September 25, 2023 • 38 mins
This episode is not about creating art out of paint or pencils. It is about creating art out of your own life.
Trauma and Relationship Therapist, Laura Martin, joins me all the way from Texas to discuss what it means to be the artist of your life and to purposely craft your own life story.
She takes what she knows about trauma, mental health and relationships to empower others to craft their dream future, one step at a time.
This is a different approach to creativity than our normal episodes, but it employs a deeply personal approach to creativity which aims to better connect one’s body and mind.
Happy listening!
xo Abi
P.S. Trigger Warning: Please note that this episode does mention trauma, sexual abuse and addiction.
P.P.S. For more information about this episode and our guest, head to: www.crispcomms.co/podcast-episodes/take-the-power-to-write-your-own-story
Creativity: Uncovered is lovingly edited by the team at Crisp Communications.
Creativity: Uncovered is a registered Australian Trade Mark.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Now, before we jump into today's conversation, I just wanted to flag a trigger warning for
(00:07):
this episode. During our conversation, we discussed trauma, sexual assault, drug abuse
and domestic violence. If you're not in the right space to hear about that right now,
please do go ahead and skip this episode and we look forward to welcoming you back
next week.
Hello, friends, and welcome to Creativity (00:26):
Uncovered. My name is Abi Gatling and I'm
on a journey to uncover how everyday people find inspiration, get inventive and open their
imagination. I basically want to find out how people find creative solutions and then
(00:50):
how they use them at home, work, play and everything in between. And my goal for this
podcast is that by the end of it, you'll be armed with a whole suite of tried and tested
ways to summon creativity the next time that you need it.
Now today I am speaking to Laura Martin. And Laura is a trauma and relationship specialist
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and she has a special interest in mental health and creativity. And so I'm really excited
to talk to Laura today because I'm just so curious to find out how trauma, relationships,
mental health, how that all relates to creativity. So let's find out together. Welcome, Laura.
Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.
(01:39):
I'm pretty calling in you all the way from Dallas, Texas, the other side of the world.
Yes, we're sweating because it's so hot. Definitely ying-ing ying. I'm rocked up to
the nights right now. So Laura, I'm firstly curious. You have a business called Healing
(02:02):
to Happy, which is such a lovely name and is intriguing. So tell me, let's start there
what's all that about? Yeah, so there's been two iterations of my company. There was one
when I was living in Asia and it was to help women that were struggling with IBS. And so
I specialized in the gut brain. I guess I technically still do specialize in it. You
(02:25):
don't really get on but anyway, the gut brain connection and so helping women that had a
lot of food sensitivities and a lot of fear around food. And I did events in public speaking
and created this whole accidental movement because I was never planning to be an entrepreneur
I just had a whole bunch of problems with my life and a whole bunch of trauma and all
this stuff and I just started to share my journey. And then the second iteration of
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my company, which we've been going for about a year now, is around relationships and trauma
and somatic attachment therapy, which is what I've really always wanted it to do. I originally
went to college to be a sex therapist and to learn about the human mind and why people
do and pleasure and dating and things but explaining that to your parents just seemed
really awkward. So I dropped it for communications and made it my minor. I bet that would have
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been okay. Yeah, I'm like, especially because my mother, she was very Catholic and so it
just has always been a thing that's been within me. But you know, I went through a journey
of just a whole bunch of not feeling like I belonged in this world and a whole bunch
of trauma, you know, sexual assault, domestic violence, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, eating
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disorders, chronic illness, a whole bunch of things. So it felt like I was too broken
to be loved and too misunderstood. And I was always the black sheep, like even growing up,
like I just never felt like I was it didn't click. And so I would see all these happy
people. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like that doesn't actually exist. All of you are
faking it and I know it. And now I'm one of those people for sure. But I had this like
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dark side of my mind and I didn't get it until I started to step into this like self development
world and this healing space and all this stuff and just kind of really realizing that, you
know, it just came to me like, you know, you just like, what's your company name? I'm like,
I don't know, like, I just guess I have no idea. But it makes sense now that I look back
at it, like it chose me because it's like, you're always healing, you are always going
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to be healing something. And we have this elusive chase towards happiness when really
happiness is the part of the healing, like it's the journey, your happiness is the choice
that you turn on every day. And you can choose that right now. And then you're continually
healing. And so it just happened, honestly. And then the brand grew into the name and
it continues to grow into the name. And sometimes I play with changing it. So I'm like, it's
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a little fruity. And I'm not a fruity person, especially if you look at my brand, you're
like, it doesn't really match. But it really does underneath it because it's this continuous
evolution of finding and rediscovering yourself and looking at these parts of yourself and
finding peace within that.
Wow. So you've had, you've obviously had a little trauma in your life, but now you're
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channeling that to help other people. Is that healing for yourself as well?
Oh, goodness. Yes. Like it is, because for me, I did the first thing what a lot of us
do that have gone through trauma, we want to study it. We just want to understand. And
so I went all in, I studied with some of the best in the world. And I, you know, psychology,
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sex therapy, health, nutrition, gut health, neuroscience, somatic attachment therapy,
trauma, like I went all in on it. And then I was like, wait, you know, we know a lot
of stuff, we should probably apply it to our life because we kind of have been through
quite the pickle in life. And so really putting that into my life. And then, you know, it's
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just that deep surrender and that knowing that all of the things that I've been through
is like everything I've been through, one of my, at least one of my clients has been
through it, you know, and to be able to sit on the side and not just say, Hey, like I
studied this and I went to school and I have all these things is like, no, I get what that
actually feels like. And I can sit with you when you're in the dumps of that. And it's
been very cathartic, I guess, in my own healing, because now it's neutralized because it's,
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it's just something that is there. It's not something that defines you. And then you realize
more and more how everything has been put in your life for a purpose.
That's so nice. I feel I often think that like, even when you're going through such,
you know, like a really terrible time, you're kind of like, this will somehow change me in
some way. This will be some, not now it feels terrible now, but in the future, this will
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make me stronger. But it's actually, it's kind of true, isn't it?
Every single time. And it's that's, we're lucky enough to have that mindset, because
that's not a lot of people, you know, a lot of people like to sit in the suck. And it's
just like, this is happening and this is my life. And this is what who I date and this
is how my health is. And I'm kind of helpless. And we kind of play that victim role. And
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we see that a lot like during the pandemic model, because we were so in front of our
computer screens, self diagnosing ourselves and doing all the stuff. Or I was like, Oh,
I'm too broken. Here we go. Like, when really the most powerful thing is like, when you
claim that you are the artist, the director, the creator of your life, like you get to
paint it in whatever way that you want. If you so choose and you stop reacting from your
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past and you can actually start to create this future. And I think that's the most freeing
thing when you can be in this pain, like deep pain that some people can ever understand.
And you're like, somehow, I heard this podcast one time, somehow this is going to be worth
something. And you just hang on there, you know.
Wow. I'd love that. The creator of your own life is very empowering even just saying that.
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Is that sort of the coaching that you do with your clients is to try and get them into that
mindset?
Yeah. So the biggest thing, the women that come to work with me, it's they're at a stage
that they see the generational pattern. So they weren't modeled love. They see it from
their parents. It's this whole I've been trying to survive my whole life. And I can see my
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parents didn't have a healthy marriage or they have a marriage I didn't want or my
aunts, my uncles and whatever. And so they choose that it started with them, right? Like
you get to that point where you realize like I am the common denominator in every single
thing in my life. And so that's the type of people that I work with, whether like, okay,
I recognize I'm the common denominator and now I'm ready to fully do something. And so
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like a phrase I often say is like, it started with you, it ends with you and it begins again
with you. And you get to start your next story and you get to do the next thing that you
want to do. What is that? But that only comes from actually doing this inner work of like,
okay, I take ownership over my life. And I'm ready to kind of sit in the suck for a little
bit so I can actually paint a new future.
(08:56):
Yes. And so what's typically the catalyst for people to come and work with you?
Oh, good. Sometimes a breakup or relationship thing or a familial thing, like it really
is people just, can I swear on this podcast?
Yeah, go ahead.
And like it's people getting sick of their own shit, like they sit in some type of way
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and they're like, I have been cheated on, I've been manipulated, I've been angry, I
have this type of thing, I have no sex drive, I've hated my body this long, I've done this
thing, I've been, you know, I thought this achievement within my business was going to
give me some type of, you know, relief, but I realize no dollar amount in my bank account
is ever going to give me the satisfied feeling. So now what? Like it's this like chase, this
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hungry ghost that they're like, I realize I am never going to be satisfied and I need
to somehow come back to myself. And they won't even say it originally about, but it's like
they're going through a breakup, it's a divorce, there's a health scare or something, there's
like a repetition in their cycles and they're like, I need to do something because I want
to call in love, I want to be happy. Like what is this happy thing that I keep seeing,
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you know?
You're well, what is that? Can I get some of that?
Exactly.
Wow, well, and so when we spoke a couple of weeks ago, we had a really interesting conversation
about the relationship between trauma and creativity. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?
(10:29):
Yeah, this is one of those things where it goes back to being the artist of your life,
especially if you've been through something where it invites you into what do I want to
do next? You know, a lot of times, and I remember when we were chatting, I was like, I mean,
I don't know if it's going to be a fit for like what you're looking for, but like this
is the way that I view it. Like I was one of those people where I'm like, hear me sing
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and watch me draw. Like I am the least creative human being on this frickin' planet. Like this
is not the way that I do it, but if I look at my life, I looked at my life and like none
of us in my family were modeled love. None of us like no one is married. No one has healthy
relationships. No one, you know, everyone has been through the things that I've been through.
And so when you actually get to sit and you go, oh, okay, what do I want to do now? Right?
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Like how can I make an impact? You get to then create the next step. And that's how I view
trauma and looking at subconscious reprogramming. It's like you start to take ownership and
you start to get to actually create the narrative that you want. And you get to step into something
that is uniquely yours and you become this artist of your life, whether it's the way
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that you dress, whether it's the way you show up, like you truly are this artistic expression
of you. And I don't know if that happens without something rocking your socks. Because oftentimes
if something doesn't scare you, you stay comfortable and you keep repeating your cycles, right?
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Like you do. Unfortunately, like I used to be like, oh, you can hear stories and like
then you learn and you do the things I'm like, I haven't really met anyone that's been that
it's like something big happened in your life. And it doesn't have to be like how mine is
where it's like sexual assault domestic violence, things like that. It could be a breakup, it
could be food poisoning, it could be something that rocked your socks. That was like, I want
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to create a different thing. I want to get healthier. I want to do something. And then
you get to become this like beacon of, okay, so then what, you know, here's my past and
what happened to me. But now I'm going to write a new story and I'm no longer defined
by my past. I'm writing a different story. I'm creating a different life. And your art
because your life becomes your art. And that from there gets to be something that's freeing.
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Your life becomes your art. I love that. So it's making like conscious selections on how
you're going to move forward with your life. Exactly. Instead of painting the picture,
like, you know, it's you look at the stats, you look at all the things like someone like
me isn't supposed to be where I'm at. You know, if you look at my track record, that's
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not supposed to be it. It's supposed to be, you know, I have notes in my phone that's
like, I wasn't going to make it to 25. I wasn't going to make it to 30. You know, it's all
these things where it's like, but look at that. Here we are running this global movement,
walking on podcasts, doing our things, speaking on stages, like being written in magazines
and doing the stuff because you chose to write a different story. That's your art. And that
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should be celebrated, you know? Yes. Yeah. So how do you do that? What's the first step?
Radical ownership. Like radical ownership. What is that? It's you have to it's this
vice between a lot of us don't want to take responsibility because that means we're at
fault. Right? If we see something, it's I take responsibility for every single thing
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that's happened in my life. I mean, every single thing, my mom passing from addiction,
the sexual assault, the domestic violence, the drug abuse, the alcohol abuse, the people
that I've hurt because of how much hurt I had, you know, we struggle with wanting to
do that because we think that means we're at fault. I'm not at fault for any of that.
You know, I am responsible because I choose to write a different story. If I am constantly
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trying to look and blame anyone outside of myself, I'm giving them the power of writing
my story of what comes next of the freedom of my mind of my soul of my anger of my love.
If I'm constantly looking for them going well, it's their fault that I'm this way. And I
was that person, right? I am this person. I get to be this way. I get to do what I want.
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Of course, I'm going to use drugs and drink this way and date men like this and do this
because look at what happened to me and instead of yeah, those things happened. Look at what
I did. Look at what I built. Yeah, because I own it. I own it. It's just it's a different
way of it. And then none of that means you're at fault. Like we really have to sit in that
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where it's like you're not at fault for anything that's happening, but you are responsible
for what comes next and who you become because of it.
Yeah, I never, I guess I never thought about it, but I never thought that there was a difference
between taking ownership and accepting fault. For me, they were kind of the one and the
same, but you're separating it out saying, yes, that did happen. No, it's not because
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of me, but it is part of me now.
Exactly. And it's not like it shifts the narrative of like even yes, it is because of you like
it's something somewhere, whatever. But if you continue to go, like if I get mad at the
person that assaulted me, right, several times, if I get mad at all those people. So they're
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the only ones that can give me happiness if they are punished or if they get whatever.
Why am I giving them my happiness? Why am I giving them anything? They already tried to
take it. I'm not going to give them that. I'm going to take radical ownership of that
was a version of me that had to learn a lesson that I had to learn. And now who am I becoming
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because of this? Am I going to keep waiting for an apology from an ex-boyfriend? Am I going
to keep waiting for an apology from these people? Am I going to wait for somehow these
things to happen in my life or I'm just going to move and do the best thing where I'm going
to the hardest thing. I'm actually going to forgive the past version of myself and the
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shadow and the shame and the guilt and the remorse and the anger. Not that little cute
little chicken that you had held on to you. I'm going to do that work because that's what's
within my control. The other things, if someone ever apologizes or if someone ever takes ownership,
even when they do, and I'm sure your listeners can think of this, even when someone does
apologize, it's still not good enough. Let's be honest. It's not that they didn't say it
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right. They didn't mean it right. They didn't hold the eye contact long enough. And yet
you're giving away your power and you're closing your love off. Your best art is your open
heart. It really is in your love and how much love can you have and how much love can you
keep open as opposed to giving someone the power over that. Oh, well, I got bruised before
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and I got cheated on and they did this. Close your heart. Close your heart. Close your heart.
Giving away your power. Giving away your power. Giving away your power. Like what a gift it
is to go, "Actually, I'm going to keep my heart open and I'm going to do the craziest
thing, I'm going to move on with my life with love."
Yes. So it's really about that internal locus of control about, "I'm in control of me and
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my body and my emotions and my thoughts around this." They do, they can do whatever they want
over there. Apologize and not apologize, but I need to be comfortable with that either way.
Exactly. And it's seeing everything and it takes a lot to get to this point, but seeing
everything through a lens of love. Like if I can look back at any of my abusers, or I can look at
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my mother, I can look at my father, I can look at the things. Actually, for example, I had a therapy
session today and she took me back in EMDR. We went back to this scene with my mother and it's
one of the most pivotal life-changing moments. And even my younger self was just witnessing my mom
being like, "No one was there to support you. How can I even get mad at you if you had no idea how
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to be an adult in this moment? How can I even get mad? And if I stay mad at you, then I'm going to be
30 years old from a moment when I was 16 being mad at you. You're not even on this planet anymore.
None of this would do anything for me. And if I'm here to do things through a lens of love,
it's just like to sit there and be like, "Okay, I can give you compassion. Not that I'm going to
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dismiss or disassociate from poor behavior or reassociate with people that are abusive or
things like that, but it's like anyone that hurts you. That's a reflection of them, not you.
100% of the time." And so sitting there instead of taking that wound on and being like, "Oh,
I'm not lovable. Oh, I'm undeserving. Oh, I'm on these things." It's like you just sit there and
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you're like, "You know, I'm lovable and what you have to offer is in a match and that's your pain
and that's your story and I'm not taking that on." So once you sort of do that and you're like,
"Okay, I'm in control. I'm the artist of my own life. The creator of whatever my future can be.
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How do people know where they want to go with that? That's such a big thing. I can imagine
that's so overwhelming. Yeah. The big thing of like, "What's my purpose? What do I do now?"
Like the freaking million-dollar question. If anyone can answer that one, let me know.
The question is obviously like, "What's my purpose?" And I was on an interview earlier today
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where it's like, she gave the example where it's like, "Go back to your childhood and what you
liked then and that could be a good place to start. Like what did you like before the trauma
happened? Who were you before the trauma happened?" And honestly, it's exploring that. But more
importantly in the way that I do it is if we're trying to double what we did before, there's
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this really good book called The Gap and the Game that has changed my life where it's like,
if we're trying to double what we did before, we're comparing it to the past and our past is
the thing that we're trying to outrun. That doesn't really make sense. So if you can actually sit
with yourself and think of who you want to... Like what is that 10x version of you? The one that is
wildly in love, doing whatever it is their day to day, all that kind of stuff. Like I don't know.
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For me, it's like, okay, I'm a mom. I'm doing Pilates. I'm making millions of dollars. I'm speaking
on stages. I'm healthy as a horse. Like here's my 10x. I have no idea. Okay, what right now
do I need to do to get there? What's that 1%? Okay, I need to eat healthy meals. I need to
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network, get on some podcasts. I need to take care of my body and go on a walk. I need to read and
study and do things like, okay, cool. I need to meditate. Okay, I can do all of those are within
my control. I don't need to be so hung up on this like, well, here's what I need and here's where I
gotta move and here's my 10x and like that paralyzes us. But also looking at the past is
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going to sometimes when you haven't yet gotten to a space of regulation, that's going to make this
feel too broken and unlovable. So it's like, okay, let's look to the future a little bit
to see what we want. Let's see how far we've already come because we left that situation and
we're taking radical ownership and we're comparing from our past and now we're being proud of who we
are right now. And what's that 1% to get you closer? Your 1% is going to look way different than mine
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because I don't know. Do you want to speak on stages in front of hundreds of thousands of people?
Do you want to write best? Who knows? Maybe you just want to be a mom and you want to do
post-lotties and you just want to drink tea like, okay, perfect. What is that 1% and can you connect
with that now because finding your purpose, people get purpose and I have a good, I have a friend
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named Steph. We actually do a podcast once a month on this and she's a purpose driven coach where
it's like we always bust these myths because we think it has to do with like where we make money.
Like, okay, I went through this. I'm now taking ownership and I'm doing this. Okay, let me go
make money. And it's like, no, can you just fall in love with your life again? Like, how do you get
back to love? How can you feel into your heart again? How can you feel like can you giggle,
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like actually giggle like you did like a child? Like, what does that mean to you? Like, what is your
art? What is your way of expression? And I think we overcomplicate it so that we can excuse not
doing it as opposed to going back to and I think this is what my guest had meant by what she was
saying is like, go explore like you did as a kid, like go and like be in those spaces where it's like
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it doesn't have to be a big deal. You can't mess it up. Like go build a fort, go do something,
go to a comedy show, like go paint with your fingers, like do something that is silly. But
is it getting you more into alignment of this 10x version of you and then don't get so hung up on
how much you have to do, just do 1% better than you are doing?
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Kind of go, I think like you're saying going back to your childhood, it's kind of like with an open
mind. You know, kids don't have preconceived ideas of a lot of things. It's like not a lens of love,
it's using a kid lens, look at it with eyes and an open mind. Exactly. It's just like going
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explore. I always have once a week, I'll have like an inner child day where I'm like, okay,
what do we feel like doing? And I'm like one time I did this and I was like, I feel like climbing
a tree and I like looked around at my partner at the time and I was like, but I'm 30 years old and
I think they might call the cops. I don't want them to bring it down. I was randomly on a walk
and I was 30-years-old being a monkey. But just like being okay with that before, you know, we think
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we can really mess everything up and do it wrong. It's like, how can you get it wrong if you're just
trying to explore who you are? You can't really get that wrong, you know? Yeah. Because that's what
I think creativity is, is just that curiosity and exploration and then somewhat exploring yourself
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and trying to tap into what makes you the most happy. What is creativity to you?
It would be that exploration, you know? It's an everyday thing. Is it your business? Is it your
life? Is it your body? Is it your nutrition? Is it actual art? Are you making music? It's how you're
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living your day, day to day. And that's where, yeah, and it's so funny because I think I told you
this where it was like when I was younger and I got like a reading or something and they're like,
"You're going to be a creative human being." And I was like, "What? Have you seen anything I do in our
class?" Like, you have no idea. But now looking at it, I'm like, "Oh, I'm one of the most creative
(25:12):
people I know because everyday is like a new idea here and da-da-da-da. And here's a brand and here's
a vision and here's the way that I speak and here's the personality that I am today because
everyday is Halloween. So I'm going to dress myself in a different way every day because this is how
I want to explore. I think that is the gift because if you look at a child, that's who they are. One
day they're a princess, one day they're doing an astronaut, one day they're doing this, they speak
(25:35):
like this because they go here. It's the cutest thing and I really think we just need to bring
that back. We just need to bring it back and everyone will be happy little chicken nuggets.
Yeah. Yeah, like truly expressing yourself. And actually that reminds me that when we did speak
a while ago, you said something about when you're going through trauma, you're trying to be keeping
(25:55):
your head down and stay in the herd. Yeah, creativity is stepping out of that and looking
to be seen as your true self. Exactly. I forgot that I said that. It's so true because when you
go through trauma, you want to shrink yourself. It's like you just want to be in a shell. You're
afraid of being seen. You're afraid of being heard but you have this love in your heart and you want
(26:16):
to go outside of the box and explore yourself. And so when you can dismantle the trauma, the shell,
the protectors as I like to call them and you can actually open up yourself to explore who you are,
you realize how freaking cute you are. And you're like this creative genius and I see it with all
(26:39):
my clients. It's like I want to be seen but I'm afraid. And we see this with brands, we see this
with entrepreneurs, we see this with creatives. It's very common. It's like I have this big vision
that I want but I'm afraid because what if I get rejected or what if I get hurt or what if
something happens and it's like when you know yourself and you heal yourself to such a degree,
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no, who cares? Yeah, of course it's going to sting. You're human. We go through a human experience
but when you can come out of that shell and let yourself be seen, let yourself be loved, let yourself
bloom. What a gift that is. Like what a gift when you finally take off that protective shield and
armor and all the things you built up that told you you weren't lovable so you had to be quiet or
(27:24):
you had to do this thing and you just crack that open. It's like, ah, there you are. We've been
waiting all along. Like lifting your weight off your shoulders, right? Exactly. So there's a lot
of your work going through that saying like what is the worst that could happen if you did this
or help you build people's confidence up in that area to bounce back if something bad does happen.
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A lot of my work is to build safety in the present moment so you could build resiliency for the
future because the biggest thing I see, it's more so the fear of success. Like what if it does work
out? What if these things happen? And then I can't handle it and then this happens and then this
happens and I'm like, so you're afraid of it working out? Like I'm afraid of falling in love
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but what if they leave? I'm like, let's worry about just falling in love first. Let's just worry
about that the first part and then we're fine with the rest. Like we'll figure it out but it's that
part because it's like, well, what if I have success and I lose it all? What if I fall in love?
Any cheats? What if I fall in love and he finds out I'm too broken? I'm like, worry about the first
(28:31):
part. Let's just go on one date first actually. Let's get to that part before we start creating
these wild experiences. So it's more so that and it's the somatic, it's the neuroscience,
it's what's underneath all these blocks so that they can fully step into their lives with confidence.
Yeah, that one step at a time that you said earlier, that journey to that first one percent.
(28:57):
Now you mentioned the word against somatic again. So what is that exactly?
Yeah, so I am a somatic attachment therapy coach. So a lot of us do a lot of cognitive therapy. We
know that it's talk therapy in this in my industry, the reason I'm in it is there's a whole bunch of
fluff and I know I speak fluffy like thinking I make it so but there's science in the way that I do
(29:21):
things and the way that I break it down and this is why my archive and my work is really subliminal
programming and getting into this work. But moving from somatics is our primary language. We learn
to speak with our body before we could even get words out when we were kids, right? Like we would
be rolling over and we were doing and grabbing and things and this is this is how we did everything.
(29:43):
That's our primary language and so I help clients that are very brain forward that have been probably
in therapy for decades of their life get into the body because trauma is what's stored in the body.
You can't talk your way out of it because with trauma, trauma is an event. A lot of us think
it's like, like I said, war, domestic violence, the big things but it doesn't matter what it is
(30:05):
somewhere in your life, something happened and an emotion froze. Therefore, that's how we have our
personalities. You know, when you say you don't like someone's personality, what you're saying is
you don't like the way they have grown up to learn to protect themselves because an emotion
frozen place, the emotion is frozen within the body. So I go in through my subconscious reprogramming
(30:26):
and I walk clients through this to unfreeze that emotion so they no longer have that habit, that
belief system, that pattern, that stuckness and it can actually move through them in a safe way. So
long-lasting that is I connect the body to the mind and the mind to the body so that they can
actually break the cycles that they've been stuck within. Wow. I mean, that sounds so straightforward.
(30:52):
Your mind and body should be in sync but I think that we don't think about that enough.
Especially if you're going through a crazy period in your life and your brain is just going wild and
then you're like, "Oh, gotta keep going to work. I've got to keep doing this thing." And to stay
in your routine when really maybe you should be slowing down and starting to think to your
(31:16):
head and go, "Why am I thinking that way?" and start to do the work on that.
Exactly. The biggest thing is often it's like, "Oh, I'm not okay. Let me go find something that's
going to make me okay. Let me go date a person. Let me go achieve this. Let me go buy this. Let me go
drink this. Let me go take this. I'm going to go figure out why I'm not okay as opposed to
(31:38):
or I'm going to go find something to make me be okay as opposed to what my work is, which is,
I'm not okay. Why am I not okay? Can I go within my own body to figure out why am I not okay?
Why is this cycle repeating itself? Why do I have depression? Why do I have anxiety?
Why is this pattern in my relationship happening? Why can't I feel pleasure? What's going on here?
(32:02):
Why am I having these financial things because the clients I work with, it's
the same thing. Money in relationship, I can almost bet they're the same thing for you.
It's like, "Why do I have these patterns?" We get to go within the body to figure out why
that's happening because even though you can consciously say you want something, I'm going to
bet there is so much underneath it, otherwise you would have it. We have to get the body and
(32:25):
regulation around that. Wow. There'll be so much self-talk. You'd have to
silence or unlearn or reframe as part of that. Exactly. It's witnessing that inner dialogue
and not believing it, which is the hardest job we'll ever do because it has been running our
(32:47):
lives our entire lives. You said before that you never thought that you were creative and now you
realize that you are creative because you've obviously brought in your mind to what creativity
is. It's not necessarily just the pure arts. It's all these other things and being
an entrepreneur is such a creative thing because you're problem-solving every day, right?
(33:09):
Oh my gosh. Do you reflect on that much? Do you think about what your life is like now you've
accepted that you are a creative person? Oh, yes. It's so fun to me that my friends think I'm
absolutely crazy. I have friends in the "normal" world. I have none even. Let me be honest.
(33:33):
I have half of one friend. The rest of my friends are very much like me. We know we are basically
space cadets and aliens. Anytime we try and do a normal thing, we're like, "Oh, our conversations
are very different than these ones." We live in this little entrepreneur bubble. Then you step
outside of it sometimes and you're like, "Wait, what? What is this foreign land out here?" Then
(33:55):
you get to be like you remember when. You're like, "Remember when I did that and now I'm
this and this is my creative genius." Trying all these different things and who do I want to be
today and who do I want to be in 10 years and two months? What's going on here? It's so fun.
My friends are always like, "Who are you today? What are you doing?" I'm like, "We don't know.
(34:18):
We'll figure it out." That sounds very freeing.
Giving you permission to be your crazy self. Exactly. For so many years,
I don't know if any of your listeners like this or you, where it's like I was that kid where it's
like I'm listening to rap music, but I'm also emo, but I'm like the basketball player with the
(34:40):
bows in her hair and I could never be placed. I had all these different groups that none of them
I actually belong to because I didn't belong to them because I wasn't like them. But as a kid,
if you don't belong, you're bullied, which is what happened. It's this constant thing. Then
you're like, "Oh, that's just how it's supposed to be all along." It's supposed to be weird.
That's your chosen journey. Exactly. That's so cool. I love that idea that you can't be pinned down
(35:10):
into one box, one label because we're all multifaceted people with many interests.
When you were saying that, I was like, "Yeah, I agree. Sometimes I dress in all pink and really
lovely and then other times I dress like a hipster." It's like, I don't have to choose one style to
(35:34):
express myself. It depends on how I'm feeling that day. Exactly. I mean, so bring and you're like,
"This is me. I'm just all these things. Look at my closet. We don't really know what it is."
It's just, I always say it to my clients. It's like every day is Halloween. Who do you want to be?
Don't be stuck into who you were yesterday. It really gets to be so fun. Is it going to be
(35:57):
confusing to your husband? A thousand percent because men are not like this, but it's fine.
Like if you own it and you're sure of it, everyone else will get on board with it.
It's back to being the artist of your life. All these micro-selections. That's
where your creativity can come out. Exactly. Wow. That was an interesting conversation,
(36:23):
which I didn't know which direction that was going to go today, which is a lovely feeling at the
beginning of a podcast just ago. I'm just going to ask some questions and we'll just see what happens.
Thank you so much for joining me today, Laura. Thank you so much. This is such a,
it's a fun way to reflect in a different way about my work. I really enjoy it and I really,
(36:44):
it's a pleasure to be here and what you're doing. It's a gift.
Thank you. I'm sure that all our listeners have learned a lot today. I want to say thank you to
everyone who has tuned in to Creativity (36:55):
Uncovered today. I really hope that this episode has inspired
you to start making little micro-creative choices in your life and that it does help you summon
creativity the next time that you need it.
(37:29):
If you've made it this far, a huge thank you for your support and tuning into today's episode.
Creativity (37:48):
Uncovered has been lovingly recorded on the land of the Kabi Kabi people
and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging. This podcast has been produced by my
amazing team here at Crisp Communications and the music you just heard was composed by James Gatling.
(38:09):
If you liked this episode, please do share it around and help us on our mission to unlock
more creativity in this world. You can also hit subscribe so you don't miss out on any new episode
releases.
Have a great evening!
Now, before we jump into today's conversation, I just wanted to flag a trigger warning for
(00:07):
this episode. During our conversation, we discussed trauma, sexual assault, drug abuse
and domestic violence. If you're not in the right space to hear about that right now,
please do go ahead and skip this episode and we look forward to welcoming you back
next week.
Hello, friends, and welcome to Creativity (00:26):
Uncovered. My name is Abi Gatling and I'm
on a journey to uncover how everyday people find inspiration, get inventive and open their
imagination. I basically want to find out how people find creative solutions and then
(00:50):
how they use them at home, work, play and everything in between. And my goal for this
podcast is that by the end of it, you'll be armed with a whole suite of tried and tested
ways to summon creativity the next time that you need it.
Now today I am speaking to Laura Martin. And Laura is a trauma and relationship specialist
(01:15):
and she has a special interest in mental health and creativity. And so I'm really excited
to talk to Laura today because I'm just so curious to find out how trauma, relationships,
mental health, how that all relates to creativity. So let's find out together. Welcome, Laura.
Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.
(01:39):
I'm pretty calling in you all the way from Dallas, Texas, the other side of the world.
Yes, we're sweating because it's so hot. Definitely ying-ing ying. I'm rocked up to
the nights right now. So Laura, I'm firstly curious. You have a business called Healing
(02:02):
to Happy, which is such a lovely name and is intriguing. So tell me, let's start there
what's all that about? Yeah, so there's been two iterations of my company. There was one
when I was living in Asia and it was to help women that were struggling with IBS. And so
I specialized in the gut brain. I guess I technically still do specialize in it. You
(02:25):
don't really get on but anyway, the gut brain connection and so helping women that had a
lot of food sensitivities and a lot of fear around food. And I did events in public speaking
and created this whole accidental movement because I was never planning to be an entrepreneur
I just had a whole bunch of problems with my life and a whole bunch of trauma and all
this stuff and I just started to share my journey. And then the second iteration of
(02:47):
my company, which we've been going for about a year now, is around relationships and trauma
and somatic attachment therapy, which is what I've really always wanted it to do. I originally
went to college to be a sex therapist and to learn about the human mind and why people
do and pleasure and dating and things but explaining that to your parents just seemed
really awkward. So I dropped it for communications and made it my minor. I bet that would have
(03:13):
been okay. Yeah, I'm like, especially because my mother, she was very Catholic and so it
just has always been a thing that's been within me. But you know, I went through a journey
of just a whole bunch of not feeling like I belonged in this world and a whole bunch
of trauma, you know, sexual assault, domestic violence, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, eating
(03:37):
disorders, chronic illness, a whole bunch of things. So it felt like I was too broken
to be loved and too misunderstood. And I was always the black sheep, like even growing up,
like I just never felt like I was it didn't click. And so I would see all these happy
people. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like that doesn't actually exist. All of you are
faking it and I know it. And now I'm one of those people for sure. But I had this like
(04:02):
dark side of my mind and I didn't get it until I started to step into this like self development
world and this healing space and all this stuff and just kind of really realizing that, you
know, it just came to me like, you know, you just like, what's your company name? I'm like,
I don't know, like, I just guess I have no idea. But it makes sense now that I look back
at it, like it chose me because it's like, you're always healing, you are always going
(04:25):
to be healing something. And we have this elusive chase towards happiness when really
happiness is the part of the healing, like it's the journey, your happiness is the choice
that you turn on every day. And you can choose that right now. And then you're continually
healing. And so it just happened, honestly. And then the brand grew into the name and
it continues to grow into the name. And sometimes I play with changing it. So I'm like, it's
(04:47):
a little fruity. And I'm not a fruity person, especially if you look at my brand, you're
like, it doesn't really match. But it really does underneath it because it's this continuous
evolution of finding and rediscovering yourself and looking at these parts of yourself and
finding peace within that.
Wow. So you've had, you've obviously had a little trauma in your life, but now you're
(05:10):
channeling that to help other people. Is that healing for yourself as well?
Oh, goodness. Yes. Like it is, because for me, I did the first thing what a lot of us
do that have gone through trauma, we want to study it. We just want to understand. And
so I went all in, I studied with some of the best in the world. And I, you know, psychology,
(05:30):
sex therapy, health, nutrition, gut health, neuroscience, somatic attachment therapy,
trauma, like I went all in on it. And then I was like, wait, you know, we know a lot
of stuff, we should probably apply it to our life because we kind of have been through
quite the pickle in life. And so really putting that into my life. And then, you know, it's
(05:51):
just that deep surrender and that knowing that all of the things that I've been through
is like everything I've been through, one of my, at least one of my clients has been
through it, you know, and to be able to sit on the side and not just say, Hey, like I
studied this and I went to school and I have all these things is like, no, I get what that
actually feels like. And I can sit with you when you're in the dumps of that. And it's
been very cathartic, I guess, in my own healing, because now it's neutralized because it's,
(06:16):
it's just something that is there. It's not something that defines you. And then you realize
more and more how everything has been put in your life for a purpose.
That's so nice. I feel I often think that like, even when you're going through such,
you know, like a really terrible time, you're kind of like, this will somehow change me in
some way. This will be some, not now it feels terrible now, but in the future, this will
(06:42):
make me stronger. But it's actually, it's kind of true, isn't it?
Every single time. And it's that's, we're lucky enough to have that mindset, because
that's not a lot of people, you know, a lot of people like to sit in the suck. And it's
just like, this is happening and this is my life. And this is what who I date and this
is how my health is. And I'm kind of helpless. And we kind of play that victim role. And
(07:04):
we see that a lot like during the pandemic model, because we were so in front of our
computer screens, self diagnosing ourselves and doing all the stuff. Or I was like, Oh,
I'm too broken. Here we go. Like, when really the most powerful thing is like, when you
claim that you are the artist, the director, the creator of your life, like you get to
paint it in whatever way that you want. If you so choose and you stop reacting from your
(07:28):
past and you can actually start to create this future. And I think that's the most freeing
thing when you can be in this pain, like deep pain that some people can ever understand.
And you're like, somehow, I heard this podcast one time, somehow this is going to be worth
something. And you just hang on there, you know.
Wow. I'd love that. The creator of your own life is very empowering even just saying that.
(07:53):
Is that sort of the coaching that you do with your clients is to try and get them into that
mindset?
Yeah. So the biggest thing, the women that come to work with me, it's they're at a stage
that they see the generational pattern. So they weren't modeled love. They see it from
their parents. It's this whole I've been trying to survive my whole life. And I can see my
(08:14):
parents didn't have a healthy marriage or they have a marriage I didn't want or my
aunts, my uncles and whatever. And so they choose that it started with them, right? Like
you get to that point where you realize like I am the common denominator in every single
thing in my life. And so that's the type of people that I work with, whether like, okay,
I recognize I'm the common denominator and now I'm ready to fully do something. And so
(08:35):
like a phrase I often say is like, it started with you, it ends with you and it begins again
with you. And you get to start your next story and you get to do the next thing that you
want to do. What is that? But that only comes from actually doing this inner work of like,
okay, I take ownership over my life. And I'm ready to kind of sit in the suck for a little
bit so I can actually paint a new future.
(08:56):
Yes. And so what's typically the catalyst for people to come and work with you?
Oh, good. Sometimes a breakup or relationship thing or a familial thing, like it really
is people just, can I swear on this podcast?
Yeah, go ahead.
And like it's people getting sick of their own shit, like they sit in some type of way
(09:16):
and they're like, I have been cheated on, I've been manipulated, I've been angry, I
have this type of thing, I have no sex drive, I've hated my body this long, I've done this
thing, I've been, you know, I thought this achievement within my business was going to
give me some type of, you know, relief, but I realize no dollar amount in my bank account
is ever going to give me the satisfied feeling. So now what? Like it's this like chase, this
(09:40):
hungry ghost that they're like, I realize I am never going to be satisfied and I need
to somehow come back to myself. And they won't even say it originally about, but it's like
they're going through a breakup, it's a divorce, there's a health scare or something, there's
like a repetition in their cycles and they're like, I need to do something because I want
to call in love, I want to be happy. Like what is this happy thing that I keep seeing,
(10:05):
you know?
You're well, what is that? Can I get some of that?
Exactly.
Wow, well, and so when we spoke a couple of weeks ago, we had a really interesting conversation
about the relationship between trauma and creativity. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?
(10:29):
Yeah, this is one of those things where it goes back to being the artist of your life,
especially if you've been through something where it invites you into what do I want to
do next? You know, a lot of times, and I remember when we were chatting, I was like, I mean,
I don't know if it's going to be a fit for like what you're looking for, but like this
is the way that I view it. Like I was one of those people where I'm like, hear me sing
(10:55):
and watch me draw. Like I am the least creative human being on this frickin' planet. Like this
is not the way that I do it, but if I look at my life, I looked at my life and like none
of us in my family were modeled love. None of us like no one is married. No one has healthy
relationships. No one, you know, everyone has been through the things that I've been through.
And so when you actually get to sit and you go, oh, okay, what do I want to do now? Right?
(11:18):
Like how can I make an impact? You get to then create the next step. And that's how I view
trauma and looking at subconscious reprogramming. It's like you start to take ownership and
you start to get to actually create the narrative that you want. And you get to step into something
that is uniquely yours and you become this artist of your life, whether it's the way
(11:40):
that you dress, whether it's the way you show up, like you truly are this artistic expression
of you. And I don't know if that happens without something rocking your socks. Because oftentimes
if something doesn't scare you, you stay comfortable and you keep repeating your cycles, right?
(12:01):
Like you do. Unfortunately, like I used to be like, oh, you can hear stories and like
then you learn and you do the things I'm like, I haven't really met anyone that's been that
it's like something big happened in your life. And it doesn't have to be like how mine is
where it's like sexual assault domestic violence, things like that. It could be a breakup, it
could be food poisoning, it could be something that rocked your socks. That was like, I want
(12:23):
to create a different thing. I want to get healthier. I want to do something. And then
you get to become this like beacon of, okay, so then what, you know, here's my past and
what happened to me. But now I'm going to write a new story and I'm no longer defined
by my past. I'm writing a different story. I'm creating a different life. And your art
because your life becomes your art. And that from there gets to be something that's freeing.
(12:47):
Your life becomes your art. I love that. So it's making like conscious selections on how
you're going to move forward with your life. Exactly. Instead of painting the picture,
like, you know, it's you look at the stats, you look at all the things like someone like
me isn't supposed to be where I'm at. You know, if you look at my track record, that's
(13:08):
not supposed to be it. It's supposed to be, you know, I have notes in my phone that's
like, I wasn't going to make it to 25. I wasn't going to make it to 30. You know, it's all
these things where it's like, but look at that. Here we are running this global movement,
walking on podcasts, doing our things, speaking on stages, like being written in magazines
and doing the stuff because you chose to write a different story. That's your art. And that
(13:29):
should be celebrated, you know? Yes. Yeah. So how do you do that? What's the first step?
Radical ownership. Like radical ownership. What is that? It's you have to it's this
vice between a lot of us don't want to take responsibility because that means we're at
fault. Right? If we see something, it's I take responsibility for every single thing
(13:54):
that's happened in my life. I mean, every single thing, my mom passing from addiction,
the sexual assault, the domestic violence, the drug abuse, the alcohol abuse, the people
that I've hurt because of how much hurt I had, you know, we struggle with wanting to
do that because we think that means we're at fault. I'm not at fault for any of that.
You know, I am responsible because I choose to write a different story. If I am constantly
(14:20):
trying to look and blame anyone outside of myself, I'm giving them the power of writing
my story of what comes next of the freedom of my mind of my soul of my anger of my love.
If I'm constantly looking for them going well, it's their fault that I'm this way. And I
was that person, right? I am this person. I get to be this way. I get to do what I want.
(14:41):
Of course, I'm going to use drugs and drink this way and date men like this and do this
because look at what happened to me and instead of yeah, those things happened. Look at what
I did. Look at what I built. Yeah, because I own it. I own it. It's just it's a different
way of it. And then none of that means you're at fault. Like we really have to sit in that
(15:03):
where it's like you're not at fault for anything that's happening, but you are responsible
for what comes next and who you become because of it.
Yeah, I never, I guess I never thought about it, but I never thought that there was a difference
between taking ownership and accepting fault. For me, they were kind of the one and the
same, but you're separating it out saying, yes, that did happen. No, it's not because
(15:27):
of me, but it is part of me now.
Exactly. And it's not like it shifts the narrative of like even yes, it is because of you like
it's something somewhere, whatever. But if you continue to go, like if I get mad at the
person that assaulted me, right, several times, if I get mad at all those people. So they're
(15:50):
the only ones that can give me happiness if they are punished or if they get whatever.
Why am I giving them my happiness? Why am I giving them anything? They already tried to
take it. I'm not going to give them that. I'm going to take radical ownership of that
was a version of me that had to learn a lesson that I had to learn. And now who am I becoming
(16:11):
because of this? Am I going to keep waiting for an apology from an ex-boyfriend? Am I going
to keep waiting for an apology from these people? Am I going to wait for somehow these
things to happen in my life or I'm just going to move and do the best thing where I'm going
to the hardest thing. I'm actually going to forgive the past version of myself and the
(16:31):
shadow and the shame and the guilt and the remorse and the anger. Not that little cute
little chicken that you had held on to you. I'm going to do that work because that's what's
within my control. The other things, if someone ever apologizes or if someone ever takes ownership,
even when they do, and I'm sure your listeners can think of this, even when someone does
apologize, it's still not good enough. Let's be honest. It's not that they didn't say it
(16:55):
right. They didn't mean it right. They didn't hold the eye contact long enough. And yet
you're giving away your power and you're closing your love off. Your best art is your open
heart. It really is in your love and how much love can you have and how much love can you
keep open as opposed to giving someone the power over that. Oh, well, I got bruised before
(17:17):
and I got cheated on and they did this. Close your heart. Close your heart. Close your heart.
Giving away your power. Giving away your power. Giving away your power. Like what a gift it
is to go, "Actually, I'm going to keep my heart open and I'm going to do the craziest
thing, I'm going to move on with my life with love."
Yes. So it's really about that internal locus of control about, "I'm in control of me and
(17:45):
my body and my emotions and my thoughts around this." They do, they can do whatever they want
over there. Apologize and not apologize, but I need to be comfortable with that either way.
Exactly. And it's seeing everything and it takes a lot to get to this point, but seeing
everything through a lens of love. Like if I can look back at any of my abusers, or I can look at
(18:07):
my mother, I can look at my father, I can look at the things. Actually, for example, I had a therapy
session today and she took me back in EMDR. We went back to this scene with my mother and it's
one of the most pivotal life-changing moments. And even my younger self was just witnessing my mom
being like, "No one was there to support you. How can I even get mad at you if you had no idea how
(18:33):
to be an adult in this moment? How can I even get mad? And if I stay mad at you, then I'm going to be
30 years old from a moment when I was 16 being mad at you. You're not even on this planet anymore.
None of this would do anything for me. And if I'm here to do things through a lens of love,
it's just like to sit there and be like, "Okay, I can give you compassion. Not that I'm going to
(18:54):
dismiss or disassociate from poor behavior or reassociate with people that are abusive or
things like that, but it's like anyone that hurts you. That's a reflection of them, not you.
100% of the time." And so sitting there instead of taking that wound on and being like, "Oh,
I'm not lovable. Oh, I'm undeserving. Oh, I'm on these things." It's like you just sit there and
(19:15):
you're like, "You know, I'm lovable and what you have to offer is in a match and that's your pain
and that's your story and I'm not taking that on." So once you sort of do that and you're like,
"Okay, I'm in control. I'm the artist of my own life. The creator of whatever my future can be.
(19:39):
How do people know where they want to go with that? That's such a big thing. I can imagine
that's so overwhelming. Yeah. The big thing of like, "What's my purpose? What do I do now?"
Like the freaking million-dollar question. If anyone can answer that one, let me know.
The question is obviously like, "What's my purpose?" And I was on an interview earlier today
(19:59):
where it's like, she gave the example where it's like, "Go back to your childhood and what you
liked then and that could be a good place to start. Like what did you like before the trauma
happened? Who were you before the trauma happened?" And honestly, it's exploring that. But more
importantly in the way that I do it is if we're trying to double what we did before, there's
(20:21):
this really good book called The Gap and the Game that has changed my life where it's like,
if we're trying to double what we did before, we're comparing it to the past and our past is
the thing that we're trying to outrun. That doesn't really make sense. So if you can actually sit
with yourself and think of who you want to... Like what is that 10x version of you? The one that is
wildly in love, doing whatever it is their day to day, all that kind of stuff. Like I don't know.
(20:44):
For me, it's like, okay, I'm a mom. I'm doing Pilates. I'm making millions of dollars. I'm speaking
on stages. I'm healthy as a horse. Like here's my 10x. I have no idea. Okay, what right now
do I need to do to get there? What's that 1%? Okay, I need to eat healthy meals. I need to
(21:07):
network, get on some podcasts. I need to take care of my body and go on a walk. I need to read and
study and do things like, okay, cool. I need to meditate. Okay, I can do all of those are within
my control. I don't need to be so hung up on this like, well, here's what I need and here's where I
gotta move and here's my 10x and like that paralyzes us. But also looking at the past is
(21:28):
going to sometimes when you haven't yet gotten to a space of regulation, that's going to make this
feel too broken and unlovable. So it's like, okay, let's look to the future a little bit
to see what we want. Let's see how far we've already come because we left that situation and
we're taking radical ownership and we're comparing from our past and now we're being proud of who we
are right now. And what's that 1% to get you closer? Your 1% is going to look way different than mine
(21:52):
because I don't know. Do you want to speak on stages in front of hundreds of thousands of people?
Do you want to write best? Who knows? Maybe you just want to be a mom and you want to do
post-lotties and you just want to drink tea like, okay, perfect. What is that 1% and can you connect
with that now because finding your purpose, people get purpose and I have a good, I have a friend
(22:13):
named Steph. We actually do a podcast once a month on this and she's a purpose driven coach where
it's like we always bust these myths because we think it has to do with like where we make money.
Like, okay, I went through this. I'm now taking ownership and I'm doing this. Okay, let me go
make money. And it's like, no, can you just fall in love with your life again? Like, how do you get
back to love? How can you feel into your heart again? How can you feel like can you giggle,
(22:35):
like actually giggle like you did like a child? Like, what does that mean to you? Like, what is your
art? What is your way of expression? And I think we overcomplicate it so that we can excuse not
doing it as opposed to going back to and I think this is what my guest had meant by what she was
saying is like, go explore like you did as a kid, like go and like be in those spaces where it's like
(22:58):
it doesn't have to be a big deal. You can't mess it up. Like go build a fort, go do something,
go to a comedy show, like go paint with your fingers, like do something that is silly. But
is it getting you more into alignment of this 10x version of you and then don't get so hung up on
how much you have to do, just do 1% better than you are doing?
(23:19):
Kind of go, I think like you're saying going back to your childhood, it's kind of like with an open
mind. You know, kids don't have preconceived ideas of a lot of things. It's like not a lens of love,
it's using a kid lens, look at it with eyes and an open mind. Exactly. It's just like going
(23:43):
explore. I always have once a week, I'll have like an inner child day where I'm like, okay,
what do we feel like doing? And I'm like one time I did this and I was like, I feel like climbing
a tree and I like looked around at my partner at the time and I was like, but I'm 30 years old and
I think they might call the cops. I don't want them to bring it down. I was randomly on a walk
and I was 30-years-old being a monkey. But just like being okay with that before, you know, we think
(24:07):
we can really mess everything up and do it wrong. It's like, how can you get it wrong if you're just
trying to explore who you are? You can't really get that wrong, you know? Yeah. Because that's what
I think creativity is, is just that curiosity and exploration and then somewhat exploring yourself
(24:29):
and trying to tap into what makes you the most happy. What is creativity to you?
It would be that exploration, you know? It's an everyday thing. Is it your business? Is it your
life? Is it your body? Is it your nutrition? Is it actual art? Are you making music? It's how you're
(24:52):
living your day, day to day. And that's where, yeah, and it's so funny because I think I told you
this where it was like when I was younger and I got like a reading or something and they're like,
"You're going to be a creative human being." And I was like, "What? Have you seen anything I do in our
class?" Like, you have no idea. But now looking at it, I'm like, "Oh, I'm one of the most creative
(25:12):
people I know because everyday is like a new idea here and da-da-da-da. And here's a brand and here's
a vision and here's the way that I speak and here's the personality that I am today because
everyday is Halloween. So I'm going to dress myself in a different way every day because this is how
I want to explore. I think that is the gift because if you look at a child, that's who they are. One
day they're a princess, one day they're doing an astronaut, one day they're doing this, they speak
(25:35):
like this because they go here. It's the cutest thing and I really think we just need to bring
that back. We just need to bring it back and everyone will be happy little chicken nuggets.
Yeah. Yeah, like truly expressing yourself. And actually that reminds me that when we did speak
a while ago, you said something about when you're going through trauma, you're trying to be keeping
(25:55):
your head down and stay in the herd. Yeah, creativity is stepping out of that and looking
to be seen as your true self. Exactly. I forgot that I said that. It's so true because when you
go through trauma, you want to shrink yourself. It's like you just want to be in a shell. You're
afraid of being seen. You're afraid of being heard but you have this love in your heart and you want
(26:16):
to go outside of the box and explore yourself. And so when you can dismantle the trauma, the shell,
the protectors as I like to call them and you can actually open up yourself to explore who you are,
you realize how freaking cute you are. And you're like this creative genius and I see it with all
(26:39):
my clients. It's like I want to be seen but I'm afraid. And we see this with brands, we see this
with entrepreneurs, we see this with creatives. It's very common. It's like I have this big vision
that I want but I'm afraid because what if I get rejected or what if I get hurt or what if
something happens and it's like when you know yourself and you heal yourself to such a degree,
(27:00):
no, who cares? Yeah, of course it's going to sting. You're human. We go through a human experience
but when you can come out of that shell and let yourself be seen, let yourself be loved, let yourself
bloom. What a gift that is. Like what a gift when you finally take off that protective shield and
armor and all the things you built up that told you you weren't lovable so you had to be quiet or
(27:24):
you had to do this thing and you just crack that open. It's like, ah, there you are. We've been
waiting all along. Like lifting your weight off your shoulders, right? Exactly. So there's a lot
of your work going through that saying like what is the worst that could happen if you did this
or help you build people's confidence up in that area to bounce back if something bad does happen.
(27:49):
A lot of my work is to build safety in the present moment so you could build resiliency for the
future because the biggest thing I see, it's more so the fear of success. Like what if it does work
out? What if these things happen? And then I can't handle it and then this happens and then this
happens and I'm like, so you're afraid of it working out? Like I'm afraid of falling in love
(28:10):
but what if they leave? I'm like, let's worry about just falling in love first. Let's just worry
about that the first part and then we're fine with the rest. Like we'll figure it out but it's that
part because it's like, well, what if I have success and I lose it all? What if I fall in love?
Any cheats? What if I fall in love and he finds out I'm too broken? I'm like, worry about the first
(28:31):
part. Let's just go on one date first actually. Let's get to that part before we start creating
these wild experiences. So it's more so that and it's the somatic, it's the neuroscience,
it's what's underneath all these blocks so that they can fully step into their lives with confidence.
Yeah, that one step at a time that you said earlier, that journey to that first one percent.
(28:57):
Now you mentioned the word against somatic again. So what is that exactly?
Yeah, so I am a somatic attachment therapy coach. So a lot of us do a lot of cognitive therapy. We
know that it's talk therapy in this in my industry, the reason I'm in it is there's a whole bunch of
fluff and I know I speak fluffy like thinking I make it so but there's science in the way that I do
(29:21):
things and the way that I break it down and this is why my archive and my work is really subliminal
programming and getting into this work. But moving from somatics is our primary language. We learn
to speak with our body before we could even get words out when we were kids, right? Like we would
be rolling over and we were doing and grabbing and things and this is this is how we did everything.
(29:43):
That's our primary language and so I help clients that are very brain forward that have been probably
in therapy for decades of their life get into the body because trauma is what's stored in the body.
You can't talk your way out of it because with trauma, trauma is an event. A lot of us think
it's like, like I said, war, domestic violence, the big things but it doesn't matter what it is
(30:05):
somewhere in your life, something happened and an emotion froze. Therefore, that's how we have our
personalities. You know, when you say you don't like someone's personality, what you're saying is
you don't like the way they have grown up to learn to protect themselves because an emotion
frozen place, the emotion is frozen within the body. So I go in through my subconscious reprogramming
(30:26):
and I walk clients through this to unfreeze that emotion so they no longer have that habit, that
belief system, that pattern, that stuckness and it can actually move through them in a safe way. So
long-lasting that is I connect the body to the mind and the mind to the body so that they can
actually break the cycles that they've been stuck within. Wow. I mean, that sounds so straightforward.
(30:52):
Your mind and body should be in sync but I think that we don't think about that enough.
Especially if you're going through a crazy period in your life and your brain is just going wild and
then you're like, "Oh, gotta keep going to work. I've got to keep doing this thing." And to stay
in your routine when really maybe you should be slowing down and starting to think to your
(31:16):
head and go, "Why am I thinking that way?" and start to do the work on that.
Exactly. The biggest thing is often it's like, "Oh, I'm not okay. Let me go find something that's
going to make me okay. Let me go date a person. Let me go achieve this. Let me go buy this. Let me go
drink this. Let me go take this. I'm going to go figure out why I'm not okay as opposed to
(31:38):
or I'm going to go find something to make me be okay as opposed to what my work is, which is,
I'm not okay. Why am I not okay? Can I go within my own body to figure out why am I not okay?
Why is this cycle repeating itself? Why do I have depression? Why do I have anxiety?
Why is this pattern in my relationship happening? Why can't I feel pleasure? What's going on here?
(32:02):
Why am I having these financial things because the clients I work with, it's
the same thing. Money in relationship, I can almost bet they're the same thing for you.
It's like, "Why do I have these patterns?" We get to go within the body to figure out why
that's happening because even though you can consciously say you want something, I'm going to
bet there is so much underneath it, otherwise you would have it. We have to get the body and
(32:25):
regulation around that. Wow. There'll be so much self-talk. You'd have to
silence or unlearn or reframe as part of that. Exactly. It's witnessing that inner dialogue
and not believing it, which is the hardest job we'll ever do because it has been running our
(32:47):
lives our entire lives. You said before that you never thought that you were creative and now you
realize that you are creative because you've obviously brought in your mind to what creativity
is. It's not necessarily just the pure arts. It's all these other things and being
an entrepreneur is such a creative thing because you're problem-solving every day, right?
(33:09):
Oh my gosh. Do you reflect on that much? Do you think about what your life is like now you've
accepted that you are a creative person? Oh, yes. It's so fun to me that my friends think I'm
absolutely crazy. I have friends in the "normal" world. I have none even. Let me be honest.
(33:33):
I have half of one friend. The rest of my friends are very much like me. We know we are basically
space cadets and aliens. Anytime we try and do a normal thing, we're like, "Oh, our conversations
are very different than these ones." We live in this little entrepreneur bubble. Then you step
outside of it sometimes and you're like, "Wait, what? What is this foreign land out here?" Then
(33:55):
you get to be like you remember when. You're like, "Remember when I did that and now I'm
this and this is my creative genius." Trying all these different things and who do I want to be
today and who do I want to be in 10 years and two months? What's going on here? It's so fun.
My friends are always like, "Who are you today? What are you doing?" I'm like, "We don't know.
(34:18):
We'll figure it out." That sounds very freeing.
Giving you permission to be your crazy self. Exactly. For so many years,
I don't know if any of your listeners like this or you, where it's like I was that kid where it's
like I'm listening to rap music, but I'm also emo, but I'm like the basketball player with the
(34:40):
bows in her hair and I could never be placed. I had all these different groups that none of them
I actually belong to because I didn't belong to them because I wasn't like them. But as a kid,
if you don't belong, you're bullied, which is what happened. It's this constant thing. Then
you're like, "Oh, that's just how it's supposed to be all along." It's supposed to be weird.
That's your chosen journey. Exactly. That's so cool. I love that idea that you can't be pinned down
(35:10):
into one box, one label because we're all multifaceted people with many interests.
When you were saying that, I was like, "Yeah, I agree. Sometimes I dress in all pink and really
lovely and then other times I dress like a hipster." It's like, I don't have to choose one style to
(35:34):
express myself. It depends on how I'm feeling that day. Exactly. I mean, so bring and you're like,
"This is me. I'm just all these things. Look at my closet. We don't really know what it is."
It's just, I always say it to my clients. It's like every day is Halloween. Who do you want to be?
Don't be stuck into who you were yesterday. It really gets to be so fun. Is it going to be
(35:57):
confusing to your husband? A thousand percent because men are not like this, but it's fine.
Like if you own it and you're sure of it, everyone else will get on board with it.
It's back to being the artist of your life. All these micro-selections. That's
where your creativity can come out. Exactly. Wow. That was an interesting conversation,
(36:23):
which I didn't know which direction that was going to go today, which is a lovely feeling at the
beginning of a podcast just ago. I'm just going to ask some questions and we'll just see what happens.
Thank you so much for joining me today, Laura. Thank you so much. This is such a,
it's a fun way to reflect in a different way about my work. I really enjoy it and I really,
(36:44):
it's a pleasure to be here and what you're doing. It's a gift.
Thank you. I'm sure that all our listeners have learned a lot today. I want to say thank you to
everyone who has tuned in to Creativity (36:55):
Uncovered today. I really hope that this episode has inspired
you to start making little micro-creative choices in your life and that it does help you summon
creativity the next time that you need it.
(37:29):
If you've made it this far, a huge thank you for your support and tuning into today's episode.
Creativity (37:48):
Uncovered has been lovingly recorded on the land of the Kabi Kabi people
and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging. This podcast has been produced by my
amazing team here at Crisp Communications and the music you just heard was composed by James Gatling.
(38:09):
If you liked this episode, please do share it around and help us on our mission to unlock
more creativity in this world. You can also hit subscribe so you don't miss out on any new episode
releases.
Have a great evening!
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