April 26, 2024 • 10 mins
In the debut episode of Crying Is Manly, host Tyler shares a bit about his experience with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, and how these have intersected with societal expectations of masculinity. Tyler discusses the pressure men face to suppress emotions deemed "unmanly", like crying, and asks that we consider redefining what it means to be masculine by embracing vulnerability, authenticity and emotional openness. He also touches on his struggles with procrastination and the life-changing impact of finally taking action to start the podcast. Join Tyler as he briefly explores all of these themes, encouraging listeners to confront their fears and take meaningful action.
In the meantime, just remember: crying is manly. 💪😭 #cryingismanly
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tyler (00:01):
Hello and welcome to the first episode of Crying is Manly
.
Before we get started, I justneed to say that I am not a
medical professional and I amnot a mental health professional
, all right, so my name is Tyler, I am 39 years old and
throughout my life, even when Iwas a kid, I've struggled in one
way or another with mentalhealth, specifically anxiety and
(00:24):
depression, but also lowself-esteem, chronic
procrastination, addictive andcompulsive behavior, and it was
all accompanied by this overallfeeling that I'm weak or
cowardly or just generally notenough.
Speaking of anxiety, right now,I'm getting a lot of that even
just recording this, like I'mliterally shaking.
(00:45):
So apologies if the audio comesout weird, but yeah, I just I
think it's important to beupfront and honest about that
sort of stuff.
So this is terrifying, butlet's go ahead and continue on.
So as far as the weak orcowardly bit, I do think that's
true-ish, because I've spent somuch time knowing what I should
(01:06):
do or that I wanted to do acertain thing, but then just not
doing it because I'm scared oranxious, or you know, I make up
some excuse.
Sometimes this is with largelife decisions, but even more
often it's honestly just thesmall instances throughout each
day, and this has gone on foralmost 40 years now, which is,
(01:27):
yeah, not great.
One of the main things I'vestruggled with, as someone who
has a pervasive avoidance offear and discomfort, was that I
wasn't masculine enough, that Ibasically was the opposite of
manly, whatever manly means.
And at a very young age it wasclear that I was a sensitive kid
.
You may have heard the phrasehighly sensitive person or
(01:49):
highly sensitive child.
I was one of those, and youknow so.
I was very affected by theworld.
For example, I would cry easilyand I was bullied pretty
frequently for that, amongvarious other things.
While there is variation betweencultures, countries and
demographics, I think a lot ofus know that many times we as
men and boys feel this nearconstant pressure to not show
(02:13):
certain emotions, to not say ordo anything that is perceived as
weak or feminine or unmanly.
Crying in particular istargeted as being something
essentially taboo for men andboys in many groups, in many
areas.
So part of what I want to dowith this podcast is kind of
(02:33):
flip the usual conversation onthat whole mess.
The title Crying is Manly getsat the heart of that aspect of
what I want to essentially putout into the world this idea
that no, crying does not makeyou a girl or weak or
unmasculine.
Instead, what if crying itselfwere manly?
(02:54):
What if having the courage tobe vulnerable, the courage to
break down in front of people,the courage to open yourself up,
the courage to record something, even if you're shaking in fear
, is in fact very masculine andshows a strong individual who is
worthy of admiration andrespect?
I don't know if all of that istrue, and the podcast recording
(03:14):
bit is a little bittongue-in-cheek, but I do love
the idea of thinking about itall from that angle.
I also love the idea of somepeople having very strong or
even visceral reactions maybe,to reading the phrase crying is
manly.
I kind of think about thatsometimes, kind of what people
will think and feel when theysee that.
(03:35):
So I don't know what kind ofreactions we'll get, but I think
it'll be fascinating and I'mactually really excited to see
that happen.
(04:02):
No-transcript about this ideathat finding our calling is
something where you know when wedo that it won't feel like work
.
Or if you find your purpose,everything else will just sort
of fall into place.
I've never known exactly whatmy purpose was.
I sort of drifted around.
I've done a lot of call centerjobs and just sort of you know,
(04:26):
popped into whatever job wasnext or something to pay the
bills and that sort of thing.
But once I decided concretelyto actually start this podcast
and begun taking real measurableaction to start it, I began
feeling like this might be mypurpose somehow, which I don't
know.
I know that might sound kind ofstrange to someone listening,
especially if they've known me along time, but you know the
(04:49):
sense is, maybe even this mightlike evolve into the thing which
is my purpose.
It's very difficult toarticulate and it's not really
an experience I've had before,but it's fascinating and I'm
interested to see where it willgo.
If you've read self-help booksor listened to self-improvement
podcasts or you know strugglewith being undisciplined, you've
probably heard people saysomething like whatever you're
(05:09):
delaying, whatever thing you'rescared about, start right now,
just do it.
Do it now.
You know the time will never bejust right.
You'll never feel confident.
Just start it.
Do it right now, because it'salways going to suck at the
beginning.
You're always going to bebasically terrible at the
(05:30):
beginning, uh, but you've got tostart, man, you've got to take
action or at best, you'll neverreach your potential.
At worst, you'll live a life ofshame and regret, just you know
, kicking yourself for neverhaving done all the things that
you could have, should have,would have done.
I've spent a lot of my a lot ofmy life in that place of shame,
regret and knowing that Iwanted to be doing more, wanted
(05:53):
to become more.
So, believe me, I candefinitely relate if you're
feeling that or, you know,feeling sort of called out by
the last few things I said.
That's definitely not myintention.
Specifically, with the podcast,I've been wanting to do one
since at least 2022.
And I had been thinking aboutit off and on, brainstorming off
and on between then and now,but otherwise didn't really do a
(06:15):
whole lot of work on it.
You know I would jot down ideasof episode titles periodically.
I even bought a microphone inOctober of 2022, which I didn't
use for quite some time and youknow, just a little bits and
pieces of effort here and there,but nothing that was like major
, nothing that really moved theneedle, and I was just thinking
(06:38):
to myself oh, I'll get to that.
I'll get to it when I have agood setup.
I'll get to it when I feelconfident I'll get to it when
it's going to go well.
Basically, just excuses rootedin fear and apprehension.
Thankfully, I was listening tosome entrepreneur question and
answer interview type podcasts afew weeks before my birthday,
which was last month, and, forwhatever reason, the message
(07:00):
about starting right now itfinally got through.
So I am doing the thing.
The episode might be terrible,I have no idea.
Am doing the thing.
The episode might be terrible,I have no idea, but we, we have
to be okay with that.
Um, that's you know.
Again, when you start a thing,you're going to suck Not always,
but, but usually, almost bydefinition, you're going to be
(07:20):
garbage at it, but you got to doit.
So I am doing the thing.
I am taking action.
I started slash, am startingthe podcast, which is the most
important part.
That's what this episode is allabout.
So we're doing the thing.
So, after finally startingtaking those real actions, that
concrete progress on the podcastlast month, in the period of
(07:41):
about a month, not only did Imake more progress than I'd made
in about a year and a half, buthonestly I couldn't.
I couldn't believe the amountof things that happened very
quickly.
It was just, it was just wild.
I had people telling me thekinds of things they'd like to
see discussed on a podcast aboutmen's mental health.
I got to speak at length with aprofessional podcast producer I
think he gave me something likefour hours of his time who
(08:04):
introduced me to some greatpodcasts just a wealth of
suggestions and ideas and wisdomand told me about some men's
mental health events and anorganization that does podcast
conventions.
I did not know that evenexisted, so good to know.
But, yeah, I decided it wasbasically a few days from when
(08:25):
it was going to happen, maybe acouple weeks, and I decided to
attend the convention as abirthday present to myself.
So, of course, I ran into allkinds of interesting things and
interesting people there and allof that wouldn't have happened
unless I had taken that concreteaction.
You know, yeah, we can saymaybe it would have happened
unless I had taken that concreteaction.
Um, you know, yeah, we can saymaybe it would have happened at
some point.
But you know, all other thingsbeing equal, all that stuff
(08:47):
dominoed out of finally tomaking the decision to all,
right, you know what I'm goingto start it today, which is just
just wild, so I could probablytalk for like 10 minutes
straight about all that, as faras how many unexpected things
have developed from finallytaking action.
But I, you know, I think I'vesufficiently made the point.
So, yeah, it's wild and it'shard to believe.
So, whatever you know deep downyou want to do or whatever you
(09:11):
think you're meant to do,whatever you've been putting off
, just do it.
Just do it, man.
Do it now.
Just do the damn thing.
Take action.
Even if the results are awful,even if you hate it, you will
absolutely benefit and grow fromthe experience.
I promise you it will be worthit in some way or another.
If you know again, if for noother reason than you can say,
(09:33):
hey, I did the thing, I'm proudof myself, nice, and you won't
have that nagging feelinganymore that you're choosing a
path of fear or avoidance whenthe option is available to do
something, to be something more.
So the next time you take actionon a thing you've been avoiding
due to fear or anxiety, pleasedo let me know.
I'd love to hear your story.
You can find links in thisepisode description where you
(09:54):
can send me an email, leave me avoicemail or connect with me on
any of my social accounts.
I specifically, would love tohear from you on voicemails.
I think that's just such anawesome way to connect, since
we're already on a medium that'saudio based.
All right, everyone.
So that is it for this episode,and I will see you in the next
(10:15):
one.
For now, just remember, cryingis manly.
Hello and welcome to the first episode of Crying is Manly
.
Before we get started, I justneed to say that I am not a
medical professional and I amnot a mental health professional
, all right, so my name is Tyler, I am 39 years old and
throughout my life, even when Iwas a kid, I've struggled in one
way or another with mentalhealth, specifically anxiety and
(00:24):
depression, but also lowself-esteem, chronic
procrastination, addictive andcompulsive behavior, and it was
all accompanied by this overallfeeling that I'm weak or
cowardly or just generally notenough.
Speaking of anxiety, right now,I'm getting a lot of that even
just recording this, like I'mliterally shaking.
(00:45):
So apologies if the audio comesout weird, but yeah, I just I
think it's important to beupfront and honest about that
sort of stuff.
So this is terrifying, butlet's go ahead and continue on.
So as far as the weak orcowardly bit, I do think that's
true-ish, because I've spent somuch time knowing what I should
(01:06):
do or that I wanted to do acertain thing, but then just not
doing it because I'm scared oranxious, or you know, I make up
some excuse.
Sometimes this is with largelife decisions, but even more
often it's honestly just thesmall instances throughout each
day, and this has gone on foralmost 40 years now, which is,
(01:27):
yeah, not great.
One of the main things I'vestruggled with, as someone who
has a pervasive avoidance offear and discomfort, was that I
wasn't masculine enough, that Ibasically was the opposite of
manly, whatever manly means.
And at a very young age it wasclear that I was a sensitive kid
.
You may have heard the phrasehighly sensitive person or
(01:49):
highly sensitive child.
I was one of those, and youknow so.
I was very affected by theworld.
For example, I would cry easilyand I was bullied pretty
frequently for that, amongvarious other things.
While there is variation betweencultures, countries and
demographics, I think a lot ofus know that many times we as
men and boys feel this nearconstant pressure to not show
(02:13):
certain emotions, to not say ordo anything that is perceived as
weak or feminine or unmanly.
Crying in particular istargeted as being something
essentially taboo for men andboys in many groups, in many
areas.
So part of what I want to dowith this podcast is kind of
(02:33):
flip the usual conversation onthat whole mess.
The title Crying is Manly getsat the heart of that aspect of
what I want to essentially putout into the world this idea
that no, crying does not makeyou a girl or weak or
unmasculine.
Instead, what if crying itselfwere manly?
(02:54):
What if having the courage tobe vulnerable, the courage to
break down in front of people,the courage to open yourself up,
the courage to record something, even if you're shaking in fear
, is in fact very masculine andshows a strong individual who is
worthy of admiration andrespect?
I don't know if all of that istrue, and the podcast recording
(03:14):
bit is a little bittongue-in-cheek, but I do love
the idea of thinking about itall from that angle.
I also love the idea of somepeople having very strong or
even visceral reactions maybe,to reading the phrase crying is
manly.
I kind of think about thatsometimes, kind of what people
will think and feel when theysee that.
(03:35):
So I don't know what kind ofreactions we'll get, but I think
it'll be fascinating and I'mactually really excited to see
that happen.
(04:02):
No-transcript about this ideathat finding our calling is
something where you know when wedo that it won't feel like work
.
Or if you find your purpose,everything else will just sort
of fall into place.
I've never known exactly whatmy purpose was.
I sort of drifted around.
I've done a lot of call centerjobs and just sort of you know,
(04:26):
popped into whatever job wasnext or something to pay the
bills and that sort of thing.
But once I decided concretelyto actually start this podcast
and begun taking real measurableaction to start it, I began
feeling like this might be mypurpose somehow, which I don't
know.
I know that might sound kind ofstrange to someone listening,
especially if they've known me along time, but you know the
(04:49):
sense is, maybe even this mightlike evolve into the thing which
is my purpose.
It's very difficult toarticulate and it's not really
an experience I've had before,but it's fascinating and I'm
interested to see where it willgo.
If you've read self-help booksor listened to self-improvement
podcasts or you know strugglewith being undisciplined, you've
probably heard people saysomething like whatever you're
(05:09):
delaying, whatever thing you'rescared about, start right now,
just do it.
Do it now.
You know the time will never bejust right.
You'll never feel confident.
Just start it.
Do it right now, because it'salways going to suck at the
beginning.
You're always going to bebasically terrible at the
(05:30):
beginning, uh, but you've got tostart, man, you've got to take
action or at best, you'll neverreach your potential.
At worst, you'll live a life ofshame and regret, just you know
, kicking yourself for neverhaving done all the things that
you could have, should have,would have done.
I've spent a lot of my a lot ofmy life in that place of shame,
regret and knowing that Iwanted to be doing more, wanted
(05:53):
to become more.
So, believe me, I candefinitely relate if you're
feeling that or, you know,feeling sort of called out by
the last few things I said.
That's definitely not myintention.
Specifically, with the podcast,I've been wanting to do one
since at least 2022.
And I had been thinking aboutit off and on, brainstorming off
and on between then and now,but otherwise didn't really do a
(06:15):
whole lot of work on it.
You know I would jot down ideasof episode titles periodically.
I even bought a microphone inOctober of 2022, which I didn't
use for quite some time and youknow, just a little bits and
pieces of effort here and there,but nothing that was like major
, nothing that really moved theneedle, and I was just thinking
(06:38):
to myself oh, I'll get to that.
I'll get to it when I have agood setup.
I'll get to it when I feelconfident I'll get to it when
it's going to go well.
Basically, just excuses rootedin fear and apprehension.
Thankfully, I was listening tosome entrepreneur question and
answer interview type podcasts afew weeks before my birthday,
which was last month, and, forwhatever reason, the message
(07:00):
about starting right now itfinally got through.
So I am doing the thing.
The episode might be terrible,I have no idea.
Am doing the thing.
The episode might be terrible,I have no idea, but we, we have
to be okay with that.
Um, that's you know.
Again, when you start a thing,you're going to suck Not always,
but, but usually, almost bydefinition, you're going to be
(07:20):
garbage at it, but you got to doit.
So I am doing the thing.
I am taking action.
I started slash, am startingthe podcast, which is the most
important part.
That's what this episode is allabout.
So we're doing the thing.
So, after finally startingtaking those real actions, that
concrete progress on the podcastlast month, in the period of
(07:41):
about a month, not only did Imake more progress than I'd made
in about a year and a half, buthonestly I couldn't.
I couldn't believe the amountof things that happened very
quickly.
It was just, it was just wild.
I had people telling me thekinds of things they'd like to
see discussed on a podcast aboutmen's mental health.
I got to speak at length with aprofessional podcast producer I
think he gave me something likefour hours of his time who
(08:04):
introduced me to some greatpodcasts just a wealth of
suggestions and ideas and wisdomand told me about some men's
mental health events and anorganization that does podcast
conventions.
I did not know that evenexisted, so good to know.
But, yeah, I decided it wasbasically a few days from when
(08:25):
it was going to happen, maybe acouple weeks, and I decided to
attend the convention as abirthday present to myself.
So, of course, I ran into allkinds of interesting things and
interesting people there and allof that wouldn't have happened
unless I had taken that concreteaction.
You know, yeah, we can saymaybe it would have happened
unless I had taken that concreteaction.
Um, you know, yeah, we can saymaybe it would have happened at
some point.
But you know, all other thingsbeing equal, all that stuff
(08:47):
dominoed out of finally tomaking the decision to all,
right, you know what I'm goingto start it today, which is just
just wild, so I could probablytalk for like 10 minutes
straight about all that, as faras how many unexpected things
have developed from finallytaking action.
But I, you know, I think I'vesufficiently made the point.
So, yeah, it's wild and it'shard to believe.
So, whatever you know deep downyou want to do or whatever you
(09:11):
think you're meant to do,whatever you've been putting off
, just do it.
Just do it, man.
Do it now.
Just do the damn thing.
Take action.
Even if the results are awful,even if you hate it, you will
absolutely benefit and grow fromthe experience.
I promise you it will be worthit in some way or another.
If you know again, if for noother reason than you can say,
(09:33):
hey, I did the thing, I'm proudof myself, nice, and you won't
have that nagging feelinganymore that you're choosing a
path of fear or avoidance whenthe option is available to do
something, to be something more.
So the next time you take actionon a thing you've been avoiding
due to fear or anxiety, pleasedo let me know.
I'd love to hear your story.
You can find links in thisepisode description where you
(09:54):
can send me an email, leave me avoicemail or connect with me on
any of my social accounts.
I specifically, would love tohear from you on voicemails.
I think that's just such anawesome way to connect, since
we're already on a medium that'saudio based.
All right, everyone.
So that is it for this episode,and I will see you in the next
(10:15):
one.
For now, just remember, cryingis manly.
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