Ep. 151 Practical Coping Skills to Ease Emotional and Physical Fatigue During a Crisis in Midlife

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Are you blaming yourself for being too tired in a crisis?
Loss, illness, or major life upheaval can leave you emotionally raw and physically depleted. 

In this episode you’ll discover:

1. Why exhaustion hits so hard during crisis and doable ways to get more energy. 
2. Simple but effective coping skills to regulate your nervous system to improve your sleep and stay grounded. 
3. How to find strength in receiving care from others — even if that’s uncomfortable for you

This is your permission slip to stop pretending you’re fine.
Listen now to reclaim your energy, your mindset, and your midlife calm.

Resources Mentioned in Episode! (Enjoy!!) 

Andrew Huberman Meditation: Non Sleep Deep Rest  (NSDR)  Meditation: https://www.hubermanlab.com/nsdr#practice-nsdr

Tara Brach Meditation: Reducing Anxiety and Getting to Sleep

 https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-anxiety-sleep-18min/

 

 

 

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Episode Transcript

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover how to
cope with that soul crushingfatigue that comes with a
crisis.

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW ( (00:07):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a
podcast dedicated to empoweringmidlife minds to overcome
anxiety, stop feeling like crapand become more present with
your family, all while achievinggreater success at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of

(00:28):
experience teaching mentalwellness.
Welcome to the podcast.
If you listen to Monday'sepisode, you know, we explored
how to ground yourself when lifefalls apart, how to anchor
during emotional shock and begintending to and befriending
yourself through unimaginablepain and a new reality you never

(00:48):
imagined you would face.
Today, I wanna take the nextstep with you because once that
first wave of crisis rollsthrough, after the shock, the
phone calls the sleeplessnights.
You may find yourself facing aquieter but equally difficult

companion (01:05):
exhaustion.
Not just being tired.
I'm talking about a deep soullevel, fatigue that comes from
holding so much fear, griefdecisions, uncertainty, all
while trying to remember to takeout the garbage, meet your
family's needs and figure outyour work life.

(01:26):
In today's episode, I'm gonnatalk about how crisis exhaustion
is biological, not weakness.
What you can do when you'rerunning on empty, and why
receiving, truly receiving is acourageous and vital part of
healing.
Before we dive into exhaustion.
Let's reflect.

(01:46):
How'd you do with Monday's innerchallenge?
I have to admit, when I was donetaping Monday's episode, I had a
bit of guilt.
Why would I be asking you totake on an inner challenge when
your life at this moment is incrisis?
So if you didn't do it, noproblem, but if you did take on
Monday's challenge, I encourageyou to notice your mindset in

(02:10):
the storm.
Are you raging, blaming,unclaiming?
Is your mind too overwhelmed toeven have a mindset and you're
mostly just going through themotions.
Maybe Monday's episodes stirredsomething deep within you that
whispered as awful and scary asthis is maybe you could soften a
bit.

(02:30):
Maybe you could tend to befriendyourself.
Maybe you could show your hearta bit of care and compassion in
this unimaginable situation.
Your mindset is dynamic.
Checking in with yourself mightbe a new coping skill as you
learn to weather this difficulttime.
Remember, you're not expected toknow how to navigate the

(02:52):
unexpected until you're in thethick of it.
Think about it.
Who walks around acting liketheir house is burned down, if
it hasn't.
Give yourself the same grace.
You're learning to move througha challenge that changed
everything and your mindset isone of your new tools.
Which brings me to one of thebiggest obstacles in crisis:

(03:14):
exhaustion.
When a crisis hits, you're notjust dealing with the event
itself, you're also dealing withwhat your body is doing in
response.
Your nervous system jumps intofull alert, fight, flight, or
freeze, and that state burns youenergy faster than you realize.
Add to that, the emotionalweight of sadness, fear, anger,

(03:36):
or loss, and your entire systemcan feel completely overwhelmed.
One of my clients whose spouserecently died, is facing a
severe medical crisis.
Last week, she said to me, Ishouldn't be so tired.
I can't even focus enough to getmy taxes together, which was
never a problem in her historybecause she worked in the

(03:59):
financial industry.
Many people I work with try topush through.
Perhaps you find yourselfsaying, I shouldn't be this
tired, or I have too much to doto rest.
But here's the truth, beingtired in a crisis isn't
weakness.
It's biology.
It's your body saying, I needcare too.

(04:21):
This kind of weariness isn'tsolved by one good night of
sleep.
It takes tending, it takescompassion.
So what can you do when you'recompletely depleted?
First, give yourself permissionto rest.
Even small moments, a nap, fiveminutes of stillness, a walk
around the block, or simplylying down and breathing slowly

(04:44):
for two minutes.
These aren't luxuries in acrisis.
These are necessities for yournervous system to have a chance
to recover.
If you can't sleep, don't fightit.
Shift to relaxing.
Put on a comforting song.
Let it wash over you.
Make a playlist for this crisis.

(05:05):
Have it be a companion for youin this crisis.
Try NSDR, nons Sleep Deep Rest.
A 10 minute meditation techniquethat's been used for centuries
to restore the body.
Or listen to Tara Brock'smeditations.
She got me through manysleepless nights.
I learned that even when mysleep was severely compromised,

(05:29):
just resting without reachingfor my phone, offered a bit of
restorative healing.
In the show notes I'll link bothof these meditations so you can
easily find them.
And of course, talk with yourdoctor about whether any over
the counter or prescriptionsleep aids might be of help.
This is also a great time torevisit the five sleep hacks I

(05:52):
discussed in episode 95.
And don't be afraid to say itout loud.
I am so tired.
Just naming your exhaustion canease some of its weight.
You don't have to pretend you'reokay.
You can tend to befriend yourfatigue too.
One of the biggest challenges ina crisis is the expectation that

(06:15):
you can keep your life the samewhile also managing the crisis.
I'm sick, but I won't miss a dayof work.
My child is suffering, but I canstill volunteer.
I lost my job, but I won't cutback on the kids'
extracurriculars.
This is common in the earlystages of acclimating to a new
and painful reality.

(06:36):
When life changes in an instant,you don't fully understand what
it means until you've lived withit for a while.
Give yourself permission toconsistently reassess what this
crisis is asking of you.
Think of your energy, likemoney.
You may not have it to spend inthe same way you used to.

(06:57):
Pausing your volunteer work,lowering your standards at home
and work.
It's not failing it's wisdom,it's energy conservation.
Now, what if your crisis hastaken your job from you?
Maybe you're too sick to work.
Maybe you were laid off.
Work grounds us.
It gives us purpose, direction,and often a sense of worth.

(07:20):
Losing that can be one of thegreatest energy drains of all.
I've worked with many people inthis situation, and over the
years I've seen two helpfulpaths emerge.
The first is to lean into yourpainful journey with a new lens.
One of my clients grieving thedeath of her child, told me that
after nine months of despair,she had a small insight.

(07:42):
What if I approached this theway I approached a promotion at
work?
What if I learned what this newjob was asking of me?
For her that tiny shift changedeverything I.
Can you gently andcompassionately nudge your
mindset to become a learner inthe midst of this loss?
There are countless onlineresources and support groups.

(08:05):
If you like many think Agroup's, not for me, I totally
get it, but just try two orthree sessions at most.
Doesn't matter if it's online orin person.
Remember, you can't quitsomething you haven't started.
The second path is spiritual.

(08:25):
What does this crisis mean?
How can you learn about yourselfHow can you find meaning in this
terrible thing?
How can this experience make youkinder, more compassionate?
A dear friend of mine who hascancer wrote on her Caring
Bridge page.
My journey is not about beingtough enough, it's about being

(08:48):
present and in step with eachstage, I've learned to give up
control and let gratitude guideme.
She told me that shifting fromfighting cancer to surviving and
being in the moment made hermore tender, more grateful
mostly with herself.
Spiritual connection has noformula.

(09:10):
It's the part of you that stillfeels love, compassion, and
gratitude even in the storm.
If you don't know how to accessthis, there are many wise
professionals and perhaps someof your friends that would be
more than willing to help youfind it.
Calming the storm is done bestwith others, and that's one of

(09:32):
the secrets of survivingexhaustion.
This brings me to another copingskill, one that feels
surprisingly vulnerable for manyin midlife: receiving.
At this stage of life we'reoften the caregivers, the
helpers, the fixers.
Midlife is
your

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (2 (09:50):
prime.
So when crisis hits, yourinstinct may be to isolate, to
keep it all in.
To not be a burden, but healingdoesn't happen in isolation.
You were never meant to face thehardest moments of your life
alone.
One of the trickiest parts of acrisis is that at first you may
need to be alone.

(10:11):
People reach out and you don'thave the energy to respond.
They ask you how they can helpand you have no idea, that's
okay.
That phase is natural.
But when the time comes, whenyou catch your breath, don't be
afraid to reach out.
Text a friend and say, I'vecaught my breath.
Things are still awful.

(10:33):
But I could use your help.
Letting others care for you,even in small ways, is one of
the bravest things you can do.
Coach yourself through thediscomfort.
When someone brings a meal,pause, let their kindness sink
in.
Instead of staying armored upand saying you shouldn't have.
Allow yourself to feel theirgenerosity.

(10:54):
If you struggle to receive, askyourself.
Would you want a stranger inthis same situation to receive
this gift?
It can be helpful to reflect onwhere your beliefs around
receiving were shaped.
Were you praised for beingself-sufficient as a child
shamed for having needs?
This type of awareness oftenspurred on by a crisis can help

(11:16):
you transform those old patternsinto healthier ways of adapting
and coping.
Give yourself permission to groweven if it feels awkward and
uncomfortable.
Start where you are with theshame, fear, anxiety, but gently
move your mind toward gratitude.

(11:37):
In 2008, one of my midlifeclients lost his job in the
housing crash.
He resisted using food stampsand visiting the food bank out
of shame, but desperationeventually led him there.
Two years later, as his familyregained stability, he said to
me.
I used to judge people whoneeded help, but one day at the

(11:59):
food bank, a woman working theshelves looked at him and said,
I'm so glad you're here whenyou're back on your feet.
I hope you volunteer.
That's what I did.
Her words changed him.
Receiving, truly receiving plantseeds of gratitude that grow
into generosity.

(12:19):
Receiving is not weakness.
It's how we connect with thetruth that we are loved, even
when we're struggling, even whenwe're not at our best.
In this episode, we explored howexhaustion in the midst of a
crisis isn't a weakness, it'sjust simply biological.
We also looked at what you cando when you're running on empty

(12:43):
and why receiving, trulylearning to receive is a
courageous and vital part ofhealing.
You're not alone in yourexhaustion, and you don't have
to walk this road by yourself.
Let rest in, let love in, letcare in.
If someone in your life is goingthrough a hard time, send them

(13:04):
this episode.
Sometimes the most healing wordswe can hear are, I'm thinking of
you.
Thanks for listening.
I'll be back on Monday with moreCreating Midlife Calm.