January 20, 2024 • 45 mins
Let's continue our discussion on celebrated days of sex! The second half of this promises more fun than the first.
Enjoy!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Casey (00:00):
So this episode may not be like chronological exact.
We did calendar girl part one.
Yeah.
Kari (00:09):
Back in December.
And
Casey (00:10):
then we like skipped a while.
And then we went, Hey, we'regoing to go to the mountains.
Yeah.
Kari (00:15):
And then, well, okay.
Let's be honest.
It was fucking Christmas.
It was the mountains.
Casey (00:20):
That was poor planning on our part.
We should have pre recorded someepisodes.
But, you know what?
We didn't do that.
And,
Kari (00:26):
you know, I'm not mad about it though.
Life goes on.
We have responsibilities.
We got shit that we do.
This is our, like, this is ourlove space.
The podcast, this is our lovechild and we don't always get to
attend.
Casey (00:40):
It's not like we've created actual children.
Kari (00:42):
Fuck those kids.
If you know me, that's just likea popular slogan that I have.
Casey (00:48):
That's actually, that's like our biggest piece of it.
We love, we love the phrase.
Fuck them kids.
We love our kids.
More than anything in thisworld, but fuck them kids, you
know,
Kari (00:59):
because lovingly, respectfully, they take away
from our day to day.
Stop it.
No, we don't have time.
I thought you
Casey (01:07):
were going to go lovingly, respectfully.
Fuck them kids.
Kari (01:11):
That would have been funnier.
I wish I would have done that,but, but they do take away from
our like day to day and Decemberis just fucking crazy for us.
So in all actuality, it was justa little too, presumptive for us
to, to finish that episode out.
So here we are, it's January.
We didn't miss any datestechnically.
(01:32):
So we're going to give you alittle bit of tease on what we
have going on.
And then we're going to diveinto the episode.
Casey (01:37):
What do we want to tease them with?
Me.
Kari (01:39):
No.
So the biggest tease or thebiggest things that we have
going on is y'all need tounderstand that we are doing all
this like background work thaty'all don't really get to see or
hear and, and maybe a littlebit, but you still don't really
understand how hard we'reworking.
On the flip side of our podcast,you've been doing SHA or
(02:00):
counseling.
Casey (02:01):
I love a year and a half and I know it's longer than that
actually.
Yeah, I've been going through mycertification to become a sex
counselor since May of 2022.
Yeah.
Kari (02:14):
And so not only that, but we're like.
Promoting or building a website.
Like we have so many things thatare coming for y'all with this
website.
It just, it takes a long timeto, to get it up and running.
I just started my coachingprogram.
So there's a lot behind thescenes that y'all don't always
get to hear about.
(02:35):
But really the podcast to me isour like number one priority at
this point.
And so, yes, we wanted to kindof like bring you up to speed
with what's going on this year.
But the biggest thing that Ifeel like we've done together
and we've been so fucking likeadamant about is the nightshade
burlesque that we attend, youknow, you never miss it.
(02:57):
It's just, it's, it's engravedin us.
Now
Casey (03:00):
we've been, we've been attending nightshade since I
think it was their second showthat they did and we haven't
missed a single
Kari (03:06):
one.
No, because it's been so.
Important to us and the peoplethat we've met along the way are
Casey (03:13):
good people.
That's, that's one thing aboutif you ever have the opportunity
to attend this fantastic what weview is as traditional
burlesque, the way burlesque wasalways meant to be like, we're,
we're, we're going to pound thatinto your heads as much as we
can.
That burlesque is not meant tobe a, a bunch of like, I want to
(03:34):
say this.
I don't want to be offensive toanybody.
I
Kari (03:36):
mean, it's hard not to be offensive to everybody, but I
know what you're saying.
This isn't.
Like you're not fitting
Casey (03:42):
the box.
It's, think about the movieburlesque.
That's not
Kari (03:45):
burlesque This is not burlesque.
That is not what it is.
And if you enjoy that movie,great.
Enjoy it.
It's still a good movie, butit's not really the true
representation of the femaleform that we have grown to love.
So God true burlesque
Casey (04:02):
is body positive.
True burlesque is sex positive.
True burlesque is satirical.
True burlesque is comical trueburlesque.
And this instance is, is likeGothic, which is our favorite
aspect about it.
Trust me on that one.
Oh yeah.
Kari (04:18):
But as soon as I, and y'all might've heard the story a
little bit, but I was literallyscrolling through my Instagram.
And, and I saw gothic burlesqueand I sent it to Casey, I texted
to Casey, I called Casey and youimmediately fucking bought a
table the second, the second Isent it to you and every since
then, this has just been likethe thing that we look forward
(04:40):
to the most.
Again, it is nightshadeburlesque the first Friday of
every month at Cicada in FortWorth, in Fort Worth fucking be
there and y'all need tounderstand this show is blowing
the Fuck up
Casey (04:52):
when we first started buying tables, we'd be like, all
right.
You know, two weeks before theshow, we'd get a table.
Then it became one week.
Now it's like, if you don't gettickets within a couple days of
them releasing them, then you'redone.
You're not getting, you're done.
You don't get a table.
So that that's nightshadeburlesque.
(05:13):
It's it's inception was by our,our good friends violent
Labrador.
And Vivian Vermouth, go checkthem out.
They have amazing performers.
They're always changingperformers out.
They have drag queens.
They have drag
Kari (05:25):
queens.
One of the best.
Casey (05:26):
She's actually currently, currently seeking more votes.
So if you have not voted forher, you need to check out her
page because she has step outthere.
You can vote.
I think it's twice per day.
So go check them out.
Kari (05:38):
So, for this episode, as we kind of discussed earlier is
we are finishing out thecalendar for the year for y'all.
So we kind of have the lastpoint that we stopped at.
And, and we're just going tocontinue on.
Spun a little game for y'all atthe end.
Here I am
Casey (05:51):
with my organizational skills.
The last day that we discussedwas National Orgasm Day.
So we did talk about NationalOrgasm Day.
You remember what we talkedabout?
You, you asked me like how manytimes, what's the most I've ever
come in a day.
I think I said five times.
I, you were like, was that withme?
Like, yes, it was with, yes,that in that instance, you are a
Kari (06:16):
very sexual person, so I can never assume that I am one
of those records, but you're
Casey (06:23):
also a fairly sexual person.
So if I've, if I've been withpeople in the past who are not
very sexual or not, or not veryfun, they might be sexual, but
it doesn't mean they're like.
Fun.
Yeah, fun.
Kari (06:36):
So you got me an insect.
Casey (06:38):
Exactly.
You, you, you helped me.
You helped me want further intoa lot of things instead of being
like, Oh, okay.
Kari (06:47):
All right.
So let's dive in.
What's the next day?
So
Casey (06:49):
today we're going to move on and we're going to hit, this
is August 11th to 13th.
Oh, it's got like a whole assweekend.
International.
There's a reason for it becauseit's international swingers day.
Oh, you remember we said that.
Kari (07:03):
You have to do that.
That makes the most fucking
Casey (07:05):
sense.
How else are you going to syncyour calendars up?
Dude,
Kari (07:09):
y'all need to understand.
The difficulty.
It is hard being in thelifestyle, trying to plan around
and oh, you got this kids thisFriday.
You got them this weekend or thenext weekend, or can you do
this, this date?
Or that is the mostappropriately timed weekend
because it gives you a chance toplan it out.
Casey (07:29):
Exactly.
There is.
Oh my God.
There's so much.
I like my mind is just fallingapart while I'm thinking about
all the planning involvedwhenever it comes like setting
up dates and making sureeverybody's on the same page.
Oh, you work that day until thistime.
I work until this time.
It's, it's not do that becauseof this.
It's not something where it'stwo people trying to get
together.
You're talking about like fouror more people trying to get
(07:52):
together.
Everyone
Kari (07:53):
check your calendar.
It's super difficult.
So I love that as a three dayevent.
And the thing for this is ifyou're like pre planning it, go
to FetLife.
FetLife is a great site to beon.
If you and your partner arelooking to be open you can even,
maybe you have one person thaty'all want to play with, sit
down, put it on the calendar.
Hey, we have this.
(08:13):
These three dates that arereally going to enjoy each
other.
And just set aside the time forthat because not all of these
days are something that you cando directly in the moment.
And again, I love the fact thatit's like a two to three day
window
Casey (08:25):
and a bit of a warning.
If you are, some, if you are,have not been on FetLife and
you're looking to like joinpicture a very.
NSFW not safe for work versionof Twitter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's, it's, it's very in yourface.
You're going to see a lot ofthings when you first get on
there, but you can sift throughall the stuff.
There's plenty of events onthere.
(08:45):
You can seek out different youcan see got dungeons in your
area.
You can see got events in yourarea.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to, I
Kari (08:51):
would love to go to a dungeon.
We are so going to do that and Ican't freaking wait.
All right.
So what's the next date?
Okay,
Casey (09:00):
so moving on from there.
Oh, we have This is August 23rd.
One of my favorites.
This is Go Topless Day.
Oh! So what are some ways we cango topless?
We
Kari (09:12):
don't have to plan that.
I don't know that we know whatday that falls on.
Is it a Friday?
It's a Friday.
We already know this.
We know this isn't a Friday, butthe thing with being like go
topless day, if it happens tofall on a day that you don't get
the opportunity to just walkaround topless, that's fine.
Maybe utilize that time or thatday to I'm going to send my
(09:33):
partner.
Our partners as many titty shotsas I can.
Casey (09:38):
Yeah.
Or just your friends in general.
Anyone,
Kari (09:41):
everyone gets a tick shot, you know, but it's just be
topless.
It's liberating to be
Casey (09:47):
topless.
I know there's times where I'mlike, I love cleaning this house
topless As, as a, as a male, Ifeel like privileged because
it's socially acceptable for meto have my tits out.
I know.
So I don't have to deal with anysort of anything.
Kari (10:00):
How does that feel?
How does that.
Feel to just have your top off.
If I just walk to the gym withmy top off, I would be escorted
out.
Casey (10:11):
I don't know that you would.
I
Kari (10:13):
just do a little shimmy the whole way through.
They're like, no, you're cool.
And they're like, she's fineguys.
Casey (10:18):
She's trying out some new technique.
This is a workout regimen.
Leave her alone.
It's like doing, you know, coldplunges, but you know, she's
just bringing the
Kari (10:26):
nipple, Eric Kegels, leave her alone.
Casey (10:31):
Since when did your pelvic floor jump into your
chest?
I don't know.
Kari (10:35):
Alright, what's
Casey (10:36):
the next date?
You were just asking me how itfeels not to have boobs.
I was then going to turn aroundand ask you how it feels to have
boobs.
I've got a, I'm a, I'm flatchested.
Just a little top
Kari (10:48):
heavy.
Just a little top heavy.
Just
Casey (10:50):
a little top heavy.
So next up we have September4th, which is World Sexual
Health Day.
Kari (10:56):
And see, that's gotta be important.
Casey (10:58):
Yeah.
That's important.
Kari (10:59):
What do you think health is not like blowjobs are great.
No, like this is like sexualhealth.
No, because I think like peopleare like, don't realize.
How important sexual healthactually is.
Yes.
This is going to be a day for usto just educate the fuck out of
people.
Yeah, for sure.
But how would you recommend alistener to dive into sexual
(11:22):
health?
Casey (11:23):
I, this is one of my favorites because this is where
I get to put on my doctor hat.
I get to talk about what itmeans to have sexual health to
me.
So in terms of sexual health,things that I like to look at
for people is a de stigmatizingSTI, understand that they're,
they're common.
They're natural.
People get them.
(11:43):
Are there some that areuncurable?
Yes, they are few and farbetween at this point.
And all of them are treatable atthis point.
But the important thing is thatif you're going to be sexually
active, whether it be in apolyamorous relationship, Yep.
You a single, maybe you, as youcelebrate relationship anarchy,
whatever it is, the importantthing is to celebrate your
sexual wellness by getting aroutine STI testing.
(12:05):
That's probably the biggest onefor me outside of that is
educating yourself on thingslike pleasure anatomy, educating
yourself on new, new ways to, toexperience pleasure, new ways to
experience sex.
And keep in mind, whenever wesay sex, we don't, we don't
mean.
Penis and vagina penetration.
(12:25):
No.
That's not our view of sex.
No.
That's not sex.
What we mean is I mean it is.
Even you can, you can even go asfar as to say, I'm going to
redefine sex for myself to beinclusive.
What does sex mean to me?
So just celebrating Or maybejust look
Kari (12:36):
up a term of sex that you've never, like, I'm going to
look up bukkake because I don'tknow what bukkake is.
Oh, you know
Casey (12:43):
what it is.
I do.
I don't mean that that isn't,you participated in it, by the
way, but
Kari (12:47):
I'm just saying like maybe you utilize this day to educate
yourself on an aspect of sexthat you have never understood
before.
There is no harm in educating toan experience that you've never
personally had.
Casey (13:01):
You know what I want to recommend to somebody is to be
like, Hey, I want you, I wantthis to be somebody that is
traditionally uncomfortable.
In their sexuality to extend itout and become more comfortable
in other sexualities.
So that might getting
Kari (13:16):
all like the research they can on something that they talk
to somebody.
And
Casey (13:19):
no, I mean like, as in talk to somebody else, if you
are say a cisgender straightmale, I want you to go out and
talk to a a trans woman.
I want you to talk to a abisexual male.
I want you to do something thatwould.
Traditionally be seen as, assome that might make you
uncomfortable.
(13:39):
Step out of your comfort zone alittle bit and learn something
about
Kari (13:42):
somebody else.
That's what the day is about iseducation.
So sex ed yourself.
I
Casey (13:46):
can educate.
So what I got next, next we haveOctober 1st.
This is massage day.
Dibs.
There's no dibs.
My
Kari (13:56):
dibs.
I get it.
Casey (13:58):
You can tell them about the video you sent me the
Kari (14:00):
other day.
I know because this dude waslike, like taking his thumbs and
massaging like the base andaround her neck and like in the
hair.
And I'm just like,
Casey (14:10):
we talked about this.
He was massaging the deepmuscles of the neck, trying to
get all the way to what he wasgoing all the way to what we can
call the suboccipital triangle.
So it's small little groups ofmuscles.
They attach between the actualocciput, the back of the skull,
and then the second vertebra.
The, and the neck and the firstas well.
Mm-Hmm.
So they're these really deepmuscles and they do a lot of
(14:31):
stuff and they have a lot, alot, a lot of sensory organs in
them.
So
Kari (14:34):
why have you not massaged me there yet?
Casey (14:37):
Because every time I've offered massage you've refused
or we just don't do it?
Wire, we, we on, we didn'tengage so much.
Hold on,
Kari (14:43):
hold on.
The thing is, is when my hair iscurly and you try to, don't
touch it.
You can't, if you touch it, I'mgonna look like Mufasa.
Don't touch my hair.
So wait a minute.
Mufasa.
Mufasa.
Casey (14:56):
Mufasa.
Mufasa.
Like from the Lion King?
Kari (14:59):
Yeah.
He has this big mane.
What does that have to do withDon't touch my hair though.
Because when you break up curlsthey
Casey (15:05):
get bigger.
He
Kari (15:06):
had very straight hair.
Listen, male with straight hair.
You don't understand.
When you alter the structure ofcurls, they just get bigger.
I
Casey (15:19):
understand that.
I was curious the comparison toa lion with straight hair.
Kari (15:25):
Because my, instead of my hair being to my head and curly,
and then you touch it, it goesout of my head and it's no
longer,
Casey (15:34):
you're saying that you look like a lion if I touch your
curly hair.
Yes.
Okay.
See, now I can get on board withthat.
I was, it was just curiosity.
No, it's fine.
Straight hair.
You know what kind of massage Iwant to experience?
Anal?
Kari (15:46):
No.
Casey (15:47):
He does not like anal.
A Nuru massage.
Oh, what kind?
N U R U.
Nuru massage.
It's literally where you massageme with your entire naked body.
It's like, like super oily, rubyour entire body all over me.
Kari (16:03):
I would absolutely love to do that.
I got lumps, baby.
I got a lot of lumps.
I can massage you with my lumps.
I just imagine one of those likemassage balls with the, like,
that's what I am, just with titsand ass.
Oh my
Casey (16:17):
god
Kari (16:19):
All right, baby, let's move on to the next day So we
just
Casey (16:24):
got we're moving on.
No, we we finished with massageday.
We're now moving on to octoberKink day one of our favorite
days of the year Why is kink dayour favorite day of the year
because
Kari (16:38):
kink day allows you to sit down with your partner or
partners to?
Casey (16:43):
You sound like you're reading out of a book.
Kari (16:45):
Cool.
To try a clink, a kink, clink totry a kink that you've not
experienced before.
This is not a normal day.
This isn't like kink forward,passionate person.
I love that for you.
This is not a day for you to dothis shit that you're used to.
This is a day for you to do thatis outside of your like
(17:06):
spectrum.
So if you are vanilla, trysomething kinky.
If you're kinky, go fuckingextreme.
I'm going to argue.
But please do,
Casey (17:16):
I do not think it's all about trying something.
It could be about introducingsomething into a conversation.
Well,
Kari (17:23):
yeah, that's a more like simplest form of it.
Of course.
Oh, because again, like thereare, there are so many levels of
this lifestyle, right?
You got like kindergartner, yougot middle school and you got
high school, right?
So you are speaking to likekindergartner, nothing, they
(17:44):
know nothing about kink andyou're right.
This is a day too.
What if you don't even know whatkink fucking means?
Yeah, you got no clue.
Casey (17:53):
Well, then you found this podcast, hopefully, right?
And you can hear what we have tosay about it.
Kari (17:58):
But kink day to me is just exploring the next level.
It doesn't matter what level youstand at.
This is your opportunity to.
Take it to the next, whetherthat be just visually watching
it.
Casey (18:15):
That's a good way to introduce yourself.
So one of the things I like totalk about here is whenever
somebody wants to open up tokink, but they're like, I don't
know where to begin.
And that's
Kari (18:24):
a good, that's a great place to begin is knowing where
to get
Casey (18:28):
first thing you can do is it's a, it encompasses a lot.
I mean, that's what we've
Kari (18:32):
had.
Casey (18:32):
One of the coolest things is that as out of context or
abnormal, as you think the thingyou want to do might be, might
be, is it's, it's more normalthan you think.
Yeah, this is one of the biggestthings that we've seen in
research over the past, probablya decade or so is that whenever
we look at kink, so many peoplethink that the thing that
(18:53):
they're into is like this uniquebig thing, but.
And actuality, a lot of peopleare into that.
It's probably a fairly commonthing for you to be
Kari (19:02):
into.
Like you basic bitch King.
Casey (19:04):
But, but you, what you should do is, is take an
opportunity to research thatthing that you might be into do
that on October 6th.
Now let's move on.
October 17th is ass day.
It's like tits, but theopposite.
And I think
Kari (19:20):
they ask day or no ass.
Oh, love
Casey (19:24):
ass.
It's get on track, put your bookdown, put your book down and get
on track.
Kari (19:32):
I'm so distracted when you say ass though.
Ass day, that could be takingpictures of your ass that could
be watching like an anal pornofor the first time, because I
will say the very first timethat I had like really got into
porn, anal was not somethingthat I like gravitated towards.
I, I even thought it like tabooearly on.
(19:54):
You know, which like now I'mlike, I fucking love DP.
Like, let's do this shit, but
Casey (20:00):
you jump from anal to DP.
Kari (20:02):
Yeah.
Like I know I'm extreme.
Like I see it now.
What's the most, you know,
Casey (20:07):
I would like to see you fisting someone in the ass.
Kari (20:11):
What's fisting day.
I'm sure we,
Casey (20:14):
And actuality that's next on October 21st.
October.
There's the laugh.
October 21st is internationalfisting day.
Guys, this
Kari (20:23):
was not on purpose.
Casey (20:25):
You were talking about like fisting in the ass.
We're talking about, you'retalking about this.
Kari (20:30):
Fisting doesn't just like, it's not exclusively to the ass.
I feel like it's more likepredominantly thought
Casey (20:38):
of.
One of the things we love to dois take this calendar and help
people implement it.
Without feeling like they'regoing outside of their comfort
zone.
So whether it's educatingyourself on what it means,
performing an act, watchingadult videos around the, the
act, just having a conversationwith someone around you about
it, all of it can be, can beimplemented in some way, shape,
(20:59):
or form.
And to fist like This is onewhere I'm like, Hey, listen if
you typically use two fingers,go to three, if you use three,
go to four, if you
Kari (21:09):
use four, we're not telling you fish, your fucking
partner, what we're saying isexplore the next level.
Yes.
And, and, and again, we, wetalked about it earlier.
Maybe it could be that you watchporn around the act.
It doesn't mean that you have todo it.
It just means explore
it.
Casey (21:28):
Yeah, for sure.
Okay.
So let's move on to who was agood one.
November 4th day before mybirthday.
Hey, there's a good sex toy day.
Kari (21:39):
Or this is before your birthday.
You are the king of sex toys.
I have never in my life beenwith someone that was more like
geared towards sex toys thanyou.
I love
Casey (21:52):
sex toys.
I think that anything that addsto the sexual experience is more
than welcome.
I don't understand this stigmaor, or like people have been
like, Oh, if you use a sex toy,it means you can't get the job
done.
That's not the case whatsoever.
What is the case is that you're,you're adding a new layer of
play, let's use some glass,let's use some various forms of
(22:15):
vibrators.
Let's use some like ropes.
Let's use some chains and whip.
Like all of those to me are sextoys.
And if you can find ways to justbring them in so many people, Oh
my God.
Kari (22:28):
What did we do as children?
We played with toys.
This is no different.
That's why they call them sextoys.
Get outside your comfort, havesome fun.
And, and you
Casey (22:39):
remember the scene in Armageddon or Ben Affleck
Kari (22:43):
the animal,
Casey (22:45):
you're getting, you're getting ahead of me.
You're getting ahead of me whereBen Affleck and Liv Tyler are
lying there.
It is.
I know, but damn it.
Kari (22:54):
Carrie, I'm sorry.
I know you.
Yes, I was never more attractedto a navel.
In my life, then he was like,the, the, the bad stumps up the,
the, the aroused in that scene.
I don't even want to talk aboutit.
All right.
Yes.
I know what you're talking
Casey (23:14):
about.
I'm making a sound bite out ofthat.
Please don't.
Kari (23:18):
I'll make you a better sound bit than what that just
was.
But honey, we all know the sceneyou're talking about.
Casey (23:24):
Those are sex toys.
That to me is a sex toy.
So anything that you can usearound you, but our opportunity
there is to explore and ourfavorite way to say that is to
go to your local sex shoptogether.
We've said this so many times inthe past.
A lot.
Be loud.
Talk to the sales associate.
Well, you know, we went to thesex shop the other day and we
were like, Hey, what are some ofthe new things you guys are
(23:45):
seeing for 2024?
And so we started getting, andwe'll be releasing probably our
own little list of what to lookfor, but we were, we were
getting some great informationon what.
New technologies coming out,what things are becoming more
popular, what things aredecreasing in popularity and how
you can access those.
So be on the lookout for that aswell.
(24:05):
Next up we have November 23rdnational polyamory day.
Everybody in an openrelationship.
Raise your hands.
Air sell.
Kari (24:17):
All right.
You know, we're actually, wehave a parade for polyamory, you
know, we have parades for allthis shit.
Let's just have a parade inDallas for polyamory.
Bring everyone together.
Huh.
There would be way too much lubeand condoms needed for that.
Casey (24:34):
I don't know.
Pride has enough of that.
I love my pride people and thereis so much loop and economists
are a plenty.
I'd be curious to see like whohas more, but I feel like those,
those, the, the communities areso intertwined in that
Kari (24:49):
sense.
At this point we are and Ifucking love that.
I love that like just likesexual openness is, is becoming
more fluid between gays andstraights.
Like it's not just about Oh,you're not gay, you're straight,
but you're poly.
Like, no, it's become this likefamily and I just fucking love
it because love is love.
Yes.
(25:09):
Sex is sex.
Love is love.
Let's just,
Casey (25:14):
and in Fort Worth, we love our saying that's been
introduced.
Y'all means all
Kari (25:18):
about goddamn time.
Yeah.
All
Casey (25:20):
right.
Next date.
Get onto it.
All right.
So next step we have December 20national orgasm day.
So we already went overinternational orgasm day.
This is just, it's likeinternational orgasm day on a
smaller scale.
So whatever the U S populationis, I hope everyone has
simultaneous orgasms.
Yeah.
Across the board, all at thesame time.
(25:41):
I mean, that's the best goal,right?
Yeah, just make sure they'rereal.
We don't fake orgasms in
Kari (25:45):
this household.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
I was just talking about thistoday and I was like, if you
fake an orgasm, you are doingyourself a disservice.
It is not even the person thatyou're with a disservice.
It's you.
A disservice because you are sohung up on achieving this.
(26:06):
Performance goal.
Yeah.
That like, stop it.
Enjoy it.
Have fun.
Yeah.
Feel, feel what's happening toyou without the mindset of I
need to come.
I need to make them feel thatI'm coming and I, and I fucking.
Thinking about this, becauseagain, I was talking about this
(26:27):
earlier today and the person Iwas talking to was like, no, I
have, I want, I don't have to, Iwant to make them feel like I am
enjoying this just as much.
But why do you have to fakeorgasm to make them feel like
you're enjoying it as much?
(26:47):
Why can you not just be a femalethat enjoys it?
Without the actual act,
Casey (26:55):
we live in a performance society.
I know we, we, the standard, thestandard of sex within Western
culture is about performance.
It is about this, like, I don'tknow why I do know why actually
we've been, we've been taughtthis narrative that.
My goal in sex is to make hercome.
(27:16):
My goal in sex is to make himcome.
My goal in sex is to make themcome.
We've removed the want to belike, no, it's about the journey
and about just enjoying pleasure
Kari (27:27):
about being
Casey (27:28):
together, about enjoying each other and about pleasure,
and it's been like, no.
It's about the orgasm becausethe orgasm is the affirmation
that I need to know that I'mdoing a good job because there's
someone tell me I'm doing a goodjob, but
Kari (27:42):
I mean, honestly, Casey, I'll be very transparent with
you.
Like that changed in the lastfive years in our relation, you
needed to know that I came andyou, not in a bad way, but it
was just like, did you come, didyou come?
Did you come?
But that wasn't a me thing.
And that wasn't a you thing thatwas engraved.
Casey (28:02):
And also in that, that didn't stem from that stems from
a lot of like me in my, my wordsof affirmation are a big one,
like in terms of love language,words of affirmation are always
big with me.
So being like, it was less aboutme accomplishing.
And it's more about like, areyou having a good time?
Yeah.
(28:23):
Is this something that youenjoy?
But I And the marker for thatwas orgasm.
Orgasm, right.
At the time, not realizing thatit's not
Kari (28:31):
about the orgasm.
You just have
Casey (28:32):
a good time.
Yeah.
I love you too.
Kari (28:34):
Are we having fun?
I love the intimacy.
Right.
Are you not entertained?
Casey (28:39):
So that, I mean that really like wraps up the year.
So the, the, where does it go?
Like national
Kari (28:46):
dress up
Casey (28:46):
day, national dress up day, every day.
Right.
National co play day,
Kari (28:52):
like Riley, you know, like national spanking day.
Come on guys.
We got plenty of days.
I know, but we, we curated, butwe our own national day.
Well, we
Casey (29:01):
curated a lot of these from various sources.
True.
And the, what we did is weincluded the ones that we saw
mentioned at least three times.
Yeah.
It's one thing to be like,here's a calendar that where
everything is mentioned.
Versus here's some, what wewould consider recognized days.
So we went off of that
Kari (29:21):
and we've, I mean, you know, from the podcast and
everything that we've reallydone like a diver deep in.
And so, yeah, I, I agree withwhat you're saying.
It's not just like, Oh no, thisis just random day.
Like.
No, this is a day that likepeople say, okay, listen, I have
a game.
I want to play with you.
(29:41):
Do you want to play with me?
Yeah, I've
Casey (29:42):
always, you want to play with what game?
You have a book in your hand.
Is this the book you were
Kari (29:47):
looking at?
So listen guys we went to fivebelow and through this little
storm that is Texas.
I love
Casey (29:55):
that we were at five.
Kari (29:58):
This is the start of a great story, five below,
Casey (30:01):
which is next to half price books for us.
Kari (30:04):
At least it makes like the five below trip, like
meaningful.
But we were at five below andthey have this section set out
for like Valentine's day.
And so I was just like, I lovejournals.
Like I love journals for nofucking reason.
And so I was like in theirsection for Valentine's and I
found this book and it's calledthe List, what's that mean?
(30:27):
List it.
It's like icky.
It's gross.
Is it like the burn book?
I mean, kinda.
Well, no, the burn book is morelike specifics.
This is like, instead of itbeing like specific to names,
this is like, um, to acts
Casey (30:41):
around a really, okay.
So it's, it's things that like,it's like, it's a book or like
a, like a book of red flags.
Kari (30:47):
Yes.
That's actually what it wouldhave made more sense.
Casey (30:51):
The book of red flags.
Yes.
I prefer the book of greenflags.
Kari (30:56):
We all want red flags.
Hey, let's look at the goodthings.
I don't want red flags.
You're a red flag for a reason.
But, I think that this book isreally interesting because it
gives you, like, a perspectiveto a dating that you, Casey,
have not experienced before.
Because you've been with me forhow many f cking years?
(31:16):
Fourteen.
What the f ck do you know aboutdating?
Do I know about dating?
Casey (31:22):
Like, yeah, at this point, you know, more than I do
about dating.
True.
But you've been on more datesthan I have
Kari (31:30):
any dates.
Casey (31:32):
Me.
Yeah, I know.
That was the point.
Kari (31:36):
That's why I've been on more.
But what I'm going to bring toyou are like red flags early on.
Relationship and I want to likepin specifically because I'd
really love to know like yourperspective.
Okay.
Casey (31:49):
So to clarify, you're going to ask me questions.
Kari (31:52):
I think they all got that.
Yeah.
Casey (31:54):
Yeah.
That was for me.
Not for them.
Oh,
Kari (31:57):
I'm calling you Bay immediately.
Call me Bay Bay before anyoneelse.
I'm fine with that.
Really?
So some chick that you just metjust starts calling you bae and
you're fine with that just met.
Oh, is it?
Oh, is this first date?
First date?
Yes.
This is like immediate,immediate.
Casey (32:20):
I think that I would, I would probably be like a little
bit taken aback.
Like you
Kari (32:24):
talked to her twice and she was like, Hey bae.
Casey (32:27):
Yeah.
I'd probably be taken aback bythat.
I think that there's many, manygood words that are out there.
I am a lover of words, so Ithink that there's a much larger
vocabulary you could access andinstead of resorting to Bay,
Kari (32:40):
especially because that means like for anyone else,
that's like top tier,
Casey (32:47):
Let's steer away from acronyms in the first day or
two.
Kari (32:51):
Honestly, thank you.
Cause that's where I was at.
And I was like, if someone saidBay to me.
That quickly, that would, that'sa red flag.
I'm like, nah, I'm good.
Casey (32:59):
Yeah.
It depends.
I mean, I feel like it would, Iwould, I would respond to that
with an inquiry.
I'd be like, what is, what, whatdoes Bay mean to you?
No, to this person, I know theliteral interpretation.
I mean, to them personally,whenever you, whenever I would
ask that person, whenever youcall someone Bay, what do you
mean by that?
(33:19):
Are you ready for the next one?
Kari (33:20):
Yeah.
When they refer to themselves asan alpha,
Casey (33:27):
I would say, get the fuck out, which is interesting.
I cannot stand.
I consider alpha culture, toxicmasculinity, 100%.
I, those terms are mutuallyinclusive.
Okay.
That's toxic masculinity.
And alpha to me are mutuallyinclusive.
I cannot fucking stand alpha.
(33:48):
I think it is just the stupidestshit I've ever heard.
Like I could go on a rant forthis for the next 30 minutes.
That's
Kari (33:54):
very whole podcast episode on men that call them or anyone
alpha culture as
Casey (34:00):
a whole, as a whole.
I think is okay.
Next I just, yeah, move on.
Next
Kari (34:06):
question before it gets too heated.
All right.
You ready?
Yeah.
Snapping their fingers at theserver to get their attention.
So
Casey (34:15):
as, as former service industry, yes, because that's
not, that's not proper etiquettewhenever trying to get a service
attention, you don't snap yourfingers at someone like that.
That level of being like, I'msuperior to you to me is, is, is
a red flag.
It should be like, Hey Look atyour surroundings, what's going
on right now, get the server'sattention in a different way.
(34:38):
Whenever they're walking by you,a wave is fine if you can catch
their eyes, but the snap isinsulting.
Kari (34:45):
So I've done the ma'am.
Is that inappropriate?
I go ma'am.
Is that is that bad?
Casey (34:51):
Oh, that's subjective.
Why?
Because I'm not a ma'am.
Thank
Kari (34:57):
you, asshole.
I would say if you were, I'd belike, Sir, sir, but hey, in all
honesty, right now, like, that'sdifficult for me, and I'm
curious on how you feel aboutthat, but that has always been
my way to get their attentionwithout the snapping.
That one throws
Casey (35:15):
me for a bit of a loop, because On the one hand, you
want to be polite and be like,excuse me, ma'am, but you also
don't want to sound like theKaren of the group, ma'am,
ma'am, ma'am, as long as it'sdone in a friendly tone and
polite, I think it's okay.
Kari (35:31):
Okay.
I like that.
Okay.
Ready?
Ooh, I don't, I don't know thatyou've ever done this, but it
says ordering for you withouteven asking now, mind you, the,
no, no, no, no, no.
These are like, Oh, early on.
These are early
Casey (35:46):
on.
So there's a couple of thingsthere.
One, have you had theconversation about how you like
to do things?
Have you had the conversationabout.
What they like, what you like,if this is first date, no, don't
order for them.
Kari (36:05):
I'm not going to lie.
I am a big, that's a huge turnon for me.
If you're going to order for me,like, that's a big thing for me.
But if we're first dating andyou were just to be like, I'm
going to order this for you.
I've been like, why are youdoing that?
Like, I
Casey (36:22):
All right.
Ask
Kari (36:22):
me something else.
Okay, oops, sorry.
Next question.
Oh so what if you're on a datefirst date and they send their
first date back?
Casey (36:33):
I'm fine with that.
Me too.
I think
Kari (36:35):
that's just that's not like, no, that's not a character
flaw or whatever.
Like, that's just my food,right?
That's
Casey (36:43):
a person just asking for now.
See, this is
Kari (36:47):
a super vague, this one was a, no, this one was specific
enough.
I'm sorry.
I didn't read it.
I said, because it's not hotenough, it did give it like
Casey (36:56):
a, yeah, no, I think that's fine.
I think that if you're a foodarrives cold.
And you, and you recognize thatand you politely tell the
server, Hey, excuse me, let youknow by my food arrived cold.
I would like it fixed.
Yeah.
You're paying money for it.
That's fine.
Are you insulting the server?
Excuse me.
And like being an asshole aboutit, then we have a problem and
(37:16):
we can talk about it.
But if you're doing it in apolite manner that just lets the
person know, Hey, this is messedup.
I'd like this redone.
That's all well and good.
I have no issue with that.
Kari (37:27):
I, I honestly, I, I agree at that point.
And you're, you've been a serverlike you understand, like,
that's not, that's not a, youthink from the server to the
person, like that's a differentsituation.
Casey (37:38):
I mean, it could be the server.
If
Kari (37:39):
that, I mean, yeah, that's fair, but anyway, we're not
going there.
I get what you're saying, but sothe next question was.
If you go in for the hug, butthey just want like the
handshake, how would you feellike going in for the hug?
Because to me, a hug is like,it's not that much, but some
(38:00):
people can take hugs moreaggressively.
So what if you like first date?
For the hug and she was like,no, like, how would you feel
Casey (38:08):
at the, at the, in the, with the knowledge I have now,
my response to that is that if Iwas going to give a hug, I'd be
like, Hey, can I give you a hug?
I would ask for
Kari (38:16):
consent.
No, that's true.
And that's the thing.
That's the difference betweenwhat this book is like
representing is because youalready understand like the
consent aspect, right?
Like you were going to askbefore you do something like
that.
It doesn't matter if you're on adate, you are going to ask, Hey,
do I have permission to, you and
Casey (38:31):
I have already agreed, like consent sexy.
That's what is so fucking inright now is that, and then
we've talked about this, like inphotos we've taken with friends
or like, if I'm going to havesomebody next to me, Hey, can I
put my arm around you?
Yeah.
Hey, can I give you a hug?
Would it be okay if I kiss you?
Like just ask instead of,instead of playing with this
body language, sign language,all sorts of stuff to try to
(38:54):
figure out these mixed signals,just be straightforward.
Ask and that's fucking okay todo.
In fact, it's sexy wheneversomeone's like, holy shit, they
thought about my emotions enoughto actually ask me if I was okay
for this.
Like what's what the fuck ismore sexy than that?
Kari (39:12):
I will say since we've been more into this like
lifestyle consent.
Has elevated in a way that I'venever thought possible, you
know, I was working with a girltoday behind the chair and this
is a someone that we reallyadmire.
We, you know, we, we've seen heron stage and I'm cutting her
(39:34):
hair and she goes, before I tellyou the story, may I get consent
before I do that?
Like, what the fuck?
Like, no client has ever said,can I just like dump my life on
you?
Is it okay before I
Casey (39:50):
get really deep with you and like reveal things and talk
to you
Kari (39:54):
in depth about stuff?
Do I have permission?
And honestly, being 14 yearsbehind the chair, that was the
sexiest thing I've ever heard.
Casey (40:05):
Usually I sit down like, let me tell you about all my in
depth details.
I know, because people just
Kari (40:09):
sit down and I'm sorry, but sometimes people treat
hairdressers like a fool.
Fucking garbage bag.
I'm just, I'm going to come inand I'm going to sit and I got
to tell you all the fucked upshit and I just want you to
listen and you have to deal withit because I'm paying you money
and you just need to listen andthat's honestly how a lot of us
feel and it gets really fuckinghard to take in everyone's
(40:32):
emotional trauma while you'relike smiling and everything's
great because I'm doing yourhair and it's.
Fine, but there's no consentgiven,
Casey (40:41):
but to have someone come in and say, Hey, you know, I
have some things that I wouldlike to really kind of talk
about.
And are you okay with that?
And then it gets you to be inthe mindset of being like, hell
yeah.
Like, yeah,
Kari (40:54):
sure.
Of course.
Thanks for asking.
Finally, someone asked me, youknow, um, so the very last one
that I'm going to present to youwas And again, these are all
like early date situations waswhat if they lean in for the
kiss, that's not what you weredoing.
(41:14):
That's not what you're ready
Casey (41:15):
for.
So if, if someone tried to kissme and I wasn't ready for
Kari (41:18):
it.
Yeah.
Like you went on a date with theanyone and, and they were like
the end of the night.
Okay.
I'm going to kiss you.
How would you feel about thatinteraction without.
It's oddly enough that we'retalking about consent and that's
what the last question led with,but like, how would you trying
to kiss you and you didn't saythat they could, again, this
(41:39):
question is very exclusive to ithappening to
Casey (41:41):
you.
I know because that's where I'mlike, usually.
As, and I'll bring this upagain, usually like as the, the
cisgender heterosexual male,it's like, that's the
expectation.
You go in for the kiss and youread the situation and all that.
So to have it.
So how do you feel
Kari (41:56):
about being that, like, that role?
Because I have no fucking cluewhat that feels like.
Like, how do you feel in that?
I mean, how did you feel thefirst night that we went on a
date?
Like, was it nervous for you tolike, I know, but that was like
a drunken bullshit, whatever.
And I, and it happened, but likeon top of my car, I'm trying to
(42:19):
be professional.
I'm not a slut.
No.
But like.
Say we went to the movies and itwas our next date and this was
our serious date.
There was no alcohol involved.
You weren't like partying withfriends.
This wasn't at 2 a.
m.
Like, how did you feel abouttrying to position me for a
kiss?
Casey (42:37):
See, I'm a little confused right now because the
question was, how would I feelif I was the person being
pursued?
And I feel like you're asking ifI was the pursuer.
So what role am I taking?
Okay.
If I'm the one being pursued andI don't want, and I didn't
necessarily want it.
Yeah.
I'd pull back.
I would,
Kari (42:54):
you wouldn't like feel this like weird like, nah, I
gotta oblige.
Casey (42:58):
It's, it's, this is interesting because this is like
as I am now.
Yeah.
If this was 15 years ago True.
I probably would've just rolledwith it.
Yeah.
And then been like, okay.
And then walked off as I am now.
I probably would've pulled backand then I would probably
would've had a discussion orlike, it's like, Hey, I'm
friendly.
Conver a conversation.
Been like, Hey, I actuallywasn't really feeling a kiss
right now.
(43:19):
Uhhuh.
Like, I love the fact thatyou're leaning in and you're,
you're feeling all this, but I'mnot, this isn't where I'm at
right now.
Kari (43:26):
Isn't it crazy how like much of a change that's happened
to us just for like doingeverything that we're doing to
understand that we're likeallowed to say
Casey (43:35):
no, it's okay to say no.
Oh my God.
That's a crazy
Kari (43:39):
thing.
It's not even that.
It's okay.
It's like I can do that.
Yeah.
Casey (43:47):
But if it was, as you said, because both sides, if it
was the other way around, if Ileaned in to kiss someone and
they pulled back, I wouldprobably have a little bit of
embarrassment because I do tryto read the situation
beforehand, I don't want to justlean in to kiss somebody if I
don't think that they arewilling to accept it, but if
they pull back and they're like,Whoa, that's not where I'm at,
(44:07):
I'd probably feel a littleembarrassed, but I'd still be
able to regain and be like,That's fine.
Would you apologize?
I don't think I would apologizefor it.
Okay.
I'm just curious.
And that, that toes a linebecause I, I, man, would I
apologize for that?
I don't think so.
I think that I'd be like,
Kari (44:26):
Oh man.
Okay.
Fair.
I'd be like,
Casey (44:29):
all right, fair.
I would apologize if I made youuncomfortable.
Okay.
That's yeah.
I wouldn't apologize for my, forme being forward about things,
but I'd probably be like, Hey,sorry if I made you
uncomfortable.
Okay.
That sounds like you.
It wasn't my intention to creatediscomfort.
Yeah.
I, I misread the situation, butI wouldn't apologize for
actually trying to take theaction.
(44:49):
Can
Kari (44:49):
I ask you to misread my situation?
Oh,
Casey (44:53):
absolutely.
Let's go.
What you got?
Hold on.
Let me pour it.
Kari (44:58):
Like, no, we're done.
I'm so horny right now.
And that was a bottle of whiskeyof the cap that you might've
just heard.
Oh, it's celebratory.
Casey (45:08):
It is celebratory.
So no, go ahead.
I want to misread yoursituation.
Open
Kari (45:12):
air.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Casey (45:15):
I thought you were actually asking me a situation.
You're just having sexualinnuendos.
Those are sexual innuendos.
Misread my
Kari (45:25):
situation.
My windows, baby.
I'm so horny right now.
I'm so sorry.
Casey (45:30):
Who are you apologizing to?
Kari (45:32):
Viewers, the listeners, the, all of it.
I'm so sorry.
I'm really fucking horny.
Can we end this episode?
Yeah,
Casey (45:38):
for sure.
For another episode of come withCasey.
We're your hosts.
I'm Dr.
Casey Sanders.
Kari (45:45):
He's going to be so mad for these edits.
Liar.
So this episode may not be like chronological exact.
We did calendar girl part one.
Yeah.
Kari (00:09):
Back in December.
And
Casey (00:10):
then we like skipped a while.
And then we went, Hey, we'regoing to go to the mountains.
Yeah.
Kari (00:15):
And then, well, okay.
Let's be honest.
It was fucking Christmas.
It was the mountains.
Casey (00:20):
That was poor planning on our part.
We should have pre recorded someepisodes.
But, you know what?
We didn't do that.
And,
Kari (00:26):
you know, I'm not mad about it though.
Life goes on.
We have responsibilities.
We got shit that we do.
This is our, like, this is ourlove space.
The podcast, this is our lovechild and we don't always get to
attend.
Casey (00:40):
It's not like we've created actual children.
Kari (00:42):
Fuck those kids.
If you know me, that's just likea popular slogan that I have.
Casey (00:48):
That's actually, that's like our biggest piece of it.
We love, we love the phrase.
Fuck them kids.
We love our kids.
More than anything in thisworld, but fuck them kids, you
know,
Kari (00:59):
because lovingly, respectfully, they take away
from our day to day.
Stop it.
No, we don't have time.
I thought you
Casey (01:07):
were going to go lovingly, respectfully.
Fuck them kids.
Kari (01:11):
That would have been funnier.
I wish I would have done that,but, but they do take away from
our like day to day and Decemberis just fucking crazy for us.
So in all actuality, it was justa little too, presumptive for us
to, to finish that episode out.
So here we are, it's January.
We didn't miss any datestechnically.
(01:32):
So we're going to give you alittle bit of tease on what we
have going on.
And then we're going to diveinto the episode.
Casey (01:37):
What do we want to tease them with?
Me.
Kari (01:39):
No.
So the biggest tease or thebiggest things that we have
going on is y'all need tounderstand that we are doing all
this like background work thaty'all don't really get to see or
hear and, and maybe a littlebit, but you still don't really
understand how hard we'reworking.
On the flip side of our podcast,you've been doing SHA or
(02:00):
counseling.
Casey (02:01):
I love a year and a half and I know it's longer than that
actually.
Yeah, I've been going through mycertification to become a sex
counselor since May of 2022.
Yeah.
Kari (02:14):
And so not only that, but we're like.
Promoting or building a website.
Like we have so many things thatare coming for y'all with this
website.
It just, it takes a long timeto, to get it up and running.
I just started my coachingprogram.
So there's a lot behind thescenes that y'all don't always
get to hear about.
(02:35):
But really the podcast to me isour like number one priority at
this point.
And so, yes, we wanted to kindof like bring you up to speed
with what's going on this year.
But the biggest thing that Ifeel like we've done together
and we've been so fucking likeadamant about is the nightshade
burlesque that we attend, youknow, you never miss it.
(02:57):
It's just, it's, it's engravedin us.
Now
Casey (03:00):
we've been, we've been attending nightshade since I
think it was their second showthat they did and we haven't
missed a single
Kari (03:06):
one.
No, because it's been so.
Important to us and the peoplethat we've met along the way are
Casey (03:13):
good people.
That's, that's one thing aboutif you ever have the opportunity
to attend this fantastic what weview is as traditional
burlesque, the way burlesque wasalways meant to be like, we're,
we're, we're going to pound thatinto your heads as much as we
can.
That burlesque is not meant tobe a, a bunch of like, I want to
(03:34):
say this.
I don't want to be offensive toanybody.
I
Kari (03:36):
mean, it's hard not to be offensive to everybody, but I
know what you're saying.
This isn't.
Like you're not fitting
Casey (03:42):
the box.
It's, think about the movieburlesque.
That's not
Kari (03:45):
burlesque This is not burlesque.
That is not what it is.
And if you enjoy that movie,great.
Enjoy it.
It's still a good movie, butit's not really the true
representation of the femaleform that we have grown to love.
So God true burlesque
Casey (04:02):
is body positive.
True burlesque is sex positive.
True burlesque is satirical.
True burlesque is comical trueburlesque.
And this instance is, is likeGothic, which is our favorite
aspect about it.
Trust me on that one.
Oh yeah.
Kari (04:18):
But as soon as I, and y'all might've heard the story a
little bit, but I was literallyscrolling through my Instagram.
And, and I saw gothic burlesqueand I sent it to Casey, I texted
to Casey, I called Casey and youimmediately fucking bought a
table the second, the second Isent it to you and every since
then, this has just been likethe thing that we look forward
(04:40):
to the most.
Again, it is nightshadeburlesque the first Friday of
every month at Cicada in FortWorth, in Fort Worth fucking be
there and y'all need tounderstand this show is blowing
the Fuck up
Casey (04:52):
when we first started buying tables, we'd be like, all
right.
You know, two weeks before theshow, we'd get a table.
Then it became one week.
Now it's like, if you don't gettickets within a couple days of
them releasing them, then you'redone.
You're not getting, you're done.
You don't get a table.
So that that's nightshadeburlesque.
(05:13):
It's it's inception was by our,our good friends violent
Labrador.
And Vivian Vermouth, go checkthem out.
They have amazing performers.
They're always changingperformers out.
They have drag queens.
They have drag
Kari (05:25):
queens.
One of the best.
Casey (05:26):
She's actually currently, currently seeking more votes.
So if you have not voted forher, you need to check out her
page because she has step outthere.
You can vote.
I think it's twice per day.
So go check them out.
Kari (05:38):
So, for this episode, as we kind of discussed earlier is
we are finishing out thecalendar for the year for y'all.
So we kind of have the lastpoint that we stopped at.
And, and we're just going tocontinue on.
Spun a little game for y'all atthe end.
Here I am
Casey (05:51):
with my organizational skills.
The last day that we discussedwas National Orgasm Day.
So we did talk about NationalOrgasm Day.
You remember what we talkedabout?
You, you asked me like how manytimes, what's the most I've ever
come in a day.
I think I said five times.
I, you were like, was that withme?
Like, yes, it was with, yes,that in that instance, you are a
Kari (06:16):
very sexual person, so I can never assume that I am one
of those records, but you're
Casey (06:23):
also a fairly sexual person.
So if I've, if I've been withpeople in the past who are not
very sexual or not, or not veryfun, they might be sexual, but
it doesn't mean they're like.
Fun.
Yeah, fun.
Kari (06:36):
So you got me an insect.
Casey (06:38):
Exactly.
You, you, you helped me.
You helped me want further intoa lot of things instead of being
like, Oh, okay.
Kari (06:47):
All right.
So let's dive in.
What's the next day?
So
Casey (06:49):
today we're going to move on and we're going to hit, this
is August 11th to 13th.
Oh, it's got like a whole assweekend.
International.
There's a reason for it becauseit's international swingers day.
Oh, you remember we said that.
Kari (07:03):
You have to do that.
That makes the most fucking
Casey (07:05):
sense.
How else are you going to syncyour calendars up?
Dude,
Kari (07:09):
y'all need to understand.
The difficulty.
It is hard being in thelifestyle, trying to plan around
and oh, you got this kids thisFriday.
You got them this weekend or thenext weekend, or can you do
this, this date?
Or that is the mostappropriately timed weekend
because it gives you a chance toplan it out.
Casey (07:29):
Exactly.
There is.
Oh my God.
There's so much.
I like my mind is just fallingapart while I'm thinking about
all the planning involvedwhenever it comes like setting
up dates and making sureeverybody's on the same page.
Oh, you work that day until thistime.
I work until this time.
It's, it's not do that becauseof this.
It's not something where it'stwo people trying to get
together.
You're talking about like fouror more people trying to get
(07:52):
together.
Everyone
Kari (07:53):
check your calendar.
It's super difficult.
So I love that as a three dayevent.
And the thing for this is ifyou're like pre planning it, go
to FetLife.
FetLife is a great site to beon.
If you and your partner arelooking to be open you can even,
maybe you have one person thaty'all want to play with, sit
down, put it on the calendar.
Hey, we have this.
(08:13):
These three dates that arereally going to enjoy each
other.
And just set aside the time forthat because not all of these
days are something that you cando directly in the moment.
And again, I love the fact thatit's like a two to three day
window
Casey (08:25):
and a bit of a warning.
If you are, some, if you are,have not been on FetLife and
you're looking to like joinpicture a very.
NSFW not safe for work versionof Twitter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's, it's, it's very in yourface.
You're going to see a lot ofthings when you first get on
there, but you can sift throughall the stuff.
There's plenty of events onthere.
(08:45):
You can seek out different youcan see got dungeons in your
area.
You can see got events in yourarea.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to, I
Kari (08:51):
would love to go to a dungeon.
We are so going to do that and Ican't freaking wait.
All right.
So what's the next date?
Okay,
Casey (09:00):
so moving on from there.
Oh, we have This is August 23rd.
One of my favorites.
This is Go Topless Day.
Oh! So what are some ways we cango topless?
We
Kari (09:12):
don't have to plan that.
I don't know that we know whatday that falls on.
Is it a Friday?
It's a Friday.
We already know this.
We know this isn't a Friday, butthe thing with being like go
topless day, if it happens tofall on a day that you don't get
the opportunity to just walkaround topless, that's fine.
Maybe utilize that time or thatday to I'm going to send my
(09:33):
partner.
Our partners as many titty shotsas I can.
Casey (09:38):
Yeah.
Or just your friends in general.
Anyone,
Kari (09:41):
everyone gets a tick shot, you know, but it's just be
topless.
It's liberating to be
Casey (09:47):
topless.
I know there's times where I'mlike, I love cleaning this house
topless As, as a, as a male, Ifeel like privileged because
it's socially acceptable for meto have my tits out.
I know.
So I don't have to deal with anysort of anything.
Kari (10:00):
How does that feel?
How does that.
Feel to just have your top off.
If I just walk to the gym withmy top off, I would be escorted
out.
Casey (10:11):
I don't know that you would.
I
Kari (10:13):
just do a little shimmy the whole way through.
They're like, no, you're cool.
And they're like, she's fineguys.
Casey (10:18):
She's trying out some new technique.
This is a workout regimen.
Leave her alone.
It's like doing, you know, coldplunges, but you know, she's
just bringing the
Kari (10:26):
nipple, Eric Kegels, leave her alone.
Casey (10:31):
Since when did your pelvic floor jump into your
chest?
I don't know.
Kari (10:35):
Alright, what's
Casey (10:36):
the next date?
You were just asking me how itfeels not to have boobs.
I was then going to turn aroundand ask you how it feels to have
boobs.
I've got a, I'm a, I'm flatchested.
Just a little top
Kari (10:48):
heavy.
Just a little top heavy.
Just
Casey (10:50):
a little top heavy.
So next up we have September4th, which is World Sexual
Health Day.
Kari (10:56):
And see, that's gotta be important.
Casey (10:58):
Yeah.
That's important.
Kari (10:59):
What do you think health is not like blowjobs are great.
No, like this is like sexualhealth.
No, because I think like peopleare like, don't realize.
How important sexual healthactually is.
Yes.
This is going to be a day for usto just educate the fuck out of
people.
Yeah, for sure.
But how would you recommend alistener to dive into sexual
(11:22):
health?
Casey (11:23):
I, this is one of my favorites because this is where
I get to put on my doctor hat.
I get to talk about what itmeans to have sexual health to
me.
So in terms of sexual health,things that I like to look at
for people is a de stigmatizingSTI, understand that they're,
they're common.
They're natural.
People get them.
(11:43):
Are there some that areuncurable?
Yes, they are few and farbetween at this point.
And all of them are treatable atthis point.
But the important thing is thatif you're going to be sexually
active, whether it be in apolyamorous relationship, Yep.
You a single, maybe you, as youcelebrate relationship anarchy,
whatever it is, the importantthing is to celebrate your
sexual wellness by getting aroutine STI testing.
(12:05):
That's probably the biggest onefor me outside of that is
educating yourself on thingslike pleasure anatomy, educating
yourself on new, new ways to, toexperience pleasure, new ways to
experience sex.
And keep in mind, whenever wesay sex, we don't, we don't
mean.
Penis and vagina penetration.
(12:25):
No.
That's not our view of sex.
No.
That's not sex.
What we mean is I mean it is.
Even you can, you can even go asfar as to say, I'm going to
redefine sex for myself to beinclusive.
What does sex mean to me?
So just celebrating Or maybejust look
Kari (12:36):
up a term of sex that you've never, like, I'm going to
look up bukkake because I don'tknow what bukkake is.
Oh, you know
Casey (12:43):
what it is.
I do.
I don't mean that that isn't,you participated in it, by the
way, but
Kari (12:47):
I'm just saying like maybe you utilize this day to educate
yourself on an aspect of sexthat you have never understood
before.
There is no harm in educating toan experience that you've never
personally had.
Casey (13:01):
You know what I want to recommend to somebody is to be
like, Hey, I want you, I wantthis to be somebody that is
traditionally uncomfortable.
In their sexuality to extend itout and become more comfortable
in other sexualities.
So that might getting
Kari (13:16):
all like the research they can on something that they talk
to somebody.
And
Casey (13:19):
no, I mean like, as in talk to somebody else, if you
are say a cisgender straightmale, I want you to go out and
talk to a a trans woman.
I want you to talk to a abisexual male.
I want you to do something thatwould.
Traditionally be seen as, assome that might make you
uncomfortable.
(13:39):
Step out of your comfort zone alittle bit and learn something
about
Kari (13:42):
somebody else.
That's what the day is about iseducation.
So sex ed yourself.
I
Casey (13:46):
can educate.
So what I got next, next we haveOctober 1st.
This is massage day.
Dibs.
There's no dibs.
My
Kari (13:56):
dibs.
I get it.
Casey (13:58):
You can tell them about the video you sent me the
Kari (14:00):
other day.
I know because this dude waslike, like taking his thumbs and
massaging like the base andaround her neck and like in the
hair.
And I'm just like,
Casey (14:10):
we talked about this.
He was massaging the deepmuscles of the neck, trying to
get all the way to what he wasgoing all the way to what we can
call the suboccipital triangle.
So it's small little groups ofmuscles.
They attach between the actualocciput, the back of the skull,
and then the second vertebra.
The, and the neck and the firstas well.
Mm-Hmm.
So they're these really deepmuscles and they do a lot of
(14:31):
stuff and they have a lot, alot, a lot of sensory organs in
them.
So
Kari (14:34):
why have you not massaged me there yet?
Casey (14:37):
Because every time I've offered massage you've refused
or we just don't do it?
Wire, we, we on, we didn'tengage so much.
Hold on,
Kari (14:43):
hold on.
The thing is, is when my hair iscurly and you try to, don't
touch it.
You can't, if you touch it, I'mgonna look like Mufasa.
Don't touch my hair.
So wait a minute.
Mufasa.
Mufasa.
Casey (14:56):
Mufasa.
Mufasa.
Like from the Lion King?
Kari (14:59):
Yeah.
He has this big mane.
What does that have to do withDon't touch my hair though.
Because when you break up curlsthey
Casey (15:05):
get bigger.
He
Kari (15:06):
had very straight hair.
Listen, male with straight hair.
You don't understand.
When you alter the structure ofcurls, they just get bigger.
I
Casey (15:19):
understand that.
I was curious the comparison toa lion with straight hair.
Kari (15:25):
Because my, instead of my hair being to my head and curly,
and then you touch it, it goesout of my head and it's no
longer,
Casey (15:34):
you're saying that you look like a lion if I touch your
curly hair.
Yes.
Okay.
See, now I can get on board withthat.
I was, it was just curiosity.
No, it's fine.
Straight hair.
You know what kind of massage Iwant to experience?
Anal?
Kari (15:46):
No.
Casey (15:47):
He does not like anal.
A Nuru massage.
Oh, what kind?
N U R U.
Nuru massage.
It's literally where you massageme with your entire naked body.
It's like, like super oily, rubyour entire body all over me.
Kari (16:03):
I would absolutely love to do that.
I got lumps, baby.
I got a lot of lumps.
I can massage you with my lumps.
I just imagine one of those likemassage balls with the, like,
that's what I am, just with titsand ass.
Oh my
Casey (16:17):
god
Kari (16:19):
All right, baby, let's move on to the next day So we
just
Casey (16:24):
got we're moving on.
No, we we finished with massageday.
We're now moving on to octoberKink day one of our favorite
days of the year Why is kink dayour favorite day of the year
because
Kari (16:38):
kink day allows you to sit down with your partner or
partners to?
Casey (16:43):
You sound like you're reading out of a book.
Kari (16:45):
Cool.
To try a clink, a kink, clink totry a kink that you've not
experienced before.
This is not a normal day.
This isn't like kink forward,passionate person.
I love that for you.
This is not a day for you to dothis shit that you're used to.
This is a day for you to do thatis outside of your like
(17:06):
spectrum.
So if you are vanilla, trysomething kinky.
If you're kinky, go fuckingextreme.
I'm going to argue.
But please do,
Casey (17:16):
I do not think it's all about trying something.
It could be about introducingsomething into a conversation.
Well,
Kari (17:23):
yeah, that's a more like simplest form of it.
Of course.
Oh, because again, like thereare, there are so many levels of
this lifestyle, right?
You got like kindergartner, yougot middle school and you got
high school, right?
So you are speaking to likekindergartner, nothing, they
(17:44):
know nothing about kink andyou're right.
This is a day too.
What if you don't even know whatkink fucking means?
Yeah, you got no clue.
Casey (17:53):
Well, then you found this podcast, hopefully, right?
And you can hear what we have tosay about it.
Kari (17:58):
But kink day to me is just exploring the next level.
It doesn't matter what level youstand at.
This is your opportunity to.
Take it to the next, whetherthat be just visually watching
it.
Casey (18:15):
That's a good way to introduce yourself.
So one of the things I like totalk about here is whenever
somebody wants to open up tokink, but they're like, I don't
know where to begin.
And that's
Kari (18:24):
a good, that's a great place to begin is knowing where
to get
Casey (18:28):
first thing you can do is it's a, it encompasses a lot.
I mean, that's what we've
Kari (18:32):
had.
Casey (18:32):
One of the coolest things is that as out of context or
abnormal, as you think the thingyou want to do might be, might
be, is it's, it's more normalthan you think.
Yeah, this is one of the biggestthings that we've seen in
research over the past, probablya decade or so is that whenever
we look at kink, so many peoplethink that the thing that
(18:53):
they're into is like this uniquebig thing, but.
And actuality, a lot of peopleare into that.
It's probably a fairly commonthing for you to be
Kari (19:02):
into.
Like you basic bitch King.
Casey (19:04):
But, but you, what you should do is, is take an
opportunity to research thatthing that you might be into do
that on October 6th.
Now let's move on.
October 17th is ass day.
It's like tits, but theopposite.
And I think
Kari (19:20):
they ask day or no ass.
Oh, love
Casey (19:24):
ass.
It's get on track, put your bookdown, put your book down and get
on track.
Kari (19:32):
I'm so distracted when you say ass though.
Ass day, that could be takingpictures of your ass that could
be watching like an anal pornofor the first time, because I
will say the very first timethat I had like really got into
porn, anal was not somethingthat I like gravitated towards.
I, I even thought it like tabooearly on.
(19:54):
You know, which like now I'mlike, I fucking love DP.
Like, let's do this shit, but
Casey (20:00):
you jump from anal to DP.
Kari (20:02):
Yeah.
Like I know I'm extreme.
Like I see it now.
What's the most, you know,
Casey (20:07):
I would like to see you fisting someone in the ass.
Kari (20:11):
What's fisting day.
I'm sure we,
Casey (20:14):
And actuality that's next on October 21st.
October.
There's the laugh.
October 21st is internationalfisting day.
Guys, this
Kari (20:23):
was not on purpose.
Casey (20:25):
You were talking about like fisting in the ass.
We're talking about, you'retalking about this.
Kari (20:30):
Fisting doesn't just like, it's not exclusively to the ass.
I feel like it's more likepredominantly thought
Casey (20:38):
of.
One of the things we love to dois take this calendar and help
people implement it.
Without feeling like they'regoing outside of their comfort
zone.
So whether it's educatingyourself on what it means,
performing an act, watchingadult videos around the, the
act, just having a conversationwith someone around you about
it, all of it can be, can beimplemented in some way, shape,
(20:59):
or form.
And to fist like This is onewhere I'm like, Hey, listen if
you typically use two fingers,go to three, if you use three,
go to four, if you
Kari (21:09):
use four, we're not telling you fish, your fucking
partner, what we're saying isexplore the next level.
Yes.
And, and, and again, we, wetalked about it earlier.
Maybe it could be that you watchporn around the act.
It doesn't mean that you have todo it.
It just means explore
it.
Casey (21:28):
Yeah, for sure.
Okay.
So let's move on to who was agood one.
November 4th day before mybirthday.
Hey, there's a good sex toy day.
Kari (21:39):
Or this is before your birthday.
You are the king of sex toys.
I have never in my life beenwith someone that was more like
geared towards sex toys thanyou.
I love
Casey (21:52):
sex toys.
I think that anything that addsto the sexual experience is more
than welcome.
I don't understand this stigmaor, or like people have been
like, Oh, if you use a sex toy,it means you can't get the job
done.
That's not the case whatsoever.
What is the case is that you're,you're adding a new layer of
play, let's use some glass,let's use some various forms of
(22:15):
vibrators.
Let's use some like ropes.
Let's use some chains and whip.
Like all of those to me are sextoys.
And if you can find ways to justbring them in so many people, Oh
my God.
Kari (22:28):
What did we do as children?
We played with toys.
This is no different.
That's why they call them sextoys.
Get outside your comfort, havesome fun.
And, and you
Casey (22:39):
remember the scene in Armageddon or Ben Affleck
Kari (22:43):
the animal,
Casey (22:45):
you're getting, you're getting ahead of me.
You're getting ahead of me whereBen Affleck and Liv Tyler are
lying there.
It is.
I know, but damn it.
Kari (22:54):
Carrie, I'm sorry.
I know you.
Yes, I was never more attractedto a navel.
In my life, then he was like,the, the, the bad stumps up the,
the, the aroused in that scene.
I don't even want to talk aboutit.
All right.
Yes.
I know what you're talking
Casey (23:14):
about.
I'm making a sound bite out ofthat.
Please don't.
Kari (23:18):
I'll make you a better sound bit than what that just
was.
But honey, we all know the sceneyou're talking about.
Casey (23:24):
Those are sex toys.
That to me is a sex toy.
So anything that you can usearound you, but our opportunity
there is to explore and ourfavorite way to say that is to
go to your local sex shoptogether.
We've said this so many times inthe past.
A lot.
Be loud.
Talk to the sales associate.
Well, you know, we went to thesex shop the other day and we
were like, Hey, what are some ofthe new things you guys are
(23:45):
seeing for 2024?
And so we started getting, andwe'll be releasing probably our
own little list of what to lookfor, but we were, we were
getting some great informationon what.
New technologies coming out,what things are becoming more
popular, what things aredecreasing in popularity and how
you can access those.
So be on the lookout for that aswell.
(24:05):
Next up we have November 23rdnational polyamory day.
Everybody in an openrelationship.
Raise your hands.
Air sell.
Kari (24:17):
All right.
You know, we're actually, wehave a parade for polyamory, you
know, we have parades for allthis shit.
Let's just have a parade inDallas for polyamory.
Bring everyone together.
Huh.
There would be way too much lubeand condoms needed for that.
Casey (24:34):
I don't know.
Pride has enough of that.
I love my pride people and thereis so much loop and economists
are a plenty.
I'd be curious to see like whohas more, but I feel like those,
those, the, the communities areso intertwined in that
Kari (24:49):
sense.
At this point we are and Ifucking love that.
I love that like just likesexual openness is, is becoming
more fluid between gays andstraights.
Like it's not just about Oh,you're not gay, you're straight,
but you're poly.
Like, no, it's become this likefamily and I just fucking love
it because love is love.
Yes.
(25:09):
Sex is sex.
Love is love.
Let's just,
Casey (25:14):
and in Fort Worth, we love our saying that's been
introduced.
Y'all means all
Kari (25:18):
about goddamn time.
Yeah.
All
Casey (25:20):
right.
Next date.
Get onto it.
All right.
So next step we have December 20national orgasm day.
So we already went overinternational orgasm day.
This is just, it's likeinternational orgasm day on a
smaller scale.
So whatever the U S populationis, I hope everyone has
simultaneous orgasms.
Yeah.
Across the board, all at thesame time.
(25:41):
I mean, that's the best goal,right?
Yeah, just make sure they'rereal.
We don't fake orgasms in
Kari (25:45):
this household.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
I was just talking about thistoday and I was like, if you
fake an orgasm, you are doingyourself a disservice.
It is not even the person thatyou're with a disservice.
It's you.
A disservice because you are sohung up on achieving this.
(26:06):
Performance goal.
Yeah.
That like, stop it.
Enjoy it.
Have fun.
Yeah.
Feel, feel what's happening toyou without the mindset of I
need to come.
I need to make them feel thatI'm coming and I, and I fucking.
Thinking about this, becauseagain, I was talking about this
(26:27):
earlier today and the person Iwas talking to was like, no, I
have, I want, I don't have to, Iwant to make them feel like I am
enjoying this just as much.
But why do you have to fakeorgasm to make them feel like
you're enjoying it as much?
(26:47):
Why can you not just be a femalethat enjoys it?
Without the actual act,
Casey (26:55):
we live in a performance society.
I know we, we, the standard, thestandard of sex within Western
culture is about performance.
It is about this, like, I don'tknow why I do know why actually
we've been, we've been taughtthis narrative that.
My goal in sex is to make hercome.
(27:16):
My goal in sex is to make himcome.
My goal in sex is to make themcome.
We've removed the want to belike, no, it's about the journey
and about just enjoying pleasure
Kari (27:27):
about being
Casey (27:28):
together, about enjoying each other and about pleasure,
and it's been like, no.
It's about the orgasm becausethe orgasm is the affirmation
that I need to know that I'mdoing a good job because there's
someone tell me I'm doing a goodjob, but
Kari (27:42):
I mean, honestly, Casey, I'll be very transparent with
you.
Like that changed in the lastfive years in our relation, you
needed to know that I came andyou, not in a bad way, but it
was just like, did you come, didyou come?
Did you come?
But that wasn't a me thing.
And that wasn't a you thing thatwas engraved.
Casey (28:02):
And also in that, that didn't stem from that stems from
a lot of like me in my, my wordsof affirmation are a big one,
like in terms of love language,words of affirmation are always
big with me.
So being like, it was less aboutme accomplishing.
And it's more about like, areyou having a good time?
Yeah.
(28:23):
Is this something that youenjoy?
But I And the marker for thatwas orgasm.
Orgasm, right.
At the time, not realizing thatit's not
Kari (28:31):
about the orgasm.
You just have
Casey (28:32):
a good time.
Yeah.
I love you too.
Kari (28:34):
Are we having fun?
I love the intimacy.
Right.
Are you not entertained?
Casey (28:39):
So that, I mean that really like wraps up the year.
So the, the, where does it go?
Like national
Kari (28:46):
dress up
Casey (28:46):
day, national dress up day, every day.
Right.
National co play day,
Kari (28:52):
like Riley, you know, like national spanking day.
Come on guys.
We got plenty of days.
I know, but we, we curated, butwe our own national day.
Well, we
Casey (29:01):
curated a lot of these from various sources.
True.
And the, what we did is weincluded the ones that we saw
mentioned at least three times.
Yeah.
It's one thing to be like,here's a calendar that where
everything is mentioned.
Versus here's some, what wewould consider recognized days.
So we went off of that
Kari (29:21):
and we've, I mean, you know, from the podcast and
everything that we've reallydone like a diver deep in.
And so, yeah, I, I agree withwhat you're saying.
It's not just like, Oh no, thisis just random day.
Like.
No, this is a day that likepeople say, okay, listen, I have
a game.
I want to play with you.
(29:41):
Do you want to play with me?
Yeah, I've
Casey (29:42):
always, you want to play with what game?
You have a book in your hand.
Is this the book you were
Kari (29:47):
looking at?
So listen guys we went to fivebelow and through this little
storm that is Texas.
I love
Casey (29:55):
that we were at five.
Kari (29:58):
This is the start of a great story, five below,
Casey (30:01):
which is next to half price books for us.
Kari (30:04):
At least it makes like the five below trip, like
meaningful.
But we were at five below andthey have this section set out
for like Valentine's day.
And so I was just like, I lovejournals.
Like I love journals for nofucking reason.
And so I was like in theirsection for Valentine's and I
found this book and it's calledthe List, what's that mean?
(30:27):
List it.
It's like icky.
It's gross.
Is it like the burn book?
I mean, kinda.
Well, no, the burn book is morelike specifics.
This is like, instead of itbeing like specific to names,
this is like, um, to acts
Casey (30:41):
around a really, okay.
So it's, it's things that like,it's like, it's a book or like
a, like a book of red flags.
Kari (30:47):
Yes.
That's actually what it wouldhave made more sense.
Casey (30:51):
The book of red flags.
Yes.
I prefer the book of greenflags.
Kari (30:56):
We all want red flags.
Hey, let's look at the goodthings.
I don't want red flags.
You're a red flag for a reason.
But, I think that this book isreally interesting because it
gives you, like, a perspectiveto a dating that you, Casey,
have not experienced before.
Because you've been with me forhow many f cking years?
(31:16):
Fourteen.
What the f ck do you know aboutdating?
Do I know about dating?
Casey (31:22):
Like, yeah, at this point, you know, more than I do
about dating.
True.
But you've been on more datesthan I have
Kari (31:30):
any dates.
Casey (31:32):
Me.
Yeah, I know.
That was the point.
Kari (31:36):
That's why I've been on more.
But what I'm going to bring toyou are like red flags early on.
Relationship and I want to likepin specifically because I'd
really love to know like yourperspective.
Okay.
Casey (31:49):
So to clarify, you're going to ask me questions.
Kari (31:52):
I think they all got that.
Yeah.
Casey (31:54):
Yeah.
That was for me.
Not for them.
Oh,
Kari (31:57):
I'm calling you Bay immediately.
Call me Bay Bay before anyoneelse.
I'm fine with that.
Really?
So some chick that you just metjust starts calling you bae and
you're fine with that just met.
Oh, is it?
Oh, is this first date?
First date?
Yes.
This is like immediate,immediate.
Casey (32:20):
I think that I would, I would probably be like a little
bit taken aback.
Like you
Kari (32:24):
talked to her twice and she was like, Hey bae.
Casey (32:27):
Yeah.
I'd probably be taken aback bythat.
I think that there's many, manygood words that are out there.
I am a lover of words, so Ithink that there's a much larger
vocabulary you could access andinstead of resorting to Bay,
Kari (32:40):
especially because that means like for anyone else,
that's like top tier,
Casey (32:47):
Let's steer away from acronyms in the first day or
two.
Kari (32:51):
Honestly, thank you.
Cause that's where I was at.
And I was like, if someone saidBay to me.
That quickly, that would, that'sa red flag.
I'm like, nah, I'm good.
Casey (32:59):
Yeah.
It depends.
I mean, I feel like it would, Iwould, I would respond to that
with an inquiry.
I'd be like, what is, what, whatdoes Bay mean to you?
No, to this person, I know theliteral interpretation.
I mean, to them personally,whenever you, whenever I would
ask that person, whenever youcall someone Bay, what do you
mean by that?
(33:19):
Are you ready for the next one?
Kari (33:20):
Yeah.
When they refer to themselves asan alpha,
Casey (33:27):
I would say, get the fuck out, which is interesting.
I cannot stand.
I consider alpha culture, toxicmasculinity, 100%.
I, those terms are mutuallyinclusive.
Okay.
That's toxic masculinity.
And alpha to me are mutuallyinclusive.
I cannot fucking stand alpha.
(33:48):
I think it is just the stupidestshit I've ever heard.
Like I could go on a rant forthis for the next 30 minutes.
That's
Kari (33:54):
very whole podcast episode on men that call them or anyone
alpha culture as
Casey (34:00):
a whole, as a whole.
I think is okay.
Next I just, yeah, move on.
Next
Kari (34:06):
question before it gets too heated.
All right.
You ready?
Yeah.
Snapping their fingers at theserver to get their attention.
So
Casey (34:15):
as, as former service industry, yes, because that's
not, that's not proper etiquettewhenever trying to get a service
attention, you don't snap yourfingers at someone like that.
That level of being like, I'msuperior to you to me is, is, is
a red flag.
It should be like, Hey Look atyour surroundings, what's going
on right now, get the server'sattention in a different way.
(34:38):
Whenever they're walking by you,a wave is fine if you can catch
their eyes, but the snap isinsulting.
Kari (34:45):
So I've done the ma'am.
Is that inappropriate?
I go ma'am.
Is that is that bad?
Casey (34:51):
Oh, that's subjective.
Why?
Because I'm not a ma'am.
Thank
Kari (34:57):
you, asshole.
I would say if you were, I'd belike, Sir, sir, but hey, in all
honesty, right now, like, that'sdifficult for me, and I'm
curious on how you feel aboutthat, but that has always been
my way to get their attentionwithout the snapping.
That one throws
Casey (35:15):
me for a bit of a loop, because On the one hand, you
want to be polite and be like,excuse me, ma'am, but you also
don't want to sound like theKaren of the group, ma'am,
ma'am, ma'am, as long as it'sdone in a friendly tone and
polite, I think it's okay.
Kari (35:31):
Okay.
I like that.
Okay.
Ready?
Ooh, I don't, I don't know thatyou've ever done this, but it
says ordering for you withouteven asking now, mind you, the,
no, no, no, no, no.
These are like, Oh, early on.
These are early
Casey (35:46):
on.
So there's a couple of thingsthere.
One, have you had theconversation about how you like
to do things?
Have you had the conversationabout.
What they like, what you like,if this is first date, no, don't
order for them.
Kari (36:05):
I'm not going to lie.
I am a big, that's a huge turnon for me.
If you're going to order for me,like, that's a big thing for me.
But if we're first dating andyou were just to be like, I'm
going to order this for you.
I've been like, why are youdoing that?
Like, I
Casey (36:22):
All right.
Ask
Kari (36:22):
me something else.
Okay, oops, sorry.
Next question.
Oh so what if you're on a datefirst date and they send their
first date back?
Casey (36:33):
I'm fine with that.
Me too.
I think
Kari (36:35):
that's just that's not like, no, that's not a character
flaw or whatever.
Like, that's just my food,right?
That's
Casey (36:43):
a person just asking for now.
See, this is
Kari (36:47):
a super vague, this one was a, no, this one was specific
enough.
I'm sorry.
I didn't read it.
I said, because it's not hotenough, it did give it like
Casey (36:56):
a, yeah, no, I think that's fine.
I think that if you're a foodarrives cold.
And you, and you recognize thatand you politely tell the
server, Hey, excuse me, let youknow by my food arrived cold.
I would like it fixed.
Yeah.
You're paying money for it.
That's fine.
Are you insulting the server?
Excuse me.
And like being an asshole aboutit, then we have a problem and
(37:16):
we can talk about it.
But if you're doing it in apolite manner that just lets the
person know, Hey, this is messedup.
I'd like this redone.
That's all well and good.
I have no issue with that.
Kari (37:27):
I, I honestly, I, I agree at that point.
And you're, you've been a serverlike you understand, like,
that's not, that's not a, youthink from the server to the
person, like that's a differentsituation.
Casey (37:38):
I mean, it could be the server.
If
Kari (37:39):
that, I mean, yeah, that's fair, but anyway, we're not
going there.
I get what you're saying, but sothe next question was.
If you go in for the hug, butthey just want like the
handshake, how would you feellike going in for the hug?
Because to me, a hug is like,it's not that much, but some
(38:00):
people can take hugs moreaggressively.
So what if you like first date?
For the hug and she was like,no, like, how would you feel
Casey (38:08):
at the, at the, in the, with the knowledge I have now,
my response to that is that if Iwas going to give a hug, I'd be
like, Hey, can I give you a hug?
I would ask for
Kari (38:16):
consent.
No, that's true.
And that's the thing.
That's the difference betweenwhat this book is like
representing is because youalready understand like the
consent aspect, right?
Like you were going to askbefore you do something like
that.
It doesn't matter if you're on adate, you are going to ask, Hey,
do I have permission to, you and
Casey (38:31):
I have already agreed, like consent sexy.
That's what is so fucking inright now is that, and then
we've talked about this, like inphotos we've taken with friends
or like, if I'm going to havesomebody next to me, Hey, can I
put my arm around you?
Yeah.
Hey, can I give you a hug?
Would it be okay if I kiss you?
Like just ask instead of,instead of playing with this
body language, sign language,all sorts of stuff to try to
(38:54):
figure out these mixed signals,just be straightforward.
Ask and that's fucking okay todo.
In fact, it's sexy wheneversomeone's like, holy shit, they
thought about my emotions enoughto actually ask me if I was okay
for this.
Like what's what the fuck ismore sexy than that?
Kari (39:12):
I will say since we've been more into this like
lifestyle consent.
Has elevated in a way that I'venever thought possible, you
know, I was working with a girltoday behind the chair and this
is a someone that we reallyadmire.
We, you know, we, we've seen heron stage and I'm cutting her
(39:34):
hair and she goes, before I tellyou the story, may I get consent
before I do that?
Like, what the fuck?
Like, no client has ever said,can I just like dump my life on
you?
Is it okay before I
Casey (39:50):
get really deep with you and like reveal things and talk
to you
Kari (39:54):
in depth about stuff?
Do I have permission?
And honestly, being 14 yearsbehind the chair, that was the
sexiest thing I've ever heard.
Casey (40:05):
Usually I sit down like, let me tell you about all my in
depth details.
I know, because people just
Kari (40:09):
sit down and I'm sorry, but sometimes people treat
hairdressers like a fool.
Fucking garbage bag.
I'm just, I'm going to come inand I'm going to sit and I got
to tell you all the fucked upshit and I just want you to
listen and you have to deal withit because I'm paying you money
and you just need to listen andthat's honestly how a lot of us
feel and it gets really fuckinghard to take in everyone's
(40:32):
emotional trauma while you'relike smiling and everything's
great because I'm doing yourhair and it's.
Fine, but there's no consentgiven,
Casey (40:41):
but to have someone come in and say, Hey, you know, I
have some things that I wouldlike to really kind of talk
about.
And are you okay with that?
And then it gets you to be inthe mindset of being like, hell
yeah.
Like, yeah,
Kari (40:54):
sure.
Of course.
Thanks for asking.
Finally, someone asked me, youknow, um, so the very last one
that I'm going to present to youwas And again, these are all
like early date situations waswhat if they lean in for the
kiss, that's not what you weredoing.
(41:14):
That's not what you're ready
Casey (41:15):
for.
So if, if someone tried to kissme and I wasn't ready for
Kari (41:18):
it.
Yeah.
Like you went on a date with theanyone and, and they were like
the end of the night.
Okay.
I'm going to kiss you.
How would you feel about thatinteraction without.
It's oddly enough that we'retalking about consent and that's
what the last question led with,but like, how would you trying
to kiss you and you didn't saythat they could, again, this
(41:39):
question is very exclusive to ithappening to
Casey (41:41):
you.
I know because that's where I'mlike, usually.
As, and I'll bring this upagain, usually like as the, the
cisgender heterosexual male,it's like, that's the
expectation.
You go in for the kiss and youread the situation and all that.
So to have it.
So how do you feel
Kari (41:56):
about being that, like, that role?
Because I have no fucking cluewhat that feels like.
Like, how do you feel in that?
I mean, how did you feel thefirst night that we went on a
date?
Like, was it nervous for you tolike, I know, but that was like
a drunken bullshit, whatever.
And I, and it happened, but likeon top of my car, I'm trying to
(42:19):
be professional.
I'm not a slut.
No.
But like.
Say we went to the movies and itwas our next date and this was
our serious date.
There was no alcohol involved.
You weren't like partying withfriends.
This wasn't at 2 a.
m.
Like, how did you feel abouttrying to position me for a
kiss?
Casey (42:37):
See, I'm a little confused right now because the
question was, how would I feelif I was the person being
pursued?
And I feel like you're asking ifI was the pursuer.
So what role am I taking?
Okay.
If I'm the one being pursued andI don't want, and I didn't
necessarily want it.
Yeah.
I'd pull back.
I would,
Kari (42:54):
you wouldn't like feel this like weird like, nah, I
gotta oblige.
Casey (42:58):
It's, it's, this is interesting because this is like
as I am now.
Yeah.
If this was 15 years ago True.
I probably would've just rolledwith it.
Yeah.
And then been like, okay.
And then walked off as I am now.
I probably would've pulled backand then I would probably
would've had a discussion orlike, it's like, Hey, I'm
friendly.
Conver a conversation.
Been like, Hey, I actuallywasn't really feeling a kiss
right now.
(43:19):
Uhhuh.
Like, I love the fact thatyou're leaning in and you're,
you're feeling all this, but I'mnot, this isn't where I'm at
right now.
Kari (43:26):
Isn't it crazy how like much of a change that's happened
to us just for like doingeverything that we're doing to
understand that we're likeallowed to say
Casey (43:35):
no, it's okay to say no.
Oh my God.
That's a crazy
Kari (43:39):
thing.
It's not even that.
It's okay.
It's like I can do that.
Yeah.
Casey (43:47):
But if it was, as you said, because both sides, if it
was the other way around, if Ileaned in to kiss someone and
they pulled back, I wouldprobably have a little bit of
embarrassment because I do tryto read the situation
beforehand, I don't want to justlean in to kiss somebody if I
don't think that they arewilling to accept it, but if
they pull back and they're like,Whoa, that's not where I'm at,
(44:07):
I'd probably feel a littleembarrassed, but I'd still be
able to regain and be like,That's fine.
Would you apologize?
I don't think I would apologizefor it.
Okay.
I'm just curious.
And that, that toes a linebecause I, I, man, would I
apologize for that?
I don't think so.
I think that I'd be like,
Kari (44:26):
Oh man.
Okay.
Fair.
I'd be like,
Casey (44:29):
all right, fair.
I would apologize if I made youuncomfortable.
Okay.
That's yeah.
I wouldn't apologize for my, forme being forward about things,
but I'd probably be like, Hey,sorry if I made you
uncomfortable.
Okay.
That sounds like you.
It wasn't my intention to creatediscomfort.
Yeah.
I, I misread the situation, butI wouldn't apologize for
actually trying to take theaction.
(44:49):
Can
Kari (44:49):
I ask you to misread my situation?
Oh,
Casey (44:53):
absolutely.
Let's go.
What you got?
Hold on.
Let me pour it.
Kari (44:58):
Like, no, we're done.
I'm so horny right now.
And that was a bottle of whiskeyof the cap that you might've
just heard.
Oh, it's celebratory.
Casey (45:08):
It is celebratory.
So no, go ahead.
I want to misread yoursituation.
Open
Kari (45:12):
air.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Casey (45:15):
I thought you were actually asking me a situation.
You're just having sexualinnuendos.
Those are sexual innuendos.
Misread my
Kari (45:25):
situation.
My windows, baby.
I'm so horny right now.
I'm so sorry.
Casey (45:30):
Who are you apologizing to?
Kari (45:32):
Viewers, the listeners, the, all of it.
I'm so sorry.
I'm really fucking horny.
Can we end this episode?
Yeah,
Casey (45:38):
for sure.
For another episode of come withCasey.
We're your hosts.
I'm Dr.
Casey Sanders.
Kari (45:45):
He's going to be so mad for these edits.
Liar.
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