Ep. 194 The Surprising Way You Can Turn the Comfort of Fall into Coping Skills to Reduce Midlife Stress and Anxiety

Are you overlooking the comfort of fall that could become a powerful coping skill for midlife stress and anxiety?
You’re not alone—many people miss how seasonal routines and autumn comforts can ease anxiety and strengthen resilience.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1. How the comfort of fall can anchor you in calm and reduce stress and anxiety in midlife
2. The surprising difference between soothing and comfort—and why only one truly restores your energy
3. Why the science of comfort proves it’s not indulgent but a powerful coping skill for lasting midlife resilience

🎧 Take 10 minutes to reduce stress and anxiety with autumn comfort—you’re worth it.

Send us a text

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Episode Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:05):
In this episode, you'll discover how the
comfort of fall routines cancalm midlife stress and anxiety.

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (00:12):
Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, the
podcast where you and I tacklestress and anxiety in midlife so
you can stop feeling like crap,feel more present at home, and
thrive at work.
I'm MJ Murray Vachon a LicensedClinical Social Worker with over
50,000 hours of therapy sessionsand 32 years of teaching

(00:33):
science-backed mental wellness.

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW (00:35):
Welcome to the podcast.
It is almost fall the season ofpumpkin lattes, hay rides,
sweaters, and comfort food.
For many, including me.
It's a favorite time of year,but what if you could turn the
coziness of fall into a copingskill, a way to decrease stress,
calm anxiety, and strengthenresilience in midlife in this

(01:00):
episode, you'll discover thepower of comfort versus the
stagnation of soothing.
I'm going to introduce you toCatherine Ava's, Science-Backed
Theory of Comfort.
Yes, comfort is science backed,and you're gonna begin to see it
as a coping skill, not just apan of chicken and noodles.,

(01:23):
lastly, we're gonna talk abouthow comfort can be strategic,
helping you create calm amidoverwhelm, building resilience
and supporting bold stepsforward.
As you're well aware, fall isabout transition.
Shorter days, cooler nights,leaves changing.
It's nature's reminder thatchange is constant.

(01:45):
Yet change can also be groundingwhen you ritualize it.
Often people who struggle withanxiety also struggle with
change.
I have found it enormouslyhelpful for my clients to work
on what I call seasonal mindsetshifts.
And what I mean by that is togive yourself a little bit of

(02:05):
time to lament that summer isover, but then begin to think
about creating a fall mindset.
This can easily be done byleaning into seasonal rhythms,
like buying a few fall pillowsto put on your couch, lighting
an autumn candle as the eveningsgrow longer, or taking a brisk
walk in the crisp air.

(02:27):
These small actions celebrateand welcome fall while also
being anchors that can calm yournervous system.
These repeated cues.
Send your body signals ofcomfort.
Bringing yourself to thepresent, telling your body, I'm
safe.
I'm stable.
This is nice.
Exhale, My daughter and I have afall ritual where even though we

(02:51):
live in different cities, we geta pumpkin spice latte on the
first day of fall.
We've done it for years and it'sa fun way to usher in the next
season.
To lean into the comfort offall, I want you to separate
soothing and comfort.
Soothing is often short term itnumbs or distracts.

(03:12):
Think binging on comfort food.
Scrolling endlessly, or pouringanother glass of wine.
Soothing can quiet anxiety inthe moment, but it often leaves
you feeling worse in the longrun.
Comfort by contrast isrestorative.
It grounds you in the presentmoment, settles your body, and
provides a sense of continuity.

(03:35):
Most of my clients, when theybegin to work with me, have lots
of soothing techniques and veryfew comfort coping skills.
Just hearing the definition andthe difference between the two
provides an immediate upgrade intheir own self-care.
One of my clients loved wine.
She had a beautiful ritual whereher and her spouse would have a

(03:56):
glass of wine while they cookeddinner.
They had done this for years andloved it.
Yet, as my client enteredmidlife, her responsibilities
grew and that glass of wineturned into two or more.
She found herself notfunctioning well at night and
often waking up at 2:00 AM whenI told her the science of wine

(04:17):
as we age, check out episode 157.
She understood that her comforthad turned to soothing and she
opted for only one glass andfelt much better and had more
energy to get things done atnight.
to understand why comfortmatters, let's turn to science.
Nursing theorist, Catherine kbadeveloped the theory of comfort.

(04:42):
Showing that comfort can be morethan a nice extra, it's actually
an essential for wellbeing.
Her framework includes fourdomains, physical comfort,
relief from bodily discomfortlike warmth, relaxation, or good
rest.
Psychospiritual comfort findingmeaning self-awareness or Inner

(05:04):
peace, environmental comfort,soothing, surroundings like
lighting, scent or safe spaces.
And sociocultural comfort.
Comfort from relationships,belonging, and feeling
respected.
When you think of fall, you cansee how naturally it fits into
all four cozy blankets andsweaters.

(05:26):
Quiet walks through beautifulwoods warm lighting and
gatherings with loved ones inthe fall I always have a few
clients who are football widows.
For their spouse.
Fall is a time of great comfortbecause it includes their
favorite activity watchingfootball.
They often come in frustrated byhow much time football takes up,

(05:50):
but their work with me includesthem finding their own
activities that bring themcomfort.
Some take this time to go hikingone learn to knit.
And another turn the games intoa social time, inviting his
friends and their partners.
My client who turned it into aparty was wise enough to say
this to her.
Friends, I wanna know work, gettogether.

(06:12):
Bring whatever food and drinkyou want.
We'll supply the plates, cups,and tv.
This was really hard for her,but she knew if she didn't.
Discomfort idea.
We'd become work.
She had to keep managing herbreath before the first one, but
she did it and had a great timesitting on the porch enjoying

(06:34):
the beautiful fall leaves andspending time with other
non-football loving spouses.
And what did she say at the endof the day to her husband?
Your team lost, but my team won.
So here's a reframe that mightblow your mind.
Comfort isn't an indulgence.
It's strategic comfort helps youreset when life feels

(06:57):
overwhelming, it reduces stresshormones like cortisol, and it
builds the resilience needed totake on challenges with clarity
and strength.
I love Mel Robbins wisdom aboutthis.
She says, comfort helps you knowwhen to push and when to pause.
Knowing when to pause is a superpower for Midlifers.

(07:20):
Most Midlifers have the mindsetthat once I get everything done,
I will pause, rest, and relax.
The problem with that mindset isthere's too much to do in
midlife to ever stay on top ofit.
What if you accepted that youcan't get on top of all that is
to be done in midlife.

(07:40):
Not as a failure, but just as areality of this life stage.
Just like you did when you hadan infant.
You didn't feel like you failed'cause you didn't get a full
night's sleep.
You understood that waking up tofeed the baby.
Was essential.
Accepting that your to-do listnever ends allows you to
strategically incorporatecomfort into your days, which

(08:03):
often ends your practice of whatI call covert soothing, where
you aren't intentional and youend up soothing yourself with
lots of negative energy andguilt.
You know, connected to doomscrolling or mindless eating,
pausing actually is restorative.
It helps you move through yourlife with positive energy, with

(08:27):
the right comfort practices.
You're not hiding from yourlife.
You're preparing to engage itmore fully.
So what do you say?
Why not fall into fallintentionally this year?
For this week's Inner Challenge,I want you to choose one comfort
ritual to intentionally add toyour fall routine.
Maybe it's wrapping up in ablanket with tea before bed.

(08:50):
Instead of scrolling or steppingoutside each evening to breathe
in the cool air and watch thesunset.
The key is this, choose comfortthat restores you, not soothing,
that numbs you.
Actually, after I tape thisepisode, I'm gonna go upstairs
and fize my house, take out thepillows, put away my summer

(09:14):
breeze candles, and change myplace mats.
Just thinking about this makesme relax.
In today's episode, youdiscovered How the season of
fall can be harnessed as acoping skill to reduce your
anxiety.
The difference betweencomforting and soothing, the
theory of comfort and its fourdomains, and how comfort isn't

(09:36):
an indulgent, it's a strategicpractice, a coping skill to
build calm connection andresilience.
You and I both know thateverything is more fun when done
with a friend.
So I invite you to forward thisepisode to a friend and to
listen on Thursday where I'mgonna take this one step

(09:57):
further.
I'm gonna show you how to buildan.
Autumn comfort toolkit,practical, specific coping
skills that you can use rightnow to decrease midlife anxiety
and prevent it from gettingworse as this season deepens.
Thanks for listening, and I'llbe back on Thursday with more

(10:17):
creating midlife calm.