Do you feel like you're constantly running, as if a boulder is chasing you downhill?
You can be successful and driven without the fear and exhaustion.
In this episode you’ll discover:
- What truly fuels your success—it’s not your anxiety.
- Learn how to update your self-image and move through life with less urgency and more ease.
- Reframe your daily mindset by shifting from "I have to" to "I get to"—a small change that makes a huge difference.
Listen now to overcome high-functioning anxiety and move through your days with calm, confidence, and ease.
****
About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.
Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (2) (00:05):
In this episode, you'll discover
how to transform your anxietyinto calm confidence, allowing
you to fully enjoy your success.
Welcome to Creating MidlifeCalm, a podcast dedicated to
empowering midlife minds toovercome anxiety, stop feeling
like crap and become morepresent with your family, all
(00:25):
while achieving greater successat work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
experience teaching mentalwellness.
welcome to the podcast.
Today we're talking about highfunctioning anxiety, the kind
that makes you highly competent,reliable, and successful on the
(00:47):
outside, but constantly on theedge on the inside.
If you find it hard to unplug,if your mind is always churning
with the next thing on yourto-do list, you're not alone.
In today's episode, I'll definehigh functioning anxiety and
share three, easy to do copingskills to help you make your
anxiety work for you, notagainst you, let's be honest.
(01:09):
Who wouldn't wanna be bothsuccessful and able to relax and
unwind?
As always, I'll end with anInner Challenge.
Something you can start today tohelp ease your anxiety.
High functioning anxiety iscommon in midlife as you juggle
work, family, friendships, andcommunity responsibilities.
A few years ago, a midlifeclient walked into my office and
(01:32):
I immediately felt her can-doenergy.
She sat down and she describedexactly what many of you
experienced daily.
She pushes herself hard at work.
She's masterfully creating herchildren's summer schedule.
She's redecorating one of therooms in her house and she's
coordinating care for herelderly mother.
I looked at her and I said,whoa, you are really wound up
(01:53):
today.
She laughed and responded, ohno, I was born this way, type A
all the way.
I get shit done and I love it.
We both laughed and then I askedher, I want you to take your
focus off your to-do list for asecond.
What does it actually feel liketo be living at this pace?
(02:13):
She paused, thought for a momentand then said something
fascinating, exhilarating andfrightening.
Her exhilaration, made sense.
She was successful, admired, andhad a strong sense of
capability.
But the fear surprised both ofus because trust me, she looked
(02:34):
anything but fearful.
I asked her to describe her fearwith an image without
hesitation.
She said, I feel like I'mrunning down a mountain, being
chased by a boulder.
You know that scene in IndianaJones?
This is what makes highfunctioning anxiety different
from other forms of anxiety.
She's not climbing a mountain.
(02:55):
She's running down one.
For many people with highfunctioning anxiety, their
energy levels are high.
Their anxiety doesn't paralyzethem.
It fuels them.
But internally, they feel likethey're running for their lives.
And I'm here to say today, itdoesn't need to be this way.
(03:15):
I want to reassure you, you canget things done without feeling
the constant crush of a boulderbehind you.
Let's look at the science Highfunctioning anxiety is driven by
an overactive amygdala, theBrains Fear Center, which
constantly signals potentialthreats, even in non-threatening
(03:35):
situations.
Even though nothing she wasdoing was remotely dangerous,
this chronic activation of herstress response floods the body
with excess cortisol andadrenaline, which causes
restlessness, muscle tension,headaches, and difficulty
relaxing.
I ask my client.
Can you create a new image, onethat keeps the exhilaration, but
(03:58):
removes the fear?
She looked puzzled and said, no.
If I'm not plugged in, Iwouldn't get everything done.
If I'm not running down the hillbeing chased by a boulder, I
wouldn't be successful.
This is a common fear.
Many high achievers have.
They believe that their anxietyis what keeps them successful,
(04:20):
but in reality, it's not youranxiety that gets things done,
it's you.
Which leads me to coping skillnumber one: face the truth.
And the truth is this, highfunctioning anxiety isn't why
you get things done.
It's what keeps you fromenjoying getting things done.
(04:41):
Think about it.
There's nothing about anxietythat can help you be successful
at work.
There's nothing about anxietythat makes you a parent that
offers guidance and nurturance.
There's nothing about anxietythat helps you figure out how to
be a leader in your community.
Those are all skills thatthroughout your life you have
cultivated, developed, andworked hard to create.
(05:05):
It took my client 20 minutes ofconversation with me before she
would even consider looking ather high functioning anxiety in
a different way.
Finally, in a moment ofdesperation, I said, would you
just trust me for 10 minutes?
ground your feet.
Stop talking and see what imagecomes up, when I ask you to
(05:27):
reimagine how you could movethrough your life, being the
type A person you are, but notrunning from a boulder.
After a few seconds she smiledand said, I'm on one of those
flat escalators at a airportmoving gracefully.
What a beautiful response.
Facing the truth that you can besuccessful and competent without
(05:51):
being fear-driven may be acompletely new idea for you.
Take a moment and take thatidea, that concept in ask
yourself.
How often is fear driving you?
Fear to succeed, fear of howothers perceive you.
Fear of being left behind, fearof not being enough.
(06:16):
If this resonates with you,you've already embraced coping
skill.
Number one, face the truth thatfear has been fueling your
success.
And in that case, an update isneeded, which leads us to coping
skill number two, I want you toupdate your self image.
Maybe in earlier years youdidn't feel good enough, but
(06:39):
look at yourself now.
Wow.
You have abilities.
You have skills at work, home,and in your relationships.
Look at everything you're doingright, not what you're doing
wrong.
Now, ask yourself, am I reallyunder threat?
Nope.
(06:59):
It's time for an update.
What will be your new image tomove from fear to calm.
My client pictured herselfmoving through her day on an
airport escalator.
Maybe for some of you it'sriding a bike peacefully as you
do the tasks and theresponsibilities that you have
(07:21):
in midlife for me, when I findmyself getting wound up, I just
put my mind on an image of ablue sky.
Now, I want you to create yourown image.
Picture yourself moving throughyour day with that same Inner
peace and calm you're movingforward, grounded in your
abilities, grounded in yourself,getting things done without a
(07:45):
sense of urgency, without asense of fear.
Doing this activates yourparasympathetic nervous system.
Which basically means you'rerelaxing yourself.
Yes, you can get stuff done andbe relaxed.
Though, to do this, you actuallyhave to decide you want to do
this.
(08:06):
It takes a bit of intention, alittle bit of effort and desire.
It's actually fun to move frombeing stressed to calm.
Imagine yourself, in your cardriving to pick your kids up
from practice, and you feel thissense of urgency.
But this time you notice it, youcatch yourself and you remind
(08:27):
yourself, oh, I'm not afirefighter.
I'm a calm, middle aged,competent adult.
I can take some breaths and Ican drive my car with a sense of
peace and calm.
Maybe you put a song on that'srelaxing.
Maybe you choose a book or apodcast that really helps you
(08:47):
get centered, Coping skillnumber two gives your mind a new
image in which to tether yourday.
You're gently moving it tosomething that is calming and
peaceful.
And that leads me to copingskill number three, and that is
downshifting your thoughts formy have to, to I get to.
(09:08):
I have to, is a mantra formidlife people.
You have a lot on your plate andyes, much of it is not optional.
What I wanna encourage you to dois notice how you're approaching
whatever it is that you'regetting ready to do.
A number of years ago when mymom was in her nineties, I had a
(09:30):
lot of responsibility in helpingcare for her between work and
kids, my podcast, all that I hadgoing.
I tried to get over to see herfive or six days of the week.
But sometimes the demands on mylife were such that I couldn't
get there, and that weight Icarried in a really unhealthy
way.
(09:50):
But I used this coping skillnumber three one day when I was
driving over to see her, and Icaught my thought and I said, I
have to go see her.
And then I thought, do I.
Do I have to go see her or do Iget to go see her?
In that moment when I changedthe way I thought about visiting
(10:12):
my mother, my heart meltedbecause when your mother is 91,
you know that eventually shewill not be around and the have
to really is much more of a getto I had created self-imposed
pressure that I needed to go seeher every day, when actually I
wanted to go see her.
(10:32):
And that's coping skill numberthree.
One of the beautiful things thathappens when you look at your
thoughts and you ask yourself,do I really have to do this or
do I get to do this?
This is a really quickassessment tool of do you want
to do this yes, there are somethings that you have to do.
(10:53):
Taxes, picking your kids up fromschool, but there's a lot of
things that you can opt out ofbecause you don't have to do
them.
Here's another example.
Once I was driving to a workshopthat I did once a year at night,
I had done this workshop 15times before and I was in a rush
to get there, and I thought tomyself, I have to do this
(11:16):
workshop tonight.
I noticed my thought and Ichanged it.
I get to do this.
Immediately a new thoughtfollowed.
I'm so sick of doing thisworkshop, just paying attention
to my thought.
Help me realize that it was timefor me to let this job go as
much as I used to enjoy it.
(11:38):
I had really outgrown wanting todo this experience.
Coping skill number three isnoticing what your thought is
saying.
I have to often drive fear andshifting to I get to can give
you clarity with my mother.
The clarity was a deepappreciation with the workshop.
(12:02):
The clarity was, this issomething I don't wanna do
anymore.
In this podcast, I'm encouragingyou to not let your high
functioning anxiety run yourlife.
In this episode, I've definedhigh functioning anxiety, and
I've given you three copingskills.
Face the truth.
Fear isn't what makes yousuccessful.
(12:24):
Update your self image.
You are capable without anxietyand shift from, I have to to I
get to this rewires yourperspective this week, your
Inner Challenge is to changeyour mindset when it comes to
high functioning anxiety.
Create your own calming image.
Use it throughout the day toshift from fear to calm and
(12:48):
catch yourself saying, I haveto, and reframe it as I get to.
Let's turn anxiety into a toolthat works for you, not against
you.
I'll be back on Thursday toexplore two unexpected ways that
high functioning anxiety addsextra work to your daily life,
(13:08):
and more importantly, how tobreak the cycle so you can carve
out time to truly unwind.
Thanks for listening to creatingMidlife Calm.
In this episode, you'll discover
how to transform your anxietyinto calm confidence, allowing
you to fully enjoy your success.
Welcome to Creating MidlifeCalm, a podcast dedicated to
empowering midlife minds toovercome anxiety, stop feeling
like crap and become morepresent with your family, all
(00:25):
while achieving greater successat work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
experience teaching mentalwellness.
welcome to the podcast.
Today we're talking about highfunctioning anxiety, the kind
that makes you highly competent,reliable, and successful on the
(00:47):
outside, but constantly on theedge on the inside.
If you find it hard to unplug,if your mind is always churning
with the next thing on yourto-do list, you're not alone.
In today's episode, I'll definehigh functioning anxiety and
share three, easy to do copingskills to help you make your
anxiety work for you, notagainst you, let's be honest.
(01:09):
Who wouldn't wanna be bothsuccessful and able to relax and
unwind?
As always, I'll end with anInner Challenge.
Something you can start today tohelp ease your anxiety.
High functioning anxiety iscommon in midlife as you juggle
work, family, friendships, andcommunity responsibilities.
A few years ago, a midlifeclient walked into my office and
(01:32):
I immediately felt her can-doenergy.
She sat down and she describedexactly what many of you
experienced daily.
She pushes herself hard at work.
She's masterfully creating herchildren's summer schedule.
She's redecorating one of therooms in her house and she's
coordinating care for herelderly mother.
I looked at her and I said,whoa, you are really wound up
(01:53):
today.
She laughed and responded, ohno, I was born this way, type A
all the way.
I get shit done and I love it.
We both laughed and then I askedher, I want you to take your
focus off your to-do list for asecond.
What does it actually feel liketo be living at this pace?
(02:13):
She paused, thought for a momentand then said something
fascinating, exhilarating andfrightening.
Her exhilaration, made sense.
She was successful, admired, andhad a strong sense of
capability.
But the fear surprised both ofus because trust me, she looked
(02:34):
anything but fearful.
I asked her to describe her fearwith an image without
hesitation.
She said, I feel like I'mrunning down a mountain, being
chased by a boulder.
You know that scene in IndianaJones?
This is what makes highfunctioning anxiety different
from other forms of anxiety.
She's not climbing a mountain.
(02:55):
She's running down one.
For many people with highfunctioning anxiety, their
energy levels are high.
Their anxiety doesn't paralyzethem.
It fuels them.
But internally, they feel likethey're running for their lives.
And I'm here to say today, itdoesn't need to be this way.
(03:15):
I want to reassure you, you canget things done without feeling
the constant crush of a boulderbehind you.
Let's look at the science Highfunctioning anxiety is driven by
an overactive amygdala, theBrains Fear Center, which
constantly signals potentialthreats, even in non-threatening
(03:35):
situations.
Even though nothing she wasdoing was remotely dangerous,
this chronic activation of herstress response floods the body
with excess cortisol andadrenaline, which causes
restlessness, muscle tension,headaches, and difficulty
relaxing.
I ask my client.
Can you create a new image, onethat keeps the exhilaration, but
(03:58):
removes the fear?
She looked puzzled and said, no.
If I'm not plugged in, Iwouldn't get everything done.
If I'm not running down the hillbeing chased by a boulder, I
wouldn't be successful.
This is a common fear.
Many high achievers have.
They believe that their anxietyis what keeps them successful,
(04:20):
but in reality, it's not youranxiety that gets things done,
it's you.
Which leads me to coping skillnumber one: face the truth.
And the truth is this, highfunctioning anxiety isn't why
you get things done.
It's what keeps you fromenjoying getting things done.
(04:41):
Think about it.
There's nothing about anxietythat can help you be successful
at work.
There's nothing about anxietythat makes you a parent that
offers guidance and nurturance.
There's nothing about anxietythat helps you figure out how to
be a leader in your community.
Those are all skills thatthroughout your life you have
cultivated, developed, andworked hard to create.
(05:05):
It took my client 20 minutes ofconversation with me before she
would even consider looking ather high functioning anxiety in
a different way.
Finally, in a moment ofdesperation, I said, would you
just trust me for 10 minutes?
ground your feet.
Stop talking and see what imagecomes up, when I ask you to
(05:27):
reimagine how you could movethrough your life, being the
type A person you are, but notrunning from a boulder.
After a few seconds she smiledand said, I'm on one of those
flat escalators at a airportmoving gracefully.
What a beautiful response.
Facing the truth that you can besuccessful and competent without
(05:51):
being fear-driven may be acompletely new idea for you.
Take a moment and take thatidea, that concept in ask
yourself.
How often is fear driving you?
Fear to succeed, fear of howothers perceive you.
Fear of being left behind, fearof not being enough.
(06:16):
If this resonates with you,you've already embraced coping
skill.
Number one, face the truth thatfear has been fueling your
success.
And in that case, an update isneeded, which leads us to coping
skill number two, I want you toupdate your self image.
Maybe in earlier years youdidn't feel good enough, but
(06:39):
look at yourself now.
Wow.
You have abilities.
You have skills at work, home,and in your relationships.
Look at everything you're doingright, not what you're doing
wrong.
Now, ask yourself, am I reallyunder threat?
Nope.
(06:59):
It's time for an update.
What will be your new image tomove from fear to calm.
My client pictured herselfmoving through her day on an
airport escalator.
Maybe for some of you it'sriding a bike peacefully as you
do the tasks and theresponsibilities that you have
(07:21):
in midlife for me, when I findmyself getting wound up, I just
put my mind on an image of ablue sky.
Now, I want you to create yourown image.
Picture yourself moving throughyour day with that same Inner
peace and calm you're movingforward, grounded in your
abilities, grounded in yourself,getting things done without a
(07:45):
sense of urgency, without asense of fear.
Doing this activates yourparasympathetic nervous system.
Which basically means you'rerelaxing yourself.
Yes, you can get stuff done andbe relaxed.
Though, to do this, you actuallyhave to decide you want to do
this.
(08:06):
It takes a bit of intention, alittle bit of effort and desire.
It's actually fun to move frombeing stressed to calm.
Imagine yourself, in your cardriving to pick your kids up
from practice, and you feel thissense of urgency.
But this time you notice it, youcatch yourself and you remind
(08:27):
yourself, oh, I'm not afirefighter.
I'm a calm, middle aged,competent adult.
I can take some breaths and Ican drive my car with a sense of
peace and calm.
Maybe you put a song on that'srelaxing.
Maybe you choose a book or apodcast that really helps you
(08:47):
get centered, Coping skillnumber two gives your mind a new
image in which to tether yourday.
You're gently moving it tosomething that is calming and
peaceful.
And that leads me to copingskill number three, and that is
downshifting your thoughts formy have to, to I get to.
(09:08):
I have to, is a mantra formidlife people.
You have a lot on your plate andyes, much of it is not optional.
What I wanna encourage you to dois notice how you're approaching
whatever it is that you'regetting ready to do.
A number of years ago when mymom was in her nineties, I had a
(09:30):
lot of responsibility in helpingcare for her between work and
kids, my podcast, all that I hadgoing.
I tried to get over to see herfive or six days of the week.
But sometimes the demands on mylife were such that I couldn't
get there, and that weight Icarried in a really unhealthy
way.
(09:50):
But I used this coping skillnumber three one day when I was
driving over to see her, and Icaught my thought and I said, I
have to go see her.
And then I thought, do I.
Do I have to go see her or do Iget to go see her?
In that moment when I changedthe way I thought about visiting
(10:12):
my mother, my heart meltedbecause when your mother is 91,
you know that eventually shewill not be around and the have
to really is much more of a getto I had created self-imposed
pressure that I needed to go seeher every day, when actually I
wanted to go see her.
(10:32):
And that's coping skill numberthree.
One of the beautiful things thathappens when you look at your
thoughts and you ask yourself,do I really have to do this or
do I get to do this?
This is a really quickassessment tool of do you want
to do this yes, there are somethings that you have to do.
(10:53):
Taxes, picking your kids up fromschool, but there's a lot of
things that you can opt out ofbecause you don't have to do
them.
Here's another example.
Once I was driving to a workshopthat I did once a year at night,
I had done this workshop 15times before and I was in a rush
to get there, and I thought tomyself, I have to do this
(11:16):
workshop tonight.
I noticed my thought and Ichanged it.
I get to do this.
Immediately a new thoughtfollowed.
I'm so sick of doing thisworkshop, just paying attention
to my thought.
Help me realize that it was timefor me to let this job go as
much as I used to enjoy it.
(11:38):
I had really outgrown wanting todo this experience.
Coping skill number three isnoticing what your thought is
saying.
I have to often drive fear andshifting to I get to can give
you clarity with my mother.
The clarity was a deepappreciation with the workshop.
(12:02):
The clarity was, this issomething I don't wanna do
anymore.
In this podcast, I'm encouragingyou to not let your high
functioning anxiety run yourlife.
In this episode, I've definedhigh functioning anxiety, and
I've given you three copingskills.
Face the truth.
Fear isn't what makes yousuccessful.
(12:24):
Update your self image.
You are capable without anxietyand shift from, I have to to I
get to this rewires yourperspective this week, your
Inner Challenge is to changeyour mindset when it comes to
high functioning anxiety.
Create your own calming image.
Use it throughout the day toshift from fear to calm and
(12:48):
catch yourself saying, I haveto, and reframe it as I get to.
Let's turn anxiety into a toolthat works for you, not against
you.
I'll be back on Thursday toexplore two unexpected ways that
high functioning anxiety addsextra work to your daily life,
(13:08):
and more importantly, how tobreak the cycle so you can carve
out time to truly unwind.
Thanks for listening to creatingMidlife Calm.
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