May 27, 2021 • 47 mins
Have you ever had a friendship that began to feel "off"? Or do you feel that you've outgrown the people around you? This episode is dedicated to learning how to deal with and heal from friendships that do you more harm than good, mentally and emotionally. From learning to identify whether or not a friendship is toxic or not, to advice on how to move on and make decisions and build friendships that are both meaningful and healthy, this episode covers the topic from A to Z.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
One to clean queen cheers, clank out loud cheers. Girls
want to clean? For once? Who was like to three cheers?
Welcome to crying in public, Sydney. Hi, Okay, Sarah, what's
(00:25):
going on? Not much cool? Great conversation, guys. Sarah got
card today and I didn't walk. I'll never forget the
meanest thing Sarah has ever said to me ever, And
it was like two years ago. I looked like I
was twelve. There was a context though, but then now
you prove me wrong today. So how does that feel like?
I'm a big twel role with us very overdeveloped? No,
(00:51):
I know, I don't know why I said it. It
just came out, but it was funny. You were also
wearing your hair back and you were literally dressed in pajamas,
so maybe that's why I said it. But you don't
usually look like a twelve year old. You never leave
at a twelver. I'm never leaving the house again because
the forehead jokes are coming back and I won't do it.
I would get bangs, but they look even worse than
my forehead because I feel like that's just like doubly cruel.
(01:13):
Didn't you have thanks as a child. Yes, I looked
so good. I thought I did when I hosted the
selfie on Facebook, and I was like, got bangs, hate it.
And the amount of times at that meme or that
picture I has been shut up in group chats and
in chapel of videos as a joke when in high
school really hurt me because I thought I was bad
(01:34):
as it so funny. So was it like a meme
at your high school? It was a meme. My entire
Facebook wasn't mean because I was like that kid used
it way too much and used every filter, text tag
if you're my bestie. Oh. The worst part is though
I never went back and changed it, so it's just
the same way as it was when you were literally
imported nine years old. And so like one of my
ex is mom or like whatever he is um mom
(01:56):
added me on Facebook. That's all she saw and probably
like she physically nine years old. That is so funny.
I really want to go stock your Facebook now. I
tried to purge it. People say that like white people
call the grandparents the funniest me. Mom, yeah, Papa people, grandma, pappy,
something like that, call my grandma grand crackers. And she
(02:18):
would literally scream at me mines air bubble in my throat.
My Grandma's called abu because sure for abolita, because I
could say that obviously when I was like three, so
I called her Abu was the only thing I could say.
You told me that. I was like the fucking monkey
from a Laddin. You want your grandma? What the fun
When you meet her, you have to tell her you
(02:39):
said that, because that's so funny. Me and my grandpa's
pop up. That's what my little brother calls my stepmom's
tags French is pop papa, mammy, but I feel like
pop up is so common. It was like literally the
translation in French. Yes, yeah, excep for he calls his
(02:59):
grandma mammy and then his mom mommy. So I would like,
who the hell are you calling mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah,
I guess the French have away about them. Genes cafe cheese. Um,
I have no idea what genestic qua means. Well never,
I don't know what to say. I just say and
so you know it's a certain genestic Qua said that
(03:21):
to me the other day, and I was too scared
to ascuate him, and so I was like yes, yeah,
like yeah, I think it means like a oh no,
I get GENESSI Qua and Juada Vieve mixed up. Davieve
was in the Nanny Want was like a certain quality
of life? Is it? In the Nanny theme song would
you like to start? And then Genese quas little like
geness actually name because I feel like the same thing
(03:45):
that botle shop and flashing. Remember when I said barber
shop in Tennessee. I will never not say mcnanny at
the end, mcfanny mcnanny, wait, Jenna say qua. I'm gonna
have a fight with ever made that language because none
of these letters are in the words. It means I
(04:06):
don't know what a little certain I don't know what
I'm gonna say that all of the time now. And
the exuberant enjoyment of life in the song. In this
like French jazz song that I really like, I forget
the name of it. This girl like talks in French
for like two minutes and you know what song No
(04:27):
on this jazz song, Sorry, it's not a frest song.
And this French on this French is literally crazy no.
And then in this like jazz song that is primarily
sung in English, there's like someone speaking French to me.
But you know what other song does that is partitioned
by Beyonce. Someone's like, yeah, if you're French, I'm so
(04:49):
so I'm just gonna speak on behalf. Okay, I'm speaking
on behalf of Sydney, who's stepmom is French. So I'm
not I'm not being offensive. It's just because I know
someone the lifens and the weapons up to you know,
we're offense to Italians. So speaking of us being toxic,
toxic and offensive. Um today today Today, So we get
(05:11):
a lot of d m s like so obviously when
we do like Q and A episodes, Okay, we I
think the whole world. What are you trying to say that?
They mix up Q and A and advice Q and
apps to be about the speakers, advices about the listeners.
So so, um, what we're talking? Oh yeah, today's topic,
(05:33):
today's topic. Yes, so we get so we do like
advice episodes. Yes, we like um posted on our stories.
Also we're talking we're active on our stories. I'm just
gonna hate it, but we're gonna we're gonna do it.
Um that what are you talking about? Oh yeah, we
put advice like a little like question box on our
Instagram stories and like, if you want advice, tell us
(05:54):
your problems, and we always get so many and always
so long if you look, because we're like very invested
in everyone's lives. Were like people for updates that we
text them. But the most like the question we get,
the topic we get are most about. Sorry, Saramy, it's
Margarita's and I literally can't speak English anymore. The topic
we get asked about most is dealing with toxic friendships,
(06:17):
and like I can speak for myself where I've been there,
done that so many times. And I think because we
hear about it so much, but people are scared to
talk about it. It makes them seem bad in the
sense that like, while I'm not losing a friend, things
like that, I like something that's so natural, and so
we're gonna like dive in deep dive. I'm about to
dive splash. I love that song. Is this true for you? Whenever?
(06:50):
And I always try to tell myself, Sarah, don't categorize
people like this, but I can't help but do it.
Whenever I need a girl and she seems so sweet
and she tells me I don't have any girlfriends from
high school. Only guy friends. Every single time I've met
a girl like that, they turn out to be one
(07:11):
of the worst people I've ever met in my life.
It's happened exactly three times, and it's every time when
I've met them and they're so nice, and I'm like,
how does everyone from high stig? Like, how does every
girl from high school hate you? You seem like such
a pleasant, loving, welcoming person. Two months later that person
is the spawn of Satan? Every time? Does that ever
happen to you? I don't know. I think it's one
(07:33):
two things. One, there's a very cecific type of girl
that's like I just vibe with guys more. I think
there's nothing wrong with that because like even for myself,
I have a lot more guys from some new girlfriends.
I think just because, like we talked about this in
last episode, but like in social settings, girls scaring and
more than guys do for some reason, a lot more
calm around guys, Like I'm very chill, but like for girls,
(07:55):
I feel more of need to impress them, and like
with guys, is not really about like, oh is she pretty?
It's her makeup done right? What are her clothes? When
she ran? Like a real Lovie and she had like
her real cardierring on stuff like that with guys as
just like energy personality, and that's very big ugalization because
obviously it's not really like that. But I think for me,
the first thing in my head when I meet girls
just like shit, I'm not pretty next to being there
(08:16):
of space or they don't want me my sate because
I don't look like x X and X. So I
understand like that side of things. No, but it's true
in a sense because like I, I mean, I can
speak for myself of my primary friend group back at home,
it is made up out of like five or six
guys and one other girl and myself. But I still
have a lot of my girlfriends from high school left
(08:36):
that are still my friends. They're just not in my
core friend group. You know why because girls, especially from
my high school, which if you have not listened to
your new to the episodes, I came from an all girls,
Catholic private high school, so oftentimes the environment was very
category toxic but titled episode. But like um guys for
me that didn't go to my school, because I went
to know girls school, it was so much easier to
(08:58):
be drama free for me personally, like you just said
for me personally, girl, every trying to say every time
because you don't understand that for me does mean personally.
She's saying personally personally, have now, so I never stop saying.
It's one of Sarah's tells where I know she's about
to lie or she's trying to say something that would
hurt my feelings. It's trying to like soften to blow.
(09:19):
So I'm like, this is ugly she goes for me personally,
it's not my style, and I'm like, a girl, just
tell me now, like where we like you seeming to
each other. Like I did a dish for me today
and I was like, oh my god, she's like watching
my plate. I was like, girl, it's literally a plate.
(09:39):
We get alongest roommates though, because like we just don't
feel need to be me. I also went to like
a very small uh school. It wasn't all girls, but
it was episcopalian. But my grade had like maybe a
hundred twenty kids graduating, so like everyone knew everyone everyone's business.
But there were like four friend groups for the entire grade.
It's like my girlfriend a group had like fourteen people
(10:01):
in it, like corresponding guys had like five main guys
and like seven people would just like showed up randomly
to places that were like what. But because we went
from school together from some of us from school for mother,
from kindergarten to senior year. Some must did seventh grade
of senior year, so like we need each other for
a very very very long time. And there was obviously
drama and drama and drama. So because we're forced to
(10:23):
be together for like literally eight years straight through all
the drama, the callinists whatever, I think we learned how
to sustain friendships, how to resolve things, how to forgive people,
how to be worthy of forgiveness. And that's from a
very young age. Yeah, so even friends, Like I'm still
friends with them to this day, but we don't have
to talk every day, but when I do go home
or like my text and I here, how are you doing,
we have like days of laughing, catching up whatever. Because
(10:46):
I feel like we were forced to learn how to
be a good friend, how to forgive, how to you know,
reboid relationships. And I think in college and beyond that
it's so much different because you can just be like peace,
never see them again. But like On top of that,
there's also a negative side to that, in the sense that,
like I, Sarah can attest to this, like when I
(11:06):
lose friends, I don't necessarily gets sad, just because I
feel like if that person was removed from my life,
it was there, it was removed for a reason, and
they removed for a reason because you outgrow people, you mature.
And I've always had the idea of quality of friends
or quantity of friends. So I could have two friends
who I think are the best, They're great, they don't
(11:28):
ever have any problems or supportive of each other, or
rather have that than ten friends who are awful to
me behind my back and treat me like shit or
make me feel like I don't like worthy of being
who I am or whatever like that. So I feel
like there's a negative and a positive to that. Yeah,
I also feel and this might sound a little like
self centered, but I also think, especially in your case,
that if someone was removed from your life, it wouldn't
(11:50):
be for anything you did in my eyes, because you
would never do anything as bad that bad to be
literally like exiled, excommunicated, shunned, expelled. I think I already
said that from someone's life, you know what I mean. Like,
we've been friends for not like insanely long, like not
like fifteen years or anything. But in the three years
I've known you, we've always been able to communicate in
(12:13):
a very specific way where we know not only each
other's side, but that we're both sorry and we're we're
not one of us has never not been sorry for
even the slight misunderstanding. And I think that there's a
very big difference between that. I feel like one of like,
do you know, like if I do care about someone,
I will fight to feet and nail. That's a saying absolutely,
(12:33):
You've done it for me before to make sure I
resolve things because like people are important to me. But
I think that this is one thing I've always kept
in my life. Advice for all touch relationships, just like
as a general like a self rule, is that you
can always tell the future or the quality relationship by
the way you fight with someone. Fight with respect. It's
my biggest thing. There's no respect, there's something to resolve.
(12:55):
And then number two is there two ways to fight.
There's fight to win and fight to resolve. If you're
fighting to win, that's toxic relationship right there, because if
you're not trying to fix any issues fixing relationships, if
you're trying to fight so that you can win and win,
what is the question. That's the ultimate what the fuck?
So if you're fighting to win or fighting to win
(13:16):
or something to resolve, But if you're fighting to fix things,
fighting to resolve, fighting to come to an understanding and
there's respects there, then that's something that's worth saving. And
that's how I've always had an outlook on I'm just
friendship relationships is all like any kind of interpersonal communication, relationship,
whatever like that. That's how I've always navigated and arguing
and things like that. For sure. I think that there's
(13:36):
also signs you don't cross. Those include family, Those include friends,
Those like other friends that don't have to do with
anything about the fight. Those include your significant others. Like,
there are so many lines that you don't cross that
I think often do get crossed in inter friendship slash
(13:56):
workplace fights. And that's so absurd to me, because it's
if you're mad at me, Like, if someone is piste
at me, why not just concentrate all of that energy
on me? Did my boyfriend do something to you know?
Did my parents do something? Did my dog do something
to you? Did my other friend do something? Our mutual
friends you something? No, like, don't go blabbing off to
other people about our argument when they literally doesn't concern
(14:19):
anything except for the fact that there was a miscommunication
between two people. That gets me going. But the amount
people that brought up my exes and fights, like you're
actually like ship and I'm like, okay, why do you
Why why can't I talk to you like this? When
you let your boyfriend talk to you like that? Start
(14:40):
read time I like to fight went my old friends
like years ago, and I will never forget. This was
the exact moment. I was like, I don't everyone speak
to you again? And like if this is done? Because
she went, why do you let men, specifically the guy
I was saying at the time, walk all over you?
But when I do, it's a problem. I was like, girly, sweetie, honey,
(15:02):
boo boo, sweetie, ladybugpie, did you just hear what came
out of your mouth? You really thought that? And you
were like I'm gonna say that loud and I'm gonna
go with this, Like that's a move for me. I
looked at her and I was like, girl bye, I'm
pretty sure I screamed and hung up. The funniest part
of that entire scenario because was I there when you
(15:23):
welcome to New York for you yea, I know, I'm
say sorry. I was there for that. And the funniest
part was is that her lying, cheating ass boyfriend behind her?
And so he goes outside of my room at literally
eight am. She goes, I'm sorry, is that your cheating
(15:44):
boyfriend on the back, And for the record, he was
cheating on her and they didn't break up. I was
I was just guessing, honestly. But the best part it
was it was seven am. I was like, I know
you didn't come from me that early at seven am.
The thing is, I'm very nonchalant about arguing, like I
don't you don't really care in general, because not worth
the energy. But when you cross that line with me, sweetie,
(16:06):
we're gonna have an issue. So yeah, I don't like.
I don't like fighting, but I'm good at it because
I have three siblings and like they just know that
you're not gonna cross line with me and get away
with it. I don't ever get physical. I would never
get physical with anyone, and people that do get physical
and fights. I know girls that have I know, like
not like that you have, you have things need to
(16:27):
work out, like you're yeah, I'm not crossing that line
with you, and sits one friends with you. If you're
going physical to people, like that's big red flag. But
I don't think that necessarily fighting with your friends as normal.
Fighting is normal, arguing as normal, but I would even
call it fighting. I call it like arguing disagreements. If
you're fighting, we're getting into like very serious like or
(16:48):
like girly it's done. But also like I think people
are scared because like one damn we got once you
remember it, maybe where the girl was, Like my entire
friend group just makes me feel like a bad person,
Like I don't feel welcome when I'm with him. I
don't feel confident, I don't feel loved. But I'm scared
to not have friends. And it's so easy to be like, oh, girl,
just leave and you'll find friends. But I think it
(17:09):
comes to a cot to put your mental health first
and like your confidence and your self esteem first, and
that may mean being alone for a little bit, but
it's like if you can work through those issues and
find friends that do support you and love you, then
that's worth the world. You know, Um, did you see
this TikTok about this guy in Washington Square Park who
made a video and was like, oh my god, if
(17:30):
you live in New York City, I have some tea
for you if you're like and if this is you,
your friends hate you? And I heard that. I was like,
oh my god, fuck, is this guy literally ratting on me?
Like where was I in Washington Squarepark? But just kidding,
because he was like, if your name is Marissa and
you hear this, like your friends literally hate you, and
the name was Marissa and she made a video and
(17:50):
was like, oh my god, no way, because apparently he
overheard some like a group of six girls on the
street being like, let's have our birthday party this day
because Marrissa is gonna be out of town. I hate
that bitch, hate that continent. Blah blah blah. So he
made a video was like, help me find Marissa because
her friends are literally the worst and so probably embarrassing.
That's actually really mean though on his part. Marissa made
(18:11):
a video and she was like, oh my god, yeah,
I figured I kind of like already knew so she like,
I mean, I would have gotten it if she didn't know,
or if she was like, oh my god, like this
is so upsetting, Like I would have been more like
understandable why he made that video or the whole thing
would have been a little bit better, which is a
(18:32):
little bit hypocritical on my part because I did all
the information, but like Marissa was just like, oh yeah,
like I already knew that, and like that sucks, but
I already figured that they would do something like that.
She seemed very aware of the current situation, and I
know they didn't name any names, so it's obviously like
not that big of a deal, Like no one came
at them and like threatened to kill them or find
(18:53):
them in their apartments and literally murder them, but you know,
still very publicly embarrassing. Probably could have been a wait,
it probably shouldn't have been, Like bro, I not just alone,
was like, if your name is Sarah, everyone world hates
you and he saw on your TikTok, I'd be like,
damn out and if you cry worth seemed like she
knew about it though, and had fun with it. But
(19:14):
still you're so right, because what if she didn't like
what if she didn't know, it was like devastated. That
would have sucked for three million people on TikTok to
know about that. I think the video itself got up
to like seven million views. That's am just saying people
knowing that people hate you. Like I feel like I'd
handle hate pretty well just because like girly what you're
saying about myself anyway, but like things like that at
(19:38):
that scale, I don't know if I could do, because
I'd be like zam. Also, um, I hate bringing TikTok
drama to life just because I've been canceled before and
it sucks over literally nothing and like seriously nothing. But like, yeah,
that was just like a very good example to back
up our point. You know, like sometimes your friends just
(19:58):
literally hate you, and you're like just like just because
the masses think that there's something wrong with you, doesn't
mean that something is actually wrong with you. It could
just me that you need better friends or other friends.
It's not I went to min thremends with each other,
you know, like people change, people become better, they become
worse for like certain situations. So like I like I've
lost friends obviously in the past, but like I have
(20:20):
recently also, but like for me, I wasn't really upset
about it because I feel like I didn't lose friends,
I gained peace, and for me that was very, very
very important, to the point where like I wake up
now and like I just feel better. My room is
cleaner and not right now, Um, I'm reproductive at work,
I want to go out, I want to do stuffing.
You know, before I felt just like so drained. So
(20:40):
I think that that was like a very big step
for me, and I'm happy about it. I'm so happy
about that for you, and I feel the exact same way.
I would feel the exact same way. I feel like
holding onto all that ship is just so draining, you know,
like peace, peace be with you bye, you know exactly.
This is another kind of like red orange lag when
(21:01):
all you can do, like the only thing that connects
you to another person is talking bad about someone else.
You should never base your relationship with a boy with
a girl with the person you're interested in off of
like hatred for someone else, because then that relationship is
based on nothing but negativity and nothing positive can ever
(21:23):
result out of that. Ever, if the only reason you
have something in common with somebody else even is because
this other girl was quote unquote like bitchy. Do you
find something else and quick, like, don't let this new
friendship Like let's say some girl was a bitch to
like you and one other person and like you recently
just stopped being friends with her, don't talk about her,
(21:46):
just like let it go, like SNY just said, find
peace with the situation. And if you're truly happy, if
this is just a cold objective psychological facts, if you
are happy with yourself and then yourself and with that
other person, you are not to let the negativity of
your past relationships burnen it off the time. And I
(22:06):
think we do a very very good job of that
because I just like I don't want the time of
the patients, Like my words are valuable, you know, so
I don't not spend that ship on you. But also
it's like, if you spend your time just talking badly
about people, that's a lot more reflection on you than
is on the person you're talking about, because you might
be talking about like new friends, potential friends, people who
(22:28):
like might have issue whatever, And if they hear you
talking about about someone used to be close to, they
don't be scared to do the same thing to them.
That's why I've always had a policy of just like,
that's the past thing. I don't have the time to
energy to continue talking about this because what we have
was resolved and it's been checked. It's been a race.
I'm not discussing it anymore, you know, So I'm not
(22:48):
feel like I need to just wasting my breath, in
my time, my energy. I completely agree. I really like
hearing your take on the city because I think of
a very very mature take about a lot of this.
Oh yeah, But going back to like how you approach
fighting with friends, I think, like you know, arguing with friends,
the first step is always obviously objectively trying to resolve
the situation and not win the fight. And I think
(23:11):
the second step is understanding that your opinion is not objective,
Understanding that your opinion is not the only opinion, that
even if you don't think you did anything wrong, the
other person clearly thinks that you did something wrong and
that is just as valuable as your own opinion about
the situation. And I think people need to start like parents, children,
relationship boyfriend's, girlfriends, friends, partners, whatever, need to go into
(23:35):
these fights knowing that the other person's opinion is just
as valuable as there as Number one and number two.
People need to learn how to fucking apologize. It's not
i'm sorry, that's yeah, it is an ego thing. I'm sorry.
It's um, I'm sorry that you feel like it's like,
(23:58):
it's like this is the copologies I hate. It's like, oh,
I'm so sorry that you feel that I did that.
But in reality, even if you don't think you did
anything wrong, even after hearing the other person's side of
the story, it's not even then, it's not and I'm
sorry that you think that I did this. It's and
(24:19):
I'm sorry that I did this because it hurt you.
I'm sorry and I'll never do it again. And I'm
sorry that this happened, and I'm sorry that I even
said it, did it whatever, But you have to apologize.
You have to know what you did was wrong or
acknowledge that someone else thinks that what you did was wrong.
And that's what's important. Like men love to not apologize,
or they'll be like, i'm sorry you, I'm sorry that
like you thought, or like i'm sorry you hurt by that,
(24:40):
but I'm not sorry I said it and I'm like,
did you literally not learn how to apologize people, because
like that's just not it. It's the most gas lydy
apology I've ever heard. I learned that in the second grade,
you know what I mean, Like, don learn how to
apologize in the school. To apologize my teacher and my
mom told me how to apologize because one time my
mom and I were playing Indy Crush, No candy Land,
(25:02):
not Candy Crush, that's an app Candy Land, and I
lost and I threw a fit and I accidentally kicked
her with my ballet shoe. She thought it was on purpose,
but it really really was an accident, and I kicked her.
The foot was in the face. It literally kicked her
in the toe. I was like streaming on the ground.
I didn't know her foot was there. I'm sorry, Mom.
I was really six. And she was like put me
(25:24):
in time out, blah blah blah. And then I was like,
whooped the funky She sat me in time out in
my winning the pood chair. Oh tell me you're an
only child? Is that telling me you're an only child?
And I got p pal Like my punishment was like
getting a little like mini slap on my hand. Oh
my god, you would have thought I got DiPT in
a boiling hot pile of lava. It was the worst
(25:45):
thing in the world to me. Anyway. Wait, I have
a funny story about that round ahead is that I
got the black in the immigrant treatment at home. But
there's in every black kid I knew got pow the
funk out whenever they got in trouble. But these two
black friends and ther mom was very like peace, love
and happiness. I loved her. And the two boys would
(26:07):
be like a fifteen seventeen and I'm like, go sit
on the stairs right now, and they would be sopping,
and I'm like, I know you are not a grown
person and crying you sit on the steps like, oh,
if you left it the day in my house, you
in the last I mean, but that's how you know
your a good parent. We not to like physically like
(26:29):
touch your child to get a point across, which I've
always stood by. Yeah, I very much agree. Um. And
this one time when I was in all these like
childhood quote unquote traumatic memories are coming back right now.
When I was in third grade in the recess line,
what our school would do is we do a silent
walk from the cafeteria to the recess playground and we'd
(26:53):
go and I'd be in line, and you had to
be like absolutely silent, and if you were caught talking,
the recess monitor would call out the names of the
students that were talking at the end of the lunch line.
And then if your name was called, you have to
go sit on the fence for five only five minutes
out of thirty minutes recess time. Only one day, only
one day my name was called, and I was out
(27:15):
of commission for three to four days. I was so
sad at myself and mad at myself that I told
the principle. I went to the principle's office and I
told her I've been bad. You should punish me. I don't.
I don't belong here. I'm gonna go to jail. Oh.
I was so upset. I was one of those kids,
the goody goody, like I told my teacher. I was
(27:36):
crying that attire recess literally didn't go to school the
next day. I was good at goody in high school,
but an elementary school. I was literally test from Camp Rock,
but thicker test. Oh my gosh, like I ran that ship.
No way. I think when you take the emotions out
of things and just think rationally, like taking my love,
my affinity towards people out of the situation and look
(27:59):
at it like rationally, like straight at facts and how
I feel as a result of actions. That's when I
make my choices. Yeah, and you don't always you don't
always have to center it like on other people are
like making someone else feel better. Like I'm telling this
in my case just because I feel like whenever I
feel like I did something wrong or weird, I'm always like,
but like I think, focus it more externally and be like,
(28:22):
did they mean it the way they said it? Maybe
I'm thinking about this the wrong way. Let me find
a new angle and let me go into this trying
to resolve something rather than hurt someone's feelings. Always take
a deep breath and try to not take emotions out
of things. That's when like name calling happens and like
personal attacks happens, and that's where that ruins your character.
I always tell Sarah this that you should never let
(28:45):
someone uh compromise your character. She always that is like
her thing to tell me. It's so, let's across that
line that I have a compromise. The funk out of
my character. But that's why my like so that I
guide myself with or at least I try too. It's
not always or fit you're attainable, but I very much
trying the hardest to do so that's what saves on
(29:05):
My friend, like my childhood theater friend, Kelsey's uh Instagram
story the other day she had a poll and I
think it's very interesting to this conversation. I really want
to hear your take on it. The poll was two questions.
It was when do you think it's okay to be
mean or like to to like compromise your character? A
just right off the bat, like is that what you
(29:26):
always do just because like someone hurt you? And like
that's it, Like that's it's over, no matter what it
is really like big, small, whatever. So right off the bat,
B was like, if they do it to you first
see is like if you fell out of touch and
like you aren't friends anymore but your acquaintances. And four
was never And I was like, that's so interesting. What
(29:49):
do you think because I don't know. Thing goes back
to that question of are you fighting to win or
fighting to resolve? So if you're fighting to win and
you're gonna compromise the funk out of whatever you need
to to get your point across. But if you're trying
to resolve, I think that it should never come out.
But the whole, the whole thing about like if they
do it first, you can do it back, just thinking
about like you know, every girl is going to go
(30:11):
show people those texts and frame it so that you're
the evil person no matter what the conversation is, so um,
that's gonna be more of a reflection on you than
it is on them, no matter what you say. And
then keep that in mind because if you don't care
about that thing, girl and go off. But like if
you don't want to compromise who you are or let
someone's evilness or someone's desire to hurt you, or someone's
(30:33):
desire or just not be a good person make you
want to do the same, then like I would just
avoid it because like there's nothing more peaceful than like
writing out that notes at paragraph about like suck you,
bitch for fuck you, suck you, suck you, fuck you
and then be like you know what, delete thumbs up, okay, block,
I'll tell you that say most people should it feels like,
(30:57):
you know, so good is because you not only know
that you could say it, so you're like I could
have said this if I wanted to, but also you
know that you're taking the high road and not saying
that and be like okay, smile my face, have a
great day, and like the more than whatever you could say,
absolutely because it shows them that like you don't really care,
(31:17):
you have to sound. You just got your feelings out
and that's beneficial for you only and if they're not
worth it exactly, That's what I always think. It's when
I give you some it's hard to do, but like
for me, even just getting it out on paper or
like out of my mind helps me get those emotions out.
I don't even tell the person I'll be okay, have
a great day. I hope you have the best time
of your life, like Cassie face emoji. And I leave
(31:40):
it there because the power is now in my hands,
rest in my hands, and I am at peace. Like
I said, you did not lose a person. You gained peace.
Remember that, Oh my gold me And these pillow pillow quotes, Yeah,
like the quotes that you get the little like boutique
home goods kind of like boutique around the corner. That's
all thank you notes like that. So, as we said,
(32:06):
we have a lot of dems about this. So for
people who are going through this with not just one
person maybe or a group of people, with your best
friend forever, whatever, what advice would you have in just
like a two part question one and resolving that, like
how do you dress situation peacefully in a way that
it's like that could be confrontational connotation or whatever, but
(32:26):
like it's respectful and like will end things on like
a good note or just like a peaceful note. And
then part two, how to find new friends or like
how to get over that awkward loneliness period like I
know I felt before. I'm sure people have also. Yeah,
I think high school and college because I know obviously
we have a lot of high school listeners. I think
they're both very different periods. Um in high school, when
(32:47):
I found myself kind of being caught up in all
this like cattiness and stuff, I just kept like having
to remind myself that even though it feels like a
million years, high schools only four years. And then eventually
I would get out and I'd meet new people, and
I'd go to college and be in a completely new environment,
and that's what kept me going. So when I was
in high school and I knew that I had friends
(33:08):
that I didn't like hate, but I was just kind
of upgrowing or maturing our maturing. Um, I kept a
quick like I just didn't really address it. I kept
being their acquaintance and I was you know, I kept laughing.
I let them invite me to things, and I even
came and stuff like that, or I even invited them
to things on my own sometimes. But then I always
had in the back of my mind like this is temporary.
(33:29):
And that helped me a lot. When I moved to
college and we didn't talk anymore because I was like, okay, whatever,
Like I saw this coming, and I knew this was coming,
and I even initiated it. So that's what made me
feel better there. So I didn't even it wasn't even
anything I had to address. It was more of like,
this is a temporary situation. Uh. In college, I feel
like it's different because everyone says you make your lifelong
friends in college, and I think that, especially in your
(33:50):
early twenties, it's a really hard time for you to
navigate with jobs in school and like this is these
are the grades that really really matter and stuff like that, um,
and I think that friends are honestly can be an
added stress that you just don't need. And if you
find your friends to be a job or something that
you get frustrated with or like a responsibility, it's time
(34:10):
to reevaluate. And when you do, I think, always make
sure and I'm just gonna steal this right from your esophagus,
um to just never compromise your character, even if you
do get in a blow out fight with someone. Always
ended on it. I wish you the best. I wish
you know like ill will or anything like that, and
(34:31):
I hope you have an amazing time doing X, Y
and Z whatever it is fashion stopphy like I don't care,
and I mean like, I'm this is unfortunate that this
had to happen, but no hard feelings. And then end
it like that, and then you can even block them
if you feel like it'd be best for your mental health.
But I think focusing it more on like what's best
for me and my happiness than like how do I
(34:53):
get revenge or how do I like freak this person
out or be crazy or around it. It's too much.
It is it's not something Wow, you heard you. The
person that's not gonna help me make you feel better,
like just makes you like a worse person, especially if
it's something stupid. I once got into a fight with
this girl because I said that I might have a
summer apartment for us available that we could stay in
(35:17):
UM and like pay rent and stuff, and it was
like a really great apartment and like I thought that
I had it just because I had a connection and
I said might and then it fell through and she
was like, oh my god, you're the worst. You're unreliable,
and like she had this whole thing. She came at
my mom and all this stuff and like completely overreacted.
And I ended it with have have an amazing college
(35:37):
career and I wish you all the best. I really
go on a fight with him because they got to
pay rent and charged my account and I asked to
pay me back and she got mad. So trust me,
if we're going on a topic of stupid fights, trust me,
you can get places. But I think, to you, the
remind me of Ursula when you're like from yoursolph I
guess and I was like oh yeah yeah. On the show,
(35:58):
I was like this girl really how you can talk
to Tim, Do not think that through what have you
ever seen? Like the Little Mermaid show at Disney World.
Um no, I won't be going to those shows. You
don't like live entertainment because not be entertaining, all right,
I want to take a book of Mormon and you'll
think different. Sorry that and just don't be entertaining. I'd
be like, Okay, that's not real. That's a real tale.
(36:20):
Like I don't believe you. I'll never forget the one
show I ever saw and it's ruined my experience. I
saw the Tianna one in California and the van was white.
I was like, y'all couldn't find a single a single
person of literally, they couldn't people green, blue, orange, green,
any color to play Levine. He got some scraped a
little looking blond white boy. I was like, couldn't get
(36:40):
him away. Damn literally damn. But um wait, this one
time I work for a I'm so sorry, I'm off topic,
but the time I for a Disney Princess company and
they wanted me to play Jasmine and I was like
girl and they and they wanted me to play Mohana
and I was like girl and they only just use
self tanner and then I was like, racist racista. Well
(37:00):
that's why I love when I see the fake else's
and honest because then ghetto as fuck, Like they always
look so bad. I'm always like, okay, we get it
frozen and let it go sandwich, but you finish my sandwiches.
My nieces were like in that ripe age when they
watched that movie every day for like the entire summer,
(37:21):
minished each other. I tell you, I saw that once
movie once and I was like, why is why are
the girly screaming over this? I'm gonna get it. Did
I ever tell the punched in the nose story on
this podcast? I think, yeah, it hurt really bad. Five
year old punched me in the nose. I want to
get punched the nose. I can get a nose job
for free anyway. Yeah. Do you know I pray for
DVD set him. I pray so hard because I breathed
(37:42):
so heavily at night. I'm hoping it deviated so I
can go get it quote unquote fixed. And while they're
under their own wake up and be like and they're
like what, I'll be like, we just take a half
the cartilage. I think that helped me a lot more
to see while you're under you're gonna go I look up, sir,
I'm gonna one the TikTok doctors and be like, we
just take out my entire left side. That'd be kind
(38:05):
of cute, kind of nice. I think it covers insurance.
I don't want I'll look into that. Um, apparently it's
not as expensive. You're already getting something done. Yeah, so
I got to get the ethno rhino plastic because I
go with one of them doctor Beverly Hills doctors. I
don't come out looking like Michael Jackson. But what was
I gonna say? Oh my god, have you seen those
tich talks about Brazilian butt lifts? The b BL bro
(38:26):
there's that one. There's that one TikTok where the guy
just like does like things in the character of BBL
girls and he'll be like, you can chop the first
half my bb I'll they like and it's the funniest thing.
But it's so funny, that's the question. Yes, high school
and yeah, so like high school, Oh my god, I
also the dumbest drama ever. Like two girls have the
(38:47):
same prom dress and like one posted it first and
all that stupid ship, and like in my head, I
was just like I understand the fact that like a
lot of my friendships were because of convenience, because I
went to the same school, same neighborhood since we were
four years old whatever, and that like as my dad
would say, this two shall pass, like in two years,
I don't remember this. I'm not going to care. Has
nothing to do with my life. So I had like
(39:09):
a core group of friends. It was like thirteen girls.
There was always something going on, Like I loved them
all dearly at some point, but there was always something
going on between two grows, three girls whatever. But I
also had a group of friends that, like I met
through like classes. We call ourselves as Snakes because I
don't know why our in our initials spelled snakes, I think,
(39:30):
or because we had this one teacher, Mr je Delt
His butt was so cute. He hated me because I
left the chocolate milk wattle in his class for the
entire year and we found it and it was full
of maggots at the end of the year and he
was like sitting out my class. Anyways, we talked his
entire class. He literally hated us, but we had to
come up the group name. But when we played our
(39:50):
environmental science board games, so we had to make a
supposed to snakes um. So that friend group was like
the most random combination there were, all from different friend groups.
Like we had nothing in calm and whatsoever. But like
whenever I had drawn, law was want to have like
a fun time with no drama, no boys and anything.
We hung out and it was always the best. I
went to Bahamas together like all this stuff because like
it was never like seeked in drama. We never had
(40:11):
drawn with each other ever because it wasn't like, uh,
we weren't around to other every single day, you know.
But I realized that like once I was going to college,
the people that I lost contact with within a week
was like and in that moment, I was like, Okay, good,
I have like my core group of like ten lifelong friends,
Like I'm never gonna lose contact with it. Like I
can go a week or two without talking to but
(40:32):
like still retain that like closeness and we still visit
each other. They come to New York all the time
and stay with me, like I talked to my FaceTime
in etcetera. And like I'm glad I have that group
of people have known me from very long time, keep
me grounded or whatever. When the ones who I lost,
I'd be like, really, I don't know what you're doing
in your life. I don't really care. I wish you well,
like nothing, we have no fights, nothing against you, no hatred,
but you just aren't one to needing a friend then
(40:54):
or now. It was a friendship of convenience, and I
can college. I know it's even harder because it's like
so hard to friends as an adults, Like what the
fund do you do? Like go in the park and
meet someone like a dolt? Like what? So that hurts
a lot because it's like we're sposed be adults now,
supposed to be more mature like past this point. But
like I said, quality over quantity, Like people will come
into your life, people will go. But I am sure
(41:16):
everyone has that one person or people or a group
of people that will always keep you like grounded. They're
your core or you or whatever. And you may not
have it to you what forty thirty whatever, but like
when you do have it, it will seem all the
wild worth it. So like we're in that position right now,
like I wish. Of course I had a huge group
of friends in college, Like we're in COVID. People are
like back home. People aren't here, people are doing this
(41:36):
that like their own thing. Like yeah, it's hard, but
like I have friends here and there that like I'm
trying to bring together sometimes like hang out and things
like that. So like it's hard obviously, but like I
don't know, I've enjoyed my school. It's giving me time
to like think, reevaluate, like find my own priorities in
life focused on like studying, focusing on law school and
stuff like that. So I have no complaints. Who was chilling?
(41:59):
I completely agree. I don't think a big friend group because,
like you always say, it's quality over quantity. I think,
especially even going into college, I've even realized that I
don't want a huge group at all, you know, like
I like having a lot of friends. Oh my god,
you me collectively have so many friends, so many connections, acquaintances,
whatever you wanna call it. But like friends wise, we
have so many were so blessed. But I don't think
(42:21):
like um for my like the people who I would
ride or die for that was like the cheesiest thing
I've ever said, like the people who I do anything Yeah,
my nice the people who I do anything for and
that I come to with my problems and actually like
having deep talks with and I go to cheer me
up and like to happy Hour and stuff like that,
Like I know who they are. I don't eat a thousand,
I don't need ten. I literally need two or three
(42:42):
and I have them, and I'm fine. And as long
as I continue to nurture those friendships and evaluate, no,
and enhance those friendships, not evaluate, um, then I'm good.
So I think it's any listener just going through this, funk,
I had the best thing ever to say, and I
have just got it. Anybody going through with were your friends? Yes? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
(43:07):
I'm speaking so Pinterest, Hallmark, my mother right now. But
my mom used to always tell me this, that access
you need to remember. You need to always keep in
the forefront of your mind, no matter what it comes to,
whether it's access to you, whether it's relationships, friendships, that
having access to you as a privilege, no matter who
(43:27):
the person is, so guard it like it's something that's
important to you. So don't let any person with which
or what values or treat which or what way have
that access to you or be able to be that
close to you and receive your love, your attention, your care, etcetera.
So remember that it is a privilege and that coach
of people who deserve it. So keep that in mind
(43:47):
when it comes to choosing like your closer cole, people
who are your writer or dies or people that you know.
You shouldn't feel draining. You shouldn't want to give love
and received love and turn. It should be like a
mutual what's the word reciprocal nurturing, not feeling like we're
being drained or like stuff to life at you, which
obviously I felt before, and I feel better now that
I don't have that. You know, guys, how do you
(44:11):
don't cringe? Yeah? Should we wrap wrap it up everyone
instead of guys? I like that everybody, like Comy teaches
Banana Paz, what's the Big Daddy from? You? Didn't very well?
(44:34):
Thank you? Wed him? Not done? Tiana? And that Lottie
for Christmas? Can we the Christmas tree? I can't wait
until I get a boyfriend that I don't want people
to see and I can use that as a caption.
Big Daddy know my quote unquote boyfriend. Look just like
(44:58):
see it. You can't see it? Oh yeah, yeah, we've
seen them everywhere. Everyone will know. It'll be on my wallet,
It'll be on my wall, on my Instagram, my Twitter wall,
my TikTok wall, download the iHeart app, or just listen
to I Heart Radioheart the tunes. It's like, once every
(45:20):
four episodes, I can't do it. I'm gonna do it. Kay,
this is what happens. When do you do it, You'll
be saying I tunes the I Heeart podcast. When I do,
I take four minutes because I get off track. I'll
be like, oh, the council's nice, Oh the ceiling. So
there's never a concise correct way for us to do
this inning. Sydney and I love to say what I
(45:41):
thought it was a spider. I literally almost break my
door too much. Sidney and I love to tell each
other that we work because for one reason, and that
is where both messes like not one of us is mature,
the other ones like in the sure not one of
us is clumsy and the one was not clumsy. It's
(46:02):
like we're both a raging mess and dumbest fuck but
in like different ways. And it's but it's it works somehow,
and then whenever we really need to be awesome, we
pull through. And that's it, all right. Everybody, Go listen
to us on My Heart and download the pod, download
the app, and also listen to us on Apple Podcasts
(46:23):
and Spotify. Make sure to follow our Instagram, YouTube and
TikTok at Crying in Public podcast, and that's it. Go
follow our Instagram, like our posts, subscribe, comment, like share,
I don't even know, especially to follow our because we're
trying to get famous, kidding because d n I Winter
(46:49):
with the Y because Black Lives Matter instead is mine
and if you don't follow me, it's literally racist, all right,
and everybody give that. Also store that from How to
Get Away with Murder, I mean my favorite murder about
to watch episode and be like, uh, Sue
One to clean queen cheers, clank out loud cheers. Girls
want to clean? For once? Who was like to three cheers?
Welcome to crying in public, Sydney. Hi, Okay, Sarah, what's
(00:25):
going on? Not much cool? Great conversation, guys. Sarah got
card today and I didn't walk. I'll never forget the
meanest thing Sarah has ever said to me ever, And
it was like two years ago. I looked like I
was twelve. There was a context though, but then now
you prove me wrong today. So how does that feel like?
I'm a big twel role with us very overdeveloped? No,
(00:51):
I know, I don't know why I said it. It
just came out, but it was funny. You were also
wearing your hair back and you were literally dressed in pajamas,
so maybe that's why I said it. But you don't
usually look like a twelve year old. You never leave
at a twelver. I'm never leaving the house again because
the forehead jokes are coming back and I won't do it.
I would get bangs, but they look even worse than
my forehead because I feel like that's just like doubly cruel.
(01:13):
Didn't you have thanks as a child. Yes, I looked
so good. I thought I did when I hosted the
selfie on Facebook, and I was like, got bangs, hate it.
And the amount of times at that meme or that
picture I has been shut up in group chats and
in chapel of videos as a joke when in high
school really hurt me because I thought I was bad
(01:34):
as it so funny. So was it like a meme
at your high school? It was a meme. My entire
Facebook wasn't mean because I was like that kid used
it way too much and used every filter, text tag
if you're my bestie. Oh. The worst part is though
I never went back and changed it, so it's just
the same way as it was when you were literally
imported nine years old. And so like one of my
ex is mom or like whatever he is um mom
(01:56):
added me on Facebook. That's all she saw and probably
like she physically nine years old. That is so funny.
I really want to go stock your Facebook now. I
tried to purge it. People say that like white people
call the grandparents the funniest me. Mom, yeah, Papa people, grandma, pappy,
something like that, call my grandma grand crackers. And she
(02:18):
would literally scream at me mines air bubble in my throat.
My Grandma's called abu because sure for abolita, because I
could say that obviously when I was like three, so
I called her Abu was the only thing I could say.
You told me that. I was like the fucking monkey
from a Laddin. You want your grandma? What the fun
When you meet her, you have to tell her you
(02:39):
said that, because that's so funny. Me and my grandpa's
pop up. That's what my little brother calls my stepmom's
tags French is pop papa, mammy, but I feel like
pop up is so common. It was like literally the
translation in French. Yes, yeah, excep for he calls his
(02:59):
grandma mammy and then his mom mommy. So I would like,
who the hell are you calling mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah,
I guess the French have away about them. Genes cafe cheese. Um,
I have no idea what genestic qua means. Well never,
I don't know what to say. I just say and
so you know it's a certain genestic Qua said that
(03:21):
to me the other day, and I was too scared
to ascuate him, and so I was like yes, yeah,
like yeah, I think it means like a oh no,
I get GENESSI Qua and Juada Vieve mixed up. Davieve
was in the Nanny Want was like a certain quality
of life? Is it? In the Nanny theme song would
you like to start? And then Genese quas little like
geness actually name because I feel like the same thing
(03:45):
that botle shop and flashing. Remember when I said barber
shop in Tennessee. I will never not say mcnanny at
the end, mcfanny mcnanny, wait, Jenna say qua. I'm gonna
have a fight with ever made that language because none
of these letters are in the words. It means I
(04:06):
don't know what a little certain I don't know what
I'm gonna say that all of the time now. And
the exuberant enjoyment of life in the song. In this
like French jazz song that I really like, I forget
the name of it. This girl like talks in French
for like two minutes and you know what song No
(04:27):
on this jazz song, Sorry, it's not a frest song.
And this French on this French is literally crazy no.
And then in this like jazz song that is primarily
sung in English, there's like someone speaking French to me.
But you know what other song does that is partitioned
by Beyonce. Someone's like, yeah, if you're French, I'm so
(04:49):
so I'm just gonna speak on behalf. Okay, I'm speaking
on behalf of Sydney, who's stepmom is French. So I'm
not I'm not being offensive. It's just because I know
someone the lifens and the weapons up to you know,
we're offense to Italians. So speaking of us being toxic,
toxic and offensive. Um today today Today, So we get
(05:11):
a lot of d m s like so obviously when
we do like Q and A episodes, Okay, we I
think the whole world. What are you trying to say that?
They mix up Q and A and advice Q and
apps to be about the speakers, advices about the listeners.
So so, um, what we're talking? Oh yeah, today's topic,
(05:33):
today's topic. Yes, so we get so we do like
advice episodes. Yes, we like um posted on our stories.
Also we're talking we're active on our stories. I'm just
gonna hate it, but we're gonna we're gonna do it.
Um that what are you talking about? Oh yeah, we
put advice like a little like question box on our
Instagram stories and like, if you want advice, tell us
(05:54):
your problems, and we always get so many and always
so long if you look, because we're like very invested
in everyone's lives. Were like people for updates that we
text them. But the most like the question we get,
the topic we get are most about. Sorry, Saramy, it's
Margarita's and I literally can't speak English anymore. The topic
we get asked about most is dealing with toxic friendships,
(06:17):
and like I can speak for myself where I've been there,
done that so many times. And I think because we
hear about it so much, but people are scared to
talk about it. It makes them seem bad in the
sense that like, while I'm not losing a friend, things
like that, I like something that's so natural, and so
we're gonna like dive in deep dive. I'm about to
dive splash. I love that song. Is this true for you? Whenever?
(06:50):
And I always try to tell myself, Sarah, don't categorize
people like this, but I can't help but do it.
Whenever I need a girl and she seems so sweet
and she tells me I don't have any girlfriends from
high school. Only guy friends. Every single time I've met
a girl like that, they turn out to be one
(07:11):
of the worst people I've ever met in my life.
It's happened exactly three times, and it's every time when
I've met them and they're so nice, and I'm like,
how does everyone from high stig? Like, how does every
girl from high school hate you? You seem like such
a pleasant, loving, welcoming person. Two months later that person
is the spawn of Satan? Every time? Does that ever
happen to you? I don't know. I think it's one
(07:33):
two things. One, there's a very cecific type of girl
that's like I just vibe with guys more. I think
there's nothing wrong with that because like even for myself,
I have a lot more guys from some new girlfriends.
I think just because, like we talked about this in
last episode, but like in social settings, girls scaring and
more than guys do for some reason, a lot more
calm around guys, Like I'm very chill, but like for girls,
(07:55):
I feel more of need to impress them, and like
with guys, is not really about like, oh is she pretty?
It's her makeup done right? What are her clothes? When
she ran? Like a real Lovie and she had like
her real cardierring on stuff like that with guys as
just like energy personality, and that's very big ugalization because
obviously it's not really like that. But I think for me,
the first thing in my head when I meet girls
just like shit, I'm not pretty next to being there
(08:16):
of space or they don't want me my sate because
I don't look like x X and X. So I
understand like that side of things. No, but it's true
in a sense because like I, I mean, I can
speak for myself of my primary friend group back at home,
it is made up out of like five or six
guys and one other girl and myself. But I still
have a lot of my girlfriends from high school left
(08:36):
that are still my friends. They're just not in my
core friend group. You know why because girls, especially from
my high school, which if you have not listened to
your new to the episodes, I came from an all girls,
Catholic private high school, so oftentimes the environment was very
category toxic but titled episode. But like um guys for
me that didn't go to my school, because I went
to know girls school, it was so much easier to
(08:58):
be drama free for me personally, like you just said
for me personally, girl, every trying to say every time
because you don't understand that for me does mean personally.
She's saying personally personally, have now, so I never stop saying.
It's one of Sarah's tells where I know she's about
to lie or she's trying to say something that would
hurt my feelings. It's trying to like soften to blow.
(09:19):
So I'm like, this is ugly she goes for me personally,
it's not my style, and I'm like, a girl, just
tell me now, like where we like you seeming to
each other. Like I did a dish for me today
and I was like, oh my god, she's like watching
my plate. I was like, girl, it's literally a plate.
(09:39):
We get alongest roommates though, because like we just don't
feel need to be me. I also went to like
a very small uh school. It wasn't all girls, but
it was episcopalian. But my grade had like maybe a
hundred twenty kids graduating, so like everyone knew everyone everyone's business.
But there were like four friend groups for the entire grade.
It's like my girlfriend a group had like fourteen people
(10:01):
in it, like corresponding guys had like five main guys
and like seven people would just like showed up randomly
to places that were like what. But because we went
from school together from some of us from school for mother,
from kindergarten to senior year. Some must did seventh grade
of senior year, so like we need each other for
a very very very long time. And there was obviously
drama and drama and drama. So because we're forced to
(10:23):
be together for like literally eight years straight through all
the drama, the callinists whatever, I think we learned how
to sustain friendships, how to resolve things, how to forgive people,
how to be worthy of forgiveness. And that's from a
very young age. Yeah, so even friends, Like I'm still
friends with them to this day, but we don't have
to talk every day, but when I do go home
or like my text and I here, how are you doing,
we have like days of laughing, catching up whatever. Because
(10:46):
I feel like we were forced to learn how to
be a good friend, how to forgive, how to you know,
reboid relationships. And I think in college and beyond that
it's so much different because you can just be like peace,
never see them again. But like On top of that,
there's also a negative side to that, in the sense that,
like I, Sarah can attest to this, like when I
(11:06):
lose friends, I don't necessarily gets sad, just because I
feel like if that person was removed from my life,
it was there, it was removed for a reason, and
they removed for a reason because you outgrow people, you mature.
And I've always had the idea of quality of friends
or quantity of friends. So I could have two friends
who I think are the best, They're great, they don't
(11:28):
ever have any problems or supportive of each other, or
rather have that than ten friends who are awful to
me behind my back and treat me like shit or
make me feel like I don't like worthy of being
who I am or whatever like that. So I feel
like there's a negative and a positive to that. Yeah,
I also feel and this might sound a little like
self centered, but I also think, especially in your case,
that if someone was removed from your life, it wouldn't
(11:50):
be for anything you did in my eyes, because you
would never do anything as bad that bad to be
literally like exiled, excommunicated, shunned, expelled. I think I already
said that from someone's life, you know what I mean. Like,
we've been friends for not like insanely long, like not
like fifteen years or anything. But in the three years
I've known you, we've always been able to communicate in
(12:13):
a very specific way where we know not only each
other's side, but that we're both sorry and we're we're
not one of us has never not been sorry for
even the slight misunderstanding. And I think that there's a
very big difference between that. I feel like one of like,
do you know, like if I do care about someone,
I will fight to feet and nail. That's a saying absolutely,
(12:33):
You've done it for me before to make sure I
resolve things because like people are important to me. But
I think that this is one thing I've always kept
in my life. Advice for all touch relationships, just like
as a general like a self rule, is that you
can always tell the future or the quality relationship by
the way you fight with someone. Fight with respect. It's
my biggest thing. There's no respect, there's something to resolve.
(12:55):
And then number two is there two ways to fight.
There's fight to win and fight to resolve. If you're
fighting to win, that's toxic relationship right there, because if
you're not trying to fix any issues fixing relationships, if
you're trying to fight so that you can win and win,
what is the question. That's the ultimate what the fuck?
So if you're fighting to win or fighting to win
(13:16):
or something to resolve, But if you're fighting to fix things,
fighting to resolve, fighting to come to an understanding and
there's respects there, then that's something that's worth saving. And
that's how I've always had an outlook on I'm just
friendship relationships is all like any kind of interpersonal communication, relationship,
whatever like that. That's how I've always navigated and arguing
and things like that. For sure. I think that there's
(13:36):
also signs you don't cross. Those include family, Those include friends,
Those like other friends that don't have to do with
anything about the fight. Those include your significant others. Like,
there are so many lines that you don't cross that
I think often do get crossed in inter friendship slash
(13:56):
workplace fights. And that's so absurd to me, because it's
if you're mad at me, Like, if someone is piste
at me, why not just concentrate all of that energy
on me? Did my boyfriend do something to you know?
Did my parents do something? Did my dog do something
to you? Did my other friend do something? Our mutual
friends you something? No, like, don't go blabbing off to
other people about our argument when they literally doesn't concern
(14:19):
anything except for the fact that there was a miscommunication
between two people. That gets me going. But the amount
people that brought up my exes and fights, like you're
actually like ship and I'm like, okay, why do you
Why why can't I talk to you like this? When
you let your boyfriend talk to you like that? Start
(14:40):
read time I like to fight went my old friends
like years ago, and I will never forget. This was
the exact moment. I was like, I don't everyone speak
to you again? And like if this is done? Because
she went, why do you let men, specifically the guy
I was saying at the time, walk all over you?
But when I do, it's a problem. I was like, girly, sweetie, honey,
(15:02):
boo boo, sweetie, ladybugpie, did you just hear what came
out of your mouth? You really thought that? And you
were like I'm gonna say that loud and I'm gonna
go with this, Like that's a move for me. I
looked at her and I was like, girl bye, I'm
pretty sure I screamed and hung up. The funniest part
of that entire scenario because was I there when you
(15:23):
welcome to New York for you yea, I know, I'm
say sorry. I was there for that. And the funniest
part was is that her lying, cheating ass boyfriend behind her?
And so he goes outside of my room at literally
eight am. She goes, I'm sorry, is that your cheating
(15:44):
boyfriend on the back, And for the record, he was
cheating on her and they didn't break up. I was
I was just guessing, honestly. But the best part it
was it was seven am. I was like, I know
you didn't come from me that early at seven am.
The thing is, I'm very nonchalant about arguing, like I
don't you don't really care in general, because not worth
the energy. But when you cross that line with me, sweetie,
(16:06):
we're gonna have an issue. So yeah, I don't like.
I don't like fighting, but I'm good at it because
I have three siblings and like they just know that
you're not gonna cross line with me and get away
with it. I don't ever get physical. I would never
get physical with anyone, and people that do get physical
and fights. I know girls that have I know, like
not like that you have, you have things need to
(16:27):
work out, like you're yeah, I'm not crossing that line
with you, and sits one friends with you. If you're
going physical to people, like that's big red flag. But
I don't think that necessarily fighting with your friends as normal.
Fighting is normal, arguing as normal, but I would even
call it fighting. I call it like arguing disagreements. If
you're fighting, we're getting into like very serious like or
(16:48):
like girly it's done. But also like I think people
are scared because like one damn we got once you
remember it, maybe where the girl was, Like my entire
friend group just makes me feel like a bad person,
Like I don't feel welcome when I'm with him. I
don't feel confident, I don't feel loved. But I'm scared
to not have friends. And it's so easy to be like, oh, girl,
just leave and you'll find friends. But I think it
(17:09):
comes to a cot to put your mental health first
and like your confidence and your self esteem first, and
that may mean being alone for a little bit, but
it's like if you can work through those issues and
find friends that do support you and love you, then
that's worth the world. You know, Um, did you see
this TikTok about this guy in Washington Square Park who
made a video and was like, oh my god, if
(17:30):
you live in New York City, I have some tea
for you if you're like and if this is you,
your friends hate you? And I heard that. I was like,
oh my god, fuck, is this guy literally ratting on me?
Like where was I in Washington Squarepark? But just kidding,
because he was like, if your name is Marissa and
you hear this, like your friends literally hate you, and
the name was Marissa and she made a video and
(17:50):
was like, oh my god, no way, because apparently he
overheard some like a group of six girls on the
street being like, let's have our birthday party this day
because Marrissa is gonna be out of town. I hate
that bitch, hate that continent. Blah blah blah. So he
made a video was like, help me find Marissa because
her friends are literally the worst and so probably embarrassing.
That's actually really mean though on his part. Marissa made
(18:11):
a video and she was like, oh my god, yeah,
I figured I kind of like already knew so she like,
I mean, I would have gotten it if she didn't know,
or if she was like, oh my god, like this
is so upsetting, Like I would have been more like
understandable why he made that video or the whole thing
would have been a little bit better, which is a
(18:32):
little bit hypocritical on my part because I did all
the information, but like Marissa was just like, oh yeah,
like I already knew that, and like that sucks, but
I already figured that they would do something like that.
She seemed very aware of the current situation, and I
know they didn't name any names, so it's obviously like
not that big of a deal, Like no one came
at them and like threatened to kill them or find
(18:53):
them in their apartments and literally murder them, but you know,
still very publicly embarrassing. Probably could have been a wait,
it probably shouldn't have been, Like bro, I not just alone,
was like, if your name is Sarah, everyone world hates
you and he saw on your TikTok, I'd be like,
damn out and if you cry worth seemed like she
knew about it though, and had fun with it. But
(19:14):
still you're so right, because what if she didn't like
what if she didn't know, it was like devastated. That
would have sucked for three million people on TikTok to
know about that. I think the video itself got up
to like seven million views. That's am just saying people
knowing that people hate you. Like I feel like I'd
handle hate pretty well just because like girly what you're
saying about myself anyway, but like things like that at
(19:38):
that scale, I don't know if I could do, because
I'd be like zam. Also, um, I hate bringing TikTok
drama to life just because I've been canceled before and
it sucks over literally nothing and like seriously nothing. But like, yeah,
that was just like a very good example to back
up our point. You know, like sometimes your friends just
(19:58):
literally hate you, and you're like just like just because
the masses think that there's something wrong with you, doesn't
mean that something is actually wrong with you. It could
just me that you need better friends or other friends.
It's not I went to min thremends with each other,
you know, like people change, people become better, they become
worse for like certain situations. So like I like I've
lost friends obviously in the past, but like I have
(20:20):
recently also, but like for me, I wasn't really upset
about it because I feel like I didn't lose friends,
I gained peace, and for me that was very, very
very important, to the point where like I wake up
now and like I just feel better. My room is
cleaner and not right now, Um, I'm reproductive at work,
I want to go out, I want to do stuffing.
You know, before I felt just like so drained. So
(20:40):
I think that that was like a very big step
for me, and I'm happy about it. I'm so happy
about that for you, and I feel the exact same way.
I would feel the exact same way. I feel like
holding onto all that ship is just so draining, you know,
like peace, peace be with you bye, you know exactly.
This is another kind of like red orange lag when
(21:01):
all you can do, like the only thing that connects
you to another person is talking bad about someone else.
You should never base your relationship with a boy with
a girl with the person you're interested in off of
like hatred for someone else, because then that relationship is
based on nothing but negativity and nothing positive can ever
(21:23):
result out of that. Ever, if the only reason you
have something in common with somebody else even is because
this other girl was quote unquote like bitchy. Do you
find something else and quick, like, don't let this new
friendship Like let's say some girl was a bitch to
like you and one other person and like you recently
just stopped being friends with her, don't talk about her,
(21:46):
just like let it go, like SNY just said, find
peace with the situation. And if you're truly happy, if
this is just a cold objective psychological facts, if you
are happy with yourself and then yourself and with that
other person, you are not to let the negativity of
your past relationships burnen it off the time. And I
(22:06):
think we do a very very good job of that
because I just like I don't want the time of
the patients, Like my words are valuable, you know, so
I don't not spend that ship on you. But also
it's like, if you spend your time just talking badly
about people, that's a lot more reflection on you than
is on the person you're talking about, because you might
be talking about like new friends, potential friends, people who
(22:28):
like might have issue whatever, And if they hear you
talking about about someone used to be close to, they
don't be scared to do the same thing to them.
That's why I've always had a policy of just like,
that's the past thing. I don't have the time to
energy to continue talking about this because what we have
was resolved and it's been checked. It's been a race.
I'm not discussing it anymore, you know, So I'm not
(22:48):
feel like I need to just wasting my breath, in
my time, my energy. I completely agree. I really like
hearing your take on the city because I think of
a very very mature take about a lot of this.
Oh yeah, But going back to like how you approach
fighting with friends, I think, like you know, arguing with friends,
the first step is always obviously objectively trying to resolve
the situation and not win the fight. And I think
(23:11):
the second step is understanding that your opinion is not objective,
Understanding that your opinion is not the only opinion, that
even if you don't think you did anything wrong, the
other person clearly thinks that you did something wrong and
that is just as valuable as your own opinion about
the situation. And I think people need to start like parents, children,
relationship boyfriend's, girlfriends, friends, partners, whatever, need to go into
(23:35):
these fights knowing that the other person's opinion is just
as valuable as there as Number one and number two.
People need to learn how to fucking apologize. It's not
i'm sorry, that's yeah, it is an ego thing. I'm sorry.
It's um, I'm sorry that you feel like it's like,
(23:58):
it's like this is the copologies I hate. It's like, oh,
I'm so sorry that you feel that I did that.
But in reality, even if you don't think you did
anything wrong, even after hearing the other person's side of
the story, it's not even then, it's not and I'm
sorry that you think that I did this. It's and
(24:19):
I'm sorry that I did this because it hurt you.
I'm sorry and I'll never do it again. And I'm
sorry that this happened, and I'm sorry that I even
said it, did it whatever, But you have to apologize.
You have to know what you did was wrong or
acknowledge that someone else thinks that what you did was wrong.
And that's what's important. Like men love to not apologize,
or they'll be like, i'm sorry you, I'm sorry that
like you thought, or like i'm sorry you hurt by that,
(24:40):
but I'm not sorry I said it and I'm like,
did you literally not learn how to apologize people, because
like that's just not it. It's the most gas lydy
apology I've ever heard. I learned that in the second grade,
you know what I mean, Like, don learn how to
apologize in the school. To apologize my teacher and my
mom told me how to apologize because one time my
mom and I were playing Indy Crush, No candy Land,
(25:02):
not Candy Crush, that's an app Candy Land, and I
lost and I threw a fit and I accidentally kicked
her with my ballet shoe. She thought it was on purpose,
but it really really was an accident, and I kicked her.
The foot was in the face. It literally kicked her
in the toe. I was like streaming on the ground.
I didn't know her foot was there. I'm sorry, Mom.
I was really six. And she was like put me
(25:24):
in time out, blah blah blah. And then I was like,
whooped the funky She sat me in time out in
my winning the pood chair. Oh tell me you're an
only child? Is that telling me you're an only child?
And I got p pal Like my punishment was like
getting a little like mini slap on my hand. Oh
my god, you would have thought I got DiPT in
a boiling hot pile of lava. It was the worst
(25:45):
thing in the world to me. Anyway. Wait, I have
a funny story about that round ahead is that I
got the black in the immigrant treatment at home. But
there's in every black kid I knew got pow the
funk out whenever they got in trouble. But these two
black friends and ther mom was very like peace, love
and happiness. I loved her. And the two boys would
(26:07):
be like a fifteen seventeen and I'm like, go sit
on the stairs right now, and they would be sopping,
and I'm like, I know you are not a grown
person and crying you sit on the steps like, oh,
if you left it the day in my house, you
in the last I mean, but that's how you know
your a good parent. We not to like physically like
(26:29):
touch your child to get a point across, which I've
always stood by. Yeah, I very much agree. Um. And
this one time when I was in all these like
childhood quote unquote traumatic memories are coming back right now.
When I was in third grade in the recess line,
what our school would do is we do a silent
walk from the cafeteria to the recess playground and we'd
(26:53):
go and I'd be in line, and you had to
be like absolutely silent, and if you were caught talking,
the recess monitor would call out the names of the
students that were talking at the end of the lunch line.
And then if your name was called, you have to
go sit on the fence for five only five minutes
out of thirty minutes recess time. Only one day, only
one day my name was called, and I was out
(27:15):
of commission for three to four days. I was so
sad at myself and mad at myself that I told
the principle. I went to the principle's office and I
told her I've been bad. You should punish me. I don't.
I don't belong here. I'm gonna go to jail. Oh.
I was so upset. I was one of those kids,
the goody goody, like I told my teacher. I was
(27:36):
crying that attire recess literally didn't go to school the
next day. I was good at goody in high school,
but an elementary school. I was literally test from Camp Rock,
but thicker test. Oh my gosh, like I ran that ship.
No way. I think when you take the emotions out
of things and just think rationally, like taking my love,
my affinity towards people out of the situation and look
(27:59):
at it like rationally, like straight at facts and how
I feel as a result of actions. That's when I
make my choices. Yeah, and you don't always you don't
always have to center it like on other people are
like making someone else feel better. Like I'm telling this
in my case just because I feel like whenever I
feel like I did something wrong or weird, I'm always like,
but like I think, focus it more externally and be like,
(28:22):
did they mean it the way they said it? Maybe
I'm thinking about this the wrong way. Let me find
a new angle and let me go into this trying
to resolve something rather than hurt someone's feelings. Always take
a deep breath and try to not take emotions out
of things. That's when like name calling happens and like
personal attacks happens, and that's where that ruins your character.
I always tell Sarah this that you should never let
(28:45):
someone uh compromise your character. She always that is like
her thing to tell me. It's so, let's across that
line that I have a compromise. The funk out of
my character. But that's why my like so that I
guide myself with or at least I try too. It's
not always or fit you're attainable, but I very much
trying the hardest to do so that's what saves on
(29:05):
My friend, like my childhood theater friend, Kelsey's uh Instagram
story the other day she had a poll and I
think it's very interesting to this conversation. I really want
to hear your take on it. The poll was two questions.
It was when do you think it's okay to be
mean or like to to like compromise your character? A
just right off the bat, like is that what you
(29:26):
always do just because like someone hurt you? And like
that's it, Like that's it's over, no matter what it
is really like big, small, whatever. So right off the bat,
B was like, if they do it to you first
see is like if you fell out of touch and
like you aren't friends anymore but your acquaintances. And four
was never And I was like, that's so interesting. What
(29:49):
do you think because I don't know. Thing goes back
to that question of are you fighting to win or
fighting to resolve? So if you're fighting to win and
you're gonna compromise the funk out of whatever you need
to to get your point across. But if you're trying
to resolve, I think that it should never come out.
But the whole, the whole thing about like if they
do it first, you can do it back, just thinking
about like you know, every girl is going to go
(30:11):
show people those texts and frame it so that you're
the evil person no matter what the conversation is, so um,
that's gonna be more of a reflection on you than
it is on them, no matter what you say. And
then keep that in mind because if you don't care
about that thing, girl and go off. But like if
you don't want to compromise who you are or let
someone's evilness or someone's desire to hurt you, or someone's
(30:33):
desire or just not be a good person make you
want to do the same, then like I would just
avoid it because like there's nothing more peaceful than like
writing out that notes at paragraph about like suck you,
bitch for fuck you, suck you, suck you, fuck you
and then be like you know what, delete thumbs up, okay, block,
I'll tell you that say most people should it feels like,
(30:57):
you know, so good is because you not only know
that you could say it, so you're like I could
have said this if I wanted to, but also you
know that you're taking the high road and not saying
that and be like okay, smile my face, have a
great day, and like the more than whatever you could say,
absolutely because it shows them that like you don't really care,
(31:17):
you have to sound. You just got your feelings out
and that's beneficial for you only and if they're not
worth it exactly, That's what I always think. It's when
I give you some it's hard to do, but like
for me, even just getting it out on paper or
like out of my mind helps me get those emotions out.
I don't even tell the person I'll be okay, have
a great day. I hope you have the best time
of your life, like Cassie face emoji. And I leave
(31:40):
it there because the power is now in my hands,
rest in my hands, and I am at peace. Like
I said, you did not lose a person. You gained peace.
Remember that, Oh my gold me And these pillow pillow quotes, Yeah,
like the quotes that you get the little like boutique
home goods kind of like boutique around the corner. That's
all thank you notes like that. So, as we said,
(32:06):
we have a lot of dems about this. So for
people who are going through this with not just one
person maybe or a group of people, with your best
friend forever, whatever, what advice would you have in just
like a two part question one and resolving that, like
how do you dress situation peacefully in a way that
it's like that could be confrontational connotation or whatever, but
(32:26):
like it's respectful and like will end things on like
a good note or just like a peaceful note. And
then part two, how to find new friends or like
how to get over that awkward loneliness period like I
know I felt before. I'm sure people have also. Yeah,
I think high school and college because I know obviously
we have a lot of high school listeners. I think
they're both very different periods. Um in high school, when
(32:47):
I found myself kind of being caught up in all
this like cattiness and stuff, I just kept like having
to remind myself that even though it feels like a
million years, high schools only four years. And then eventually
I would get out and I'd meet new people, and
I'd go to college and be in a completely new environment,
and that's what kept me going. So when I was
in high school and I knew that I had friends
(33:08):
that I didn't like hate, but I was just kind
of upgrowing or maturing our maturing. Um, I kept a
quick like I just didn't really address it. I kept
being their acquaintance and I was you know, I kept laughing.
I let them invite me to things, and I even
came and stuff like that, or I even invited them
to things on my own sometimes. But then I always
had in the back of my mind like this is temporary.
(33:29):
And that helped me a lot. When I moved to
college and we didn't talk anymore because I was like, okay, whatever,
Like I saw this coming, and I knew this was coming,
and I even initiated it. So that's what made me
feel better there. So I didn't even it wasn't even
anything I had to address. It was more of like,
this is a temporary situation. Uh. In college, I feel
like it's different because everyone says you make your lifelong
friends in college, and I think that, especially in your
(33:50):
early twenties, it's a really hard time for you to
navigate with jobs in school and like this is these
are the grades that really really matter and stuff like that, um,
and I think that friends are honestly can be an
added stress that you just don't need. And if you
find your friends to be a job or something that
you get frustrated with or like a responsibility, it's time
(34:10):
to reevaluate. And when you do, I think, always make
sure and I'm just gonna steal this right from your esophagus,
um to just never compromise your character, even if you
do get in a blow out fight with someone. Always
ended on it. I wish you the best. I wish
you know like ill will or anything like that, and
(34:31):
I hope you have an amazing time doing X, Y
and Z whatever it is fashion stopphy like I don't care,
and I mean like, I'm this is unfortunate that this
had to happen, but no hard feelings. And then end
it like that, and then you can even block them
if you feel like it'd be best for your mental health.
But I think focusing it more on like what's best
for me and my happiness than like how do I
(34:53):
get revenge or how do I like freak this person
out or be crazy or around it. It's too much.
It is it's not something Wow, you heard you. The
person that's not gonna help me make you feel better,
like just makes you like a worse person, especially if
it's something stupid. I once got into a fight with
this girl because I said that I might have a
summer apartment for us available that we could stay in
(35:17):
UM and like pay rent and stuff, and it was
like a really great apartment and like I thought that
I had it just because I had a connection and
I said might and then it fell through and she
was like, oh my god, you're the worst. You're unreliable,
and like she had this whole thing. She came at
my mom and all this stuff and like completely overreacted.
And I ended it with have have an amazing college
(35:37):
career and I wish you all the best. I really
go on a fight with him because they got to
pay rent and charged my account and I asked to
pay me back and she got mad. So trust me,
if we're going on a topic of stupid fights, trust me,
you can get places. But I think, to you, the
remind me of Ursula when you're like from yoursolph I
guess and I was like oh yeah yeah. On the show,
(35:58):
I was like this girl really how you can talk
to Tim, Do not think that through what have you
ever seen? Like the Little Mermaid show at Disney World.
Um no, I won't be going to those shows. You
don't like live entertainment because not be entertaining, all right,
I want to take a book of Mormon and you'll
think different. Sorry that and just don't be entertaining. I'd
be like, Okay, that's not real. That's a real tale.
(36:20):
Like I don't believe you. I'll never forget the one
show I ever saw and it's ruined my experience. I
saw the Tianna one in California and the van was white.
I was like, y'all couldn't find a single a single
person of literally, they couldn't people green, blue, orange, green,
any color to play Levine. He got some scraped a
little looking blond white boy. I was like, couldn't get
(36:40):
him away. Damn literally damn. But um wait, this one
time I work for a I'm so sorry, I'm off topic,
but the time I for a Disney Princess company and
they wanted me to play Jasmine and I was like
girl and they and they wanted me to play Mohana
and I was like girl and they only just use
self tanner and then I was like, racist racista. Well
(37:00):
that's why I love when I see the fake else's
and honest because then ghetto as fuck, Like they always
look so bad. I'm always like, okay, we get it
frozen and let it go sandwich, but you finish my sandwiches.
My nieces were like in that ripe age when they
watched that movie every day for like the entire summer,
(37:21):
minished each other. I tell you, I saw that once
movie once and I was like, why is why are
the girly screaming over this? I'm gonna get it. Did
I ever tell the punched in the nose story on
this podcast? I think, yeah, it hurt really bad. Five
year old punched me in the nose. I want to
get punched the nose. I can get a nose job
for free anyway. Yeah. Do you know I pray for
DVD set him. I pray so hard because I breathed
(37:42):
so heavily at night. I'm hoping it deviated so I
can go get it quote unquote fixed. And while they're
under their own wake up and be like and they're
like what, I'll be like, we just take a half
the cartilage. I think that helped me a lot more
to see while you're under you're gonna go I look up, sir,
I'm gonna one the TikTok doctors and be like, we
just take out my entire left side. That'd be kind
(38:05):
of cute, kind of nice. I think it covers insurance.
I don't want I'll look into that. Um, apparently it's
not as expensive. You're already getting something done. Yeah, so
I got to get the ethno rhino plastic because I
go with one of them doctor Beverly Hills doctors. I
don't come out looking like Michael Jackson. But what was
I gonna say? Oh my god, have you seen those
tich talks about Brazilian butt lifts? The b BL bro
(38:26):
there's that one. There's that one TikTok where the guy
just like does like things in the character of BBL
girls and he'll be like, you can chop the first
half my bb I'll they like and it's the funniest thing.
But it's so funny, that's the question. Yes, high school
and yeah, so like high school, Oh my god, I
also the dumbest drama ever. Like two girls have the
(38:47):
same prom dress and like one posted it first and
all that stupid ship, and like in my head, I
was just like I understand the fact that like a
lot of my friendships were because of convenience, because I
went to the same school, same neighborhood since we were
four years old whatever, and that like as my dad
would say, this two shall pass, like in two years,
I don't remember this. I'm not going to care. Has
nothing to do with my life. So I had like
(39:09):
a core group of friends. It was like thirteen girls.
There was always something going on, Like I loved them
all dearly at some point, but there was always something
going on between two grows, three girls whatever. But I
also had a group of friends that, like I met
through like classes. We call ourselves as Snakes because I
don't know why our in our initials spelled snakes, I think,
(39:30):
or because we had this one teacher, Mr je Delt
His butt was so cute. He hated me because I
left the chocolate milk wattle in his class for the
entire year and we found it and it was full
of maggots at the end of the year and he
was like sitting out my class. Anyways, we talked his
entire class. He literally hated us, but we had to
come up the group name. But when we played our
(39:50):
environmental science board games, so we had to make a
supposed to snakes um. So that friend group was like
the most random combination there were, all from different friend groups.
Like we had nothing in calm and whatsoever. But like
whenever I had drawn, law was want to have like
a fun time with no drama, no boys and anything.
We hung out and it was always the best. I
went to Bahamas together like all this stuff because like
it was never like seeked in drama. We never had
(40:11):
drawn with each other ever because it wasn't like, uh,
we weren't around to other every single day, you know.
But I realized that like once I was going to college,
the people that I lost contact with within a week
was like and in that moment, I was like, Okay, good,
I have like my core group of like ten lifelong friends,
Like I'm never gonna lose contact with it. Like I
can go a week or two without talking to but
(40:32):
like still retain that like closeness and we still visit
each other. They come to New York all the time
and stay with me, like I talked to my FaceTime
in etcetera. And like I'm glad I have that group
of people have known me from very long time, keep
me grounded or whatever. When the ones who I lost,
I'd be like, really, I don't know what you're doing
in your life. I don't really care. I wish you well,
like nothing, we have no fights, nothing against you, no hatred,
but you just aren't one to needing a friend then
(40:54):
or now. It was a friendship of convenience, and I
can college. I know it's even harder because it's like
so hard to friends as an adults, Like what the
fund do you do? Like go in the park and
meet someone like a dolt? Like what? So that hurts
a lot because it's like we're sposed be adults now,
supposed to be more mature like past this point. But
like I said, quality over quantity, Like people will come
into your life, people will go. But I am sure
(41:16):
everyone has that one person or people or a group
of people that will always keep you like grounded. They're
your core or you or whatever. And you may not
have it to you what forty thirty whatever, but like
when you do have it, it will seem all the
wild worth it. So like we're in that position right now,
like I wish. Of course I had a huge group
of friends in college, Like we're in COVID. People are
like back home. People aren't here, people are doing this
(41:36):
that like their own thing. Like yeah, it's hard, but
like I have friends here and there that like I'm
trying to bring together sometimes like hang out and things
like that. So like it's hard obviously, but like I
don't know, I've enjoyed my school. It's giving me time
to like think, reevaluate, like find my own priorities in
life focused on like studying, focusing on law school and
stuff like that. So I have no complaints. Who was chilling?
(41:59):
I completely agree. I don't think a big friend group because,
like you always say, it's quality over quantity. I think,
especially even going into college, I've even realized that I
don't want a huge group at all, you know, like
I like having a lot of friends. Oh my god,
you me collectively have so many friends, so many connections, acquaintances,
whatever you wanna call it. But like friends wise, we
have so many were so blessed. But I don't think
(42:21):
like um for my like the people who I would
ride or die for that was like the cheesiest thing
I've ever said, like the people who I do anything Yeah,
my nice the people who I do anything for and
that I come to with my problems and actually like
having deep talks with and I go to cheer me
up and like to happy Hour and stuff like that,
Like I know who they are. I don't eat a thousand,
I don't need ten. I literally need two or three
(42:42):
and I have them, and I'm fine. And as long
as I continue to nurture those friendships and evaluate, no,
and enhance those friendships, not evaluate, um, then I'm good.
So I think it's any listener just going through this, funk,
I had the best thing ever to say, and I
have just got it. Anybody going through with were your friends? Yes? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
(43:07):
I'm speaking so Pinterest, Hallmark, my mother right now. But
my mom used to always tell me this, that access
you need to remember. You need to always keep in
the forefront of your mind, no matter what it comes to,
whether it's access to you, whether it's relationships, friendships, that
having access to you as a privilege, no matter who
(43:27):
the person is, so guard it like it's something that's
important to you. So don't let any person with which
or what values or treat which or what way have
that access to you or be able to be that
close to you and receive your love, your attention, your care, etcetera.
So remember that it is a privilege and that coach
of people who deserve it. So keep that in mind
(43:47):
when it comes to choosing like your closer cole, people
who are your writer or dies or people that you know.
You shouldn't feel draining. You shouldn't want to give love
and received love and turn. It should be like a
mutual what's the word reciprocal nurturing, not feeling like we're
being drained or like stuff to life at you, which
obviously I felt before, and I feel better now that
I don't have that. You know, guys, how do you
(44:11):
don't cringe? Yeah? Should we wrap wrap it up everyone
instead of guys? I like that everybody, like Comy teaches
Banana Paz, what's the Big Daddy from? You? Didn't very well?
(44:34):
Thank you? Wed him? Not done? Tiana? And that Lottie
for Christmas? Can we the Christmas tree? I can't wait
until I get a boyfriend that I don't want people
to see and I can use that as a caption.
Big Daddy know my quote unquote boyfriend. Look just like
(44:58):
see it. You can't see it? Oh yeah, yeah, we've
seen them everywhere. Everyone will know. It'll be on my wallet,
It'll be on my wall, on my Instagram, my Twitter wall,
my TikTok wall, download the iHeart app, or just listen
to I Heart Radioheart the tunes. It's like, once every
(45:20):
four episodes, I can't do it. I'm gonna do it. Kay,
this is what happens. When do you do it, You'll
be saying I tunes the I Heeart podcast. When I do,
I take four minutes because I get off track. I'll
be like, oh, the council's nice, Oh the ceiling. So
there's never a concise correct way for us to do
this inning. Sydney and I love to say what I
(45:41):
thought it was a spider. I literally almost break my
door too much. Sidney and I love to tell each
other that we work because for one reason, and that
is where both messes like not one of us is mature,
the other ones like in the sure not one of
us is clumsy and the one was not clumsy. It's
(46:02):
like we're both a raging mess and dumbest fuck but
in like different ways. And it's but it's it works somehow,
and then whenever we really need to be awesome, we
pull through. And that's it, all right. Everybody, Go listen
to us on My Heart and download the pod, download
the app, and also listen to us on Apple Podcasts
(46:23):
and Spotify. Make sure to follow our Instagram, YouTube and
TikTok at Crying in Public podcast, and that's it. Go
follow our Instagram, like our posts, subscribe, comment, like share,
I don't even know, especially to follow our because we're
trying to get famous, kidding because d n I Winter
(46:49):
with the Y because Black Lives Matter instead is mine
and if you don't follow me, it's literally racist, all right,
and everybody give that. Also store that from How to
Get Away with Murder, I mean my favorite murder about
to watch episode and be like, uh, Sue
Host
Sydni Wynter
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