Ep. 181 – 3 Midlife Coping Skills to Manage Back-to-School Stress & Anxiety Without Passing It On to Your Family

Are you dreading the back-to-school transition—and noticing it’s affecting your whole household?

Back-to-school doesn’t have to mean breakdowns. You can lead with calm instead of chaos.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1.     The value of naming  your feelings about back-to-school.

2.     How understanding the difference between stress and anxiety can help you get sh*t done.

3.     Why your leadership matters—and how to guide your family through this transition with clarity and calm

Listen now to ease anxiety, model resilience, and build a household that’s steady even during stressful seasons. 🎧

 

Send us a text

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Episode Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover how to
manage your back to schoolanxiety and stress so you don't
pass it on to your family.

Built-in Microphone (00:08):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast
dedicated to empowering midlifeminds to overcome anxiety, stop
feeling like crap and becomemore present with your family,
all while achieving greatersuccess at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of

(00:29):
experience teaching mentalwellness.

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:32):
Welcome to the podcast.
Today we're diving into one ofthe most emotionally charged
seasons of the year, the back toschool transition.
Don't you find August confusing?
You're still in summer mode, butexpected to pivot into structure
schedules, and the ever-growingto-do list for Midlifers.
Labor Day doesn't feel like acelebration.

(00:53):
It feels like a call to duty.
If you've noticed more snapping,sighing, or shutting down in
your home, you're not alone.
Today, I'm gonna share threecoping skills to help you manage
this season without passing yourstress or your anxiety onto the
people you love.
Let me start with two real lifeexamples.

(01:14):
The first happened at the mall,you can see it, a mom and her
children were school shopping.
One child was carefully decidingon shoes.
You all know how important shoesare.
Then after about a minute ortwo, the mom snapped and she
said to her daughter, oh my God,make a decision.
I don't have time for this.

(01:35):
The child burst into tears.
The mom softened and apologized.
You've been there.
I've been there.
We've all been there.
Stress overflow.
Ouch.
Now, contrast that with thismoment from my niece and sister.
My niece, took her two8-year-old twins school shopping

(01:56):
afterwards the kids stopped byGrandma's house to show her all
the neat things they got.
spontaneously, they said, Hey,we're gonna do a fashion show
for you.
Despite my niece's busyschedule, she paused and joined
in.
My sister said it was so fun,but later I thought it was
actually a lot more than that.

(02:19):
Children need to try on thistransition, and they can't do
that unless the adults in theirlives create space for it.
And that begins surprisinglywith the adults first, making a
bit of space for themselves.
And that leads me to copingskill number one, whether you're
a parent or a grandparenthelping with this back to school

(02:40):
transition, do your Inner workname.
Tame and aim.
This is gonna take you about 10to 15 minutes.
You can do it anywhere, but youneed to do it alone.
Stop and pause and ask yourself,what does it feel like to
prepare your family for back toschool?

(03:01):
Take a pause and notice there'sno right answer, no judgment
Maybe you feel dread or reliefor a mixture of both, or maybe
the thought of it makes you feelnumb.
Just Sit with whatever surfaces.
And then pause and take amoment.
Let it float around in your mindand then breathe.

(03:24):
In fact, take a pause right nowand notice what is surfacing in
you.
Perhaps you're realizing thatyou don't want school to start.
If that's you, just say it outloud.
Name it.
I really don't wanna do this.
One client when I asked her todo this looked up at me and
said, I want my mother.

(03:46):
She made this look easy.
Of course, you want someone tomake it look easy.
But shockingly, you are thatperson.
here's the truth.
If you give yourself space tofeel what you feel, you can hold
space for your child's feelingstoo.
Your children mirror you whenyou do your Inner work.

(04:07):
You help them do theirs.
So skill number one is this.
Name what you feel.
Tame the overwhelm.
And aim your energyintentionally.
And that leads me to copingskill number two, separate
stress from anxiety.
I talked about this in episodes180 1 and 180 2.

(04:29):
It's especially relevant now.
Back to school means newclothes, new schedules, more
transportation, meal prep fees,medical forms, and your regular
life doesn't stop.
Here's the key difference.
When you are paying attention towhat's going on inside of you,
you are able to separate outstress and anxiety.

(04:53):
Stress is what you need to do.
Anxiety is what you fear mighthappen.
Stress says, I need to registermy kids for soccer.
Anxiety says, what if they hateit?
And I wasted the money.
Stress says we don't know whotheir teacher is yet.
Anxiety says, what if they don'tget the really good teacher in

(05:14):
their grade?
Sorting reality from ruminationgives you clarity, action
grounds you, anxiety pulls youinto the future.
The beauty of coping skillnumber two is this.
You can notice when you'respinning anxious stories and
return to the next right step.

(05:34):
And remember, you're notpreparing your child to float
through calm waters.
You're teaching them how tosteer through waves, which leads
us to coping skill Number three,become the leader Your kids
need.
This is where it all comestogether.
Have you ever noticed how wenever quite feel our age?
At 16, you felt all grown up.

(05:56):
Now raising kids, you may feelnot quite grown up enough.
That disconnect can keep youfrom stepping into your agency,
your power, your role as theleader in your family, but now
is the time.
You are the lighthouse, not thetugboat.
You don't need to drag everyonethrough this transition.

(06:18):
You just need to be a calm andvisible presence that lights the
way.
So ask yourself, what kind ofleader do you want to be in your
child's education?
What messages am I sending mychildren about?
School learning and effort?
Let's not forget something soimportant.

(06:38):
School is the most essentialpart of childhood.
Because if you're listening tothis podcast, I am taking for
granted that your children aresurrounded by adults who love
them.
When you get clear about theimportance of school in your
children's life, that claritywill not only help you lead, but

(06:59):
will help them know what tofollow.
Sure some dropouts becomemillionaires, but as I always
told my junior high students,let's not plan on you being the
exception, but rather plan onyou needing to know how to read,
write, and do arithmetic.
Without being successful inschool, and I don't mean

(07:20):
everybody needs to be thevaledictorian, your child's life
will be limited.
Imagine your life withouteducation.
Imagine your child's lifewithout education, your
community's life withouteducation.
The world without education.
Just doing this thoughtexperiment can help you shift
from seeing school as a burdento really being grateful to its

(07:44):
role in our life.
Can you see school as a sacredtask and you are shepherding the
next generation through whatreally is this incredible
opportunity?
School is a community project,one of the greatest that has
ever been created.
So show up for the transitionlike you would for a

(08:05):
championship game or the openingnight of a play.
Reconnect with a deeper purposeof creating a home where your
children's education is apriority.
There's a place for homework andthere's assistance and time for
it to be done without them beingdistracted.
Remember, you're not alone.
The teachers are your partners.

(08:27):
You are the leader and that formany parents is a bit of a
shock.
If you step into this, I wannathank you in advance because the
return on the investment isimmeasurable, not just for your
child.
Not just for you, but for me andmy children and my
grandchildren.

(08:48):
And this leads me to this week'sInner Challenge.
I want you to reflect on theemotional tone that you want to
lead with this school year.
Pick one word, peaceful, steady,lighthearted.
Strong present.
Whatever your word is, andthere's a lot others than the
ones I just suggested.

(09:10):
Write it on sticky notes, putthem where you'll see them.
The mirror, the refrigerator.
Your planner.
Leadership.
Isn't about being the loudestvoice.
It's actually about being thecalm center.
You don't need to controleverything.
You need to lead with intention.
In this episode, you'vediscovered the importance of

(09:31):
naming, taming, and aiming yourfeelings as you lead your family
through the transition ofreturning to school, I've
encouraged you to notice andseparate your stress from
anxiety and step into breathwork and manage your mind and
move it to a healthier place.
And lastly, to step into yourrole as the lighthouse.

(09:56):
A calm, intentional leader thathelps your children see the way
with more clarity, moregratitude, and probably a bit of
a plan.
What I've seen over the years isthis, when parents take just a
little time to reflect, theyhave the clarity and energy to
help their children do the same.

(10:18):
And that's what I plan to talkabout on Thursday, how to build
a peaceful morning routine soyour family can get out the door
without stress and anxiety.
It'll be practical and doable.
If you have friends also goingthrough this transition, forward
this podcast to them.

(10:38):
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Thursday with more
Creating midlife Calm.