February 17, 2025 • 32 mins
Tune in to an enlightening chat with Alan Lazaros, CEO, Founder & Co-Host at Next Level University, on this episode of Count Me In Podcast. Join host Adam Larson as he and Alan explore the transformative power of personal responsibility in personal and business growth. Alan shares insights from his own journey, illustrating the nuances of emotional intelligence, self-belief, and the balance of fitting in versus standing out. With his captivating storytelling, including anecdotes from popular films and real-life experiences, Alan offers listeners valuable life strategies. Whether you're looking to level up in your career or personally, this conversation is packed with actionable takeaways. Perfect for those eager to reflect, take responsibility, and unlock their full potential. Don't miss out!
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Episode Transcript
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Adam Larson (00:20):
Welcome back to Count Me In. I'm your host, Adam
Larson, and today we'reprivileged to have Alan Lazaros
join us. Alan is the CEO,founder, and cohost at Next
Level University, and he's hereto dive deep into the concept of
personal responsibility and itspivotal role in becoming
effective business and teamleader. Alan will share his
(00:41):
journey, woven with personalexperience, and the intriguing
framework of victim, villain,hero, and guide, explaining how
embracing accountability hasfueled his success explaining
how embracing accountability hasfueled his success. From
overcoming childhood obstaclesto a transformative car
accident, Alan's story is one ofresilience and growth.
(01:02):
We'll also explore emotionalintelligence, self awareness,
and the balance of selfimprovement. Whether you often
feel like you're too much or notenough, this episode challenges
you to reflect deeply and unlocknew potential. Prepare for an
episode packed with personalinsights and strategies for
achieving growth andfulfillment. Let's dive right
in. Well, Alan, I'm so excitedto have you on Count Me In.
(01:29):
And, we're gonna be talkingabout a lot of things about,
becoming a better businessleader, becoming a better team
leader. And I thought we couldstart off the conversation just
talking about personalresponsibility. As you and I
have been chatting, youmentioned to me how important
that was, how it shapes yourjourney. So I thought we could
talk about why is why is it soimportant to take personal
responsibility, especially asyou were building ourselves to
be better people, but then alsobusiness leaders, entrepreneurs,
(01:50):
whatever wherever our journey istaking us.
Alan Lazaros (01:53):
So the first thing, I mean, we we came in
right out of the gate with oneof my favorite things in the
entire world is you mentionedpersonal responsibility. And I
feel like that's the foundationof kind of everything else that
you build. Because if you thinkabout it, if you don't take
personal responsibility, thenyou don't really have any
control over the outcome. Nowsome people take too much
(02:15):
personal responsibility forthings that are outside of their
control. And and me who grew upin a challenging, childhood,
father passed away when I wasyoung, stepfather left when I
was 14.
He was around for, I think,eleven years. But I took on
unconsciously responsibility forsort of my my entire family, my
mom, my sister, that kindathing. And I didn't realize
until later doing more therapyand realizing that I kinda took
(02:39):
that on to make sure that sortasave my family, so to speak. And
so there's different archetypesof self-concept that I think
come into play here. And thefour that I use to help my
clients is victim, villain,hero, and guide.
And so every film I'm a big filmlover. So every film has a
victim, a villain, a hero, and aguide, and Titanic's the best
example. So, the victim is isRose. She's trapped sort of by
(03:03):
society because society in 1912weren't really valuing women.
And she was in this marriagewith the villain, which is Cal
Hockley in the in the movie,who's kinda sees women as
property, and he's sort of atrust fund baby who is entitled
and inflated self worth.
And then she's the hero of thestory. The victim becomes the
hero when she finally answersthe call. And the guide is
(03:23):
actually Leonardo DiCaprio'scharacter, which is someone who
is already sort of free from thetrappings of life. So so the
long form of this personalresponsibility is, okay, not
everything is my fault. However,it is my responsibility to take
whatever's happened to me and touse the resources I have at my
(03:45):
disposal to make a life that ismeaningful and constructive.
Because at the end of the day,it wasn't my fault my dad died.
It wasn't my fault my stepdadleft, but it is my
responsibility to find a way tomake a meaningful life out of
what was really quite tragic andchallenging. And I didn't fully
(04:06):
embrace personal responsibilityto the extent that I did now
consciously until after 26 whenI got in my own car accident. My
dad passed away when he was 28in a car. And so when I got in
my car accident, it was myfault, by the way.
I was I was responsible becauseI was on the wrong side of the
road. My that was my fault.Unfortunately, we were all okay.
No one no one was killed or oreven seriously injured, but
(04:27):
physically so physically, wewere good, but mentally,
emotionally, and spiritually, wewere not. And I wasn't actually,
because that was sort of thesecond chance my dad never got.
And after that, I reallyreflected a ton and I realized
that I wasn't taking fullresponsibility for my own
health. I wasn't taking fullresponsibility for my own
(04:48):
dreams, my own future. I Iwasn't reaching my potential,
certainly not holistically. Andwhenever I coach people, I I
have a new client. Her name'sTiff.
I just was on with her earliertoday. Let's control what we can
control. Let's determine what wecan't, and let's do all we can
with all we have. And asesoteric and fortune cookie as
(05:10):
that sounds, ultimately, that'sthe ultimate goal. And then how
you actually go about doing that
Adam Larson (05:15):
is where it gets very nuanced. Yeah. It really
does. Well, it sounds like ittakes a certain level of, dare I
say, emotional intelligence tounderstand that you need to take
that first and responsibilityand reflect that upon yourself.
And not everybody's there yet.
And let's say somebody'slistening to this and they're
like, okay. And they start doingthe work in themselves and they
start, you know, understandingwhere they are. And then they
(05:37):
start to see that reflected intheir team that they're
managing. How do you share thoselessons that you're learning
without feeling like you'reintruding into somebody's life
too much? That's a great thing.
I think in some ways, you haveto overcome
Alan Lazaros (05:52):
the making other people insecure thing. I I still
am working on that because sowith my clients, I do goals,
metrics, habits, skills, andidentity. Mhmm. And what people
come to me is for what theywant, which is growing their
business. I have 28 businessowners that I that are on my
roster currently.
Some are monthly, some areweekly, some are biweekly. So
(06:13):
they come to me to grow theirbusinesses, and that's what they
want. What they actually need ismore responsibility, more
personal responsibility, moreself improvement. If what you
wanted was what you needed,you'd already have it. Branding,
marketing, and sales is whatpeople think they want.
Actual client delivery, if it'sreally valuable, is usually what
you need. So I wanted a coach. Ineeded a therapist. I always
(06:35):
say, if you want a therapist,you probably need a coach. If
you want a coach, you probablyneed a therapist.
And the point there is that,really, we're all sort of wired
a certain way to look at theworld in a certain way. So for
me, I was really good atexternal achievement, but I
wasn't very good at reflectinginward and self improvement and
personal responsibility. Soexternal achievement always came
(06:57):
really easy to me. Internalfulfillment did not. And in and
relationships definitely didnot.
And so I needed to work on theemotional intelligence side and
the inner work, Whereas someonelike my business partner, Kevin,
Chip's always went well. He wasalways relatable, and he was
emotionally intelligent. Butexternally, he was not good at
success at all. And so that'skinda what I break it down to is
(07:19):
to answer your original questiontoo, when you become someone
who's leading by example andtaking full responsibility for
everything you say, think, do,feel, and believe, you become
someone who's a very big mirror.Because most people, myself
included in the past, are nottaking full responsibility.
I mean, they love to blame otherpeople. They love to blame the
(07:40):
government. They love to blamelike, there's a lot of blaming.
Oh, it's because of my childhoodand it's because but when when
they find someone who reallyowns all of who they are and who
takes personal responsibility ata deep level, it becomes a big
(08:00):
mirror because I'll I'll giveyou a tiny example. So I do a
book club every weekend.
On Saturdays, it's at 12:30PM.And book club is a place where
it's it's self improvement bookswith self improvement people.
Next level books with next levelpeople is the brand. But,
ultimately, it's books that getyou to realize that your I
always say, you know, a book issuper valuable when it gets you
to feel like shit aboutyourself. And and what I mean by
(08:23):
that playfully is there's a bookbehind me called the 15
invaluable laws of growth byJohn c Maxwell.
And this book is the 15invaluable laws of personal
growth, and it all starts withpersonal responsibility. And
every chapter is basically, hey.You are not reaching your
potential. Hey. Here's whyyou're not reaching your
(08:44):
potential.
Hey. Here's why you're notreaching your potential. So as
I've learned and grown andmatured, because 10 ago, I was
so obsessed with selfimprovement. I was like, this is
it. This is what the worldneeds.
I'm gonna share it witheverybody. I thought people were
were gonna like that and likeme. No. Hell no. The truth is
even right now, this podcastepisode for anyone watching or
listening, this is getting youto question yourself.
(09:07):
This is getting you to questionwhether or not you really are
reaching your potential. Andthat's a big mirror. So if you
don't have a lot of self belief,you're basically outside your
comfort zone right now, and youmight wanna turn this off. Who
is this guy? Why is he tellingme that I'm not doing good
enough?
The truth is all of us arecapable of more, but not unless
(09:27):
we dig deep and own more of whowe are, more of the good side of
who we are. And then when you dothat, you actually fit in less,
not more, unfortunately.
Adam Larson (09:39):
That's true. And if we start to fit in less, people
get uncomfortable, and a lot oftimes people wanna live in that
comfort, how do we kind of startgrowing beyond that? Because it
the com the that beingcomfortable and being in fitting
in and everybody just wants tokinda slide by. They don't want
anybody to notice them.
Alan Lazaros (10:01):
Hardest part of the journey for some people is
not feeling good enough. Hardestpart of the journey for other
people is feeling like you'retoo much for everyone else. So
what's fascinating about this,and I'm seeing this from a
scientific perspective. So I'man engineer. That's sort of my
disclaimer.
And everything is numbers andstatistics and probabilities and
formulas for me. And so whatI've come to understand is that
(10:25):
we all crave these three things,and we are we all have one of
them really well, one of thempretty bad, and then one's
decent. So we all cravesignificance. We all crave
belonging, and we all cravebeing sought after, wanted.
Significance, belonging, andwanted.
I crave I have a lot ofsignificance because I'm on the
higher end of a lot ofstatistical bell curves. And
(10:46):
while you're not allowed to saythat out loud because you'll get
socially cautious, oh, you thinkyou're smart? Yes. I am smart. I
always have been.
I always will be. Owning that ishard, especially socially. I
know it behind the scenes, butsocially, you're not allowed to
say it. Right? And if you'rearound people who are insecure
about their intelligence, theyare insecure around you and they
usually treat you weird.
(11:08):
And they don't want you to knowthat they actually aren't that
smart or that they're fearfulthat they're not that smart. And
so they get all weird around.They either puff up. So so all
of us are good at those one ofthose three. So for me,
significance comes easy becausesignificance comes from being
different.
Belonging, I mean, forget it. Ifyou're not at the center of any
(11:28):
bell curve statistically soaverage height for a male is, I
don't know, five nine. So I'msix two. Okay? So in statistics,
I'm statistically tall.
IQ. Okay. Where's the center ofthe bell curve versus the far
end? What you find is that fromcoaching so many people at this
point, hundreds of people, but28 currently, you realize that
(11:52):
everybody wants the opposite ofwhat they're naturally good at.
It's this weird thing.
So Kevin's my business partner.He's he always considered
himself very average. He fallsin the middle of a statistical
bell curve. And by the way, themajority of the population does,
right, statistically speaking.So he fits in easily.
So he'd be at a barbecue, and Iwould say, I feel so outside my
(12:14):
comfort zone. I can't be reallyme. I have to dial down so much
here. He's like, dude. I feellike this is natural for me.
But when we interview StevenKotler, who's a peak performance
expert, he feels like he has todial up, whereas I feel at home
there. So the point that I'mmaking here is everyone can self
assess. Which one do youstruggle with most? I feel like
(12:35):
significance. I feel verysignificant, very unique.
I stand out easily. I feel verysought after. I do feel very
wanted, but I don't feel like Ibelong almost anywhere unless I
dial down and pretend, oh, yeah.I care about that. I don't.
I I never have. It is what itis. So or you are average more
than some people, and you don'tyou're scared of that, by the
(12:57):
way. You're scared to admit it.I'm scared to even say it to you
because you're gonna hate me ifI do.
Right? That kind of thing. Butstatistically, it's accurate. So
you belong easily in every room.You know?
You know? You get everyone likesyou. You're easily likable.
People believe in you probablymore than you believe in
yourself. However, you don'tfeel very significant because
significance comes from standingout.
Belonging comes from fitting in.So we're all in this weird
(13:18):
conundrum where I'm trying tobelong and fit in. Kev's trying
to stand out. He naturallybelongs and fits in. I naturally
stand out, so we just need tolean into who we really are.
And I think we're all afraid ofeither success or failure
because the people who areafraid of success are afraid
that they're gonna basically getostracized from the group by
being too much. And the peoplewho are afraid of failure are
(13:39):
afraid they're not good enoughto, like, keep up. And so we're
all sort of socially caged byour own insecurities, and we're
triggering each other all thetime. And it's not until you
realize that that you realizethat your deepest fear is either
that you're not good enough orthat you're too much. And
there's that quote by MayaAngelou that says, it is our
light, not our darkness thatmost frightens us.
(14:01):
Turns out that only that onlyresonates with a certain small
percentage of population whofeels like they're too much for
everybody. That that resonates alot with me. But if you're out
there and you feel not goodenough, the last thing you're
afraid of is your greatness.You're actually afraid of being
less than.
Adam Larson (14:18):
Wow. I really appreciate how you how you put
that. And for people who arelistening, I would encourage you
to kind of ponder on that alittle bit, you know? And as we
keep talking, let's let's keepdiving into that because for
those who, you know, feel likethey're too much and they feel
like they have to dial back allthe time, oh, and you're
encouraging them to just bethemselves. You know, how do you
(14:40):
find that balance?
Especially, like, let's say in aworkplace, you feel like you're
too much. You're saying just beyourself. And but yet they want
to it's like it's like, where'sthat happy medium of getting
along with your coworkers andbeing successful in a team
setting, but yet you'restruggling with that feeling of
being too much?
Alan Lazaros (14:58):
Yeah. So okay. What's a good metaphor for this?
I'm gonna try to use someonethat everybody knows. You
probably have a global show, somaybe this isn't someone
everyone knows.
But one of the good examples ofof a too much er is what I call
them, is like a Tom Brady.
Adam Larson (15:14):
Okay.
Alan Lazaros (15:15):
So Tom Brady basically has to dial down all
the time to fit in. Because whenhe's behind the scenes, he, he
doesn't care about small talk.He's not, he's not interested.
He's just focused. And, Dwaynethe rock Johnson's another good
example.
Like he's very playful with themasses and with people. He
obviously cares about being niceto people. But deep down behind
(15:38):
the scenes, he like, if youwatch him in an interview, this
is I'm only using The Rockbecause he's famous and everyone
can relate. Okay? Everyone knowswho he is.
That's why I'm using him. Whenyou watch him in an interview,
you can tell there's like hisreal answer that he's scared to
say, and then there's like thefluffy, inclusive answer. The
thing that really frustratesPity is the people that only
(15:59):
ever give the inclusive answer.And The Rock is really good at
giving the inclusive answer. Sohe got asked on stage in an
interview that I saw recently.
It's like, you work really hard,man. You know, he's like, yeah,
well, we, we do, we work hard.We all work hard. It's like,
come on, Dwayne, Dwayne. Right?
Tell us the truth. The truth isthat dude grinds every second of
(16:20):
every day, twenty four seven,three 60 five. He probably
hasn't had taken a day off infour years. And if he did, it's
only a small amount of time. Butthat's not relatable.
And therefore, it's not valuableto other people that aren't
trying to be the most successfulactor in history. And that dude
also believes in himself atlevel 10. And when you're
talking to someone who believesin himself at level two, you can
(16:41):
only I'll I'll share thisbriefly. I went to a Brendon
Burchard event. Do you know whoBrendon Burchard is?
Adam Larson (16:47):
I do not.
Alan Lazaros (16:48):
Okay. Brendon Burchard is, he's he's in the
self improvement space, and he'sinto personal growth, and he is
known for helping people. Histhing is high performance habits
is a
Adam Larson (16:57):
book that he wrote. I am I'm familiar with the book.
Yeah.
Alan Lazaros (17:00):
You're familiar with the book. Okay. Beautiful.
So, we were at an event in 2018,and then we went back in 2019.
But I got coached by one of thepeople that knows him well.
His name's Alex. And, I wasbehind the scenes with Alex, and
I said, you know what really isannoying to me? Is Brendan on
stage? I know that's not how hereally is. And Alex said, Alan,
(17:22):
he has to make this stuff morepalatable for the the common man
or woman.
Because I said this to Alex. Isaid, the truth is I know
Brendan never isn't dialed in.The dude is always on. Like, and
if you want Brendon Burchardlevel success, you have to be
dialed in at that level. He's anOlympic athlete level performer.
(17:43):
However, when he's teachingpersonal growth, he's gonna
scare everyone away if he's ifhe's that honest. And so even me
right now, I'm I'm trying tomake this palatable for people
because and it's souncomfortable. Because the truth
is the real truth, Adam, is Ihaven't taken a full day off in
ten years. And that doesn't meanI work sixteen hour days every
(18:06):
day, but I I haven't taken afull day off since that car
accident 2626, '10 years ago.People come to me and they say,
well, I wanna achieve whatyou've achieved.
And I when I tell you the truthabout what it actually took
Mhmm. You wouldn't actually doit. And and by the way and this
is the really scary part that noone shares, unfortunately. What
(18:26):
if you're not supposed toachieve what I've achieved
because you don't you're notwired that way. And it wasn't
until my business partner,Kevin, and I tried he he was
trying to kinda keep up with mysort of run rate for lack of
better phrasing.
And he eventually said, dude, Ican't lit like, you're like a
cyborg. I don't know how to howdo I do this? I had an ex
girlfriend once who said datingyou is like dating a stair
(18:48):
master. That's it. Which she'splayfully trying to say is I'm
not wired as a superachieverlike you are.
And it's not good for me toconstantly grind toward my
potential. I need rest. I needto enjoy my life. I need to the
holidays. So so The Rock, TomBrady, Michael Jordan, like,
these people that are addictedto work ethic and grit and who
(19:14):
have level 10 self belief, whatthey don't realize is that most
people don't.
And when you don't have as muchself belief, and this is
unconscious, not conscious, thatI know people that consciously
think they have tons of selfbelief, but unconsciously they
don't. And I know people whounconsciously have level 10 self
belief, and they don't eventhink they believe in themselves
that much. They're like, oh,yeah. I totally you hear Elon?
(19:36):
Elon's like, yeah.
No. I struggle with self doubt.No. You do not, sir, at all. But
he doesn't know what it's liketo actually struggle with self
doubt.
It's all relative. And again,please don't associate me with
Elon, but Elon would be one ofthe people that people try to be
like that shouldn't try to belike because they're not wired
the way he is wired. So my pointof this whole thing, regardless
(19:57):
of Tom or Elon or Dwayne,because honestly, I don't even
necessarily wanna associate withany of those men. What I would
say is that it's very clear tome at this stage, having coached
so many people, that all of yourlife design and orientation
needs to be predicated on youractual potential. And your
(20:18):
actual potential is alsoconnected to how much you
believe in yourself.
Adam Larson (20:22):
Mhmm. And
Alan Lazaros (20:23):
the more you believe in yourself, the more
you can really dial in and dialup. But when you get advice from
people like an Oprah Winfrey whois saying, well, if I could go
back in time, I wouldn't haveworked so hard. It's like Oprah.
The truth is is you're onlysaying that in hindsight. She
she literally says, if I couldgo back in time, I I would just
tell my younger self not toworry so much.
(20:44):
The reason you got to where youare is because you worried.
Someone is a college studenteating Cheetos on the couch
watching you right now, andyou're saying don't worry so
much. Like, the last thing theyneed to do is worry less.
They're actually already lazy.They need to dial up.
They need to dial the work ethicup. And so these people that get
(21:06):
to the peak or the pinnacle ofsuccess externally usually have
this inner drive from massivetrauma that they don't talk
about, myself included. And theydon't tell you what comes with
what's the darker side of thatthat underbelly of of what it
actually has taken to achievewhat they achieve. And they they
lessen it because they dialdown. And so to answer your
(21:26):
original question for theleaders out there that are
afraid to be too much, the truthis you have to don't don't be
inauthentic.
That's not what I'm saying. WhatI'm saying is you're like a
light is at level 10. It's toobright for some people and they
freak out and they have toleave, but don't dial all the
way down either. So what I do isI call it the truth dial. And I
(21:47):
based on the context of thesituation and the room, I dial
up my intensity or down myintensity based on what is most
constructive for that person inthat moment.
And the truth is behind thescenes, I'm way more than what I
can portray here.
Adam Larson (22:04):
Mhmm.
Alan Lazaros (22:04):
Whereas a lot of people are actually the
opposite. They dial up aroundothers and then dial down when
they're in private. And andthose are usually the people
that struggle with self belief.Wow.
Adam Larson (22:14):
We can go so many places with the conversation
from there. As you were talking,it made me kind of think of
another example just for peoplewho may not you have to
recognize we have all torecognize all of us can't be a
Tom Brady or a Michael Jordan,and everybody can't be on top.
Correct. And that's okay. Youknow, find your true potential
like you were saying.
And sometimes it's good to beclose to those folks. And I'll
(22:36):
use the example of, like, trackand field. If you're in a track
and field race, you might not bethe world record person. But if
you're running in the same raceas the world record person,
guess what? Your speed is gonnaincrease because you're trying
to catch that world recordperson.
And so they might break like,there was a time, I think it was
just in this past Olympics,where the person broke the world
record, and the three peoplebehind them broke the old world
(22:58):
record because they were tryingto catch that guy.
Alan Lazaros (23:00):
So And, unfortunately, they didn't value
it enough.
Adam Larson (23:03):
They didn't because they didn't even try to
Alan Lazaros (23:04):
catch Usain Usain Bolt. Yeah.
Adam Larson (23:06):
But I feel like it's a huge it's a huge thing
for us to yes. Not everybody'sgonna win, and that sucks.
Alan Lazaros (23:13):
Yeah.
Adam Larson (23:13):
But if you're reaching your true potential and
you're let's say you're close tothat person who might be higher
up than you, but yet you'reclosest to that person might
cause you to go further than youyour potential originally was.
Alan Lazaros (23:25):
The unfortunate part is that for someone who
does have a lot of self beliefMhmm. And it actually does
ignite them to be around peoplethat are way ahead. What I've
unfortunately figured out isthat with some people being
around people that are that thecontrast is too big, it actually
shuts them down and makes themfeel even worse. Gotcha. And so
(23:46):
plus minus equal to is kind ofthe frame that I think of.
You need someone who's ahead ofyou. That's a mentor or a coach.
Mhmm. You need someone who'ssort of a peer at your level who
can you can compete withauthentically. And then you need
people that you mentor in orderto make sure that and and to me,
that's the best formula forsuccess is the people that are
(24:09):
behind you, you can pour intoand help.
We'll use podcasting as anexample. So I have 1,900
episodes, so I would be a mentorto you in podcasting. But you're
ahead of me in something and youcould be a mentor to me in
something else. And so, butunfortunately, our insecurities
thrive and we just aren'tfocused on reaching our
potential, our unique potential,our own, like, let me give this
(24:33):
example. Okay.
In physical fitness,bodybuilding, I was an
ectomorphic tall, lanky, skinny,one hundred and sixty pounds
soaking wet guy. So inbodybuilding, I am wildly the
underdog. I, I mean, it, theamount of effort it has taken to
even be this big is nuts. Mybusiness partner, Kevin is, I
(24:57):
mean, the dude looks at theweights and gets jacked. I mean,
playfully, obviously.
He he doesn't have to worknearly as hard. He doesn't have
to dial in nearly as much. But Ihave these giraffe legs. So if
we're doing long distancerunning, which we've done
together, it's not close. Imean, I can run backwards and
beat this guy.
The point is is we all havestrengths and weaknesses and
every strength comes with aweakness. So my strength for
(25:17):
long distance running comes witha weakness of bodybuilding. His
strength of bodybuilding, he hejokes. He says, I'm like a
sausage. He's five, six, youknow, easily gains weight and
muscle, but, like, can't he hastiny little legs.
So the the point that I'm makingwith all this rather than
talking about me and Kev is thatall of us have unique strengths
that come with innateweaknesses. So self belief is a
(25:40):
huge strength. However, humilityis not a strength. Very rarely
does humility walk hand in handwith undying self belief. So I
had to learn through massivepain and failure with the
downside of self belief.
Here's another one. Self doubtis a weakness, but what comes
with it if you're smart isyou'll get a mentor. You'll
you'll get someone ahead. Like,humility might come with that.
(26:03):
And so if all of us can justself assess and say, okay.
I'm naturally weak in the gym,but I'm also naturally gifted in
long distance running. I'm gonnadecide which one I'm gonna
optimize for. And, yeah, maybeI'll never be Usain Bolt or
Olympic gold level medalist, butI have a much better shot at a
much more fulfilling andsuccessful career. The problem
(26:25):
is when we are all unconsciouslytrying to be different than we
are. And so the last piece I'llshare with this diatribe of of
stuff is I I never used to knowthis, but I think one of the
reasons self improvement is sodangerous is because people are
trying to change who they are.
And I think I fell victim tothat a little bit too in the in
the past. So now I have a newformula that I use with my
(26:47):
clients. It's very simple. It'sself acceptance is number one.
No.
I'm sorry. Self awareness isnumber one. Mhmm. Self awareness
is number one. You need to beaware.
Okay. So science, technology,engineering, mathematics,
business and finance, success,external achievement, that stuff
just comes easy to me. Okay.That means relationships
obviously don't. What else doesthat mean?
(27:08):
Okay. So I'm a cyborg. I thinkin numbers. No one else does.
Okay.
So am I weird? Yes. Okay. Do Ilean into that? Okay.
So self awareness first.Strengths, weaknesses,
understanding who you reallyare, not who you wish you were.
Mhmm. Who you really are. Good,bad, ugly.
Okay. Step two, self acceptance.This means not only am I gonna
(27:31):
own who I am, but I'm gonnaaccept and love that version of
me even though maybe myrelationship with it isn't that
good. So for example, for me, Ihad to self accept that I'm not
an easily likable person. That'sbeen really hard for me to
accept.
That is my deeper fear. I'm notconcerned about not adding
value. I'll get you thinkingdifferently. This is valuable
(27:52):
stuff. Yeah.
Everything I've said, I thinkit's super valuable. Doesn't
matter. Most people don't likeme. And if you don't like me,
you might not get the value. K?
So I've had to accept that I'mnot a very likable person.
Alright. Number three, and andby the way, I'm not saying that
as, like, a lot of people think,well, no. No. You're likable.
Listen. I'm not as easilylikable as Kevin, and accepting
(28:14):
that and owning that is part ofmy journey. The third one is
self improvement. And that ifyou accept something about
yourself without the improvementpiece, you might actually it
might be a limiting belief.Because okay.
Yes. I'm not an easily likableperson. I accept that. However,
I'm gonna improve mycommunication. I'm gonna improve
(28:35):
empathy.
I'm gonna improve my awarenessof how different I am so that I
can articulate things in a waythat doesn't trigger everybody.
I'm gonna find a way to still bethe best version of that. So
self awareness, self acceptance,then self improvement versus if
you're doing self improvementfrom the place of insecurity,
you're basically trying tochange who you are rather than
(28:55):
actually amplify who you reallyare.
Adam Larson (28:58):
Mhmm. Yeah. Wow. We've gone a lot of places in
this conversation, and I feellike the folks listening to this
probably have gonna have a lotof other questions. And I
encourage them to, you know,check out without to reach out
to Alan if you wanna, you know,get to know him more.
Check out the links in the inthe in the in the show notes.
But, you know, as as we kindawrap up the conversation, I feel
(29:19):
like what is what should be thenext step for somebody listening
to who've just listened to thisconversation is like, I need to
Alan Lazaros (29:28):
do more. What's what should their next step be?
The first thing is where are younot taking personal
responsibility? I think thatthat's a good place to start.
And if, if not, why not?
And usually underneath it, it'sbecause of low self belief in
that area. So I didn't have alot of self confidence in
(29:48):
relationships. I do now, but Ididn't for a long time. And Kev
said, well, it makes sense.You're not good at them.
Like, you've never succeeded atthem. And, because for a long
time, I just could not figureout how to make my relationships
work, and I always thoughtsomething was wrong with me. No.
No. No.
I'm very, very unique. Andnobody wants to date a super
achiever who, like, neverrelaxes, you know, except for
(30:10):
another super achiever.
Adam Larson (30:11):
Yeah.
Alan Lazaros (30:12):
My girlfriend, Emilia, she she's more intense
than I am. It worked perfectly.Woah. Okay. So what's my point?
Self awareness, self reflection.What what's the next step?
Personal responsibility for thestrengths and weaknesses that
come with your uniqueness. Andthen you'll be opened to to new
(30:36):
possibilities of, so if I wereto own that I'm naturally gifted
in that, but I'm definitely notnaturally gifted in this, How
can I strategically mitigate theweakness of this? Not fully, but
a little bit, be aware of it atleast, and then go all in on
this.
And, and I think that that takesa tremendous amount of courage.
(31:00):
So the simple step would be selfreflect from this episode and
figure out something aboutyourself that you had never
maybe realized or fully ownedbefore. And if you can
emotionally and mentally ownthat thing, that new awareness,
whatever came up for you duringthis, your future opens up in
(31:21):
some unique new way becausebasically all of us are wired a
certain way that almostvirtually guarantees we lose
over here while we went overhere. And if if you can
understand that, now you candesign a life that's more
holistic and fulfilling.
Adam Larson (31:36):
Well, Alan, thank you so much for coming on the
podcast. It's been a a wonderfulpleasure speaking with you
today.
Alan Lazaros (31:42):
Adam, thank you for having me. I really
appreciate it. And the one thingthat I always come back to
regardless of whether or notanyone likes or dislikes any of
this content is selfimprovement, I think, is is the
root cure to a lot of thesuffering in the world. And I
I'm just grateful to be herebecause, obviously, you're
spreading some good selfimprovement stuff. So thank you
(32:03):
for having me.
I really appreciate it, and I'dbe happy to do it again
sometime.
Announcer (32:08):
This has been Count Me In, IMA's podcast providing
you with the latest perspectivesof thought leaders from the
accounting and financeprofession. If you like what you
heard and you'd like to becounted in for more relevant
accounting and financeeducation, visit IMA's website
at www.imanet.org.
Welcome back to Count Me In. I'm your host, Adam
Larson, and today we'reprivileged to have Alan Lazaros
join us. Alan is the CEO,founder, and cohost at Next
Level University, and he's hereto dive deep into the concept of
personal responsibility and itspivotal role in becoming
effective business and teamleader. Alan will share his
(00:41):
journey, woven with personalexperience, and the intriguing
framework of victim, villain,hero, and guide, explaining how
embracing accountability hasfueled his success explaining
how embracing accountability hasfueled his success. From
overcoming childhood obstaclesto a transformative car
accident, Alan's story is one ofresilience and growth.
(01:02):
We'll also explore emotionalintelligence, self awareness,
and the balance of selfimprovement. Whether you often
feel like you're too much or notenough, this episode challenges
you to reflect deeply and unlocknew potential. Prepare for an
episode packed with personalinsights and strategies for
achieving growth andfulfillment. Let's dive right
in. Well, Alan, I'm so excitedto have you on Count Me In.
(01:29):
And, we're gonna be talkingabout a lot of things about,
becoming a better businessleader, becoming a better team
leader. And I thought we couldstart off the conversation just
talking about personalresponsibility. As you and I
have been chatting, youmentioned to me how important
that was, how it shapes yourjourney. So I thought we could
talk about why is why is it soimportant to take personal
responsibility, especially asyou were building ourselves to
be better people, but then alsobusiness leaders, entrepreneurs,
(01:50):
whatever wherever our journey istaking us.
Alan Lazaros (01:53):
So the first thing, I mean, we we came in
right out of the gate with oneof my favorite things in the
entire world is you mentionedpersonal responsibility. And I
feel like that's the foundationof kind of everything else that
you build. Because if you thinkabout it, if you don't take
personal responsibility, thenyou don't really have any
control over the outcome. Nowsome people take too much
(02:15):
personal responsibility forthings that are outside of their
control. And and me who grew upin a challenging, childhood,
father passed away when I wasyoung, stepfather left when I
was 14.
He was around for, I think,eleven years. But I took on
unconsciously responsibility forsort of my my entire family, my
mom, my sister, that kindathing. And I didn't realize
until later doing more therapyand realizing that I kinda took
(02:39):
that on to make sure that sortasave my family, so to speak. And
so there's different archetypesof self-concept that I think
come into play here. And thefour that I use to help my
clients is victim, villain,hero, and guide.
And so every film I'm a big filmlover. So every film has a
victim, a villain, a hero, and aguide, and Titanic's the best
example. So, the victim is isRose. She's trapped sort of by
(03:03):
society because society in 1912weren't really valuing women.
And she was in this marriagewith the villain, which is Cal
Hockley in the in the movie,who's kinda sees women as
property, and he's sort of atrust fund baby who is entitled
and inflated self worth.
And then she's the hero of thestory. The victim becomes the
hero when she finally answersthe call. And the guide is
(03:23):
actually Leonardo DiCaprio'scharacter, which is someone who
is already sort of free from thetrappings of life. So so the
long form of this personalresponsibility is, okay, not
everything is my fault. However,it is my responsibility to take
whatever's happened to me and touse the resources I have at my
(03:45):
disposal to make a life that ismeaningful and constructive.
Because at the end of the day,it wasn't my fault my dad died.
It wasn't my fault my stepdadleft, but it is my
responsibility to find a way tomake a meaningful life out of
what was really quite tragic andchallenging. And I didn't fully
(04:06):
embrace personal responsibilityto the extent that I did now
consciously until after 26 whenI got in my own car accident. My
dad passed away when he was 28in a car. And so when I got in
my car accident, it was myfault, by the way.
I was I was responsible becauseI was on the wrong side of the
road. My that was my fault.Unfortunately, we were all okay.
No one no one was killed or oreven seriously injured, but
(04:27):
physically so physically, wewere good, but mentally,
emotionally, and spiritually, wewere not. And I wasn't actually,
because that was sort of thesecond chance my dad never got.
And after that, I reallyreflected a ton and I realized
that I wasn't taking fullresponsibility for my own
health. I wasn't taking fullresponsibility for my own
(04:48):
dreams, my own future. I Iwasn't reaching my potential,
certainly not holistically. Andwhenever I coach people, I I
have a new client. Her name'sTiff.
I just was on with her earliertoday. Let's control what we can
control. Let's determine what wecan't, and let's do all we can
with all we have. And asesoteric and fortune cookie as
(05:10):
that sounds, ultimately, that'sthe ultimate goal. And then how
you actually go about doing that
Adam Larson (05:15):
is where it gets very nuanced. Yeah. It really
does. Well, it sounds like ittakes a certain level of, dare I
say, emotional intelligence tounderstand that you need to take
that first and responsibilityand reflect that upon yourself.
And not everybody's there yet.
And let's say somebody'slistening to this and they're
like, okay. And they start doingthe work in themselves and they
start, you know, understandingwhere they are. And then they
(05:37):
start to see that reflected intheir team that they're
managing. How do you share thoselessons that you're learning
without feeling like you'reintruding into somebody's life
too much? That's a great thing.
I think in some ways, you haveto overcome
Alan Lazaros (05:52):
the making other people insecure thing. I I still
am working on that because sowith my clients, I do goals,
metrics, habits, skills, andidentity. Mhmm. And what people
come to me is for what theywant, which is growing their
business. I have 28 businessowners that I that are on my
roster currently.
Some are monthly, some areweekly, some are biweekly. So
(06:13):
they come to me to grow theirbusinesses, and that's what they
want. What they actually need ismore responsibility, more
personal responsibility, moreself improvement. If what you
wanted was what you needed,you'd already have it. Branding,
marketing, and sales is whatpeople think they want.
Actual client delivery, if it'sreally valuable, is usually what
you need. So I wanted a coach. Ineeded a therapist. I always
(06:35):
say, if you want a therapist,you probably need a coach. If
you want a coach, you probablyneed a therapist.
And the point there is that,really, we're all sort of wired
a certain way to look at theworld in a certain way. So for
me, I was really good atexternal achievement, but I
wasn't very good at reflectinginward and self improvement and
personal responsibility. Soexternal achievement always came
(06:57):
really easy to me. Internalfulfillment did not. And in and
relationships definitely didnot.
And so I needed to work on theemotional intelligence side and
the inner work, Whereas someonelike my business partner, Kevin,
Chip's always went well. He wasalways relatable, and he was
emotionally intelligent. Butexternally, he was not good at
success at all. And so that'skinda what I break it down to is
(07:19):
to answer your original questiontoo, when you become someone
who's leading by example andtaking full responsibility for
everything you say, think, do,feel, and believe, you become
someone who's a very big mirror.Because most people, myself
included in the past, are nottaking full responsibility.
I mean, they love to blame otherpeople. They love to blame the
(07:40):
government. They love to blamelike, there's a lot of blaming.
Oh, it's because of my childhoodand it's because but when when
they find someone who reallyowns all of who they are and who
takes personal responsibility ata deep level, it becomes a big
(08:00):
mirror because I'll I'll giveyou a tiny example. So I do a
book club every weekend.
On Saturdays, it's at 12:30PM.And book club is a place where
it's it's self improvement bookswith self improvement people.
Next level books with next levelpeople is the brand. But,
ultimately, it's books that getyou to realize that your I
always say, you know, a book issuper valuable when it gets you
to feel like shit aboutyourself. And and what I mean by
(08:23):
that playfully is there's a bookbehind me called the 15
invaluable laws of growth byJohn c Maxwell.
And this book is the 15invaluable laws of personal
growth, and it all starts withpersonal responsibility. And
every chapter is basically, hey.You are not reaching your
potential. Hey. Here's whyyou're not reaching your
(08:44):
potential.
Hey. Here's why you're notreaching your potential. So as
I've learned and grown andmatured, because 10 ago, I was
so obsessed with selfimprovement. I was like, this is
it. This is what the worldneeds.
I'm gonna share it witheverybody. I thought people were
were gonna like that and likeme. No. Hell no. The truth is
even right now, this podcastepisode for anyone watching or
listening, this is getting youto question yourself.
(09:07):
This is getting you to questionwhether or not you really are
reaching your potential. Andthat's a big mirror. So if you
don't have a lot of self belief,you're basically outside your
comfort zone right now, and youmight wanna turn this off. Who
is this guy? Why is he tellingme that I'm not doing good
enough?
The truth is all of us arecapable of more, but not unless
(09:27):
we dig deep and own more of whowe are, more of the good side of
who we are. And then when you dothat, you actually fit in less,
not more, unfortunately.
Adam Larson (09:39):
That's true. And if we start to fit in less, people
get uncomfortable, and a lot oftimes people wanna live in that
comfort, how do we kind of startgrowing beyond that? Because it
the com the that beingcomfortable and being in fitting
in and everybody just wants tokinda slide by. They don't want
anybody to notice them.
Alan Lazaros (10:01):
Hardest part of the journey for some people is
not feeling good enough. Hardestpart of the journey for other
people is feeling like you'retoo much for everyone else. So
what's fascinating about this,and I'm seeing this from a
scientific perspective. So I'man engineer. That's sort of my
disclaimer.
And everything is numbers andstatistics and probabilities and
formulas for me. And so whatI've come to understand is that
(10:25):
we all crave these three things,and we are we all have one of
them really well, one of thempretty bad, and then one's
decent. So we all cravesignificance. We all crave
belonging, and we all cravebeing sought after, wanted.
Significance, belonging, andwanted.
I crave I have a lot ofsignificance because I'm on the
higher end of a lot ofstatistical bell curves. And
(10:46):
while you're not allowed to saythat out loud because you'll get
socially cautious, oh, you thinkyou're smart? Yes. I am smart. I
always have been.
I always will be. Owning that ishard, especially socially. I
know it behind the scenes, butsocially, you're not allowed to
say it. Right? And if you'rearound people who are insecure
about their intelligence, theyare insecure around you and they
usually treat you weird.
(11:08):
And they don't want you to knowthat they actually aren't that
smart or that they're fearfulthat they're not that smart. And
so they get all weird around.They either puff up. So so all
of us are good at those one ofthose three. So for me,
significance comes easy becausesignificance comes from being
different.
Belonging, I mean, forget it. Ifyou're not at the center of any
(11:28):
bell curve statistically soaverage height for a male is, I
don't know, five nine. So I'msix two. Okay? So in statistics,
I'm statistically tall.
IQ. Okay. Where's the center ofthe bell curve versus the far
end? What you find is that fromcoaching so many people at this
point, hundreds of people, but28 currently, you realize that
(11:52):
everybody wants the opposite ofwhat they're naturally good at.
It's this weird thing.
So Kevin's my business partner.He's he always considered
himself very average. He fallsin the middle of a statistical
bell curve. And by the way, themajority of the population does,
right, statistically speaking.So he fits in easily.
So he'd be at a barbecue, and Iwould say, I feel so outside my
(12:14):
comfort zone. I can't be reallyme. I have to dial down so much
here. He's like, dude. I feellike this is natural for me.
But when we interview StevenKotler, who's a peak performance
expert, he feels like he has todial up, whereas I feel at home
there. So the point that I'mmaking here is everyone can self
assess. Which one do youstruggle with most? I feel like
(12:35):
significance. I feel verysignificant, very unique.
I stand out easily. I feel verysought after. I do feel very
wanted, but I don't feel like Ibelong almost anywhere unless I
dial down and pretend, oh, yeah.I care about that. I don't.
I I never have. It is what itis. So or you are average more
than some people, and you don'tyou're scared of that, by the
(12:57):
way. You're scared to admit it.I'm scared to even say it to you
because you're gonna hate me ifI do.
Right? That kind of thing. Butstatistically, it's accurate. So
you belong easily in every room.You know?
You know? You get everyone likesyou. You're easily likable.
People believe in you probablymore than you believe in
yourself. However, you don'tfeel very significant because
significance comes from standingout.
Belonging comes from fitting in.So we're all in this weird
(13:18):
conundrum where I'm trying tobelong and fit in. Kev's trying
to stand out. He naturallybelongs and fits in. I naturally
stand out, so we just need tolean into who we really are.
And I think we're all afraid ofeither success or failure
because the people who areafraid of success are afraid
that they're gonna basically getostracized from the group by
being too much. And the peoplewho are afraid of failure are
(13:39):
afraid they're not good enoughto, like, keep up. And so we're
all sort of socially caged byour own insecurities, and we're
triggering each other all thetime. And it's not until you
realize that that you realizethat your deepest fear is either
that you're not good enough orthat you're too much. And
there's that quote by MayaAngelou that says, it is our
light, not our darkness thatmost frightens us.
(14:01):
Turns out that only that onlyresonates with a certain small
percentage of population whofeels like they're too much for
everybody. That that resonates alot with me. But if you're out
there and you feel not goodenough, the last thing you're
afraid of is your greatness.You're actually afraid of being
less than.
Adam Larson (14:18):
Wow. I really appreciate how you how you put
that. And for people who arelistening, I would encourage you
to kind of ponder on that alittle bit, you know? And as we
keep talking, let's let's keepdiving into that because for
those who, you know, feel likethey're too much and they feel
like they have to dial back allthe time, oh, and you're
encouraging them to just bethemselves. You know, how do you
(14:40):
find that balance?
Especially, like, let's say in aworkplace, you feel like you're
too much. You're saying just beyourself. And but yet they want
to it's like it's like, where'sthat happy medium of getting
along with your coworkers andbeing successful in a team
setting, but yet you'restruggling with that feeling of
being too much?
Alan Lazaros (14:58):
Yeah. So okay. What's a good metaphor for this?
I'm gonna try to use someonethat everybody knows. You
probably have a global show, somaybe this isn't someone
everyone knows.
But one of the good examples ofof a too much er is what I call
them, is like a Tom Brady.
Adam Larson (15:14):
Okay.
Alan Lazaros (15:15):
So Tom Brady basically has to dial down all
the time to fit in. Because whenhe's behind the scenes, he, he
doesn't care about small talk.He's not, he's not interested.
He's just focused. And, Dwaynethe rock Johnson's another good
example.
Like he's very playful with themasses and with people. He
obviously cares about being niceto people. But deep down behind
(15:38):
the scenes, he like, if youwatch him in an interview, this
is I'm only using The Rockbecause he's famous and everyone
can relate. Okay? Everyone knowswho he is.
That's why I'm using him. Whenyou watch him in an interview,
you can tell there's like hisreal answer that he's scared to
say, and then there's like thefluffy, inclusive answer. The
thing that really frustratesPity is the people that only
(15:59):
ever give the inclusive answer.And The Rock is really good at
giving the inclusive answer. Sohe got asked on stage in an
interview that I saw recently.
It's like, you work really hard,man. You know, he's like, yeah,
well, we, we do, we work hard.We all work hard. It's like,
come on, Dwayne, Dwayne. Right?
Tell us the truth. The truth isthat dude grinds every second of
(16:20):
every day, twenty four seven,three 60 five. He probably
hasn't had taken a day off infour years. And if he did, it's
only a small amount of time. Butthat's not relatable.
And therefore, it's not valuableto other people that aren't
trying to be the most successfulactor in history. And that dude
also believes in himself atlevel 10. And when you're
talking to someone who believesin himself at level two, you can
(16:41):
only I'll I'll share thisbriefly. I went to a Brendon
Burchard event. Do you know whoBrendon Burchard is?
Adam Larson (16:47):
I do not.
Alan Lazaros (16:48):
Okay. Brendon Burchard is, he's he's in the
self improvement space, and he'sinto personal growth, and he is
known for helping people. Histhing is high performance habits
is a
Adam Larson (16:57):
book that he wrote. I am I'm familiar with the book.
Yeah.
Alan Lazaros (17:00):
You're familiar with the book. Okay. Beautiful.
So, we were at an event in 2018,and then we went back in 2019.
But I got coached by one of thepeople that knows him well.
His name's Alex. And, I wasbehind the scenes with Alex, and
I said, you know what really isannoying to me? Is Brendan on
stage? I know that's not how hereally is. And Alex said, Alan,
(17:22):
he has to make this stuff morepalatable for the the common man
or woman.
Because I said this to Alex. Isaid, the truth is I know
Brendan never isn't dialed in.The dude is always on. Like, and
if you want Brendon Burchardlevel success, you have to be
dialed in at that level. He's anOlympic athlete level performer.
(17:43):
However, when he's teachingpersonal growth, he's gonna
scare everyone away if he's ifhe's that honest. And so even me
right now, I'm I'm trying tomake this palatable for people
because and it's souncomfortable. Because the truth
is the real truth, Adam, is Ihaven't taken a full day off in
ten years. And that doesn't meanI work sixteen hour days every
(18:06):
day, but I I haven't taken afull day off since that car
accident 2626, '10 years ago.People come to me and they say,
well, I wanna achieve whatyou've achieved.
And I when I tell you the truthabout what it actually took
Mhmm. You wouldn't actually doit. And and by the way and this
is the really scary part that noone shares, unfortunately. What
(18:26):
if you're not supposed toachieve what I've achieved
because you don't you're notwired that way. And it wasn't
until my business partner,Kevin, and I tried he he was
trying to kinda keep up with mysort of run rate for lack of
better phrasing.
And he eventually said, dude, Ican't lit like, you're like a
cyborg. I don't know how to howdo I do this? I had an ex
girlfriend once who said datingyou is like dating a stair
(18:48):
master. That's it. Which she'splayfully trying to say is I'm
not wired as a superachieverlike you are.
And it's not good for me toconstantly grind toward my
potential. I need rest. I needto enjoy my life. I need to the
holidays. So so The Rock, TomBrady, Michael Jordan, like,
these people that are addictedto work ethic and grit and who
(19:14):
have level 10 self belief, whatthey don't realize is that most
people don't.
And when you don't have as muchself belief, and this is
unconscious, not conscious, thatI know people that consciously
think they have tons of selfbelief, but unconsciously they
don't. And I know people whounconsciously have level 10 self
belief, and they don't eventhink they believe in themselves
that much. They're like, oh,yeah. I totally you hear Elon?
(19:36):
Elon's like, yeah.
No. I struggle with self doubt.No. You do not, sir, at all. But
he doesn't know what it's liketo actually struggle with self
doubt.
It's all relative. And again,please don't associate me with
Elon, but Elon would be one ofthe people that people try to be
like that shouldn't try to belike because they're not wired
the way he is wired. So my pointof this whole thing, regardless
(19:57):
of Tom or Elon or Dwayne,because honestly, I don't even
necessarily wanna associate withany of those men. What I would
say is that it's very clear tome at this stage, having coached
so many people, that all of yourlife design and orientation
needs to be predicated on youractual potential. And your
(20:18):
actual potential is alsoconnected to how much you
believe in yourself.
Adam Larson (20:22):
Mhmm. And
Alan Lazaros (20:23):
the more you believe in yourself, the more
you can really dial in and dialup. But when you get advice from
people like an Oprah Winfrey whois saying, well, if I could go
back in time, I wouldn't haveworked so hard. It's like Oprah.
The truth is is you're onlysaying that in hindsight. She
she literally says, if I couldgo back in time, I I would just
tell my younger self not toworry so much.
(20:44):
The reason you got to where youare is because you worried.
Someone is a college studenteating Cheetos on the couch
watching you right now, andyou're saying don't worry so
much. Like, the last thing theyneed to do is worry less.
They're actually already lazy.They need to dial up.
They need to dial the work ethicup. And so these people that get
(21:06):
to the peak or the pinnacle ofsuccess externally usually have
this inner drive from massivetrauma that they don't talk
about, myself included. And theydon't tell you what comes with
what's the darker side of thatthat underbelly of of what it
actually has taken to achievewhat they achieve. And they they
lessen it because they dialdown. And so to answer your
(21:26):
original question for theleaders out there that are
afraid to be too much, the truthis you have to don't don't be
inauthentic.
That's not what I'm saying. WhatI'm saying is you're like a
light is at level 10. It's toobright for some people and they
freak out and they have toleave, but don't dial all the
way down either. So what I do isI call it the truth dial. And I
(21:47):
based on the context of thesituation and the room, I dial
up my intensity or down myintensity based on what is most
constructive for that person inthat moment.
And the truth is behind thescenes, I'm way more than what I
can portray here.
Adam Larson (22:04):
Mhmm.
Alan Lazaros (22:04):
Whereas a lot of people are actually the
opposite. They dial up aroundothers and then dial down when
they're in private. And andthose are usually the people
that struggle with self belief.Wow.
Adam Larson (22:14):
We can go so many places with the conversation
from there. As you were talking,it made me kind of think of
another example just for peoplewho may not you have to
recognize we have all torecognize all of us can't be a
Tom Brady or a Michael Jordan,and everybody can't be on top.
Correct. And that's okay. Youknow, find your true potential
like you were saying.
And sometimes it's good to beclose to those folks. And I'll
(22:36):
use the example of, like, trackand field. If you're in a track
and field race, you might not bethe world record person. But if
you're running in the same raceas the world record person,
guess what? Your speed is gonnaincrease because you're trying
to catch that world recordperson.
And so they might break like,there was a time, I think it was
just in this past Olympics,where the person broke the world
record, and the three peoplebehind them broke the old world
(22:58):
record because they were tryingto catch that guy.
Alan Lazaros (23:00):
So And, unfortunately, they didn't value
it enough.
Adam Larson (23:03):
They didn't because they didn't even try to
Alan Lazaros (23:04):
catch Usain Usain Bolt. Yeah.
Adam Larson (23:06):
But I feel like it's a huge it's a huge thing
for us to yes. Not everybody'sgonna win, and that sucks.
Alan Lazaros (23:13):
Yeah.
Adam Larson (23:13):
But if you're reaching your true potential and
you're let's say you're close tothat person who might be higher
up than you, but yet you'reclosest to that person might
cause you to go further than youyour potential originally was.
Alan Lazaros (23:25):
The unfortunate part is that for someone who
does have a lot of self beliefMhmm. And it actually does
ignite them to be around peoplethat are way ahead. What I've
unfortunately figured out isthat with some people being
around people that are that thecontrast is too big, it actually
shuts them down and makes themfeel even worse. Gotcha. And so
(23:46):
plus minus equal to is kind ofthe frame that I think of.
You need someone who's ahead ofyou. That's a mentor or a coach.
Mhmm. You need someone who'ssort of a peer at your level who
can you can compete withauthentically. And then you need
people that you mentor in orderto make sure that and and to me,
that's the best formula forsuccess is the people that are
(24:09):
behind you, you can pour intoand help.
We'll use podcasting as anexample. So I have 1,900
episodes, so I would be a mentorto you in podcasting. But you're
ahead of me in something and youcould be a mentor to me in
something else. And so, butunfortunately, our insecurities
thrive and we just aren'tfocused on reaching our
potential, our unique potential,our own, like, let me give this
(24:33):
example. Okay.
In physical fitness,bodybuilding, I was an
ectomorphic tall, lanky, skinny,one hundred and sixty pounds
soaking wet guy. So inbodybuilding, I am wildly the
underdog. I, I mean, it, theamount of effort it has taken to
even be this big is nuts. Mybusiness partner, Kevin is, I
(24:57):
mean, the dude looks at theweights and gets jacked. I mean,
playfully, obviously.
He he doesn't have to worknearly as hard. He doesn't have
to dial in nearly as much. But Ihave these giraffe legs. So if
we're doing long distancerunning, which we've done
together, it's not close. Imean, I can run backwards and
beat this guy.
The point is is we all havestrengths and weaknesses and
every strength comes with aweakness. So my strength for
(25:17):
long distance running comes witha weakness of bodybuilding. His
strength of bodybuilding, he hejokes. He says, I'm like a
sausage. He's five, six, youknow, easily gains weight and
muscle, but, like, can't he hastiny little legs.
So the the point that I'm makingwith all this rather than
talking about me and Kev is thatall of us have unique strengths
that come with innateweaknesses. So self belief is a
(25:40):
huge strength. However, humilityis not a strength. Very rarely
does humility walk hand in handwith undying self belief. So I
had to learn through massivepain and failure with the
downside of self belief.
Here's another one. Self doubtis a weakness, but what comes
with it if you're smart isyou'll get a mentor. You'll
you'll get someone ahead. Like,humility might come with that.
(26:03):
And so if all of us can justself assess and say, okay.
I'm naturally weak in the gym,but I'm also naturally gifted in
long distance running. I'm gonnadecide which one I'm gonna
optimize for. And, yeah, maybeI'll never be Usain Bolt or
Olympic gold level medalist, butI have a much better shot at a
much more fulfilling andsuccessful career. The problem
(26:25):
is when we are all unconsciouslytrying to be different than we
are. And so the last piece I'llshare with this diatribe of of
stuff is I I never used to knowthis, but I think one of the
reasons self improvement is sodangerous is because people are
trying to change who they are.
And I think I fell victim tothat a little bit too in the in
the past. So now I have a newformula that I use with my
(26:47):
clients. It's very simple. It'sself acceptance is number one.
No.
I'm sorry. Self awareness isnumber one. Mhmm. Self awareness
is number one. You need to beaware.
Okay. So science, technology,engineering, mathematics,
business and finance, success,external achievement, that stuff
just comes easy to me. Okay.That means relationships
obviously don't. What else doesthat mean?
(27:08):
Okay. So I'm a cyborg. I thinkin numbers. No one else does.
Okay.
So am I weird? Yes. Okay. Do Ilean into that? Okay.
So self awareness first.Strengths, weaknesses,
understanding who you reallyare, not who you wish you were.
Mhmm. Who you really are. Good,bad, ugly.
Okay. Step two, self acceptance.This means not only am I gonna
(27:31):
own who I am, but I'm gonnaaccept and love that version of
me even though maybe myrelationship with it isn't that
good. So for example, for me, Ihad to self accept that I'm not
an easily likable person. That'sbeen really hard for me to
accept.
That is my deeper fear. I'm notconcerned about not adding
value. I'll get you thinkingdifferently. This is valuable
(27:52):
stuff. Yeah.
Everything I've said, I thinkit's super valuable. Doesn't
matter. Most people don't likeme. And if you don't like me,
you might not get the value. K?
So I've had to accept that I'mnot a very likable person.
Alright. Number three, and andby the way, I'm not saying that
as, like, a lot of people think,well, no. No. You're likable.
Listen. I'm not as easilylikable as Kevin, and accepting
(28:14):
that and owning that is part ofmy journey. The third one is
self improvement. And that ifyou accept something about
yourself without the improvementpiece, you might actually it
might be a limiting belief.Because okay.
Yes. I'm not an easily likableperson. I accept that. However,
I'm gonna improve mycommunication. I'm gonna improve
(28:35):
empathy.
I'm gonna improve my awarenessof how different I am so that I
can articulate things in a waythat doesn't trigger everybody.
I'm gonna find a way to still bethe best version of that. So
self awareness, self acceptance,then self improvement versus if
you're doing self improvementfrom the place of insecurity,
you're basically trying tochange who you are rather than
(28:55):
actually amplify who you reallyare.
Adam Larson (28:58):
Mhmm. Yeah. Wow. We've gone a lot of places in
this conversation, and I feellike the folks listening to this
probably have gonna have a lotof other questions. And I
encourage them to, you know,check out without to reach out
to Alan if you wanna, you know,get to know him more.
Check out the links in the inthe in the in the show notes.
But, you know, as as we kindawrap up the conversation, I feel
(29:19):
like what is what should be thenext step for somebody listening
to who've just listened to thisconversation is like, I need to
Alan Lazaros (29:28):
do more. What's what should their next step be?
The first thing is where are younot taking personal
responsibility? I think thatthat's a good place to start.
And if, if not, why not?
And usually underneath it, it'sbecause of low self belief in
that area. So I didn't have alot of self confidence in
(29:48):
relationships. I do now, but Ididn't for a long time. And Kev
said, well, it makes sense.You're not good at them.
Like, you've never succeeded atthem. And, because for a long
time, I just could not figureout how to make my relationships
work, and I always thoughtsomething was wrong with me. No.
No. No.
I'm very, very unique. Andnobody wants to date a super
achiever who, like, neverrelaxes, you know, except for
(30:10):
another super achiever.
Adam Larson (30:11):
Yeah.
Alan Lazaros (30:12):
My girlfriend, Emilia, she she's more intense
than I am. It worked perfectly.Woah. Okay. So what's my point?
Self awareness, self reflection.What what's the next step?
Personal responsibility for thestrengths and weaknesses that
come with your uniqueness. Andthen you'll be opened to to new
(30:36):
possibilities of, so if I wereto own that I'm naturally gifted
in that, but I'm definitely notnaturally gifted in this, How
can I strategically mitigate theweakness of this? Not fully, but
a little bit, be aware of it atleast, and then go all in on
this.
And, and I think that that takesa tremendous amount of courage.
(31:00):
So the simple step would be selfreflect from this episode and
figure out something aboutyourself that you had never
maybe realized or fully ownedbefore. And if you can
emotionally and mentally ownthat thing, that new awareness,
whatever came up for you duringthis, your future opens up in
(31:21):
some unique new way becausebasically all of us are wired a
certain way that almostvirtually guarantees we lose
over here while we went overhere. And if if you can
understand that, now you candesign a life that's more
holistic and fulfilling.
Adam Larson (31:36):
Well, Alan, thank you so much for coming on the
podcast. It's been a a wonderfulpleasure speaking with you
today.
Alan Lazaros (31:42):
Adam, thank you for having me. I really
appreciate it. And the one thingthat I always come back to
regardless of whether or notanyone likes or dislikes any of
this content is selfimprovement, I think, is is the
root cure to a lot of thesuffering in the world. And I
I'm just grateful to be herebecause, obviously, you're
spreading some good selfimprovement stuff. So thank you
(32:03):
for having me.
I really appreciate it, and I'dbe happy to do it again
sometime.
Announcer (32:08):
This has been Count Me In, IMA's podcast providing
you with the latest perspectivesof thought leaders from the
accounting and financeprofession. If you like what you
heard and you'd like to becounted in for more relevant
accounting and financeeducation, visit IMA's website
at www.imanet.org.
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