December 20, 2023 • 25 mins
Since Christmas is next week, we wanted to make this week a lot lighter and more fun for everyone. Please enjoy this collection of dumb and funny crimes and criminals and laugh along with us.
Sources for this episode:
Listverse - Ten of the Most Bizarre Crimes of 2022
AP News - 2 escape jail and go to IHOP, where patrons report them
Metro.uk - Worse disguise ever? Burglars cover faces with permanent marker
NY Daily News - 8 Weird and Wild Christmas Crimes
Oddee - 10 Ridiculous Christmas Crimes
Law & Crime - Top 10 Most Outrageous Christmas Crimes
The Odyssey - 12 Funniest Crimes That Were Actually Committed
List 25 - 25 Dumbest Criminals and How They Got Caught
The Oklahoman - Outspoken Defendant gets Point Across
Sources for this episode:
Listverse - Ten of the Most Bizarre Crimes of 2022
AP News - 2 escape jail and go to IHOP, where patrons report them
Metro.uk - Worse disguise ever? Burglars cover faces with permanent marker
NY Daily News - 8 Weird and Wild Christmas Crimes
Oddee - 10 Ridiculous Christmas Crimes
Law & Crime - Top 10 Most Outrageous Christmas Crimes
The Odyssey - 12 Funniest Crimes That Were Actually Committed
List 25 - 25 Dumbest Criminals and How They Got Caught
The Oklahoman - Outspoken Defendant gets Point Across
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Crime with My Coffee.This podcast contains graphic descriptions and adult content
mature audiences only. Please Hi,y'all, and welcome to Crime with My
(00:31):
Coffee. I'm your fabulous hostess withthe most June, and I'm Suzanne.
We're gonna tell you some stories you'veheard, some you haven't, and some
you'll wish you hadn't, all witha Texas twang. All right, Well,
welcome back, guys, Welcome back. Glad you can join us,
said absolutely, And if you're herefor the first time, especially during the
(00:57):
holidays, we try to do alittle light, a little funnier maybe,
so maybe you can go back tolast year's and check it out or whatever
and listen and then just listen toeverything. Everything is fine with us.
Yeah, So what's in your monththis week? Well, in my mug
because I'm still just to try them, a new coffee maker and stuff.
(01:18):
I actually just have the the Folgers. It's the all. I don't have
the thing in front of me,but it's it's not the breakfast blend.
It's a house blend, that's whatit is. So I just have the
Folger's House Blend. But I didtake out of the freezer, some peppermint
(01:38):
mocha creamer. So really, really, I don't put peppermint in my coffee,
no, ma'am, Yeah I don't. I don't mind it so much
because I like peppermint anyway. ButI was like, ah, I should
have put some a little bit ofhot chocolate in there too, even though
it's got the mocha taste. ButI didn't, and I like it.
(02:02):
So that's that's what I've got.Well, what do you have in your
mug today? I have the Starbucksa breakfast a Veranda bland Starbucks Veranda blind.
We're fancy on the veranda. Ohyeah, are we sure we are?
(02:23):
We can pretend? Yeah? Absolutelyfine. Yeah, So I I
drink that. No, I'm drinkingthat. I made me a cup of
that in my crig. And it'sthe lighter blend Starbucks coffee. Nothing fancy
ballad. It just a lighter roast, a little bit of creamer in it.
(02:44):
It's yummy, it's delicious. Ilike it, and I should be
getting a box of pods of myown in just a couple of weeks.
So nice, very very nice.So I can I can honestly say next
time I will have a you know, something out of my box so pods.
But we're actually recording at a differenttime than what we normally do anyway,
(03:07):
so a totally different day. Sototally different day, a totally different
time. It's fine. So it'sI didn't have time to grab my box
o pods and get anything out ofit. I just went with what I
had already made in the coffee makers. It's okay. Yeah, well,
this is the week or this episodecomes out the week before Christmas, so
(03:30):
by the time you're hearing this,Christmas is in like what four days,
five days? Yeah, not long, not long, So Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday five days, yeahyeah, but it comes out on
Wednesday. So do we really countWednesday because what if they're listening Wednesday night?
Yeah yeah, okay, so fourdays yeah yeah yeah, So you
(03:51):
know I'm just saying anyway, SoMary, Merry Christmas early guys, Yes,
yes, yes, Mary. Ifyou were a member of our paid
you should have already received your giftbox hopefully hopefully, and if not,
I mean shoot us an email andlet us know. Yeah for sure,
because I will be like, excuseme, mister delivery person guy, why
(04:12):
does mister X and missus, whynot half their boxes? We have a
problem, sir, exactly exactly.So you know, hope you enjoyed your
gifts. Yes, yes, andif and if you have ideas that you
would like to maybe see, wemight probably just start doing this every year,
you know. Just just shoot,I've already have ideas for next year's
(04:36):
boxes. Are you kidding me?I do? I do. I'll tell
you about them later, Okay,okay, off, Mike, Okay,
I'll tell you about them. OffMike, definitely want to hear definitely.
So all right, Well, thisweek, because it is right before Christmas,
we didn't want to do anything heavy, we didn't want to do anything
long. So we are bringing yousome dumb and funny criminals. It's another
(04:58):
expresso shot you guys, o yees, and all of mine have to do
with Christmas crimes. They all happenright at Christmas, right around Christmas.
I don't know that any of minedid, really, yeah, well my
mine specifically did. So I'm notgoing to say, oh, well,
(05:19):
this happened December twenty fourth, Thishappened December seventeenth, This happened December twenty
fifth. You're gonna kind of no. Really, well, then go ahead
and tell us. Okay, somine start off. We're going to start
off in twenty thirteen in South Carolina, so it's right at Christmas time,
(05:44):
and a forty four year old womanactually was arrested in charged with domestic violence.
But it happened to be her husbandthat she did this against. Because
here it is, you know,the Hahull days. And she's like,
they sound very funny to me,mother, but give me, give me
just a second. She's like,hey, you know that all the stores
(06:08):
are going to be closed tomorrow becauseit's Christmas Eve. You need to bring
home, you know, maybe someextra alcohol, some beer and everything for
us. Right, Well, hecomes home and doesn't have any, so
she stabbed him and beat him witha ceramic squirrel. Oh that poor squirel
(06:30):
I know, I know, poorpoor squirrel. I have no idea how
big the squirrel was. But yeah, yeah, so she stabbed him and
beat him with the ceramic squirrel becausehe didn't bring home beer. Oh my
goodness. Yeah, crazy, absolutelycrazy, because she knew the store was
going to be closed the next day. But oh well, she's gonna be
(06:56):
doing a lot beer anyway. Yeah, exactly. She's not gonna be getting
her beer anyway. So then theother one turns out it happened in twenty
twelve in Ohio on one of theturnpikes in Ohio. The police happened early
(07:17):
in not early in the morning,but I mean it was morning time.
It was around eleven o'clock, anda suv actually got pulled over. And
in this suv was a police dog, a canaan as well, who actually
indicated like the presence of contraband.Right, So they searched the vehicle and
(07:41):
there was a bunch of Christmas giftswrapped up. But in these Christmas gifts
it turned out to be like aboutthirty pounds of marijuana and it was estimated
to be worth about one hundred andninety two thous and dollars. What,
(08:03):
oh my gosh, somebody was planningon a laid back Christmas. Somebody has
got friends that they want. Idon't know, I just can't. I
just can't imagine given that for agift, but especially that much, that
much worth. But maybe they grewwith themselves so it didn't cost them many
(08:26):
dollars. Really, I mean,it is possible. I'm not even I'm
not that's crazy, but that's yeah. I thought that was a little weird,
you know, But I mean that'swhat happens. I guess when you
wrap Christmas gifts that are actually contrabandmarijuana. You know, I don't know,
(08:48):
I don't know, all right.The other one, this one happened
in twenty eighteen, and I'm sosurprised right now, I haven't heard of
this because this is a little closerto home. Oh no, this happened
in Cleborn, Texas. Shout outto Cleeburn. So yes, Well,
(09:11):
apparently they were doing a breakfast withSanta thing somewhere event there, somewhere in
Cleeburn, and they had a fewpeople protesting. And why would you protest
Santi. I mean, I guesseverybody wants to protest something, you know.
(09:35):
Again, well, apparently a thirtyone year old actually was arrested for
saying that Santa ain't real. Okay, now technically, technically that's not why
he was arrested. They were actuallydoing the protest. They were asked to
leave, and he's decided he didn'twant to leave, and you know,
(09:58):
he was screaming about Sanna not beingreal and everything else. So he actually
was just arrested for trespassing. Butyeah, yeah, can you believe kids
don't listen to crazy people who shoutthings when the cops are trying to arrest
them exactly? First of all,dude, first of all, okay,
no, first of all, ifyou're a kid, you probably shouldn't be
(10:20):
listening to this, and you needto turn it off and tell your parents
that you were doing something you weren'tsupposed to be doing. But yes,
absolutely, let's start with that.Yes, if you're a little kid,
you should not be listening. Absolutely. And then the last one that I
have actually is just a headline.I did not find anything any kind of
(10:45):
story on this, but I wasvery intrigued and I might have to do
a bit more research than the timethat I was, you know, able
to do this, But it saidthat the headline said a couple were just
a couple discovered a burglar in theirhouse after the burglar laughed at one of
(11:09):
the husband's jokes. I heard thatcrime story. I think we did that
on another espresso shot. Yeah,I think you did. I think it
was one that you found on anespresso shot or two bats. Wow.
Yeah, Well, I might haveto do a little research. I was
just like, what, what wasthe joke? Was it really that funny
(11:31):
that this, you know, Burglar? I don't know. I think we
wondered what the joke wasn't the lasttime too? Yeah, anyway, I
just I thought it was I thoughtthat was funny, and so I'm like,
you know what, I do wantto mention that, But I mean,
that's all I have, because likeI said, I you know,
eh, that's all I get.All right, Well, I've got just
(11:52):
a couple myself. I've got oneor two more than you had, But
like you, they're super short andto the point. Okay, okay.
So the first one, the headlinewas COO a vegetarian food company bites man's
nose ow ow So Beyond Meat isa plant based meat. It's vegetarian and
(12:18):
vegan friendly, and the COO DougRamsey. On September seventeenth of twenty twenty
two, he was at the Universityof Arkansas stadium for a football game.
He was leaving the parking lot.He got hit by another car. Oh
god, yeah, I'm pretty surehe was in his car. Like I
think it was just like, youknow, they bump into each other.
(12:39):
Okay, okay, anyway, butit got hit by another car, and
so he punches through the back windowof this other car. Which that's gotta
hurt in the first place. Yes, And so the driver gets out and
Ramsey punches the driver in the faceand bit off his nose and threatened to
kill him. No he didn't.Yeah side did you buy Ramsey? Ozof?
(13:05):
I know? Ramsey was arrested forterroristic threats and third degree battery.
He was held on an eleven thousanddollars bond. And he worked for Tyson
Foods for thirty years before moving toBeyond Meat. And that's what I got
for that. Oh wow, that'scrazy, Absolutely no crazy. But speaking
(13:26):
of Tyson Foods, Lissa next headlinereads, uh huh, Tyson Foods CFO
wandered into someone else's home and fellasleep. Wow. On November sixth,
twenty twenty two, just a monthand a half after our Beyond Meat Ramsey
(13:50):
guy, the newly appointed CFO,John R. Tyson, who assumed the
position in September, was the greatgreat grandson of the founder. He wandered
drunkenly into a random Arkansas house earlyone morning, stripped down to his underwear,
found a bed and went to sleep. When the homeowners realized that there
(14:13):
was somebody sleeping in their bed thatwasn't supposed to be there, they called
the cops. Cops show up.He's not charged with breaking and entering because
the owner did admit that they hadleft their door unlocked. Instead, he
was charged with public intoxication and criminaltrespassing. Wow. You know what,
I can tell you that I've knownsomeone that almost I mean they were not
(14:39):
a CFO or COO or anything ofany big company or anything, because I
don't know people like that, butthey actually got very very intoxicated. They
lived in like an apartment complex orsomething at the time, and went into
what they assumed was their apartment,went in and just laid down, passed
(15:01):
out pretty much on the couch andslept there until somebody that actually lived there
is like, dude, why areyou in my house? And he's like
this is not my house, andthey're like, uh no, it's not
so oh my goodness, So Iguess it. You know, it happens,
(15:24):
But wow, that's insane. Allright. My next headline is to
escape jail and go to ie Hoop, where patrons report them So there were
these two inmates in a Virginia jail. One was in custody on charges including
contempt of court and probation violations.The other was in custody for charges including
(15:46):
credit card fraud, forgery, grandlarceny, and probation violation. They used
tools made from toothbrushes and metal objectsto get to the rebar in the walls,
and then they use the rebar tofurther escape scale the containment wall.
They were later discovered missing. Authoritiesasked for help in finding them. It
(16:08):
goes out over you know, theTV and the newspapers and all that.
People that I hop called them insaying, hey, these two guys are
here, I hop drinking coffee,eat and drinking coffee and eating the Rudy
tooty Fresh and fruity. Like,oh yeah, they're just chilling here.
You know what, I don't knowif I would call, because first of
all, coffee is my heart andrudy tooty fresh and fruity is That's why
(16:33):
I'm all about it. So,so they were taken back. They were
taken back into custody the morning afterthey escaped. They This was reported on
March twenty second of twenty twenty three. Oh wow, not long ago.
You know. The funny thing is, okay, if they escaped, I
mean they got their inmate clothes on. I'm just assuming unless they I don't
(16:56):
know. I don't But where theyget money to pay for the wooty tooty
freshman true said they were gonna payfor it? Well, I mean that's
true. They maybe they had astolen credit card they did it maybe,
or they were going to write abad check. There you go. From
the CFO of Tyson Foods. Thereyou go. The next headline is worst
(17:19):
disguise ever burglars cover faces with permanentmarker. Oh no, so sorry,
dude, you're really gonna be easyto pick out of a lineup. I'm
just saying. So. This happenedin Carol, Iowa, in October of
two thousand and nine. Matthew McNellyand Joey Miller tried to break into an
(17:41):
apartment. A witness called in gavethe cops the description of the car.
The cops found the car a coupleof blocks away. The guys were wearing
masks drawn on their faces with permanentmarker, not literal masks. Just here,
let me draw a mustache right here. Yeah, I'm disguised. Both
(18:02):
were charged with second degree burglary,and McNelly was also charged with driving while
intoxicated. Oh my god, howfunny. That's hilarious. I just wow.
I got two more and I couldn'tdecide which one of these I wanted
to say for last, So I'mgonna give you this one. And this
(18:22):
one had me rolling. Okay,all right, I'm I'm I'm ready.
So the headline was outspoken defendant getspoint across. On May twenty fifth of
nineteen eighty five in Oklahoma City atthe Circle K, at one of the
(18:45):
Circle K convenience stores in the area, this place gets robbed. This guy
gets picked up for, you know, suspicion of robbery. They're pretty sure
he's the guy that robbed it.There were actually robberies of three Circle K
convenience stores, but he was onlycharged with one. So this guy,
Dennis Newton was charged. He hada public defender, but he fired the
public defender and said I am representingmyself. Will you go you? So
(19:11):
in October of nineteen eighty five,he's on trial. The manager of the
circle K is up on the standand the manager says no, this this
is the guy, this is therobber, like he's the bad guy,
and Dennis Newton stands up and says, and I quote you, lying bitch,
I should have blown your fucking headoff. Oh and then he pauses
(19:33):
for a second, realizes what hesaid, and finishes up with if I'd
been the one that was there,Oh my god, dude. So it
eventually, so it eventually goes tothe jury. They took twenty minutes to
find him guilty, long enough tosit down, get a drink of water,
and stretch their legs and be likeokay, yeah, let's go back
and tell him, like do weeven have to vote? Guys? Yeah,
(19:56):
And he was sentenced two thirty years. Wow. Wow, well there
you go, I mean, openmouth insert foot right, I hona there,
I know. And the prosecutor said, you know, at first,
when he started representing himself, hewas like, oh, that's a dumb
move, guy, And then asthe trial started going on, he was
like, well, this guy's actuallynot doing too bad, Like I'm starting
(20:18):
to wonder if we're gonna get aconviction. And then he blurts this out
and he's like done deal, I'mgood. Oh, yeah, hey,
got nothing to worry about because thisguy is definitely not as smart as he
thought he was and definitely not Okay. My last and one that's so funny.
My last one. It's called thecar Thief who couldn't drive in Omaha,
(20:41):
Nebraska, Magonga, Magonga, Ithink is how you say it?
Now? He was seven, thisguy was seventeen. He goes to this
house, he sees this car.He breaks into this car. It was
a Dodge Caliber. This was inMarch of twenty fourteen, so not that
long ago, okay. And theowner sees him in the car, I
(21:06):
guess from inside the house or whatever, right, and he's like, what
is this kid doing? And he'swatching for a second, and he sees
the headlights coming on and off,and he sees the wipers going on and
off, and he's like this,what is this kid doing? Like,
my car's not going anywhere. Ishe trying to steal my car? Is
he just trying to steal stuff outof my car? He calls the cops.
(21:26):
You know, the cops are ontheir way. The cops show up
there. This guy has been inthis car for almost ten minutes. Oh
wow, he couldn't figure out howto get the car in reverse. It
was a manual transmission and not anautomatic. You know, a lot of
(21:48):
people, surprisingly to me, alot of people cannot drive standards, you
know, pants, I know,so I saved this one for last for
a reason. It was a monthor two ago in my little town we
had several cars, several vehicles beingstolen, being broken into all around town.
(22:11):
And one guy said that, youknow, he went out one morning
to get ready to go to workor whatever, and both of his vehicles
were gone out of his driveway.Oh yeah, both of them. And
he's like, what the heck andheck, and he calls the cops,
you know, and the cops comeout. One of his vehicles was found
like a block and a half orso away down the road. That particular
(22:34):
vehicle happened to be a Standard,and the person when they when they caught
the person stealing these vehicles, theperson had stolen this car, couldn't drive
it, and so went back andstole his other car to get away again.
Oh my god, he's like,I'll show you well, dang,
that would have been funnier had theother one been a Standard too. I
(22:55):
know, it would have been butI don't think it was. I got
if I remember the guy that wasstealing these particular vehicles was caught and these
vehicles were recovered. I'm not onehundred percent positive about that because there were
a couple of different people that werecaught for stealing vehicles around the same time.
But I think this guy's vehicles wereboth recovered and the guy that stole
(23:17):
them was caught. So that's funny. Oh my god, I thought so.
Yeah. Yeah. Nowadays, ifyou just want to cripple somebody and
definitely they're not going to steal yourvehicle, get a standard. But you
know, standards are actually a lotharder to find now. I don't think
that they manufacture as many as theyused to. Probably not, but you
(23:37):
know whatever, I don't think thatthey do, so it's vain. Wow,
at least one of my kids candrive a Standard, so there's at
least that. Yes, that istrue, That is very true. So
I mean they all need to learnhow, but you know, and I
can say the good thing is allof my children know how to drive a
(24:00):
Standard. Yeah, that's true.That's true. I drive a Standard for
a lot of years. Now theyprobably it might take them just a quick
second to get back into the grooveof it, you know, because I
don't think that they've probably driven astandard in a while. But yeah,
I have, like riding a bike, oh I have. You know,
(24:22):
it's like riding a bike. Imean, once you do it, you
it just it's natural. It's yeah, for sure, for sure. So
but yeah, that's what we gotfor you this week. We wanted something
quick, something kind of giggly,something definitely light. Yes, to lead
you into Christmas. We hope youhave an absolutely amazing holiday. Yes,
(24:44):
make sure if you're not one thatcelebrates Christmas, we hope you have an
absolutely amazing weekend. And now innext week's episode, uh huh absolutely,
And until next time, guys,we'll be back again next week with another
new episode. Yeah till then,So yeah, gay bye bye
Welcome to Crime with My Coffee.This podcast contains graphic descriptions and adult content
mature audiences only. Please Hi,y'all, and welcome to Crime with My
(00:31):
Coffee. I'm your fabulous hostess withthe most June, and I'm Suzanne.
We're gonna tell you some stories you'veheard, some you haven't, and some
you'll wish you hadn't, all witha Texas twang. All right, Well,
welcome back, guys, Welcome back. Glad you can join us,
said absolutely, And if you're herefor the first time, especially during the
(00:57):
holidays, we try to do alittle light, a little funnier maybe,
so maybe you can go back tolast year's and check it out or whatever
and listen and then just listen toeverything. Everything is fine with us.
Yeah, So what's in your monththis week? Well, in my mug
because I'm still just to try them, a new coffee maker and stuff.
(01:18):
I actually just have the the Folgers. It's the all. I don't have
the thing in front of me,but it's it's not the breakfast blend.
It's a house blend, that's whatit is. So I just have the
Folger's House Blend. But I didtake out of the freezer, some peppermint
(01:38):
mocha creamer. So really, really, I don't put peppermint in my coffee,
no, ma'am, Yeah I don't. I don't mind it so much
because I like peppermint anyway. ButI was like, ah, I should
have put some a little bit ofhot chocolate in there too, even though
it's got the mocha taste. ButI didn't, and I like it.
(02:02):
So that's that's what I've got.Well, what do you have in your
mug today? I have the Starbucksa breakfast a Veranda bland Starbucks Veranda blind.
We're fancy on the veranda. Ohyeah, are we sure we are?
(02:23):
We can pretend? Yeah? Absolutelyfine. Yeah, So I I
drink that. No, I'm drinkingthat. I made me a cup of
that in my crig. And it'sthe lighter blend Starbucks coffee. Nothing fancy
ballad. It just a lighter roast, a little bit of creamer in it.
(02:44):
It's yummy, it's delicious. Ilike it, and I should be
getting a box of pods of myown in just a couple of weeks.
So nice, very very nice.So I can I can honestly say next
time I will have a you know, something out of my box so pods.
But we're actually recording at a differenttime than what we normally do anyway,
(03:07):
so a totally different day. Sototally different day, a totally different
time. It's fine. So it'sI didn't have time to grab my box
o pods and get anything out ofit. I just went with what I
had already made in the coffee makers. It's okay. Yeah, well,
this is the week or this episodecomes out the week before Christmas, so
(03:30):
by the time you're hearing this,Christmas is in like what four days,
five days? Yeah, not long, not long, So Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday five days, yeahyeah, but it comes out on
Wednesday. So do we really countWednesday because what if they're listening Wednesday night?
Yeah yeah, okay, so fourdays yeah yeah yeah, So you
(03:51):
know I'm just saying anyway, SoMary, Merry Christmas early guys, Yes,
yes, yes, Mary. Ifyou were a member of our paid
you should have already received your giftbox hopefully hopefully, and if not,
I mean shoot us an email andlet us know. Yeah for sure,
because I will be like, excuseme, mister delivery person guy, why
(04:12):
does mister X and missus, whynot half their boxes? We have a
problem, sir, exactly exactly.So you know, hope you enjoyed your
gifts. Yes, yes, andif and if you have ideas that you
would like to maybe see, wemight probably just start doing this every year,
you know. Just just shoot,I've already have ideas for next year's
(04:36):
boxes. Are you kidding me?I do? I do. I'll tell
you about them later, Okay,okay, off, Mike, Okay,
I'll tell you about them. OffMike, definitely want to hear definitely.
So all right, Well, thisweek, because it is right before Christmas,
we didn't want to do anything heavy, we didn't want to do anything
long. So we are bringing yousome dumb and funny criminals. It's another
(04:58):
expresso shot you guys, o yees, and all of mine have to do
with Christmas crimes. They all happenright at Christmas, right around Christmas.
I don't know that any of minedid, really, yeah, well my
mine specifically did. So I'm notgoing to say, oh, well,
(05:19):
this happened December twenty fourth, Thishappened December seventeenth, This happened December twenty
fifth. You're gonna kind of no. Really, well, then go ahead
and tell us. Okay, somine start off. We're going to start
off in twenty thirteen in South Carolina, so it's right at Christmas time,
(05:44):
and a forty four year old womanactually was arrested in charged with domestic violence.
But it happened to be her husbandthat she did this against. Because
here it is, you know,the Hahull days. And she's like,
they sound very funny to me,mother, but give me, give me
just a second. She's like,hey, you know that all the stores
(06:08):
are going to be closed tomorrow becauseit's Christmas Eve. You need to bring
home, you know, maybe someextra alcohol, some beer and everything for
us. Right, Well, hecomes home and doesn't have any, so
she stabbed him and beat him witha ceramic squirrel. Oh that poor squirel
(06:30):
I know, I know, poorpoor squirrel. I have no idea how
big the squirrel was. But yeah, yeah, so she stabbed him and
beat him with the ceramic squirrel becausehe didn't bring home beer. Oh my
goodness. Yeah, crazy, absolutelycrazy, because she knew the store was
going to be closed the next day. But oh well, she's gonna be
(06:56):
doing a lot beer anyway. Yeah, exactly. She's not gonna be getting
her beer anyway. So then theother one turns out it happened in twenty
twelve in Ohio on one of theturnpikes in Ohio. The police happened early
(07:17):
in not early in the morning,but I mean it was morning time.
It was around eleven o'clock, anda suv actually got pulled over. And
in this suv was a police dog, a canaan as well, who actually
indicated like the presence of contraband.Right, So they searched the vehicle and
(07:41):
there was a bunch of Christmas giftswrapped up. But in these Christmas gifts
it turned out to be like aboutthirty pounds of marijuana and it was estimated
to be worth about one hundred andninety two thous and dollars. What,
(08:03):
oh my gosh, somebody was planningon a laid back Christmas. Somebody has
got friends that they want. Idon't know, I just can't. I
just can't imagine given that for agift, but especially that much, that
much worth. But maybe they grewwith themselves so it didn't cost them many
(08:26):
dollars. Really, I mean,it is possible. I'm not even I'm
not that's crazy, but that's yeah. I thought that was a little weird,
you know, But I mean that'swhat happens. I guess when you
wrap Christmas gifts that are actually contrabandmarijuana. You know, I don't know,
(08:48):
I don't know, all right.The other one, this one happened
in twenty eighteen, and I'm sosurprised right now, I haven't heard of
this because this is a little closerto home. Oh no, this happened
in Cleborn, Texas. Shout outto Cleeburn. So yes, Well,
(09:11):
apparently they were doing a breakfast withSanta thing somewhere event there, somewhere in
Cleeburn, and they had a fewpeople protesting. And why would you protest
Santi. I mean, I guesseverybody wants to protest something, you know.
(09:35):
Again, well, apparently a thirtyone year old actually was arrested for
saying that Santa ain't real. Okay, now technically, technically that's not why
he was arrested. They were actuallydoing the protest. They were asked to
leave, and he's decided he didn'twant to leave, and you know,
(09:58):
he was screaming about Sanna not beingreal and everything else. So he actually
was just arrested for trespassing. Butyeah, yeah, can you believe kids
don't listen to crazy people who shoutthings when the cops are trying to arrest
them exactly? First of all,dude, first of all, okay,
no, first of all, ifyou're a kid, you probably shouldn't be
(10:20):
listening to this, and you needto turn it off and tell your parents
that you were doing something you weren'tsupposed to be doing. But yes,
absolutely, let's start with that.Yes, if you're a little kid,
you should not be listening. Absolutely. And then the last one that I
have actually is just a headline.I did not find anything any kind of
(10:45):
story on this, but I wasvery intrigued and I might have to do
a bit more research than the timethat I was, you know, able
to do this, But it saidthat the headline said a couple were just
a couple discovered a burglar in theirhouse after the burglar laughed at one of
(11:09):
the husband's jokes. I heard thatcrime story. I think we did that
on another espresso shot. Yeah,I think you did. I think it
was one that you found on anespresso shot or two bats. Wow.
Yeah, Well, I might haveto do a little research. I was
just like, what, what wasthe joke? Was it really that funny
(11:31):
that this, you know, Burglar? I don't know. I think we
wondered what the joke wasn't the lasttime too? Yeah, anyway, I
just I thought it was I thoughtthat was funny, and so I'm like,
you know what, I do wantto mention that, But I mean,
that's all I have, because likeI said, I you know,
eh, that's all I get.All right, Well, I've got just
(11:52):
a couple myself. I've got oneor two more than you had, But
like you, they're super short andto the point. Okay, okay.
So the first one, the headlinewas COO a vegetarian food company bites man's
nose ow ow So Beyond Meat isa plant based meat. It's vegetarian and
(12:18):
vegan friendly, and the COO DougRamsey. On September seventeenth of twenty twenty
two, he was at the Universityof Arkansas stadium for a football game.
He was leaving the parking lot.He got hit by another car. Oh
god, yeah, I'm pretty surehe was in his car. Like I
think it was just like, youknow, they bump into each other.
(12:39):
Okay, okay, anyway, butit got hit by another car, and
so he punches through the back windowof this other car. Which that's gotta
hurt in the first place. Yes, And so the driver gets out and
Ramsey punches the driver in the faceand bit off his nose and threatened to
kill him. No he didn't.Yeah side did you buy Ramsey? Ozof?
(13:05):
I know? Ramsey was arrested forterroristic threats and third degree battery.
He was held on an eleven thousanddollars bond. And he worked for Tyson
Foods for thirty years before moving toBeyond Meat. And that's what I got
for that. Oh wow, that'scrazy, Absolutely no crazy. But speaking
(13:26):
of Tyson Foods, Lissa next headlinereads, uh huh, Tyson Foods CFO
wandered into someone else's home and fellasleep. Wow. On November sixth,
twenty twenty two, just a monthand a half after our Beyond Meat Ramsey
(13:50):
guy, the newly appointed CFO,John R. Tyson, who assumed the
position in September, was the greatgreat grandson of the founder. He wandered
drunkenly into a random Arkansas house earlyone morning, stripped down to his underwear,
found a bed and went to sleep. When the homeowners realized that there
(14:13):
was somebody sleeping in their bed thatwasn't supposed to be there, they called
the cops. Cops show up.He's not charged with breaking and entering because
the owner did admit that they hadleft their door unlocked. Instead, he
was charged with public intoxication and criminaltrespassing. Wow. You know what,
I can tell you that I've knownsomeone that almost I mean they were not
(14:39):
a CFO or COO or anything ofany big company or anything, because I
don't know people like that, butthey actually got very very intoxicated. They
lived in like an apartment complex orsomething at the time, and went into
what they assumed was their apartment,went in and just laid down, passed
(15:01):
out pretty much on the couch andslept there until somebody that actually lived there
is like, dude, why areyou in my house? And he's like
this is not my house, andthey're like, uh no, it's not
so oh my goodness, So Iguess it. You know, it happens,
(15:24):
But wow, that's insane. Allright. My next headline is to
escape jail and go to ie Hoop, where patrons report them So there were
these two inmates in a Virginia jail. One was in custody on charges including
contempt of court and probation violations.The other was in custody for charges including
(15:46):
credit card fraud, forgery, grandlarceny, and probation violation. They used
tools made from toothbrushes and metal objectsto get to the rebar in the walls,
and then they use the rebar tofurther escape scale the containment wall.
They were later discovered missing. Authoritiesasked for help in finding them. It
(16:08):
goes out over you know, theTV and the newspapers and all that.
People that I hop called them insaying, hey, these two guys are
here, I hop drinking coffee,eat and drinking coffee and eating the Rudy
tooty Fresh and fruity. Like,oh yeah, they're just chilling here.
You know what, I don't knowif I would call, because first of
all, coffee is my heart andrudy tooty fresh and fruity is That's why
(16:33):
I'm all about it. So,so they were taken back. They were
taken back into custody the morning afterthey escaped. They This was reported on
March twenty second of twenty twenty three. Oh wow, not long ago.
You know. The funny thing is, okay, if they escaped, I
mean they got their inmate clothes on. I'm just assuming unless they I don't
(16:56):
know. I don't But where theyget money to pay for the wooty tooty
freshman true said they were gonna payfor it? Well, I mean that's
true. They maybe they had astolen credit card they did it maybe,
or they were going to write abad check. There you go. From
the CFO of Tyson Foods. Thereyou go. The next headline is worst
(17:19):
disguise ever burglars cover faces with permanentmarker. Oh no, so sorry,
dude, you're really gonna be easyto pick out of a lineup. I'm
just saying. So. This happenedin Carol, Iowa, in October of
two thousand and nine. Matthew McNellyand Joey Miller tried to break into an
(17:41):
apartment. A witness called in gavethe cops the description of the car.
The cops found the car a coupleof blocks away. The guys were wearing
masks drawn on their faces with permanentmarker, not literal masks. Just here,
let me draw a mustache right here. Yeah, I'm disguised. Both
(18:02):
were charged with second degree burglary,and McNelly was also charged with driving while
intoxicated. Oh my god, howfunny. That's hilarious. I just wow.
I got two more and I couldn'tdecide which one of these I wanted
to say for last, So I'mgonna give you this one. And this
(18:22):
one had me rolling. Okay,all right, I'm I'm I'm ready.
So the headline was outspoken defendant getspoint across. On May twenty fifth of
nineteen eighty five in Oklahoma City atthe Circle K, at one of the
(18:45):
Circle K convenience stores in the area, this place gets robbed. This guy
gets picked up for, you know, suspicion of robbery. They're pretty sure
he's the guy that robbed it.There were actually robberies of three Circle K
convenience stores, but he was onlycharged with one. So this guy,
Dennis Newton was charged. He hada public defender, but he fired the
public defender and said I am representingmyself. Will you go you? So
(19:11):
in October of nineteen eighty five,he's on trial. The manager of the
circle K is up on the standand the manager says no, this this
is the guy, this is therobber, like he's the bad guy,
and Dennis Newton stands up and says, and I quote you, lying bitch,
I should have blown your fucking headoff. Oh and then he pauses
(19:33):
for a second, realizes what hesaid, and finishes up with if I'd
been the one that was there,Oh my god, dude. So it
eventually, so it eventually goes tothe jury. They took twenty minutes to
find him guilty, long enough tosit down, get a drink of water,
and stretch their legs and be likeokay, yeah, let's go back
and tell him, like do weeven have to vote? Guys? Yeah,
(19:56):
And he was sentenced two thirty years. Wow. Wow, well there
you go, I mean, openmouth insert foot right, I hona there,
I know. And the prosecutor said, you know, at first,
when he started representing himself, hewas like, oh, that's a dumb
move, guy, And then asthe trial started going on, he was
like, well, this guy's actuallynot doing too bad, Like I'm starting
(20:18):
to wonder if we're gonna get aconviction. And then he blurts this out
and he's like done deal, I'mgood. Oh, yeah, hey,
got nothing to worry about because thisguy is definitely not as smart as he
thought he was and definitely not Okay. My last and one that's so funny.
My last one. It's called thecar Thief who couldn't drive in Omaha,
(20:41):
Nebraska, Magonga, Magonga, Ithink is how you say it?
Now? He was seven, thisguy was seventeen. He goes to this
house, he sees this car.He breaks into this car. It was
a Dodge Caliber. This was inMarch of twenty fourteen, so not that
long ago, okay. And theowner sees him in the car, I
(21:06):
guess from inside the house or whatever, right, and he's like, what
is this kid doing? And he'swatching for a second, and he sees
the headlights coming on and off,and he sees the wipers going on and
off, and he's like this,what is this kid doing? Like,
my car's not going anywhere. Ishe trying to steal my car? Is
he just trying to steal stuff outof my car? He calls the cops.
(21:26):
You know, the cops are ontheir way. The cops show up
there. This guy has been inthis car for almost ten minutes. Oh
wow, he couldn't figure out howto get the car in reverse. It
was a manual transmission and not anautomatic. You know, a lot of
(21:48):
people, surprisingly to me, alot of people cannot drive standards, you
know, pants, I know,so I saved this one for last for
a reason. It was a monthor two ago in my little town we
had several cars, several vehicles beingstolen, being broken into all around town.
(22:11):
And one guy said that, youknow, he went out one morning
to get ready to go to workor whatever, and both of his vehicles
were gone out of his driveway.Oh yeah, both of them. And
he's like, what the heck andheck, and he calls the cops,
you know, and the cops comeout. One of his vehicles was found
like a block and a half orso away down the road. That particular
(22:34):
vehicle happened to be a Standard,and the person when they when they caught
the person stealing these vehicles, theperson had stolen this car, couldn't drive
it, and so went back andstole his other car to get away again.
Oh my god, he's like,I'll show you well, dang,
that would have been funnier had theother one been a Standard too. I
(22:55):
know, it would have been butI don't think it was. I got
if I remember the guy that wasstealing these particular vehicles was caught and these
vehicles were recovered. I'm not onehundred percent positive about that because there were
a couple of different people that werecaught for stealing vehicles around the same time.
But I think this guy's vehicles wereboth recovered and the guy that stole
(23:17):
them was caught. So that's funny. Oh my god, I thought so.
Yeah. Yeah. Nowadays, ifyou just want to cripple somebody and
definitely they're not going to steal yourvehicle, get a standard. But you
know, standards are actually a lotharder to find now. I don't think
that they manufacture as many as theyused to. Probably not, but you
(23:37):
know whatever, I don't think thatthey do, so it's vain. Wow,
at least one of my kids candrive a Standard, so there's at
least that. Yes, that istrue, That is very true. So
I mean they all need to learnhow, but you know, and I
can say the good thing is allof my children know how to drive a
(24:00):
Standard. Yeah, that's true.That's true. I drive a Standard for
a lot of years. Now theyprobably it might take them just a quick
second to get back into the grooveof it, you know, because I
don't think that they've probably driven astandard in a while. But yeah,
I have, like riding a bike, oh I have. You know,
(24:22):
it's like riding a bike. Imean, once you do it, you
it just it's natural. It's yeah, for sure, for sure. So
but yeah, that's what we gotfor you this week. We wanted something
quick, something kind of giggly,something definitely light. Yes, to lead
you into Christmas. We hope youhave an absolutely amazing holiday. Yes,
(24:44):
make sure if you're not one thatcelebrates Christmas, we hope you have an
absolutely amazing weekend. And now innext week's episode, uh huh absolutely,
And until next time, guys,we'll be back again next week with another
new episode. Yeah till then,So yeah, gay bye bye
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