Are your mornings setting the tone for anxiety—or for calm?
Peaceful mornings aren’t a personality trait—they’re a midlife leadership skill you can learn and teach.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
1. How to use coping skills that shift your mornings from chaos to calm
2. Why peaceful mornings begin the night before—with structure and buy-in
3. How to lead your household like a lighthouse, not a drill sergeant
Start your day with more connection, less yelling, and a routine that actually works—for you and your kids. 🎧
****
About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.
Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover how to
create peaceful mornings todecrease your family stress and
anxiety.
Built-in Microphone (00:08):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast
dedicated to empowering midlifeminds to overcome anxiety, stop
feeling like crap and becomemore present with your family,
all while achieving greatersuccess at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
(00:29):
experience teaching mentalwellness.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:32):
Welcome to the podcast.
As promised on Monday.
Today's episode is meant tosupport you as you lead your
family through the back toschool transition.
I'm going to share my PeacefulMornings protocol created when
my kids were five and seven, andmornings were anything but
peaceful.
You'll learn how calm morningsbegin the night before, how to
(00:54):
build a routine that works foryour unique household and why
your role as a steady, calmleader, your family's lighthouse
can change everything.
I'll also share some clinicalstories of families who went
from chaos to calm, so you canbegin to imagine how to help
your children master theessential life skill of a
(01:16):
successful morning routine.
On Monday, episode 180 1, Iasked you to reflect on the
emotional tone you want to leadwith this school year.
And to choose one word, a wordto anchor yourself in.
Maybe you chose peaceful,steady.
Lighthearted, strong or present.
(01:38):
You were invited to write thatword on sticky notes and place
them where you'd see them on themirror, the refrigerator, your
planner.
Because leadership isn't aboutbeing the loudest voice.
It's about being the calmcenter.
You don't need to controleverything.
You need to lead with intention.
And that's what PeacefulMornings is about, creating a
(02:01):
protocol, a morning routine thateveryone understands, buys into,
and helps execute.
Let's be honest, in midlife,your mind is pulled in 10
directions Before breakfast,should I work out?
Did I sign the field trip form?
Who's doing pickup today?
That's exactly why.
(02:22):
Seeing yourself as a leader, theproject manager of mornings is
helpful.
A leader sees the big pictureand creates a process that gets
the job done.
You're not there to control thestorm.
You're the lighthouse.
You're guiding your family bybuilding consistent calming
routines and assigning eachperson their role.
(02:45):
In this case, the project ispeaceful Mornings, everyone up
dressed, fed.
And out the door on time.
I know this sounds impossible,but I have done this with
hundreds of families and it isreally worth your 10 minutes to
listen to this podcast so youcan ground yourself, not just in
(03:07):
my experience, but theirsuccess.
Before we begin, I want to clearup a common misconception I hear
in my office all the time.
Peaceful mornings are not apersonality trait, they're a
skill, and like any skill, theyrequire a plan, practice, and
repetition.
(03:28):
When you hear this, what's yourreaction?
Yes.
I can do this or, ugh, I'm notgood at this at all.
It's okay.
If you feel overwhelmed,parenting often asks you to
develop skills you didn't growup with.
If you're listening to thispodcast, I already know you have
a growth mindset.
It's okay to learn while youteach.
(03:50):
If you resist structure oraccountability, I get it, but
I'm going to repeat something.
A former supervisor once said tome, when I was working with a
mom who couldn't get her childto therapy appointments on time,
she asked me to say to the mom,I'm inviting you to grow up.
Your children need you to lead.
(04:11):
And parenting, if you're brave,holds up a mirror to the tasks
you resist.
If you resist structure, you'reteaching your child to do the
same.
That might be cute at age two,tolerable at five, but by eight
it's a problem.
So don't judge yourself.
(04:31):
Get curious and ask, how can Ilearn to do this?
Peaceful mornings is a processyou are going to learn Two
things.
First, kids don't know much.
They rely on you to teacheverything from brushing teeth
to packing bags so they canstart their day successfully.
(04:52):
Learning is a process.
It isn't one and done.
So all of these skills willrequire patience and repetition.
The second part of the processis that peaceful mornings can be
a family goal.
Say it out loud.
We are gonna get really good atthe morning routine this year.
(05:13):
The goal, everyone leaves thehouse fed, dressed, and prepared
for the day.
And this leads us to copingskill number two.
Peaceful mornings begin thenight before.
One of the most effectivemidlife coping skills is solving
problems before they happen.
A peaceful morning starts withan evening routine that works
(05:37):
85% of the time.
That routine is gonna include.
Gathering backpacks, snacks,shoes and sports gear, laying
out clothes, a quick homeworkcheck, and clear device
boundaries.
One.
An insider tip that will makeyour life 1000.
No, 2000% easier.
(05:58):
No entertainment devices duringthe school week.
The families that I have workedwith who are brave enough to try
this have reported lessfighting, more connection, and a
smoother rhythm overall in theirhouse.
Homework on screens, sure.
But otherwise simplify, and thatmeans you have to model it.
(06:19):
Put your phone away until afteryour children are done with
their bedtime routine.
Remember, you are the lighthouseand nothing dims your light like
checking your phone in front ofyour child.
If your morning is going to besuccessful, nighttime routines
must include a wind down bath.
(06:40):
Books and quiet.
And yes, a light bedtime snack,a banana with nutter butter or
warm milk with toast, stabilizesblood sugar and support sleep.
Avoid sugar and heavy foods andcreate a list of pre-approved
snack options to avoid thosenightly negotiations.
Unlike adults, children need toeat 30 to 60 minutes before bed.
(07:05):
The last and probably the mostimportant part of the nighttime
routine is a firm bedtime.
After love and food, sleep isthe best gift you can give your
child.
Real leadership looks likehelping your child understand
the importance of going to bed,no negotiations following their
(07:26):
bedtime night after night.
Let me share with you an examplefrom the couch.
A divorced mom with three kidsset her weeks were chaos.
I understood the challengesshared parenting.
Inconsistent expectation, but Ialso knew from 21 years working
a school that structure matters.
(07:48):
I asked her to try somethingdifferent.
She bought a whiteboard for eachof her kids' rooms and wrote at
the top Tomorrow starts tonight.
Then she sat with each childages five, eight, and 12, and
each one designed their ownnighttime checklist.
She didn't dictate.
She co-created the result.
(08:08):
Her youngest and oldest hadsolid routines.
The 8-year-old struggled.
Her word was Patience.
After one week, morningsimproved by a hundred percent.
Expect setbacks when somethinggoes wrong.
Stay curious, ask, help meunderstand why your backpack
wasn't packed, why you didn'tmake your bed.
(08:31):
No punishment, justaccountability.
One dad asked that question andhis son replied, I felt lazy.
That launched a conversation onwhat to do with laziness.
The dad gave his son two orthree hacks.
Peaceful mornings create theseconversations.
Not punishment, but problemsolving.
(08:53):
Which then leads us to the nextobvious coping skill.
Create the morning plan.
Once the evening plan is set,have your child create their
morning plan.
Say nothing.
Let them draft it.
They've already created theirnighttime routine and see what
they've learned that they canapply to their morning routine.
(09:14):
What time do they wake up?
Do they use an alarm?
What's for breakfast?
When do they shower?
Do they make their bed, packtheir lunch?
You've likely queued them ahundred times.
This plan is your way to stopdoing that.
To be honest, when I was workingwith my family on this, that was
the hardest part for me to notbe their morning coach.
(09:38):
And one thing that I learnedthat was really surprising I was
giving my kids reminders ofthings to do.
Don't forget to brush yourteeth, did you feed the dog?
And those reminders oftendistracted them.
From following their own plan.
So take it from me.
The more quiet you are, the morepeaceful the morning will be.
(10:01):
When I worked at school.
I saw how many kids skipbreakfast in order to sleep
longer.
For some that meant 15 hoursbetween meals.
That's too long.
They need fuel to function in myhome growing up, my mom set out
cereal and milk.
Simple, efficient, but mydaughter hated cereal, so I
(10:22):
asked a nutritionist for ideasand she said, this may be a kid
who needs hot food in themorning.
I nearly fainted.
I hate eggs, and I neverimagined cooking at 6:45 AM But
I told myself, MJ, it is time togrow up.
And I did.
I cooked and I learned to loveit because I saw how much it
(10:45):
helped her.
These three coping skills reallyare the foundation of you
creating a peaceful mourningwith your family.
But I wanna share with you twotruths that can help you
implement this truth, numberone.
There are two types of kids, andunless you have an only child,
it is possible you have one ofeach kind.
(11:08):
The up and atom self-startingand organized and the slow to
rise, dreamy, distracted, andsluggish.
I had one of each one was in thecar reading 10 minutes early.
The other needed time to do.
Nothing.
She played with her stuffedanimals.
She would make snow angels.
(11:29):
She petted her cat.
Unfortunately, for her, it tookme two years to figure it out.
She needed 15 to 20 minutes ofquiet before doing her tasks,
and once I honored that, she gotready.
Just fine.
Different doesn't mean wrong.
It means learning how your childworks and adjusting.
(11:49):
Because I did that, our morningsbecame peaceful about 85% of the
time.
Truth number you the leader setsthe tone.
This part is essential.
You can't lead from behind aclosed door as the lighthouse,
you go first.
That means you have a bedtimeroutine too.
(12:11):
You prioritize sleep and youwake up 5, 10, 30 minutes before
your kids not to work.
But to center, one of my clientsstarted waking up 10 minutes
before her kids.
She lit a candle, made hercoffee, and that tiny ritual
changed everything.
It grounded her and her kids.
(12:33):
Noticed.
One of her kids said, ever sinceyou did that candle in the
morning, you're so much nicer tobe around.
Remember, you don't have to beperfect, but you do have to
lead.
Leadership is not just abouttask completion.
Leadership is also about how yourelate to your children in the
morning.
(12:54):
So go back to your word, own it.
Challenge yourself to staypeaceful.
Organized or calm, whatever wordyou chose.
Remember, you are thelighthouse.
It's fine if your children getupset at the morning, it's fine
if they are running late.
It's fine if they forgetsomething because that's how
(13:15):
children learn.
But as a lighthouse, you seefarther than they do.
The essential life skill of anevening routine, which sets up a
good morning routine is whatyour goal is, not just for your
children, but for you bybuilding a structure that sets
your children up for success.
(13:36):
Staying in your lane, holdingthem accountable, knowing that
sometimes your kids will forgettheir lunch or you'll run late,
and there'll be naturalconsequences to that.
So there isn't a need toemotionally explode.
Will help your childrenunderstand that morning routines
are a skill.
They are learning, that theyhave to hold themself
(13:59):
accountable for.
In this episode, you discoveredhow to shift from reactive to
proactive by leading like alighthouse, why peaceful
mornings begin the night before,and how to build a routine with
your kids that's structured,consistent and calm and lastly,
the power of curiosity modelingand a tech plan, not just for
(14:24):
the night times, but to keepyour morning on track as well.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Monday with more
creating midlife calm.
In this episode, you'll discover how to
create peaceful mornings todecrease your family stress and
anxiety.
Built-in Microphone (00:08):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast
dedicated to empowering midlifeminds to overcome anxiety, stop
feeling like crap and becomemore present with your family,
all while achieving greatersuccess at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensedclinical social worker with over
48, 000 hours of therapysessions and 31 years of
(00:29):
experience teaching mentalwellness.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:32):
Welcome to the podcast.
As promised on Monday.
Today's episode is meant tosupport you as you lead your
family through the back toschool transition.
I'm going to share my PeacefulMornings protocol created when
my kids were five and seven, andmornings were anything but
peaceful.
You'll learn how calm morningsbegin the night before, how to
(00:54):
build a routine that works foryour unique household and why
your role as a steady, calmleader, your family's lighthouse
can change everything.
I'll also share some clinicalstories of families who went
from chaos to calm, so you canbegin to imagine how to help
your children master theessential life skill of a
(01:16):
successful morning routine.
On Monday, episode 180 1, Iasked you to reflect on the
emotional tone you want to leadwith this school year.
And to choose one word, a wordto anchor yourself in.
Maybe you chose peaceful,steady.
Lighthearted, strong or present.
(01:38):
You were invited to write thatword on sticky notes and place
them where you'd see them on themirror, the refrigerator, your
planner.
Because leadership isn't aboutbeing the loudest voice.
It's about being the calmcenter.
You don't need to controleverything.
You need to lead with intention.
And that's what PeacefulMornings is about, creating a
(02:01):
protocol, a morning routine thateveryone understands, buys into,
and helps execute.
Let's be honest, in midlife,your mind is pulled in 10
directions Before breakfast,should I work out?
Did I sign the field trip form?
Who's doing pickup today?
That's exactly why.
(02:22):
Seeing yourself as a leader, theproject manager of mornings is
helpful.
A leader sees the big pictureand creates a process that gets
the job done.
You're not there to control thestorm.
You're the lighthouse.
You're guiding your family bybuilding consistent calming
routines and assigning eachperson their role.
(02:45):
In this case, the project ispeaceful Mornings, everyone up
dressed, fed.
And out the door on time.
I know this sounds impossible,but I have done this with
hundreds of families and it isreally worth your 10 minutes to
listen to this podcast so youcan ground yourself, not just in
(03:07):
my experience, but theirsuccess.
Before we begin, I want to clearup a common misconception I hear
in my office all the time.
Peaceful mornings are not apersonality trait, they're a
skill, and like any skill, theyrequire a plan, practice, and
repetition.
(03:28):
When you hear this, what's yourreaction?
Yes.
I can do this or, ugh, I'm notgood at this at all.
It's okay.
If you feel overwhelmed,parenting often asks you to
develop skills you didn't growup with.
If you're listening to thispodcast, I already know you have
a growth mindset.
It's okay to learn while youteach.
(03:50):
If you resist structure oraccountability, I get it, but
I'm going to repeat something.
A former supervisor once said tome, when I was working with a
mom who couldn't get her childto therapy appointments on time,
she asked me to say to the mom,I'm inviting you to grow up.
Your children need you to lead.
(04:11):
And parenting, if you're brave,holds up a mirror to the tasks
you resist.
If you resist structure, you'reteaching your child to do the
same.
That might be cute at age two,tolerable at five, but by eight
it's a problem.
So don't judge yourself.
(04:31):
Get curious and ask, how can Ilearn to do this?
Peaceful mornings is a processyou are going to learn Two
things.
First, kids don't know much.
They rely on you to teacheverything from brushing teeth
to packing bags so they canstart their day successfully.
(04:52):
Learning is a process.
It isn't one and done.
So all of these skills willrequire patience and repetition.
The second part of the processis that peaceful mornings can be
a family goal.
Say it out loud.
We are gonna get really good atthe morning routine this year.
(05:13):
The goal, everyone leaves thehouse fed, dressed, and prepared
for the day.
And this leads us to copingskill number two.
Peaceful mornings begin thenight before.
One of the most effectivemidlife coping skills is solving
problems before they happen.
A peaceful morning starts withan evening routine that works
(05:37):
85% of the time.
That routine is gonna include.
Gathering backpacks, snacks,shoes and sports gear, laying
out clothes, a quick homeworkcheck, and clear device
boundaries.
One.
An insider tip that will makeyour life 1000.
No, 2000% easier.
(05:58):
No entertainment devices duringthe school week.
The families that I have workedwith who are brave enough to try
this have reported lessfighting, more connection, and a
smoother rhythm overall in theirhouse.
Homework on screens, sure.
But otherwise simplify, and thatmeans you have to model it.
(06:19):
Put your phone away until afteryour children are done with
their bedtime routine.
Remember, you are the lighthouseand nothing dims your light like
checking your phone in front ofyour child.
If your morning is going to besuccessful, nighttime routines
must include a wind down bath.
(06:40):
Books and quiet.
And yes, a light bedtime snack,a banana with nutter butter or
warm milk with toast, stabilizesblood sugar and support sleep.
Avoid sugar and heavy foods andcreate a list of pre-approved
snack options to avoid thosenightly negotiations.
Unlike adults, children need toeat 30 to 60 minutes before bed.
(07:05):
The last and probably the mostimportant part of the nighttime
routine is a firm bedtime.
After love and food, sleep isthe best gift you can give your
child.
Real leadership looks likehelping your child understand
the importance of going to bed,no negotiations following their
(07:26):
bedtime night after night.
Let me share with you an examplefrom the couch.
A divorced mom with three kidsset her weeks were chaos.
I understood the challengesshared parenting.
Inconsistent expectation, but Ialso knew from 21 years working
a school that structure matters.
(07:48):
I asked her to try somethingdifferent.
She bought a whiteboard for eachof her kids' rooms and wrote at
the top Tomorrow starts tonight.
Then she sat with each childages five, eight, and 12, and
each one designed their ownnighttime checklist.
She didn't dictate.
She co-created the result.
(08:08):
Her youngest and oldest hadsolid routines.
The 8-year-old struggled.
Her word was Patience.
After one week, morningsimproved by a hundred percent.
Expect setbacks when somethinggoes wrong.
Stay curious, ask, help meunderstand why your backpack
wasn't packed, why you didn'tmake your bed.
(08:31):
No punishment, justaccountability.
One dad asked that question andhis son replied, I felt lazy.
That launched a conversation onwhat to do with laziness.
The dad gave his son two orthree hacks.
Peaceful mornings create theseconversations.
Not punishment, but problemsolving.
(08:53):
Which then leads us to the nextobvious coping skill.
Create the morning plan.
Once the evening plan is set,have your child create their
morning plan.
Say nothing.
Let them draft it.
They've already created theirnighttime routine and see what
they've learned that they canapply to their morning routine.
(09:14):
What time do they wake up?
Do they use an alarm?
What's for breakfast?
When do they shower?
Do they make their bed, packtheir lunch?
You've likely queued them ahundred times.
This plan is your way to stopdoing that.
To be honest, when I was workingwith my family on this, that was
the hardest part for me to notbe their morning coach.
(09:38):
And one thing that I learnedthat was really surprising I was
giving my kids reminders ofthings to do.
Don't forget to brush yourteeth, did you feed the dog?
And those reminders oftendistracted them.
From following their own plan.
So take it from me.
The more quiet you are, the morepeaceful the morning will be.
(10:01):
When I worked at school.
I saw how many kids skipbreakfast in order to sleep
longer.
For some that meant 15 hoursbetween meals.
That's too long.
They need fuel to function in myhome growing up, my mom set out
cereal and milk.
Simple, efficient, but mydaughter hated cereal, so I
(10:22):
asked a nutritionist for ideasand she said, this may be a kid
who needs hot food in themorning.
I nearly fainted.
I hate eggs, and I neverimagined cooking at 6:45 AM But
I told myself, MJ, it is time togrow up.
And I did.
I cooked and I learned to loveit because I saw how much it
(10:45):
helped her.
These three coping skills reallyare the foundation of you
creating a peaceful mourningwith your family.
But I wanna share with you twotruths that can help you
implement this truth, numberone.
There are two types of kids, andunless you have an only child,
it is possible you have one ofeach kind.
(11:08):
The up and atom self-startingand organized and the slow to
rise, dreamy, distracted, andsluggish.
I had one of each one was in thecar reading 10 minutes early.
The other needed time to do.
Nothing.
She played with her stuffedanimals.
She would make snow angels.
(11:29):
She petted her cat.
Unfortunately, for her, it tookme two years to figure it out.
She needed 15 to 20 minutes ofquiet before doing her tasks,
and once I honored that, she gotready.
Just fine.
Different doesn't mean wrong.
It means learning how your childworks and adjusting.
(11:49):
Because I did that, our morningsbecame peaceful about 85% of the
time.
Truth number you the leader setsthe tone.
This part is essential.
You can't lead from behind aclosed door as the lighthouse,
you go first.
That means you have a bedtimeroutine too.
(12:11):
You prioritize sleep and youwake up 5, 10, 30 minutes before
your kids not to work.
But to center, one of my clientsstarted waking up 10 minutes
before her kids.
She lit a candle, made hercoffee, and that tiny ritual
changed everything.
It grounded her and her kids.
(12:33):
Noticed.
One of her kids said, ever sinceyou did that candle in the
morning, you're so much nicer tobe around.
Remember, you don't have to beperfect, but you do have to
lead.
Leadership is not just abouttask completion.
Leadership is also about how yourelate to your children in the
morning.
(12:54):
So go back to your word, own it.
Challenge yourself to staypeaceful.
Organized or calm, whatever wordyou chose.
Remember, you are thelighthouse.
It's fine if your children getupset at the morning, it's fine
if they are running late.
It's fine if they forgetsomething because that's how
(13:15):
children learn.
But as a lighthouse, you seefarther than they do.
The essential life skill of anevening routine, which sets up a
good morning routine is whatyour goal is, not just for your
children, but for you bybuilding a structure that sets
your children up for success.
(13:36):
Staying in your lane, holdingthem accountable, knowing that
sometimes your kids will forgettheir lunch or you'll run late,
and there'll be naturalconsequences to that.
So there isn't a need toemotionally explode.
Will help your childrenunderstand that morning routines
are a skill.
They are learning, that theyhave to hold themself
(13:59):
accountable for.
In this episode, you discoveredhow to shift from reactive to
proactive by leading like alighthouse, why peaceful
mornings begin the night before,and how to build a routine with
your kids that's structured,consistent and calm and lastly,
the power of curiosity modelingand a tech plan, not just for
(14:24):
the night times, but to keepyour morning on track as well.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Monday with more
creating midlife calm.
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