How Do Fish F**K

In this episode we are going over the most googled sex questions of 2023 because they are HILARIOUS! Seriously, there are people out there that could use some good education in terms of sex, 

Support the Show.

Episode Transcript

Kari (00:00):
Well, hello and welcome to another episode of Come with

(00:03):
Casey.
Hi.
Come Yes, I am your co-host,Carrie Sanders.
Just Carrie.
Just Carrie, sometimes Simple.
Jack Just Jack.

Casey (00:14):
I said simple Jack.
I know, but simple.
Jack is from Tropic Thunder.
That's Ben Stiller and TropicThunder.
And you can confus that, thatwith Will and Grace's Jack,
which is just Jack.

Kari (00:26):
Jack.
I'm Jack in a Box That was oneof my favorite fucking machines.
But anyways, I'm your cohostCarrie Sanders

Casey (00:35):
and I am the other guy, Dr.
Casey Sanders.
It's been a week.
It's been a week so far.

Kari (00:43):
Are we already in February?
Yeah.
So, so we're in February now.
And something that's actuallynew to us that we wanted to
share with y'all as couples thatpromote counseling.
We just started, we're what,two, two sessions in?

Casey (01:01):
Oh, to our newest counselor.
Yeah.
And we have strong belief thatcounseling, therapy, things like
that are not for people that arebroken.
No they are for people toexplore their self identity
there for people to exploretheir relationships there for
people

Kari (01:18):
to learn to communicate better to.
I mean, there's so many reasonswhy counseling for couples is so
beneficial.
This

Casey (01:24):
may not be a good reason at all.
But have you ever been?
And a debate with your partnerargument, your partner, and you
just wish you had a third partyto

Kari (01:30):
watch all the time because I want them to tell Casey that
he's wrong.
I mean, that's not all thegoddamn time.
That's not what a counselordoes.
They don't, but maybe we couldhire someone that's not a
counselor.
That goes in and just tells methat I'm right.
I'll pay extra for

Casey (01:46):
it.
Yeah.
I'm sure you can find someoneonline that will just like you
pay them a hundred bucks an hourand they'll just sit there and
affirm your

Kari (01:54):
bias.
I will trick you.
You won't even know that it'shappening.
I was like, I found this greatcounselor.
Don't do that guys

Casey (02:03):
don't do that coming in and sit down.
That person's like, man, Casey,I don't know what's wrong with
you.
I'm getting like gas lit by thisfucking counselor.
You're like,

Kari (02:12):
wait a minute.
I didn't see some credentialshere.

Casey (02:15):
Everything I say, they're like, Ooh, that's problematic
behavior.
We have this huge corephilosophy that therapy is one
of the best tools.
In your behavioral toolbox thatyou can have, well, and

Kari (02:29):
I love that you bring up like it's not for people or
couples that are broken.
It's for everybody.
It

Casey (02:34):
is for people that are broken.
It's also for

Kari (02:37):
people that are not broken.
I feel like you and I within thepast few years are probably the
strongest that we've ever been,but yet we're still going to
someone looking to someone tohelp us and not even help.
But like, yeah.
I mean, what would you call it?
I don't, we didn't seek them outfor

Casey (02:53):
help.
You're looking for growth.
So the way that I, my, the thingI liken it to is everything that
you do in life, it is a goodidea for you to seek some sort
of teacher.
For some sort of mentorship foryou want to learn about a
subject you'd go to school orfind credible people online to
learn from and business.

(03:13):
If you're a blue collar workerand you go into, let's say
plumbing and you are a introperson and you find a master
plumber who works you throughall this stuff and helps you
become a journeyman into amaster, all that kind of stuff.
No matter what the field is, youhave people that you look up to
and that you learn from.
Why the fuck are you doing thatfor like your behavior your
mental.

(03:33):
Health, go sit down with someonethat's credible, someone that
knows what the fuck they'retalking about, not somebody
that's telling you from liketheir personal life experiences,
what has worked from them or forthem, but people that like have
training in this kind of stuffwhere they can sit down with you
and talk to you, why the fuckwould you do it for everything
else in your life?
But exclude your own skills onsay, communication or your own

(03:58):
view of yourself, all of thatmental health is so important.
So find someone that can helpyou through it.

Kari (04:04):
And then, you know, we've had to counseling sessions with
this individual.
And obviously we understand thefirst time is to get acquainted.
Yeah.
What can we figure out aboutthis person?
Are they going to be a fit?
Are they not going to be a fit?
Because we've had counselingexperiences in the past that
didn't go well.
Oh, it's terrible.
It was absolutely terrible.

Casey (04:25):
Whenever you have a counselor that like talks about
themselves, the entire,

Kari (04:28):
the entire time I'd be like, oh, I had breakfast today.
Oh, let me tell you about what Ihad.
And then what I had for lunch.
And I was like, you are reallyindulging in yourself versus
like I'm paying you.
I don't want to hear you talkabout

Casey (04:42):
yourself.
Well, and that's the importanceabout finding a network of
people that are within the, yourchosen community.
So what we, the mistake that wehad made there is that we found
somebody that was close to us.
Yeah, that was close.
Yeah.
We were trying to be likeproximity in person.
So telehealth has become a hugething over the past four years.
And we were not quick to jump onboard

Kari (05:03):
with it.
No, that was me.
That was not you.
That was me.
And I was like, no, I want to,I'm not going to disagree with
you.
I want to sit there.
I want to see them.
I want to engage.
I don't want it to just beonline at the time.
Felt disconnected.
Yeah.
But that was.
How many years ago?
Yeah.
I mean, that whole fucking zoomcalls, like that was in my head

(05:25):
and I'm like, fuck zoom calls.
I don't want to do that shit.
Like I want to look them in theeyes and then I did and I was
like, I'm in the eyes, but Ididn't know until actually
experienced it.
But the other aspect of it whenwe went into that set of
counseling was they happened tobe super religious and that
wasn't a fit and we didn't know.

(05:47):
We didn't know what we didn'tknow.
Right.
And so it was like one of thosethings that it was.
She wasn't necessarily theperson for us and I'm not going
to do great for other people.
Yes.
But to bring up like religion,when you didn't even ask us how
we felt, we were in Keller,Texas.
I got it.
You assumed, but you shouldn'tdo that as a counselor, you

(06:08):
should never assume anythingabout the people that you're
trying to help.
And that was a big eyeopeningthing for me and you, because
people know by now, like whatour goal is and what we're
trying to do.
Like we want to counsel couples.
That is our biggest goaltogether.
This podcast really was designedto help couples, but our future

(06:30):
planning is and to help and tocounsel.
And we can't do that if we don'tactually have the experience of
our own.
Yeah.

Casey (06:40):
It's that concept of standing on the shoulders of
giants.
Yeah.
You find the people that are thebest in their field and you
learn as much as you can fromthem, and then you expand upon
those ideals, the ones You agreewith we don't agree with
everybody's ideals.
Just like not everybody agreeswith ours.
We've had people that we'vetalked to in the past that want
to put very different ideas intoplace and they completely

(07:01):
disagree with what we say.
And we're okay with that.
We're not looking for the peoplethat disagree with what we're
saying.
We're looking for the peoplethat are seeking guidance.
We're looking for the peoplethat do agree.
And that if our content speaksto you and brings you in and
say, and you say, I like this, Iwant to know more.
Then the fuck, yeah, let's do ittogether.
Yeah, absolutely.
Anyway, counseling is awesomeand we love doing it and

(07:23):
participating in it.
No, and we had it, and it makes,brings up some fucking difficult
conversations and fun ones.
What

Kari (07:28):
just is necessary though?
Because every time that you gothrough a difficult conversation
in a healthy manner, it justpresents growth to the
relationship.
And if you're with someone, whatthe fuck is the point To not
grow with them?
I'm not gonna be with someonethat I don't wanna grow with.
That's pointless.
It's stupid to me.
And so if we can seek outsomeone to help us or any person

(07:52):
can seek out someone to helpthem, like it's just to make the
situation

Casey (07:56):
better.
Well, a number of people, thisis going to be a big point is
that a number of people havefear and growth, whether you
realize it or not, and it's okaywhether you do or don't, but
there's a number of people thatdo have fear and growth, so they
avoid conflict.
They avoid having the difficult.
Conversations with a partner,and this is because their brain
is driving them to makedecisions that are to give them

(08:20):
that dopamine hit.
They're making decisions thatare going to drive their reward
system, and so they avoidanything that could interrupt
that award system.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
That reward system.
So now it's like, instead ofhaving a difficult conversation
with you, I'm going to allowthat difficult conversation to
go to the wayside.
I'll put it in my pocket.
I'll save it for later, which isdetrimental.

(08:42):
But when do you use that later?
Right?
So you have all theserelationships, which we have
such a high failure rate inrelationships because people
avoid some of these moredifficult conversations because
they're like, no, I have areally good thing going.
And I feel like if I bring thisbig thing up, It could fuck it
up.
What happens if it fucks it up?
I mean,

Kari (08:59):
we had a really good thing going and we just sat at lunch
today and had a really hardconversation.
We did.
Like a really fucking hardconversation.
I was literally crying at lunch,which was fine.
I wasn't crying because I wassad.
It was just, it was an intenseconversation.
And then

Casey (09:13):
We left.
You are a therapist for evokingthese kinds of conversations for
really like driving us to havesome of these conversations.

Kari (09:21):
And I mean, even as great as our communication is to have
a third party step in and justlike guide.
It was really helpful.
And if you notice they didn'tguide it in the moment, they
guided it afterwards.
And I think that's what reallytherapy is it's not necessarily
giving you what you need in thatexact session.
What happens after that sessionto

Casey (09:40):
me it's generating thought provoking conversations.
Yeah.
And allowing people to decidefor themselves, empowering them
to decide for themselves what itis they want and giving them the
tools in which to complete that.
That's that difference that wetalk about is like counseling
and coaching, right?
This is what draws you so intobe becoming a coach is that
you're like I want to.

(10:01):
Tell you what's going to, what'sgoing to work.
I want to be like, Hey, youknow, it's the same thing with,
I'm going to use a fuckingsports analogy for this one.
Like one of the first but it'ssomewhere like you have somebody
that's a player and they'rebatting coaches.
Like move your foot here, moveyour elbow.
In here, turn over your wrist,do all this kind of things.
Or a football coach tellingsomebody how to throw a ball.
Yeah.
Or a fucking acting coachtalking about like how to

(10:23):
projecting or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
Alter the tone of your voice tofit a character better or

Kari (10:28):
projecting less for me, that coach.
Yeah.

Casey (10:30):
But that coach is there to guide you.
Yeah.
And do that thing.
And that's what draws you in,correct?
God.
So that's like that bigdifference where the therapist,
the counselor sits back andsays, I want to help this person
uncover their own truth.
And if I can guide them to dothat in a way that promotes
growth in their life, then fuck.
Yeah.

Kari (10:50):
Because at the end of the day why would you not want to be
better?
Why would you not want a betterrelationship?
Why would you not want toundersell for yourself better?
Like I do.
See ya.
Like, why would you not want tounderstand your relationship
better or yourself better?
Like, there's no harm inUnderstanding the situation that
you're in, whether it be you oryour partner or what it means
for y'all to be together.

(11:10):
And I do feel like there hasbeen this shift in society to
understand that we need tounderstand ourselves better.
We're trying to, we're tryingto, and there's.
I, we're on this we're like inthe middle of this shift and I
do feel like 2020 put this likebig, like mental health.
Like we all have to be, here'sthe

Casey (11:29):
spotlight.
There's about to be a bunch ofshit go

Kari (11:33):
down, dude.
And I think that it was like,fucking finally, it took a
goddamn pandemic for people torealize that mental health was a
thing.
But I can speak true to thateven to myself,

Casey (11:44):
like, but do you remember what mental health was like for
you in high school?
Yeah.
Like, did you ever take acommunications class?
You did?
No.
See, okay.
I guess it was elective for me.
I remember being in courses inhigh school where they were
talking about propercommunication.
They were talking about like, Ihad these classes.
Did I skip school that day?
You might have.

(12:04):
I don't know.
I was the one that was likegetting out at 11 o'clock by
senior year.
It was great.
Yeah, but there were classes.
I distinctly remember taking,uh, maybe it was speech.
Or was about healthycommunication that was, and I
remember distinctly havingstudents in class that were
like, this is bullshit.
They're like, who the fuck needsthis?
This is stupid shit.
If they were a guy, it's like,you're a fucking pussy.

(12:25):
If you need any time, like whoneeds this kind of talking about
this kind of stuff?
No, you just buck up and dealwith this shit.
And there's still a lot ofpeople that have that outlook,
which we earlier today talkedabout.
What was that, nut up or shutup?
Yeah.
It's like you are less than ifyou address these things, it
means that you're weak and weequate it to that.
It's unfortunate, but that's atopic for an

Kari (12:45):
entirely.
No, that's what to say, baby.
You're getting on a whole otherepisode right now.
The

Casey (12:49):
whole point is that yay therapy.

Kari (12:52):
One of the other big things that we have going on
right now is our photo shootnext week.
And this is something that I'mso fucking proud of you, Casey.
This is a individual thatreached out to us.
It's a photographer and they'rewanting to set up a like Shabari

Casey (13:09):
shoot.
Yes.
So we have three models comingin including yourself.
One of them being yourself.
Well, yeah, that's where we'regoing to sit down.
We're going to do some Shabarities.
No suspension this time.
Not

Kari (13:20):
yet.
Yeah.
The thing that thesephotographers were asking for is
how to incorporate Shabari intoboudoir.
Yeah.
And Honestly, like they reallyreached out to the best fucking
people possible, right?
We're not trying to suspend anddo crazy and it's beautiful.
That's such a beautiful work ofart, but for the everyday

(13:41):
ordinary individual, if we'reworking, it's not a

Casey (13:44):
thing.
You, the last thing that youwant to do is meet a stranger
and then be like, now come overhere and.
Get tied up in the air.
Good Lord.
No.
You want to talk about bluelight activation real quick?
No, not okay.
Not healthy.
Not safe at all.
What is safe?
What's okay to do is that if youare skilled and you know things

(14:04):
like My degrees that I have inanatomy and physiology that I
can leverage in order to say,here are some safe ties.
This person can go through inorder to create a nice,
something beautiful, boudoiraesthetic, something that can be
like artistic, something thatcan be a little bit edgy, a
nice, you know, exploration toself love or a nice exploration
into a gift for a partner.

(14:25):
All of that can be done.
And we organize something likethat for coming up next week.
Yep.

Kari (14:30):
So we're, yeah, so this is our, No, this isn't our first
time.
This is what I can even tell youhow many times we've done this,
but I'm so excited to presentthis to y'all soon.
But me as a partner.
Looking back and just realizingand seeing like how hard you've
worked to understand ropes andties and the education and the

(14:53):
time that you've put behind it.
And now we're really seeing thatcome into fruition it's great.
And we didn't even think thatthis is what was going to happen
from it.
We thought Shabari was going tobe something that we did
together and it was just likefun thing.
And now we're really seeing thatthe scope of what this could
mean for us or for you, youknow, I mean, you're like.
You're Dr.
Rigger now.
Like I think it's fucking hot.

(15:14):
I've been looking for a handle.
And you know, you were alsoreached out by an individual
that does local tying in our DFWarea for you to come out and
just talk about like the safetyof dying through again, your
education as being a doctor.
Yeah.

Casey (15:33):
So that is another thing we're looking at working with a
new group of people who all.
Our enthusiasts in Shabari andwe're looking at putting
together some classwork andthings in order to teach people,
Hey, what's safe and what's alittle bit more dangerous things
to look out for.
The aesthetics behind it the whybehind it, what it can drive,
because a lot of people havethis understanding that it's

(15:54):
like the BDSM aspect of it isall that there is to it.
And while you can use Shabarifor.
A play time and it's a lot offun, fucking fun to do.
Trust me on that one.
We know that quite well, there'sa whole nother area to it that
is meditative.
That is and we had a, even wehad a disagreement on a previous

(16:17):
episode that we talked to peopleabout this, is that for me that
it is a little level oftherapeutic, no, it's not
therapy, but a level oftherapeutic allows a person to
disappear into their own self.
If I can be somebody thatfacilitates that, that works
with people in a very safe andcalm manner to help that happen,
then fuck yeah, let's go.

(16:38):
So we have a lot working in thefield of Shibari.
It's been a passion over thelast year and a half to do, and
we're just gonna keep growingand keep working with more and
more people on that.
But, let's get into the thethicket of

Kari (16:49):
today.
So we're gonna get into theepisode, and this was one that I
designed.
I don't know anything about it!So a lot of times we don't take
turns on this shit.
We just bounce ideas back andforth, but we were sitting at
lunch a couple of weeks ago andalso understand that we set up
our interviews to be like aninterview and then an
individual, and then like aninterview and an individual.
And this was one that I had setup weeks ago.

(17:12):
And I was really curious to thetop questions.
Sex, but not only the topquestions Googled for sex, but
like last year exclusively, likewhat were the things that people
wanted to know last year aboutsex?
So I went through 50 differentsites.
I Googled a bunch of shit and Icame up with a list of, I think

(17:36):
I have, hold on, let me see howmany questions I have for you.
I have 13 questions and thething

Casey (17:41):
is, wait.
If I'm hearing you correctly,the 13 most Googled questions
about sex in

Kari (17:50):
last year.
So 2023,

Casey (17:52):
2023 most Googled sex

Kari (17:54):
questions.
And the thing is I went throughon so many different sites to
try to like, I didn't just gothrough one.
I dude, I researched this stufffor like a couple of days.
And I found the most commonquestions.
Some of them were kind ofstupid, but these are the most
common.
But the thing that I'd reallylove to do to Casey is like
force critical thinking, whichis what he hates the most.

(18:17):
I feel like he's getting betterabout it because it's something
that the show that I've liked.
Made him do since day one.

Casey (18:23):
Yeah, it's helped.
You know me, I am the academicperson.
Whenever I tell you a piece ofinformation, it's not because
I'm just like, on the cusp ofit, or like, I'm just thinking
of it.
It's, I've got it fucking lockedand loaded in the chamber, and I
can access it.
But that's because I've read upon it and I've done research
articles and publications andall that kind of stuff.

(18:44):
So to be, uh, to be asked thingsthat require critical thinking
in the moment has not alwaysbeen my strong suit.
And it's something like it's agoal of mine starting last year.
So this is going on year two ofworking on my critical thinking
skills in order to, in themoment, be able to.
Give a, an honest andtransparent opinion without

(19:05):
overthinking it.
And when you're

Kari (19:06):
so much better about it, you can thank me.

Casey (19:09):
Yeah, absolutely.
I already give you credit forthat.

Kari (19:13):
All right.
Again, top googled sex questionsin 2023.
Let's go.
What is speed bump sex?

Casey (19:26):
What is speed bump sex?
It's a position speed.
Is this like elevation of likepelvic elevation?

Kari (19:34):
I don't have the answers written.
No, speed bump sex is aposition.
Now this is one that I doremember asking you about a few
weeks ago and we like sat downat the table.
We were like, wait a minute.
What the fuck are they talkingabout?
Because you have to understandlike sex positions are

(19:54):
determined under so manydifferent, do you have the
classifications?
Because I

Casey (19:58):
would bet that it's something where it's like you're
elevating your pelvis.

Kari (20:02):
It is, yeah, you're right.
Okay.
Yeah, so in that aspect, andit's just,'cause I Googled it
'cause I was like, I don't wantthe fuck speed bump sexes.
But yes, it's, it is when awoman like positions herself
higher.
Uhhuh and then the guy thrustfrom the bottom and like it's a
speed bump.
So they're like thrusting upinto, so is it

Casey (20:22):
specific to a position, like it needs to be missionary
with a bump?
Yeah.
Or doggy with a bump?

Kari (20:26):
Yeah.
It is.
It is more like.
It's more of the person beingpenetrated on top.
So imagine like reverse cowgirl,right?
That's more of what it means.
Like, or it doesn't have tonecessarily be reverse.
Hold

Casey (20:40):
on.
Hold on.
Because we're gonna look it uptoo.

Kari (20:43):
No.
Then please look it up actually.
Because again, remember I saidthis like fucking weeks ago?

Casey (20:49):
One of the first things this says.
Sex position is ideal for menwith smaller penises.

Kari (20:56):
That's beneficial, honestly.
Speed bump sex, but it was meantto be like, Oh, okay.

Casey (21:03):
So it's doggy style with something underneath your
pelvis.

Kari (21:07):
Oh, so then I had a vastly different understanding of it.
I assume that it was like, Imean, it's like,

Casey (21:12):
so we own a wedge, we own a liberator wedge, which allows
your pelvis to be risen.
And we've both agreed, like,that's been, that was a great
thing.
We purchased that a couple ofyears ago, like, especially for
missionary.
It'll, it allows for deeperpenetration.
It allows for like, I'm able to,one of the things I love about
it is that I can sink lower.
So because we know the angle.
of the actual vaginal canal andwhere it lies.

(21:35):
So if you are able to angle yourpenis in a way that stimulates
various areas, having straight90 degree missionary sex is not
always beneficial.
Like

Kari (21:48):
45

Casey (21:48):
degree angle.
So if you get somebody on a onlike a wedge or something or put
something underneath theirpelvis and it raises it up, it's
going to alter the angle.
Of the vaginal canal.

Kari (21:58):
Okay, so the speed bump is the bump that elevates.
It's the bump underneath, yeah.
Okay.
That is not what I was thinkingat all, but this is why we're
doing this.
But I love that is the numberone ask question.
Never that number one.
That was the number one.
I've never even heard of.

Casey (22:13):
Speed bump then.
And there's if I was gonna askwhat a sex position was, it
would be like, what's the Amazonposition?
Do you know what the Amazonposition is?
See, I know what that one is.
That one's the one that I hadtold you about where it's, so
this is very.
Amazon position is veryempowering for the vulva owner
because the penis owner lies ontheir back and puts their legs

(22:35):
back almost up to theirshoulder.
So like, think of if you're inyoga, like the happy baby
position.
And so then the vulva ownerwould straddle them and insert
the penis into themselves.
And then the vulva owner is theone doing the work, doing the
thrust.
So penis owner would be back andthe vulva owner would be

(22:55):
thrusting onto their penis.
Okay.
So if I was going to Google asex position, it'd be something
like that, but like speed bump,I feel like that's almost
implied.
Like, yeah, put somebody on yourpelvis.

Kari (23:08):
Yeah.
I didn't know that's what thatwas.
All right.
Now we know.
And knowing is half the battle.

Casey (23:12):
Okay.

Kari (23:13):
Fuck,

Casey (23:15):
are we,

Kari (23:18):
can you have sex when pregnant?
I'm sorry, before you answer,how the fuck is it 2023?
And we're still asking thatgoddamn question

Casey (23:27):
because what age group.
It's Google.
I don't fucking know.
See, you got, you have thequestions, but you don't have
the demographics behind the

Kari (23:35):
questions.
Correct.
It's Google who fucking8-year-old.
No, and I'm just stoking, butlike, I don't know, like

Casey (23:40):
8-year-old kid there.
Like, Hey, can I fuck this girlwhile she's

Kari (23:43):
pregnant?
But seriously, uh, yeah, andplease answer us, Dr.
Casey.

Casey (23:48):
Of course, you can have sex while you're pregnant.
The question is.
Is it comfortable to have sexwhile you're pregnant?
It takes a lot of differentthings on to play.
From the pregnant person'sperspective are, how, like how
inflamed is your vaginal canal?
How comfortable are you?
And do you feel sexy?
Do you feel aroused?

(24:08):
Do you want sex?
If the answer to those thingsare like, I'm great.
It's good to go.
Then yes, seek out sex.

Kari (24:15):
So Casey, you've had sex with a pregnant woman.
At any point of it, did it makeyou feel uncomfortable and
understand that like us havingsex when pregnant was 10 years
ago and we are in a verydifferent place now and where we
are mentally and everything.
But was there any point of that10 years ago that made you feel
uncomfortable having sex with mewhen I was pregnant

Casey (24:34):
personally?
No.
Okay.
But that was also because.
I was, you know, college doctorat work.
I was working on my doctor atthe time.
I already, I

Kari (24:43):
don't feel like our sex life changed that much.
Maybe like, well, that's why Isay you're in months, but

Casey (24:51):
that's why I say the perspective of each.
So as I've been saying, but theperspective of the vulva owner,
if you're good to go and you'recomfortable and, uh, your
partner has helped you, youknow, to feel sexy and move into
a state of arousal, thenabsolutely go ahead.
You're not going to damage.
Anything from the perspective ofthe penis owner, because I, you
know, obviously penis ownerhere.

(25:11):
If I'm looking at that and Ihave been gone off of what has
been told to me by things likemedia and all that, then I'd
have, I'd be curious, am I goingto, am I going to hurt you?
Yeah.
Am I going to like, what was it?
The fucking knocked up with SethRogen, the baby.
Where it was just that it'slike, I'm afraid I'm going to
poke the baby in the head.
You're not.

(25:32):
The universe is far enough awaybehind the cervix.
It hasn't dropped yet.
Your dick ain't

Kari (25:36):
that big, sweetie.

Casey (25:37):
Right.
What does that say about guys?
Sir, your penis is not that big.
You'll be okay.
So yes, it's completely okay tohave sex when pregnant, as long
as there's consent and want and

Kari (25:50):
arousal involved.
On all ends.
Yeah.
Okay.
Why do I bleed after sex?

Casey (25:56):
Why does a person bleed after sex?
I feel like that's

Kari (25:59):
a, that's a

Casey (26:00):
big answer.
I mean, there's a number ofreasons there.
One, are you menstruating at thetime?
Were

Kari (26:05):
you close to menstruating?
Or were you almost after?
Did you think that you weredone, and then all of a sudden
you had sex, and then bloodhappened?
What

Casey (26:12):
causes a person to bleed in the first place?
It's abrasion to the Cellulartissue there.
So if you understand the factthat the so bleeding after sex
is coming from the perspectiveof a.
Volvo owner or a

Kari (26:25):
penis owner.
I'd love to Google.
Didn't tell me that, sweetie.
So I don't know.

Casey (26:30):
So from looking at a Volvo owner, you're dealing with
a lot of tissue.
So that tissue on the inside ofthe vagina.
Is the same type of tissue onthe inside of the mouth, right?
So we have, and I'm not going togo into the technical terms of,
I can scream, it's noncharacterized, all that kind of
stuff.
I didn't mean to make you soundsmart.
But what we're essentiallysaying there is it's a different

(26:50):
type of tissue.
It's still skin tissue, but it'sa different type that you'd
find, you know, on your hands.
It's very soft.
It's a lot softer.
It can be broken down easier.
So if you're bleeding after sex,there can be A hundred fucking
different reasons why.
So would you

Kari (27:06):
say like it would be more alarm if you're bleeding and
have pain?
Yeah.
So, right.
Anytime like that.
Bleeding is just normal.
But if you're bleeding in pain.
Yeah.
If

Casey (27:16):
you're having a painful sex and you're noticing
bleeding, then yeah, go get itchecked out.
Yeah.
But if there's no pain and youhave sex and then, you know,
some blood afterwards, uh, lookat the color of it.
Is it bright red or is it darkred?
Yeah.
That's going to tell us.
More information about thesource of the bleeding as to
elaborate.
And so more surface bleeding isgoing to be more bright, red,

(27:38):
fresh more dark blood is goingto be more internal.
So it's going to be further awayfrom the source of the actual
laceration.
Okay.
So you always want to, it'salways a concern to say.
Should I go and seek medicalassistance?
However, if you're not havingpain and you know, it's like a
little bit of spotting aftersex, it's probably not a big

(28:01):
worry.
Just make sure it's not everysingle time it happens once.
We don't worry about it happens6 times and then it can become a
concern.

Kari (28:12):
Okay.
Ready for the next one?
Of course.
This is so interesting that thisis a Google question.
How should you go on beforehaving sex?

Casey (28:21):
All of them or none of them.
Right.
It's fucking Schrodinger'sboner.

Kari (28:26):
What?
All I heard was boner.

Casey (28:31):
So is shorting your cat exists in a superposition.
It's both dead and alive at thesame time.
Anyway, what I'm trying to saythere is that the number of
dates that you should go onbefore you engage in sexual
activity person is a verypersonal question.
And should not be held to somestandard presented to you by an
outside source.

(28:51):
So I put

Kari (28:52):
in parentheses, uh, the three C's.
And if

Casey (28:58):
you're going out on a date with somebody, you're like,
listen, I'm going out with youright now.
I'm horny, but I would like tohave sex with you and you seem
like a great partner to have sexwith

Kari (29:06):
and you communicated it.
There's comfortability andconsent

Casey (29:10):
and y'all both sit back and go, yeah, you know what?
I'm just looking for sex too.
We're just looking for a hookup.
So that could be day one.
So then go for it in day one.
If you're someone that's like,listen I enjoy sex, but I'm also
finding myself as a demisexual.
I don't have built a sexualconnection with a person unless
I get to know them prettydeeply.
So I would like to take you out,build a connection with you and

(29:33):
see if it leads to a sexualconnection.
The whole thing is that ifyou're consistently told that
you're not allowed to have sexwith someone beyond or before a
certain amount of dates, thenyou need to reevaluate where
you're getting your informationfrom.
Sex occurs on your owncomfortable level.
And for all of this, I wouldrecommend reading ethical slut.

(29:55):
Which is a great book.
That's a great book.
For you to kind of dive intothat too.
Women all over vulva owners allover the world are given this
notion that if you don'tinitiate sex enough, you're
approved.
And if you do it too much, thenyou're a slut.
I think that.
Welcome to our upbringing.
I think that all of them, theowners should reclaim the word

(30:16):
slut as you've been trying to dofor, I've been

Kari (30:18):
trying to do

Casey (30:18):
that for a while.
Oh, I think there's some, itshould be claimed.
We live in a world where men arelike, yeah, sexual conquest
equals fucking power.
And if you are, as a woman havesex with more than a certain
amount of people or too often orwhatever it is, then you're.
Less than somehow it's a fuckedup world that we live in terms
of sex.
So we're trying to, we're tryingto fix that.
But in, in terms of when's agood time to have sex, as soon

(30:42):
as you're ready, I can only givea fuck if it's your first date,
if it's your second, third, 10thdate, as soon as you are ready.
And I think

Kari (30:48):
that's why I wrote the three C's.
If you have communicated it, ifyou have consent between both
parties and you're fuckingcomfortable, then there doesn't
have to be a number surroundingthat.
Yeah.
It's just communicate it.
Yes.
Okay.
So I'm going to give you thenext two.
And that's only because I wantyou to be able to have time to
search the first one before Igive you the second one.
Oh, fuck.

(31:09):
Because the first, this one isjust, it's not something you're
going to know off the top ofyour fucking head, right?
So I'm going to give you thatfirst one.
How many calories do you burnduring sex?

Casey (31:19):
That's a dumb question.

Kari (31:21):
I think a lot of people want to know, you know, like
before

Casey (31:26):
I even like Google this, I'm going to give you my opinion
on this.
Hey, listen, if you go in thetreadmill, you're on a fucking
treadmill and you set it tothree miles an hour for 20
minutes.
Versus if you go on a treadmilland set it to 10 miles an hour
for the same amount of time,you're going to burn different
calories.
You're it's different everytime.
If you're sitting there doing nowork, like it's, do you not

(31:47):
understand how calories areburned?
This is a fucking physiologyquestion.
This is an exercise.
That's why you're a doctor.
Let's hear it.
If you sit back and you go outand you do a fucking high
intensity interval workout,you're going to burn a bunch of
calories.
If you go into a bedroom and.
I'll drive the shit out ofsomeone for an hour versus if

(32:09):
you sit down with them and havelike very gentle and slow moving
sex, it's all dependent uponyour own physiology.
It depends on how high does yourheart rate get?
What is it like there?
I mean, I mean, go past that.
It goes it the variables aboutyour own body.
Are going to determine theaverage amount of calories that
you burn because it'sessentially a workout.

(32:31):
Okay.

Kari (32:31):
No, then i'm not even gonna i'm just gonna go to the
next question because youactually answered that before
even having to google It and Ididn't expect that How long
after a miscarriage can you havesex I don't know.

Casey (32:44):
I have never had a

Kari (32:45):
miscarriage.
That is true.
So what I have heard from a lotof people that have had
miscarriages it was, it's thesix week mark.
Okay.
Like the same as after having ababy is the same as after having
a miscarriage.
How?
Or as soon as you arecomfortable.
Doing it.

Casey (33:02):
So surgical procedure post op.

Kari (33:08):
Correct.
Exactly.
Think of it.
Just purely

Casey (33:11):
how long should I engage in activity afterwards?
Logical mind says any injurythat a person goes through is
typically 6 to 8 weeks.
Yeah.
You break a bone 6 to 8 weeks.
You go through surgery 6 to 8weeks.
It's a lot of it.
The standard tends to be 6 to 8weeks before you do that.

(33:34):
Now,

Kari (33:35):
is that just like natural healing for the body?

Casey (33:37):
Yeah.
How long does it take for aperson to develop scar tissue?
How long does it take you?
And then, of course, we look atthat's that would be that goes a
little intense because now it'slike, all right, well, by.
Which intention to the personhave this trauma induced?
How good was the surgeon thatyeah,

Kari (33:54):
how

Casey (33:56):
well of a incision did they make?
How well did it heal?
So there's no big definitiveanswer.
It should be, where's yourcomfort level at what is your
pain

Kari (34:07):
level?
Yes.
Let's say also, is ituncomfortable when you try maybe
stop, maybe give it anotherweek, you know, like your body's
going to tell you, listen toyour body.
There is no one answer foranyone in my opinion.
Like I think that after we had.
Evelyn, we were having sex inlike four weeks and I wasn't
uncomfortable, but I didn't haveany issues.
I had a vaginal birth.

(34:27):
Everything was fine.
There was no C section.
It was great.
And we were literally fuckinglike four weeks after the more

Casey (34:34):
important commentary there is to have the partner who
is trying to initiate sex, tosay that like you had a
miscarriage and I was trying toinitiate sex with you.
The important things that Iwould want to look at is how is
your emotional state because youjust suffered a miscarriage.
And that's not, there's a, thatcan cause trauma that can cause
a lot of things.

(34:54):
So I need to have a check inwith you a couple of times to
see where your mental state is

Kari (34:59):
at.
Now, is that something that youwould recommend?
Say my intentions were to havesex in the next few days to
bring that up in another timeseparate from intimate moment to
be like it, we are sitting downfor lunch.
Hey, how are you feeling?
How would you feel aboutintimacy?
Oh, I would want to gain.
Is that something that you would

Casey (35:15):
like?
Before we, like, before we, youinitiate

Kari (35:18):
recommending it in the

Casey (35:19):
moment.
I don't think that anyone shouldjust snap that subject onto a
person, but I think it shouldbe, Hey, I would love to have, I
want to have a conversationabout.
What you've just been throughwhen is, are you up for doing
that today?
Is that something you want totalk about this evening?
Do we need to schedule a time acouple of days from now?
So let's gain consent on bothparties to be comfortable to

(35:39):
talk about it before we do.
Then once we have initiated theconversation, where's your mind?
All of that talk about how doyou feel about being sexually
active?
And if it's green lights allacross the board, go for it.

Kari (35:53):
Okay, cool.
I like that.
Sorry.
What is anal sex?
What is it?
What is it?
So that is

Casey (36:02):
the question.
So no.
Okay.
Interestingly enough, I bet alot of people right now.
Are thinking anal sex it's penisin an asshole.

Kari (36:12):
Can we name this episode penis in an asshole?
Sure.
That just got me.

Casey (36:21):
First, you have to reevaluate how you define sex.
Yes, because the way that mostpeople.
Define sex in Western culture ispenis into vagina penetration,
which excludes a lot of thepopulation that excludes
lesbians as an entirepopulation.
So we've tried to redefine sexto be all and encompassing to

(36:44):
include a lot of acts, a lot ofdifferent things.
So sex in the first place doesnot necessarily mean
penetration.
Sex can mean oral sex.
Sex can mean digital sex.
So that being sex with thefingers.
Yeah.
So anal sex.
Could be rimming anal sex couldbe playing with the outside of

(37:05):
the anus and it can includepenetration.
So there's a whole spectrum inwhich we can use that.
To answer that question, what isanal sex?
It's really any sort of sexualengagement with the anus.
Okay.
Not just penetration.
Not just penetration.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.

Kari (37:24):
Why do I have no sex drive?
And then quotations, it did putfemale.

Casey (37:32):
Why as a female, do I not have a sex drive?
Oh, that's a hard one.
So that, that one, I, Oh, I'mgoing to, I would recommend
anyone saying I don't have a sexdrive period to go.
And seek some sort of therapyfor that, not on a level of
you're broken, but more on alevel of like, I want to explore
this question.

(37:53):
The deeper questions on that is,do you feel arousal?
Are you partner?
Are you not partnered?
Do you know the emotional statethat you've been in?
To ask that question.
Are you in a getting into astate of arousal or do you find
yourself in a state of fear?
Do you find yourself in a stateof stress of anger of what are
the current emotional landscapefor you look like?

(38:15):
I mean, God, on top of that,there's just, do you have solo
time?
Do you have a sexual arousal ofWhere are you satisfied that by
yourself?
What is your narrative aroundsex?
Do you, are you someone thatthinks that sex is a good thing?
Or are you someone that has beentraditionally shamed around sex?
Are you somebody that maybe wentfrom a style of, I used to have

(38:36):
sex all the time and now I neverdo, and I don't have a drive for
it.
Yeah.
What does that look like foryou?
So my biggest suggestion there.
Sex therapy.
No,

Kari (38:47):
I agree.
And as someone like, I rememberthinking that to myself, like
growing up, like I didn't have alot of just natural sexual drive
if I was around someone or if Iwas being in a situation that
could like peak that, but justlike naturally by myself in a

(39:07):
day to day.
I'm not a horny person like thatand I never have been.
And so I do remember thinkingthat when I was much younger and
I didn't really understand sexand I just thought that I was
like.
Why is it so low?
Why I hear all these liketeenagers that are like sex
crazy and hungry and I and thenI never

Casey (39:26):
had Oh as a teenager, I was like don't compare yourself
to teenagers

Kari (39:32):
But when I was a teenager and it was so like and I was
with like girlfriends and theywould talk about and they talk
About like masturbation and howmuch they needed it You guys
never

Casey (39:41):
talked about that.
I would

Kari (39:42):
love girls are very open.
Like the first time I everunderstood that the way that I
masturbated was normal was thefirst time I sat down with a
group of girls and we talkedabout it, I thought the way that
I masturbated was wrong.
It was inaccurate.
It was not how sex should be, orsex to myself should be.
And, but even then and now likesolo, just chilling, I don't

(40:06):
naturally just get horny.
I really

Casey (40:08):
don't.
So you fall in line with themajority of women.
Yeah.

Kari (40:12):
I feel it.
And, but that's what I want tobring.
It's okay.
Yeah.

Casey (40:16):
Cause we have to look at we have to look at spontaneous
arousal versus reactive arousalfor most reactive.
Yeah.
And the same way that most womenorgasm clitoral stimulation
versus, versus vaginalstimulation in terms of arousal.
Most women fall into thecategory of a reactive arousal.

(40:38):
You're not going to have aspontaneous moment where you're
just like, holy shit.
I'm like, there is somethingthat you react to, whether it be
pleasure from another partnerconversation, you know, there's
a, there's this big commonconception where it's like,
well, whenever I was younger, Ihad spontaneous arousal all the
time, or I was dating.

(41:00):
Before I was married, I hadspontaneous arousal all the
time.
Well, even your spontaneousarousal then was planned.
You're starting to date somebodynew and you go through the
ritual, right?
You shave your body hair, youprepare yourself, you pull out
the sexy dress and the blackpaintings or whatever the fuck
it is that you're wearing.
And you're talking to yourselfabout how sexy this person is.

(41:21):
You don't know anything aboutthem.
So you start to putcharacteristics into their
personality without reallyknowing first, and you do all
these things to get yourselfready.
And Hey, you're aroused.
That's not spontaneous.
That is reactive to your ownthoughts about what could
potentially happen.
So for the most part, women are.
Reactive to arousal.

(41:42):
Yeah.

Kari (41:44):
So the next two questions, and I know I said this earlier,
but I'm actually gonna allow youto Google this while I answer
the next one.
The question is how do Phishhave sex?
I don't know why I don't have toGoogle that.
Well, you allowed, but reallyyou don't have to Google, have
Phish, have sex.
Yeah.
You just know that.
Why would you have to Googlethat?

(42:04):
I don't fucking know how fishhave sex.

Casey (42:07):
Have you?
How would you trouble that?
I'm pretty sure you had sushiwith caviar

Kari (42:15):
in it.
I promise you I order withoutcaviar.

Casey (42:18):
Uhhuh.
I'm sure you do.
Okay easily enough for the mostpart.
Fish, lay eggs, Uhhuh

Kari (42:24):
And then the

Casey (42:25):
other fish go, yeah, other fish go on and they
actually fertilize the eggs.
So they drop their geneticmaterial onto the eggs.
So they don't even get the

Kari (42:33):
enjoyment of

Casey (42:34):
connecting.
See, so you're now defining sexas penetrative sex.
I

Kari (42:38):
said, connecting the joy of connecting.
I didn't say penetration,

Casey (42:42):
sir.
No, you got me there.
You asked, yes, you had methere.
I'll concede that point reallyfucking quick.
I assume that your mind went toher.
Wait a minute.
No sex is.
Enjoyable

Kari (42:54):
pleasure.
Yeah.
I just meant connecting like,

Casey (42:58):
No, uh, fish do not have penitence.
No fish.
Oh, I'm not a fucking, I don'teven know what the name is.
You're not a zoologist.
Uh, is that what it's called?
What's the term for someone thatstudies fish?
Carrie, I don't know if that'syour Googled question.

Kari (43:15):
All right.
The next one I get to answer.
Cause fuck you.
Do nipple

Casey (43:18):
piercings.
Oh, no, this is totally pertainsto you.
Exactly.
I've never had my nipples

Kari (43:23):
pierced.
You just sit down.
Do nipple piercings hurt?
Yes.
And do that enhance feeling.
Okay.
So I'm going to dive into this alittle aggressively.
Yes, they fucking

Casey (43:36):
hurt.
They hurt when you get, when yougot them like the actual
process.
Yeah.
Like whatever they said, readyand

Kari (43:42):
pierced.
Yes.
It fucking hurts.
Now I've had my nipples piercedtwice.
You have the first timeunbearable.
It was so bad.
They burned.
It hurts.
I remember going home and beinglike.
What drugs can I take to getthis pain to go away?

(44:04):
Unbearable.
They hurt.
It was not an enjoyableexperience.
And I actually lost sensation inmy nipple for a while.

Casey (44:11):
I know.
I pinched it.
I'd set it on fire.
I wouldn't fucking

Kari (44:14):
know.
He just be grabbing it.
I just be like

Casey (44:17):
hooked up so I can jump the tables to that shit.

Kari (44:22):
I hate you.
So anyways so I took those out.
And a sign of nipple rings nothealing well is they don't heal.
I know that sounds silly, butyou need to hear it if you have
your nipples pierced and it's 4weeks later and it is crusty,
it's bleeding, it hurts, they'renot done properly.
There is a proper way.
To have any piercing doesn'tfucking matter where it is on

(44:42):
your body.
There's a proper way to have itdone.
And unfortunately for us as theconsumers of wanting piercings,
we don't fucking know who'sgoing to give the best nipple
piercing.
We don't know.
But all I can tell you is theside effects afterward is if
you're experiencing discomfortfour weeks later, take them out.
Let them heal and then go back.
So that's what I did.

(45:03):
I have always had a lowersensation to nipples that as
like nipple play was never athing for me.
I didn't really give a shit.
I had no sensation around ituntil I got them pierced
properly.
Yeah.
That second time.
Yes.
So the first time sucked, it wasa dud took him out, let him
heal.
What?
Six weeks, right?

(45:23):
That's what the body needs toheal.
And I.
And again, this wasn't likeexpert advice, I just happened
to go to someone else and theydid it right.
And I did.
I know that they're going to doit right.
No, I just, I wanted my nipplespierced.
And you know why I wanted mynipples pierced?
Because my nipples never getfucking hard.
My nipples are flaccid.

(45:44):
They don't get hard.
They've never gotten hard.
I remember for breastfeeding,that was one of the things that
they told me that I was going tostruggle with.
And the very first time when Ihad my son and I was trying to
breastfeed and this like nursecame in and she said, she goes,
you have what we call flatnipples and true.

(46:05):
Actually, you're right.
She did say inverted.
And what it basically means isthat there is a like muscle
tissue on the out, the inside ofthe nipple that allows it to get
hard and become hard enough forattachment.
Like for the baby to the nurse,I didn't fucking have that.

(46:26):
And she literally told me, shewas like, this would be like a
baby trying to nurse on abottle.
That's 15 years old.
And I'm 19 when this lady istelling me this and I'm like.
What do you mean my nipples areold like I didn't understand the
concept but it made sensebecause I was like I had never
had sexual stimulation or playto nipples For me until I had

(46:49):
them properly done now I've hadmy nipple rings in for what like
Five years, a lot of years forlike, yeah, and I've never
changed them out.
These are literally, I'm happy.
Like I don't need anything I've

Casey (47:03):
talked about in the past.
I've been like, I'm going to buyyou these like different hanging
ones.
And we're going to buy these andthat.
And you have been like, yeah,you could do that.
But I can also read on you thatyou're like, I don't think that
I should change

Kari (47:14):
these out.
I'm so happy.
It's not broken.
I don't want to

Casey (47:17):
fix it.
Do you feel like a part of thatis you're worried that if you do
change them out, then you'lllose the, what you've gained?

Kari (47:24):
Oh, absolutely.
Because after I got them doneand they healed, now nipple play
is I fucking love it.
It still has to be gentle,right?
If you have nipple rings in, anyperson, yeah, to any person
playing with someone that hasnipple rings in behind the ring.
Don't try to go on top of itwhen it comes to more like force

(47:46):
play i've had to be a little bitmore careful for like nipple
rings or nipple clamps I'm,sorry if I do nipple clamps my
nipple clamps I have to pull thering so far out and the clamp
has to go behind the ring but inmy entire life, this was the
first time After healing that mynipples actually had sensation.

(48:09):
And now I really enjoy nippleplay.
Now, I understand that it'sstill a delicate version of
nipple play.
It can't be aggressive.
If Casey was just to go in andfucking bite my nipple, I'm
probably gonna smack him in theface.
But light little likestimulation, this was the first
time I ever had it.
And I've heard a lot of womensay that they never really had
any sensation in their nipplesuntil they got them pierced.

(48:30):
But then I've also heard theapps, like the side of it, the
other thing

Casey (48:34):
about like clitoral piercings are like somewhat
separate.
Some people it enhances forsome, it deadens.

Kari (48:40):
I mean, my clitoral piercing hasn't enhanced or
taken away.
I just like piercing.
Yeah.
I have a, my hood's pierced, butI just like the way that it
looks like having like a jeweldown there.
Like it's cute.
Oh, both of us love the way itlooks, but it has never taken
away.
And it has never enhanced.

Casey (48:59):
So it's individualistic.
And that's due to the fact thatthere's not a system that's
clear enough on how to do itbecause everyone's

Kari (49:06):
different.
Yeah, exactly.
So to, to answer that in thebest way that I can I've had a
great experience, but that'sjust me.
Yeah.
All right.
You're ready for, we only havelike.
Two

Casey (49:18):
questions?
Sure.
And we're

Kari (49:22):
doing great on time.
Ooh, this is so a you question.
What does non binary meansexually and then in a
relationship?
I don't, I

Casey (49:35):
actually, and then in a relationship that

Kari (49:38):
I think there's, they're asking two different questions.
What is binary non binary justgenerally?
And then what does non binarymean in a relationship?
They're asking two questionshere.

Casey (49:48):
So it's,

Kari (49:49):
it's, but I don't know, again, this is just fucking
Google.
These are people that don'tfully.

Casey (49:54):
So then let's like, let's discuss what non binary means in
the first

Kari (49:58):
place, the simplistic

Casey (50:00):
term.
And I want to try to do this ina way that every, anybody that's
listening can have some sort ofunderstanding that to be binary
is to be black and white.
It's zero and one it's this orthat it is not a spectrum.
It is one or the other to removeyourself from the binary is to

(50:22):
achieve the understanding thingsfall on a spectrum.
There is an, and we said this inour last episode, there's an
infinite amount of numbersbetween zero and one there
really are.
You can go on it.
It's paradoxical.
It is infinite.
And the same thing can beapplied to a person's sexuality.

(50:44):
Same thing can be applied.
Whenever a person says that I amnon binary.
It means that they do not fallwithin the confines of the
gender binary.
I am not either male or female.
I am not this or that.
I exist beyond that.

(51:05):
I exist In this moment of whereI am, I make sense of, but I
exist in this moment of the waythat I'm feeling where am I
currently do I feel my energyshifting more towards a
masculine energy?
Do I feel myself?
Towards a more feminine energy,I can move freely between them

(51:28):
depending on my state of mind atthe time.
Yeah.
So in that sense, that's the waythat I make sense of somebody
being non binary greatdefinition.
So if someone comes to me andtells me that, you know, I am
non binary, it means that theydon't fall within the
understanding that we have ofthis versus that he versus she

(51:50):
it's outside of it.

Kari (51:52):
So then I guess I'm also confused as what they.
What the question is what doesthat mean in a relationship?
I'm not confide to the norm of arelationship.
I just feel like that wholequestion is

Casey (52:04):
That one's interesting because we can make assumptions.
I know

Kari (52:08):
we don't know what they mean by that.

Casey (52:09):
Do you have a binary relationship?
but

Kari (52:12):
my but for that to be like the one of the top questions
like I think that just meansthat people are confused by what
it means to be non binary.

Casey (52:21):
Yeah, that would make more sense because if you look
at somebody being non binary,then a lot of other people that
do fall within the binary thatfall within the heteronormative
space where they're like, wait,what do you mean that you are a,
Non binary person in arelationship with a feminine

(52:44):
person or a relationship with amasculine person or a
relationship with whatever itis.
This is why we try to implementGSR so much that we do being
that gender sexuality and arelationship diversity.
Like, why do you, that's why weimplement it because it gives
you more of a clear vision abouta person, how and how they
identify with themselves.
What's most important in allthat is to.

(53:06):
Understand that we have a, anentire community of people who
work very hard to becomeaccepted for being able to
identify with themselves howthey see fit and in the moment.
And that's entirely okay to dotoo.
You don't have to be, well, I ama man seeking a woman or I am a
woman seeking a man.

(53:27):
It can be, I am a person seekinga person.
I am a person seeking a personthat Falls into a feminine or
masculine category or fallssomewhere in between.
I am a person seeking a personfor sexual companionship or
platonic companionship or anaesthetic companionship or
anything in between.
So again, it's falling out ofthe zeros and ones it's an on

(53:51):
one level, leaving the fuckingmatrix.

Kari (53:55):
I love that.
The last question is so funny tome and all I'm going to end or
I'm going to read the questionand then I'm going to answer

Casey (54:04):
it.
Okay.

Kari (54:08):
What is asexuality mean?
Listen to our last episode withthe amazing Lee and lay.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to say Lee.
I meant to say lay.
I'm so sorry.
Listen to the very end.
Most recent episode that we haveall on asexuality, but for the
fact that was one of the numberone questions is actually

(54:30):
exciting for me, right?
People are curious because thatmeans people are curious enough
to know what it means.
So if you have questions on whatasexuality means, please listen
to our last episode with Lay.
She is absolutely amazing andthe way that she like breaks
down.
It is easy.
I could, we could have herdaughter listen to the episode

(54:51):
and she would understand it.
That's one of the biggestadmirations that I have towards
her is the way that who she isas a person, but the way that
she can explain.
These like intense terms andbring it down into like reality
in a way that anyone canunderstand it.
Yeah, there's

Casey (55:08):
a, there's a whole population of people out there
that are the they're themediators.
They are the middleman between.
They have the understandingcomplex ideals and break them
down in a way that isunderstandable to a general
population.
It's one of the things that I'vestrived to be able to do.

(55:28):
Her

Kari (55:28):
analogies just fucking kill me.

Casey (55:30):
They're so good.
They're the best.
So if you are curious aboutasexuality we titled the
episode, welcome back lay thatis lay David Elliott Cray, PhD.
She has done amazing work interms of philosophy, in terms of
asexuality.
She works with the sexual healthalliance.
She works with a number oforganizations and she's also a

(55:51):
return to being a professor inNew Mexico.
So check her stuff out.
And check out our last episode,if you're curious about
asexuality, because she gives avery good breakdown of the
sexuality spectrum.

Kari (56:03):
I have the biggest mental crush on her.
It's so unreal.
So unreal.
And not just because I've beenspanked by her.
But anyway, first impact

Casey (56:11):
play ever, which we also talk about in that episode.

Kari (56:15):
We do.
So again on another episode.
Come with Casey, I, you, we, I'myour host, go host Gary Sanders
and I'm Dr.

Casey (56:28):
Casey Sanders.