We are CRAP NOIR – a podcast team dedicated to bringing you some subpar jokes along with a moderately funny twist on the classic noir genre and detective radio shows of years past. Beth is a downtrodden twenty-something – completely SHOCKED that no one wants to hire her with her oddly specific and definitely legitimate Master’s degree in Detective Literature. She spends her time searching Craiglist for jobs that require her highly-sought-after expertise, thanks to the free WiFi at local New Jersey coffee shop, The Big Steam. She bugs her favorite mediocre barista, Jim Jam, for hours on end so her mother believes she isn’t an unemployable failure. Luckily for Beth, her first case finally emerges when friendly farm chicken, Esmeralda, disappears. Time to see if Beth’s degree holds up in the real-world! Follow us on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram @crapnoir


February 12, 2020 10 mins

Beth discovers her first case as we discover her mediocre, unremarkable life.

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Beth faces off against a rival detective in the search for a missing chicken. 

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May 1, 2020 9 mins

A look at what's really happening around the microphone.

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June 14, 2020 1 min

The Big Steam on Route 12 -- What can we brew for you?

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January 31, 2021 41 mins

Beth's Pa and sister arrive unexpectedly. Beth evades birthday celebrations and sees Charlie about a new case. 

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February 16, 2021 23 mins

Take a listen behind the scenes of episode 2, back when the team was able to huddle around the same microphone.

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March 29, 2021 1 min

For the best rates in town when you need things found, call Johnnie Craquerbarrle!
*Snappy Solvers is a subsidiary of Craquerbarrle Crime Cracking, Inc. (CCC).

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Hear the debut single from Betty Belter's new EP, "Bellowing with Betty Belter" at Indie Lounge's Open Mic Night!
(We'd like to take a moment to blame high maintenance musicians for the delay of our next episode... sigh... --Barry)

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October 11, 2021 1 min

Do you hear that? Olsen Farm's fresh produce and friendly animal residents are calling you!

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An intriguing teaser trailer for the long-awaited fourth chapter of CRAP NOIR.

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February 2, 2022 45 mins

Beth tries to  remedy a snafu in Charlie's case, even when it leads her to a hot spot she'd rather avoid. 

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March 28, 2022 14 mins

Listen behind the scenes of the first of two virtual episodes that the team recorded during the onset of the pandemic. 

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April 22, 2022 17 mins

At a loss of how to help with Eliza's case, Johnnie looks to Jim Jam for advice.

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July 8, 2022 20 mins

Take a listen behind the scenes of the second virtual episode recorded at the onset of the pandemic. 

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August 20, 2022 28 mins

Beth looks for leads surrounding her sister's disappearance; though, new arrivals may make matters more messy.

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November 24, 2022 2 mins

We interrupt this podcast for a brief message from our writer.

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April 29, 2023 18 mins

Pull up a seat as the team records Ep. 5: A Fruitless Flashback.

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May 26, 2023 30 mins

Beth follows a lead on Johnnie but not without baaaad consequences. 

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