Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
so I can't believe that we'reactually finishing up the year.
Yeah.
It doesn't necessarily seempossible to be, you know, now
done with the whole ass year.
I thought it was like Septembera month ago.
Hold on.
Getting comfortable.
There we go.
You can see, man.
And now I look like a, like, Ifeel like a, like a burglar from
(00:21):
McDonald's Hamburglar.
Yes.
I'm literally wearing my blackand white.
Checkered high top vans with ablack and white striped shirt,
black pants.
And a black and white hat.
Yeah.
So all I'm missing is the, youdescribed it perfectly.
I'm just missing the bag withthe money sign on it.
Yeah.
'cause we don't have any money,It's Christmas time, All of it's
(00:44):
going into the kids'.
That's why, that's why we're,that's why you're a burglar.
just robbed a fucking bank.
So, okay, let's get into theshow today.
Before we get started, ofcourse, we want to talk about
some of our favorite people andwhy we support them and how we
support them.
If you've been, if you looked atour Instagram today, you
probably saw us tagged to a fewthings from our good friend,
(01:05):
Carla.
Carla Renee Intimates.
Killer boudoir photographer.
Very talented, personable, helpspeople feel safe and secure, and
body positive for sure.
Well, and she has a very likeunique style of photography.
One of the things that I reallyadmire about her is it's not
just how you can shoot someonein a bed.
(01:26):
She goes all over the place.
Yeah.
Some of my favorite ones, shedoes some in a, in parking
garages.
It's just so funny.
That's the parking garage I usedto park in every single day.
I've taken so many photos inthat parking garage.
So funny to see.
She ended up finding that likelocation of all places in a
downtown Fort Worth, but it'snot just that she does like in
(01:46):
fields, she has her fields andmultiple ones, different ones,
different fields.
Yeah.
Just a field.
Warren field.
Carla might have been there.
Fields.
Yeah.
Soccer fields.
Many different kinds.
She does not discriminateagainst fields.
No, but again, it's just, itshows.
I feel like anyone can create aperfect scenario.
(02:10):
In their studio.
Yeah, but to take What she doesand put it outside in, in such
a, like non controlledenvironments.
There's a lot, there's a lot ofvariables to deal with whenever
you're doing outdoor shoots.
And we've talked about that interms of lighting and things.
It's, it is not a verycontrolled environment.
So you have to make thingsperfect.
You have to adapt them and theability to do that takes a lot
(02:31):
of skill.
Yeah.
She's very talented and we'reactually going to be doing a
outdoor shoot with her coming upvery soon.
Yeah.
And a couple of weeks from nowwe're going to do an outdoor.
We've been practicing ourShabari so much that we feel
standing there so well thatwe've.
do a little bit more of anadvanced shoot.
We've been, you know, I, I mean,I have the benefits of having
(02:54):
degrees in like anatomy andphysiology too.
So the safety aspect is covered.
Yeah.
You definitely understand thataspect of it.
And it's all been the technicalstuff of like learning these
various knots and understand theoutdoor.
You know, aspect of it.
And I'm going to understandthat.
Just be quiet and be the bottomaspect of it.
(03:17):
No, it's not about you beingquite about, it's about you
being vocal.
Oh, feedback.
Trust me.
I am, but there's also a levelof me being a bottom too.
Experiencing what's going on andunderstanding the difference
between like general discomfortor like my own discomfort.
And so I love that we've beenpracticing it more.
Obviously if you follow theshow, we've been talking about
(03:37):
it.
So it's just something, anotherlayer.
One of the things I didn't wantto bring up about Carla's work,
we were talking about thisearlier, is that one of the
issues I take with a lot ofboudoir photographers and
photographers, like get at me.
Let's have a discussion aboutit.
But I see a lot of photographersdoing very very dark shoots and
(03:59):
the first thing that comes intomy head is yes I get the
artistic aspect of makingsomething more dark and bringing
the light down on it Butsometimes I feel like there are
photographers that are trying tohide aspects of their clients
bodies by making it darker.
I've done shoots before Wherethey've altered my appearance so
much, whether it's making itlike really grainy or, or like
(04:24):
hazy or cloudy.
I think cloudy is a better wordfor it or making it really dark.
I've had both happened to me andit does make me feel like there
was something wrong with meenough that they had to like
alter it.
So aggressively, you know, and,and when you're trying to do
something that makes it morelike sex positive or not body
(04:45):
like shaming, that's a reallyquick way to make me start
shaming my body.
If the heads are pretty muchblack, you know?
So again, that's something we'dlove about Carla.
If you haven't got a chance to,you know, we talk about this on
so many episodes, go check outCarla Renee intimates and get
with her to book a session whenshe's available, cause she's.
She's a hot commodity.
(05:05):
She is.
For sure.
The next thing that we're goingto be talking about is something
that y'all are also veryfamiliar with, but it is
actually happening tonight.
If you're listening to theepisode live for the day of air,
if you're listening to this, thedate of air, which is Friday,
December 1st, 2023, it is anight shade burlesque is
(05:26):
performing our monthly favoriteforay into boudoir.
I.
We're less, we're talking aboutso many things.
No, but this show I have gone toso many different burlesque
shows in my, in my time Dallas,I've traveled to, there was one
in Fort Worth there for a while.
(05:48):
But the one thing that draws meback or keeps me coming to this
event the first Friday of everymonth Is the uniqueness of it.
The performers.
I have seen performers do thingsthat I didn't know they did on
stage.
I had known of a King performer.
I've just never seen onephysically.
I think our very first show,they had two different King
(06:10):
performers, drag Kings outthere.
So cool to see having like, moreof a, more of a feminine type
come out and just be somasculine.
Yes.
It was really cool to kind ofsee the flip side of that, but
then also just talentedperformers that from what we've
seen have come from all over.
Yeah.
So that's been one of the coolthings that there is a a
rotating cast.
(06:31):
It's, you're not going to getthe same show every single time.
You're not getting the sameperformers every single time.
You're getting just new faces.
You're getting people coming infrom Houston, Austin, Colorado.
I believe they had from it'sfrom all over the place at this
point.
And it's all of course heldtogether by, by Vivian Vermouth.
Yeah.
That is probably hands down thebest MC I have ever.
(06:51):
Vivian does such a good job withher MC.
Been a part of, and it's becausean MC to me is not only like
keeping the crowd going, keepthem performers like up and, and
ready and people spending money.
But, but they are so interactivewithin the crowd, but they
control the crowd.
You see like comedians all thetime where they do like crowd
engagements and stuff, but theydo, they have such a great way
(07:15):
of like, they don't insultanyone.
It's all love.
It's all fun.
And again, the way that they notonly interact with the
performers, but the audience,it's just.
Fucking like mad claps, praise,bow down, Vivian.
Like you're hearing thisabsolutely amazing.
I actually had the honor indoing their hair not too long
ago.
Yeah.
We ended up connecting and itwas such like a surreal moment
(07:37):
for them to be like, Oh shit,you're foreign on blondes.
Like I've been seeing your stufffor years, but.
It's a kind of like connect inthat way.
It was, it was really, reallycool.
And we have some stuff comingdown the line with them.
And it's very nice to be able tofind like minded individuals
that we want to work with.
People that you can sit downwith and have this cool open
(07:58):
conversation and not worriedabout being offensive or
bothering them in any way, shapeor form.
We just get to have a very, veryraw conversation.
And, and even then like themgiving us ideas, Oh, well, what
if y'all did this, this, this,or this, you know, and, and
we're always open, clearly we'reopen to suggestions, advice.
I mean, we're open to a lot ofthings.
(08:18):
So to have met this group, we'reso fucking excited.
The show's tonight.
It's a Friday night.
If you ain't got shit to do.
Go see the show.
It's at the Cicada in downtownFort Worth.
It's right off of South Maineand Rosedale, I believe is the,
and yeah.
You're on point.
You got this.
Yeah.
The next thing that we're goingto discuss is you might've seen
(08:40):
our newest post, what we callour circle post, but it is about
a couples.
Oh shit.
I'm sitting there going, wait,what are we talking about?
We're talking about our, our,our 12 days, challenge days,
challenge, 12 days challenge.
But we did this last year and wewill say we were maybe a little
(09:02):
overzealous with it.
We fucking went out.
We swung for the fences lastyear and we almost made a home
run.
We did.
We had fun doing it.
So last year we did a 31 dayHoliday soiree is what we called
it realize is too much.
It wasn't too much in the senseof there wasn't enough for us to
give tasks for.
(09:23):
It was that people's attentionspans began to fall off for a
while.
Fucking creative with some ofthe like different things that
we did, we, we gave people a lotto do a lot to accomplish and it
gave us a lot to accomplish.
And in all honesty, like.
For my memory of last year andeverything that we did, like
our, cause we did the samechallenge.
Like we didn't like, Hey, you dothis.
And we just like fucked off, butlike, it really brought us
(09:47):
together.
We had a lot of fun doing it andit just made us realize this
year it's something that we wantto do again, but we're going to
trim the fat where we're goingto find our best by more than
half, by more than half.
We're going to.
Find some of our best ideas, theones that we got the biggest
feedback from.
And so basically what's going tohappen is you're going to be
(10:09):
listening to this right now, andyou're going to immediately go
over to our Instagram page andyou're going to click our links.
And in the links, it's the verytop one that says couples
challenge, whatever.
It's the very first one.
You're going to click on that.
Give us your email address.
When you send us your emailaddress starting what we said,
December 12th, 13th December13th, you're going to get an
(10:30):
email and it's going to be todate that challenge for that
day.
It's not just going to be like,Oh, here, go do this.
We're going to give you tips,ideas different ways to like
utilize it.
And then.
We give you a little backgroundinformation about why we chose
this because I mean if youfollowed along with us last
year, it wasn't just simpletasks like, Hey, send a nude
(10:51):
picture today.
Was that task in there?
Yeah.
It was at some point, but wealso had a bunch of more deep
ones.
Like we talked about senseifocus.
Which was a big one that we did.
That was probably one of myfavorite days, actually.
If you don't know what that is,go back and look.
It has a lot to do with contact.
That is a non sexual nature.
In order to help build intimacy,it was developed by masters and
(11:13):
Johnson back in the fifties.
So go take a look at that one.
If you, if you remember havingit and.
See something similar on thisone again.
It's 12 days people didn't doanything for 12 days Anything
can be done for 12 days straightand then the Individuals that
write us back.
Hey, we did this we did this allof our top participants Are
(11:34):
going to receive a gift basketor our top We will go through,
decide who is getting to win toclarify anyone that participates
in all 12 days and shows usevidence that you participated
in all 12 days, you'll beentered in for a chance to win a
gift basket from us that I canpromise you.
Will be worth the very littleeffort it's going to take to
(11:57):
participate in this challenge Iget so it's completely just a
level of what you're going toget back from doing these simple
tasks Well, and and yes whatyou're going to get back, but
then so and I know touch on alittle bit, but just like the
intimacy that you're going togain with your partner.
That's the whole point.
Yeah.
Like we're going to open youridea to things that you maybe
have never heard of before.
(12:17):
It's going to be veryinformative great instructions.
We're actually going to beworking on some of it tonight
and like kind of plan everythingout.
I'm super excited about it.
We're finalizing some of thedetails on it and we have,
there's been some of the dayswhere we've been like, wait a
minute, so let's switch day twoand day six because we want to
have it like this general flow.
So just what makes sense, youknow?
And like one of them might belike cooking together.
(12:39):
We're not going to put cookingtogether on Christmas Eve with
your partner because we alreadyunderstand the hecticness of
that.
So, it's going to be a greatcalendar.
Again, go to the link on ourInstagram page, sign up for it.
And we are going to go to ournext topic, which are, I love
your segues today.
Thank you.
I just go straight into it.
They don't need to hear.
Here's what we're going todiscuss next.
(13:00):
And now we're on like a newsreport.
I think that I have missed acalling a little bit, you know,
like I want to be like a gothnews reporter.
Give me your, your best, likenews, your best news voice.
Like, like, critical thinking.
I'm not good.
Like critical funny, you know,I'm not asking you to be funny.
(13:20):
I'm asking you to give me yourbest reporter voice.
I can't, I can't, I don't fuckit up.
We're moving on.
Yeah.
Another thing that you'reprobably seen on our Instagram
is when we just ask questions Welove questions and we love doing
anonymously because some peoplereally are afraid to like step
up and say whatever it is thatthey want to say, which we urge
(13:41):
like fucking quit it.
Say what you want to say.
There is no judgment here withus ever.
Never have we ever passedjudgment on someone reaching out
to us a question.
And so we love when y'all dothis, please keep them coming.
But the first question is Whenbecoming open and in public.
(14:03):
Oh, this is, this was about,they asked us about us
specifically.
So when becoming open and y'allare in public, what is the
conversation about boundariesand what does that look like?
So read that back.
Cause I believe the, thequestion actually said like,
what was.
The conversation about, aboutboundaries was the conversation
about boundaries.
(14:23):
Right.
That was, that was the firstthing that stuck is versus was
right.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How dare I?
Well, the reason I say that isbecause the first thing that
stuck out to me is the fact thatwe have ever changing
boundaries.
Our boundaries are not like,here's a line and here's where
it's going to stay.
It is always.
Moving depending on us,depending on the way it's a
(14:46):
hundred percent situational onwho we're with.
If we are with individuals thatwe have played with before, much
easier, much more fluid, sorelaxed.
If we say we, when we went tothat sex party, right, we went
in there with totally differentboundaries set and we knew it
was going to be situational.
(15:06):
We knew that.
What we didn't know, right?
We knew that we had no clue whatwas going to happen.
And so we were going to playthat one by ear.
We have been in situations wherewe go out and I'm going to be
with a bunch of friends and I'mlike, Hey, Casey, the odds of me
making out with every single oneof them are high.
How do you feel about that?
(15:27):
going into this night inparticular.
And, and so I think the best wayto answer that question is it's
ever evolved.
It has to be for us.
That is what we need as acouple, which that's what it was
directed towards is what do wedo?
But I would say we have pre Precheck ins.
Yes, we do.
And that's, that's aninteresting one that I love
(15:48):
talking about is that we do, wehave, we talk about like the
boundaries set for a givenevening every time that we plan
on being around people that weare willing to be more open
with.
It does become because I neverwant to go out and.
Engage with someone that Carrieis going to look at me and be
like, what the hell?
(16:08):
Yeah.
Like, why are you doing that?
Yeah.
And then not only that, but wedo have little like signals that
we have for one another.
And this could be the simplestsignal to say like, Hey, I'm
uncomfortable with what'shappening right in this moment.
Or it could be a simple textmessage that we send to, or I
were, yeah, however, we sent toone another that is just sitting
(16:30):
there stating, Hey, I'muncomfortable with what's
happening right now.
So our next question, and thiswas a slightly interesting one.
And I think it's just.
Because we've never had someoneask something like this before.
Have y'all talked about hairremoval or maintenance, but they
partner.
And I'm thinking about asking mypartner to wax mine and just put
(16:52):
my kitten, so I'm assuming mykid, my kid.
So the first thing I see aboutthis have y'all talked about
hair removal or maintenance?
We have actually on the showtalked about hair removal and
maintenance because somebody waslike, how do you feel about body
hair?
And our response to that wasit's really.
Up to you and your partner todecide.
Now, first and foremost, how doyou personally feel about body
(17:15):
hair?
If you want it, have it.
Yeah.
I think that that shouldhonestly just be a compromise.
Like I want to give you what youlook for, you know, and.
If you have a preference,knowing that something turns me
on, then you're like, it's not abig deal to me either way.
Now, if it's part of youridentity of how you view
yourself of like, no, listen, Ihave dedicated part of myself
(17:36):
to, I don't shave my legs, Idon't shave my armpits.
Like I grow everything out.
Then your partner needs to beable to understand that and that
needs, that's a conversationthat And that at that point
needs to be a conversationalcompromise and figuring out
something that works for theboth of y'all.
I mean, I've told you mypreference.
I.
I don't want it completelyshaved.
And I've done that like I hadbefore, where I was like, I come
(17:57):
out of the shower and I'mcompletely shaved.
And you're like, ah, there itis.
But that's just my preference.
You know, I think I typicallysay like, you know, just, yeah,
I don't really care.
But but I love the thinkingabout asking my partner to wax.
This is something that you'veactually brought up quite often.
(18:20):
And not you waxing me, but usgetting, I want us to go get
waxed together.
Yeah.
I want to do like a couplessession, laying side by side,
getting a full wax job.
What would you get waxed?
If I don't want it all gone,like she's going to wax your
shaft.
Oh, I would get, I would get my,I would get my undercarriage.
Done.
I'd get my butthole done, butwhat I just like, I bet you'd
(18:43):
like it maybe, maybe I might,but I would be like, feel
fearful for you for like thegrow out.
No, but it's waxing you.
It's still regrows, but not,it's not the same as like with
shaving was shaving.
It's like chafing and bumps andI'm just so afraid and, and your
(19:03):
buttholes never experienced thatbefore.
Like I said, I'm down.
I'm imagining worst casescenario.
I know.
And I'm imagining best casescenario.
Smooth on the carriage for aday.
It's not going to be for a day.
It is not going to see whereyou're going to have somebody
that does like professionalwaxing, get on our page and be
like, Carrie's talking about afucking day.
(19:25):
Yeah, I know.
And please correct me everyone.
And if you really want tocorrect me, get us in your space
and wax us.
And we'll see.
There it is.
That's what we're looking for iswe're looking for one of our
listeners who does professionalwaxing, who wants to do a
couples.
Wax job live show.
And we're talking full show, butrecording live show on our only
(19:46):
fans.
No, we had, we had a friend dothat in the past.
Actually.
We're not, I'm not going to namenames.
I think it was like a chestwaxing though.
Really?
Yeah.
It wasn't anything, anythinglike inappropriate or, yeah, it
wasn't anything embarrassing or,or too far gone.
It, but he, yeah, he had hiswhole chest wax.
And I remember I even made ameme that had him laying there
shirtless, and I put the PornHublogo.
(20:07):
Oh.
And send it out to all of ourfriends.
But yeah, in terms of, in termsof waxing and doing all that,
that's talk about a decentbonding tool.
We were talking about this atlunch, right?
So you're engaging in somethingon a weekly, monthly, however
often.
That is this task of self carethat you have, that you
(20:29):
participate in on your own.
What you're doing is you'rebecoming vulnerable and allowing
your partner into that space andeven handing over control of
that task for that time periodover to your partner.
For me, I view that as a goodbonding tool.
Yeah.
That's a way to be like, allright, I'm letting them in even
further.
This is into a deeper part ofone of my circles.
(20:49):
I mean, that's a deep level oftrust to let someone wax you.
Right.
If you're into pain, then Hey,two birds, you know, so if
you've thought about it, go forit.
Yeah.
Do it.
And then of course, tell usabout it.
Let us know everything about it.
I want to know how it was like,I don't know about the
experience.
So what else do we have forquestions today?
I think the last one that wehave has actually been answered.
(21:11):
I mean, we had a whole show onit, but it said for Carrie.
When and how do you know thatyou liked women?
Oh, yeah, when did you have thisconversation with your partner?
So we want to relive the storyat all do have An episode it was
season two.
What was that season two episode19?
It aired June 2nd of I thinkthis year actually.
(21:33):
Yeah, I think that's one of themore reason.
Yeah It was the episode wascalled queer adjacent.
Yeah, because it was our it wasour pride month episode.
Yep I mean, to, to say simpleanswer, I knew probably in
middle school, maybe younger andthen I didn't really, is that
from like tingly's of on thescreen acting more just, I was
(21:56):
attracted to women.
I wasn't attracted to boys andthen I got along with boys and I
didn't get along with girls.
And so I think that was when Ifirst had this like.
Thought of like, hmm, maybe I'mnot meant to be friends with
girls.
I'm just meant to fuck them.
And so, but to answer as far aslike Casey.
(22:18):
God, that was probably like fiveyears into our relationship.
Yeah.
It was somewhere around there.
And we just started talkingabout, I mean, we just started
talking about, that's when westarted like, Hey, where are
you?
What are your interests?
Where are you into?
Like, I think that's when wereally start diving into the
sexual side of our relationship.
Part of it arose because wewould go out and then you would
(22:41):
be having a good time and you'dend up like making out with a
friend or two or three or four.
Throughout the course of thenight.
And then I've started beinglike, Hey, at the time we were
in a fully monogamous, exclusiverelationship.
So it was like, Hey, quit doingthat.
Yeah.
And I'm like, what the fuck'sthe problem?
And your response to me wassomething along the lines of
like, that's just somethinggirls do.
(23:02):
We still do.
And my response was, it's notthat something that every girl
does.
I mean, yeah, that's fair.
But I think that ended up likekind of what started that
conversation was just.
It was out of, it was partiallyout of a misunderstanding that I
had for you because I hadn'tbeen privy to that portion of
you yet, of your sexuality yet.
(23:23):
And you hadn't been vulnerableenough to share it with me.
Well, I mean, I didn't reallyunderstand myself either.
That's the other part of it.
Again, it's not like we fullyhad this like textbook on
emotions and getting older andhow we feel about things and
people.
And, and, you know, I didn't getthat book like our mid twenties.
Yeah.
I mean, it took me a while, butthere, I will say there was a
(23:45):
part of me that just didn'treally care.
It was like, so what?
I like girls.
I'm not here to like.
Feel the necessary or feel itnecessary to like label myself
in some way.
And so, I will say that was inpart of what kind of held me
back from it.
But then we just reached thepoint of our relationship that
we wanted to talk about it andwe did.
So, but yeah, I would refer backto that episode.
(24:06):
It's much more in detail on whenI came out and, and then kind of
the whole again, season twoepisode or episodes, episode 19
queer adjacent adjacent.
But that, I mean, that brings upa good, a good point to be
discussed.
Though is when we had some ofthose conversations, what our
(24:29):
relationship looked like at thetime that we felt comfortable
enough to have thoseconversations, because we often
talk on our show about how youshould have conversations.
And we talk about like thesetting and all that kind of
stuff, but one of theoverarching things that we don't
really discuss that much of ishow the relationship can ebb and
(24:51):
flow and how you can leverage.
The ebb and flow of yourrelationship to have those
conversations and to growtogether because you shouldn't
you shouldn't necessarily ifyou're in a part where your
relationship is, you know,you're having some struggles and
you're not on the same page andyou find yourselves arguing more
and short with each other andall this.
That's probably not the besttime to have a conversation
(25:13):
about a new kink you want to tryor but it's a great time to be
aware of that's that's an issueor that's happening.
It's a great time to figurethings out.
It's a great time to reevaluate.
It's a great time to explore alittle bit about where you are,
what your current state is andwhy you're in that current
state.
Well, and it's also good tocommunicate with your partner.
(25:34):
Like if you're feeling adisconnect, that's not a bad
thing.
It's a, it's a great thingbecause it's an opportunity to
grow.
But the biggest part in that iswhen you are feeling that lull
or that like I'm irritated or weare just not on the same page.
One of two things should happenat that point in my opinion you
(25:55):
either need to take a little bitof time to Think maybe and not
like take time apart, but gotake a goddamn bath and and
think about what it is that youWant to say, or how it is that
you want to reconnect, but beingaware of the fact that it's
happening is so healthy you andI, even now, like people assume
that we're just this likeconstant, great, strong couple.
(26:19):
We never have issues.
Hell no.
I mean, it was like two weeksago that I was like, Hey, you
know, I was actually goingthrough a time where I wasn't
feeling as close with you.
And we, we kind of sit down andtalk about it and why that could
be.
Now we ended up.
Finding that it was juststressors from the holidays and
stuff going on kids.
(26:40):
And like for a second, listen tothat, figuring out that your
issues that you currently havewith your spouse, they may stem
from your spouse.
They may also stem from otherenvironmental factors.
You, you must be able to take astep back and see the picture
from a bird's eye view and say,what are all the things that are
affecting me right now?
(27:01):
What changes are going on in my.
I work life and my socialrelationships and my spousal
relationship or relationships,take it all into account before
you're just like, I'm mad at mysignificant other for whatever
reason.
Well, and I love that you bringthat up because there's a
difference between like, no, I'mfucking mad because I asked you
to take the trash out 10 times.
(27:23):
That's why I'm mad.
That is not what this is.
We're not talking about likehaving a sit down to be like,
you didn't do this and youdidn't do this.
What we mean is if you're withyour partner and you're living
your day to day, and you're justnot feeling connected, that's
when you want to kind of likesit down, I'm not going to
downplay that other aspectscan't get frustrating.
(27:46):
But what we mean by kind ofhaving these like check in
moments, really try to focus onnot.
This is what you're not doingfor me and maybe make it more of
like, how can we do thistogether?
How can we realize what'shappening together?
The whole point I'm saying isdon't make this a fucking
nagging session That's not whatthis is about when I came to you
(28:08):
and I was like, hey, I'm feelingfrustrated You I mean, I'm very
thankful to have you but you doa good job on like, okay What do
you think this could be stemmingfrom?
Yeah.
And the one thing that I do alsowant to stress is to not take
offense.
You can't take offense when yourpartner comes to you and says,
(28:29):
Hey, I'm struggling.
Yeah.
I mean, you, you can takeoffense, but you should examine
with your partner.
Yeah.
It'd be like, let's okay.
You're struggling.
You're frustrated with mybehavior.
My, my productive response isnot going to be.
What the fuck?
What do you mean?
What did I do?
I defensive mode walls up.
Let me start to you'll get backat you What more to be like,
(28:51):
okay, I hear you that you'recurrently frustrated right now
Let's kind of take a look atwhat what are some of the things
that might be frustrating youbecause you said something just
a Minute ago that I started mygears going and it was that you
you had said if someone sitsback and tells their spouse You
know, I've told you ten times totake out the fucking trash.
You haven't done it.
What the hell?
(29:12):
Please spouse understand thatit's not the fact Most times
it's not the fact that youdidn't take out the trash with
your partner's frustratedbecause they don't feel they
don't feel seen you're part of ateam you're taking on roles at
this point and whenever yourpartner feels like you just are
ignoring them after they've saidsomething and asked multiple
amount of times it's not thetask.
(29:34):
It's the, Oh, it's the, it'swhat's happening within, within
that task.
It's the fact that you're, theyfeel ignored.
They do not feel seen.
They don't feel heard.
They feel like they're bythemselves and alone and you've
entered into a partnership.
You've entered into somethingwhere you're supposed to be able
to work together.
Yeah.
And it's very important.
We kind of have that mindsetthat we are doing this together.
(29:55):
We are in this together.
And again, that does go for bothparties.
Because again, if you can't likecome together and sit down and
talk about having a problem,it's only going to lead to more
problems first.
Yes, we're discussing like thatends and flows in a
relationship, but those like.
So correct me with that phrase,ebbs and flows, ebbs is like the
(30:15):
bad time.
Flows like water, ebbs like atide.
That was my Bruce Lee quote.
That was really funny.
That'd be like water.
Wow.
Yes, it's going to flow forward.
It's going to ebb like the ebbsand flows of the tide.
But the thing is, is like, ifyou don't allow it to flow.
(30:36):
And you don't continue thatflow.
This isn't actually a showthat's going to help you
anymore.
You need like counseling at thatpoint.
There's actually a question thatwe're going to, we didn't even
get to, which we're going to.
And I was just thinking thattoo.
And it was, I, you know, wetalked about this, we were like,
we know who submitted this andwe're not, we're not going to
call anybody out of course.
But we had a question that wassubmitted that was like, I've
(30:58):
been through a massive amount oftrauma.
I don't know if I'll ever trustanyone again.
I do want a, like a Dom subdynamic in a relationship, but I
don't even know how to begin totrust anyone with something like
that and this, that's a pointwhere we go.
Hey, a, you need to find someonethat is trauma informed.
You need to find someone that iskink informed on a certification
(31:21):
level.
Our suggestions are always gowith an ASEC certified sex
therapist that is also has gonethrough like a kink
certification and talk with themabout it, they're going to be
your best friend in this becausewe can sit down and theorize
about it and we can discuss it.
We can even get in deep with it,but this is something that's a
little outside of our scope.
Yeah.
(31:41):
And, and, and I'm glad that youbrought that up.
And that question was, as youread me that question, I was
like, fuck, they need, they needto talk to a counselor.
Like that's such a deepquestion.
And we really love that youbring that to us.
But I, I bring that up in a wayto say that like, if you don't
allow the ebbs and flows and youdon't take those serious, then
you better take a counselorserious because those aspects in
(32:05):
a relationship, if you don'tchoose to come together, That's
where you start to grow apart.
And that's, that is the worstthing.
That's the worst thing in anyrelationship.
Honestly, I don't care if you'retalking to a family or a friend
or a partner, if y'all findevery relationship, you're going
to have those ebbs and flows.
And when y'all are kind ofrealizing that like, Hey, we, we
(32:26):
are not.
Flow in the way I want us to,and you choose not to have a
conversation.
It's just fucking one more, onemore brick added one more.
That's just going to add tomaybe now we're both completely
blocked up.
We're bricked apart from oneanother.
And now I can't even see youthrough it.
Yeah.
That's why the best thing thatyou can do for your relationship
is learn yourself.
(32:47):
This is something I've talkedabout with a number of people.
Is that the, the one question,the question I have above all
else is, is like, what can I dowith it?
There's one thing I can do tohelp my relationships become
more successful.
What is it?
And it's in my, in my personalopinion, in my professional
opinion, it's learn yourself.
Know your identity.
(33:07):
If that means going in andlearning your personal
attachment style, learning yourpersonal love language.
If you're an Enneagram person,learn your Enneagram.
If you put a 16 personalitiesperson, if you're a disc person,
if you're at no matter what youneed to be, don't give a shit.
All of it.
Know every single thing aboutyourself because you cannot
truly know.
A partner or someone in arelationship with you, unless
(33:30):
you know yourself and how youhandle things and go ahead.
Well, that's one of the bigthings is that we've seen the
popularity of attachment stylesraised up over the last probably
five, five to seven years.
Is that what I would say thatI've seen it become.
An actual like all over socialmedia kind of thing where people
are really diving in anddiscussing it.
And if you ever get the need, ifyou want to, there's a book
(33:50):
called it's just got, I thinkit's called, it's called
attachment.
I can put a link for it in ourshow notes and you can go take a
look at it, but it'll talk toyou all about the various
attachment styles and how youcan work with them and how it
may not be the most healthything if two of them get
together.
So, but again, one of the bestthings you can do is learning
about yourself.
How, how do you.
Why do you handle conflict theway that you do?
(34:12):
This is one of the reasons whythings like counseling therapy
and all that are super importantbecause it helps people discover
more about themselves in orderto have healthier relationships.
You're so good.
And you know what though?
I'll be honest.
I think that earlier on in ourrelationship, I had a lot of
(34:33):
like attachment things with youand it was because I didn't.
opportunity or wherewithal tolike learn myself.
And so when we first gottogether, I would also say we
slightly had some trauma bondingthat we did.
Oh, for sure.
That's a whole other episode.
We're not going to go traumabonding.
As much as people are liketrauma bonding sucks.
(34:53):
Yes, it can.
Yeah.
But if you recognize it andrealize that.
And don't make it like you, theanchor of your relationships.
It's okay to have some level of,of bonding over a trauma that
you both occurred.
It can't be the only thingholding you together.
But, but I will say we had alittle bit of that.
We, we had some attachmentissues, I think in, in the
(35:13):
beginning.
And.
Had we not really decided toeducate ourselves and figure out
who we are.
And we started doing some selfhelp concepts, started
journaling.
I mean, you had a differentmethod of it than I did, but I
do believe that had we not gonedown that line and really
started to figure ourselves outand then we could figure out.
(35:35):
What we were then going to betogether.
I mean, that's in part on whyand honestly, we do have a
pretty solid Relationship that'sdoing the work in the
relationship people often thinkthat like what does it mean to
do the work?
What is it?
What is doing the work me in therelationship people like well
It's making sure that you'respending quality time together
and it's making sure that you'relearning how to do certain
(35:56):
things The reality is it'sgetting to the fucking core of
yourself and your partner tolearn in the most raw in a real
way who you are as people, howyou handle everything.
One of the killers ofrelationships is not being not
being prepared and you'll sitback and you'll be blindsided by
(36:20):
something and it could besomething so big that it
actually ruined yourrelationship.
But if you work together toprepare yourselves for these
kinds of things and put on yourarmor and get ready for fucking
battle with each other and aneffort to build each other and
help each other grow, you'regoing to be in a position where
when those things come about,cause keep in mind, it's not a
(36:40):
question of if.
It's only a question of when,because it is going to happen.
You're going to have big thingsthat you deal with.
We all do.
If you're prepared to deal withthem and you know how you, you
behave and you know how youreact to things, stand your
partner's argument style,conflict style, and the way that
they resolve things.
If you can come together andunderstand those with each
(37:02):
other, you're going to be, havea much, much higher rate of
survival.
I mean, why would you not wantthat?
I honestly, like.
We all hope that the goal iswhen your partner and your
partner, right?
Like no one wants breakups.
And so with that, it does comework and it comes with knowing
(37:22):
your true self and knowingyourself within your partner.
But I think one of the mainpurposes for this show today is
really saying that, like.
You're allowed to feel and ininstances that maybe you're
growing apart a little bit Butyou have to want to fix that and
that's when we talk about doingthese challenges Right doing
(37:43):
these couples challenges or orforcing yourself to to really
like dive in and and couldn'twhat?
Date week, can I create with mypartner because you have to
reconnect?
Yes.
It is about spending timetogether About like taking out
all the outside stressors andreally remembering why y'all got
together in the first place, butalso understanding that these
(38:05):
ebbs and flows are a hundredpercent normal.
If you are aware and youcommunicate and you talk through
those times that you have in arelationship, it will come back.
We've been together for what?
How many years now, like sincethe dawn of time, we've been
together a long fucking time.
Like.
We've both been bored of eachother.
(38:27):
It has happened.
We have loved each other.
We have disliked each other.
We have load entirely I won't gothat far, but, ah.
And we've had rough lows of youbullshit.
Yes, you have.
We've gone through roughpatches, but it's in those times
(38:48):
that we, we begin at some point,we realized just how much we
want each other.
I think I've said this before isone of the biggest lessons
carries taught me.
And at first I fucking hatedhearing it.
And then it took me a while ofreflecting on it to go.
Actually.
No, I vibrate with that.
A lot more is that it's not, Idon't need you.
I don't.
(39:08):
I don't need you.
I want you.
I am the, the actual power ofwanting versus needing in a
relationship for me is, is muchmore powerful.
Which is such an interestingconcept.
I remember when we first, Ifirst kind of started saying
that and yeah, I'd say it toclients.
I'd be like, yeah, I told Caseythis.
And they'd be like, Jesus.
And I didn't quite get why somany people were offended by it.
(39:29):
And I loved that you ended up.
Understanding what I meant, Iwill say sometimes I lead with
aggressive things and then Ihave to explain it through and
then people like, Oh, I get it.
But like, I've had clients comeback to me later and use that
on, and they're like, I use iton my husband and you know what,
he's pretty mad at first, he'spretty mad and then he
(39:50):
understood.
What that meaning is behind it.
Yeah.
And not an actuality of very,the way that I started putting
it for myself was that I'd belike, look, there's things in my
life that I need.
I need water.
Yeah.
I need food.
I need shelter.
I have these basic survivalthings that I need.
If.
If you were to go away anddisappear, I'd be devastated.
I'd be heartbroken.
(40:10):
I would be on like on the brinkof insanity, but it wouldn't
kill me.
And that's kind of more of wherethe shift happened for me is to
be like, look, if you weren'tthere, it would be the worst
thing that I could imagine, butit wouldn't kill me.
So therefore, because of that, Idon't need you, but I want you.
(40:33):
And that power and that want iswhat drives that relationship.
And I will say, I rememberseeing it from my own parents,
honestly, because I rememberlooking at their relationship
and I thought that my mom neededmy dad.
You know, you start and we'regetting a whole level of
(40:54):
codependency needed.
And so I was like.
No, that is, that's just nevergoing to be, you know, who I am.
I'm not going to need someone,but God damn it.
I would rather want, I wouldrather want you in my life.
I would rather every single dayI was next to you.
But that, that word need justkind of became really like
(41:16):
negative to me for a while.
Yeah.
And so, and, and I, and I.
Get where you were with it.
I love where you are now withit.
And I love that it's kind oftaken on this like new meaning
and concept.
Oh, it's like a whole fuckingslogan.
It would have been for us in allhonesty, like our, I don't need
you.
I want you to t shirts.
I'll go on our merch page.
(41:37):
It'll be on there.
You'll see it.
Oh my God.
We, we have, we've had thesetimes.
It's been fun with a lot ofthese topics that we've gone
over.
What was the other one we weretalking about?
What was it?
Safe dick.
Oh, yeah, we have.
So as creatures of habit, Carrieand I are getting into like
different streaming services ishard.
(41:59):
And we started doing Apple TVbecause we were watching Ted
Lasso for the longest time.
And yeah, both of us do.
We miss it so much.
And so we're flipping throughand I had seen a reel on
Instagram and it was from theshow Shrinking where it was.
Such a good show.
If you have not seen it, gowatch shrinking where it was the
(42:20):
guy, the guy that comes acrossand it's sitting back and it's
like, Oh, Hey Pam.
And she goes, no, we hate Pam.
And he goes, eat a dick.
Their relationship is reallycute, honestly.
Because they are like theepitome of we've been together a
long time.
We've seen a lot, we've done alot, and this is how we now deal
with life.
(42:40):
They're a little aggressive andthey're a little fussy.
That is not how I want us to be.
Of the like connection where itwas like, Hey Pam, Oh, honey, we
don't like, we, you know, wedon't like her.
Fuck you, Pam.
Like no question.
Yeah, exactly.
But anyways, within the show,there are these like two Jason
(43:01):
Siegel.
I'm not going to say it becausewhen someone wants to watch the
show, well, there are two peoplethat hook up and they had a
term.
Stop it.
They had a term for them hookingup.
That she said that she hadcalled it and, and she called
him safe Dick.
We'll just get, she called himsafe Dick because you're safe
(43:22):
Dick.
And I love that because there issuch this big.
And sometimes negative, likefriends with benefits concept,
right?
Like our girls can never befriends with benefits because
they're always going to want,we're not getting into that
because that's measly womencan't have sex without falling
in love.
We're not getting that toxicbullshit.
(43:43):
We will do an episode on the, onthe.
I'm afraid to do an episode withyou on that.
I'm not even going to talkbecause you know how you're
going to rant the whole time.
I'm going to have an hour longrant on the toxicity for
yourself, on the toxicity ofalpha male culture and all the
bullshit that they try to spoutout.
Good Lord.
(44:04):
But anyways, what this had kindof said is like sleeping with
someone and they're safe, Dick.
You know, they're not going toharm you.
You feel safe in their place,but they're also going to fall
in love with you.
Chances of y'all having.
Like a deep, deep, like love,emotional connections are
minimal.
And so it's safe.
It's safe.
You're a safe person.
We can fuck, I can ride you.
Get fucked by you and it's notgoing to amount to anything
(44:27):
other than pleasure for the bothof us.
And I'm not necessarily surewhere that segwayed in, but I've
loved that you brought it upbecause we're thinking about all
of our topics and everything.
And I just, we had talked aboutearlier about the fact that we
like the show so much because ittakes a lot of like these, I
mean, if you've never seen it,it is about a small collective
(44:49):
of therapists and the goings onwithin their lives.
And so a lot of the situationalstuff that occurs has to do with
their kids, their, theirspouses, their lovers, all of
that.
That's all, it's all very like,it's almost like watching an
hour, like an hour long therapysession as they each deal with
(45:10):
the conflicts within theirlives.
I think that's the idea behindit.
It's just, it's amazing.
If you haven't checked out, gocheck out shrinking and then.
Tell us how much you love itafterwards.
So anyway, for another episodeof come with Casey we'll see you
guys next time.
I'm Dr.
Casey.
Just carry.
so I can't believe that we'reactually finishing up the year.
Yeah.
It doesn't necessarily seempossible to be, you know, now
done with the whole ass year.
I thought it was like Septembera month ago.
Hold on.
Getting comfortable.
There we go.
You can see, man.
And now I look like a, like, Ifeel like a, like a burglar from
(00:21):
McDonald's Hamburglar.
Yes.
I'm literally wearing my blackand white.
Checkered high top vans with ablack and white striped shirt,
black pants.
And a black and white hat.
Yeah.
So all I'm missing is the, youdescribed it perfectly.
I'm just missing the bag withthe money sign on it.
Yeah.
'cause we don't have any money,It's Christmas time, All of it's
(00:44):
going into the kids'.
That's why, that's why we're,that's why you're a burglar.
just robbed a fucking bank.
So, okay, let's get into theshow today.
Before we get started, ofcourse, we want to talk about
some of our favorite people andwhy we support them and how we
support them.
If you've been, if you looked atour Instagram today, you
probably saw us tagged to a fewthings from our good friend,
(01:05):
Carla.
Carla Renee Intimates.
Killer boudoir photographer.
Very talented, personable, helpspeople feel safe and secure, and
body positive for sure.
Well, and she has a very likeunique style of photography.
One of the things that I reallyadmire about her is it's not
just how you can shoot someonein a bed.
(01:26):
She goes all over the place.
Yeah.
Some of my favorite ones, shedoes some in a, in parking
garages.
It's just so funny.
That's the parking garage I usedto park in every single day.
I've taken so many photos inthat parking garage.
So funny to see.
She ended up finding that likelocation of all places in a
downtown Fort Worth, but it'snot just that she does like in
(01:46):
fields, she has her fields andmultiple ones, different ones,
different fields.
Yeah.
Just a field.
Warren field.
Carla might have been there.
Fields.
Yeah.
Soccer fields.
Many different kinds.
She does not discriminateagainst fields.
No, but again, it's just, itshows.
I feel like anyone can create aperfect scenario.
(02:10):
In their studio.
Yeah, but to take What she doesand put it outside in, in such
a, like non controlledenvironments.
There's a lot, there's a lot ofvariables to deal with whenever
you're doing outdoor shoots.
And we've talked about that interms of lighting and things.
It's, it is not a verycontrolled environment.
So you have to make thingsperfect.
You have to adapt them and theability to do that takes a lot
(02:31):
of skill.
Yeah.
She's very talented and we'reactually going to be doing a
outdoor shoot with her coming upvery soon.
Yeah.
And a couple of weeks from nowwe're going to do an outdoor.
We've been practicing ourShabari so much that we feel
standing there so well thatwe've.
do a little bit more of anadvanced shoot.
We've been, you know, I, I mean,I have the benefits of having
(02:54):
degrees in like anatomy andphysiology too.
So the safety aspect is covered.
Yeah.
You definitely understand thataspect of it.
And it's all been the technicalstuff of like learning these
various knots and understand theoutdoor.
You know, aspect of it.
And I'm going to understandthat.
Just be quiet and be the bottomaspect of it.
(03:17):
No, it's not about you beingquite about, it's about you
being vocal.
Oh, feedback.
Trust me.
I am, but there's also a levelof me being a bottom too.
Experiencing what's going on andunderstanding the difference
between like general discomfortor like my own discomfort.
And so I love that we've beenpracticing it more.
Obviously if you follow theshow, we've been talking about
(03:37):
it.
So it's just something, anotherlayer.
One of the things I didn't wantto bring up about Carla's work,
we were talking about thisearlier, is that one of the
issues I take with a lot ofboudoir photographers and
photographers, like get at me.
Let's have a discussion aboutit.
But I see a lot of photographersdoing very very dark shoots and
(03:59):
the first thing that comes intomy head is yes I get the
artistic aspect of makingsomething more dark and bringing
the light down on it Butsometimes I feel like there are
photographers that are trying tohide aspects of their clients
bodies by making it darker.
I've done shoots before Wherethey've altered my appearance so
much, whether it's making itlike really grainy or, or like
(04:24):
hazy or cloudy.
I think cloudy is a better wordfor it or making it really dark.
I've had both happened to me andit does make me feel like there
was something wrong with meenough that they had to like
alter it.
So aggressively, you know, and,and when you're trying to do
something that makes it morelike sex positive or not body
(04:45):
like shaming, that's a reallyquick way to make me start
shaming my body.
If the heads are pretty muchblack, you know?
So again, that's something we'dlove about Carla.
If you haven't got a chance to,you know, we talk about this on
so many episodes, go check outCarla Renee intimates and get
with her to book a session whenshe's available, cause she's.
She's a hot commodity.
(05:05):
She is.
For sure.
The next thing that we're goingto be talking about is something
that y'all are also veryfamiliar with, but it is
actually happening tonight.
If you're listening to theepisode live for the day of air,
if you're listening to this, thedate of air, which is Friday,
December 1st, 2023, it is anight shade burlesque is
(05:26):
performing our monthly favoriteforay into boudoir.
I.
We're less, we're talking aboutso many things.
No, but this show I have gone toso many different burlesque
shows in my, in my time Dallas,I've traveled to, there was one
in Fort Worth there for a while.
(05:48):
But the one thing that draws meback or keeps me coming to this
event the first Friday of everymonth Is the uniqueness of it.
The performers.
I have seen performers do thingsthat I didn't know they did on
stage.
I had known of a King performer.
I've just never seen onephysically.
I think our very first show,they had two different King
(06:10):
performers, drag Kings outthere.
So cool to see having like, moreof a, more of a feminine type
come out and just be somasculine.
Yes.
It was really cool to kind ofsee the flip side of that, but
then also just talentedperformers that from what we've
seen have come from all over.
Yeah.
So that's been one of the coolthings that there is a a
rotating cast.
(06:31):
It's, you're not going to getthe same show every single time.
You're not getting the sameperformers every single time.
You're getting just new faces.
You're getting people coming infrom Houston, Austin, Colorado.
I believe they had from it'sfrom all over the place at this
point.
And it's all of course heldtogether by, by Vivian Vermouth.
Yeah.
That is probably hands down thebest MC I have ever.
(06:51):
Vivian does such a good job withher MC.
Been a part of, and it's becausean MC to me is not only like
keeping the crowd going, keepthem performers like up and, and
ready and people spending money.
But, but they are so interactivewithin the crowd, but they
control the crowd.
You see like comedians all thetime where they do like crowd
engagements and stuff, but theydo, they have such a great way
(07:15):
of like, they don't insultanyone.
It's all love.
It's all fun.
And again, the way that they notonly interact with the
performers, but the audience,it's just.
Fucking like mad claps, praise,bow down, Vivian.
Like you're hearing thisabsolutely amazing.
I actually had the honor indoing their hair not too long
ago.
Yeah.
We ended up connecting and itwas such like a surreal moment
(07:37):
for them to be like, Oh shit,you're foreign on blondes.
Like I've been seeing your stufffor years, but.
It's a kind of like connect inthat way.
It was, it was really, reallycool.
And we have some stuff comingdown the line with them.
And it's very nice to be able tofind like minded individuals
that we want to work with.
People that you can sit downwith and have this cool open
(07:58):
conversation and not worriedabout being offensive or
bothering them in any way, shapeor form.
We just get to have a very, veryraw conversation.
And, and even then like themgiving us ideas, Oh, well, what
if y'all did this, this, this,or this, you know, and, and
we're always open, clearly we'reopen to suggestions, advice.
I mean, we're open to a lot ofthings.
(08:18):
So to have met this group, we'reso fucking excited.
The show's tonight.
It's a Friday night.
If you ain't got shit to do.
Go see the show.
It's at the Cicada in downtownFort Worth.
It's right off of South Maineand Rosedale, I believe is the,
and yeah.
You're on point.
You got this.
Yeah.
The next thing that we're goingto discuss is you might've seen
(08:40):
our newest post, what we callour circle post, but it is about
a couples.
Oh shit.
I'm sitting there going, wait,what are we talking about?
We're talking about our, our,our 12 days, challenge days,
challenge, 12 days challenge.
But we did this last year and wewill say we were maybe a little
(09:02):
overzealous with it.
We fucking went out.
We swung for the fences lastyear and we almost made a home
run.
We did.
We had fun doing it.
So last year we did a 31 dayHoliday soiree is what we called
it realize is too much.
It wasn't too much in the senseof there wasn't enough for us to
give tasks for.
(09:23):
It was that people's attentionspans began to fall off for a
while.
Fucking creative with some ofthe like different things that
we did, we, we gave people a lotto do a lot to accomplish and it
gave us a lot to accomplish.
And in all honesty, like.
For my memory of last year andeverything that we did, like
our, cause we did the samechallenge.
Like we didn't like, Hey, you dothis.
And we just like fucked off, butlike, it really brought us
(09:47):
together.
We had a lot of fun doing it andit just made us realize this
year it's something that we wantto do again, but we're going to
trim the fat where we're goingto find our best by more than
half, by more than half.
We're going to.
Find some of our best ideas, theones that we got the biggest
feedback from.
And so basically what's going tohappen is you're going to be
(10:09):
listening to this right now, andyou're going to immediately go
over to our Instagram page andyou're going to click our links.
And in the links, it's the verytop one that says couples
challenge, whatever.
It's the very first one.
You're going to click on that.
Give us your email address.
When you send us your emailaddress starting what we said,
December 12th, 13th December13th, you're going to get an
(10:30):
email and it's going to be todate that challenge for that
day.
It's not just going to be like,Oh, here, go do this.
We're going to give you tips,ideas different ways to like
utilize it.
And then.
We give you a little backgroundinformation about why we chose
this because I mean if youfollowed along with us last
year, it wasn't just simpletasks like, Hey, send a nude
(10:51):
picture today.
Was that task in there?
Yeah.
It was at some point, but wealso had a bunch of more deep
ones.
Like we talked about senseifocus.
Which was a big one that we did.
That was probably one of myfavorite days, actually.
If you don't know what that is,go back and look.
It has a lot to do with contact.
That is a non sexual nature.
In order to help build intimacy,it was developed by masters and
(11:13):
Johnson back in the fifties.
So go take a look at that one.
If you, if you remember havingit and.
See something similar on thisone again.
It's 12 days people didn't doanything for 12 days Anything
can be done for 12 days straightand then the Individuals that
write us back.
Hey, we did this we did this allof our top participants Are
(11:34):
going to receive a gift basketor our top We will go through,
decide who is getting to win toclarify anyone that participates
in all 12 days and shows usevidence that you participated
in all 12 days, you'll beentered in for a chance to win a
gift basket from us that I canpromise you.
Will be worth the very littleeffort it's going to take to
(11:57):
participate in this challenge Iget so it's completely just a
level of what you're going toget back from doing these simple
tasks Well, and and yes whatyou're going to get back, but
then so and I know touch on alittle bit, but just like the
intimacy that you're going togain with your partner.
That's the whole point.
Yeah.
Like we're going to open youridea to things that you maybe
have never heard of before.
(12:17):
It's going to be veryinformative great instructions.
We're actually going to beworking on some of it tonight
and like kind of plan everythingout.
I'm super excited about it.
We're finalizing some of thedetails on it and we have,
there's been some of the dayswhere we've been like, wait a
minute, so let's switch day twoand day six because we want to
have it like this general flow.
So just what makes sense, youknow?
And like one of them might belike cooking together.
(12:39):
We're not going to put cookingtogether on Christmas Eve with
your partner because we alreadyunderstand the hecticness of
that.
So, it's going to be a greatcalendar.
Again, go to the link on ourInstagram page, sign up for it.
And we are going to go to ournext topic, which are, I love
your segues today.
Thank you.
I just go straight into it.
They don't need to hear.
Here's what we're going todiscuss next.
(13:00):
And now we're on like a newsreport.
I think that I have missed acalling a little bit, you know,
like I want to be like a gothnews reporter.
Give me your, your best, likenews, your best news voice.
Like, like, critical thinking.
I'm not good.
Like critical funny, you know,I'm not asking you to be funny.
(13:20):
I'm asking you to give me yourbest reporter voice.
I can't, I can't, I don't fuckit up.
We're moving on.
Yeah.
Another thing that you'reprobably seen on our Instagram
is when we just ask questions Welove questions and we love doing
anonymously because some peoplereally are afraid to like step
up and say whatever it is thatthey want to say, which we urge
(13:41):
like fucking quit it.
Say what you want to say.
There is no judgment here withus ever.
Never have we ever passedjudgment on someone reaching out
to us a question.
And so we love when y'all dothis, please keep them coming.
But the first question is Whenbecoming open and in public.
(14:03):
Oh, this is, this was about,they asked us about us
specifically.
So when becoming open and y'allare in public, what is the
conversation about boundariesand what does that look like?
So read that back.
Cause I believe the, thequestion actually said like,
what was.
The conversation about, aboutboundaries was the conversation
about boundaries.
(14:23):
Right.
That was, that was the firstthing that stuck is versus was
right.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How dare I?
Well, the reason I say that isbecause the first thing that
stuck out to me is the fact thatwe have ever changing
boundaries.
Our boundaries are not like,here's a line and here's where
it's going to stay.
It is always.
Moving depending on us,depending on the way it's a
(14:46):
hundred percent situational onwho we're with.
If we are with individuals thatwe have played with before, much
easier, much more fluid, sorelaxed.
If we say we, when we went tothat sex party, right, we went
in there with totally differentboundaries set and we knew it
was going to be situational.
(15:06):
We knew that.
What we didn't know, right?
We knew that we had no clue whatwas going to happen.
And so we were going to playthat one by ear.
We have been in situations wherewe go out and I'm going to be
with a bunch of friends and I'mlike, Hey, Casey, the odds of me
making out with every single oneof them are high.
How do you feel about that?
(15:27):
going into this night inparticular.
And, and so I think the best wayto answer that question is it's
ever evolved.
It has to be for us.
That is what we need as acouple, which that's what it was
directed towards is what do wedo?
But I would say we have pre Precheck ins.
Yes, we do.
And that's, that's aninteresting one that I love
(15:48):
talking about is that we do, wehave, we talk about like the
boundaries set for a givenevening every time that we plan
on being around people that weare willing to be more open
with.
It does become because I neverwant to go out and.
Engage with someone that Carrieis going to look at me and be
like, what the hell?
(16:08):
Yeah.
Like, why are you doing that?
Yeah.
And then not only that, but wedo have little like signals that
we have for one another.
And this could be the simplestsignal to say like, Hey, I'm
uncomfortable with what'shappening right in this moment.
Or it could be a simple textmessage that we send to, or I
were, yeah, however, we sent toone another that is just sitting
(16:30):
there stating, Hey, I'muncomfortable with what's
happening right now.
So our next question, and thiswas a slightly interesting one.
And I think it's just.
Because we've never had someoneask something like this before.
Have y'all talked about hairremoval or maintenance, but they
partner.
And I'm thinking about asking mypartner to wax mine and just put
(16:52):
my kitten, so I'm assuming mykid, my kid.
So the first thing I see aboutthis have y'all talked about
hair removal or maintenance?
We have actually on the showtalked about hair removal and
maintenance because somebody waslike, how do you feel about body
hair?
And our response to that wasit's really.
Up to you and your partner todecide.
Now, first and foremost, how doyou personally feel about body
(17:15):
hair?
If you want it, have it.
Yeah.
I think that that shouldhonestly just be a compromise.
Like I want to give you what youlook for, you know, and.
If you have a preference,knowing that something turns me
on, then you're like, it's not abig deal to me either way.
Now, if it's part of youridentity of how you view
yourself of like, no, listen, Ihave dedicated part of myself
(17:36):
to, I don't shave my legs, Idon't shave my armpits.
Like I grow everything out.
Then your partner needs to beable to understand that and that
needs, that's a conversationthat And that at that point
needs to be a conversationalcompromise and figuring out
something that works for theboth of y'all.
I mean, I've told you mypreference.
I.
I don't want it completelyshaved.
And I've done that like I hadbefore, where I was like, I come
(17:57):
out of the shower and I'mcompletely shaved.
And you're like, ah, there itis.
But that's just my preference.
You know, I think I typicallysay like, you know, just, yeah,
I don't really care.
But but I love the thinkingabout asking my partner to wax.
This is something that you'veactually brought up quite often.
(18:20):
And not you waxing me, but usgetting, I want us to go get
waxed together.
Yeah.
I want to do like a couplessession, laying side by side,
getting a full wax job.
What would you get waxed?
If I don't want it all gone,like she's going to wax your
shaft.
Oh, I would get, I would get my,I would get my undercarriage.
Done.
I'd get my butthole done, butwhat I just like, I bet you'd
(18:43):
like it maybe, maybe I might,but I would be like, feel
fearful for you for like thegrow out.
No, but it's waxing you.
It's still regrows, but not,it's not the same as like with
shaving was shaving.
It's like chafing and bumps andI'm just so afraid and, and your
(19:03):
buttholes never experienced thatbefore.
Like I said, I'm down.
I'm imagining worst casescenario.
I know.
And I'm imagining best casescenario.
Smooth on the carriage for aday.
It's not going to be for a day.
It is not going to see whereyou're going to have somebody
that does like professionalwaxing, get on our page and be
like, Carrie's talking about afucking day.
(19:25):
Yeah, I know.
And please correct me everyone.
And if you really want tocorrect me, get us in your space
and wax us.
And we'll see.
There it is.
That's what we're looking for iswe're looking for one of our
listeners who does professionalwaxing, who wants to do a
couples.
Wax job live show.
And we're talking full show, butrecording live show on our only
(19:46):
fans.
No, we had, we had a friend dothat in the past.
Actually.
We're not, I'm not going to namenames.
I think it was like a chestwaxing though.
Really?
Yeah.
It wasn't anything, anythinglike inappropriate or, yeah, it
wasn't anything embarrassing or,or too far gone.
It, but he, yeah, he had hiswhole chest wax.
And I remember I even made ameme that had him laying there
shirtless, and I put the PornHublogo.
(20:07):
Oh.
And send it out to all of ourfriends.
But yeah, in terms of, in termsof waxing and doing all that,
that's talk about a decentbonding tool.
We were talking about this atlunch, right?
So you're engaging in somethingon a weekly, monthly, however
often.
That is this task of self carethat you have, that you
(20:29):
participate in on your own.
What you're doing is you'rebecoming vulnerable and allowing
your partner into that space andeven handing over control of
that task for that time periodover to your partner.
For me, I view that as a goodbonding tool.
Yeah.
That's a way to be like, allright, I'm letting them in even
further.
This is into a deeper part ofone of my circles.
(20:49):
I mean, that's a deep level oftrust to let someone wax you.
Right.
If you're into pain, then Hey,two birds, you know, so if
you've thought about it, go forit.
Yeah.
Do it.
And then of course, tell usabout it.
Let us know everything about it.
I want to know how it was like,I don't know about the
experience.
So what else do we have forquestions today?
I think the last one that wehave has actually been answered.
(21:11):
I mean, we had a whole show onit, but it said for Carrie.
When and how do you know thatyou liked women?
Oh, yeah, when did you have thisconversation with your partner?
So we want to relive the storyat all do have An episode it was
season two.
What was that season two episode19?
It aired June 2nd of I thinkthis year actually.
(21:33):
Yeah, I think that's one of themore reason.
Yeah It was the episode wascalled queer adjacent.
Yeah, because it was our it wasour pride month episode.
Yep I mean, to, to say simpleanswer, I knew probably in
middle school, maybe younger andthen I didn't really, is that
from like tingly's of on thescreen acting more just, I was
(21:56):
attracted to women.
I wasn't attracted to boys andthen I got along with boys and I
didn't get along with girls.
And so I think that was when Ifirst had this like.
Thought of like, hmm, maybe I'mnot meant to be friends with
girls.
I'm just meant to fuck them.
And so, but to answer as far aslike Casey.
(22:18):
God, that was probably like fiveyears into our relationship.
Yeah.
It was somewhere around there.
And we just started talkingabout, I mean, we just started
talking about, that's when westarted like, Hey, where are
you?
What are your interests?
Where are you into?
Like, I think that's when wereally start diving into the
sexual side of our relationship.
Part of it arose because wewould go out and then you would
(22:41):
be having a good time and you'dend up like making out with a
friend or two or three or four.
Throughout the course of thenight.
And then I've started beinglike, Hey, at the time we were
in a fully monogamous, exclusiverelationship.
So it was like, Hey, quit doingthat.
Yeah.
And I'm like, what the fuck'sthe problem?
And your response to me wassomething along the lines of
like, that's just somethinggirls do.
(23:02):
We still do.
And my response was, it's notthat something that every girl
does.
I mean, yeah, that's fair.
But I think that ended up likekind of what started that
conversation was just.
It was out of, it was partiallyout of a misunderstanding that I
had for you because I hadn'tbeen privy to that portion of
you yet, of your sexuality yet.
(23:23):
And you hadn't been vulnerableenough to share it with me.
Well, I mean, I didn't reallyunderstand myself either.
That's the other part of it.
Again, it's not like we fullyhad this like textbook on
emotions and getting older andhow we feel about things and
people.
And, and, you know, I didn't getthat book like our mid twenties.
Yeah.
I mean, it took me a while, butthere, I will say there was a
(23:45):
part of me that just didn'treally care.
It was like, so what?
I like girls.
I'm not here to like.
Feel the necessary or feel itnecessary to like label myself
in some way.
And so, I will say that was inpart of what kind of held me
back from it.
But then we just reached thepoint of our relationship that
we wanted to talk about it andwe did.
So, but yeah, I would refer backto that episode.
(24:06):
It's much more in detail on whenI came out and, and then kind of
the whole again, season twoepisode or episodes, episode 19
queer adjacent adjacent.
But that, I mean, that brings upa good, a good point to be
discussed.
Though is when we had some ofthose conversations, what our
(24:29):
relationship looked like at thetime that we felt comfortable
enough to have thoseconversations, because we often
talk on our show about how youshould have conversations.
And we talk about like thesetting and all that kind of
stuff, but one of theoverarching things that we don't
really discuss that much of ishow the relationship can ebb and
(24:51):
flow and how you can leverage.
The ebb and flow of yourrelationship to have those
conversations and to growtogether because you shouldn't
you shouldn't necessarily ifyou're in a part where your
relationship is, you know,you're having some struggles and
you're not on the same page andyou find yourselves arguing more
and short with each other andall this.
That's probably not the besttime to have a conversation
(25:13):
about a new kink you want to tryor but it's a great time to be
aware of that's that's an issueor that's happening.
It's a great time to figurethings out.
It's a great time to reevaluate.
It's a great time to explore alittle bit about where you are,
what your current state is andwhy you're in that current
state.
Well, and it's also good tocommunicate with your partner.
(25:34):
Like if you're feeling adisconnect, that's not a bad
thing.
It's a, it's a great thingbecause it's an opportunity to
grow.
But the biggest part in that iswhen you are feeling that lull
or that like I'm irritated or weare just not on the same page.
One of two things should happenat that point in my opinion you
(25:55):
either need to take a little bitof time to Think maybe and not
like take time apart, but gotake a goddamn bath and and
think about what it is that youWant to say, or how it is that
you want to reconnect, but beingaware of the fact that it's
happening is so healthy you andI, even now, like people assume
that we're just this likeconstant, great, strong couple.
(26:19):
We never have issues.
Hell no.
I mean, it was like two weeksago that I was like, Hey, you
know, I was actually goingthrough a time where I wasn't
feeling as close with you.
And we, we kind of sit down andtalk about it and why that could
be.
Now we ended up.
Finding that it was juststressors from the holidays and
stuff going on kids.
(26:40):
And like for a second, listen tothat, figuring out that your
issues that you currently havewith your spouse, they may stem
from your spouse.
They may also stem from otherenvironmental factors.
You, you must be able to take astep back and see the picture
from a bird's eye view and say,what are all the things that are
affecting me right now?
(27:01):
What changes are going on in my.
I work life and my socialrelationships and my spousal
relationship or relationships,take it all into account before
you're just like, I'm mad at mysignificant other for whatever
reason.
Well, and I love that you bringthat up because there's a
difference between like, no, I'mfucking mad because I asked you
to take the trash out 10 times.
(27:23):
That's why I'm mad.
That is not what this is.
We're not talking about likehaving a sit down to be like,
you didn't do this and youdidn't do this.
What we mean is if you're withyour partner and you're living
your day to day, and you're justnot feeling connected, that's
when you want to kind of likesit down, I'm not going to
downplay that other aspectscan't get frustrating.
(27:46):
But what we mean by kind ofhaving these like check in
moments, really try to focus onnot.
This is what you're not doingfor me and maybe make it more of
like, how can we do thistogether?
How can we realize what'shappening together?
The whole point I'm saying isdon't make this a fucking
nagging session That's not whatthis is about when I came to you
(28:08):
and I was like, hey, I'm feelingfrustrated You I mean, I'm very
thankful to have you but you doa good job on like, okay What do
you think this could be stemmingfrom?
Yeah.
And the one thing that I do alsowant to stress is to not take
offense.
You can't take offense when yourpartner comes to you and says,
(28:29):
Hey, I'm struggling.
Yeah.
I mean, you, you can takeoffense, but you should examine
with your partner.
Yeah.
It'd be like, let's okay.
You're struggling.
You're frustrated with mybehavior.
My, my productive response isnot going to be.
What the fuck?
What do you mean?
What did I do?
I defensive mode walls up.
Let me start to you'll get backat you What more to be like,
(28:51):
okay, I hear you that you'recurrently frustrated right now
Let's kind of take a look atwhat what are some of the things
that might be frustrating youbecause you said something just
a Minute ago that I started mygears going and it was that you
you had said if someone sitsback and tells their spouse You
know, I've told you ten times totake out the fucking trash.
You haven't done it.
What the hell?
(29:12):
Please spouse understand thatit's not the fact Most times
it's not the fact that youdidn't take out the trash with
your partner's frustratedbecause they don't feel they
don't feel seen you're part of ateam you're taking on roles at
this point and whenever yourpartner feels like you just are
ignoring them after they've saidsomething and asked multiple
amount of times it's not thetask.
(29:34):
It's the, Oh, it's the, it'swhat's happening within, within
that task.
It's the fact that you're, theyfeel ignored.
They do not feel seen.
They don't feel heard.
They feel like they're bythemselves and alone and you've
entered into a partnership.
You've entered into somethingwhere you're supposed to be able
to work together.
Yeah.
And it's very important.
We kind of have that mindsetthat we are doing this together.
(29:55):
We are in this together.
And again, that does go for bothparties.
Because again, if you can't likecome together and sit down and
talk about having a problem,it's only going to lead to more
problems first.
Yes, we're discussing like thatends and flows in a
relationship, but those like.
So correct me with that phrase,ebbs and flows, ebbs is like the
(30:15):
bad time.
Flows like water, ebbs like atide.
That was my Bruce Lee quote.
That was really funny.
That'd be like water.
Wow.
Yes, it's going to flow forward.
It's going to ebb like the ebbsand flows of the tide.
But the thing is, is like, ifyou don't allow it to flow.
(30:36):
And you don't continue thatflow.
This isn't actually a showthat's going to help you
anymore.
You need like counseling at thatpoint.
There's actually a question thatwe're going to, we didn't even
get to, which we're going to.
And I was just thinking thattoo.
And it was, I, you know, wetalked about this, we were like,
we know who submitted this andwe're not, we're not going to
call anybody out of course.
But we had a question that wassubmitted that was like, I've
(30:58):
been through a massive amount oftrauma.
I don't know if I'll ever trustanyone again.
I do want a, like a Dom subdynamic in a relationship, but I
don't even know how to begin totrust anyone with something like
that and this, that's a pointwhere we go.
Hey, a, you need to find someonethat is trauma informed.
You need to find someone that iskink informed on a certification
(31:21):
level.
Our suggestions are always gowith an ASEC certified sex
therapist that is also has gonethrough like a kink
certification and talk with themabout it, they're going to be
your best friend in this becausewe can sit down and theorize
about it and we can discuss it.
We can even get in deep with it,but this is something that's a
little outside of our scope.
Yeah.
(31:41):
And, and, and I'm glad that youbrought that up.
And that question was, as youread me that question, I was
like, fuck, they need, they needto talk to a counselor.
Like that's such a deepquestion.
And we really love that youbring that to us.
But I, I bring that up in a wayto say that like, if you don't
allow the ebbs and flows and youdon't take those serious, then
you better take a counselorserious because those aspects in
(32:05):
a relationship, if you don'tchoose to come together, That's
where you start to grow apart.
And that's, that is the worstthing.
That's the worst thing in anyrelationship.
Honestly, I don't care if you'retalking to a family or a friend
or a partner, if y'all findevery relationship, you're going
to have those ebbs and flows.
And when y'all are kind ofrealizing that like, Hey, we, we
(32:26):
are not.
Flow in the way I want us to,and you choose not to have a
conversation.
It's just fucking one more, onemore brick added one more.
That's just going to add tomaybe now we're both completely
blocked up.
We're bricked apart from oneanother.
And now I can't even see youthrough it.
Yeah.
That's why the best thing thatyou can do for your relationship
is learn yourself.
(32:47):
This is something I've talkedabout with a number of people.
Is that the, the one question,the question I have above all
else is, is like, what can I dowith it?
There's one thing I can do tohelp my relationships become
more successful.
What is it?
And it's in my, in my personalopinion, in my professional
opinion, it's learn yourself.
Know your identity.
(33:07):
If that means going in andlearning your personal
attachment style, learning yourpersonal love language.
If you're an Enneagram person,learn your Enneagram.
If you put a 16 personalitiesperson, if you're a disc person,
if you're at no matter what youneed to be, don't give a shit.
All of it.
Know every single thing aboutyourself because you cannot
truly know.
A partner or someone in arelationship with you, unless
(33:30):
you know yourself and how youhandle things and go ahead.
Well, that's one of the bigthings is that we've seen the
popularity of attachment stylesraised up over the last probably
five, five to seven years.
Is that what I would say thatI've seen it become.
An actual like all over socialmedia kind of thing where people
are really diving in anddiscussing it.
And if you ever get the need, ifyou want to, there's a book
(33:50):
called it's just got, I thinkit's called, it's called
attachment.
I can put a link for it in ourshow notes and you can go take a
look at it, but it'll talk toyou all about the various
attachment styles and how youcan work with them and how it
may not be the most healthything if two of them get
together.
So, but again, one of the bestthings you can do is learning
about yourself.
How, how do you.
Why do you handle conflict theway that you do?
(34:12):
This is one of the reasons whythings like counseling therapy
and all that are super importantbecause it helps people discover
more about themselves in orderto have healthier relationships.
You're so good.
And you know what though?
I'll be honest.
I think that earlier on in ourrelationship, I had a lot of
(34:33):
like attachment things with youand it was because I didn't.
opportunity or wherewithal tolike learn myself.
And so when we first gottogether, I would also say we
slightly had some trauma bondingthat we did.
Oh, for sure.
That's a whole other episode.
We're not going to go traumabonding.
As much as people are liketrauma bonding sucks.
(34:53):
Yes, it can.
Yeah.
But if you recognize it andrealize that.
And don't make it like you, theanchor of your relationships.
It's okay to have some level of,of bonding over a trauma that
you both occurred.
It can't be the only thingholding you together.
But, but I will say we had alittle bit of that.
We, we had some attachmentissues, I think in, in the
(35:13):
beginning.
And.
Had we not really decided toeducate ourselves and figure out
who we are.
And we started doing some selfhelp concepts, started
journaling.
I mean, you had a differentmethod of it than I did, but I
do believe that had we not gonedown that line and really
started to figure ourselves outand then we could figure out.
(35:35):
What we were then going to betogether.
I mean, that's in part on whyand honestly, we do have a
pretty solid Relationship that'sdoing the work in the
relationship people often thinkthat like what does it mean to
do the work?
What is it?
What is doing the work me in therelationship people like well
It's making sure that you'respending quality time together
and it's making sure that you'relearning how to do certain
(35:56):
things The reality is it'sgetting to the fucking core of
yourself and your partner tolearn in the most raw in a real
way who you are as people, howyou handle everything.
One of the killers ofrelationships is not being not
being prepared and you'll sitback and you'll be blindsided by
(36:20):
something and it could besomething so big that it
actually ruined yourrelationship.
But if you work together toprepare yourselves for these
kinds of things and put on yourarmor and get ready for fucking
battle with each other and aneffort to build each other and
help each other grow, you'regoing to be in a position where
when those things come about,cause keep in mind, it's not a
(36:40):
question of if.
It's only a question of when,because it is going to happen.
You're going to have big thingsthat you deal with.
We all do.
If you're prepared to deal withthem and you know how you, you
behave and you know how youreact to things, stand your
partner's argument style,conflict style, and the way that
they resolve things.
If you can come together andunderstand those with each
(37:02):
other, you're going to be, havea much, much higher rate of
survival.
I mean, why would you not wantthat?
I honestly, like.
We all hope that the goal iswhen your partner and your
partner, right?
Like no one wants breakups.
And so with that, it does comework and it comes with knowing
(37:22):
your true self and knowingyourself within your partner.
But I think one of the mainpurposes for this show today is
really saying that, like.
You're allowed to feel and ininstances that maybe you're
growing apart a little bit Butyou have to want to fix that and
that's when we talk about doingthese challenges Right doing
(37:43):
these couples challenges or orforcing yourself to to really
like dive in and and couldn'twhat?
Date week, can I create with mypartner because you have to
reconnect?
Yes.
It is about spending timetogether About like taking out
all the outside stressors andreally remembering why y'all got
together in the first place, butalso understanding that these
(38:05):
ebbs and flows are a hundredpercent normal.
If you are aware and youcommunicate and you talk through
those times that you have in arelationship, it will come back.
We've been together for what?
How many years now, like sincethe dawn of time, we've been
together a long fucking time.
Like.
We've both been bored of eachother.
(38:27):
It has happened.
We have loved each other.
We have disliked each other.
We have load entirely I won't gothat far, but, ah.
And we've had rough lows of youbullshit.
Yes, you have.
We've gone through roughpatches, but it's in those times
(38:48):
that we, we begin at some point,we realized just how much we
want each other.
I think I've said this before isone of the biggest lessons
carries taught me.
And at first I fucking hatedhearing it.
And then it took me a while ofreflecting on it to go.
Actually.
No, I vibrate with that.
A lot more is that it's not, Idon't need you.
I don't.
(39:08):
I don't need you.
I want you.
I am the, the actual power ofwanting versus needing in a
relationship for me is, is muchmore powerful.
Which is such an interestingconcept.
I remember when we first, Ifirst kind of started saying
that and yeah, I'd say it toclients.
I'd be like, yeah, I told Caseythis.
And they'd be like, Jesus.
And I didn't quite get why somany people were offended by it.
(39:29):
And I loved that you ended up.
Understanding what I meant, Iwill say sometimes I lead with
aggressive things and then Ihave to explain it through and
then people like, Oh, I get it.
But like, I've had clients comeback to me later and use that
on, and they're like, I use iton my husband and you know what,
he's pretty mad at first, he'spretty mad and then he
(39:50):
understood.
What that meaning is behind it.
Yeah.
And not an actuality of very,the way that I started putting
it for myself was that I'd belike, look, there's things in my
life that I need.
I need water.
Yeah.
I need food.
I need shelter.
I have these basic survivalthings that I need.
If.
If you were to go away anddisappear, I'd be devastated.
I'd be heartbroken.
(40:10):
I would be on like on the brinkof insanity, but it wouldn't
kill me.
And that's kind of more of wherethe shift happened for me is to
be like, look, if you weren'tthere, it would be the worst
thing that I could imagine, butit wouldn't kill me.
So therefore, because of that, Idon't need you, but I want you.
(40:33):
And that power and that want iswhat drives that relationship.
And I will say, I rememberseeing it from my own parents,
honestly, because I rememberlooking at their relationship
and I thought that my mom neededmy dad.
You know, you start and we'regetting a whole level of
(40:54):
codependency needed.
And so I was like.
No, that is, that's just nevergoing to be, you know, who I am.
I'm not going to need someone,but God damn it.
I would rather want, I wouldrather want you in my life.
I would rather every single dayI was next to you.
But that, that word need justkind of became really like
(41:16):
negative to me for a while.
Yeah.
And so, and, and I, and I.
Get where you were with it.
I love where you are now withit.
And I love that it's kind oftaken on this like new meaning
and concept.
Oh, it's like a whole fuckingslogan.
It would have been for us in allhonesty, like our, I don't need
you.
I want you to t shirts.
I'll go on our merch page.
(41:37):
It'll be on there.
You'll see it.
Oh my God.
We, we have, we've had thesetimes.
It's been fun with a lot ofthese topics that we've gone
over.
What was the other one we weretalking about?
What was it?
Safe dick.
Oh, yeah, we have.
So as creatures of habit, Carrieand I are getting into like
different streaming services ishard.
(41:59):
And we started doing Apple TVbecause we were watching Ted
Lasso for the longest time.
And yeah, both of us do.
We miss it so much.
And so we're flipping throughand I had seen a reel on
Instagram and it was from theshow Shrinking where it was.
Such a good show.
If you have not seen it, gowatch shrinking where it was the
(42:20):
guy, the guy that comes acrossand it's sitting back and it's
like, Oh, Hey Pam.
And she goes, no, we hate Pam.
And he goes, eat a dick.
Their relationship is reallycute, honestly.
Because they are like theepitome of we've been together a
long time.
We've seen a lot, we've done alot, and this is how we now deal
with life.
(42:40):
They're a little aggressive andthey're a little fussy.
That is not how I want us to be.
Of the like connection where itwas like, Hey Pam, Oh, honey, we
don't like, we, you know, wedon't like her.
Fuck you, Pam.
Like no question.
Yeah, exactly.
But anyways, within the show,there are these like two Jason
(43:01):
Siegel.
I'm not going to say it becausewhen someone wants to watch the
show, well, there are two peoplethat hook up and they had a
term.
Stop it.
They had a term for them hookingup.
That she said that she hadcalled it and, and she called
him safe Dick.
We'll just get, she called himsafe Dick because you're safe
(43:22):
Dick.
And I love that because there issuch this big.
And sometimes negative, likefriends with benefits concept,
right?
Like our girls can never befriends with benefits because
they're always going to want,we're not getting into that
because that's measly womencan't have sex without falling
in love.
We're not getting that toxicbullshit.
(43:43):
We will do an episode on the, onthe.
I'm afraid to do an episode withyou on that.
I'm not even going to talkbecause you know how you're
going to rant the whole time.
I'm going to have an hour longrant on the toxicity for
yourself, on the toxicity ofalpha male culture and all the
bullshit that they try to spoutout.
Good Lord.
(44:04):
But anyways, what this had kindof said is like sleeping with
someone and they're safe, Dick.
You know, they're not going toharm you.
You feel safe in their place,but they're also going to fall
in love with you.
Chances of y'all having.
Like a deep, deep, like love,emotional connections are
minimal.
And so it's safe.
It's safe.
You're a safe person.
We can fuck, I can ride you.
Get fucked by you and it's notgoing to amount to anything
(44:27):
other than pleasure for the bothof us.
And I'm not necessarily surewhere that segwayed in, but I've
loved that you brought it upbecause we're thinking about all
of our topics and everything.
And I just, we had talked aboutearlier about the fact that we
like the show so much because ittakes a lot of like these, I
mean, if you've never seen it,it is about a small collective
(44:49):
of therapists and the goings onwithin their lives.
And so a lot of the situationalstuff that occurs has to do with
their kids, their, theirspouses, their lovers, all of
that.
That's all, it's all very like,it's almost like watching an
hour, like an hour long therapysession as they each deal with
(45:10):
the conflicts within theirlives.
I think that's the idea behindit.
It's just, it's amazing.
If you haven't checked out, gocheck out shrinking and then.
Tell us how much you love itafterwards.
So anyway, for another episodeof come with Casey we'll see you
guys next time.
I'm Dr.
Casey.
Just carry.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.