August 8, 2023 • 54 mins
From the stage to the page - this is the fascinating story of Sarah Barkoff - a child actor turned celebrated author. Joining the podcast to give us a sneak peek of her new book, "Emmy Gold is Totally Extraordinary", Sarah also shares the colorful twists and turns of her life.
From her early acting days at the age of five, to her courageous choice of pursuing a more 'normal' life, Sarah shares a glimpse of her creative journey. She opens up about the vulnerabilities that come with releasing one's creative work into the world, and the critical decision-making involved in timing a book release. In our conversation, Sarah provides a compelling comparison between the acting and book industries and shares her indomitable spirit of persistence and faith in her work. We discuss the power of resilience and perseverance in the realm of creative pursuits.
How about a little music, as well? Host Paul Carganilla met Sarah through her connection to his wife, Jamie. Jamie and Sarah played Young Cosette in the Broadway Tour of Les Misérables a few decades ago. Keeping with the 'Les Mis' theme, we open and close the episode with music from the show. Everly Carganilla joins Paul at the top to perform Young Cosette's song, "Castle On a Cloud". Paul concludes the podcast with an acoustic guitar cover of "Stars".
EMMY GOLD ON AMAZON: https://a.co/d/0nZfsoE
EPISODE VIDEOS: www.covetube.com
COVE DIRECTORY: https://linktr.ee/covepod
COVE PATREON: www.patreon/covepodcast
CONTACT: covepod@gmail.com
FEATURED MUSIC: “Castle On a Cloud" & "Stars" from Les Misérables [ Claude-Michel Schönberg ]
VOICE-OVER INTRODUCTION: Jenette Goldstein ( Irish Mommy "Titanic", Janelle Voight "Terminator 2: Judgement Day", Private Vasquez "Aliens" )
SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM: Craig Jackman, Emily Thatcher, Christina Marie Bielen, Dary Mills, Amanda Benjamin
PATREON CURATORS: Emily Thatcher, The Faeryns, Charity Swanson, Krista Faith King, Kelsey B Gibson, Angelica Bollschweiler, Anna Giannavola, Gina Dobbs, Merrill Mielke, Susan Kuhn, Josefa Snider
INTRO MUSIC: “Papi Beat” [ KICKTRACKS ]
CREDITS MUSIC: “Fat Banana” [ KICKTRACKS ]
HOST, CREATOR, EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, CREATIVE DIRECTOR, EDITOR: Paul Carganilla
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
There's always this like thing inside me that is
like no, like you're supposed tolike, share this, like this is
going to reach someone, and Ihave to just kind of dig into
that, knowing and trust that aslong as I listen to that voice
and not the doubting voice, thenI feel like equipped to keep
(00:23):
going.
["i'm Going To Go"].
Ladies and gentlemen, welcometo the Carganilla Online Variety
Entertainment podcast.
Here's your host, paulCarganilla ["I'm Going To Go"].
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hello and welcome to CoVe, the podcast in which we
aim to entertain and inspire youwith a variety of elements and
offerings, including music,storytelling, interviews and
more Quick note.
If you'd like to not justlisten to but watch the episode,
you can find it on our YouTubechannel at CoVeTubecom, that's
C-O-V-E-T-U-B-Ecom.
(00:59):
In this episode I am thrilledto introduce and actually meet
virtually for the first timeauthor Sarah Barkoff, who worked
with my wife, jamie, when theywere children.
They both played young Cosettein the Les Miserables Broadway
tour a couple of decades ago,but they've kept in touch and
we're thrilled to have her as aguest and to hear her read the
(01:22):
first chapter of her latest bookEmmy Gold is Totally
Extraordinary.
Hot Off the Press frompublisher Chicken House Press.
But before we jump into theinterview, I thought it would be
fun to do a song with mydaughter, everly.
Hi, everly, when Mommy andSarah played young Cosette, they
were your age and we thought itwould be fun and neat to open
(01:44):
up the episode with a littleyoung Cosette from Les Mis song,
her song Castle in the Cloud.
You want to do it?
Yeah, all right.
Ladies and gentlemen, here'sEverly Carganilla with Castle on
a Cloud.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
There is a castle on a cloud.
I'd like to go there in mysleep.
Aren't any flowers for me tosweep?
Not in my castle on a cloud.
(02:35):
There is a room that's full oftoys.
There are 100 boys and girls.
Nobody shouts or talks too loud.
Not in my castle on a cloud.
(03:01):
There is a lady all the way,Poles me and sings a lullaby.
She's nice to see and she'ssoft to touch.
She says Cosette, I love youvery much.
I know a place where no one'slost.
(03:27):
I know a place where no onecries.
Crying at all is not allowed.
Not in my castle on a cloud.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Ladies and gentlemen, Everly Carganilla, thank you so
much.
Baby, Love you.
Thank you.
And now, without further ado,let's meet our special guest.
Ladies and gentlemen, pleasejoin me in welcoming from the
future.
She's joining us from the EastCoast Sarah Barkoff, Welcome.
Thanks so much for joining us.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Thank you so much for having me.
I love being here.
This is, this is so excitingfor me.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Now our connection goes way back because you did a
show with my wife.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
How old were you at the time?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
So we were about nine .
I think it was between, likewhen we were nine and eleven.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And one of our regular listeners actually sent
me a photo about 10 minutes agoof a program that he still has.
Oh and he saw.
Oh my God, and he had Jamiesign the program a long time ago
.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And there you are right, there, that is so funny,
that is so funny, wow so whilethis is your first time on the
Vodacity Network on a productionhere you you are well
interwoven into the rich historyof performers here on the
network, so we're so happy tohave you here.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I'm happy to be here, thank you.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And one thing that I know you are super excited about
is this awesome thing that wedo, which is tell us everything
anybody could possibly knowabout you in 60 seconds or less.
You want me to count you in?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Go and three two, all right.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So I started acting when I was five.
The first show that I ever didwas a community theater
production of Annie, where Iplayed Molly.
I feel like every kid who theirfirst show is always Annie,
especially like a child of the80s and 90s.
Right by age seven I landed ahorror movie called Hellmaster.
(05:59):
Don't be jealous.
It earned 3.8 stars on IMDB.
To be honest, I'm surprisedthat it earned that many stars
because it's pretty bad but it'sstar John Saxon who is kind of
like a horror movie icon.
So at the time my agent told mymom and dad that it was like a
(06:21):
great opportunity for me.
I earned my SAG card from doingthat movie.
But she the one stipulation wasshe told my mom and dad like
let her do it, but she can'tkill anyone in it, like that
would be really, really bad.
So you know, my parents readthe screenplay, all was well,
(06:42):
filmed the movie and on the verylast day of production I could
hear you know, I still rememberit Seven years old all the
little whisperings and you knowit.
Just the movie wasn't comingtogether the way that the
director wanted it to.
So the screenwriter kind ofswooped in, rewrote the scenes.
(07:02):
It was like three in themorning, because I don't know
back then like you, could theylet kids like be filming at
three in the morning?
Yeah, that stuff happened.
It would never like happentoday.
But rewrote the scene and Iactually did kill the bad guy at
the end.
So I injected him with likepoisonous venom into his veins
(07:26):
and so that's like kind of theclosing scene.
So that was that.
My agent wasn't wasn't superthrilled.
Then, age nine, I landed Les Misthat's when I worked with Jamie
and toward the United States,did that for a couple of years,
did a few shows after that.
Then I decided that I wanted tobe kind of normal.
(07:50):
So I went back to Michigan,where I'm from, and that was
kind of like how the idea ofEmmy Gold was originally, you
know, born from.
Did that kind of, did thenormal thing, had the normal
high school experience, whichI'm really glad that I was able
to do.
But by 18, I kind of wasitching to get back to New York.
(08:13):
So 18, I moved back to New York.
I went to AMDA, the AmericanMusical Dramatic Academy,
followed by the new school,which is where I earned my
Bachelor of Fine Arts increative writing and the first
like real writing piece that Iever did was actually a
(08:34):
screenplay while I was at thenew school and it was called
Child Actress and it's kind oflike a much darker, like super
sinister.
It's nothing like Emmy Gold,but at the time I thought like
it's going to get made into abig movie and I'm still like I
thought I was going to win likebest original screenplay.
(08:54):
So that didn't happen Haven'twon an Oscar, I like to say, yet
yet, but honestly I still thinkit would be a really good movie
if it ever saw the light of dayor got into the right hands.
So then I wrote the Wanderers,which was my first published
book.
I'm really proud of that book.
(09:14):
It took me many years to writethat book.
And then after that, shortlyafter I, during COVID, like many
artists, I just was sittinghome feeling a little bit stuck
and that's when I startedwriting Emmy Gold.
You know I had just readUntamed by Glen and Doyle, which
is like so you know it's out ofthe genre of like what I would
(09:37):
normally read and it just leftme really inspired and thinking
that like I wanted to kind oftake the same message, which is
like to cut all the other stuffout and be yourself, and I
wanted to make it likeaccessible for kids, like in a
way that kids would understand.
(09:58):
So you know, I worked on thatbook for a couple of years and
now here we are, so I hope Ididn't go on too long.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
That was a perfect just under five minutes, but we
learned so much and a lot ofthis show is talking about.
You know your creative journey,how you started, how you got to
where you're going and lessonslearned along the way.
So a lot of that was reallyreally great information Do you
(10:28):
mind sharing, like what stateare you living in?
Where are you working from?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Yeah, so right now I'm living in Florida.
I was in New York for thebetter part of like my adult
life and then we were inCleveland for one year for my
husband and now we're in Florida.
We've been here about threeyears, my husband and my two
kids, my lovely children, lovesof my life.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
They're about the same age as my kids, so it was
really fun to hear about EmmyGold and read about it.
We're gonna talk about that injust a little bit, but I just
wanna rewind it to where youjust listening to your story,
where you made the decision tostop with the Broadway and go
(11:13):
back to high school, and a lotof that is thematically in your
book Emmy Gold but, what wasthat like?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Well, the decision at the time.
There was a distinct time Iremember where I just absolutely
loved like everything to dowith being on stage or being in
front of the camera and I don'tknow, I can't explain it.
It's really.
I think I explained it betterin the book.
(11:43):
But something inside of me justchanged and I had this like
really, really strong desire tojust experience normal.
And I do remember at times whenI was a kid just thinking, geez,
like I think I just kinda wannabe normal, like I think that
might make me really happy.
(12:05):
And luckily my parents werereally, really supportive of
that and we're always sayinglike if you ever don't wanna do
it, like you don't have to do it, then you can always go back to
it.
So it made it really easy forme to kind of like leave it
behind.
But then when I wanted to goback to it, they were equally as
supportive to me.
(12:26):
So when I went back to school,it wasn't as extreme, obviously,
as it is in the book, but itwas awkward and people did treat
me different and everybodydidn't really know how to react
to me, and so I tried to justincorporate.
(12:46):
You know what I was feeling atthat time.
But I feel very fortunatebecause I think that while a lot
of other, like child actors, gothrough times of struggles,
sometimes I am very fortunate.
I didn't, you know, I just kindof streamlined back into
regular life and streamlinedback into my other life and I
(13:10):
feel really lucky for that.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
And, as your parents said, broadway will always be
there.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Did you find that to be a case?
Did you ever have the youmentioned?
You moved back to New York andtried it again.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yes, at 18, I went back and I made an attempt.
I would say, you know, I putmyself out there, but it was
just a different experience as alike young adult, you know, and
I just found that you know thestuff that I thought that I
missed, I didn't really miss itanymore and I had to.
(13:50):
I think I had to experience itthat second time.
You know, there were definitelylike opportunities.
You know, I think the oneopportunity I'm like oh, maybe I
should have done that, I wasoffered a job in like like the
show 42nd Street, in like Moscow, and you know, I just decided I
didn't want to do it.
(14:10):
It just was like really far andI it just didn't really come
together.
I guess, for me, like as ayoung adult, it just I was
expecting it to be somethingelse and it changed.
There were so many close calls,like with big jobs, and it did
break my heart.
I think you know it was really,you know, just different.
(14:37):
You know as benign as a word,that is it.
Just you know it was reallydifferent and I was really
different and I guess I didn'trealize how it would make me
feel.
But you know, I am proud ofmyself because at, you know, an
older age, I was able to kind ofbe like, okay, well, I don't
(14:57):
want to, I don't have to do thisand I don't want to do this.
And I've found other ways tokind of exercise my artistic
abilities.
And you know that's alwaysgoing to be inside me and I
think it's just that as long asI have these ways that I'm able
(15:19):
to like share my art and sharemyself, I feel really happy with
that.
You know, not necessarilyputting myself through like
anxiety ridden situationsanymore.
So, yeah, that's how it'sdifferent now and at 40 years
old, you know I can reflect backon those times and, you know,
(15:43):
feel a little bit wistful butalso, you know, meet it with
like a feeling of gratefulnessreally for the life experiences
that I have and I really feellike Emmy Gold is like my way of
celebrating that.
You know, it's kind of funny notto go off on a tangent, but
(16:05):
some of the friends that I'vemet like in my adult life, who
didn't necessarily know me whenI was a kid, they're like now
that this book has come out,they're like I didn't know that
about you and like you know it'sso.
I think I spent many years,kind of like hiding that side of
me, cause maybe I was afraidlike people might ask or like
(16:25):
why don't you do this, or youknow.
But you know I'm done.
I'm done with that.
Like I'm done hiding, I want tocelebrate it and I think it's
really cool and not everybodyhas like that type of life
experience to talk about and soyeah, so I'm just like I'm in an
(16:46):
era of my life where I'm justkind of celebrating, like who I
am and where I've been.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
You have a creative heart and whether it's
performing on stage, singing,dancing, you felt drawn to
express yourself and yourcreativity in other ways and you
got your BFA.
You said in creative writinghow did that happen?
What led to that?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, I had started off at AMDA, which is a two-year
conservatory, I would say.
After AMDA, for a few years,just kind of floundering, I
worked as a hairstylist in NewYork City, which I did really
well with that, but it just andit did like get those creative
(17:32):
juices flowing.
But I found that I don't talkabout this very much, but I
found that like working in NewYork City and like the
celebrities and stuff would comein or I would work on jobs,
like on photo shoots, and Iwould just be like I don't wanna
be like the person behind thescenes, like that's not really
(17:55):
like.
I realized then that wasanother aha moment, like that's
not really me.
While I love the creativeaspect of it, it wasn't enough
and I just felt this likeincredible need to share like
more of myself, more of what waslike going on in my head.
And actually my husbandrandomly decided to go to
(18:17):
medical school and we moved toGrenada for, yeah, for a couple
of years.
And while I was there, that waswhen I decided to go back and
finish my Bachelor of Fine Artsand it was really while I was
there that I started writing andI started this blog.
That isn't, it's not like upanymore, but it just was so well
(18:42):
received and I had so manypeople just being like you're
such a good writer, like I loveyour stories, and I was like,
wow, maybe that's like how I'mmeant to share myself, maybe
that's how I'm supposed to like.
Like, maybe that's what wasmissing and maybe there's this
deeper thing that, like, I wantto share with the world.
(19:05):
And that was how, you know,started writing the screenplay
and I wrote a couple of booksand that was kind of like how,
how might that Bachelor of FineArts came to be?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And what was the road like on the way to your first
book, the Wonders?
Speaker 1 (19:22):
It was a long one.
To be honest.
It wasn't my first book.
I actually had written thisother book that you know I just,
like many things are, just waslike I've been a writer book and
everybody in my life was kindof like you're going to write a
book, like that's really hard todo, and I was like I'm just
going to do it, you know, andlike, and I did it, like I did
it with you know, I learnedeverything that I could possibly
(19:45):
know about it and you know Istudied the craft and you know,
and I'm still proud of that bookand it and, to be honest, like
I had so much interest on thatfirst book is like the first
thing I ever really like wroteand I came really close to
having that book published butultimately I just don't think
that I was ready yet.
(20:06):
So then I wrote the Wanderers.
I had just had my son, so ittook me a really long time to
write that and that book is justit's a lot different than Emmy
Gold.
It's I would say it's likeupper young adult.
So, like you know, it would beappropriate for ages like 17 to.
You know, I would say 17 to 25year olds would probably read
(20:29):
that book.
You know I wrote like probablyfour or five drafts of that.
I had a harder time gettinginterested in that book because
I think, like so many things,it's not enough to just like
write a good book.
You have to hit the marketright.
And we were just coming off oflike Gone Girl and like that
(20:51):
whole like not girl interruptedbut Gone Girl and that whole
like era of you know, thedamaged, like dark female
protagonist, and I was just likeabout a year too late, you know
, for that one to really takeoff.
Everybody's like I love thisbook, like the agents and the
(21:13):
publishers that I sent it tothey're like I really love this
book.
It's just like it's not theright time for this book, like
you're just a little late withit.
But eventually someone did likelove it enough.
Actually several people lovedit enough after.
It's funny how that happens Oneperson loves it, then suddenly
10 people on it.
You know, so that was how thatcame to be.
(21:37):
And then, you know, after thatI was like gosh, do I have the
courage to like write anotherbook because it's such a long
process?
The book world is a really likeif you think the acting world
is like insane, like the book.
World is even more insane andit's so competitive.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I can imagine.
Was there any was there everanything?
Any experiences what I'mobviously being an actor and
being in that whole world?
You have to be okay withrejection, with hearing no.
Yeah, yeah hearing that yourwork isn't good enough or isn't
right, or now is not the time.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
The crazy, the crazy thing about the book world
versus the acting world is, like, you know, you can always say,
like you know, with acting it'slike okay, well, I'm too short.
Or you know, you can tellyourself whatever story you need
to hear to make yourself feelbetter about why you didn't land
apart.
But like when it's like a book,it's so different, it's like so
(22:37):
personal and it's not like youknow, there's just another
audition around the bend.
It's like I spent three yearslike blood, sweat and tears,
like writing this, like for you,like for, like for anyone who
might love it.
It's so much more personal, sothose rejections hit like so
(22:57):
much harder and it's really likeyou really have to love it to
keep going, because it's not forthe faint of heart.
I really do believe that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
How do you, how do you get through it?
How do you bounce back afterthat rejection?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I don't know, I keep.
There's always this like thinginside me that is like no, like
you're supposed to like sharethis, like this is going to
reach someone, and I have tojust kind of dig into that
knowing and trust that as longas I listen to that voice and
(23:34):
not the doubting voice, then Ifeel like equipped to keep going
.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
It's that fire burning inside and you know, you
know it's strong enough tobreak through and even the no,
no amount of nose can put it out.
And it's so inspirational to meto hear any creator talk about
how, just like I've heard somany people said it wasn't good
enough, said I wasn't right forit, but I had to keep creating
(24:02):
and I believed in this, thisidea, this work, so much that I
just kept going.
And it takes so much braveryand it's such a vulnerable
feeling putting your creativework out into the world and
putting it in front of eyes thatare literally there to judge it
and to tell you that it's notgood enough, but to still have
(24:23):
the strong and a fire to keepgoing.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah, yeah, it's not easy.
It's not easy all the time.
I mean, as you know and as any,anyone who creates, you know,
anyone who creates, knows thatvulnerable place that you know,
just putting yourself out there,like you know, are people going
to like it?
Is it even worth putting outthere?
And you know, is it going toreach anyone?
(24:47):
And you have to just trust andhope that it does.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Love it.
Well let's talk to.
Let's talk about Emmy Gold andthis is.
We're going to hear Sarah, theauthor of the book, read the
first chapter in a moment.
But the whole reason we'rehaving this conversation really
is that Sarah, in the lead up topublishing it, reached out to
Jamie and said hey, I'd love forEverly to read this and, if she
(25:15):
likes it, give me a quote wecan throw on the cover.
And that is super cool that shedid.
Everly gave it a read andEverly tell us what you thought
about it.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I think that all boys and girls should read it,
because it's telling you likesome people can be who you don't
expect them to be, or that theycan seem rude and they actually
(25:46):
turn out to be your friendlater on.
And I just think, like it is,it has a good example of like
finding a friend and I thinkthat, like what you want to do
is what you want to do, like youdon't need to do something just
because you're, you have a momwho wants you to do it.
(26:09):
I mean you should do what yourheart wants to do.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
You were so smart.
Oh my gosh, I love you.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I'm going to read the back cover and then she'll read
her quote.
That's on the back cover.
Okay, jump into the reading.
Emi Gold wants to be ordinary,but it's hard when everything
about her is so extra.
Growing up on television andstarring on the most popular
sitcom has made her a householdname, but it's her.
It's left her longing for a nopressure life in the new New
(26:40):
Jersey burbs.
When she's fired from her roleon helping Hannah, everyone
expects her to land another leadpart.
But Emmys got her bags packedto leave New York City for good.
Fitting back into the realworld will be easy, right?
Not so much when Emmys got amomager who spends most days
(27:01):
plotting her comeback and theQueen of Patterson Middle School
who has an epic plan to destroyher.
Luckily, bff Jasmine is therefor backup.
But will all the pressure ofreality prove as complicated as
the spotlight and send Emmy backto NYC?
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Bum, bum, bum.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Everly's quote is on the top of the back of the cover
here and you want to just goahead and read it.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
I think everyone should read this book Girls,
boys, young People and Grown Ups2.
Every time I started a newchapter, I had butterflies in my
stomach and my heart pounded ina good way.
I loved it.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Oh, I love it so much .
It's the best.
It's so amazing to hearhonestly.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
And who is the book?
What is the targeted audiencefor?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, so the targeted audience is considered middle
grade, but most kids read abovereading levels, so I would say
ages anywhere from ages eight to14 would be interested in this
book.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Yeah, I read it when I was eight.
I have some hard time with somewords, but that's because I'm
not in fourth grade yet.
I'm going in fourth grade.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yes, no, you captured exactly what I was when you
were describing it.
It was so perfect and it wasexactly what I when I was
writing it, what I wanted thereaders of this book to feel
like and to you know tounderstand about it.
(28:43):
You totally got it.
You said it perfectly.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
And, ladies and gentlemen, we have the pleasure
of having the author of EmmyGold is totally extraordinary
here on the podcast.
We're willing and ready toshare with us chapter one.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Okay, let's do it.
So any gold is totallyextraordinary.
Chapter one, kind of a big deal.
Basically, if you want to knowthe truth, my entire life has
been nothing more than one bigfat lie.
(29:25):
When you're an actress well,ex-actress, in my case nothing
you see is actual reality.
This blemish-free skin, that'sjust good lighting.
And super strategic makeupapplied by a professional.
This confident pearly smile Yep, those are Porcelain Vanir's
(29:45):
mom insisted on because shedidn't want me to have a
mouthful of braces and miss outon rolls.
My resume isn't any different.
Here's a peek Name Emmy Gold,age 13,.
Eyes sapphire blue, hair warmchestnut brown.
Height, 4'10".
(30:07):
Weight, 100 pounds.
Special talents include singingpop, musical theater, country
opera, rap, legit yodeler,dancing, tap, jazz, ballet, hip
hop basically a ballroom prodigy.
Instruments flute, violin, harp, piano, guitar, clarinet,
(30:27):
serious drum skills.
Other noteworthy talentsinclude slaying at the jump rope
, champion of the hula hoop,somersaults, backhand springs,
toe touches could do a killer,british accent splits, no-headed
backflips and many, many more.
Just ask Spoiler alert.
If you hadn't yet guessed, itwas all hoopla, and I mean every
(30:49):
last bit of it.
Mom's the one who penned thisbamboozle list of deceit.
She's got a knack forstretching the truth and making
everyone believe anything shesays.
Seriously.
Once, when I was four, she toldmy agent I could read when I
couldn't.
There I stood wobbly legs witha heavy script in my hands as a
roomful of casting directorswaited for me to start reading
(31:11):
my lines.
I didn't know what else to do,so I started talking about
unicorns and rainbows.
They were dazzled, thought Iwas adorable and, needless to
say, I got the part.
Mom was thrilled and greeted mewith a wink as I emerged from
the casting room.
It was probably her plan allalong.
If anyone's wondering, my realresume should have read
(31:32):
something more like this NameEmmy Gold, age 13,.
Eyes, boring, slate gray hair,mousy brown height four foot 10s
depends on my shoes, to behonest.
Wait, no comment.
Wait yourself is so archaic, amI right?
Special talents includeabsolutely and positively
(31:56):
nothing.
Seriously, I wasn't even goodat remembering my lines when I
start on helping Hannah, andit's the reason I was fired.
By the way, the producers gotfed up with me flubbing lines
during live tapings, but what noone knows is I did it on
purpose.
Okay, maybe that sounds alittle psycho, but let's just
say I had a very good reason toas soon as I started out growing
(32:18):
the cute pigtail kid I was whenfilming began and into someone
who needs a bra so embarrassing,right.
The show's writers didn't knowwhat to do with me anymore.
Slowly they cut my lines downso much that I was barely a part
of the show.
It felt weird being somewhere Ididn't belong.
I had no choice but to takemeasures into my own hands.
So when the casting directoryelled action and clapped the
(32:41):
little snappy board, I chew onthe inside of my cheek, pretend
not to know what to say.
After a few months I got theaxe.
It's all good, though.
I'm absolutely thrilled to getaway from the spotlight because
now I can finally breathe.
And you know what?
I don't miss it at all.
Not one bit.
(33:02):
Actually, that's a lie.
I totally miss the green roomand the endless supply of
buttery croissants, licorice anddecaf lattes.
The only person who's notthrilled about me getting fired
is mom.
Also, she doesn't know anythingabout operation.
Get yourself fired, so let'skeep that under wraps.
Okay, we have to, because mom'sa little crazy Not totally off
(33:25):
a rocker, but she's definitelygot a couple screws loose.
You know, she's what mostpeople would refer to as a stage
mother, but actually sheprefers momager, because it has
more of a modern flair to it.
But you get the point shealways wanted to be famous
herself.
To be honest, it's kind ofsurprising she never was.
She's gorgeous and tall and hasa gleaming white smile and does
(33:46):
this super dramatic laugh whereshe flips her head back while
she cackles.
I guess she probably never madeit as an actress because she
got married and had us kids soonafter, but that didn't mean her
movie star ambitions were everfar from her mind.
For example, she named me andmy brothers Emmy, oscar and Tony
after the annual entertainmentaward shows in television, film
(34:10):
and Broadway.
See, I told you she was alittle kooky, believe me.
Now I'm Emmy, by the way, hi,my older brother, oscar, has
zero interest in anythinginvolving glitz and glamour or
the flashing of cameras, and mybaby brother, tony, as well a
baby, and so all he really doesis mush food around and babble
baby nonsense.
That leaves me for mom to liveout of dreams through.
(34:33):
It's September now, a few monthssince I've been back in the New
Jersey Burbs and a couple ofweeks since I've been back at
school.
I grabbed my book bag and hopout of mom's car.
The leaves crunch beneath myteal suede high tops as I walk
up to the doors of PattersonMiddle School.
Maybe you're wondering aboutwhat it's like coming back to
school as a famous kid.
(34:54):
Let's just say my reputationprecedes me.
More than a few times I've beenasked to take a selfie with some
of the school staff Awkward,but to be honest, all the kids
here seem a little afraid totalk to me, like these two girls
who are huddled nearby andchatting as I make my way down
the hall today.
They're mid conversation butwhen the one with the waistline
(35:15):
brown hair spots me, she elbowsher friend and narrows her eyes
in my direction.
I stare straight ahead andpretend not to notice.
I wish I could say that thisisn't something that happens a
lot, but that would be a lie.
It's weird.
I wish they understood that I'mjust Emmy, a regular kid like
them, and not the actress whoused to be on their television
screens every Friday night.
(35:37):
The only one who truly gets meis Jasmine.
Every morning she greets me atmy locker with an air kiss to
the cheek Toodles.
She says when she sees me youlook cute.
Jasmine is my best friendforever, or, more correctly, my
friend of about 60ish days.
I met her at the open housebefore school started and we
clicked right away.
(35:57):
She cracked a sarcastic jokeabout me looking exactly like
the girl from helping Hannah andI complimented her outfit.
I'm happy with the rest of thetime chatting and have been
inseparable ever since.
Our friendship totally makessense too.
Jasmine has ties to theentertainment industry, so she
gets me at a different levelthan most people.
Her mom is a backup dancer forBeyonce and her grandma used to
(36:21):
perform with Diana Ross back inthe day.
She's not poor.
She's not a good dancer.
She can't walk on her own feetand lose that giant part again.
She advises checking me outhead to toe.
It's like 70 degrees out andyou look like you're about to go
out into a blizzard.
Tighter on your waist orsomething.
Jasmine helps me take it offand arranges it around my belly,
fussing with it until it lookscool.
There, she says, placed withher work.
(36:43):
She's always giving me fashionadvice, even if I don't ask for
it.
She wants to be a fashiondesigner one day.
I was sort of going for a grungycheek.
Look.
I tell her, untieing the fancyknot and slipping it back on the
regular way.
It's my thing.
She smacks her sparkly lipgloss mouth together, rolls her
(37:05):
big brown eyes and says you doyou, but I think you're just
trying to cover up the fact thatyou have the biggest boobs in
the eighth grade.
I do not.
I protest, linking my shouldersand an arranging my long brown
hair over my chest.
Jasmine has no idea that this isa sensitive subject for me.
I know she doesn't meananything by it, but my
(37:25):
ever-changing body is somethingI've been struggling with for a
while.
Sometimes it seems like fromone day to the next I wake up
and everything is somehow bigger, different and not in a good
way.
Back when I was working, Ibegged the costume designer on
set to let me wear tunics orwrap a scarf around my neck,
because it was the only thingthat I felt comfortable in.
(37:45):
Don't worry, no one else cantell.
She says your concealmentefforts are top notch.
Jasmine winks, clicking hertongue.
I wish I had some tatas.
She looks down at her chest.
Do you think they're growing?
I thought maybe they werefinally starting to grow the
other day, but now they justkind of look the same.
What do you think?
Totally growing.
(38:07):
I lie, slamming my locker shut.
We make our way down the crowdedhall to class.
I glance down at my chest Do Ireally have the biggest?
I start to ask hey, emmy, areyou going to Cassidy's party
this Friday?
A gruff voice asks.
Taylor Jennings struts over tous, his hair, swishes across his
(38:28):
forehead and he flicks it outof his eyes.
The tiny freckles across hisnose and cheekbones are enough
to make my heart beat faster.
Taylor Jennings, doesn't hisname alone scream that he's a
total cutie?
Gosh, did I mention he's gotthe most swoon-worthy dimples
ever?
Not sure my stammer Haven'tbeen invited yet, but that would
(38:53):
be sweet.
I'll put in a good word.
He juts his chin out, halfsmiling, see, he says backwards,
jogging away from us.
Before he turns the corner,jasmine's mouth drops open.
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh mygosh.
To even realize what justhappened, she asks, squeezing my
shoulders.
Taylor Jennings just spoke toyou, and not only that.
(39:15):
He just asked if you're goingto a party that he's going to.
I know, I think I died.
I squeal Like I'm pretty surethat I just died.
Am I alive?
Am I breathing?
He's the cutest boy in theentire school and he just talked
to me.
Everything is coming together,jess, ok, ok, I don't want to
get too excited.
What if I don't get invited toCassidy's party?
That would totally suck.
(39:35):
Don't start spiraling, sheadvises, shaking me a little and
looking straight into my eyes,you must slow your roll.
I nod, but I want to go sobadly Me too.
Cassidy is the most epicbirthday parties.
Her parents are super rich andthey go all out.
I heard this year she's havingit at a trampoline park and
(39:57):
supposedly they light the wholeplace up in neon lights.
While you jump around, my heartthumps beneath my heavy sweater
as I place my hand over mychest.
So cool, I know right.
She says but I've never beeninvited to one of her parties.
Cassidy is super selective aboutwho she invites to secret
(40:17):
meetings with her best friend,sloane Anderson, and they go
through the whole year book,cross out anyone who isn't cool
enough.
That's the rumor anyway.
Getting invited to one of herparties is like the biggest deal
ever, she tells me Well, wehave to find a way to score some
invitations.
I say Well, you'll for sure getinvited.
She says I mean, you're you,you're famous.
(40:39):
Duh Me.
On the other hand, that's upfor debate.
I'm not sure Cassidy even knowsmy name.
That's not the problem.
Everyone knows who Jasmine is.
They just don't get her or herstyle choices.
She's an artist, a free spirit,floating through the halls in
her floor-linked flowered printdress with graffiti painted
(41:00):
combat boots and a cropped jeanjacket, all of which she found
and repurposed from theSalvation Army.
Personally, I think she's thefuture of fashion, but others
tend to stare and sometimesgiggle at her in the hallways.
Wouldn't it be so amazing if weboth get invited?
This is more exciting than thetime I was invited to the
(41:20):
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awardsbut I couldn't go because I got
mono.
I say no, you're kidding, thatstinks.
She says Totally serious, butit's fine.
I would have probably just gone, gotten slimed and caught
pneumonia or something like that.
The first bell rings, snappingus back into reality.
Shoot, I've gotta go.
(41:41):
Got Jim, she says, but we'lldiscuss later.
Okay, I need to go swimmingtoday.
We both grimace in MacGaggingnoises.
I know right, my hair is gonnatotally get ruined.
Blah, I love you.
She shouts as she shuts downthe hall.
See you at lunch.
I call after her.
Still giddy, I try not to skip.
As I flit and float my way overto language arts with Mrs Ferris
, I reach the door and realize Iforgot my book and my locker.
(42:04):
Oh no, not again.
I grumble.
Mrs Ferris stands on thedoorway, her heavy black bangs
flopped over her forehead,skimming her red rimmed reading
glasses.
Joining us today, joining usthis morning, miss Gold?
She asks.
Yeah, for sure.
I answer, but I forgot my book.
Can I go back and grab it?
Really quick?
Hurry up, miss Gold.
(42:26):
She warns and pivots on onefoot, shutting the classroom
door with a thud.
I power walk down the hall to mylocker.
When I arrive, I turn thecombination to the right, to the
left, to the right again, butit doesn't click open.
These are the types of thingsthat are still taking some
getting used to since being backin the real world.
Most kids my age have beenusing these contraptions for
(42:47):
years, but this is all new to me.
I breathe and start over mylips, mouthing the numbers.
As I try again, it clicks open.
Hooray, I say.
Opening the locker and grabbingmy book, something falls from
the top shelf and out to thefloor in front of me, touching
my high tops.
I bend down to pick it up.
(43:07):
It's a piece of paper and Iunfold it.
My heart stops hoping it's abirthday invitation to Cassidy's
party, but it isn't not evenclose.
Instead, it's an article aboutme that's been ripped from a
women's magazine, and on itSomeone has scribbled a message
across my face with a blacksharpie.
(43:28):
My pits perspire as the hair onthe back of my neck stands up.
I know Mrs Ferris is going togive me a hard time if I don't
hurry, but I can't help it.
I'm too stunned to move.
I crumple the piece of paperand stuff it into my book bag
For a moment.
Not seeing it makes me feelbetter, but not for long.
A worry keeps creeping back ina realization and I can't shake
(43:51):
it.
Maybe they all know my secret,I think.
Maybe this ordinary life isn'tas simple as I thought it would
be.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Sarah Barkoff.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
It's so wonderful.
I can't wait to find out.
I can't wait to find outbecause I don't have the book
but I do.
But so many people I'm sure athome can't wait to find out what
happens next.
Kelsey in the live chat says sogood, definitely ordering this
book.
Thank you so much for sharingthat with us.
I want to have so many moreconversations with you about
(44:34):
just like your creative process,like as a writer.
I'd love to just pick yourbrain Before we say good night.
I just want to ask you onething.
The main question at the frontof my head when you're writing
is like how was it difficult toput yourself as a writer back in
that life, like that life ofbeing in school and the drama?
(44:58):
Was it an easy?
Did you just get right backthere in your head as you sat
down to write, or was it kind oflike a journey to get back into
that timeframe or the frame ofmind?
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Yeah, well, it's funny because I mean, I hear a
lot of people my age saying this, but I feel like middle school
and high school was like that.
It was not hard at all for meto get back into that the minute
I sat down to write this book.
It's like I was just there, Iwas in it.
(45:30):
I remember like everythingabout middle school and high
school and the drama and justlike the social circles and just
all the little ins and outs ofthings.
I've always been like such anobserver and I feel like I'm a
(45:50):
very sensitive person, so I justnotice everything and therefore
I remember everything.
So it was kind of fun, though Iwould say now, being at the age
I'm at, just kind of likelaughing about it At the time.
It's so all consuming anddepressing even at times, but
(46:10):
now I just got to take the funparts and know how it's going to
end and just kind of enjoy itwhile I was writing it.
Really.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
I think about that all the time.
How like I thoroughly enjoyedmy high school experience.
If I had the chance to go backand do it again, I would have
enjoyed it a lot more withoutall the yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
So that's kind of what this book is.
It's like a celebration of,like you know, getting rid of
all the ugly parts that youdon't like and just kind of
enjoying the fun aspect to itand having the ability to be on
the outside looking in.
What a better place, what abetter spot to be than in it.
(47:01):
Because I don't, I wouldn'twant to go back, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
But you're using your creative license to put
yourself back there and createyour own world in that frame
Right, I love that.
If anybody like Emily or Kelseyin the chat wants to find your
book, where can they find it?
Speaker 1 (47:19):
They can find it anywhere where books are sold.
You should be able to find it.
Amazon is the easiest.
That's what I, that's what Ipersonally think.
It's available in Kindle,paperback and hardcover.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
And if anybody wants to keep up with you, what's the
best way to do that?
Speaker 1 (47:34):
The best way is either on my Twitter or, which
is my name, sarah Barkoff, or myInstagram feed, and I also have
an email that I created foranyone who wants to chat with me
about writing or the book, andit's just Sarah Barkoff writes
at gmailcom.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
That's awesome.
I know we've got a couple ofwriters in the chat right now
that are working on their ownstuff, like Dari and Chris Stess
, so they might, they might bedoing that.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I love hearing.
I love hearing from other likecreators.
I really do.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
And I loved hearing your story about you know
keeping that flame lit and andbouncing back and having the
perseverance and the resiliencyto keep going when you knew you
had that creative message andsomething important to share
inside you, and just just keptat it and powered through.
Speaker 1 (48:27):
Yeah, thank you, appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
We appreciate you and I hope to have you back on the
show again in the future.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
I'd love to come back on.
This is so much fun.
Thank you, such an awesomeconversation with Sarah.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Sarah, thank you again for being our guest and we
hope to have you back someday.
I wanted to close out theepisode a little bookend, a
little Les Miserables bookend,with a song that this was the
first song I sang like as a sololive.
When we started doing the livePolly's online variety show
(49:06):
musical reviews we did duringCOVID.
Our first musical review livethrough Zoom on YouTube was Les
Mis, and I performed this songto a karaoke track before I
started playing guitar and I'dlove to perform it here at the
end of this episode.
This is Stars.
(49:26):
I'm a star Fallen from God,Fallen from grace.
(50:01):
God be my witness.
I never shall yield till wecome face to face, till we come
face to face.
He knows his way in the dark,but mine is the way of the Lord.
(50:27):
Those who follow the path ofthe righteous shall have their
reward, and if they fall asloose over fell the flame, the
sword.
Stars in your multitude, scarceto be counted, filling the
(51:03):
darkness With order and light.
You are the sentinels, silentand sure, Keeping watch in the
night.
Keeping watch in the night.
(51:23):
You know your place in the sky.
You hold your course in youraim and each in your season
returns and returns and isalways the same, and if you fall
as loose over fell, you fall inflame, and so it must be, and
(51:54):
so it is written on the doorwaya paradise.
Those who falter and those whofall must pay the price.
(52:20):
Lord, let me find him that.
I may see him Safe behind bars.
I will never rest till then,this, I swear this, I swear by
(52:48):
the stars.
(53:13):
With this episode, Cove Podcastis officially one month old.
I'd like to thank our CovePatreon curators for supporting
us from the start Josepha Snyder, Susan Kuhn, Meryl Milky, Gina
Dobbs, Anna Gina Vola, AngelicaBolschweiler, Kelsey Blaine
Gibson, Krista King, the Faronsand Emily Thatcher.
Many thanks to the 11 of youfor laying an amazing foundation
(53:35):
for this show to launch andgrow.
Just one of the many fun perksof being a Patreon curator is
not only the recognition righthere in the video credits, but
monthly shoutouts on the audiopodcast as well, and you can
learn more about that and checkout all the tiers in Patreon
perks at patreoncom slash CovePodcast.
If you love the podcast butPatreon isn't your thing, you
(53:56):
can still help the show grow byleaving a rating or review on
your favorite podcast platformand or leaving comments on the
YouTube videos.
Every little bit helps and wethank you so much for listening
and all the ways you support theshow.
Everything you do is greatlyappreciated.
Love you all.
There's always this like thing inside me that is
like no, like you're supposed tolike, share this, like this is
going to reach someone, and Ihave to just kind of dig into
that, knowing and trust that aslong as I listen to that voice
and not the doubting voice, thenI feel like equipped to keep
(00:23):
going.
["i'm Going To Go"].
Ladies and gentlemen, welcometo the Carganilla Online Variety
Entertainment podcast.
Here's your host, paulCarganilla ["I'm Going To Go"].
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hello and welcome to CoVe, the podcast in which we
aim to entertain and inspire youwith a variety of elements and
offerings, including music,storytelling, interviews and
more Quick note.
If you'd like to not justlisten to but watch the episode,
you can find it on our YouTubechannel at CoVeTubecom, that's
C-O-V-E-T-U-B-Ecom.
(00:59):
In this episode I am thrilledto introduce and actually meet
virtually for the first timeauthor Sarah Barkoff, who worked
with my wife, jamie, when theywere children.
They both played young Cosettein the Les Miserables Broadway
tour a couple of decades ago,but they've kept in touch and
we're thrilled to have her as aguest and to hear her read the
(01:22):
first chapter of her latest bookEmmy Gold is Totally
Extraordinary.
Hot Off the Press frompublisher Chicken House Press.
But before we jump into theinterview, I thought it would be
fun to do a song with mydaughter, everly.
Hi, everly, when Mommy andSarah played young Cosette, they
were your age and we thought itwould be fun and neat to open
(01:44):
up the episode with a littleyoung Cosette from Les Mis song,
her song Castle in the Cloud.
You want to do it?
Yeah, all right.
Ladies and gentlemen, here'sEverly Carganilla with Castle on
a Cloud.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
There is a castle on a cloud.
I'd like to go there in mysleep.
Aren't any flowers for me tosweep?
Not in my castle on a cloud.
(02:35):
There is a room that's full oftoys.
There are 100 boys and girls.
Nobody shouts or talks too loud.
Not in my castle on a cloud.
(03:01):
There is a lady all the way,Poles me and sings a lullaby.
She's nice to see and she'ssoft to touch.
She says Cosette, I love youvery much.
I know a place where no one'slost.
(03:27):
I know a place where no onecries.
Crying at all is not allowed.
Not in my castle on a cloud.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Ladies and gentlemen, Everly Carganilla, thank you so
much.
Baby, Love you.
Thank you.
And now, without further ado,let's meet our special guest.
Ladies and gentlemen, pleasejoin me in welcoming from the
future.
She's joining us from the EastCoast Sarah Barkoff, Welcome.
Thanks so much for joining us.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Thank you so much for having me.
I love being here.
This is, this is so excitingfor me.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Now our connection goes way back because you did a
show with my wife.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
How old were you at the time?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
So we were about nine .
I think it was between, likewhen we were nine and eleven.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And one of our regular listeners actually sent
me a photo about 10 minutes agoof a program that he still has.
Oh and he saw.
Oh my God, and he had Jamiesign the program a long time ago
.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And there you are right, there, that is so funny,
that is so funny, wow so whilethis is your first time on the
Vodacity Network on a productionhere you you are well
interwoven into the rich historyof performers here on the
network, so we're so happy tohave you here.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I'm happy to be here, thank you.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
And one thing that I know you are super excited about
is this awesome thing that wedo, which is tell us everything
anybody could possibly knowabout you in 60 seconds or less.
You want me to count you in?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Go and three two, all right.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So I started acting when I was five.
The first show that I ever didwas a community theater
production of Annie, where Iplayed Molly.
I feel like every kid who theirfirst show is always Annie,
especially like a child of the80s and 90s.
Right by age seven I landed ahorror movie called Hellmaster.
(05:59):
Don't be jealous.
It earned 3.8 stars on IMDB.
To be honest, I'm surprisedthat it earned that many stars
because it's pretty bad but it'sstar John Saxon who is kind of
like a horror movie icon.
So at the time my agent told mymom and dad that it was like a
(06:21):
great opportunity for me.
I earned my SAG card from doingthat movie.
But she the one stipulation wasshe told my mom and dad like
let her do it, but she can'tkill anyone in it, like that
would be really, really bad.
So you know, my parents readthe screenplay, all was well,
(06:42):
filmed the movie and on the verylast day of production I could
hear you know, I still rememberit Seven years old all the
little whisperings and you knowit.
Just the movie wasn't comingtogether the way that the
director wanted it to.
So the screenwriter kind ofswooped in, rewrote the scenes.
(07:02):
It was like three in themorning, because I don't know
back then like you, could theylet kids like be filming at
three in the morning?
Yeah, that stuff happened.
It would never like happentoday.
But rewrote the scene and Iactually did kill the bad guy at
the end.
So I injected him with likepoisonous venom into his veins
(07:26):
and so that's like kind of theclosing scene.
So that was that.
My agent wasn't wasn't superthrilled.
Then, age nine, I landed Les Misthat's when I worked with Jamie
and toward the United States,did that for a couple of years,
did a few shows after that.
Then I decided that I wanted tobe kind of normal.
(07:50):
So I went back to Michigan,where I'm from, and that was
kind of like how the idea ofEmmy Gold was originally, you
know, born from.
Did that kind of, did thenormal thing, had the normal
high school experience, whichI'm really glad that I was able
to do.
But by 18, I kind of wasitching to get back to New York.
(08:13):
So 18, I moved back to New York.
I went to AMDA, the AmericanMusical Dramatic Academy,
followed by the new school,which is where I earned my
Bachelor of Fine Arts increative writing and the first
like real writing piece that Iever did was actually a
(08:34):
screenplay while I was at thenew school and it was called
Child Actress and it's kind oflike a much darker, like super
sinister.
It's nothing like Emmy Gold,but at the time I thought like
it's going to get made into abig movie and I'm still like I
thought I was going to win likebest original screenplay.
(08:54):
So that didn't happen Haven'twon an Oscar, I like to say, yet
yet, but honestly I still thinkit would be a really good movie
if it ever saw the light of dayor got into the right hands.
So then I wrote the Wanderers,which was my first published
book.
I'm really proud of that book.
(09:14):
It took me many years to writethat book.
And then after that, shortlyafter I, during COVID, like many
artists, I just was sittinghome feeling a little bit stuck
and that's when I startedwriting Emmy Gold.
You know I had just readUntamed by Glen and Doyle, which
is like so you know it's out ofthe genre of like what I would
(09:37):
normally read and it just leftme really inspired and thinking
that like I wanted to kind oftake the same message, which is
like to cut all the other stuffout and be yourself, and I
wanted to make it likeaccessible for kids, like in a
way that kids would understand.
(09:58):
So you know, I worked on thatbook for a couple of years and
now here we are, so I hope Ididn't go on too long.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
That was a perfect just under five minutes, but we
learned so much and a lot ofthis show is talking about.
You know your creative journey,how you started, how you got to
where you're going and lessonslearned along the way.
So a lot of that was reallyreally great information Do you
(10:28):
mind sharing, like what stateare you living in?
Where are you working from?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Yeah, so right now I'm living in Florida.
I was in New York for thebetter part of like my adult
life and then we were inCleveland for one year for my
husband and now we're in Florida.
We've been here about threeyears, my husband and my two
kids, my lovely children, lovesof my life.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
They're about the same age as my kids, so it was
really fun to hear about EmmyGold and read about it.
We're gonna talk about that injust a little bit, but I just
wanna rewind it to where youjust listening to your story,
where you made the decision tostop with the Broadway and go
(11:13):
back to high school, and a lotof that is thematically in your
book Emmy Gold but, what wasthat like?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Well, the decision at the time.
There was a distinct time Iremember where I just absolutely
loved like everything to dowith being on stage or being in
front of the camera and I don'tknow, I can't explain it.
It's really.
I think I explained it betterin the book.
(11:43):
But something inside of me justchanged and I had this like
really, really strong desire tojust experience normal.
And I do remember at times whenI was a kid just thinking, geez,
like I think I just kinda wannabe normal, like I think that
might make me really happy.
(12:05):
And luckily my parents werereally, really supportive of
that and we're always sayinglike if you ever don't wanna do
it, like you don't have to do it, then you can always go back to
it.
So it made it really easy forme to kind of like leave it
behind.
But then when I wanted to goback to it, they were equally as
supportive to me.
(12:26):
So when I went back to school,it wasn't as extreme, obviously,
as it is in the book, but itwas awkward and people did treat
me different and everybodydidn't really know how to react
to me, and so I tried to justincorporate.
(12:46):
You know what I was feeling atthat time.
But I feel very fortunatebecause I think that while a lot
of other, like child actors, gothrough times of struggles,
sometimes I am very fortunate.
I didn't, you know, I just kindof streamlined back into
regular life and streamlinedback into my other life and I
(13:10):
feel really lucky for that.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
And, as your parents said, broadway will always be
there.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Did you find that to be a case?
Did you ever have the youmentioned?
You moved back to New York andtried it again.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yes, at 18, I went back and I made an attempt.
I would say, you know, I putmyself out there, but it was
just a different experience as alike young adult, you know, and
I just found that you know thestuff that I thought that I
missed, I didn't really miss itanymore and I had to.
(13:50):
I think I had to experience itthat second time.
You know, there were definitelylike opportunities.
You know, I think the oneopportunity I'm like oh, maybe I
should have done that, I wasoffered a job in like like the
show 42nd Street, in like Moscow, and you know, I just decided I
didn't want to do it.
(14:10):
It just was like really far andI it just didn't really come
together.
I guess, for me, like as ayoung adult, it just I was
expecting it to be somethingelse and it changed.
There were so many close calls,like with big jobs, and it did
break my heart.
I think you know it was really,you know, just different.
(14:37):
You know as benign as a word,that is it.
Just you know it was reallydifferent and I was really
different and I guess I didn'trealize how it would make me
feel.
But you know, I am proud ofmyself because at, you know, an
older age, I was able to kind ofbe like, okay, well, I don't
(14:57):
want to, I don't have to do thisand I don't want to do this.
And I've found other ways tokind of exercise my artistic
abilities.
And you know that's alwaysgoing to be inside me and I
think it's just that as long asI have these ways that I'm able
(15:19):
to like share my art and sharemyself, I feel really happy with
that.
You know, not necessarilyputting myself through like
anxiety ridden situationsanymore.
So, yeah, that's how it'sdifferent now and at 40 years
old, you know I can reflect backon those times and, you know,
(15:43):
feel a little bit wistful butalso, you know, meet it with
like a feeling of gratefulnessreally for the life experiences
that I have and I really feellike Emmy Gold is like my way of
celebrating that.
You know, it's kind of funny notto go off on a tangent, but
(16:05):
some of the friends that I'vemet like in my adult life, who
didn't necessarily know me whenI was a kid, they're like now
that this book has come out,they're like I didn't know that
about you and like you know it'sso.
I think I spent many years,kind of like hiding that side of
me, cause maybe I was afraidlike people might ask or like
(16:25):
why don't you do this, or youknow.
But you know I'm done.
I'm done with that.
Like I'm done hiding, I want tocelebrate it and I think it's
really cool and not everybodyhas like that type of life
experience to talk about and soyeah, so I'm just like I'm in an
(16:46):
era of my life where I'm justkind of celebrating, like who I
am and where I've been.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
You have a creative heart and whether it's
performing on stage, singing,dancing, you felt drawn to
express yourself and yourcreativity in other ways and you
got your BFA.
You said in creative writinghow did that happen?
What led to that?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Well, I had started off at AMDA, which is a two-year
conservatory, I would say.
After AMDA, for a few years,just kind of floundering, I
worked as a hairstylist in NewYork City, which I did really
well with that, but it just andit did like get those creative
(17:32):
juices flowing.
But I found that I don't talkabout this very much, but I
found that like working in NewYork City and like the
celebrities and stuff would comein or I would work on jobs,
like on photo shoots, and Iwould just be like I don't wanna
be like the person behind thescenes, like that's not really
(17:55):
like.
I realized then that wasanother aha moment, like that's
not really me.
While I love the creativeaspect of it, it wasn't enough
and I just felt this likeincredible need to share like
more of myself, more of what waslike going on in my head.
And actually my husbandrandomly decided to go to
(18:17):
medical school and we moved toGrenada for, yeah, for a couple
of years.
And while I was there, that waswhen I decided to go back and
finish my Bachelor of Fine Artsand it was really while I was
there that I started writing andI started this blog.
That isn't, it's not like upanymore, but it just was so well
(18:42):
received and I had so manypeople just being like you're
such a good writer, like I loveyour stories, and I was like,
wow, maybe that's like how I'mmeant to share myself, maybe
that's how I'm supposed to like.
Like, maybe that's what wasmissing and maybe there's this
deeper thing that, like, I wantto share with the world.
(19:05):
And that was how, you know,started writing the screenplay
and I wrote a couple of booksand that was kind of like how,
how might that Bachelor of FineArts came to be?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And what was the road like on the way to your first
book, the Wonders?
Speaker 1 (19:22):
It was a long one.
To be honest.
It wasn't my first book.
I actually had written thisother book that you know I just,
like many things are, just waslike I've been a writer book and
everybody in my life was kindof like you're going to write a
book, like that's really hard todo, and I was like I'm just
going to do it, you know, andlike, and I did it, like I did
it with you know, I learnedeverything that I could possibly
(19:45):
know about it and you know Istudied the craft and you know,
and I'm still proud of that bookand it and, to be honest, like
I had so much interest on thatfirst book is like the first
thing I ever really like wroteand I came really close to
having that book published butultimately I just don't think
that I was ready yet.
(20:06):
So then I wrote the Wanderers.
I had just had my son, so ittook me a really long time to
write that and that book is justit's a lot different than Emmy
Gold.
It's I would say it's likeupper young adult.
So, like you know, it would beappropriate for ages like 17 to.
You know, I would say 17 to 25year olds would probably read
(20:29):
that book.
You know I wrote like probablyfour or five drafts of that.
I had a harder time gettinginterested in that book because
I think, like so many things,it's not enough to just like
write a good book.
You have to hit the marketright.
And we were just coming off oflike Gone Girl and like that
(20:51):
whole like not girl interruptedbut Gone Girl and that whole
like era of you know, thedamaged, like dark female
protagonist, and I was just likeabout a year too late, you know
, for that one to really takeoff.
Everybody's like I love thisbook, like the agents and the
(21:13):
publishers that I sent it tothey're like I really love this
book.
It's just like it's not theright time for this book, like
you're just a little late withit.
But eventually someone did likelove it enough.
Actually several people lovedit enough after.
It's funny how that happens Oneperson loves it, then suddenly
10 people on it.
You know, so that was how thatcame to be.
(21:37):
And then, you know, after thatI was like gosh, do I have the
courage to like write anotherbook because it's such a long
process?
The book world is a really likeif you think the acting world
is like insane, like the book.
World is even more insane andit's so competitive.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I can imagine.
Was there any was there everanything?
Any experiences what I'mobviously being an actor and
being in that whole world?
You have to be okay withrejection, with hearing no.
Yeah, yeah hearing that yourwork isn't good enough or isn't
right, or now is not the time.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
The crazy, the crazy thing about the book world
versus the acting world is, like, you know, you can always say,
like you know, with acting it'slike okay, well, I'm too short.
Or you know, you can tellyourself whatever story you need
to hear to make yourself feelbetter about why you didn't land
apart.
But like when it's like a book,it's so different, it's like so
(22:37):
personal and it's not like youknow, there's just another
audition around the bend.
It's like I spent three yearslike blood, sweat and tears,
like writing this, like for you,like for, like for anyone who
might love it.
It's so much more personal, sothose rejections hit like so
(22:57):
much harder and it's really likeyou really have to love it to
keep going, because it's not forthe faint of heart.
I really do believe that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
How do you, how do you get through it?
How do you bounce back afterthat rejection?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I don't know, I keep.
There's always this like thinginside me that is like no, like
you're supposed to like sharethis, like this is going to
reach someone, and I have tojust kind of dig into that
knowing and trust that as longas I listen to that voice and
(23:34):
not the doubting voice, then Ifeel like equipped to keep going
.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
It's that fire burning inside and you know, you
know it's strong enough tobreak through and even the no,
no amount of nose can put it out.
And it's so inspirational to meto hear any creator talk about
how, just like I've heard somany people said it wasn't good
enough, said I wasn't right forit, but I had to keep creating
(24:02):
and I believed in this, thisidea, this work, so much that I
just kept going.
And it takes so much braveryand it's such a vulnerable
feeling putting your creativework out into the world and
putting it in front of eyes thatare literally there to judge it
and to tell you that it's notgood enough, but to still have
(24:23):
the strong and a fire to keepgoing.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah, yeah, it's not easy.
It's not easy all the time.
I mean, as you know and as any,anyone who creates, you know,
anyone who creates, knows thatvulnerable place that you know,
just putting yourself out there,like you know, are people going
to like it?
Is it even worth putting outthere?
And you know, is it going toreach anyone?
(24:47):
And you have to just trust andhope that it does.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Love it.
Well let's talk to.
Let's talk about Emmy Gold andthis is.
We're going to hear Sarah, theauthor of the book, read the
first chapter in a moment.
But the whole reason we'rehaving this conversation really
is that Sarah, in the lead up topublishing it, reached out to
Jamie and said hey, I'd love forEverly to read this and, if she
(25:15):
likes it, give me a quote wecan throw on the cover.
And that is super cool that shedid.
Everly gave it a read andEverly tell us what you thought
about it.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I think that all boys and girls should read it,
because it's telling you likesome people can be who you don't
expect them to be, or that theycan seem rude and they actually
(25:46):
turn out to be your friendlater on.
And I just think, like it is,it has a good example of like
finding a friend and I thinkthat, like what you want to do
is what you want to do, like youdon't need to do something just
because you're, you have a momwho wants you to do it.
(26:09):
I mean you should do what yourheart wants to do.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
You were so smart.
Oh my gosh, I love you.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I'm going to read the back cover and then she'll read
her quote.
That's on the back cover.
Okay, jump into the reading.
Emi Gold wants to be ordinary,but it's hard when everything
about her is so extra.
Growing up on television andstarring on the most popular
sitcom has made her a householdname, but it's her.
It's left her longing for a nopressure life in the new New
(26:40):
Jersey burbs.
When she's fired from her roleon helping Hannah, everyone
expects her to land another leadpart.
But Emmys got her bags packedto leave New York City for good.
Fitting back into the realworld will be easy, right?
Not so much when Emmys got amomager who spends most days
(27:01):
plotting her comeback and theQueen of Patterson Middle School
who has an epic plan to destroyher.
Luckily, bff Jasmine is therefor backup.
But will all the pressure ofreality prove as complicated as
the spotlight and send Emmy backto NYC?
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Bum, bum, bum.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Everly's quote is on the top of the back of the cover
here and you want to just goahead and read it.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
I think everyone should read this book Girls,
boys, young People and Grown Ups2.
Every time I started a newchapter, I had butterflies in my
stomach and my heart pounded ina good way.
I loved it.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Oh, I love it so much .
It's the best.
It's so amazing to hearhonestly.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
And who is the book?
What is the targeted audiencefor?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, so the targeted audience is considered middle
grade, but most kids read abovereading levels, so I would say
ages anywhere from ages eight to14 would be interested in this
book.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Yeah, I read it when I was eight.
I have some hard time with somewords, but that's because I'm
not in fourth grade yet.
I'm going in fourth grade.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yes, no, you captured exactly what I was when you
were describing it.
It was so perfect and it wasexactly what I when I was
writing it, what I wanted thereaders of this book to feel
like and to you know tounderstand about it.
(28:43):
You totally got it.
You said it perfectly.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
And, ladies and gentlemen, we have the pleasure
of having the author of EmmyGold is totally extraordinary
here on the podcast.
We're willing and ready toshare with us chapter one.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Okay, let's do it.
So any gold is totallyextraordinary.
Chapter one, kind of a big deal.
Basically, if you want to knowthe truth, my entire life has
been nothing more than one bigfat lie.
(29:25):
When you're an actress well,ex-actress, in my case nothing
you see is actual reality.
This blemish-free skin, that'sjust good lighting.
And super strategic makeupapplied by a professional.
This confident pearly smile Yep, those are Porcelain Vanir's
(29:45):
mom insisted on because shedidn't want me to have a
mouthful of braces and miss outon rolls.
My resume isn't any different.
Here's a peek Name Emmy Gold,age 13,.
Eyes sapphire blue, hair warmchestnut brown.
Height, 4'10".
(30:07):
Weight, 100 pounds.
Special talents include singingpop, musical theater, country
opera, rap, legit yodeler,dancing, tap, jazz, ballet, hip
hop basically a ballroom prodigy.
Instruments flute, violin, harp, piano, guitar, clarinet,
(30:27):
serious drum skills.
Other noteworthy talentsinclude slaying at the jump rope
, champion of the hula hoop,somersaults, backhand springs,
toe touches could do a killer,british accent splits, no-headed
backflips and many, many more.
Just ask Spoiler alert.
If you hadn't yet guessed, itwas all hoopla, and I mean every
(30:49):
last bit of it.
Mom's the one who penned thisbamboozle list of deceit.
She's got a knack forstretching the truth and making
everyone believe anything shesays.
Seriously.
Once, when I was four, she toldmy agent I could read when I
couldn't.
There I stood wobbly legs witha heavy script in my hands as a
roomful of casting directorswaited for me to start reading
(31:11):
my lines.
I didn't know what else to do,so I started talking about
unicorns and rainbows.
They were dazzled, thought Iwas adorable and, needless to
say, I got the part.
Mom was thrilled and greeted mewith a wink as I emerged from
the casting room.
It was probably her plan allalong.
If anyone's wondering, my realresume should have read
(31:32):
something more like this NameEmmy Gold, age 13,.
Eyes, boring, slate gray hair,mousy brown height four foot 10s
depends on my shoes, to behonest.
Wait, no comment.
Wait yourself is so archaic, amI right?
Special talents includeabsolutely and positively
(31:56):
nothing.
Seriously, I wasn't even goodat remembering my lines when I
start on helping Hannah, andit's the reason I was fired.
By the way, the producers gotfed up with me flubbing lines
during live tapings, but what noone knows is I did it on
purpose.
Okay, maybe that sounds alittle psycho, but let's just
say I had a very good reason toas soon as I started out growing
(32:18):
the cute pigtail kid I was whenfilming began and into someone
who needs a bra so embarrassing,right.
The show's writers didn't knowwhat to do with me anymore.
Slowly they cut my lines downso much that I was barely a part
of the show.
It felt weird being somewhere Ididn't belong.
I had no choice but to takemeasures into my own hands.
So when the casting directoryelled action and clapped the
(32:41):
little snappy board, I chew onthe inside of my cheek, pretend
not to know what to say.
After a few months I got theaxe.
It's all good, though.
I'm absolutely thrilled to getaway from the spotlight because
now I can finally breathe.
And you know what?
I don't miss it at all.
Not one bit.
(33:02):
Actually, that's a lie.
I totally miss the green roomand the endless supply of
buttery croissants, licorice anddecaf lattes.
The only person who's notthrilled about me getting fired
is mom.
Also, she doesn't know anythingabout operation.
Get yourself fired, so let'skeep that under wraps.
Okay, we have to, because mom'sa little crazy Not totally off
(33:25):
a rocker, but she's definitelygot a couple screws loose.
You know, she's what mostpeople would refer to as a stage
mother, but actually sheprefers momager, because it has
more of a modern flair to it.
But you get the point shealways wanted to be famous
herself.
To be honest, it's kind ofsurprising she never was.
She's gorgeous and tall and hasa gleaming white smile and does
(33:46):
this super dramatic laugh whereshe flips her head back while
she cackles.
I guess she probably never madeit as an actress because she
got married and had us kids soonafter, but that didn't mean her
movie star ambitions were everfar from her mind.
For example, she named me andmy brothers Emmy, oscar and Tony
after the annual entertainmentaward shows in television, film
(34:10):
and Broadway.
See, I told you she was alittle kooky, believe me.
Now I'm Emmy, by the way, hi,my older brother, oscar, has
zero interest in anythinginvolving glitz and glamour or
the flashing of cameras, and mybaby brother, tony, as well a
baby, and so all he really doesis mush food around and babble
baby nonsense.
That leaves me for mom to liveout of dreams through.
(34:33):
It's September now, a few monthssince I've been back in the New
Jersey Burbs and a couple ofweeks since I've been back at
school.
I grabbed my book bag and hopout of mom's car.
The leaves crunch beneath myteal suede high tops as I walk
up to the doors of PattersonMiddle School.
Maybe you're wondering aboutwhat it's like coming back to
school as a famous kid.
(34:54):
Let's just say my reputationprecedes me.
More than a few times I've beenasked to take a selfie with some
of the school staff Awkward,but to be honest, all the kids
here seem a little afraid totalk to me, like these two girls
who are huddled nearby andchatting as I make my way down
the hall today.
They're mid conversation butwhen the one with the waistline
(35:15):
brown hair spots me, she elbowsher friend and narrows her eyes
in my direction.
I stare straight ahead andpretend not to notice.
I wish I could say that thisisn't something that happens a
lot, but that would be a lie.
It's weird.
I wish they understood that I'mjust Emmy, a regular kid like
them, and not the actress whoused to be on their television
screens every Friday night.
(35:37):
The only one who truly gets meis Jasmine.
Every morning she greets me atmy locker with an air kiss to
the cheek Toodles.
She says when she sees me youlook cute.
Jasmine is my best friendforever, or, more correctly, my
friend of about 60ish days.
I met her at the open housebefore school started and we
clicked right away.
(35:57):
She cracked a sarcastic jokeabout me looking exactly like
the girl from helping Hannah andI complimented her outfit.
I'm happy with the rest of thetime chatting and have been
inseparable ever since.
Our friendship totally makessense too.
Jasmine has ties to theentertainment industry, so she
gets me at a different levelthan most people.
Her mom is a backup dancer forBeyonce and her grandma used to
(36:21):
perform with Diana Ross back inthe day.
She's not poor.
She's not a good dancer.
She can't walk on her own feetand lose that giant part again.
She advises checking me outhead to toe.
It's like 70 degrees out andyou look like you're about to go
out into a blizzard.
Tighter on your waist orsomething.
Jasmine helps me take it offand arranges it around my belly,
fussing with it until it lookscool.
There, she says, placed withher work.
(36:43):
She's always giving me fashionadvice, even if I don't ask for
it.
She wants to be a fashiondesigner one day.
I was sort of going for a grungycheek.
Look.
I tell her, untieing the fancyknot and slipping it back on the
regular way.
It's my thing.
She smacks her sparkly lipgloss mouth together, rolls her
(37:05):
big brown eyes and says you doyou, but I think you're just
trying to cover up the fact thatyou have the biggest boobs in
the eighth grade.
I do not.
I protest, linking my shouldersand an arranging my long brown
hair over my chest.
Jasmine has no idea that this isa sensitive subject for me.
I know she doesn't meananything by it, but my
(37:25):
ever-changing body is somethingI've been struggling with for a
while.
Sometimes it seems like fromone day to the next I wake up
and everything is somehow bigger, different and not in a good
way.
Back when I was working, Ibegged the costume designer on
set to let me wear tunics orwrap a scarf around my neck,
because it was the only thingthat I felt comfortable in.
(37:45):
Don't worry, no one else cantell.
She says your concealmentefforts are top notch.
Jasmine winks, clicking hertongue.
I wish I had some tatas.
She looks down at her chest.
Do you think they're growing?
I thought maybe they werefinally starting to grow the
other day, but now they justkind of look the same.
What do you think?
Totally growing.
(38:07):
I lie, slamming my locker shut.
We make our way down the crowdedhall to class.
I glance down at my chest Do Ireally have the biggest?
I start to ask hey, emmy, areyou going to Cassidy's party
this Friday?
A gruff voice asks.
Taylor Jennings struts over tous, his hair, swishes across his
(38:28):
forehead and he flicks it outof his eyes.
The tiny freckles across hisnose and cheekbones are enough
to make my heart beat faster.
Taylor Jennings, doesn't hisname alone scream that he's a
total cutie?
Gosh, did I mention he's gotthe most swoon-worthy dimples
ever?
Not sure my stammer Haven'tbeen invited yet, but that would
(38:53):
be sweet.
I'll put in a good word.
He juts his chin out, halfsmiling, see, he says backwards,
jogging away from us.
Before he turns the corner,jasmine's mouth drops open.
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh mygosh.
To even realize what justhappened, she asks, squeezing my
shoulders.
Taylor Jennings just spoke toyou, and not only that.
(39:15):
He just asked if you're goingto a party that he's going to.
I know, I think I died.
I squeal Like I'm pretty surethat I just died.
Am I alive?
Am I breathing?
He's the cutest boy in theentire school and he just talked
to me.
Everything is coming together,jess, ok, ok, I don't want to
get too excited.
What if I don't get invited toCassidy's party?
That would totally suck.
(39:35):
Don't start spiraling, sheadvises, shaking me a little and
looking straight into my eyes,you must slow your roll.
I nod, but I want to go sobadly Me too.
Cassidy is the most epicbirthday parties.
Her parents are super rich andthey go all out.
I heard this year she's havingit at a trampoline park and
(39:57):
supposedly they light the wholeplace up in neon lights.
While you jump around, my heartthumps beneath my heavy sweater
as I place my hand over mychest.
So cool, I know right.
She says but I've never beeninvited to one of her parties.
Cassidy is super selective aboutwho she invites to secret
(40:17):
meetings with her best friend,sloane Anderson, and they go
through the whole year book,cross out anyone who isn't cool
enough.
That's the rumor anyway.
Getting invited to one of herparties is like the biggest deal
ever, she tells me Well, wehave to find a way to score some
invitations.
I say Well, you'll for sure getinvited.
She says I mean, you're you,you're famous.
(40:39):
Duh Me.
On the other hand, that's upfor debate.
I'm not sure Cassidy even knowsmy name.
That's not the problem.
Everyone knows who Jasmine is.
They just don't get her or herstyle choices.
She's an artist, a free spirit,floating through the halls in
her floor-linked flowered printdress with graffiti painted
(41:00):
combat boots and a cropped jeanjacket, all of which she found
and repurposed from theSalvation Army.
Personally, I think she's thefuture of fashion, but others
tend to stare and sometimesgiggle at her in the hallways.
Wouldn't it be so amazing if weboth get invited?
This is more exciting than thetime I was invited to the
(41:20):
Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awardsbut I couldn't go because I got
mono.
I say no, you're kidding, thatstinks.
She says Totally serious, butit's fine.
I would have probably just gone, gotten slimed and caught
pneumonia or something like that.
The first bell rings, snappingus back into reality.
Shoot, I've gotta go.
(41:41):
Got Jim, she says, but we'lldiscuss later.
Okay, I need to go swimmingtoday.
We both grimace in MacGaggingnoises.
I know right, my hair is gonnatotally get ruined.
Blah, I love you.
She shouts as she shuts downthe hall.
See you at lunch.
I call after her.
Still giddy, I try not to skip.
As I flit and float my way overto language arts with Mrs Ferris
, I reach the door and realize Iforgot my book and my locker.
(42:04):
Oh no, not again.
I grumble.
Mrs Ferris stands on thedoorway, her heavy black bangs
flopped over her forehead,skimming her red rimmed reading
glasses.
Joining us today, joining usthis morning, miss Gold?
She asks.
Yeah, for sure.
I answer, but I forgot my book.
Can I go back and grab it?
Really quick?
Hurry up, miss Gold.
(42:26):
She warns and pivots on onefoot, shutting the classroom
door with a thud.
I power walk down the hall to mylocker.
When I arrive, I turn thecombination to the right, to the
left, to the right again, butit doesn't click open.
These are the types of thingsthat are still taking some
getting used to since being backin the real world.
Most kids my age have beenusing these contraptions for
(42:47):
years, but this is all new to me.
I breathe and start over mylips, mouthing the numbers.
As I try again, it clicks open.
Hooray, I say.
Opening the locker and grabbingmy book, something falls from
the top shelf and out to thefloor in front of me, touching
my high tops.
I bend down to pick it up.
(43:07):
It's a piece of paper and Iunfold it.
My heart stops hoping it's abirthday invitation to Cassidy's
party, but it isn't not evenclose.
Instead, it's an article aboutme that's been ripped from a
women's magazine, and on itSomeone has scribbled a message
across my face with a blacksharpie.
(43:28):
My pits perspire as the hair onthe back of my neck stands up.
I know Mrs Ferris is going togive me a hard time if I don't
hurry, but I can't help it.
I'm too stunned to move.
I crumple the piece of paperand stuff it into my book bag
For a moment.
Not seeing it makes me feelbetter, but not for long.
A worry keeps creeping back ina realization and I can't shake
(43:51):
it.
Maybe they all know my secret,I think.
Maybe this ordinary life isn'tas simple as I thought it would
be.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Sarah Barkoff.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
It's so wonderful.
I can't wait to find out.
I can't wait to find outbecause I don't have the book
but I do.
But so many people I'm sure athome can't wait to find out what
happens next.
Kelsey in the live chat says sogood, definitely ordering this
book.
Thank you so much for sharingthat with us.
I want to have so many moreconversations with you about
(44:34):
just like your creative process,like as a writer.
I'd love to just pick yourbrain Before we say good night.
I just want to ask you onething.
The main question at the frontof my head when you're writing
is like how was it difficult toput yourself as a writer back in
that life, like that life ofbeing in school and the drama?
(44:58):
Was it an easy?
Did you just get right backthere in your head as you sat
down to write, or was it kind oflike a journey to get back into
that timeframe or the frame ofmind?
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Yeah, well, it's funny because I mean, I hear a
lot of people my age saying this, but I feel like middle school
and high school was like that.
It was not hard at all for meto get back into that the minute
I sat down to write this book.
It's like I was just there, Iwas in it.
(45:30):
I remember like everythingabout middle school and high
school and the drama and justlike the social circles and just
all the little ins and outs ofthings.
I've always been like such anobserver and I feel like I'm a
(45:50):
very sensitive person, so I justnotice everything and therefore
I remember everything.
So it was kind of fun, though Iwould say now, being at the age
I'm at, just kind of likelaughing about it At the time.
It's so all consuming anddepressing even at times, but
(46:10):
now I just got to take the funparts and know how it's going to
end and just kind of enjoy itwhile I was writing it.
Really.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
I think about that all the time.
How like I thoroughly enjoyedmy high school experience.
If I had the chance to go backand do it again, I would have
enjoyed it a lot more withoutall the yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
So that's kind of what this book is.
It's like a celebration of,like you know, getting rid of
all the ugly parts that youdon't like and just kind of
enjoying the fun aspect to itand having the ability to be on
the outside looking in.
What a better place, what abetter spot to be than in it.
(47:01):
Because I don't, I wouldn'twant to go back, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
But you're using your creative license to put
yourself back there and createyour own world in that frame
Right, I love that.
If anybody like Emily or Kelseyin the chat wants to find your
book, where can they find it?
Speaker 1 (47:19):
They can find it anywhere where books are sold.
You should be able to find it.
Amazon is the easiest.
That's what I, that's what Ipersonally think.
It's available in Kindle,paperback and hardcover.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
And if anybody wants to keep up with you, what's the
best way to do that?
Speaker 1 (47:34):
The best way is either on my Twitter or, which
is my name, sarah Barkoff, or myInstagram feed, and I also have
an email that I created foranyone who wants to chat with me
about writing or the book, andit's just Sarah Barkoff writes
at gmailcom.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
That's awesome.
I know we've got a couple ofwriters in the chat right now
that are working on their ownstuff, like Dari and Chris Stess
, so they might, they might bedoing that.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I love hearing.
I love hearing from other likecreators.
I really do.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
And I loved hearing your story about you know
keeping that flame lit and andbouncing back and having the
perseverance and the resiliencyto keep going when you knew you
had that creative message andsomething important to share
inside you, and just just keptat it and powered through.
Speaker 1 (48:27):
Yeah, thank you, appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
We appreciate you and I hope to have you back on the
show again in the future.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
I'd love to come back on.
This is so much fun.
Thank you, such an awesomeconversation with Sarah.
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Sarah, thank you again for being our guest and we
hope to have you back someday.
I wanted to close out theepisode a little bookend, a
little Les Miserables bookend,with a song that this was the
first song I sang like as a sololive.
When we started doing the livePolly's online variety show
(49:06):
musical reviews we did duringCOVID.
Our first musical review livethrough Zoom on YouTube was Les
Mis, and I performed this songto a karaoke track before I
started playing guitar and I'dlove to perform it here at the
end of this episode.
This is Stars.
(49:26):
I'm a star Fallen from God,Fallen from grace.
(50:01):
God be my witness.
I never shall yield till wecome face to face, till we come
face to face.
He knows his way in the dark,but mine is the way of the Lord.
(50:27):
Those who follow the path ofthe righteous shall have their
reward, and if they fall asloose over fell the flame, the
sword.
Stars in your multitude, scarceto be counted, filling the
(51:03):
darkness With order and light.
You are the sentinels, silentand sure, Keeping watch in the
night.
Keeping watch in the night.
(51:23):
You know your place in the sky.
You hold your course in youraim and each in your season
returns and returns and isalways the same, and if you fall
as loose over fell, you fall inflame, and so it must be, and
(51:54):
so it is written on the doorwaya paradise.
Those who falter and those whofall must pay the price.
(52:20):
Lord, let me find him that.
I may see him Safe behind bars.
I will never rest till then,this, I swear this, I swear by
(52:48):
the stars.
(53:13):
With this episode, Cove Podcastis officially one month old.
I'd like to thank our CovePatreon curators for supporting
us from the start Josepha Snyder, Susan Kuhn, Meryl Milky, Gina
Dobbs, Anna Gina Vola, AngelicaBolschweiler, Kelsey Blaine
Gibson, Krista King, the Faronsand Emily Thatcher.
Many thanks to the 11 of youfor laying an amazing foundation
(53:35):
for this show to launch andgrow.
Just one of the many fun perksof being a Patreon curator is
not only the recognition righthere in the video credits, but
monthly shoutouts on the audiopodcast as well, and you can
learn more about that and checkout all the tiers in Patreon
perks at patreoncom slash CovePodcast.
If you love the podcast butPatreon isn't your thing, you
(53:56):
can still help the show grow byleaving a rating or review on
your favorite podcast platformand or leaving comments on the
YouTube videos.
Every little bit helps and wethank you so much for listening
and all the ways you support theshow.
Everything you do is greatlyappreciated.
Love you all.
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