How do you begin to feel safe and steady again after experiencing a shooting?
You don’t have to have all the answers, and you don’t have to go through this alone.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- The most important steps to protect your safety, body, and mind in the first days after a shooting
- How to gently reintroduce routine and emotional regulation in the following week
- Grounding practices and therapy options that can help you heal from the inside out
🎧 Take 10 minutes to protect your mental health and begin your healing—you’re worth it.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988
- National Mass Violence Victimization Resource Center – nmvvrc.org
- SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline – Call or text 1-800-985-5990
- EMDRIA Find a Therapist – emdria.org/find-a-therapist
- One-page guide from Episodes 6, 7, and 97 – Name, Tame, and Aim(request (request by email: mj@mjmurrayvachon.com)
- MP3 grounding guides – Box Breathing and Two-Minute Cricket Reset (request by email: mj@mjmurrayvachon.com)
****
About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.
Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover some
ways to stay grounded andprotect your mental health in
the critical weeks after ashooting.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:08):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, the
podcast where you and I tacklestress and anxiety in midlife so
you can stop feeling like crap,feel more present at home, and
thrive at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon a LicensedClinical Social Worker with over
50,000 hours of therapy sessionsand 32 years of teaching
(00:29):
practical science-backed mentalwellness.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:32):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm.
This is an emergency episode.
Perhaps it's the first timeyou've joined me.
In today's episode, I'm sharingcoping skills that you can use
if you've been involved in ashooting incident.
Let me begin by offering mydeepest condolences.
This is heartbreaking for you,for your family, for your
(00:54):
community.
One of the unfortunate copingskills many of us have
unknowingly developed is theability to live surrounded by
violence without activelythinking about it.
Until it happens to us.
This episode is a gentle guidefor what to do in the early days
and over the next two weeks whenyour world has been turned
(01:15):
upside down by a shooting.
This is not a complete path tohealing, but just a gentle
start.
Let's begin right now.
The first few days, your onlyjob is your own safety and
comfort.
Expect to be shocked anddisoriented.
You may feel numb or in a daze.
(01:36):
You might not sleep.
You might not eat or you mighteat constantly.
You may cry or feel waves offear, grief, disbelief, and
confusion.
This is your body, your mind,heart, and soul trying to
process the unimaginable.
Expect nothing of yourselfexcept to breathe and respond in
(01:58):
ways that feel natural.
If you wanna watch Netflix, holdyour children, be with your
colleagues.
Call your mother or best friendor cuddle with your spouse.
Do that.
If you need alone time, givethat to yourself as well.
This is not a time for doing.
It's a time for being skip thegym, or take a gentle workout.
(02:21):
Trust yourself.
This is your normal humanreaction to a very abnormal
human experience.
Another Thing that you wanna doin this early phase is focus on
basic needs and psychologicalsafety.
If you've been physicallyinjured, caring for your
injuries comes first.
(02:41):
If not, turn your attention tothe psychological and emotional
injuries that are normal in thissituation.
As difficult as it may be, limityour exposure to media coverage
of the event.
In the first few days,repeatedly watching or reading
about the shooting can feed acycle of anxiety and hyper
vigilance.
(03:02):
This keeps your nervous systemstuck in a heightened state
instead of allowing it to begincalming.
We've learned from past traumasthat repeated exposure actually
gets in the way of your healing,prioritize hydration.
Yes, drink enough water, eatregular meals, and rest as much
as you can.
(03:24):
Be cautious with alcohol.
It's a depressant that canintensify difficult emotions.
The same with weed, cannabis orpot, whatever you call it.
Be careful of relying on it.
It may temporarily numbdistress.
But can disrupt healthyemotional processing interfere
with sleep and heighten youranxiety once its effects fade.
(03:47):
It's understandable that youwant to minimize your distress,
but don't underestimate howmedicinal time and community can
be as you work through thistrauma.
There really isn't a healthy wayaround working through the
trauma of a shooting.
So I want to gently invite youto lean in and move through it
in the days, weeks, and monthsahead.
(04:10):
But back to now, over the nextweek, roughly days four to 10,
one of the most helpful thingsyou can do is allow your
feelings without judgment.
This may come naturally to you,or it may be a new skill you
learned through this tragedy.
If you have a method foremotional regulation, please use
(04:31):
it.
If not, I invite you to listento episodes six and seven and 97
where I walk you through mymethod.
I call it name.
Tame and aim.
Our culture teaches us to blameand unclaim our emotions, which
in the long run is not good forany of our mental wellness, i'll
(04:52):
include my one pager in the shownotes.
A.
Remember, you don't get tochoose what you feel, but you do
get to choose how you respond toyour feelings.
This is overwhelming.
So again, be very gentle withyourself.
Feel free to use journaling,voice memos, and talking to
others as a way to process howyou're experiencing this.
(05:16):
Use the support system aroundyou and also consider formal
support.
Loved ones and coworkers whoweren't on site may be
experiencing secondary traumaand may have their own needs
mixed in.
There are highly trainedprofessionals, therapists, faith
leaders, and hotlines that canassist you.
(05:37):
I will include a number for afew of these in my show notes.
At this time, gently reintroduceroutine and predictability where
you can, if you're parenting orhave a pet, their needs may
naturally create structure.
Expect to feel tired.
Sluggish and to struggle withconcentration.
Trust me, it will come back intime, but it can feel
(06:00):
particularly difficult in theseearly weeks.
Processing the unimaginabletakes energy even when you're
not focusing on it.
Another reminder to usegrounding to pause.
Feel your feet and do breathwork.
Do some stretches, nothingheroic.
Arms, circles, and toe toucheswill help your body.
(06:22):
Let go of the tension.
Be patient with yourself.
I don't recommend things happenfor a reason.
Mindset, I just don't believeit.
But as a therapist, with almost40 years of experience, I've had
the privilege of working withmany people, harm through no
fault of their own, whodiscovered parts of themselves
they didn't know they had duringhealing.
(06:45):
You don't have to look for thesechanges and growth
opportunities.
They tend to find you when youcommit to working through this
in a healthy whole way.
Let's move to the last days ofthe two weeks, roughly days, 11
to 14.
This is an estimate, just togive you a sense of this
process, but again, you are yourown person and trust how much
(07:08):
time any of this takes you.
By now some of the shock mayhave lifted, but life still
feels changed.
The familiar can seem profoundlydifferent.
You might find yourself walkingto the grocery store acutely
aware of what you've beenthrough and feeling confused
that everyone else is goingabout their day as if nothing
(07:30):
happened.
You turn on the news and thestory has been pushed aside.
Buried.
That's hard because what you'veexperienced is a big deal and
yet our country's copingmechanism often seems to be to
minimize and move on.
I am so sorry because that isreally not helpful for you.
(07:51):
I wanna encourage you to holdonto your truth and stay
committed to healing from theinside out.
I invite you to watch for signsthat your acute stress isn't
easing, nightmares, intrusivethoughts, hyper vigilance,
avoidance, or panic attacks Ifthese are present, consider a
(08:12):
few sessions of em.
DR.
Therapy, a specialized treatmentfor processing trauma.
I'll link em, Andrea, in theshow notes so you can find a
therapist when you call or sendan email, say you were in a
recent shooting, and ask to beseen as soon as possible.
Don't forget to keep groundingin your daily rhythm.
(08:35):
I teach these practices inepisode 1 73.
Grounding, brings you back tothe present, and helps
reregulate your nervous system.
Move your awareness to yourfeet.
Focus on your breath.
If you feel anxious, try boxbreathing.
Or my two minute cricket resetin my show notes, if you would
(08:56):
like either of these MP threes,please email me at
mj@mjmurrayvachon.com and I'llsend them to you for free.
It's helpful to practicegrounding a few times a day, not
just when you feel overwhelmedwith anxiety.
Try it when you're waiting inline, filling a water bottle or
before your drive.
(09:17):
This strengthens your ability toguide your mind and calm your
body, This process is about yourebuilding safety and control.
When bad things actually happen,your sense of safety is shaken.
This will take time.
I'm not suggesting that aftertwo weeks all will be well.
It won't, and I am so sorry.
(09:39):
My hope is that this shortepisode gives you some guidance
and hope to get through thebeginning of this.
Give yourself permission to moveforward with gentleness and
wisdom.
Lean towards growth even in thislife experience you would've
never chosen.
Don't underestimate yourstrength.
Reaching out for help is brave.
(10:00):
Healing never happens in avacuum.
We need each other.
Feel free to explore my otherepisodes and check the show
notes for the resources I'vementioned and please share this
episode with others.
Thanks for listening to CreatingMidlife Calm Home.
In this episode, you'll discover some
ways to stay grounded andprotect your mental health in
the critical weeks after ashooting.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:08):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, the
podcast where you and I tacklestress and anxiety in midlife so
you can stop feeling like crap,feel more present at home, and
thrive at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon a LicensedClinical Social Worker with over
50,000 hours of therapy sessionsand 32 years of teaching
(00:29):
practical science-backed mentalwellness.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:32):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm.
This is an emergency episode.
Perhaps it's the first timeyou've joined me.
In today's episode, I'm sharingcoping skills that you can use
if you've been involved in ashooting incident.
Let me begin by offering mydeepest condolences.
This is heartbreaking for you,for your family, for your
(00:54):
community.
One of the unfortunate copingskills many of us have
unknowingly developed is theability to live surrounded by
violence without activelythinking about it.
Until it happens to us.
This episode is a gentle guidefor what to do in the early days
and over the next two weeks whenyour world has been turned
(01:15):
upside down by a shooting.
This is not a complete path tohealing, but just a gentle
start.
Let's begin right now.
The first few days, your onlyjob is your own safety and
comfort.
Expect to be shocked anddisoriented.
You may feel numb or in a daze.
(01:36):
You might not sleep.
You might not eat or you mighteat constantly.
You may cry or feel waves offear, grief, disbelief, and
confusion.
This is your body, your mind,heart, and soul trying to
process the unimaginable.
Expect nothing of yourselfexcept to breathe and respond in
(01:58):
ways that feel natural.
If you wanna watch Netflix, holdyour children, be with your
colleagues.
Call your mother or best friendor cuddle with your spouse.
Do that.
If you need alone time, givethat to yourself as well.
This is not a time for doing.
It's a time for being skip thegym, or take a gentle workout.
(02:21):
Trust yourself.
This is your normal humanreaction to a very abnormal
human experience.
Another Thing that you wanna doin this early phase is focus on
basic needs and psychologicalsafety.
If you've been physicallyinjured, caring for your
injuries comes first.
(02:41):
If not, turn your attention tothe psychological and emotional
injuries that are normal in thissituation.
As difficult as it may be, limityour exposure to media coverage
of the event.
In the first few days,repeatedly watching or reading
about the shooting can feed acycle of anxiety and hyper
vigilance.
(03:02):
This keeps your nervous systemstuck in a heightened state
instead of allowing it to begincalming.
We've learned from past traumasthat repeated exposure actually
gets in the way of your healing,prioritize hydration.
Yes, drink enough water, eatregular meals, and rest as much
as you can.
(03:24):
Be cautious with alcohol.
It's a depressant that canintensify difficult emotions.
The same with weed, cannabis orpot, whatever you call it.
Be careful of relying on it.
It may temporarily numbdistress.
But can disrupt healthyemotional processing interfere
with sleep and heighten youranxiety once its effects fade.
(03:47):
It's understandable that youwant to minimize your distress,
but don't underestimate howmedicinal time and community can
be as you work through thistrauma.
There really isn't a healthy wayaround working through the
trauma of a shooting.
So I want to gently invite youto lean in and move through it
in the days, weeks, and monthsahead.
(04:10):
But back to now, over the nextweek, roughly days four to 10,
one of the most helpful thingsyou can do is allow your
feelings without judgment.
This may come naturally to you,or it may be a new skill you
learned through this tragedy.
If you have a method foremotional regulation, please use
(04:31):
it.
If not, I invite you to listento episodes six and seven and 97
where I walk you through mymethod.
I call it name.
Tame and aim.
Our culture teaches us to blameand unclaim our emotions, which
in the long run is not good forany of our mental wellness, i'll
(04:52):
include my one pager in the shownotes.
A.
Remember, you don't get tochoose what you feel, but you do
get to choose how you respond toyour feelings.
This is overwhelming.
So again, be very gentle withyourself.
Feel free to use journaling,voice memos, and talking to
others as a way to process howyou're experiencing this.
(05:16):
Use the support system aroundyou and also consider formal
support.
Loved ones and coworkers whoweren't on site may be
experiencing secondary traumaand may have their own needs
mixed in.
There are highly trainedprofessionals, therapists, faith
leaders, and hotlines that canassist you.
(05:37):
I will include a number for afew of these in my show notes.
At this time, gently reintroduceroutine and predictability where
you can, if you're parenting orhave a pet, their needs may
naturally create structure.
Expect to feel tired.
Sluggish and to struggle withconcentration.
Trust me, it will come back intime, but it can feel
(06:00):
particularly difficult in theseearly weeks.
Processing the unimaginabletakes energy even when you're
not focusing on it.
Another reminder to usegrounding to pause.
Feel your feet and do breathwork.
Do some stretches, nothingheroic.
Arms, circles, and toe toucheswill help your body.
(06:22):
Let go of the tension.
Be patient with yourself.
I don't recommend things happenfor a reason.
Mindset, I just don't believeit.
But as a therapist, with almost40 years of experience, I've had
the privilege of working withmany people, harm through no
fault of their own, whodiscovered parts of themselves
they didn't know they had duringhealing.
(06:45):
You don't have to look for thesechanges and growth
opportunities.
They tend to find you when youcommit to working through this
in a healthy whole way.
Let's move to the last days ofthe two weeks, roughly days, 11
to 14.
This is an estimate, just togive you a sense of this
process, but again, you are yourown person and trust how much
(07:08):
time any of this takes you.
By now some of the shock mayhave lifted, but life still
feels changed.
The familiar can seem profoundlydifferent.
You might find yourself walkingto the grocery store acutely
aware of what you've beenthrough and feeling confused
that everyone else is goingabout their day as if nothing
(07:30):
happened.
You turn on the news and thestory has been pushed aside.
Buried.
That's hard because what you'veexperienced is a big deal and
yet our country's copingmechanism often seems to be to
minimize and move on.
I am so sorry because that isreally not helpful for you.
(07:51):
I wanna encourage you to holdonto your truth and stay
committed to healing from theinside out.
I invite you to watch for signsthat your acute stress isn't
easing, nightmares, intrusivethoughts, hyper vigilance,
avoidance, or panic attacks Ifthese are present, consider a
(08:12):
few sessions of em.
DR.
Therapy, a specialized treatmentfor processing trauma.
I'll link em, Andrea, in theshow notes so you can find a
therapist when you call or sendan email, say you were in a
recent shooting, and ask to beseen as soon as possible.
Don't forget to keep groundingin your daily rhythm.
(08:35):
I teach these practices inepisode 1 73.
Grounding, brings you back tothe present, and helps
reregulate your nervous system.
Move your awareness to yourfeet.
Focus on your breath.
If you feel anxious, try boxbreathing.
Or my two minute cricket resetin my show notes, if you would
(08:56):
like either of these MP threes,please email me at
mj@mjmurrayvachon.com and I'llsend them to you for free.
It's helpful to practicegrounding a few times a day, not
just when you feel overwhelmedwith anxiety.
Try it when you're waiting inline, filling a water bottle or
before your drive.
(09:17):
This strengthens your ability toguide your mind and calm your
body, This process is about yourebuilding safety and control.
When bad things actually happen,your sense of safety is shaken.
This will take time.
I'm not suggesting that aftertwo weeks all will be well.
It won't, and I am so sorry.
(09:39):
My hope is that this shortepisode gives you some guidance
and hope to get through thebeginning of this.
Give yourself permission to moveforward with gentleness and
wisdom.
Lean towards growth even in thislife experience you would've
never chosen.
Don't underestimate yourstrength.
Reaching out for help is brave.
(10:00):
Healing never happens in avacuum.
We need each other.
Feel free to explore my otherepisodes and check the show
notes for the resources I'vementioned and please share this
episode with others.
Thanks for listening to CreatingMidlife Calm Home.
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