Join Isabel and her guest, Erin Moore of The Business End of the Leash, for a discussion on work/life balance, travel, and the importance of taking care of oneself when working in the pet industry.
During the show, they discuss how Erin's profound loss of her heart dog, Piper, impacted her dog training and coaching career, which now focuses on professional dog trainers. When the unexpected happens, such as a traumatic event, Erin believes that having a plan for a business that works for you can make all the difference. She also explains how dog trainers can make this plan a reality for themselves and how she supports them in that effort.
Erin is a profound pet lover and dedicated coach; she's a joy to chat with and a great resource for pet care professionals. Enjoy the show!
EPISODE NOTES: Soothe Your Soul: Pet Bereavement with Erin Moore, The Business End of the Leash
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/covered-in-pet-hair-a-fun-late-night-boozy-pet-podcast--6667884/support.
During the show, they discuss how Erin's profound loss of her heart dog, Piper, impacted her dog training and coaching career, which now focuses on professional dog trainers. When the unexpected happens, such as a traumatic event, Erin believes that having a plan for a business that works for you can make all the difference. She also explains how dog trainers can make this plan a reality for themselves and how she supports them in that effort.
Erin is a profound pet lover and dedicated coach; she's a joy to chat with and a great resource for pet care professionals. Enjoy the show!
EPISODE NOTES: Soothe Your Soul: Pet Bereavement with Erin Moore, The Business End of the Leash
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/covered-in-pet-hair-a-fun-late-night-boozy-pet-podcast--6667884/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Pet Life Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Let's talk pets. Welcome to Covered in Pet Hair, a
(00:24):
blousy show for pet lovers on Pet Life Radio. I'm
your host, Isabelle Albert Sarana, and today I have the
pleasure of having you drinking the chat with a dog trainer,
consultant coach that's gonna help make your life so much easier.
We're also going to talk about pet bereavement and if
you are not a dog trainer, not a pet professional,
(00:45):
but you have lost a pet, you'll want to stick
around because we have some really great ways to help
soothe your soul. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back
and introduce you to our guest today as soon as
we hear from these messages from our sponsors. Hi, I'm
Isabelle Albarezerata, the host of Covered in Pet Hair. You
know the expression cats have nine lives? Well, what if
(01:08):
you could give them one more? Give them ten? Movement
is on a mission to help give cats an extra life.
How with SPEE and newter spaying and neutering, your cat
helps them live a longer, healthier life and it helps
control three roaming cat populations too. Learn more about the
benefits of spe and neuter and meet Scooter the neuter
(01:30):
cat at give them ten dot org. That's give them
tean dot org.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Let's talk pets on Petlife Radio dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Welcome back to Covered in Pet Hair. I'm your host
Isabel Albazerata, and today I have the pleasure of having
a drinking a chat with a pet parent an entrepreneur.
She's a dog trainer, business coach. She's a coffee lover,
a tea drinker, a world traveler, and a Dungeons and
Dragons nerd. She's originally from South Africa now lives in Canada.
(02:15):
She's dog mom to Fergus and her soul dog, Piper,
whom we will be discussing at length. She is a
second time guest on Covered in Pet Hair and she
is the owner of the business End of the Leash.
In her business, she helps dog trainers create blended programs
so that they can actually live their life while also
(02:37):
helping pets. Her name is Aaron Moore. Welcome erin. It's
so good to have you on the show.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
It's so good to be back.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I'm really glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I am too. I know you've been traveling a lot
I've been kind of following you a little bit. We're
going to catch up and find out everything you've been
up to since we last spoke. But before we do that,
let me introduce our drinking game today. So anybody at
home participating in our drinking game. Anytime you hear this.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Word, the secret word is Piper.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Take a drink of whatever you're enjoying, but please be
over twenty one in the US to partake, never drink
and drive, and always drink responsibly. So I know you're
not a big drinker. So what are you having today?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I'm giving me some ginger ale, the best.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The best. That's that's my go to. If I'm not
feeling a cocktail, that's my go to. It feels, it
feels refreshing, it's not too sugary, it's perfect. Yep. I
am feeling like a glass of wine, which is often
how I feel, to be honest with you, I love
a glass of wine in the afternoon, and I'm having
my favorite pino gregio. It is actually I'm gonna share
(03:41):
this because we're right around the holidays and if you
are a Costco member, the Kirkland Pino Grigio is what
you need. For your holiday parties and celebrations. It's like
six ninety nine and it's a crowd pleaser and it's
one of my favorites. So, I mean, we all know
that Kirkland brand makes good stuff, but this pino grigio
stands out. It's so and there's savignon blanc. Also if
(04:01):
you want to go a couple of dollars more awesome.
This is not sponsored, just a little tip for you
boozy pet lovers like me. So I want to dig
into where you've been, what you've been up to, and
then once I know where you've been and what you've
been up to, I'm gonna introduce our first game. But
I feel like we can't just dive into that yet,
and you give my audience just a little rundown of
(04:24):
who you are, what you've been up to.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Sure it ties in well with the bereavement topic, because
I don't think I would have done any of these
things if I hadn't been in the place of grief
that I was. You know, my life would have looked
very different. But I've been in like, oh, you know,
existential crisis for like two and a half year, so
in the grief, so I've been doing all kinds of
adventury things, just trying to figure myself out and find
(04:46):
out who I am and what I want to do.
And I took a trip home to South Africa and
I was there for a month, month and a half,
and then to Morocco there for a month, and then
to Malaysia there for a month too, And it was
uh yeah, kind of trotting around the world and experiencing
different cultures and meeting you know, so many amazing, incredible, kind,
(05:08):
wonderful people who just are open to sharing their culture
and open to sharing, you know, their ways of doing things.
I learned so much about myself, but about other people.
I just I think it's a privilege, I know. But
if you can travel, I think it's really important to do.
We learn so much about ourselves and about how similar
we all are as people, and how interconnected we really
(05:30):
all are, regardless of you know, where the birth lottery
has us being born.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I love that the birth lottery. I talk about the
birth lottery a lot because I was born in Ecuador,
but I was born to a very specific level of
education and societal influence and ecuadors, So I recognize my
privilege in my and my luck when it comes to
the birth lottery often. Yep. So I know that you
said that you were in an existential crisis because of bereavement.
(05:56):
Would you mind sharing a little bit about Piper, what
she meant to you and what it was like when
you lost her.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah? She was She was my absolute everything, you know.
I she was the first dog that I had as
an adult on my own. I got her right after
I got divorced. She was the first healthy relationship I
ever had, you know. She was All of the big
decisions that I made in my life revolved around her
in some way. She came with me from South Africa
to Canada. I started my first business because I was
(06:25):
really tired of leaving her home, you know, and going
to work in corporate and so I started a dog
walking business. And then she was the reason I moved
into dog training, because she was getting tired of having
all these other dogs around her all the time. And
then she was one of the reasons I moved into
coaching because she was getting older and I didn't want
to be operating a dog training a business the way
we were told to and spending all of my time
(06:45):
driving around to clients et cetera, and I wearing more
time with her. So all of these big decisions in
my life were made in part, you know, around her.
She was my touchstone. She was my biggest support in
everything and anything. She taught me how to have fun.
You know, there's a lot of I have a lot
of childhood trauma stuff that meant that, you know, learning
(07:06):
how to have fun was not something that I did
as a kid because I was too busy surviving. So
she taught me just how to have fun and how
to enjoy life and how to be in the moment
and how to you know, she had such an impact
on she still does. You know, she has an impact
on absolutely everything that I have done in my life.
And I tied up so much of that childhood trauma
(07:26):
with my relationship with her in so many different ways.
It wasn't even conscious at first, with I will provide
for you the life that I should have had. I
will provide the safety and stability and security for you
that I never had. And I did, and you know,
things she needed pushed me to do things I didn't
want to do to get there, you know, So she
(07:46):
just she impacted every single area and aspect of my life,
and when I lost her, it was I didn't know
who I was without her. I didn't know how to
function as a human being without her, because all of
a sudden I had to make these decisions for me.
I had to make the decisions about what I wanted,
what was best for my life, rather than what was
(08:08):
best for her, what she needed, and just figuring out
who I was and what I liked to do with
my time, you know. So all of that was so new,
and I'm still like two and a half years and
I'm still finding my footing. Yeah, I've got more solid
footing under me, for sure, more, you know, but there's
still areas where I'm like, I don't know what to
(08:29):
do here. I don't know who I am here, I
don't know what is needed of me. I would know
what to do if it was for Piper, but I
don't know what to do here. So it was incredibly
like my whole world has ended, you know, and getting
through the loss of the most important being in my
life without the support of the most important being in
my life was just this weird, messed up like I
(08:52):
don't even know how to do this. So it, yeah,
put me in an existential crisis. But it just it
shifted how I view the world, I view business, how
I view absolutely everything, and how I view relationships. What's
important in life, what's not, what we spend our time doing,
you know, all of that stuff just was suddenly on
the table looking at it, going well, that's dumb, and
(09:14):
why are we doing that? And why am I spenny
time doing this? And what you know, So it's been
a whole relearning process as well. As we don't live
in a world that is conducive for pet loss. It's
not something that people understand, no magnitude of it. M
there's a lot of let's just get another dog, or
(09:34):
you know, it's just a dog, or you know, there's
a lot of misunderstanding there around the level of loss
when the reality is like pet loss is often much
more impactful for a lot of us than human loss, right,
because I'm resolutely different. You know, she's the being who
saw me at my absolute worst. Nobody else did, nobody
(09:56):
in my life saw me at that in that way
she did. You know, she's the being who you know,
knew me to my core because she lived with me
every single day and she went through all of those
hard times, and that's not a loss that is easy
to adapt to, especially not in a world where people
are like, just get over it.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
You're not over it already.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's two years and you're still upset about it, Like
what you know, that kind of attitude that exists a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Well, I think a lot of people have that attitude,
either because they've never connected to a pet on the
level that you were connected to Piper, or it hasn't
happened yet, like they will at some point get it.
And I think whether you believe in God or the
universe or whatever, I feel like life has a way
of teaching us lessons. And the more we judge a
situation without understanding it, I think the more likely we
(10:45):
are to kind of find ourselves in that situation one
hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I get like, anecdotal evidence of my life is that
the situations where I'm like, I don't get it, I
don't understand why, and then a year later I'm like,
I get it now, okay, like exactly, and I'm sorry
for the judgment because now I gotta be I really
am careful with what I judge because I really don't
want God or the universe or karma to come back
and be like, remember when you were talking all that nonsense, come.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Back to reality. Yes, well, I actually I love that.
We just talked about how it is sometimes more monumental
to lose a pet than a human because of the
kind of like the nuance of the relationship, which is
very different than the relationships that we have even with
our closest loved ones of the human kind. And I
want to invite you to play a game where you
(11:34):
give me your opinions. I looked, I used AI to
give me kind of like a comparison between bereavement kind
of benefit and bereavement resources for those who have lost
people and those who have lost So I call this
game this versus that bereavement edition. So I just want
(11:54):
your input, like your thoughts on these statements. Here we go.
Traditional bereavement typically arranges from three to five days of
leave for immediate family members, whereas pet bereavements, when available,
is generally shorter, with most companies offering one to three days.
(12:17):
What are your thoughts on that.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
I think that neither of those is long enough period
of time for something that big, right, and it's just
an indicator of how we value money over people in
our society and expect people to just go through these
huge fricking traumas and then come back to work like
nothing happened five days later or three days later. That's
my first thought.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, well yeah, an immediate family member five days? Yeah?
Like who how like your body, house, your parent, your child?
Five days?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
You're not even over the shock of it in five days,
never mind even starting to grieve effectively.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Like, no, I think it's and we should really include
pets in that immediate.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Percent as they are they are not your family.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah, yes, Like I understand you not giving me five
days if my mom's dog dies, but like if it's mine, like, yep,
it is immediate family and I need to have the time. Okay.
Next one, Traditional bereavement leave is widely offered and often
mandated by law in many countries. PEP bereavement leave is
still relatively uncommon, with only a small percentage of companies
(13:23):
offering formal policies. I found three companies kimpt in Trupanion
in Mars and I do I have a friend who
made who said that, Uh, the USDA, because they obviously
work with animals agriculture, they do have some you know, flexibility,
So I'll shout out to those companies. But what are
your thoughts about it being so uncommon?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I mean, it doesn't surprise me with my own experiences
and what I've seen in the world around it. But
I think it's, as with a lot of things in capitalism,
it's very short sighted because you you know, if you're
expecting people to just push through something that they can't
push through like that, they're not going to be the
level of productive you want them to be. They're not
going to be the level of focus that you want
(14:05):
them to be, and they're sure as hell not going
to be the level of committed to you that you
want them to be. When you're showing that you don't
give a shit about this huge thing that they are
going through and dealing with.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oh my gosh, I can't agree. More Like, I feel
like sometimes I have a stressful day and I can't
focus and it's not a it's not a huge loss,
and it's not you know, something monumental, but like, I
am just not productive. So what's the point of me
being at my desk at that point? I've got to
get up and walk away. And obviously I work for myself.
You work for yourself, and we have that ability, but
(14:35):
when you're sitting and especially in like an office environment
with people like chit chatting and giggling over here, and
you're going through this huge life experience, it's got to
be so hard and so frustrating and so debilitating in
many ways. Of course. Yeah. The next one is loss
of human family members is universally recognized as a valid
reason for ton off. PET loss is gaining recognition, but
(14:58):
many employees still feel hesitant to request time off without
explicit policies in place like can I get the day
off because my dog died? Like it just does a
hard conversation have well, especially when we're in that grief
at the time, right, because when we're in that grief,
we're also not thinking the way we would have been
(15:19):
not in that grief, or able to handle conflict or
rejection in that way.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
You know that where we would normally be able to
handle it, we are at our most vulnerable when we
were in that piece of grief. So it makes sense
to me that people would be hesitant when they're in
that place to be able to reach out. And again,
I think it's bullshit because we should be able to
all of our feelings. We should be able to talk
about them, We should be able to express that, we
should be able to ask for these things without a
(15:47):
fear attached to it. And it reminds me of a
friend of mine. Actually, she her heart.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
And soul dog.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
This was like twenty years ago, passed away and she
told her boss, I need a day off and he
was like, no, it's a dog. So she's like, okay,
I quit and she left because she just couldn't. She
was lucky enough to be in that situation, but she
was like, I couldn't. How could I sit there? You know,
my whole world was shattered? How could I sit there
and you know, make sales for like I forget what
even what it was that she was selling. It's like
(16:12):
it was not important. It did not matter in that moment.
And the fact that they didn't value me enough at
that time that I needed they judge whether it was
important enough meant that I didn't need them, and I was, okay,
good for her, Good for.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Her because right now this is actually the next comment
I have is traditional bereavement policies are typically well defined
and formalized, as well as an expected cost for businesses,
they just expect it to be something they have to cover.
When it comes to pet bereavement policies, which are often
less formal, some companies can offer flexibility without written policies,
(16:49):
but they actually can lead to improve morale and retention rates.
So it's a bad business decision to not let your
friend take the day off.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Yep, it absolutely if you, And I mean, we're seeing
this more and more and more just with the shifts
in our worldview and since COVID, you know, the shifts
in how people view work and capitalism and all of that,
where people are just like, we're not valued at work,
so why are we going?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Right? Like, I have to work how.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Many jobs to make ends meet and get treated like
and feel liketion? So why am I doing it? And
it just falls into that same category. If they don't
value you as a person, why would you value them
as a company?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Correct? Absolutely, last one. As more millennials and Gen X
individuals who have high rates of pet ownership enter the workforce,
the demand for pet bereatment policies is likely to grow.
I would agree with that, would you.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yeah, I can see that too, and especially in West,
the Western world, where so many people in those in
that demographic are choosing not to have kids, like an
intentional choice not to have kids, and instead are having pets. Yeah,
that absolutely makes sense to me. With those those groups
of people that there's going to be more of a
(18:02):
need for it. Also, you know, with you know, millennials
and younger, we're also more emotionally aware. We're more you know,
aware of how important it is to feel our feelings
and you know, express our feelings and grieve properly rather
than you know, just suck it up and push through.
So that also makes sense, you know, from that generational perspective.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Exactly. I know, I hear a lot of older generations
be like everybody's stressed out and everybody's anxious these days.
I'm like, no, you all were too, but you weren't
able to talk about talk about it.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Exactly, we have the ability to speak about these things,
and hopefully we have families and friend groups that allow
us to express our feelings unlike they did fifty years
ago when it was like, yeah, I don't want to
hear about that. Something's wrong with you. If you can't
get out of bed right, shake it off and get
pull yourself up by your bootstraps exactly exactly right. So
(18:52):
tell us a little bit about how Hyper's loss impacted
you professionally, because I'm sure that, like we just both,
you weren't as motivated to know run your business and
be an entrepreneur. It really derailed a lot of your plans,
I'm sure. So tell us how it affected you first,
just so that I think people can relate to what
(19:14):
maybe you were feeling and how you kind of took
on in a few days or months that followed that loss.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
It was like everything in my life, including my business,
became I wasn't quite sure what the point was. I
wasn't quite sure what the point of any of it was,
because what did anything in the world matter without her, right,
especially given how tied in with everything she was. And
I think for pet professionals this is a really big
(19:42):
one too. Pets are part of our business right right.
They're part of They're on our business cars, they're in
our logo, they're in the company name, they're on our
market like they're everywhere. They're business partners as well.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
They're the reason many of us started it, exactly.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Right, And so there's a level of grief there that
was also so different because I know for some people,
like work is an escape from the grief, and they're
able to kind of go and you know, their dog
wasn't a part of that, so they're able to just
compartmentalize it. But for me, and I think for a
lot of peppers, I wasn't able to do that because
she was the reason for it. She was on everything,
(20:16):
She was everywhere, you know, in my business. And that
tide with just the feeling of like what is my
purpose as a human being, Like what is the point
of any of this really made it hard to want
to push and grow my business, you know, to want
to do like the running of the business stuff, you know.
And I had an unfortunate incident too where there was
(20:37):
some that happened with some clients, like weeks after Piper
passed as well. That just like sent me in a
tailspin about people and you know, trusting people.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
In relationships and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
And it also formed another like barrier for me between
the ad I wanna like none of this matters at all,
you know, all that matters is her.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So it was.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Really from an emotional standpoint, it was hard to get
my head to a place of I still need to
do this stuff because there's going to come a time
where I'm going to come out of this and I'm
going to feel differently. And if then I want to
burn down my business and walk away, fine, but right
now is not the time to make that decision because
(21:17):
of where I'm at, you know, So I really had
to do a lot of work of like which we're
putting this decision off for. Then.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Wow, that's impressive. That's very impressive that you had the
kind of composure at the moment, for lack of a
better word, to remind yourself amidst that chaos and that
grief that it wasn't a good time to make decisions
because a lot of people will just and this happens
to me where I just like, I'm like, I can't
and I push things away when they're too difficult, and
(21:45):
whether or not I can pick it up later, whether
or not I regret it later, I just kind of
take that protection at that moment and maybe shoot myself
in the foot as a result because I just can't
take anymore. So that was really great because I do
think you have so I've always followed you, and I
think you have so much to offer the pet community
at large. Obviously you work specifically with pet professionals, but
(22:07):
I know that you have a lot of followers that
are not pet professionals who just connected with you because
of that pet loss that you really shared. You put
yourself out there. You instead of holding it in, really
went to social media and to your work and shared
your story, which is not easy to do, especially when
you're in the throes of the grief. And I want
(22:28):
to learn more about how you self soothed right as
the last two and a half years have gone by.
What ways helped at the beginning, what ways helped now?
But we got to take a break right here. We're
going to hear from our sponsors, and when we come back,
I'll invite you to a play a game I've called
Soothed the Soul. So don't go anywhere. I'll be right
back with Aaron Mark.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
You know the expression cats have nine lives? Well, what
if you can give them one more? The Give Them
Ten Movement is on a mission to help give cats
and extra life. How with spee and neoter spain or
nootering your cat helps them live a longer, healthier life,
and it helps control free rolling cat populations.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Too.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
Learn more about the benefits of spe and neuter and
meet Scooter, the neutered cat at Give them ten dot org.
That's give them t e n dot org.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Let's talk past, Let's done Pet Headline Radio.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Catlin Radio dot com.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Welcome back to Covered in Pet Hair. I'm your host
Isabelle Alberzarana, and today I'm speaking to Aaron Moore and
she is a dog trainer turned dog training coach turned
grief counselor for so many of us online because she
shared her story about her profound loss with her soul
dog Piper. And right now I'm gonna invite you to
play erin a game I've called Suit the Soul, where
(24:06):
I'm gonna give you one minute to tell me ways
that you would recommend a pet parent or pet professional
who's going through a monumental loss like yours was with Piper,
how they can find some kind of piece in the
pain and in the grief. Are you ready to play? Yes,
Let's go three two one go.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Bristley is find the right people to be around, because
there's gonna be a lot of people who don't get it,
and if we waste our time and energy trying to
make them get it. It just makes everything harder to
find the right people who already get it. And these
are the people who it doesn't matter how many times
you need to cry about it, how many times you
need to talk about it, how many times you need
to say the same thing, that is part of the
process talking about it, crying about it, feeling those feelings,
(24:49):
not packing it up and putting on a brave face
and going yeah, I'm fine, and then you're dying inside
and ten years later you can't even look at a
picture of your dog because you haven't processed your grief.
I did a thing that I called tapping a tear duct,
which is I found a movie or a song that
I knew would make me cry, and I put it
on so that it could send me into the crying,
which would send me into the grief, and then I
(25:09):
could process and come out the other side of it.
Because my Instagram, I don't want to cry. It sucks,
I don't want to be in this place, but knowing
that we have to feel it to get through it, right,
So that's the first thing. Find creative outlets for you,
whether it's something like taking an improv class, D and D.
I cannot recommend enough for grief because you get to
roleplay out whatever you're feeling in a safe way. You
(25:31):
get to say whatever the hell you want, feel whatever
you want, do whatever you want in a way that
really is accepted and embraced by you know, the people
playing and the storyline. And it really allows you to
explore thoughts that may not be safe to explore without
the protection of it being in a game. Right. So
D and D was huge for that.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
That is so cool. Well, we're out of time, We're
out of time. But tell me more, tell me more.
One more therapy if you.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Can, if it's if it's feasible for you, Like again,
in just a safe where you can understand grief, you
can understand the process of what it is. Because we
get sold so much about what our feelings are and
what they should be, and so if we can understand
what the grief process actually looks like and that it's
actually really normal, you know, then that can help a lot.
(26:16):
And don't try and forget your dog like that was
a big one. One of the reasons I dove into
speaking about her so much was because how I agrieve
previously was so different. I did pack it all up.
I did put it all away. I did because I
just needed to move on and survive. And then I
never processed it. Like my mom died when I was thirteen,
and I remember in my twenties being like.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
You totally affects me. I heard you ever think.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
About her, not realizing that that's actually the office that
it was affecting me so much as I wasn't thinking
about her right And I didn't want to relegate Piper
to like a memory of the past because I didn't
want to feel the pain. And that happens so much
for people, so like turn into it and talk about
them and keep your connection with them, because they're never gone.
(27:00):
They're not physically here, but they're always here and depending
on what you believe spiritually, and I do believe spiritually
that they are around waiting for.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Us, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
And I stayed connected to that so much, you know.
I did some consultations with a animal communicator, and I remember, like,
I'm I have doubts about a lot of animal communicators,
but I think some people definitely have away with it,
and some people are just Charlatan's I'm trying to make money.
But what I was able to tell myself was it
doesn't really matter. If I get what I need from it,
(27:29):
Who cares If they're Charlatan, who cares if they don't.
If I get what I need from it and it
helps me, then I'm going to do it. You know,
So whatever things people might judge you for, if it's
going to help you, go do it absolutely.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Absolutely. And the therapy also, I will say, I know
that there's a lot of people who are anti taking
anything to help you soothe, but therapy and then telling
your therapist if you maybe need some kind of medical intervention,
and there's no shame in that. There's no shame in
asking for something. I remember I had terrible postpartum anxiety
(28:04):
and you know, they kept doing the test for me
and I kept being like, yeah, I'm good, But the
test didn't ask the right questions because if they had
asked me if I was having any intrusive thoughts, they
I would have been like, oh yeah, but the test
didn't ask about that at that time. Hopefully it asks now.
So it's hard. So that's why it's so important to
talk to a therapist that gets you or a friend
(28:24):
that gets you. And if somebody tells you maybe you
need to see somebody about getting on something either even
just periodically as you adjust to your lost. Please listen
to them. We have too much shame around mental health
and mental health medicine and mental health solutions and talk
therapy and psychiatry and all of that. It has its place,
and pet bereavement is not the exception, like it really
(28:47):
is not. I was so thankful for having, you know,
already been treated for anxiety when my Titan passed, because
I feel like I did not have that kind of
horrific reaction to his loss that I would have normally had.
And I was on the anti anxiety medication since my
second was born, just because of the post part of anxiety,
(29:10):
so it's kind of a nice little bonus of being
on that medication. So I definitely, you know, use your resources, guys,
use your resources. There's no shame in it.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
There's a fine line between using resources like that to
avoid our feelings and using it to be able to
manage and cope with our feelings and in a way
that actually allows us to move through them.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
So exactly, exactly right, absolutely, And you know, one of
the things that I always want people to know is
that it is just as monumental as everything else. So
if you were to lose a pet traumatically unexpectedly, the
loss is the same as a mother who loses her
child unexpectedly traumatically, and you wouldn't judge that mom for
(29:52):
doing whatever she needed to soothe her broken heart. So
just remember that these things are available to you. And
one of the things that I want to talk about
as we end this show is how pet professionals, and
even if you're a pet parent listening pet professionals, we
really connect to the pets in our care, and sometimes
it's not even our own pet that we lose and
(30:14):
really affects us. I remember when I was a professional
pet sitter having to be there when a cat was
put down because he had thrown a clot. His parents
were traveling, I was taking care of him. I had
to be present. It was the first time I ever
had to do to be in a euthanasia situation, and
I remember feeling so emotionally drained for months after that
(30:36):
and having friends that didn't get it. So what advice
do you have for those pet pros who really do
get so attached to these animals in our care and
maybe the people in their life, are like, it's not
even your dog. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Again, it's the same advice, right to talk to people
who do get it. It's allow yourself to feel it,
and even if other people don't get it, allow yourself
to feel it anyway, because it's because the concept of
ownership of a pedicodumb anyway. Like, if you have a
connection with an animal, it doesn't matter whether they live
in your house and you're the one feeding them or not.
It's a loss. It's a loss that you are going
(31:11):
to feel like any other and that's normal and that's okay.
And make sure that you're doing all the things that
you can to take care of yourself for that loss too,
whether they're your dog or not.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Absolutely, And should their clients be like, let's say that
it's a dog trainer who you know works with clients
one on one, what do they tell their clients? Should
they be honest saying like I just don't have it
right now? What did you say?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
That's where I was like, incredibly grateful. I mean, if
I end up branding down my business a year from
now and doing something else, I will always be grateful
that I had a blended program set up because it
allowed me to take the time that I needed. It
allowed me to I could focus on the clients that
I did have, But because there are so many places
within a blended program that they can get support that
(31:58):
isn't directly from me, it also gave me the space
that I needed. So I was working. You know, the
first like week, two weeks, I didn't work at all,
and I just told my clients and I was like,
you know, done. But then after that, I was working
two hours a day just to meet my client needs
because they were paying me for that. But I didn't
need to do anything else because the business was set
up in a way that took care of itself to
(32:19):
do that, and it's sustained for till now, like it's
still sustaining, right, So, like that is one of the
things that get home for me why blended programs are
so important for dog pros because it gives you the
space to take that time without having to sacrifice the money, right,
because none of us should have to make the decision
(32:39):
do I a grieve or do I go and get paid?
Like that is such an awful thing to have to do.
And when you have a blended program set are properly,
you don't have to make that choice. You can do both. So,
like if you're in a place where you know you
know it's coming, because it's going to happen for all
of us, but you're not there right now, now is
the time to make sure that your business is set
up in a way that you can take that time
(33:02):
without your clients having to be left kind of hanging
and waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Right right because all of us we go in to
help the pets, so we don't want to leave them
a pay So can you for those that are listening
and aren't really familiar with blended programs, can you describe
them for me?
Speaker 3 (33:17):
So, a blended program it's a combo of like a
of a couple of online components where your clients are
doing a lot of the learning, the learning theory, the
exercises that they need the why behind things. They're learning
that online and they're getting feedback from you via like video,
so that by the time you work face to face
with them, whatever that face to face looks like, they
(33:38):
already have that info, they already have practiced it. And
basically you're spending your in person time proofing the behavior
with them and helping generalize it with them and rather
than sitting, they're trying to teach them something new in person.
And so, you know, it has benefits in so many
different ways, but one of the biggest ones is your
time isn't required for your clients to be learnlearning, but
(34:00):
you're there to help them through the process. You don't
lose that personal connection that you have with them.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Yeah, it sounds like a really great way to get
some freedom for life, because life happens, like you know,
you have kids, you have an aging grandparent, you hurt yourself,
you end up in the hospital with appendicitis. There's so
many things that can happen. And when we are as
a person who provided services for twelve years, I had
a team and we kind of backed each other up.
(34:26):
But a lot of businesses pet pros are not set
up that way where even if they did have a backup,
it wouldn't be for a long term, right, Like they
might have somebody to help them one day, but not
necessarily for the weeks that follow this accident or incident.
So it sounds like such a great way to kind
of like have a little bit of an insurance on
somebody's business.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
So that you can take the time when you need it,
because we are not meant to just work, pay bills
and die. That's not our purpose, that's not what we're
here for. And just because we're in a helping profession
where we get a lot of value and a lot
of like our purpose comes from helping others, doesn't mean
that we shouldn't have a life too, or that we
shouldn't be protected to be able to take the time
(35:08):
that we need when we need it, whether it's for
an injury or family issues or bereavement or whatever. We
have to live as well as be business owners.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
The Blended program will be there for you when you
need it or when you really just want want. Yeah,
so that's exactly so I think that's such a great idea.
How can my audience learn more about you? Please mention
your TikTok and all the things that you do on
social media so that you know, somebody can even if
they're not dog trainers and they're not necessarily interested in
a coaching situation. I do want people to know that
(35:37):
you're a great resource, just even if they go back
to the beginning and watch old videos and kind of
connects there.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
Well, I'm on TikTok dog biz Coach. I'm on Facebook
as well, same thing, dog biz Coach. My website is
dog biz coach dot com, and I talk very openly
about business stuff, about grief, stuff about trot me, stuff
about I genuinely believe that, you know, we part of
our purpose here is to connect with other people and
share our real experiences so that we let other people
(36:07):
know that they're not alone. So yeah, if you know,
if anybody is, whether it's grief or business or whatever
dog stuff, please come and join the community.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Yeah, I think there's such a human just connection to you,
Like I feel like even before we have I had
you on the show, I could just feel how like
really genuine authentic you are, and how you don't put
up like these pretense, like a pretensive You don't tell
people you're okay and you're not. And I think we
can all learn a lot from that. So that I
(36:36):
just want to propose the test to you for being
that person, being a light and letting the dark come
whenever you're feeling it, so that we can all recognize
that we are all creatures of light and dark, right
we are. Some days are good, some days are bad,
and that's okay. So teers to you, thank you for
you I get thank you so much my pleasure. I
want to propose a test to my executive producer, Mark Winter.
(36:58):
Thank you Mark, and to our audience. I hope you
found some peace in this conversation. I know for sure
many of you related to Aaron. I know I've been there.
And if you don't get it, let's hope you never do. Right.
Let's hope that you don't ever understand what we're referring
to in this episode. But I think a lot of
you do. And I hope you find your healing and
(37:19):
I hope you soothe your soul. So here's to you all,
take good care of yourselves. Here's to a life covered
in pet hair, because there's no better way to live,
you cher cheers. To learn more about Covered in pet Hair,
please visit Covered in pet Haair dot com or pet
Liferadio dot com. Thanks for watching, and I'll see you
next time.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Let's Talk pets every week on demand only on Petlifradio
dot com
This is Pet Life Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Let's talk pets. Welcome to Covered in Pet Hair, a
(00:24):
blousy show for pet lovers on Pet Life Radio. I'm
your host, Isabelle Albert Sarana, and today I have the
pleasure of having you drinking the chat with a dog trainer,
consultant coach that's gonna help make your life so much easier.
We're also going to talk about pet bereavement and if
you are not a dog trainer, not a pet professional,
(00:45):
but you have lost a pet, you'll want to stick
around because we have some really great ways to help
soothe your soul. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back
and introduce you to our guest today as soon as
we hear from these messages from our sponsors. Hi, I'm
Isabelle Albarezerata, the host of Covered in Pet Hair. You
know the expression cats have nine lives? Well, what if
(01:08):
you could give them one more? Give them ten? Movement
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How with SPEE and newter spaying and neutering, your cat
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(01:30):
cat at give them ten dot org. That's give them
tean dot org.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Let's talk pets on Petlife Radio dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Welcome back to Covered in Pet Hair. I'm your host
Isabel Albazerata, and today I have the pleasure of having
a drinking a chat with a pet parent an entrepreneur.
She's a dog trainer, business coach. She's a coffee lover,
a tea drinker, a world traveler, and a Dungeons and
Dragons nerd. She's originally from South Africa now lives in Canada.
(02:15):
She's dog mom to Fergus and her soul dog, Piper,
whom we will be discussing at length. She is a
second time guest on Covered in Pet Hair and she
is the owner of the business End of the Leash.
In her business, she helps dog trainers create blended programs
so that they can actually live their life while also
(02:37):
helping pets. Her name is Aaron Moore. Welcome erin. It's
so good to have you on the show.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
It's so good to be back.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I'm really glad to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I am too. I know you've been traveling a lot
I've been kind of following you a little bit. We're
going to catch up and find out everything you've been
up to since we last spoke. But before we do that,
let me introduce our drinking game today. So anybody at
home participating in our drinking game. Anytime you hear this.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Word, the secret word is Piper.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Take a drink of whatever you're enjoying, but please be
over twenty one in the US to partake, never drink
and drive, and always drink responsibly. So I know you're
not a big drinker. So what are you having today?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I'm giving me some ginger ale, the best.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The best. That's that's my go to. If I'm not
feeling a cocktail, that's my go to. It feels, it
feels refreshing, it's not too sugary, it's perfect. Yep. I
am feeling like a glass of wine, which is often
how I feel, to be honest with you, I love
a glass of wine in the afternoon, and I'm having
my favorite pino gregio. It is actually I'm gonna share
(03:41):
this because we're right around the holidays and if you
are a Costco member, the Kirkland Pino Grigio is what
you need. For your holiday parties and celebrations. It's like
six ninety nine and it's a crowd pleaser and it's
one of my favorites. So, I mean, we all know
that Kirkland brand makes good stuff, but this pino grigio
stands out. It's so and there's savignon blanc. Also if
(04:01):
you want to go a couple of dollars more awesome.
This is not sponsored, just a little tip for you
boozy pet lovers like me. So I want to dig
into where you've been, what you've been up to, and
then once I know where you've been and what you've
been up to, I'm gonna introduce our first game. But
I feel like we can't just dive into that yet,
and you give my audience just a little rundown of
(04:24):
who you are, what you've been up to.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Sure it ties in well with the bereavement topic, because
I don't think I would have done any of these
things if I hadn't been in the place of grief
that I was. You know, my life would have looked
very different. But I've been in like, oh, you know,
existential crisis for like two and a half year, so
in the grief, so I've been doing all kinds of
adventury things, just trying to figure myself out and find
(04:46):
out who I am and what I want to do.
And I took a trip home to South Africa and
I was there for a month, month and a half,
and then to Morocco there for a month, and then
to Malaysia there for a month too, And it was
uh yeah, kind of trotting around the world and experiencing
different cultures and meeting you know, so many amazing, incredible, kind,
(05:08):
wonderful people who just are open to sharing their culture
and open to sharing, you know, their ways of doing things.
I learned so much about myself, but about other people.
I just I think it's a privilege, I know. But
if you can travel, I think it's really important to do.
We learn so much about ourselves and about how similar
we all are as people, and how interconnected we really
(05:30):
all are, regardless of you know, where the birth lottery
has us being born.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I love that the birth lottery. I talk about the
birth lottery a lot because I was born in Ecuador,
but I was born to a very specific level of
education and societal influence and ecuadors, So I recognize my
privilege in my and my luck when it comes to
the birth lottery often. Yep. So I know that you
said that you were in an existential crisis because of bereavement.
(05:56):
Would you mind sharing a little bit about Piper, what
she meant to you and what it was like when
you lost her.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah? She was She was my absolute everything, you know.
I she was the first dog that I had as
an adult on my own. I got her right after
I got divorced. She was the first healthy relationship I
ever had, you know. She was All of the big
decisions that I made in my life revolved around her
in some way. She came with me from South Africa
to Canada. I started my first business because I was
(06:25):
really tired of leaving her home, you know, and going
to work in corporate and so I started a dog
walking business. And then she was the reason I moved
into dog training, because she was getting tired of having
all these other dogs around her all the time. And
then she was one of the reasons I moved into
coaching because she was getting older and I didn't want
to be operating a dog training a business the way
we were told to and spending all of my time
(06:45):
driving around to clients et cetera, and I wearing more
time with her. So all of these big decisions in
my life were made in part, you know, around her.
She was my touchstone. She was my biggest support in
everything and anything. She taught me how to have fun.
You know, there's a lot of I have a lot
of childhood trauma stuff that meant that, you know, learning
(07:06):
how to have fun was not something that I did
as a kid because I was too busy surviving. So
she taught me just how to have fun and how
to enjoy life and how to be in the moment
and how to you know, she had such an impact
on she still does. You know, she has an impact
on absolutely everything that I have done in my life.
And I tied up so much of that childhood trauma
(07:26):
with my relationship with her in so many different ways.
It wasn't even conscious at first, with I will provide
for you the life that I should have had. I
will provide the safety and stability and security for you
that I never had. And I did, and you know,
things she needed pushed me to do things I didn't
want to do to get there, you know, So she
(07:46):
just she impacted every single area and aspect of my life,
and when I lost her, it was I didn't know
who I was without her. I didn't know how to
function as a human being without her, because all of
a sudden I had to make these decisions for me.
I had to make the decisions about what I wanted,
what was best for my life, rather than what was
(08:08):
best for her, what she needed, and just figuring out
who I was and what I liked to do with
my time, you know. So all of that was so new,
and I'm still like two and a half years and
I'm still finding my footing. Yeah, I've got more solid
footing under me, for sure, more, you know, but there's
still areas where I'm like, I don't know what to
(08:29):
do here. I don't know who I am here, I
don't know what is needed of me. I would know
what to do if it was for Piper, but I
don't know what to do here. So it was incredibly
like my whole world has ended, you know, and getting
through the loss of the most important being in my
life without the support of the most important being in
my life was just this weird, messed up like I
(08:52):
don't even know how to do this. So it, yeah,
put me in an existential crisis. But it just it
shifted how I view the world, I view business, how
I view absolutely everything, and how I view relationships. What's
important in life, what's not, what we spend our time doing,
you know, all of that stuff just was suddenly on
the table looking at it, going well, that's dumb, and
(09:14):
why are we doing that? And why am I spenny
time doing this? And what you know, So it's been
a whole relearning process as well. As we don't live
in a world that is conducive for pet loss. It's
not something that people understand, no magnitude of it. M
there's a lot of let's just get another dog, or
(09:34):
you know, it's just a dog, or you know, there's
a lot of misunderstanding there around the level of loss
when the reality is like pet loss is often much
more impactful for a lot of us than human loss, right,
because I'm resolutely different. You know, she's the being who
saw me at my absolute worst. Nobody else did, nobody
(09:56):
in my life saw me at that in that way
she did. You know, she's the being who you know,
knew me to my core because she lived with me
every single day and she went through all of those
hard times, and that's not a loss that is easy
to adapt to, especially not in a world where people
are like, just get over it.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
You're not over it already.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's two years and you're still upset about it, Like
what you know, that kind of attitude that exists a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Well, I think a lot of people have that attitude,
either because they've never connected to a pet on the
level that you were connected to Piper, or it hasn't
happened yet, like they will at some point get it.
And I think whether you believe in God or the
universe or whatever, I feel like life has a way
of teaching us lessons. And the more we judge a
situation without understanding it, I think the more likely we
(10:45):
are to kind of find ourselves in that situation one
hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I get like, anecdotal evidence of my life is that
the situations where I'm like, I don't get it, I
don't understand why, and then a year later I'm like,
I get it now, okay, like exactly, and I'm sorry
for the judgment because now I gotta be I really
am careful with what I judge because I really don't
want God or the universe or karma to come back
and be like, remember when you were talking all that nonsense, come.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Back to reality. Yes, well, I actually I love that.
We just talked about how it is sometimes more monumental
to lose a pet than a human because of the
kind of like the nuance of the relationship, which is
very different than the relationships that we have even with
our closest loved ones of the human kind. And I
want to invite you to play a game where you
(11:34):
give me your opinions. I looked, I used AI to
give me kind of like a comparison between bereavement kind
of benefit and bereavement resources for those who have lost
people and those who have lost So I call this
game this versus that bereavement edition. So I just want
(11:54):
your input, like your thoughts on these statements. Here we go.
Traditional bereavement typically arranges from three to five days of
leave for immediate family members, whereas pet bereavements, when available,
is generally shorter, with most companies offering one to three days.
(12:17):
What are your thoughts on that.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
I think that neither of those is long enough period
of time for something that big, right, and it's just
an indicator of how we value money over people in
our society and expect people to just go through these
huge fricking traumas and then come back to work like
nothing happened five days later or three days later. That's
my first thought.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, well yeah, an immediate family member five days? Yeah?
Like who how like your body, house, your parent, your child?
Five days?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
You're not even over the shock of it in five days,
never mind even starting to grieve effectively.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Like, no, I think it's and we should really include
pets in that immediate.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Percent as they are they are not your family.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah, yes, Like I understand you not giving me five
days if my mom's dog dies, but like if it's mine, like, yep,
it is immediate family and I need to have the time. Okay.
Next one, Traditional bereavement leave is widely offered and often
mandated by law in many countries. PEP bereavement leave is
still relatively uncommon, with only a small percentage of companies
(13:23):
offering formal policies. I found three companies kimpt in Trupanion
in Mars and I do I have a friend who
made who said that, Uh, the USDA, because they obviously
work with animals agriculture, they do have some you know, flexibility,
So I'll shout out to those companies. But what are
your thoughts about it being so uncommon?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I mean, it doesn't surprise me with my own experiences
and what I've seen in the world around it. But
I think it's, as with a lot of things in capitalism,
it's very short sighted because you you know, if you're
expecting people to just push through something that they can't
push through like that, they're not going to be the
level of productive you want them to be. They're not
going to be the level of focus that you want
(14:05):
them to be, and they're sure as hell not going
to be the level of committed to you that you
want them to be. When you're showing that you don't
give a shit about this huge thing that they are
going through and dealing with.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oh my gosh, I can't agree. More Like, I feel
like sometimes I have a stressful day and I can't
focus and it's not a it's not a huge loss,
and it's not you know, something monumental, but like, I
am just not productive. So what's the point of me
being at my desk at that point? I've got to
get up and walk away. And obviously I work for myself.
You work for yourself, and we have that ability, but
(14:35):
when you're sitting and especially in like an office environment
with people like chit chatting and giggling over here, and
you're going through this huge life experience, it's got to
be so hard and so frustrating and so debilitating in
many ways. Of course. Yeah. The next one is loss
of human family members is universally recognized as a valid
reason for ton off. PET loss is gaining recognition, but
(14:58):
many employees still feel hesitant to request time off without
explicit policies in place like can I get the day
off because my dog died? Like it just does a
hard conversation have well, especially when we're in that grief
at the time, right, because when we're in that grief,
we're also not thinking the way we would have been
(15:19):
not in that grief, or able to handle conflict or
rejection in that way.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
You know that where we would normally be able to
handle it, we are at our most vulnerable when we
were in that piece of grief. So it makes sense
to me that people would be hesitant when they're in
that place to be able to reach out. And again,
I think it's bullshit because we should be able to
all of our feelings. We should be able to talk
about them, We should be able to express that, we
should be able to ask for these things without a
(15:47):
fear attached to it. And it reminds me of a
friend of mine. Actually, she her heart.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
And soul dog.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
This was like twenty years ago, passed away and she
told her boss, I need a day off and he
was like, no, it's a dog. So she's like, okay,
I quit and she left because she just couldn't. She
was lucky enough to be in that situation, but she
was like, I couldn't. How could I sit there? You know,
my whole world was shattered? How could I sit there
and you know, make sales for like I forget what
even what it was that she was selling. It's like
(16:12):
it was not important. It did not matter in that moment.
And the fact that they didn't value me enough at
that time that I needed they judge whether it was
important enough meant that I didn't need them, and I was, okay,
good for her, Good for.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Her because right now this is actually the next comment
I have is traditional bereavement policies are typically well defined
and formalized, as well as an expected cost for businesses,
they just expect it to be something they have to cover.
When it comes to pet bereavement policies, which are often
less formal, some companies can offer flexibility without written policies,
(16:49):
but they actually can lead to improve morale and retention rates.
So it's a bad business decision to not let your
friend take the day off.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Yep, it absolutely if you, And I mean, we're seeing
this more and more and more just with the shifts
in our worldview and since COVID, you know, the shifts
in how people view work and capitalism and all of that,
where people are just like, we're not valued at work,
so why are we going?
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Right? Like, I have to work how.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Many jobs to make ends meet and get treated like
and feel liketion? So why am I doing it? And
it just falls into that same category. If they don't
value you as a person, why would you value them
as a company?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Correct? Absolutely, last one. As more millennials and Gen X
individuals who have high rates of pet ownership enter the workforce,
the demand for pet bereatment policies is likely to grow.
I would agree with that, would you.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yeah, I can see that too, and especially in West,
the Western world, where so many people in those in
that demographic are choosing not to have kids, like an
intentional choice not to have kids, and instead are having pets. Yeah,
that absolutely makes sense to me. With those those groups
of people that there's going to be more of a
(18:02):
need for it. Also, you know, with you know, millennials
and younger, we're also more emotionally aware. We're more you know,
aware of how important it is to feel our feelings
and you know, express our feelings and grieve properly rather
than you know, just suck it up and push through.
So that also makes sense, you know, from that generational perspective.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Exactly. I know, I hear a lot of older generations
be like everybody's stressed out and everybody's anxious these days.
I'm like, no, you all were too, but you weren't
able to talk about talk about it.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Exactly, we have the ability to speak about these things,
and hopefully we have families and friend groups that allow
us to express our feelings unlike they did fifty years
ago when it was like, yeah, I don't want to
hear about that. Something's wrong with you. If you can't
get out of bed right, shake it off and get
pull yourself up by your bootstraps exactly exactly right. So
(18:52):
tell us a little bit about how Hyper's loss impacted
you professionally, because I'm sure that, like we just both,
you weren't as motivated to know run your business and
be an entrepreneur. It really derailed a lot of your plans,
I'm sure. So tell us how it affected you first,
just so that I think people can relate to what
(19:14):
maybe you were feeling and how you kind of took
on in a few days or months that followed that loss.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
It was like everything in my life, including my business,
became I wasn't quite sure what the point was. I
wasn't quite sure what the point of any of it was,
because what did anything in the world matter without her, right,
especially given how tied in with everything she was. And
I think for pet professionals this is a really big
(19:42):
one too. Pets are part of our business right right.
They're part of They're on our business cars, they're in
our logo, they're in the company name, they're on our
market like they're everywhere. They're business partners as well.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
They're the reason many of us started it, exactly.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Right, And so there's a level of grief there that
was also so different because I know for some people,
like work is an escape from the grief, and they're
able to kind of go and you know, their dog
wasn't a part of that, so they're able to just
compartmentalize it. But for me, and I think for a
lot of peppers, I wasn't able to do that because
she was the reason for it. She was on everything,
(20:16):
She was everywhere, you know, in my business. And that
tide with just the feeling of like what is my
purpose as a human being, Like what is the point
of any of this really made it hard to want
to push and grow my business, you know, to want
to do like the running of the business stuff, you know.
And I had an unfortunate incident too where there was
(20:37):
some that happened with some clients, like weeks after Piper
passed as well. That just like sent me in a
tailspin about people and you know, trusting people.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
In relationships and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
And it also formed another like barrier for me between
the ad I wanna like none of this matters at all,
you know, all that matters is her.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So it was.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Really from an emotional standpoint, it was hard to get
my head to a place of I still need to
do this stuff because there's going to come a time
where I'm going to come out of this and I'm
going to feel differently. And if then I want to
burn down my business and walk away, fine, but right
now is not the time to make that decision because
(21:17):
of where I'm at, you know, So I really had
to do a lot of work of like which we're
putting this decision off for. Then.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Wow, that's impressive. That's very impressive that you had the
kind of composure at the moment, for lack of a
better word, to remind yourself amidst that chaos and that
grief that it wasn't a good time to make decisions
because a lot of people will just and this happens
to me where I just like, I'm like, I can't
and I push things away when they're too difficult, and
(21:45):
whether or not I can pick it up later, whether
or not I regret it later, I just kind of
take that protection at that moment and maybe shoot myself
in the foot as a result because I just can't
take anymore. So that was really great because I do
think you have so I've always followed you, and I
think you have so much to offer the pet community
at large. Obviously you work specifically with pet professionals, but
(22:07):
I know that you have a lot of followers that
are not pet professionals who just connected with you because
of that pet loss that you really shared. You put
yourself out there. You instead of holding it in, really
went to social media and to your work and shared
your story, which is not easy to do, especially when
you're in the throes of the grief. And I want
(22:28):
to learn more about how you self soothed right as
the last two and a half years have gone by.
What ways helped at the beginning, what ways helped now?
But we got to take a break right here. We're
going to hear from our sponsors, and when we come back,
I'll invite you to a play a game I've called
Soothed the Soul. So don't go anywhere. I'll be right
back with Aaron Mark.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
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Speaker 3 (23:27):
Let's talk past, Let's done Pet Headline Radio.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Catlin Radio dot com.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Welcome back to Covered in Pet Hair. I'm your host
Isabelle Alberzarana, and today I'm speaking to Aaron Moore and
she is a dog trainer turned dog training coach turned
grief counselor for so many of us online because she
shared her story about her profound loss with her soul
dog Piper. And right now I'm gonna invite you to
play erin a game I've called Suit the Soul, where
(24:06):
I'm gonna give you one minute to tell me ways
that you would recommend a pet parent or pet professional
who's going through a monumental loss like yours was with Piper,
how they can find some kind of piece in the
pain and in the grief. Are you ready to play? Yes,
Let's go three two one go.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Bristley is find the right people to be around, because
there's gonna be a lot of people who don't get it,
and if we waste our time and energy trying to
make them get it. It just makes everything harder to
find the right people who already get it. And these
are the people who it doesn't matter how many times
you need to cry about it, how many times you
need to talk about it, how many times you need
to say the same thing, that is part of the
process talking about it, crying about it, feeling those feelings,
(24:49):
not packing it up and putting on a brave face
and going yeah, I'm fine, and then you're dying inside
and ten years later you can't even look at a
picture of your dog because you haven't processed your grief.
I did a thing that I called tapping a tear duct,
which is I found a movie or a song that
I knew would make me cry, and I put it
on so that it could send me into the crying,
which would send me into the grief, and then I
(25:09):
could process and come out the other side of it.
Because my Instagram, I don't want to cry. It sucks,
I don't want to be in this place, but knowing
that we have to feel it to get through it, right,
So that's the first thing. Find creative outlets for you,
whether it's something like taking an improv class, D and D.
I cannot recommend enough for grief because you get to
roleplay out whatever you're feeling in a safe way. You
(25:31):
get to say whatever the hell you want, feel whatever
you want, do whatever you want in a way that
really is accepted and embraced by you know, the people
playing and the storyline. And it really allows you to
explore thoughts that may not be safe to explore without
the protection of it being in a game. Right. So
D and D was huge for that.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
That is so cool. Well, we're out of time, We're
out of time. But tell me more, tell me more.
One more therapy if you.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Can, if it's if it's feasible for you, Like again,
in just a safe where you can understand grief, you
can understand the process of what it is. Because we
get sold so much about what our feelings are and
what they should be, and so if we can understand
what the grief process actually looks like and that it's
actually really normal, you know, then that can help a lot.
(26:16):
And don't try and forget your dog like that was
a big one. One of the reasons I dove into
speaking about her so much was because how I agrieve
previously was so different. I did pack it all up.
I did put it all away. I did because I
just needed to move on and survive. And then I
never processed it. Like my mom died when I was thirteen,
and I remember in my twenties being like.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
You totally affects me. I heard you ever think.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
About her, not realizing that that's actually the office that
it was affecting me so much as I wasn't thinking
about her right And I didn't want to relegate Piper
to like a memory of the past because I didn't
want to feel the pain. And that happens so much
for people, so like turn into it and talk about
them and keep your connection with them, because they're never gone.
(27:00):
They're not physically here, but they're always here and depending
on what you believe spiritually, and I do believe spiritually
that they are around waiting for.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Us, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
And I stayed connected to that so much, you know.
I did some consultations with a animal communicator, and I remember, like,
I'm I have doubts about a lot of animal communicators,
but I think some people definitely have away with it,
and some people are just Charlatan's I'm trying to make money.
But what I was able to tell myself was it
doesn't really matter. If I get what I need from it,
(27:29):
Who cares If they're Charlatan, who cares if they don't.
If I get what I need from it and it
helps me, then I'm going to do it. You know,
So whatever things people might judge you for, if it's
going to help you, go do it absolutely.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Absolutely. And the therapy also, I will say, I know
that there's a lot of people who are anti taking
anything to help you soothe, but therapy and then telling
your therapist if you maybe need some kind of medical intervention,
and there's no shame in that. There's no shame in
asking for something. I remember I had terrible postpartum anxiety
(28:04):
and you know, they kept doing the test for me
and I kept being like, yeah, I'm good, But the
test didn't ask the right questions because if they had
asked me if I was having any intrusive thoughts, they
I would have been like, oh yeah, but the test
didn't ask about that at that time. Hopefully it asks now.
So it's hard. So that's why it's so important to
talk to a therapist that gets you or a friend
(28:24):
that gets you. And if somebody tells you maybe you
need to see somebody about getting on something either even
just periodically as you adjust to your lost. Please listen
to them. We have too much shame around mental health
and mental health medicine and mental health solutions and talk
therapy and psychiatry and all of that. It has its place,
and pet bereavement is not the exception, like it really
(28:47):
is not. I was so thankful for having, you know,
already been treated for anxiety when my Titan passed, because
I feel like I did not have that kind of
horrific reaction to his loss that I would have normally had.
And I was on the anti anxiety medication since my
second was born, just because of the post part of anxiety,
(29:10):
so it's kind of a nice little bonus of being
on that medication. So I definitely, you know, use your resources, guys,
use your resources. There's no shame in it.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
There's a fine line between using resources like that to
avoid our feelings and using it to be able to
manage and cope with our feelings and in a way
that actually allows us to move through them.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
So exactly, exactly right, absolutely, And you know, one of
the things that I always want people to know is
that it is just as monumental as everything else. So
if you were to lose a pet traumatically unexpectedly, the
loss is the same as a mother who loses her
child unexpectedly traumatically, and you wouldn't judge that mom for
(29:52):
doing whatever she needed to soothe her broken heart. So
just remember that these things are available to you. And
one of the things that I want to talk about
as we end this show is how pet professionals, and
even if you're a pet parent listening pet professionals, we
really connect to the pets in our care, and sometimes
it's not even our own pet that we lose and
(30:14):
really affects us. I remember when I was a professional
pet sitter having to be there when a cat was
put down because he had thrown a clot. His parents
were traveling, I was taking care of him. I had
to be present. It was the first time I ever
had to do to be in a euthanasia situation, and
I remember feeling so emotionally drained for months after that
(30:36):
and having friends that didn't get it. So what advice
do you have for those pet pros who really do
get so attached to these animals in our care and
maybe the people in their life, are like, it's not
even your dog. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Again, it's the same advice, right to talk to people
who do get it. It's allow yourself to feel it,
and even if other people don't get it, allow yourself
to feel it anyway, because it's because the concept of
ownership of a pedicodumb anyway. Like, if you have a
connection with an animal, it doesn't matter whether they live
in your house and you're the one feeding them or not.
It's a loss. It's a loss that you are going
(31:11):
to feel like any other and that's normal and that's okay.
And make sure that you're doing all the things that
you can to take care of yourself for that loss too,
whether they're your dog or not.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Absolutely, And should their clients be like, let's say that
it's a dog trainer who you know works with clients
one on one, what do they tell their clients? Should
they be honest saying like I just don't have it
right now? What did you say?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
That's where I was like, incredibly grateful. I mean, if
I end up branding down my business a year from
now and doing something else, I will always be grateful
that I had a blended program set up because it
allowed me to take the time that I needed. It
allowed me to I could focus on the clients that
I did have, But because there are so many places
within a blended program that they can get support that
(31:58):
isn't directly from me, it also gave me the space
that I needed. So I was working. You know, the
first like week, two weeks, I didn't work at all,
and I just told my clients and I was like,
you know, done. But then after that, I was working
two hours a day just to meet my client needs
because they were paying me for that. But I didn't
need to do anything else because the business was set
up in a way that took care of itself to
(32:19):
do that, and it's sustained for till now, like it's
still sustaining, right, So, like that is one of the
things that get home for me why blended programs are
so important for dog pros because it gives you the
space to take that time without having to sacrifice the money, right,
because none of us should have to make the decision
(32:39):
do I a grieve or do I go and get paid?
Like that is such an awful thing to have to do.
And when you have a blended program set are properly,
you don't have to make that choice. You can do both. So,
like if you're in a place where you know you
know it's coming, because it's going to happen for all
of us, but you're not there right now, now is
the time to make sure that your business is set
up in a way that you can take that time
(33:02):
without your clients having to be left kind of hanging
and waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Right right because all of us we go in to
help the pets, so we don't want to leave them
a pay So can you for those that are listening
and aren't really familiar with blended programs, can you describe
them for me?
Speaker 3 (33:17):
So, a blended program it's a combo of like a
of a couple of online components where your clients are
doing a lot of the learning, the learning theory, the
exercises that they need the why behind things. They're learning
that online and they're getting feedback from you via like video,
so that by the time you work face to face
with them, whatever that face to face looks like, they
(33:38):
already have that info, they already have practiced it. And
basically you're spending your in person time proofing the behavior
with them and helping generalize it with them and rather
than sitting, they're trying to teach them something new in person.
And so, you know, it has benefits in so many
different ways, but one of the biggest ones is your
time isn't required for your clients to be learnlearning, but
(34:00):
you're there to help them through the process. You don't
lose that personal connection that you have with them.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Yeah, it sounds like a really great way to get
some freedom for life, because life happens, like you know,
you have kids, you have an aging grandparent, you hurt yourself,
you end up in the hospital with appendicitis. There's so
many things that can happen. And when we are as
a person who provided services for twelve years, I had
a team and we kind of backed each other up.
(34:26):
But a lot of businesses pet pros are not set
up that way where even if they did have a backup,
it wouldn't be for a long term, right, Like they
might have somebody to help them one day, but not
necessarily for the weeks that follow this accident or incident.
So it sounds like such a great way to kind
of like have a little bit of an insurance on
somebody's business.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
So that you can take the time when you need it,
because we are not meant to just work, pay bills
and die. That's not our purpose, that's not what we're
here for. And just because we're in a helping profession
where we get a lot of value and a lot
of like our purpose comes from helping others, doesn't mean
that we shouldn't have a life too, or that we
shouldn't be protected to be able to take the time
(35:08):
that we need when we need it, whether it's for
an injury or family issues or bereavement or whatever. We
have to live as well as be business owners.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
The Blended program will be there for you when you
need it or when you really just want want. Yeah,
so that's exactly so I think that's such a great idea.
How can my audience learn more about you? Please mention
your TikTok and all the things that you do on
social media so that you know, somebody can even if
they're not dog trainers and they're not necessarily interested in
a coaching situation. I do want people to know that
(35:37):
you're a great resource, just even if they go back
to the beginning and watch old videos and kind of
connects there.
Speaker 3 (35:45):
Well, I'm on TikTok dog biz Coach. I'm on Facebook
as well, same thing, dog biz Coach. My website is
dog biz coach dot com, and I talk very openly
about business stuff, about grief, stuff about trot me, stuff
about I genuinely believe that, you know, we part of
our purpose here is to connect with other people and
share our real experiences so that we let other people
(36:07):
know that they're not alone. So yeah, if you know,
if anybody is, whether it's grief or business or whatever
dog stuff, please come and join the community.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Yeah, I think there's such a human just connection to you,
Like I feel like even before we have I had
you on the show, I could just feel how like
really genuine authentic you are, and how you don't put
up like these pretense, like a pretensive You don't tell
people you're okay and you're not. And I think we
can all learn a lot from that. So that I
(36:36):
just want to propose the test to you for being
that person, being a light and letting the dark come
whenever you're feeling it, so that we can all recognize
that we are all creatures of light and dark, right
we are. Some days are good, some days are bad,
and that's okay. So teers to you, thank you for
you I get thank you so much my pleasure. I
want to propose a test to my executive producer, Mark Winter.
(36:58):
Thank you Mark, and to our audience. I hope you
found some peace in this conversation. I know for sure
many of you related to Aaron. I know I've been there.
And if you don't get it, let's hope you never do. Right.
Let's hope that you don't ever understand what we're referring
to in this episode. But I think a lot of
you do. And I hope you find your healing and
(37:19):
I hope you soothe your soul. So here's to you all,
take good care of yourselves. Here's to a life covered
in pet hair, because there's no better way to live,
you cher cheers. To learn more about Covered in pet Hair,
please visit Covered in pet Haair dot com or pet
Liferadio dot com. Thanks for watching, and I'll see you
next time.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Let's Talk pets every week on demand only on Petlifradio
dot com
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