July 24, 2025 • 12 mins
Are your quick-fix habits like snacking, scrolling, or venting actually increasing your anxiety?
Most midlife coping habits bring temporary comfort—but they can sabotage your long-term calm.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- Two free, science-backed coping skills that calm anxiety fast
- A simple coping skill to decrease your stress response and boost sleep
- A 90-second habit to ground yourself when anxiety hijacks your focus
Listen now to learn how to stop the stress cycle and finally feel more present and in control.
****
About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.
Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover two
free science-backed copingskills that can calm your
anxiety fast and naturally.
Built-in Microphone (00:09):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast
dedicated to empowering midlifeminds to overcome anxiety, stop
feeling like crap and becomemore present with your family,
all while achieving greatersuccess at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
(00:30):
experience teaching mentalwellness.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:34):
Welcome to the podcast.
If you've ever found yourselfstress eating in the kitchen
endlessly scrolling on yourphone or venting to someone and
feeling worse afterwards, you'renot alone.
In this episode, you'll discovertwo science backed ways to
reduce anxiety that won't cost acent and can actually boost your
(00:54):
energy and improve your sleep.
In episode 1 79, we talked aboutthree common coping habits that
backfire when it comes tomidlife anxiety, snacking to
soothe emotional discomfort,scrolling to escape hard
feelings, spilling, talking toomuch, too fast, too often as a
(01:16):
way to discharge anxiety insteadof processing it.
If you are like most Midlifers,you reach for these habits
instinctively.
They offer a quick hit ofcomfort, but they don't address
the deeper dysregulation thatanxiety brings to your body and
mind.
I can't wait to share today'sskills with you because I've
(01:38):
seen them work not just with myclients, but in my own life as
well, first, let's check in.
How'd you do with Monday's InnerChallenge?
We practiced the power of thepause to stop in the moment and
notice before you snack, scroll,or spill.
(01:58):
Did you know that pausing isactually a skill?
It may sound simple, but whenyour body is ramped up with
anxiety, pausing becomes anOlympic moment.
It takes real self-awareness tocatch what's happening in your
mind and body and not go intoautopilot.
Even if you remember to pausejust once or twice this week,
(02:21):
that is a huge win.
You're training your nervoussystem to respond with awareness
instead of reaction, and that isno small thing.
I often recommend putting a fewpost-it notes around that.
Simply say, pause or notice.
It's a gentle nudge to bring youback to yourself.
(02:44):
So now the question becomes,what do you do after the pause
when you notice you're anxious?
Today I want to offer two copingskills that truly help.
They're grounded in research andI've taught them for nearly four
decades, one of my favoritetestaments to their success is
that both my junior highstudents and the Notre Dame
(03:05):
football players began usingthese on their own without any
prompting from me.
I.
Coping skill number one is asimple mindfulness practice.
I call notice on the outside.
Hold on, don't click out.
When you hear the wordmindfulness, all mindfulness
means is that you're moving yourmind where you want it to go.
(03:28):
Basically, you're stopping thesteal, reclaiming your attention
from anxiety.
Let me give you a real lifeexample.
One of my children is currentlyunemployed and working hard to
find a job.
One morning I read a headline onApple News that said the lower
rungs of the job ladder havedisappeared.
(03:48):
My body tensed up immediately.
My mind started to lean intocatastrophizing, but with the
superpower of self-awareness.
I noticed and paused.
I put my phone down, and next tome was a key ring For 90
seconds.
I gently breathed and studiedthe pattern on the key and the
word stamped on it.
(04:09):
Do not duplicate.
And just like that, my mindbegan shifting.
Yes, that is the power ofmindfulness.
Instead of my mind runningamuck, I brought it to a simple
key.
And after about 60 seconds.
I had a chuckle.
(04:31):
I thought to myself, well, thereis no need to duplicate anxiety.
The job will come.
She's doing all the right thingswith a clearer mind.
I set down my phone.
I.
Notice on the outside is simple.
Look around, really look andchoose something neutral or
pleasant to focus on.
(04:52):
It could be the light on thewall, a coffee mug, the bark on
a tree.
Don't make it difficult.
Move your attention to theobject and breathe slowly.
Staying with that image for 60to 90 seconds.
Why does this work?
Because anxiety pulls yourattention inward into a loop of
(05:14):
what ifs and catastrophizing.
It's important to remember thatmany of your anxious thoughts
aren't based in reality.
Their fear.
Remember, anxiety belongs to thefear family, and you don't have
to keep showing up for thatreunion.
Noticing something outsideyourself grounds your mind in
(05:35):
the present and gently calmsyour nervous system.
And from that more subtle place,you'll think more clearly.
And respond more effectively.
Anxiety, can make youunintentionally self-focused.
And just realizing this can giveyou motivation to use these
simple hacks, not only so youfeel better, but for the health
(05:58):
of your relationships.
This leads me to coping skillnumber two, walk just.
walk.
I've been in Ireland for a monthbecause of my husband's job, and
I've been walking everywhere andyou know what?
It is shocking how littleanxiety I feel.
(06:19):
Walking is one of the mostunderrated mental health tools
we have.
It decreases anxiety, itimproves sleep, it boosts
energy, and it even helps youlose weight.
If I could gift you any onecoping skill, it would be this
walk with the intention ofeventually reaching 7,000 steps
(06:41):
a day.
Why 7,000?
Because that's what researchtells us we need for physical
and mental wellbeing.
Turns out 7,000 is where thescience back benefits kick in.
Your movement regulates stresshormones, boost brain oxygen and
releases endorphins.
Plus it creates a rhythm leftfoot.
(07:03):
Right foot, which soothes thenervous system.
Now I'm going to add a twist andyou might not love it.
Try to make 10 to 15 minutes ofyour walking mindful.
Here's what that means.
No earbuds.
No scrolling.
Just feel your feet.
Notice your breath.
(07:24):
Observe the air on your face.
Is it thick with heat andhumidity or crisp with the
morning air?
Take in the sights.
The smells, the rhythm of yoursteps mindfully.
Be aware of all of your sensesas you walk.
One of my midlife clients wasgoing through a tough season at
work.
(07:45):
Despite good progress intherapy, she still came home
anxious and drained.
I asked her to look at her stepsduring our session, and on
average, she was walking 2000steps a day.
After sharing with her thescience, she agreed to up her
steps to 7,000.
What did she do?
She parked farther away from theoffice and added a 15 minute
(08:08):
mindful walk at lunch.
At first, she hated it.
She had never walked withoutlistening to music or a podcast.
As she walked, her mindinitially kept ruminating about
work, thoughts about the projectshe was working on, feeling
annoyed at a coworker who wasn'tpulling her weight on a project.
But around day three, shestarted noticing the flowers in
(08:32):
the park.
And out of nowhere, a littlemantra surfaced.
It's only a job.
It's only a job.
That mantra was calming rightsizing work, and it stayed with
her.
She even began to intentionallysay it as she walked from the
far end of the parking garage.
(08:52):
A week later, another mantrapopped up, leave work at work,
be at home.
She found herself walking aroundthe block after work.
Earbuds out repeating that linegently to herself.
On most days, those three walkstotaled about 20 to 25 minutes
(09:14):
and almost 3000 steps, leavingonly 2000 more to hit her goal.
But what surprised her the mostby being more present and less
distracted, she startedconnecting with positive
messages, ones that were thereall along, but buried beneath
her initial anxiety and herconstant stream of entertainment
(09:36):
on her phone.
She wasn't spending enough timewith herself to hear them.
Whether it's walking at lunchgently reminding yourself it's
only a job, or walking to yourcar after work, letting go of
the day and whispering, I'm donewith work for the day.
Mindful steps, give your anxietysomewhere to go.
(09:58):
It interrupts the snack scroll,spell loop.
It also improves your heart ratevariability and vagal tone.
Both linked to reduced anxietyand better sleep as you move
through the rest of your week,just notice where could you take
90 seconds to notice somethingoutside of you?
(10:19):
When could a short walk withoutearbuds be a gift?
To your nervous system, yourbody is built to move, but our
culture tells you that onlyintense workouts count that
simply is not true.
A little walking goes a longway.
And remember, your steps don'thave to all come at once.
(10:41):
Try walking while you're waitingto pick up your kids.
Circle the soccer field duringpractice.
Take a walking call with acolleague something I am adding
this month to my self-care iswalking after dinner.
New research shows that just twoto 10 minutes of walking after
dinner lowers blood sugar,improves sleep, and calms your
(11:02):
nervous system.
Listen to a podcast blast yourfavorite music, call a friend.
But don't forget, there's a lotof wisdom inside you and
sometimes you need a quietstructure, like a mindful walk
to hear it.
In this episode, you'vediscovered two science-backed
coping habits to replace theurge to snack, scroll and spill
(11:27):
one.
Notice on the outside givingyour mind a calming anchor in
moments of emotional overwhelm.
Two walking 7,000 steps a daywith 10 to 20 minutes of mindful
walking to help your body andmind get in sync from the
beginning of time.
Humans have walked and walkedand walked.
(11:50):
So lace up your shoes or kick'emoff and let your body and mind
reconnect so you naturally moveto a place of calm.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Monday with more
creating midlife calm.
In this episode, you'll discover two
free science-backed copingskills that can calm your
anxiety fast and naturally.
Built-in Microphone (00:09):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast
dedicated to empowering midlifeminds to overcome anxiety, stop
feeling like crap and becomemore present with your family,
all while achieving greatersuccess at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
(00:30):
experience teaching mentalwellness.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:34):
Welcome to the podcast.
If you've ever found yourselfstress eating in the kitchen
endlessly scrolling on yourphone or venting to someone and
feeling worse afterwards, you'renot alone.
In this episode, you'll discovertwo science backed ways to
reduce anxiety that won't cost acent and can actually boost your
(00:54):
energy and improve your sleep.
In episode 1 79, we talked aboutthree common coping habits that
backfire when it comes tomidlife anxiety, snacking to
soothe emotional discomfort,scrolling to escape hard
feelings, spilling, talking toomuch, too fast, too often as a
(01:16):
way to discharge anxiety insteadof processing it.
If you are like most Midlifers,you reach for these habits
instinctively.
They offer a quick hit ofcomfort, but they don't address
the deeper dysregulation thatanxiety brings to your body and
mind.
I can't wait to share today'sskills with you because I've
(01:38):
seen them work not just with myclients, but in my own life as
well, first, let's check in.
How'd you do with Monday's InnerChallenge?
We practiced the power of thepause to stop in the moment and
notice before you snack, scroll,or spill.
(01:58):
Did you know that pausing isactually a skill?
It may sound simple, but whenyour body is ramped up with
anxiety, pausing becomes anOlympic moment.
It takes real self-awareness tocatch what's happening in your
mind and body and not go intoautopilot.
Even if you remember to pausejust once or twice this week,
(02:21):
that is a huge win.
You're training your nervoussystem to respond with awareness
instead of reaction, and that isno small thing.
I often recommend putting a fewpost-it notes around that.
Simply say, pause or notice.
It's a gentle nudge to bring youback to yourself.
(02:44):
So now the question becomes,what do you do after the pause
when you notice you're anxious?
Today I want to offer two copingskills that truly help.
They're grounded in research andI've taught them for nearly four
decades, one of my favoritetestaments to their success is
that both my junior highstudents and the Notre Dame
(03:05):
football players began usingthese on their own without any
prompting from me.
I.
Coping skill number one is asimple mindfulness practice.
I call notice on the outside.
Hold on, don't click out.
When you hear the wordmindfulness, all mindfulness
means is that you're moving yourmind where you want it to go.
(03:28):
Basically, you're stopping thesteal, reclaiming your attention
from anxiety.
Let me give you a real lifeexample.
One of my children is currentlyunemployed and working hard to
find a job.
One morning I read a headline onApple News that said the lower
rungs of the job ladder havedisappeared.
(03:48):
My body tensed up immediately.
My mind started to lean intocatastrophizing, but with the
superpower of self-awareness.
I noticed and paused.
I put my phone down, and next tome was a key ring For 90
seconds.
I gently breathed and studiedthe pattern on the key and the
word stamped on it.
(04:09):
Do not duplicate.
And just like that, my mindbegan shifting.
Yes, that is the power ofmindfulness.
Instead of my mind runningamuck, I brought it to a simple
key.
And after about 60 seconds.
I had a chuckle.
(04:31):
I thought to myself, well, thereis no need to duplicate anxiety.
The job will come.
She's doing all the right thingswith a clearer mind.
I set down my phone.
I.
Notice on the outside is simple.
Look around, really look andchoose something neutral or
pleasant to focus on.
(04:52):
It could be the light on thewall, a coffee mug, the bark on
a tree.
Don't make it difficult.
Move your attention to theobject and breathe slowly.
Staying with that image for 60to 90 seconds.
Why does this work?
Because anxiety pulls yourattention inward into a loop of
(05:14):
what ifs and catastrophizing.
It's important to remember thatmany of your anxious thoughts
aren't based in reality.
Their fear.
Remember, anxiety belongs to thefear family, and you don't have
to keep showing up for thatreunion.
Noticing something outsideyourself grounds your mind in
(05:35):
the present and gently calmsyour nervous system.
And from that more subtle place,you'll think more clearly.
And respond more effectively.
Anxiety, can make youunintentionally self-focused.
And just realizing this can giveyou motivation to use these
simple hacks, not only so youfeel better, but for the health
(05:58):
of your relationships.
This leads me to coping skillnumber two, walk just.
walk.
I've been in Ireland for a monthbecause of my husband's job, and
I've been walking everywhere andyou know what?
It is shocking how littleanxiety I feel.
(06:19):
Walking is one of the mostunderrated mental health tools
we have.
It decreases anxiety, itimproves sleep, it boosts
energy, and it even helps youlose weight.
If I could gift you any onecoping skill, it would be this
walk with the intention ofeventually reaching 7,000 steps
(06:41):
a day.
Why 7,000?
Because that's what researchtells us we need for physical
and mental wellbeing.
Turns out 7,000 is where thescience back benefits kick in.
Your movement regulates stresshormones, boost brain oxygen and
releases endorphins.
Plus it creates a rhythm leftfoot.
(07:03):
Right foot, which soothes thenervous system.
Now I'm going to add a twist andyou might not love it.
Try to make 10 to 15 minutes ofyour walking mindful.
Here's what that means.
No earbuds.
No scrolling.
Just feel your feet.
Notice your breath.
(07:24):
Observe the air on your face.
Is it thick with heat andhumidity or crisp with the
morning air?
Take in the sights.
The smells, the rhythm of yoursteps mindfully.
Be aware of all of your sensesas you walk.
One of my midlife clients wasgoing through a tough season at
work.
(07:45):
Despite good progress intherapy, she still came home
anxious and drained.
I asked her to look at her stepsduring our session, and on
average, she was walking 2000steps a day.
After sharing with her thescience, she agreed to up her
steps to 7,000.
What did she do?
She parked farther away from theoffice and added a 15 minute
(08:08):
mindful walk at lunch.
At first, she hated it.
She had never walked withoutlistening to music or a podcast.
As she walked, her mindinitially kept ruminating about
work, thoughts about the projectshe was working on, feeling
annoyed at a coworker who wasn'tpulling her weight on a project.
But around day three, shestarted noticing the flowers in
(08:32):
the park.
And out of nowhere, a littlemantra surfaced.
It's only a job.
It's only a job.
That mantra was calming rightsizing work, and it stayed with
her.
She even began to intentionallysay it as she walked from the
far end of the parking garage.
(08:52):
A week later, another mantrapopped up, leave work at work,
be at home.
She found herself walking aroundthe block after work.
Earbuds out repeating that linegently to herself.
On most days, those three walkstotaled about 20 to 25 minutes
(09:14):
and almost 3000 steps, leavingonly 2000 more to hit her goal.
But what surprised her the mostby being more present and less
distracted, she startedconnecting with positive
messages, ones that were thereall along, but buried beneath
her initial anxiety and herconstant stream of entertainment
(09:36):
on her phone.
She wasn't spending enough timewith herself to hear them.
Whether it's walking at lunchgently reminding yourself it's
only a job, or walking to yourcar after work, letting go of
the day and whispering, I'm donewith work for the day.
Mindful steps, give your anxietysomewhere to go.
(09:58):
It interrupts the snack scroll,spell loop.
It also improves your heart ratevariability and vagal tone.
Both linked to reduced anxietyand better sleep as you move
through the rest of your week,just notice where could you take
90 seconds to notice somethingoutside of you?
(10:19):
When could a short walk withoutearbuds be a gift?
To your nervous system, yourbody is built to move, but our
culture tells you that onlyintense workouts count that
simply is not true.
A little walking goes a longway.
And remember, your steps don'thave to all come at once.
(10:41):
Try walking while you're waitingto pick up your kids.
Circle the soccer field duringpractice.
Take a walking call with acolleague something I am adding
this month to my self-care iswalking after dinner.
New research shows that just twoto 10 minutes of walking after
dinner lowers blood sugar,improves sleep, and calms your
(11:02):
nervous system.
Listen to a podcast blast yourfavorite music, call a friend.
But don't forget, there's a lotof wisdom inside you and
sometimes you need a quietstructure, like a mindful walk
to hear it.
In this episode, you'vediscovered two science-backed
coping habits to replace theurge to snack, scroll and spill
(11:27):
one.
Notice on the outside givingyour mind a calming anchor in
moments of emotional overwhelm.
Two walking 7,000 steps a daywith 10 to 20 minutes of mindful
walking to help your body andmind get in sync from the
beginning of time.
Humans have walked and walkedand walked.
(11:50):
So lace up your shoes or kick'emoff and let your body and mind
reconnect so you naturally moveto a place of calm.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Monday with more
creating midlife calm.
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