Ride That Rainbow Straight to Hell - Pt. 3 - Crushing Culture

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
So you guys talked about when you first started to
realize that you were career Jspecifically.
I wanted to ask you a couplethings like so for you, you said
you started realizing aroundeighth grade.
So were you realizing at thatpoint that you liked women, or
realizing that you werenon-binary then?
because that's been thenon-binary thing in that it's.

(00:22):
It's weird because there's beenan acceptance of that more
recently within the queercommunity, but while that's all
been happening there's been asignificant less acceptance, i
think in the world world aboutit And, as a response to the, i
think, the acceptance of it andthe gay community.

(00:45):
So was that all happening atonce for you, or was this two
separate experiences for you?

Speaker 3 (00:50):
Yeah, i think they're .
They are distinct And Ihonestly I think I knew that my
gender didn't feel right asprescribed, and church played a
big role in that, in terms oflike when we weren't at church.

(01:10):
My family was not wealthy AndI'm the youngest and I have two
older brothers And I thrived intheir hand-me-downs.
Yeah that is what wascomfortable to me.
That's what I wanted to do.
I was always out playingbasketball and like rough and
tumble, like everything else,but Sunday you got to get
dressed up and look.

(01:30):
good for you know for.
God and for everyone else who'sin that building.
Yeah, really, and that was justlike as long as I can remember,
like I don't often just saythings were traumatic, but like
traumatic for me to get dressedup in tights and dresses and

(01:54):
little shoes and stuff like that, to the point that, like my
parents would have to pin medown to get me in that clothes,
my dad would have to beg me to.
Like you know, your mom will bedisappointed, upset, Hurts my
heart Like just so much of this.
It's just that yeah, like, likephysical, not the pen down,

(02:16):
unfortunately.
Yeah, like the physicalmanipulation to get me into it,
the emotional manipulationaround it, like just that was
honestly for my youngest years,like all I could think about and
focus on when I was at churchis just how much I hated my body

(02:37):
in this dress up that I had todo.
So that was that was like ahuge piece for me of like
feeling like that wasn't a spacefor me.
Yeah, and then also just theway that it panned out And I
mean this might hark back tosome episodes before with Crush,

(03:00):
but just like the.
So my, my mom is a childsurvivor of sexual abuse And so
she was always very on top ofwhere I was And another thing
that felt uncomfortable was thatthere was like one specific
older man at church that wouldalways hug for too long Yeah,

(03:24):
all the little girls, and Ihated it And I knew that that
was part of it.
What made me his target was howI was dressed, like I could
just feel it.
So I knew that and I felt thatand it's like I already resent
and hate what I feel like.
And then there's also thisother thing that's happening,
yeah, and it's just like all ofthese elements coming together.

(03:47):
That was like this isn't, thisisn't who I am, and I also know
this isn't safe.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
You felt like you were being preyed upon.
Yeah, yeah, and my mom.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
So my mom was probably on the crush end of the
spectrum.
That shit ended.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, fast Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
Where, like she, she cut it Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
I will say I feel I'm very, very hyper visual too,
like, and I think that obviouslya huge part of it is being
assaulted as a young child allthe way up until like adulthood.
But I'm like a goddamn nighthawk when it comes to my kid.
So I get, i get your mom.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
You see why she was Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
She was there and like Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
My parents weren't like quite in the and like I
don't think the culture wasquite in the progressive of like
let kids initiate, touch orwhatever yet.
So it was still very much likethe social etiquette of like
we're at church, yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:44):
You have to be polite .

Speaker 3 (04:46):
You have to give people hugs and you have to
shake their hands.
So she was still like on thelike you hug people at church
but it was like the that was toolong, so yeah, and like people
are uncomfortable And so thatgot cut out pretty quick, yeah,
but just so much of that.
I felt that so, so deeply.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
I'm not a very I'm not always like super good at
describing how I'm feeling orwhatever, like putting things
into words, But like as you'resaying that I was literally like
, yeah, that that's a perfectway to describe a lot of how I
felt growing up And like Causeyou had to wear like.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Uniforms He had With the one Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
I mean before I get cause I have some stuff to say
about that too.
But before I get into that,like see, cause my experience is
a little different, like Istill identify as a woman and my
like pronouns are she, her.
So I think, like before I getinto my side of things, like CJ,
like I, just if you wanted toadd to that or say anything
about how, like your feelings onthat.

Speaker 4 (05:49):
Yeah, i mean, i guess I haven't thought about it much
, but now that I am thinkingabout it, my, my parents made us
wear, like my sister and I weardresses, every single, to every
single service, like withoutexception, and I also hated it
so much And I, ever since that,like I left, i have not worn a

(06:11):
dress since.
But it's like being souncomfortable just for the sake
of who knows, like my yeah, andit was just so frustrating
because it's like I wanted tocrawl out of my skin and my like
, you know, like my parentswould rather, you know, i, they

(06:32):
knew, like I definitelyexpressed that Um, and it's very
obviously like physically, um,but they'd rather, you know, be
God honoring in that way,whatever, whatever that means,
then, like have their child becomfortable in their own body,
so that that makes you question,like where they're, where the

(06:55):
priorities are.
But do you want me to talkabout like being, like being gay
in the?

Speaker 1 (07:01):
truth.
Yeah, like I actually amcurious about your, your kind of
same same question.
Like you like you sounds likewhen you were about you said at
community college, like youstarted to have those thoughts
yourself of like I think thatI'm queer, um and was.
were those two separateexperiences for you?

Speaker 4 (07:22):
I think mostly they were separate when, when I was
younger, there were definitelymoments where I think deep down
I was like, because I I didn'twant, like I had no interest in
boys and I would totally try toget that as far away from me as
possible, um, and I was alwayslike a tomboy, but so there are

(07:44):
definitely moments in my youthwhere I would think about it,
but it is such a, it's so tabooand it's like as soon as it
entered my mind it would leave,i would kick it out.
You know, like cause that'swhat you're talking about.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Yeah, god knows your thought, yeah Right.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
So if you spend, yeah , if you don't get that out
right away, now you're sitting,now you're sitting, you know.
And so I never.
it was like that was thebeginning of the repression,
like such a deep repression, um,and I just never really thought
about it.
Um, i think I always.
I people always say like Ithink I always knew, i think

(08:24):
that I did know, but I wasterrified, like I was absolutely
terrified of that being apossibility, because I knew what
the fallout of that would be.
And so in my mind I'm like, ifI can delay this or ignore it,
i'm going to, because the other,you know, like facing up to it.

Speaker 3 (08:45):
It's going to have immediate repercussions.

Speaker 4 (08:46):
Oh, absolutely, and dramatic, and and that was that
that did end up being the case.
So, yeah, i never really voicedanything or thought about it.
But after I had moved out,that's when people, that's when
I was forced out of the closet,like I never got to come out and

(09:07):
just was just exposed like outof the closet but I didn't end
up talking to, that was likeonce that came out, everything
ended.
Like all the relationships withthe people from church that I
knew, everything that I hadknown, like that it's done

(09:30):
because they I didn't couldn'teven associate with them anymore
, like they wouldn't talk to me.
And I still, that moment, istill have not talked to so many
of these, those people, yeah,same.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
I mean I didn't, it wasn't for anything else.
then I decided to leave thechurch, but it was the same
exact repercussions I feel liketoo.
it's almost like any sort ofmajor decision, sin, whatever
they think, that is taking youaway from the congregation like
is an immediate dead.
You know what I'm saying, causeI had that same fear of like

(10:02):
wanting to leave the church,knowing I wasn't okay in the
church and that like so much badhad happened.
But even the thought of likewhen I make this choice like I'm
no longer going to have friendsor family is like terrifying
Power of the devil?

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Oh, absolutely, And I think that's a big part of
especially in communities thatare more gatekeep-y where the
outside world is where they likedrill in your heads.
So now, you don't, you're allyou're, it's all intentional.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
Right, They basically like your relationships are
ingrained in the church.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
So if you leave the church you're not just leaving
the church.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
There's actually a series on who called leaving,
leaving polygamy.
I think it's called orsomething like that.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
I put that on my watch list.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Yeah, it's these three girls I think I like and
don't like it cause it's likedramatized for the sake of TV,
but it's these three girls thatwere.
I want to say, if it's notMormon, it's like something very
similar.
And actually there's a coupleof girls that they break out
that are Warren, jeff from.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yeah, pray and obey, yeah, and that guy.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
So they are like smuggling these people out of
their polygamous communities,essentially, and it's like again
, I think overdramatized for TV,but a very real situation still
at the same time, and it's likeyou see, some of these people
that are leaving, that arestruggling cause they're like,

(11:29):
well, i'm never going to talk tomy parents again, and there's
this one particular one that itwas just so sad where the son
leaves and the mom realizes thathe had left, cause he left a
note for every one of hisbrothers and for his sister and
for his mom And he's mentionedlike my brother's not going to

(11:49):
care what I write in the snow,He's just going to hate me
because he's ingrained in thisthought process.
But the mom calls him, she'scrying and she's like why did
you leave?
Why did you leave?

Speaker 2 (12:00):
And he was just like mom, it's not you.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
I just don't believe in all of this anymore.
And what am I supposed to do,whatever?
And the mom starts like whydoes everyone, why does why do
all my kids?
why is everyone leaving me?
And she was like.
And then she starts gettingupset and she was like I don't
even believe in all of this, idon't want to go to church, like
put your dad like and I have mykids, and like how do I?

(12:24):
and then the mom starts likecrying about how, like kind of
agreeing with the son, but thensaying that like how does she
leave her husband in thiscommunity that she's basically
like forced to be in?
And she kind of like makes anod to the fact that, like
there's other wives that feelsimilar.
They fucking trap you.
That's what it is.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
I've literally had people recently say like, oh, we
can't leave because, like, mygrandchildren are in there, my
grandpa's in there, my cousin'sin there, my brother's in there,
like they're literally stayingin the church because their
family's in there and they knowif they make that choice to
leave, that they'll lose theirfamily, which makes zero sense.
If you're talking about aloving God, yeah, like it makes

(13:06):
absolute zero sense.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
This is CJ like do you think about those people a
lot now, or is it just kind offeel like a different lifetime?

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Do you stalk them on the internet?

Speaker 4 (13:18):
Because I do, Yeah sometimes I I mean, it's just
just everything changed soquickly And it was so dramatic.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Like were you prepared?
Like was it like one day youwere in and the next day you
were out Because that's how itwas for me Like one day it was
fine and like I was questioning,but then the next day, like
everything, the shit hit the fanAnd you had a physical you
that's not just like anemotional thing You had a
physical needing of packing upyour things and leaving that.

(13:53):
Yes, i guess my question for CJis like is it, was it like that
, like that for?

Speaker 1 (13:57):
you, yeah, and like do you think about those people
ever?
Does it feel like a totallydifferent lifetime to you?
Like what are your thoughts?

Speaker 4 (14:04):
Yeah, it does feel.
It does feel like a different.
It's.
It's so far removed from anyany of the reality that I have
now that feels like another.
It feels like another versionlooking back at myself, because
it doesn't.
I don't even know who that isor what life that was, but it
wasn't quite.
It wasn't like on a dime.

(14:25):
Everything changed, but theyhad my, my family had found out
that I was gay and then toldevery single person that I know
everybody, just like what likegot him all like, went through
the phone book Like under theguise of like let's make a
prayer chain so that they can be.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
I just learned about a prayer again texted something
that Jay to news travels so fastthat way.
Well, so like I didn't knowwhat this was, Yeah.
I already texted something likea memory that she had and then
said something about a prayerchain and I was like pause, like
we were texting with the prayerchain, and then Jay, and

(15:07):
already had to like fill me inthat it's basically like a
excusable church gossip circle.
Yeah, yeah, like a game oftelephone for the church, if you
will, yeah.

Speaker 4 (15:18):
And in that, in my world, that is like one of the
worst things that you couldpossibly do, Like it feels right
under murder as far as like thecrimes that you could commit
against them, and they take itvery personally.
You know.
So, in that moment, likeeveryone knew, and I essentially

(15:43):
like lost every single personthat I had known and you know, I
still I still talk to my familyso they weren't gone, but in
that moment, like everything wassevered and it has not been the
same and I haven't talked to somany of those people and they
won't talk to me like they don't, they want like nothing to do
with me.

(16:03):
You know So it's just like thefriends I had grown up with.
For 10 years I have never heardfrom them again.

Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah, Those friends that you prioritized over people
right School and elsewhere.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you couldn't let the
centers in.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
I'm sorry that you went through that but I am glad
that I hope that you, you know,feel good about the people that
are on do now and I'm definitelyglad that we met And, like I'm
so, like I'm grateful for allthe friends that I have.

Speaker 4 (16:36):
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, i am so grateful and it's just,
it's a whole different circle,um, and I actually think the
rugby community really reallyhelps me, because I I was like
starting to get into that whenthis was all happening and I
don't know where it would be,honestly, without it.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Yeah, i think that I think people spend a lot of time
talking, talking about thetoxic rugby community aspects.
A lot like that gets, i think,a lot of air time from people
when they talk about rugby, andmaybe this was just my
experience in college because wehad, like, numerous incidents
where we had to deal with likethe team getting suspended Rugby
whole, like just like lifechanging thing that I like I

(17:18):
feel like I've done in my lifewas like joining rugby and it's
brought like so much.
Like.
So so far, like have I had badexperiences in rugby?
Sure, but like the good that'srugby is brought in my life and
like I feel like this is theoverwhelming consensus for most
people that I talk to theoverwhelming good that rugby has
brought into my life faroutweighs anything that it has

(17:40):
ever done.
Like it has brought me friendsthat are so diverse, like I have
gotten more exposure to peoplefrom different walks of life
that have like taught me so manythings.
I have gotten people that loveme for exactly who I am and no
more and no less.
Like I have had just my fuckingfiancee.

(18:02):
Like we would have never met ifit weren't for rugby and like
that's one thing I'm alwaysreally proud of rugby for.
I feel like rugby it's not oneof those things where it's like
you got to be a tall, skinnybitch to be good or whatever.
Like it's just like the mostdiverse group of athletic and
unathletic like I've had.
I've actually had some peoplein my life that have been like

(18:23):
the most unathletic fuckingpeople I've ever met.
But they're like reallyrandomly, really good at rugby,
right, like it's just likeanybody could come.
This is our advertisement.
We play for you to cues.
Yeah, if you're in the Syracusearea.

Speaker 3 (18:37):
For as diverse as it is.
I got to say all of my straightfriends I've met through rugby,
so it really is diverse, yeah,yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
There's like this, there's this whole stigma that
and I'm sure we're propagatingit right now by having like
three out of the four of usbeing big old gays on the
podcast, but like speaking rightnow, but I have so many
straight friends that, like I'vegone to their weddings or
whatever, but they're all fromrugby, like we're not all just a
bunch of lesbians and no,nobody's trying to convince you

(19:09):
to be a lesbian either, but butyeah, so anyway, sorry.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
You know it's two, i feel and maybe, like CJ will
agree is so.
I mean, it was very, verytraumatic like what, how we had
to leave the church, but, likewith rugby, it's almost like
that was given back, like somuch of you, so much of your
life was taking, like taken awayfrom you in that moment, but

(19:34):
now it's like you have thatfriend, like that friendship,
that community, that family,like again, i mean, for me
that's how I felt, because thatdefinitely felt very alone for
so many years and people didn'tunderstand and I couldn't
explain it and it went through alot, but then like kind of
finding I mean I also playedroller derby and I feel somewhat

(19:54):
about that with roller derby,but not as much as rugby is like
like my heart now.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
I love that you say that, because I played a lot of
sports in my life, like I playedsoccer, i played lacrosse, i
played softball, i playedbasketball.
There is this weird thing aboutrugby yeah where it's like you
are ready to go out there yeah,put your body to a beating,

(20:21):
which is like whatever whenyou're 20 and a young and like
CJ and not whatever.

Speaker 4 (20:26):
When you're the rest of us anymore.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Not again has to recover, but like There is just
something else about the sportbecause of the nature of it and
like even just like what you dowhen you're playing rugby, like
when somebody goes into a tackleand you need to be right behind
them and over top of them tolike protect them in the ball
and whatever, to like keeppossession.
It's like that mindset thatthat puts you into creates a

(20:50):
bond.
I feel like that's a lotdifferent than any other sport
that I've ever played and I feellike it's part of what creates
that really good connection withyour teammates because, like I
said, i played a lot of sportsin my life but I've never had
the relationships come out of asport like I did rugby.
I agree, yeah and I continued toplay like lacrosse in college

(21:12):
for a bit too, and like theculture surrounding that, not at
all the same either.
So I don't know.
I think rugby is like almostlike the perfect thing for you
to have found, i think, becauseit does have that like family.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
I said that too.
Like so when I started playingroller derby, it was literally a
couple months after my mom haddied and so I used to say, like
roller derby like saved me,because it was that was like the
worst time of my entire life.
And then I found rugby likeright, when Piper and Piper's
dad and I had broke up and I waslike rugby like entirely saved

(21:52):
my life, like I honestly do notknow if I could have survived
emotionally and physically whatI was going through, like during
that breakup and being on myown and just the whole
shenanigans of everything elsethat was going on in my life.
Like I mean, even with COVIDand everything like literally
rugby like saved my life.
Like I feel like when I go outthere and play with you guys,

(22:13):
like I'm like I have to protectyou, i have to protect you, i
have to protect you, i have toprotect you, i have to protect
you because I feel like they,you guys, have given so much to
me.
And like my personal life, likeI mean Piper looks at all of
you guys like true family, likeshe didn't give a shit about,
like she didn't even know whoher cousins are, like she has
zero idea, but she knows who allof you guys are.
You know what I mean, soabsolutely in the other.

Speaker 4 (22:35):
The other aspect of it was at that time it was such
a.
It was such a struggle becauseI was still struggling with my
you know, sexuality and myidentity and so, unsure of
everything, and for that tohappen, it just like really
shakes you and I was like, is it, should I just repress this so
that I don't lose everythingthat I have ever known and all

(22:56):
the people that I love, you know?
and so it was such a formativetime and I was now around these
people that were just who theywere, unashamedly, and it was
just normal.
Like it nobody.
And to me, like now it's justthe, it's just, you know, the
norm.
But at that time that was likeabsolutely revolutionary.

(23:19):
And I have never met a group ofpeople like that, like
everybody.
Like, oh, you guys are just, oh, everybody, oh yeah, i know
that, yeah yeah, no, i guessthis is.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
This is something that I realized much earlier on
than I think most people realizeit, simply because somebody
thanked me.
I had a friend in college.
That was like dealing withcoming out and when I was in
college, like you know, i wasgay, like I've like I've been a

(23:49):
lesbian and it's like notsomething that I've hidden about
myself ever since it reallybecame public knowledge in high
school.
So I was always just you know,just that, like everybody knew
and you knew, looking at me andwhatever like this was, even
before I had short hair, it wasjust, i guess I just, you know,
exude the guy yeah so she waslike a friend of mine and like

(24:14):
she would, like you know, borrowmy clothes sometimes or
whatever, and that was fine andand I remember her saying
something to me just like inpassing but it was one of those
things that I was like I'm gonnahold on to that like she just
like thanked me for like beingmyself because it showed her,
like she said, made a comment oflike it showed me like how to

(24:37):
be myself and it was like thanks, like, and it's just like you
don't realize, like howimportant being authentic is to
yourself but how important it isto help other people find their
way.
And I think that that's onething that's really that is

(25:00):
really awesome about rugby,because it's not something
that's exclusive to our team.
Like if you find a rugby teamthat's not like that people are
just like that.
Those people, like the wholerugby community is like those
girls, like they're that team,like like that is considered
like appalling in the rugbycommunity and you know, i I

(25:20):
think I think it's awesome thatyou know I'm happy you were able
to find that.
I think, for for me, growing uplike you talking about the, the
clothing aspect of it, like Inever really I always hated
dresses, like I knew that, but Inever really really thought
about it until, like you werejust saying that and it's like

(25:42):
I'm gonna tell this story rightnow and my mom's gonna like have
a crisis about it and text meapologizing, like in like a 85
paragraph message.
So, mom, for the love of God,like please don't feel bad, and
also like I, you don't need tosend me an eight mile long
apology, but my mom did thatwhole thing.
She got married to her husbandnow, so it was like her her

(26:02):
second marriage and I was insophomore year, college, i think
, and you know she said will youwear a dress at the wedding for
me?
and I was just kind of likeit's like I just really want you
and your sister to like wear it, like just for me, like just be
the peacemaker.
Yes, and so I was just like youknow, of course like I was just

(26:24):
like sure, and then it's likenow I gotta do my hair and now I
have got somebody that has toput makeup on yeah, and that's
that and the other.
And then it's not just thedress wearing it's, while you're
wearing the dress thateverybody that feels needs say
like see, don't you feelbeautiful, like?
yeah don't you look so beautifuland it's just like fuck off.

(26:45):
That's what I feel like saying.
I feel like telling you to fuckright off right now.
And it's like you know she'sgot the picture that she really
loves from the wedding andthere's sunsets in the
background.
I was like standing, you know,like one of like standing.
It was just picture me andshe's like oh, this is my
favorite picture and it's like Ilove that for her.
I love that she has a favoritepicture.
I love that.
That is good memories for her.

(27:06):
But I look at that picture andit's just like you know that
doesn't feel like that's not me.
That doesn't feel like me.
And it's like growing up it's Isame is.
I mean, i didn't have brothers,but I had kids I grew up with
that were practically brothersthat lived down the street.
I spent every day of my summerwith them and we went down the
street and we played footballall summer long and that's where

(27:29):
I was happy.
You know, i'm not happy when Ihave to put a fucking white
dress on for First Communion.
Like it, like I remember beinga child and hating, like six
years old and hating putting ona dress.
Like I'm not saying everyperson's gay experience is the
same.
I'm not saying like there arepeople that realize that they
have an interest in that waylater in life.

(27:50):
That doesn't mean that like youalways were, like I'm not
trying to say one shoe fits allright, but like I knew for a
long time and I was nevercomfortable in that.
And that doesn't mean and forme that doesn't mean that I
don't identify as a woman.
I just am present moremasculinly I guess, but like I
just I'm not.
Never in my life will anyoneever convince me to put a dress

(28:13):
on again.
Like it just feel like thatcrawling out of your skin.
Comment CJ like holy fuck.
And it sucks that the movementof people trying to let their
kids more freely just expressthemselves in whatever path that
they happen to follow, insteadof like trying to convince your

(28:35):
kid what is lady like or whatisn't lady like oh my god but
instead of like doing that toyour kid and just like letting
them find their way on their own, like is being considered
fucking bad.
Parenting nowadays is just noidea.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
It's just yeah, well, i mean, out of all of us here,
i'm the one with a kid and shehappens to be.
I have three children.
Well, yeah, your puppy dogs.
But like with Piper so many ofthese conversations and growing
up the way I grew up I'm I don'tever want to put her through
the trauma of the things I wentthrough, which was very, very

(29:14):
gender controlling.
I don't even want to sayconforming, i want that it was
controlled.
Yeah, um, but we have theseconversations all the time and
I'm just like she'll be like,well, why?
and I'll be like some white man, yeah literally that's my
response.
Like mommy, why is it bad if you?
why is it un-lady, like if youswear?
and I'm like it's not, likethat's just somebody said that

(29:36):
one day and it's it's.
It's a made up rule.
So now, like women shouldn'tswear, or you got to dot your
eyes, cross your T's and it's sohard because there's the
majority of the people that lookat the decisions I'm making and
I'm like you're a shitty parentfor telling her that, but like
am I?

Speaker 1 (29:55):
but like, let me tell you something though you're not
because I'm gonna tell yousomething right now in this like
is shitty to share, because Idon't want anyone to feel like
some type of way about like mydad or anything like that.
My dad, my dad and I are likebest friends.
He's the best.
But when I, autumn, and I aregetting married, we're thinking

(30:18):
about the wedding, talking aboutyou know what songs we want,
the wedding and sitting thereand I was having conversation
with her the one day and I saidthis is me as an adult, as a 32
year old adult, that am, for themost part, very uncompromising
about who I am and what I do,and you know all of that and you
guys know that about me.

(30:39):
This shit is so ingrained inour heads about what is accepted
that this came out of my mouth.
I said to Autumn.
I was like, yeah, i wasthinking about maybe for the
father daughter dance, likemaybe I'll do a quick change and
just toss a dress on for my dadWow To make him feel more
comfortable.

(30:59):
It's not that I want to becareful with that because it's
like it's not that he would beuncomfortable dancing with me in
a suit.
We have done that at otherweddings.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Is it like the tradition, part of it?

Speaker 1 (31:11):
I just think that, like I was always his little
like I was his first, and that'snot to say anything about my
sister, like whatever.
That's a whole other topic.
It's not to say anything aboutmy sister or anything.
But I was his first and we wentthrough a lot together.
Like we went through my parent,like my sister was alive, but

(31:31):
like I was the one that wentthrough my parents divorce, like
I was in the middle of all ofthat.
We went through a lot togetherand same with my mom, but in a
very different way.
So where me and my mom have areally great relationship now,
but at that time of the divorcewe were more adversaries, where

(31:52):
me and my dad were like, goingthrough a lot of things to it
felt more together then.
So it just came from this placeof like I think it would make
him really happy And I do stillbelieve that.
But at the same time, like likeAutumn looked at me and she
said absolutely not.
And I was like.

(32:12):
And at first I like wasoffended because I got defensive
And I was like who are you tosay?
like what I'm going to do withmy dad and the father daughter
dance.
And she was like.
And then she like explained andshe was like, are you going to
be comfortable in a dress.
And I was like, no, but like itwould make my dad really happy.
And she was like it is your day.
And she was like if this wassomething that you wanted to do,

(32:36):
that you were going to becomfortable in, that you weren't
going to look back at thosepictures and just fucking cringe
, i would support you.
But that's not what you'redoing right now.
And I just like had this momentof like damn, like you're right
, like I'm just like subscribingto like this thing that like
I'm told that I'm supposed to do.
And yeah, it was just like.

(32:56):
Sometimes I think about thatand like I literally get
nauseous of like, like I wasconsidering doing that at my way
And like you know what thething is too That's funny is
like I would have beenuncomfortable.
Anybody that's close with mewatching that probably also
would have been veryuncomfortable.
Because they know me and it'slike it's not that my dad
doesn't know me, It's just likeI think it's one of those things

(33:18):
that, as a parent growing up inthe time that you know he grew
up in Whereas like now, thingsare a lot more progressive and
whatever I think that you havethis idea.
You have your first kid andit's your daughter and you have
all these ideas of like whatit's going to be like when they
grow up and they get marriedsomeday And you imagine how all

(33:41):
that is.
And I think I was trying tolike in my head, like give him
some of that.
And then I just like have thismoment of like, panic, yeah.
And then, like you know, cameback to reality and I was like
like to be clear, like my dadloves me and is going to be
fucking.
He likes he loves autumn, likemy whole family loves autumn.
He's going to be happy and crylike a baby on my wedding.

(34:07):
Just the same Like so this isnot me saying that he wouldn't
have done those things, but itwas just like I don't know why.
I was just having this momentof like, wanting to like make it
really special, and I had tolike come back to reality and be
like it's special, because it'sspecial and because it's your
wedding day, like you don't haveto do anything that you don't
want to do for that, But yeah,so, if CJ, if you got married,

(34:30):
do you think your parents wouldcome to the wedding?

Speaker 4 (34:34):
No, and they've told me that to my face, and and
that's the case for the majorityof my family And I would even
venture to say almost all ofthem.
So that is like it's hard towrestle with because I think
that maybe someday I might wantto get married, but then it's

(34:56):
like this special day that noone is.
You know, like half of thereason it's special is because
the people that you love arethere, but like they won't be,
it's very explicit because thatwould be them like accepting
Saying it was okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
That's what I think about that too.
Like if I decided to marry awoman, like what would my dad
come to the wedding?
and it would be a hard, no,hard, no.
Oh yeah, hard, no, yep, yep.
Even like say, if it was likenow, right, like I already have
Piper, this side of the otherthing, hard, no, Would your
families acknowledge yourpartner?

(35:33):
I personally don't think so.
I mean, I was barely allowed onthe property with a man.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
So I've dated some people where I was strictly the
roommate for multiple years.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah, yeah, i think I for sure think that that would
be the case in my life.
for sure.
I mean they like barelyaccepted with the tattoos.
So you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Like I find that as a good repellent nowadays, though
.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
Like I have, since I got like the hand tats.
Yeah, people to be scared, Dude, it's like the.
I could see that.
You know you could see theMormons coming from a mile away,
because they got like the suit,they got the whole, they got
their outfit, they got their fit.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
The blue pants The white tag, the white tag,
brother Joe Yep, and by thelandhand Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
It's like I could see your.
I could see your get up from amile away as you're coming
towards me, and it's like Iactually have seen numerous
times where they're like walkingin our direction and then they
get closer And they see, likelike my hands or like put
together that, like, oh, boobs,yeah, short hair And I would

(36:42):
literally just be like buddy, iget that.
You got to get through yourspiel and this is what you're
taught and what you're supposedto do.
So I'm not going to be mean toyou, but like I'm gay, like
that's not changing And thatusually is like a 180 and they
turn around because you can't besaved from that, right, like
like I mean you might be able topray the gateway.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
Well, you might.
I mean there are churches thatlike there are people that send
their kids off to fuckingconversion camp.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
Like that's very real , and they brought the books,
yeah.
I did bring the books, yeah, sotell us about that, so you know
, so your parents, i mean, youhave, you have a relationship
with your family.

Speaker 4 (37:16):
Yeah, i do.
That has been, that has been ajourney for sure, and it's been,
i don't say, like six years now.
So a lot has happened since thebeginning of that whole, that
whole event to now, but it'sit's, it's very complex.
I think that they, they love meenough to whatever, whatever

(37:42):
that means, but they, they wantme in their life, but only the
parts that they.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
Yeah, find Dean worthy, right Right.

Speaker 4 (37:49):
Like my, my father has told me to never speak,
never speak of it.
And so, like, like my, anybodywho I'm with or you know, i
can't, like, i'll never bringthem around, yeah, and I haven't
.
I haven't really pushed thatthat much because it's a balance
, you know, like how much am Iwilling to sacrifice of myself

(38:13):
to have these people in my life?

Speaker 2 (38:16):
First is the argument with your family.

Speaker 4 (38:18):
Right, yeah, or you know the the stopping of, you
know of contact, but I have awhole stack of books that they
gave me over the years.
They're, they're down, they'redown here Just like, and they,
they'll, they'll give them to meand be like Hey, can you read
this?

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Seriously Like though .

Speaker 4 (38:38):
Yeah, yeah.
They'll be like please, when'sthe last?

Speaker 1 (38:40):
time that.
When's the last time you got abook?

Speaker 4 (38:44):
I want to say probably a year ago, it's like
oh yeah, well, i forget.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
You're young, i guess , so 17, like really isn't that
long ago.
If it makes you feel better.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
I still get at least once a year, a Jesus book, and
it's been.
I'm 20 years out, oh no.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
So that doesn't make me feel it's not going to stop.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
It's not going to stop.
They're going to be trying topray that gateway for like ever
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (39:04):
And the one thing I wanted to bring up besides just
the books is when I first, whenthey first found out, um, when I
finally talked to them againafter so like a period of me
just like totally freaking outand not talking to them they
were like can you, can you dosomething for us?
And at that point I had alreadydevastated them to no end and I

(39:28):
would have done anything tolike get back in their good
graces, the slightest bit youknow.
And that was a differentversion of me.
I definitely have grown a lotsince then, but they were like
can you go to this Christiancounselor?

Speaker 1 (39:44):
and- Oh, the Christian counselor.
Yes, i had one to talk aboutthat last day.

Speaker 4 (39:50):
I knew that was going to make them not make them
happy, but at least do something.
Give them a little bit of hope,like lessen their grief, you
know.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Or maybe make them somewhat happy with you or
something Right, right.

Speaker 4 (40:03):
And so I said yeah, and I would go.
I went for like a month or two,it wasn't really all that long,
but I would sit there and thislike Christian counselor would
try to figure out why I was gay,like what was wrong in my life,
what happened, what went wrongto where I was now gay.
And you know, at that pointbeing so unsure of myself, like

(40:26):
that's incredibly damaging And Iremember like leaving those
sessions and just like havingthe worst thoughts.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
Well, because I feel like you're to put this timeline
together.
it sounds like that this was inthe time where you were still
trying to figure yourself out,And so now you're having
somebody coming from an anglethat's not in your best interest
, trying to discredit yourfeelings Yeah.
Yeah, amongst other things, i'msure.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
Yeah.
And so I had like suicidalideations because it was like
the darkest point of my life AndI had to tell my mother like I
have to stop, like I have tostop, and it's like at what
point, you know, i think at somepoint the maternal instinct
take over and it's like, okay,well, i'd rather have, you know,
a child that's alive and gaythan like, well, you, have that

(41:21):
experience.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
but like and I'm glad that you did- Right.
Like obviously, like I'm gladthat you're sitting here, i'm
glad you're talking about this,But so many people that maternal
instinct does not kick in Nope.
And that's so fucking sad thatyou would rather or I shouldn't
even say maternal like parental,because there's, like you know,
father involved here a lot, butlike there are so many people

(41:43):
that would rather their kid bedead than gay 100%, and it's
like what the fuck is wrong withyou.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
I don't get it, like I can't even, like I try to
think, like is there anythingthat Piper could do that would
make me cut her off, like that?
And I mean it would have to belike heroin, you know, like.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
I don't even think that.
Well, even that, even thatsituation where it's like I need
to provide tough, love for mychild because I want them to be
okay.
That's not like that's stillcoming from an angle of like I
want my child to be well.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah, Like I can't.
like.
if she was like mom, i want todate a girl, i'd be like okay,
mom, i need a boy.
Okay, mom, i don't feel likeI'm a girl.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Okay, mom, like I can't imagine any of it being
like nah like if you love yourkid, don't even want them to be
their most authentic well self,Like, like, why, why, why are
you so concerned about your kidbeing the person that you want
them to be than the person thatthey are?

Speaker 4 (42:37):
And that's the point where I think I generally have a
good view of both sides becauseI, like, i know how they think
and I know why they think thatAnd in their reality.
Everything that they've doneand said to me, like said to me,
is all justified because theyare.
They are genuinely, genuinelybelieve they're doing the most

(42:58):
loving thing they can do.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Yeah Well, because I think they're saving you or
trying to save you, or something.
Is that what you're?
saying Like from eternal, yeah,save myself, and so did Hitler,
like you know what I'm saying,like yeah, but I guess, like
CJ's point, like you know, we'recoming from an angle of, if
you're trying to understand it,quote, unquote, like it's just a
totally different reality Andfor them, they truly, to their,

(43:23):
in their very core, think thatthey're doing the most loving
thing And I obviously, like they, has been an incredibly, like,
incredibly awful journey, youknow.

Speaker 4 (43:34):
But it's just like, it's just a whole different view
, and I'm not saying it's right,obviously, and I don't, i don't
agree with it, but I can seethat they, i have empathy, yeah,
because it's just like it's noteven.
We're not even on the sameplane.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
No, you're not.
you're not.
you're not operating from thesame baseline.
Like and that's good that yourealize that Like there's times
where I feel like in my lifejust having different opinions
with people, like sometimes youjust have to recognize that Like
we're not operating from thesame baseline right now.
I mean, they teach you that whenyou're like debating, like in a
debate setting, like they teachyou to like find find common

(44:14):
and then go from there So likethe fact that you're able to
recognize that, like findingcommon is probably impossible,
probably saves you a lot ofheartache and and just you know-
yeah, And that's eventuallywhat it, what it is Like.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
I'm not ever going to agree with you and you're not
ever going to agree with me,Like neither of us.
neither party will budge.
So it's like can we, can wereconcile with that and still
have a relationship, You know?

Speaker 1 (44:43):
Are you at least able to like enjoy your time with
them So, or is it just?
is it just?
is spending time with them likefor the most part, anxiety
ridden?

Speaker 4 (44:55):
Yeah, that's a really that's a really complex
question, because I love, i lovethem so much like, and I want
to be around them, but I canonly be a fraction of myself and
also, like they, they don't,like it's going to be, not, like

(45:17):
no part of my identity issomething that they would, they
would respect.
So it's like constantly likeusing my, like my birth name and
like she and her, and like thatI can only really, i can only
really handle that for so longand it just like totally
dissociate.
So it, it varies how much timeI can spend with them, but the

(45:43):
last, like, the last thing Iwant to do is not have them.
You know, have them around.
It's really just a balance AndI'm, you know it's.
I'm still working on what thatis, but like the boundaries that
I have set in the past coupleof years have helped with that,
because before I would just takeany sort of disrespect just so

(46:04):
I could be like I would take anyof their comments and any of
their their hateful Thank youTake any attention, even if it
was negative, because it wasyeah, i would just.
I would just take it so I couldbe in their presence.
And after a while that was just.
You know, that was taking toomuch out of me and it was making
me hate myself.

(46:25):
So I had to set some boundariesas far as, like, how much I'm
willing to take.
And now I'm very happy toreport that like I know who I am
and I like don't take that thatdisrespect anymore.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Good good.

Speaker 4 (46:40):
Yeah, i've shifted the relationship a little bit,
but for so long it's like howmuch am I willing to sacrifice
to have this, you know.
And now you know, you just getto a point where it's just like
you kind of take it or leave it,like I, i want to be in your
life and I want to have arelationship with you.
But if you can't like, if youcan't handle what is my reality

(47:06):
and who I am, then like I can'tmake you.

Speaker 2 (47:09):
You know, and like the crazy part too is you're
willing to accept who they are,what they believe in and their
whole like lifestyle, but theycan't accept any part of your
lifestyle.
So in reality, you have toremind yourself that you're the
bigger person in this wholesituation, because if you can

(47:30):
love someone unconditionally,even if you do not support what
they believe in, that's like thereal win.
You know, i had to like breakthat down to myself after
several years, like I love andsupport these people, even
though they're absolutely crazyand super abusive.
But if they can't love me,that's on them.
Like I had that conversationwith my dad, like if I died

(47:53):
today I know that I love youunconditionally, no matter what
you believe in and how you're,like your belief system, but you
cannot say the same towards me.
So you need to figure that out.
So like remind yourself of that.
Like you love themunconditionally, no matter what
they're doing.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
Yeah, you're showing more of that love that they say
that they have than theyactually are, which is funny
because that's usually how thesetypes of things go when people
are being religious fanatics andshit like that.
It's like they're preaching thislike unconditional love that

(48:29):
God has, but really it's all soconditional.
It's all so conditional And sois all of their love is also
conditional And that sucks AndI'm sad.
Like I said, I mean I had myhard times when I was growing up
but like I didn't deal withanything like that And I'm sorry
that you went through, likeboth of you, like the shit that
you guys went through.

Speaker 4 (48:51):
And for anyone anyone listening is going through it
Like it's not.
People will always say like, oh, they'll come around or it'll
get better And that's our way ofcomforting you And it's
probably coming from a goodplace And that's not necessarily
everybody's reality.

Speaker 1 (49:08):
Yeah, I think that's a really, that's a really good
thing that you bring up, Andthat's okay.

Speaker 4 (49:14):
It's just.
I'm not saying it gets easier,but you find ways.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
You change, you learn , you grow.
You find other people thatbecome your family, your friends
, like when you were like Idon't know if I'll ever get
married because, like theimportant people won't be there,
but you'll have.
you'll have.
yeah.
I was like yo, i'll be your mom.
This is all I wanna walk inonline.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
You got a dad right here bro.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
Daddy's here, dad and mom, but like it'll be about
you, right, it's not necessarilyabout your blood family, but
it'll be about the family youhave in that moment.
You know, because theredefinitely was times where I
didn't know if my dad would showup or not when I was getting
married either time.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
And I Yeah, i was gonna ask you when you mentioned
, when CJ said that theirparents wouldn't show up, i was
gonna ask you The first time forsure If you were.
Second wedding, if you weresecond wedding.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
The second time I absolutely wasn't sure, because
it was from a divorce.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
Yes, that's why I was gonna ask.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
So, but no, it was a little bit better, surprisingly
So.
But him, like we've come alonglike, took 20 years.
You know what I mean.
So, and I mean I had I didn'tspeak with my dad for several
years and came in like gunsblazing, like this is who I am.
You cannot like instill to thisday like he'll get Jesus on me

(50:32):
and I just shoot it down Like sohe kind of knows.
So it may or may not get better.
Like I said, i have a lot ofpeople I don't talk to that were
like a huge part of my life.
But I realized the people thatare around me now are the ones
that matter.
Like they were put in my lifefor a reason And I went through
the things I went through alsofor a reason, because I know

(50:52):
that I'll never raise mychildren in the way I was raised
Or I'm hoping that I can bethat example to other people to
tell them like you know, thisisn't okay that you do this to
your family or your friends orlisten, i've been through that.
Like you can turn to me, likeI'm here for you.
So there are reasons like thatyou're going through this, that
you can be that for someone elseand realize how strong you are

(51:13):
for going through it, cause nota lot of people can handle that.

Speaker 3 (51:17):
I mean, I think a lot of this just makes me think
about like all the closetedpeople currently and
historically that are just liketrapped in the church because
the loss of that community wouldbe the end of everything they
know.
Yeah but also like theirlifeline.

Speaker 4 (51:35):
Yeah, yeah, like everything, yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:39):
And my, so my great uncle.
He was a.
He was single his whole life.
He passed away in 2016,.
My uncle Ted And just like mymom, was always like there's
something about uncle Ted.
There's something about uncleTed And like I felt that too And

(52:00):
he was my Godfather And so Ifelt that like connection to him
inherently, i think because ofthat.
But he and he always just liketook a little bit more interest
in like me over my brothers, andI think it's because of like
coming out at a young age Andyou know, he passed away and

(52:20):
then my grandmother took hishouse again.
She was estranged from all ofus, but when she passed away
this last year and we like fullycleaned out his house, found
his rainbow pen and all of hiswestward magazines with like gay
stuff in it and a gay man'sguide to America that lists from

(52:42):
like the 60s and 70s lists oflike in every state, in every
city.
Here are the bars, here's whereto go, here's the underground.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
Oh my God, that's like pre-internet.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
So he like had his own like He had that And to know
, and to know not just like, oh,he realized it later in life
and whatever.
Like no, he had it when he was ayoung man And just, yeah, like
my mom would talk about, he hadthese, like he's a veteran, and
the friends that he met inFrance when he was there And
like they would send lettersback and forth And that was a

(53:18):
gay married man that he was likewriting letters with And it was
like almost feel like, you know, he was either part of that
community or maybe like theirthird or like just something
where, like he could not, henever told, as far as I'm aware,
anyone in our family, includingme, which, like I had been out

(53:41):
and like all of that.
Yeah, he never told any of hisfamily, but he so clearly had
this other life And I so muchwould want to know from him like
, was that?
like out of shame?
Was that out of fear?
Like what stopped him from?

(54:03):
I mean me, coming out was notsmooth.
It was turbulent for many years, But once things were much
smoother and my parents clearlyaccept who I am.
Like makes me so sad to thinkthat he still didn't feel in
some way safe to come out to myfamily And his sister who, again

(54:29):
, she was someone who supportedme like biblically supported me
in coming out, and like he stillsomehow didn't find the safety
to balance that.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Yeah, I mean I feel like this will loop into the
state of the world today, butit's kind of a scary place for
just about anybody at thismoment, you know, with all these
crazy laws, And I mean I knowwe want to touch on that.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
There's very much a war on the trans community right
now, like an open war on thetrans community right now, and
from my perspective it's verylike you know we're next kind of
thing Like.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
Always has been.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
Yes So, but I want to know, like obviously I'm
appalled.
Yeah, you know, i support youguys.
I think that goes withoutsaying and everybody, like I
mean I support people just beingwho they are.
I really I cannot wrap my headaround like why people give a
shit so much about things thattruly do not impact their day.

(55:37):
Like I think that these peoplehave to talk themselves into the
ways that it impacts their dayhalf the time.
Like the thing with kids inschools and not being able to
say, if you have a husband insome states, if you're a man
like that wasn't, that wasliterally doing zero things to
impact your child You're reallyjust trying to talk yourself
into fucking obscure reasons atthis point.
So for me, like those are thereactions that I'm having

(56:00):
because at like, I'm curious,like as people that are a part
of that community, like how areyou feeling?
Like what are your thoughts atthis point?
Cause that is a lens I cannotspeak from.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
Yeah, i mean, i think it's.
it's always been scary to be atrans person and vulnerable And
just you know it.
really it sucks because it'slike there was like an edge

(56:35):
forward and like almost like youcould see like the end where it
was like maybe I don't alwayshave to be afraid.
And then now it's thisimmediate push back.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
I feel like it was so quick too, like I feel like you
got.
you got like that step forwardand it's like before the second
foot could hit the ground,somebody yanked it back.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
Yeah, which is almost what it's like going into a
restroom sometimes.

Speaker 4 (56:58):
So it's pretty accurate.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
Get that second foot in there and you get yed it out.

Speaker 4 (57:05):
Yeah, and the response has been not only like
hateful but aggressive Yeah,like physically.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (57:17):
I think that's the scary part.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
That is the really scary part is that ever since
like really that whole like Idon't want to get too political,
but ever since that wholeJanuary 6th thing, where things
really did become openly violentin a way that was so shocking
That extremist belief group likethat that motivated other

(57:44):
people that believe extremethings to think that responding
in that way has become moreacceptable, cause that's really
like we're in a place wherenobody's really.
I mean, there's a couple ofpeople that have gotten punished
for that whole thing, but whatreally happened after all of
that?
Yeah, nothing.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
I think and I think this is maybe where our
experiences differ is thatJanuary 6th was a clear
demarcation in our country'shistory.
I haven't seen any more or lessacts of violence toward me, and
I've only, i would say, at thecore of any physical, not like

(58:26):
verbal.
Physical violence that I haveexperienced in my life has
always had a basis in gender,and that was happening long
before January 6th.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
So I agree with you.
I guess what I'm saying more ofand maybe I didn't articulate
this well is that people aremore okay with verbally being
open about those things in amore public space than they were
before.
Not necessarily that there ismore or less of it, but that
there is this idea that it'smore yeah.

(58:58):
And not even yeah, i'm notsaying that any level of
violence has necessarily changed.
What I'm saying is, more sothat, like, the way that that
violence is perceived amongstthose people is that like it was
almost like like, oh, this is afree for all now kind of thing
where people are more vocalabout being hateful.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
Did any of you even see on the Syracuse Pride page
for the parade there was likehundreds of hateful comments
when they announced the date.
Really, yeah, i think I have ascreenshot of it somewhere, so I
just was like flabbery-acidthat it was even happening.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
You're seeing this all over the place, where we're
actually taking a million stepsback all over the place, like
I'm like a huge hockey fanatic,a hockey does.
they do Pride Month and they doPride Night at every arena,
usually every year.
up to this point, every fuckingplayer would wear the Pride
jerseys for warmups.

(59:59):
This year, all of a sudden nowcertain players are opting out
of wearing the jersey and citingtheir religious beliefs as the
reasons as to why that they arenot going to wear the jerseys.
and at first it started withpeople from Russia because there
were some laws that were passedin Russia which, by the way,

(01:00:20):
this was just a whopping excuse,because none of those laws
really were endangering anyone.
But I'm also like not gonnaspeak and say that, like if
somebody really does fear fortheir family, that they should
put on a Pride jersey orwhatever.
But then it started to be likejust random other white dudes
and the fucking on the team thatwould just be like, well, due

(01:00:43):
to my Catholic beliefs orwhatever, i don't have a problem
with anybody, but I also have aproblem with it.
Like the statements made nosense.
And then, in certain cases,some teams opted out of wearing
warmup jerseys on Pride Night asto because they were concerned
for singling out that player,not concerned for the fact that

(01:01:04):
you are supposed to have thishockey is for everybody movement
of pride and saying hockey isinclusive, like.
all that this all happened thisyear tells me is that we are at
the exact same spot that wewere 10 years ago.
Like we have gone so far backand you could see it in so many
places.
Like it's not just about hockey, it's not just about like.

Speaker 3 (01:01:25):
I mean, and there's the very real, like there's this
movement, there's Bud Light,which we talked about while I
was before the Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
so the whole Bud Light thing, with now everybody
fucking hates Bud Light causethey allegedly made rainbow cans
They didn't, for anybody thatwants to go do a little bit of
reading.
They made one fucking customcan that they sent to Dylan
Mulvaney to celebrate their oneyear of being, you know, of

(01:01:57):
womanhood and coming out andbeing them.
They're authentic selves.
One can one?

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
can I mean in all of that?
just like rainbow capitalism,that's always front and center
news.
But the bigger news is around,like Tennessee and Arkansas,
there's a lot of Southern statesthat have removed even the
right, with parental approval,for trans youth to transition or

(01:02:28):
to even go on hormone blockersto delay puberty.
That right is removed And ifparents are still supporting
those, parents can go.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
Right Taking their kids away.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
And now even Missouri is one update to say no adult
can make that decision.
It is now illegal for anyone ofany age to hormonally
transition.
So now there's a crisis inMissouri and trans people just
like trying to get creative witheach other of like how do we
get hormones?

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
Well, this becomes dangerous too.
What are some?

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
non-trans reasons that I can be prescribed my
medication, like all of thesethings.
where it's dangerous, well,it's dangerous.
You're taking away someone'smedical and individual rights.

Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
Well, and from the perspective of like, i don't
think that people realize thatlike this isn't.
Like this is far beyond like adresser or a pair of pants.

Speaker 4 (01:03:25):
Right, it's a matter of life and death.
Yeah, for some people like thisis this is somebody feeling.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
this is about people feeling happy in there every day
, like I, just I cannotunderstand.
I will never understand theneed to just control.
And that's what it is, it's allabout control Yep.
And I don't think, you know, ithink that, especially for a lot

(01:03:55):
of older people, it's somethingthat they don't really
understand.
So, like I do want to make surethat we like, highlight this,
like for somebody that does notfeel comfortable being referred
to as the gender that they'represcribed at birth, like this
is about feeling like yourselfand feeling like happy with the

(01:04:17):
person you look at in themorning, in the mirror.
Like this is beyond, like it'sreally beyond like pronouns,
whatever else, like that.
I mean that's something that'slike a hot topic because it's
just something that you do inyour day to day, but it's so.
It's so beyond that.
Like this is this like what ifsomebody woke up and told you
like, like you don't, you know,you don't get to be a mom

(01:04:39):
anymore?

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
Like.
That's part of who you are.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
Like you don't get to be a mom anymore today, like
it's part of your identity andit's like your growth in that,
as part of who you are.
And I just think that peoplenarrow-mindedly like think like
you know those politicians andthey want to talk about, well,
do you have a penis or do youhave a vagina?

(01:05:01):
And it's like me answering thatquestion proves some like
ridiculous point that you thinkyou're making.
but you're actually likemissing the plot completely.
Like you are entirely missingthe plot.
You are seeking an answer thatyou know what the answer you're
going to get is to narrate somefucking garbage Agenda Yeah
agenda that you have.

(01:05:22):
But like and and unfortunately,so many people just sit and
listen to people like that andthink it is so black and white
And like, i hope that like thisconversation inspires people to
like, look a little deeper,because it's, it's beyond that,
it's not about genitals and allof that And I just don't, yeah,

(01:05:43):
like yeah, it is tough Andreally, if you wrap it all
around it goes back to religiousbeliefs.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
They say it doesn't, but it's like 17 fingers pointed
retours the Bible Like there'sno other like there is no other
reason.
Besides, that book is tellingyou something, because there's
no scientific data.
There's nothing else, nothingin this entire world, that says
being trans or being gay orwhatever is harmful to you other

(01:06:15):
than that Bible.

Speaker 1 (01:06:17):
So I saw something recently online.
There's a picture of Sam Smithwalking down the street.
He literally had a fuckingt-shirt on and some short shorts
Right, not even that short,like literally probably little
shorter from the length thatlike I wear, which is not that
short, maybe rugby short length.

(01:06:38):
We'll put it that way.

Speaker 3 (01:06:41):
Because, everyone will know what that means.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
We have a decent amount of people.
that would equate that tosomething We'll say mid-thigh.
Yeah, google it, google itGoogle a nice set of rugby
thighs And somebody like made ameme out of it the picture of
him and then was like, where didmasculinity in our world go?
Or something was like thequestion.

(01:07:05):
And somebody responded to thisshit in a thread.
I am gonna have to find it sowe could post it on our social
media.
And was like you know what I'mtalking about.
What age of masculinity wereyou going for?
And then like posted a picturefrom the 80s where men were
wearing like literal The runnershorts.
Yes, like the basketballplayers wearing like the short
shorts and men wore literallybelly shorts Like halter tops

(01:07:28):
Like belly, shorts Like the fishman, halter tops, yes.
And then it like went back tolike 1700s where they had like
the bloomers on.
And, like the men's shoes, hadheels on them And they wore wigs
.
Yes, and they wore wigs andthey curled their hair and wore
lipstick.
Yes, yes, makeup.
Like back, way back, like menwore makeup, like this is like

(01:07:51):
the OG drag queens right there.
Yes, and then I'm sitting thereand I'm like, and then it
starts to get me thinking.
I'm like is this toxicmasculinity thing?
Like, is this?
this is actually very recent.

Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:08:05):
I don't think it's recent.
I think it's an evolving thing.
It's just based in thepatriarchy, Yeah that's fair,
that's fair.
And so, with it beingpatriarchy being a newly like
explored thing that hasalternate, like alternatives,
now with the label of toxicmasculinity that you want to

(01:08:26):
become a thing, that's fair.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
But like-.

Speaker 3 (01:08:28):
So shit's always been toxic though.

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
Yeah, yeah, let's be real.

Speaker 3 (01:08:32):
Some white guy, some white guy some white guy It was
not in this decade.
It's been a minute.

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
Yeah, that's completely fair.

Speaker 2 (01:08:40):
Every shitty rule that's ever been made is from a
white guy.
Yeah, absolutely, name one thatisn't.
I'll wait.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
But the and the other thing is too is that, like
trans and drag is now gettingsandwiched together, i feel like
, especially in the public, andlike those are not the same
thing.
Like not every person that'strans does drag and not every
person that does drag is trans,and it's like you know you wanna

(01:09:12):
point out drag queens, dragkings, and how detrimental it is
for your children to see thatThese are all the same people,
though that would put theirchild in a beauty pageant though
when they're like six and willhave their kids sexualized in
that way though.
So it's just like thewillingness to just hatefulness,
like you're gonna picksomething you don't like and
you're gonna be hateful about it, but there's nothing wrong with

(01:09:35):
drag And there's nothing wrongwith being trans.
But to like slap these twothings together and try to say,
like well, this is why it'sharmful, because then my kid
sees that and I'm trying toteach my kid how to be a man.
Like that's what you're seeing alot of now And it's gross, it's
disgusting.
Like you don't even know whatthe fuck you're talking about.
Like maybe read a book beforeyou open your goddamn mouth.
Like it's a really, reallydifficult thing to watch happen

(01:10:01):
And like it sucks.
Seeing it like having so manyfriends that I know that are.
Like going through it right now, like seeing all this stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:10:11):
And you know, it's kind of crazy too, because I
feel that there isn't a lot ofopportunity for youth to be
involved with like drag queens.
I mean like last year they hadan event Were you guys there?
Were any of you there?
They did it at the loft rightin the inner harbor And it was
like supposed to be like any age.

(01:10:34):
So I brought Piper to see thedrag show and she literally was
the only child there, eventhough it was promoted as like a
youth event.
Like the Q center was there andstuff So it, but she was the
literal only one there And I wasjust kind of like taken back,
like what can you do more?

Speaker 1 (01:10:54):
Yeah, it's just literally like what's the?
I just don't understand.

Speaker 2 (01:10:59):
Like what's the hold back?

Speaker 1 (01:11:01):
People that like to get dressed up put a bunch of
makeup on.

Speaker 2 (01:11:03):
Like what?
like Yeah, absolutely, piperabsolutely loves it.
I mean, we've been since she'sbeen very young.
I've exposed her to thesethings, which I think is
important, you know, to exposeour youth.
She obviously has, like two orthree years old, called it like
just costumes Mom, can we watchthe costume show?
Because it was like RuPaul'sdrag race.
So they're making all theirstuff.

(01:11:24):
But now that she's older sheunderstands, like she has met
drag queens in full drag andthose same people at like other
events outside of drag and hasput the two together now, but
like she wouldn't have done thatunless I exposed that to her.
So like, i feel like, thisgeneration needs to like expose

(01:11:45):
their kids to that.

Speaker 1 (01:11:47):
That's it though You're hitting the nail on the
head.
Exposure to things createsquestioning of things, and
that's what they don't like.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
I would much rather expose her to the drag show than
to 90% of the other things thatare going around on in this
world right now.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's like people need tostep up and start making those
decisions to do the right thing.

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
Educate themselves.
Any parting words for you guys.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
It was a lot.

Speaker 4 (01:12:16):
Yeah, parting words Stay classy.

Speaker 2 (01:12:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:12:23):
That's what those are , my parting words.

Speaker 2 (01:12:27):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:12:27):
Jay, anything from you Or anything else you want to
cover before we wrap it up.

Speaker 3 (01:12:34):
I mean, i think it's just the church in general and
then, like Colts, frequentlyhave the like, this sentiment,
like, come as you are and thenwe'll change you to fit what
works for us, and just so manychurches that I've seen that say

(01:12:55):
come as you are, but then thatis not what's actually accepted.
But I think what we've talkedabout so much today is that
there are places where like cancome as you are and be accepted
outside of the church And it'slike rugby or drag shows or just
so many other places that beingwho you are and being who you

(01:13:21):
are can change and still beappreciated and respected and
enjoyed and celebrated.
That like that's where, like,growth and transformation can
happen is like find that placethat's authentically come as you
are.

Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
Yeah, i think that you don't.
You're the one that has to getup every morning and look in the
mirror and like who you see,and I am often a bit of a people
pleaser.
So I think it took me a longtime to like kind of figure out
what that meant for me, evenonce I did come out Like there

(01:14:00):
was still I mean, like I saidthey'll dress them in the
wedding day Like I still havethose moments of like doing the
people pleasing thing.
And it's like you have toremind yourself like all those
people some day, like not allthose people will be gone some
day, but like a lot of timeswhen you're dealing with family,
especially parents, likethere's going to be a day where
it's you and it's just you leftand they're not going to be here

(01:14:23):
anymore, and you still have towake up and like who you see in
the mirror.
And I think it's important thateveryone out there knows, like
CJ mentioned this earlier, noteverybody People that say it'll
be okay, they'll come aroundThat's not the truth for
everybody, but you do have thepower to change your

(01:14:45):
circumstances in your life.
You might not be able to changewho somebody else is, but there
are good people out there,there are good places out there,
there are good communities outthere and might be a little bit
harder to find, but it existsand you can find that.

Speaker 4 (01:15:02):
And people will love you.

Speaker 2 (01:15:04):
Yeah, and if you need help, you can DM us.
Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (01:15:07):
And reach out to us.

Speaker 2 (01:15:09):
I give great hugs.
If you're a hugger, i'll giveyou a mom hug, oh can I have one
later?
Yeah, I'll give you a mom hug.
I'll give you like 10.

Speaker 3 (01:15:17):
I'll give you a dad hug.
Dad hugs mom hugs.
But for real if you'restruggling, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:22):
If you're scared, if you need help, we're here.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:15:27):
And break.
Oh, is this a break?

Speaker 1 (01:15:32):
And we're back.
All right, we're going to shootthe show down Sunday.

Speaker 2 (01:15:34):
Shoot in the show on Sunday, but will it be real
quick?

Speaker 1 (01:15:38):
It will be, it needs to be.
It has to be Yeah we've beenrecording for fucking three
hours.

Speaker 2 (01:15:43):
That's usually how it goes, guys.

Speaker 1 (01:15:45):
Knows, before this, the longest that we have
recorded was a two and a halfhour.

Speaker 2 (01:15:49):
Yeah, like yeah, so this is the longest I know
because I know the thing.
Oh true.

Speaker 1 (01:15:55):
The longest that we had like audio, but four was two
and a half hours Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:15:59):
I wonder Jen was flipping all these cards around,
Yeah, My camera battery died,Oh no.

Speaker 2 (01:16:06):
And it was fully charged.

Speaker 1 (01:16:07):
But yeah, so I had a week.

Speaker 2 (01:16:10):
Yeah, you sure did Tell us.

Speaker 1 (01:16:12):
Yeah, we were supposed to Maybe record last
Sunday, so we were supposed torecord last Sunday for anyone
that saw social media.
The vehicle in the front wasFord Bronco, which belongs to my
fiance.
The white vehicle, the Jeep,was some 19 year old dummy that

(01:16:37):
decided to pull in my drivewayand accelerate And quote,
unquote, turn around Yeah.
They claimed they were doing athree point turn and what ended
up happening is Autumn's carended up getting like yeeted
three quarters of the way intothe garage through the closed
garage door.

Speaker 2 (01:16:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:16:57):
So that was my Sunday last week So we did not end up
recording, but there's like$50,000 in damage to my home.
The right side's like off thefoundation right now.
So quote unquote if I die undera crumbling mess of a house
like loved you all.

Speaker 2 (01:17:15):
Love you too, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:17:16):
Yeah, somebody to share her docs, is your bedroom
over there?

Speaker 1 (01:17:20):
Our bedroom.
No, so like the bedroom's notover there, but the bedroom,
like the foundation's screwed upon both sides and the bedroom
is next to the one set offoundation, but it's, i don't
think this side is the less.
The side that's like touchingour bedroom is less concerning
The side that's really screwedup is just touches the outside
and there's nothing under it, Sothat's probably not true just

(01:17:47):
keep telling yourself thatyou're on the safer side.

Speaker 2 (01:17:49):
Yeah, you're on the safer side.
I get able to sleep at night.

Speaker 1 (01:17:52):
So yeah, so it's been a week, but the hilarious part
about this we're going to haveto back start track on a story.

Speaker 2 (01:17:58):
I know, can we like clip in the Susan conversation?

Speaker 1 (01:18:02):
I'm just going to retell it because we wanted to
know for a while about Susan So.

Speaker 2 (01:18:07):
Jim's got to pull it up.

Speaker 1 (01:18:08):
On our social media.
On our social media, we've hadlike overwhelming good comments,
right.
So, it's been pretty good Yeah,like really no negativity.

Speaker 2 (01:18:19):
Just one, surprising Just one.

Speaker 1 (01:18:21):
But there was one.

Speaker 2 (01:18:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:18:24):
And somebody left a comment, Susan.

Speaker 2 (01:18:29):
On our Facebook, on our.

Speaker 1 (01:18:30):
Facebook.
I think she meant for it to bea DM, because after like five
minutes she deleted it and thenDMed it to us.

Speaker 3 (01:18:35):
Yeah, just like looking for it right now.

Speaker 1 (01:18:38):
Susan needs to learn how to Facebook, But What are
you trying to do in online?
But it basically said it soundslike you need a good therapist
and a better relationship withthe real God And you need to
learn to love yourself.
Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:18:54):
Which I do just fine.
Thank you, Susan.

Speaker 1 (01:18:56):
And also we probably have been to more therapy than
Susan Susan.

Speaker 2 (01:19:01):
Susan, i go to therapy once a week And I can
text freely whenever I want,yeah, so we had comments lined
up back to Susan Like nothing,like I'm not going to be
aggressive.
No, it's just like funny.

Speaker 1 (01:19:14):
Like.
Thanks for listening, susan,kind of thing.
But by the time we went tocomment back, she had like
deleted it and such a good DMwhich is like way less fun to
like snarky.

Speaker 2 (01:19:21):
No, because then no one else can see it.

Speaker 1 (01:19:22):
But we just let it go .
But our joke has been likeSusan's are Karen Karen.
Susan's are Karen.
But so this person crashesthrough my garage right And I'm
looking at the accident reportand, like, the girl's name was
Carol.
Yeah, and I'm looking at theaccident report.

(01:19:43):
Her, the, the, the insurance isin her mom's name.
Her mom's name is fucking Susan.

Speaker 2 (01:19:49):
Susan, susan, susan found out where you lived.

Speaker 3 (01:19:54):
Yeah.
So now I'm like, is it the sameHired her daughter Was this the
live link.

Speaker 1 (01:19:58):
Because if you look at that video It looks pretty
deliberate.
There was a lot of people thatwere asking like, was that on
purpose?
And I don't think it was onpurpose, but I could see like
where somebody It looks prettyon purpose Because there was
like zero effort.

Speaker 2 (01:20:09):
There was no backing up.

Speaker 1 (01:20:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:20:11):
There was only acceleration.
She was like my mom told me todo this.
I'm Susan's daughter.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:20:20):
Yeah, that's so.
yeah, that's, that's been myweek.

Speaker 2 (01:20:24):
So now, we have to make shirts that say one chasing
that rainbow straight to hell,And then the next shirt coming
out is going to say Susan maybedo it.
Oh yeah, susan, maybe do it.

Speaker 4 (01:20:37):
What would Susan do?

Speaker 2 (01:20:38):
Yeah, and then we'll just have like a screenshot
picture of the car ramming intoAutumn's car like on it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:50):
Maybe that would trigger me a little bit.

Speaker 2 (01:20:52):
Oh then my current pal Too soon, too soon, too soon
, too soon.
Oh, my God Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:21:00):
Well, honestly, like the so we were, we weren't even
here.
No, i wasn't home.
I mean, crush, like greatfriend, crush was here before I
could get back here.

Speaker 2 (01:21:10):
I got here so fast from North Syracuse Like so fast
.
I beat them here because I waslike, oh shit's going to go down
.

Speaker 3 (01:21:17):
Honestly, that's not surprising Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:21:21):
Are you putting me on blast on my own podcast about
my my lack of?
management skills If you wantto deny the truth that feels
unauthentic in an episode thatwe were talking about being our
authentic selves.
I'm a late bitch, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:21:38):
You love me anyway I hope.

Speaker 1 (01:21:40):
I didn't say otherwise, but uh well, we were
in Baldwin'sville, we were atthat.
Oh yeah, you were further outthe angry smokehouse, that new
barbecue place which, by the way, like I know, we're not getting
advertisement money right now.

Speaker 2 (01:21:52):
Shout out to the bar.

Speaker 1 (01:21:53):
Shout out that place is delicious, dude Delicious.
But I'm in the middle of bitingmy smoked baloney And my phone
starts ringing Smoked baloney.
So Autumn and I let's rewindAutumn and I did the, each did a
, you pick two.
So like two meats, two sides,which is a very classic barbecue

(01:22:14):
.

Speaker 2 (01:22:14):
Like yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:22:16):
For those of you that haven't done that.
So autumn got the brisket andthe ribs which is a correct
choice.
Well, i can eat some of hers.
So this is my point Like wedon't, we don't double down on
the same things, so I got theyhad like spicy sausage, smoked
sausage, so I got that.
And then the other two optionswere pulled pork, which I feel

(01:22:38):
like tastes the same everywhere.
I don't, i'm not really.
Let me also say that, like I'mnot, i'm not a huge pulled pork
person, like for me so you're abig baloney person.

Speaker 2 (01:22:52):
Actually listen, weren't you there?
Didn't you come from?

Speaker 3 (01:22:57):
the red casing around it.

Speaker 1 (01:22:59):
No, but it was like a thick fucking baloney steak
that was smoked and it was bomb.
I am a baloney person and I'mnot afraid to admit that.

Speaker 2 (01:23:07):
Does your baloney have a first name?
Does your baloney have a firstname Is it OSDAR?
And does your baloney have asecond name?
Why is all of this?
Why is it?

Speaker 1 (01:23:16):
so far over my head.
You don't know who I am.

Speaker 3 (01:23:19):
Oh my God.
You say you're a baloney personIt's.
OSDAR Baloney has a second name, it's NYER.

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
No, no, no, no, did you?

Speaker 3 (01:23:31):
ever get a baloney whistle.

Speaker 2 (01:23:33):
No, i never.
Have you ever seen the wienertruck?

Speaker 3 (01:23:35):
Yeah, No, i applied to drive the wiener truck.

Speaker 2 (01:23:39):
I think it was in like second grade.
How do you not know that song?
Is this a glitch in?

Speaker 1 (01:23:43):
the matrix, possibly.
I also feel like this justturned into a roast.
Oh me, a wiener roast.

Speaker 3 (01:23:49):
Yeah, wait, tell you, i will not be roasting baloney
though.

Speaker 2 (01:23:53):
Wait, but didn't you come for the pulled pork at our
house?

Speaker 1 (01:23:58):
Oh, forever, she's not that into it And you can put
together a special smokedbaloney.

Speaker 2 (01:24:06):
He might be able to do some smoked baloney for you.
Listen, linda, you don't wantto eat the roast.

Speaker 1 (01:24:11):
Listen, susan, here's the thing, though, what I was
getting to.

Speaker 2 (01:24:16):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:24:16):
I'm not a huge pork person.
In general I love bacon Andbecause, like, i feel like it's
un-American to not like bacon,unless you're not going to eat
meat for whatever reason, but Iam, i'm judging, so please don't
, but I don't really like like Iwon't eat pork cutlet, like I

(01:24:38):
don't like it.
So for me, like the pulled porkbecomes so much more about the,
it's a vessel for the barbecuesauce.
Yes, agreed, so I do agree withthat.

Speaker 3 (01:24:49):
Baloney is for the flavor.

Speaker 1 (01:24:51):
Yeah, it's mystery meat, and.

Speaker 3 (01:24:54):
I'm okay with that.
Do you know that I feel likethis?

Speaker 2 (01:24:58):
jeep is karma for your baloney.
Wow, wow, wow, all right,that's too far.
All right, $10,000 for abaloney.

Speaker 1 (01:25:07):
But like a fry a fry.
yeah, the cheapest lunch meatin the world $50,000.
That better be a fuckinglifetime supply, my friend.
I better never go hungry again.
It's specifically like it's notlike I just like prefer the
lunch meat of baloney, like afried baloney sandwich with some
cheese.
It's just the best man I usedto get.

(01:25:28):
I think it's like a nostalgicthing from being a kid because
when I like grew up, we grew updown, up down the street from
the Italian festival whichthere's so many like.
my family is so Italian, i getall the Italian things every day
.
So it's not like I'm at theItalian festival like needing
the Italian food, because mygrandma makes most of that
better anyway than whateveranyone's serving.
So like the one thing I wouldalways get when we would go

(01:25:49):
there is there's this one standthat made like baloney steak,
like fried baloney sandwich, andthat was like the highlight of
the Italian festival for meevery year, because we just
never did that.
So I think now it's just likethis Is your thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:26:01):
Do you know that the bar on the corner from my house
serves fried baloney on thedaily?

Speaker 1 (01:26:06):
There's a lot of places that do, but there is
like a very, there's a veryspecific thing that makes a good
fried baloney though.

Speaker 2 (01:26:15):
Is it's going to be like our pizza free topic?
We have to like?
new poll on the Instagram.
Would you pick rump roast orbaloney?
I mean like okay would you?
pick pulled pork or baloney.

Speaker 3 (01:26:28):
Yeah, yeah, okay, i'd like to see the results.
I'm sure that I'm like the oneand only on the baloney again.

Speaker 2 (01:26:33):
I need to pull an Oscar Mayer.

Speaker 1 (01:26:35):
Oh my God, yes, i'm not saying that it's always the
superior choice.
I'm saying for me.
I was more interested in thesmoked baloney than I was the
pulled pork.

Speaker 3 (01:26:46):
How did autumn feel about this?
Because there was like I'mpresuming there was a share in
the situation, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:26:52):
So autumn, autumn, actually like I'm not saying
that there's not pulled porkthat's better than other pulled
pork, but like the peak ofpulled pork to me is really not
that exciting, and like I've notbeen somewhere where I've had
smoked baloney before, i waslike I've had fried baloney but
I haven't had like smokedbaloney before, so I was more

(01:27:12):
interested in that, if thatmakes more sense.

Speaker 3 (01:27:15):
I wasn't asking about your opinion.

Speaker 1 (01:27:17):
No, autumn was no, autumn was autumn was.
Fine with it, she.
I mean the last time we didthis did she know about your
baloney love?
Absolutely.
Is it going to be on thewedding?

Speaker 2 (01:27:26):
menu.

Speaker 1 (01:27:26):
It's like a family joke with her family.

Speaker 2 (01:27:28):
Is it going to be on the wedding menu?
Oh smoked baloney and corn soup.

Speaker 1 (01:27:36):
Um, the corn soup cannot be on the wedding menu
because we're not allowed.
We like it has to be catered bythat guy.

Speaker 2 (01:27:44):
Oh, right, right right, I'm not allowed to have
some white food.

Speaker 1 (01:27:47):
Make corn soup.

Speaker 2 (01:27:48):
Will he make smoked baloney?

Speaker 1 (01:27:50):
Yeah, he'd said anything that wasn't on the menu
he'd be willing to make.
So you know what I'm going todo.
You know what I'm going to do.
I am going to have smokedbaloney served to only you three
.

Speaker 3 (01:28:01):
Oh, I can't wait.

Speaker 4 (01:28:04):
I have not said a single thing about the baloney.

Speaker 1 (01:28:08):
CJ is like I don't want baloney and I wasn't
yelling at you.

Speaker 2 (01:28:12):
Do you eat it with ketchup Like baloney ketchup?

Speaker 1 (01:28:16):
Mayo Like if I'm making this baloney sandwich
this is actually this wouldactually be a better poll is do
you eat mayo or mustard withyour baloney, which is a big
conflict.

Speaker 2 (01:28:24):
I would pick mayo.
I'm saying I don't really likemustard that much.

Speaker 1 (01:28:27):
If you were going to eat baloney?
Yeah, if you were going to.
That sounds delicious.

Speaker 2 (01:28:33):
Like if you were going to make smoked baloney, do
you just get the little plasticpackage and pull those slices
out and slap it in your smoker?
No, I think you would get itfrom little hooks No.
I think No little meat flopsand the genuinely, genuinely.

Speaker 1 (01:28:48):
I think that you would get.
I think that you would get likethe whole, like like I don't
even know what you call that Thebaloney log, the log Yeah the
log of it And then you wouldsmoke.
I'm going to have to ask Angel,that's the same thing you would
do, like if you were going tosmoke a slab of bacon.
You wouldn't get the slices ofthe bacon and smoke it.
You would get the whole slaband then you'd cut it after you
smoked it.
So I think the same idea,generally speaking.

(01:29:10):
But yeah, i picked the smokebaloney.
Okay, so there was that.
And then there was the otheroption was pulled chicken, and
if I wasn't going to get thepulled pork, i'm not going to
get the pulled chicken.
So I think it really was,because the last time that we
did this, we were in Texas andwe did the same thing and we got
the pulled pork and it wasactually the most disappointing
thing out of like the fourthings that we had gotten.

(01:29:31):
So I think that's kind of likeit didn't really taste anything
like smoke, like it really justdidn't taste that much different
than pulled pork.
So I was like I don't, i'drather try smoke baloney, which
I've never had And I do reallylike baloney.

Speaker 2 (01:29:45):
So it interrupted your baloney when Carol Susan's
daughter smashed through yourhouse.

Speaker 1 (01:29:52):
Yeah.
So then Autumn didn't even getto eat the ribs hot, which, as
anyone knows.
Oh, i brought your leftovers in.

Speaker 2 (01:29:58):
I could have snuck a peek to the smoke baloney.

Speaker 1 (01:30:00):
Yeah Damn, i didn't even know I know, what's funny
is like her parents were herethis weekend and I was like here
, eat these leftovers, like what?
you guys hungry, whatever.
Her dad sitting at the table.
At one point I like walked inthe house, walked out of the
house and then I walked back inand was walking by and he was
like I'm eating your ham Andmind you wait.
So Autumn cooked a ham onEaster, yeah, and I saw that in

(01:30:22):
there.
You came over for the head.
She did a feast man Like shedid good, knocked it out of the
park, i start.
I said you're eating what?
And he must have thought I wasmad that he was eating my
leftovers.
And I was like, no, like whatare you?
what are you, what are youeating?
And she was, and he was likeyour ham And I was like, oh fuck
, cause.

Speaker 3 (01:30:39):
I thought it was going to be.
So I thought.

Speaker 1 (01:30:41):
I thought that there was still ham in the fridge from
Easter And I started panickingabout, like, what was going to
happen to his digestive systemafter this And I pulled it up
and I was like man, that'sbaloney, so.
But yeah, so Susan went throughthe garage and now it needs to
get fixed, or not?
Susan?
Susan's, susan's on Yeah.

(01:31:01):
But the name Susan.
I have an aunt Sue, but thisname is haunting me right now.
She might have to ever changeher name or something I don't
know Susan with her purpleflower profile picture.
Oh yeah, i forgot, you did the.
You did the investigation.
Oh, of course I did Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:31:16):
I just wanted to know who was telling me I needed to
love myself more.

Speaker 1 (01:31:19):
So, susan, Anyway, anything else for shooting the
shit on a Sunday.
I think that's it.

Speaker 2 (01:31:26):
I don't really have any other topics?

Speaker 1 (01:31:28):
I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:31:29):
I feel like so much has happened in the last couple
of weeks that I don't even knowwhat to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:31:33):
Yeah, I mean you did.
you had spring break, You didthe water park.

Speaker 2 (01:31:37):
There's just two, two bouts of straight throat.

Speaker 1 (01:31:39):
We've been yeah, we've been living our life for a
bit, So Yeah, we've been tryingto hide the last few weeks but
we're back Yeah.
I think this will end up beinga two-parter, at least So.

Speaker 2 (01:31:49):
Yeah, that's good though.

Speaker 1 (01:31:51):
Welcome us back to your airwaves.

Speaker 2 (01:31:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:31:54):
All right.
Well, i think that's going towrap it for this week.
So, done.

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Ride That Rainbow Straight to Hell - Pt. 3

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ride That Rainbow Straight to Hell - Pt. 3