July 7, 2025 • 27 mins
Emotional struggles in piano lessons can transform a beautiful learning experience into a source of stress for both students and teachers. How do we handle those moments when a student becomes overwhelmed or has a meltdown at the keyboard? Drawing from nearly 20 years of teaching experience, this episode unpacks practical, compassionate approaches to these challenging situations.
Whether you're teaching neurotypical or neurodivergent students, these strategies build a foundation of trust and safety that allows genuine learning to flourish. After all, the greatest honor in teaching isn't just developing musical skills, but becoming that consistent, calming presence that students can depend on week after week.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Elizabeth (00:00):
Hello and welcome to episode number eight of the
Creative Piano Pedagogy Podcast!Great to have you listening in.
If you are new, you're going towant to go back and listen to
our other summer series episodes.
They have been so fantastic.
This summer series is called"so I have this Student and they
(00:22):
are all based on questions thatteachers have submitted Very
interesting questions, all aboutpedagogy and teaching.
So we're going to dive rightinto our next question today.
This question comes to uscourtesy of a teacher in
Greenville, South Carolina inthe U.
S.
(00:39):
"how do you comfort or calm students that get overwhelmed or
out of control in the lessons?
Such an excellent question.
It's so practical because itnot only applies to piano but
really to every studentinteraction that we might have,
and I love that.
It also applies to bothneurotypical and neurodivergent
(01:04):
students with, you know,disabilities or without a
disability.
So, there are some technicalterms for what we might call
overwhelm or "out of control ina lesson, but we're going to
stick with these kind ofinformal terms.
I love them and we'll justdefine them a bit further for
(01:25):
our own use today.
So if we think of overwhelm,that's going to be literally
what it sounds like a studentwho just gets overwhelmed in a
lesson.
This is typically some kind ofmanifestation of anxiety, that
kind of builds and builds andthen we get overwhelmed.
I get overwhelmed as an adult.
(01:46):
I'm sure you have in the pastas well, so this is not a
foreign feeling to us.
But this sense of out of controlmight be a bit more out of the
norm if you haven't experiencedthis a lot in lessons.
The term we're going to usetoday is'meltdown meltdown'.
You may have heard it calledtantrums, but this is basically
(02:07):
an outburst of severe emotionaldistress.
That's the technical version.
So, So today we're dealing withoverwhelm and what we're going
to call meltdowns.
One of the most frustratingthings to hear when you ask a
question of someone is theresponse, "Well Well, it depends
, but how you handle a situationlike overwhelm, shutdown,
(02:31):
meltdown in a lesson trulydepends on a myriad of different
factors.
Now, since that response is notremotely helpful at all, let's
do a few hypotheticals togetherwith some things you can try
with your students.
These are things that I do inlessons when I'm teaching.
I'm approaching 20 years ofteaching and these principles
(02:55):
have served me very well, so Ihope they'll be helpful for you
as .
well As as we go through thesescenarios,.
keep Keep your students in mind.
Maybe you currently havestudents who show signs of
becoming easily overwhelmed, orperhaps they have very strong
emotional reactions during thelesson, and maybe Maybe one of
(03:15):
these ideas could work for them.
Let's dive right into overwhelm.
I want you to think ofoverwhelm as a gigantic umbrella
.
Beneath this umbrella are a lotof different circumstances and
potential causes for stress andanxiety, and for this particular
(03:35):
student, it's manifesting asoverwhelm in the lesson .
Overwhelm can pop up when astudent is easily frustrated
while learning difficultconcepts, maybe when the teacher
gives feedback like criticismor things the student needs to
fix- that's That's a big one.
It can pop up when the routineis different, when the music is
(03:58):
more challenging than expected,when the student is taking a
while to grasp a new concept, ormaybe you accidentally planned
for too many difficult things ina lesson.
The list could go on and on-there There are so many
different things that couldcause overwhelm.
But, in contrast, overwhelm maynot actually have anything to
(04:22):
do with the music, you as theteacher, teacher or the lesson
at all.
It could be somethingcompletely external that you
don't know anything about- it'sIt's not your and it It has
nothing to do with the lesson.
Students come to piano with somuch on their minds, especially
if they're coming directly fromschool or another activity.
(04:43):
They're thinking about grades,home situations, family; they're
hungry, they're tired, they'rethirsty, they had to get up too
early this morning, etc.
Maybe some issues with theirfriend groups, maybe they're
having physical discomfort theygot hit during dodgeball, during
PE.
There are so many things thatcould impact a student's
(05:04):
demeanor and their attitude tolearning that day, so keep that
in mind as well.
The first thing you should dowhen you notice a student is
becoming overwhelmed is tosimply observe- and this happens
very quickly.
But you want to see what thesigns are the student is showing
(05:26):
that they're overwhelmed, liketension, literally- physical
tension.
Maybe they're hunched over thekeyboard.
Maybe they're showing signs ofemotional stress, like they're
crying or not talking with youas much as normal and their
communication has changed.
Maybe they're having an unusualemotional response.
(05:47):
This could be something kind ofloud, like shouting, or maybe
their communication has become abit defensive.
It could also be very quiet,like they shut down.
You also want to look for bodylanguage.
Are their hands kind ofclenched?
Is their jaw clenched?
Do they have unusual lack ofeye contact or maybe more eye
(06:10):
contact than usual?
Is there a shift in the mood?
Maybe they're shifting from adetermined and engaged state to
frustrated, quiet and angry?
All of those things are thingswe want to just instantly and
very quickly observe in thelesson, and then we want to move
on from observing to assessing.
Is it a musical orphysiological issue that could
(06:34):
be quickly addressed, likephysical tension?
This could be technique.
Maybe it's resulting in arhythm being played incorrectly
and the student is reallyfrustrated because they keep
playing this rhythm over andover and it's still incorrect.
Maybe it's a coordination issuebetween the hands that can be
easily sorted by just doing sometapping or something away from
(06:57):
the keyboard.
Maybe it's a fingering, a tempo.
So, we we want to assess- assessis it a musical thing that we
can quickly address?
If it is, you can very easilytake a different approach with
that thing, like isolating justthe trouble treble spot in the
piece by eliminating everythingelse.
So, So if it's a rhythm that iscatching them off guard, have
(07:21):
them tap it or sing it to afunny rhythm, to a funny rhyme,
make up words to match it, havethem clap it or tap it on their
lap.
Do something that's very notrelated to what they've been
doing.
Have the student play just onehand- (whichever whichever hand
in the piece has the steadyrhythm)-.
(07:41):
let Let them play that while youplay the other, so they can
hear how it goes together.
So, So think-, is it a musicalthing that's going on here, that
That we can just reframe,readjust and kind of work past
it ?
You can also keep in mind thatthinking about too many things
(08:02):
can cause overwhelm.
Having your student focus ontoo many things at once can make
them overwhelmed.
Having your student focus onfingering, rhythm, dynamics, but
there are elements that arestill not there, like the
coordination of the handsplaying together is still
lacking- but you're trying towork on dynamics.
(08:24):
That's too much at once.
Overwhelm is going to happen.
Even if they don't communicateit to you, it's going to be
there.
So, if you're able to kind ofreframe and adjust, excellent.
Just keep on going, you'redoing great.
If you feel like you cannot dothat, if it's the frustration is
(08:45):
greater than "just I can't getthis right, or the typical
tricks and strategies are notworking, then it's time to shift
gears and do something we callredirect and instead of just
reframing and adjusting, weswitch to something different
and we can do that in a lot ofdifferent ways and I'm sure
you've done this in your lessonsas well.
(09:06):
But it's just an intentionalway to think about doing these
things that can make you a bitmore aware of it.
I love to start with just agentle conversation about the
music and not about the student.
Not"you you are doing this oryou aren't doing this, but it's
always the music Like this istrickier than it looks right.
(09:30):
Or wow, those accidentals aregoing crazy on this page.
Doesn't it look like there areaccidentals everywhere?
Add some humor.
Like how dare Chopin write apassage with such a bizarre
amount of turns and fingerswitches in one passage?
(09:51):
How dare he?
If that works, then you're onthe right track.
You're kind of redirecting andyou're helping the student
realize this is tricky.
It's not you.
So I never like to place blameon the student.
Like why are you acting likethis?
Why are you?
That is not going to helpanyone.
It certainly wouldn't help meif I was feeling overwhelmed, so
(10:13):
it definitely won't help mystudents.
If this kind of rhetoric andapproach is not working and the
student is not verballyresponding, that's when you take
a sharp right turn, a 90 degreeangle, and you redirect to
something completely different,a different activity.
(10:34):
Don't force your student tohave a conversation with you if
they're not in the mood for it.
There are so many reasons whywe shouldn't do this and why
there are better ways to do this, but kids can become so
overwhelmed emotionally,mentally, that they can just
sort of shut down and we mighttry to really pull it out of
(10:58):
them.
When I was a new teacher, Itried that and it didn't work.
So, we just switch to somethingdifferent.
Something else I would encourageyou to do is to just instantly
apply the breaks to the pace ofyour teaching.
Slow the pace of the lesson waydown, drastically, drastically
down.
If you haven't thought aboutyour pace of teaching or the
(11:21):
pace of learning, go back andlisten to episode number two of
the podcast.
It was completely dedicated tolesson pacing and I'm convinced
this is one of the hidden gemsin piano teaching- it really
makes a huge difference.
So, change your pacing.
Slow everything down, relax thepace of learning.
(11:41):
Don't be in a hurry, don't talkquickly.
Be relaxed, be very unhurried.
That's the best thing you cando.
Another thing you can do that'sreally great is to give your
student a choice of what to donext.
This is a great way to give astudent kind of a brain break,
to help them choose the nextactivity, exercise some autonomy
(12:05):
, but also to them process thatwe are transitioning out of
this into something differentand it allows the student to
choose that transition phase,what they're going to be doing
next.
When I give my student a choiceof a couple different things in
a situation like this, I willchoose two things that I know
(12:28):
they both love and are very goodat.
I am not going to choose thehardest theory activity I have
in my arsenal.
I'm not going to pull outsomething I know that they do
not enjoy and that they strugglewith.
That's not the time.
This is the time to pull outsomething you know they enjoy,
even if it's a review- great,one of their favorite recital
(12:49):
pieces from last year- yes, animprovisation- perfect.
Whatever it is, choose one ofthose things, offer those
choices.
I also love to offer what Icall a 'brain or body break,'
and it's literally how it sounds.
I'll pull out something that'svery tactile, very sensory, like
our lollipop drum, play-doh, apop-it, something that involves
(13:15):
moving, that's very differentthan what we have been doing.
And you know what works that'ssurprising?
Giving your student a drinklike a cold drink of water.
"Hey, I'm really thirsty, wouldyou like some cold water?
I just got some new waterbottles.
Take them away from the piano,go sit on the floor and do a fun
activity, sit on your couch,whatever.
(13:36):
Just redirect.
It's like a 90 degree turn inthe lesson and sometimes it's
just what you need to do.
Students who are overwhelmed andrespond by shutting down often
have way too much sensory inputincoming and their brain just
needs a break to reboot.
They cannot process all thethings coming at them.
(13:59):
So, giving them somethingphysical to do with their hands,
something sensory to feel, thatcan be really wonderful.
I've even had students washtheir hands using cold or hot
water, whatever they prefer, andit really helps to reset them
as well.
Most importantly, I wouldencourage you, as a teacher, to
(14:19):
take a mental snapshot and noteof this interaction with your
student so you can just jot somenotes down for yourself later
after the lesson.
Note what happened when thestudent grew frustrated, what
you tried or did, how thestudent responded.
Learn from these situations sothat you can help prevent them
(14:41):
in the future and this will alsogive you a lot of tools in your
toolbox so that you can pullthem out if your student becomes
overwhelmed in the future.
Let's transition to 'out ofcontrol' or meltdowns.
.
Meltdowns, or students whobecome out of control in the
lesson, is very different fromjust being frustrated.
(15:03):
In piano pedagogy and studentteaching, teaching we're not
taught a module or semester onhow to handle situations when
students' behavior becomesdisruptive, negative or even
just neutral, like they stopresponding.
I firmly believe thatunderstanding our students'
responses, their development,their neuro- processing, their
(15:27):
sensory systems- systems helpsus know them better and makes us
more informed and compassionateeducators.
I think we need an entireepisode on meltdowns just to dig
into some of the potentialtriggers and causes, how they
manifest and show up in pianolessons and some of the
(15:48):
complexities associated withthem.
But let's just go over kind ofthe basics about meltdowns just
to kind of give an today.
Today Youyou may have heard these
referred to as temper tantrumsor just tantrums, but meltdowns
are a bit of a drastic andrather explosive display of
emotions from a person and theytypically manifest or show up in
(16:14):
a physical and emotionalresponse to a situation.
In a piano lesson, we can thinkback to some of those same
potential triggers for overwhelmthat we just discussed, like
difficult spots in the music,technique, frustration,
physically playing a passage,some of those things, and even
(16:35):
the external factors that haveabsolutely nothing to do with
music.
Those can be some of the sametriggers for meltdowns.
The difference comes in this keydistinction.
.
Meltdowns rarely just explodeout of nowhere.
They're usually preceded bysomething, even if it's
(16:55):
something that we do not witness.
This could be signs offrustration, body language from
the student that is very guardedand more shut off than normal.
For this scenario, let's justimagine that your student has
had a rough day at school andthey have now arrived to their
piano lessons hungry, thirsty,angry from school situations and
(17:20):
on top of that, they're notplaying as well as they'd hoped
in their lesson.
All of this might compound to ameltdown where a student slams
the keyboard lid shut and theygo on and perhaps sort of freeze
or shut down.
They might even grow defensive,a bit angry, maybe even
(17:41):
argumentative in theircommunication with you.
This is that defining linebetween meltdown and overwhelm.
Overwhelm is typically a slow,burning frustration that builds.
Meltdown is an explosive momentwhere a student can no longer
handle the situation and thentheir emotions just kind of
(18:04):
explode.
This is due to a buildup oflittle frustrations- whether
that be musical, like we talkedabout external, external sensory
, it has all culminated intothis kind of emotional event.
I always do my best to watch forstudents' triggers or things
that I know might causefrustration or overwhelm in the
(18:24):
lesson so we can avoid meltdownsaltogether; but sometimes, even
with my best intentions andcareful planning, a student will
have a really difficult lesson,often due to no fault of mine
and no fault of the student.
It's just a perfect storm.
When we're dealing withmeltdowns, the best thing you
(18:46):
can do as a teacher, a mentor,coach and as a human is just be
the same calm, pleasant personwho greeted the student when
they entered your studio thatday.
Don't match your emotions toyour students' emotions, but
rather be a constant for yourstudent, a consistently calm,
(19:09):
pleasant and understandingperson.
And I know that's moredifficult to do than just to say
it.
I have been there.
Everyone has bad days and ourneurodivergent students cannot
predict their behaviors or eventheir responses to sensory
stimuli or the buildup of thesefrustrations.
However, it's my goal to be aconsistently calm presence in
(19:34):
their lessons.
So, even if they cannot predicttheir response, they can
predict mine.
My students know I'll be thesame version of Dr.
Elizabeth when they're having areally good day and we laugh at
their silly jokes, or ifthey're having a bad day and we
have to stop the lesson.
How can you do that?
Well, when your students areshowing signs of a shutdown-
(19:59):
they're shutting downcommunications or having a
meltdown, and this isn'tsomething you've experienced a
lot- my advice is to immediatelyand ever so gently redirect to
a completely different activity.
Take that 90- degree turn wetalked about earlier.
Gently, quietly and without abig fuss, pull out their
favorite Boom Card game andsimply say "you know, we have
(20:23):
not played this in a long time.
Would you like to do thistogether?
Or quietly, start improvisingon the piano and, in a sort of
gentle singing voice, ask yourstudent if they want to join you
in playing.
Maybe keep a sensory fidget toyclose to the piano so they can
grab it when they need a brainbreak.
(20:45):
Just redirect 90 degrees intoanother direction.
This will not only helpredirect their literal attention
and energy, but also theiremotions and thoughts onto the
new thing.
It's also very okay to redirectto something non-musical,
(21:05):
especially if the student wasparticularly distressed due to
something in the music.
For example, I have a studentwho is autistic and ADHD and she
really struggles to read musicin the score, not because she
can't identify the notes andpatterns she can, but the
process of reading music is justvery stressful for her.
(21:27):
If she has a meltdown whilereading music, I'm not going to
pull out another piece of musicfor us to read together.
I'm going to go in the oppositeway and do something very
sensory, like a velcro musicpuzzle or a coloring page, where
she has some autonomy and ituses a completely different set
(21:48):
of skills.
Another good thing to do when astudent is having a meltdown is
get them off the piano benchand just invite them to sit
somewhere different.
Perhaps that's on the floor, ifthey enjoy sitting on the floor
.
Maybe even just switch seatswith them and allow the student
to sit in your teacher chair andyou sit on the bench.
Just removing them from thatspace can be very helpful and
(22:12):
help them calm themselves.
From lots of research aboutsensory input and overwhelm, we
know that autonomy and choicescan be very therapeutic,
calming, and important forindividuals who are experiencing
stress or having a highlyemotional response to a
(22:33):
situation.
Offering choices to yourstudent- "Would you like to play
this game or do a coloring page?
And that kind of thing willhelp give them autonomy in
choosing what to do next, sotheir brain will not have to
fill in the extra pieces of Iwonder what we're going to do
next.
So their brain will not have tofill in the extra pieces of I
wonder what we're going to donext.
They will be the one to decidethat.
(22:54):
If you have a student who isoutwardly having a physical
outburst with a meltdown likethrowing things, I still
recommend remaining very calmand just redirecting, but even
more drastically, and use aphrase like "we don't do that at
the piano.
Let's move this so you don'tget hurt, or let's take a break
from piano right now and sit onthe floor.
(23:14):
Those are just a few basiclittle phrases, but you get the
picture Redirecting with phrasesthat don't accuse the student
or berate them, just helpingthem transition to something
different.
In extreme cases, you may needto end the lesson and call their
parents.
I have had to do that severaltimes.
It's never fun to have to textor call and let them know that
(23:37):
their child is in distress, butparents want and need to know
what is going on with theirchildren, so don't hesitate to
do that if you ever feel likethe situation warrants that kind
of response.
To recap on our topic today,there could be dozens of reasons
why a student might becomeoverwhelmed or have a meltdown
(23:57):
in the lesson, but don't get toobogged down in that aspect of
the detective work.
Instead, focus on trying toredirect and move on, taking
note of what works and whatdoesn't, so you'll know what to
try next time.
And don't forget that one ofthe best things you can do for
your student is be the sameversion of yourself when they
(24:19):
come to lessons each week- verycalm, open posture and relaxed
body language.
This greatly helps yourstudents relax and feel more
comfortable, and it will alsobuild a tremendous amount of
trust with them.
You will become part of theroutine that they depend on in
lessons.
And I know that can feel like aheavy responsibility, but I
(24:44):
view it as an honor to be aconstant in my students' lives,
even in this very small way.
And, of course, the best thingyou can do when dealing with
these type of situations is tolearn your student and become an
expert on them.
I've said this so many times onseveral episodes, so I feel a
bit like a broken record torepeat that, but it is such a
(25:06):
vital aspect of teaching and itcan make all the difference.
To conclude today's episode, Iwill end with this anonymous
quote that I think beautifullyand succinctly summarizes
today's topic (25:19):
"An escalated adult cannot de-escalate an
escalated child.
I'm going to say it one moretime because there's so much in
there that's so good Anescalated adult cannot
de-escalate an escalated child.
That is profound.
(25:41):
I hope you gained a couple ofideas to try with your students
and things to look out for sothat your lessons can be
positive and full of joyfulmusic making.
Hello and welcome to episode number eight of the
Creative Piano Pedagogy Podcast!Great to have you listening in.
If you are new, you're going towant to go back and listen to
our other summer series episodes.
They have been so fantastic.
This summer series is called"so I have this Student and they
(00:22):
are all based on questions thatteachers have submitted Very
interesting questions, all aboutpedagogy and teaching.
So we're going to dive rightinto our next question today.
This question comes to uscourtesy of a teacher in
Greenville, South Carolina inthe U.
S.
(00:39):
"how do you comfort or calm students that get overwhelmed or
out of control in the lessons?
Such an excellent question.
It's so practical because itnot only applies to piano but
really to every studentinteraction that we might have,
and I love that.
It also applies to bothneurotypical and neurodivergent
(01:04):
students with, you know,disabilities or without a
disability.
So, there are some technicalterms for what we might call
overwhelm or "out of control ina lesson, but we're going to
stick with these kind ofinformal terms.
I love them and we'll justdefine them a bit further for
(01:25):
our own use today.
So if we think of overwhelm,that's going to be literally
what it sounds like a studentwho just gets overwhelmed in a
lesson.
This is typically some kind ofmanifestation of anxiety, that
kind of builds and builds andthen we get overwhelmed.
I get overwhelmed as an adult.
(01:46):
I'm sure you have in the pastas well, so this is not a
foreign feeling to us.
But this sense of out of controlmight be a bit more out of the
norm if you haven't experiencedthis a lot in lessons.
The term we're going to usetoday is'meltdown meltdown'.
You may have heard it calledtantrums, but this is basically
(02:07):
an outburst of severe emotionaldistress.
That's the technical version.
So, So today we're dealing withoverwhelm and what we're going
to call meltdowns.
One of the most frustratingthings to hear when you ask a
question of someone is theresponse, "Well Well, it depends
, but how you handle a situationlike overwhelm, shutdown,
(02:31):
meltdown in a lesson trulydepends on a myriad of different
factors.
Now, since that response is notremotely helpful at all, let's
do a few hypotheticals togetherwith some things you can try
with your students.
These are things that I do inlessons when I'm teaching.
I'm approaching 20 years ofteaching and these principles
(02:55):
have served me very well, so Ihope they'll be helpful for you
as .
well As as we go through thesescenarios,.
keep Keep your students in mind.
Maybe you currently havestudents who show signs of
becoming easily overwhelmed, orperhaps they have very strong
emotional reactions during thelesson, and maybe Maybe one of
(03:15):
these ideas could work for them.
Let's dive right into overwhelm.
I want you to think ofoverwhelm as a gigantic umbrella
.
Beneath this umbrella are a lotof different circumstances and
potential causes for stress andanxiety, and for this particular
(03:35):
student, it's manifesting asoverwhelm in the lesson .
Overwhelm can pop up when astudent is easily frustrated
while learning difficultconcepts, maybe when the teacher
gives feedback like criticismor things the student needs to
fix- that's That's a big one.
It can pop up when the routineis different, when the music is
(03:58):
more challenging than expected,when the student is taking a
while to grasp a new concept, ormaybe you accidentally planned
for too many difficult things ina lesson.
The list could go on and on-there There are so many
different things that couldcause overwhelm.
But, in contrast, overwhelm maynot actually have anything to
(04:22):
do with the music, you as theteacher, teacher or the lesson
at all.
It could be somethingcompletely external that you
don't know anything about- it'sIt's not your and it It has
nothing to do with the lesson.
Students come to piano with somuch on their minds, especially
if they're coming directly fromschool or another activity.
(04:43):
They're thinking about grades,home situations, family; they're
hungry, they're tired, they'rethirsty, they had to get up too
early this morning, etc.
Maybe some issues with theirfriend groups, maybe they're
having physical discomfort theygot hit during dodgeball, during
PE.
There are so many things thatcould impact a student's
(05:04):
demeanor and their attitude tolearning that day, so keep that
in mind as well.
The first thing you should dowhen you notice a student is
becoming overwhelmed is tosimply observe- and this happens
very quickly.
But you want to see what thesigns are the student is showing
(05:26):
that they're overwhelmed, liketension, literally- physical
tension.
Maybe they're hunched over thekeyboard.
Maybe they're showing signs ofemotional stress, like they're
crying or not talking with youas much as normal and their
communication has changed.
Maybe they're having an unusualemotional response.
(05:47):
This could be something kind ofloud, like shouting, or maybe
their communication has become abit defensive.
It could also be very quiet,like they shut down.
You also want to look for bodylanguage.
Are their hands kind ofclenched?
Is their jaw clenched?
Do they have unusual lack ofeye contact or maybe more eye
(06:10):
contact than usual?
Is there a shift in the mood?
Maybe they're shifting from adetermined and engaged state to
frustrated, quiet and angry?
All of those things are thingswe want to just instantly and
very quickly observe in thelesson, and then we want to move
on from observing to assessing.
Is it a musical orphysiological issue that could
(06:34):
be quickly addressed, likephysical tension?
This could be technique.
Maybe it's resulting in arhythm being played incorrectly
and the student is reallyfrustrated because they keep
playing this rhythm over andover and it's still incorrect.
Maybe it's a coordination issuebetween the hands that can be
easily sorted by just doing sometapping or something away from
(06:57):
the keyboard.
Maybe it's a fingering, a tempo.
So, we we want to assess- assessis it a musical thing that we
can quickly address?
If it is, you can very easilytake a different approach with
that thing, like isolating justthe trouble treble spot in the
piece by eliminating everythingelse.
So, So if it's a rhythm that iscatching them off guard, have
(07:21):
them tap it or sing it to afunny rhythm, to a funny rhyme,
make up words to match it, havethem clap it or tap it on their
lap.
Do something that's very notrelated to what they've been
doing.
Have the student play just onehand- (whichever whichever hand
in the piece has the steadyrhythm)-.
(07:41):
let Let them play that while youplay the other, so they can
hear how it goes together.
So, So think-, is it a musicalthing that's going on here, that
That we can just reframe,readjust and kind of work past
it ?
You can also keep in mind thatthinking about too many things
(08:02):
can cause overwhelm.
Having your student focus ontoo many things at once can make
them overwhelmed.
Having your student focus onfingering, rhythm, dynamics, but
there are elements that arestill not there, like the
coordination of the handsplaying together is still
lacking- but you're trying towork on dynamics.
(08:24):
That's too much at once.
Overwhelm is going to happen.
Even if they don't communicateit to you, it's going to be
there.
So, if you're able to kind ofreframe and adjust, excellent.
Just keep on going, you'redoing great.
If you feel like you cannot dothat, if it's the frustration is
(08:45):
greater than "just I can't getthis right, or the typical
tricks and strategies are notworking, then it's time to shift
gears and do something we callredirect and instead of just
reframing and adjusting, weswitch to something different
and we can do that in a lot ofdifferent ways and I'm sure
you've done this in your lessonsas well.
(09:06):
But it's just an intentionalway to think about doing these
things that can make you a bitmore aware of it.
I love to start with just agentle conversation about the
music and not about the student.
Not"you you are doing this oryou aren't doing this, but it's
always the music Like this istrickier than it looks right.
(09:30):
Or wow, those accidentals aregoing crazy on this page.
Doesn't it look like there areaccidentals everywhere?
Add some humor.
Like how dare Chopin write apassage with such a bizarre
amount of turns and fingerswitches in one passage?
(09:51):
How dare he?
If that works, then you're onthe right track.
You're kind of redirecting andyou're helping the student
realize this is tricky.
It's not you.
So I never like to place blameon the student.
Like why are you acting likethis?
Why are you?
That is not going to helpanyone.
It certainly wouldn't help meif I was feeling overwhelmed, so
(10:13):
it definitely won't help mystudents.
If this kind of rhetoric andapproach is not working and the
student is not verballyresponding, that's when you take
a sharp right turn, a 90 degreeangle, and you redirect to
something completely different,a different activity.
(10:34):
Don't force your student tohave a conversation with you if
they're not in the mood for it.
There are so many reasons whywe shouldn't do this and why
there are better ways to do this, but kids can become so
overwhelmed emotionally,mentally, that they can just
sort of shut down and we mighttry to really pull it out of
(10:58):
them.
When I was a new teacher, Itried that and it didn't work.
So, we just switch to somethingdifferent.
Something else I would encourageyou to do is to just instantly
apply the breaks to the pace ofyour teaching.
Slow the pace of the lesson waydown, drastically, drastically
down.
If you haven't thought aboutyour pace of teaching or the
(11:21):
pace of learning, go back andlisten to episode number two of
the podcast.
It was completely dedicated tolesson pacing and I'm convinced
this is one of the hidden gemsin piano teaching- it really
makes a huge difference.
So, change your pacing.
Slow everything down, relax thepace of learning.
(11:41):
Don't be in a hurry, don't talkquickly.
Be relaxed, be very unhurried.
That's the best thing you cando.
Another thing you can do that'sreally great is to give your
student a choice of what to donext.
This is a great way to give astudent kind of a brain break,
to help them choose the nextactivity, exercise some autonomy
(12:05):
, but also to them process thatwe are transitioning out of
this into something differentand it allows the student to
choose that transition phase,what they're going to be doing
next.
When I give my student a choiceof a couple different things in
a situation like this, I willchoose two things that I know
(12:28):
they both love and are very goodat.
I am not going to choose thehardest theory activity I have
in my arsenal.
I'm not going to pull outsomething I know that they do
not enjoy and that they strugglewith.
That's not the time.
This is the time to pull outsomething you know they enjoy,
even if it's a review- great,one of their favorite recital
(12:49):
pieces from last year- yes, animprovisation- perfect.
Whatever it is, choose one ofthose things, offer those
choices.
I also love to offer what Icall a 'brain or body break,'
and it's literally how it sounds.
I'll pull out something that'svery tactile, very sensory, like
our lollipop drum, play-doh, apop-it, something that involves
(13:15):
moving, that's very differentthan what we have been doing.
And you know what works that'ssurprising?
Giving your student a drinklike a cold drink of water.
"Hey, I'm really thirsty, wouldyou like some cold water?
I just got some new waterbottles.
Take them away from the piano,go sit on the floor and do a fun
activity, sit on your couch,whatever.
(13:36):
Just redirect.
It's like a 90 degree turn inthe lesson and sometimes it's
just what you need to do.
Students who are overwhelmed andrespond by shutting down often
have way too much sensory inputincoming and their brain just
needs a break to reboot.
They cannot process all thethings coming at them.
(13:59):
So, giving them somethingphysical to do with their hands,
something sensory to feel, thatcan be really wonderful.
I've even had students washtheir hands using cold or hot
water, whatever they prefer, andit really helps to reset them
as well.
Most importantly, I wouldencourage you, as a teacher, to
(14:19):
take a mental snapshot and noteof this interaction with your
student so you can just jot somenotes down for yourself later
after the lesson.
Note what happened when thestudent grew frustrated, what
you tried or did, how thestudent responded.
Learn from these situations sothat you can help prevent them
(14:41):
in the future and this will alsogive you a lot of tools in your
toolbox so that you can pullthem out if your student becomes
overwhelmed in the future.
Let's transition to 'out ofcontrol' or meltdowns.
.
Meltdowns, or students whobecome out of control in the
lesson, is very different fromjust being frustrated.
(15:03):
In piano pedagogy and studentteaching, teaching we're not
taught a module or semester onhow to handle situations when
students' behavior becomesdisruptive, negative or even
just neutral, like they stopresponding.
I firmly believe thatunderstanding our students'
responses, their development,their neuro- processing, their
(15:27):
sensory systems- systems helpsus know them better and makes us
more informed and compassionateeducators.
I think we need an entireepisode on meltdowns just to dig
into some of the potentialtriggers and causes, how they
manifest and show up in pianolessons and some of the
(15:48):
complexities associated withthem.
But let's just go over kind ofthe basics about meltdowns just
to kind of give an today.
Today Youyou may have heard these
referred to as temper tantrumsor just tantrums, but meltdowns
are a bit of a drastic andrather explosive display of
emotions from a person and theytypically manifest or show up in
(16:14):
a physical and emotionalresponse to a situation.
In a piano lesson, we can thinkback to some of those same
potential triggers for overwhelmthat we just discussed, like
difficult spots in the music,technique, frustration,
physically playing a passage,some of those things, and even
(16:35):
the external factors that haveabsolutely nothing to do with
music.
Those can be some of the sametriggers for meltdowns.
The difference comes in this keydistinction.
.
Meltdowns rarely just explodeout of nowhere.
They're usually preceded bysomething, even if it's
(16:55):
something that we do not witness.
This could be signs offrustration, body language from
the student that is very guardedand more shut off than normal.
For this scenario, let's justimagine that your student has
had a rough day at school andthey have now arrived to their
piano lessons hungry, thirsty,angry from school situations and
(17:20):
on top of that, they're notplaying as well as they'd hoped
in their lesson.
All of this might compound to ameltdown where a student slams
the keyboard lid shut and theygo on and perhaps sort of freeze
or shut down.
They might even grow defensive,a bit angry, maybe even
(17:41):
argumentative in theircommunication with you.
This is that defining linebetween meltdown and overwhelm.
Overwhelm is typically a slow,burning frustration that builds.
Meltdown is an explosive momentwhere a student can no longer
handle the situation and thentheir emotions just kind of
(18:04):
explode.
This is due to a buildup oflittle frustrations- whether
that be musical, like we talkedabout external, external sensory
, it has all culminated intothis kind of emotional event.
I always do my best to watch forstudents' triggers or things
that I know might causefrustration or overwhelm in the
(18:24):
lesson so we can avoid meltdownsaltogether; but sometimes, even
with my best intentions andcareful planning, a student will
have a really difficult lesson,often due to no fault of mine
and no fault of the student.
It's just a perfect storm.
When we're dealing withmeltdowns, the best thing you
(18:46):
can do as a teacher, a mentor,coach and as a human is just be
the same calm, pleasant personwho greeted the student when
they entered your studio thatday.
Don't match your emotions toyour students' emotions, but
rather be a constant for yourstudent, a consistently calm,
(19:09):
pleasant and understandingperson.
And I know that's moredifficult to do than just to say
it.
I have been there.
Everyone has bad days and ourneurodivergent students cannot
predict their behaviors or eventheir responses to sensory
stimuli or the buildup of thesefrustrations.
However, it's my goal to be aconsistently calm presence in
(19:34):
their lessons.
So, even if they cannot predicttheir response, they can
predict mine.
My students know I'll be thesame version of Dr.
Elizabeth when they're having areally good day and we laugh at
their silly jokes, or ifthey're having a bad day and we
have to stop the lesson.
How can you do that?
Well, when your students areshowing signs of a shutdown-
(19:59):
they're shutting downcommunications or having a
meltdown, and this isn'tsomething you've experienced a
lot- my advice is to immediatelyand ever so gently redirect to
a completely different activity.
Take that 90- degree turn wetalked about earlier.
Gently, quietly and without abig fuss, pull out their
favorite Boom Card game andsimply say "you know, we have
(20:23):
not played this in a long time.
Would you like to do thistogether?
Or quietly, start improvisingon the piano and, in a sort of
gentle singing voice, ask yourstudent if they want to join you
in playing.
Maybe keep a sensory fidget toyclose to the piano so they can
grab it when they need a brainbreak.
(20:45):
Just redirect 90 degrees intoanother direction.
This will not only helpredirect their literal attention
and energy, but also theiremotions and thoughts onto the
new thing.
It's also very okay to redirectto something non-musical,
(21:05):
especially if the student wasparticularly distressed due to
something in the music.
For example, I have a studentwho is autistic and ADHD and she
really struggles to read musicin the score, not because she
can't identify the notes andpatterns she can, but the
process of reading music is justvery stressful for her.
(21:27):
If she has a meltdown whilereading music, I'm not going to
pull out another piece of musicfor us to read together.
I'm going to go in the oppositeway and do something very
sensory, like a velcro musicpuzzle or a coloring page, where
she has some autonomy and ituses a completely different set
(21:48):
of skills.
Another good thing to do when astudent is having a meltdown is
get them off the piano benchand just invite them to sit
somewhere different.
Perhaps that's on the floor, ifthey enjoy sitting on the floor
.
Maybe even just switch seatswith them and allow the student
to sit in your teacher chair andyou sit on the bench.
Just removing them from thatspace can be very helpful and
(22:12):
help them calm themselves.
From lots of research aboutsensory input and overwhelm, we
know that autonomy and choicescan be very therapeutic,
calming, and important forindividuals who are experiencing
stress or having a highlyemotional response to a
(22:33):
situation.
Offering choices to yourstudent- "Would you like to play
this game or do a coloring page?
And that kind of thing willhelp give them autonomy in
choosing what to do next, sotheir brain will not have to
fill in the extra pieces of Iwonder what we're going to do
next.
So their brain will not have tofill in the extra pieces of I
wonder what we're going to donext.
They will be the one to decidethat.
(22:54):
If you have a student who isoutwardly having a physical
outburst with a meltdown likethrowing things, I still
recommend remaining very calmand just redirecting, but even
more drastically, and use aphrase like "we don't do that at
the piano.
Let's move this so you don'tget hurt, or let's take a break
from piano right now and sit onthe floor.
(23:14):
Those are just a few basiclittle phrases, but you get the
picture Redirecting with phrasesthat don't accuse the student
or berate them, just helpingthem transition to something
different.
In extreme cases, you may needto end the lesson and call their
parents.
I have had to do that severaltimes.
It's never fun to have to textor call and let them know that
(23:37):
their child is in distress, butparents want and need to know
what is going on with theirchildren, so don't hesitate to
do that if you ever feel likethe situation warrants that kind
of response.
To recap on our topic today,there could be dozens of reasons
why a student might becomeoverwhelmed or have a meltdown
(23:57):
in the lesson, but don't get toobogged down in that aspect of
the detective work.
Instead, focus on trying toredirect and move on, taking
note of what works and whatdoesn't, so you'll know what to
try next time.
And don't forget that one ofthe best things you can do for
your student is be the sameversion of yourself when they
(24:19):
come to lessons each week- verycalm, open posture and relaxed
body language.
This greatly helps yourstudents relax and feel more
comfortable, and it will alsobuild a tremendous amount of
trust with them.
You will become part of theroutine that they depend on in
lessons.
And I know that can feel like aheavy responsibility, but I
(24:44):
view it as an honor to be aconstant in my students' lives,
even in this very small way.
And, of course, the best thingyou can do when dealing with
these type of situations is tolearn your student and become an
expert on them.
I've said this so many times onseveral episodes, so I feel a
bit like a broken record torepeat that, but it is such a
(25:06):
vital aspect of teaching and itcan make all the difference.
To conclude today's episode, Iwill end with this anonymous
quote that I think beautifullyand succinctly summarizes
today's topic (25:19):
"An escalated adult cannot de-escalate an
escalated child.
I'm going to say it one moretime because there's so much in
there that's so good Anescalated adult cannot
de-escalate an escalated child.
That is profound.
(25:41):
I hope you gained a couple ofideas to try with your students
and things to look out for sothat your lessons can be
positive and full of joyfulmusic making.
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