May 31, 2024 • 13 mins
to the dungeon we go! today's listener SUBMISSION is all about navigating honesty, transparency, and intimacy when running an online presence & business. we explore oversharing and vulnerability, authenticity and digital intimacy, and entertaining the possibility that saying the damn thing could get you more of what you want, not less. ADVICE DOM's got questions and answers!
c'mon down to the cave for some spanky, slappy, advice-giving. BECAUSE SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST LIKE TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO.™️
call in and SUBMIT (your own question) --> 760-820-9070
~show notes~
- enter to win a free coaching session ~ when you leave a 5-star rating (only) and a written review, you'll be entered into a monthly drawing for a free 90-min coaching session with dana (value of $388). DM (@danablix instagram) or email a screenshot of your submission—take it right before you hit submit—along with the review name/title. winner announcements will be made across platforms!
/// sound-editing/design ~ rose blakelock, theme song ~ kat ottosen, podcast art ~ natalee miller ///
@danablix on ig 😭 feeling the pull for coaching support? go to danabalicki.com for inner/outer transformation 🖐️⭐️ leave a 5-star rating & review to be entered in a monthly raffle for a free coaching session (details in show notes) 🎁 share this with your favorite boo-hooer 😭
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Crying in my jacuzzi.
Crying in my jacuzzi.
Crying in my jacuzzi, crying inmy jacuzzi.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
It's advice time.
Hello, you're welcome.
Let's spelunk deep down, down,down, down down into the advice.
Dom cave, make our way into theliminal dungeon where a dear
(01:01):
listener, and maybe by proxy you, is gonna get spanked with some
advice.
Ish, because sometimes peoplejust like to be told what to do.
I know, I do.
Yeah, even a dom calls in alittle dom energy Now and then.
(01:21):
So who do we have today?
Let's check the answeringmachine.
Look, cell service down here isa little spotty.
So we got a good old answeringmachine, old-fashioned analog.
We love it.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Oh, okay, I think this is it.
I can tell it's Luke.
I wanted to be submitted for aquestion for Advice, dom.
Um, I am struggling with howmuch personal information to
include in my online presenceand my business.
I feel really drawn to bereally honest and transparent
(02:28):
and vulnerable, but I'm alsowondering if talking about, for
example, gay sex could alienatecertain people or like political
things I feel like I sometimesshy away from.
So I guess my question is kindof about being self-conscious,
(02:51):
being authentic and actuallylike business, like how much do
you share or not, and does italienate people?
I'm curious what you would say.
I'm ready to be advice-domedand you can use any part of this
(03:12):
recording and I hope that thequestion gets answered.
I hope you're good Hug.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Bye.
Thank you, luke.
Thank you for your submission.
I love this question and sodeeply appreciate it because,
luke, I know that you are notalone and the thing that stands
out most is when you said I feelreally drawn to be really
(03:40):
honest and transparent andvulnerable.
There is desire in your voice,in that request to yourself, in
that permission giving.
Will you give yourselfpermission to be that vulnerable
, to be transparent?
(04:00):
This is an important questionfor any human to ask themselves
when they are in relationshipwith others and for folks who
are putting themselves out therein the world with an online
presence, when there is digitalintimacy involved or attemptedly
cultivated.
(04:21):
So I hear desire, vulnerability, risk Risk is inherent.
But I also want to bring on tothe table here motivation.
How do you want to feel in yourlife, luke?
Business is just a part.
(04:41):
How do you want to feel whenyou share yourself with the
world?
This might change over time.
It might change a lot.
Give yourself permission tochange your mind, to experiment,
to try things out.
I know the interwebs have aforever memory and that can be a
little intimidating, but if weremember that creative intimacy
(05:06):
only comes through true personalrisk, then you get to ask
yourself if you want tocultivate intimacy in your
online presence.
Maybe you do, maybe you don't.
I do hear from you that you'reinterested in stretching, but
there's fear, which isabsolutely understandable,
because the internet is not thekindest place in the world
(05:30):
Doesn't mean that it's not fullof kindness.
It's really almost like a void,and sometimes it can be helpful
to think about.
What you put in might be whatyou get out With the
vulnerability and risk.
Ask yourself, or ask the partof you that is nervous or scared
(05:53):
what are you afraid mighthappen?
Are you worried about beingprojected upon by others?
Who are those people?
Are they the invisible peanutgallery of your mind?
Do they really matter?
Are they worth shaping yourselfaround?
What if, by being your truestself, you attract your truest
(06:14):
people?
I can overshare.
I think it used to be a TMIsituation, because vulnerability
for vulnerability's sake isjust that.
It can't just be TMI.
So what are the boundaries?
If you want to share and youwant to stretch, think about
(06:35):
your boundaries, Becausevulnerability with boundaries,
well, that's something andyou're going to learn by
experimentation.
We rarely, if ever, know whenwe're being leaders.
So you being in thisexperimentation, perhaps you
have some people around youtrusted humans or non-humans,
(07:00):
more than humans, but you have atrusted support network to hold
you in the beginning of thisexperiment.
Maybe you give them someparameters, some boundaries,
some requests to beam you energy.
As you do the vulnerable things, you might be inspiring others,
even in those small steps.
(07:20):
Maybe that matters to you,maybe it doesn't.
Inside of the nervousness or wecould call it self-consciousness
, inside of that fear, thatconcern could be worth looking
at.
If you feel safe, or what isyour relationship to a sense of
safety and security right now,if the world is just swirling
(07:42):
and moving beneath your feet andyou don't have any solid ground
, it might not be the time tostretch into your vulnerability
online.
You might need a little morerootedness, a little more
groundedness.
Maybe not, but it's somethingto consider.
And there's a differencebetween safety or security,
(08:05):
which mostly is just, can reallyjust be an illusion.
But if we honor that, thosefeelings of safety and security
can be real, we also want torecognize that they are not the
same thing as comfort.
So you might be able to comefrom a place of safety and
(08:28):
security in terms of yourexperimentation and your
stretching and yourvulnerability and your
cultivating digital intimacy.
You don't have to call it that,but to recognize that it might
also make you feel uncomfortable, and discomfort is not the same
as harm or lack of safety.
Perhaps understanding foryourself the difference between
(08:50):
those might help.
Also, I wish people talked aboutgay sex heaps more than they do
.
There's so much heteronormativebiz on the interwebs.
We are all up with the gayagenda here, so we'll tune in.
Perhaps looking at yourrelationship to queerness,
(09:13):
talking about it, does it feelscary to talk about it in new
and different ways.
Perhaps this is a question,then, to consider of who are
your people?
Remember what I said aboutbeing your truest self can open
the doors to attract your truestpeople to you, because not
everything is for everyone andnot everyone is for everyone.
(09:36):
You're amazing, luke, andyou're not for everyone.
So who do you want to be for?
Think about your relationshipto boundaries.
Think about your relationshipto perhaps having difficult
conversations, to beinguncomfortable, I think.
Finally, I just want to ask you,luke, are you willing to be
(09:59):
messy, to perhaps get it wrong,to try and fall down on your
face and get back up, to risk,and are you also willing to
perhaps do it in a way that noone else around you has done it
or doesn't, maybe you'recreating something new.
So remember that you can havethis however you want it, and
(10:25):
you don't have to do it all atonce, little by little, then all
of a sudden that's the only wayit ever happens.
You've got some difficultquestions to ask yourself,
perhaps some uncomfortablefeelings to have, some difficult
conversations to have withthose parts of you that may be
(10:46):
pulling back, even thoughanother whole self and presence,
part of you, wants to moveforward and has these deep
desires.
Be in communication with thoseparts, love up on them, love
them fiercely.
They'll be your greatest alliesif you let them Give yourself
permission to try.
(11:06):
Remember that nobody is foreverybody and it's for the best
and it's for the best, whetherit's gay sex, radical politics,
sheet pan recipes or whateverelse.
Floats your boat, dear Luke.
Bring your heart to it, bringyour courage.
(11:26):
Your people are always therewaiting for you and if you, dear
listener, resonated withanything from Luke's submission,
send some loving energy his way.
Luke, luke, luke, luke, luke,luke, luke, send it, send it,
send it and feel free to sendover your submission down in the
(11:51):
dungeon answering machine.
Just call 760-820-9070.
That's 760-820-9070.
We receive all submissionsCrying in my jacuzzi.
If you enjoyed what we did heretoday, go over to wherever it
(12:28):
is that you are listening tothis podcast and give us a
rating as many stars as yourheart desires.
Five stars though theme musicand other musical bits by the
very talented kat otterson,sound design and editing by the
effervescent rose blake long.
(12:50):
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I look forward to playing withyou more in my jacuzzi.
That sounded dirtier than Imeant it, but you know what I
mean.
Crying in my jacuzzi.
Crying in my jacuzzi.
Crying in my jacuzzi, crying inmy jacuzzi.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
It's advice time.
Hello, you're welcome.
Let's spelunk deep down, down,down, down down into the advice.
Dom cave, make our way into theliminal dungeon where a dear
(01:01):
listener, and maybe by proxy you, is gonna get spanked with some
advice.
Ish, because sometimes peoplejust like to be told what to do.
I know, I do.
Yeah, even a dom calls in alittle dom energy Now and then.
(01:21):
So who do we have today?
Let's check the answeringmachine.
Look, cell service down here isa little spotty.
So we got a good old answeringmachine, old-fashioned analog.
We love it.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Oh, okay, I think this is it.
I can tell it's Luke.
I wanted to be submitted for aquestion for Advice, dom.
Um, I am struggling with howmuch personal information to
include in my online presenceand my business.
I feel really drawn to bereally honest and transparent
(02:28):
and vulnerable, but I'm alsowondering if talking about, for
example, gay sex could alienatecertain people or like political
things I feel like I sometimesshy away from.
So I guess my question is kindof about being self-conscious,
(02:51):
being authentic and actuallylike business, like how much do
you share or not, and does italienate people?
I'm curious what you would say.
I'm ready to be advice-domedand you can use any part of this
(03:12):
recording and I hope that thequestion gets answered.
I hope you're good Hug.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Bye.
Thank you, luke.
Thank you for your submission.
I love this question and sodeeply appreciate it because,
luke, I know that you are notalone and the thing that stands
out most is when you said I feelreally drawn to be really
(03:40):
honest and transparent andvulnerable.
There is desire in your voice,in that request to yourself, in
that permission giving.
Will you give yourselfpermission to be that vulnerable
, to be transparent?
(04:00):
This is an important questionfor any human to ask themselves
when they are in relationshipwith others and for folks who
are putting themselves out therein the world with an online
presence, when there is digitalintimacy involved or attemptedly
cultivated.
(04:21):
So I hear desire, vulnerability, risk Risk is inherent.
But I also want to bring on tothe table here motivation.
How do you want to feel in yourlife, luke?
Business is just a part.
(04:41):
How do you want to feel whenyou share yourself with the
world?
This might change over time.
It might change a lot.
Give yourself permission tochange your mind, to experiment,
to try things out.
I know the interwebs have aforever memory and that can be a
little intimidating, but if weremember that creative intimacy
(05:06):
only comes through true personalrisk, then you get to ask
yourself if you want tocultivate intimacy in your
online presence.
Maybe you do, maybe you don't.
I do hear from you that you'reinterested in stretching, but
there's fear, which isabsolutely understandable,
because the internet is not thekindest place in the world
(05:30):
Doesn't mean that it's not fullof kindness.
It's really almost like a void,and sometimes it can be helpful
to think about.
What you put in might be whatyou get out With the
vulnerability and risk.
Ask yourself, or ask the partof you that is nervous or scared
(05:53):
what are you afraid mighthappen?
Are you worried about beingprojected upon by others?
Who are those people?
Are they the invisible peanutgallery of your mind?
Do they really matter?
Are they worth shaping yourselfaround?
What if, by being your truestself, you attract your truest
(06:14):
people?
I can overshare.
I think it used to be a TMIsituation, because vulnerability
for vulnerability's sake isjust that.
It can't just be TMI.
So what are the boundaries?
If you want to share and youwant to stretch, think about
(06:35):
your boundaries, Becausevulnerability with boundaries,
well, that's something andyou're going to learn by
experimentation.
We rarely, if ever, know whenwe're being leaders.
So you being in thisexperimentation, perhaps you
have some people around youtrusted humans or non-humans,
(07:00):
more than humans, but you have atrusted support network to hold
you in the beginning of thisexperiment.
Maybe you give them someparameters, some boundaries,
some requests to beam you energy.
As you do the vulnerable things, you might be inspiring others,
even in those small steps.
(07:20):
Maybe that matters to you,maybe it doesn't.
Inside of the nervousness or wecould call it self-consciousness
, inside of that fear, thatconcern could be worth looking
at.
If you feel safe, or what isyour relationship to a sense of
safety and security right now,if the world is just swirling
(07:42):
and moving beneath your feet andyou don't have any solid ground
, it might not be the time tostretch into your vulnerability
online.
You might need a little morerootedness, a little more
groundedness.
Maybe not, but it's somethingto consider.
And there's a differencebetween safety or security,
(08:05):
which mostly is just, can reallyjust be an illusion.
But if we honor that, thosefeelings of safety and security
can be real, we also want torecognize that they are not the
same thing as comfort.
So you might be able to comefrom a place of safety and
(08:28):
security in terms of yourexperimentation and your
stretching and yourvulnerability and your
cultivating digital intimacy.
You don't have to call it that,but to recognize that it might
also make you feel uncomfortable, and discomfort is not the same
as harm or lack of safety.
Perhaps understanding foryourself the difference between
(08:50):
those might help.
Also, I wish people talked aboutgay sex heaps more than they do
.
There's so much heteronormativebiz on the interwebs.
We are all up with the gayagenda here, so we'll tune in.
Perhaps looking at yourrelationship to queerness,
(09:13):
talking about it, does it feelscary to talk about it in new
and different ways.
Perhaps this is a question,then, to consider of who are
your people?
Remember what I said aboutbeing your truest self can open
the doors to attract your truestpeople to you, because not
everything is for everyone andnot everyone is for everyone.
(09:36):
You're amazing, luke, andyou're not for everyone.
So who do you want to be for?
Think about your relationshipto boundaries.
Think about your relationshipto perhaps having difficult
conversations, to beinguncomfortable, I think.
Finally, I just want to ask you,luke, are you willing to be
(09:59):
messy, to perhaps get it wrong,to try and fall down on your
face and get back up, to risk,and are you also willing to
perhaps do it in a way that noone else around you has done it
or doesn't, maybe you'recreating something new.
So remember that you can havethis however you want it, and
(10:25):
you don't have to do it all atonce, little by little, then all
of a sudden that's the only wayit ever happens.
You've got some difficultquestions to ask yourself,
perhaps some uncomfortablefeelings to have, some difficult
conversations to have withthose parts of you that may be
(10:46):
pulling back, even thoughanother whole self and presence,
part of you, wants to moveforward and has these deep
desires.
Be in communication with thoseparts, love up on them, love
them fiercely.
They'll be your greatest alliesif you let them Give yourself
permission to try.
(11:06):
Remember that nobody is foreverybody and it's for the best
and it's for the best, whetherit's gay sex, radical politics,
sheet pan recipes or whateverelse.
Floats your boat, dear Luke.
Bring your heart to it, bringyour courage.
(11:26):
Your people are always therewaiting for you and if you, dear
listener, resonated withanything from Luke's submission,
send some loving energy his way.
Luke, luke, luke, luke, luke,luke, luke, send it, send it,
send it and feel free to sendover your submission down in the
(11:51):
dungeon answering machine.
Just call 760-820-9070.
That's 760-820-9070.
We receive all submissionsCrying in my jacuzzi.
If you enjoyed what we did heretoday, go over to wherever it
(12:28):
is that you are listening tothis podcast and give us a
rating as many stars as yourheart desires.
Five stars though theme musicand other musical bits by the
very talented kat otterson,sound design and editing by the
effervescent rose blake long.
(12:50):
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I look forward to playing withyou more in my jacuzzi.
That sounded dirtier than Imeant it, but you know what I
mean.
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