March 13, 2025 • 42 mins
In this heartfelt premiere episode of Cozy Coven Chats, host Jenny C. Bell invites listeners into her personal spiritual journey—a winding path from Catholic child to closeted witch to published author and coven founder.
Jenny shares the pivotal moment at age 10 when her CCD teacher's dismissal of animals having souls sparked her first spiritual crisis. This led to her discovery of witchcraft as a teenager, where she felt an immediate, profound connection that felt like coming home. Yet societal pressures and professional concerns as a teacher pushed her to hide this authentic part of herself for years.
Through health struggles, workplace toxicity, and personal challenges in 2018-2019, Jenny experienced what she calls a "spiritual awakening" that forced her to surrender and rebuild. This transformation included daily meditation, yoga practice, and eventually reclaiming her witchy identity publicly—a move that transformed not only her sense of self but also led to creating an online coven community and securing a book deal.
Jenny reflects on her journey as a spiral rather than a linear path, drawing parallels to Joseph Campbell's "hero's journey" where we must leave home to return transformed. She defines a witch today as "someone wild who has shaken off cultural norms to tap into their intuition," embodying the rewilding process she herself underwent.
Ready to share your own witch's journey? Connect with Jenny on social media or visit JennyCBell.com to possibly be featured on future episodes of Cozy Coven Chats.
For more: https://www.jennycbell.com/
To order the Spirit Crystals book: https://bookshop.org/p/books/spirit-crystals-discover-your-crystal-guide-for-healing-and-empowerment/64b34cd1f68aa55f?ean=9780738779058&next=t&
Connect with me here: https://www.jennycbell.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jenny C. Bell (00:01):
Hey witches, welcome to the first ever
episode of Cozy Coven Chats.
I'm your host, Jenny C.
Bell, and in our very firstepisode I wanted to keep it cozy
, which is why this, the cozy,is in the title, right?
It's not just the alliteration,which I do love as an English
literature major, but it is alsobecause I want this to be
(00:25):
informal cozy, as if friends arejust chatting to one another,
right?
So if you want to make yourselfcomfortable, pour yourself a
cup of tea.
I have some Earl Grey here.
Light a candle, you know, ifyou can, if you're driving, make
yourself maybe 5% morecomfortable on the drive, right?
So in today's first episode, Iwanted to explain, you know, my
(00:47):
why, why create yet anotherpodcast on witches by witches?
And I wanted to also introducemyself and my journey.
Why, how did I become a witch?
Why do I use that label?
What does that mean to me?
And my intention is thispodcast is for anyone.
So, whether you are a witch orjust curious, I think we learn a
(01:09):
lot about one another throughstory, and so that's part of why
I wanted to create a podcast.
As I said earlier, I'm anEnglish literature major and I
actually spent 13 years in theclassroom as an English teacher.
Prior to that I was a tutor,I've been a camp counselor, I've
worked a lot with children, Iwas a nanny and I learned
(01:34):
through teaching that people ofall ages and backgrounds and
learning abilities learn bestthrough story.
As an English teacher, I reallybelieved that and I saw that.
And through writing we learnabout ourselves through writing,
we learn about others throughstory, and those are two things
I really believe in and I'vereally seen for myself.
(01:57):
I've taught seventh through12th grade.
I've taught independent study,I've taught special education,
I've taught gifted and talentedand everybody can learn through
story and I was always veryintentional with the stories.
I chose because of that,because I wanted there to be a
discussion of the meaning, right, every English teacher loves
(02:20):
the meaning.
The other thing about being anEnglish teacher is I had a TA
I'll call this person Alex andAlex used to always say, oh, the
doctor is in when studentswould come up.
There's something about the roleof an English teacher on a
campus to be like the therapist,to be the teacher the queer
(02:43):
kids come out to, to be theteacher that you come to for
love, advice.
And I've and I just developedan ear.
I like I have a face wherepeople want to tell me their
life story.
My family will often find me ifthey lose me in a grocery store
talking to a stranger and thatstranger just telling me their
entire life story and us seeminglike best friends in a matter
(03:05):
of minutes.
So I love to listen to peopletalk.
I like to tell stories myselfand I thought to myself you know
, there are a lot of podcastsout there on witchcraft by
witches, but what I'm nothearing as much as I wanted to
hear was other witches' stories.
But what I'm not hearing asmuch as I wanted to hear was
(03:26):
other witches' stories.
I want to know how you came tobe a witch, why you were drawn
to witchcraft, what brought youto do what you do now, because
everybody's practice isdifferent.
Right, there are as many waysto practice witchcraft as there
are people who are witches, andI want to be clear that when I
use the term witch, I use thatas a gender neutral, neutral
(03:49):
term, so anybody can be a witch.
There are some, I know, men,some men are trying to reclaim
the word warlock because ithasn't always been a good
meaning, but I'm just going touse witches and that is for
anybody, right, and anybody canbe a witch, regardless of gender
, of background, of how youpractice, right?
(04:10):
So I just want to make thatclear.
So, for me, I really thoughtabout the journey of the witch
and how we learn through story,and that's what I wanted.
That's what I was looking for Irealized when I was going
through the different podcastsis I wanted to hear that Because
(04:31):
I think, as a person you knowlistening to other people,
reading memoirs, you knowwatching interviews we often
walk away with something fromthat experience Like, oh you
know, I never thought about thisthis way and and never, never,
even if it wasn't meant to beeducational, we often walk away
with something.
So that's my hope.
(04:51):
My hope is that this will bringyou stories that you will learn
from and you'll walk away aftereach episode with something to
think about, something new totry or something new to put into
your practice.
So that's my why, why we'restarting this today.
(05:11):
Speaking of today, I amrecording this on the full moon
in March, which is under theblood moon, and it just I wanted
to record this earlier.
Mercury is going intoretrograde and I thought I
really want to get this done.
It was really like early March.
I thought to myself I reallywant to record the first episode
(05:34):
, I want to get it out there inthe world.
And something this blood moonhas really taught me is I need
to surrender my own personaltimeline and I need to just
release that.
You know, our timing, ourscheduling, all that's an
illusion, right, like we makeplans and then they don't happen
(05:55):
.
Things happen, and so really,I've released that, I've
surrendered that and I thought,you know, today is a great day
to release the podcast, tosurrender to things going wrong
and maybe it's not a perfectrecording and this and that, and
just kind of let myself behuman.
(06:15):
Right, be a human for a moment.
So it's that it snowed thismorning.
I live in Southern Oregon.
It was just a wild day.
I thought, you know, tonight'san eclipse, snowing.
It's just the right day to putthis out there.
So that's where I'm at today.
I want to now share a little bitabout myself and my story.
(06:36):
So I'm going to start.
I was born no, I'm going tostart that with the fact that I
was raised by my grandparentsfor my first five years, and my
grandfather was Sicilian,italian, first generation
American, my grandmother Polish,russian, first generation
(06:57):
American, both Catholic, right,and so every Sunday they took me
to church with them and Ireally loved going because we
would go to church and then wewould meet their friends at one
of the local diners I lived inNew Jersey there's diners
everywhere and they would havebreakfast and their friends
would like.
(07:17):
They loved me.
I was the only child there so Iwas doted on.
They bring me candy.
I remember one of the coupleswent to Spain.
They brought me a doll fromSpain and I was doted on they'd
bring me candy.
I remember one of the coupleswent to Spain.
They brought me a doll fromSpain and it was just magical.
So I grew up really likeassociate.
I associated with church, withbeing with my grandparents, with
family time, with joy, withhappiness, feeling close,
(07:40):
feeling community, kind of allof those things.
And I as a little, as a littlekid, I wanted to be a priest.
Then I found out women couldn'tbe priests, so I said, okay,
I'll be a nun and I really heldon to that for a long time.
I, you know, I grew up with thebig picture of the guardian
angel crossing the children onthe bridge right next to my bed.
(08:02):
I grew up saying my Hail Marysand my Our Fathers every night
and praying.
Sometimes I would lay in bedand pray for like hours, just
pray for each one of my familymembers and being.
You know, my grandparents hadfive children.
There was a lot of people topray for in my family and I just
really liked talking to God andpraying and just really felt
(08:26):
safe.
And I grew up, I shall say too,like without a dad, and so I
think there was something aboutthe father, the holy father, all
of that that really resonatedwith a child who didn't have a
father.
Right, it felt like I had aspiritual father at least.
So it didn't feel imbalanced tome because I didn't have a
(08:46):
father.
So spiritual father made sense.
And then fast forward to doingmy classes, my CCD classes for
my Holy Communion, and my blackcat during that time had gone
missing and then we discoveredhe was run over which is why I
have indoor cats now and I wasdevastated.
I've always been an animalperson.
(09:07):
I remember around five or sixlearning what a vegetarian was
and telling my mom I want to beone.
She said absolutely not tillyou can cook.
So at 12, I could kind of cook,and there I went.
So I went to my teacher and Iwas really sad.
I was at church and I said mycat died and I just want to pray
for him and go to heaven.
She said, well, that'spointless, because animals don't
(09:29):
have a soul, they don't go toheaven.
There, at 10 years old, began myexistential crisis.
I was just wait what?
I just could not.
I thought, well, I don't knowif I can do this.
Then I went ahead and made mycommunion, but I was not feeling
it.
After that I thought, well,there's other things out there,
(09:53):
and so I started exploring.
I was getting books onreligions, learning about yoga
and Buddhism and Judaism and allkinds of things you know,
whatever I can get my hands onin a small rural town in
Southern California in thedesert, and then just kept doing
that.
It didn't.
(10:13):
It's like I want to go tochurch, but I just felt like it
was fake.
At that point I didn't feel likeit was real for me.
I felt felt really almost kindof abandoned, and I had always
liked animals.
I'd always liked being outside.
There was.
It was a lot of confusion forme.
So fast forward to eighth grade.
It was a lot of confusion forme.
(10:34):
So, fast forward to eighthgrade and this, I met this new
friend and this friend's readingthis book and I'm like, what is
he reading?
And it was like a book onwitchcraft.
I'm like, oh, what, what isthat?
Like you know.
She's like, oh, I'm a witch andmy whole world's honestly
shattered.
And I said to her, I said, wait, they're real.
Like witches are real.
It was like this earthshattering moment is the best
(10:55):
way to describe it, becauseprior to that my favorite movie
had always been the Wizard of Oz.
I had been either a black cator a witch for most of my
Halloweens.
I just loved witchy things andskeletons and Halloween's my
favorite holiday and I just waslike, wait, what Kind of a
moment right Now.
I didn't grow up completelyignorant to occultism.
(11:18):
My mom did numerology chartsfor people.
I grew up knowing my son's sign.
We had Linda Goodman's son'ssigns book.
We had a fortune telling book.
We had definitely there wassome influence.
There's some metaphysicalinfluence, I would say, but not
witchcraft.
And so I asked that friend.
(11:38):
I said, well, can I?
You know, I want to know more.
And she's like, yeah, you cancome with me, I'm going to go to
Borders in the mall and go lookat books together.
And I got like many people Ithink in the 90s when we started
out we were either gettingSilver Ravenwolf, which my
friend had, or Scott Cunningham.
Those were two of the biggerones, I think, for a lot of us.
(12:00):
So I grabbed Scott Cunningham'sGuide to the Solitary
Practitioner and I rememberreading that and a full moon
came up during the reading.
I remember looking at the moonand talking to it for the
talking to her for the firsttime and envisioning the goddess
within and I just felt thisimmediate connection and I just
(12:23):
kind of went from there.
I really at first I identifiedas a Wiccan witch.
My friend who said she was awitch originally became a pagan.
I then moved back to New Jerseythat was in California.
We moved back to New Jersey,met another friend who was a
witch, amanda, and we really hitit off and we had some witchy
adventures together, ghosthunting and all the kinds of
(12:44):
things, and I just really wasthirsty for knowledge.
You know this is pre-internet.
There was internet but I wasnot wealthy, so I didn't get a
computer until my junior orsenior year of high school and
it didn't have internet.
It was really just for typingand so I just didn't have that.
(13:05):
You know, we had like there wasa database like the witch's
voice, but it's spelled likeV-O-X, and my friend would use
that as kind of early internet,but really just kind of relied
on books and not having a lot ofmoney, it was like we swapped
books.
I think it was like reallycommon we all read the same
books, we buy different.
I'll buy this one, you buy thisone, I'll read it, we'll switch
(13:25):
.
And it was a lot of outside innature, a lot of exploring.
And then during that time themovie the Craft came out and I
was amazed.
You know, the first part ofthat movie isn't like a horror
movie.
You're watching it and going,yes, this is my dream.
I want these sisters, I want togo out in nature, I want to do
(13:45):
all the things they're doing, Iwant to visit that witchy shop.
It was the dream for a youngwitch in the 90s, and even the
way they dressed and everything.
And then it turns not so greatand I think that really that
part of the movie is more aboutpeople's fear of powerful
teenage girls more than anythingelse.
(14:06):
But we can talk about that inanother podcast and so that
movie was really important to mebecause I saw you know that I
saw myself in the screen right.
I saw that this being mirroredback and it was really exciting.
This is like something that youcan talk about.
So I started wearing my pentaclelike at school and it was big.
(14:28):
It wasn't like subtle at alland really kind of more in your
face about it big, it wasn'tlike subtle at all and really
kind of more in your face aboutit.
And I eventually found like apagan meetup group.
I found a coven that I ended upnot joining but learning from.
We ended up having a couplewitchy stores open in town.
I took a crystal class.
I think I was 19,.
I took my crystal classMeanwhile.
(14:48):
Also, I was geology clubtreasurer at my college, so I
had the both worlds of rocksboth sides and I didn't get my
first tarot deck until I was 18.
Prior to that, I tried runesand I also tried cartomancy,
which is just using playingcards, because there was an old
superstition at the witchy shopI shopped at.
(15:08):
They basically encouragedsuperstition that you have to be
gifted your first deck and youalso have to be an adult.
So I showed my mom, I want theuniversal weight, which is done
by Pamela Coleman Smith, butprettier colors.
I want this and I want this box.
And that was what I got for my18th birthday.
(15:31):
And so my fortune tellingjourney began.
Prior to that, I was ghosthunting, I was seeing ghosts, I
was connecting with differentthings.
I had so many undeniablemoments, I would say as a witch,
where I just felt like, yeah,this is the right thing, this is
the right thing, this is whatI'm supposed to be doing, this
(15:54):
is the right thing, this is whatI'm supposed to be doing.
And then I went to college tobe a teacher in a small rural
town and I had never came out ofthe broom, closet to my family
and my grandparents, and I justthought, wow, like I don't think
I can have, I can be out as awitch openly in this small town
(16:16):
and receive tenure as a teacher.
I remember teaching books likeBless Me, ultima, and I was very
fearful.
If people knew that I wasactually a witch, they wouldn't
want me reading this book withtheir kids.
They already didn't want mereading that book with their
children.
And I just remember beingfearful and then realizing my
husband being in education andthen eventually having children.
(16:39):
I just I remembered theprejudice of being a teenager.
I have this.
When I worked, I worked in astore called New Jersey Pets and
I would wear my.
It wasn't even a pentacle, itdidn't even have a circle, it's
just a star.
I would wear that with someother jewelry.
When I was a cashier and Iremember this police officer.
(16:59):
It's like, oh, are you a witch?
And I said maybe I didn'treally want to commit.
And he was saying he's like itmay seem all great now, but
eventually they're going to haveyou sacrificing animals and
murdering people.
He just went off on meMeanwhile like I don't know,
he's playing like crickets orsomething I don't even know, and
I was just so taken aback andso, wow, this is like I didn't
(17:20):
argue because I was 16.
I was just more afraid thananything else.
And I just remember thinkinglike this is probably how a lot
of people feel or perceive ateenage girl, right, I think of
Nancy in the Craft.
That's how so many peopleperceive a witch.
They perceive her as drunk onpower, as vindictive, dark,
(17:45):
controlling, murderous, right,all of those, all of those
things.
And so I sort of tucked thatpart of myself away for a long
time.
For a long time I didn't evenhave like an obvious altar.
I wasn't always reading mycards.
I took world religions incollege and I started exploring
(18:10):
other things.
I explored Buddhism I went to areally great Buddhist temple
many times with my familyactually Explored Hinduism I
went to the Lake Shrine Templebeautiful place in California.
Explored all kinds of thingsand I read a lot of Thich Nhat
Hanh Just really was open tolearning about other aspects of
(18:32):
spirituality, but nothing reallyclicked or felt as easy as
witchcraft.
There was something about thatpath that always felt like I was
in my skin, like I wasn'twearing any masks, I wasn't
pretending, I was justcompletely myself and I wasn't
having to try to not that Icouldn't, didn't have to try to
(18:54):
learn things but it feltintuitive and it felt correct,
right.
So tried all those differentthings and then fast forward to
2018, end of 2018, 2019, mywhole life just kind of blew up.
I was reading.
Prior to that, I was meditatingevery day, right, and I was
(19:19):
doing yoga every day and I saythis because I think it's
important to the story.
I consider myself a spiritualwitch and I was meditating every
day.
I was doing yoga every day.
Those two things do what right?
They open you up to listen,they heal and open your chakras.
They if you believe inkundalini energy, right, they
(19:42):
help to raise the kundalinienergy, to make you more open,
receptive.
Meanwhile, the same that's allgoing on.
I'm doing these things.
I dedicated myself because Ifelt unhappy, I was unhealthy.
I realized now I think I hadsomething that isn't really
talked about or studied much,but I've heard in another
podcast and it really resonatedMatriessence depletion.
(20:06):
I went into.
I had three.
I had two preemies, right,three pregnancies I miscarried
in between my children and Ithink my body was not really
that healthy.
To begin with I was a verysickly child.
I was hospitalized severaltimes for pneumonia.
I had really horrible asthma.
(20:27):
I was constantly on antibiotics.
I had horrible menstruation.
I was put on birth control at16 to try just to get me to
school with like heavy doses ofibuprofen.
It was a lot on a young body.
A lot of chemicals, a lot ofmedicine and then not really
(20:48):
knowing.
You know, growing up notwealthy, right, growing up
sometimes really puttingwhatever we can together that
was cheap, not getting thenutrients I needed, and then
having children, kind of givingthem.
My all left me at that timewith what my health coach said
were early markers of anautoimmune disorder like
(21:09):
Hashimoto's, and I was.
I took I remember taking thislike food sensitivity allergy
test.
I was allergic to everythingand that was a sign that my gut
biome was all messed up.
And I'm not a wellnessinfluencer and you can be like,
well, that doesn't make anysense, right, and I'm not here
to talk about that or argueabout that.
But I know that my body, I knowthat my body wasn't right.
(21:31):
I was exhausted, I was cold.
I always run hot, I was cold, Iwas tired, I was just
physically done.
And much later, just recently,I had this really great
astrology reading my birth chartand this astrologer was like,
well, no wonder why you couldn'tteach forever.
You have such a sensitivenervous system.
(21:52):
You were bound to just burn out.
And I did so.
I had that going on, had allthis physical stuff going on I
had.
I was not in a good job anymore.
I was at a school with a lot oftoxic personalities and a boss
that was not good for me, totoxic to me.
(22:15):
I'm not going to say anythingbad about these people, but for
me it was.
It was not a good workplace.
I was not.
It was not like mentallyhealthy for me, so I was
physically unhealthy, I was notin a good place mentally.
And then I had some familythings happen and prior to all
of that, I kept saying topraying every day to the creator
(22:37):
it was what I call whatever youwant to call God, the goddess,
whatever creator.
I know that I'm not supposed tobe doing this anymore, like I
knew that I was not supposed tobe teaching anymore.
I know there's a better,there's something else calling
me.
I surrender, show me what it isyou need me to do.
I was saying that every day,meditating every day, doing yoga
(22:57):
every day, and, sure enough, mywhole life blew apart.
Something.
Some crazy stuff happened atwork, some crazy stuff happened
in my personal life and I endedup being on disability and at
home and then eventuallyresigning from teaching and
taking that time to get myselfwell mentally, emotionally,
(23:20):
physically and meanwhile writing, writing and starting a blog
and writing.
But I wasn't writing aboutwitchcraft or being a witch or
my full truth, and it wasobvious and it was.
I was definitely holding back,Looking back.
(23:40):
I was holding back because offear of that fear of persecution
, of that fear of people judging, of my fear of really showing
who I really am and people beinglike, no, I don't like that.
You know, if you only show 75%and that 75% gets rejected, it's
easier to deal with.
But when you give your 100%,you really are yourself fully,
(24:02):
that gets rejected.
That's a lot harder to dealwith.
And I started reading in 2019 ACourse in Miracles every day in
2019, a course in miraclesevery day by 2020,.
I had enrolled in an angel team,which was a year long course
with Kyle Gray, the angelwhisperer, and I started
(24:22):
exploring new age spirituality,which is something I had always
had such a like.
I didn't like it.
You go to these new age witchyshops.
You get the witches and thenyou get the new agey people with
their angel cards and I justthought they were airy fairy and
I was not interested at all inthat.
It wasn't as it was like I drewa line like, no, that's no, I'm
(24:45):
not that kind of a witch, right, but I just started exploring,
I just was open.
I learned about Akashic Records, I learned about angels, I
learned about all the things,all the current topics of New
Age spirituality and I broughtwith it my background in very
grounded in witchcraft, paganismand Wicca, which I don't
(25:08):
ascribe to anymore, I thinkWicca if you're a Wiccan witch,
I don't mean any offense, butit's just not for me personally.
And so I got to this point whereI was talking more about
spirituality and this and that,and I actually have a friend who
is also a writer and at onepoint she said you know, I she
was just really being upfrontand I really appreciated it.
(25:29):
She just said that she thoughtI wasn't myself online and
that's why I wasn't beingsuccessful.
And she was right, obviously.
And I decided at one point acouple people encouraged me and
get on TikTok.
And I said you know what?
I'm going to get on there andI'm just going to be.
I'm gonna talk about witchcraftand the rest is history, as
(25:50):
they say.
Right, finally got a book deal.
Finally got started.
Our coven finally created asocial media that had a
following.
It was like night and daybecause I had decided to claim
that word and reclaim my placeas a witch, and so my witchy
(26:11):
journey took a lot of detours.
Right, I really resonated atthe age of 13.
I dedicated myself, I reallygot into Italian witchcraft,
especially it was by RavenGramasi.
I really resonated with that.
And then I hid that all away,you know, I went back into the
(26:31):
broom closet and I hid it somuch I hid it from my own self
and I had to be sort of crackedback open.
I had to surrender and openback up in a new way to find it
again.
And that's why I often willtell other people that the
witch's journey, the spiritualjourney, is a spiral.
(26:51):
We are constantly going aroundand around, but each time we're
going in deeper, right.
So my first beginning time withwitchcraft it was very surface
level.
Being a teenager I wasn'tdigging deep.
I was afraid in a lot of waysof digging deep.
I was afraid of the power thatyou could get seeing the craft
(27:16):
of digging deep.
I was afraid of the power thatyou could get seeing the craft.
It was a cautionary tale in alot of ways, but also I had just
this fear growing up Catholic.
You know you can say it's, it's.
It seems easy just to be likeI'm a witch and but it's not.
You have to really let go of somuch of society's belief in
witchcraft.
You have to release so muchfrom your own cultural
(27:38):
upbringing.
There's a lot in the way,there's a lot in the way, of
saying that you're a witch andstanding in power as a witch.
And so what I did is I spent alot of time what I would call
rewilding.
And so what I did is I spent alot of time what I would call
rewilding or deconstructingsocial norms.
(28:00):
And so what did that look like?
That looked like a lot ofsitting in quiet contemplation,
meditation.
That looked like a lot ofshadow work.
It was a lot of journaling.
It was getting myself reignitedwith the witchy community and
what's being out there.
So you have to think about Ilearned in the 90s, early 2000s,
(28:27):
hit pause and then I didn'tstart reading books by witches
again until 2020.
So there's a huge gap and a lotchanged right With the internet
and with more diverse voicescoming in.
There was a lot of thingsbrought to light about Wicca,
about paganism there was.
So it was wild for me.
It was wild for me to go fromthe 90s to hit this huge pause
(28:49):
and go there, because even a lotof the books I like to collect
are from the 1970s.
That's my I like, just Icollect all the cults and
metaphysical books.
And so I started reading thesenewer books, getting into the
conversation.
I'd never heard of the witchwound before, I just.
And then there were so manydifferent types of witches,
(29:12):
which is blowing my mind.
It's like on social media.
It's like what's a star witch,what's a this witch?
And I still, I don't ascribe toany of that, I just like to be.
I think witch is enough.
It's all encompassing and thenit allows me to do what I want
without labeling myself.
But it was just a wild ride.
I had to find myself again.
(29:34):
It was just a wild ride.
I had to find myself again.
And it was difficult in a lotof ways because when I was first
a witch, I was a maiden.
I was a fierce young warriormaiden.
I was without children.
I was a different person.
So, looking back at my book ofshadows and what I was looking
for and the spells I was doingwas not anything I was going to
(29:55):
use.
Now, as a woman, transitioninginto the wise woman stage, right
from mother and between motherand crone, is wise woman, and
that's where I think I am.
I'm not saying I'm wise, I'msaying I'm ascribing to be wise.
And so I got to this part in myjourney and it was like full
(30:18):
circle, but not because it'slike, well, I need different
things now.
I'd never had devoted myself toa goddess or a deity In my early
days.
I would just quote work with,with, with different ones, right
, it's like, well, this spells alove spell.
I'm going to call on Venus.
It was very that's how it wasback in the day, right?
No cautionary tales there.
(30:39):
I'm going to pray for my cats.
I'm going to call in Bast.
You know, it's just, that'sjust how we did things.
And if you do things like thatnow, that's fine.
I'm not, I'm not at all judging, but there was no real devotion
to one deity, and not that youneed to do that.
It took me till I was in my 40sto say you know, I really want
(31:00):
to work with this goddess for along time I'm going to go ahead
and devote myself and yeah, it'sbeen.
It's been quite a journey andone of the things I've always
had on this journey is a friendto talk to.
So it started with that friendin middle school who's like I'm
a witch, and I said, okay, Iwant to do that too.
(31:21):
Then in New Jersey, I hadanother friend who was super
smart and she taught me so manythings and we did a lot of cool
things together.
Then I came back to Californiaand I went to college and I
found a pagan meetup group and Imet another really great friend
and he and I would go ghosthunting and go to these pagan
festivals and we started takingclasses together.
It was like this whole thing.
(31:42):
And then when I decided, when Ihad the spiritual awakening and
I went and joined the angelteam, I met a friend there who's
still my friend Shout out toMyra and I was able to have her
to talk to, and that's part ofwhy I've talked about this in
the past.
But part of why I created ourcoven is because I've always had
(32:03):
other people to say, hey, I hadthis crazy dream, or I had this
vision, or what herb would youuse?
Hey, what are you doing for thefull moon.
I've always had that person andother people didn't have that
and I wanted to create that offof regular social media.
I wanted to be private and Iwanted it to be cozy, and so I
got this idea to create thisonline coven and didn't even
(32:27):
didn't know at the time that alot of other people did that,
but I was being really uniqueand original, and so that's what
happens when you're isolatedfrom the witchy community for so
long, and so I decided just toset it all up with, like no
following.
This was before my TikTokreally took off, and it's by
(32:47):
takeoff.
It's not like I have 100,000followers, right, it's still in
for other people.
It's like you don't have afollowing, right.
And I just decided to create itanyway.
It was one of those things likeI'm just gonna build it and
then figure it out, and I'mreally glad I did, because we
have a good amount of membersnow.
It's really grown organicallyand I put a lot of love into it
(33:11):
and it really shows.
But it was just so funny that Ijust started.
That was part of the change,too, of I really try to honor my
intuition.
My intuition was like no, yougot to start this now.
And my logical brain said, no,it doesn't make any sense now.
But my intuition kept pushingfor it and so no regrets on that
(33:33):
.
And since I was a child, Iwanted to be a writer.
My schools did these like youngauthor things where they
publish your books, and my firstone was in second grade my
second grade teacher reallythought I was very gifted and
talented in writing poetry andso I always wrote.
(33:53):
I wrote until college.
So I had a horrid creativewriting teacher that at the end
of my review said to me you know, it doesn't really matter how I
critique you or what I say,because you're never going to be
published.
And I actually stopped writingcreatively until my daughter was
born, I was 28.
(34:14):
So from that age of 19, all theway till then, I only wrote
essays and I won.
I won awards for my essaywriting and stuff.
But that did not soothe thatwound.
That told me well, you're nevergonna be published anyway.
Because my original dream waslike, I'm gonna be like Stephen
King, I'm gonna teach English byday, I'm gonna write books by
night.
(34:34):
And that all got squashed andoriginally I wanted to write
fiction.
And then, when I was doingmeditation every day and doing
yoga every day, I startedwriting a parenting book.
And then I soon learned thatpeople actually don't really
want to read parenting books andthat they're not interested.
But it got me writing and I hadwritten several other books or
(34:55):
started several other books andhad ideas, but this one I
actually finished and it didn'tever sell or anything, but
doesn't matter, because Iactually finished it.
And then I decided I'm going to.
I kept writing a lot of poetrybecause I was, when I was going
through this spiritual awakening, the spiritual healing, coming
back to find myself as a witchand rewilding all of those
things.
I was writing poetry the wholetime and I but my poems are more
(35:20):
like prayers.
They were very spiritual, verypersonal.
And I had this really amazingexperience through zoom because
of COVID.
But I got to sit and listen tomy all time favorite poet, joy
Harjo, talk about her new booksher new book at the time and
read to us and talk to myall-time favorite poet, joy
Harjo, talk about her new booksher new book at the time and
read to us and talk to us.
And she answered my questionand my question was is there a
(35:42):
difference between poetry andprayer?
And she laughed and she saiddepends on who you ask.
But I don't think so.
And she went on to have abeautiful answer.
But it was what I needed tohear and I self published a book
of poems.
Just you know why not, I think.
For me, I had to prove to myselfthat I could let other people
(36:05):
read my book work.
It wasn't about I'm going tosell millions of copies and be
this famous poet.
It was more about I need toprove to myself that it's safe
to have my words out there, tohave my truth out there.
And so I did that.
And then I started writing abook on witchcraft.
But, as I said, I was prettyout of touch with what was out
(36:27):
there.
Meanwhile I started reading andupdating myself and kind of
realized, you know, maybe thisbook isn't the right book for
this time.
And that was the message I gotfrom very many publishers.
So you know, this is not reallysomething we'd publish.
And it was not.
It was not great, it was, itneeded a lot of love, it was
needed to be updated.
But then Llewellyn the, mypublisher of my Spirit Crystals
(36:52):
book, said well, what else doyou have?
One of the editors there verykindly said you, you are a good
writer, just don't want topublish this book.
Give me what else do you have.
And I pitched the idea forspirit crystals and got an agent
at the same time, around thesame time, and got a, got a book
deal and that book is comingout in July.
(37:13):
And it's crazy to me because Ihad to go through so much.
You know there's this wholeJoseph Campbell.
If you've never read JosephCampbell, I love Joseph
Campbell's work.
I've would watch these videoseries of his lectures.
I just think he's amazing.
But he talked about the hero'sjourney and that's what George
(37:35):
Lucas based Star Wars off of wasunderstanding, like the hero's
journey and how the hero is.
The stories are pretty much thesame and the story is always of
the hero has to leave to comehome again, to come home as a
different person.
Right, we think about Dorothy.
Dorothy has to go through thisfever dream to find her way home
(37:55):
, and the key was always withDorothy.
She always had the shoes on,but she needed to go through all
the stuff and then realize, ohwait, I've always been able to
do this.
And that's the story of so manyheroes, right, you can look at
all kinds of movies and books.
The hero has to leave and go ona journey.
That's usually spiritual, notalways, but it's some journey
(38:18):
that helps them grow as acharacter and then they bring
all of that knowledge, wisdomback home.
(38:38):
I had to be closeted, I had toteach, I had to do all these
other things to come home to whoI was when I was 18 years old.
Right, a witch, a writer.
That's how I would havedescribed myself to you at 18
years old.
I'm a witch, I'm a writer, I'man aspiring writer, I'm a
fortune teller, I'm a tarotreader.
That's how I would havedescribed you myself.
But I had to put on the otherhats.
I had to be a teacher, I had tobe a mom, which I'm still a mom
(39:01):
.
I had to be a wife I'm still awife.
I had to be you know all thesethings the yogi, the meditation
teacher, all of these.
I had to just do all theseother things to bring it all
back home again.
So my journey has been verycyclical and currently where I'm
(39:23):
at on the journey is continuingto write, continuing to work in
our coven and starting thislovely podcast, and I feel, now
more than ever, like I reallyembody the word witch.
And to me, a witch is someonewho is wild, someone who is wild
who has shaken off somesocietal stuff, some cultural
(39:47):
norms, to tap into theirintuition, to be empowered in
their intuition, to step intothe power of intuition.
And that's wild to me.
And I mean wild in the sense ofwild nature, untamed nature.
(40:09):
Right, I had to put on all thelabels and all the masks and all
the shoulds and coulds andwoulds and just to be able to
shake them off and come back tomyself.
I would not have been able tobe in the powerful place that I
am now to say I'm a witch to theworld if I didn't go on that
(40:33):
journey to bring me back home.
So that's my story and thank youfor listening.
Please, please, comment orwherever wherever you find me on
social media and let's have aconversation.
If this sparked some questionsfor you or sparked some interest
(40:54):
for you, I would love to talkmore and if you would like to be
a guest on the show, please letme know through again through
social media.
You can also find me atJennyCBellcom.
I am currently looking forpeople who just want to share
their witch's story.
You don't have to be apriestess or an author or you
(41:19):
know anybody like that.
Just want to share your story.
That's what I'm interested in.
So thank you for listening andblessed to be.
Hey witches, welcome to the first ever
episode of Cozy Coven Chats.
I'm your host, Jenny C.
Bell, and in our very firstepisode I wanted to keep it cozy
, which is why this, the cozy,is in the title, right?
It's not just the alliteration,which I do love as an English
literature major, but it is alsobecause I want this to be
(00:25):
informal cozy, as if friends arejust chatting to one another,
right?
So if you want to make yourselfcomfortable, pour yourself a
cup of tea.
I have some Earl Grey here.
Light a candle, you know, ifyou can, if you're driving, make
yourself maybe 5% morecomfortable on the drive, right?
So in today's first episode, Iwanted to explain, you know, my
(00:47):
why, why create yet anotherpodcast on witches by witches?
And I wanted to also introducemyself and my journey.
Why, how did I become a witch?
Why do I use that label?
What does that mean to me?
And my intention is thispodcast is for anyone.
So, whether you are a witch orjust curious, I think we learn a
(01:09):
lot about one another throughstory, and so that's part of why
I wanted to create a podcast.
As I said earlier, I'm anEnglish literature major and I
actually spent 13 years in theclassroom as an English teacher.
Prior to that I was a tutor,I've been a camp counselor, I've
worked a lot with children, Iwas a nanny and I learned
(01:34):
through teaching that people ofall ages and backgrounds and
learning abilities learn bestthrough story.
As an English teacher, I reallybelieved that and I saw that.
And through writing we learnabout ourselves through writing,
we learn about others throughstory, and those are two things
I really believe in and I'vereally seen for myself.
(01:57):
I've taught seventh through12th grade.
I've taught independent study,I've taught special education,
I've taught gifted and talentedand everybody can learn through
story and I was always veryintentional with the stories.
I chose because of that,because I wanted there to be a
discussion of the meaning, right, every English teacher loves
(02:20):
the meaning.
The other thing about being anEnglish teacher is I had a TA
I'll call this person Alex andAlex used to always say, oh, the
doctor is in when studentswould come up.
There's something about the roleof an English teacher on a
campus to be like the therapist,to be the teacher the queer
(02:43):
kids come out to, to be theteacher that you come to for
love, advice.
And I've and I just developedan ear.
I like I have a face wherepeople want to tell me their
life story.
My family will often find me ifthey lose me in a grocery store
talking to a stranger and thatstranger just telling me their
entire life story and us seeminglike best friends in a matter
(03:05):
of minutes.
So I love to listen to peopletalk.
I like to tell stories myselfand I thought to myself you know
, there are a lot of podcastsout there on witchcraft by
witches, but what I'm nothearing as much as I wanted to
hear was other witches' stories.
But what I'm not hearing asmuch as I wanted to hear was
(03:26):
other witches' stories.
I want to know how you came tobe a witch, why you were drawn
to witchcraft, what brought youto do what you do now, because
everybody's practice isdifferent.
Right, there are as many waysto practice witchcraft as there
are people who are witches, andI want to be clear that when I
use the term witch, I use thatas a gender neutral, neutral
(03:49):
term, so anybody can be a witch.
There are some, I know, men,some men are trying to reclaim
the word warlock because ithasn't always been a good
meaning, but I'm just going touse witches and that is for
anybody, right, and anybody canbe a witch, regardless of gender
, of background, of how youpractice, right?
(04:10):
So I just want to make thatclear.
So, for me, I really thoughtabout the journey of the witch
and how we learn through story,and that's what I wanted.
That's what I was looking for Irealized when I was going
through the different podcastsis I wanted to hear that Because
(04:31):
I think, as a person you knowlistening to other people,
reading memoirs, you knowwatching interviews we often
walk away with something fromthat experience Like, oh you
know, I never thought about thisthis way and and never, never,
even if it wasn't meant to beeducational, we often walk away
with something.
So that's my hope.
(04:51):
My hope is that this will bringyou stories that you will learn
from and you'll walk away aftereach episode with something to
think about, something new totry or something new to put into
your practice.
So that's my why, why we'restarting this today.
(05:11):
Speaking of today, I amrecording this on the full moon
in March, which is under theblood moon, and it just I wanted
to record this earlier.
Mercury is going intoretrograde and I thought I
really want to get this done.
It was really like early March.
I thought to myself I reallywant to record the first episode
(05:34):
, I want to get it out there inthe world.
And something this blood moonhas really taught me is I need
to surrender my own personaltimeline and I need to just
release that.
You know, our timing, ourscheduling, all that's an
illusion, right, like we makeplans and then they don't happen
(05:55):
.
Things happen, and so really,I've released that, I've
surrendered that and I thought,you know, today is a great day
to release the podcast, tosurrender to things going wrong
and maybe it's not a perfectrecording and this and that, and
just kind of let myself behuman.
(06:15):
Right, be a human for a moment.
So it's that it snowed thismorning.
I live in Southern Oregon.
It was just a wild day.
I thought, you know, tonight'san eclipse, snowing.
It's just the right day to putthis out there.
So that's where I'm at today.
I want to now share a little bitabout myself and my story.
(06:36):
So I'm going to start.
I was born no, I'm going tostart that with the fact that I
was raised by my grandparentsfor my first five years, and my
grandfather was Sicilian,italian, first generation
American, my grandmother Polish,russian, first generation
(06:57):
American, both Catholic, right,and so every Sunday they took me
to church with them and Ireally loved going because we
would go to church and then wewould meet their friends at one
of the local diners I lived inNew Jersey there's diners
everywhere and they would havebreakfast and their friends
would like.
(07:17):
They loved me.
I was the only child there so Iwas doted on.
They bring me candy.
I remember one of the coupleswent to Spain.
They brought me a doll fromSpain and I was doted on they'd
bring me candy.
I remember one of the coupleswent to Spain.
They brought me a doll fromSpain and it was just magical.
So I grew up really likeassociate.
I associated with church, withbeing with my grandparents, with
family time, with joy, withhappiness, feeling close,
(07:40):
feeling community, kind of allof those things.
And I as a little, as a littlekid, I wanted to be a priest.
Then I found out women couldn'tbe priests, so I said, okay,
I'll be a nun and I really heldon to that for a long time.
I, you know, I grew up with thebig picture of the guardian
angel crossing the children onthe bridge right next to my bed.
(08:02):
I grew up saying my Hail Marysand my Our Fathers every night
and praying.
Sometimes I would lay in bedand pray for like hours, just
pray for each one of my familymembers and being.
You know, my grandparents hadfive children.
There was a lot of people topray for in my family and I just
really liked talking to God andpraying and just really felt
(08:26):
safe.
And I grew up, I shall say too,like without a dad, and so I
think there was something aboutthe father, the holy father, all
of that that really resonatedwith a child who didn't have a
father.
Right, it felt like I had aspiritual father at least.
So it didn't feel imbalanced tome because I didn't have a
(08:46):
father.
So spiritual father made sense.
And then fast forward to doingmy classes, my CCD classes for
my Holy Communion, and my blackcat during that time had gone
missing and then we discoveredhe was run over which is why I
have indoor cats now and I wasdevastated.
I've always been an animalperson.
(09:07):
I remember around five or sixlearning what a vegetarian was
and telling my mom I want to beone.
She said absolutely not tillyou can cook.
So at 12, I could kind of cook,and there I went.
So I went to my teacher and Iwas really sad.
I was at church and I said mycat died and I just want to pray
for him and go to heaven.
She said, well, that'spointless, because animals don't
(09:29):
have a soul, they don't go toheaven.
There, at 10 years old, began myexistential crisis.
I was just wait what?
I just could not.
I thought, well, I don't knowif I can do this.
Then I went ahead and made mycommunion, but I was not feeling
it.
After that I thought, well,there's other things out there,
(09:53):
and so I started exploring.
I was getting books onreligions, learning about yoga
and Buddhism and Judaism and allkinds of things you know,
whatever I can get my hands onin a small rural town in
Southern California in thedesert, and then just kept doing
that.
It didn't.
(10:13):
It's like I want to go tochurch, but I just felt like it
was fake.
At that point I didn't feel likeit was real for me.
I felt felt really almost kindof abandoned, and I had always
liked animals.
I'd always liked being outside.
There was.
It was a lot of confusion forme.
So fast forward to eighth grade.
It was a lot of confusion forme.
(10:34):
So, fast forward to eighthgrade and this, I met this new
friend and this friend's readingthis book and I'm like, what is
he reading?
And it was like a book onwitchcraft.
I'm like, oh, what, what isthat?
Like you know.
She's like, oh, I'm a witch andmy whole world's honestly
shattered.
And I said to her, I said, wait, they're real.
Like witches are real.
It was like this earthshattering moment is the best
(10:55):
way to describe it, becauseprior to that my favorite movie
had always been the Wizard of Oz.
I had been either a black cator a witch for most of my
Halloweens.
I just loved witchy things andskeletons and Halloween's my
favorite holiday and I just waslike, wait, what Kind of a
moment right Now.
I didn't grow up completelyignorant to occultism.
(11:18):
My mom did numerology chartsfor people.
I grew up knowing my son's sign.
We had Linda Goodman's son'ssigns book.
We had a fortune telling book.
We had definitely there wassome influence.
There's some metaphysicalinfluence, I would say, but not
witchcraft.
And so I asked that friend.
(11:38):
I said, well, can I?
You know, I want to know more.
And she's like, yeah, you cancome with me, I'm going to go to
Borders in the mall and go lookat books together.
And I got like many people Ithink in the 90s when we started
out we were either gettingSilver Ravenwolf, which my
friend had, or Scott Cunningham.
Those were two of the biggerones, I think, for a lot of us.
(12:00):
So I grabbed Scott Cunningham'sGuide to the Solitary
Practitioner and I rememberreading that and a full moon
came up during the reading.
I remember looking at the moonand talking to it for the
talking to her for the firsttime and envisioning the goddess
within and I just felt thisimmediate connection and I just
(12:23):
kind of went from there.
I really at first I identifiedas a Wiccan witch.
My friend who said she was awitch originally became a pagan.
I then moved back to New Jerseythat was in California.
We moved back to New Jersey,met another friend who was a
witch, amanda, and we really hitit off and we had some witchy
adventures together, ghosthunting and all the kinds of
(12:44):
things, and I just really wasthirsty for knowledge.
You know this is pre-internet.
There was internet but I wasnot wealthy, so I didn't get a
computer until my junior orsenior year of high school and
it didn't have internet.
It was really just for typingand so I just didn't have that.
(13:05):
You know, we had like there wasa database like the witch's
voice, but it's spelled likeV-O-X, and my friend would use
that as kind of early internet,but really just kind of relied
on books and not having a lot ofmoney, it was like we swapped
books.
I think it was like reallycommon we all read the same
books, we buy different.
I'll buy this one, you buy thisone, I'll read it, we'll switch
(13:25):
.
And it was a lot of outside innature, a lot of exploring.
And then during that time themovie the Craft came out and I
was amazed.
You know, the first part ofthat movie isn't like a horror
movie.
You're watching it and going,yes, this is my dream.
I want these sisters, I want togo out in nature, I want to do
(13:45):
all the things they're doing, Iwant to visit that witchy shop.
It was the dream for a youngwitch in the 90s, and even the
way they dressed and everything.
And then it turns not so greatand I think that really that
part of the movie is more aboutpeople's fear of powerful
teenage girls more than anythingelse.
(14:06):
But we can talk about that inanother podcast and so that
movie was really important to mebecause I saw you know that I
saw myself in the screen right.
I saw that this being mirroredback and it was really exciting.
This is like something that youcan talk about.
So I started wearing my pentaclelike at school and it was big.
(14:28):
It wasn't like subtle at alland really kind of more in your
face about it big, it wasn'tlike subtle at all and really
kind of more in your face aboutit.
And I eventually found like apagan meetup group.
I found a coven that I ended upnot joining but learning from.
We ended up having a couplewitchy stores open in town.
I took a crystal class.
I think I was 19,.
I took my crystal classMeanwhile.
(14:48):
Also, I was geology clubtreasurer at my college, so I
had the both worlds of rocksboth sides and I didn't get my
first tarot deck until I was 18.
Prior to that, I tried runesand I also tried cartomancy,
which is just using playingcards, because there was an old
superstition at the witchy shopI shopped at.
(15:08):
They basically encouragedsuperstition that you have to be
gifted your first deck and youalso have to be an adult.
So I showed my mom, I want theuniversal weight, which is done
by Pamela Coleman Smith, butprettier colors.
I want this and I want this box.
And that was what I got for my18th birthday.
(15:31):
And so my fortune tellingjourney began.
Prior to that, I was ghosthunting, I was seeing ghosts, I
was connecting with differentthings.
I had so many undeniablemoments, I would say as a witch,
where I just felt like, yeah,this is the right thing, this is
the right thing, this is whatI'm supposed to be doing, this
(15:54):
is the right thing, this is whatI'm supposed to be doing.
And then I went to college tobe a teacher in a small rural
town and I had never came out ofthe broom, closet to my family
and my grandparents, and I justthought, wow, like I don't think
I can have, I can be out as awitch openly in this small town
(16:16):
and receive tenure as a teacher.
I remember teaching books likeBless Me, ultima, and I was very
fearful.
If people knew that I wasactually a witch, they wouldn't
want me reading this book withtheir kids.
They already didn't want mereading that book with their
children.
And I just remember beingfearful and then realizing my
husband being in education andthen eventually having children.
(16:39):
I just I remembered theprejudice of being a teenager.
I have this.
When I worked, I worked in astore called New Jersey Pets and
I would wear my.
It wasn't even a pentacle, itdidn't even have a circle, it's
just a star.
I would wear that with someother jewelry.
When I was a cashier and Iremember this police officer.
(16:59):
It's like, oh, are you a witch?
And I said maybe I didn'treally want to commit.
And he was saying he's like itmay seem all great now, but
eventually they're going to haveyou sacrificing animals and
murdering people.
He just went off on meMeanwhile like I don't know,
he's playing like crickets orsomething I don't even know, and
I was just so taken aback andso, wow, this is like I didn't
(17:20):
argue because I was 16.
I was just more afraid thananything else.
And I just remember thinkinglike this is probably how a lot
of people feel or perceive ateenage girl, right, I think of
Nancy in the Craft.
That's how so many peopleperceive a witch.
They perceive her as drunk onpower, as vindictive, dark,
(17:45):
controlling, murderous, right,all of those, all of those
things.
And so I sort of tucked thatpart of myself away for a long
time.
For a long time I didn't evenhave like an obvious altar.
I wasn't always reading mycards.
I took world religions incollege and I started exploring
(18:10):
other things.
I explored Buddhism I went to areally great Buddhist temple
many times with my familyactually Explored Hinduism I
went to the Lake Shrine Templebeautiful place in California.
Explored all kinds of thingsand I read a lot of Thich Nhat
Hanh Just really was open tolearning about other aspects of
(18:32):
spirituality, but nothing reallyclicked or felt as easy as
witchcraft.
There was something about thatpath that always felt like I was
in my skin, like I wasn'twearing any masks, I wasn't
pretending, I was justcompletely myself and I wasn't
having to try to not that Icouldn't, didn't have to try to
(18:54):
learn things but it feltintuitive and it felt correct,
right.
So tried all those differentthings and then fast forward to
2018, end of 2018, 2019, mywhole life just kind of blew up.
I was reading.
Prior to that, I was meditatingevery day, right, and I was
(19:19):
doing yoga every day and I saythis because I think it's
important to the story.
I consider myself a spiritualwitch and I was meditating every
day.
I was doing yoga every day.
Those two things do what right?
They open you up to listen,they heal and open your chakras.
They if you believe inkundalini energy, right, they
(19:42):
help to raise the kundalinienergy, to make you more open,
receptive.
Meanwhile, the same that's allgoing on.
I'm doing these things.
I dedicated myself because Ifelt unhappy, I was unhealthy.
I realized now I think I hadsomething that isn't really
talked about or studied much,but I've heard in another
podcast and it really resonatedMatriessence depletion.
(20:06):
I went into.
I had three.
I had two preemies, right,three pregnancies I miscarried
in between my children and Ithink my body was not really
that healthy.
To begin with I was a verysickly child.
I was hospitalized severaltimes for pneumonia.
I had really horrible asthma.
(20:27):
I was constantly on antibiotics.
I had horrible menstruation.
I was put on birth control at16 to try just to get me to
school with like heavy doses ofibuprofen.
It was a lot on a young body.
A lot of chemicals, a lot ofmedicine and then not really
(20:48):
knowing.
You know, growing up notwealthy, right, growing up
sometimes really puttingwhatever we can together that
was cheap, not getting thenutrients I needed, and then
having children, kind of givingthem.
My all left me at that timewith what my health coach said
were early markers of anautoimmune disorder like
(21:09):
Hashimoto's, and I was.
I took I remember taking thislike food sensitivity allergy
test.
I was allergic to everythingand that was a sign that my gut
biome was all messed up.
And I'm not a wellnessinfluencer and you can be like,
well, that doesn't make anysense, right, and I'm not here
to talk about that or argueabout that.
But I know that my body, I knowthat my body wasn't right.
(21:31):
I was exhausted, I was cold.
I always run hot, I was cold, Iwas tired, I was just
physically done.
And much later, just recently,I had this really great
astrology reading my birth chartand this astrologer was like,
well, no wonder why you couldn'tteach forever.
You have such a sensitivenervous system.
(21:52):
You were bound to just burn out.
And I did so.
I had that going on, had allthis physical stuff going on I
had.
I was not in a good job anymore.
I was at a school with a lot oftoxic personalities and a boss
that was not good for me, totoxic to me.
(22:15):
I'm not going to say anythingbad about these people, but for
me it was.
It was not a good workplace.
I was not.
It was not like mentallyhealthy for me, so I was
physically unhealthy, I was notin a good place mentally.
And then I had some familythings happen and prior to all
of that, I kept saying topraying every day to the creator
(22:37):
it was what I call whatever youwant to call God, the goddess,
whatever creator.
I know that I'm not supposed tobe doing this anymore, like I
knew that I was not supposed tobe teaching anymore.
I know there's a better,there's something else calling
me.
I surrender, show me what it isyou need me to do.
I was saying that every day,meditating every day, doing yoga
(22:57):
every day, and, sure enough, mywhole life blew apart.
Something.
Some crazy stuff happened atwork, some crazy stuff happened
in my personal life and I endedup being on disability and at
home and then eventuallyresigning from teaching and
taking that time to get myselfwell mentally, emotionally,
(23:20):
physically and meanwhile writing, writing and starting a blog
and writing.
But I wasn't writing aboutwitchcraft or being a witch or
my full truth, and it wasobvious and it was.
I was definitely holding back,Looking back.
(23:40):
I was holding back because offear of that fear of persecution
, of that fear of people judging, of my fear of really showing
who I really am and people beinglike, no, I don't like that.
You know, if you only show 75%and that 75% gets rejected, it's
easier to deal with.
But when you give your 100%,you really are yourself fully,
(24:02):
that gets rejected.
That's a lot harder to dealwith.
And I started reading in 2019 ACourse in Miracles every day in
2019, a course in miraclesevery day by 2020,.
I had enrolled in an angel team,which was a year long course
with Kyle Gray, the angelwhisperer, and I started
(24:22):
exploring new age spirituality,which is something I had always
had such a like.
I didn't like it.
You go to these new age witchyshops.
You get the witches and thenyou get the new agey people with
their angel cards and I justthought they were airy fairy and
I was not interested at all inthat.
It wasn't as it was like I drewa line like, no, that's no, I'm
(24:45):
not that kind of a witch, right, but I just started exploring,
I just was open.
I learned about Akashic Records, I learned about angels, I
learned about all the things,all the current topics of New
Age spirituality and I broughtwith it my background in very
grounded in witchcraft, paganismand Wicca, which I don't
(25:08):
ascribe to anymore, I thinkWicca if you're a Wiccan witch,
I don't mean any offense, butit's just not for me personally.
And so I got to this point whereI was talking more about
spirituality and this and that,and I actually have a friend who
is also a writer and at onepoint she said you know, I she
was just really being upfrontand I really appreciated it.
(25:29):
She just said that she thoughtI wasn't myself online and
that's why I wasn't beingsuccessful.
And she was right, obviously.
And I decided at one point acouple people encouraged me and
get on TikTok.
And I said you know what?
I'm going to get on there andI'm just going to be.
I'm gonna talk about witchcraftand the rest is history, as
(25:50):
they say.
Right, finally got a book deal.
Finally got started.
Our coven finally created asocial media that had a
following.
It was like night and daybecause I had decided to claim
that word and reclaim my placeas a witch, and so my witchy
(26:11):
journey took a lot of detours.
Right, I really resonated atthe age of 13.
I dedicated myself, I reallygot into Italian witchcraft,
especially it was by RavenGramasi.
I really resonated with that.
And then I hid that all away,you know, I went back into the
(26:31):
broom closet and I hid it somuch I hid it from my own self
and I had to be sort of crackedback open.
I had to surrender and openback up in a new way to find it
again.
And that's why I often willtell other people that the
witch's journey, the spiritualjourney, is a spiral.
(26:51):
We are constantly going aroundand around, but each time we're
going in deeper, right.
So my first beginning time withwitchcraft it was very surface
level.
Being a teenager I wasn'tdigging deep.
I was afraid in a lot of waysof digging deep.
I was afraid of the power thatyou could get seeing the craft
(27:16):
of digging deep.
I was afraid of the power thatyou could get seeing the craft.
It was a cautionary tale in alot of ways, but also I had just
this fear growing up Catholic.
You know you can say it's, it's.
It seems easy just to be likeI'm a witch and but it's not.
You have to really let go of somuch of society's belief in
witchcraft.
You have to release so muchfrom your own cultural
(27:38):
upbringing.
There's a lot in the way,there's a lot in the way, of
saying that you're a witch andstanding in power as a witch.
And so what I did is I spent alot of time what I would call
rewilding.
And so what I did is I spent alot of time what I would call
rewilding or deconstructingsocial norms.
(28:00):
And so what did that look like?
That looked like a lot ofsitting in quiet contemplation,
meditation.
That looked like a lot ofshadow work.
It was a lot of journaling.
It was getting myself reignitedwith the witchy community and
what's being out there.
So you have to think about Ilearned in the 90s, early 2000s,
(28:27):
hit pause and then I didn'tstart reading books by witches
again until 2020.
So there's a huge gap and a lotchanged right With the internet
and with more diverse voicescoming in.
There was a lot of thingsbrought to light about Wicca,
about paganism there was.
So it was wild for me.
It was wild for me to go fromthe 90s to hit this huge pause
(28:49):
and go there, because even a lotof the books I like to collect
are from the 1970s.
That's my I like, just Icollect all the cults and
metaphysical books.
And so I started reading thesenewer books, getting into the
conversation.
I'd never heard of the witchwound before, I just.
And then there were so manydifferent types of witches,
(29:12):
which is blowing my mind.
It's like on social media.
It's like what's a star witch,what's a this witch?
And I still, I don't ascribe toany of that, I just like to be.
I think witch is enough.
It's all encompassing and thenit allows me to do what I want
without labeling myself.
But it was just a wild ride.
I had to find myself again.
(29:34):
It was just a wild ride.
I had to find myself again.
And it was difficult in a lotof ways because when I was first
a witch, I was a maiden.
I was a fierce young warriormaiden.
I was without children.
I was a different person.
So, looking back at my book ofshadows and what I was looking
for and the spells I was doingwas not anything I was going to
(29:55):
use.
Now, as a woman, transitioninginto the wise woman stage, right
from mother and between motherand crone, is wise woman, and
that's where I think I am.
I'm not saying I'm wise, I'msaying I'm ascribing to be wise.
And so I got to this part in myjourney and it was like full
(30:18):
circle, but not because it'slike, well, I need different
things now.
I'd never had devoted myself toa goddess or a deity In my early
days.
I would just quote work with,with, with different ones, right
, it's like, well, this spells alove spell.
I'm going to call on Venus.
It was very that's how it wasback in the day, right?
No cautionary tales there.
(30:39):
I'm going to pray for my cats.
I'm going to call in Bast.
You know, it's just, that'sjust how we did things.
And if you do things like thatnow, that's fine.
I'm not, I'm not at all judging, but there was no real devotion
to one deity, and not that youneed to do that.
It took me till I was in my 40sto say you know, I really want
(31:00):
to work with this goddess for along time I'm going to go ahead
and devote myself and yeah, it'sbeen.
It's been quite a journey andone of the things I've always
had on this journey is a friendto talk to.
So it started with that friendin middle school who's like I'm
a witch, and I said, okay, Iwant to do that too.
(31:21):
Then in New Jersey, I hadanother friend who was super
smart and she taught me so manythings and we did a lot of cool
things together.
Then I came back to Californiaand I went to college and I
found a pagan meetup group and Imet another really great friend
and he and I would go ghosthunting and go to these pagan
festivals and we started takingclasses together.
It was like this whole thing.
(31:42):
And then when I decided, when Ihad the spiritual awakening and
I went and joined the angelteam, I met a friend there who's
still my friend Shout out toMyra and I was able to have her
to talk to, and that's part ofwhy I've talked about this in
the past.
But part of why I created ourcoven is because I've always had
(32:03):
other people to say, hey, I hadthis crazy dream, or I had this
vision, or what herb would youuse?
Hey, what are you doing for thefull moon.
I've always had that person andother people didn't have that
and I wanted to create that offof regular social media.
I wanted to be private and Iwanted it to be cozy, and so I
got this idea to create thisonline coven and didn't even
(32:27):
didn't know at the time that alot of other people did that,
but I was being really uniqueand original, and so that's what
happens when you're isolatedfrom the witchy community for so
long, and so I decided just toset it all up with, like no
following.
This was before my TikTokreally took off, and it's by
(32:47):
takeoff.
It's not like I have 100,000followers, right, it's still in
for other people.
It's like you don't have afollowing, right.
And I just decided to create itanyway.
It was one of those things likeI'm just gonna build it and
then figure it out, and I'mreally glad I did, because we
have a good amount of membersnow.
It's really grown organicallyand I put a lot of love into it
(33:11):
and it really shows.
But it was just so funny that Ijust started.
That was part of the change,too, of I really try to honor my
intuition.
My intuition was like no, yougot to start this now.
And my logical brain said, no,it doesn't make any sense now.
But my intuition kept pushingfor it and so no regrets on that
(33:33):
.
And since I was a child, Iwanted to be a writer.
My schools did these like youngauthor things where they
publish your books, and my firstone was in second grade my
second grade teacher reallythought I was very gifted and
talented in writing poetry andso I always wrote.
(33:53):
I wrote until college.
So I had a horrid creativewriting teacher that at the end
of my review said to me you know, it doesn't really matter how I
critique you or what I say,because you're never going to be
published.
And I actually stopped writingcreatively until my daughter was
born, I was 28.
(34:14):
So from that age of 19, all theway till then, I only wrote
essays and I won.
I won awards for my essaywriting and stuff.
But that did not soothe thatwound.
That told me well, you're nevergonna be published anyway.
Because my original dream waslike, I'm gonna be like Stephen
King, I'm gonna teach English byday, I'm gonna write books by
night.
(34:34):
And that all got squashed andoriginally I wanted to write
fiction.
And then, when I was doingmeditation every day and doing
yoga every day, I startedwriting a parenting book.
And then I soon learned thatpeople actually don't really
want to read parenting books andthat they're not interested.
But it got me writing and I hadwritten several other books or
(34:55):
started several other books andhad ideas, but this one I
actually finished and it didn'tever sell or anything, but
doesn't matter, because Iactually finished it.
And then I decided I'm going to.
I kept writing a lot of poetrybecause I was, when I was going
through this spiritual awakening, the spiritual healing, coming
back to find myself as a witchand rewilding all of those
things.
I was writing poetry the wholetime and I but my poems are more
(35:20):
like prayers.
They were very spiritual, verypersonal.
And I had this really amazingexperience through zoom because
of COVID.
But I got to sit and listen tomy all time favorite poet, joy
Harjo, talk about her new booksher new book at the time and
read to us and talk to myall-time favorite poet, joy
Harjo, talk about her new booksher new book at the time and
read to us and talk to us.
And she answered my questionand my question was is there a
(35:42):
difference between poetry andprayer?
And she laughed and she saiddepends on who you ask.
But I don't think so.
And she went on to have abeautiful answer.
But it was what I needed tohear and I self published a book
of poems.
Just you know why not, I think.
For me, I had to prove to myselfthat I could let other people
(36:05):
read my book work.
It wasn't about I'm going tosell millions of copies and be
this famous poet.
It was more about I need toprove to myself that it's safe
to have my words out there, tohave my truth out there.
And so I did that.
And then I started writing abook on witchcraft.
But, as I said, I was prettyout of touch with what was out
(36:27):
there.
Meanwhile I started reading andupdating myself and kind of
realized, you know, maybe thisbook isn't the right book for
this time.
And that was the message I gotfrom very many publishers.
So you know, this is not reallysomething we'd publish.
And it was not.
It was not great, it was, itneeded a lot of love, it was
needed to be updated.
But then Llewellyn the, mypublisher of my Spirit Crystals
(36:52):
book, said well, what else doyou have?
One of the editors there verykindly said you, you are a good
writer, just don't want topublish this book.
Give me what else do you have.
And I pitched the idea forspirit crystals and got an agent
at the same time, around thesame time, and got a, got a book
deal and that book is comingout in July.
(37:13):
And it's crazy to me because Ihad to go through so much.
You know there's this wholeJoseph Campbell.
If you've never read JosephCampbell, I love Joseph
Campbell's work.
I've would watch these videoseries of his lectures.
I just think he's amazing.
But he talked about the hero'sjourney and that's what George
(37:35):
Lucas based Star Wars off of wasunderstanding, like the hero's
journey and how the hero is.
The stories are pretty much thesame and the story is always of
the hero has to leave to comehome again, to come home as a
different person.
Right, we think about Dorothy.
Dorothy has to go through thisfever dream to find her way home
(37:55):
, and the key was always withDorothy.
She always had the shoes on,but she needed to go through all
the stuff and then realize, ohwait, I've always been able to
do this.
And that's the story of so manyheroes, right, you can look at
all kinds of movies and books.
The hero has to leave and go ona journey.
That's usually spiritual, notalways, but it's some journey
(38:18):
that helps them grow as acharacter and then they bring
all of that knowledge, wisdomback home.
(38:38):
I had to be closeted, I had toteach, I had to do all these
other things to come home to whoI was when I was 18 years old.
Right, a witch, a writer.
That's how I would havedescribed myself to you at 18
years old.
I'm a witch, I'm a writer, I'man aspiring writer, I'm a
fortune teller, I'm a tarotreader.
That's how I would havedescribed you myself.
But I had to put on the otherhats.
I had to be a teacher, I had tobe a mom, which I'm still a mom
(39:01):
.
I had to be a wife I'm still awife.
I had to be you know all thesethings the yogi, the meditation
teacher, all of these.
I had to just do all theseother things to bring it all
back home again.
So my journey has been verycyclical and currently where I'm
(39:23):
at on the journey is continuingto write, continuing to work in
our coven and starting thislovely podcast, and I feel, now
more than ever, like I reallyembody the word witch.
And to me, a witch is someonewho is wild, someone who is wild
who has shaken off somesocietal stuff, some cultural
(39:47):
norms, to tap into theirintuition, to be empowered in
their intuition, to step intothe power of intuition.
And that's wild to me.
And I mean wild in the sense ofwild nature, untamed nature.
(40:09):
Right, I had to put on all thelabels and all the masks and all
the shoulds and coulds andwoulds and just to be able to
shake them off and come back tomyself.
I would not have been able tobe in the powerful place that I
am now to say I'm a witch to theworld if I didn't go on that
(40:33):
journey to bring me back home.
So that's my story and thank youfor listening.
Please, please, comment orwherever wherever you find me on
social media and let's have aconversation.
If this sparked some questionsfor you or sparked some interest
(40:54):
for you, I would love to talkmore and if you would like to be
a guest on the show, please letme know through again through
social media.
You can also find me atJennyCBellcom.
I am currently looking forpeople who just want to share
their witch's story.
You don't have to be apriestess or an author or you
(41:19):
know anybody like that.
Just want to share your story.
That's what I'm interested in.
So thank you for listening andblessed to be.
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