January 25, 2024 • 20 mins
After spending the last several months (YEARS actually) studying habits and the different ways that they intertwine with our self image and identity, I'm excited to dedicate an episode to just a sampling of these ideas.
This episode is an invitation to step into the power of your unique voice and live with joy, shedding the constraints of a rigid self-narrative.
James Clear's "Atomic Habits" takes center stage in our discussion, offering a look at how small changes can lead to monumental shifts in our self-perception and identity. We navigate the landscape of neuroplasticity, taking a look at how altering our daily routines can rewire our brains and reinforce our self belief.
We end the episode by illuminating the subtle distinction between being humble and modest. Instead of diminishing our light under the guise of modesty, we champion humility as a genuine expression of self that empowers both ourselves and those around us.
Join me for an empowering conversation that encourages you to live unapologetically, honor your successes, and to inspire a collective ascent to loosening those laces and living out whatever largeness lies within you.
P.S. Please help me out and tell your friends this podcast is back! Apple Podcasts has paused a huge amount of listeners without them knowing. Between that and my (highly diminished) reach on social media, barely any of my subscribers even know that the podcast has returned. Thank you for sharing in any way you can! Muah
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Curating the Curious, the podcast that
celebrates staying curious inlife and never settling into a
box.
This show is for the creators,the seekers, the explorers, the
truth tellers and the foreverstudents of life, no matter what
age or stage you're currentlyat.
(00:22):
This is not as good as it gets,and it is never too late to
begin.
Join me as we explore all ofthe questions that come with the
idea of curiosity a place wherethe possibilities are endless
and you can always start again.
Instead of walking into thisnew year with a list of goals
(00:47):
and a list of things I want toaccomplish, I started several
months ago investigating habitswhy we do things, what makes us
form these habits, how can wechange them.
All of the things aboutneuroplasticity, identity and
the way that your habits shapeyour identity, and also the way
(01:10):
that your identity shapes yourhabits.
A lot of this is talked aboutactually in Atomic Habits by
James Clear, and I have alsobeen listening to James Clear on
the Masterclass on the book.
There's so much focus for meright now on the psychology of
(01:31):
it, not only because it'sinteresting, but I think that it
deserves a lot more attentionand time than we give it each
year when we make these plans,most of us give up way too early
when we see ourselves takingsteps back or okay, I made this
promise to myself and I haven'tbeen keeping it.
(01:51):
Okay, I'm done.
You move on rather than reallydigging in and getting into.
How do you shape new habits?
Why are you doing it?
Who is it that you want tobecome like?
Moving from the inside out,rather the outside in the inside
, is you your identity, who youare, who you want to be?
(02:15):
If you're looking to formidentity-based habits, this
level is concerned with thingslike changing your beliefs, your
worldview, your self-image,your judgments about yourself,
your judgments about others.
Most of the beliefs andassumptions and biases you hold.
They're associated with thislevel.
(02:37):
The outcomes are what you get.
The process in between is aboutwhat you do, those daily things
you do.
Identity is about what youbelieve, and when it comes to
building habits that last andbuilding a system of small, tiny
increments of improvements, theproblem is not that one level
(03:01):
is better or worse than another.
All levels of change are usefulin their own way.
The problem is the direction ofchange.
The habits aren't lastingbecause we're doing it backwards
.
So many people are startingwith the outside the outcome,
and they're trying to go in tochange the identity, when really
(03:22):
it's about.
Let's start with the identity.
What you're thinking, whatyou're believing, what are those
things that you say to yourselfevery single day?
We all have those tracks thatplay in our head.
How do we get in there, figureout what we are programming
ourselves to believe and thinkabout the world and switch that
(03:44):
to something greater, moreexpansive?
We often label ourselves in ourminds.
We kind of take a survey ofwhat everybody has labeled us as
and told us who we are and howwe affect them and what they
think, and we kind of jumble itall up into this summary of who
(04:07):
we define ourselves to be.
If we allow ourselves to bedefined by other people's
judgments and statements, that'sa really, really confusing
place to be, because everysingle person you know, every
single person you meet, has adifferent view.
None of them really know thetruth, only you do, and that's
(04:29):
why we have to tune into our ownvoice.
I could literally talk hoursabout neuroplasticity, identity,
self-belief, all of that, butthis episode is more of an
overview of all of these topicsthat I've been spending months,
even years, on.
I keep running into the samequote over and over lately, and
(04:52):
it's one that I've loved for along time, but it keeps coming
up and I love the way it fitsinto this whole discussion.
This one's uh, it's by CarlJung and it's we All Walk In
Shoes Too Small For Us.
I love this.
It is so true.
It has to do once again withidentity, belief in self.
(05:15):
Who do we see ourselves as?
Our too small shoes keep usfrom stepping into that
largeness.
You know that expansivenessthat is meant for us, and we're
all walking around in theseshoes that are way too small.
But for me, it's notnecessarily about having the
(05:35):
biggest or loudest voice.
I think people think that whenthey hear this quote, it's not
about that, but rather beingable to allow yourself to move
outside of that shoe, claimwhat's yours, use your unique
voice, not loudly, not huge,just using your unique voice
(05:56):
with confidence and full body,belief instead of volume.
So it's about loosening thoselaces on the shoes that have
been assigned to you by otherpeople, by life, by where you
were born, how you were born,how you feel right now, and step
into the ones that feel right,the ones that are meant for you,
(06:18):
changing those inner beliefsand that identity, and doing it
with humility rather thanmodesty, which brings me to this
favorite here.
It is how about you don't haveto build an empire or dominate
an industry or be the number oneat anything.
What if you simply build alovely life that makes you feel
(06:42):
happy, a life that brings youjoy, that is generative and
supportive?
What if you heal the parts ofyou that need more and more and
more?
What if you redefined whatsuccess looks like and feels
like to you?
What if you decided enough isenough?
(07:02):
What if you felt satisfiedright here and now, for the
moment?
What if you realized your lifeis likely a lot closer to your
ideal and the one you've beendreaming of?
What if changing the filter inwhich you view your life makes
everything that much morevibrant?
(07:23):
How much open, empty spacewould be left for your joy if
you stopped thinking you neededto earn it?
How much time could you spendin the actual living of your
life if you let go of constantlystriving for more without means
to an end?
How much more beautiful wouldthis moment right here and all
(07:45):
the tiny moments become for you?
And that was by Jamie Varen, andit's so similar to things that
I've already written, but I hadto read this because it's so
powerful.
It's all questions.
There's no one speaking to yousaying you got to do this.
This is the way it should be.
It's what, if?
(08:07):
How about?
Have you thought of this?
It's approaching something withcuriosity and openness and, hey
, have you thought about thisone?
Which is why I love it so somuch?
And I purposely included itright after talking about us all
walking in shoes too small forus and saying, hey, loosen those
(08:29):
laces, wear those shoes thatare, that are right for you, and
let your voice out, because itdoesn't have to be this huge,
huge event or this empire whereI am number one.
It's like find where you fitand the life that feels good to
you and go all in, whatever thatmeans.
(08:52):
You don't have to have abillboard.
Find the right shoes for you.
Stop wearing the shoes thatother people gifted, you, gave
you, and wear your own.
Speak your voice However itfeels right for you.
And now, since I feel like thisfits in so well with my humility
(09:13):
rather than modesty episodethat I did a few years ago, I am
tacking it on to hear for youto listen to.
It's not very long at all, butit's a story from my past, which
I don't tell a lot of stories.
I talked about all the jobsthat I had for so many years in
(09:34):
the intro to this podcast andthen never really spoke about
much of it.
But this is a story about how Ilearned the value of really
owning what you do and simplysaying you are welcome when I
offer it up, instead of oh,thanks for giving me this
(09:54):
opportunity.
I think it fits in so well withall of this, because again we
talk about oh, go big and putyour voice out there, and
everybody's got their own tone.
It really comes down to belief,identity and really getting in
there and figuring out hey, whoam I, what do I want and what
(10:16):
really makes me tick?
And, even more importantly,what if you felt satisfied right
here and right now and took itall in?
Okay, so here it is.
The first draft title of thisepisode was much more polite.
Originally it was just namedYou're Welcome, but today, as I
(10:41):
was putting the finishingtouches on what I wanted to say,
I ran across a book titlecalled being Humble.
I haven't read it yet, but thetitle intersected with this idea
and really got me thinking.
First of all, I took theliberty to switch it from
f**king humble to f**king modest.
(11:03):
I think that humility canactually be a very good thing.
It's modesty that needs to takea hike.
And since so many people seemto become confused with the two
ideas, I'd love to dissect thema bit.
The definition of modesty isdemureness, the quality of not
(11:23):
being too proud or too confidentin your abilities To play it
small in order to make othersfeel more comfortable around you
.
Um, no, no, thank you.
To think that this could beregarded and taught by anyone
sends shivers up my spine.
Denying the world of your giftsserves no one.
(11:45):
Now, the definition of humilityis something different,
something I believe in and seethe value behind.
To be humble, the feeling orattitude that you have no
special importance that makesyou better than others.
Lack of arrogance.
You can believe in yourself andyour abilities with all your
(12:08):
might and also be humble.
You can self promote and feelproud of your accomplishments
without being arrogant.
There is nothing wrong withowning your value and knowing
your worth, as long as you don'tplace yourself higher on the
important scale because of itbeing happy with yourself.
(12:29):
But humble is a beautiful,beautiful thing, Modesty, not so
much.
It actually breaks my heart alittle every time I see an
artist who has made somethingastonishingly wonderful, but
they feel that they have todownplay it with modesty and
self-deprecation.
Or a woman who's told thatshe's beautiful but she can't
(12:52):
accept the compliment.
But back to the reason why thisepisode was originally named
your welcome.
I have a story for you.
Just about 20 years ago, Igraduated from college, moved to
LA and got myself this tinylittle studio apartment in the
heart of Koreatown.
Things have drasticallyimproved in that area now, but
(13:15):
when I lived there it wasdefinitely not a desired place
on the map.
My dad was greatly displeasedwhen he saw where I was moving
all by myself, but I love theidea of going out of my own so
much.
It felt so big and exciting.
It didn't matter to me that Ihad to put cockroach traps in my
(13:36):
kitchen or wait for the wilddogs to pass my car when parking
at night.
I had finally arrived in theland where people make their
dreams come true, where beingdifferent is applauded and you
find your tribe.
I had big dreams and a lot ofunsubstantiated belief in myself
(13:58):
, seeing that I had almost zerotraining at that point.
But that town will wear youdown fast, if you allow it.
So after a few months of tryingto secure a job, rather than
going in and conquering mydreams like I had imagined, I
ended up feeling like a beggarat the door of every casting and
(14:20):
talent agent in town.
To just have the chance to stepfoot inside their office felt
like this enormous win, a giftthat they had bestowed upon only
the lucky few.
Soon, all those big dreams werereduced to the point where
merely getting an audition atall became the only goal.
(14:42):
Forget working on an actual set.
The words dime.
A dozen were pointed my way.
Much more than unique orspecial, the reality of the
situation became real, humbling,real fast.
Luckily for me, my acting coachat the time ended up booking a
role in a film for severalmonths and we were given a
(15:05):
substitute who had been teachingthe level above us.
That woman strolled throughthose doors and rocked my world.
Her name was Jocelyn Jones andshe was the living antithesis of
modest.
She owned the room.
When she sat you up on thatstage under the spotlight for
(15:26):
your scene study critique, youprayed for mercy.
She didn't mince words and shesought nobody's approval.
Her opinions were her own andshe gave them.
Whether you liked it or not, Iwas absolutely terrified of her,
but I also admired her strengthand wanted to soak up every bit
(15:48):
of her wisdom.
I loved the stories that shewould tell us and I will never
forget the day when she stood upon that stage and taught us the
power of saying you're welcome.
She looked at us and said whenyou finish your audition, you
(16:08):
stand there confidently and waitfor them to thank you.
Don't you ever thank them back,look them in the eye and say
you're welcome, thank you Hugeperspective shift.
No longer the beggar, you arein control.
(16:31):
You worked your ass off, notonly to get in that room, but to
deliver the best audition youhad living inside of your body.
If it was an intense scene, youlaid your heart out there for
those producers to bear witness.
Don't you dare thank them fortaking the time to watch?
They should be thanking you.
(16:53):
Not only does this idea resultin owning your worth, but it
also raises the stakes for whatyou pour into your process.
If you feel the push to sayyou're welcome instead of thank
you, you're also delivering abetter product.
You rise to the occasion.
(17:14):
Not long after that lesson sankin, I began to book jobs and
work on sets.
Perspective is everything and,funny enough, I recently heard
Brian Cranston from the BestShow Ever Written Breaking Bad
and he talked about this verything.
Brian said you have to go intothat room to do a job, not get a
(17:38):
job.
So if you walk into an officeand you don't want anything from
them, you're there to give themsomething.
Your energy completely changes,you come in there with
confidence and you leave themwith your work.
This idea can be applied to allsorts of endeavors in life, not
(17:58):
just an audition.
I have carried these words withme through every facet of life.
Whenever I begin to feel smallor that maybe I need something
from someone, whether it's a jobor maybe even their approval I
remind myself of those two wordsYou're welcome.
Own that room while still beinghumble.
(18:20):
Don't be modest.
It is your right and your dutyto show yourself what you can do
.
I'll end this with one of myfavorite stories about the
difference between modesty andhumility, told by Glen and Doyle
about the very first time thatshe sat down with Oprah after
her breakout success.
(18:41):
Glen was still at the pointwhere she was wrapping her head
around all that she had broughtto fruition in her life.
As Oprah was praising her work,glen started with
self-deprecating talk and beganreducing her achievements to
something smaller.
And Oprah looked at her andsaid Don't do that, don't be
(19:03):
modest.
Dr Maya Angelou used to saythat modesty is a learned
affectation.
You don't want modesty, youwant humility.
Humility comes from inside out.
Glen and then interpretedOprah's words and what they
meant to her.
To Glen, and she was sayingEvery time you pretend to be
(19:26):
less than you are, you stealpermission from another woman to
exist fully.
Don't mistake modesty forhumility.
Modesty is a giggly lie and act, a mask, a fake game, and we
have zero time for that.
Life is too damn short.
(19:48):
Go after everything you want.
I've got nothing else to saybut that, until we meet again,
stay curious and you're welcome.
Welcome to Curating the Curious, the podcast that
celebrates staying curious inlife and never settling into a
box.
This show is for the creators,the seekers, the explorers, the
truth tellers and the foreverstudents of life, no matter what
age or stage you're currentlyat.
(00:22):
This is not as good as it gets,and it is never too late to
begin.
Join me as we explore all ofthe questions that come with the
idea of curiosity a place wherethe possibilities are endless
and you can always start again.
Instead of walking into thisnew year with a list of goals
(00:47):
and a list of things I want toaccomplish, I started several
months ago investigating habitswhy we do things, what makes us
form these habits, how can wechange them.
All of the things aboutneuroplasticity, identity and
the way that your habits shapeyour identity, and also the way
(01:10):
that your identity shapes yourhabits.
A lot of this is talked aboutactually in Atomic Habits by
James Clear, and I have alsobeen listening to James Clear on
the Masterclass on the book.
There's so much focus for meright now on the psychology of
(01:31):
it, not only because it'sinteresting, but I think that it
deserves a lot more attentionand time than we give it each
year when we make these plans,most of us give up way too early
when we see ourselves takingsteps back or okay, I made this
promise to myself and I haven'tbeen keeping it.
(01:51):
Okay, I'm done.
You move on rather than reallydigging in and getting into.
How do you shape new habits?
Why are you doing it?
Who is it that you want tobecome like?
Moving from the inside out,rather the outside in the inside
, is you your identity, who youare, who you want to be?
(02:15):
If you're looking to formidentity-based habits, this
level is concerned with thingslike changing your beliefs, your
worldview, your self-image,your judgments about yourself,
your judgments about others.
Most of the beliefs andassumptions and biases you hold.
They're associated with thislevel.
(02:37):
The outcomes are what you get.
The process in between is aboutwhat you do, those daily things
you do.
Identity is about what youbelieve, and when it comes to
building habits that last andbuilding a system of small, tiny
increments of improvements, theproblem is not that one level
(03:01):
is better or worse than another.
All levels of change are usefulin their own way.
The problem is the direction ofchange.
The habits aren't lastingbecause we're doing it backwards
.
So many people are startingwith the outside the outcome,
and they're trying to go in tochange the identity, when really
(03:22):
it's about.
Let's start with the identity.
What you're thinking, whatyou're believing, what are those
things that you say to yourselfevery single day?
We all have those tracks thatplay in our head.
How do we get in there, figureout what we are programming
ourselves to believe and thinkabout the world and switch that
(03:44):
to something greater, moreexpansive?
We often label ourselves in ourminds.
We kind of take a survey ofwhat everybody has labeled us as
and told us who we are and howwe affect them and what they
think, and we kind of jumble itall up into this summary of who
(04:07):
we define ourselves to be.
If we allow ourselves to bedefined by other people's
judgments and statements, that'sa really, really confusing
place to be, because everysingle person you know, every
single person you meet, has adifferent view.
None of them really know thetruth, only you do, and that's
(04:29):
why we have to tune into our ownvoice.
I could literally talk hoursabout neuroplasticity, identity,
self-belief, all of that, butthis episode is more of an
overview of all of these topicsthat I've been spending months,
even years, on.
I keep running into the samequote over and over lately, and
(04:52):
it's one that I've loved for along time, but it keeps coming
up and I love the way it fitsinto this whole discussion.
This one's uh, it's by CarlJung and it's we All Walk In
Shoes Too Small For Us.
I love this.
It is so true.
It has to do once again withidentity, belief in self.
(05:15):
Who do we see ourselves as?
Our too small shoes keep usfrom stepping into that
largeness.
You know that expansivenessthat is meant for us, and we're
all walking around in theseshoes that are way too small.
But for me, it's notnecessarily about having the
(05:35):
biggest or loudest voice.
I think people think that whenthey hear this quote, it's not
about that, but rather beingable to allow yourself to move
outside of that shoe, claimwhat's yours, use your unique
voice, not loudly, not huge,just using your unique voice
(05:56):
with confidence and full body,belief instead of volume.
So it's about loosening thoselaces on the shoes that have
been assigned to you by otherpeople, by life, by where you
were born, how you were born,how you feel right now, and step
into the ones that feel right,the ones that are meant for you,
(06:18):
changing those inner beliefsand that identity, and doing it
with humility rather thanmodesty, which brings me to this
favorite here.
It is how about you don't haveto build an empire or dominate
an industry or be the number oneat anything.
What if you simply build alovely life that makes you feel
(06:42):
happy, a life that brings youjoy, that is generative and
supportive?
What if you heal the parts ofyou that need more and more and
more?
What if you redefined whatsuccess looks like and feels
like to you?
What if you decided enough isenough?
(07:02):
What if you felt satisfiedright here and now, for the
moment?
What if you realized your lifeis likely a lot closer to your
ideal and the one you've beendreaming of?
What if changing the filter inwhich you view your life makes
everything that much morevibrant?
(07:23):
How much open, empty spacewould be left for your joy if
you stopped thinking you neededto earn it?
How much time could you spendin the actual living of your
life if you let go of constantlystriving for more without means
to an end?
How much more beautiful wouldthis moment right here and all
(07:45):
the tiny moments become for you?
And that was by Jamie Varen, andit's so similar to things that
I've already written, but I hadto read this because it's so
powerful.
It's all questions.
There's no one speaking to yousaying you got to do this.
This is the way it should be.
It's what, if?
(08:07):
How about?
Have you thought of this?
It's approaching something withcuriosity and openness and, hey
, have you thought about thisone?
Which is why I love it so somuch?
And I purposely included itright after talking about us all
walking in shoes too small forus and saying, hey, loosen those
(08:29):
laces, wear those shoes thatare, that are right for you, and
let your voice out, because itdoesn't have to be this huge,
huge event or this empire whereI am number one.
It's like find where you fitand the life that feels good to
you and go all in, whatever thatmeans.
(08:52):
You don't have to have abillboard.
Find the right shoes for you.
Stop wearing the shoes thatother people gifted, you, gave
you, and wear your own.
Speak your voice However itfeels right for you.
And now, since I feel like thisfits in so well with my humility
(09:13):
rather than modesty episodethat I did a few years ago, I am
tacking it on to hear for youto listen to.
It's not very long at all, butit's a story from my past, which
I don't tell a lot of stories.
I talked about all the jobsthat I had for so many years in
(09:34):
the intro to this podcast andthen never really spoke about
much of it.
But this is a story about how Ilearned the value of really
owning what you do and simplysaying you are welcome when I
offer it up, instead of oh,thanks for giving me this
(09:54):
opportunity.
I think it fits in so well withall of this, because again we
talk about oh, go big and putyour voice out there, and
everybody's got their own tone.
It really comes down to belief,identity and really getting in
there and figuring out hey, whoam I, what do I want and what
(10:16):
really makes me tick?
And, even more importantly,what if you felt satisfied right
here and right now and took itall in?
Okay, so here it is.
The first draft title of thisepisode was much more polite.
Originally it was just namedYou're Welcome, but today, as I
(10:41):
was putting the finishingtouches on what I wanted to say,
I ran across a book titlecalled being Humble.
I haven't read it yet, but thetitle intersected with this idea
and really got me thinking.
First of all, I took theliberty to switch it from
f**king humble to f**king modest.
(11:03):
I think that humility canactually be a very good thing.
It's modesty that needs to takea hike.
And since so many people seemto become confused with the two
ideas, I'd love to dissect thema bit.
The definition of modesty isdemureness, the quality of not
(11:23):
being too proud or too confidentin your abilities To play it
small in order to make othersfeel more comfortable around you
.
Um, no, no, thank you.
To think that this could beregarded and taught by anyone
sends shivers up my spine.
Denying the world of your giftsserves no one.
(11:45):
Now, the definition of humilityis something different,
something I believe in and seethe value behind.
To be humble, the feeling orattitude that you have no
special importance that makesyou better than others.
Lack of arrogance.
You can believe in yourself andyour abilities with all your
(12:08):
might and also be humble.
You can self promote and feelproud of your accomplishments
without being arrogant.
There is nothing wrong withowning your value and knowing
your worth, as long as you don'tplace yourself higher on the
important scale because of itbeing happy with yourself.
(12:29):
But humble is a beautiful,beautiful thing, Modesty, not so
much.
It actually breaks my heart alittle every time I see an
artist who has made somethingastonishingly wonderful, but
they feel that they have todownplay it with modesty and
self-deprecation.
Or a woman who's told thatshe's beautiful but she can't
(12:52):
accept the compliment.
But back to the reason why thisepisode was originally named
your welcome.
I have a story for you.
Just about 20 years ago, Igraduated from college, moved to
LA and got myself this tinylittle studio apartment in the
heart of Koreatown.
Things have drasticallyimproved in that area now, but
(13:15):
when I lived there it wasdefinitely not a desired place
on the map.
My dad was greatly displeasedwhen he saw where I was moving
all by myself, but I love theidea of going out of my own so
much.
It felt so big and exciting.
It didn't matter to me that Ihad to put cockroach traps in my
(13:36):
kitchen or wait for the wilddogs to pass my car when parking
at night.
I had finally arrived in theland where people make their
dreams come true, where beingdifferent is applauded and you
find your tribe.
I had big dreams and a lot ofunsubstantiated belief in myself
(13:58):
, seeing that I had almost zerotraining at that point.
But that town will wear youdown fast, if you allow it.
So after a few months of tryingto secure a job, rather than
going in and conquering mydreams like I had imagined, I
ended up feeling like a beggarat the door of every casting and
(14:20):
talent agent in town.
To just have the chance to stepfoot inside their office felt
like this enormous win, a giftthat they had bestowed upon only
the lucky few.
Soon, all those big dreams werereduced to the point where
merely getting an audition atall became the only goal.
(14:42):
Forget working on an actual set.
The words dime.
A dozen were pointed my way.
Much more than unique orspecial, the reality of the
situation became real, humbling,real fast.
Luckily for me, my acting coachat the time ended up booking a
role in a film for severalmonths and we were given a
(15:05):
substitute who had been teachingthe level above us.
That woman strolled throughthose doors and rocked my world.
Her name was Jocelyn Jones andshe was the living antithesis of
modest.
She owned the room.
When she sat you up on thatstage under the spotlight for
(15:26):
your scene study critique, youprayed for mercy.
She didn't mince words and shesought nobody's approval.
Her opinions were her own andshe gave them.
Whether you liked it or not, Iwas absolutely terrified of her,
but I also admired her strengthand wanted to soak up every bit
(15:48):
of her wisdom.
I loved the stories that shewould tell us and I will never
forget the day when she stood upon that stage and taught us the
power of saying you're welcome.
She looked at us and said whenyou finish your audition, you
(16:08):
stand there confidently and waitfor them to thank you.
Don't you ever thank them back,look them in the eye and say
you're welcome, thank you Hugeperspective shift.
No longer the beggar, you arein control.
(16:31):
You worked your ass off, notonly to get in that room, but to
deliver the best audition youhad living inside of your body.
If it was an intense scene, youlaid your heart out there for
those producers to bear witness.
Don't you dare thank them fortaking the time to watch?
They should be thanking you.
(16:53):
Not only does this idea resultin owning your worth, but it
also raises the stakes for whatyou pour into your process.
If you feel the push to sayyou're welcome instead of thank
you, you're also delivering abetter product.
You rise to the occasion.
(17:14):
Not long after that lesson sankin, I began to book jobs and
work on sets.
Perspective is everything and,funny enough, I recently heard
Brian Cranston from the BestShow Ever Written Breaking Bad
and he talked about this verything.
Brian said you have to go intothat room to do a job, not get a
(17:38):
job.
So if you walk into an officeand you don't want anything from
them, you're there to give themsomething.
Your energy completely changes,you come in there with
confidence and you leave themwith your work.
This idea can be applied to allsorts of endeavors in life, not
(17:58):
just an audition.
I have carried these words withme through every facet of life.
Whenever I begin to feel smallor that maybe I need something
from someone, whether it's a jobor maybe even their approval I
remind myself of those two wordsYou're welcome.
Own that room while still beinghumble.
(18:20):
Don't be modest.
It is your right and your dutyto show yourself what you can do
.
I'll end this with one of myfavorite stories about the
difference between modesty andhumility, told by Glen and Doyle
about the very first time thatshe sat down with Oprah after
her breakout success.
(18:41):
Glen was still at the pointwhere she was wrapping her head
around all that she had broughtto fruition in her life.
As Oprah was praising her work,glen started with
self-deprecating talk and beganreducing her achievements to
something smaller.
And Oprah looked at her andsaid Don't do that, don't be
(19:03):
modest.
Dr Maya Angelou used to saythat modesty is a learned
affectation.
You don't want modesty, youwant humility.
Humility comes from inside out.
Glen and then interpretedOprah's words and what they
meant to her.
To Glen, and she was sayingEvery time you pretend to be
(19:26):
less than you are, you stealpermission from another woman to
exist fully.
Don't mistake modesty forhumility.
Modesty is a giggly lie and act, a mask, a fake game, and we
have zero time for that.
Life is too damn short.
(19:48):
Go after everything you want.
I've got nothing else to saybut that, until we meet again,
stay curious and you're welcome.
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