December 30, 2025 • 56 mins
Ready to swap “new year, new me” for something that actually works? We break down ten real, repeatable resolutions for divorced dads who want to date with confidence, class, and a sense of humor. It starts with the pictures—no fish, no trucks, no bathroom mirrors—and moves into owning your height, improving your posture, and dressing like a man who respects himself. Shoes and watches matter more than you think, and a couple of thoughtful accessories can turn a hello into a conversation.
We also tackle the stories you tell. The “crazy ex” opener? Gone. Early dates are for light curiosity, shared laughs, and future-forward energy—not unpaid therapy sessions. We show how to set boundaries with warmth, add a little mystery, and keep your messages crisp: clear plans, minimal emojis, no “hey” texts, and never while buzzed. Thinking of using Gen Z slang to sound younger? Use it only for self-aware humor; otherwise, speak like the grounded adult you are.
Most crucially, we talk about leading your vibe. The dating world can feel cynical, but you don’t have to mirror that energy. Practice optimism, build resilience, and protect your kids by keeping introductions for later. When you enjoy your own life—your routines, your style, your state—your presence does the heavy lifting. If you’re ready to retire cargo shorts, stop height math, and start showing up with playful strength, this one is your jumpstart.
If this helped, subscribe, share with a dad who needs it, and drop a rating and a quick review. Your support helps more dads find the tools to date better and live lighter.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:19):
Hello, and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce,
the only podcast that is goingto help you to make your New
Year's resolutions as a dad backin the dating world after
divorce.
My name is Jude Sandval.
I am your host and I'm thefounder of The Divorced
(00:43):
Advocate.
My co-host, as always, is DallasBluth, the founder of Black Box
Dating.
How are you doing, Dallas?
SPEAKER_02 (00:49):
Doing fabulous, Jude.
We are about to wrap up thefirst quarter of the century and
and the millennium.
Like this is this is a prettycool New Year's.
SPEAKER_00 (00:58):
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
I had not even I had not eventhought about that.
Yes, we are a quarter throughthe millennium, and that's yeah,
that's pretty amazing.
I remember Y2K.
I'm old enough, like I'm datingmyself.
Well, I've already done that along time ago, but and I'm
literally dating myselffiguratively too.
Anyway, yeah, so that'sinteresting.
(01:20):
25 years since Y2K, and man,it's just an interesting, just
an interesting world in general.
Very interesting world in the indating, as you know, because you
deal with this every day.
And so I thought today, sincelast week, we kind of had a
little bit of fun, just keepingthe levity around the holidays,
(01:42):
I think, is a good thing,particularly with us dads and
going through the holidays.
Sometimes divorce dads, this canbe a this can be a heavy time,
whether you've got your kids allthe time or you're not seeing
your kids on some of theholidays.
So I wanted to I wanted tocontinue the levity this week
because we had some big podcaststhe the weeks before.
And last week we poked a littlebit of fun at the at the ladies
(02:06):
and their pro and their datingprofiles and and went through
decoding and and decipheringsome of the stuff on their on
their profiles.
Today I thought what we'd do iswe'd put together some New
Year's resolutions for the dad'sdating.
So it's dad's dating, dad'sdating's dad's dating New Year's
(02:29):
resolutions.
Or as I as I as I've uhaffectionately what did I New
Year, same baggage, top 10resolutions for single dads.
You know that I didn't want itto be that stupid, like new
year, new me.
Yeah.
So it's new new year, samebaggage.
Let's figure out someresolutions for for us dating
(02:51):
dads.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_02 (02:52):
I I think it's great.
I I think I think new year, newme is uh is a little wishful
thinking, and that usuallydoesn't last past past about the
20th of January.
SPEAKER_00 (03:01):
Well, hopefully we'll hopefully some of these
resolutions will get rid of thatbaggage.
So it'll so it'll be new yearreduced reduce the baggage.
All right, let's start.
As always, you you know thatI've got uh a list here.
Uh so number one is the profilepicture purge.
(03:21):
Resolution number one this year.
We resolved to delete the photoof us holding a fish.
Yes, right?
I don't care how big it was,unless you're looking to date a
marine biologist or maybe a uh apelican, she doesn't care,
right?
Also included in this band, Ithink we should make glass
(03:43):
sunglasses indoors, like get ridof that picture, Jimmuir
selfies, where you're whereyou're you you like pretend
you're checking the phone, butyou're you're actually flexing
your arm, right?
And any any photo taking insideof your truck.
unknown (03:58):
All right.
SPEAKER_00 (03:59):
So yeah.
So can we agree that that isprobably a good New Year's
resolution for us dads?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
That that's an excellent one.
I'm gonna add to that anypicture in which you are wearing
a seatbelt is probably probablynot there.
Unless that seatbelt is on somewild ride at an amusement park
or something, you know.
But if it's in a vehicle, andespecially if you're driving,
you should not be taking apicture.
Last one that I'm gonna add tothat is anything in a bathroom.
Do not take any pictures ofyourself in the mirror in the
(04:27):
bathroom.
Um, okay, so a lot of guys arelike, well, what's left?
Okay, what's left is for you toactually take pictures when
you're out socializing withpeople.
A lot of we we don't think ofthis as guys, you know, like
most guys are not selfie takersfor social media that women tend
to be come to it more naturally.
So, in all seriousness, takinggood pictures is totally a
challenge for your datingprofile is totally a challenge
(04:49):
for a guy.
It totally is.
I I have never myself Let's talkabout that for a second.
SPEAKER_00 (04:54):
Like, do you recommend actually like taking
some time, maybe getting with afriend and like doing some kind
of photo shoot and maybe shortof the professional photos,
yeah, you could do that too, butbut short of that, like put some
thought into it.
You're actually marketingyourself.
(05:15):
So I struggle with this too,because I don't like to do
selfies and I don't like peopletaking pictures of me.
So but you gotta you're ifyou're marketing yourself, you
gotta do something.
Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (05:27):
So I have found I've tried I've tried it a few
different ways.
When I go out with a friend todo an impromptu like photo shoot
for my dating profile, it nevercomes out looking natural or
good.
It it just it just doesn't.
And then I actually get commentson, I've gotten comments on the
pictures like, so what's withthe picture of?
And and it it totally comesthrough as not authentic.
(05:50):
Now, I have never paid for theprofessional photographs on
profiles, but I have heard very,very promising, you know, good
feedback from clients of mineand other people I've talked to
that have paid for it, uh, bothmen and women.
Uh you can usually tell that thethat the photos aren't exactly
100% just natural, you know,while you're out.
It doesn't matter.
(06:11):
If you show up looking in reallygood light and people are
swiping right, they see that youtake more pride in your
appearance, that's a good start.
That's a good start.
I think what it comes, I think,I think at the root of this
though, is we have to askourselves, okay, I don't really
like taking selfies.
That's fine.
But do you want women to see tohave a window into your life?
(06:34):
I've talked in the past aboutgiving concrete examples and
illustrations.
Well, nothing, you know, pictureis worth a thousand words.
Yeah.
Nothing, nothing tells peoplemore about who you are, who you
hang out with, what you do, whatyour vibe is, how tall you
actually are, than a photo ofyou with other people.
No, seriously.
(06:55):
I women are like, is he really5'10?
Is he really 6'2?
Well, you take a picture withother people around you,
especially women, and you nowknow, you know, what what how
tall this guy really is.
Open yourself up to that.
It it's it's we tend to be asmen kind of a little reserved in
that area, but you'readvertising, you're marketing
yourself, like you said.
(07:16):
Remember that when you're inthese moments and go, you know
what?
Yeah, let's grab a picturebecause I want to show off the
like that I have.
SPEAKER_00 (07:22):
Yeah.
And on on the on the flip side,I always appreciate when I see
if a woman, her profile has donesomething nice, even if it's not
natural.
Like you can, like you said, youcan you can tell, but that's
never that's never been aturnoff for me.
That's just right exactly whatyou said.
I'm like, oh, she seems to tocare and she's put her put she
(07:43):
puts herself to you know, putsherself together well and looks
good, and she can do that.
She knows how to do that.
She's taken the time, spent themoney.
Like that's all positive.
There's nothing that for me,there's nothing negative.
So I would think that's the flipside, flip side is as well.
SPEAKER_02 (08:00):
Yeah, we like to see how good, you know, you look
really good when you cleanyourself up.
You know, we want to see thatside.
Right.
One last thing I would I wouldthrow in there is, you know, so
this is a bit of a springcleaning on the photos.
Show them to women.
And I believe there are servicesonline that you can put out your
photos and get anonymous, likehot or not, on pictures.
(08:20):
Oh, really?
We yeah, we have we have I thenames of them aren't coming to
mind to me immediately here, butthere are we have a perception
of ourselves of where we lookgood, but that's based from our
internal perspective and ourinternal self-image.
We care about how women respondto our photos, get women to
weigh in, more than one woman.
(08:41):
Heck, this might even be adecent way to approach a woman
or strike up a conversation at abar going, hey, these are the
ones.
Now, I what I would do if you'regonna do this, I would plan
ahead, not not bring up yourdating profile right there.
That doesn't work.
What you want to have is alittle folder on your phone in
your photos that is specificallyyour dating profile pictures,
(09:02):
and just go, hey, can I get youropinion on this?
You know, it's it's the newyear.
I'm really looking to meetsomebody.
You know, you seem like anattractive woman.
I'd love to get your take onwhich of these photos look the
best of me.
Nice.
Notice how I worked in a littlebit of a compliment.
Notice, but what I'm reallyfocused on is her sense of style
(09:23):
and attraction.
I'm asking for her opinion.
I'm asking for her place as a asa woman.
And and then implicitly, she'slike, Well, why aren't you
hitting on me?
Could be part of what's going onin her head.
And she's like, Oh, this guy isflexible.
This guy is open, he's he's opento feedback, he wants to do
better, he's looking to put hisbest foot forward, he's looking
(09:44):
to make an effort.
All of these really, really goodway in January.
When you find yourself in thesituation, have that little
folder of pictures ready on yourphone.
Ask women, hey, can I get yourcan I get your take on which one
of these are the best?
And see what goes.
See where it goes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:01):
There you go, guys.
There's your there's your coldapproach for January this year.
That's and and and so work workthat one and get back to us on
on the success of of that.
I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure ifDallas is suggesting it, it'll
it'll work really well.
But yeah, that's that's fun.
Okay, so so you hit onresolution number two already,
(10:21):
which is the the the heightinflation embargo, I'm calling
it, right?
We're this year, we're gonnastop doing math on our dating
profiles.
If you're 5'9, you're 5'9.
If you're 5'11, you're not 5'11in Timberlands, right?
You're 5'9, you're not six footon a good day, because when you
show up on a date and you'relooking up her nostrils and her
(10:42):
chin and she's wearing flash,she's gonna know that you're not
actually 5'11.
So we're resolved to own ourshort king or our medium king
status, right?
No more lying.
SPEAKER_02 (10:55):
Yep, absolutely.
And and no more lying on theprofiles, and let's let's
counterbalance this with giveyourself every inch of pride and
self-confidence that you shouldhave in your posture.
Get used to breathing deeply.
You know, uh you and I actuallymentioned at the last QA session
with the guys, you know, how youknow there's a little bit, we
(11:16):
were talking about exerciseroutines and all that, and I
mentioned qigong.
Yeah, nothing has helped myposture more than practicing
qigong.
And the thing, so there's theshoulders back, there's feeling
like there's a thread at the topof your head that pulls you up.
And even if your your heightactually does change slightly
when you do that, but more thanthat, you're that you have that
kingly presence about you, andthat's actually the feeling that
(11:41):
women you know are looking for.
Small secret that took me a longtime to understand, and this
this comes from Qigong and KungFu, is rotating your hips
slightly forward, like you'retucking your tailbone underneath
you.
You rot that rotate that underslightly, guys, almost
immediately you lose one notchon your belt.
You're because your stuff yourcore gets engaged, your stomach
(12:03):
gets engaged, and and it and itagain it flattens you out, gets
you a little more washboard orcloser to the washboard, and it
improves your posture overall.
Posture, I mean, I I I thinkevery man will agree that a
woman with a good posture isreally hot.
You know, I mean, a woman thatsits up straight, she has that
(12:23):
small of the back showing off,you know, she's incredibly
attractive physically, but alsoit shows a pride, it shows a it
a woman just looks so hot whenshe has good posture.
Men, it's the same thing, butwe're showing off a radiant
strength when we're doing it.
SPEAKER_00 (12:42):
Yeah, I think I think the height thing with guys
is a bigger deal to guys than itis to women, at least the women
that that that I talk to.
You hear, and we and we teased alittle bit last week about how
all the women want somebody sixfoot or more, and only four
percent of the population is sixfoot or four.
So they're just not gonna getit, right?
(13:04):
Which I think a lot of them doknow, even if that is one of the
criteria that they want.
So do you do you do you agreewith that or do you disagree
with that?
SPEAKER_02 (13:14):
Un unfortunately, it is a heck of a bias with women.
Interesting.
I have I've heard it over andover.
And okay, you're let's just saythe first this first point.
SPEAKER_00 (13:24):
Biased or or or deal breaker, because I I think there
is a bias that they it's a bias,but they do want that, but is it
a deal breaker?
SPEAKER_02 (13:33):
Right.
Okay, and and you you wereyou're leading me right into the
point I wanted to make.
The bias is a deal breaker whenyou're doing online dating apps.
The bias is not necessarily adeal breaker when she gets to
experience you in person withyour full posture, your full
power, your full confidence,your full kingly presence in
(13:53):
person.
Again, coming back to you know,that example, if I'm in a bar
and I ask a woman which one ofthese would be the most
attractive, you know, whichpictures do you think are the
most attractive for my datingprofile?
She's not saying, Oh, well, bythe way, how tall are you?
That's she's you've alreadyshort-circuited that in her
brain and got her thinking aboutother things.
The it's more of a bias than areal deal breaker.
(14:14):
You know, the what women saythey want, and then who a woman
ends up being committed to.
A lot of times we're like,really?
You picked him?
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (14:24):
Yeah, lots of times.
I see that.
SPEAKER_02 (14:25):
Yeah.
And so so the trick is tosidestep the filters.
And the filters are happeningfar more in the in the virtual
world than they are in the realworld.
SPEAKER_00 (14:36):
Right, right.
Okay.
So so you you confirmed what Ididn't say very well, which was
in in reality, that that biasdoesn't necessarily play,
especially if you're showing uphow you describe you, you care
yourself well, you'rearticulate, like you've got your
life together.
Man, it's just it that's thatthat that six foot plus bias
(14:57):
goes way down the list of dealbreakers if you're showing up
like that.
SPEAKER_02 (15:04):
When you make her laugh, she will she will adjust,
she will adjust accordingly.
Really?
Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_00 (15:09):
Like how many comedians get chicks?
And like there's not a ton ofgreat-looking comedians out
there, right?
Yeah, totally.
But they get lots of chicks forsure.
Absolutely.
Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_02 (15:23):
Yeah, and oh, forgot the last point.
SPEAKER_00 (15:25):
Yeah.
That's okay.
We'll we'll move on to toresolution number three, and
that's the the wardrobeintervention.
And we've gone, we've done,we've done a whole, we did a
whole episode of this, butresolution number three will
retire the divorced dad uniform.
The one, you know, the cargoshorts that have more pockets
than you have friends, the poloshirt tucked into the jeans with
(15:48):
the braided belts, yeah, thetransition lenses that don't
transition fast enough when youwalk inside and you're eating
appetizers with like with uhyour shades on, right?
So we gotta burn the cargoshorts and we gotta upgrade.
SPEAKER_02 (16:03):
We do.
And I'm surprised this oneshould be resolution number two.
Get the wardrobe, you know,purged, cleaned up, and
upgraded.
In no particular order.
Okay, no particular order.
Sorry, didn't mean to pick on.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna add to that.
Stop wearing the mostcomfortable sneakers you can
find.
Or crocs.
(16:24):
Throw those away.
Yeah, let's go with that.
Or sandals that say I don'tcare, or I look like you know,
you're wearing those puma strapthings, like I look like I just
came out of a gym.
You haven't been on the footballteam in 28 years.
Doesn't work anymore.
That only works when you're 23and below, okay?
Yeah, and you're literallycarrying a big lacrosse bag over
your shoulder.
That's the only time that works.
(16:45):
Um, seriously, though, the twoitems that that women notice
first, shoe wear and if you'rewearing a watch, your watch.
Those are the two items thatwomen notice first in a man's
attire.
Starting at the bottom, I look,I I I also check out a guy's
shoes immediately, and I can'thelp but sort guys into certain
buckets based on that.
(17:06):
If you're wearing a, you know,just a pair of sneakers because
they look comfortable.
I'm I'm sorry, but like eitherwear some kind of more
fashionable sneaker.
You know, I wear the old schoolpumas that just have, you know,
the one stripe on the side, youknow, or you get yourself some
Adidas, or you, you know, or youyou make it a little more
European and doesn't you don'tknow what Italian shop that came
(17:27):
out of.
Like, that's a style that canwork, but that's not the same as
the casual sneaker that youwould wear when you're a tourist
and you're walking nine ninehours a day.
SPEAKER_00 (17:37):
Running shoes or the jogging shoes that got the thick
sole on them and they got somebright colors, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:42):
Absolutely.
That's fine for moving day whenyou're loading up that van and
you're taking stuff up and downthe stairs.
It is not okay when you're goingto the holiday party.
It's not.
If if you're looking to meetwomen.
And but I would say also,really, if you're a grown man,
wear some leather on your feet,wear some dress shoes.
You know, there's all kinds ofdifferent different ways to go
(18:04):
about it.
Same thing with the boots.
You know, you know, pick niceboots and take care of them.
Nothing says I take pride inmyself, my home, my domain, and
everyone that I care for, whichis potentially you, young woman,
more than a man that shines hisshoes.
SPEAKER_00 (18:20):
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely positively.
I would say that is one thing Iprobably get the most comments
on from women is like shoe wear.
I love Chelsea boots.
So I think and I think Chelseaboots are a great investment.
Go invest in some Chelsea boots.
You can wear them with jeans,you can wear them with suits,
you can wear them like cat, likecat.
(18:41):
You can't wear them shorts.
Please don't wear them with yourcargo shorts.
But but like they're very, veryversatile.
And like you said, leather,invest in them.
You're gonna you're gonna havethem for years and years and
years and take care of them.
Man, women just go crazy aboutthat.
And it's just something, it'slike it's not very expensive,
right?
Like you can find stuff for forfor reasonably priced and for
(19:04):
the amount of time that you'regonna you're gonna be wearing
them.
It's amazing.
SPEAKER_02 (19:08):
Yeah, and to come all the way back to the episode
where we talked about this, getthat full-length mirror if you
don't have it.
Yeah, because you need to checkout, you know, from head to toe,
how does everything cometogether and ask yourself
honestly, am I looking the bestthat I could?
And go ask a woman.
Yep.
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (19:28):
What do you think of what do you think of these
shoes?
SPEAKER_02 (19:30):
Or or do you like these another So I I do that all
the time when I'm out shopping.
Usually when I go shopping, I'mby myself.
I will I very, very regularlyask a woman, what do you think
of this jacket?
What do you think of theseshoes?
And I'm again, I'm not saying,oh, hey, you're beautiful and
I'm hitting on you.
I'm engaging her one, I becauseI'm I'm I'm I'm validating her
(19:52):
sense of style, just I'massuming that she's got style.
I'm asking her for input.
I'm showing that I'm vulnerable.
And if I wanted to make a move,that's a great place to do it
from.
Ask the women while you're outshopping.
And even if they're withsomebody, just practice.
Uh, last time I bought a jacket,I was out, there was a woman
with her husband, and I said,Hey, excuse me.
And I did this intentionally,even though I wasn't with
(20:13):
somebody.
I said, Hey, excuse me, mygirlfriend isn't here with me.
Can I borrow you to Let me, youknow, to get your sense of
style.
And the guy laughed.
You know, the husband's there.
And because I'm acknowledging,not hitting on his wife, but it
opens it up.
I'm flirting with the world.
I'm playing with the world.
Um it's always good practice touh to just do that.
Right.
(20:33):
Let's talk.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
Well, let's talk a little bit more too about
accessories, because I thinkthat's something that guys do
not do not think enough about.
And shoes aren't necessarilyaccessories, but they can
really, like you, like you said,depending on w what kind you get
and and what you do, can reallyhave a statement about your
personality and and who you are.
(20:54):
That goes the same foraccessories, which like I like a
lot of jewelry.
I like rings, I like bracelets,I like necklaces.
So so I do that a lot.
And I get teased a lot about ittoo, which is fine, but I I like
that.
But the other thing, like youmentioned watches too, which is
a really straightforward,simple, easy thing to get a
decent watch, right?
(21:16):
Like, don't go get one of thelike the swimming Casio watches
with the calculators on them andeverything else.
I'd also say the Apple watchesand all those stupid smart
watches, like it's so cliche.
Just like get rid of those.
I I don't like them.
So you and maybe you saysomething different about that,
but find yourself somethingthat's a classic looking watch,
(21:37):
a leather band, maybe, and haveit something that you wear every
day.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (21:43):
Yeah.
So I I I love watches.
I I would actually say at thispoint I'm a bit of a watch
collector.
Not super high-end expensiveones, but still good quality and
very stylish.
I love having watches thatreally go with my outfit.
It's it's my one piece ofjewelry that I wear.
But here's the thing that youand I have in common you wear
necklaces, rings, bracelets, andyou say you get teased about it.
(22:05):
Okay, what you don't get isignored.
And that is that is what menwant.
Men want women to respond totheir presence.
And you're also giving women orpeople in general something to
talk about and comment on inwhat you wear.
If you're wearing all generic,boring stuff with casual tennis
running shoes, well, what isthere to comment on?
(22:27):
And for me, I usually, veryrarely do people actually see me
wearing the same watch twice,the same person often doesn't
see me wearing the same watchtwice.
That's part of what a lot offriends actually look forward to
is what watch is Dallas wearingand how does it go with what
he's wearing on the rest of hisbody, his shoes, his belt, his
shirt, his pants, and theoccasion that we're having.
(22:49):
It's it's an automaticconversation piece.
And plenty of times when I'm outin public, you know, when I'm
chatting with a woman at a bar,at a coffee shop, on a date, you
know, at a networking event,that watch gives them an excuse
to make a comment or acompliment to me on what I'm
wearing.
It's it's useful stuff.
It really is.
It's again, it's the miniatureversion of what they call
(23:11):
peacocking in the pickup artistcommunity.
SPEAKER_00 (23:13):
Yeah, and and so let's just describe that
briefly.
Peacocking is just like what pewhen peacocks are are trying to
attract a mate, they like haveall these beautiful feathers, so
they're popping them up.
And they and that's whatpeacocking is is we're putting
something on that attractspeople or gains attention or
something to to createconversation, like you said.
(23:36):
Like I'm not you're right.
I've never ignored they're like,oh, what's on your bracelet, or
oh, what is that?
What is it on your ring, orwhere did you get that?
Or oh, that's an interestingnecklace.
Like, yeah, all like all even ifthey do tease me, like you have
more jewelry on than I do, it'sa conversation piece all the
time.
So so find us, and this is notexpensive, like you can find
(23:57):
stuff at the thrift store, youcan find inexpensive stuff, just
find stuff that that you likethat that speaks to you.
Hats, another one.
That's a great, great one.
I love hats as well.
I didn't know we had the the thethe common watch fetish thing,
too.
So we'll have to we'll have totalk about that offline too,
because I've got a whole likebox of and collection of of mine
(24:17):
too.
So but but it's yeah, it doesn'thave to be expensive.
It's easy.
Find something that that thatyou like that's uh that's
interesting, that speaks to youryour your kind of personality,
and then then use it.
And that can go a long way inmitigating if you just can't put
a like you can just like at-shirt, like you've got a
(24:37):
really straightforward, like puttogether good like jeans and
t-shirt, and you know, what youdress that up with maybe a
fedora in the summer orbracelets or something like it
gives you a little possession,it makes you different from the
hundred other guys that she'sgonna be looking at and
throughout throughout the day.
And it's just gonna give herpause or a reason to talk with.
SPEAKER_02 (25:01):
Yeah.
I mean, you know, to to dissectmy wardrobe personally here for
just a minute.
I like I like the fitted t-shirtand slightly fitted jeans.
We're not talking skinny jeans,but I I stay in shape.
I want women to notice my body.
That's that's how I pick that.
Now, I also, by not putting awhole lot into the shirt and
pants, what I want to show offis the shoes and usually leather
(25:23):
jacket that I'm wearing.
Yeah, those are the more stylishpieces that I'm wearing.
Again, very simple, not a whole,not a whole lot of busyness
going on.
And then the other thing thatjumps out is the watch.
And women can see the shape ofwhat they're looking at, they
can see the you know the packagethat I have, and and they like
it.
And I vary it slightly dependingon uh the situation that I'm in.
(25:46):
But for the most part, I staywithin a pretty simple range and
and I get I get good resultswith it.
SPEAKER_00 (25:51):
Yeah, man, and it's your and it's your look and it
looks great, right?
So I I'm just gonna I'm gonnatell the guys to go to our
episode because we go into likea lot of this stuff in in in
pretty specific detail, but Idon't think one episode that we
did actually talk aboutaccessories and stuff.
So I think that's why I wantedto to to to dive into that
because it's really really easyand it's a really great thing.
(26:12):
And I I think it's fun, like youcan find lots of fun stuff.
I make my jewelry sometimes too,which is so fun.
With the daughters, right?
SPEAKER_02 (26:19):
Bring them around the coffee table, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:21):
I know we literally do, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've made bracelets andnecklaces and stuff like that,
and then I then I've done thatfor women, like made them
jewelry, and then that's likethat, yeah, that's a fun thing.
Very personal, that's fun, verypersonal, shows a huge amount of
like uh attention and and effortand care about who they are and
what they are, and and it's aneasy thing to do.
(26:43):
And if you'd like to dosomething, if you're creative,
you like to do creative stuff,then it's you know it's
enjoyable for you too.
So, anyway, well, we have waydigressed.
unknown (26:51):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (26:52):
Uh let's keep it going.
So let's let's hit resolutionnumber four, which is the crazy
ex narrative.
Number four, and this is a bigone, guys.
Listen up and pay attention.
We resolve to stop telling themy ex is crazy story on the
first date, all right?
Maybe she is crazy, all right?
That's okay.
(27:12):
I understand.
But and but when you tell awoman that you that you just
met, that your ex is psycho, allshe hears is I take zero
accountability for my pastrelationship.
I'll definitely talk trash talkabout you when I leave here,
right?
So swap out the she was crazyfor we just grew apart.
(27:33):
Okay, or at least wait untillike date five.
SPEAKER_02 (27:38):
Yeah.
Okay, I think you really hit onit when when you're in the early
stages of dating and reallythroughout, because women never
stop testing us.
Women are looking, are looking,how do you talk about your exes?
How do you talk about otherpeople?
Do you trash talk behind theirback?
Because they're wondering ifthis doesn't work out with me,
how is he going to talk aboutme?
SPEAKER_01 (27:56):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (27:57):
That's really what she's looking at when she looks
at how you're talking about yourpast exes.
A couple other items I would putin with that.
One, if you're still stewing andbrewing and angry and bitter
about that, you've got more workto do.
And you know, do you want to bewith a woman that is still all
angry at her ex?
The truth is a good portion ofher is not available to you as a
(28:22):
new relationship because it'sstill tied up in anger and
resentment with a pastrelationship.
You know, you know that if she'salways bitching about you know
her ex, you're not gonna get youdon't have a lot of her
available to connect with.
And the last thing is where yourfocus goes, your energy flows.
If your focus, particularly whenyou're on a date with her, is
(28:43):
talking about resentment ornostalgia or whatever, is in the
past, your your energy is goingthere.
You need to positively embracewhat you're looking forward to
out in front of you, and how youare, and again, I I say this
regularly, but it bearsrepeating because a lot of men
(29:04):
slip into negative talk patternsreally quickly.
You need to positively embrace,make it attractive what it is
that you're looking for.
So when you're talking aboutpast relationships, you know,
you're you say, yeah, you know,we grew apart, this wasn't the
right fit.
I went into it with certainassumptions, we were, you know,
maybe a little young and foolishand didn't really uh you know
(29:24):
explore the important topics.
But more importantly, here'swhat I'm looking for going
forward.
Here's what I've discovered thatI want.
The kind of life I want is waymore playful than than what I
had before.
What I'm looking for, and youstart painting a positive
picture of the future thatyou're potentially inviting this
woman into.
Right.
Those are that you want to besharing.
SPEAKER_00 (29:46):
Would you say at least at least in the very
beginning, it it's best to justkeep it general and keep it
light, like answer the questionswithout without too much detail.
And and we've all run into thewoman who's literally got the
the like 20 questions, and she'sshe's you know, she's going at
you DA style on that first date.
And and you know, and andusually I'll be like, whoa,
(30:07):
whoa, whoa, you've hit your mat,you know, you've hit your quota
of DA style questions, or I'lllike I'll make a joke about it,
but just keep it light and keepit general in in in the
beginning.
Would you agree?
Would you agree with that?
I would agree with that.
And it adds a little mysterytoo, right?
Like, yeah, if you're not gonnago into detail and you're kind
of joking about you know stuff alittle bit, that's gonna, you
(30:29):
know, get her you know, mindgoing a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (30:31):
Yeah.
And and to your point, if you'rebeing grilled DA style, you need
to demonstrate that you've got avery strong frame and firm
boundaries.
And then you're gonna tell her,you know, I've got no problem
talking about this, but let'swait until we know each other a
little more before we dig intothat.
And I'm I'm telling her, hey, Iwant to get to know you more
before I get more vulnerable.
(30:51):
A woman likes a man that's notnecessarily looking to jump
right into every bit ofintimacy.
SPEAKER_01 (30:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:57):
And and she might be thinking about it more from a
physical and sexual place, butyou're demonstrating it more
from a psychological andemotional place.
And she's going to think, wow,this guy understands what it
means to take your time gettingto know somebody and opening up
in time.
SPEAKER_00 (31:13):
It's like an onion peeling, like be that onion.
Like let like like let thoselayers come away slowly and
enjoy that process, right?
It doesn't have to be all atonce, it all gets out laid out
on the table.
Like that's part of theexcitement of dating, is for
both of you, peeling that onionand having your onion peeled is
(31:35):
I guess there's no better way tosay that.
There are better ways to saythat.
I'm sure there is a better wayto say that, but you know what
I'm you know what I'm gettingat, right?
Like, so so you know.
Jude's new resolution is to gethis onion peeled.
SPEAKER_01 (31:51):
Jesus, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (31:53):
Okay.
Onward.
Resolution number six.
I can't even go anywhere withthat, Dell.
Uh the texting hygiene.
We resolved to stop texting,just hey, or you up.
We're grown men, we havemortgages.
Some of us might be oncholesterol medication.
We can form full sentences, allright?
(32:15):
Stop using the winky face emoji.
It's not charming, it's weird.
Looks like you have something inyour eye, or maybe you're
planning a crime.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_02 (32:24):
Right.
Yes, texting hygiene.
So texting is an integral partof today's communication.
Um, that means you need to do itwell.
And the way you do it shows alittle bit your style.
Are you more sloppy?
Are you more formal?
Are you more playful?
Are you, you know, whatever itis.
You can pick your style, youknow, of texting.
One of the things I would put inthere, use emojis sparingly as a
(32:46):
man and only use a couple ofthem.
Um let her be more expressive inthe emojis.
I'm I'm and here I'm pointingthe finger myself.
I have a tendency to want to useemojis.
SPEAKER_00 (32:56):
I was just gonna say I was gonna be, I was gonna be
vulnerable here and be honesttoo.
Like I struggle with that too.
I like I like emojis.
SPEAKER_02 (33:02):
I do I do I do too.
And I and there's there's acouple rule, there's a couple of
rules that I have in my head, isthey need to not be about
emotion that I'm feeling.
They need to be about the impactof the moment, almost a little
bit, almost shock value in inthe moment.
So, you know, a shocked face oryou know, the blown top head of
(33:23):
the top of the head emoji,right?
The upside down smiley face.
You know, you can you can usethese, but use them sparingly.
And I would say here's a here isa situation where if you find
yourself using more emojis thanshe is, you might want to dial
that back.
Yeah, so you might be being moreemotionally expressive, emojiing
(33:44):
expressive than she is, but dialthat back and make sure that you
can make yourself understoodwith plain old periods, question
marks, exclamation points.
And uh the other piece thatcomes into the texting is
proofread.
Do not babble in speech to textinto your phone, assume that it
(34:04):
gets it right and sends it off.
Yeah, you can, I mean, speech totext, I use it all the time, but
before I hit send, I go back andI proofread and I edit, I
capitalize, I use periods, I usepunctuation.
I don't always use fullsentences, but I tidy it up.
Punctuation is to texting whathygiene is to your physical
(34:27):
body.
You want to show that you areclean, you've you've tidied it
all up.
You're not just a mess that'shappening.
And should we say it?
Probably should.
If you have a tendency to textthings when you're under the
influence that you wouldn'totherwise text, maybe you should
resolve to do that pretty muchnot away.
SPEAKER_00 (34:46):
Put your phone away if you're drinking.
Let's just say it and make it arule.
Don't text when you'relubricated.
SPEAKER_01 (34:53):
Yeah.
unknown (34:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:54):
Don't we're back to peeling the onion again.
So we need to go on to the nextone.
Yeah, it's gonna be, yeah, it'sgood, it's gonna end up bad.
So I think that's a that's afair one to to say.
Okay.
I think we're yeah, we're inagreement on on that one, and
I'm gonna have to use your yourguidelines around.
I like the winky, the like thewinky face, and that's why I put
it in there because it's socringe, but and then I just I
can't help myself sometimes.
(35:16):
So I might have to get sometherapy around that.
That might be my resolution thisyear.
Okay, resolution number seven.
The the the cracks me up.
The cool dad slang ban.
We will stop trying to use Gen Zslang to impress a date.
Do not say a restaurant has Riz.
(35:37):
Do not say the appetizer wasbussing.
And if you and if you say nocap, I'm gonna basically come
through this microphone and cometo your house and confiscate
your freaking grill.
Okay.
You sound like Steve Buscemiwith the skateboard meme, right?
Let's just speak English, fullsentences, none of that crap.
(35:58):
Now, I do it with my teens justto screw with them, but let's
not do it on a date.
SPEAKER_02 (36:02):
Okay, and I would say it's fine to use it, but you
use it ironically.
You use it, you use it forhumor.
You use it because you'relaughing at yourself that you're
using a word that is not part ofyour vocabulary.
Um, I 100% agree.
If you're trying to use this toappear younger, I mean, that's
the equivalent of like a badhair dye job, you know?
(36:23):
It's like it's nothing wrongwith dyeing your hair as a man
if you do it well.
But you do it wrong.
I mean, it screams I'm trying tolook younger than I am.
Not not the look that you'regoing for.
What you want to do is bereally, really solid in the age
that you are, in the decade youwere born, in the style that you
(36:44):
have.
You want to own it.
A man that owns that well andbrings good, solid material to
the table is going to beattractive to younger women.
And then you sprinkle in, yeah,no, that wasn't, yeah, that
wasn't the best Riz I've everused.
And you you but you use itironically, you know, and you're
laughing at it, you're invitingher to laugh at you.
It shows that you're what andwhat that does is when you use
(37:07):
it ironically, it diffuses thetension between uh between an
age gap.
unknown (37:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (37:13):
You're you're because if you're like, oh, you
know, you're why do you guyshave all these words, you know,
that are like stupidabbreviations or yo, this is
dumb.
When you're saying dumb, you'recriticizing where they're coming
from.
And you're doing, you know, andeven if you're not saying it,
you know, there's a there's atension possibly built in.
When you're like, when you'reteasing yourself about it, and
(37:35):
again, I'm not I'm not teasingher about it, I'm teasing myself
about it.
That releases the tension andshows I'm perfectly fine and I
accept you, you know, you know,you you beautiful younger woman.
I'm accepting you where you are,and you know, and I'm happy with
it because you also want to besure that she's happy accepting
you coming where you're from.
Yeah, using that vocabularyshould be a relief valve and use
(37:59):
for humor, not in an attempt totry to appear younger.
SPEAKER_00 (38:02):
You know, I've got a funny story just about a month
ago.
I was in a business meeting withanother male counterpart about
our age, and he dropped likethree or four of these.
And I was like, and I didn'teven know what to do.
I was I was trying to figure outif he was trying if he's trying
(38:23):
to be ironic or if he wasn't,but after like the third or
fourth one, he was not, and Icould almost I could almost not
contain myself, like, dude,you're you're you're way too old
to be talking about Riz and andeverything else.
Like it's this so it was the perI wish I would have like it's
one of those things you wish youhad on video so you could like
(38:45):
privately tell people this iswhat you shouldn't do, yeah,
because this is horrible.
SPEAKER_02 (38:50):
So unless this is a marketing strategy meeting, you
know, and you're working on acampaign targeted, you know, to
people in their 20s.
Yes, you should not be using itthat way.
SPEAKER_01 (39:00):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (39:01):
Number eight, the therapist date.
We resolved to not treat thefirst date like an unpaid
therapy session.
She's there for the margaritaand maybe some nachos, okay?
She's not there to help youprocess that your mother didn't
hug you enough or that you feelunmoored in your 40s.
Yep.
So save the trauma dumping for aprofessional.
(39:23):
And maybe, like, you know, withthe crazy X, wait until date
five or six.
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (39:29):
Yep.
What do you think?
100% behind it.
Uh, this this is a situationwhere boundaries are good.
You want to limit the amountthat you're sharing.
Uh, if it seems to get in deeperand deeper, you know, maybe pull
back on those reins and go,let's share a little more.
I would say the goal when you'retalking about past experiences,
you know, and it gets into thesort of therapy session, uh, is
(39:52):
what we're looking for is to isto create a sense of human
relatability.
We want connection with theperson.
And here's the thing like yousaid, we don't have to brack up
the dump truck and just unloadall the emotions in order to
have the connection.
What we know, what we need tofind is a place where we get to
relatability with each other,and we can both and here's the
(40:15):
here's the key we can both laughabout it because it's part of
what.
Humans go through.
This is part of the humanexperience.
I'm laughing.
Yeah, that didn't go so wellwith the ex.
But I'm just, I'm laughing aboutit.
I'm not picking on my ex.
I'm not picking on me.
I'm getting to the place whereeverybody can laugh.
That is the place of the deepestconnection you can have with
(40:36):
another person.
And you don't have to overshareto get there.
You don't have to unpack it andgo, yeah, I really need to work
on, you know, my, you know, myanxious attachment style, you
know, because my mom, you know,she would do this when I was
younger.
And then, you know, my dadwasn't there.
And my older, yeah, what's youneed to go into all that.
You can go, yeah, yeah, we all,well, you know, sometimes we all
(40:57):
slip into the way we wereraised, sometimes, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (41:00):
Just yeah, just save that for therapy once you're
married and yeah, and you'redealing with all that stuff.
SPEAKER_02 (41:07):
But but my but my point with with getting to the
place of laughter is that whenyou can laugh about it, you are
actually showing fullvulnerability and simultaneously
full acceptance, and you'resliding one of the best possible
invitations you can across thetable for the woman to get into
a really close, real connectionwith you, even on a first date,
(41:29):
even without sharing a ton ofinformation.
SPEAKER_00 (41:31):
Yeah, I think your your point about connection
doesn't like it, it doesn't haveto, and and I'm guilty of this.
You do you don't have to go thatdeep to create a connection,
right?
And I like to have deep,meaningful conversations, but
your first dates, like you gottakeep it light, keep it
(41:52):
adventurous, keep it fun, keepit interesting, but also leave a
little mystery.
So if again, if you startgetting into this, and again,
I've I'm guilty of this all thetime.
Let's like start getting into adeep conversation, and I'm like,
oh yeah, like let's talk aboutall the like the you know, it's
almost like a trauma bondingsession, then like and and you
don't want that, right?
(42:13):
So so I think that's a greatpoint.
You can create connectionwithout having to go into some
of this stuff, and also and andthe best connection is a light,
fun, general connection, right?
That that that's just gonna bethat she's gonna that's gonna
keep her looking forward to thenext time that you she gets to
see you.
SPEAKER_02 (42:33):
Yeah, it it it that's that is really what it
comes down to.
And you can ask yourself, youknow, like as dads, I'm sure
everyone really, really deeplyunderstands the idea of age
appropriate.
As the child grows older, thereis an age-appropriate way to
share it, there's anage-appropriate way for them to
understand it.
This isn't really a term, so I'mjust kind of throwing it out
there.
What is the the time appropriatein dating this woman?
(42:56):
Is this is this appropriate fora first date?
No, it's not.
We're we're unloading too much.
Is this appropriate after threeto six months of dating?
Yeah, probably.
Because you want to go deeper.
And you ask and and you let thedepth of the connection grow,
just like roots from a plant.
You know, there's tiny, hardlyany roots at all after the first
or second date or the thirddate.
There's really not that much.
(43:17):
And if we think there is, it's abit of infatuation that's
happening.
It takes time for those roots togrow all the way down and for
that to happen.
But the experience can beenjoyable, and and you can and
you can already share theprofundity of your own
understanding andself-acceptance again through
laughter.
(43:37):
Being able to get to a placewhere we can relate with each
other, you go, yeah, I want tobe on the state again, and she's
going to think that.
SPEAKER_00 (43:44):
Yeah.
Great.
Okay.
Resolution number nine, the kidintroduction.
We will stop introducing them tothe kids after two weeks.
All right.
I this seems like oh, you'd besurprised, Alice.
Like, oh, you know, the kids aregonna love her.
Yes, kids like chicken nuggets,they like YouTube unboxing
(44:07):
videos.
Standards for the kids arepretty low, so just understand
that your standards have to bedifferent.
And because she joked or shelaughed at your dad joke,
doesn't mean she's your nextstepmom.
Keep the world separate until atleast you know her middle name
and or your and or her creditscore, okay?
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (44:27):
Dude, you come up with some great concrete
details.
I hope you're writing stuff likethis on your dating profile.
Not the negative spin, but untilyou know, you know, chicken
chick, kids love chickennuggets.
And yo, I just want to point outfor all the dads listening, this
episode and last week's episode,the stalking stuffer one.
Listen to the humor that Jude isputting out.
(44:49):
The reason it's funny is becauseof all of the explicitly
narrative concrete details thatyou're putting out.
Jude, these are perfect examplesof the types of humor that men
should be putting on theirprofile.
Now, we have to, we have toscrub it clean of you know, of
the angry vibe.
You know, you don't want to beputting that on the profile.
(45:09):
But these are good examples ofhow you use a concrete detail to
really illustrate something andprovoke a response in a person.
SPEAKER_00 (45:16):
Yeah, and you don't have to look, I'm not, I don't
consider myself funny, right?
Like I'm not, I'm there, I'mnever gonna go to comedy, but
just life has got so many sillyass things that if you if you
stop and and and do what we'vetalked about, which is kind of
tune into to life, get yourstuff stuff in order, you can
(45:36):
start finding just a buttload ofhumor in everything that happens
all throughout the day.
And if you yeah, if you can showup in that in that humor, and
look, like don't don't don't getme wrong.
Like my days, like I got into ashouting match driving yesterday
with some asshole that wasdriving like a douchebag.
Okay, so like I'm not like lightand happy, like one of those
(45:58):
guys that's light and happy allthe light, but like you can find
the the humor and fun in life,no matter the stresses, the
difficulties, the challenges,right?
Because we are going throughthat as dads and during this
transition.
But and and that's gonna be kindof our our our next one, number
10, which is you know, have someoptimism.
(46:20):
Like we're gonna actually havefun with this.
So let's just talk about thatwith and we can talk about kid
introduction and and and theopposite and and optimism.
Like it's easy to be cynical,it's easy to be bitter, but if
we can just stop treating datinglike a job or a job interview
and just enjoy it and have fun,man, it is like gonna be it's so
(46:43):
it's it's so much different.
SPEAKER_02 (46:46):
Yeah.
I'm I'm gonna say, I'm gonna saythe resolution here on this one,
which is a really important one,is I would say show up in a
positive, playful way,regardless of how she shows up.
SPEAKER_00 (46:57):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (46:58):
Don't don't adapt to her if she's showing up DA style
with a bunch of questions, ifshe's showing up super jaded and
cynical, if she's showing up orshe doesn't show up at all and
just you know, and just youknow, ghosts you, you know, on
that first date.
Do not let her vibe.
Let's throw into this also womenthat are the boss babes and that
(47:19):
are being super masculine andhave to take charge of that
table and everything about it.
What whatever the challenge isfor you, do not let them pull
you into their vibe and theirspace.
You need to lead at the veryleast your life and the life of
your children in the way thatyou think is going to be the
most beneficial experience thatyou can.
SPEAKER_01 (47:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (47:41):
For them for the most part, that's going to be a
little more lighthearted.
It's going to be a little moreeasy-going.
It's it's going to have a anaspect of lift to it,
life-giving lift.
When you walk into every roomand when you walk into that
date, you want to have theresolution that that's what you
bring to the table.
And if that woman doesn't knowwhat to do with it, excuse
(48:04):
yourself from the table tablesooner rather than later.
And do not let do not let thestatus quo of dating out there,
which is pretty jaded, it'spretty exhausted, it's pretty
spent.
All the women are pointing theirfingers at men, all the men are
pointing their fingers at women.
Nobody's gonna get anywhere thisway.
You have to show up looking toadd lift to a woman's life and
(48:28):
invite her in to that kind of adynamic that you're bringing and
you're practicing on a dailybasis.
Obviously, like you say, Jude,it's it's like we say it like
it's easy.
It's not, it's work.
You know, I, you know, youmentioned a you know, road rage
moment.
Like I have that all the timewhen I'm in traffic.
Is how do I, and I I don't startyelling with guys, but I still
(48:51):
get frustrated or angry or Ifeel self-righteous at a certain
point, and I have to practiceletting it go.
I have to practice like Dallas,just let the guy drive around,
you know, move over, let him go.
I'm I'm going to come out theother end of that exchange.
It is a much better version,much more enjoyable version of
myself.
SPEAKER_00 (49:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (49:11):
Because you want to have that when you're when
you're showing up on the date.
SPEAKER_00 (49:14):
Well, and I think the key word that you said in
all of that is practice.
It's it takes practice in howyou're gonna show up dating,
just like it takes practice inhow you're gonna show up being a
good father, how it takespractice in just getting through
this transition period in inyour life, going from from
married to uh to a single dad.
(49:36):
So so it's it's something thatjust takes intentionality and
and working on.
So like Dal said, give yourselfa little bit of grace uh around
this because it is a atransition and it's a
challenging transition time, butkeep practicing it.
So keep practicing that thatmindset, just like you've got to
practice how to get into themindset when you're when your
(49:58):
kids are on.
You're gonna do the same thingwhen when you're out on on a
date.
You're gonna get yourselfprepared mentally and and
emotionally to to do that andhopefully find some fun, even
in.
I mean, maybe we need to do somean episode on on crazy, crazy
dates, right?
Like whether she goes, if shedoesn't show up or like I had
(50:18):
one in the middle of the dayliterally just get up and say,
Oh, I forgot I have an interviewright now and leave, right?
Like, and then and then the bestpart of it is like an hour
later, she texts me, oh, theinterview went great.
And I'm like, What in the likeyou know, you just gotta laugh
about some of the shit becauseit's so so you you just and and
(50:39):
and it's just life.
And and and some people are alittle bit kooky.
Take some, but it's good.
Then you've got a story like youcan tell your friends or on a
podcast or or or or somethinglike that.
It's just life.
SPEAKER_02 (50:52):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna add on top of yourpracticing it.
Yes, it takes practice, andthat's that's the behavior that
we're doing.
And what we're doing when we'repracticing is we're training and
conditioning ourselves to be theway that we want to be.
That practicing behavior goesdeeper and it creates a
different state inside ofourselves.
We're training our body to be ina certain state, and we're
(51:15):
conditioning ourselves to be ina certain state.
And if we're passive in theprocess, we're gonna just pick
that up from the environmentaround us.
SPEAKER_01 (51:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (51:22):
And and even even deeper than the training and
conditioning, we're buildingstrength for it.
The fact that the world aroundus, especially the social media
world and geez, the dating appworld, is so it's so dragging,
it's such a drag on everybodythat we have to develop a
strength through practicing andconditioning and training
(51:45):
ourselves.
We have to develop a strengthand resilience to be able to
stand up against it and not letit take us down.
And that that takes a lot ofpractice together.
SPEAKER_00 (51:54):
Yeah, and and but but guys, we are we are men,
we've got a masculine nature,and you are inherently built to
to to have that strength.
So just know that it's it's withit's within you.
You just got to bring it out,and and you can bring it out.
I see it all the time with guys.
I know that you see it all thetime with guys in the dating
(52:15):
scene and and getting out thereand doing field work.
So it's absolutely there, guys.
And and that's part of thereason why we're here.
We just we want to help guidethat and and and have a little
fun with you as well, whichwhich I hope you I hope you
found some some humor in uspoking, poking some you know,
poking at the the the guys.
Uh we're equal opportunity here,and we know as dads that's you
(52:37):
know, we got uh we gotta justhave fun.
We just gotta laugh at ourselvessometimes.
SPEAKER_02 (52:41):
You know, and when it comes to these challenges
that we're working through andshowing up the way that we want
to show up at a date, likethat's the deeper work.
Every client that I work with,every every man that I
encounter, and we start talkingabout dating a strategy, they're
always asking, you know, wheredo I meet the woman?
What do I say to her?
You know, where do I go?
They're asking about verytactical level questions that
have to do with theirinteraction with a woman.
(53:03):
The real questions that aredifficult is how do I change the
state inside of myself into theone that I enjoy as a man?
But it takes it takes men a longtime to realize when you're
enjoying your life as a man,your your dating game goes
through the roof.
SPEAKER_01 (53:21):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (53:21):
When you are enjoying yourself, when you're
walking through life like awinner, like you figured out how
this game works, and you're justkind of skipping down the
sidewalk because you you found,you know, the lucky, you know,
you found Willy Wonka's goldenticket, you know.
When you're walking through lifelike that, your dating game is
(53:42):
is easy.
It it's it's not, I mean, thereare tactics, of course, and
there's all these details thatwe have.
The truth is, though, is how dowe get to that state inside of
ourselves?
And I'm just gonna mention thereare no more going on in 2025.
But in 2026, if you have not yetbeen to one of our live QA
calls, join us for the one inJanuary.
(54:02):
Come to the table.
You can ask all the questionsyou want about the dating and
how to interact with women.
But if you're looking for how toget to a more positive state
inside of yourselves, we'd loveto jump into those questions
too.
SPEAKER_00 (54:13):
Yeah, jump into those questions and then I'd say
even take it to the next level,which is is is get involved in
in the coaching and and thegroup stuff and and and start
getting out there with withother guys.
Because then uh, you know, youand I were talking yesterday,
Dallas, a little bit about beingout in the field.
And when you get to to be outthere and you get to spend time
(54:35):
with a with a guy like Dallas oror other guys that have really
achieved that and and gotten tothat level, just what just like
anything, watching somebody anduh and learning from from
somebody that's that's reallythere, there's no better way to
pick up on that.
And it's just really enjoyableand impressive to to watch,
right?
It's like uh somebody that's uhhoned themselves into something
(54:59):
that that you want.
Same as if you see somebody atthe gym and and you're doing
that.
So you know get in get involvedat black box dating, go to the
divorced advocate.com.
Uh our event page has uh thosethose Q ⁇ A's you can add it
right to to your calendar.
And please, guys, leave us astar rating and and even better
a comment because the algorithmsjust go off.
(55:20):
We continue to to grow thepodcast, and and our goal is to
just have this be continue to befree, to continue to provide you
guys some port some supportgoing through this, and we're
looking forward to a reallyfantastic 2026.
So Dallas, have a have anincredible, happy new year.
Everybody listening, have ahappy new year.
SPEAKER_02 (55:42):
Thank you, dude.
I just I want to say I love theresolutions we have going into
2026.
I love how we also kind of did anew year's recap of 2025 best
hits of the episodes.
We worked that in really well.
Yeah, and yeah, to all the dadslistening out there, happy new
year, and look forward totalking to you again in 2026.
Take care.
Hello, and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce,
the only podcast that is goingto help you to make your New
Year's resolutions as a dad backin the dating world after
divorce.
My name is Jude Sandval.
I am your host and I'm thefounder of The Divorced
(00:43):
Advocate.
My co-host, as always, is DallasBluth, the founder of Black Box
Dating.
How are you doing, Dallas?
SPEAKER_02 (00:49):
Doing fabulous, Jude.
We are about to wrap up thefirst quarter of the century and
and the millennium.
Like this is this is a prettycool New Year's.
SPEAKER_00 (00:58):
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
I had not even I had not eventhought about that.
Yes, we are a quarter throughthe millennium, and that's yeah,
that's pretty amazing.
I remember Y2K.
I'm old enough, like I'm datingmyself.
Well, I've already done that along time ago, but and I'm
literally dating myselffiguratively too.
Anyway, yeah, so that'sinteresting.
(01:20):
25 years since Y2K, and man,it's just an interesting, just
an interesting world in general.
Very interesting world in the indating, as you know, because you
deal with this every day.
And so I thought today, sincelast week, we kind of had a
little bit of fun, just keepingthe levity around the holidays,
(01:42):
I think, is a good thing,particularly with us dads and
going through the holidays.
Sometimes divorce dads, this canbe a this can be a heavy time,
whether you've got your kids allthe time or you're not seeing
your kids on some of theholidays.
So I wanted to I wanted tocontinue the levity this week
because we had some big podcaststhe the weeks before.
And last week we poked a littlebit of fun at the at the ladies
(02:06):
and their pro and their datingprofiles and and went through
decoding and and decipheringsome of the stuff on their on
their profiles.
Today I thought what we'd do iswe'd put together some New
Year's resolutions for the dad'sdating.
So it's dad's dating, dad'sdating's dad's dating New Year's
(02:29):
resolutions.
Or as I as I as I've uhaffectionately what did I New
Year, same baggage, top 10resolutions for single dads.
You know that I didn't want itto be that stupid, like new
year, new me.
Yeah.
So it's new new year, samebaggage.
Let's figure out someresolutions for for us dating
(02:51):
dads.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_02 (02:52):
I I think it's great.
I I think I think new year, newme is uh is a little wishful
thinking, and that usuallydoesn't last past past about the
20th of January.
SPEAKER_00 (03:01):
Well, hopefully we'll hopefully some of these
resolutions will get rid of thatbaggage.
So it'll so it'll be new yearreduced reduce the baggage.
All right, let's start.
As always, you you know thatI've got uh a list here.
Uh so number one is the profilepicture purge.
(03:21):
Resolution number one this year.
We resolved to delete the photoof us holding a fish.
Yes, right?
I don't care how big it was,unless you're looking to date a
marine biologist or maybe a uh apelican, she doesn't care,
right?
Also included in this band, Ithink we should make glass
(03:43):
sunglasses indoors, like get ridof that picture, Jimmuir
selfies, where you're whereyou're you you like pretend
you're checking the phone, butyou're you're actually flexing
your arm, right?
And any any photo taking insideof your truck.
unknown (03:58):
All right.
SPEAKER_00 (03:59):
So yeah.
So can we agree that that isprobably a good New Year's
resolution for us dads?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (04:05):
That that's an excellent one.
I'm gonna add to that anypicture in which you are wearing
a seatbelt is probably probablynot there.
Unless that seatbelt is on somewild ride at an amusement park
or something, you know.
But if it's in a vehicle, andespecially if you're driving,
you should not be taking apicture.
Last one that I'm gonna add tothat is anything in a bathroom.
Do not take any pictures ofyourself in the mirror in the
(04:27):
bathroom.
Um, okay, so a lot of guys arelike, well, what's left?
Okay, what's left is for you toactually take pictures when
you're out socializing withpeople.
A lot of we we don't think ofthis as guys, you know, like
most guys are not selfie takersfor social media that women tend
to be come to it more naturally.
So, in all seriousness, takinggood pictures is totally a
challenge for your datingprofile is totally a challenge
(04:49):
for a guy.
It totally is.
I I have never myself Let's talkabout that for a second.
SPEAKER_00 (04:54):
Like, do you recommend actually like taking
some time, maybe getting with afriend and like doing some kind
of photo shoot and maybe shortof the professional photos,
yeah, you could do that too, butbut short of that, like put some
thought into it.
You're actually marketingyourself.
(05:15):
So I struggle with this too,because I don't like to do
selfies and I don't like peopletaking pictures of me.
So but you gotta you're ifyou're marketing yourself, you
gotta do something.
Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (05:27):
So I have found I've tried I've tried it a few
different ways.
When I go out with a friend todo an impromptu like photo shoot
for my dating profile, it nevercomes out looking natural or
good.
It it just it just doesn't.
And then I actually get commentson, I've gotten comments on the
pictures like, so what's withthe picture of?
And and it it totally comesthrough as not authentic.
(05:50):
Now, I have never paid for theprofessional photographs on
profiles, but I have heard very,very promising, you know, good
feedback from clients of mineand other people I've talked to
that have paid for it, uh, bothmen and women.
Uh you can usually tell that thethat the photos aren't exactly
100% just natural, you know,while you're out.
It doesn't matter.
(06:11):
If you show up looking in reallygood light and people are
swiping right, they see that youtake more pride in your
appearance, that's a good start.
That's a good start.
I think what it comes, I think,I think at the root of this
though, is we have to askourselves, okay, I don't really
like taking selfies.
That's fine.
But do you want women to see tohave a window into your life?
(06:34):
I've talked in the past aboutgiving concrete examples and
illustrations.
Well, nothing, you know, pictureis worth a thousand words.
Yeah.
Nothing, nothing tells peoplemore about who you are, who you
hang out with, what you do, whatyour vibe is, how tall you
actually are, than a photo ofyou with other people.
No, seriously.
(06:55):
I women are like, is he really5'10?
Is he really 6'2?
Well, you take a picture withother people around you,
especially women, and you nowknow, you know, what what how
tall this guy really is.
Open yourself up to that.
It it's it's we tend to be asmen kind of a little reserved in
that area, but you'readvertising, you're marketing
yourself, like you said.
(07:16):
Remember that when you're inthese moments and go, you know
what?
Yeah, let's grab a picturebecause I want to show off the
like that I have.
SPEAKER_00 (07:22):
Yeah.
And on on the on the flip side,I always appreciate when I see
if a woman, her profile has donesomething nice, even if it's not
natural.
Like you can, like you said, youcan you can tell, but that's
never that's never been aturnoff for me.
That's just right exactly whatyou said.
I'm like, oh, she seems to tocare and she's put her put she
(07:43):
puts herself to you know, putsherself together well and looks
good, and she can do that.
She knows how to do that.
She's taken the time, spent themoney.
Like that's all positive.
There's nothing that for me,there's nothing negative.
So I would think that's the flipside, flip side is as well.
SPEAKER_02 (08:00):
Yeah, we like to see how good, you know, you look
really good when you cleanyourself up.
You know, we want to see thatside.
Right.
One last thing I would I wouldthrow in there is, you know, so
this is a bit of a springcleaning on the photos.
Show them to women.
And I believe there are servicesonline that you can put out your
photos and get anonymous, likehot or not, on pictures.
(08:20):
Oh, really?
We yeah, we have we have I thenames of them aren't coming to
mind to me immediately here, butthere are we have a perception
of ourselves of where we lookgood, but that's based from our
internal perspective and ourinternal self-image.
We care about how women respondto our photos, get women to
weigh in, more than one woman.
(08:41):
Heck, this might even be adecent way to approach a woman
or strike up a conversation at abar going, hey, these are the
ones.
Now, I what I would do if you'regonna do this, I would plan
ahead, not not bring up yourdating profile right there.
That doesn't work.
What you want to have is alittle folder on your phone in
your photos that is specificallyyour dating profile pictures,
(09:02):
and just go, hey, can I get youropinion on this?
You know, it's it's the newyear.
I'm really looking to meetsomebody.
You know, you seem like anattractive woman.
I'd love to get your take onwhich of these photos look the
best of me.
Nice.
Notice how I worked in a littlebit of a compliment.
Notice, but what I'm reallyfocused on is her sense of style
(09:23):
and attraction.
I'm asking for her opinion.
I'm asking for her place as a asa woman.
And and then implicitly, she'slike, Well, why aren't you
hitting on me?
Could be part of what's going onin her head.
And she's like, Oh, this guy isflexible.
This guy is open, he's he's opento feedback, he wants to do
better, he's looking to put hisbest foot forward, he's looking
(09:44):
to make an effort.
All of these really, really goodway in January.
When you find yourself in thesituation, have that little
folder of pictures ready on yourphone.
Ask women, hey, can I get yourcan I get your take on which one
of these are the best?
And see what goes.
See where it goes.
SPEAKER_00 (10:01):
There you go, guys.
There's your there's your coldapproach for January this year.
That's and and and so work workthat one and get back to us on
on the success of of that.
I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure ifDallas is suggesting it, it'll
it'll work really well.
But yeah, that's that's fun.
Okay, so so you hit onresolution number two already,
(10:21):
which is the the the heightinflation embargo, I'm calling
it, right?
We're this year, we're gonnastop doing math on our dating
profiles.
If you're 5'9, you're 5'9.
If you're 5'11, you're not 5'11in Timberlands, right?
You're 5'9, you're not six footon a good day, because when you
show up on a date and you'relooking up her nostrils and her
(10:42):
chin and she's wearing flash,she's gonna know that you're not
actually 5'11.
So we're resolved to own ourshort king or our medium king
status, right?
No more lying.
SPEAKER_02 (10:55):
Yep, absolutely.
And and no more lying on theprofiles, and let's let's
counterbalance this with giveyourself every inch of pride and
self-confidence that you shouldhave in your posture.
Get used to breathing deeply.
You know, uh you and I actuallymentioned at the last QA session
with the guys, you know, how youknow there's a little bit, we
(11:16):
were talking about exerciseroutines and all that, and I
mentioned qigong.
Yeah, nothing has helped myposture more than practicing
qigong.
And the thing, so there's theshoulders back, there's feeling
like there's a thread at the topof your head that pulls you up.
And even if your your heightactually does change slightly
when you do that, but more thanthat, you're that you have that
kingly presence about you, andthat's actually the feeling that
(11:41):
women you know are looking for.
Small secret that took me a longtime to understand, and this
this comes from Qigong and KungFu, is rotating your hips
slightly forward, like you'retucking your tailbone underneath
you.
You rot that rotate that underslightly, guys, almost
immediately you lose one notchon your belt.
You're because your stuff yourcore gets engaged, your stomach
(12:03):
gets engaged, and and it and itagain it flattens you out, gets
you a little more washboard orcloser to the washboard, and it
improves your posture overall.
Posture, I mean, I I I thinkevery man will agree that a
woman with a good posture isreally hot.
You know, I mean, a woman thatsits up straight, she has that
(12:23):
small of the back showing off,you know, she's incredibly
attractive physically, but alsoit shows a pride, it shows a it
a woman just looks so hot whenshe has good posture.
Men, it's the same thing, butwe're showing off a radiant
strength when we're doing it.
SPEAKER_00 (12:42):
Yeah, I think I think the height thing with guys
is a bigger deal to guys than itis to women, at least the women
that that that I talk to.
You hear, and we and we teased alittle bit last week about how
all the women want somebody sixfoot or more, and only four
percent of the population is sixfoot or four.
So they're just not gonna getit, right?
(13:04):
Which I think a lot of them doknow, even if that is one of the
criteria that they want.
So do you do you do you agreewith that or do you disagree
with that?
SPEAKER_02 (13:14):
Un unfortunately, it is a heck of a bias with women.
Interesting.
I have I've heard it over andover.
And okay, you're let's just saythe first this first point.
SPEAKER_00 (13:24):
Biased or or or deal breaker, because I I think there
is a bias that they it's a bias,but they do want that, but is it
a deal breaker?
SPEAKER_02 (13:33):
Right.
Okay, and and you you wereyou're leading me right into the
point I wanted to make.
The bias is a deal breaker whenyou're doing online dating apps.
The bias is not necessarily adeal breaker when she gets to
experience you in person withyour full posture, your full
power, your full confidence,your full kingly presence in
(13:53):
person.
Again, coming back to you know,that example, if I'm in a bar
and I ask a woman which one ofthese would be the most
attractive, you know, whichpictures do you think are the
most attractive for my datingprofile?
She's not saying, Oh, well, bythe way, how tall are you?
That's she's you've alreadyshort-circuited that in her
brain and got her thinking aboutother things.
The it's more of a bias than areal deal breaker.
(14:14):
You know, the what women saythey want, and then who a woman
ends up being committed to.
A lot of times we're like,really?
You picked him?
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (14:24):
Yeah, lots of times.
I see that.
SPEAKER_02 (14:25):
Yeah.
And so so the trick is tosidestep the filters.
And the filters are happeningfar more in the in the virtual
world than they are in the realworld.
SPEAKER_00 (14:36):
Right, right.
Okay.
So so you you confirmed what Ididn't say very well, which was
in in reality, that that biasdoesn't necessarily play,
especially if you're showing uphow you describe you, you care
yourself well, you'rearticulate, like you've got your
life together.
Man, it's just it that's thatthat that six foot plus bias
(14:57):
goes way down the list of dealbreakers if you're showing up
like that.
SPEAKER_02 (15:04):
When you make her laugh, she will she will adjust,
she will adjust accordingly.
Really?
Yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_00 (15:09):
Like how many comedians get chicks?
And like there's not a ton ofgreat-looking comedians out
there, right?
Yeah, totally.
But they get lots of chicks forsure.
Absolutely.
Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_02 (15:23):
Yeah, and oh, forgot the last point.
SPEAKER_00 (15:25):
Yeah.
That's okay.
We'll we'll move on to toresolution number three, and
that's the the wardrobeintervention.
And we've gone, we've done,we've done a whole, we did a
whole episode of this, butresolution number three will
retire the divorced dad uniform.
The one, you know, the cargoshorts that have more pockets
than you have friends, the poloshirt tucked into the jeans with
(15:48):
the braided belts, yeah, thetransition lenses that don't
transition fast enough when youwalk inside and you're eating
appetizers with like with uhyour shades on, right?
So we gotta burn the cargoshorts and we gotta upgrade.
SPEAKER_02 (16:03):
We do.
And I'm surprised this oneshould be resolution number two.
Get the wardrobe, you know,purged, cleaned up, and
upgraded.
In no particular order.
Okay, no particular order.
Sorry, didn't mean to pick on.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna add to that.
Stop wearing the mostcomfortable sneakers you can
find.
Or crocs.
(16:24):
Throw those away.
Yeah, let's go with that.
Or sandals that say I don'tcare, or I look like you know,
you're wearing those puma strapthings, like I look like I just
came out of a gym.
You haven't been on the footballteam in 28 years.
Doesn't work anymore.
That only works when you're 23and below, okay?
Yeah, and you're literallycarrying a big lacrosse bag over
your shoulder.
That's the only time that works.
(16:45):
Um, seriously, though, the twoitems that that women notice
first, shoe wear and if you'rewearing a watch, your watch.
Those are the two items thatwomen notice first in a man's
attire.
Starting at the bottom, I look,I I I also check out a guy's
shoes immediately, and I can'thelp but sort guys into certain
buckets based on that.
(17:06):
If you're wearing a, you know,just a pair of sneakers because
they look comfortable.
I'm I'm sorry, but like eitherwear some kind of more
fashionable sneaker.
You know, I wear the old schoolpumas that just have, you know,
the one stripe on the side, youknow, or you get yourself some
Adidas, or you, you know, or youyou make it a little more
European and doesn't you don'tknow what Italian shop that came
(17:27):
out of.
Like, that's a style that canwork, but that's not the same as
the casual sneaker that youwould wear when you're a tourist
and you're walking nine ninehours a day.
SPEAKER_00 (17:37):
Running shoes or the jogging shoes that got the thick
sole on them and they got somebright colors, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:42):
Absolutely.
That's fine for moving day whenyou're loading up that van and
you're taking stuff up and downthe stairs.
It is not okay when you're goingto the holiday party.
It's not.
If if you're looking to meetwomen.
And but I would say also,really, if you're a grown man,
wear some leather on your feet,wear some dress shoes.
You know, there's all kinds ofdifferent different ways to go
(18:04):
about it.
Same thing with the boots.
You know, you know, pick niceboots and take care of them.
Nothing says I take pride inmyself, my home, my domain, and
everyone that I care for, whichis potentially you, young woman,
more than a man that shines hisshoes.
SPEAKER_00 (18:20):
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely positively.
I would say that is one thing Iprobably get the most comments
on from women is like shoe wear.
I love Chelsea boots.
So I think and I think Chelseaboots are a great investment.
Go invest in some Chelsea boots.
You can wear them with jeans,you can wear them with suits,
you can wear them like cat, likecat.
(18:41):
You can't wear them shorts.
Please don't wear them with yourcargo shorts.
But but like they're very, veryversatile.
And like you said, leather,invest in them.
You're gonna you're gonna havethem for years and years and
years and take care of them.
Man, women just go crazy aboutthat.
And it's just something, it'slike it's not very expensive,
right?
Like you can find stuff for forfor reasonably priced and for
(19:04):
the amount of time that you'regonna you're gonna be wearing
them.
It's amazing.
SPEAKER_02 (19:08):
Yeah, and to come all the way back to the episode
where we talked about this, getthat full-length mirror if you
don't have it.
Yeah, because you need to checkout, you know, from head to toe,
how does everything cometogether and ask yourself
honestly, am I looking the bestthat I could?
And go ask a woman.
Yep.
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (19:28):
What do you think of what do you think of these
shoes?
SPEAKER_02 (19:30):
Or or do you like these another So I I do that all
the time when I'm out shopping.
Usually when I go shopping, I'mby myself.
I will I very, very regularlyask a woman, what do you think
of this jacket?
What do you think of theseshoes?
And I'm again, I'm not saying,oh, hey, you're beautiful and
I'm hitting on you.
I'm engaging her one, I becauseI'm I'm I'm I'm validating her
(19:52):
sense of style, just I'massuming that she's got style.
I'm asking her for input.
I'm showing that I'm vulnerable.
And if I wanted to make a move,that's a great place to do it
from.
Ask the women while you're outshopping.
And even if they're withsomebody, just practice.
Uh, last time I bought a jacket,I was out, there was a woman
with her husband, and I said,Hey, excuse me.
And I did this intentionally,even though I wasn't with
(20:13):
somebody.
I said, Hey, excuse me, mygirlfriend isn't here with me.
Can I borrow you to Let me, youknow, to get your sense of
style.
And the guy laughed.
You know, the husband's there.
And because I'm acknowledging,not hitting on his wife, but it
opens it up.
I'm flirting with the world.
I'm playing with the world.
Um it's always good practice touh to just do that.
Right.
(20:33):
Let's talk.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
Well, let's talk a little bit more too about
accessories, because I thinkthat's something that guys do
not do not think enough about.
And shoes aren't necessarilyaccessories, but they can
really, like you, like you said,depending on w what kind you get
and and what you do, can reallyhave a statement about your
personality and and who you are.
(20:54):
That goes the same foraccessories, which like I like a
lot of jewelry.
I like rings, I like bracelets,I like necklaces.
So so I do that a lot.
And I get teased a lot about ittoo, which is fine, but I I like
that.
But the other thing, like youmentioned watches too, which is
a really straightforward,simple, easy thing to get a
decent watch, right?
(21:16):
Like, don't go get one of thelike the swimming Casio watches
with the calculators on them andeverything else.
I'd also say the Apple watchesand all those stupid smart
watches, like it's so cliche.
Just like get rid of those.
I I don't like them.
So you and maybe you saysomething different about that,
but find yourself somethingthat's a classic looking watch,
(21:37):
a leather band, maybe, and haveit something that you wear every
day.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (21:43):
Yeah.
So I I I love watches.
I I would actually say at thispoint I'm a bit of a watch
collector.
Not super high-end expensiveones, but still good quality and
very stylish.
I love having watches thatreally go with my outfit.
It's it's my one piece ofjewelry that I wear.
But here's the thing that youand I have in common you wear
necklaces, rings, bracelets, andyou say you get teased about it.
(22:05):
Okay, what you don't get isignored.
And that is that is what menwant.
Men want women to respond totheir presence.
And you're also giving women orpeople in general something to
talk about and comment on inwhat you wear.
If you're wearing all generic,boring stuff with casual tennis
running shoes, well, what isthere to comment on?
(22:27):
And for me, I usually, veryrarely do people actually see me
wearing the same watch twice,the same person often doesn't
see me wearing the same watchtwice.
That's part of what a lot offriends actually look forward to
is what watch is Dallas wearingand how does it go with what
he's wearing on the rest of hisbody, his shoes, his belt, his
shirt, his pants, and theoccasion that we're having.
(22:49):
It's it's an automaticconversation piece.
And plenty of times when I'm outin public, you know, when I'm
chatting with a woman at a bar,at a coffee shop, on a date, you
know, at a networking event,that watch gives them an excuse
to make a comment or acompliment to me on what I'm
wearing.
It's it's useful stuff.
It really is.
It's again, it's the miniatureversion of what they call
(23:11):
peacocking in the pickup artistcommunity.
SPEAKER_00 (23:13):
Yeah, and and so let's just describe that
briefly.
Peacocking is just like what pewhen peacocks are are trying to
attract a mate, they like haveall these beautiful feathers, so
they're popping them up.
And they and that's whatpeacocking is is we're putting
something on that attractspeople or gains attention or
something to to createconversation, like you said.
(23:36):
Like I'm not you're right.
I've never ignored they're like,oh, what's on your bracelet, or
oh, what is that?
What is it on your ring, orwhere did you get that?
Or oh, that's an interestingnecklace.
Like, yeah, all like all even ifthey do tease me, like you have
more jewelry on than I do, it'sa conversation piece all the
time.
So so find us, and this is notexpensive, like you can find
(23:57):
stuff at the thrift store, youcan find inexpensive stuff, just
find stuff that that you likethat that speaks to you.
Hats, another one.
That's a great, great one.
I love hats as well.
I didn't know we had the the thethe common watch fetish thing,
too.
So we'll have to we'll have totalk about that offline too,
because I've got a whole likebox of and collection of of mine
(24:17):
too.
So but but it's yeah, it doesn'thave to be expensive.
It's easy.
Find something that that thatyou like that's uh that's
interesting, that speaks to youryour your kind of personality,
and then then use it.
And that can go a long way inmitigating if you just can't put
a like you can just like at-shirt, like you've got a
(24:37):
really straightforward, like puttogether good like jeans and
t-shirt, and you know, what youdress that up with maybe a
fedora in the summer orbracelets or something like it
gives you a little possession,it makes you different from the
hundred other guys that she'sgonna be looking at and
throughout throughout the day.
And it's just gonna give herpause or a reason to talk with.
SPEAKER_02 (25:01):
Yeah.
I mean, you know, to to dissectmy wardrobe personally here for
just a minute.
I like I like the fitted t-shirtand slightly fitted jeans.
We're not talking skinny jeans,but I I stay in shape.
I want women to notice my body.
That's that's how I pick that.
Now, I also, by not putting awhole lot into the shirt and
pants, what I want to show offis the shoes and usually leather
(25:23):
jacket that I'm wearing.
Yeah, those are the more stylishpieces that I'm wearing.
Again, very simple, not a whole,not a whole lot of busyness
going on.
And then the other thing thatjumps out is the watch.
And women can see the shape ofwhat they're looking at, they
can see the you know the packagethat I have, and and they like
it.
And I vary it slightly dependingon uh the situation that I'm in.
(25:46):
But for the most part, I staywithin a pretty simple range and
and I get I get good resultswith it.
SPEAKER_00 (25:51):
Yeah, man, and it's your and it's your look and it
looks great, right?
So I I'm just gonna I'm gonnatell the guys to go to our
episode because we go into likea lot of this stuff in in in
pretty specific detail, but Idon't think one episode that we
did actually talk aboutaccessories and stuff.
So I think that's why I wantedto to to to dive into that
because it's really really easyand it's a really great thing.
(26:12):
And I I think it's fun, like youcan find lots of fun stuff.
I make my jewelry sometimes too,which is so fun.
With the daughters, right?
SPEAKER_02 (26:19):
Bring them around the coffee table, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:21):
I know we literally do, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've made bracelets andnecklaces and stuff like that,
and then I then I've done thatfor women, like made them
jewelry, and then that's likethat, yeah, that's a fun thing.
Very personal, that's fun, verypersonal, shows a huge amount of
like uh attention and and effortand care about who they are and
what they are, and and it's aneasy thing to do.
(26:43):
And if you'd like to dosomething, if you're creative,
you like to do creative stuff,then it's you know it's
enjoyable for you too.
So, anyway, well, we have waydigressed.
unknown (26:51):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (26:52):
Uh let's keep it going.
So let's let's hit resolutionnumber four, which is the crazy
ex narrative.
Number four, and this is a bigone, guys.
Listen up and pay attention.
We resolve to stop telling themy ex is crazy story on the
first date, all right?
Maybe she is crazy, all right?
That's okay.
(27:12):
I understand.
But and but when you tell awoman that you that you just
met, that your ex is psycho, allshe hears is I take zero
accountability for my pastrelationship.
I'll definitely talk trash talkabout you when I leave here,
right?
So swap out the she was crazyfor we just grew apart.
(27:33):
Okay, or at least wait untillike date five.
SPEAKER_02 (27:38):
Yeah.
Okay, I think you really hit onit when when you're in the early
stages of dating and reallythroughout, because women never
stop testing us.
Women are looking, are looking,how do you talk about your exes?
How do you talk about otherpeople?
Do you trash talk behind theirback?
Because they're wondering ifthis doesn't work out with me,
how is he going to talk aboutme?
SPEAKER_01 (27:56):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (27:57):
That's really what she's looking at when she looks
at how you're talking about yourpast exes.
A couple other items I would putin with that.
One, if you're still stewing andbrewing and angry and bitter
about that, you've got more workto do.
And you know, do you want to bewith a woman that is still all
angry at her ex?
The truth is a good portion ofher is not available to you as a
(28:22):
new relationship because it'sstill tied up in anger and
resentment with a pastrelationship.
You know, you know that if she'salways bitching about you know
her ex, you're not gonna get youdon't have a lot of her
available to connect with.
And the last thing is where yourfocus goes, your energy flows.
If your focus, particularly whenyou're on a date with her, is
(28:43):
talking about resentment ornostalgia or whatever, is in the
past, your your energy is goingthere.
You need to positively embracewhat you're looking forward to
out in front of you, and how youare, and again, I I say this
regularly, but it bearsrepeating because a lot of men
(29:04):
slip into negative talk patternsreally quickly.
You need to positively embrace,make it attractive what it is
that you're looking for.
So when you're talking aboutpast relationships, you know,
you're you say, yeah, you know,we grew apart, this wasn't the
right fit.
I went into it with certainassumptions, we were, you know,
maybe a little young and foolishand didn't really uh you know
(29:24):
explore the important topics.
But more importantly, here'swhat I'm looking for going
forward.
Here's what I've discovered thatI want.
The kind of life I want is waymore playful than than what I
had before.
What I'm looking for, and youstart painting a positive
picture of the future thatyou're potentially inviting this
woman into.
Right.
Those are that you want to besharing.
SPEAKER_00 (29:46):
Would you say at least at least in the very
beginning, it it's best to justkeep it general and keep it
light, like answer the questionswithout without too much detail.
And and we've all run into thewoman who's literally got the
the like 20 questions, and she'sshe's you know, she's going at
you DA style on that first date.
And and you know, and andusually I'll be like, whoa,
(30:07):
whoa, whoa, you've hit your mat,you know, you've hit your quota
of DA style questions, or I'lllike I'll make a joke about it,
but just keep it light and keepit general in in in the
beginning.
Would you agree?
Would you agree with that?
I would agree with that.
And it adds a little mysterytoo, right?
Like, yeah, if you're not gonnago into detail and you're kind
of joking about you know stuff alittle bit, that's gonna, you
(30:29):
know, get her you know, mindgoing a little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (30:31):
Yeah.
And and to your point, if you'rebeing grilled DA style, you need
to demonstrate that you've got avery strong frame and firm
boundaries.
And then you're gonna tell her,you know, I've got no problem
talking about this, but let'swait until we know each other a
little more before we dig intothat.
And I'm I'm telling her, hey, Iwant to get to know you more
before I get more vulnerable.
(30:51):
A woman likes a man that's notnecessarily looking to jump
right into every bit ofintimacy.
SPEAKER_01 (30:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:57):
And and she might be thinking about it more from a
physical and sexual place, butyou're demonstrating it more
from a psychological andemotional place.
And she's going to think, wow,this guy understands what it
means to take your time gettingto know somebody and opening up
in time.
SPEAKER_00 (31:13):
It's like an onion peeling, like be that onion.
Like let like like let thoselayers come away slowly and
enjoy that process, right?
It doesn't have to be all atonce, it all gets out laid out
on the table.
Like that's part of theexcitement of dating, is for
both of you, peeling that onionand having your onion peeled is
(31:35):
I guess there's no better way tosay that.
There are better ways to saythat.
I'm sure there is a better wayto say that, but you know what
I'm you know what I'm gettingat, right?
Like, so so you know.
Jude's new resolution is to gethis onion peeled.
SPEAKER_01 (31:51):
Jesus, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (31:53):
Okay.
Onward.
Resolution number six.
I can't even go anywhere withthat, Dell.
Uh the texting hygiene.
We resolved to stop texting,just hey, or you up.
We're grown men, we havemortgages.
Some of us might be oncholesterol medication.
We can form full sentences, allright?
(32:15):
Stop using the winky face emoji.
It's not charming, it's weird.
Looks like you have something inyour eye, or maybe you're
planning a crime.
What do you think?
SPEAKER_02 (32:24):
Right.
Yes, texting hygiene.
So texting is an integral partof today's communication.
Um, that means you need to do itwell.
And the way you do it shows alittle bit your style.
Are you more sloppy?
Are you more formal?
Are you more playful?
Are you, you know, whatever itis.
You can pick your style, youknow, of texting.
One of the things I would put inthere, use emojis sparingly as a
(32:46):
man and only use a couple ofthem.
Um let her be more expressive inthe emojis.
I'm I'm and here I'm pointingthe finger myself.
I have a tendency to want to useemojis.
SPEAKER_00 (32:56):
I was just gonna say I was gonna be, I was gonna be
vulnerable here and be honesttoo.
Like I struggle with that too.
I like I like emojis.
SPEAKER_02 (33:02):
I do I do I do too.
And I and there's there's acouple rule, there's a couple of
rules that I have in my head, isthey need to not be about
emotion that I'm feeling.
They need to be about the impactof the moment, almost a little
bit, almost shock value in inthe moment.
So, you know, a shocked face oryou know, the blown top head of
(33:23):
the top of the head emoji,right?
The upside down smiley face.
You know, you can you can usethese, but use them sparingly.
And I would say here's a here isa situation where if you find
yourself using more emojis thanshe is, you might want to dial
that back.
Yeah, so you might be being moreemotionally expressive, emojiing
(33:44):
expressive than she is, but dialthat back and make sure that you
can make yourself understoodwith plain old periods, question
marks, exclamation points.
And uh the other piece thatcomes into the texting is
proofread.
Do not babble in speech to textinto your phone, assume that it
(34:04):
gets it right and sends it off.
Yeah, you can, I mean, speech totext, I use it all the time, but
before I hit send, I go back andI proofread and I edit, I
capitalize, I use periods, I usepunctuation.
I don't always use fullsentences, but I tidy it up.
Punctuation is to texting whathygiene is to your physical
(34:27):
body.
You want to show that you areclean, you've you've tidied it
all up.
You're not just a mess that'shappening.
And should we say it?
Probably should.
If you have a tendency to textthings when you're under the
influence that you wouldn'totherwise text, maybe you should
resolve to do that pretty muchnot away.
SPEAKER_00 (34:46):
Put your phone away if you're drinking.
Let's just say it and make it arule.
Don't text when you'relubricated.
SPEAKER_01 (34:53):
Yeah.
unknown (34:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (34:54):
Don't we're back to peeling the onion again.
So we need to go on to the nextone.
Yeah, it's gonna be, yeah, it'sgood, it's gonna end up bad.
So I think that's a that's afair one to to say.
Okay.
I think we're yeah, we're inagreement on on that one, and
I'm gonna have to use your yourguidelines around.
I like the winky, the like thewinky face, and that's why I put
it in there because it's socringe, but and then I just I
can't help myself sometimes.
(35:16):
So I might have to get sometherapy around that.
That might be my resolution thisyear.
Okay, resolution number seven.
The the the cracks me up.
The cool dad slang ban.
We will stop trying to use Gen Zslang to impress a date.
Do not say a restaurant has Riz.
(35:37):
Do not say the appetizer wasbussing.
And if you and if you say nocap, I'm gonna basically come
through this microphone and cometo your house and confiscate
your freaking grill.
Okay.
You sound like Steve Buscemiwith the skateboard meme, right?
Let's just speak English, fullsentences, none of that crap.
(35:58):
Now, I do it with my teens justto screw with them, but let's
not do it on a date.
SPEAKER_02 (36:02):
Okay, and I would say it's fine to use it, but you
use it ironically.
You use it, you use it forhumor.
You use it because you'relaughing at yourself that you're
using a word that is not part ofyour vocabulary.
Um, I 100% agree.
If you're trying to use this toappear younger, I mean, that's
the equivalent of like a badhair dye job, you know?
(36:23):
It's like it's nothing wrongwith dyeing your hair as a man
if you do it well.
But you do it wrong.
I mean, it screams I'm trying tolook younger than I am.
Not not the look that you'regoing for.
What you want to do is bereally, really solid in the age
that you are, in the decade youwere born, in the style that you
(36:44):
have.
You want to own it.
A man that owns that well andbrings good, solid material to
the table is going to beattractive to younger women.
And then you sprinkle in, yeah,no, that wasn't, yeah, that
wasn't the best Riz I've everused.
And you you but you use itironically, you know, and you're
laughing at it, you're invitingher to laugh at you.
It shows that you're what andwhat that does is when you use
(37:07):
it ironically, it diffuses thetension between uh between an
age gap.
unknown (37:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (37:13):
You're you're because if you're like, oh, you
know, you're why do you guyshave all these words, you know,
that are like stupidabbreviations or yo, this is
dumb.
When you're saying dumb, you'recriticizing where they're coming
from.
And you're doing, you know, andeven if you're not saying it,
you know, there's a there's atension possibly built in.
When you're like, when you'reteasing yourself about it, and
(37:35):
again, I'm not I'm not teasingher about it, I'm teasing myself
about it.
That releases the tension andshows I'm perfectly fine and I
accept you, you know, you know,you you beautiful younger woman.
I'm accepting you where you are,and you know, and I'm happy with
it because you also want to besure that she's happy accepting
you coming where you're from.
Yeah, using that vocabularyshould be a relief valve and use
(37:59):
for humor, not in an attempt totry to appear younger.
SPEAKER_00 (38:02):
You know, I've got a funny story just about a month
ago.
I was in a business meeting withanother male counterpart about
our age, and he dropped likethree or four of these.
And I was like, and I didn'teven know what to do.
I was I was trying to figure outif he was trying if he's trying
(38:23):
to be ironic or if he wasn't,but after like the third or
fourth one, he was not, and Icould almost I could almost not
contain myself, like, dude,you're you're you're way too old
to be talking about Riz and andeverything else.
Like it's this so it was the perI wish I would have like it's
one of those things you wish youhad on video so you could like
(38:45):
privately tell people this iswhat you shouldn't do, yeah,
because this is horrible.
SPEAKER_02 (38:50):
So unless this is a marketing strategy meeting, you
know, and you're working on acampaign targeted, you know, to
people in their 20s.
Yes, you should not be using itthat way.
SPEAKER_01 (39:00):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (39:01):
Number eight, the therapist date.
We resolved to not treat thefirst date like an unpaid
therapy session.
She's there for the margaritaand maybe some nachos, okay?
She's not there to help youprocess that your mother didn't
hug you enough or that you feelunmoored in your 40s.
Yep.
So save the trauma dumping for aprofessional.
(39:23):
And maybe, like, you know, withthe crazy X, wait until date
five or six.
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (39:29):
Yep.
What do you think?
100% behind it.
Uh, this this is a situationwhere boundaries are good.
You want to limit the amountthat you're sharing.
Uh, if it seems to get in deeperand deeper, you know, maybe pull
back on those reins and go,let's share a little more.
I would say the goal when you'retalking about past experiences,
you know, and it gets into thesort of therapy session, uh, is
(39:52):
what we're looking for is to isto create a sense of human
relatability.
We want connection with theperson.
And here's the thing like yousaid, we don't have to brack up
the dump truck and just unloadall the emotions in order to
have the connection.
What we know, what we need tofind is a place where we get to
relatability with each other,and we can both and here's the
(40:15):
here's the key we can both laughabout it because it's part of
what.
Humans go through.
This is part of the humanexperience.
I'm laughing.
Yeah, that didn't go so wellwith the ex.
But I'm just, I'm laughing aboutit.
I'm not picking on my ex.
I'm not picking on me.
I'm getting to the place whereeverybody can laugh.
That is the place of the deepestconnection you can have with
(40:36):
another person.
And you don't have to overshareto get there.
You don't have to unpack it andgo, yeah, I really need to work
on, you know, my, you know, myanxious attachment style, you
know, because my mom, you know,she would do this when I was
younger.
And then, you know, my dadwasn't there.
And my older, yeah, what's youneed to go into all that.
You can go, yeah, yeah, we all,well, you know, sometimes we all
(40:57):
slip into the way we wereraised, sometimes, you know.
SPEAKER_00 (41:00):
Just yeah, just save that for therapy once you're
married and yeah, and you'redealing with all that stuff.
SPEAKER_02 (41:07):
But but my but my point with with getting to the
place of laughter is that whenyou can laugh about it, you are
actually showing fullvulnerability and simultaneously
full acceptance, and you'resliding one of the best possible
invitations you can across thetable for the woman to get into
a really close, real connectionwith you, even on a first date,
(41:29):
even without sharing a ton ofinformation.
SPEAKER_00 (41:31):
Yeah, I think your your point about connection
doesn't like it, it doesn't haveto, and and I'm guilty of this.
You do you don't have to go thatdeep to create a connection,
right?
And I like to have deep,meaningful conversations, but
your first dates, like you gottakeep it light, keep it
(41:52):
adventurous, keep it fun, keepit interesting, but also leave a
little mystery.
So if again, if you startgetting into this, and again,
I've I'm guilty of this all thetime.
Let's like start getting into adeep conversation, and I'm like,
oh yeah, like let's talk aboutall the like the you know, it's
almost like a trauma bondingsession, then like and and you
don't want that, right?
(42:13):
So so I think that's a greatpoint.
You can create connectionwithout having to go into some
of this stuff, and also and andthe best connection is a light,
fun, general connection, right?
That that that's just gonna bethat she's gonna that's gonna
keep her looking forward to thenext time that you she gets to
see you.
SPEAKER_02 (42:33):
Yeah, it it it that's that is really what it
comes down to.
And you can ask yourself, youknow, like as dads, I'm sure
everyone really, really deeplyunderstands the idea of age
appropriate.
As the child grows older, thereis an age-appropriate way to
share it, there's anage-appropriate way for them to
understand it.
This isn't really a term, so I'mjust kind of throwing it out
there.
What is the the time appropriatein dating this woman?
(42:56):
Is this is this appropriate fora first date?
No, it's not.
We're we're unloading too much.
Is this appropriate after threeto six months of dating?
Yeah, probably.
Because you want to go deeper.
And you ask and and you let thedepth of the connection grow,
just like roots from a plant.
You know, there's tiny, hardlyany roots at all after the first
or second date or the thirddate.
There's really not that much.
(43:17):
And if we think there is, it's abit of infatuation that's
happening.
It takes time for those roots togrow all the way down and for
that to happen.
But the experience can beenjoyable, and and you can and
you can already share theprofundity of your own
understanding andself-acceptance again through
laughter.
(43:37):
Being able to get to a placewhere we can relate with each
other, you go, yeah, I want tobe on the state again, and she's
going to think that.
SPEAKER_00 (43:44):
Yeah.
Great.
Okay.
Resolution number nine, the kidintroduction.
We will stop introducing them tothe kids after two weeks.
All right.
I this seems like oh, you'd besurprised, Alice.
Like, oh, you know, the kids aregonna love her.
Yes, kids like chicken nuggets,they like YouTube unboxing
(44:07):
videos.
Standards for the kids arepretty low, so just understand
that your standards have to bedifferent.
And because she joked or shelaughed at your dad joke,
doesn't mean she's your nextstepmom.
Keep the world separate until atleast you know her middle name
and or your and or her creditscore, okay?
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (44:27):
Dude, you come up with some great concrete
details.
I hope you're writing stuff likethis on your dating profile.
Not the negative spin, but untilyou know, you know, chicken
chick, kids love chickennuggets.
And yo, I just want to point outfor all the dads listening, this
episode and last week's episode,the stalking stuffer one.
Listen to the humor that Jude isputting out.
(44:49):
The reason it's funny is becauseof all of the explicitly
narrative concrete details thatyou're putting out.
Jude, these are perfect examplesof the types of humor that men
should be putting on theirprofile.
Now, we have to, we have toscrub it clean of you know, of
the angry vibe.
You know, you don't want to beputting that on the profile.
(45:09):
But these are good examples ofhow you use a concrete detail to
really illustrate something andprovoke a response in a person.
SPEAKER_00 (45:16):
Yeah, and you don't have to look, I'm not, I don't
consider myself funny, right?
Like I'm not, I'm there, I'mnever gonna go to comedy, but
just life has got so many sillyass things that if you if you
stop and and and do what we'vetalked about, which is kind of
tune into to life, get yourstuff stuff in order, you can
(45:36):
start finding just a buttload ofhumor in everything that happens
all throughout the day.
And if you yeah, if you can showup in that in that humor, and
look, like don't don't don't getme wrong.
Like my days, like I got into ashouting match driving yesterday
with some asshole that wasdriving like a douchebag.
Okay, so like I'm not like lightand happy, like one of those
(45:58):
guys that's light and happy allthe light, but like you can find
the the humor and fun in life,no matter the stresses, the
difficulties, the challenges,right?
Because we are going throughthat as dads and during this
transition.
But and and that's gonna be kindof our our our next one, number
10, which is you know, have someoptimism.
(46:20):
Like we're gonna actually havefun with this.
So let's just talk about thatwith and we can talk about kid
introduction and and and theopposite and and optimism.
Like it's easy to be cynical,it's easy to be bitter, but if
we can just stop treating datinglike a job or a job interview
and just enjoy it and have fun,man, it is like gonna be it's so
(46:43):
it's it's so much different.
SPEAKER_02 (46:46):
Yeah.
I'm I'm gonna say, I'm gonna saythe resolution here on this one,
which is a really important one,is I would say show up in a
positive, playful way,regardless of how she shows up.
SPEAKER_00 (46:57):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (46:58):
Don't don't adapt to her if she's showing up DA style
with a bunch of questions, ifshe's showing up super jaded and
cynical, if she's showing up orshe doesn't show up at all and
just you know, and just youknow, ghosts you, you know, on
that first date.
Do not let her vibe.
Let's throw into this also womenthat are the boss babes and that
(47:19):
are being super masculine andhave to take charge of that
table and everything about it.
What whatever the challenge isfor you, do not let them pull
you into their vibe and theirspace.
You need to lead at the veryleast your life and the life of
your children in the way thatyou think is going to be the
most beneficial experience thatyou can.
SPEAKER_01 (47:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (47:41):
For them for the most part, that's going to be a
little more lighthearted.
It's going to be a little moreeasy-going.
It's it's going to have a anaspect of lift to it,
life-giving lift.
When you walk into every roomand when you walk into that
date, you want to have theresolution that that's what you
bring to the table.
And if that woman doesn't knowwhat to do with it, excuse
(48:04):
yourself from the table tablesooner rather than later.
And do not let do not let thestatus quo of dating out there,
which is pretty jaded, it'spretty exhausted, it's pretty
spent.
All the women are pointing theirfingers at men, all the men are
pointing their fingers at women.
Nobody's gonna get anywhere thisway.
You have to show up looking toadd lift to a woman's life and
(48:28):
invite her in to that kind of adynamic that you're bringing and
you're practicing on a dailybasis.
Obviously, like you say, Jude,it's it's like we say it like
it's easy.
It's not, it's work.
You know, I, you know, youmentioned a you know, road rage
moment.
Like I have that all the timewhen I'm in traffic.
Is how do I, and I I don't startyelling with guys, but I still
(48:51):
get frustrated or angry or Ifeel self-righteous at a certain
point, and I have to practiceletting it go.
I have to practice like Dallas,just let the guy drive around,
you know, move over, let him go.
I'm I'm going to come out theother end of that exchange.
It is a much better version,much more enjoyable version of
myself.
SPEAKER_00 (49:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (49:11):
Because you want to have that when you're when
you're showing up on the date.
SPEAKER_00 (49:14):
Well, and I think the key word that you said in
all of that is practice.
It's it takes practice in howyou're gonna show up dating,
just like it takes practice inhow you're gonna show up being a
good father, how it takespractice in just getting through
this transition period in inyour life, going from from
married to uh to a single dad.
(49:36):
So so it's it's something thatjust takes intentionality and
and working on.
So like Dal said, give yourselfa little bit of grace uh around
this because it is a atransition and it's a
challenging transition time, butkeep practicing it.
So keep practicing that thatmindset, just like you've got to
practice how to get into themindset when you're when your
(49:58):
kids are on.
You're gonna do the same thingwhen when you're out on on a
date.
You're gonna get yourselfprepared mentally and and
emotionally to to do that andhopefully find some fun, even
in.
I mean, maybe we need to do somean episode on on crazy, crazy
dates, right?
Like whether she goes, if shedoesn't show up or like I had
(50:18):
one in the middle of the dayliterally just get up and say,
Oh, I forgot I have an interviewright now and leave, right?
Like, and then and then the bestpart of it is like an hour
later, she texts me, oh, theinterview went great.
And I'm like, What in the likeyou know, you just gotta laugh
about some of the shit becauseit's so so you you just and and
(50:39):
and it's just life.
And and and some people are alittle bit kooky.
Take some, but it's good.
Then you've got a story like youcan tell your friends or on a
podcast or or or or somethinglike that.
It's just life.
SPEAKER_02 (50:52):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna add on top of yourpracticing it.
Yes, it takes practice, andthat's that's the behavior that
we're doing.
And what we're doing when we'repracticing is we're training and
conditioning ourselves to be theway that we want to be.
That practicing behavior goesdeeper and it creates a
different state inside ofourselves.
We're training our body to be ina certain state, and we're
(51:15):
conditioning ourselves to be ina certain state.
And if we're passive in theprocess, we're gonna just pick
that up from the environmentaround us.
SPEAKER_01 (51:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (51:22):
And and even even deeper than the training and
conditioning, we're buildingstrength for it.
The fact that the world aroundus, especially the social media
world and geez, the dating appworld, is so it's so dragging,
it's such a drag on everybodythat we have to develop a
strength through practicing andconditioning and training
(51:45):
ourselves.
We have to develop a strengthand resilience to be able to
stand up against it and not letit take us down.
And that that takes a lot ofpractice together.
SPEAKER_00 (51:54):
Yeah, and and but but guys, we are we are men,
we've got a masculine nature,and you are inherently built to
to to have that strength.
So just know that it's it's withit's within you.
You just got to bring it out,and and you can bring it out.
I see it all the time with guys.
I know that you see it all thetime with guys in the dating
(52:15):
scene and and getting out thereand doing field work.
So it's absolutely there, guys.
And and that's part of thereason why we're here.
We just we want to help guidethat and and and have a little
fun with you as well, whichwhich I hope you I hope you
found some some humor in uspoking, poking some you know,
poking at the the the guys.
Uh we're equal opportunity here,and we know as dads that's you
(52:37):
know, we got uh we gotta justhave fun.
We just gotta laugh at ourselvessometimes.
SPEAKER_02 (52:41):
You know, and when it comes to these challenges
that we're working through andshowing up the way that we want
to show up at a date, likethat's the deeper work.
Every client that I work with,every every man that I
encounter, and we start talkingabout dating a strategy, they're
always asking, you know, wheredo I meet the woman?
What do I say to her?
You know, where do I go?
They're asking about verytactical level questions that
have to do with theirinteraction with a woman.
(53:03):
The real questions that aredifficult is how do I change the
state inside of myself into theone that I enjoy as a man?
But it takes it takes men a longtime to realize when you're
enjoying your life as a man,your your dating game goes
through the roof.
SPEAKER_01 (53:21):
Yep.
SPEAKER_02 (53:21):
When you are enjoying yourself, when you're
walking through life like awinner, like you figured out how
this game works, and you're justkind of skipping down the
sidewalk because you you found,you know, the lucky, you know,
you found Willy Wonka's goldenticket, you know.
When you're walking through lifelike that, your dating game is
(53:42):
is easy.
It it's it's not, I mean, thereare tactics, of course, and
there's all these details thatwe have.
The truth is, though, is how dowe get to that state inside of
ourselves?
And I'm just gonna mention thereare no more going on in 2025.
But in 2026, if you have not yetbeen to one of our live QA
calls, join us for the one inJanuary.
(54:02):
Come to the table.
You can ask all the questionsyou want about the dating and
how to interact with women.
But if you're looking for how toget to a more positive state
inside of yourselves, we'd loveto jump into those questions
too.
SPEAKER_00 (54:13):
Yeah, jump into those questions and then I'd say
even take it to the next level,which is is is get involved in
in the coaching and and thegroup stuff and and and start
getting out there with withother guys.
Because then uh, you know, youand I were talking yesterday,
Dallas, a little bit about beingout in the field.
And when you get to to be outthere and you get to spend time
(54:35):
with a with a guy like Dallas oror other guys that have really
achieved that and and gotten tothat level, just what just like
anything, watching somebody anduh and learning from from
somebody that's that's reallythere, there's no better way to
pick up on that.
And it's just really enjoyableand impressive to to watch,
right?
It's like uh somebody that's uhhoned themselves into something
(54:59):
that that you want.
Same as if you see somebody atthe gym and and you're doing
that.
So you know get in get involvedat black box dating, go to the
divorced advocate.com.
Uh our event page has uh thosethose Q ⁇ A's you can add it
right to to your calendar.
And please, guys, leave us astar rating and and even better
a comment because the algorithmsjust go off.
(55:20):
We continue to to grow thepodcast, and and our goal is to
just have this be continue to befree, to continue to provide you
guys some port some supportgoing through this, and we're
looking forward to a reallyfantastic 2026.
So Dallas, have a have anincredible, happy new year.
Everybody listening, have ahappy new year.
SPEAKER_02 (55:42):
Thank you, dude.
I just I want to say I love theresolutions we have going into
2026.
I love how we also kind of did anew year's recap of 2025 best
hits of the episodes.
We worked that in really well.
Yeah, and yeah, to all the dadslistening out there, happy new
year, and look forward totalking to you again in 2026.
Take care.
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