May 18, 2025 • 27 mins
Ever wonder why all those money affirmations aren't actually working? In this episode, Lauren dives into why mindset work alone can actually become a form of self-gaslighting when it comes to your money relationship. Discover the missing piece between manifestation and real financial transformation.
In this episode…
💡Why manifestation without action becomes a form of self-gaslighting
🙏🏼 The power of pairing mindset work with practical money management
💜 How to build an authentic relationship with money based on trust
💰 The "practice makes proof" philosophy that creates real financial change
🌉 Ways to bridge the gap between energetic abundance and material reality
This episode is for spiritual entrepreneurs, manifestation enthusiasts, and anyone who's tried mindset work but hasn't seen the financial results they desire. Learn how to create real alignment between your money beliefs and behaviors so your affirmations can finally take root and create lasting transformation.
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🎙️ Brought to you by Lauren Poppins Raye
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Find out your Money Attachment Style: cosmicb.link/quiz
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Connect with Lauren on Instagram: @laurenpoppinsraye
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You speak in abundance, youjournal your goals, but deep
down you're doubting it lives inyour bones.
I trust myself with money youwhisper on loop while ghosting
your numbers and dodging thetruth.
Money flows easily.
Sure, that's the claim, butthere's nothing for sale and no
link to your name.
That's not manifesting, it'sbypass in glitter.
(00:21):
Slapping sparkle on shame.
Hoping mindset will fix her, butbelief needs a backbone.
Words need a frame and trust,that's a pattern, not just a
name.
This isn't about ditching thewoo or the spells, it's making
them real where embodimentdwells.
So let's stop the self gaslight.
Let's do this with grace.
Let's build you a money flowgrounded in space.
(00:43):
Today we're talking about thelies we tell ourselves in the
name of healing and mindset, andparticularly when it comes to
our money and how not onlyineffective that is when not
also paired with actualpractical tending of your money
(01:05):
in 3D, but also how it'sactually quite sabotaging to the
cause of your abundance.
Money mindset became such a buzzterm, and I see so many more
people teach and train people onhow to mindset their way into
wealth and abundance, but don'talso back it up with any kind of
(01:28):
actual practical tools orsystems to train you to actually
be better at money.
So it's almost like it waspositioned as a shortcut, but in
reality, the shortcut doesn'tlead you anywhere.
Or if it does, it leads you toactually gaslighting yourself
because your nervous systemknows better if you are trying
(01:51):
to tell yourself things onrepeat as mantras, about what
you hope or wish yourrelationship with money to be,
but your nervous system and yourunconscious and your mind know
that it's bullshit.
It's not going to land.
It can't.
Those beliefs, those mantras,those affirmations will just be
(02:14):
rejected.
Now, don't get me wrong, mindsetwork is super powerful when
paired with making actual shiftand change and growth within
yourself and in your reality.
Actually showing up differentand doubling down on supporting
the rewiring of your mind andbelief system.
(02:36):
To match the new reality thatyou're creating, the new
skill-based or reality-basedreality, that you are actually
showing up to nurture and shiftin your world.
But if those words that you'resaying don't have roots in your
reality, your nervous systemknows, your unconscious knows,
(02:56):
and that's why it registers asgaslighting.
Whether or not you'reconsciously aware of it, the
point is it's not gonna work.
It's not gonna land.
Those words aren't going tomagically change you, and your
body knows.
Your body knows when you saythem and use them and try to use
them for that purpose, thatyou're lying to yourself and you
(03:17):
know it too on some level.
Again, whether you're consciousof it or not.
It's not that it is not a goodidea to do mindset work, the
energetics behind what ispossible and available for you
is a huge part of what makes yousuccessful at anything in life,
but for sure at your money.
And that place where abundance,the energetics of abundance
(03:41):
become the manifest materialreality of money and wealth.
But that said, it should behelping you to rewire around
what is true.
A lot of times, our beliefsystem, the beliefs that we hold
unconsciously and deeply in ourbones are based on a past
reality.
(04:01):
If we end up actually changingthings and changing our story
and changing how we show up,oftentimes it does require
deliberate, intentional mindsetwork to rewire our beliefs to
match our new reality.
But that's the point, it shouldbe to match what is now true or
becoming true for you, not tobypass over the reality of your
(04:27):
actual relationship with moneyand try to trick or convince
yourself otherwise to somehowtap into a magical manifestation
flow whereby you receive moneywithout actually nurturing any
kind of relationship with it.
What I see often and when peoplecome to me ready to do that real
(04:48):
practical, grounded work, isthat if they're honest with
themselves, the time thatthey've spent focusing
exclusively on the mindset sideof things was really a way for
them to avoid or resist the workthat they knew needed to be
done.
A way for them to avoid lookingat their fear, their patterns,
(05:11):
their trauma, their debt.
If we're talking about the morematerially manifest version of
these things.
Even though they did it with thebest of intentions to try to put
awareness to those things, toheal them, ultimately, if you're
not doing the work to actuallychange how you are with money,
you were just bypassing, nothealing all of those things that
(05:35):
you were presencing.
What I see is that, again,people come to me, they're ready
to actually do the work.
When they're honest with theirselves, they're like, dude, I
was like torturing myself.
When you are continually showingup, putting your conscious
awareness on your issues withmoney, but you're only doing it
around the mindset work, themantras and the affirmations,
(05:57):
you're not actually doinganything about it.
You're just forcing yourself tostare at the problem and the
issue while gaslighting yourselfand nothing sticking or
changing.
That sucks.
That kind of bypassing,disguised as manifesting or
doing mindset work or healingactually becomes a shield or the
(06:20):
way that you avoid or resist.
Looking at and dealing with andfacing what is actually being
asked of you, and how you areactually being called to show up
and shift your relationship withmoney by getting more grounded
with the 3D things that you needto actually do to show up and
(06:40):
tend it regularly to be incompliance if you're a business
owner and to do another slew ofthings that wants to be part of
a regular money date or moneypractice, so that then when you
tell yourself things like, Itrust myself with money.
You can actually believeyourself.
You do actually trust yourselfwith money.
It's true.
(07:00):
And you're reminding yourunconscious mind and your belief
system that that's the newreality.
This is where I want to bring inour understanding in any other
kind of relationship to howwe're looking through this lens
today, to understand ourrelationship with money.
Because obviously when I talkabout gaslighting, the first
thing you think of is not howyou gaslight yourself.
(07:22):
And it has nothing to do withmoney.
You probably think of toxicpatterning in relationships with
humans in intimate relating.
This is one way that I love toframe our relationship with
money also, because often peoplethat come in from the mindset
work healing space around moneyready to do the grounded,
practical work.
Have been framing it as traumaor a problem to fix, and I love
(07:49):
to offer the very effectivereframe that just like in any
other relationship, yourrelationship is not a problem to
fix.
It's something that you'vechosen, that you have a certain
relationship with right now, andyou need to lean in or get in
right relationship with itsomehow.
If it was your partner andthings were taking a turn for
(08:12):
the worst.
You might go to therapy, youmight start doing a date night,
you might start dropping in andcreating container for
conversation and curiosity.
You wouldn't say oh, myrelationship is problematic or
broken.
I need to fix it.
I hope not.
You would decide okay, I careabout this.
I need to start showing updifferently in alignment with
(08:36):
the value that I do place onthis relationship.
It's important to me, and I'mgonna show up and do my part to
make it what I want it to be andgive it what it needs so that I
can get what I need from it tostart to create more of a
generative relationship so thatit doesn't feel like it's
draining or sucking me or theother person.
(08:57):
On the other side of selfgaslighting, we're talking about
self-trust.
If you've been experiencingtoxic patterns in a
relationship, what you wantinstead is to foster and
cultivate trust.
And you wouldn't trust a partnerwho says, you can count on me,
but you know that you actuallycan't because in practice, that
(09:18):
person is never there for youwhen you need them.
Similarly, it's not going towork for you to tell yourself, I
trust myself with money.
If you know that you can't,because you know that you're not
going to show up in the waysthat are needed, you might not
yet even know how to do that andhaven't been willing to learn,
and you just don't followthrough with that statement.
(09:39):
So essentially it means nothingto tell yourself that you trust
yourself with money when youknow that your bills are unpaid,
your bank account balance isunknown, and you generally avoid
or lean out or show up only in astate of urgency.
Maybe once a year during taxtime, when it's needed, but you
don't show up regularly.
(10:00):
Similarly, in any relationship,if you're only showing up at
certain times, and it's verytransactional rather than
showing up regularly to nurtureit because it's important to
you.
Those are two very differentkinds of relationships, and just
like in any relationship, trustis nurtured through consistency.
It's not a switch that you flip.
(10:21):
It is not a problem that youfix.
The problem doesn't become trustbecause you decide for it to be
so, it's something that you leaninto and you nurture
consistently until that trust isbuilt.
My favorite little ism thatexpresses this is that practice
makes proof.
I like this so much better thanpractice makes perfect because
that's missing the point.
(10:41):
But in the case of thisconversation, practice does make
proof and shows our unconsciousand our nervous system that we
do actually have ourselves andcan trust ourselves with money
so that when we say that toourselves, we believe it and it
roots.
And that mindset work reallymakes a difference and supports
the cause.
I keep talking about thegrounded, practical side of
(11:03):
things that is just as importantand needs to be paired with the
mindset work for it to actuallybe effective.
Not only for that, but for itnot to be destructive for you.
It's not a good way withyourself to be gaslighting
yourself, obviously.
We're talking about behavioressentially in its most basic
(11:23):
form.
Obviously with money, I'mtalking about grounded,
practical systems, processes,practices, but we're talking
about behavior.
That it can't just be in themental emotional realm, trying
to convince yourself ofsomething that's not true.
You also actually need to changeyour behavior.
Just like in a relationship, ifsomebody kept telling you, oh,
(11:44):
I'm never gonna do that again.
But their behavior isn'tactually changing.
You're not going to believe itanymore when they tell you that.
Similarly with your money,mindset, mantras and
affirmations, if you aren't alsochanging your behavior around
money, none of those are goingto land or be able to take root
or basically be believed by yournervous system and your
(12:06):
unconscious belief system.
I always love to bring it back,especially with money, to the
metaphor of a river and a bank.
That combination, that yin yang,beautiful synthesis of spirit
and structure.
With whatever we're talkingabout.
In this case, the money metaphoris obviously present, but it
(12:27):
also works when we're talkingabout belief.
Because belief is like acurrent, it's able to evolve and
change, but in order for it toreally take root and establish
itself throughout your system,it also needs the structure of
action and behavior to bringrelevance and context to it so
(12:48):
that it can actually land andtake root within you.
Another example of this, if youare telling yourself over and
over and trying to root thebelief that you are open to
receive abundance.
But you have no offers for sale.
You have no sales pages active,no checkout links, and you don't
(13:09):
have anything being shared orposted or available publicly for
people to see it if you do.
If you don't have a product orservice available, if you don't
have a plan or something set upfor money to be able to come to
you, but you are tellingyourself, I am open to receive
abundance.
Now, I'm not saying thatmiracles don't happen and that
(13:32):
money doesn't come to you inways that you don't expect
because it absolutely does.
But the point is, if you don'tactually have structures in
place, if there aren't realworld physical, tangible 3D ways
that you're aware of for moneyto come to you, if you haven't
put the effort forth or done thework to build and share ways
(13:56):
that somebody could actually payyou, if you are not making value
available for people to pay you,then telling yourself that
you're open to receiveabundance, there's a missing
piece there.
There's a mismatch.
A part of you is not going toactually believe that.
Even though it might feel niceand sound nice and feel good to
say, a part of you doesn'tbelieve it.
(14:18):
So it's not actually going tochange your belief so that in
some magical way money comes toyou.
Or maybe it will, but notreliably.
You need something for money toflow through, something
intentional that you've createdfor people to pay you, because
that dichotomy is real.
Energy, love, structure, andspirit loves form.
(14:40):
When we're talking about money,we are absolutely talking about
that bridge between energeticabundance and material form.
Basically, I'm saying that youneed to meet your magic halfway.
One of the ways that we do thisinside Cosmic Currency is that
once you're aware, crystal clearaware of, not only what kind of
(15:01):
reality you want to call in, youhave that rootedness in your
desires and your vision of thereality and the lifestyle that
you want to make possible at acertain earning level.
But you also are super clearexactly how much you need to
bring in to meet your currentneeds so that you are secure and
(15:21):
settled in your current reality,and then knowing exactly what
that number is of that nextlevel reality.
That next level revenue streamthat you want to call in to make
that envisioned reality timelinecome to you.
The next step is to visualize,show yourself, do some math, I
have a spreadsheet tool that weuse so you don't have to do the
(15:43):
math, but show yourself what area bunch of different ways that
that money can come in.
And again, it's not because youare stripping all of the magic
out of the equation.
You are opening your mind tomultiple possibilities, multiple
avenues or streams or ways thatthat money can come to you
(16:03):
because you are showing thatpart of your mind and belief
system, that part that might noteven believe that it's possible
to make the amount of money thatyou need or want at your next
level, you are showing it, notonly is it possible, look at all
of these different ways that itcould happen.
That's the piece that your mindneeds for the mantras, the
affirmations, the mindset workto actually work.
(16:26):
And of course, we still leaveroom for magic because you don't
know exactly how people aregoing to buy or what miraculous
pathways might open for money tocome in.
But that magical manifestationmindset work becomes that much
more potent, reliable, andpowerful when your mind is in
the expansive open space of ohyeah, there's so many different
(16:49):
ways I am open to receive.
So this really comes down tothat, you have your role and
spirit, or the universe orhowever you wanna frame, I like
to think of it as the bank ofthe universe, where these funds
actually come from beyond thematerial plane, where that
energetic flow is sourced.
That then becomes the money thatcomes to you when you ask for
(17:11):
it.
Money manifestation is aco-creative process and you have
your role to play and universehas its role to play.
It very well might not be up toyou.
I certainly am not suggestingthat you micromanage exactly how
the money's going to come in andgrip so tightly with your
control that you don't leaveroom for miracles and other
(17:32):
possibilities, this or somethinggreater, that you didn't even
think of.
But what I'm saying is you dohave a role to play in showing
yourself 3D practically,tangibly, what are these
different ways that it canhappen?
Because then practice is proof.
Iterations are proof.
If it could happen 15 differentways, it is going to happen.
(17:53):
When you believe in possibility,which happens not just through
empty mindset work and takealigned action, things move,
things happen, things fall intoplace.
So I hope I'm not being mistakenhere.
This is not anti mindset.
I'm not suggesting that allmindset work is gaslighting
because it's not.
(18:14):
But if there is an absence ofbehavior, of aligned action, of
grounded, practical shifts inhow you're showing up to shift
your reality, then it is goingto land as empty and hollow.
What we're actually talkingabout here is pro alignment.
Because when your beliefs arebacked by behavior, you are
(18:36):
aligned in both worlds, bothspheres, full spectrum.
Your affirmations and yourmantras are able to land, take
hold, take root to shift yourbelief system because you
actually believe them when yousay them, and your body hears
them.
Trust is a kind of confidence inother people or in ourselves.
The more that we show upconsistently in ways that we
(18:59):
build our confidence aroundsomething, in this case, around
money, and we show up for thatpractice over and over.
We're not just showing ourselfthat we have the knowledge or
the capacity for something,we're showing ourself that we
can actually count on ourselves,that we will actually show up
when needed as needed so that wecan have a relationship with
(19:21):
money that we can trust and relyon.
Building those structures aroundour relationship with money,
around spreadsheet tools orsoftware apps or regular ritual
practices, money dates, currencycheck-ins.
Whatever that structure lookslike for you, it is absolutely
(19:42):
needed to support the flow thatyou're calling in.
The abundance that you areasking to receive and transform
into the form of wealth, money,revenue, sales, to translate
into profits and into investingand into growing your wealth.
(20:02):
And hopefully into splurging andtreating yourself along the way.
Isn't that a part of it too whenit comes to growing your trust?
It's not just, this isolated ina vacuum space of how are you
with your money?
It's how does your life, howdoes that ripple out into the
life that you actually enjoy andexperience?
(20:24):
You trust yourself with moneywhen you know that the funds to
pay your bills are going to bethere when you need them, and
then you actually have thatexperience over and over of
easily being able to pay yourbills.
You have trust in yourself whenyou get a whim to go on a
vacation, when you get the ideato do something or spend on
(20:46):
something cool and you know thatthe money is gonna be there and
available for you.
Because you set your life upsuch that the amount that you
need to pay your bills, theresponsibilities that you
already have, but to have themargins and the cushions to be
able to do what you want andultimately to be able to aim to
that next level over and overand over again.
(21:07):
That you are to show up with achill, nervous system.
Another one, come tax time, ifevery year you show yourself
that you have the experiencethat because you have not been
tracking and tending your moneyflow throughout the year, so
that tax time is looming aroundevery year's corner of having to
scramble and stress to do awhole year's worth of catch up,
(21:31):
just to get it in and then findout what you owe and not have
the amount to pay, woo, that isa stressful scenario that I knew
all too well supporting taxclients for over a decade.
If that is your body'sexperience year after year, it
is not going to believe you whenyou tell it, I've got us with
money.
However, if you have a structureand systems and practices and a
(21:55):
committed relationship withmoney where you show up to
nurture and tend it, in realtime year round so that when tax
season comes, you actually justfeel super confident and ready.
You have the money set aside andall of your books ready and you
show yourself.
You build that iteration ofexperience to build trust with
(22:18):
yourself.
A few years in a row of that.
That is what changes yourrelationship with money, and
that's what makes it so thatwhen you tell yourself the
affirmations or the mantras,your belief system, your mind is
ready to rewire around the truthof that new reality that you are
creating for yourself throughthe behaviors associated with
(22:39):
how you show up for it.
And with that, I leave you withsome final reflections, after
having gone on this journey ofthis episode together, to root
into where you're actually atwith your money and a fun thing
to do at the end to get evenmore clear.
Question one, where have youbeen bypassing with your mindset
(23:02):
tools?
I want you to identify what arethe mindset tools that you have
leaned into now or in the past?
And how effective were they toactually stick and take root and
change what your actual livedexperience with money is
relative to, at any given time,how effective was it based on
(23:27):
your actual practices, yourrubber meets the road
relationship with your money,with your bank account, with
your records, with your salesprocess?
Take stock, do a little auditthinking back in reflection of
various times that you've beenengaged in mindset practices
around money and times thatyou've been more or less
(23:49):
involved with the moneymanagement behaviors that you
may have had in practice atvarious times.
Number two, what would it looklike to tend your relationship,
like it was a relationship thatmattered.
For this one, it might be reallyhelpful to reflect on the bridge
between relationships thatyou've had in your life that
(24:12):
have felt very supportive andones that have not, and to think
about how you actually showed upin that relationship.
It might not be that it wasneglectful.
It might be that you leaned in alittle too hard.
That you were more anxiouslyattached in the equation, in
that relationship.
But start to do a little bit ofan audit of what your experience
(24:34):
in relationships has been,because there can be a lot of
clues there for you andenvision, what would the most
optimal, healthiest relationshipwith money look like?
How would you show up for that?
And thirdly, what could you putinto practice this week to prove
to yourself that you areactually worthy of the
(24:55):
relationship that you want tohave with money?
Show yourself that it isabsolutely possible and
available and that you areabsolutely a viable part of the
equation to make it real.
And lastly, if you haven'talready, I have a super quick,
free fun quiz to determine whatyour cosmic money style is.
(25:17):
AKA in attachment theory.
Are you more of an anxiousattacher with money, an avoidant
attacher, a disorganized, or doyou have a secure attachment
with money?
And if you are any of the firstthree, if that's the result that
you get, I also have some greatresources to send your way to
get closer to secure attachmentand that relationship that you
(25:40):
envisioned during thosereflection questions.
You speak in abundance, youjournal your goals, but deep
down you're doubting it lives inyour bones.
I trust myself with money youwhisper on loop while ghosting
your numbers and dodging thetruth.
Money flows easily.
Sure, that's the claim, butthere's nothing for sale and no
link to your name.
That's not manifesting, it'sbypass in glitter.
(00:21):
Slapping sparkle on shame.
Hoping mindset will fix her, butbelief needs a backbone.
Words need a frame and trust,that's a pattern, not just a
name.
This isn't about ditching thewoo or the spells, it's making
them real where embodimentdwells.
So let's stop the self gaslight.
Let's do this with grace.
Let's build you a money flowgrounded in space.
(00:43):
Today we're talking about thelies we tell ourselves in the
name of healing and mindset, andparticularly when it comes to
our money and how not onlyineffective that is when not
also paired with actualpractical tending of your money
(01:05):
in 3D, but also how it'sactually quite sabotaging to the
cause of your abundance.
Money mindset became such a buzzterm, and I see so many more
people teach and train people onhow to mindset their way into
wealth and abundance, but don'talso back it up with any kind of
(01:28):
actual practical tools orsystems to train you to actually
be better at money.
So it's almost like it waspositioned as a shortcut, but in
reality, the shortcut doesn'tlead you anywhere.
Or if it does, it leads you toactually gaslighting yourself
because your nervous systemknows better if you are trying
(01:51):
to tell yourself things onrepeat as mantras, about what
you hope or wish yourrelationship with money to be,
but your nervous system and yourunconscious and your mind know
that it's bullshit.
It's not going to land.
It can't.
Those beliefs, those mantras,those affirmations will just be
(02:14):
rejected.
Now, don't get me wrong, mindsetwork is super powerful when
paired with making actual shiftand change and growth within
yourself and in your reality.
Actually showing up differentand doubling down on supporting
the rewiring of your mind andbelief system.
(02:36):
To match the new reality thatyou're creating, the new
skill-based or reality-basedreality, that you are actually
showing up to nurture and shiftin your world.
But if those words that you'resaying don't have roots in your
reality, your nervous systemknows, your unconscious knows,
(02:56):
and that's why it registers asgaslighting.
Whether or not you'reconsciously aware of it, the
point is it's not gonna work.
It's not gonna land.
Those words aren't going tomagically change you, and your
body knows.
Your body knows when you saythem and use them and try to use
them for that purpose, thatyou're lying to yourself and you
(03:17):
know it too on some level.
Again, whether you're consciousof it or not.
It's not that it is not a goodidea to do mindset work, the
energetics behind what ispossible and available for you
is a huge part of what makes yousuccessful at anything in life,
but for sure at your money.
And that place where abundance,the energetics of abundance
(03:41):
become the manifest materialreality of money and wealth.
But that said, it should behelping you to rewire around
what is true.
A lot of times, our beliefsystem, the beliefs that we hold
unconsciously and deeply in ourbones are based on a past
reality.
(04:01):
If we end up actually changingthings and changing our story
and changing how we show up,oftentimes it does require
deliberate, intentional mindsetwork to rewire our beliefs to
match our new reality.
But that's the point, it shouldbe to match what is now true or
becoming true for you, not tobypass over the reality of your
(04:27):
actual relationship with moneyand try to trick or convince
yourself otherwise to somehowtap into a magical manifestation
flow whereby you receive moneywithout actually nurturing any
kind of relationship with it.
What I see often and when peoplecome to me ready to do that real
(04:48):
practical, grounded work, isthat if they're honest with
themselves, the time thatthey've spent focusing
exclusively on the mindset sideof things was really a way for
them to avoid or resist the workthat they knew needed to be
done.
A way for them to avoid lookingat their fear, their patterns,
(05:11):
their trauma, their debt.
If we're talking about the morematerially manifest version of
these things.
Even though they did it with thebest of intentions to try to put
awareness to those things, toheal them, ultimately, if you're
not doing the work to actuallychange how you are with money,
you were just bypassing, nothealing all of those things that
(05:35):
you were presencing.
What I see is that, again,people come to me, they're ready
to actually do the work.
When they're honest with theirselves, they're like, dude, I
was like torturing myself.
When you are continually showingup, putting your conscious
awareness on your issues withmoney, but you're only doing it
around the mindset work, themantras and the affirmations,
(05:57):
you're not actually doinganything about it.
You're just forcing yourself tostare at the problem and the
issue while gaslighting yourselfand nothing sticking or
changing.
That sucks.
That kind of bypassing,disguised as manifesting or
doing mindset work or healingactually becomes a shield or the
(06:20):
way that you avoid or resist.
Looking at and dealing with andfacing what is actually being
asked of you, and how you areactually being called to show up
and shift your relationship withmoney by getting more grounded
with the 3D things that you needto actually do to show up and
(06:40):
tend it regularly to be incompliance if you're a business
owner and to do another slew ofthings that wants to be part of
a regular money date or moneypractice, so that then when you
tell yourself things like, Itrust myself with money.
You can actually believeyourself.
You do actually trust yourselfwith money.
It's true.
(07:00):
And you're reminding yourunconscious mind and your belief
system that that's the newreality.
This is where I want to bring inour understanding in any other
kind of relationship to howwe're looking through this lens
today, to understand ourrelationship with money.
Because obviously when I talkabout gaslighting, the first
thing you think of is not howyou gaslight yourself.
(07:22):
And it has nothing to do withmoney.
You probably think of toxicpatterning in relationships with
humans in intimate relating.
This is one way that I love toframe our relationship with
money also, because often peoplethat come in from the mindset
work healing space around moneyready to do the grounded,
practical work.
Have been framing it as traumaor a problem to fix, and I love
(07:49):
to offer the very effectivereframe that just like in any
other relationship, yourrelationship is not a problem to
fix.
It's something that you'vechosen, that you have a certain
relationship with right now, andyou need to lean in or get in
right relationship with itsomehow.
If it was your partner andthings were taking a turn for
(08:12):
the worst.
You might go to therapy, youmight start doing a date night,
you might start dropping in andcreating container for
conversation and curiosity.
You wouldn't say oh, myrelationship is problematic or
broken.
I need to fix it.
I hope not.
You would decide okay, I careabout this.
I need to start showing updifferently in alignment with
(08:36):
the value that I do place onthis relationship.
It's important to me, and I'mgonna show up and do my part to
make it what I want it to be andgive it what it needs so that I
can get what I need from it tostart to create more of a
generative relationship so thatit doesn't feel like it's
draining or sucking me or theother person.
(08:57):
On the other side of selfgaslighting, we're talking about
self-trust.
If you've been experiencingtoxic patterns in a
relationship, what you wantinstead is to foster and
cultivate trust.
And you wouldn't trust a partnerwho says, you can count on me,
but you know that you actuallycan't because in practice, that
(09:18):
person is never there for youwhen you need them.
Similarly, it's not going towork for you to tell yourself, I
trust myself with money.
If you know that you can't,because you know that you're not
going to show up in the waysthat are needed, you might not
yet even know how to do that andhaven't been willing to learn,
and you just don't followthrough with that statement.
(09:39):
So essentially it means nothingto tell yourself that you trust
yourself with money when youknow that your bills are unpaid,
your bank account balance isunknown, and you generally avoid
or lean out or show up only in astate of urgency.
Maybe once a year during taxtime, when it's needed, but you
don't show up regularly.
(10:00):
Similarly, in any relationship,if you're only showing up at
certain times, and it's verytransactional rather than
showing up regularly to nurtureit because it's important to
you.
Those are two very differentkinds of relationships, and just
like in any relationship, trustis nurtured through consistency.
It's not a switch that you flip.
(10:21):
It is not a problem that youfix.
The problem doesn't become trustbecause you decide for it to be
so, it's something that you leaninto and you nurture
consistently until that trust isbuilt.
My favorite little ism thatexpresses this is that practice
makes proof.
I like this so much better thanpractice makes perfect because
that's missing the point.
(10:41):
But in the case of thisconversation, practice does make
proof and shows our unconsciousand our nervous system that we
do actually have ourselves andcan trust ourselves with money
so that when we say that toourselves, we believe it and it
roots.
And that mindset work reallymakes a difference and supports
the cause.
I keep talking about thegrounded, practical side of
(11:03):
things that is just as importantand needs to be paired with the
mindset work for it to actuallybe effective.
Not only for that, but for itnot to be destructive for you.
It's not a good way withyourself to be gaslighting
yourself, obviously.
We're talking about behavioressentially in its most basic
(11:23):
form.
Obviously with money, I'mtalking about grounded,
practical systems, processes,practices, but we're talking
about behavior.
That it can't just be in themental emotional realm, trying
to convince yourself ofsomething that's not true.
You also actually need to changeyour behavior.
Just like in a relationship, ifsomebody kept telling you, oh,
(11:44):
I'm never gonna do that again.
But their behavior isn'tactually changing.
You're not going to believe itanymore when they tell you that.
Similarly with your money,mindset, mantras and
affirmations, if you aren't alsochanging your behavior around
money, none of those are goingto land or be able to take root
or basically be believed by yournervous system and your
(12:06):
unconscious belief system.
I always love to bring it back,especially with money, to the
metaphor of a river and a bank.
That combination, that yin yang,beautiful synthesis of spirit
and structure.
With whatever we're talkingabout.
In this case, the money metaphoris obviously present, but it
(12:27):
also works when we're talkingabout belief.
Because belief is like acurrent, it's able to evolve and
change, but in order for it toreally take root and establish
itself throughout your system,it also needs the structure of
action and behavior to bringrelevance and context to it so
(12:48):
that it can actually land andtake root within you.
Another example of this, if youare telling yourself over and
over and trying to root thebelief that you are open to
receive abundance.
But you have no offers for sale.
You have no sales pages active,no checkout links, and you don't
(13:09):
have anything being shared orposted or available publicly for
people to see it if you do.
If you don't have a product orservice available, if you don't
have a plan or something set upfor money to be able to come to
you, but you are tellingyourself, I am open to receive
abundance.
Now, I'm not saying thatmiracles don't happen and that
(13:32):
money doesn't come to you inways that you don't expect
because it absolutely does.
But the point is, if you don'tactually have structures in
place, if there aren't realworld physical, tangible 3D ways
that you're aware of for moneyto come to you, if you haven't
put the effort forth or done thework to build and share ways
(13:56):
that somebody could actually payyou, if you are not making value
available for people to pay you,then telling yourself that
you're open to receiveabundance, there's a missing
piece there.
There's a mismatch.
A part of you is not going toactually believe that.
Even though it might feel niceand sound nice and feel good to
say, a part of you doesn'tbelieve it.
(14:18):
So it's not actually going tochange your belief so that in
some magical way money comes toyou.
Or maybe it will, but notreliably.
You need something for money toflow through, something
intentional that you've createdfor people to pay you, because
that dichotomy is real.
Energy, love, structure, andspirit loves form.
(14:40):
When we're talking about money,we are absolutely talking about
that bridge between energeticabundance and material form.
Basically, I'm saying that youneed to meet your magic halfway.
One of the ways that we do thisinside Cosmic Currency is that
once you're aware, crystal clearaware of, not only what kind of
(15:01):
reality you want to call in, youhave that rootedness in your
desires and your vision of thereality and the lifestyle that
you want to make possible at acertain earning level.
But you also are super clearexactly how much you need to
bring in to meet your currentneeds so that you are secure and
(15:21):
settled in your current reality,and then knowing exactly what
that number is of that nextlevel reality.
That next level revenue streamthat you want to call in to make
that envisioned reality timelinecome to you.
The next step is to visualize,show yourself, do some math, I
have a spreadsheet tool that weuse so you don't have to do the
(15:43):
math, but show yourself what area bunch of different ways that
that money can come in.
And again, it's not because youare stripping all of the magic
out of the equation.
You are opening your mind tomultiple possibilities, multiple
avenues or streams or ways thatthat money can come to you
(16:03):
because you are showing thatpart of your mind and belief
system, that part that might noteven believe that it's possible
to make the amount of money thatyou need or want at your next
level, you are showing it, notonly is it possible, look at all
of these different ways that itcould happen.
That's the piece that your mindneeds for the mantras, the
affirmations, the mindset workto actually work.
(16:26):
And of course, we still leaveroom for magic because you don't
know exactly how people aregoing to buy or what miraculous
pathways might open for money tocome in.
But that magical manifestationmindset work becomes that much
more potent, reliable, andpowerful when your mind is in
the expansive open space of ohyeah, there's so many different
(16:49):
ways I am open to receive.
So this really comes down tothat, you have your role and
spirit, or the universe orhowever you wanna frame, I like
to think of it as the bank ofthe universe, where these funds
actually come from beyond thematerial plane, where that
energetic flow is sourced.
That then becomes the money thatcomes to you when you ask for
(17:11):
it.
Money manifestation is aco-creative process and you have
your role to play and universehas its role to play.
It very well might not be up toyou.
I certainly am not suggestingthat you micromanage exactly how
the money's going to come in andgrip so tightly with your
control that you don't leaveroom for miracles and other
(17:32):
possibilities, this or somethinggreater, that you didn't even
think of.
But what I'm saying is you dohave a role to play in showing
yourself 3D practically,tangibly, what are these
different ways that it canhappen?
Because then practice is proof.
Iterations are proof.
If it could happen 15 differentways, it is going to happen.
(17:53):
When you believe in possibility,which happens not just through
empty mindset work and takealigned action, things move,
things happen, things fall intoplace.
So I hope I'm not being mistakenhere.
This is not anti mindset.
I'm not suggesting that allmindset work is gaslighting
because it's not.
(18:14):
But if there is an absence ofbehavior, of aligned action, of
grounded, practical shifts inhow you're showing up to shift
your reality, then it is goingto land as empty and hollow.
What we're actually talkingabout here is pro alignment.
Because when your beliefs arebacked by behavior, you are
(18:36):
aligned in both worlds, bothspheres, full spectrum.
Your affirmations and yourmantras are able to land, take
hold, take root to shift yourbelief system because you
actually believe them when yousay them, and your body hears
them.
Trust is a kind of confidence inother people or in ourselves.
The more that we show upconsistently in ways that we
(18:59):
build our confidence aroundsomething, in this case, around
money, and we show up for thatpractice over and over.
We're not just showing ourselfthat we have the knowledge or
the capacity for something,we're showing ourself that we
can actually count on ourselves,that we will actually show up
when needed as needed so that wecan have a relationship with
(19:21):
money that we can trust and relyon.
Building those structures aroundour relationship with money,
around spreadsheet tools orsoftware apps or regular ritual
practices, money dates, currencycheck-ins.
Whatever that structure lookslike for you, it is absolutely
(19:42):
needed to support the flow thatyou're calling in.
The abundance that you areasking to receive and transform
into the form of wealth, money,revenue, sales, to translate
into profits and into investingand into growing your wealth.
(20:02):
And hopefully into splurging andtreating yourself along the way.
Isn't that a part of it too whenit comes to growing your trust?
It's not just, this isolated ina vacuum space of how are you
with your money?
It's how does your life, howdoes that ripple out into the
life that you actually enjoy andexperience?
(20:24):
You trust yourself with moneywhen you know that the funds to
pay your bills are going to bethere when you need them, and
then you actually have thatexperience over and over of
easily being able to pay yourbills.
You have trust in yourself whenyou get a whim to go on a
vacation, when you get the ideato do something or spend on
(20:46):
something cool and you know thatthe money is gonna be there and
available for you.
Because you set your life upsuch that the amount that you
need to pay your bills, theresponsibilities that you
already have, but to have themargins and the cushions to be
able to do what you want andultimately to be able to aim to
that next level over and overand over again.
(21:07):
That you are to show up with achill, nervous system.
Another one, come tax time, ifevery year you show yourself
that you have the experiencethat because you have not been
tracking and tending your moneyflow throughout the year, so
that tax time is looming aroundevery year's corner of having to
scramble and stress to do awhole year's worth of catch up,
(21:31):
just to get it in and then findout what you owe and not have
the amount to pay, woo, that isa stressful scenario that I knew
all too well supporting taxclients for over a decade.
If that is your body'sexperience year after year, it
is not going to believe you whenyou tell it, I've got us with
money.
However, if you have a structureand systems and practices and a
(21:55):
committed relationship withmoney where you show up to
nurture and tend it, in realtime year round so that when tax
season comes, you actually justfeel super confident and ready.
You have the money set aside andall of your books ready and you
show yourself.
You build that iteration ofexperience to build trust with
(22:18):
yourself.
A few years in a row of that.
That is what changes yourrelationship with money, and
that's what makes it so thatwhen you tell yourself the
affirmations or the mantras,your belief system, your mind is
ready to rewire around the truthof that new reality that you are
creating for yourself throughthe behaviors associated with
(22:39):
how you show up for it.
And with that, I leave you withsome final reflections, after
having gone on this journey ofthis episode together, to root
into where you're actually atwith your money and a fun thing
to do at the end to get evenmore clear.
Question one, where have youbeen bypassing with your mindset
(23:02):
tools?
I want you to identify what arethe mindset tools that you have
leaned into now or in the past?
And how effective were they toactually stick and take root and
change what your actual livedexperience with money is
relative to, at any given time,how effective was it based on
(23:27):
your actual practices, yourrubber meets the road
relationship with your money,with your bank account, with
your records, with your salesprocess?
Take stock, do a little auditthinking back in reflection of
various times that you've beenengaged in mindset practices
around money and times thatyou've been more or less
(23:49):
involved with the moneymanagement behaviors that you
may have had in practice atvarious times.
Number two, what would it looklike to tend your relationship,
like it was a relationship thatmattered.
For this one, it might be reallyhelpful to reflect on the bridge
between relationships thatyou've had in your life that
(24:12):
have felt very supportive andones that have not, and to think
about how you actually showed upin that relationship.
It might not be that it wasneglectful.
It might be that you leaned in alittle too hard.
That you were more anxiouslyattached in the equation, in
that relationship.
But start to do a little bit ofan audit of what your experience
(24:34):
in relationships has been,because there can be a lot of
clues there for you andenvision, what would the most
optimal, healthiest relationshipwith money look like?
How would you show up for that?
And thirdly, what could you putinto practice this week to prove
to yourself that you areactually worthy of the
(24:55):
relationship that you want tohave with money?
Show yourself that it isabsolutely possible and
available and that you areabsolutely a viable part of the
equation to make it real.
And lastly, if you haven'talready, I have a super quick,
free fun quiz to determine whatyour cosmic money style is.
(25:17):
AKA in attachment theory.
Are you more of an anxiousattacher with money, an avoidant
attacher, a disorganized, or doyou have a secure attachment
with money?
And if you are any of the firstthree, if that's the result that
you get, I also have some greatresources to send your way to
get closer to secure attachmentand that relationship that you
(25:40):
envisioned during thosereflection questions.
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