13 - Cargo Shorts Won't Get You Dates

Looking sharp isn't just about vanity—it's a strategic move that impacts every area of your post-divorce life. In this revealing episode, we unpack why men's style matters more than most divorced dads realize, and how your appearance silently communicates volumes about your character before you say a word.

When your self-worth takes a hit after divorce, upgrading your style provides a powerful, accessible way to begin rebuilding confidence from the outside in. As co-host Jude candidly shares his own journey from "cargo shorts guy" to confidently well-dressed, we explore how small changes in presentation can dramatically shift how others perceive you—and more importantly, how you perceive yourself.

Women consistently notice and respond to men who demonstrate effort in their appearance. As Dallas explains, "When a guy shows up looking put-together, women feel they can count on him not to be passive or complacent in the relationship." This extends beyond dating to your professional life and the example you set for your children, who are always watching how you present yourself to the world.

Contrary to what many believe, dressing well doesn't require a hefty budget. We share practical, affordable strategies for finding quality clothes that fit properly (the #1 style rule), essential grooming practices that women notice immediately, and simple accessories that create natural conversation opportunities. From thrift store finds to the psychology behind "peacocking," we provide a comprehensive roadmap for style transformation.

Ready for real change? Take our "First Date Audit" challenge: evaluate what you'd wear tonight, be honest about how it makes you feel, and commit to creating one knockout outfit that projects confidence. Share your results with us—your journey could inspire other dads navigating the same path.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorced, the
only podcast dedicated tohelping dads navigate the
challenges and opportunities offinding love the second time
around.
My name is Jude Sandoval, I amyour co-host and the founder of
the Divorced Advocates, and I'mjoined by my co-host, dating and

(00:23):
relationship coach from BlackBox Dating, dallas Bluth.
How you doing, dallas?
Doing fabulous, jude, on top ofthe world man.
How you doing?
Yeah, I am doing well as well.
I'm excited to talk about thistopic.
It's kind of dear to me and Ithink really in the divorce

(00:45):
journey, this can and you mightsay should be one of the first
things that dads should tackle.
But often get wrong, if youwill.
And what we're talking about isstyle right, and we've titled
the episode loosely.
Like you know, we kind of workwith episodes, ideas and what.

(01:06):
It shouldn't matter, but itdoes men's style Right, and I
think it's.
It's something that all guyskind of innately know,
especially when we're single,right, it kind of makes it kind
of makes a little more expensive.
We pay a little more attentionand maybe as we get older, we
want to be more valued for ourcharacter and our humor and our
loyalty and all that and then weget into dad mode etc.

(01:30):
And so the presentation thingmight, might, fall off.
And then now we're back in thescene again and really needing
to to pay attention to that,because what our outside is
saying has a reflection onwhat's going on in our inside
right.
So, from the dadvocateperspective, if you will, it's

(01:56):
not just about dating.
It's really about rebuildingyour self-worth after you've
taken a hit, because let's notlie about this After a divorce
and the end of a relationship,your self-confidence, things
like everything's thrown intochaos and your self-worth may

(02:16):
have taken a hit.
I know it definitely did for me.
So I don't really look at thisas kind of a superfluous thing.
I really I look at this asfoundational work and kind of
easier foundational work thanmaybe some of the mental,
emotional foundational work thatwe've talked about in past

(02:39):
episodes, and we're definitelygoing to be talking about a lot,
but something that is, you know, kind of like a, a quick, a
quick help, if you will.
Now I don't want to say quickfix, because there are no quick
fixes, but something that youcan.
You can get going on prettyquickly.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
So yeah, the, the packaging that you bring to a
date and to the world is soimpactful, it is so real and
I've talked to particularly anumber of older men and they
said I wish I had learnedearlier how much women
appreciate it when a man dresseswell, when a man shows up and

(03:17):
he's well-groomed, when he putsthought and effort into how he
presents himself.
Women respond to that immensely.
And I just got to say this toyou.
I remember the first time wemet and we had coffee, I was
like damn, this guy looks sharp.
You had on the nice dress shirt.
You had a little bit ofaccessories, but not too much,

(03:39):
and I was showing up with mystandard uniform t-shirt for my
business and I was showing upwith my standard sort of uniform
t-shirt for my business and Iwas just like wow, yeah, okay,
and my first impression of youwas that you were impressive.
We hadn't really exchanged anywords yet, we hadn't talked
before we met, but that was myfirst impression of you and I

(04:01):
have to say, if you had beendressed differently, there would
have been not like a hole todig out of, but there would have
been a shift that would havehad to happen for me to really
feel like we connected the waythat we did.
But when you brought your bestto the encounter with another

(04:22):
guy we're not on a date itreally made the difference.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
Yeah, well, thanks for that.
And I remember you saying doyou always look like this?
And I'm like, well, yeah, kindof, and it's funny because so,
whether or not you recognizethis consciously, so we're in a
business setting right, we'recoming to talk about, hey, how
do we collaborate together?
This is before we started downthis road and doing this, but

(04:50):
just the first initial meeting.
But, whether you consciouslyknow it or not, that there is a
judgment that takes place inyour subconscious with somebody
and then you've got to work fromthere.
Dug out of a hole, if I showedup looking like a schlub and
because you're not going to take, you're probably not going to
take this seriously for a myriadof different reasons, and so,

(05:11):
and it you know I wasn't, Iwasn't in a suit or three piece
suit or anything like that, itjust had you know, just cleaned
up and dressed like I normallydo and look presentable and done
a few things and in my eyes,the word is you look sharp, you
look put together, and the thingis, when I look at you and I

(05:33):
don't know you and we do thiswith every single person we're
going to.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
We have to summarize and sort of categorize people.
We have to kind of go what kindof a person are they?
And the way that you show up,in the way that you dress, it
will immediately categorizepeople.
We have to kind of go what kindof a person are they?
And the way that you show upand the way that you dress, it
will immediately categorizepeople.
It's so deeply ingrained weoftentimes ignore it.
If you see somebody in skaterpants and shoes, we just put
them in a certain category.
We don't really judge them asgood or bad, we just say they're

(05:59):
that kind of person.
When you see somebody who showsup in a three-piece suit, I
would have put you in adifferent category, but you
showed up looking the way thatyou did and you clicked into the
category and I think it matchedthe category that you wanted to
be seen in.
It was congruent with how youwanted to be perceived in the

(06:21):
world.
You, tell me, did that Right?

Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah, no, exactly.
Well, and I was going to makethat point about you because I
think we have different styles,right.
But but you and you said Ishowed up in my my, my, my
normal.
You know what I'm?
I'm a dating and relationshipcoach style, but you looked good
, you like, while you had at-shirt on.
It was a nice t-shirt, it was apressed t-shirt.

(06:49):
You were groomed well, yourjeans looked like.
All of that had an impact andyou could take that.
It could have been the samewith somebody that's got their
15-year-old graphic tee on andbaggy jeans that are hanging,
you know, with their boxers thesame exact clothing articles.
Just, you look terrific becauseyou did it in a way that is

(07:14):
meaningful.
So, yeah, I think that'simportant for guys to recognize.
Now let's talk a little bitabout you know.
No-transcript too is that theydon't see that they've made an

(07:59):
effort to do something, and Ithink that effort is kind of the
one underlying part.
If you're not looking good,that's not only your potential
romantic partner will see, butalso your boss or your
colleagues are going to see,also your kids.

(08:22):
So that's the third part.
I think why it's important isbecause your kids are watching
you as well, and then also, likewe alluded to in the beginning,
is yourself, as far as how youfeel about yourself and your
confidence.
So those are the four whys thatI see around, why it's
important, and then the effort.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Yeah, I completely agree the effort that we put
into presenting ourselves.
I'm going to speak to the sidewith women.
They definitely feel that whena woman goes on a date and she
doesn't know a man, there arelots and lots of questions, lots
of open-ended question marks intheir mind that they're
wondering about with this man.

(09:03):
And one of the biggest questionmarks is is this guy the kind
of guy that makes an effort andbrings energy to the table?
Is he going to contribute?
Is he going to pull this wagondown the road, or is he going to
be kind of lazy and just kindof coasting along as long as he
gets whatever it is that hewants out of it?

(09:23):
And when a guy shows up and heshows that he makes the effort
and it's not just for the date,it's not just for the woman he's
the kind of guy that makes thateffort over and over again.
That's going to naturallyattract women because they can
feel that they can count on himto not be passive, not be lazy

(09:45):
and not be complacent in therelationship because he's being
that way in his own life.
You take that and you apply itto the example you have with
children and you take thatobviously into the workforce.
That's definitely going to helpyou in your career.
And, most importantly, whenyou've had this destructive
moment in your life or longextended moment of divorce, we

(10:09):
have to communicate to ourselvesthat we are going to get back
up on the horse and that we aregoing to make the effort to go
in the direction that we want togo, starting with you know what
shirt am I going to wear andyou know what?
I don't have any good shirts,so let me go to the store and
get a couple of them that I canfeel proud to wear.
That shifts the identity.
That tells us what kind of aman we're going to be.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Right, and we're going to get into that too,
coming up here about how to dothat, how to do it on a budget,
like how, how uncomplicated itactually is to to, to to do.
But before we do that, I wantedto also point out kind of the
second thing that I feel is thestatement that you make whether

(10:54):
it's with potential date or withyour work colleagues or your
boss or your kids is that it'syou're projecting capability,
that you're capable of puttingyourself together, creating a
persona, if you will, havingstyle, matching stuff right,
that projects capability, thatprojects to your kids, that

(11:16):
you're confident and you havethe ability to do that.
And let me just say also thatyou may not feel this way inside
, and that's okay.
You may not feel confident, younot feel like you're making a
great effort, you may not feelvery capable.
But by doing something as simpleas this and it's kind of the
fake it until you make itmentality is you start to

(11:38):
project this.
And this is the whole thingthat I think we get wrong in our
society.
Like you have to, you have toknow all this knowledge before
you can actually do stuff.
It's actually the opposite youdo stuff and then your mentality
catches up with it, right, andthen you start to believe that,
hey, you know, I do make aneffort, okay, and I am a good

(12:00):
dad and I'm a catch and I havethe capabilities to do this.
And then it starts to buildyour self-confidence.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
Yeah, and the fake it till you make it component.
We all experience thatcontinually, especially if we're
stretching into a larger worldthan we're just really born into
and comfortable with.
Probably the best tool for thisis a full length mirror.
A lot of guys don't have a fulllength mirror to look at
themselves in, because I feelthis all the time, every day.

(12:31):
There's an internal view of howI look, in my style and my
presentation, and then when Ilook in the mirror I see
something that sometimes itlines up, but a lot of times it
doesn't.
For example, a lot of times Iput on a sports coat and on the
inside it feels like I'm a poser, it feels like I'm trying too
hard.
But I look in the mirror and Ithink, no, that looks really

(12:54):
good, that looks really wellprepared.
And so there's this slowrealignment of the external
appearances and the internalperception that we have of each
other and, as just a practicaltool, use a full-length mirror
to see how does this guy look,and then you check in with

(13:15):
yourself on the inside and howdoes this guy feel.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Okay, I think that's a great segue into the how right
Like our practical toolkit, ifyou will, of how to do this.
Number one get a full-lengthmirror right, and I didn't even
think about that, maybe becauseI've had a full-length mirror my

(13:38):
whole life.
But that's a great, great point, because I feel like we don't,
and so I'll be upfront.
You were very kind with yourcompliments and opening about
how I look.
That was not me after divorce.
That wasn't me during mymarriage either.
Right, I was the cargo pants orthe cargo shorts and the polo

(14:00):
shirt that was like awfulstripes or or whatever, and and
like sleeveless sweaters andjust a train wreck of a mess
with the pleated like beigepants, khaki pants or whatever,
and not that there's any likeyou can.
There's a, there is a way thatyou can do all of those things.
Yes, and look good, I was notdoing any of those things and

(14:22):
look good, I was not doing anyof those things and looking good
.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
So let me just jump in to that one point.
There is style, which meansyou're putting intentionality
and effort into what you'redoing, and then there are
different styles.
Pleated khaki pants is onestyle.
Three-piece suits that'sanother style.
Cargo shorts and polos that'sone style.
Three-piece suits that'sanother style.

(14:46):
Cargo shorts and polos that's astyle.
When you're going to the 4th ofJuly pool party, cargo pants
and a polo shirt are appropriate.
It's one realizing that youhave one, or maybe multiple
styles that you like to do andthen having style enough to wear
it well, to do it well.
I just had to jump in in caseyou're being ourselves, but I

(15:07):
have a question.
So you had the we'll call itthe cargo pants version of Jude,
and then we have the dressshirt version that you have now.
Can you tell me, for everybodylistening, a quick snapshot of
how did you feel emotionallythen, when you were wearing
cargo pants, versus how you feelemotionally dressed now?

(15:30):
Like, give us the two timecapsules of those two points in
your life.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, that's a great, great question, because so
again, you were kind in yourassessment of how I dressed.
I did not, and I feel confidentwith how I dress now and I feel
confident when I show up atplaces.
I do I'm not bragging, but I doget compliments.
I like to wear suits, whichseems, at least in the Denver

(15:57):
metro area, like an uncommonthing anymore Because, well, and
it always has been a little bit, it always has been a little
bit more casual here, but Istill like to do that.
I do it and I don't like ties,so I do it in a casual manner,

(16:18):
like with a dress, shirt andopen collar and like that.
But I do get comments quiteoften and that helps, right.
That helps me feel good.
I'm already at this point whereI'm confident with it.
That's taken a decade, right,since, or more since, my divorce
, and it's taken refinement overthat too.
So I guess I want to make apoint and I'll get back to
finishing how I felt before that.
But you don't know what youdon't know, right.

(16:40):
So this is just another processfor you, as a divorced dad, of
learning, because if you didn'thave a father which I didn't, so
when my dad died in his closetwith the same suits he had when
I was a kid, right, like he hadno sense of style.
He didn't.
You know, he was just a commonkind of down to earth guy.

(17:03):
It was t-shirts and shorts andjeans were fine and that was it,
and so I didn't ever learn anyof this.
I learned some of it from mymom.
So you don't know what youdon't know and you just kind of
get into it.
And so when my divorce ended, Ithink probably what the first
thing that did it and why yourmirror comment was important, is
, looking in the mirror I waslike, oh man, I don't like this,

(17:27):
and part of it was that I hadstarted, near the end of my
divorce, losing a bunch ofweight like 25 pounds, right and
so I had lost a bunch of weightand had really started to get
fit again, which I was adivision one athlete.
So I had gone so far to theother end of the spectrum that I

(17:47):
was not fit, to the other endof the spectrum that I was not
fit.
And then I was dressed and myclothes were just reflective of
what was on the inside right,and so I did not feel good about
myself and, looking at myselfthen hadn't lost the weight,
gotten more fit, and in theseclothes I just felt just not

(18:07):
good at all.
And so it took time then tobuild towards that and the how
to do that is and maybe we canget into some details now about
that and because I feel likealso some of the dads get caught
up in well, I don't have a lotof money.

(18:28):
Things are certain.
Right now I don't want to spenda ton of money, you don't.
It does not cost a ton of moneyto do this.
And then the first part I want Ithink is important to talk
about is what you said, which isyou can pull off the, the khaki
, the, the, the khaki and the,the sweater or whatever.
But it's how you do it, and oneof the things that guys don't

(18:50):
get told a lot is how it fitslike, how your clothes like you
right now.
You look, you've got a greatt-shirt on right.
It is not a baggy t-shirt, itis not.
It is not a graphic tee.
I mean maybe graphic tees oncein a while.
Okay, Like whatever, but I'mnot a huge fan.
But it fits right, it's good,fits around the shoulders, it's

(19:11):
not bad, like it looks good.
That is a huge huge thing,because it it, then it will help
to like, define you yes, yes,and and to your point, it fits
me.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
A fit is something that is particular.
And when it comes to awareness,self-awareness, right and and
when it comes to pickingwhatever, when it comes to
picking the style that you feel,that you identify with and it
feels good for you, you need topick first of all the style that
fits you and then, once youpick that style and you go out

(19:47):
shopping, the the first criteriafor me hands down is how do
these things fit on your?
The emergency broadcast systemis jumping into the podcast.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
It's telling us guys listen, this is important
information, okay good.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
I just want to make sure there isn't a missile
attack.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
I need to make the most of my last 15 minutes.

Speaker 2 (20:10):
Okay, sorry, jude, not sure I.
I'm gonna spend it with you.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
If I only got 15 left , all right back to the back to
the topic at hand, the.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
The fit on your body is the most important thing to
look at.
Guys, you can't just say, oh,I'm a size 34 in the waist or I
wear a large shirt.
You need to get a lot morespecific and you need to again,
in the clothing store, look inthe full-length mirror.
You need to ask yourself howdoes this fit on my body?

(20:42):
And so for me, I actually wentthrough some nutrition changes
in the last year.
I started for a period, for anextended period of time, I was
tracking calories because I'dnever done it.
I I'd lost 30 pounds and thenI've, yeah, and then I've gone
back up and everybody said,dallas, like I wouldn't have
thought you had 30 pounds tolose, but I just, it's like I

(21:05):
trimmed it down and things feltgood and I've, I've gained about
10 pounds of it back and I'mabout where I like to be at the
moment.
I had to throw out tons of pantsthat just didn't fit the right
way anymore and I was kind ofproud of it.
And I went to the store and Iwas thinking, okay, I really
need to pay attention to howthese clothes are fitting on me.

(21:28):
Turns out, sizes don't meananything.
They give you a rough estimate,but the way a pair of jeans
from one store to another, toanother, is going to be wildly
different, and it really mattershow those pants hang on your
body.
Yeah, the fit is absolutely thenumber one criteria that we
have to look at, and that'sgoing to happen.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Hopefully and this is a topic for another episode
hopefully you're working on yourphysical part of your life.
It's another thing that is kindof a quick hit that you can do,
that you can control in thischallenging situation.
That's another thing that wecan talk about in or just allude

(22:16):
to.
At least you don't have a lotof control about what's
happening during your divorce ormaybe even post-divorce a
little bit.
But what you can't control isyou can control how you look and
how you show up.
Another thing is you can controlyour physical fitness and how
much effort you're putting intothat.
So you talked about youshedding pounds as well.

(22:37):
I did the same thing and tryingto get myself back to a place
that I felt comfortable.
But just know that that's alsogoing to fluctuate, guys, and
that's okay.
Like you said, you were up.
I'm up about 10 pounds fromwhere I feel really, really
comfortable.
I'm down 10 from just a yearago where I was up 20, which so

(22:58):
this happens to all of us inseasons of our lives.
You get busy with kids or workor you just stop paying
attention, you don't go to thegym, whatever.
That's okay, but you can stilladjust.
I've done the same thing.
I try not to throw away.
I try to use them to motivateme to get back to what I might
need to.
But you can go out and you canbuy new stuff.

(23:21):
Stuff does fit.
Like you said, the Lucky Jeansto the Levi Jeans.
They fit completely different.
So don't get tied into a 32 ora 36 or or our 42 chest or
whatever it is.
Just find whatever, whateverfits and and let's talk about
okay.
So, like you might think ohgeez, dude, dallas, this is

(23:43):
expensive, like I'm going to bethrowing stuff away.
Oh my gosh, some more importantstuff Now.
I don't even know where thatone's coming from.
All right, maybe it'll stop.
My gosh, some more importantstuff Now.
I don't even know where thatone's coming from.
All right, maybe it'll stop,but are you not getting one on
your end?
I don't know where this iscoming from no, no, my phone.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
I mean, is that coming through your phone?

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Is that where it's coming through?
The first one came through myphone and the second one I have
maybe through my Alexa, whoknows.
Second one I have, maybethrough my Alexa, who knows?
Anyway, it's just an alarm,guys, to be paying attention to
what we're saying here, becauseit's important information.
Wake up, this is important, yeah, and it is it's not expensive
to do this, okay, so let's talkabout a couple of ways that you

(24:28):
can do this, that it isaffordable in doing, and a
couple of ways that I've foundis one thrift stores in doing,
and in a couple of ways thatI've found is one thrift stores.
Thrift stores are are a greatplace, and you'd be amazed the
quality of stuff that peoplejust give away and and now the
the the positive to that is it'sgoing to be inexpensive, like
like a quarter, like you canfind some amazing, nice stuff

(24:49):
that I've I've found at thriftstores that are just hundreds of
dollars.
You'd just be amazed.
The downside is it takes a lotmore efforts to sift through and
sort through that stuff, butyou can find stuff that is nice,
that is quality and does fityou, and they have full-length

(25:11):
mirrors at most of the thriftstores, so you can.

Speaker 2 (25:14):
Securely bolted to the wall so that no one can walk
away with it.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yes, exactly, and so that's one of them and I'll give
you my other and then I'll askyou for some more of your pearls
.
The other is discount storeslike TJ Maxx or Ross or some of
them.
They might not be the exacthippest, newest style, because

(25:40):
the fashion industry goes on.
They find something new everyyear and it's a cool thing and
then everybody's got to buy it.
And if you don't care aboutthat like I don't as much, and I
kind of get into my own littlestyle it's not based upon what's
coming out any given year.
You can find really, reallyreasonably priced and it's new.

(26:03):
So you don't have that stigmaabout somebody else may have
worn it.
It's not going to be asinexpensive as a thrift store
and you're still going to haveto maybe sort through.
It's a little bit easier, butthere are going to be maybe even
newer fashions there, but itwill be new, it will be
inexpensive and it'll berelatively easier than a thrift

(26:24):
store to go through.
So those are my kind of hacks,if you will, to finding stuff
that fits and that is quality,that you're going to be able to
wear for a good period of time.
What are yours?

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, those are fabulous, and those are two that
I definitely have drawn on alot myself.
Yeah, I had a dress shirt.
Well, let me say, when you goand do this, bring a woman with
you whenever possible, oranother guy who knows style, or
another guy who knows style,yeah, Because I know a lot of
women who have no style.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Start commenting and asking Jude to go with you
Because while he says his littleold style, or however.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
You just said it.
So not true, man, you are asharp dresser, you look good.
So yeah, everybody, yeah, fillup Jude's inbox, ask.
So yeah, everybody, yeah, fillup Jude's inbox, ask him to go
shopping with you there we go.
It's my new side business,thanks, yeah, having somebody
come with you can give you adifferent perspective.
Sometimes they'll pull thingsoff the rack for you to try.
That might be outside of yourcomfort zone.
And then you put it on andagain, the running image for

(27:27):
this whole episode apparently isfull-length mirror.
You look at yourself in thatshirt and you're like, actually
I'm surprised, I actually likethe way this looks.
But when it comes to savingmoney, yeah, I have you know,
one of my favorite sort ofevening shirts is a mark anthony
shirt.
I think I looked it up it'slike two hundred dollars.
I paid six dollars for it, Ithink yeah, yeah, you can get

(27:48):
amazing deals, but you arespending a little more time.
But here's the trick, guys youhave to spend the time anyway to
develop your sense of style.
You have to spend the timeanyway to see how well does this
fit?
It fits in the shoulders, butit doesn't fit around the
midsection.
The length is too long or it'stoo short.

(28:09):
If it's in, you know, thelength is too long or it's too
short.
And the, the, the thing that'svery interesting is the brand
name maybe sometimes can tellyou what the fit is going to be
like.
Maybe, but it's the.
It's fine when it comes tofinding the right fit on your
body.
That is brand independent forthe most part.
You're going to, you're goingto have to.

(28:30):
I go to my favorite discountstore to go to is actually Ross
and it's panning for gold.
I will take literally 12 shirtswith me to the back and I will
maybe keep one of them.
Most of them don't fit evenremotely well and I will go
through a lot of shirts andsometimes I'll be there for, you
know, a couple of hours.

(28:51):
I don't do this very often, butwhen I do it, I go ahead and do
it and I try on lots of shirtsand I come out with maybe four
or five that I feel fit merelatively well and then from
that fit I will take a look atwhich ones actually give me the
look that I'm looking for.
That, that that made that Ifeel the best in.
Yeah, I use both of those.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
Can I use a point about that real quick, Because I
know guys, lots of guys aregoing oh geez, come on, I got to
go for like two hours and goshopping.
Look, it's a one-time upfrontinvestment.
And what you just described,dallas.
It's necessary because thedifference you don't know what's
going to fit, how it's going tofit, what it's necessary
because the difference you don'tknow what's going to fit, how
it's going to fit, what it'sgoing to look like you have got
to go in, you've got to try on,you get the feedback if you can.

(29:38):
You know who I think is one ofmy best at least is my daughters
, or teens, like teen daughters,teen, because they're kind of
more on the pulse of like what'sgoing on and what looks good
and not, and they'll definitelygive their unabashed, their
unabashed opinion to you aboutwhat you look like.

(29:58):
So ask, you know, ask your kids, they'll, they'll give you a
pretty honest opinion if thatlooks just horrible or you look
like a, look like a schlub.
But but I wanted to just, Iwant to just, I just wanted to
address that mentality with withthe dads, because, yes, this
goes into the effort, part of it, though.
So it's going to take a coupleof hours, maybe over a few
months, or six months, or ninemonths, to refine, every three

(30:20):
or six months, whatever, torefine this to a point where you
feel good.
But that effort will then showthrough, and it's only a couple
of hours of effort, right.
And then it shows through.
And it's only a couple of hoursof effort, right.
And then it shows through.
And we're going to talk about alittle bit about how that shows
through, on how to do this,with different dates et cetera
coming up here in a little bit.
But you've got to do it.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
You have got to do what Dallas described and just
carve out the time, yeah, so toreinforce what you're saying,
everything of value comes at aprice.
If you want to look good andthat is value, that is value on
a date, that is value in the jobforce, that is value with
yourself, that's value in theexample you set with children

(31:02):
All of that value comes at aprice.
The price is you have to siftthrough and find out what
actually looks good.
The price is you have to siftthrough and find out what
actually looks good.
Another point that is reallyimportant is when I walk into my
closet, I have lots of shirtsthat I feel confident I'm going
to look good in.
I don't have those two or threeshirts that I know I can wear

(31:23):
on a date, but once I've nowbeen out on two or three dates
with that woman, I'm out.
I have no more options.
It's either I start dressingdown or I start repeating the
cycle over.
We want to have an abundance ofgood options that we feel good
in, we look good in, that fitour personality.

(31:45):
Gentlemen, there is moneyinvolved but, honestly, the time
involved in finding what reallyworks for you, that's the
bigger expense, really, reallyand okay, you don't want to do
it.
Guys are like you know and thiscomes back to you know, to the
original the original idea of itshouldn't matter, but it does.

(32:06):
Guys want to tell ourselves andwe do tell ourselves a
narrative that this doesn'treally matter.
It's like people just accept me.
This is functional.
On one level, that's true.
But really, guys, you areshrinking your impact on the
world and, in a dating sense,you are massively shrinking your
dating pool.
If you look at clothing andstyle as merely a functional

(32:30):
component, women are going to beway more impressed and they're
going to want to dress better.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
For a man that's bringing something more
attractive to the table, yeah,and I like the fact that you
stated you're minimizing yourimpact on the world because it's
just not dating, it's yourprofessional life, like we
talked earlier professional life.
What's your modeling for yourkids?
It has an impact too.
They see that you look good,that people take notice of you.

(33:00):
That completely changes yourdynamic of how you function in
the world, how you function inyour family with your kids.
Leadership it goes toleadership.
This is truly foundational,gentlemen, and you might think
that's really an overstatement.
It is not an overstatement.
It can have such an impact.

(33:21):
So I just wanted to add on towhat you said, because that was
perfect.
It has a larger impact thanjust dating and just romantic,
but I mean there's that benefittoo.
Let's talk about what I feel islike one other practical kind
of toolkit thing.
We've talked about making surethat it's fit, inexpensive ways

(33:43):
to find stuff, kind of ditching.
And before we do that, let memake one more.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Can I make one more comment about the third point
about saving money?
Yeah, if you go straight to thedepartment store or the
expensive shop and you startspending money on expensive
clothes assuming that it's goingto make you look good you're
wasting money.
You want to learn how to dothis at the chain discount

(34:09):
stores, at the thrift stores.
You want to get some practicein and find out what looks good
on you so that when you do go tothe higher end store you have
that trained, you have an eyefor it and then when you pick
out the higher quality itembecause they do look different
and you have the qualitycombined with the right fit and
the right style, then you willlook like a million bucks.

(34:32):
So you will save yourself moneyby not skipping ahead and going
to the expensive store.
Learn the skill first and thentake that skill and spend a
little more money on a pair ofpants that make your ass look
amazing.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
Yeah, exactly so.
And that would go to kind ofthe point we talked about
earlier, which is learning thisstuff, and with all the
technology we have now it's youcan learn this stuff easily AI,
you can just type in what looksgood, or how do I pair this, or
what do I do with this, or and Istill, I still do it sometimes

(35:06):
if I've got a unique situationor something that I'm going to
or color combinations that I'mnot sure about, or something
like, obviously I'm refining itvery detailed or pocket like.
But you can do that, and thiswas, this was part of my
learning process over the lastdecade of having to do that.
Some of it was horrible, fails,right, it didn't look good, and

(35:27):
you'll, you'll know thatbecause you won't feel good.
And then you also probably getsome feedback, particularly from
your kiddos, going the hell isthat dad?
But but you know, you can ditchthat dad uniform and you can
move up and kind of upgrade that, that, that whole, that that
whole persona, that whole, uh,just by upgrading your, your,

(35:48):
your wardrobe, so.
So I want to talk about so oneone last easy thing in this
toolkit is grooming.
Yeah, right, so you could be,you could, you could have all
the money.
You could be buying thosethousand dollar, thousands of
dollars, suits, and if you'renot groomed well and not looking

(36:09):
good, it's just.
It's just, and we've seen, I'veI mean, I've seen guys like
this.
It's just not going to matterat all.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
So talk to us about grooming.
Okay, so okay.
One of the most importantprinciples that most guys don't
understand is that women, from atactile and an olfactory sense,
are far more sensitive than men.
So the way that you're, the waythat you smell, a woman will be
highly sensitive to.
We're talking about pheromones,but we're also talking about

(36:37):
you.
Know, did you wash yourselfwell and put on the right amount
of deodorant so that you smellgood?
Because when a woman isattracted to a man and she wants
to get close, it's not justabout the loins, it's not just
about the sexual part, it's atotal body experience.
Smelling you is part of that.
Same thing with you know.

(36:58):
Whatever your facial hairsituation is, make it look
intentional, make it look likeyou put effort into it.
Don't be a sloppy version of it.
You can have a beard, you canhave a clean shaven, you can
have a goatee, you can dowhatever feels right to you, but
make it look like you puteffort into it and that you are
one of the best examples of thatstyle.
Another one is men's skin.

(37:20):
Guys, most of us are like Idon't moisturize, I'm not going
to put anything on it, at thevery least, before you go on a
date, put some lotion on yourhands At the very least, because
the last thing you want is tofind that your cracked, dry skin
is catching on her silky top asyou lead her through the door.
She doesn't want her shirt thatcost her $130 to get messed up

(37:46):
by your rough, calloused hands.
She does not want that.
She wants to feel your stronghands on her appropriately, but
she doesn't want to feel thatshe's getting cut up, nicked up
and all of the things that she'sput into herself are being
damaged because your hands areon her.
That's the opposite effect.

(38:06):
You want her, when you touchher, for her to go oh wow, I
want that touch again.
That's the effect that you wantto have.
So lotion on your hands, anabsolute must when you go on a
date to make sure that itdoesn't catch on anything.
And when you do touch handswith her, your hands feel soft
Again.
I believe the statistic I read awhile back was women's sense of

(38:30):
touch through skin, I believe,was something like 10 times more
sensitive than with men.
This goes into the wholebedroom scene and sex and all of
that.
There's tons and tons to besaid on another episode, but
realize that her sense of touchis going to be very, very
sensitive.
You don't want dry skin on yourbody.

(38:51):
Moisturize that stuff.
Okay.
And last one along this, becauseI have heard so many women say
it to me and most of them willnot say it to their dudes.
They're like do something aboutyour feet.
They do not want some dudewho's got like weird toenails
cracked and going all over theplace coming back to dry skin.
She doesn't want to snuggle upto somebody that feels like a

(39:12):
Brillo pad, like she justdoesn't.
Steel wool isn't sexy in bed,so do something about that shit.
I remember the first time andthis was tough for me I went and
got a pedicure and it wasn'tbecause someone was like Dallas,
your feet are nasty, I was justnew.
I was like, well, I want to trythis and see what it's like.

(39:33):
Okay, first of all, guys,surprisingly enjoyable.
It really is surprisinglyenjoyable.
I will second that, yeah.
Second thing is you will feelway out of place and you will
have a whole bunch of womenturning their heads to stare at
you while you're in there.
Just push through it, man, getthrough it and let them do that

(39:54):
work or have fun with it.
Yeah, have fun with it.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
Get some dates out of it.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Have fun with it.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Yeah, have fun with it.
Yeah, get some dates out of it.
Exactly, yeah, I now know.
I now think that when I go intothe to the, you know, to get
the pedicure, that women arelooking at me and they're like,
oh, I was getting this from myhusband, but I kind of wish
maybe I was talking to this guyinstead.
Don't.
So there's a stigma and again,listening to what women say, a
lot of men are like, no, I can'tdo that, that's feminine,

(40:21):
that's weak or whatever.
Guys, it's not.
One of my interesting fun factsthat I learned about this was
when you look at the military.
The military has a very strictdress code and a very strict
grooming code.
That is part of the culture.
Grooming code that is part ofthe culture.

(40:41):
People don't go into themilitary and just kind of look
however they want.
They don't look disheveled, notin what they wear and not in
how they groom themselves.
The military has a very strictdress code.
It is masculine to take care ofyour body and put your house in
order.
Physically, it is incrediblymasculine.
Look to the military.
You can go back in history.
I forgot.
There was this one group.
I think it was in the time ofantiquity.

(41:03):
They were, I think, called thewell-groomed warriors, something
like that, and they foundexcavations of grooming kits
with these soldiers that werefor their nails and for know for
their hair and they wouldliterally grooming themselves.
And this was, and I believethere are written accounts of
how attractive these men werethat were about to like come in

(41:26):
and kick your butt, you know, incombat there is no, there is no
correlation between beingunkempt and being masculine.
It is.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Actually I would say over history it would be the
opposite.
That well-groomed kind of thatcosmopolitan gentleman is more
reflective of a masculine nature.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
It just seems in our current society that it shows
effort when you are well-groomedand well-dressed.
It shows effort, and nothing ismoreed and well-dressed.
It shows effort, and nothing ismore masculine than putting in
effort.
It's that simple.
Well, and let's talk about thementality around.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Well, first, actually , I want to add one, uh one one
thing.
I'm glad you went to the feetthing, because I have kind of a
foot thing with, with women, soI like I always want mine to to
to look nice too.
Lead by example man man Lead byexample, and that's a refinement
, and actually that's going totake me into us talking about
footwear next, because I thinkthat's another easy one.

(42:28):
But I wanted to add thateverything that you just said is
inexpensive Moisturizer, nailclippers that's not perfume,
right, you can go to to, to Rossor TJ Maxx.
You get it discount.
You don't have to go to the.
You don't have to go to the thestore and buy it for $200 a
bottle.
You can go get something for 20, 30, $50.

(42:50):
If you want to spend a lot,that's this kind of same as the
clothes that'll last you for anentire year.
It'll last you for an entireyear and you're going to smell
tremendous as well.
And then the other thing is payfor a haircut and beard
grooming.
Pay for it because you're notgoing to get away with being

(43:11):
cheap on this one, unfortunately, and if you do, it's going to
look like crap.
So that's one where I don'tthink there is a hack or a
shortcut, unless you're bald, oryou want to be bald and you're
just going to shave it andyou're going to just shave all
the time.
That would be the only way, butmaybe that's what you want to
do and you want to change yourpersona because you want to be
the bald guy.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
And when it comes to cost of hair and styling, let's
put it in perspective.
Okay, men, you're spending $50,$75 on a haircut, you know,
maybe more if you're goingsomewhere.
Really great.
Women are spending two, threetimes that much easy on their
hair when they're coming to thetable and and their expectations

(43:50):
.
Guys, we can have the salt andpepper.
We can.
We can, you know, go gray andnot have to worry about it.
Women, it's a lot harder forthem to do that.
It's a lot harder for them toown it.
So when they start getting intocoloring and all of that, then
they have to maintain it.
Guys, don't complain about thecost of this, because the woman
that you're going on a date withhas spent way more money on all

(44:12):
the aspects of her physicalappearance than you probably
ever will.
So put it in perspective.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Yeah, and it's going to make.
It's going to make a difference.
When you are well coiffed, youjust look better and expect,
expect to spend 40 or $50 on ahaircut.
A good barber or a stylist isgoing to charge that much, but
it's going to be well worth it.
And then just put yourself on aregular routine of hey, I'm

(44:42):
going to do it every three orfour weeks.
I just schedule before I leave,because that way you don't get
out of hand.
And then look, we're dads,we're busy, we've got stuff
going on.
You schedule out in advance.
I schedule mine two or threemonths in advance so that I just
know that's going to be.
I'm going to schedule it in.
And then I schedule mine two orthree, three months in advance,
so that I just know I, that'sgoing to be.
I'm going to schedule it in,and then I'm not ever going to

(45:03):
be frustrated.
I'm not ever going to look likea schlub.
I'm going to be looking,looking decent, and and and.
So just do that, spend themoney, schedule it out and and
get it done, yeah, so.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
I mean, you know budget, yeah, yeah, it's
basically it's like I'm spending50 a month on a haircut.
You know, I I also go, Ibelieve it's.
Yeah, once a month I go and geta haircut.
I used to gauge how much I needa haircut by how shaggy and how
far over my ears the hair wouldcome and then I'd start doing
that tuck it behind the earthing you know, oh, it's long

(45:37):
enough now and I can tuck itback and nobody's going to
notice it there for anothercouple inches.
I mean, what?
Who like how much money am Ireally saving here?
You know by by by by byavoiding the haircut, but a lot
of times, like you said, it wasactually more of a logistical
thing.
Is I didn't want to call up,make the appointment and all of
that.

(45:57):
It's on autopay.
At this point it's on thecalendar.
The payment comes out and I goand do it and I love it because
it maintains a certain baseline.
I know this is slightly offtopic, but I'm just going to
throw this in in the samecategory.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
Cleaning.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Ladies, guys, I know, this is not, grooming on your
body, but it's basicallygrooming your environment.
Go ahead and work towardsunless you love cleaning and I
don't know anybody man or womanthat loves cleaning Unless you
love cleaning get a regularservice in the budget scheduled,
coming in doing it regularly sothat when you do have a date

(46:39):
that's coming home you don'thave to wonder if the toilet
looks nasty, if there'stoothpaste all over the sink, if
the dishes have been piled up.
You don't have to worry aboutthat.
You're maintaining a certainbaseline of cleanliness.
Grooming essentially iscleanliness and grooming
essentially is cleanliness.
And let me dive one leveldeeper here on the grooming.

(47:02):
So one of the absolutefundamental building blocks of a
woman's engagement with a manis how safe does she feel with
that man?
She is more sensitive in herskin and all kinds of things
like that that we alreadycovered.
Another area that she is moresensitive in her skin and all
kinds of things like that thatwe already covered.
Another area that she is alsomore sensitive in is her body is
more susceptible to diseasethan a man's body.

(47:23):
So women are far more skeevythan men are if things are not
clean, if, if things are notwell groomed, she's gonna like
what's maybe growing down there.
You know, if you like, if youlike a woman going down on you,

(47:43):
groom yourself and make it clearthat everything is clean and
neat and tidy.
If you look at any GQ magazine,you know.
If you look at, you knowinterior design, all of it is
sanitary, it is clean, it is.
It's the sort of environmentwhere a woman walks into and
says, oh, I want to take off myclothes because I'm comfortable
here.
Nothing's going to happen to meIf she comes into your place or

(48:04):
she starts getting involvedwith your body and she's
wondering well, I don't know ifI might catch something, because
I don't know how much shewashes, or I don't know what
else has been on this couch orwhen was the last time these
sheets were changed.
That's a turnoff.
Women have a higher level ofsensitivity than men do and it

(48:27):
comes from a need to be safeWomen's bodies.
They can pick up all kinds ofweird stuff UTI, they're, you
know, utis, you know all youknow.
Yeast infections, like all thatstuff for them is something
they deal with on a daily basis.
We never even think about thisas a guys Like I don't wonder if

(48:47):
I'm going to get, if I'm goingto pick something up and it's
going to be weird.
Women live with this everysingle day.
Your grooming is step one inthem feeling safe, exposing
their bodies to you Yep.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
I agree 100%, and I would just maybe reframe that,
as you're projecting a level ofhealth and vitality, right, that
she's going to feel comfortablewith and she's going to feel
safe with, and then she's goingto be more, she's going to be
incredibly drawn to you, right,she's going to be like a magnet

(49:22):
to you.
So, so, not only are youshowing effort, not only are you
showing capability, you'reshowing health, you're showing
vitality, all masculine traitsthat feminine women are very,
very attracted to.
Yeah, so, absolutely All right,let's talk about.
I wasn't going to talk about,but I'm a shoe guy, I like shoes

(49:46):
, so I was going to purposelyleave it out because I'm
thinking all right, just becauseit's my fetish doesn't mean
that we should.
But it is a very easy,inexpensive way.
You talked about accessories,right, I would put shoes into,
into the accessory category,right?
I like jewelry, I like chainsand bracelets and I've got mine

(50:07):
on and rings and stuff like that, but not everybody does.
Shoes are a very inexpensive,easy way to compliment.
Inexpensive, easy way tocompliment.
Highlight peacocking.
Maybe we can talk about thisalso in the context of
peacocking and what that is andwhy that's important too.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
Yeah, so let's talk about peacocking first, actually
, okay, so for those who aren'tfamiliar with the term,
peacocking was I don't know thatit was coined by the pickup
artist community, but itdefinitely became popularized by
the pickup artist community.
Peacocking is wearing somethingthat is highly recognizable,
like a big feather boa aroundyour neck, some crazy top hat,
some wild jacket with sequins.

(50:48):
These would be extreme forms ofpeacocking.
What peacocking does, too, istwo main things come to mind.
The first one is it drawsattention to you, so you don't
blend in with the pavement.
You stand out.
Women and men notice you.
That's the first thing.
The second thing, which is moresubtle, that a lot of people
don't notice, is that peacockinggives people something to talk

(51:09):
about and engage with you about.
Like dude, that is an awesomejacket.
I've never seen so manyflippant sequins in one place at
one time, or whatever it is.
And peacocking also shows acertain level of confidence,
because you're able to wear boldcolors, you're able to wear
things that are outside the norm.
It's also a demonstration ofconfidence.
There's a dark side to that.

(51:30):
Where you're trying too hardand you're just attention
seeking, it gets morecomplicated.
But to dial it back down to asense of just good style when
you're dressed well.
That gives a woman something tocompliment you on.
It gives her a reason to talkto you.
I've been out several times andwhen I wear a sports coat, a
woman all she has to say is Ilove the jacket, because there

(51:53):
are no other dudes wearing ajacket.
It becomes a conversation pieceand it's something easy for her
to step into.
If you're wearing nice pair ofshoes and it shows and they're
like, well polished, and that'sone of the things is maintaining
these things and make sure theylook good, you're, you're again
you're.
You're giving the womanmaterial.
You know, on our side as a guy,we usually think, well, I want

(52:16):
to approach this woman, what doI talk about?
What do I do?
We can go into that anothertime.
There's definitely very basicthings you can do to make that
happen.
Women have the same struggle.
Women don't know necessarilyhow to engage with a man, either
out of the blue that they'reattracted to, or talking with
him and he seems nice and you'vesort of covered that

(52:36):
conversation.
Looking sharp is a way for herto be able to genuinely engage
with you in a way that she onethat a lot of women are
sensitive to, and two in a waythat feels genuine to her and
she can give something backAgain.
I don't know if you can call itpeacocking at that point, but
dressing really well and lookingsharp is a mild like, dialed in

(53:00):
well-adjusted form ofpeacocking, I'd say.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
Yeah, and it doesn't have to be a feather boa like
Dennis Rodman style or anythingcrazy, it can be a velvet jacket
.
I used to have a velvet jacketLike I loved that jacket before
I lost too much weight and ithung on me right, but it was all
.
I can't tell you, dale thenumber of times a woman would

(53:25):
stroke it.
It was like that's so soft andthen inevitably through the
night they'd want their armsaround me or me close to them or
whatever.
I mean, that's just a realsimple, easy way to do what
you're describing.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
Yeah, and women a lot of times need an excuse to be
handsy.
You know, I'm not touching you,dude, I'm touching your jacket.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
No, no, no, no, I have an out here.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
No, no, no, I'm not.
I'm not that kind of woman.
But this jacket I just have tokeep admiring it.
I have, I have a microfibershirt that every time I wear it,
I have that experience.
Somebody touches it and they'relike, oh, and they're like, oh,
my gosh, and they have to touchit a whole bunch more.
Guys go ahead and wear thingsthat women like tactilely.
I bought this last spring asuede jacket from Banana

(54:10):
Republic the most beautifulsuede jacket I've ever seen and
when I touch it it just blows mymind.
I can't imagine how soft it is.
Now, imagine what that feelslike to a woman whose sense of
touch is multiple times moresensitive than yours.
And you wear that jacket.
You became sort of the softestanimal at the zoo that every

(54:30):
woman wants to put their handson and keep petting Guys.
It's making it easy for her toopen up.
It's making it easy for her toget comfortable with you
physically.
Do we need to spell out wherethis is going?
I think it's clear.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Banana Republic is one of myfavorite brands.
You can find those in thethrift stores a ton and it's
great or you can find them usedonline.
Another place I failed tomention was online eBay you can
find.
The challenges is finding stuffYou've got to know exactly the
fit, et cetera but stuff likejackets and stuff like that.
I've got actually two leatherBanana Republic jackets too, and

(55:07):
they're just beautiful.
I love them.
I've had them for years.
But commenting also on the shoesand finding shoes, there again,
it does not have to beexpensive.
Shoes can be very expensive anda high quality pair of shoes
will last you much longer.
It is.
It is truly one of those.
You get what you pay for.

(55:28):
That's not always the way infashion, especially with, I
would say, shirts and pants andjeans and other stuff, but shoes
really really are.
They're well-made, they'regoing to last you for years and
years and if you maintain those.
So, guys, that's another Dallasalluded to it.
But when you buy a nice car,you got to maintain it for it to

(55:51):
look nice.
You got to do the same thingwith your clothes.
You got to wash them the rightway, you got to press them or
take them to a dry cleaner toget them done.
You got to take care of yourshoes.
It's an investment, so there issome effort, but again, that
goes back to it shows that youhave your effort, you have the
capabilities to do that.
These are all subconsciousthings, guys, that we're talking

(56:13):
about here, that are happening,that you are making a huge
impact and change from theoutside in here and it will make
a huge difference so that theshoes you can shop sales at
department stores.
I think I literally I picked upsome chelsea boots for like 20
bucks about six months ago.
I bought two pair, like Ibought one in two different

(56:33):
colors, right, so because it was, because it was a sale and it
you know, they do this stuff offthe app.
If you buy it off the app, it's50% off or whatever.
I'm like hell, yeah, I lovethis.
So you and if you're, if it's onyour radar, guys, you can start
watching for this, like I justI was just on I I just got an
email from Macy's, because Ilike get their their emails and

(56:56):
stuff, and so you can kind ofpassively pay attention to this
stuff.
Just make it part of yourrepertoire to to pay attention
and and and start to to refinethis.
So, so, dad's dating anddivorce, I want to put, I want
to put out a challenge here nowDallas for for the dad's
listening on this, becausethat's Dallas for the dads
listening on this, because Ithink it's so important, and we

(57:21):
call it the first date audit.
So you're getting ready to, youknow, your first date audit.
Guys, I want you to go intoyour closet and pull together
what you would wear on a firstdate tonight, Okay, and you're
going to lay that out on yourbed night.
Okay, and you're going to laythat out on your bed the pants,
the shirt, the shoes maybe,maybe jacket depending on what

(57:47):
you and the socks thepants, if you're dressing up at
all and the belts, the shoes,right, yep?
And then I want you to look atit objectively, maybe even put
it on and get in front of thatfull length mirror, like like
Dale says.
And I want you, I want you toask yourself do you feel
confident or do I look confident?
Do I feel confident, does itfit, is it clean, is it wrinkle

(58:11):
free?
And I want you to be honestwith yourself.
And if you're not being honestto yourself, go get your kids
and then ask them this questionDo I look good in this right?
Does it fit me, is it clean, isit wrinkle-free?
And then they're going to giveyou the honest truth Okay, so do
that.
And if the answer is no, dude,can I add to?

Speaker 2 (58:33):
that, yeah, and just this one thing.
These are not yes or noquestions.
Give yourself either a one tofive or a one to ten.
Rating how clean is this.
How well does it fit?
It's not just a yes or no.
And ask your kids also give mea score from one to ten, because
they're going to say, yeah, itlooks fine, and they mean it's
four out of ten.
No, no, no, no, no.

(58:53):
Make it get one to 10 ratings,please continue.
I like that.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
Yeah, no, no, no, that's an even better way to do
it, for sure.
So, yeah, so do that, and thenso, depending on where you're at
on that scale, or if any of theanswers are no, I don't feel
confident.
Your first mission is this itis to go out and build one

(59:18):
single first date outfit thatmakes you feel like a million
bucks Just one.
Go out, do everything that wejust described in this podcast
and from the clothingperspective, and build that,
just that first one, and thenstart from there.
Yep, cool.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
That's awesome advice .

Speaker 1 (59:41):
Yeah, yep, yep.
So it's our, it's our, ourchallenge, hey, and give us
feedback, send us, send us anemail at jude, at the divorced
advocatecom.
Or wait, our, our, actually ourshow's email is dad's dating at
divorce date, dad's datingafter divorceatgmailcom.
So send it to that one.

(01:00:03):
You can send it to the otherone too, that's my other one,
butdadsdatingafterdivorceatgmailcom
, let us know.
Send us pictures I mean we'llput your pictures up, guys, of
your newest first date outfit,up on Instagram, up on Facebook,
like wherever you want.
Maybe you'll get a date, I mean, maybe you'll find your next
romantic partner.

(01:00:24):
So send it.
We want to hear this, we wantto hear this feedback from you
guys.
So, just, guys, remember thejourney.
It starts with you.
This is a time for somethingthat you can control.
You're rebuilding yourself withconfidence from the outside in,
like we, like we said.

(01:00:45):
So take control of that firstimpression.
That right outfit doesn't getyou the relationship, but it
opens the door so you can walkthrough it and you can start the
process.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
So, dallas, wrap us up.
Yeah, I mean just to echo whatyou're saying.
If you're trying to puttogether a first date good
looking outfit because you don'thave one, it's going to feel
really, really hard because thefirst time you do anything it's
going to feel really hard.
Stick through it, push throughit and get there.
It'll be easier when you go andget that second outfit, that

(01:01:19):
third outfit.
It'll get easier over time andit won't get you the
relationship, but it will giveyou more options.
Women are attracted to men whomake the effort, and effort is
work, guys.
So when you make the effort,you make the work and you do the
work and you you show uplooking better, you're going to
have more options with women.
There's no question about it.

(01:01:39):
And to your point, jude, again,this is not just for dating.
This is going to impact yourprofessional life, this is going
to impact your identity withyourself and probably even the
most important, you're settingan example and a tone for your
kids on what a self-respectingdad looks like, what he feels
like, what it's like to be inthere, and when you invite them

(01:02:00):
to give you your feedback,you're also showing them what
it's.
You're modeling vulnerability.
You're modeling the fact thatyou want input and feedback from
other people.
You don't have all the answers.
You're always learning.
That's also part of what youwant to be modeling.
Yep, perfect, absolutely Allright, also part of what you
want to be modeling.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
Yep, perfect, absolutely All right.
Dallas, where can the dadslistening get in touch with you
to talk more about this oranything else about dating and
relationships?

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Blackboxdatingcom.
Drop onto the website.
You can see all my social mediachannels.
You can jump on the coachingprogram that I'm doing every
week with guys here in theDenver area and around the world
and, yeah, that's where youwant to find me.
Jude, same question to you howdo guys know more about what you
do?

Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
Yep, Gentlemen, check out thedivorcedadvocatecom.
We actually do have a couple ofpodcast episodes where I
brought a stylist in to talkabout some of this stuff from
the environments like you talkedabout and how to create that as
well as also how to do yourpersonal grooming, et cetera.
So we've got a couple ofepisodes on the Divorced

(01:03:02):
Advocate podcast on that, butit's also something that we talk
about in the community a littlebit as well.
So we've got all kinds ofresources for you there.
Divorced Dads or Divorcing Dads, or Contemplating Divorced Dads
at ThedivorcedadvocatecomAnywhere you're at in this
divorce thought process.
It's a crazy world.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
It's a crazy environment.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
Yeah, yeah, whatever, wherever you're at on the
battlefield, my friends, come tothedivorcedadvocatecom.
All right, dallas, hey, have agreat week.
And, gentlemen, if you foundvalue in this, please share it
far and wide, give us a starrating, even give us a comment
that helps more guys tune in.
We're getting some greatfeedback.
Look for us on Instagram, onFacebook, share it there.

(01:03:48):
We're on Twitter X now as well,and so let's put this out there
everywhere.

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
Absolutely.
Thank you so much, jude, alwaysa pleasure.