August 10, 2025 • 25 mins
Find out your money attachment style: https://cosmicb.link/quiz
You want to feel safe, but you won't look it in the eye. You want to heal money, but you keep walking by. You've done all the work – the mindset, the spells, the journaling – but when it's time to get in the stream, you freeze or flail or retreat to the dream.
Here's the truth: healing isn't passive, it's relational. And your money wounds don't heal in isolation – they heal when you actually engage with the numbers, when you stay present with trembling hands, when you prove to your nervous system that it's safe to feel it all.
In this episode...
❤️🩹 Why money wounds don't heal in isolation and what changes when you actually engage with your numbers
🛠️ How secure money relating is built and why mindset work alone will never get you there
🌊 The role of nervous system safety in creating sustainable financial flow
💫 What shifts when your emotions are integrated into how you manage money instead of avoided
💦 How structure supports water – building river banks and irrigation lines that flow toward what matters
This isn't about crying your way to clarity or thinking your way out of pain-born patterns. It's about building the channels to intentionally move your feelings through while creating containers that let your money nourish exactly what matters to you.
Because water without containment floods and disperses, but with the right structure, it transforms into the irrigation system that waters every garden bed of your life.
📲 Text your Cosmic Coin Drop takeaways 🫶🏼
🎙️ Brought to you by Lauren Poppins Raye
Find out your Cosmic Money Style: https://cosmicb.link/quiz
Align with your Cosmic Currency Codes: https://cosmicb.link/currency
Leave a Cosmic Coin Drop review: https://cosmicb.link/review
Connect with Lauren on Instagram: @laurenpoppinsraye
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:58):
You want to feel safe, but youwon't look it in the eye.
You want to heal money, but youkeep walking by.
You've done all the work, themindset, the spells.
You've sat with the shame andjournaled your hells.
But still, when it's time to getin the stream, you freeze or you
flail or retreat to the dream.
You've called it a block, you'veblamed it on fate, but a wound
only softens when you relate.
(01:20):
Because healing's not thinkingit's action that lands.
It's showing up gently withtrembling hands.
It's tending your numbers whenyou'd rather numb.
It's proving you're safe withthe thing you run from.
If you're ready to relate in anew kind of way, let's turn
toward the current and choose tostay.
Last episode, the first in thiselement series, we lit the fire.
(01:42):
Talking all about the alignedstrategy that moves and
motivates you, but fire withoutwater dries up fast and is much
more destructive than it can andneeds to be.
Because until you're safe tofeel and bring water into the
equation, you'll just keepstalling where and when it
(02:03):
matters most.
This is the power of water, theelement of healing, the part of
your money story where oldemotions still live underwater
and are a part of where you'recoming from.
While you can't cry your way toclarity, you also can't think
your way out of patterns thatwere born from pain, from past
(02:26):
influences, from deeplyentrenched parts of you that
have to be honored and broughtinto the fold if you're going to
be able to authentically andwholeheartedly make your way
forward into the future youenvision for yourself with
money.
Water needs form to flow, whichis why we don't just process
(02:47):
feelings, we build the channelsto intentionally move them
through.
In this episode, we'll talkabout the nervous system of your
money and how intentionalsystems, like river banks and
irrigation lines, let your moneyflow exactly where it's meant to
go and how you're designingthings to be able to channel and
(03:09):
point it, direct it to fund whatmatters to you.
Because ultimately this is thewin that healing is trying to
get us to, but healing isn'tpassive, it's relational.
If you're willing to stay withit, this element will change
everything.
In this episode, we are going toflow through why money wounds
don't heal in isolation, andwhat changes when you engage,
(03:34):
how secure money relating isbuilt and why mindset work alone
will not get you there, the roleof nervous system safety in
creating sustainable flow, whatshifts when your emotions are no
longer avoided, but integratedinto how you manage your money,
and how structure supportswater, building river banks and
(03:55):
irrigation lines that flowtoward what matters.
First to state and unpack whatmay be obvious, but I can say
for myself, was not somethingthat I lived by in my lone wolf
tax preparer days and has sincecreated so much opening in my
life.
Which is why money wounds andany other wounds do not and
(04:20):
cannot heal in isolation, andwhat changes when you engage
with yourself, with it, witheverything around it.
Healing your money story doesnot happen in your head.
It doesn't happen in the echochamber of your mind, it happens
in relationship.
While I am of course talkingabout your relationship with
(04:40):
yourself, your relationship withother people close to you that
have a role to play in yourmoney game, I am first and
foremost, in this episode,talking about your actual
relationship with money.
Because the thing is you have tointeract with it to change how
(05:01):
it feels for you.
This is why no money mantras, nojournaling prompts, no healing
modality on its own cansubstitute your actual presence
and skill building and behaviorshifting around how you show up
for it and tend it.
(05:23):
On the flip side, when you avoidthe numbers, you avoid the
intimacy that is available toyou there, and is the opening
through which you are able tocreate the relationship that you
want with it, so that it canactually serve, show up, and
support you back.
And you miss the chance to trulyrepair the rupture, which is the
(05:44):
healing work I'm sure you'vespent many moons circling around
that access point of intimacy toengage.
So whatever that's looked likefor you, whatever healing work
you've spent so much time andenergy trying to change your
money story, that hasn't worked.
It's because, again, you have toactually be in relationship to
(06:06):
it.
Just like any other, just likeyour relationship to the divine,
or the beloved, or however youframe the other, and
partnership.
If it's all in your head, ifit's all in your heart and the
echo chamber of your ownexperience, but isn't actually
bouncing off of anybody else,you are not going to actually
(06:28):
shift things.
It's going to seem like it, itmight feel cathartic, but the
phenomenon illustrates the truththat we go faster alone but
further together.
That's why this work of changingyour relationship with money, of
actually healing what exists inthe past for you, as you move
toward a future where you showup to tend it better, is not
(06:50):
just about feeling better, it'sactually about relating better
in real time and the resultsthat that brings you.
Let's talk about how securemoney relating is actually
built.
If you are familiar with theattachment styles in
relationship, they also workvery well to understand where
you're at with your relationshipwith money.
(07:10):
And in so doing, let's doubledown on why mindset work alone
will not get you there.
So if you're not already awareof the attachment patterns and
styles in relationship, there isanxious and avoidant attachment,
which often attract and pairtogether to exaggerate and bring
out the patterns of each other.
(07:34):
There's also disorganized, whichis like a flip flopping between
the two.
And all of this territory is incontrast to secure relating and
secure attachment.
The thing about attachmentpatterns is that they don't
shift through awareness alone.
So if you are aware of them andyou still find yourself stuck in
(07:54):
the patterns of them, this iswhy.
So hopefully you have a frame ofreference for what these are.
I'm going to ground them intoour understanding of
specifically your relationshipwith money.
Anxious attachment is when youchase money for reassurance,
when you're often checking yourfinancials compulsively, but
without any real rhythm orstrategy, and when you are in a
(08:18):
space of reactivity from thatanxious place.
Avoidant is maybe more soobvious, ignoring it, neglecting
it, maintaining distance becauseyou just don't want to look at
it or face it.
But of course if you're familiarwith this pattern in yourself or
with someone close to you, thisdoes not make the problems go
(08:40):
away, right?
Avoidance brings its ownheaviness and has its own burden
to bear.
Especially with money, and thisbrings us to why most people are
not, this isn't like a black andwhite thing, you're one or the
other, you typically have atendency to lean one way or the
other, maybe especially incertain relationships.
But often there's a tension thatbuilds with an avoidant
(09:04):
orientation to money tilleventually you do look at it and
face it and experience a lot ofanxiety for the state that
you've left it in through yourneglect.
On the other side, the holygrail, that if you are a
conscious relating person andaware of these spectrums, we are
always moving toward secureattachment.
(09:25):
Secure relating, which onlyhappens when you stay.
When you stick around, when youfind that upright sweet spot
orientation whereby you areneither leaning in anxiously nor
leaning out avoidantly.
You stay, you're present, youjust, you're there.
(09:46):
With your fears, with yourtruth, and with whatever the
task at hand is in any givenmoment to responsibly show up
intended.
And for a quick personal share,I don't make this connection
between the attachment patterns,the intimacy styles of relating
with money simply because itmakes sense in my mind.
(10:07):
This is something that Ipersonally experienced, which
most of us have some story totell around this, but I can tell
you this story now from a placeof having found secure
attachment in my relationshipand in my marriage.
But this was after years andmany moons of other versions
that came before me where Irepeated the same anxious,
(10:30):
avoidant cycles in relationship.
I was often the anxious one,though sometimes swung the other
side.
Ultimately, I always choseintensity over intimacy, and
those relationships did notlast.
Probably for the best though,because in them my nervous
system could never settle.
It stayed in near constantactivation.
(10:52):
This was until finally meetingthe man that would become my
husband.
The, at the time, seeminglyrelatively air quotes,"boring
choice", that really deep down,a part of me knew, like maybe a
part of you knows and hears thetruth in what I'm saying right
now with money, that was thecorrect choice.
(11:12):
Because what I realized throughactually experiencing it is
boring is what safety feels likewhen you're used to chaos, it is
the other side.
The relationship I'm in now hasgiven me a safe place to land
and a space to feel whatultimately I had been running
from and never really felt safeto sit and be with with anybody
(11:33):
else.
Of course our relationships arejust mirrors.
But for a long time, I chosereflections that didn't allow me
to have a very healthyrelationship with my own
emotional body until my currentone.
And that's exactly what I'mpointing to in what's possible
with money, and what we'rebuilding toward in this episode.
(11:53):
Understanding that arelationship with it, that you
can actually stay in, that youchoose to stay present to is one
that becomes one that supportsyour emotional body and doesn't
require you to pretend orperform and breaks you out of
that cycle of anxiety andavoidance that often comes to a
(12:16):
head every year during taxseason.
If you know, you know.
By the way, if any part of thatstory sounds familiar, if you
can relate, this is the momentto pause and name what you're
in.
Because you can't build a securerelationship with money, which
is what you actually want, ifyou don't know how you currently
(12:36):
relate to it.
The only way to get to where youwant to be is to identify where
you are right now.
That's why I created The CosmicMoney Style Quiz.
Takes less than five minutes.
You'll find out what your moneyattachment style is to help you
identify your current pattern,whether it's anxious, avoidant,
disorganized, or emergingsecure.
(12:57):
If you're one of the lucky onesthat's done the work already,
you'll get personalized insightlanguage for your patterns.
After you take the quiz, you'llget all sorts of helpful
resources, personalizedinsights, a voice note to
support you with where you areright now, language to better
understand and identify thepattern that you're in, and next
(13:17):
steps to make your way towardssecure relating, secure
attachment, financial securitywith money, not in theory, but
in practice, by showing you theway to actually walk the path
there.
If you haven't already taken myfree quiz to find out your money
attachment style, you can go tocosmicb.link/quiz and take it
(13:39):
right now.
Or if you're busy, go ahead andpull it up so you have it on
screen in your browser to circleback to when you have a moment.
That's cosmicb.link/quiz.
In case this way ofunderstanding money is new,
falling on your ears now as I'mspeaking of it, let's look at
why the role of nervous systemsafety, which is what exists
(14:00):
when you have secure attachment,secure relating is so important
and necessary to createsustainable flow when it comes
to your money management.
When your system is overwhelmed,whether through anxious or
avoidant attachment, it willalways prioritize escape over
engagement, whether that'sactual avoidance or focusing on
(14:26):
the things that don't actuallymatter that are just spinning
your wheels if you're on theanxious side.
Just like a nervous systemthat's consistently activated
in, borderline or maybe not soborderline, toxic relationships
and intimate relating, the keyis never more willpower or
force.
In those past relationships, Icouldn't will myself to get us
(14:49):
to a place of safety.
The key is getting the rightsupport, having the right
mirrors and reflections toactually support you to get
there.
It seems like poetry to lookback on how it all unfolded
because, of course no, thosepast relationships were not a
space that I could be consistentin, that felt sustainable for
(15:11):
me.
So I didn't continue showing upor leaning in.
Those relationships ended in bigpart because my nervous system
could not feel safe within them.
I hope you're seeing theparallel here and having some
light bulbs go off, some ahasaround wherever you are with
your relationship with moneyfrom the anxious and avoidant
(15:33):
end of the spectrum to beinginsecure relationship with it,
and that you're really startingto see the blissfully boring
invitation to you on the otherside.
Once you're there, you canactually chill out around money
and a whole new world opens.
Of course, whole other creativearcs and problems to solve, but
(15:54):
it doesn't have to be aboutmoney anymore.
Instead, it can feel more like agame, that feels like it was
designed for you specifically,that you love to show up to play
and to raise your high scoreinside of.
Nervous system safety is kind ofeverything, right up there with
how important alignment is.
(16:14):
This is why healing can't berushed.
It has to move at the pace oftrust that is supported by a
regulated nervous system.
Here's what shifts when youaren't avoiding your emotions
anymore, when you're able torelax and create space for them
within yourself and inside theenvironment of your closest
(16:35):
reflections, and instead areable to integrate them into your
flow and in this case, into howyou manage your money.
Because emotions around moneyare not the problem, they're
totally normal and they're partof the process.
In fact, one way that I love tocreate space for and frame them,
inside the work that I supportclients with, is that they're
(16:56):
the setup for the climax of yourmoney transformation.
That's why we kick things offwith the Finance Fable Fairytale
that takes your past, present,and future with money, rich with
those emotional undertones, andturns them into story that your
unconscious accepts and yournervous system feels safe to
(17:19):
welcome.
When you bring them into yourstory and into your practice,
instead of trying to suppressthem or make them go away, your
relationship changes.
It gets richer, it becomes moreunique and curated to you
specifically.
In that space of the feelingsthat make you you, this also
(17:40):
includes your desires, which aresuch an important piece of the
work of right relationship withmoney, because if you're not in
touch with them and includingthem and integrating them into
your pursuit of money, the wholegame loses its meaning because
you're not here to build towardarbitrary metrics or match
(18:05):
someone else's version ofsuccess that you've heard brag
in your industry.
Water shows us that real alignedgrowth starts by tuning into
what you feel, what you desire,what lights you up, what
nourishes you, what you reallywant, deep down.
Part of the power available toyou, should you choose to
(18:26):
integrate desire into theequation, is the potency of your
visualizations to call in thetimelines that bring you what
you want.
In case this isn't a practicalpractice for you already, know
that visualization is not justwoo, though it does feel like
pure magic, it's actually howyour nervous system rehearses
(18:47):
safety and aligns with theresonance of the normalcy of
what you want.
It is what collapses the gapbetween where you are now and
where you want to be.
When you imagine the life thatyou want through your feeling
body, not just the things, notjust the amounts that would
afford them, though that part isvery important too, but the
(19:08):
feeling of being supported andliving that lifestyle that you
envision for yourself, youcreate a true energetic
blueprint for your money tofollow and fund.
That's how the game of moneybecomes an intimate one, not
based on performance or braggingrights or some endless chase of
(19:29):
a dollar amount, but on thedevotion and execution to your
own vision.
Of course no element exists in avacuum, they all work together,
so let's ground into howstructure supports water,
through the metaphors ofbuilding river banks and
irrigation lines that help youto direct the flow of your
(19:54):
currency toward what matters.
The metaphor really isrevealing, water without
containment, without some kindof container to hold it, floods,
disperses.
But with the right structure,with the right containment, it
nourishes.
Have a glass of water that youcan drink, or a hose that can
water your garden, that's whyyou don't need to get it
(20:16):
together and trap yourself intosystems and structure, that
feels like a trap at best and atworst, the ultimate turnoff.
What you need is to buildcontainers, intentional systems
that work with your flow, thatsupport it.
Think of your income, yourrevenue as a river.
Without banks, it floods.
(20:38):
With channels it flows exactlywhere you want it to go, and it
gains momentum.
Now, this is the metaphor I'veused for a long time, it's the
simplest.
But more recently, I've beenfeeling really drawn to the
refined metaphor of anirrigation system.
Because where, yes, we can thinkof our relationship to our
(20:58):
currency flow and our capacityas a river with the banks that
support it.
But true mastery along this pathis to intentionally direct that
where you want it to go.
It's the streams, it's thetributaries, it is the
irrigation system that youbuild, pipe by pipe, to water
(21:18):
every garden bed that matters toyou.
Every investment, every expense,every savings fund that makes
you feel like you're trulycrushing it with your money game
and setting, not just you up forsuccess, but also your future
self, your family legacy stuff,the people that will come after
(21:40):
you, what you're gonna leavebehind.
This is where it gets strategicand intentional.
This is the potential of waterwhen we see it through the
metaphor of irrigation channels.
This is how we stop framingstructure as restriction.
If you are a magical freedomvaluing person, and instead,
start seeing it as a ritual ofcare and a claiming of your
(22:04):
creator role.
You are not just tracking yourmoney like a chore because it's
part of compliance as a businessowner, you are tending it with
care to tell it where to go toyour life, to your rest, to your
future, to all the things thatmatter.
I say this on repeat because ifthe money you're making is not
(22:25):
funding what matters, what areyou even doing?
Do you even have a realbusiness?
Sometimes I bet it doesn't feellike you do.
If you take nothing else fromthis episode, I hope it's that
your feelings matter, even inyour business, even when it
comes to your money flow, maybeespecially when it comes to
having an intimate relationshipwith your money flow.
(22:46):
So remember, your emotions don'tmake you bad with money, and
your avoidance does not meanyou're broken.
It's quite normal to be at thestep before the climax that
brings you to financialsecurity.
It just means your system isstill waiting for proof that
it's safe to stay.
So my suggestion, give it thatproof.
(23:07):
Stay.
Be gentle, but be consistent.
Be tender, but stay present.
Most importantly, be and stay inrelationship with it, even when
it's messy and even when youdon't want to.
If you don't know where tostart, start with naming what's
here right now, where you are atthis very moment.
Take The Cosmic Money Style Quizto find out.
(23:30):
Let it show you your currentpattern, and from there you get
to practice your way intosomething new, something true,
something that feels more likeyou.
You can take The Cosmic MoneyStyle Quiz to find out your
attachment style in yourrelationship with it at
cosmicb.link/quiz.
(23:50):
I'll see you in the next onewhen we ground into the earth
element.
You want to feel safe, but youwon't look it in the eye.
You want to heal money, but youkeep walking by.
You've done all the work, themindset, the spells.
You've sat with the shame andjournaled your hells.
But still, when it's time to getin the stream, you freeze or you
flail or retreat to the dream.
You've called it a block, you'veblamed it on fate, but a wound
only softens when you relate.
(01:20):
Because healing's not thinkingit's action that lands.
It's showing up gently withtrembling hands.
It's tending your numbers whenyou'd rather numb.
It's proving you're safe withthe thing you run from.
If you're ready to relate in anew kind of way, let's turn
toward the current and choose tostay.
Last episode, the first in thiselement series, we lit the fire.
(01:42):
Talking all about the alignedstrategy that moves and
motivates you, but fire withoutwater dries up fast and is much
more destructive than it can andneeds to be.
Because until you're safe tofeel and bring water into the
equation, you'll just keepstalling where and when it
(02:03):
matters most.
This is the power of water, theelement of healing, the part of
your money story where oldemotions still live underwater
and are a part of where you'recoming from.
While you can't cry your way toclarity, you also can't think
your way out of patterns thatwere born from pain, from past
(02:26):
influences, from deeplyentrenched parts of you that
have to be honored and broughtinto the fold if you're going to
be able to authentically andwholeheartedly make your way
forward into the future youenvision for yourself with
money.
Water needs form to flow, whichis why we don't just process
(02:47):
feelings, we build the channelsto intentionally move them
through.
In this episode, we'll talkabout the nervous system of your
money and how intentionalsystems, like river banks and
irrigation lines, let your moneyflow exactly where it's meant to
go and how you're designingthings to be able to channel and
(03:09):
point it, direct it to fund whatmatters to you.
Because ultimately this is thewin that healing is trying to
get us to, but healing isn'tpassive, it's relational.
If you're willing to stay withit, this element will change
everything.
In this episode, we are going toflow through why money wounds
don't heal in isolation, andwhat changes when you engage,
(03:34):
how secure money relating isbuilt and why mindset work alone
will not get you there, the roleof nervous system safety in
creating sustainable flow, whatshifts when your emotions are no
longer avoided, but integratedinto how you manage your money,
and how structure supportswater, building river banks and
(03:55):
irrigation lines that flowtoward what matters.
First to state and unpack whatmay be obvious, but I can say
for myself, was not somethingthat I lived by in my lone wolf
tax preparer days and has sincecreated so much opening in my
life.
Which is why money wounds andany other wounds do not and
(04:20):
cannot heal in isolation, andwhat changes when you engage
with yourself, with it, witheverything around it.
Healing your money story doesnot happen in your head.
It doesn't happen in the echochamber of your mind, it happens
in relationship.
While I am of course talkingabout your relationship with
(04:40):
yourself, your relationship withother people close to you that
have a role to play in yourmoney game, I am first and
foremost, in this episode,talking about your actual
relationship with money.
Because the thing is you have tointeract with it to change how
(05:01):
it feels for you.
This is why no money mantras, nojournaling prompts, no healing
modality on its own cansubstitute your actual presence
and skill building and behaviorshifting around how you show up
for it and tend it.
(05:23):
On the flip side, when you avoidthe numbers, you avoid the
intimacy that is available toyou there, and is the opening
through which you are able tocreate the relationship that you
want with it, so that it canactually serve, show up, and
support you back.
And you miss the chance to trulyrepair the rupture, which is the
(05:44):
healing work I'm sure you'vespent many moons circling around
that access point of intimacy toengage.
So whatever that's looked likefor you, whatever healing work
you've spent so much time andenergy trying to change your
money story, that hasn't worked.
It's because, again, you have toactually be in relationship to
(06:06):
it.
Just like any other, just likeyour relationship to the divine,
or the beloved, or however youframe the other, and
partnership.
If it's all in your head, ifit's all in your heart and the
echo chamber of your ownexperience, but isn't actually
bouncing off of anybody else,you are not going to actually
(06:28):
shift things.
It's going to seem like it, itmight feel cathartic, but the
phenomenon illustrates the truththat we go faster alone but
further together.
That's why this work of changingyour relationship with money, of
actually healing what exists inthe past for you, as you move
toward a future where you showup to tend it better, is not
(06:50):
just about feeling better, it'sactually about relating better
in real time and the resultsthat that brings you.
Let's talk about how securemoney relating is actually
built.
If you are familiar with theattachment styles in
relationship, they also workvery well to understand where
you're at with your relationshipwith money.
(07:10):
And in so doing, let's doubledown on why mindset work alone
will not get you there.
So if you're not already awareof the attachment patterns and
styles in relationship, there isanxious and avoidant attachment,
which often attract and pairtogether to exaggerate and bring
out the patterns of each other.
(07:34):
There's also disorganized, whichis like a flip flopping between
the two.
And all of this territory is incontrast to secure relating and
secure attachment.
The thing about attachmentpatterns is that they don't
shift through awareness alone.
So if you are aware of them andyou still find yourself stuck in
(07:54):
the patterns of them, this iswhy.
So hopefully you have a frame ofreference for what these are.
I'm going to ground them intoour understanding of
specifically your relationshipwith money.
Anxious attachment is when youchase money for reassurance,
when you're often checking yourfinancials compulsively, but
without any real rhythm orstrategy, and when you are in a
(08:18):
space of reactivity from thatanxious place.
Avoidant is maybe more soobvious, ignoring it, neglecting
it, maintaining distance becauseyou just don't want to look at
it or face it.
But of course if you're familiarwith this pattern in yourself or
with someone close to you, thisdoes not make the problems go
(08:40):
away, right?
Avoidance brings its ownheaviness and has its own burden
to bear.
Especially with money, and thisbrings us to why most people are
not, this isn't like a black andwhite thing, you're one or the
other, you typically have atendency to lean one way or the
other, maybe especially incertain relationships.
But often there's a tension thatbuilds with an avoidant
(09:04):
orientation to money tilleventually you do look at it and
face it and experience a lot ofanxiety for the state that
you've left it in through yourneglect.
On the other side, the holygrail, that if you are a
conscious relating person andaware of these spectrums, we are
always moving toward secureattachment.
(09:25):
Secure relating, which onlyhappens when you stay.
When you stick around, when youfind that upright sweet spot
orientation whereby you areneither leaning in anxiously nor
leaning out avoidantly.
You stay, you're present, youjust, you're there.
(09:46):
With your fears, with yourtruth, and with whatever the
task at hand is in any givenmoment to responsibly show up
intended.
And for a quick personal share,I don't make this connection
between the attachment patterns,the intimacy styles of relating
with money simply because itmakes sense in my mind.
(10:07):
This is something that Ipersonally experienced, which
most of us have some story totell around this, but I can tell
you this story now from a placeof having found secure
attachment in my relationshipand in my marriage.
But this was after years andmany moons of other versions
that came before me where Irepeated the same anxious,
(10:30):
avoidant cycles in relationship.
I was often the anxious one,though sometimes swung the other
side.
Ultimately, I always choseintensity over intimacy, and
those relationships did notlast.
Probably for the best though,because in them my nervous
system could never settle.
It stayed in near constantactivation.
(10:52):
This was until finally meetingthe man that would become my
husband.
The, at the time, seeminglyrelatively air quotes,"boring
choice", that really deep down,a part of me knew, like maybe a
part of you knows and hears thetruth in what I'm saying right
now with money, that was thecorrect choice.
(11:12):
Because what I realized throughactually experiencing it is
boring is what safety feels likewhen you're used to chaos, it is
the other side.
The relationship I'm in now hasgiven me a safe place to land
and a space to feel whatultimately I had been running
from and never really felt safeto sit and be with with anybody
(11:33):
else.
Of course our relationships arejust mirrors.
But for a long time, I chosereflections that didn't allow me
to have a very healthyrelationship with my own
emotional body until my currentone.
And that's exactly what I'mpointing to in what's possible
with money, and what we'rebuilding toward in this episode.
(11:53):
Understanding that arelationship with it, that you
can actually stay in, that youchoose to stay present to is one
that becomes one that supportsyour emotional body and doesn't
require you to pretend orperform and breaks you out of
that cycle of anxiety andavoidance that often comes to a
(12:16):
head every year during taxseason.
If you know, you know.
By the way, if any part of thatstory sounds familiar, if you
can relate, this is the momentto pause and name what you're
in.
Because you can't build a securerelationship with money, which
is what you actually want, ifyou don't know how you currently
(12:36):
relate to it.
The only way to get to where youwant to be is to identify where
you are right now.
That's why I created The CosmicMoney Style Quiz.
Takes less than five minutes.
You'll find out what your moneyattachment style is to help you
identify your current pattern,whether it's anxious, avoidant,
disorganized, or emergingsecure.
(12:57):
If you're one of the lucky onesthat's done the work already,
you'll get personalized insightlanguage for your patterns.
After you take the quiz, you'llget all sorts of helpful
resources, personalizedinsights, a voice note to
support you with where you areright now, language to better
understand and identify thepattern that you're in, and next
(13:17):
steps to make your way towardssecure relating, secure
attachment, financial securitywith money, not in theory, but
in practice, by showing you theway to actually walk the path
there.
If you haven't already taken myfree quiz to find out your money
attachment style, you can go tocosmicb.link/quiz and take it
(13:39):
right now.
Or if you're busy, go ahead andpull it up so you have it on
screen in your browser to circleback to when you have a moment.
That's cosmicb.link/quiz.
In case this way ofunderstanding money is new,
falling on your ears now as I'mspeaking of it, let's look at
why the role of nervous systemsafety, which is what exists
(14:00):
when you have secure attachment,secure relating is so important
and necessary to createsustainable flow when it comes
to your money management.
When your system is overwhelmed,whether through anxious or
avoidant attachment, it willalways prioritize escape over
engagement, whether that'sactual avoidance or focusing on
(14:26):
the things that don't actuallymatter that are just spinning
your wheels if you're on theanxious side.
Just like a nervous systemthat's consistently activated
in, borderline or maybe not soborderline, toxic relationships
and intimate relating, the keyis never more willpower or
force.
In those past relationships, Icouldn't will myself to get us
(14:49):
to a place of safety.
The key is getting the rightsupport, having the right
mirrors and reflections toactually support you to get
there.
It seems like poetry to lookback on how it all unfolded
because, of course no, thosepast relationships were not a
space that I could be consistentin, that felt sustainable for
(15:11):
me.
So I didn't continue showing upor leaning in.
Those relationships ended in bigpart because my nervous system
could not feel safe within them.
I hope you're seeing theparallel here and having some
light bulbs go off, some ahasaround wherever you are with
your relationship with moneyfrom the anxious and avoidant
(15:33):
end of the spectrum to beinginsecure relationship with it,
and that you're really startingto see the blissfully boring
invitation to you on the otherside.
Once you're there, you canactually chill out around money
and a whole new world opens.
Of course, whole other creativearcs and problems to solve, but
(15:54):
it doesn't have to be aboutmoney anymore.
Instead, it can feel more like agame, that feels like it was
designed for you specifically,that you love to show up to play
and to raise your high scoreinside of.
Nervous system safety is kind ofeverything, right up there with
how important alignment is.
(16:14):
This is why healing can't berushed.
It has to move at the pace oftrust that is supported by a
regulated nervous system.
Here's what shifts when youaren't avoiding your emotions
anymore, when you're able torelax and create space for them
within yourself and inside theenvironment of your closest
(16:35):
reflections, and instead areable to integrate them into your
flow and in this case, into howyou manage your money.
Because emotions around moneyare not the problem, they're
totally normal and they're partof the process.
In fact, one way that I love tocreate space for and frame them,
inside the work that I supportclients with, is that they're
(16:56):
the setup for the climax of yourmoney transformation.
That's why we kick things offwith the Finance Fable Fairytale
that takes your past, present,and future with money, rich with
those emotional undertones, andturns them into story that your
unconscious accepts and yournervous system feels safe to
(17:19):
welcome.
When you bring them into yourstory and into your practice,
instead of trying to suppressthem or make them go away, your
relationship changes.
It gets richer, it becomes moreunique and curated to you
specifically.
In that space of the feelingsthat make you you, this also
(17:40):
includes your desires, which aresuch an important piece of the
work of right relationship withmoney, because if you're not in
touch with them and includingthem and integrating them into
your pursuit of money, the wholegame loses its meaning because
you're not here to build towardarbitrary metrics or match
(18:05):
someone else's version ofsuccess that you've heard brag
in your industry.
Water shows us that real alignedgrowth starts by tuning into
what you feel, what you desire,what lights you up, what
nourishes you, what you reallywant, deep down.
Part of the power available toyou, should you choose to
(18:26):
integrate desire into theequation, is the potency of your
visualizations to call in thetimelines that bring you what
you want.
In case this isn't a practicalpractice for you already, know
that visualization is not justwoo, though it does feel like
pure magic, it's actually howyour nervous system rehearses
(18:47):
safety and aligns with theresonance of the normalcy of
what you want.
It is what collapses the gapbetween where you are now and
where you want to be.
When you imagine the life thatyou want through your feeling
body, not just the things, notjust the amounts that would
afford them, though that part isvery important too, but the
(19:08):
feeling of being supported andliving that lifestyle that you
envision for yourself, youcreate a true energetic
blueprint for your money tofollow and fund.
That's how the game of moneybecomes an intimate one, not
based on performance or braggingrights or some endless chase of
(19:29):
a dollar amount, but on thedevotion and execution to your
own vision.
Of course no element exists in avacuum, they all work together,
so let's ground into howstructure supports water,
through the metaphors ofbuilding river banks and
irrigation lines that help youto direct the flow of your
(19:54):
currency toward what matters.
The metaphor really isrevealing, water without
containment, without some kindof container to hold it, floods,
disperses.
But with the right structure,with the right containment, it
nourishes.
Have a glass of water that youcan drink, or a hose that can
water your garden, that's whyyou don't need to get it
(20:16):
together and trap yourself intosystems and structure, that
feels like a trap at best and atworst, the ultimate turnoff.
What you need is to buildcontainers, intentional systems
that work with your flow, thatsupport it.
Think of your income, yourrevenue as a river.
Without banks, it floods.
(20:38):
With channels it flows exactlywhere you want it to go, and it
gains momentum.
Now, this is the metaphor I'veused for a long time, it's the
simplest.
But more recently, I've beenfeeling really drawn to the
refined metaphor of anirrigation system.
Because where, yes, we can thinkof our relationship to our
(20:58):
currency flow and our capacityas a river with the banks that
support it.
But true mastery along this pathis to intentionally direct that
where you want it to go.
It's the streams, it's thetributaries, it is the
irrigation system that youbuild, pipe by pipe, to water
(21:18):
every garden bed that matters toyou.
Every investment, every expense,every savings fund that makes
you feel like you're trulycrushing it with your money game
and setting, not just you up forsuccess, but also your future
self, your family legacy stuff,the people that will come after
(21:40):
you, what you're gonna leavebehind.
This is where it gets strategicand intentional.
This is the potential of waterwhen we see it through the
metaphor of irrigation channels.
This is how we stop framingstructure as restriction.
If you are a magical freedomvaluing person, and instead,
start seeing it as a ritual ofcare and a claiming of your
(22:04):
creator role.
You are not just tracking yourmoney like a chore because it's
part of compliance as a businessowner, you are tending it with
care to tell it where to go toyour life, to your rest, to your
future, to all the things thatmatter.
I say this on repeat because ifthe money you're making is not
(22:25):
funding what matters, what areyou even doing?
Do you even have a realbusiness?
Sometimes I bet it doesn't feellike you do.
If you take nothing else fromthis episode, I hope it's that
your feelings matter, even inyour business, even when it
comes to your money flow, maybeespecially when it comes to
having an intimate relationshipwith your money flow.
(22:46):
So remember, your emotions don'tmake you bad with money, and
your avoidance does not meanyou're broken.
It's quite normal to be at thestep before the climax that
brings you to financialsecurity.
It just means your system isstill waiting for proof that
it's safe to stay.
So my suggestion, give it thatproof.
(23:07):
Stay.
Be gentle, but be consistent.
Be tender, but stay present.
Most importantly, be and stay inrelationship with it, even when
it's messy and even when youdon't want to.
If you don't know where tostart, start with naming what's
here right now, where you are atthis very moment.
Take The Cosmic Money Style Quizto find out.
(23:30):
Let it show you your currentpattern, and from there you get
to practice your way intosomething new, something true,
something that feels more likeyou.
You can take The Cosmic MoneyStyle Quiz to find out your
attachment style in yourrelationship with it at
cosmicb.link/quiz.
(23:50):
I'll see you in the next onewhen we ground into the earth
element.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!