesaying I wouldn't.
So just that fear of what wouldhappen.
But at the end of the day, theyare here for our health, they
(13:28):
are here for our reason, and sothey really got me on the right
path as far as setting me up forsuccess on it.
Definitely reach out because,yeah, it was a lot more scary
sounding than it really was.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
And so what did you struggle with?
Since you were so far out andit's so new, you were still
probably trying to figure outhow to get your fluids in and
how to get all your nutrition in, so did you struggle with all
that?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yes, I did.
It was such a struggle becauseyou're still tapering into what
you can actually eat.
And so then now, once I gotpregnant, then I had to change
it up to what I was trying to do.
Traditional post-op was to whatI needed to do.
And then did it really haveproblems with eating per se?
It was.
(14:13):
I was still so fresh out ofsurgery I couldn't eat enough,
so, like I had to, what we endedup doing was doing five meals,
so I just made smaller mealsspread out through the day and
that helped.
So as soon as I changed, ormade that change, it was totally
different and it became a loteasier for me to be able to do
what was asked of doing that andhe's a healthy, crazy little
(14:38):
man.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Oh my gosh, it's crazy how much time flies.
So how did that change?
Because for our program it'sone week, one month, three
months, six months, a yearfollow-up.
So how did those follow-upschange for you, and were there
any extra testing you neededJust to make sure you and baby
were getting both what youneeded yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yeah, yeah.
So I actually ended up gettingreferred to a specialty OB
doctor to be able to monitor mejust because I was so fresh out
of surgery.
I went to I don't, yeah.
So I went to a major OB officethat did housewife or midwives
as well as regular OB, and so itwas a very hop in center, if
you will, and I was the one thatactually was the quickest after
(15:23):
surgery.
They had someone that was fivemonths post-op, but not two and
a half months, so they ended upbuilding a special panel to be
able to come together from allover the US to be able to
monitor my results.
I actually had a lot of extraappointments, wow, but I'm very
thankful for that, yeah, andit's helpful for them and they
(15:45):
just go ahead.
Oh no, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
They mean an error, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Oh yeah, no, they just they collaborated together
and this I got extra ultrasoundsand I was excited about that.
What mom doesn't like that?
But it was fun to go to allthese extra ones, even though it
was very time consuming andenergy exhausting because you're
trying to focus on your foodand anything else.
But it just fit in well and itwas fun to have the extra ones
(16:11):
overall.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
In some ways you're making it sound so good.
I'm afraid that other peoplemight go this route just to get
the extra ultrasounds and theextra eyes on them and stuff.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, but I do.
I know, please don't.
Yeah, maybe not so good, but Iknow your surgeon personally who
did your surgery and reallyrespect her a lot and it sounds
this surgeon really went aboveand beyond to make sure that you
(16:34):
were getting really great careand good coordination in that
and that really seems like itmade a huge difference in your
health and your baby's healthand sort of the overall process,
which otherwise could have beenchaotic and difficult.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Fair assessment yes 100%, I would agree.
Yeah, having the medicalsupport staff in the weight loss
surgery as well as my OB, andthey both collaborated together
in addition to the panel, so Ireally had a lot of support
post-op in the situation that Iwas put into.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
So, yes, Two and a half months post op.
That is just the beginning ofweight loss.
So obviously I know that kindof probably sucked in your brain
because you're like I just hadsurgery, this big surgery, to
get loose weight, and now I'mprobably getting gained weight.
But A were you mentally able tohandle the fact that you just
(17:29):
did all of this work to havesurgery to lose weight and now
you're gaining it?
You're supposed to gain it orat least stay stable, and do you
think it did affect youroverall outcome?
I think you've been prettysuccessful, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
So I was so nervous.
As you're pregnant, you havepregnancy gain right, and so
that was my biggest concern withall of the doctors that I
always addressed with them isthat I just don't want an
abnormal amount of weight gainbecause I didn't want to mess up
what I just went through andwhat I've been doing so far, and
(18:07):
that was my concern, obviouslyin addition to the baby safety.
But the surgeons and the OBdoctors took very seriously that
they wanted to be sure theymonitored as well.
So I do feel that even though Idid two and a half months
post-op get pregnant, I stillwas very successful because I
still took it seriously.
Even if I was pregnant or not,I still took it very seriously.
(18:29):
I still listened to what I wastold to do and I did it, just
making sure that I had the levelhead on my shoulder, I guess of
is this safe for me or the baby?
Our safety has to be put atfirst.
Weight loss is put second, butjust making sure that we were
safe overall like my biggestgoal.
So I do feel it was successful.
I do I have, I guess.
(18:50):
I'll tell you my stats.
My highest was 270.
I got down, so I always say mylowest was 190, but that's a
baby and baby weight.
So I, looking at pictures towhen I was pregnant, I
definitely feel like I got downlower than that, like closer to
the 170, but I've leveled out ataround 200, 1,200, about where
(19:13):
I plateaued for several years.
I am five years post-op Now.
I'm very happy still to thisday, even having gone through
the pregnancy and and your othertwo pregnancies.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I believe you were larger, right, I think you've
always struggled with yourweight, obviously.
So even though you were a highpregnancy, if I'm not mistaken,
I feel like you enjoyed thispregnancy more because you had
some nice photos done, I believe.
So do you actually think thatpregnancy was easier, just
(19:47):
honestly, on your body, youmight have been at the doctor
more than you were at home, butdo you feel like it was easier
at all, or really no difference?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
No night and day difference.
Honestly, I gained my all of myweight with my first pregnancy
and I could not get it off.
My average weight previouslywas around the 190 range, and so
that's where I gained the 100pounds, I feel, with my first
one and just never got it off.
And so I was just miserableinternally, like mentally, as
well as physically, because Ihave all the weight.
(20:18):
So I don't know if I was ableto really fully enjoy my
pregnancies and my children whenthey were little.
I definitely have a betterconnection with this child and
that's just naturally because Ican get down and play on the
floor with him and I'm not tootired or out of breath, or I can
go out and play or ride bikeswith all of the kids, not just
(20:40):
him, but like I am 100% enjoyingpregnancy I loved because I can
feel the kicks better versusbeing surrounded by fat and it
absorbs it kind of thing.
Yeah, I definitely had ahealthier pregnancy.
I had three pushes and thischild was out, versus hours of
labor with the other two.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
So, cohen, your neck move your pain in the butt, 92
hours of brutal, brutal.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, she had as many hours as you have Shut up.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
So do you recommend?
And if you say the wrong thingI'll edit it out.
But no, do you recommend?
Would you have done anythingdifferently?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I would have not gotten pregnant so close to
surgery.
I made it happen, but noteverybody is as mentally am
bunkish and prepared and just ago-getter as I am.
I'm fully understand and fullyaware of that.
But Even for me it was astruggle.
(21:52):
It's like in why self-inducethat?
Why not take care of yourself?
Because you're doing it for areason.
You're doing it to take care ofyourself for your own results,
so why would you not take itseriously?
You can have it anytime.
I promise It'll be there.
The baby will be there in ayear.
Just ride it out, take care ofyourself, get yourself prepped
and ready and then 100%.
(22:15):
Then you can go for it.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Actually, I do have a question.
Were there things that werehelpful to you in making it a
successful pregnancy?
What kind of things did you useas your supports and go-tos
during that time?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, so I found on Facebook it was a bariatric
pregnancy and I'm sorry, I don'tknow exactly what the, but I
found it and I just spent hoursin like these chat forums as
what I explain it.
What explain it to you is Ijust spent hours in there just
(22:51):
reading different people'ssituations, because even from
Tammy and I, our wholeexperience is so different.
We have another sister-in-lawthat had the surgery and her
situation was totally different.
So just really learning, okay,this, what could be the
possibility, or this is whatcould be the outcome, or just
really educating, so then I'mnot blindsided, or I know, oh,
(23:11):
this worked really well for oneperson, so that was like my
go-to, I guess, of beingsuccessful with Are you?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
struggling with anything now, like when it comes
to your exercise, your foodintake, your Mental health.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Mental health Anything.
Yeah, your babies yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Look, these lakosas are not for the week.
So many boys in this lakosasfamily.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
This is wild.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
This is true.
So I do see a therapist.
Now, is it because I'mstruggling?
No, I am a big advocate ofmental health.
I do.
My middle son is diagnosed withautism and ADHD, so mental
health is something that isalready just naturally.
I'm very pro mental health, Iguess just because of the life
(24:01):
or situation that I've beengiven, so that is something I do
.
But I also do talk to her aboutthe weight gain and how I'm
scared to gain it back or eatingand so on.
So I do crave sugar.
I've always said that my choiceof drug is not going to do
Always.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
You gotta have something I understand.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
No, there's just not.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Now I think now, looking back, I obviously know
Uli and obviously great kidobviously, but do you think you
could have handled him and hissituation and advocated as well
as you have for him having thepatients and all of that, and
honestly, you have to fight forthe services he got?
(24:45):
Would you have been able to dothat without surgery, honestly?
Speaker 2 (24:51):
No, there's no way I would have been able to.
He is so exhausting.
Something as little as puttingyour shoes on is just a fight
for everything.
So there's no way, mentally orphysically, that I would have.
Emotionally, there's no way Iwould have had the capacity to
with him.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
There's no way yeah I do have anything.
There's so much to her.
There's so much to this.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
We probably need to schedule a second visit with you
, because it sounds like youwent through not only bariatric
surgery, not only bypass, notonly sleep, not only asleep, but
also pregnancy within two and ahalf months, and then also huge
changes in your relationshipdivorce, things like that.
Having a kid withneurodivergence that's a lot in
(25:37):
and of itself.
That's not even touching onmore than the 30 minutes we've
been chatting, but just yourresilience, your grit, your
ability to trust yourself and tostick with things.
You are a remarkable humanbeing.
She's my twin.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, thank you.
You seem to be happy to getalong so well.
Just, we had a hiccup because,yeah, yeah, because yeah.
Life has heard so much.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
No, but as you said, though, it's just like you have
to have the self drive and will,and you have to not let things
or people bother you, so youreally just have to say true to
yourself, and you really do haveto do what fuels you, because
you do have a second chance oflife, and it's either you're on
board with me or you're not.
Just where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
And I feel that so much now.
So much now.
I will forever apologize forthe way I made you feel, but I
think you are very resilient,you are very.
Yeah, thank you so much forsharing your story.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, you, yes, you are an amazing person and yes,
we will have you on again, forsure and sharing with people.
There's a way to do it, even ifit's really hard and it's
really crazy.
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
So, for everybody listening, don't forget to
follow us, to go over toInstagram and look at
Corbariatrix if you have aquestion, concern, want to talk
about anything or anything likethat.
So thank you, miss Brittany.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
See you later, bye, bye, see you, bye.
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