January 15, 2025 • 24 mins
Authenticity emerges as a vital theme in our latest episode, showcasing how being true to oneself can create more genuine connections in cybersecurity and beyond. Mel "Fireball" Reyes shares his personal journey of embracing authenticity and its significant impact on audience engagement, trust, and organizational culture.
• Discussion on the need for authenticity in a curated digital landscape
• Mel's transformative story of presenting authentically in Chicago
• The audience's powerful response to Mel's authentic expression
• Balancing professional expectations with personal identity
• The real-world ROI of authenticity in business relationships
• The role of humor and personal anecdotes in impactful storytelling
• Encouragement to reflect on one’s authentic self post-COVID
Take a moment to reflect on your own authenticity and how you show up in various parts of your life!
Mel's Work
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome to this episode of Cybernomics, and this
episode was brought to you byBruning Media, a New York-based
tech firm that helps techcompanies achieve thought
leadership, one podcast at atime.
I'm your host, josh Bruning,and today I am here with the one
and only Mel the Fireball Reyes.
(00:32):
Mel, thank you, thank you,thank you, brother.
This has been a long time inthe making.
I've been trying to get you onthis show forever.
From the bottom of my heart,thank you for joining me for
this episode of Cybernomics.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Wow, and I know the intro was going to be like that.
I would have been able to clearmy schedule.
But, just like we talked aboutbefore, the universe made it so
that we could only speak todayand then, moving forward, we'll
figure it out.
Honored to be here.
Thank you for that intro.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
You know what, you know what?
Today we're talking aboutauthenticity, and so I could
truly say that from the bottomof my heart, from an authentic
place, from a real place, I'vegot a lot of respect for you.
I mean, if you've not met Mel,you are missing out.
I'm telling you, this is theguy that you want to party with.
Am I right or wrong?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I can neither confirm nor deny that I do like to
elevate things there you go.
But if you say so, sir, I sayso All right.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Well, in the spirit of authenticity, which is a
topic that has been nagging atme for the last few weeks, we
are inundated and overloadedwith inauthentic material every
single day.
You open up social media andyou look outside, you go to a
conference.
You've got everything just kindof like curated the way that
(01:56):
the audience wants, or at leastwhat people think that the
audience wants.
And so, mel, after talking toyou for a little bit about this,
I think we kind of came down toa definition of authenticity,
which is not showing up the waythat you think the audience
wants you to show up, because nomatter what you do, that's
(02:16):
always going to come off as fake, but you show up the way that
you like to show up, and ifpeople don't like it, guess what
?
They can pound sand.
We want a world and anenvironment where content
creators, thought leaders,companies, brands are connecting
genuinely with their audience.
So, with that, you've got agreat, incredible story to tell.
(02:40):
You know, for all my peoplefrom Chicago, this one is for
you.
So, mel, and also you guys,don't see this, but earlier,
when I was talking to Mel, thefirst thing that popped up when,
when he popped on camera washis Puerto Rican flag.
Mel is a Puerto Rican to thebone, and talk about authentic,
I mean, what more?
(03:01):
What more can you ask for?
So, mel, can you give us alittle bit of that story from
Chicago?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I, you know I thought this was on career development
and cybersecurity, but I'm gladwe flipped the script.
Number one, number two you know, having been raised in Brooklyn
, brooklyn is in the house.
It's been a journey to get tothis.
People are not going to like mebecause of some of the things
I'm going to about to say.
Some people are going to bedrawn in.
That is what I have to do, andthis is an escalation of every
(03:33):
podcast and every interview I'vedone and how I do what I do.
I just have to show up andsometimes I show out right.
I spent the last few years doingpresentations on executive
leadership, resiliency and boardawareness and cybersecurity,
and the thing that resonated forme was building resilient teams
.
I know what I had to do tosurvive and I know what I had to
(03:53):
do to build those teams and tocontinue to deliver.
But what kept happening was Iwas expending too much energy
trying to fit in right, tryingto fit into the language, the
tone hey, let's talk about these.
You know the roadmap?
Hey, let's.
And I was successful.
But I was exhausted and I keptsaying to myself I'm doing all
(04:15):
of the right things.
Why isn't it working?
Why don't I feel like I'maccomplishing anything.
So I went through thistransformative piece for the
last, let's say, eight to 10years and took action in the
last five years and in the lastcouple of years when I present,
I really want to make sure thatnot only I present through the
values of Toastmasters andeverything else, but that I
present and that I show up andthis is going to be show out.
(04:39):
I was asked at the end of lastyear, literally around this time
, to present in Chicago.
I was going to take my standard, you know three-part
cybersecurity resiliency, careerdevelopment piece to present to
the Black cybersecurityprofessionals in Chi-Town.
And I said to myself I said Idon't feel authentic, I don't
(05:00):
feel authentic, I don't have itin my slides.
I always speak to it during thepresentation, but I don't have
something in my slides.
So I said, well, you know, Iwant to create like a pop-up
scenario where it says you know,be authentic, be yourself, blah
, blah, blah no-transcript,because I couldn't find it again
(05:48):
.
Td Jakes talking about showingup, right, and I'll tell you.
I have that on my website.
Anybody wants that link?
I'll tell you.
Right now I listened to thatthing to motivate me.
There was another link with agymnast who is performing, but
it's the camera's focused on thecoach and how he's so ingrained
in everything he's doing andthat kind of like bond and that
support they need.
(06:08):
So this is what I'm coming intofor this presentation that I'm
presenting.
So I said so.
I said, okay, I'm going to showup and I'm going to be
authentic, but I'm not going tospeak to it.
I'm going to show it.
So I come in and I wrote anarticle it's on LinkedIn this,
that and the other.
I have the pictures.
I came in with my suit, we weredoing the mingling.
I had people fly in from like,drove in who flew in because
(06:32):
they knew I was presenting and Iwas honored, honored that they
showed up because to both twopeople that I know, three people
I had not physically met right,and they flew in and drove in
to meet me at that at that, thatpresentation.
So I'm about three or fourslides in to the presentation
(06:53):
where I've covered the, the um,the trust component, so that I
can really get everybodyinvolved for the next hour plus.
And I started talking aboutauthenticity and I planned this,
I planned this.
I had my little bag next to methis, that and the other and I
started talking aboutauthenticity.
I said you know what I don'tfeel authentic.
I'm wearing a suit and a dressshirt and these pants and you
know like floor shine type ofshoes.
Right, I'm like I don't feelauthentic.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Well, what was the audience like up until this
point?
I mean, like, what is the kindof crowd reaction you're getting
?
Are people falling asleep?
Are they into it?
No, no.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yeah, because one of the.
It was funny because one of theone of the one of the pieces I
talk about is building trust,and some folks have experienced
this.
I won't do this often, but I'llhave an Oprah moment, right
when I got the secret.
You know, and reach underneathhere.
I literally tell them reachunderneath your chair, you know
there's an envelope and you knowI'll tell you how you advance
(07:46):
yourself.
You know the 30 years ofexperience the secret is and
then when I'm like no, go aheadand reach.
And when people start to reach,I call them like there is no
secret.
It's all about hard work, it'sabout massive action, right?
So they're like wait, you liedto us.
You know, how do we build trust,right?
So there was a great dialoguegoing and I'll tell you,
everybody showed up.
I mean minutes of thatpresentation.
(08:07):
Then I dropped the authenticitypiece.
So now I've got it and by theway I showed up, I was like I
need, I need y'all to getinvolved, I need you, I need you
to call it out Right.
So, fully engaged.
So, as I'm presenting thiswhite slide with a couple of
little, you know, pop up, littlegraphics, I said I don't feel
(08:27):
authentic.
I don't feel authentic in how Ishowed up, how I'm presenting
myself.
I feel like a penguin in thissuit.
And then I said I'm taking itoff.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Take it off, take it off, right, I tell you it was,
it was, it was a moment.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
It was a moment I start to take off my suit.
I started doing my shirt, Iundo my belt, my pants.
I had somebody get up therelike oh, hell, no.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And I'm like yep.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
No, I'm like calm down, I have.
I have clothes underneath andwhat I did was I took off the
shoes, everything else I put onmy white sneakers.
I had my white linen pantsunderneath my dress pants.
I had my white linen underneathmy dress shirt, which is
underneath my suit, and then Iput on my white hoodie and I
turned around and I had I hadglasses on.
I put the glasses on and I saidthis is how I wanted to show up
(09:18):
.
And everybody went crazy andI'm like now I feel comfortable,
now I feel like I am how I want.
This kind of white hood is what.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I showed up with Right.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
And I have about six different white hoodies that I
wear, so the rest of thepresentation was just incredible
it was nuts.
It was nuts, it was a full onlike hour, hour and a half.
It was engaging.
But here's the thing that Itell everybody right, we live in
a world where we're given aprogram and we're given a
structure and we're given whatwe should and shouldn't do, and
(09:51):
then we have to mold to that andfeel like we need to be able to
do right by that.
No no, no.
Every call, every piece, everythe reason why I'm comfortable
in motivating and getting it,because I'm me, I'm just me, and
if you can't appreciate thatand that doesn't define you as
(10:12):
executive presence or otherwise,that's great, move along, right
.
Because again, it's not.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's not about it's not about showing up in a
particular way.
If you are the buttoned up suitI go in.
Whenever I go into Manhattan,I'm always wearing a suit
because from the age of maybelike five or six, I said when I
grow up, I want a job where I goto work with a suit every day.
That's who I am right.
When I'm at home, I've got acap, got a t-shirt.
(10:37):
This is how I am right.
So I think that you're puttingyour finger on the pulse there
to say to those people it's notthat we're saying that you
shouldn't show up in a suit.
It's just that show up in asuit if that's who you are, but
if you know that that's not whoyou are, then guess what People
are going to see?
That they're going to see yourinauthenticity.
(10:58):
It's going to come out, andwhat you did, mel, is.
I think this is why the crowdgoes wild.
It's because you are leadingand you're giving people
permission to be themselves.
That's what people areresponding to.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I'm not going to lie.
I love my blue custom Paisleyinterior custom button suit.
I will show up in that, butthis is how I will be Right.
So what I wear does not defineme.
How I act, what I say and whatI do defines me.
(11:35):
Preach, right.
So I wear the hoodie becauseI'm comfortable and I want to
make you comfortable.
Yeah Right, I could have sat inhere in a suit.
I didn't even iron this shirttoday, can you tell?
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Nope, because I got my hoodie on the most important
thing is for you to becomfortable.
Yes, yes, that reminds me of acosmetics commercial.
Is it, uh, was it maybelline?
They go.
If you can't tell, why shouldwe exactly?
Maybe that was the beginning ofthat.
It was people being, at leastcompanies, were starting to
flirt with authenticity back inthe 90s.
I don't think it fullymaterialized, but people in the
(12:14):
you know, oddly enough, in thecosmetics industry kind of
understand this, because you'reputting on makeup which is
inauthentic but you want to makeit look like you're not wearing
makeup because you want to beauthentic.
So how do we strike thatbalance, especially in something
like cybersecurity that is socorporate, so military, so
buttoned up, right?
How do people strike thatbalance between you know, we
(12:39):
know that you want to look thisway and looking this way is good
, but also we want to beauthentic.
Like, how do you strike thatbalance?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I love this, especially because of the
different communities that I goto and that I'm a part of and
that I help and support.
Right Back in the day, I haveFrench collar cuff shirts
because I thought that's what Ineeded.
10 years ago I had customshirts made that way.
I had custom, you know, becauseI was a little bit bigger and
clothes didn't fit me right, soI had to make the investment
(13:09):
right.
I didn't have the money, but Ihad to make the investment right
.
But here's the thing At thattime I felt comfortable in that,
I felt regal, I felt royal, butI still wasn't showing up as me
.
You didn't feel comfortable.
I didn't feel comfortable.
I felt comfortable physicallywith what I was wearing, because
(13:29):
now I had suits that fit me theright way and weren't sagging
the wrong way, and but I wasn'tme.
So what I tell you is and I'veit's literally scattered
throughout the whole damninternet I was born in Puerto
Rico, raised in New York, bronx,brooklyn and otherwise.
That's ingrained in me.
All of the experiences areingrained in me.
Why do I have to abandon thatwhen I come into a meeting and
(13:53):
say, well, yes, you know, whatwe really need to do is no, I'm
a highly caffeinated personwho's Puerto Rican, who's lived
in the city, who's done shitLike why can't I have that kind
of energy, right, right.
So I bring that respectfully tothe right scenarios and the
right Right.
I'm not screaming at everymeeting and I'm not, you know,
lambasting or cursing.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
And you're not stripping in the in the
boardroom.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
I'm not stripping in the boardroom, but I can be
hired if that's something thatanybody's interested in.
I think those days are way gone, but we'll talk about that one
later.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
You can put that on the list of things that are way
gone that you still have to tellme.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yes, yes, you know, I dreamed a dream that once gone
by.
But now when I show up,everybody should hopefully see
that I have their best interestin mind, that I have the
company's best interest, thevision, whatever the topic is,
best interest in mind.
That I have the company's bestinterest, the vision, whatever
the topic is, because you'regoing to get exactly what I can
(14:54):
give you very cleanly.
Yes, well, I try to matchlanguage and tone and you know,
you know the atmosphere, sure,but if I see something like no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, like whoa, no, no,I got to call it out, I got to
do something about it.
So what I what I challengedmyself with in the last couple
of years is the last two tomaybe three years is who is out
(15:18):
there that I admire?
People pulled everything and Isaid how do I showcase to people
that it's okay to show updifferently?
So, having been to uh, rsa, uh,um, black hat, defcon, b-sides
I'm like defcon and b-sides aremy people like, just show up the
(15:40):
way you want, right, you wantto show up in anime and to a
cyber security conference, let'sgo right.
Purple hair, pink hair let's go.
Pink hair, don't care, thankyou, thank you, right, and but I
also, like I showed, I showedup in like knickers and a
backpack to b-side, right, I'mlike I'm not showing up with
pants and in my linens.
(16:01):
I'm like I want to show up, uh,like acdc and you know so.
But the most, the most importantthing, is to show up right, to
be there and but also berespectful, right, I'm not going
to wear anything that's toocrazy, but some people think I
wear crazy things, but I don'tknow why I do the floral suits
and the pink suits.
In it, I'm like because I wantto show you that it's okay to be
(16:21):
able to do that.
So if you only did five, ten,ten, twenty percent of that for
yourself and how you feelcomfortable, you do you boo
Right.
But don't be afraid to show upand show out the way you want to
, because you want to conform.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Yeah, I do not want to conform.
Yes, it is, it's here andpeople want they don't want to
stand out, but one thing thatanybody who's met you, mel, can
say you are unforgettable.
You are.
If you've met Mel once, you'renever going to forget him.
And I think that yourauthenticity is a part of that,
because when I first met you,you're different from all the
(16:58):
other speakers.
I mean, yes, you're deliveringvery sound, reasonable, high
value content, and what you'retalking about, I mean you can
take that from the boardroomdown to the kitchen, right.
I mean, it's just stuff thatmakes sense.
It's good business, goodbusiness philosophy, sound
(17:18):
cybersecurity practice, butyou're bringing some flavor to
it.
I don't know if that's becauseyou're Puerto Rican, but you
know what I'm saying.
If you got it, flaunt it, andyou flaunt it and you bring it,
and so I feel like that's what'simportant here.
If you're asking yourself, like,what is the value of
authenticity?
Right, is this another buzzwordlike zero trust?
(17:40):
Is it another buzzword?
Like you know, in cybersecuritywe hear all of the buzzwords.
Authenticity is one of thosebuzzwords that you can't
bullshit.
It's built into the name.
You can't bullshit authenticity.
People will see through it andthose people who have not been
authentic and they cannot beauthentic.
They're starting to.
(18:01):
I feel like I would love a worldwhere those people are afraid
to not be themselves instead ofbeing afraid to be yourself.
So the value of authenticity,the way I see it is, everything
is about ROI and the value thereis that you connect with an
audience that is going to bethere with you forever, once you
(18:24):
establish that trust betweentwo parties.
I don't think that that'ssomething that you can easily
take away and then, once youhave that, you know, then you
deliver a valuable product orservice that people truly want
and that makes it impact on animpact on their life, because
with authenticity comes you knowthis other word that keeps me
(18:47):
up at night it's value, right?
So people in this world wherethere's a lot of lies, where you
know there are thousand plusvendors telling you anything
just to make a sale, and thereare tons of speakers who feed
you know I don't want to usethis analogy because I'm from
Guyana, where Jim Jones is from,but you know what they're
(19:07):
depending on you to drink theKool-Aid.
People are done drinking theKool-Aid what they want is to
buy a product or to use aservice from someone they trust,
and so that's the value there.
If you want an ROI on it.
We're just not talking aboutauthenticity as another buzzword
.
This is something that can makeyou money.
Do you want me to say that?
(19:27):
Sure, yes, it can make youmoney, but you have to do it in
the way that's um, that's real,and you know so that, and I and
that I got.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
No, I gotta, I gotta jump in on this.
You just, you just threw me abuffet.
You just threw me a, Literally.
I was on a call three hours ago.
You know what the end of thatcall was?
As I was recapping with two ofthe senior leaders I was talking
about a specific group wherethe leadership had drank the
Kool-Aid.
So I'm there with you, right?
So that's why I know today hadto be the day that we met.
(20:00):
This is literally three hoursago.
Number one.
Number two you talk aboutauthenticity.
Is it another buzzword?
No, there is ROI around this,right.
You talk about branding.
You talk about hey, why do wewant Cristiano Ronaldo to
represent so-and-so product?
Because he's authentic, he's agame player, he's this, he's
that.
(20:20):
He shows up, right.
He shows up for his presence,right?
I don't need to be an authorityin anything, I just need to be
me.
If that makes me that sure,that's cute.
Number three what I will tellyou right now is everything I do
and I narrowed it down to threethings of what I with the
impact that I hope to have onsomebody.
I'm either going to inspire you, humor you or scar you, but I
(20:47):
hope you don't forget the impactthat I had on you.
I think, when you If I scar you,then that means you were not
ready.
You cannot receive.
There's nothing that I can giveyou.
You do not like it.
It's not in your realm.
Thank you, move along.
If I humor you, I hope yourstomach hurts until the end of
dawn.
You still might not receive me,accept me or otherwise, or you
(21:11):
might, but I had an impact onyour life and if I inspire you,
come with me, let's go.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I think you've done all three to me.
You inspire me, you make melaugh, and now that you've told
me that you stripped on stage inChicago you've scarred me, so
you know.
So we, chicago you've scarredme, so you know.
So we've covered all three ofthe bases and I think that there
you go.
I'm a giver like that, josh, yes, yes, yes, I can call you
(21:38):
authentic and one of the mostauthentic people on the planet,
and I appreciate this because incybersecurity and business, we
don't see it anymore andauthenticity is going to be a
game changer.
And if people can't play ball,guess what?
You're going to lose youraudience.
You're going to lose yourcustomers, your partners.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I will also add the fourth element to this piece.
You talked about ROI, youtalked about KP.
You know the, the right you had, um, you had DE&I, which is now
workforce development.
Right, it, it was a thing, butit's no longer a thing.
Right, you had empathy whichblows my mind the last five to
10 years of why people actuallyhave to be taught to care right
(22:12):
and that's great and people doneed that level of training.
I just thought it was crazybecause I thought that's what
everybody else did, because Icared for my teams and their
development and people andeverything else.
And now we're at a point nowwhere everything is coming to a
head again.
Right, the economy, everythingelse is coming to a head.
And if you don't feel thatCOVID gave you the opportunity
(22:33):
to show up and unshackleyourselves from the desk job or
the this thing or thisdependency, now is another time
for you to think to yourself amI being honest to myself about
what I want?
The chapter that I just wrotein the book on purpose and
mindset, my chapter that Isubmitted, was moving from
(22:55):
selfless to selfish.
Now, some people don't like theword selfish.
Fine, change it to self-care.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Well, in economics we like to say self-interested.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
All of this is about you, who.
You are trying to do thatintrospective work and then
putting that out there in anyway you can, safely, so you can
build up the tolerance and themuscle and the power to be you.
I was not like this all thetime, but now I am and I am
having so much fun with it.
I love this.
(23:26):
This conversation is incredible.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yes, yeah, you know we might start doing the long
form thing We've been puttingout, you know, 30 minute to one
hour conversations.
I think that this is the waythe future is going.
I mean, I want to see a worldwhere people are more authentic
and COVID, like you said, wassort of the beginning of that.
And I can't believe I'm stillhearing people go, you know what
(23:48):
, wear a hoodie, Because thehoodie is what everybody's doing
and that's the new way to beauthentic.
So everybody now, you know,just fall in line and wear your
hoodies.
It's like, ah, you guys missedthe point again.
I mean, look at Zuckerberg.
Zuckerberg looks like a fuckboy.
How did that happen?
I don't know, but I can tellyou that's not who he is.
(24:12):
I'm not coming at him, but atthe same time, look man, people
can tell that's not who you are.
I wish we had more time.
I really do wish we had moretime.
Mel, I know you got to run.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Cybernomics.
You can find out more aboutBruning Media at bruningcom
B-R-U-Y-N-I-N-Gcom.
(24:33):
Thanks for tuning in to thisepisode of Cybernomics.
Thanks everybody.
All right, Mal, I know you gotto jump, but let us.
Welcome to this episode of Cybernomics, and this
episode was brought to you byBruning Media, a New York-based
tech firm that helps techcompanies achieve thought
leadership, one podcast at atime.
I'm your host, josh Bruning,and today I am here with the one
and only Mel the Fireball Reyes.
(00:32):
Mel, thank you, thank you,thank you, brother.
This has been a long time inthe making.
I've been trying to get you onthis show forever.
From the bottom of my heart,thank you for joining me for
this episode of Cybernomics.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Wow, and I know the intro was going to be like that.
I would have been able to clearmy schedule.
But, just like we talked aboutbefore, the universe made it so
that we could only speak todayand then, moving forward, we'll
figure it out.
Honored to be here.
Thank you for that intro.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
You know what, you know what?
Today we're talking aboutauthenticity, and so I could
truly say that from the bottomof my heart, from an authentic
place, from a real place, I'vegot a lot of respect for you.
I mean, if you've not met Mel,you are missing out.
I'm telling you, this is theguy that you want to party with.
Am I right or wrong?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I can neither confirm nor deny that I do like to
elevate things there you go.
But if you say so, sir, I sayso All right.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Well, in the spirit of authenticity, which is a
topic that has been nagging atme for the last few weeks, we
are inundated and overloadedwith inauthentic material every
single day.
You open up social media andyou look outside, you go to a
conference.
You've got everything just kindof like curated the way that
(01:56):
the audience wants, or at leastwhat people think that the
audience wants.
And so, mel, after talking toyou for a little bit about this,
I think we kind of came down toa definition of authenticity,
which is not showing up the waythat you think the audience
wants you to show up, because nomatter what you do, that's
(02:16):
always going to come off as fake, but you show up the way that
you like to show up, and ifpeople don't like it, guess what
?
They can pound sand.
We want a world and anenvironment where content
creators, thought leaders,companies, brands are connecting
genuinely with their audience.
So, with that, you've got agreat, incredible story to tell.
(02:40):
You know, for all my peoplefrom Chicago, this one is for
you.
So, mel, and also you guys,don't see this, but earlier,
when I was talking to Mel, thefirst thing that popped up when,
when he popped on camera washis Puerto Rican flag.
Mel is a Puerto Rican to thebone, and talk about authentic,
I mean, what more?
(03:01):
What more can you ask for?
So, mel, can you give us alittle bit of that story from
Chicago?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I, you know I thought this was on career development
and cybersecurity, but I'm gladwe flipped the script.
Number one, number two you know, having been raised in Brooklyn
, brooklyn is in the house.
It's been a journey to get tothis.
People are not going to like mebecause of some of the things
I'm going to about to say.
Some people are going to bedrawn in.
That is what I have to do, andthis is an escalation of every
(03:33):
podcast and every interview I'vedone and how I do what I do.
I just have to show up andsometimes I show out right.
I spent the last few years doingpresentations on executive
leadership, resiliency and boardawareness and cybersecurity,
and the thing that resonated forme was building resilient teams
.
I know what I had to do tosurvive and I know what I had to
(03:53):
do to build those teams and tocontinue to deliver.
But what kept happening was Iwas expending too much energy
trying to fit in right, tryingto fit into the language, the
tone hey, let's talk about these.
You know the roadmap?
Hey, let's.
And I was successful.
But I was exhausted and I keptsaying to myself I'm doing all
(04:15):
of the right things.
Why isn't it working?
Why don't I feel like I'maccomplishing anything.
So I went through thistransformative piece for the
last, let's say, eight to 10years and took action in the
last five years and in the lastcouple of years when I present,
I really want to make sure thatnot only I present through the
values of Toastmasters andeverything else, but that I
present and that I show up andthis is going to be show out.
(04:39):
I was asked at the end of lastyear, literally around this time
, to present in Chicago.
I was going to take my standard, you know three-part
cybersecurity resiliency, careerdevelopment piece to present to
the Black cybersecurityprofessionals in Chi-Town.
And I said to myself I said Idon't feel authentic, I don't
(05:00):
feel authentic, I don't have itin my slides.
I always speak to it during thepresentation, but I don't have
something in my slides.
So I said, well, you know, Iwant to create like a pop-up
scenario where it says you know,be authentic, be yourself, blah
, blah, blah no-transcript,because I couldn't find it again
(05:48):
.
Td Jakes talking about showingup, right, and I'll tell you.
I have that on my website.
Anybody wants that link?
I'll tell you.
Right now I listened to thatthing to motivate me.
There was another link with agymnast who is performing, but
it's the camera's focused on thecoach and how he's so ingrained
in everything he's doing andthat kind of like bond and that
support they need.
(06:08):
So this is what I'm coming intofor this presentation that I'm
presenting.
So I said so.
I said, okay, I'm going to showup and I'm going to be
authentic, but I'm not going tospeak to it.
I'm going to show it.
So I come in and I wrote anarticle it's on LinkedIn this,
that and the other.
I have the pictures.
I came in with my suit, we weredoing the mingling.
I had people fly in from like,drove in who flew in because
(06:32):
they knew I was presenting and Iwas honored, honored that they
showed up because to both twopeople that I know, three people
I had not physically met right,and they flew in and drove in
to meet me at that at that, thatpresentation.
So I'm about three or fourslides in to the presentation
(06:53):
where I've covered the, the um,the trust component, so that I
can really get everybodyinvolved for the next hour plus.
And I started talking aboutauthenticity and I planned this,
I planned this.
I had my little bag next to methis, that and the other and I
started talking aboutauthenticity.
I said you know what I don'tfeel authentic.
I'm wearing a suit and a dressshirt and these pants and you
know like floor shine type ofshoes.
Right, I'm like I don't feelauthentic.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Well, what was the audience like up until this
point?
I mean, like, what is the kindof crowd reaction you're getting
?
Are people falling asleep?
Are they into it?
No, no.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yeah, because one of the.
It was funny because one of theone of the one of the pieces I
talk about is building trust,and some folks have experienced
this.
I won't do this often, but I'llhave an Oprah moment, right
when I got the secret.
You know, and reach underneathhere.
I literally tell them reachunderneath your chair, you know
there's an envelope and you knowI'll tell you how you advance
(07:46):
yourself.
You know the 30 years ofexperience the secret is and
then when I'm like no, go aheadand reach.
And when people start to reach,I call them like there is no
secret.
It's all about hard work, it'sabout massive action, right?
So they're like wait, you liedto us.
You know, how do we build trust,right?
So there was a great dialoguegoing and I'll tell you,
everybody showed up.
I mean minutes of thatpresentation.
(08:07):
Then I dropped the authenticitypiece.
So now I've got it and by theway I showed up, I was like I
need, I need y'all to getinvolved, I need you, I need you
to call it out Right.
So, fully engaged.
So, as I'm presenting thiswhite slide with a couple of
little, you know, pop up, littlegraphics, I said I don't feel
(08:27):
authentic.
I don't feel authentic in how Ishowed up, how I'm presenting
myself.
I feel like a penguin in thissuit.
And then I said I'm taking itoff.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Take it off, take it off, right, I tell you it was,
it was, it was a moment.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
It was a moment I start to take off my suit.
I started doing my shirt, Iundo my belt, my pants.
I had somebody get up therelike oh, hell, no.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And I'm like yep.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
No, I'm like calm down, I have.
I have clothes underneath andwhat I did was I took off the
shoes, everything else I put onmy white sneakers.
I had my white linen pantsunderneath my dress pants.
I had my white linen underneathmy dress shirt, which is
underneath my suit, and then Iput on my white hoodie and I
turned around and I had I hadglasses on.
I put the glasses on and I saidthis is how I wanted to show up
(09:18):
.
And everybody went crazy andI'm like now I feel comfortable,
now I feel like I am how I want.
This kind of white hood is what.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I showed up with Right.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
And I have about six different white hoodies that I
wear, so the rest of thepresentation was just incredible
it was nuts.
It was nuts, it was a full onlike hour, hour and a half.
It was engaging.
But here's the thing that Itell everybody right, we live in
a world where we're given aprogram and we're given a
structure and we're given whatwe should and shouldn't do, and
(09:51):
then we have to mold to that andfeel like we need to be able to
do right by that.
No no, no.
Every call, every piece, everythe reason why I'm comfortable
in motivating and getting it,because I'm me, I'm just me, and
if you can't appreciate thatand that doesn't define you as
(10:12):
executive presence or otherwise,that's great, move along, right
.
Because again, it's not.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's not about it's not about showing up in a
particular way.
If you are the buttoned up suitI go in.
Whenever I go into Manhattan,I'm always wearing a suit
because from the age of maybelike five or six, I said when I
grow up, I want a job where I goto work with a suit every day.
That's who I am right.
When I'm at home, I've got acap, got a t-shirt.
(10:37):
This is how I am right.
So I think that you're puttingyour finger on the pulse there
to say to those people it's notthat we're saying that you
shouldn't show up in a suit.
It's just that show up in asuit if that's who you are, but
if you know that that's not whoyou are, then guess what People
are going to see?
That they're going to see yourinauthenticity.
(10:58):
It's going to come out, andwhat you did, mel, is.
I think this is why the crowdgoes wild.
It's because you are leadingand you're giving people
permission to be themselves.
That's what people areresponding to.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I'm not going to lie.
I love my blue custom Paisleyinterior custom button suit.
I will show up in that, butthis is how I will be Right.
So what I wear does not defineme.
How I act, what I say and whatI do defines me.
(11:35):
Preach, right.
So I wear the hoodie becauseI'm comfortable and I want to
make you comfortable.
Yeah Right, I could have sat inhere in a suit.
I didn't even iron this shirttoday, can you tell?
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Nope, because I got my hoodie on the most important
thing is for you to becomfortable.
Yes, yes, that reminds me of acosmetics commercial.
Is it, uh, was it maybelline?
They go.
If you can't tell, why shouldwe exactly?
Maybe that was the beginning ofthat.
It was people being, at leastcompanies, were starting to
flirt with authenticity back inthe 90s.
I don't think it fullymaterialized, but people in the
(12:14):
you know, oddly enough, in thecosmetics industry kind of
understand this, because you'reputting on makeup which is
inauthentic but you want to makeit look like you're not wearing
makeup because you want to beauthentic.
So how do we strike thatbalance, especially in something
like cybersecurity that is socorporate, so military, so
buttoned up, right?
How do people strike thatbalance between you know, we
(12:39):
know that you want to look thisway and looking this way is good
, but also we want to beauthentic.
Like, how do you strike thatbalance?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I love this, especially because of the
different communities that I goto and that I'm a part of and
that I help and support.
Right Back in the day, I haveFrench collar cuff shirts
because I thought that's what Ineeded.
10 years ago I had customshirts made that way.
I had custom, you know, becauseI was a little bit bigger and
clothes didn't fit me right, soI had to make the investment
(13:09):
right.
I didn't have the money, but Ihad to make the investment right
.
But here's the thing At thattime I felt comfortable in that,
I felt regal, I felt royal, butI still wasn't showing up as me
.
You didn't feel comfortable.
I didn't feel comfortable.
I felt comfortable physicallywith what I was wearing, because
(13:29):
now I had suits that fit me theright way and weren't sagging
the wrong way, and but I wasn'tme.
So what I tell you is and I'veit's literally scattered
throughout the whole damninternet I was born in Puerto
Rico, raised in New York, bronx,brooklyn and otherwise.
That's ingrained in me.
All of the experiences areingrained in me.
Why do I have to abandon thatwhen I come into a meeting and
(13:53):
say, well, yes, you know, whatwe really need to do is no, I'm
a highly caffeinated personwho's Puerto Rican, who's lived
in the city, who's done shitLike why can't I have that kind
of energy, right, right.
So I bring that respectfully tothe right scenarios and the
right Right.
I'm not screaming at everymeeting and I'm not, you know,
lambasting or cursing.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
And you're not stripping in the in the
boardroom.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
I'm not stripping in the boardroom, but I can be
hired if that's something thatanybody's interested in.
I think those days are way gone, but we'll talk about that one
later.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
You can put that on the list of things that are way
gone that you still have to tellme.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yes, yes, you know, I dreamed a dream that once gone
by.
But now when I show up,everybody should hopefully see
that I have their best interestin mind, that I have the
company's best interest, thevision, whatever the topic is,
best interest in mind.
That I have the company's bestinterest, the vision, whatever
the topic is, because you'regoing to get exactly what I can
(14:54):
give you very cleanly.
Yes, well, I try to matchlanguage and tone and you know,
you know the atmosphere, sure,but if I see something like no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, like whoa, no, no,I got to call it out, I got to
do something about it.
So what I what I challengedmyself with in the last couple
of years is the last two tomaybe three years is who is out
(15:18):
there that I admire?
People pulled everything and Isaid how do I showcase to people
that it's okay to show updifferently?
So, having been to uh, rsa, uh,um, black hat, defcon, b-sides
I'm like defcon and b-sides aremy people like, just show up the
(15:40):
way you want, right, you wantto show up in anime and to a
cyber security conference, let'sgo right.
Purple hair, pink hair let's go.
Pink hair, don't care, thankyou, thank you, right, and but I
also, like I showed, I showedup in like knickers and a
backpack to b-side, right, I'mlike I'm not showing up with
pants and in my linens.
(16:01):
I'm like I want to show up, uh,like acdc and you know so.
But the most, the most importantthing, is to show up right, to
be there and but also berespectful, right, I'm not going
to wear anything that's toocrazy, but some people think I
wear crazy things, but I don'tknow why I do the floral suits
and the pink suits.
In it, I'm like because I wantto show you that it's okay to be
(16:21):
able to do that.
So if you only did five, ten,ten, twenty percent of that for
yourself and how you feelcomfortable, you do you boo
Right.
But don't be afraid to show upand show out the way you want to
, because you want to conform.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Yeah, I do not want to conform.
Yes, it is, it's here andpeople want they don't want to
stand out, but one thing thatanybody who's met you, mel, can
say you are unforgettable.
You are.
If you've met Mel once, you'renever going to forget him.
And I think that yourauthenticity is a part of that,
because when I first met you,you're different from all the
(16:58):
other speakers.
I mean, yes, you're deliveringvery sound, reasonable, high
value content, and what you'retalking about, I mean you can
take that from the boardroomdown to the kitchen, right.
I mean, it's just stuff thatmakes sense.
It's good business, goodbusiness philosophy, sound
(17:18):
cybersecurity practice, butyou're bringing some flavor to
it.
I don't know if that's becauseyou're Puerto Rican, but you
know what I'm saying.
If you got it, flaunt it, andyou flaunt it and you bring it,
and so I feel like that's what'simportant here.
If you're asking yourself, like,what is the value of
authenticity?
Right, is this another buzzwordlike zero trust?
(17:40):
Is it another buzzword?
Like you know, in cybersecuritywe hear all of the buzzwords.
Authenticity is one of thosebuzzwords that you can't
bullshit.
It's built into the name.
You can't bullshit authenticity.
People will see through it andthose people who have not been
authentic and they cannot beauthentic.
They're starting to.
(18:01):
I feel like I would love a worldwhere those people are afraid
to not be themselves instead ofbeing afraid to be yourself.
So the value of authenticity,the way I see it is, everything
is about ROI and the value thereis that you connect with an
audience that is going to bethere with you forever, once you
(18:24):
establish that trust betweentwo parties.
I don't think that that'ssomething that you can easily
take away and then, once youhave that, you know, then you
deliver a valuable product orservice that people truly want
and that makes it impact on animpact on their life, because
with authenticity comes you knowthis other word that keeps me
(18:47):
up at night it's value, right?
So people in this world wherethere's a lot of lies, where you
know there are thousand plusvendors telling you anything
just to make a sale, and thereare tons of speakers who feed
you know I don't want to usethis analogy because I'm from
Guyana, where Jim Jones is from,but you know what they're
(19:07):
depending on you to drink theKool-Aid.
People are done drinking theKool-Aid what they want is to
buy a product or to use aservice from someone they trust,
and so that's the value there.
If you want an ROI on it.
We're just not talking aboutauthenticity as another buzzword
.
This is something that can makeyou money.
Do you want me to say that?
(19:27):
Sure, yes, it can make youmoney, but you have to do it in
the way that's um, that's real,and you know so that, and I and
that I got.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
No, I gotta, I gotta jump in on this.
You just, you just threw me abuffet.
You just threw me a, Literally.
I was on a call three hours ago.
You know what the end of thatcall was?
As I was recapping with two ofthe senior leaders I was talking
about a specific group wherethe leadership had drank the
Kool-Aid.
So I'm there with you, right?
So that's why I know today hadto be the day that we met.
(20:00):
This is literally three hoursago.
Number one.
Number two you talk aboutauthenticity.
Is it another buzzword?
No, there is ROI around this,right.
You talk about branding.
You talk about hey, why do wewant Cristiano Ronaldo to
represent so-and-so product?
Because he's authentic, he's agame player, he's this, he's
that.
(20:20):
He shows up, right.
He shows up for his presence,right?
I don't need to be an authorityin anything, I just need to be
me.
If that makes me that sure,that's cute.
Number three what I will tellyou right now is everything I do
and I narrowed it down to threethings of what I with the
impact that I hope to have onsomebody.
I'm either going to inspire you, humor you or scar you, but I
(20:47):
hope you don't forget the impactthat I had on you.
I think, when you If I scar you,then that means you were not
ready.
You cannot receive.
There's nothing that I can giveyou.
You do not like it.
It's not in your realm.
Thank you, move along.
If I humor you, I hope yourstomach hurts until the end of
dawn.
You still might not receive me,accept me or otherwise, or you
(21:11):
might, but I had an impact onyour life and if I inspire you,
come with me, let's go.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I think you've done all three to me.
You inspire me, you make melaugh, and now that you've told
me that you stripped on stage inChicago you've scarred me, so
you know.
So we, chicago you've scarredme, so you know.
So we've covered all three ofthe bases and I think that there
you go.
I'm a giver like that, josh, yes, yes, yes, I can call you
(21:38):
authentic and one of the mostauthentic people on the planet,
and I appreciate this because incybersecurity and business, we
don't see it anymore andauthenticity is going to be a
game changer.
And if people can't play ball,guess what?
You're going to lose youraudience.
You're going to lose yourcustomers, your partners.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I will also add the fourth element to this piece.
You talked about ROI, youtalked about KP.
You know the, the right you had, um, you had DE&I, which is now
workforce development.
Right, it, it was a thing, butit's no longer a thing.
Right, you had empathy whichblows my mind the last five to
10 years of why people actuallyhave to be taught to care right
(22:12):
and that's great and people doneed that level of training.
I just thought it was crazybecause I thought that's what
everybody else did, because Icared for my teams and their
development and people andeverything else.
And now we're at a point nowwhere everything is coming to a
head again.
Right, the economy, everythingelse is coming to a head.
And if you don't feel thatCOVID gave you the opportunity
(22:33):
to show up and unshackleyourselves from the desk job or
the this thing or thisdependency, now is another time
for you to think to yourself amI being honest to myself about
what I want?
The chapter that I just wrotein the book on purpose and
mindset, my chapter that Isubmitted, was moving from
(22:55):
selfless to selfish.
Now, some people don't like theword selfish.
Fine, change it to self-care.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Well, in economics we like to say self-interested.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
All of this is about you, who.
You are trying to do thatintrospective work and then
putting that out there in anyway you can, safely, so you can
build up the tolerance and themuscle and the power to be you.
I was not like this all thetime, but now I am and I am
having so much fun with it.
I love this.
(23:26):
This conversation is incredible.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yes, yeah, you know we might start doing the long
form thing We've been puttingout, you know, 30 minute to one
hour conversations.
I think that this is the waythe future is going.
I mean, I want to see a worldwhere people are more authentic
and COVID, like you said, wassort of the beginning of that.
And I can't believe I'm stillhearing people go, you know what
(23:48):
, wear a hoodie, Because thehoodie is what everybody's doing
and that's the new way to beauthentic.
So everybody now, you know,just fall in line and wear your
hoodies.
It's like, ah, you guys missedthe point again.
I mean, look at Zuckerberg.
Zuckerberg looks like a fuckboy.
How did that happen?
I don't know, but I can tellyou that's not who he is.
(24:12):
I'm not coming at him, but atthe same time, look man, people
can tell that's not who you are.
I wish we had more time.
I really do wish we had moretime.
Mel, I know you got to run.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Cybernomics.
You can find out more aboutBruning Media at bruningcom
B-R-U-Y-N-I-N-Gcom.
(24:33):
Thanks for tuning in to thisepisode of Cybernomics.
Thanks everybody.
All right, Mal, I know you gotto jump, but let us.
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