November 7, 2025 • 32 mins
What happens when you no longer want the dream you worked for (capitalism anyone, lol)? When the worked-so-hard-for-thing stops singing back? And can we make the trade for something riskier and more honest—prioritizing resonance over metrics and presence over pace? In this ep, we dare to embrace changes not as failures, but as craft, maturity, and a detangling (rebellion as practice!) from our cultural, colonial conditioning.
We also get a surprise visit multi-dimensional house-call from a beloved guide from seasons 1 & 2! An offering is made that doubles as ritual: cutting ties to shame, asking forgiveness, welcoming your spirit home, and helping others along the way.
If you’ve outgrown a plan/a relationship/a situation that once felt perfect, this conversation gives you language, tools, and permission to pivot without apology.
Subscribe & share with a friend who’s at a crossroads, and leave a review to help more people find the jacuzzi-verse!
😭 show notes from the jacuzzi-verse ♨
- Dr. Catherine Svelha on the Heroine's Journey, interview with Rohini Walker (https://mythicmojo.com/transcript-interview-catherine-and-rohini-walker/)
- Overcoming Certainty & Embracing Conscious Confusion episode (https://pod.link/1689685885/episode/QnV6enNwcm91dC0xNzgyMzY1Mw)
- Call Your Energy Back (a potent practice for this time of year) (https://pod.link/1689685885/episode/QnV6enNwcm91dC0xNDEwNzAxNg)
- Free grounding meditation with Dana—a practice of calling your energy back/nervous system tending/reclaiming your attention) ~ (http://bit.ly/grounding-now)
- Enter to win a free coaching session ~ when you leave a 5-star rating (only) and a written review, you'll be entered into a monthly drawing for a free 90-min coaching session with dana (value of $388). Send the name of your review (title and/or reviewer name) via IG @danablix or email dana@ danabalicki .com ~ Winner announcements will be made across platforms mid-month.
😭 Sound-editing/design ~ Rose Blakelock 🤖 theme song ~ Kat Ottosen 🪱 cover art ~ Natalee Miller ♨️
Qs, comments, or requests for the jacuzzi-verse? Text us 😭🌀♨️
@danablix on ig 😭 feeling the pull for coaching support? go to danabalicki.com for inner/outer transformation 🖐️⭐️ leave a 5-star rating & review to be entered in a monthly raffle for a free coaching session (details in show notes) 🎁 share this with your favorite boo-hooer 😭
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:37):
I remember a couple of years back sitting with the
realization that I had createdsome things that I had really
wanted, and then when I hadthem, I realized I didn't really
want them anymore.
I was complete.
(00:58):
Or they were changing in waysthat were no longer for me, no
longer resonant.
And that really threw me for aloop.
And you know, it's just sofriggin' human to try something
and to create, to experiment, tostretch into an unknown, to make
(01:25):
something that didn't existbefore.
And then realize that throughthe making of it, there was some
satisfaction, some completion,or some new bit of information
that dropped in and directed usinto uh a new timeline.
(01:48):
You know, this is what Dr.
Catherine Svela, uh mythologist,used to live here in the high
desert.
And she did this workshop yearsago called The Heroine's
Journey.
And god damn it, just really oneof the best workshops I've ever
taken.
Thank you, Catherine.
Also, shout out, her podcast iscalled Mythic Mojo.
(02:10):
Excellent.
10 out of 10.
Okay, so the workshop was calledThe Heroine's Journey.
And it was juxtaposed to thehero's journey and without
breaking that whole thing down.
Uh, one of the defining aspectsthat feels really relevant to
where I'm sitting and thisreflection of creating things
(02:36):
and getting to a place that youreally wanted to get to, and
then you get there, and thenyou're changed, and you
potentially want to go in adifferent direction.
So that's one of the definingaspects of the heroine's
journey, that we're consistentlybeing changed by our
experiences, by ourrelationships, and becoming more
ourselves as we're shaped, aswe're changed by others, as
(03:03):
we're changed by experience, byliving.
And it's not just about beingfocused on the end goal, which,
you know, dominant culture ispretty pretty focused on that.
Right?
Don't slow down, don't, don'tget distracted, just keep going.
Never, never waver, neverundulate.
(03:26):
And I think about that all thetime because our culture tells
us that in order for somethingto be successful, it has to last
forever.
Forever, never, never, never,never.
I mean, just on and on and on.
Right?
Legacy, legacy, legacy, la la lala la.
I just I don't think that's veryhuman.
(03:46):
It's not very heroin's journey.
I mean, as humans, we'retransitory.
We're being transformed all thetime.
We're always changing.
Right?
All that you touch, you change.
All that you change changes you.
The only lasting truth ischange.
God is change.
I mean, all of the cells in ourbody turn over every seven
(04:08):
years.
We're literally brand new peopleevery seven years.
So all of that, that wholelittle undulating path to here,
to this moment, because I'm hereagain.
Or relative.
And it has to do with thejacuzzi verse.
Because when I was envisioningthis season, third season, and I
(04:32):
knew I wanted to have a theme.
I knew I wanted it to berebellion.
I wanted to play with the ideaof having a theme.
And that theme seemed like areal good one to expand upon and
stretch and help everyone, allthe crybabies, across the lands,
(04:53):
across the jacuzzi verse andbeyond.
What's beyond the jacuzzi verse?
I don't know.
To embrace rebellion, smallacts, big acts to see how we can
practice it all the time and howwe must practice it all the
time.
And the other thing was that Iwanted to do interviews, right?
So I wanted to do interviews,and I had an idea for how I
(05:15):
wanted to do it.
It was gonna be a little morePee-wee's Playhouse character
sort of drop-in.
I wanted it to feel a littleless podcasty, interviewe, and
more like a community of folksthat we were continuing to visit
and chat with, and but havinglike really deep, profound, and
(05:39):
sweet chats.
I mean, in Pee-Wee's Playhouse,Pee Wee's Playhouse, Pee-Wee
speaking, you'd see the samecrew of weird beloved beings,
and then sometimes new oneswould drop in or they would just
reappear once in a while.
Like the Countess, C-O-WCountess.
She was a cow with a T on.
(06:02):
She was like, Hello, Pee Wee.
Oh man, I am realizing how muchthe Countess sounds just like
the magical librarian.
That's a coincidence.
And then I didn't do what I hadenvisioned.
(06:24):
I started interviewing people.
I felt like I just gotten aflow.
I wanted to record interviews, Iwanted to edit them, and I just
sort of put my initial creativevision on the shelf.
And as much as I love everyinterview I've done so far, I
mean, just with people I trulylove and admire, and I'm so
(06:47):
delighted and proud that I'veintroduced you to other humans
and voices and perspectives andresources that may now be
regular transformational guidesin your life.
But something about it, aboutthe rhythm, about the way I was
doing it, behind the scenes,jacuzzi verse work.
(07:12):
Like I couldn't quite get myrhythm.
I was just like doing thingsgetting kind of in my rhythm.
And then I would edit anotherthing and edit an interview and
then sort of fall out of my Idon't have a word for it.
The just like my my creativeflow.
(07:36):
I never fully submerged into thejacuzzi verse.
Like I wanted it.
It just isn't my kink.
And you know what?
I'm telling you this becausethat's totally okay.
(07:59):
I did a thing.
I tried something out, Iexperimented with it, I gave my
resources of my preciousattention and my energy and
money and time, and I learned alot from it.
And I'm not abandoning thepodcast in any way, shape, or
(08:21):
form, but I'm gonna leave thatparticular format of interviews
or that the the rhythm, thepacing.
I'm gonna change that up.
That's not gonna be how the nextseasons are going to unfold.
Because what's so important tome is that crying in my jacuzzi
(08:48):
is deeply creatively satisfying.
That's my number one measure.
Not metrics, not conversions,not even subscribers or listens.
I'm basically telling you thatI'm the most important thing.
But I I feel like in that issome form of rebellion because
(09:18):
culture teaches us that likeeverything needs to be
monetizable, or you know, youneed to put things in certain
formats and package them up incertain ways for people to
consume them with as much, youknow, ease and whatever is
possible.
(09:38):
And like I'm not I'm not tryingto do that.
I want to make something, and Ihope you enjoy it.
I know some of you out there do,because you tell me, and I
fucking love that, thank you.
For everyone who does tell me,it really means a lot to me.
But I could feel it, I couldfeel myself not in full
(10:01):
resonance, and because there'sso much conditioning we get, so
much needing to have all of thisempirical evidence to support my
decision.
(10:24):
I can just say that I can feelit in my body to be true.
And my knowing doesn't come frommy mind alone, it comes from my
feet on the ground, it comesfrom my body moving through
space, it comes from the way myheart feels, it comes from my
(10:45):
relationships, it comes from theway I feel when I breathe.
It comes from how well I'msleeping.
And so I'm calling myself back.
(11:10):
And giving myself permission toknow what I know and feel what I
feel, and let that be thecorrect guiding force for me,
and to give myself permission tohave paused and chewed on what
was true for me, just knowinglittle bit by little bit by
(11:34):
little bit, and then finallygiving myself enough slow-down
medicine to understand myemotions, to understand why
things were feeling the way thatthey were feeling.
I mean, a creative revelation ina time when everything feels
(11:55):
upside down and we're allgrasping for certainty.
And I'm saying, like, woo,uncertainty.
But I've allowed myself to beuncertain, and then I found my
own clarity.
(12:16):
Hello.
Hello there.
Oh, oh my god.
The magical librarian.
I was just talking about you.
SPEAKER_01 (12:31):
Yes, I've heard you imitating me.
I thought it was quite precious.
SPEAKER_00 (12:39):
Even if it wasn't quite on the mob.
Oh my god, you heard that.
Well, I was actually doing animpression of the kids.
SPEAKER_01 (12:47):
Anyhow, I haven't seen you in quite some time.
And all the crybabies.
SPEAKER_00 (13:02):
the library, and I've I've missed you too.
And I know the crybabies maybehave also missed going to the
library this season.
I was busy talking to a wholelot of other people, which was
great.
SPEAKER_01 (13:18):
Yes, I listened to some of those interviews.
First, human is that she know.
SPEAKER_00 (13:29):
I know, I'm so lucky, right?
Well, I didn't mean to let somuch time pass.
SPEAKER_01 (13:35):
Never keep mine.
The library is always availablewhenever you're ready to come
back.
But today, once I heard yousomebody in a way, you're the
countess, who sounds like afascinating being.
(13:56):
I thought that I would bring youa poem from the ladder.
It's a poem from Joy Harjo, whoI'm sure you're familiar with.
Here you go.
(14:16):
Why don't you give it a readingto the crybast?
SPEAKER_00 (14:24):
Uh yes.
This is perfect.
Thank you.
This is a a Joy Harjo poemcalled For Calling the Spirit
Back from Wandering the Earthand its human feet.
Put down that bag of potatochips, that white bread, that
(14:48):
bottle of pop.
Turn off that cell phone,computer, and remote control.
Open the door, then close itbehind you.
Take a breath offered byfriendly winds.
They travel the earth gatheringessences of plants to clean.
Give it back with gratitude.
(15:09):
If you sing, it will give yourspirit lift to fly to the stars'
ears and back.
Acknowledge this earth who hascared for you since you were a
dream planting itself preciselywithin your parents' desire.
Let your moccasin feet take youto the encampment of the
guardians who have known youbefore time, who will be there
(15:31):
after time.
They sit before the fire thathas been there without time.
Let the earth stabilize yourpost-colonial, insecure jitters.
Be respectful of the smallinsects, birds, and animal
people who accompany you.
Ask their forgiveness for theharm we humans have brought down
(15:52):
upon them.
Don't worry.
The heart knows the way, thoughthere may be high-rises,
interstates, checkpoints, armedsoldiers, maskers, wars, and
those who will despise youbecause they despise themselves.
The journey might take you a fewhours, a day, a year, a few
years, a hundred, a thousand, oreven more.
(16:14):
Watch your mind.
Without training, it might runaway and leave your heart for
the immense human feast set bythe thieves of time.
Do not hold regrets.
When you find your way to thecircle, to the fire kept burning
by the keepers of your soul, youwill be welcomed.
(16:34):
You must clean yourself withcedar, sage, or other healing
plant.
Cut the ties you have to failureand shame.
Let go the pain you are holdingin your mind, your shoulders,
your heart, all the way to yourfeet.
Let go the pain of yourancestors to make way for those
who are heading in ourdirection.
(16:56):
Ask for forgiveness.
Call upon the help of those wholove you.
These helpers take many forms: animal, element, bird, angel, (17:00):
undefined
saint, stone, or ancestor.
Call your spirit back.
It may be caught in corners andcreases of shame, judgment, and
human abuse.
You must call in a way that yourspirit will want to return.
Speak to it as you would to abeloved child.
(17:25):
Welcome your spirit back fromits wandering.
It may return in pieces andtatters.
Gather them together.
They will be happy to be foundafter being lost for so long.
Your spirit will need to sleep awhile after it is bathed and
given clean clothes.
Now you can have a party.
(17:46):
Invite everyone you know wholoves and supports you.
Keep room for those who have noplace else to go.
Make a giveaway and remember,keep the speeches short.
Then you must do this.
Help the next person find theirway through the dark.
(18:13):
This is from Conflict Resolutionfor Holy Beings.
Thank you, Joy.
And by the way, in case youdon't know, Joy Harjo was a
United States poet laureate in2019.
Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
(18:39):
Please pardon me if I'mmispronouncing that.
Thank you.
Thank you, magical librarian,for bringing us that.
That was perfect.
And I didn't know that themagical library made house calls
or did delivery.
Impromptu delivery.
SPEAKER_01 (19:00):
Well sometimes we make exceptions.
Besides, it had been too longsince I felt the grind, babies.
Don't let too much grass growuntil your next exit.
Okay.
Agreed.
SPEAKER_00 (19:34):
Post-colonial jitters.
That was exactly what I neededto hear.
Maybe you two.
I mean, it makes all the sensein the world to be jittery as
the systems collapse as we facethe poly crisis with each other.
(20:01):
Like that's what we have, ourrelationships to ourselves, to
each other, to the land.
I mean, to spirit.
There are many, many layers ofrelationships that we can and
must practice with.
And we're being forced to let goof a lot of things.
(20:24):
And it's okay to let go.
It's okay to change.
It's okay to move on fromthings.
It's okay to recognize thatyou've put a lot of time and
energy into something and it'sno longer working.
It's no longer or it's no longerresonant.
I don't know.
Maybe it was never resonant.
(20:44):
That's for you to tune into.
This is all I do every day withclients is help them figure out
what is resonance for them, whatis true for them, what is most
valuable for them, how they gothere, how to be present, how to
vision what's next, but not fromother people's visions, from
(21:07):
their own.
We keep doing things becausesomewhere, someone let us and
(21:28):
maybe our entire lineage knowthat if we stopped, if we
changed, if we didn't takesomething all the way to the
far, far, far reaches, that we'dbe failures.
That we would have made thewrong decision.
And oh God, we're so scared ofmaking the wrong decision.
(21:52):
But what if you can't get itwrong?
Which also means sometimes,like, what if you can't get it
right either?
We have to like let go of thatbinary.
Again, post-colonial jittersright there.
Decolonial jitters, right?
I mean, I didn't get anythingwrong.
I tried something, Iexperimented, I was changed by
(22:14):
it.
And I mean a few years ago, andI mean right here in this season
of Crying and My Jacuzzi, theebbs and flows of living an
examined life where we live.
Love, love in the Anthropocene.
And I'm even being changed by mybeing changed.
Whoa.
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
So cool.
SPEAKER_00 (22:35):
Just meaning that I'm continuing to see and feel
more and feel more resonant andmore clear as I share this with
you.
As I say it, as I feel the wordshumming in my bones, as I honor
that I gave myself permission topause, permission to get it
(22:57):
wrong, to have gotten it wrong,even though you know I don't
really believe in that, but Ihad to reckon with that.
I'm human.
And I know that the breakneckpace we're all shoved into, and
the urgency and the fucking justterror, right?
All the hypervigilance thatwe're feeling and like the fight
(23:19):
and the flight, right?
Like, which are brilliant,brilliant manifestations of our
nervous system, right?
Those are not inappropriate.
We don't want to be in them allthe time, every second of the
day, but we want to honor that,like our nervous systems.
Yes, we can work withresilience, but we're not
(23:39):
supposed to be a bunch ofchilled-out zombies right now.
You know what I mean?
It's fine.
I'm fine.
And it's really hard to be infreeze all the time.
Like, that's a hard one.
Sometimes it saves lives.
And sometimes a lot of us are infunctional freeze a lot, and
it's worth, you know, tending tothe nervous systems, doing that
(23:59):
work, which we've talked lotsabout over the many episodes, so
that we can be present, so thatway we can feel when it is the
right time to to fight, torebel, and to be in relationship
with ourselves because whenwe're overwhelmed, we lose
(24:20):
access to our healthy no.
Remember from last episode, theinterview with Sarah Payton.
You can go back and listen, butall of that was about the
disgust circuit.
Ugh, I'm obsessed.
SPEAKER_01 (24:31):
Oh my god, ew, David!
SPEAKER_00 (24:33):
But basically, it's how we know what's for us and
what's not for us.
And for most of us, that circusis circus, not circuit, I mean,
not a circus, is compromised,right?
And so it's very easy to beoverwhelmed because we don't
know how to say no.
We don't know how to say that isfor me and that is not for me.
(24:55):
And even if we have access tothat ability to like pause and
and understand ourselves andknow what's resonant and access
the healthy no, we are all stillinside of the systems here that
are collapsing.
Livestream genocide,destabilized democracy, fascism,
wars on wars on wars, and tellyour own personal life stuff,
(25:18):
right?
People being fucking snatchedand detained, even though it is
not a crime to be undocumented.
Literally, it's not a crime.
It's a civil matter, not acriminal matter.
So the jitters, thepost-colonial jitters, the
(25:44):
rattled nervous systems, theconfusion.
That's all happening, and Ithink it's some radical,
disruptive rebel shit for us toslow down so that we contend to
(26:04):
those feelings, those inquiries,those inklings, those ways in
which we know when something isactually not for us.
Because for me, I kind of lostinterest in making more
episodes.
And I was like, what the fuck isthat about?
And instead of pushing myselfthrough, or instead of shutting
(26:28):
it down, or shutting myselfdown, I looked.
I looked at the scary thingbecause I was scared to look.
I was scared what I'd see.
And instead I just saw myself.
Hey, and my truth.
So we can practice this and wecan call it rebellion.
(26:52):
You've heard me say this amillion times over the season,
seasons, really, but we canpractice in small ways and big
ways in our own lives, our owninner world, like I just did,
you know, looking at looking atthis podcast and my relationship
(27:13):
to this creative expression.
And like, look, there are peopleputting their bodies on the
lines, like that woman in thepolka dot dress, like middle
fingers out, getting in front ofthat ice truck in DC.
Or the people putting theirbodies on the lines, protesting
for Palestinian liberation.
(27:34):
These are different kinds ofdisruption, different scales,
but same muscle.
The muscle of consciousness, themuscle of presence, the muscle
of resonance, the muscle ofagency.
So maybe you need a pause.
Maybe you need to pausesomewhere.
Can you give yourself that?
(27:54):
Or can you just tune in to likesome need?
If a pause feels too big, justtry it in the tiniest, tiniest
little fractal sense, becausethis is the way that we
practice.
SPEAKER_02 (28:07):
That got the jitters out of me.
SPEAKER_00 (28:09):
Some checking in with yourself, seeing how you
feel, see what's going on foryou, listen to it, feel it, see
if there's a need, an unmet needat the core of it.
Put some self-warmth there.
And then see if you can meetyourself with that need.
(28:30):
Or if you can ask someone forhelp with it.
Just turn towards yourself, turntowards how you're feeling.
Turn towards that tiny, tinylittle spark, that little tug
from that part of you.
Asking for some attention.
(28:52):
Let yourself be a bit confused.
You can go back to my previousepisode called Overcoming
Certainty and EmbracingConscious Confusion.
Could be a helpful guide if youare feeling confused, which most
of us are, and it's totallyappropriate.
You're right on time.
(29:12):
This is a sacred, important, andappropriate inquiry for these
times.
Stay with yourself, stay withthe feeling.
It's rebellious to stay.
It's rebellious to not just tryto fix.
To go back to some knowing thatmay not even be yours.
Allow the jitters to be there.
(29:33):
Detangle comfort and safety,because they're usually all
knotted up.
And when you do that, in a wayyou're on the heroine's journey.
You're more willing to bechanged.
This is our work.
To meet each other, to meetourselves, to show up
(29:55):
imperfectly, to be tender, anddon't worry so much about.
Getting it right or being good.
And we show up, even in theupside down, and maybe
especially here.
Beautiful things await us.
Because what awaits us is us.
That's how I know.
(30:15):
That's how I know it'sbeautiful.
Call your spirit back.
Let the earth stabilize yourpost-colonial and secure
jitters.
Thanks for your patience withme.
Thanks for being here in thejacuzzi verse with me.
Thank you for letting me bechanged by you and by making
(30:39):
this for you.
It's my honor.
(31:16):
Send it to a friend.
And if you haven't already, makesure to boop that subscribe
button so you don't miss what'scoming next.
And if you are listening onApple Podcasts, give us a
rating.
Five stars.
In a written review.
Send me the name of your review,and I'll add you to the monthly
raffle for a free coachingsession with me.
Subscribing, rating, andreviewing are amazing, and they
(31:39):
help us out immensely.
And you listening, you sharingwith your community is the very
best thing that we in thejacuzzi verse could hope for.
So thank you, Crybabies.
Thank you for your support.
Earworm theme music by the verytalented Kat Otison.
(32:00):
Sound design and editing magicby the effervescent Rose
Blakelock.
Keep questioning, keep feeling,keep rebelling in all the ways
that matter.
And remember the jacuzzi iseverywhere.
At any moment you could enterinto the version of non
(32:21):
normative consciousness.
That is jacuzzi consciousness.
I remember a couple of years back sitting with the
realization that I had createdsome things that I had really
wanted, and then when I hadthem, I realized I didn't really
want them anymore.
I was complete.
(00:58):
Or they were changing in waysthat were no longer for me, no
longer resonant.
And that really threw me for aloop.
And you know, it's just sofriggin' human to try something
and to create, to experiment, tostretch into an unknown, to make
(01:25):
something that didn't existbefore.
And then realize that throughthe making of it, there was some
satisfaction, some completion,or some new bit of information
that dropped in and directed usinto uh a new timeline.
(01:48):
You know, this is what Dr.
Catherine Svela, uh mythologist,used to live here in the high
desert.
And she did this workshop yearsago called The Heroine's
Journey.
And god damn it, just really oneof the best workshops I've ever
taken.
Thank you, Catherine.
Also, shout out, her podcast iscalled Mythic Mojo.
(02:10):
Excellent.
10 out of 10.
Okay, so the workshop was calledThe Heroine's Journey.
And it was juxtaposed to thehero's journey and without
breaking that whole thing down.
Uh, one of the defining aspectsthat feels really relevant to
where I'm sitting and thisreflection of creating things
(02:36):
and getting to a place that youreally wanted to get to, and
then you get there, and thenyou're changed, and you
potentially want to go in adifferent direction.
So that's one of the definingaspects of the heroine's
journey, that we're consistentlybeing changed by our
experiences, by ourrelationships, and becoming more
ourselves as we're shaped, aswe're changed by others, as
(03:03):
we're changed by experience, byliving.
And it's not just about beingfocused on the end goal, which,
you know, dominant culture ispretty pretty focused on that.
Right?
Don't slow down, don't, don'tget distracted, just keep going.
Never, never waver, neverundulate.
(03:26):
And I think about that all thetime because our culture tells
us that in order for somethingto be successful, it has to last
forever.
Forever, never, never, never,never.
I mean, just on and on and on.
Right?
Legacy, legacy, legacy, la la lala la.
I just I don't think that's veryhuman.
(03:46):
It's not very heroin's journey.
I mean, as humans, we'retransitory.
We're being transformed all thetime.
We're always changing.
Right?
All that you touch, you change.
All that you change changes you.
The only lasting truth ischange.
God is change.
I mean, all of the cells in ourbody turn over every seven
(04:08):
years.
We're literally brand new peopleevery seven years.
So all of that, that wholelittle undulating path to here,
to this moment, because I'm hereagain.
Or relative.
And it has to do with thejacuzzi verse.
Because when I was envisioningthis season, third season, and I
(04:32):
knew I wanted to have a theme.
I knew I wanted it to berebellion.
I wanted to play with the ideaof having a theme.
And that theme seemed like areal good one to expand upon and
stretch and help everyone, allthe crybabies, across the lands,
(04:53):
across the jacuzzi verse andbeyond.
What's beyond the jacuzzi verse?
I don't know.
To embrace rebellion, smallacts, big acts to see how we can
practice it all the time and howwe must practice it all the
time.
And the other thing was that Iwanted to do interviews, right?
So I wanted to do interviews,and I had an idea for how I
(05:15):
wanted to do it.
It was gonna be a little morePee-wee's Playhouse character
sort of drop-in.
I wanted it to feel a littleless podcasty, interviewe, and
more like a community of folksthat we were continuing to visit
and chat with, and but havinglike really deep, profound, and
(05:39):
sweet chats.
I mean, in Pee-Wee's Playhouse,Pee Wee's Playhouse, Pee-Wee
speaking, you'd see the samecrew of weird beloved beings,
and then sometimes new oneswould drop in or they would just
reappear once in a while.
Like the Countess, C-O-WCountess.
She was a cow with a T on.
(06:02):
She was like, Hello, Pee Wee.
Oh man, I am realizing how muchthe Countess sounds just like
the magical librarian.
That's a coincidence.
And then I didn't do what I hadenvisioned.
(06:24):
I started interviewing people.
I felt like I just gotten aflow.
I wanted to record interviews, Iwanted to edit them, and I just
sort of put my initial creativevision on the shelf.
And as much as I love everyinterview I've done so far, I
mean, just with people I trulylove and admire, and I'm so
(06:47):
delighted and proud that I'veintroduced you to other humans
and voices and perspectives andresources that may now be
regular transformational guidesin your life.
But something about it, aboutthe rhythm, about the way I was
doing it, behind the scenes,jacuzzi verse work.
(07:12):
Like I couldn't quite get myrhythm.
I was just like doing thingsgetting kind of in my rhythm.
And then I would edit anotherthing and edit an interview and
then sort of fall out of my Idon't have a word for it.
The just like my my creativeflow.
(07:36):
I never fully submerged into thejacuzzi verse.
Like I wanted it.
It just isn't my kink.
And you know what?
I'm telling you this becausethat's totally okay.
(07:59):
I did a thing.
I tried something out, Iexperimented with it, I gave my
resources of my preciousattention and my energy and
money and time, and I learned alot from it.
And I'm not abandoning thepodcast in any way, shape, or
(08:21):
form, but I'm gonna leave thatparticular format of interviews
or that the the rhythm, thepacing.
I'm gonna change that up.
That's not gonna be how the nextseasons are going to unfold.
Because what's so important tome is that crying in my jacuzzi
(08:48):
is deeply creatively satisfying.
That's my number one measure.
Not metrics, not conversions,not even subscribers or listens.
I'm basically telling you thatI'm the most important thing.
But I I feel like in that issome form of rebellion because
(09:18):
culture teaches us that likeeverything needs to be
monetizable, or you know, youneed to put things in certain
formats and package them up incertain ways for people to
consume them with as much, youknow, ease and whatever is
possible.
(09:38):
And like I'm not I'm not tryingto do that.
I want to make something, and Ihope you enjoy it.
I know some of you out there do,because you tell me, and I
fucking love that, thank you.
For everyone who does tell me,it really means a lot to me.
But I could feel it, I couldfeel myself not in full
(10:01):
resonance, and because there'sso much conditioning we get, so
much needing to have all of thisempirical evidence to support my
decision.
(10:24):
I can just say that I can feelit in my body to be true.
And my knowing doesn't come frommy mind alone, it comes from my
feet on the ground, it comesfrom my body moving through
space, it comes from the way myheart feels, it comes from my
(10:45):
relationships, it comes from theway I feel when I breathe.
It comes from how well I'msleeping.
And so I'm calling myself back.
(11:10):
And giving myself permission toknow what I know and feel what I
feel, and let that be thecorrect guiding force for me,
and to give myself permission tohave paused and chewed on what
was true for me, just knowinglittle bit by little bit by
(11:34):
little bit, and then finallygiving myself enough slow-down
medicine to understand myemotions, to understand why
things were feeling the way thatthey were feeling.
I mean, a creative revelation ina time when everything feels
(11:55):
upside down and we're allgrasping for certainty.
And I'm saying, like, woo,uncertainty.
But I've allowed myself to beuncertain, and then I found my
own clarity.
(12:16):
Hello.
Hello there.
Oh, oh my god.
The magical librarian.
I was just talking about you.
SPEAKER_01 (12:31):
Yes, I've heard you imitating me.
I thought it was quite precious.
SPEAKER_00 (12:39):
Even if it wasn't quite on the mob.
Oh my god, you heard that.
Well, I was actually doing animpression of the kids.
SPEAKER_01 (12:47):
Anyhow, I haven't seen you in quite some time.
And all the crybabies.
SPEAKER_00 (13:02):
the library, and I've I've missed you too.
And I know the crybabies maybehave also missed going to the
library this season.
I was busy talking to a wholelot of other people, which was
great.
SPEAKER_01 (13:18):
Yes, I listened to some of those interviews.
First, human is that she know.
SPEAKER_00 (13:29):
I know, I'm so lucky, right?
Well, I didn't mean to let somuch time pass.
SPEAKER_01 (13:35):
Never keep mine.
The library is always availablewhenever you're ready to come
back.
But today, once I heard yousomebody in a way, you're the
countess, who sounds like afascinating being.
(13:56):
I thought that I would bring youa poem from the ladder.
It's a poem from Joy Harjo, whoI'm sure you're familiar with.
Here you go.
(14:16):
Why don't you give it a readingto the crybast?
SPEAKER_00 (14:24):
Uh yes.
This is perfect.
Thank you.
This is a a Joy Harjo poemcalled For Calling the Spirit
Back from Wandering the Earthand its human feet.
Put down that bag of potatochips, that white bread, that
(14:48):
bottle of pop.
Turn off that cell phone,computer, and remote control.
Open the door, then close itbehind you.
Take a breath offered byfriendly winds.
They travel the earth gatheringessences of plants to clean.
Give it back with gratitude.
(15:09):
If you sing, it will give yourspirit lift to fly to the stars'
ears and back.
Acknowledge this earth who hascared for you since you were a
dream planting itself preciselywithin your parents' desire.
Let your moccasin feet take youto the encampment of the
guardians who have known youbefore time, who will be there
(15:31):
after time.
They sit before the fire thathas been there without time.
Let the earth stabilize yourpost-colonial, insecure jitters.
Be respectful of the smallinsects, birds, and animal
people who accompany you.
Ask their forgiveness for theharm we humans have brought down
(15:52):
upon them.
Don't worry.
The heart knows the way, thoughthere may be high-rises,
interstates, checkpoints, armedsoldiers, maskers, wars, and
those who will despise youbecause they despise themselves.
The journey might take you a fewhours, a day, a year, a few
years, a hundred, a thousand, oreven more.
(16:14):
Watch your mind.
Without training, it might runaway and leave your heart for
the immense human feast set bythe thieves of time.
Do not hold regrets.
When you find your way to thecircle, to the fire kept burning
by the keepers of your soul, youwill be welcomed.
(16:34):
You must clean yourself withcedar, sage, or other healing
plant.
Cut the ties you have to failureand shame.
Let go the pain you are holdingin your mind, your shoulders,
your heart, all the way to yourfeet.
Let go the pain of yourancestors to make way for those
who are heading in ourdirection.
(16:56):
Ask for forgiveness.
Call upon the help of those wholove you.
These helpers take many forms: animal, element, bird, angel, (17:00):
undefined
saint, stone, or ancestor.
Call your spirit back.
It may be caught in corners andcreases of shame, judgment, and
human abuse.
You must call in a way that yourspirit will want to return.
Speak to it as you would to abeloved child.
(17:25):
Welcome your spirit back fromits wandering.
It may return in pieces andtatters.
Gather them together.
They will be happy to be foundafter being lost for so long.
Your spirit will need to sleep awhile after it is bathed and
given clean clothes.
Now you can have a party.
(17:46):
Invite everyone you know wholoves and supports you.
Keep room for those who have noplace else to go.
Make a giveaway and remember,keep the speeches short.
Then you must do this.
Help the next person find theirway through the dark.
(18:13):
This is from Conflict Resolutionfor Holy Beings.
Thank you, Joy.
And by the way, in case youdon't know, Joy Harjo was a
United States poet laureate in2019.
Born in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
(18:39):
Please pardon me if I'mmispronouncing that.
Thank you.
Thank you, magical librarian,for bringing us that.
That was perfect.
And I didn't know that themagical library made house calls
or did delivery.
Impromptu delivery.
SPEAKER_01 (19:00):
Well sometimes we make exceptions.
Besides, it had been too longsince I felt the grind, babies.
Don't let too much grass growuntil your next exit.
Okay.
Agreed.
SPEAKER_00 (19:34):
Post-colonial jitters.
That was exactly what I neededto hear.
Maybe you two.
I mean, it makes all the sensein the world to be jittery as
the systems collapse as we facethe poly crisis with each other.
(20:01):
Like that's what we have, ourrelationships to ourselves, to
each other, to the land.
I mean, to spirit.
There are many, many layers ofrelationships that we can and
must practice with.
And we're being forced to let goof a lot of things.
(20:24):
And it's okay to let go.
It's okay to change.
It's okay to move on fromthings.
It's okay to recognize thatyou've put a lot of time and
energy into something and it'sno longer working.
It's no longer or it's no longerresonant.
I don't know.
Maybe it was never resonant.
(20:44):
That's for you to tune into.
This is all I do every day withclients is help them figure out
what is resonance for them, whatis true for them, what is most
valuable for them, how they gothere, how to be present, how to
vision what's next, but not fromother people's visions, from
(21:07):
their own.
We keep doing things becausesomewhere, someone let us and
(21:28):
maybe our entire lineage knowthat if we stopped, if we
changed, if we didn't takesomething all the way to the
far, far, far reaches, that we'dbe failures.
That we would have made thewrong decision.
And oh God, we're so scared ofmaking the wrong decision.
(21:52):
But what if you can't get itwrong?
Which also means sometimes,like, what if you can't get it
right either?
We have to like let go of thatbinary.
Again, post-colonial jittersright there.
Decolonial jitters, right?
I mean, I didn't get anythingwrong.
I tried something, Iexperimented, I was changed by
(22:14):
it.
And I mean a few years ago, andI mean right here in this season
of Crying and My Jacuzzi, theebbs and flows of living an
examined life where we live.
Love, love in the Anthropocene.
And I'm even being changed by mybeing changed.
Whoa.
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
So cool.
SPEAKER_00 (22:35):
Just meaning that I'm continuing to see and feel
more and feel more resonant andmore clear as I share this with
you.
As I say it, as I feel the wordshumming in my bones, as I honor
that I gave myself permission topause, permission to get it
(22:57):
wrong, to have gotten it wrong,even though you know I don't
really believe in that, but Ihad to reckon with that.
I'm human.
And I know that the breakneckpace we're all shoved into, and
the urgency and the fucking justterror, right?
All the hypervigilance thatwe're feeling and like the fight
(23:19):
and the flight, right?
Like, which are brilliant,brilliant manifestations of our
nervous system, right?
Those are not inappropriate.
We don't want to be in them allthe time, every second of the
day, but we want to honor that,like our nervous systems.
Yes, we can work withresilience, but we're not
(23:39):
supposed to be a bunch ofchilled-out zombies right now.
You know what I mean?
It's fine.
I'm fine.
And it's really hard to be infreeze all the time.
Like, that's a hard one.
Sometimes it saves lives.
And sometimes a lot of us are infunctional freeze a lot, and
it's worth, you know, tending tothe nervous systems, doing that
(23:59):
work, which we've talked lotsabout over the many episodes, so
that we can be present, so thatway we can feel when it is the
right time to to fight, torebel, and to be in relationship
with ourselves because whenwe're overwhelmed, we lose
(24:20):
access to our healthy no.
Remember from last episode, theinterview with Sarah Payton.
You can go back and listen, butall of that was about the
disgust circuit.
Ugh, I'm obsessed.
SPEAKER_01 (24:31):
Oh my god, ew, David!
SPEAKER_00 (24:33):
But basically, it's how we know what's for us and
what's not for us.
And for most of us, that circusis circus, not circuit, I mean,
not a circus, is compromised,right?
And so it's very easy to beoverwhelmed because we don't
know how to say no.
We don't know how to say that isfor me and that is not for me.
(24:55):
And even if we have access tothat ability to like pause and
and understand ourselves andknow what's resonant and access
the healthy no, we are all stillinside of the systems here that
are collapsing.
Livestream genocide,destabilized democracy, fascism,
wars on wars on wars, and tellyour own personal life stuff,
(25:18):
right?
People being fucking snatchedand detained, even though it is
not a crime to be undocumented.
Literally, it's not a crime.
It's a civil matter, not acriminal matter.
So the jitters, thepost-colonial jitters, the
(25:44):
rattled nervous systems, theconfusion.
That's all happening, and Ithink it's some radical,
disruptive rebel shit for us toslow down so that we contend to
(26:04):
those feelings, those inquiries,those inklings, those ways in
which we know when something isactually not for us.
Because for me, I kind of lostinterest in making more
episodes.
And I was like, what the fuck isthat about?
And instead of pushing myselfthrough, or instead of shutting
(26:28):
it down, or shutting myselfdown, I looked.
I looked at the scary thingbecause I was scared to look.
I was scared what I'd see.
And instead I just saw myself.
Hey, and my truth.
So we can practice this and wecan call it rebellion.
(26:52):
You've heard me say this amillion times over the season,
seasons, really, but we canpractice in small ways and big
ways in our own lives, our owninner world, like I just did,
you know, looking at looking atthis podcast and my relationship
(27:13):
to this creative expression.
And like, look, there are peopleputting their bodies on the
lines, like that woman in thepolka dot dress, like middle
fingers out, getting in front ofthat ice truck in DC.
Or the people putting theirbodies on the lines, protesting
for Palestinian liberation.
(27:34):
These are different kinds ofdisruption, different scales,
but same muscle.
The muscle of consciousness, themuscle of presence, the muscle
of resonance, the muscle ofagency.
So maybe you need a pause.
Maybe you need to pausesomewhere.
Can you give yourself that?
(27:54):
Or can you just tune in to likesome need?
If a pause feels too big, justtry it in the tiniest, tiniest
little fractal sense, becausethis is the way that we
practice.
SPEAKER_02 (28:07):
That got the jitters out of me.
SPEAKER_00 (28:09):
Some checking in with yourself, seeing how you
feel, see what's going on foryou, listen to it, feel it, see
if there's a need, an unmet needat the core of it.
Put some self-warmth there.
And then see if you can meetyourself with that need.
(28:30):
Or if you can ask someone forhelp with it.
Just turn towards yourself, turntowards how you're feeling.
Turn towards that tiny, tinylittle spark, that little tug
from that part of you.
Asking for some attention.
(28:52):
Let yourself be a bit confused.
You can go back to my previousepisode called Overcoming
Certainty and EmbracingConscious Confusion.
Could be a helpful guide if youare feeling confused, which most
of us are, and it's totallyappropriate.
You're right on time.
(29:12):
This is a sacred, important, andappropriate inquiry for these
times.
Stay with yourself, stay withthe feeling.
It's rebellious to stay.
It's rebellious to not just tryto fix.
To go back to some knowing thatmay not even be yours.
Allow the jitters to be there.
(29:33):
Detangle comfort and safety,because they're usually all
knotted up.
And when you do that, in a wayyou're on the heroine's journey.
You're more willing to bechanged.
This is our work.
To meet each other, to meetourselves, to show up
(29:55):
imperfectly, to be tender, anddon't worry so much about.
Getting it right or being good.
And we show up, even in theupside down, and maybe
especially here.
Beautiful things await us.
Because what awaits us is us.
That's how I know.
(30:15):
That's how I know it'sbeautiful.
Call your spirit back.
Let the earth stabilize yourpost-colonial and secure
jitters.
Thanks for your patience withme.
Thanks for being here in thejacuzzi verse with me.
Thank you for letting me bechanged by you and by making
(30:39):
this for you.
It's my honor.
(31:16):
Send it to a friend.
And if you haven't already, makesure to boop that subscribe
button so you don't miss what'scoming next.
And if you are listening onApple Podcasts, give us a
rating.
Five stars.
In a written review.
Send me the name of your review,and I'll add you to the monthly
raffle for a free coachingsession with me.
Subscribing, rating, andreviewing are amazing, and they
(31:39):
help us out immensely.
And you listening, you sharingwith your community is the very
best thing that we in thejacuzzi verse could hope for.
So thank you, Crybabies.
Thank you for your support.
Earworm theme music by the verytalented Kat Otison.
(32:00):
Sound design and editing magicby the effervescent Rose
Blakelock.
Keep questioning, keep feeling,keep rebelling in all the ways
that matter.
And remember the jacuzzi iseverywhere.
At any moment you could enterinto the version of non
(32:21):
normative consciousness.
That is jacuzzi consciousness.
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