April 18, 2024 • 39 mins
Have you ever felt like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon, stepping into a world where you're seen in a whole new light? That's exactly where Tammie's journey took her after bariatric surgery, and in our latest episode, she opens up about the intricate dance of self-confidence and societal perceptions. Dr. Maria Iliakova and Tammie Lakose peel back the layers of what it means to transform not just physically, but emotionally, as Tammie navigates the bittersweet symphony of changed relationships and self-esteem post-weight loss.
Tammie discusses on the virtues of humility in healthcare, where admitting she doesn't have all the answers can actually be her greatest strength. Sharing stories of vulnerability, they explore how such honesty not only benefits our patients but also fosters a culture of growth and support among medical professionals. It's a raw look at the struggles behind the stethoscope and the importance of emotional intelligence in patient care.
Wrapping up, the episode takes a deep and personal turn, reflecting on the ways in which Tammie's relationships and mental health are intertwined with her journey towards self-improvement. Emotional maturity doesn't come easily, and often it's the closest relationships that challenge and shape us the most. As Maria and Tammie bid farewell, remember that your reflections and feedback are invaluable to us. Join them on this continuous path of discovery, growth, and self-care.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Core Bariatrics Podcast hosted by
Bariatric Surgeon Dr MariaIliakova and Tammy Lacoste,
bariatric Coordinator and apatient herself.
Our goal is building andelevating our community.
The Core Bariatric Podcast doesnot offer medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
On this podcast, we aim toshare stories, support and
(00:22):
insight into the world beyondthe clinic.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Let's get into it, tammy.
So we're in beautiful Orlandoright now at a conference, and a
couple of nights ago we were ata restaurant bar.
There was a lady that wascalled out who was a publisher.
I just got a wild hair and Idared you to tap her on the
shoulder and strike up aconversation with her, and then
the cops were called because Ipunched her in the face.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Well, close.
So how'd that go?
I did it only because you said,if you do this you would not
have to go salsa dancing.
But I only got out of it forone night, yeah.
So how goes?
Yes, I did.
I was scared beyond, like I wasprobably shaking my heart
really.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Really oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Oh my gosh, because I've never like talked to
someone really professional andsaid, like this is what we're
doing.
This is especially like thebook that we're working on is
yeah, we've just kind of likethrown stuff at it, it's good,
but like we hadn't had yetdiscussed like exactly what
whatever.
Right, right.
(01:21):
So I just pulled her situationand she said oh yeah, our
company is always looking forstories.
And I'm like that makes sense,because you know people want
stories.
They do, yeah, so anyway.
So I asked her if I could haveher contact information and she
gave it to me and she ended upapparently being a publisher at
(01:43):
Penguin Random House Publishing.
I had to Google that justbecause I didn't know, but you
knew exactly who, well yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So we're going to reach out there, but so Tammy,
but do you think that that'ssomething that you would have
necessarily done a year and ahalf ago?
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not, because youeven saw my hesitation salsa
dancing.
Yeah, not so much, honestly.
Not so much because I didn'thave like the self confidence
per se, but I would.
I'm still absorbing this wholeculture shock because I am not
in Iowa?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
No, you're not in Iowa.
But then, tammy, you took meline dancing and I had no idea
white boys could dance like that.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Okay, let's start from the beginning where you
absolutely hated it.
The second you walked in.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Oh no, not even no, no, no, no, you're faking.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
No, no, no no, no, no , no, no, no.
Your face cannot lie.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Well, you dragged me from salsa dancing.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yes, Well, you took me out of my comfort zone, best
journey you took me online and Iliked it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I liked it too.
All right, yes, there we go, sowe can do some good things.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yes, so we're going to talk about positive and
negative changes within, likeself esteem, and touch a little
bit in relationships and stuff.
All right, so positive ornegative, go Positive or
negative.
So I want to know first what'sbeen one of the most positive
(03:04):
changes that you've had that youdidn't expect since having
bariatric surgery, being willingto spark up a conversation and
not even think about it and justgo with it, even at the line
dancing bar and whatnot.
Just, yeah, I sparked upconversations with people I
wouldn't spark up conversationswith because I didn't want to be
(03:26):
recognized or I didn't evenwant to be noticed, I didn't
want.
No, no, no, no, no.
Why was that?
Because I was big, I had a lotof self esteem.
I did not have any self esteem.
I've told you this before andyou really were like wow, what
the heck that when I and this isa thing for people when I
(03:49):
walked into a room in a newplace or whatever, I scanned the
room to see if I was thebiggest person in the room, that
is so, but it was true, justbecause I don't know.
I guess I don't even know why.
I don't even know why.
I guess maybe it gave me alittle.
You could find it if you couldcrush people.
Yeah, no, no no.
Sorry, and then I just, andthen I just hide Like yeah,
(04:14):
that's wild.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That's wild.
That's wild because I know younow and you are Holy skin before
, sir, like you said, Well, yeah, I did.
Did you know before surgery?
But you were always so and it'sthat curiosity inside of you.
You were curious about yourself, you're curious about other
people, and so I never perceivedyou as having any trouble
speaking your mind or talkingwith other people or engaging in
something, so it's wild to meto think of you as someone who
(04:37):
had confidence trouble with yourself confidence.
Yes, I did, yeah, yeah.
And why do you think it'sdifferent now?
Why do you think you can walkinto a room and just spark up a
conversation with someone?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Because I'm looked at as normal.
I'm treated different.
I'm 100% treated differently,even between, like my child's
baseball moms.
I am approached way more now.
Why is that?
Was I any less?
Was I scary?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Was I.
That's why this scares me alittle and this is why it makes
me sad sometimes too, because Ifeel that this is not fair.
Ultimately, we I wish oursociety were more progressive
than this.
I wish people were a little bitmore open-minded than this.
Because you didn't change as aperson between a year going now,
(05:25):
or a year and a half ago andnow.
No, fundamentally, you corevalues as a person, didn't
change.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
No, but now I'm just more willing to share those core
values, and words are hard tochallenge other people's morals
and values.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah, because you did say like I look more normal now
and I'm like actually likestatistically speaking, normal
in the US is size over 14, asfar as I understand, for women
average, and for men I actuallydon't know men's sizes at all, I
realize right now but normal,even like what our perception of
normal is.
So not real, not true.
(06:03):
And what is and what is normalis a range, no matter what,
right, right, but you're notwrong at all in the sense.
People definitely treat eachother really differently,
depending on what their weightis.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
But then I also think , like am I now, which I know I
am, but is it more now because Iam more, like, confident in
talking and like, so maybe I'mmore personable now or before I
just maybe I gave off that vibeof I don't want to talk.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Oh, I'm shy, Like well.
That brings up kind of thisinteresting idea which I know
sometimes if I'm going throughsomething like you know, a bad
breakup or I injured myself orsomething like that, like I'm
much more closed off to peoplethan I would be if I were in a
great mood and everything wasgoing great and all that stuff.
So it's sort of this wholeyou're not.
You're not an island and wedon't live in a vacuum where
(06:55):
nothing else affects us.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So maybe actually you did change in a way in the past
year, year and a half a lot notthat your core values did, but
maybe, like you said, like yourability to express my outside.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Yeah.
But so I'm absolutely willingto put myself out there and
challenge people's like notchallenge, but I mean like have
a have a debate, conversationand being willing to stick up
for my thoughts and feelings andwhatnot and just how like at my
new job.
I mean it's it's not really new, because it was my first job
(07:30):
out of college, first of TorreyCollege, and so most of the
people that are there are stillstill were there previously.
But I was not afraid of evenbeing out of the like inpatient
respiratory therapy atmosphere.
Sure, I jumped right in, wasnot afraid to push people out of
my way to treat a patient ifwe're in a trauma situation.
(07:50):
Also, like when I went down tothe ER, which I don't know if
you've ever know you have beenin the ER.
I don't know, those people arerough.
Yeah, sometimes they're notvery like.
The ER is their own commuted.
Oh, yes, and if you come into,that is a closed commuted
community down there sometimes.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
So it was so funny that I walked into their little
like nurses station with all thedoctors and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I'm like Hi, I'm Tammy, I'm the new respiratory
therapist, just wanted to letyou know.
Yeah, nobody was introducing meis so weird.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Anyways, because I think people just assumed
everybody knew me because I wasthere.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
But anyways, ready for this, tell me during my
orientation yeah, our CEO isvery, very, very involved.
He is rarely just sittingbehind his computer.
You see him everywhere, andduring our orientation I was
front and center, which anotherthing.
I'm more willing to sit closer,I noticed that even so.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
yeah, at this conference that right now, you
always want to sit in the front,and I am one of those really
annoying people that lovesitting in the front too,
because I'm just soup.
I'm so sorry.
I own it though.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
This is who I am.
No, I love and I love talkingto people like that too, so I
it's so funny to me to seesomebody else like that, such a
kind of spirit Because, again, Idid not want to be recognized,
by the way, because if you're inthe front row there's a chance
that your speaker or presenteris going to call on you or like
recognize that you're agreeingor disagreeing and like talk to
(09:17):
you, right, but anyways.
So the CEO was giving just histalk about where, how they've
grown and where they're going.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I just I'm like so how open are you about new
things?
And he's like tell me more.
And I said, what about abariatric program?
And he's like, well, yes, he'slike I'm trying to surgeon, for
I'm like I got one.
And he really looked at me likewait, what?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Timmy, I feel like you're my pimp and I'm just like
no, I'm sharing you with theworld literally.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Yes, yes, you are a unique surgeon and I think you
know that.
And but anyways, and he's justlike let's touch base later.
But I would have never donethat.
Not a great, I don't know howdoes that feel?
I mean it feels good, and Idon't go afterwards and be like
what was I thinking?
Because there was times where Ihad all the confidence in the
(10:07):
world, when, back then, when I'dhave a few drinks in me but I
would always go back andoveranalyze it.
And now I'm just like nope,that was, that was what it was.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
So, yeah, it sounds like there's some really strong
positive things, because beingable to speak openly at work or
being able to speak openly innew situations, it's just it's.
It gives you that kind of likeadaptability, almost to never be
afraid of a situation, even ifit's new or uncomfortable you
always have yourself to rely onin a different way and I almost
feel like, especially in careernow, because I just I started
(10:42):
over and you know how that goes.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I just started over where I feel like I built myself
up Like everybody knew me at myold job and so I mean, people
know me here but don't know likehow well I am whatever, my
capabilities honestly youstarted the bottom of the totem
pole, Honestly probably stillthink I'm just a respiratory
therapist, but there's so muchmore to me.
So I think that's anotherreason why I put myself out
(11:04):
there is because I want peopleto know there's more to me.
Yeah, yeah, you're proud of thethings you are.
How are you going to climb thetotem pole if nobody knows who
you are?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And you're not willing to raise your hands, to
be involved, volunteer yourself,make yourself vulnerable, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
But then I guess there are some times now you
know, I'm approaching doctors,like I'm approaching doctors and
surgeons for you and stuff, butyeah, yeah, that's great yeah
it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It's crazy, that's great.
And you realize, everyone's ahuman being, oh yeah, and some
will love you, some will hateyou Well, but actually I wonder
I don't know if you've thoughtabout this, but what impact do
you think this has on how youtake care of patients?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I'm more willing to stick up for my patients for one
, I think and I'm also way morewilling to openly say to a
patient that I don't know whatI'm doing and I'm going to find
the answer for you.
I think that is a super strong,positive thing a person can do.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, like my first week back,we had a trach patient, so
(12:05):
that's a long term breathingairway in the neck, if people
don't know.
But I've not dealt with thetrach in so long and even then
they were still very, verythey're still kind of rare, but
they are scary because that'show they breathe and right it's
a hole and anyways.
So, and she was an older ladyand I don't know.
(12:25):
But I honestly told her.
I said I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to do anything
that is going to compromiseanything.
I'm going to help you in anyway possible, but that's why I'm
going to have this person inwith me, because she is way more
competent with tricks and I'mgoing to learn from her.
And if anything does not feelright, if you are uncomfortable,
(12:48):
just let me know.
Like so.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But what a mature way to handle that instead of
pretending like you know whatyou're doing and are flawless
right out the gate and thingslike that, you actually are
saying, hey, I don't know thisexactly.
Perfectly well, I can do better.
And I'm willing to ask for help.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Yeah, another person gets to feel good mentoring you
and teaching you, but I thinkwhen you are very, very insecure
and have low self-esteem, youdon't want to give anybody more
of a reason to think less of you.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Like more ammo?
Basically, yeah, because youthink that they already think
poorly and so you don't want togive them more.
Oh, wow, yeah, but I understandit completely Well.
So, like from my experience inthis as a resident, for instance
so when I was in residencyalready a doctor, but baby
doctor, learning how to dosurgery, learning how to do
things you're constantly beingchallenged with new things, with
complexity.
(13:38):
Things are, you know, every dayjust a million things thrown at
you and you really, really,really want to prove to people
that you know what you're doingthat you're competent, that
you're capable, but most of thetime, it's the first time that
you're doing something, or it'sthe first time when this
specific situation, and so youreally, really have to have that
humility and maturity to say Idon't know how to do this, but
I'd like to learn.
(13:58):
Will you show me, will you helpme?
And it's safer.
And especially when it comes topatients, of course, and it's
not only safer, but it actuallymakes you better, because, right
, like if you do, moreconfidence.
Exactly because, like if youhad just not taken the time to
ask somebody else to help you,you still wouldn't know how to
take care of a trait as well asyou could.
Yeah, but you did so.
Now you can take care of atrait and the next patient.
(14:19):
You're actually going to beable to do that without
necessarily needing somebodythere.
Oh right, Absolutely.
How cool is that?
Absolutely, that's a hugeprogression as a person.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think Absolutely, but there is some degr.
What's the other word?
Regression?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Regression.
Tell me about the.
What do you?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
mean by regression.
So, even though I am more self,have more self-esteem, maybe
more self-confidence, like ifit's hot outside I'm wearing
shorts, I don't care if you seemy loose skin from me losing so
much weight, it's on my mind butI'm more confident in that
aspect.
But also, on the contrary, I ammore self-conscious about being
(15:00):
naked, which has made and youheard my husband say I was just
on a call with him and I wantedyou to hear it that it has made
our intimacy harder.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Which sucks.
Yeah Well, can I interject here?
Yeah, because we know eachother pretty well now.
Oh yeah, you had shared thatyou took some like Boudoir
photos, which I personally gosexuality.
I love people's sexual health.
I think everybody should do it,because it was so Everybody
should do one of those, yes, andwhat that is is like you
basically take sexy photos witha professional photographer and
things like that, and it's notnecessarily nude or anything
(15:36):
like that.
It can be it doesn't have to bebut it's made potentially like
to share with your spouse orjust for your own, just
empowering too.
Yeah, like empowering all thesethings.
But for whatever reason, you doit, and you had mentioned how
sexy and confident she made youfeel and those photos made you
feel, yeah.
And I remember asking you ifyou would do that now to
celebrate the changes yourbody's history gone, and you had
(15:58):
kind of mixed you know a mixedresponse about that and that
ridiculous.
Well, no, tell me, what wasthat all about?
I don't think that's ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You can't hide loose skin.
I mean you can edit out stretchmarks, but at least it's full
skin.
But even standing in front ofher, even though she is very, I
love her to death, PhotographerAnyways, she makes everybody
feel so comfortable andbeautiful and whatnot.
And in Marie photography, yes,it is in Brooklyn.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Iowa, there you go, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I love her so much.
Yes, can find her on Facebook.
She does not sponsor thisepisode?
No, no, we really appreciateher yeah because she did our,
she did our photos, our photo,yep, that's right, and she made
you.
You've never done a photo shoot, I know, but anyways.
So, sitting, I feel like justsitting in front of her, I
honestly I don't know.
(16:45):
I would be uncomfortable, Idon't know.
Because, okay, some of thosesexy poses that she had me do,
like being on your hands andknees and your, you know
whatever, upside down thebackwards, they're saggy skin.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
And saggy boobs.
Can you tell me more about thesaggy like?
Why is that a big deal?
I don't know.
I don't either.
I don't know, I don't know.
Do you feel like?
Are you judging yourself?
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
No, I'd that's.
What's even worse is that likeI am all of, like you are
beautiful, like there's nothingwrong with you, and then I'm
over here like I am better thanI was about negative self talk,
but it's still definitely there.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I will say, like I dealt with what is called in the
language, body dysmorphia,which is sort of your body looks
a certain way and other peoplemay perceive it a certain way,
but you personally don't see itthat way.
You see it differently.
You see it as being ugly or notgood enough or less than, and
you don't see what the rest ofthe world sees.
And I think a lot of peoplereally, really struggle with
(17:50):
that from the body changes thathappen?
Absolutely, yep.
Do you think that it's easy tohave your mind catch up to what
your body's doing?
Is it?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
easy yeah no.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Like no, my no, my mind is 100%.
Still, I still go to plus sizesections.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh boy.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I like comfy clothes now, but no, literally like I'm
like, okay, let's need an extralarge, let's go to the dressing
room and I'm like, oh, no Idon't need an extra large.
Like um, yeah, my mind's notthere at all.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
You did say you, there's like a store you can't
even go to anymore Torrid.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, for the most part I cannot, because, yeah, it
is much, it's bigger stuff andI was like that was my store to
go to.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, Because you were asking me like, what store
do you go to?
And I realized I don't go tostores, I do everything online,
which is terrible, well,terrible.
I don't know, whatever yeah itis what it is, I suppose yeah,
but yeah it's so.
I don't even think peoplenecessarily think that they're
going to have changes wherethings you don't think about,
little things, will restructureas you go, you need to prepare
to, even though you hateyourself, obese, obese,
(18:58):
potentially looking yourself inthe mirror.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
you might hate looking at yourself in the
mirror, just for a differentreason.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Yeah, because of the changes being.
Do you think it is hatred thatyou feel hatred?
Oh, no, no, no, you said hatehow your body feels or how your
body looks.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Yeah, you did say hate, Okay fine.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Okay, this is a strong word.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Okay, I don't hate my body.
My body is now doing things theway it's supposed to do things
internally it is.
But also I can walk more andyou maybe walk so much.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I think your feet are just one pure blister at this
point, yeah let's talk aboutshoes, I know, oh yeah actually.
Yes, we should have an episodeon shoes, but I love shoes.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
So, but so I don't hate my body because it's it's
working better now.
I loved it enough to make ashocking change to it, and it's
working better I breathe, betterI move better Sure.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
But self confidence isn't just about those like
rational brain is still 100%messed up.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yeah, and this is something.
Yeah, this is one of my bigdrivers for me approaching you
or us talking about this on apodcast is that I can't find
this on YouTube.
How do I right on my brain?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I wish I had an answer to right.
Honestly, I will say I don'tthink there's anything we're
gonna ask Lydia or my healthprovider how do I on my brain.
I think there's a process goingon here.
I don't think there's a fastforward.
Yeah, I also don't necessarilythink there's anything wrong
with a lot of this at all, orany of this necessarily, because
people's bodies change overtime, whether it's aging, or
(20:36):
whether it's pregnancy orwhether it's a medical condition
, or whether it's surgery, orwhether it's this and or whether
it's even like working out.
So, like I, for instance, Ilike working out and there's
certain you know kinds ofactivity that I do and I get
muscle.
Some places that I'm really Ilove it, and there's other
places that I'm like, oh, Idon't love.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Though, that how that looks.
Necessarily look like a man.
Yeah, because, like you know, Ihave, like you don't like well,
thank you, that's very kind.
Okay, that's why a lot of womendo not wait trains because
they're right to look like a manCorrect.
And like right.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
And I have like definition in some places that's
like oh I, you get the judgment.
Sometimes too, by the way,because people still think that
sometimes that like muscleshould not belong in a woman
which clearly I don't believethat but you're right.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Like probably stigma, they're saying that women
shouldn't be surgeons either.
I would know, yes, that's awhole another weird.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, that's too bad.
Too bad, so sad, but the ideaof being like I don't think
there's anything wrong, likethere's nothing wrong with
feeling the way that you feelabout your body and it not being
perfect.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
As long as you're feeling those feelings.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
So and being honest with it and and addressing it.
Are there other things that arechallenging about your self
esteem or self confidence thatyou've gone through in this
process?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Well, my self confidence, even though it's a
positive for me, sure comes offas a negative to other people.
I actually very openly and Iapologize to my sister in law,
who was used to be my bestestfriend, and we've gotten closer
obviously since I've hadbariatric surgery.
(22:10):
We have so many kids so that'shard but when she had bariatric
surgery, which I supported herso much because I took her to
her, I think there was a oneweek follow up.
Yeah, I thought she was crazythat she was literally eating
from like this one ounce cupwhatever.
But no, I supported her 100%.
But then she started losing herweight and she started getting
(22:32):
more confident, started gettingmore positive and she would post
things on Facebook and shestill does good for her and I do
too now Saying like if youstickers, by the way, if you
prediction, if you can't love mefor me or whatever, I don't
need you in my life, right, Ithought that was toxic
(22:53):
positivity and I openly saidthat to people.
So, yes, I was mean girl in her.
But recently I opened up to herand I said you know what?
I said this about you, but nowI understand now you feel it Now
.
I understand because becauseI'm also dealing with it yes,
dealing with people thinkingthat my positivity is like fake
(23:15):
or toxic and it's just like no,I just feel so stupid.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Good, I can cry about how I feel, so yeah, yeah, I
think that's pretty insightfulactually because, like you're
basically saying, I realizedthat some of my I was judging
people for their, for theirexpression of happiness, their
expression of self, because Ididn't understand it and I
didn't know how to feel that ordidn't feel that at the time.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, that's pretty that's pretty deep, so I tend to
her um, she came off as, and Icame off never, probably now
come off as as, yeah, toxicpositivity, or so it's like self
centered.
Yes, I am self centered becauseI prioritize myself, you know.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
But the thing is, I think we have a culture that's
very weird on this Self centeredweird this ego thing and all
this because we're not allowedto like talk about ourselves or
be proud of ourselves, but yetwe're supposed to have enough
self confidence to like to takecare of issues and bootstrap
ourselves out of everything andbe responsible people.
You can't really have it bothways like.
You do have to have some levelof self confidence to be a
(24:18):
responsible person.
Right for yourself and yourfamily and your friends and what
you do for work and all thosethings right.
So you have to have.
You have to have some selfconfidence and it's super
healthy to have self confidenceand that's sometimes, yeah,
threatening to people totally.
And it's often threatening ifyou don't feel self-confident,
because, again, like I'll justgo back to Like you know, in a
(24:38):
personal state where I don't, ifI don't feel good, I kind of
it's not healthy at all.
But all of us, I think,naturally we kind of see other
people being happy and you'relike, oh, I want to be happy.
Why are they so happy?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
and also like what's crazy is like I I sometimes am
just like I feel like I haven'tchanged a whole lot, sometimes
like, as you said, likememorials are still there.
I feel like my Whatever is.
And then people have saidyou've changed so much, and then
I ask how?
And they just don't even know.
Really.
(25:11):
They give a roundabout answerLike, oh, I don't think they
even understand and I think itreally just is geared around
like I'm going to prioritizemyself, right, I'm gonna be
selfish right, I'm be selfish,right, and being selfish in a
way that that helps you is sortof like when the mask comes down
in the airplane.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
And you're told you have to put the mask on yourself
first before you put it on yourkids or your neighbor or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Yeah, yeah, and you do and it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I know it's hard to wrap your head around, yeah, and
I imagine as a parent it's hardto do that.
I think as an adult it's hardto do that, as a woman it's hard
to do that, and I feel this, Idon't know like I really really
shared that feeling a lot withyou to me, and so I'm glad
because, like I'm going througha little bit of a rough time
right now myself, and you'vebeen a huge source of support
and friendship for me right nowand I really appreciate it
(25:59):
because it would make me so muchmore insecure and so much just
Vulnerable to my emotions In away that, yeah, in a way that
thankfully I, you know I havesupport like you and friends and
things.
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Well, I suggest everybody um go.
If you're having a bad day, goon to chat gpt, oh yeah right,
we found this today.
This is great.
Write me a bio.
You put your name, what you do.
Yes, hobbies are what.
Any accomplishments, anythingthat thing will hype you.
It is hype, hype.
It is your hype man, it is nutsUh.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
I okay sidetrack.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Sorry, it is a good hype man, it is, that's true, um
.
But so, even though, um, someof my insecurities have gone
away, my husband's insecuritieshave gotten higher.
Okay, so people are, myself-confidence yeah.
Oh yeah, um.
So, and sometimes that cancause some fights, like luckily
he's like now I don't bashmyself as much anymore, like I
(26:56):
sure don't have anything to wear.
I look ugly in this, I'm toofat for this, these jeans don't
look good I, and then I juststay home.
But and I've even said this toa patient's husband yeah, I read
the room, I, I knew the peopleI worked I was talking to.
Our patients are our family andI, because I wanted the husband
to know this Um, he was very,very small.
He is a marathon runner,apparently.
(27:18):
I always had pictures of myhusband and my kids behind my
dad and I said, okay, so you see, you see my husband over there.
He's pretty good looking man,like um he's.
He's very attractive.
He looks like he'd be a very,very secure man.
Yeah, but he's not.
And so I said just be prepared,he's human.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
It's not that he's not secure, it's that he's human
and you're changing.
Well, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
No, but yeah, yeah, he's got some.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
He's got some work to do.
Everyone, everyone, everyone'sgot this like.
And guys, we do not talk aboutthe fact that guys have as much
insecurity, as absolutely no andit is not like it is super Okay
and it is super Normal.
And I again one of the things Iwish we would talk about more
Guys have feelings too.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Oh yeah, absolutely.
And so I told that husband thatyou need to mentally prepare
yourself for your wife who isgoing to have bariatric surgery.
Whom is not everybody's cup oftea, like physically attraction
not that she shouldn't be, buteverybody has their cup of tea.
It might be more people's cupof tea after she loses her
(28:23):
weight, like I've beenapproached more in a bar now in
the past year than I have mywhole life.
I don't know.
But again, maybe I'm moreapproachable.
But, um, that makes my husbandreally, really insecure that I'm
going to find someone else.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
And you've expressed how much you love this person,
how much you are dedicated as aperson, no matter what, and all
those things.
And it's it's funny becauseyou're right, like this person
didn't change, but because youchanged right, it kind of un
Covers some things for some ofthe people around you, whether
it's friends or family or others.
It's it's so interestingbecause they didn't change but
(28:59):
they're going through the changewith you Exactly.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Oh yeah, absolutely, and we're we're trying to
convince my husband to be on theshow here.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, right, and obviously we, we this isn't
helping, I'm sure, but no, noboy will get in one day.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
No, he, he.
So we were taught.
We asked him I needed Maria'sto hear out of his mouth that it
was okay for me to talk aboutour Um, struggling sex life.
And he's like, yeah, it's true,like wow, you're that.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
You guys are so crazy .
I think in a positive way,because, again, tavis object.
People do not want to talkabout that.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Even in therapy sessions.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
People don't want to talk about that because it is so
personal and so rough sometimes.
I cannot believe you guys havethe balls to do that.
I'm so like, I'm so thankfulbecause, again, I think when we
talk about those things, wenormalize what other people want
to talk about and we normalizewhat other people are
experiencing.
What we're experiencing is whatother people experience to yeah
(29:53):
, a lot of people and I, yeah, Imean like I think through this
experience I have gotten toshare things I normally wouldn't
wouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
I'm right of you too.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Well, thanks, and I think you definitely have, and I
think it takes a lot of guts todo that.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Well, I just want to give Other patients the content
that I did not have.
I wanted to know yeah, I wantedto hear about people having
mental health issues because Ihad huge risk factors right, I
have Witness some, you knowmental health issues after
bariatric surgery that I wantedto Try to prevent, and so there
(30:30):
was nothing out there.
Luckily, our mental healthprovider is so very she is.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Oh, I can't wait.
Watching multiple of ours aregreat.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
We've got some really great people and so another
like negative is that, obviously, bariatric surgery is an
emotional roller coaster journeyand I feel, like Myself and my
husband Previously, very, veryemotionally immature Okay, no
(30:57):
emotional intelligence, becausewe were raised in households
that kids are seen and not hurt.
Okay you know you can't havebig feelings at all.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
No space for that right.
We're in a Russian background.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
So and so now, with my journey and you know, just
becoming so much more educatedand how to Help myself and
whatnot, I feel like myemotional intelligence and
emotional maturity Awarenesssure is so much there.
Sure, meanwhile, my husband isstill, he was.
We always joke, even his momjokes that, like the whole, all
(31:33):
the men were raised bywerewolves.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Oh, I love it, you know well, sometimes I feel like
I was raised by werewolf.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
No no.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Condolences to my mom .
Actually, no, that soundedreally not, not how I wanted to
sound.
It's just that.
You know, I think we all we actout of a lot of defensiveness
sometimes myself personally verymuch calling myself out on that
.
It takes it's really tough tobe self-aware, but I think, tim,
like one of the things that Iwas so impressed by and I did
(32:00):
you are right, I saw this changein you over the past year and a
half was that you did becomemore self-aware and Out of that
awareness, you were able to helpother people and more because
you were able to createStructure in our program and
experience.
Yeah, that was safe for otherpeople, it was honest.
(32:21):
That was a witness to people'sdifficulties and and the
positive, and because peopleneed to be witnessed for both
right the positive absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But kind of rounding about with, like me, becoming
more emotional, immature andmore self-aware and so I have
better self-regulation.
So, like, the patience I havewith my kids is just so much
more because I have learned that, like kids are still learning
how to Express their emotionsyes, I just learned how to.
(32:51):
I still explode sometimes but,yes, I cannot expect my kid, who
is having a heart big, bigfeeling, to not scream on the
top of his lungs and no otherperson should.
Right, if sometimes I can'teven handle that right.
And so my, my husband very, andhe he will openly say this that
he is something his patientslevel is is lessened.
(33:13):
He does, he actually does very,very well and if he does
something he is self-aware thathe did not like that and he has.
I'm very proud of him thatthere was a time With our son
that our male son is a spitfire.
Everybody loves him but boy ishe.
He's the one that teach me thatall kids cannot be parented the
same and I can never judge aparent for a screaming child.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
So you have one.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I'm saving grace, but um there was a time when he was
having very big emotions.
He is very defiant.
He is very he is not afraid ofyou at all, ever, and so my
husband overreacted a little bitand that in the and then about.
I saw it on his face, thesecond that he just went a
little overboard.
He felt horrible for it.
(34:00):
I'm proud of him for that.
But yeah, he's still working.
Yeah, so I'm still a littleahead, and so sometimes it's we.
There's a clash, sometimes atthat.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, and so um, and I communicate better and I want
more feelings.
Blue card blue colored men haveno like.
They show no emotion becausethey're stigmatized Absolutely
but guess what?
I want your emotions, because Iwant to know what's wrong,
right, I want to help you youknow what's cool is in our
program.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
A lot of times Spouses would come together so
we would have somebody who wasdoing surgery and then their
spouse would come, and they'realways welcome.
I think that's super great.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
I have been in the hospital.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That's fair.
You should think it out of themost where you don't want to be
in one.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
I get it, we've got.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Believe me, I love my jam, but it is not most
people's jam, but the idea beinglike, when people are going to
go in, going to go on thisjourney together, it can be
really helpful for everyone toknow what's expected, what's not
expected, what's involved, howto get help, how to help each
other.
I remember, actually, one ofour patients brought her husband
into one of her last visits andthe husband was super skeptical
(35:07):
about this bariatric surgerything and he was like I don't
know, and all of this, and I'veheard the divorce rates are
higher and all this.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
And.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I said you're not wrong, you know, and I asked you
know and I even mentioned I.
I said I'm so proud that you'rehere, because the fact that
you're asking these questionsthey're worried about it that
you're here with her, thatyou're showing up.
That says more than anythingelse possibly could about the
fact that you love each otherAbsolutely, but you're here for
each other, that you want tounderstand what you're both
(35:36):
getting into mm-hmm, and that itis Ultimately up to you to
decide how to grow together.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, through this new experience, but that man was
showing some emotionalintelligence of like.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
This is how I feel and I'm telling you how I feel.
Yes, where my husband.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
I could and he will agree with this, I can.
I can say we're doing whateverwe're doing, and he's like right
?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
well, you know everyone.
Yeah everyone's on a differentjourney, absolutely one, a
different journey, but it'stough and I think the
self-confidence changes that,that the patients have through
this, that people have goingthrough this.
You do have to remember thatother people are going on this
journey with you, mm-hmm, andsometimes they're not gonna be
on the same step that you are,like you're saying, oh,
absolutely so let's and not amore.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
I will say my husband absolutely loves that I have
more energy and willingness todo social activities though he
said I, he yeah, he said he'slike I was not ready for just
the flip of the switch.
So literally, you would muchrather just go to a dive bar and
hang out with our friends, ornow I'm gonna be dragging that
boy to line dances.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Yes, but that's gonna go out of this comfort zone.
So much.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
But yeah, I yeah he is not ready for the willingness
there, but again, he also doeslike.
He does.
Like that I'm more confidentand don't put myself down as
much.
But I feel like my confidencehas hindered his self confidence
.
Now I feel he comments on hisweight more than he ever has.
(37:06):
Oh, interesting, I mean he'sgot a little more of a dad, but
but he his BMI guaranteed.
Not that BMI is whatever.
But, he is a very.
Yeah, he's healthy.
Yeah, he's a healthy weight.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Definitely Well and let's.
This isn't necessarily to endon this note.
We will actually do a separatepodcast, or maybe multiple,
about men and bariatrics and menand weight we're gonna have
some.
Yeah, because I think that thisis super under discussed the
fact that men also have body andself-esteem issues that are
really tied around weight andthe same things that women go
through to.
We just don't really see themvery often in our offices.
(37:39):
We don't really talk about itthe same way, but I hope to
create a space for people totalk about that too.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe my husband will open up alittle bit more of like what I
think he's asked so manyquestions while I've been on
this.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Look, he just listened today for the first
time to the podcast and he gotanother trucker Well he hold on,
hold on, hold on, no more.
And I'm not bashing For thefirst second.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
This guy listen okay, and he's asking me why is there
only two?
Oh, my goodness look at that.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
You have the thirst on your hands.
I love it.
No, but he listened.
He was like I learned this andthis and this.
I didn't know this and that,and how cool is that?
How?
Speaker 1 (38:20):
cool.
Were you listening when I wasteaching?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yes, I'm not Well okay, look he's.
He's done a lot of yeah, andadults take multiple times to
hear something before it becomesabsorbed.
We're all like that.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
I mean he's, he is so supportive.
Because how many Husband?
Okay, he is skeptical about allthe things, right, but how many
Husbands are like, oh, you'respending your time, your day off
like?
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Working on a podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Where's the benefit of what you doing with your life
?
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Also, I feel a little the same way too, but no, but I
think it's really Cool of youto talk about some of the
difficult things, because itisn't just all roses.
It isn't just all like oh, myself-confidence is amazing and
everything's perfect and I'mhealed.
That's not how it goes.
Yeah, and other people aregonna go on this journey with
you and they need to understandit's gonna be ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
There are people out there looking for this
information of wanting to know,to know what to prepare for.
Yeah, because, honestly, if Iknew this was such a mental,
yeah, honestly, I feel like mostof this journey is a mental
journey, like I would have dugeven deeper with the RIT.
Honestly, yeah, I've done a lotof self-help and so, but, yes,
(39:29):
Well, Tammy, thanks for going ona journey with us today.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
And mental health and Self-confidence.
I hope you guys all listen toour podcast and subscribe and
listen to the next one.
Find us on a lot of differentplatforms Instagram.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Instagram.
We're getting there.
We're getting there.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
If you have any ideas , if you have any thoughts, we
would love to hear them.
But I hope you are safe andhappy out there.
We'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
See you next time.
Bye, bye.
Welcome to Core Bariatrics Podcast hosted by
Bariatric Surgeon Dr MariaIliakova and Tammy Lacoste,
bariatric Coordinator and apatient herself.
Our goal is building andelevating our community.
The Core Bariatric Podcast doesnot offer medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment.
On this podcast, we aim toshare stories, support and
(00:22):
insight into the world beyondthe clinic.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Let's get into it, tammy.
So we're in beautiful Orlandoright now at a conference, and a
couple of nights ago we were ata restaurant bar.
There was a lady that wascalled out who was a publisher.
I just got a wild hair and Idared you to tap her on the
shoulder and strike up aconversation with her, and then
the cops were called because Ipunched her in the face.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Well, close.
So how'd that go?
I did it only because you said,if you do this you would not
have to go salsa dancing.
But I only got out of it forone night, yeah.
So how goes?
Yes, I did.
I was scared beyond, like I wasprobably shaking my heart
really.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Really oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Oh my gosh, because I've never like talked to
someone really professional andsaid, like this is what we're
doing.
This is especially like thebook that we're working on is
yeah, we've just kind of likethrown stuff at it, it's good,
but like we hadn't had yetdiscussed like exactly what
whatever.
Right, right.
(01:21):
So I just pulled her situationand she said oh yeah, our
company is always looking forstories.
And I'm like that makes sense,because you know people want
stories.
They do, yeah, so anyway.
So I asked her if I could haveher contact information and she
gave it to me and she ended upapparently being a publisher at
(01:43):
Penguin Random House Publishing.
I had to Google that justbecause I didn't know, but you
knew exactly who, well yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So we're going to reach out there, but so Tammy,
but do you think that that'ssomething that you would have
necessarily done a year and ahalf ago?
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not, because youeven saw my hesitation salsa
dancing.
Yeah, not so much, honestly.
Not so much because I didn'thave like the self confidence
per se, but I would.
I'm still absorbing this wholeculture shock because I am not
in Iowa?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
No, you're not in Iowa.
But then, tammy, you took meline dancing and I had no idea
white boys could dance like that.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Okay, let's start from the beginning where you
absolutely hated it.
The second you walked in.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Oh no, not even no, no, no, no, you're faking.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
No, no, no no, no, no , no, no, no.
Your face cannot lie.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Well, you dragged me from salsa dancing.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yes, Well, you took me out of my comfort zone, best
journey you took me online and Iliked it.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I liked it too.
All right, yes, there we go, sowe can do some good things.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yes, so we're going to talk about positive and
negative changes within, likeself esteem, and touch a little
bit in relationships and stuff.
All right, so positive ornegative, go Positive or
negative.
So I want to know first what'sbeen one of the most positive
(03:04):
changes that you've had that youdidn't expect since having
bariatric surgery, being willingto spark up a conversation and
not even think about it and justgo with it, even at the line
dancing bar and whatnot.
Just, yeah, I sparked upconversations with people I
wouldn't spark up conversationswith because I didn't want to be
(03:26):
recognized or I didn't evenwant to be noticed, I didn't
want.
No, no, no, no, no.
Why was that?
Because I was big, I had a lotof self esteem.
I did not have any self esteem.
I've told you this before andyou really were like wow, what
the heck that when I and this isa thing for people when I
(03:49):
walked into a room in a newplace or whatever, I scanned the
room to see if I was thebiggest person in the room, that
is so, but it was true, justbecause I don't know.
I guess I don't even know why.
I don't even know why.
I guess maybe it gave me alittle.
You could find it if you couldcrush people.
Yeah, no, no no.
Sorry, and then I just, andthen I just hide Like yeah,
(04:14):
that's wild.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That's wild.
That's wild because I know younow and you are Holy skin before
, sir, like you said, Well, yeah, I did.
Did you know before surgery?
But you were always so and it'sthat curiosity inside of you.
You were curious about yourself, you're curious about other
people, and so I never perceivedyou as having any trouble
speaking your mind or talkingwith other people or engaging in
something, so it's wild to meto think of you as someone who
(04:37):
had confidence trouble with yourself confidence.
Yes, I did, yeah, yeah.
And why do you think it'sdifferent now?
Why do you think you can walkinto a room and just spark up a
conversation with someone?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Because I'm looked at as normal.
I'm treated different.
I'm 100% treated differently,even between, like my child's
baseball moms.
I am approached way more now.
Why is that?
Was I any less?
Was I scary?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Was I.
That's why this scares me alittle and this is why it makes
me sad sometimes too, because Ifeel that this is not fair.
Ultimately, we I wish oursociety were more progressive
than this.
I wish people were a little bitmore open-minded than this.
Because you didn't change as aperson between a year going now,
(05:25):
or a year and a half ago andnow.
No, fundamentally, you corevalues as a person, didn't
change.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
No, but now I'm just more willing to share those core
values, and words are hard tochallenge other people's morals
and values.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah, because you did say like I look more normal now
and I'm like actually likestatistically speaking, normal
in the US is size over 14, asfar as I understand, for women
average, and for men I actuallydon't know men's sizes at all, I
realize right now but normal,even like what our perception of
normal is.
So not real, not true.
(06:03):
And what is and what is normalis a range, no matter what,
right, right, but you're notwrong at all in the sense.
People definitely treat eachother really differently,
depending on what their weightis.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
But then I also think , like am I now, which I know I
am, but is it more now because Iam more, like, confident in
talking and like, so maybe I'mmore personable now or before I
just maybe I gave off that vibeof I don't want to talk.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Oh, I'm shy, Like well.
That brings up kind of thisinteresting idea which I know
sometimes if I'm going throughsomething like you know, a bad
breakup or I injured myself orsomething like that, like I'm
much more closed off to peoplethan I would be if I were in a
great mood and everything wasgoing great and all that stuff.
So it's sort of this wholeyou're not.
You're not an island and wedon't live in a vacuum where
(06:55):
nothing else affects us.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So maybe actually you did change in a way in the past
year, year and a half a lot notthat your core values did, but
maybe, like you said, like yourability to express my outside.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Yeah.
But so I'm absolutely willingto put myself out there and
challenge people's like notchallenge, but I mean like have
a have a debate, conversationand being willing to stick up
for my thoughts and feelings andwhatnot and just how like at my
new job.
I mean it's it's not really new, because it was my first job
(07:30):
out of college, first of TorreyCollege, and so most of the
people that are there are stillstill were there previously.
But I was not afraid of evenbeing out of the like inpatient
respiratory therapy atmosphere.
Sure, I jumped right in, wasnot afraid to push people out of
my way to treat a patient ifwe're in a trauma situation.
(07:50):
Also, like when I went down tothe ER, which I don't know if
you've ever know you have beenin the ER.
I don't know, those people arerough.
Yeah, sometimes they're notvery like.
The ER is their own commuted.
Oh, yes, and if you come into,that is a closed commuted
community down there sometimes.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
So it was so funny that I walked into their little
like nurses station with all thedoctors and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
And.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I'm like Hi, I'm Tammy, I'm the new respiratory
therapist, just wanted to letyou know.
Yeah, nobody was introducing meis so weird.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Anyways, because I think people just assumed
everybody knew me because I wasthere.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
But anyways, ready for this, tell me during my
orientation yeah, our CEO isvery, very, very involved.
He is rarely just sittingbehind his computer.
You see him everywhere, andduring our orientation I was
front and center, which anotherthing.
I'm more willing to sit closer,I noticed that even so.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
yeah, at this conference that right now, you
always want to sit in the front,and I am one of those really
annoying people that lovesitting in the front too,
because I'm just soup.
I'm so sorry.
I own it though.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
This is who I am.
No, I love and I love talkingto people like that too, so I
it's so funny to me to seesomebody else like that, such a
kind of spirit Because, again, Idid not want to be recognized,
by the way, because if you're inthe front row there's a chance
that your speaker or presenteris going to call on you or like
recognize that you're agreeingor disagreeing and like talk to
(09:17):
you, right, but anyways.
So the CEO was giving just histalk about where, how they've
grown and where they're going.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I just I'm like so how open are you about new
things?
And he's like tell me more.
And I said, what about abariatric program?
And he's like, well, yes, he'slike I'm trying to surgeon, for
I'm like I got one.
And he really looked at me likewait, what?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Timmy, I feel like you're my pimp and I'm just like
no, I'm sharing you with theworld literally.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Yes, yes, you are a unique surgeon and I think you
know that.
And but anyways, and he's justlike let's touch base later.
But I would have never donethat.
Not a great, I don't know howdoes that feel?
I mean it feels good, and Idon't go afterwards and be like
what was I thinking?
Because there was times where Ihad all the confidence in the
(10:07):
world, when, back then, when I'dhave a few drinks in me but I
would always go back andoveranalyze it.
And now I'm just like nope,that was, that was what it was.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
So, yeah, it sounds like there's some really strong
positive things, because beingable to speak openly at work or
being able to speak openly innew situations, it's just it's.
It gives you that kind of likeadaptability, almost to never be
afraid of a situation, even ifit's new or uncomfortable you
always have yourself to rely onin a different way and I almost
feel like, especially in careernow, because I just I started
(10:42):
over and you know how that goes.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I just started over where I feel like I built myself
up Like everybody knew me at myold job and so I mean, people
know me here but don't know likehow well I am whatever, my
capabilities honestly youstarted the bottom of the totem
pole, Honestly probably stillthink I'm just a respiratory
therapist, but there's so muchmore to me.
So I think that's anotherreason why I put myself out
(11:04):
there is because I want peopleto know there's more to me.
Yeah, yeah, you're proud of thethings you are.
How are you going to climb thetotem pole if nobody knows who
you are?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And you're not willing to raise your hands, to
be involved, volunteer yourself,make yourself vulnerable, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
But then I guess there are some times now you
know, I'm approaching doctors,like I'm approaching doctors and
surgeons for you and stuff, butyeah, yeah, that's great yeah
it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It's crazy, that's great.
And you realize, everyone's ahuman being, oh yeah, and some
will love you, some will hateyou Well, but actually I wonder
I don't know if you've thoughtabout this, but what impact do
you think this has on how youtake care of patients?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I'm more willing to stick up for my patients for one
, I think and I'm also way morewilling to openly say to a
patient that I don't know whatI'm doing and I'm going to find
the answer for you.
I think that is a super strong,positive thing a person can do.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, like my first week back,we had a trach patient, so
(12:05):
that's a long term breathingairway in the neck, if people
don't know.
But I've not dealt with thetrach in so long and even then
they were still very, verythey're still kind of rare, but
they are scary because that'show they breathe and right it's
a hole and anyways.
So, and she was an older ladyand I don't know.
(12:25):
But I honestly told her.
I said I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to do anything
that is going to compromiseanything.
I'm going to help you in anyway possible, but that's why I'm
going to have this person inwith me, because she is way more
competent with tricks and I'mgoing to learn from her.
And if anything does not feelright, if you are uncomfortable,
(12:48):
just let me know.
Like so.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But what a mature way to handle that instead of
pretending like you know whatyou're doing and are flawless
right out the gate and thingslike that, you actually are
saying, hey, I don't know thisexactly.
Perfectly well, I can do better.
And I'm willing to ask for help.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Yeah, another person gets to feel good mentoring you
and teaching you, but I thinkwhen you are very, very insecure
and have low self-esteem, youdon't want to give anybody more
of a reason to think less of you.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Like more ammo?
Basically, yeah, because youthink that they already think
poorly and so you don't want togive them more.
Oh, wow, yeah, but I understandit completely Well.
So, like from my experience inthis as a resident, for instance
so when I was in residencyalready a doctor, but baby
doctor, learning how to dosurgery, learning how to do
things you're constantly beingchallenged with new things, with
complexity.
(13:38):
Things are, you know, every dayjust a million things thrown at
you and you really, really,really want to prove to people
that you know what you're doingthat you're competent, that
you're capable, but most of thetime, it's the first time that
you're doing something, or it'sthe first time when this
specific situation, and so youreally, really have to have that
humility and maturity to say Idon't know how to do this, but
I'd like to learn.
(13:58):
Will you show me, will you helpme?
And it's safer.
And especially when it comes topatients, of course, and it's
not only safer, but it actuallymakes you better, because, right
, like if you do, moreconfidence.
Exactly because, like if youhad just not taken the time to
ask somebody else to help you,you still wouldn't know how to
take care of a trait as well asyou could.
Yeah, but you did so.
Now you can take care of atrait and the next patient.
(14:19):
You're actually going to beable to do that without
necessarily needing somebodythere.
Oh right, Absolutely.
How cool is that?
Absolutely, that's a hugeprogression as a person.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think Absolutely, but there is some degr.
What's the other word?
Regression?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Regression.
Tell me about the.
What do you?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
mean by regression.
So, even though I am more self,have more self-esteem, maybe
more self-confidence, like ifit's hot outside I'm wearing
shorts, I don't care if you seemy loose skin from me losing so
much weight, it's on my mind butI'm more confident in that
aspect.
But also, on the contrary, I ammore self-conscious about being
(15:00):
naked, which has made and youheard my husband say I was just
on a call with him and I wantedyou to hear it that it has made
our intimacy harder.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Which sucks.
Yeah Well, can I interject here?
Yeah, because we know eachother pretty well now.
Oh yeah, you had shared thatyou took some like Boudoir
photos, which I personally gosexuality.
I love people's sexual health.
I think everybody should do it,because it was so Everybody
should do one of those, yes, andwhat that is is like you
basically take sexy photos witha professional photographer and
things like that, and it's notnecessarily nude or anything
(15:36):
like that.
It can be it doesn't have to bebut it's made potentially like
to share with your spouse orjust for your own, just
empowering too.
Yeah, like empowering all thesethings.
But for whatever reason, you doit, and you had mentioned how
sexy and confident she made youfeel and those photos made you
feel, yeah.
And I remember asking you ifyou would do that now to
celebrate the changes yourbody's history gone, and you had
(15:58):
kind of mixed you know a mixedresponse about that and that
ridiculous.
Well, no, tell me, what wasthat all about?
I don't think that's ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You can't hide loose skin.
I mean you can edit out stretchmarks, but at least it's full
skin.
But even standing in front ofher, even though she is very, I
love her to death, PhotographerAnyways, she makes everybody
feel so comfortable andbeautiful and whatnot.
And in Marie photography, yes,it is in Brooklyn.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Iowa, there you go, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I love her so much.
Yes, can find her on Facebook.
She does not sponsor thisepisode?
No, no, we really appreciateher yeah because she did our,
she did our photos, our photo,yep, that's right, and she made
you.
You've never done a photo shoot, I know, but anyways.
So, sitting, I feel like justsitting in front of her, I
honestly I don't know.
(16:45):
I would be uncomfortable, Idon't know.
Because, okay, some of thosesexy poses that she had me do,
like being on your hands andknees and your, you know
whatever, upside down thebackwards, they're saggy skin.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
And saggy boobs.
Can you tell me more about thesaggy like?
Why is that a big deal?
I don't know.
I don't either.
I don't know, I don't know.
Do you feel like?
Are you judging yourself?
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
No, I'd that's.
What's even worse is that likeI am all of, like you are
beautiful, like there's nothingwrong with you, and then I'm
over here like I am better thanI was about negative self talk,
but it's still definitely there.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I will say, like I dealt with what is called in the
language, body dysmorphia,which is sort of your body looks
a certain way and other peoplemay perceive it a certain way,
but you personally don't see itthat way.
You see it differently.
You see it as being ugly or notgood enough or less than, and
you don't see what the rest ofthe world sees.
And I think a lot of peoplereally, really struggle with
(17:50):
that from the body changes thathappen?
Absolutely, yep.
Do you think that it's easy tohave your mind catch up to what
your body's doing?
Is it?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
easy yeah no.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Like no, my no, my mind is 100%.
Still, I still go to plus sizesections.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh boy.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I like comfy clothes now, but no, literally like I'm
like, okay, let's need an extralarge, let's go to the dressing
room and I'm like, oh, no Idon't need an extra large.
Like um, yeah, my mind's notthere at all.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
You did say you, there's like a store you can't
even go to anymore Torrid.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, for the most part I cannot, because, yeah, it
is much, it's bigger stuff andI was like that was my store to
go to.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, Because you were asking me like, what store
do you go to?
And I realized I don't go tostores, I do everything online,
which is terrible, well,terrible.
I don't know, whatever yeah itis what it is, I suppose yeah,
but yeah it's so.
I don't even think peoplenecessarily think that they're
going to have changes wherethings you don't think about,
little things, will restructureas you go, you need to prepare
to, even though you hateyourself, obese, obese,
(18:58):
potentially looking yourself inthe mirror.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
you might hate looking at yourself in the
mirror, just for a differentreason.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Yeah, because of the changes being.
Do you think it is hatred thatyou feel hatred?
Oh, no, no, no, you said hatehow your body feels or how your
body looks.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Yeah, you did say hate, Okay fine.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Okay, this is a strong word.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Okay, I don't hate my body.
My body is now doing things theway it's supposed to do things
internally it is.
But also I can walk more andyou maybe walk so much.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I think your feet are just one pure blister at this
point, yeah let's talk aboutshoes, I know, oh yeah actually.
Yes, we should have an episodeon shoes, but I love shoes.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
So, but so I don't hate my body because it's it's
working better now.
I loved it enough to make ashocking change to it, and it's
working better I breathe, betterI move better Sure.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
But self confidence isn't just about those like
rational brain is still 100%messed up.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Yeah, and this is something.
Yeah, this is one of my bigdrivers for me approaching you
or us talking about this on apodcast is that I can't find
this on YouTube.
How do I right on my brain?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I wish I had an answer to right.
Honestly, I will say I don'tthink there's anything we're
gonna ask Lydia or my healthprovider how do I on my brain.
I think there's a process goingon here.
I don't think there's a fastforward.
Yeah, I also don't necessarilythink there's anything wrong
with a lot of this at all, orany of this necessarily, because
people's bodies change overtime, whether it's aging, or
(20:36):
whether it's pregnancy orwhether it's a medical condition
, or whether it's surgery, orwhether it's this and or whether
it's even like working out.
So, like I, for instance, Ilike working out and there's
certain you know kinds ofactivity that I do and I get
muscle.
Some places that I'm really Ilove it, and there's other
places that I'm like, oh, Idon't love.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Though, that how that looks.
Necessarily look like a man.
Yeah, because, like you know, Ihave, like you don't like well,
thank you, that's very kind.
Okay, that's why a lot of womendo not wait trains because
they're right to look like a manCorrect.
And like right.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
And I have like definition in some places that's
like oh I, you get the judgment.
Sometimes too, by the way,because people still think that
sometimes that like muscleshould not belong in a woman
which clearly I don't believethat but you're right.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Like probably stigma, they're saying that women
shouldn't be surgeons either.
I would know, yes, that's awhole another weird.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, that's too bad.
Too bad, so sad, but the ideaof being like I don't think
there's anything wrong, likethere's nothing wrong with
feeling the way that you feelabout your body and it not being
perfect.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
As long as you're feeling those feelings.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
So and being honest with it and and addressing it.
Are there other things that arechallenging about your self
esteem or self confidence thatyou've gone through in this
process?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Well, my self confidence, even though it's a
positive for me, sure comes offas a negative to other people.
I actually very openly and Iapologize to my sister in law,
who was used to be my bestestfriend, and we've gotten closer
obviously since I've hadbariatric surgery.
(22:10):
We have so many kids so that'shard but when she had bariatric
surgery, which I supported herso much because I took her to
her, I think there was a oneweek follow up.
Yeah, I thought she was crazythat she was literally eating
from like this one ounce cupwhatever.
But no, I supported her 100%.
But then she started losing herweight and she started getting
(22:32):
more confident, started gettingmore positive and she would post
things on Facebook and shestill does good for her and I do
too now Saying like if youstickers, by the way, if you
prediction, if you can't love mefor me or whatever, I don't
need you in my life, right, Ithought that was toxic
(22:53):
positivity and I openly saidthat to people.
So, yes, I was mean girl in her.
But recently I opened up to herand I said you know what?
I said this about you, but nowI understand now you feel it Now
.
I understand because becauseI'm also dealing with it yes,
dealing with people thinkingthat my positivity is like fake
(23:15):
or toxic and it's just like no,I just feel so stupid.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Good, I can cry about how I feel, so yeah, yeah, I
think that's pretty insightfulactually because, like you're
basically saying, I realizedthat some of my I was judging
people for their, for theirexpression of happiness, their
expression of self, because Ididn't understand it and I
didn't know how to feel that ordidn't feel that at the time.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, that's pretty that's pretty deep, so I tend to
her um, she came off as, and Icame off never, probably now
come off as as, yeah, toxicpositivity, or so it's like self
centered.
Yes, I am self centered becauseI prioritize myself, you know.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
But the thing is, I think we have a culture that's
very weird on this Self centeredweird this ego thing and all
this because we're not allowedto like talk about ourselves or
be proud of ourselves, but yetwe're supposed to have enough
self confidence to like to takecare of issues and bootstrap
ourselves out of everything andbe responsible people.
You can't really have it bothways like.
You do have to have some levelof self confidence to be a
(24:18):
responsible person.
Right for yourself and yourfamily and your friends and what
you do for work and all thosethings right.
So you have to have.
You have to have some selfconfidence and it's super
healthy to have self confidenceand that's sometimes, yeah,
threatening to people totally.
And it's often threatening ifyou don't feel self-confident,
because, again, like I'll justgo back to Like you know, in a
(24:38):
personal state where I don't, ifI don't feel good, I kind of
it's not healthy at all.
But all of us, I think,naturally we kind of see other
people being happy and you'relike, oh, I want to be happy.
Why are they so happy?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
and also like what's crazy is like I I sometimes am
just like I feel like I haven'tchanged a whole lot, sometimes
like, as you said, likememorials are still there.
I feel like my Whatever is.
And then people have saidyou've changed so much, and then
I ask how?
And they just don't even know.
Really.
(25:11):
They give a roundabout answerLike, oh, I don't think they
even understand and I think itreally just is geared around
like I'm going to prioritizemyself, right, I'm gonna be
selfish right, I'm be selfish,right, and being selfish in a
way that that helps you is sortof like when the mask comes down
in the airplane.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
And you're told you have to put the mask on yourself
first before you put it on yourkids or your neighbor or
whatever.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Yeah, yeah, and you do and it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I know it's hard to wrap your head around, yeah, and
I imagine as a parent it's hardto do that.
I think as an adult it's hardto do that, as a woman it's hard
to do that, and I feel this, Idon't know like I really really
shared that feeling a lot withyou to me, and so I'm glad
because, like I'm going througha little bit of a rough time
right now myself, and you'vebeen a huge source of support
and friendship for me right nowand I really appreciate it
(25:59):
because it would make me so muchmore insecure and so much just
Vulnerable to my emotions In away that, yeah, in a way that
thankfully I, you know I havesupport like you and friends and
things.
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Well, I suggest everybody um go.
If you're having a bad day, goon to chat gpt, oh yeah right,
we found this today.
This is great.
Write me a bio.
You put your name, what you do.
Yes, hobbies are what.
Any accomplishments, anythingthat thing will hype you.
It is hype, hype.
It is your hype man, it is nutsUh.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
I okay sidetrack.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Sorry, it is a good hype man, it is, that's true, um
.
But so, even though, um, someof my insecurities have gone
away, my husband's insecuritieshave gotten higher.
Okay, so people are, myself-confidence yeah.
Oh yeah, um.
So, and sometimes that cancause some fights, like luckily
he's like now I don't bashmyself as much anymore, like I
(26:56):
sure don't have anything to wear.
I look ugly in this, I'm toofat for this, these jeans don't
look good I, and then I juststay home.
But and I've even said this toa patient's husband yeah, I read
the room, I, I knew the peopleI worked I was talking to.
Our patients are our family andI, because I wanted the husband
to know this Um, he was very,very small.
He is a marathon runner,apparently.
(27:18):
I always had pictures of myhusband and my kids behind my
dad and I said, okay, so you see, you see my husband over there.
He's pretty good looking man,like um he's.
He's very attractive.
He looks like he'd be a very,very secure man.
Yeah, but he's not.
And so I said just be prepared,he's human.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
It's not that he's not secure, it's that he's human
and you're changing.
Well, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
No, but yeah, yeah, he's got some.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
He's got some work to do.
Everyone, everyone, everyone'sgot this like.
And guys, we do not talk aboutthe fact that guys have as much
insecurity, as absolutely no andit is not like it is super Okay
and it is super Normal.
And I again one of the things Iwish we would talk about more
Guys have feelings too.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Oh yeah, absolutely.
And so I told that husband thatyou need to mentally prepare
yourself for your wife who isgoing to have bariatric surgery.
Whom is not everybody's cup oftea, like physically attraction
not that she shouldn't be, buteverybody has their cup of tea.
It might be more people's cupof tea after she loses her
(28:23):
weight, like I've beenapproached more in a bar now in
the past year than I have mywhole life.
I don't know.
But again, maybe I'm moreapproachable.
But, um, that makes my husbandreally, really insecure that I'm
going to find someone else.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
And you've expressed how much you love this person,
how much you are dedicated as aperson, no matter what, and all
those things.
And it's it's funny becauseyou're right, like this person
didn't change, but because youchanged right, it kind of un
Covers some things for some ofthe people around you, whether
it's friends or family or others.
It's it's so interestingbecause they didn't change but
(28:59):
they're going through the changewith you Exactly.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Oh yeah, absolutely, and we're we're trying to
convince my husband to be on theshow here.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, right, and obviously we, we this isn't
helping, I'm sure, but no, noboy will get in one day.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
No, he, he.
So we were taught.
We asked him I needed Maria'sto hear out of his mouth that it
was okay for me to talk aboutour Um, struggling sex life.
And he's like, yeah, it's true,like wow, you're that.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
You guys are so crazy .
I think in a positive way,because, again, tavis object.
People do not want to talkabout that.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Even in therapy sessions.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
People don't want to talk about that because it is so
personal and so rough sometimes.
I cannot believe you guys havethe balls to do that.
I'm so like, I'm so thankfulbecause, again, I think when we
talk about those things, wenormalize what other people want
to talk about and we normalizewhat other people are
experiencing.
What we're experiencing is whatother people experience to yeah
(29:53):
, a lot of people and I, yeah, Imean like I think through this
experience I have gotten toshare things I normally wouldn't
wouldn't have.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
I'm right of you too.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Well, thanks, and I think you definitely have, and I
think it takes a lot of guts todo that.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Well, I just want to give Other patients the content
that I did not have.
I wanted to know yeah, I wantedto hear about people having
mental health issues because Ihad huge risk factors right, I
have Witness some, you knowmental health issues after
bariatric surgery that I wantedto Try to prevent, and so there
(30:30):
was nothing out there.
Luckily, our mental healthprovider is so very she is.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Oh, I can't wait.
Watching multiple of ours aregreat.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
We've got some really great people and so another
like negative is that, obviously, bariatric surgery is an
emotional roller coaster journeyand I feel, like Myself and my
husband Previously, very, veryemotionally immature Okay, no
(30:57):
emotional intelligence, becausewe were raised in households
that kids are seen and not hurt.
Okay you know you can't havebig feelings at all.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
No space for that right.
We're in a Russian background.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
So and so now, with my journey and you know, just
becoming so much more educatedand how to Help myself and
whatnot, I feel like myemotional intelligence and
emotional maturity Awarenesssure is so much there.
Sure, meanwhile, my husband isstill, he was.
We always joke, even his momjokes that, like the whole, all
(31:33):
the men were raised bywerewolves.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Oh, I love it, you know well, sometimes I feel like
I was raised by werewolf.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
No no.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Condolences to my mom .
Actually, no, that soundedreally not, not how I wanted to
sound.
It's just that.
You know, I think we all we actout of a lot of defensiveness
sometimes myself personally verymuch calling myself out on that
.
It takes it's really tough tobe self-aware, but I think, tim,
like one of the things that Iwas so impressed by and I did
(32:00):
you are right, I saw this changein you over the past year and a
half was that you did becomemore self-aware and Out of that
awareness, you were able to helpother people and more because
you were able to createStructure in our program and
experience.
Yeah, that was safe for otherpeople, it was honest.
(32:21):
That was a witness to people'sdifficulties and and the
positive, and because peopleneed to be witnessed for both
right the positive absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But kind of rounding about with, like me, becoming
more emotional, immature andmore self-aware and so I have
better self-regulation.
So, like, the patience I havewith my kids is just so much
more because I have learned that, like kids are still learning
how to Express their emotionsyes, I just learned how to.
(32:51):
I still explode sometimes but,yes, I cannot expect my kid, who
is having a heart big, bigfeeling, to not scream on the
top of his lungs and no otherperson should.
Right, if sometimes I can'teven handle that right.
And so my, my husband very, andhe he will openly say this that
he is something his patientslevel is is lessened.
(33:13):
He does, he actually does very,very well and if he does
something he is self-aware thathe did not like that and he has.
I'm very proud of him thatthere was a time With our son
that our male son is a spitfire.
Everybody loves him but boy ishe.
He's the one that teach me thatall kids cannot be parented the
same and I can never judge aparent for a screaming child.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
So you have one.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I'm saving grace, but um there was a time when he was
having very big emotions.
He is very defiant.
He is very he is not afraid ofyou at all, ever, and so my
husband overreacted a little bitand that in the and then about.
I saw it on his face, thesecond that he just went a
little overboard.
He felt horrible for it.
(34:00):
I'm proud of him for that.
But yeah, he's still working.
Yeah, so I'm still a littleahead, and so sometimes it's we.
There's a clash, sometimes atthat.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, and so um, and I communicate better and I want
more feelings.
Blue card blue colored men haveno like.
They show no emotion becausethey're stigmatized Absolutely
but guess what?
I want your emotions, because Iwant to know what's wrong,
right, I want to help you youknow what's cool is in our
program.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
A lot of times Spouses would come together so
we would have somebody who wasdoing surgery and then their
spouse would come, and they'realways welcome.
I think that's super great.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
I have been in the hospital.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That's fair.
You should think it out of themost where you don't want to be
in one.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
I get it, we've got.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Believe me, I love my jam, but it is not most
people's jam, but the idea beinglike, when people are going to
go in, going to go on thisjourney together, it can be
really helpful for everyone toknow what's expected, what's not
expected, what's involved, howto get help, how to help each
other.
I remember, actually, one ofour patients brought her husband
into one of her last visits andthe husband was super skeptical
(35:07):
about this bariatric surgerything and he was like I don't
know, and all of this, and I'veheard the divorce rates are
higher and all this.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
And.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I said you're not wrong, you know, and I asked you
know and I even mentioned I.
I said I'm so proud that you'rehere, because the fact that
you're asking these questionsthey're worried about it that
you're here with her, thatyou're showing up.
That says more than anythingelse possibly could about the
fact that you love each otherAbsolutely, but you're here for
each other, that you want tounderstand what you're both
(35:36):
getting into mm-hmm, and that itis Ultimately up to you to
decide how to grow together.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yeah, through this new experience, but that man was
showing some emotionalintelligence of like.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
This is how I feel and I'm telling you how I feel.
Yes, where my husband.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
I could and he will agree with this, I can.
I can say we're doing whateverwe're doing, and he's like right
?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
well, you know everyone.
Yeah everyone's on a differentjourney, absolutely one, a
different journey, but it'stough and I think the
self-confidence changes that,that the patients have through
this, that people have goingthrough this.
You do have to remember thatother people are going on this
journey with you, mm-hmm, andsometimes they're not gonna be
on the same step that you are,like you're saying, oh,
absolutely so let's and not amore.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
I will say my husband absolutely loves that I have
more energy and willingness todo social activities though he
said I, he yeah, he said he'slike I was not ready for just
the flip of the switch.
So literally, you would muchrather just go to a dive bar and
hang out with our friends, ornow I'm gonna be dragging that
boy to line dances.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Yes, but that's gonna go out of this comfort zone.
So much.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
But yeah, I yeah he is not ready for the willingness
there, but again, he also doeslike.
He does.
Like that I'm more confidentand don't put myself down as
much.
But I feel like my confidencehas hindered his self confidence
.
Now I feel he comments on hisweight more than he ever has.
(37:06):
Oh, interesting, I mean he'sgot a little more of a dad, but
but he his BMI guaranteed.
Not that BMI is whatever.
But, he is a very.
Yeah, he's healthy.
Yeah, he's a healthy weight.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Definitely Well and let's.
This isn't necessarily to endon this note.
We will actually do a separatepodcast, or maybe multiple,
about men and bariatrics and menand weight we're gonna have
some.
Yeah, because I think that thisis super under discussed the
fact that men also have body andself-esteem issues that are
really tied around weight andthe same things that women go
through to.
We just don't really see themvery often in our offices.
(37:39):
We don't really talk about itthe same way, but I hope to
create a space for people totalk about that too.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe my husband will open up alittle bit more of like what I
think he's asked so manyquestions while I've been on
this.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Look, he just listened today for the first
time to the podcast and he gotanother trucker Well he hold on,
hold on, hold on, no more.
And I'm not bashing For thefirst second.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
This guy listen okay, and he's asking me why is there
only two?
Oh, my goodness look at that.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
You have the thirst on your hands.
I love it.
No, but he listened.
He was like I learned this andthis and this.
I didn't know this and that,and how cool is that?
How?
Speaker 1 (38:20):
cool.
Were you listening when I wasteaching?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yes, I'm not Well okay, look he's.
He's done a lot of yeah, andadults take multiple times to
hear something before it becomesabsorbed.
We're all like that.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
I mean he's, he is so supportive.
Because how many Husband?
Okay, he is skeptical about allthe things, right, but how many
Husbands are like, oh, you'respending your time, your day off
like?
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Working on a podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Where's the benefit of what you doing with your life
?
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Also, I feel a little the same way too, but no, but I
think it's really Cool of youto talk about some of the
difficult things, because itisn't just all roses.
It isn't just all like oh, myself-confidence is amazing and
everything's perfect and I'mhealed.
That's not how it goes.
Yeah, and other people aregonna go on this journey with
you and they need to understandit's gonna be ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
There are people out there looking for this
information of wanting to know,to know what to prepare for.
Yeah, because, honestly, if Iknew this was such a mental,
yeah, honestly, I feel like mostof this journey is a mental
journey, like I would have dugeven deeper with the RIT.
Honestly, yeah, I've done a lotof self-help and so, but, yes,
(39:29):
Well, Tammy, thanks for going ona journey with us today.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
And mental health and Self-confidence.
I hope you guys all listen toour podcast and subscribe and
listen to the next one.
Find us on a lot of differentplatforms Instagram.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Instagram.
We're getting there.
We're getting there.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
If you have any ideas , if you have any thoughts, we
would love to hear them.
But I hope you are safe andhappy out there.
We'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
See you next time.
Bye, bye.
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