October 28, 2022 • 2470 mins
Priscilla Bordayo is a survivor of sexual abuse and incest who has turned her story of healing into a transformative tool for change. Priscilla was born into a large family that had been shaped by generations of abuse. After becoming a victim of that cycle of harm, Priscilla became the change that broke the cycle. She learned to heal, to forgive, to sit with victims in their darkest moments, and to inspire countless people with her story. Today, Priscilla is a powerful activist and a sought-after motivational speaker whose voice catalyzes change both in her community in Lansing, Michigan and nationwide. As the Michigan CSSJ Statewide Manager, she has been instrumental in creating major policy change with the goal of giving everyone who has experienced harm the chance for redemption and healing.
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Episode Transcript
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- Aswad Thomas (00:00):
Welcome to this week's episode of Crime Survivors Speak.
My name is Aswad Thomas.
I'm the national director of CrimeSurvivors for Safety and Justice.
We are a national network of 100,000victims of crime across the country.
If you haven't already, subscribe to stayup-to-date on the latest episode that
you can watch on YouTube, Apple Podcast,Spotify, and other streaming services.
(00:25):
By clicking the link onyour screen or going to the website, www.cssj.org/podcast.
Today, I'm so excited.
We're highlighting anotheramazing survivor leader who is a
tireless advocate for victims ofviolence, sexual abuse, and incest.
(00:46):
Priscilla Bordayo.
Priscilla is the Michiganstatewide manager for Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice.
She's also a sought-after motivationalspeaker whose story has inspired
countless people to disruptcycles of harm and pursue healing.
Thank you so much for beingwith us today, Priscilla.
- Priscilla Bordayo: Thank you for having me. (01:05):
undefined
- Aswad Thomas (01:07):
Cool, so let's jump right into it.
To begin with, would you tell usa little bit about growing up and what was it like for you and how
the path of your life helped youdiscover the importance of healing?
- Priscilla Bordayo (01:20):
I grew up in a very dysfunctional home.
I was born in Texas, butraised in Lansing, Michigan.
I lived in 17 houses alone in Lansing,Michigan, so we moved around a lot.
Part of that just had to do with myparents just trying to make ends meet, but also living paycheck to paycheck
(01:42):
and going home to home because ofthings that you didn't really know about until those secrets were exposed.
One of those secrets were when I wasfive years old, my dad has 14 brothers
and sisters and the FBI raided all ofour houses at the same time in Lansing.
(02:02):
They had been on our familyfor a little over 10 years.
My uncles and my grandfather endedup going to prison for at the
time was one of the biggest drugscandals in Lansing, Michigan.
The guy that my uncles and grandfatherworked for ended up being executed
in Texas due to the amount deathsthat took place in the drug board.
(02:23):
So growing up with mylast name was super tough.
My dad was the only male that wasnot involved in the drugs and the only one that had not gone to prison.
We moved my sixth grade year backto Texas where my dad ended up with a pastoral position and that's the
year that my family would tell youwas the year of experiencing literal hell, which is very confusing because
(02:51):
you would think being attached to achurch that would be a safe place.
But that's the year myfather began to rape me.
I grew up in a home where I felt likeI had to keep things very secretive
and I didn't have a lot of resourceson healing really in general.
There was the faith base, but the faithbase was confusing because my father was supposed to be a pastor who helped
(03:16):
people and served his community in orderto help people get out of dysfunction.
He was a charismatic man who was tohelp preach the good news, but behind
closed doors, we were experiencingeverything but those things.
So just not having outlets.
As an adult, you look back and you try todo as much of the research that you can to try to figure out the why behind things.
(03:43):
Not that there's anything that can excusewhat my father did, but just to bring an understanding, my grandfather had
raped his 13 of the 14 kids, so it gaveme an understanding of the continuous
cycles that were going on in my familyand it wasn't just sexual assault.
There was drinking, there was domesticviolence, obviously, there was drugs
(04:05):
and there was different things thatwere starting to get passed down.
After just experiencing my own traumafrom being unhealed, I just decided that's not the life that I wanted.
I didn't want to do whatmy cousins were doing.
I didn't wanna end up in jail,in prison like they were.
And I decided that I deserved togo through the process of healing and that I deserved to be free and
(04:29):
I chose to forgive my father and toforgive my mom because she also made a choice to choose my dad at the time.
Again, from just unresolved trauma anddidn't have what she needed to get healed.
So how does she help me?
All of those things combined toI don't want this anymore, so I'm gonna search for healing.
(04:52):
And I went after all of it and it's thebest decision I could have ever made.
- Aswad Thomas (04:57):
Priscilla, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story inthe generations of trauma that you and your family have went through
as it relates to sexual abuse,domestic violence, drug abuse as well.
I want to dive a little bit deeper intothat moment or that point of forgiveness.
(05:20):
Can you talk a little bit about what wasthat like for you to forgive someone so close to you who has caused you harm?
- Priscilla Bordayo (05:28):
You know, I think a lot of people think that forgiveness means that we're excusing what's been done.
But when I came to the realizationthat forgiveness wasn't about that, it wasn't about excusing anything.
It was more about me deserving to be free.
Forgiveness isn't necessarily abouta person deserving to be forgiven.
(05:53):
If you think about, does someonedeserve something like that?
Your automatic response is no.
But when you look at it from your ownlife and what it's producing in your heart and your emotions and then those
turn into actions, you start to realizethat you deserve to be free because the opposite of that is unforgiveness.
(06:14):
When that sets root into your heartand into your life, it then creates bitterness, it creates anger and
it's really hard to reach your fullpotential as a person to accomplish your
destiny, what you were born to do withunforgiveness settled in your heart.
And I remember hearing a speakertalk about the power of forgiveness and what it has done for their life.
(06:39):
And I decided that moment thatwas what I wanted for myself.
Not because it was easy, not becausethey deserved it, because the simple fact that I deserved to be free and
I deserved to go after everythingthat my heart really truly desired.
But I had to go through that processof healing, a lot of people when I speak with them, when they're dealing
(06:59):
with unforgiveness towards someone,everyone likes to talk about, "It's a process, healing's a process."
And I 100% agree with all of that.
Life is a process.
But one thing that I found to betrue is that we each choose how long we're gonna be in that process.
And I wanted to see the side of healing.
(07:21):
I wanted to see victory, I wanted to seejustice and all of those different things.
And so I had to move along theprocess so that I couldn't get to a place where I was stuck.
- Aswad Thomas (07:31):
We all have our own healing journey in that time frame of what that looks like for us and
which is important also, we know waspart of the healing journey, what I hearing from you, Priscilla, is just
like that, that moment of reflectionof wanting to make a difference.
Not just in your family's lifebut in the lives of others.
(07:54):
I was the first person in my familyto ever graduate from college, and I
also knew you were the first personin your family to go to college.
So how did that feel and did collegeopen up any new possibilities for you?
- Priscilla Bordayo (08:08):
Whew, college was really amazing but really hard.
There was a feeling that I'venever experienced before and
when you can accomplish somethingno one else in your family has.
There's the beauty of that, butthe challenges that I faced being Hispanic, being the only girl going
to college, the financial struggles, Iworked full time, while attending full
(08:33):
time school, while leading worship,being an RA, it was really hard.
But what it opened up for me wasn't justaccomplishing and getting that degree.
What opened up for me was me getting onmy own and realizing how unhealed I was.
And when you get out of the place whereyou've only experienced dysfunction and you get into a new place and you're still
(08:58):
the same and you're still dealing with thesame things, the fingers point at yourself
and you start to realize, oh man, I'mdoing things that I said I would never do.
I feel like I was heading down aroad that wasn't the best for me.
And so what that did was itexposed where I was unhealed.
And so that's where the first placewhere I was able to get counseling.
(09:22):
I met my best friends in college.
It was the one thing I prayed for.
I had a great experience in highschool, I had a lot of great friends, but I just wanted to find my people.
And so I was very blessed tofind my best friends there.
I would say that during mycollege years, that was the first time I had ever told my story.
I had told my best friend andshe had asked me to tell my story for her video class.
(09:45):
She had to ask me a few times 'causeI kept saying no, like I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to tell my story.
I ended up saying yes and it wasreally cool because she had everyone in her classroom signed a contract
and said that nobody would repeatmy story outside of that classroom.
They were gonna respect me, my position.
And it just brought a lot of comfortto me and when she was interviewing
(10:08):
me for the very first time, therewas these bright lights on me.
I knew from that very moment how I wasfeeling when I was telling my story and going through that process of healing
that this was something that I was gonnaend up doing for the rest of my life.
And so I really feel like through thatentire college experience, it opened so
many doors for me to be able to becomethe motivational speaker that I am.
(10:33):
Honestly, it was just like acoincidence that I just happened to get asked to share my story.
And I just found out a couple weeksago, that same teacher is now asking if the college can do a documentary on me.
And I'm just like,wait, what in the world?
You just never know what your storycan open up for other people, but also
(10:53):
how much healing is like, it's a spacefor you to also help other people heal.
- Aswad Thomas (10:59):
Most definitely.
You talked about something that's socrucial for survivors is just like creating that safe space that allowed
you to be in a space amongst peoplewho you felt that would not judge you.
And being comfortable to bevulnerable to share your story.
And while you were in college, I'm justfascinated that you were planning to
(11:22):
work in elementary education beforeeven going into any victim advocacy.
So I'm curious, is there a connectionbetween those two focuses for you and
what experience inspired you to becomean advocate for other crime survivors?
- Priscilla Bordayo (11:37):
Yes, there's a huge connection.
I love that question.
No one's ever asked me this before.
I got this idea that I wanted tosort of hide away from my story.
And I think the idea just came fromthat natural tendency of wanting to hide and keep things secretive.
(11:58):
But that's not what I was born to do.
I was born to be a speaker and tomotivate people to get healed and I decided, well, I'm gonna get a degree in
elementary education because I rememberas a child, the number one person that I could rely on were my teachers.
Those were the consistentpeople in my life.
(12:20):
When everything else was chaotic, whenI was moving from house to house when we didn't know if we were gonna eat, when
we were homeless at one point, this isthe one consistent person that I can
see every day who's actually showingup and teaching me something positive.
And so I decided that I'd get mydegree in elementary education to be that person to somebody.
(12:45):
So I graduated with my degree.
Came back home shortly after.
I ended up working at a placecalled Methodist Children's Home.
It was still working with children,but I was still very drawn to helping people who've been affected
by crime, who've been affected byjust life's negative circumstances.
(13:06):
It was a home where their parentswere incarcerated and some of them, their parents were deceased.
They had experienced being sexuallyassaulted and I just felt like so called and drawn to do that.
So I did that for a couple years.
In the process of all of that, Ibasically decided I'm gonna write a book and I'm just gonna start
doing advocacy work because thisis where I feel most fulfilled.
(13:28):
I decided this advocacy roleis where I wanted to go, but could still work with kids.
And so it just turnedinto that just naturally.
But that was the reason why I got thedegree was just because my teachers
were so amazing and I actually stillhave relationships with my teachers now.
And actually it's veryhard for them sometimes.
(13:48):
They see us now and they hadno idea the things that we were experiencing behind closed doors.
And I'll never forget the first time mymath teacher found out about our story.
I think he like saw it on the newssomewhere and man, he showed up
and he was just in tears because hejust felt like, how did I not know?
He said if there was ever, I havean identical twin sister, so he said, "If there was any students
(14:13):
I ever had that I knew was gonnamake it in life, it was you two.
You two were the poster children.
We just knew you're gonnado excellent things.
How did we not know?
What signs do we look for kids whoare experiencing this kind of trauma?
And we didn't even know it."
That was a very moving conversationand I'm very fortunate to be able to go and talk to our teachers,
(14:36):
our local law enforcement, ournational guard places where what are things that you can look for?
People need a safe space to beable to reveal their trauma.
- Aswad Thomas (14:48):
So this journey that you've been on as a survivor, as a advocate, as a motivational speaker, as a author.
And I remember meeting you, I thinkit was 2019 before the pandemic.
I remember just sittingdown talking with you.
And we've bonded instantly, especiallyaround our experiences as survivors.
(15:10):
The lack of help that ourfamilies and ourselves receive.
Before I left I said, "Priscilla,like what do you want to do?"
And I remember you mentioned it to me,you said, "I wanna change policies."
Was it so important for you tonot only help a survivor's boss to work on changing policies as well?
- Priscilla Bordayo (15:28):
Yeah, I will never forget that conversation too.
I often tell people I didn'tknow who Aswad was until that Radisson Hotel conversation.
And I'm very thankful forthat opportunity and just that moment of getting to meet you.
The way you asked me though waskey because you said, "If there's
anything you could do that you'renot doing, what would it be?"
(15:51):
And my answer was, I wanna change law.
And the reason that was because reallydeep down before education into like play, I truly did want to be a lawyer.
If you ask anybody in myfamily, I am a good debater.
You don't wanna debate me.
I'm sweet, I'm kind.
But when I believe in something and I'mpassionate about something, I'm gonna
let you know and I'm gonna make sure thatmy point is proven and proven as truth.
(16:17):
So I always wanted to be a lawyer,but I knew that when I became a core advocate and then became a medical
advocate, I just noticed that there wasa lot of things that I felt restricted.
There were things that I couldn't doto help people because everyone would always say, "Well that's just the law.
That's the way that our system is."
(16:37):
And it's just like, I don't know, itjust was the one area where I'm like, well then, we need to change the law.
But I never knew how to start andwhat to do and I was a court advocate.
I'm like, wait, I come alongside thesepeople to be a support system to them.
But I felt like I was just constantlyhitting a wall because the barrier to make the changes were so difficult.
(17:00):
But yeah, that's pretty much likewhere my heart is with all that.
I didn't know about CSSJ.
So when I met you, I just felt likethe piece of my heart, like the piece that was missing was starting to get
complete because I was like, wow,there's actually an organization that cares about this piece.
(17:21):
But also, I always felt alone in a waybecause most advocates advocate for one thing they're passionate about.
And if it's multiple things,they all kind of go hand in hand.
But when you think about crimesurvivors and what they experience, to see a lot of the changes that you
want to see, you have to focus onthose who are also committing crimes.
(17:46):
So I was advocating for both sides,which is very much unheard of.
I used to get, well, if you're forthe survivors, then how can you be for those who are committing the crimes?
But as I began to study and justsee how the system worked together,
I started to feel and see thatwhat was set up wasn't working.
(18:07):
And part of that was because therewas tremendous barriers on both sides.
People think crime survivorsonly want justice, put people behind bars and that's it.
But that wasn't my heart.
My heart was why aren't wegetting them rehabilitated?
If they're coming back into ourcommunities, why aren't we helping them?
I looked at my own family historyand I'm like, there's crimes that are being recommitted because the
(18:31):
people that needed help from theirown trauma didn't get the help.
And so they resort to crime, notbecause it's right, not because I wanna excuse it or give people a free pass,
but on both sides of things, there'sbarriers and both sides need healing.
And in order to end cycles of crime,I always say you can't end domestic violence and sexual assault by only
(18:53):
focusing on the victims because they'renot the ones committing the crime.
So we have to turn and look at the otherside and find a way to bring healing to
both sides because ultimately when you dothat, healing takes place for everyone.
And that's what we deeply want.
That's my heart, is that everybodygets a chance, an opportunity to
get healed, to get rehabilitated,to get that second chance.
- Aswad Thomas (19:16):
And that's what I find so fascinating about this work, Priscilla, is that when you talk to survivors,
there's been this myth that all survivorswant people to be locked away for years, locked away, never to come back home.
We want survivors to justfocus on the punishment.
(19:37):
And what I've learned, notonly just through my own direct experience as a victim.
And I remember when I found out thatthey, two young men who shot me, they were 18 and 19 years old at the time.
And I remember just the first day Iwas going to the court trial and I just
remember hearing about that young man andhe could barely read or write at the time.
(19:58):
He was from my neighborhood, hewas facing 40 years in prison.
I just started to feel so bad aboutthat young man and that's when I began that journey to advocate.
Advocate for him to get a extrasentence from 40 years to 10 years.
So that accountabilityfor me, it was there.
And I remember feeling so goodafter he accepted that plea deal.
(20:21):
Priscilla, thinking about the members ofcrime survivors safety, injustice, who you work with, why do you feel it is so
important to really prioritize healing forvictims as well as perpetrators of harm?
Why is that so important for communitieslike Lansing, like Detroit and so many communities across the country?
- Priscilla Bordayo (20:40):
The simple answer is because hurt people will hurt people and healed people will heal people.
And I feel like a lot of times, wewanna focus on who's hurting who.
I think our perspectives and our heart anddesire needs to change towards healing.
I think that when you focus on healingand removing barriers that victims have to face, it's an opportunity for new slate.
(21:04):
It's an opportunity for relationshipsand families to think about the crime that people experience.
A lot of times, it's connectedto someone they know.
And my heart for both sides is notto cause and bring more division, it's to bring us closer together.
It's to bring unity, it'sto provide resources.
(21:25):
All of those points of healing.
And I think that if we want to say wewanna make our community safer, we have to look at the legislative side of things.
We have to look at who is running, who'smaking the decisions in our communities?
And then elevating the voices ofthose who've been most affected.
I think that is the most powerfulthing is our voice and being able to share our experiences, our trauma.
(21:49):
But not just to share it to share,to share it so that we can bring positive changes to our community.
And I believe that our organization,CSSJ offers that to our members.
Our members love that they have anopportunity to share their story.
They have opportunities toaccess resources because they
need rehabilitation, they needadvice, whatever that may be.
(22:13):
I feel like there's so much more thathas to be accomplished, but I feel like we're headed in the right direction
and healing is a must for all of usbecause that is the way for us to
stay unified, but also to experiencewhat life was truly meant to be.
- Aswad Thomas (22:32):
Incredible.
Just listen to your journeythat you've been on.
This is like the definitionof like healing to action.
In just a few years, you became orchapter coordinator for CSSJ in Lansing and now you came on staff to lead our
Crime Survivors for Safety and Justicework in Michigan along with our chapters and 4,000 members across the state.
(22:55):
Well also you've been on the front lineof passing some remarkable legislation.
So I wanna talk about several billsthat you've been able to help pass in
the state and that's part of CSSJ Andthe Alliance for Safety and Justice.
So back in 2020, Michigan passed theClean Slate Bill, which removed barriers
for people who have caused harm for themto access housing, jobs and education.
(23:20):
Can you talk a little bit about what thatexperience was like for you as a survivor to advocate for a bill for people who have
caused harm to get better access to jobsand housing and education, things that we know which stop the cycles of violence?
- Priscilla Bordayo (23:33):
Yeah, man, the clean slate.
First of all, I lovethe title of that name.
Clean slate.
To be able to say you get a recordclear, you get a new opportunity.
Like I said, believe in those secondchances for people, especially when they've done their time.
It was interesting because when we weretrying to get this bill passed, my family
was actually in the middle of experiencingexactly what we were trying to promote.
(23:57):
One of my uncles had just been releasedfrom prison and they were trying
to figure out the timeframe of whenthings should be paid for the victim.
They're talking about different thingsof when should a record be cleared?
And I'm hearing all of this while likeClean Slate Bill was being created.
But what I love about the CleanSlate Bill and being a part of being able just to testify and work with
(24:20):
crime survivors just in the State ofMichigan, is that it helps break those barriers for people who want and need
the opportunity to find good jobs,secure, safe, and affordable housing.
The focus was to help strengthen families,communities, local economies across the state and promote public safety.
What more could we want?
(24:42):
Those points are incredibleopportunities for people to be able to say, you know what?
I've done my time.
I've stayed away from crime for Xamount of years, and yet they have a hard time getting a good job.
They can't provide for their family.
That's not okay.
That this bill getting passed was anincredible opportunity where thousands of Michiganders could go through
(25:08):
the process of getting their recordsexpunged for a new life, for a new
opportunity to be able to work hard andfor things to be sealed and covered.
And I feel like what greater way to giveback to your community, give back to your
family than staying away from somethingthat you were a part of long ago?
- Aswad Thomas (25:28):
The Clean Slate Bill with just like one huge historic bill in the State of Michigan,
shout out to all the survivors andorganizations across the state.
The bipartisan leadership thatmade a commitment to helping people have a clean slate.
So that was back in 2020.
This year, there was another remarkablehistorical bill that was passed as part of the Safer Michigan Act.
(25:54):
I would love to hear a little bit moreabout the Safer Michigan Act as it relates to the victim compensation.
And also another important part ofthe bill is productivity credits.
Can you say more about the Safer MichiganAct and why is it important to help keep communities safer in Michigan?
- Priscilla Bordayo (26:10):
Yeah, I love the Safer Michigan Act.
I love what it stands for andwhat it's trying to accomplish.
I feel like we're halfway there.
We were able to get the victimCompensation Bill passed.
And the beauty of that is that we wentfrom being the worst in the country and there's like how embarrassing
to be the state that's the worst inthe country when it comes to victim
compensation because only 2% of yourcrime victims were receiving funding.
(26:34):
Part of that was because most ofthe people didn't even know that
victim compensation existed forthose who've been affected by crime.
It was really awesome to be able toshare with our members and experience this moment that this bill got passed
because we went from 48 hours to haveto report to the police a crime in order to even receive victim compensation.
(26:59):
And I feel like that's very difficultif you are a crime victim who's in the hospital trying to recover.
That's very difficult if you've been justraped and you're trying to come to terms with what just happened to you, 48 hours
is not enough time for a victim to cometo terms with their healing, especially if they're battling a physical trauma.
(27:20):
So we went from 48 hours to one year.
And then they have five years nowto file for victim compensation
and we were able to increase thatfunding from 5,000 to 10,000.
And when you think about, why doyou wanna increase it that much?
When people ask me, I always say,listen, if you were to lose your life,
you lost a loved one, that $5,000wouldn't even cover a funeral cost.
(27:43):
We don't want you to have toworry about the financial piece.
We want you to be able to heal and recoverand get the resources you need to overcome
the trauma that you are either about toexperience or that you are experiencing.
So it was really coolto be a part of that.
I'm so proud of the members of this state,the crime victims in this state, they really wanna see change and they know
(28:06):
that it changes on the legislative sideof things and they know that the way that
they have to see change is by utilizingtheir voices and uplifting their stories.
So there's that piece.
And then productivity credits is somethingwe are still currently working on.
I have high hopes to see thatMichigan will come through.
It's very, very differentproductivity than Good Time.
(28:27):
Good Time is you sit inprison and you'll be good.
Where productivity is, you're productive.
You're in prison, butyou're being rehabilitated.
You're taking courses and classesto become a better person.
We want them to be productive whilethey're in the prison system so that they come back out and contribute to society.
And so that is something we're stillworking on overall, what productivity
(28:51):
credits does is it allows them theopportunity to go before the board.
- Aswad Thomas (28:57):
I Think that is so huge.
Having survivors really be atthe center of policy making.
You mentioned, most people areincarcerated in the Michigan Department of Corrections.
They're coming home, they're comingback to communities across the state.
So we want them to back betterthan they were before and provide an opportunities to be productive.
(29:18):
It's critical to help stopthe cycle of violence.
And so if you are listening, if you arein Michigan, you want to get involved with the Safer Michigan Act, please
join Priscilla at the capital in talkingwith legislators and sharing your story.
Go to the website right now, cssj.org.
If you scroll down, go to Michigan,fill out that membership application form and join our chapter, Join our
(29:42):
network for you to get involved tohelp our communities heal and to also
to ensure that the survivor voicesare at the center of public policy.
So I just wanna thank you just foryour, just your incredible leadership of being a survivor, of being an advocate,
being a community organizer, being achange maker, and to help us pass these policies that aren't victim-centered,
(30:04):
these policies that aren't informedby lived experiences of us.
And so Priscilla, you do so much.
You author, you do motivationalspeaking, you're organizing survivors across the state, you helping to
change policies, you talk to reporters,the shifted narrative in the media.
You go to church every Sunday,you sing in a choir, you do a lot.
(30:25):
Something I do want to touch on is thatnot only do you advocate for survivors on a policy level, but you also sit
with survivors in some of their hardestmoments, including with survivors of
sexual assault when they're undergoingrape kit collection in the hospital.
Now you've also volunteered much ofyour time working as a court advocate to support victims of sexual violence.
(30:48):
How have you learned to supportand hold space for people going through such painful experiences?
- Priscilla Bordayo (30:56):
Yeah, I've been doing this for about 15 years.
Thank you so much too for justeverything you've just said.
This isn't a solo act.
Everything I do is a team effortwith my CSSJ team, my colleagues, my state managers across the country.
We have each other's back and weknow that this work is so important.
And so we're all handson deck kind of team.
(31:18):
So I have to give a lot of creditto them, but also a lot of credit
to the victims across the State ofMichigan because they are powerful.
And I may be the person that's in thefront, but let me tell you, everything I do is for every single one of them.
And they deserve all the freedom andall the healing we can give them.
My work as a medical advocatecoming alongside rape victims while they get their rape kit done.
(31:42):
I learned a lot.
I came in that work thinking that Iwas gonna do a lot of different things.
But what I found was that the mostpowerful position that I could be in when it came to being a support
system and an advocate and helpingsomeone through their healing process was the simple fact of showing up.
(32:07):
Me showing up at the hospital tocome alongside them, hold their hand while they're getting physical
things done to them to be able topray with them, to encourage them
to say, hey, listen, there's someresources after this experience.
Because trauma also begins in thatprocess, even after the trauma they've already experienced from the violent act.
(32:29):
There's a lot of different thingsthat play a role into the aftermath.
And I just found that the power of showingup, man, you never know how you can help someone heal until you show up for them.
And your presence is the most importantkey when you can just be there and be
a listening ear and extend grace andmercy and just extend encouragement.
(32:55):
I feel like that's the way tomove things and to move people.
And I don't know, it's definitelyone of the most amazing experiences I've ever had.
It was very, very difficultbecause I had loved the CSSJ work.
I was like, that's the workI truly, deeply in my heart.
The changing law, workingwith even more crime victims.
(33:15):
I mean the opportunitieswere just amazing.
But it was also like a very, verydifficult decision to also leave some of the work that I was involved in.
But I'm very thankful that CSSJ allowsus to stay connected to these communities because the reality is just, we're all
working together to strive for the samething, and that is to heal our community.
- Aswad Thomas (33:36):
Priscilla, you are remarkable.
And so that incredibleobviously that you're doing.
You also run a non-profit calledRemarkable, where you mentor women from
the ages of 18 to 35 to help them realizetheir potential and purpose in life.
What do you enjoy the mostabout mentoring young women?
- Priscilla Bordayo (33:59):
Oh man, let me tell you, mentoring is tough, but man,
it's one of the most rewarding jobsI've ever done and continued to do.
I started Remarkable because I startedto draw a lot of young adults and I just remember that age between 18 and
35, I was in college, away from thedysfunctional life, but that dysfunction followed me because I wasn't healed.
(34:27):
And I just know that because I wasin a place in position of not being
healed, I would make decisionsthat were not good decisions.
And I basically made some of mybiggest mistakes during that age group.
And so I felt like the way that I couldgive back and the way that I could help people is to help people in that
(34:50):
age group, help them discover who theyreally are, be a support system for when they do make a mistake, when I
can come from a place of non-judgment,when I can encourage them and uplift them and say, "You know what?
All right, let's get back on our feet.
What's next?"
And really, I was in a service atchurch where I serve faithfully.
Yes, I'm the worship director and Ilove to sing, but during one of the most
(35:14):
difficult seasons of my life, we hada guest speaker and her name was Dr.
Varelo And out of nowhere duringthe sermon, she came up to me and
she said, "God calls you younglady, she calls you remarkable."
And she just startedto speak life into me.
And when it came down to making thedecision to support these young women,
(35:39):
my pastor reminded me that the guestspeaker had called me Remarkable.
And from that moment on, that's why wedecided to call the group Remarkable.
And we break down what it stands for.
You take the R-E, the Re, thatstands for everybody gets a redo.
You take the word mark and we said,everybody is marked with a purpose.
(36:00):
And then we take the word able.
We believe everyone isable to reach that mark.
So when you put thattogether, it's remarkable.
And I loved how created because itgoes hand in hand with the work that I do, even outside of Remarkable.
That second chance, that redo isso key to life because we all fall short in some way, shape or form.
(36:22):
And to be able to give that opportunitywhen you fail that test or when you mess up and you get an opportunity to
start over because you're now forgivenor because you made the decision to make good decisions, that is beautiful.
And that in itself, I wanna be able tosay that I'm attached to all things good.
And that's what Remarkable does.
(36:43):
I love, love that group.
We're in a bit of a transitionbecause we are starting it actually get more young men as well.
And so we are kind of upgrading.
Remarkable is turning into a co-ed thing.
So that is very much new.
And so in the next couple months,we're going to include guys every
(37:03):
other week into our group as wellbecause our heart is you know what?
Anybody that wants that redowants that opportunity to get healed, let's put it together.
- Aswad Thomas (37:12):
That's Awesome.
Or should I say, that's Remarkable?
I'm excited to just to hearjust the growth of Remarkable.
Priscilla, my last question for you, youtouched on this a little bit earlier.
You know a lot of people who arelistening who will listen to this episode.
Might think that working with hurtpeople might feel heavy and challenging.
(37:33):
And it is.
Especially for us as survivors.
But I know you draw a lot of joyand inspiration from your faith and
the power of music to help heal andlift folks up in your community.
Can you tell us about what givesyou the strength to do such powerful work and services for others?
- Priscilla Bordayo (37:53):
Woo, well, yes, I have to say faith, God definitely is my strength.
He gives me the strength todo all the work that I do.
But I also have to say that it'sthe members, it's the crime victims.
It's those who've been affectedby harm that keep motivating me.
It's unfortunate that you're seeingthe numbers rise on that end.
It really saddens my heart.
(38:14):
But at the same time, I find joyin the fact that I've been given
an opportunity to be in thisposition as well as so many others.
And we can't take that for granted.
We can't neglect our rolesand what we've been called and what our purpose in life is.
I find joy knowing thatwhat, I have resources.
We have good answers, we have greatopportunities to help people, and what better way than to continue to
(38:40):
offer that to those who've been mostaffected by crime and by trauma?
And so I would have to say it's for them.
They're the reason I keep goingand keep doing the work that I
do because one person at a time,we wanna see people healed.
- Aswad Thomas (38:55):
Keep doing, and you are making it happen.
You're author, you dospeaking engagements.
Could you quickly share, you arealso very active on social media.
How can people get in touch with Priscillato learn more about your story, to book you for a speaking engagement?
How can people get in contact with you.
- Priscilla Bordayo (39:12):
If they want me for speaking engagements or just
wanna hear more about my story, theycan catchme@priscillabordea.com.
And then all of my social media,Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are all Priscilla Bordayo.
I'm not as active on Twitter, but Facebookand Instagram are definitely my friends.
It's a great way to stay connectedto the community, but also just to interact with other people.
(39:36):
There's pros and cons to it, but I try tolook at positive things and I try to use my platform to be positive and encouraged.
So if they wanna catch me on socialmedia, it's Priscilla Bordayo.
- Aswad Thomas (39:47):
If you want to learn more about what's happening in the
state of Michigan and crimes Fire forsafety and justice, definitely follow.
Priscilla, it's been a pleasure.
Thank you so much for having thisimportant conversation on what it means to really heal through
action and most importantly,to the better support survivor.
So thank you Priscilla,for joining us today.
- Priscilla Bordayo (40:07):
Thank you so much for having me as well.
- Aswad Thomas (40:09):
thank you so much to everyone for listening to today's episode.
Remember that this is a veryimportant election year.
So if you want to check your voterregistration status, if you wanna register to vote or get information about voting
deadlines or rules in your state, visitCrime survivors for Safety and Justice
website and learn more about our Healto Vote campaign at www.csj.org/vote.
(40:33):
And if you want to become a member ofChrist Virus Safety and Justice, or join
our email list, visit our website to joina local chapter or our national network.
Remember, you can tune into all podcastepisodes on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and other streaming platforms.
We are healing through action.
(40:53):
When survivors speak, change happens.
Welcome to this week's episode of Crime Survivors Speak.
My name is Aswad Thomas.
I'm the national director of CrimeSurvivors for Safety and Justice.
We are a national network of 100,000victims of crime across the country.
If you haven't already, subscribe to stayup-to-date on the latest episode that
you can watch on YouTube, Apple Podcast,Spotify, and other streaming services.
(00:25):
By clicking the link onyour screen or going to the website, www.cssj.org/podcast.
Today, I'm so excited.
We're highlighting anotheramazing survivor leader who is a
tireless advocate for victims ofviolence, sexual abuse, and incest.
(00:46):
Priscilla Bordayo.
Priscilla is the Michiganstatewide manager for Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice.
She's also a sought-after motivationalspeaker whose story has inspired
countless people to disruptcycles of harm and pursue healing.
Thank you so much for beingwith us today, Priscilla.
- Priscilla Bordayo: Thank you for having me. (01:05):
undefined
- Aswad Thomas (01:07):
Cool, so let's jump right into it.
To begin with, would you tell usa little bit about growing up and what was it like for you and how
the path of your life helped youdiscover the importance of healing?
- Priscilla Bordayo (01:20):
I grew up in a very dysfunctional home.
I was born in Texas, butraised in Lansing, Michigan.
I lived in 17 houses alone in Lansing,Michigan, so we moved around a lot.
Part of that just had to do with myparents just trying to make ends meet, but also living paycheck to paycheck
(01:42):
and going home to home because ofthings that you didn't really know about until those secrets were exposed.
One of those secrets were when I wasfive years old, my dad has 14 brothers
and sisters and the FBI raided all ofour houses at the same time in Lansing.
(02:02):
They had been on our familyfor a little over 10 years.
My uncles and my grandfather endedup going to prison for at the
time was one of the biggest drugscandals in Lansing, Michigan.
The guy that my uncles and grandfatherworked for ended up being executed
in Texas due to the amount deathsthat took place in the drug board.
(02:23):
So growing up with mylast name was super tough.
My dad was the only male that wasnot involved in the drugs and the only one that had not gone to prison.
We moved my sixth grade year backto Texas where my dad ended up with a pastoral position and that's the
year that my family would tell youwas the year of experiencing literal hell, which is very confusing because
(02:51):
you would think being attached to achurch that would be a safe place.
But that's the year myfather began to rape me.
I grew up in a home where I felt likeI had to keep things very secretive
and I didn't have a lot of resourceson healing really in general.
There was the faith base, but the faithbase was confusing because my father was supposed to be a pastor who helped
(03:16):
people and served his community in orderto help people get out of dysfunction.
He was a charismatic man who was tohelp preach the good news, but behind
closed doors, we were experiencingeverything but those things.
So just not having outlets.
As an adult, you look back and you try todo as much of the research that you can to try to figure out the why behind things.
(03:43):
Not that there's anything that can excusewhat my father did, but just to bring an understanding, my grandfather had
raped his 13 of the 14 kids, so it gaveme an understanding of the continuous
cycles that were going on in my familyand it wasn't just sexual assault.
There was drinking, there was domesticviolence, obviously, there was drugs
(04:05):
and there was different things thatwere starting to get passed down.
After just experiencing my own traumafrom being unhealed, I just decided that's not the life that I wanted.
I didn't want to do whatmy cousins were doing.
I didn't wanna end up in jail,in prison like they were.
And I decided that I deserved togo through the process of healing and that I deserved to be free and
(04:29):
I chose to forgive my father and toforgive my mom because she also made a choice to choose my dad at the time.
Again, from just unresolved trauma anddidn't have what she needed to get healed.
So how does she help me?
All of those things combined toI don't want this anymore, so I'm gonna search for healing.
(04:52):
And I went after all of it and it's thebest decision I could have ever made.
- Aswad Thomas (04:57):
Priscilla, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story inthe generations of trauma that you and your family have went through
as it relates to sexual abuse,domestic violence, drug abuse as well.
I want to dive a little bit deeper intothat moment or that point of forgiveness.
(05:20):
Can you talk a little bit about what wasthat like for you to forgive someone so close to you who has caused you harm?
- Priscilla Bordayo (05:28):
You know, I think a lot of people think that forgiveness means that we're excusing what's been done.
But when I came to the realizationthat forgiveness wasn't about that, it wasn't about excusing anything.
It was more about me deserving to be free.
Forgiveness isn't necessarily abouta person deserving to be forgiven.
(05:53):
If you think about, does someonedeserve something like that?
Your automatic response is no.
But when you look at it from your ownlife and what it's producing in your heart and your emotions and then those
turn into actions, you start to realizethat you deserve to be free because the opposite of that is unforgiveness.
(06:14):
When that sets root into your heartand into your life, it then creates bitterness, it creates anger and
it's really hard to reach your fullpotential as a person to accomplish your
destiny, what you were born to do withunforgiveness settled in your heart.
And I remember hearing a speakertalk about the power of forgiveness and what it has done for their life.
(06:39):
And I decided that moment thatwas what I wanted for myself.
Not because it was easy, not becausethey deserved it, because the simple fact that I deserved to be free and
I deserved to go after everythingthat my heart really truly desired.
But I had to go through that processof healing, a lot of people when I speak with them, when they're dealing
(06:59):
with unforgiveness towards someone,everyone likes to talk about, "It's a process, healing's a process."
And I 100% agree with all of that.
Life is a process.
But one thing that I found to betrue is that we each choose how long we're gonna be in that process.
And I wanted to see the side of healing.
(07:21):
I wanted to see victory, I wanted to seejustice and all of those different things.
And so I had to move along theprocess so that I couldn't get to a place where I was stuck.
- Aswad Thomas (07:31):
We all have our own healing journey in that time frame of what that looks like for us and
which is important also, we know waspart of the healing journey, what I hearing from you, Priscilla, is just
like that, that moment of reflectionof wanting to make a difference.
Not just in your family's lifebut in the lives of others.
(07:54):
I was the first person in my familyto ever graduate from college, and I
also knew you were the first personin your family to go to college.
So how did that feel and did collegeopen up any new possibilities for you?
- Priscilla Bordayo (08:08):
Whew, college was really amazing but really hard.
There was a feeling that I'venever experienced before and
when you can accomplish somethingno one else in your family has.
There's the beauty of that, butthe challenges that I faced being Hispanic, being the only girl going
to college, the financial struggles, Iworked full time, while attending full
(08:33):
time school, while leading worship,being an RA, it was really hard.
But what it opened up for me wasn't justaccomplishing and getting that degree.
What opened up for me was me getting onmy own and realizing how unhealed I was.
And when you get out of the place whereyou've only experienced dysfunction and you get into a new place and you're still
(08:58):
the same and you're still dealing with thesame things, the fingers point at yourself
and you start to realize, oh man, I'mdoing things that I said I would never do.
I feel like I was heading down aroad that wasn't the best for me.
And so what that did was itexposed where I was unhealed.
And so that's where the first placewhere I was able to get counseling.
(09:22):
I met my best friends in college.
It was the one thing I prayed for.
I had a great experience in highschool, I had a lot of great friends, but I just wanted to find my people.
And so I was very blessed tofind my best friends there.
I would say that during mycollege years, that was the first time I had ever told my story.
I had told my best friend andshe had asked me to tell my story for her video class.
(09:45):
She had to ask me a few times 'causeI kept saying no, like I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to tell my story.
I ended up saying yes and it wasreally cool because she had everyone in her classroom signed a contract
and said that nobody would repeatmy story outside of that classroom.
They were gonna respect me, my position.
And it just brought a lot of comfortto me and when she was interviewing
(10:08):
me for the very first time, therewas these bright lights on me.
I knew from that very moment how I wasfeeling when I was telling my story and going through that process of healing
that this was something that I was gonnaend up doing for the rest of my life.
And so I really feel like through thatentire college experience, it opened so
many doors for me to be able to becomethe motivational speaker that I am.
(10:33):
Honestly, it was just like acoincidence that I just happened to get asked to share my story.
And I just found out a couple weeksago, that same teacher is now asking if the college can do a documentary on me.
And I'm just like,wait, what in the world?
You just never know what your storycan open up for other people, but also
(10:53):
how much healing is like, it's a spacefor you to also help other people heal.
- Aswad Thomas (10:59):
Most definitely.
You talked about something that's socrucial for survivors is just like creating that safe space that allowed
you to be in a space amongst peoplewho you felt that would not judge you.
And being comfortable to bevulnerable to share your story.
And while you were in college, I'm justfascinated that you were planning to
(11:22):
work in elementary education beforeeven going into any victim advocacy.
So I'm curious, is there a connectionbetween those two focuses for you and
what experience inspired you to becomean advocate for other crime survivors?
- Priscilla Bordayo (11:37):
Yes, there's a huge connection.
I love that question.
No one's ever asked me this before.
I got this idea that I wanted tosort of hide away from my story.
And I think the idea just came fromthat natural tendency of wanting to hide and keep things secretive.
(11:58):
But that's not what I was born to do.
I was born to be a speaker and tomotivate people to get healed and I decided, well, I'm gonna get a degree in
elementary education because I rememberas a child, the number one person that I could rely on were my teachers.
Those were the consistentpeople in my life.
(12:20):
When everything else was chaotic, whenI was moving from house to house when we didn't know if we were gonna eat, when
we were homeless at one point, this isthe one consistent person that I can
see every day who's actually showingup and teaching me something positive.
And so I decided that I'd get mydegree in elementary education to be that person to somebody.
(12:45):
So I graduated with my degree.
Came back home shortly after.
I ended up working at a placecalled Methodist Children's Home.
It was still working with children,but I was still very drawn to helping people who've been affected
by crime, who've been affected byjust life's negative circumstances.
(13:06):
It was a home where their parentswere incarcerated and some of them, their parents were deceased.
They had experienced being sexuallyassaulted and I just felt like so called and drawn to do that.
So I did that for a couple years.
In the process of all of that, Ibasically decided I'm gonna write a book and I'm just gonna start
doing advocacy work because thisis where I feel most fulfilled.
(13:28):
I decided this advocacy roleis where I wanted to go, but could still work with kids.
And so it just turnedinto that just naturally.
But that was the reason why I got thedegree was just because my teachers
were so amazing and I actually stillhave relationships with my teachers now.
And actually it's veryhard for them sometimes.
(13:48):
They see us now and they hadno idea the things that we were experiencing behind closed doors.
And I'll never forget the first time mymath teacher found out about our story.
I think he like saw it on the newssomewhere and man, he showed up
and he was just in tears because hejust felt like, how did I not know?
He said if there was ever, I havean identical twin sister, so he said, "If there was any students
(14:13):
I ever had that I knew was gonnamake it in life, it was you two.
You two were the poster children.
We just knew you're gonnado excellent things.
How did we not know?
What signs do we look for kids whoare experiencing this kind of trauma?
And we didn't even know it."
That was a very moving conversationand I'm very fortunate to be able to go and talk to our teachers,
(14:36):
our local law enforcement, ournational guard places where what are things that you can look for?
People need a safe space to beable to reveal their trauma.
- Aswad Thomas (14:48):
So this journey that you've been on as a survivor, as a advocate, as a motivational speaker, as a author.
And I remember meeting you, I thinkit was 2019 before the pandemic.
I remember just sittingdown talking with you.
And we've bonded instantly, especiallyaround our experiences as survivors.
(15:10):
The lack of help that ourfamilies and ourselves receive.
Before I left I said, "Priscilla,like what do you want to do?"
And I remember you mentioned it to me,you said, "I wanna change policies."
Was it so important for you tonot only help a survivor's boss to work on changing policies as well?
- Priscilla Bordayo (15:28):
Yeah, I will never forget that conversation too.
I often tell people I didn'tknow who Aswad was until that Radisson Hotel conversation.
And I'm very thankful forthat opportunity and just that moment of getting to meet you.
The way you asked me though waskey because you said, "If there's
anything you could do that you'renot doing, what would it be?"
(15:51):
And my answer was, I wanna change law.
And the reason that was because reallydeep down before education into like play, I truly did want to be a lawyer.
If you ask anybody in myfamily, I am a good debater.
You don't wanna debate me.
I'm sweet, I'm kind.
But when I believe in something and I'mpassionate about something, I'm gonna
let you know and I'm gonna make sure thatmy point is proven and proven as truth.
(16:17):
So I always wanted to be a lawyer,but I knew that when I became a core advocate and then became a medical
advocate, I just noticed that there wasa lot of things that I felt restricted.
There were things that I couldn't doto help people because everyone would always say, "Well that's just the law.
That's the way that our system is."
(16:37):
And it's just like, I don't know, itjust was the one area where I'm like, well then, we need to change the law.
But I never knew how to start andwhat to do and I was a court advocate.
I'm like, wait, I come alongside thesepeople to be a support system to them.
But I felt like I was just constantlyhitting a wall because the barrier to make the changes were so difficult.
(17:00):
But yeah, that's pretty much likewhere my heart is with all that.
I didn't know about CSSJ.
So when I met you, I just felt likethe piece of my heart, like the piece that was missing was starting to get
complete because I was like, wow,there's actually an organization that cares about this piece.
(17:21):
But also, I always felt alone in a waybecause most advocates advocate for one thing they're passionate about.
And if it's multiple things,they all kind of go hand in hand.
But when you think about crimesurvivors and what they experience, to see a lot of the changes that you
want to see, you have to focus onthose who are also committing crimes.
(17:46):
So I was advocating for both sides,which is very much unheard of.
I used to get, well, if you're forthe survivors, then how can you be for those who are committing the crimes?
But as I began to study and justsee how the system worked together,
I started to feel and see thatwhat was set up wasn't working.
(18:07):
And part of that was because therewas tremendous barriers on both sides.
People think crime survivorsonly want justice, put people behind bars and that's it.
But that wasn't my heart.
My heart was why aren't wegetting them rehabilitated?
If they're coming back into ourcommunities, why aren't we helping them?
I looked at my own family historyand I'm like, there's crimes that are being recommitted because the
(18:31):
people that needed help from theirown trauma didn't get the help.
And so they resort to crime, notbecause it's right, not because I wanna excuse it or give people a free pass,
but on both sides of things, there'sbarriers and both sides need healing.
And in order to end cycles of crime,I always say you can't end domestic violence and sexual assault by only
(18:53):
focusing on the victims because they'renot the ones committing the crime.
So we have to turn and look at the otherside and find a way to bring healing to
both sides because ultimately when you dothat, healing takes place for everyone.
And that's what we deeply want.
That's my heart, is that everybodygets a chance, an opportunity to
get healed, to get rehabilitated,to get that second chance.
- Aswad Thomas (19:16):
And that's what I find so fascinating about this work, Priscilla, is that when you talk to survivors,
there's been this myth that all survivorswant people to be locked away for years, locked away, never to come back home.
We want survivors to justfocus on the punishment.
(19:37):
And what I've learned, notonly just through my own direct experience as a victim.
And I remember when I found out thatthey, two young men who shot me, they were 18 and 19 years old at the time.
And I remember just the first day Iwas going to the court trial and I just
remember hearing about that young man andhe could barely read or write at the time.
(19:58):
He was from my neighborhood, hewas facing 40 years in prison.
I just started to feel so bad aboutthat young man and that's when I began that journey to advocate.
Advocate for him to get a extrasentence from 40 years to 10 years.
So that accountabilityfor me, it was there.
And I remember feeling so goodafter he accepted that plea deal.
(20:21):
Priscilla, thinking about the members ofcrime survivors safety, injustice, who you work with, why do you feel it is so
important to really prioritize healing forvictims as well as perpetrators of harm?
Why is that so important for communitieslike Lansing, like Detroit and so many communities across the country?
- Priscilla Bordayo (20:40):
The simple answer is because hurt people will hurt people and healed people will heal people.
And I feel like a lot of times, wewanna focus on who's hurting who.
I think our perspectives and our heart anddesire needs to change towards healing.
I think that when you focus on healingand removing barriers that victims have to face, it's an opportunity for new slate.
(21:04):
It's an opportunity for relationshipsand families to think about the crime that people experience.
A lot of times, it's connectedto someone they know.
And my heart for both sides is notto cause and bring more division, it's to bring us closer together.
It's to bring unity, it'sto provide resources.
(21:25):
All of those points of healing.
And I think that if we want to say wewanna make our community safer, we have to look at the legislative side of things.
We have to look at who is running, who'smaking the decisions in our communities?
And then elevating the voices ofthose who've been most affected.
I think that is the most powerfulthing is our voice and being able to share our experiences, our trauma.
(21:49):
But not just to share it to share,to share it so that we can bring positive changes to our community.
And I believe that our organization,CSSJ offers that to our members.
Our members love that they have anopportunity to share their story.
They have opportunities toaccess resources because they
need rehabilitation, they needadvice, whatever that may be.
(22:13):
I feel like there's so much more thathas to be accomplished, but I feel like we're headed in the right direction
and healing is a must for all of usbecause that is the way for us to
stay unified, but also to experiencewhat life was truly meant to be.
- Aswad Thomas (22:32):
Incredible.
Just listen to your journeythat you've been on.
This is like the definitionof like healing to action.
In just a few years, you became orchapter coordinator for CSSJ in Lansing and now you came on staff to lead our
Crime Survivors for Safety and Justicework in Michigan along with our chapters and 4,000 members across the state.
(22:55):
Well also you've been on the front lineof passing some remarkable legislation.
So I wanna talk about several billsthat you've been able to help pass in
the state and that's part of CSSJ Andthe Alliance for Safety and Justice.
So back in 2020, Michigan passed theClean Slate Bill, which removed barriers
for people who have caused harm for themto access housing, jobs and education.
(23:20):
Can you talk a little bit about what thatexperience was like for you as a survivor to advocate for a bill for people who have
caused harm to get better access to jobsand housing and education, things that we know which stop the cycles of violence?
- Priscilla Bordayo (23:33):
Yeah, man, the clean slate.
First of all, I lovethe title of that name.
Clean slate.
To be able to say you get a recordclear, you get a new opportunity.
Like I said, believe in those secondchances for people, especially when they've done their time.
It was interesting because when we weretrying to get this bill passed, my family
was actually in the middle of experiencingexactly what we were trying to promote.
(23:57):
One of my uncles had just been releasedfrom prison and they were trying
to figure out the timeframe of whenthings should be paid for the victim.
They're talking about different thingsof when should a record be cleared?
And I'm hearing all of this while likeClean Slate Bill was being created.
But what I love about the CleanSlate Bill and being a part of being able just to testify and work with
(24:20):
crime survivors just in the State ofMichigan, is that it helps break those barriers for people who want and need
the opportunity to find good jobs,secure, safe, and affordable housing.
The focus was to help strengthen families,communities, local economies across the state and promote public safety.
What more could we want?
(24:42):
Those points are incredibleopportunities for people to be able to say, you know what?
I've done my time.
I've stayed away from crime for Xamount of years, and yet they have a hard time getting a good job.
They can't provide for their family.
That's not okay.
That this bill getting passed was anincredible opportunity where thousands of Michiganders could go through
(25:08):
the process of getting their recordsexpunged for a new life, for a new
opportunity to be able to work hard andfor things to be sealed and covered.
And I feel like what greater way to giveback to your community, give back to your
family than staying away from somethingthat you were a part of long ago?
- Aswad Thomas (25:28):
The Clean Slate Bill with just like one huge historic bill in the State of Michigan,
shout out to all the survivors andorganizations across the state.
The bipartisan leadership thatmade a commitment to helping people have a clean slate.
So that was back in 2020.
This year, there was another remarkablehistorical bill that was passed as part of the Safer Michigan Act.
(25:54):
I would love to hear a little bit moreabout the Safer Michigan Act as it relates to the victim compensation.
And also another important part ofthe bill is productivity credits.
Can you say more about the Safer MichiganAct and why is it important to help keep communities safer in Michigan?
- Priscilla Bordayo (26:10):
Yeah, I love the Safer Michigan Act.
I love what it stands for andwhat it's trying to accomplish.
I feel like we're halfway there.
We were able to get the victimCompensation Bill passed.
And the beauty of that is that we wentfrom being the worst in the country and there's like how embarrassing
to be the state that's the worst inthe country when it comes to victim
compensation because only 2% of yourcrime victims were receiving funding.
(26:34):
Part of that was because most ofthe people didn't even know that
victim compensation existed forthose who've been affected by crime.
It was really awesome to be able toshare with our members and experience this moment that this bill got passed
because we went from 48 hours to haveto report to the police a crime in order to even receive victim compensation.
(26:59):
And I feel like that's very difficultif you are a crime victim who's in the hospital trying to recover.
That's very difficult if you've been justraped and you're trying to come to terms with what just happened to you, 48 hours
is not enough time for a victim to cometo terms with their healing, especially if they're battling a physical trauma.
(27:20):
So we went from 48 hours to one year.
And then they have five years nowto file for victim compensation
and we were able to increase thatfunding from 5,000 to 10,000.
And when you think about, why doyou wanna increase it that much?
When people ask me, I always say,listen, if you were to lose your life,
you lost a loved one, that $5,000wouldn't even cover a funeral cost.
(27:43):
We don't want you to have toworry about the financial piece.
We want you to be able to heal and recoverand get the resources you need to overcome
the trauma that you are either about toexperience or that you are experiencing.
So it was really coolto be a part of that.
I'm so proud of the members of this state,the crime victims in this state, they really wanna see change and they know
(28:06):
that it changes on the legislative sideof things and they know that the way that
they have to see change is by utilizingtheir voices and uplifting their stories.
So there's that piece.
And then productivity credits is somethingwe are still currently working on.
I have high hopes to see thatMichigan will come through.
It's very, very differentproductivity than Good Time.
(28:27):
Good Time is you sit inprison and you'll be good.
Where productivity is, you're productive.
You're in prison, butyou're being rehabilitated.
You're taking courses and classesto become a better person.
We want them to be productive whilethey're in the prison system so that they come back out and contribute to society.
And so that is something we're stillworking on overall, what productivity
(28:51):
credits does is it allows them theopportunity to go before the board.
- Aswad Thomas (28:57):
I Think that is so huge.
Having survivors really be atthe center of policy making.
You mentioned, most people areincarcerated in the Michigan Department of Corrections.
They're coming home, they're comingback to communities across the state.
So we want them to back betterthan they were before and provide an opportunities to be productive.
(29:18):
It's critical to help stopthe cycle of violence.
And so if you are listening, if you arein Michigan, you want to get involved with the Safer Michigan Act, please
join Priscilla at the capital in talkingwith legislators and sharing your story.
Go to the website right now, cssj.org.
If you scroll down, go to Michigan,fill out that membership application form and join our chapter, Join our
(29:42):
network for you to get involved tohelp our communities heal and to also
to ensure that the survivor voicesare at the center of public policy.
So I just wanna thank you just foryour, just your incredible leadership of being a survivor, of being an advocate,
being a community organizer, being achange maker, and to help us pass these policies that aren't victim-centered,
(30:04):
these policies that aren't informedby lived experiences of us.
And so Priscilla, you do so much.
You author, you do motivationalspeaking, you're organizing survivors across the state, you helping to
change policies, you talk to reporters,the shifted narrative in the media.
You go to church every Sunday,you sing in a choir, you do a lot.
(30:25):
Something I do want to touch on is thatnot only do you advocate for survivors on a policy level, but you also sit
with survivors in some of their hardestmoments, including with survivors of
sexual assault when they're undergoingrape kit collection in the hospital.
Now you've also volunteered much ofyour time working as a court advocate to support victims of sexual violence.
(30:48):
How have you learned to supportand hold space for people going through such painful experiences?
- Priscilla Bordayo (30:56):
Yeah, I've been doing this for about 15 years.
Thank you so much too for justeverything you've just said.
This isn't a solo act.
Everything I do is a team effortwith my CSSJ team, my colleagues, my state managers across the country.
We have each other's back and weknow that this work is so important.
And so we're all handson deck kind of team.
(31:18):
So I have to give a lot of creditto them, but also a lot of credit
to the victims across the State ofMichigan because they are powerful.
And I may be the person that's in thefront, but let me tell you, everything I do is for every single one of them.
And they deserve all the freedom andall the healing we can give them.
My work as a medical advocatecoming alongside rape victims while they get their rape kit done.
(31:42):
I learned a lot.
I came in that work thinking that Iwas gonna do a lot of different things.
But what I found was that the mostpowerful position that I could be in when it came to being a support
system and an advocate and helpingsomeone through their healing process was the simple fact of showing up.
(32:07):
Me showing up at the hospital tocome alongside them, hold their hand while they're getting physical
things done to them to be able topray with them, to encourage them
to say, hey, listen, there's someresources after this experience.
Because trauma also begins in thatprocess, even after the trauma they've already experienced from the violent act.
(32:29):
There's a lot of different thingsthat play a role into the aftermath.
And I just found that the power of showingup, man, you never know how you can help someone heal until you show up for them.
And your presence is the most importantkey when you can just be there and be
a listening ear and extend grace andmercy and just extend encouragement.
(32:55):
I feel like that's the way tomove things and to move people.
And I don't know, it's definitelyone of the most amazing experiences I've ever had.
It was very, very difficultbecause I had loved the CSSJ work.
I was like, that's the workI truly, deeply in my heart.
The changing law, workingwith even more crime victims.
(33:15):
I mean the opportunitieswere just amazing.
But it was also like a very, verydifficult decision to also leave some of the work that I was involved in.
But I'm very thankful that CSSJ allowsus to stay connected to these communities because the reality is just, we're all
working together to strive for the samething, and that is to heal our community.
- Aswad Thomas (33:36):
Priscilla, you are remarkable.
And so that incredibleobviously that you're doing.
You also run a non-profit calledRemarkable, where you mentor women from
the ages of 18 to 35 to help them realizetheir potential and purpose in life.
What do you enjoy the mostabout mentoring young women?
- Priscilla Bordayo (33:59):
Oh man, let me tell you, mentoring is tough, but man,
it's one of the most rewarding jobsI've ever done and continued to do.
I started Remarkable because I startedto draw a lot of young adults and I just remember that age between 18 and
35, I was in college, away from thedysfunctional life, but that dysfunction followed me because I wasn't healed.
(34:27):
And I just know that because I wasin a place in position of not being
healed, I would make decisionsthat were not good decisions.
And I basically made some of mybiggest mistakes during that age group.
And so I felt like the way that I couldgive back and the way that I could help people is to help people in that
(34:50):
age group, help them discover who theyreally are, be a support system for when they do make a mistake, when I
can come from a place of non-judgment,when I can encourage them and uplift them and say, "You know what?
All right, let's get back on our feet.
What's next?"
And really, I was in a service atchurch where I serve faithfully.
Yes, I'm the worship director and Ilove to sing, but during one of the most
(35:14):
difficult seasons of my life, we hada guest speaker and her name was Dr.
Varelo And out of nowhere duringthe sermon, she came up to me and
she said, "God calls you younglady, she calls you remarkable."
And she just startedto speak life into me.
And when it came down to making thedecision to support these young women,
(35:39):
my pastor reminded me that the guestspeaker had called me Remarkable.
And from that moment on, that's why wedecided to call the group Remarkable.
And we break down what it stands for.
You take the R-E, the Re, thatstands for everybody gets a redo.
You take the word mark and we said,everybody is marked with a purpose.
(36:00):
And then we take the word able.
We believe everyone isable to reach that mark.
So when you put thattogether, it's remarkable.
And I loved how created because itgoes hand in hand with the work that I do, even outside of Remarkable.
That second chance, that redo isso key to life because we all fall short in some way, shape or form.
(36:22):
And to be able to give that opportunitywhen you fail that test or when you mess up and you get an opportunity to
start over because you're now forgivenor because you made the decision to make good decisions, that is beautiful.
And that in itself, I wanna be able tosay that I'm attached to all things good.
And that's what Remarkable does.
(36:43):
I love, love that group.
We're in a bit of a transitionbecause we are starting it actually get more young men as well.
And so we are kind of upgrading.
Remarkable is turning into a co-ed thing.
So that is very much new.
And so in the next couple months,we're going to include guys every
(37:03):
other week into our group as wellbecause our heart is you know what?
Anybody that wants that redowants that opportunity to get healed, let's put it together.
- Aswad Thomas (37:12):
That's Awesome.
Or should I say, that's Remarkable?
I'm excited to just to hearjust the growth of Remarkable.
Priscilla, my last question for you, youtouched on this a little bit earlier.
You know a lot of people who arelistening who will listen to this episode.
Might think that working with hurtpeople might feel heavy and challenging.
(37:33):
And it is.
Especially for us as survivors.
But I know you draw a lot of joyand inspiration from your faith and
the power of music to help heal andlift folks up in your community.
Can you tell us about what givesyou the strength to do such powerful work and services for others?
- Priscilla Bordayo (37:53):
Woo, well, yes, I have to say faith, God definitely is my strength.
He gives me the strength todo all the work that I do.
But I also have to say that it'sthe members, it's the crime victims.
It's those who've been affectedby harm that keep motivating me.
It's unfortunate that you're seeingthe numbers rise on that end.
It really saddens my heart.
(38:14):
But at the same time, I find joyin the fact that I've been given
an opportunity to be in thisposition as well as so many others.
And we can't take that for granted.
We can't neglect our rolesand what we've been called and what our purpose in life is.
I find joy knowing thatwhat, I have resources.
We have good answers, we have greatopportunities to help people, and what better way than to continue to
(38:40):
offer that to those who've been mostaffected by crime and by trauma?
And so I would have to say it's for them.
They're the reason I keep goingand keep doing the work that I
do because one person at a time,we wanna see people healed.
- Aswad Thomas (38:55):
Keep doing, and you are making it happen.
You're author, you dospeaking engagements.
Could you quickly share, you arealso very active on social media.
How can people get in touch with Priscillato learn more about your story, to book you for a speaking engagement?
How can people get in contact with you.
- Priscilla Bordayo (39:12):
If they want me for speaking engagements or just
wanna hear more about my story, theycan catchme@priscillabordea.com.
And then all of my social media,Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are all Priscilla Bordayo.
I'm not as active on Twitter, but Facebookand Instagram are definitely my friends.
It's a great way to stay connectedto the community, but also just to interact with other people.
(39:36):
There's pros and cons to it, but I try tolook at positive things and I try to use my platform to be positive and encouraged.
So if they wanna catch me on socialmedia, it's Priscilla Bordayo.
- Aswad Thomas (39:47):
If you want to learn more about what's happening in the
state of Michigan and crimes Fire forsafety and justice, definitely follow.
Priscilla, it's been a pleasure.
Thank you so much for having thisimportant conversation on what it means to really heal through
action and most importantly,to the better support survivor.
So thank you Priscilla,for joining us today.
- Priscilla Bordayo (40:07):
Thank you so much for having me as well.
- Aswad Thomas (40:09):
thank you so much to everyone for listening to today's episode.
Remember that this is a veryimportant election year.
So if you want to check your voterregistration status, if you wanna register to vote or get information about voting
deadlines or rules in your state, visitCrime survivors for Safety and Justice
website and learn more about our Healto Vote campaign at www.csj.org/vote.
(40:33):
And if you want to become a member ofChrist Virus Safety and Justice, or join
our email list, visit our website to joina local chapter or our national network.
Remember, you can tune into all podcastepisodes on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and other streaming platforms.
We are healing through action.
(40:53):
When survivors speak, change happens.
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