September 8, 2025 • 13 mins
Have you ever acted on anxiety, only to find out later your brain got it wrong?
You’re not alone — your brain’s alarm system can misinform, and knowing how to respond changes everything.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
1. What your amygdala is and why it can trigger anxiety even when you’re safe
2. Three science-backed coping skills to calm your amygdala
3. How to shift from anxious reactions that cause mistakes to confident, clear-headed decisions
🎧 Take 13 minutes to learn how to calm your amygdala and choose your next step with confidence — you’re worth it.
****
About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.
Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:00):
In this episode, you'll discover what
(00:02):
the amygdala is, its role inanxiety and three coping skills
to calm it welcome to CreatingMidlife Calm, the podcast where
you and I tackle stress andanxiety in midlife so you can
stop feeling like crap, feelmore present at home, and thrive
at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon a LicensedClinical Social Worker with over
(00:23):
50,000 hours of therapy sessionsand 32 years of teaching
practical science-backed mentalwellness.
Welcome to the podcast.
Today we're diving into afascinating and very important
piece of scientific information.
Your amygdala.
Understanding this tiny part ofyour brain can completely change
the way you respond to anxiety.
(00:46):
In this episode, you'll discoverwhat the amygdala is, why it
plays such a big role in youranxiety, and three
science-backed coping skills tohelp you calm it.
Knowing what the amygdala iswill help you see that your
anxiety isn't a personal flaw.
It's actually a built-in brainresponse that can be understood
(01:06):
and managed.
This is one of those episodeswhere a little knowledge goes a
long way when you begin torecognize that your anxiety is
connected to your amygdala andit has a physical process, then
you can step out of blame anduse targeted coping skills to
calm it.
Let's begin with the obvious.
(01:27):
What is the amygdala?
It is really possible that youhave heard lots of podcasters
and people on TV mention theamygdala.
Your amygdala is a small almondshape structure deep inside your
brain.
You have two of them, one oneach side.
Think of them as your brainsecurity system.
(01:48):
They're always scanning forthreats, deciding whether you
should fight, flee, freeze, orfawn.
Here's the thing, the amygdalais fast, but it's not always
accurate, and that's the onething I really hope you take
away from this episode.
It reacts before the logicalpart of your brain.
(02:09):
Your prefrontal cortex has timeto weigh in.
This is why you can feel suddenanxiety even when you're not in
actual danger.
This happens more than youthink.
A few weeks ago, a client camein feeling overwhelmed.
She thought a coworker was madat her.
She hadn't finished a project ontime, and when the coworker saw
(02:30):
her, she seemed cold anddistant.
My client's mind went straightto guilt and anxiety.
She decided to send a quick textapologizing for the delay and
promised to finish the worklater that day.
Interestingly, her coworker sentthis text.
No problem.
I'm leaving early.
We have to put our dog down.
(02:52):
I'm devastated.
We'll work on the project onMonday.
My client's amygdala had jumpedto the wrong conclusion,
interpreting a neutral situationas a threat.
The real story was entirelydifferent.
If you notice yourself doingthis, I wanna encourage you to
move from judgment to curiosity.
(03:12):
I want you to notice how oftenthis dynamic happens in your
life where something happens andyour immediate reaction.
Is anxiety.
In today's episode, I'm gonnateach you how to calm your
amygdala so you can check outthe truth before you respond.
The challenge is that youramygdala's job is to sound the
(03:34):
alarm, and sometimes it's a fouralarm fire inside of your body.
You know your body's stressresponse, your heart rate speeds
up, your breathing gets shallow,your muscles tense, your mind
races with what if thoughts inmidlife, your amygdala can
become overactive.
Years of stress caregiving work,pressure and health changes can
(03:57):
prime it to react.
Too often and too strongly.
This is definitely one of thosecases.
The more you use it, thestronger it gets, but that is
not always in your bestinterest.
What's the result of that?
Your anxiety can feel like it'srunning the show.
Because of the pace andintensity of daily life, you
(04:18):
might be living in a constantstate of anxiety and stress.
One of my clients experiencedthis when her teenage daughter
started driving herself homefrom practice.
She still found herself rushingoutta the office every night as
if she had a deadline, eventhough there was no reason to
rush.
Her body was stuck in hurry modebecause her amygdala had been
(04:39):
trained to stay on high alert.
Understanding the science ofthis small but powerful part of
your brain can set you on thepath to calming your anxiety.
Let me share three foundationalcoping skills that can help you
slow your reaction so you areable to reflect and respond in a
way that really syncs up to whatthe situation calls for coping
(05:03):
skill number one.
This might be shocking, but Iwant you to remember your
feelings are not facts.
When I taught this to seventhgraders, they were outraged.
They were convinced that theirfeelings were facts, and gave me
example after example.
When I got them connected aboutstatements connected to their
anxiety, they began to see thatmuch of their anxiety had been
(05:27):
rooted in things that hadn'thappened yet or in regrets in
the past.
Such as if I don't let my friendwear my new shirt, she won't be
my friend.
The anxiety setting a boundaryand saying, no, we've all been
there.
It's real, but it's not real.
You get what I mean?
So let me show you how it works.
(05:49):
The moment you question whethera feeling is a fact, you shift
activity from your amygdala toyour prefrontal cortex.
Yes.
Another one of those sciencywords that float around a lot in
the stratosphere, yourprefrontal cortex, right behind
your forehead is the CEO of yourbrain.
It helps you with moral decisionmaking, organizing executive
(06:12):
planning, And that's the key toemotional regulation, to let
your amygdala do its job byscanning for danger, but slow it
down so your prefrontal cortexcan do its job by helping you
think more clearly about thesituation at hand.
The emotional intensity ofadolescents can follow you into
(06:33):
adulthood unless you learn touse science-backed coping skills
to keep your amygdala fromrunning the show.
Accepting that anxiety is afeeling not a fact, helps you
remember.
It's your brain security systemtalking, and it's in your best
interest to slow down and do alittle detective work before
(06:53):
believing what your amygdala'stelling you.
Which brings us to coping skillNumber two, slow down and
breathe.
Think of what a detective doeswhen he walks into a house.
He or she looks around andassesses before acting.
You can do the same with youranxiety.
When you feel anxious, remindyourself that your anxiety might
(07:17):
not be Seeing this situationclearly and slowing down is the
only way to get an accurate readof the situation.
One way to do that is notice andname.
I feel anxious, then breathedeeply and intentionally because
anxiety comes on so quickly andcan feel uncomfortable.
(07:38):
Many of my clients resist thisat first, But slow steady
breathing directly affects theamygdala's alarm system by
stimulating your vagus nerve,which tells your body your safe.
Don't make this complicated.
Move your attention from youramygdala, which is racing, and
(07:58):
often creating a story, oftennot true to your body and
breathe, and you're going to seethat you are able to reregulate.
Your central nervous system,your amygdala responds strongly
to sensory input.
shifting your focus to what yousee, hear, feel, smell, or
(08:21):
taste.
Sends the message.
I'm safe now.
You can check out episode 189for a deeper dive into this
skill of grounding yourself withyour senses.
One of my clients, was resigningfrom her job after being offered
a better position with hoursmore suited to her home life.
In preparation, she ran themental movie, a skill I talk
(08:45):
about in episode 186, where youactually rehearse something
you're afraid of.
As she was rehearsing, tellingher boss, she got the idea, oh,
I'm gonna bring her a bouquet offlowers to thank her because she
had been an incredible mentor.
My client told me in sessionthat right before she walked
into the door for the meetingwith her boss, she grounded her
(09:08):
feet.
And she smelled the flowers heranxiety was cut in half and she
thought, I got this.
I love that story because itreally is a great example of
grounding breath work and usingyour senses.
And that leads us to what do youdo after you've calmed yourself
(09:29):
Coping?
Skill number three is aim.
Once you've calmed or tamed youramygdala, your thinking brain
comes back online.
This is your moment to aim, tochoose what to do next.
Instead of letting anxietychoose for you.
Think of aim as.
Rest, assess progress, rest yourbody and mind.
(09:52):
So your nervous system knowsyou're safe.
This should only take 30 secondsto a minute, so I'm not talking
about taking a nap.
Just do some grounding and somebreath work.
Assess the situation with yourthinking brain.
Instead of your anxious brain,you might be asking, well, MJ,
how do I know if it's mythinking brain?
(10:13):
Because your anxious brain isgoing to come from a place of
fear, and your thinking brain isgoing to come from a place of
clarity and then progress bytaking the next step that serves
you best, not the one anxietypushes you toward rest, assess
progress.
(10:33):
One of my clients had adaughter, a college freshman,
who called home overwhelmedbecause she didn't have weekend
plans.
If you have college students,perhaps you have had the same
scenario.
My client debated whether todrive down and take her to
lunch.
She came to session and shesaid, I'm not sure if I should
trust my instinct on this.
(10:55):
I said, why don't you slow downand move through your anxiety
before you make the decision?
She sat quietly, closed her eyesand breathed.
Within a minute or two, herbreath slowed.
Then she opened her eyes and shesaid, if I go this weekend, I
might have to go every weekend.
She decided to stay home and herdaughter, like most freshmen,
(11:17):
figured it out.
I want you to remember, youranxiety isn't a character flaw.
It's your amygdala doing itsjob, but it is not always the
most reliable employee, so youare gonna need to supervise it.
Next time you feel anxious.
Consciously remind yourself thatyour anxiety needs guidance.
(11:38):
For this week's Inner Challenge,I want you to choose one of
these coping skills and practiceit three times a day, even if
you're not in an anxious moment.
Training your brain when you'recalm makes it easier to use the
skill when anxiety strikes.
So take on the Inner Challenge,ground your feet, and practice
(11:58):
some deep breathing, when youfeel your anxiety heightened
notice and name.
feeling anxious.
And then take a couple breathsand allow yourself to connect to
your body until it relaxes abit.
You don't have to get it down toa zero.
You can have lots of mentalclarity at a two or a three, but
(12:20):
you are going to know it whenyou practice it.
As fast as your amygdala can bewith practice, you can become
faster at reregulating your bodySo you can get to the place of
aim, rest, assess, and progress.
on Thursday we're gonna talkabout the amygdala from another
(12:41):
perspective, how can you rewireit so it's not just calmer in
the moment, but actually lessreactive over time?
You will not wanna miss thisweek's follow-up episode.
I'd really appreciate it ifyou'd follow the podcast.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Thursday with more
creating midlife Calm.
In this episode, you'll discover what
(00:02):
the amygdala is, its role inanxiety and three coping skills
to calm it welcome to CreatingMidlife Calm, the podcast where
you and I tackle stress andanxiety in midlife so you can
stop feeling like crap, feelmore present at home, and thrive
at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon a LicensedClinical Social Worker with over
(00:23):
50,000 hours of therapy sessionsand 32 years of teaching
practical science-backed mentalwellness.
Welcome to the podcast.
Today we're diving into afascinating and very important
piece of scientific information.
Your amygdala.
Understanding this tiny part ofyour brain can completely change
the way you respond to anxiety.
(00:46):
In this episode, you'll discoverwhat the amygdala is, why it
plays such a big role in youranxiety, and three
science-backed coping skills tohelp you calm it.
Knowing what the amygdala iswill help you see that your
anxiety isn't a personal flaw.
It's actually a built-in brainresponse that can be understood
(01:06):
and managed.
This is one of those episodeswhere a little knowledge goes a
long way when you begin torecognize that your anxiety is
connected to your amygdala andit has a physical process, then
you can step out of blame anduse targeted coping skills to
calm it.
Let's begin with the obvious.
(01:27):
What is the amygdala?
It is really possible that youhave heard lots of podcasters
and people on TV mention theamygdala.
Your amygdala is a small almondshape structure deep inside your
brain.
You have two of them, one oneach side.
Think of them as your brainsecurity system.
(01:48):
They're always scanning forthreats, deciding whether you
should fight, flee, freeze, orfawn.
Here's the thing, the amygdalais fast, but it's not always
accurate, and that's the onething I really hope you take
away from this episode.
It reacts before the logicalpart of your brain.
(02:09):
Your prefrontal cortex has timeto weigh in.
This is why you can feel suddenanxiety even when you're not in
actual danger.
This happens more than youthink.
A few weeks ago, a client camein feeling overwhelmed.
She thought a coworker was madat her.
She hadn't finished a project ontime, and when the coworker saw
(02:30):
her, she seemed cold anddistant.
My client's mind went straightto guilt and anxiety.
She decided to send a quick textapologizing for the delay and
promised to finish the worklater that day.
Interestingly, her coworker sentthis text.
No problem.
I'm leaving early.
We have to put our dog down.
(02:52):
I'm devastated.
We'll work on the project onMonday.
My client's amygdala had jumpedto the wrong conclusion,
interpreting a neutral situationas a threat.
The real story was entirelydifferent.
If you notice yourself doingthis, I wanna encourage you to
move from judgment to curiosity.
(03:12):
I want you to notice how oftenthis dynamic happens in your
life where something happens andyour immediate reaction.
Is anxiety.
In today's episode, I'm gonnateach you how to calm your
amygdala so you can check outthe truth before you respond.
The challenge is that youramygdala's job is to sound the
(03:34):
alarm, and sometimes it's a fouralarm fire inside of your body.
You know your body's stressresponse, your heart rate speeds
up, your breathing gets shallow,your muscles tense, your mind
races with what if thoughts inmidlife, your amygdala can
become overactive.
Years of stress caregiving work,pressure and health changes can
(03:57):
prime it to react.
Too often and too strongly.
This is definitely one of thosecases.
The more you use it, thestronger it gets, but that is
not always in your bestinterest.
What's the result of that?
Your anxiety can feel like it'srunning the show.
Because of the pace andintensity of daily life, you
(04:18):
might be living in a constantstate of anxiety and stress.
One of my clients experiencedthis when her teenage daughter
started driving herself homefrom practice.
She still found herself rushingoutta the office every night as
if she had a deadline, eventhough there was no reason to
rush.
Her body was stuck in hurry modebecause her amygdala had been
(04:39):
trained to stay on high alert.
Understanding the science ofthis small but powerful part of
your brain can set you on thepath to calming your anxiety.
Let me share three foundationalcoping skills that can help you
slow your reaction so you areable to reflect and respond in a
way that really syncs up to whatthe situation calls for coping
(05:03):
skill number one.
This might be shocking, but Iwant you to remember your
feelings are not facts.
When I taught this to seventhgraders, they were outraged.
They were convinced that theirfeelings were facts, and gave me
example after example.
When I got them connected aboutstatements connected to their
anxiety, they began to see thatmuch of their anxiety had been
(05:27):
rooted in things that hadn'thappened yet or in regrets in
the past.
Such as if I don't let my friendwear my new shirt, she won't be
my friend.
The anxiety setting a boundaryand saying, no, we've all been
there.
It's real, but it's not real.
You get what I mean?
So let me show you how it works.
(05:49):
The moment you question whethera feeling is a fact, you shift
activity from your amygdala toyour prefrontal cortex.
Yes.
Another one of those sciencywords that float around a lot in
the stratosphere, yourprefrontal cortex, right behind
your forehead is the CEO of yourbrain.
It helps you with moral decisionmaking, organizing executive
(06:12):
planning, And that's the key toemotional regulation, to let
your amygdala do its job byscanning for danger, but slow it
down so your prefrontal cortexcan do its job by helping you
think more clearly about thesituation at hand.
The emotional intensity ofadolescents can follow you into
(06:33):
adulthood unless you learn touse science-backed coping skills
to keep your amygdala fromrunning the show.
Accepting that anxiety is afeeling not a fact, helps you
remember.
It's your brain security systemtalking, and it's in your best
interest to slow down and do alittle detective work before
(06:53):
believing what your amygdala'stelling you.
Which brings us to coping skillNumber two, slow down and
breathe.
Think of what a detective doeswhen he walks into a house.
He or she looks around andassesses before acting.
You can do the same with youranxiety.
When you feel anxious, remindyourself that your anxiety might
(07:17):
not be Seeing this situationclearly and slowing down is the
only way to get an accurate readof the situation.
One way to do that is notice andname.
I feel anxious, then breathedeeply and intentionally because
anxiety comes on so quickly andcan feel uncomfortable.
(07:38):
Many of my clients resist thisat first, But slow steady
breathing directly affects theamygdala's alarm system by
stimulating your vagus nerve,which tells your body your safe.
Don't make this complicated.
Move your attention from youramygdala, which is racing, and
(07:58):
often creating a story, oftennot true to your body and
breathe, and you're going to seethat you are able to reregulate.
Your central nervous system,your amygdala responds strongly
to sensory input.
shifting your focus to what yousee, hear, feel, smell, or
(08:21):
taste.
Sends the message.
I'm safe now.
You can check out episode 189for a deeper dive into this
skill of grounding yourself withyour senses.
One of my clients, was resigningfrom her job after being offered
a better position with hoursmore suited to her home life.
In preparation, she ran themental movie, a skill I talk
(08:45):
about in episode 186, where youactually rehearse something
you're afraid of.
As she was rehearsing, tellingher boss, she got the idea, oh,
I'm gonna bring her a bouquet offlowers to thank her because she
had been an incredible mentor.
My client told me in sessionthat right before she walked
into the door for the meetingwith her boss, she grounded her
(09:08):
feet.
And she smelled the flowers heranxiety was cut in half and she
thought, I got this.
I love that story because itreally is a great example of
grounding breath work and usingyour senses.
And that leads us to what do youdo after you've calmed yourself
(09:29):
Coping?
Skill number three is aim.
Once you've calmed or tamed youramygdala, your thinking brain
comes back online.
This is your moment to aim, tochoose what to do next.
Instead of letting anxietychoose for you.
Think of aim as.
Rest, assess progress, rest yourbody and mind.
(09:52):
So your nervous system knowsyou're safe.
This should only take 30 secondsto a minute, so I'm not talking
about taking a nap.
Just do some grounding and somebreath work.
Assess the situation with yourthinking brain.
Instead of your anxious brain,you might be asking, well, MJ,
how do I know if it's mythinking brain?
(10:13):
Because your anxious brain isgoing to come from a place of
fear, and your thinking brain isgoing to come from a place of
clarity and then progress bytaking the next step that serves
you best, not the one anxietypushes you toward rest, assess
progress.
(10:33):
One of my clients had adaughter, a college freshman,
who called home overwhelmedbecause she didn't have weekend
plans.
If you have college students,perhaps you have had the same
scenario.
My client debated whether todrive down and take her to
lunch.
She came to session and shesaid, I'm not sure if I should
trust my instinct on this.
(10:55):
I said, why don't you slow downand move through your anxiety
before you make the decision?
She sat quietly, closed her eyesand breathed.
Within a minute or two, herbreath slowed.
Then she opened her eyes and shesaid, if I go this weekend, I
might have to go every weekend.
She decided to stay home and herdaughter, like most freshmen,
(11:17):
figured it out.
I want you to remember, youranxiety isn't a character flaw.
It's your amygdala doing itsjob, but it is not always the
most reliable employee, so youare gonna need to supervise it.
Next time you feel anxious.
Consciously remind yourself thatyour anxiety needs guidance.
(11:38):
For this week's Inner Challenge,I want you to choose one of
these coping skills and practiceit three times a day, even if
you're not in an anxious moment.
Training your brain when you'recalm makes it easier to use the
skill when anxiety strikes.
So take on the Inner Challenge,ground your feet, and practice
(11:58):
some deep breathing, when youfeel your anxiety heightened
notice and name.
feeling anxious.
And then take a couple breathsand allow yourself to connect to
your body until it relaxes abit.
You don't have to get it down toa zero.
You can have lots of mentalclarity at a two or a three, but
(12:20):
you are going to know it whenyou practice it.
As fast as your amygdala can bewith practice, you can become
faster at reregulating your bodySo you can get to the place of
aim, rest, assess, and progress.
on Thursday we're gonna talkabout the amygdala from another
(12:41):
perspective, how can you rewireit so it's not just calmer in
the moment, but actually lessreactive over time?
You will not wanna miss thisweek's follow-up episode.
I'd really appreciate it ifyou'd follow the podcast.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Thursday with more
creating midlife Calm.
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