May 30, 2023 • 50 mins
Ever wonder how other dads handle meal times, sleep training, and the everyday challenges of parenting? Look no further! We're here to share our brewed wisdom and experiences with you, so you can tackle fatherhood like a pro. Join us this week as we discuss how giving our little ones space and the power of music helps them relax, and the challenges we face in maintaining a healthy diet for our kids amidst our busy schedules.
Sleep training can be a sensitive topic, but we're not afraid to dive deep into our personal experiences with our children. We discuss what worked, what didn't, and how we manage the guilt that sometimes comes with letting our little ones cry it out. But it's not all serious business - we also share some lighthearted stories of the fun and challenges we encounter in our parenting journeys.
Listen in as we discuss how we make the most of our limited time, stay connected with friends despite our hectic lives, and ultimately strive to become the best dads we can be. So, grab your favorite cup of coffee and join us on this week's episode of Dad's Getting Coffee Podcast!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
And I enjoy this show .
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Dad's
Getting Coffee Podcast.
I'm your host, justin.
I'm joined by my two friendsand fellow dads, cory and Bobby.
Today on the pod, we're goingto cover what we've learned this
week that parents and fellowdads might be able to learn.
In our brewed wisdom segment,we're going to talk about meal
times with babies and toddlers,what goes well and what we've
learned along the way.
(00:35):
We'll spend some time talking alittle bit about how we relax
and recharge with very limitedtime And then, finally, we'll
end our show talking about anyhot takes we have from the week,
parenting or otherwise.
Let's jump right in and seewhat's been brewing this past
week.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Bobby, any brewed wisdom for this week, my go-to
piece of brewed wisdom is thatsometimes your child also needs
their own time.
And this can happen even atlike, apparently three months of
age, because we think we'rebantering a little bit before or
talking a little bit before, Oh, like letting your kids cry it
(01:13):
out.
We have not really hit thatpoint yet.
So we do everything we can fora child.
We're just going to love her,do everything we need to to stop
the crying.
We haven't hit the wall yet.
So we spend a lot of timeholding her, if necessary,
walking around with her in ourarms or whatever else.
And recently there I guess thispast week hit a point where she
(01:37):
got fussy and we thought like,all right, she tried everything,
right Diaper change, food,holding her, walking around the
house.
nothing was working.
Eventually we just like set herdown in her bassinet, put my
phone next to her playingSpotify and some music, And she
was completely just like relaxand chill.
Then we're like oh, I'm sorry,is your love cup full?
(02:00):
Like, have you had enough?
like contact time today?
Like did you just need your ownpersonal space?
And basically that's what wethat's a story.
we're telling ourselves thatshe just needed some time by
herself in her like quoteunquote, like her room playing
some music to just chill withoutus.
So we didn't think that we'dhit this point yet.
We thought it'd be like 13years, not three weeks.
(02:23):
So it's a little hurtful, butwe're getting over it.
It's a little piece of advice.
So I don't know, maybe it'llhelp somebody else try it out.
if your kid seems fussy andnothing else is working, Maybe
they just need their own minute.
So physical touch is not herlove language I think it is,
though I think we just likewe've overdone it.
There's a time limit, yeah,there's like.
(02:45):
there's like all right, we'vehit like 12 hours today.
Like you can, i can be myself,or like whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Fair enough, fair enough, she's letting you guys
down easy.
Yeah, what kind of music didyou play So?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
we started off with, like the Beatles.
You know transcends time andspace and love and great energy,
And we have quickly gotten intolike emo, punk music and all of
our favorite stuff that we grewup listening to.
Poor girl, poor girl.
So she's like.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
This is bringing me back to a life.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
She's and I also.
I mean I have, i like all kindsof music.
I like stuff from like the 70s,80s, rap, emo, punk, rock, all
of it.
So she's getting like a littlebit of everything.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
The Beatles thing made me think of a.
I sing beautiful boy to my son,or I did for the first three
years of his life, and then hekind of was just like dad, i
don't really want you to singtonight.
So like that was justheartbreaking.
So my daughter and I reallydon't have a song.
And one night I started singingher beautiful boy, but I just
replaced boy with girl And Isaid, like from now on I was
(03:53):
like do you want daddy to singbeautiful girl to you?
And she's like yeah, yeah, okay.
So now I sing that to her.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
It's really funny.
That's awesome.
Yeah, we started off with herecomes the sun Seems she could be
in the worst mood in the worldAnd you start playing.
Here comes the sun and shewould just immediately calm down
and we're like and this isproof on why the Beatles Like
all the like credit forbasically inventing music all
(04:21):
over again.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Great great great.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
He transcend everything.
So, anyways, that is my wisdom.
Corey, let me hear it.
What do you got?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
from me.
What you were saying kind ofties right into it.
My daughter has been goingthrough this sleep regression
like an 18 month sleepregression, but she likes to do
everything early in her life.
So she's going through this 16month regression and sleep where
she will scream for, you know,an hour, close to an hour,
before she falls asleep on herown And that's tied up and
(04:54):
broken up with us going in every10 or 15 minutes to try to put
her down and comfort her Andthen the moment you put her down
she starts screaming again.
So that's been, it's beenreally tough And we've been
talking about how, how well theysleep trained when we went
through that you know timeperiod in their, in their
growing up, and my son, you know, three days in sleep training.
(05:16):
It worked, he was fine.
He's in his crib sleepingthrough the night.
He slept through his toddlerbed, just fine.
Daughter, three days sleeptrained, amazing, slept all
night.
And now she's going through thisand we're like we, there's got
to be a better way.
We got to figure out how to puther to sleep And I would say my
brood wisdom of this week wasjust realizing like those things
(05:36):
can still work And I think it'sjust that her, her screams are
so much louder, that they hit somuch harder, and we think that
it's that much worse.
You know, when they're aninfant, their cry is loud for
them, but it's like it's like afaint cry, but her, being almost
a toddler now, it's like a.
It's just like a, a visceral,murdered cry.
You know, it's just so loud.
(05:58):
So you think like I got to getup there and make sure she's
okay.
But she's fed, she's clean,she's even got a little bottle
in there Like she's good.
You know, it's just she wantsthem up.
So we kind of revert back to thesleep training where it's like
we're gonna let you cry to thosetime limits before we jump.
And tonight was really like thefirst time where it was like
(06:18):
okay, it worked.
You know she finally gave up, iguess you could say, and went
to sleep, you know.
So we'll see how the rest ofthe night goes.
But I would say, just stickwith what works until it doesn't
.
And you know, then maybe youhave to pivot.
But we haven't had to try thisyet and we tried it and it
worked.
So just try the things thathave worked before, because
(06:38):
chances are they probably will.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yeah, score one for the parents tonight.
Score 99 million, though theguilt is strong.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
The guilt is strong, though, and my poor wife.
You know they won her so badlythat it just you know she gets
the brunt of it.
But it worked tonight.
So we'll say There you go.
How about you, justin?
You got the three of them, so Ican't imagine the wisdom you
have for it.
How many times the wisdom.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Well, sleep is going pretty well.
Knock on wood for right now.
But you know, everybody hasthose regressions, but for me
the segment was tough, to behonest, this week.
But let me tell you somethingthat 100% surprised me.
So our finished basement is ourplayroom and we try to shove as
much of the toys and stuff downthere as we can So it's out of
(07:24):
our sight.
So the other day we'redownstairs and the room is an
absolute train wreck.
There's stuff all over thefloor Like you can't even walk
without stepping on a Lego andsaying words that you shouldn't
say in front of toddlers.
And my oldest, without beingasked, just cleaned up the
entire room without being askedGet out of here.
And he finished and there wasand I didn't say anything.
(07:46):
He was, he was cleaning, he wasdoing his thing, he was putting
things away And there wasabsolutely nothing on the floor
and I was shocked, to be honest.
But it's one of those thingsthat happened.
You're like little guy isgrowing up.
Little guy was like this iscrazy And we need to get our
lives together.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I need room to play down here.
Dad Didn't even know that,Right.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
He took it upon himself and he just took some
responsibility And you know, myson has first child energy, like
totally without a doubt, firstchild energy.
And I think the brood wisdomfor me is the tricky part was
how do you reinforce thebehavior, like telling me
appreciate it and thank him.
I don't know, it's probablysmall, but for me it was my four
(08:30):
, almost five year old.
It was a proud papa moment Andyou know, i think another piece
of that brood wisdom is reallypay attention to those small,
seemingly small developmentalmoments, because he just was
like you know what I'm done withthis.
This room is crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Literally.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
So that was my moment .
Speaker 3 (08:51):
That was my moment I feel like it's full circle
because he showed like when hewas very little he had this
obsession with the vacuum andthe broom and other cleaning
supplies And I feel like thatwent away And now he's finally
like all right, I kind of likelet me dip into, like my bag of
tricks And, like he's alwaysshown, he appreciated a nice,
(09:11):
clean place.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Right, So true, though My son this week he did
the same thing.
He didn't go to the lengths ofcleaning the entire basement And
I was like that is a good firststep.
Dude, Like I'm proud of you.
Right, just like positivereinforcement all over him.
That's a great way to clean up.
Great job.
I will help you clean some ofthese toys.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
You're better than me .
I didn't help, i just watched,i just helped.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I cleaned his sister's toys up a little bit,
because she's just like wreckingball.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Fair enough.
So before we dive deeper intoyour experiences with mealtime,
let's take a look at somestatistics related to kids
mealtime behavior.
So, according to a surveyconducted by the American Heart
Association, 75% of parents saytheir children influence what
they eat And 73% say their kids'preferences impact the meals
(10:03):
they prepare.
Furthermore, 58% of parents saythey struggle to get their
children to eat healthy foodsAnd 55% say they struggle to get
their children to try new foods.
So, according to the samesurvey, 91% of parents believe
it's important for theirchildren to eat a balanced and
nutritious diet, but only 32%feel confident in their ability
(10:24):
to provide their children withhealthy meals.
This kind of shows that,despite the best intentions that
many parents have, we struggleto provide healthy meals to our
children.
One of the reasons for thiscould be the picky eating habits
of children.
A study conducted by theUniversity of Michigan found
that almost half of parentssurveyed reporting having a
(10:45):
picky eater in their householdsAnd, from a definition
standpoint, picky eaters arechildren who refuse to eat
certain foods or food groups,making it challenging for
parents to provide balancedmeals.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
To either of you.
like, kory, i think you've saidyou're pretty health conscious.
Justin, i think you guys do apretty good job, but do either
of you have like you're sittingup in the other, who is a picky
eater or not, into their greensand vegetables?
I would say no.
My wife is So it's like anotherworld.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Better than me with her nutrition, which is funny
because I'm a personal trainerand I have my nutritional certs
and everything like that.
But she is very invested in themicro nutrient side of things
And I'm coming from theaesthetic fitness.
When I was younger I was moreinto the macro nutrient.
That would get me to how Iwanted to look, but wasn't
(11:36):
necessarily the healthiest wayof getting there.
And so our house has beenhealthy from the get-go with our
kids.
So we've always tried differentmeals, like home-cooked meals.
I would say I cook 75% of themeals that we have And my wife
she makes a ton of meals, but alot of the times both of us
helping each other because sheworks these crazy hours and she
(11:58):
needs to have those meals readyfor her And our kids never
really had a chance to get usedto anything else because that's
all we did.
So when we did startintroducing the bad stuff,
that's when things got wild.
I'll be honest tonight we hadMcDonald's because we didn't
plan with groceries and wedidn't have them yet And we were
like all right, tonight we gotto do it And he goes off the
(12:19):
walls about a happy beeler withthe whatever it is.
So it's like.
It's always been very healthyand nutritious.
But once in a while it's likethe 80, 20%.
We're eating what we can, andthen the other side.
So my son he's always willingto try something new because
we're always cycling outdifferent meals.
So it's been working out reallywell.
(12:40):
And my daughter's just like avacuum.
So it's just, you know,whatever falls in front of her
she's gonna be eating.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I'm the picky eater in my house.
Oh no, that's me, but I'vegotten better.
I've gotten better.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Do you have to pretend, like you put vegetables
and stuff on your plate, thatyou don't like to be a good
example?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
No, so I'm a picky eater, but I do eat everything
on the plate.
I just don't like it, likeeverything on the plate.
I think that that's what we'regonna be doing.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I think, like my wife is gonna, i'm gonna be putting
broccoli and Brussels sprouts onher plate and it's like we're
all eating vegetables and it'sgonna appear like we are, but
I'm gonna be eating vegetablesfor two, just to give that
appearance.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
She promised in her vows that she would eat her
carrots.
Is she breaking her vows?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
The laundry is still not put away, just played off,
like she's very good at sharingher food with you.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
You know, Mommy loves sharing food with everyone.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Here's my vegetables I think another challenge that
parents face is that there'sjust busy schedules and Cor, you
alluded to this a little bit.
You get to the end of the dayand you're like, oh, it's dinner
time and we don't either haveanything to make or we don't
have anything to whip up right.
And that compounds with thingslike extra curricular activities
after school programs and itcan just be challenging to find
(13:49):
time to prepare and eat mealstogether as a family, and I
think that can lead to morefrequent consumption of fast
food, mcdonald's.
We have our occasional Panerabread, because it's down the
street and just like unhealthysnacks.
And I think, despite thosechallenges, many parents are
finding creative ways to makemeal time with their children
(14:11):
enjoyable and nutritious.
Would love to hear from you allabout experiences, strategies,
because it's clear that mealtime can be a challenge.
But let's hear from you all tohear about your experiences.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
What really blew my mind about what you read when
you were going over thepercentages was 91% of parents
believe it's important for theirchildren to eat a balanced and
nutritious diet.
But I wonder what those andother 9% of people were doing
like, whether or not they care,or if they weren't even part of
the survey.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
You're like.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Ness, like we've been fine, like none of us had any
problems.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So if you can feed them anything, they'll still
gonna grow.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, they'll be fine .
Those are your early years,don't matter.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
So all three of my kids were primarily breastfed
babies And so by the last andall kind of self-weened, for the
most part we all did like babyled feeding, where we put what
we were eating on their highchair tray and they ate whatever
they wanted along with us atthe dinner table, and for all
(15:15):
three kids that worked great.
That worked fantastic in termsof like baby led weaning, in
terms of moving from exclusivelyto milk to food.
One thing we also do is we eatas a family at the dinner table
every night, and that'ssomething that my grandparents
taught me.
Some of the best and fondestmemories with them is sitting at
(15:35):
the table, listening to themtalk about local issues.
They were very involved in theschool district and the church
or whatever, or the family orwhatever, and I really miss them
and I miss that dearly.
But I carry that tradition intomy own family and my wife's
family always did kind of tablemeals And so that's a really
important part of dinner timefor us.
Just love that time And askingabout their day and all that.
(15:58):
From an actual food standpoint,my wife is very you eat what's
on your plate And she cooksdinner every night.
I am not a good cook.
I clean.
I clean, she cooks.
It's a great arrangement.
It's amazing.
You eat what's on your plate,though.
Like we don't make chickennuggets or mac and cheese or
peanut butter and jelly.
Like no, you eat what's on yourplate or you don't eat.
(16:19):
Certainly we're not gonna havethem starve.
You can have a cup of milk orwith your dinner or whatever,
but we're not making a separatemeal, and I think some parents
that I know they'll be like oh,you don't wanna eat what's on
your plate.
Well then, let me make you some.
They travel with chicken nuggets, dino nuggets, and like the
specific mac and cheese thatthey will eat right, right And
like we're not about that life,like when we go to other
(16:41):
people's house, people are likeoh well, what is your kid?
eat Whatever you make and puton the plate is what they will
eat.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Keep them trying something new and they'll get
used to it.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Right, right, and I think that's really important.
At least it's been importantfor us.
I mean certainly not perfect.
Certainly you have days whereone child loves it, the other
child hates it.
We joke sometimes.
You can like my one son we eatall of the rice on this plate
and the other son, we eat all ofthe protein and then they'll
swap and it's like fine,whatever You guys do you as long
(17:11):
as you're fed at the end of theday.
So for us that's kind of beenthe strategy around meal time.
But, bobby, how about?
Speaker 3 (17:18):
you.
Well, our madness is still alittle bit different.
We're in I guess we've justleft newborn stage.
We can probably debate whatwhen is newborn, when is infant,
when is baby, timelines Butanyways, we're still doing
bottles.
My wife was able to breastfeed.
So I've talked in the previouspodcast that a lot of our run up
(17:42):
to having a child was not asPlanned right.
Things didn't go as planned forconceiving.
We went through IVF and thensome of the things towards the
end of the pregnancy were, youknow, needed to be watched a
little bit in greater detail.
So rather than having theUnmedicated, like natural
childbirth, we went through aC-section.
(18:03):
So going into now having thechild we were, you know we only
had a few days of process but itwas like how is breastfeeding
and That gonna go, because ourplan was to breastfeed.
But that is a challenge in ofitself and the way things were
going, it was very likely thatyou know it may also not go to
(18:24):
plan.
Yeah we were lucky.
So Right after delivery she wasable to latch, and then it was
a struggle.
I remember a couple hours laterwhen it was without the nurses
in the room, getting her tolatch.
If your plan is a breastfeed, ithink that that's great and you
(18:44):
should like give it your alland really try.
And I think that also I'msaying this because I think that
The guys also have a part toplay in that madness and in that
right realm, right.
So I remember literally likepicking.
It'd be like alright, we'd bein the hospital the first couple
days and Try and the helpfigure out this whole feeding,
(19:06):
latching or deal.
I Would pick her up out of thebassinet and I would like
basically have her and I'd bringher in, like Trying to line her
up the way I thought like thismouth needs to fit onto the
breast and like be able to tofigure it out, trying to give
the best opportunity for both,you know, mom and baby, and
(19:29):
let's basically like all threeof us get this Figured out
together.
I don't know if I did more helpor harm with that or maybe me
just trying was like Supportivein of itself for my wife to keep
, like you know, working throughit, because those first couple
weeks it is just a challengegetting it figured out.
And my daughter was prettysmall.
(19:49):
She was born.
She's about six pounds, soshe's tiny, and the biggest
thing that we found was that hermouth just wasn't big enough
for the, for the nipple, so sheneeded like other stuff.
So my other piece of freeadvice to the people is, if that
is your plan, looked into likelactation consultants and talked
(20:10):
to a couple.
They're out there And you knowI think a lot of people get
derailed with their plan tobreastfeed because, just like
raising a child, the go, thegoalpost changes every couple of
days and like how fast,especially in the beginning,
what your wife might beproducing, how much, how big
your child is and, like you know, the milk is changing From that
(20:34):
first, was it liquid gold tolike the, the, the regular
breast milk, and also get, like,get advice from lactation
consultant and also maybe acouple, because they have
Different pieces of that adviceand you kind of want to be able
to pick and choose, just likeyou would Anybody else, and see
what fits and works for you.
Yeah, so After all that, youknow we got it figured out and
(20:57):
now we say, like she is alatching master, like it's all
good, she's breastfed, mama andbaby got it all figured out.
But me, coming back on parentalleave, we're doing
significantly more bottlefeeding.
So our madness and this alsohappened, i alluded to it coming
home and then after a day ofwork and doing my one bottle a
(21:17):
day and Struggling through itand that was really hard, like
the madness of just like she'shad mom all day and now she you
know you want to spend some timewith her and have that moment
and give her a bottle and Shewants nothing to do with it.
So That's different.
So, guys, just stick it out.
You know it's a little bit of abattle of wills.
(21:39):
Try to keep Trying untilhopefully she'll take the bottle
or, you know, baby will take a.
Take the bottle, stay patientthrough it all, and there's just
a learning curve for both ofyou, right, just like your baby
and mama had to figure out howto get aligned and do it all,
you're also, whether you realizeit or not, going through the
(21:59):
same thing and, just like you,know The position and how
they're comfortable and all ofthat.
So the best news is it goes bypretty quick, i guess you know,
keep on it that learning in themoment.
It does feel like eternity,especially when, like you, just
want to feed your child and theywant nothing to do with it, and
it feels like an absolutemadness.
(22:20):
It gets easier.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, definitely.
I would just cosign some of thethings that you said.
Like there's a really awesomeOrganization called it's called
la la la ché League, whichoffers some really good support
to women who are Breastfeedingor trying to breastfeed.
I think probably what I wouldadd to what you said is building
(22:43):
out that that support structurearound you, that The, your,
your partner is definitely thatneeds to be your advocate and
your ally.
Because there's so many Modernmedicine they'll say they don't
make you do an interventionearlier than you probably could.
I mean, mom and baby willfigure it out.
Sometimes they don't, but a lotof times they they will if you
give them the, the patience andthe time.
(23:04):
And I remember All three of mykids last pretty, pretty, pretty
quickly and pretty well.
But we were ready for you know,a pediatrician or someone to
say, well, why don't you tryformula, why don't you try
supplementing or whatever?
and that's fine if you need todo that, but you shouldn't give
up on yourself so quickly, andhaving a really strong Support
network around you that iswilling to help you stick it out
(23:27):
to for it to work is reallyimportant.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, absolutely Just to piggyback you guys.
I was just thinking.
You know I had similarexperiences.
My wife did really well withbreastfeeding and her goal was
to, you know, hit a year foreach child and She pretty much
did that.
You know, at a certain point Itjust became a mix of a formula
or bottle fed and you know justthe convenience of it.
Or if there were, you know,discomforts with you know the
actual breasts and things likethat, where you know you
(23:51):
couldn't physically, you knowone night do it, you know it was
like alright, well, we pumped,we're good, we could do some
bottles, but it's not to takeaway, to, like you said, with
the support system, it's likethat goes both ways right.
So it's supporting them intheir journey of breastfeeding
and if that's not a possibilityfor Mom and baby to, you know
just to be there for them.
If that was their plan and itdoesn't, you know pan out the
(24:14):
way they wanted Or wish for andthey need to go strict bottle
feeding Formula or whatever itmay be.
You know it's just.
It's just.
You know they take the leadright.
So you follow Mama's lead andwhat they can or can't do or
what what they want to do as faras breastfeeding, and and just
Do what you can as dad, whetherthat's bottle feeding at you
(24:37):
know 3 am, or just being awakeat the same time to to offer
help and hands, like you'resaying, or or just, you know,
just being there to listen ifthey're having struggles with it
.
Is is the most important thing,i think, no matter what road
they take with breastfeeding oror bottle feeding.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Yeah, absolutely.
One of the things in myExperience and from my
perspective is big breast milkhas done a really good job of
getting the message of like Whatis it breast is best like into
a lot of women's heads.
And I think a lot of women gointo having a child thinking
like that will be the root andfor various reasons, you know,
(25:11):
it doesn't always work out thatway.
But there are ways to be likean advocate and like kind of
stick through it, even if Ithink the biggest one right
there's expected weight loss.
Those first couple days Baby'sjust peeing and pooping and
there's gonna be weight loss andif it gets too low You they
might suggest the formula.
But there's ways to like get toadd the formula in to keep the
(25:32):
baby safe and the weight on andthen transition back and keep
like the mix back in and likepeople just need that guidance
and they need guidance with alot of other Things that like
you can't even.
I can't even remember all of itthat we, everything that we
learned, it's so much It'soverwhelming.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, it's very unique time It's going through
all that and it's just mesticking the guy.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
This came off.
This became a podcast aboutbreast milk and breastfeeding.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
It's your meal time right now.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
It's not the dinner table but it's the one thing I
Thinking about a three-month-oldand a four-month-old is, while
you're trying to eat, you haveto hold The, the baby, and so
you learn how to eat one-handed,or you rotate so like you eat
first and then you hold the babyAnd then I'll eat, so that
there's that reality of me alltime to.
Even though that she's noteating with you, she's still
(26:30):
part of me all time, because youstill got a juggler.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Yeah, i now cut up my like.
I guess maybe it's inpreparation for when the child
is older.
But I cut up my wife's likepancakes and stuff so that she
can like use the fork one handed, be able to eat while she's uh,
feeding the child.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
It's all the little things that make life easier
totally um.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
So meal time can be stressful and challenging time
for parents, but it's also anopportunity for families to bond
and create lasting memories.
Justin, you said you knowdinner table very important
cornerstone And I'm I think alot of families can resonate
that it's not like that for them, something we certainly need to
get better with as our daughtergets older, but it's an
(27:13):
important for parents to takecare of themselves and find ways
to reduce stress and recharge.
According to a survey conductedby the american psychology
association, 77 of adults in theunited states experience
physical symptoms of stress,such as fatigue, headaches,
muscle tension.
It's not familiar, uh.
Furthermore, 48 of adultsreport that their stress has
(27:37):
increased in the past five years.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Mine definitely has that just made me sit up
straight in my chair.
It's like wait.
He'll be five yep.
The last five years I havedefinitely reported more stress.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
So then, now, now, now, elaborate on that.
like, well, how do you likereduce the stress and find time
for yourselves?
So, jason, like take it away?
What are you doing to likemanage your last five years of
your life to keep you willapparently have two more
children in that time and Keepit all going?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Fellows I could probably use.
This is probably the area thatI could probably use the most
help.
I think in general My stressrelief has just been kind of
collapsing on the couch has beenmy outlet, which is, you know,
it's Sometimes in moderation,everything is fine, right.
So my kids go to bed around 738, so typically we have about
two hours Before before my wifeand I go to bed.
(28:35):
We always go to bed at the sametime.
Uh, i also have a prettyintense job, so sometimes I use
that two hour block to catch upon work.
Sometimes we do like, if I geta workout in, we'll get a
couple's workout, but thatdoesn't happen as often as it
should.
Um, one thing I do really enjoythat I've gotten away from Is
(28:55):
just reading 10 pages per day.
Um, that's it.
10 pages before bed, um, i wasgood about it.
But it helps me turn my brainoff and have a good night's
sleep.
But I would say stress relief,stress de-stressing, is probably
something I should be a littlebit better at.
But, cory, How about you?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
You know it really makes me think about what I do
to cope and what I do for fun Asfar as stress relief.
So there are things that I doThat I, you know I I cope to get
through stress, and then thereare things that I do as hobbies
that are fun for me, that arealso, like you know, to help
with stress.
But I would say, um, lately,because of the winter and
everything.
It's much like you, i've justbeen collapsing on the couch.
(29:36):
You know, my kids go to bed asimilar time and, if they get to
bed on time, and my wife withwith her hours, she tries to get
to bed early and my thing hasjust been, my thing has just
been watching Netflix, sittingon the couch, eating you know
terrible snacks and, um, andgoing to bed entirely too late.
(29:57):
So my stress relief of just,you know, needing some time
alone has turned really into, uh, more stress because the next
day I'm twice as tired or, youknow I don't, you know my
stomach doesn't feel goodbecause I had, you know, some
snacks that don't agree with meor whatever.
But besides that, like I triedto dive into you know old
hobbies to to try and kind ofdive into my creative outlet
(30:19):
again.
I, you know, growing up I wouldwrite a lot.
You know golf is alwayssomething, but I don't.
You know We don't play that inthe winter, so you know I can't
go the sport route.
So I tried to go my creativeroute and writing has always
been really important to me.
So I attempted to, you know,get back into writing and then I
would start to write and thenthat became stressful.
So then I moved away from that,because writing is very
(30:40):
stressful and I just land rightback on the couch again.
So I think I think for me it'sit's getting time out of the
house.
You know my kids see me all thetime.
I see them all the time.
I probably have more of anattachment disorder than they do
.
And the whole dad's gettingcoffee thing.
You know, justin, where we met,it's just it has it.
Originally It was just to getout of the house on my own at a
(31:02):
time where I knew it wouldn'tNegatively affect my family and
figure other people might begoing through it as well, and it
kind of worked out where, youknow, We're creating these
relationships.
I mean we, we talk now all thetime and it's just been great.
It's just like a nice outlet tohave New friends who are going
through similar experiences Andthat has become for me a stress
relief.
Even this podcast has beengreat.
(31:23):
It's just nice to have like aconversation with adults,
whether we agree on things ornot, it's just nice to You know,
especially when my wife isworking so many hours, like when
she's home.
Obviously we spend a ton oftime together, but just just
having someone outside of thehouse to talk to is always so
nice.
So that has been a great stressrelief.
For me.
Lately has just been Kind ofgoing out of my comfort zone
(31:45):
socially, but it's been.
It's definitely been for thebetter and I think the challenge
of that has been rewarding Andnot as stressful as it used to
be with with socializing or just.
You know, i've always been veryopen about how I feel, but not
necessarily with everyone Youknow, and now it's just been
nice to be vulnerable with withpeople in Similar situations as
me.
So I've definitely been usingthat as a stress relief And yeah
(32:07):
, i think that's.
I think that's where I'm atright now.
So this has been great likejust talking to you guys and
just getting to know you throughhere and through text, and
through getting coffee.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think that this, like we allhave said at some point, like
you know, we're either excitedleading up to getting on the mic
or like right afterwards comingoff on like a high From doing
the podcast.
I think Having this time tokind of connect is been very
helpful.
Useful and definitely a moodbooster, if not a hobby or
(32:40):
stress reliever.
Yet For myself I mean, i'mstill new to this I've had a
couple of weeks where I, youknow, I've put it together and
gone to work and got a workoutin a couple days that week and
other things.
And I'll say like I don't knowif I ever felt the stress relief
from working out, like it wassomething like I had to do
before I had a kid.
Um, and it was, like you know,i did it for various reasons,
(33:03):
but now I definitely feel thatsense of like the endorphins and
the stress relief afterwardsAnd it's no longer like I have
to go work out, which was mymentality for having kids.
It's a I get to work out today,like I've somehow aligned my
schedule and figured it out thatI have this time to do my
workout and like.
So I think that in of itself isjust completely kind of changed
(33:25):
the mindset of around workingout.
It was like it was work, it wassomething I had like just felt
like burdened and had to do forwhatever reason, and now it's
like I get to do it.
It's, which is much better, um,and I'm excited to see how
maybe some of those other thingsin my life might start to look
more like a hobby now that theyAre something that I get to do
again.
(33:45):
So before having kids, like theoffice that I'm sitting in now,
i built like these, likebuilt-in desks, and I kind of
got into woodworking But likeall the tools and stuff and
actually looking forward to somenice weather and maybe a couple
hours and Maybe able to do somemore woodworking and tinker
around with my drills and sawsand stuff and you know in order,
(34:09):
so make it worth it.
I'll probably build somethingelse that my wife also can enjoy
, so that She's gettingsomething out of it as well.
But uh, yeah, i think any ofthose hobbies definitely working
out.
I felt so far looking forwardto you know carpentry and seeing
what else can be a good outletand free time.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I was talking to my dad and he was telling me that
his stress with stress reliefWas cutting the grass because he
would get out on the lawnmowerand he would just push the
lawnmower And he'd be by himselfand he could.
He was just him and histhoughts and I was like you know
what?
I think I'm missing out onsomething.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
That is definitely a generational thing.
My dad's got his ride onlawnmower.
There's a cup holder where hecould put, you know, like a beer
or whatever, it was water wherehe's got and he just you know
He takes his time.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
I say I like that stuff.
I always have, though I grew uplike always cutting grass for
like a ton of relatives wholived around me and also like If
snow days weren't snow days, itwas go shovel everybody out day
.
And now that I live in likesoutheast pa, we get way less
snow.
I don't get the shovel anymore,so I'm a little bummed out.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
We haven't had to shovel lately either over here,
which is interesting.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
No, no shovel just like the lightest winter ever.
Either you have like sayings orthings that you just say, that
like in hard moments With thekids, just like help you get
through it.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I feel like you need to be more specific and I need
to hear yours first so that itcan Register in my mind what
mine are like give us a few ofthem.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
I'll be like pheebs, which is the cat's name, like,
just like.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
I don't know If you're talking about randomly
singing like tunes throughoutthe day, like I definitely do
that.
Like just make up.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Yeah, like just like you have to turn on like a goofy
, like Drive, like in, like howyou behave and just how you are
in the moment, because, likethis Diaper change is not only a
disaster, but like she's alsoscreaming and oh, then there's
10 other things going on.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
It's just so many.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Right now I don't know like you just put it in
like a different gear And then,like you're like somehow, me
just being over the top,ridiculous and dumb is just I
think that's just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
That's helping me get through it right.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I think it's just being a dad, it's a permanent
state of that mind.
I don't think I'm not with youguys on this one.
This might be a hot take, butI'm like, i'm with you.
Try it, man, you just need tolike.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
You just need to detach and just be like a
Complete idiot, like, so that'sjust 95 of my day and the other
5% is just losing my mind instress.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Like 90% is just like cracking jokes or making sound
effects or you know whatever itis, just to like Make the kids
laugh or just get through these.
You know funny little momentsthroughout the day, like one
just off the top of my head.
This is like it's.
It's irrelevant, but you knowI'll be changing my daughter and
if she doesn't have poop in herdiaper I'll just look and I'll
go No boops.
And then she thinks it's funnyand I think it's funny And it's
(37:00):
just two words It's stupid, it'slike it's just a factual
statement, but we both thinkit's funny and it happens 10
times a day and it's always thesame.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
So it's just a funny little thing Like yeah, I guess
maybe a couple other examples.
Like I have come to theconclusion that like the word
britches is reserved for when,like somebody has shit their
britches.
So like when getting into adiaper or whatever, I'm like are
we a little britch maker And welike start singing things like
(37:29):
britch maker, britch maker, makeme a britch.
Or I call her like LadyBritcherton.
There's like a million thingsAnd it just like it transpires
into like one crazy thing intoanother thing And it's just
absolutely nuts Evolvingnonsense.
It's just like a spiral downwardas of like insanity And like
the other thing that I do islike I threaten things that are
(37:50):
like whatever, like bad babieshave to do tummy time And I
don't know why that makes mefeel better.
But like, obviously she's notbad, she's three months, she
just has needs, but she alsoneeds to do tummy time, so she
hates it.
So by like somehow positioningit like a threat and like we're
going to have to be punishedwith that, oh my, just like
makes me feel like I don't know,like it's funny and like it
(38:14):
helps.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
So I can talk about like this for hours, just all
the little things we do to getthrough the day that are also
fun at the same time.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
I mean, maybe I do some stuff, like they were
cracking up laughing when wewere doing bath time tonight,
but I don't even remember what Iwas doing.
I was, it was just my face andthey were just like losing their
minds.
And maybe if I asked Kayleeshe'd be like oh no, you're,
you're nuts, and here are allthe things that you do.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
That's crazy And I just think it's normal.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
I think it's normal And you guys are just saying
like no, I intentionally amsilly And I'm like I am not, I'm
just.
I wouldn't say it's intentional, I think it's just.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
It's just a visceral reaction to the day, like my son
will get out of the tub andhe's usually upset when he gets
out of the tub, so he'll likeI'll cover him up, he gets out
of the tub.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
He doesn't want to be in the tub, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
So it will put his collar over his head and I'll
get under there with him Andit's usually a white towel and
I'll pretend like we're in somesort of you know whatever.
I was like oh man, how did weget stuck in this igloo?
And he's like what are youtalking about?
I'm like we are stuck in here.
We got to break our way out ofhere.
And then, like he'll try andlike push through the top of the
towel and I'm just like pullingit down his head.
I'm like why are we stuck inhere?
(39:18):
You know it could be likeanything.
And he was like how did we getstuck in this egg shell?
Like this is ridiculous, likewe got to break out.
You know it's always likebreaking out and he thinks it's
hilarious.
But, then he's freezing and hestarts yelling, So then it's a
whole thing after.
But for those like a minute,you know it's always fun.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
We might have to revisit the segment, because I'm
sure there's things that I needto make a list.
My loony brain is saying anddoing that I can't remember to
talk about in this moment, soI'll have to like write them
down and we'll do like a wholesegment about it.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Or just like singing throughout the day, like picking
a tune that you know and justadd living it with nonsense, and
then that becomes like a staple.
every time you start singing arandom song throughout the house
.
Yep.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I have no idea how to transition from this topic to
the next topic.
Like what?
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Well, we got to do hot takes, yeah, i mean just
like we're like, like we'reloose, now We're good, we're
flowing.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
The hot take that I have is I can't believe Justin
isn't.
You know, isn't Like singingsongs around his house all day,
I guess.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
I guess, yeah, hot takes.
What we want to talk about iswhere this part of what we're
trying to talk about is our dadsshare something they can't stop
thinking about, whether it'srelated to parenting or not.
But it feels like we just wentthrough a whole, like that was
your whole hot take, bobby doyou have any others?
Speaker 3 (40:39):
We got to share something they can't stop
thinking about Oh, I mean, I'm atake artist, I can go for an.
You need another take because.
Give me another, take This one,i'm like all right, we're in a
safe place, All right.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
No one else is going to hear this.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
We're not going to put this on the internet.
A bunch of people.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I think you're okay.
I'm actually going to mute you,so I don't hear it myself.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Okay, sure, because this one a little worried about.
But being a parent withoutboobs who has to feed the child
with a bottle, i'm jealous Andin a small fraction of my brain
have this thought that maybeit's easier or nicer or more
convenient for women who arebreastfeeding because they get
(41:23):
to have their other handavailable.
Like I have to hold the bottleand the kid and I can't do
anything.
But my wife gets to hold thebaby and breastfeed and have
like a hand to like to eat or,like we said, or turn the
channel or play music or dosomething else.
And I'm like I have to think ofeverything that I got to do,
because then I'm locked, Likeonce we start there's no break
(41:43):
until, like, the next burp.
So I don't know how to phraseit, whether I'm jealous, whether
it's a convenience, but thereit is.
That's definitely a hot take.
I've got it off my face.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
Definitely a hot take because someone could listening
.
I mean not that anyone would belistening, but if someone
listening could easily say, getover it, because the baby is
attached to her and not attachedto you And you have this
miniscule amount of physicaltime and it's like, just cherish
it for what it is.
They could say that.
But I also understand whereyou're coming from because you
(42:16):
know most dads don't aren't ableto bond with their baby
physically, you know, untilthey're out.
You know, and like the motherhas all had all this bonding
time with this baby And likeyour hot take I mean this wasn't
my hot take And I don't think Ireally had one set But like
when, when my wife was pregnant,it was a little bit of the
(42:37):
jealousy thing too, because Ifelt super guilty that I wasn't
creating this relationship withthe baby and that, like I I
didn't feel like like I knewinnately that I loved this baby
because they are mine and wemade the baby together.
But in those first, like veryearly moments, i was like I
(42:58):
don't know, i don't even knowwhat our relationship is yet.
You know, like you're my baby,but I don't, i don't know, like
right now, in these early stages, i have to take care of you and
keep you alive and keep yousafe And I love you in the realm
of love, but like I don't havea relationship with you yet And
like I need to build thatrelationship.
You know what I mean, how toput that.
(43:20):
But I was, i was jealous that Ididn't have already have this
bonded Physical time that Iguess my wife had, obviously
through the whole pregnancy, oflike singing to the baby,
touching the baby, you know,through rebellion, all this is
like all I could do is say likehey, like I hope you're doing
good in there, you know, andthey're just like, okay, that's,
that's a familiar voice.
But you know, until My son, youknow, was a little older, i was
(43:43):
like okay now, like all right,we really love each other, like
this is great.
But in those early stages I waslike what?
like what is this relationshipright now?
You know, and it was, there wasa lot of guilt, surrounded by
that a little jealousy, thatlike I didn't have the same
bonded, bonded time that thatshe did.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
From a hot take standpoint.
Let me go back to Bobby, toyours.
I embrace my useless nipples.
I don't have that same hot takeas you do.
I am body dysmorphia I don'thave that, and I use my
underhand, the, the hand that issupporting the baby.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Yes, and I put my phone.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
And I put my phone in that hand and the bottle in
this hand, so there's still sometime for you to use.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
You just got a fingertip, the bottom of the
bottle and then you got yourfree arm.
If you're on the couch too, Youcan position I had totally had
been holding the bottle, likewith my cheek, like.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
Oh, totally cool sound effect like.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
That's, that's definitely.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
But if anybody is not watching the video, i was
trying to hit the microphonewith my cheek to make the sound
effect, but like, basicallyholding the bottle with my cheek
to like send off one text tolike by you guys or whatever, or
like other ways of trying tolike get my hands free, to just
like Put on, hit, play on likeNetflix so I could sit there
first.
I do actually just recentlylock eyes because I'm like oh,
(45:10):
we're locking eyes, we'rebonding now like doing this.
All right, i'm like get allabout that, so having Netflix on
is pointless.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
But let me just see back on background noise
background noise.
But I can't let go of mychild's daycare calendar.
So like, if you ever heard of,like Spirit Week, like crazy
hair day and just like awhatever day.
My kids daycare has a spiritculture, like pajama days.
I don't really mind that muchbut because it's actually easier
(45:39):
, but like I'm actually readingfrom my kids Calendar wear crazy
socks day, dress like a dentistday.
Crazy green hair day.
Wear green day dress like aleprechaun day.
Pajama day dress like a doctorday.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Now, first of all, what the heck is the difference
between just like a doctor,dentist, and just like a dentist
day, like do I send him in thesame stuff Accessory work that
you have one has a toothbrushbrush in the pocket exactly.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
These are all over the last month, so here's my hot
take, well, maybe a few.
one who has each of these itemsnot for one, not for two, but
for three kids to participate inCrazy whatever day like what.
what is going on here?
Speaker 3 (46:26):
You're sending them to a Halloween school.
Oh, this is what it sounds likeevery day, spirit every week to
make sure they're like what.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
And, as we talked about the uncontrollable cost of
child care, this just adds tothat cost, because you don't
want your child to be the onlyone not dressed in the dentist
outfit, apparently.
My second hot take kind ofrelates to the last, but there's
like this, like mental guiltwhen you do forget and you're
walking into the school And theydon't have crazy socks on or
(47:00):
their hair is the right color orwhatever, and it's really tough
because They want to belong andthey don't want to be left out
and all the things right.
So when you do forget, thatsucks.
And not to mention that in somehouseholds this responsibility
of remembering This thing mosttypically falls to one caregiver
(47:23):
or the other, which mostcommonly is the woman of the
house or the mom of the house.
So I could rant and rave aboutthis for a while, but I'll just
leave it.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
At daycare, spirit culture grinds all of my gears
and I now know and I know thatnot everyone would agree with me
, but that's my hot take thisweek It grinds my gears if this
podcast doesn't last, becauseI'm the real one out here saying
hot takes that arecontroversial, like I'm sorry,
i'm just saying now Cuz I'mprobably gonna have everybody
(47:55):
coming after me for my thing.
I meant it, i'm just jealous, ithink.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
I think jealousy is healthy, because at least you're
being honest about it and youcould like work through it.
If you were just like if youwere just like keeping it to
yourself.
I think that would be Unhealthy.
So the fact that you're talkingabout it all, or or even quote,
you know like feel guilty aboutyour jealousy Not that you need
to feel guilty, but just it'sjust how you feel.
So being honest with how youfeel is never going to be a bad
thing.
And You know, i don't know ifyou've talked to your wife about
(48:23):
how you feel about it, but youknow that could open up doors to
just being like hey, like Ikind of feel like this.
You know, and I mean I don'tknow she knows what kind of
lunatic he is.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
I say all in, like, just like that.
I say all of my hot, take theentire thing and just a
light-hearted like, thesentiment of like I.
I Clearly know that I'm on thewrong side of this one, but it's
still.
Let's just, let's just get itout, right.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
That's all I'm doing here.
I appreciate your honesty.
I appreciate grass is alwaysgreener.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
You know, there's always it's like, oh man, i wish
I had that.
You know, like I'm sure she'sthinking like, oh man, I wish I
had like a second.
You know, it's just, we allhave our own individual
experiences and that's all wecan go off of.
We can't, you know you, wecan't fault ourselves for for
having feelings.
So power to you for talkingabout it.
That's good.
Speaker 3 (49:14):
All right, well, before I get us in any more
trouble, anything else we needto air out before we wrap this
baby up.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
I got nothing.
I got no more hot takes for it.
I'm gonna think harder nexttime, instead of going off of
what you guys I'm gonna, i'mdefinitely gonna have some hot
takes To get into but that's allthe time we have for today's
episode of dad's getting coffee.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
As always, fellas, it was nice unpacking another
Relevant and important topic onthis journey called fatherhood,
and to all you parents oraspiring parents out there,
thanks for listening.
We hope you enjoyed ourconversation, our banter, and it
gave you some new ideas,perspectives And just a laugh on
parenting and childcare, orjust an understanding that
(49:54):
you're not alone.
If you did, please leave us afive-star review on your
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We love hearing from you, sodon't hesitate to reach out and
(50:16):
share your thoughts, questionsor dad jokes with us.
Thanks again for tuning in.
We'll be back next week withanother episode of dad's getting
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Until then, keep on brewing andkeep on dadding.
Remember, being a dad isn'teasy, but it's worth it coffee.
And I enjoy this show .
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Dad's
Getting Coffee Podcast.
I'm your host, justin.
I'm joined by my two friendsand fellow dads, cory and Bobby.
Today on the pod, we're goingto cover what we've learned this
week that parents and fellowdads might be able to learn.
In our brewed wisdom segment,we're going to talk about meal
times with babies and toddlers,what goes well and what we've
learned along the way.
(00:35):
We'll spend some time talking alittle bit about how we relax
and recharge with very limitedtime And then, finally, we'll
end our show talking about anyhot takes we have from the week,
parenting or otherwise.
Let's jump right in and seewhat's been brewing this past
week.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Bobby, any brewed wisdom for this week, my go-to
piece of brewed wisdom is thatsometimes your child also needs
their own time.
And this can happen even atlike, apparently three months of
age, because we think we'rebantering a little bit before or
talking a little bit before, Oh, like letting your kids cry it
(01:13):
out.
We have not really hit thatpoint yet.
So we do everything we can fora child.
We're just going to love her,do everything we need to to stop
the crying.
We haven't hit the wall yet.
So we spend a lot of timeholding her, if necessary,
walking around with her in ourarms or whatever else.
And recently there I guess thispast week hit a point where she
(01:37):
got fussy and we thought like,all right, she tried everything,
right Diaper change, food,holding her, walking around the
house.
nothing was working.
Eventually we just like set herdown in her bassinet, put my
phone next to her playingSpotify and some music, And she
was completely just like relaxand chill.
Then we're like oh, I'm sorry,is your love cup full?
(02:00):
Like, have you had enough?
like contact time today?
Like did you just need your ownpersonal space?
And basically that's what wethat's a story.
we're telling ourselves thatshe just needed some time by
herself in her like quoteunquote, like her room playing
some music to just chill withoutus.
So we didn't think that we'dhit this point yet.
We thought it'd be like 13years, not three weeks.
(02:23):
So it's a little hurtful, butwe're getting over it.
It's a little piece of advice.
So I don't know, maybe it'llhelp somebody else try it out.
if your kid seems fussy andnothing else is working, Maybe
they just need their own minute.
So physical touch is not herlove language I think it is,
though I think we just likewe've overdone it.
There's a time limit, yeah,there's like.
(02:45):
there's like all right, we'vehit like 12 hours today.
Like you can, i can be myself,or like whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Fair enough, fair enough, she's letting you guys
down easy.
Yeah, what kind of music didyou play So?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
we started off with, like the Beatles.
You know transcends time andspace and love and great energy,
And we have quickly gotten intolike emo, punk music and all of
our favorite stuff that we grewup listening to.
Poor girl, poor girl.
So she's like.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
This is bringing me back to a life.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
She's and I also.
I mean I have, i like all kindsof music.
I like stuff from like the 70s,80s, rap, emo, punk, rock, all
of it.
So she's getting like a littlebit of everything.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
The Beatles thing made me think of a.
I sing beautiful boy to my son,or I did for the first three
years of his life, and then hekind of was just like dad, i
don't really want you to singtonight.
So like that was justheartbreaking.
So my daughter and I reallydon't have a song.
And one night I started singingher beautiful boy, but I just
replaced boy with girl And Isaid, like from now on I was
(03:53):
like do you want daddy to singbeautiful girl to you?
And she's like yeah, yeah, okay.
So now I sing that to her.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
It's really funny.
That's awesome.
Yeah, we started off with herecomes the sun Seems she could be
in the worst mood in the worldAnd you start playing.
Here comes the sun and shewould just immediately calm down
and we're like and this isproof on why the Beatles Like
all the like credit forbasically inventing music all
(04:21):
over again.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Great great great.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
He transcend everything.
So, anyways, that is my wisdom.
Corey, let me hear it.
What do you got?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
from me.
What you were saying kind ofties right into it.
My daughter has been goingthrough this sleep regression
like an 18 month sleepregression, but she likes to do
everything early in her life.
So she's going through this 16month regression and sleep where
she will scream for, you know,an hour, close to an hour,
before she falls asleep on herown And that's tied up and
(04:54):
broken up with us going in every10 or 15 minutes to try to put
her down and comfort her Andthen the moment you put her down
she starts screaming again.
So that's been, it's beenreally tough And we've been
talking about how, how well theysleep trained when we went
through that you know timeperiod in their, in their
growing up, and my son, you know, three days in sleep training.
(05:16):
It worked, he was fine.
He's in his crib sleepingthrough the night.
He slept through his toddlerbed, just fine.
Daughter, three days sleeptrained, amazing, slept all
night.
And now she's going through thisand we're like we, there's got
to be a better way.
We got to figure out how to puther to sleep And I would say my
brood wisdom of this week wasjust realizing like those things
(05:36):
can still work And I think it'sjust that her, her screams are
so much louder, that they hit somuch harder, and we think that
it's that much worse.
You know, when they're aninfant, their cry is loud for
them, but it's like it's like afaint cry, but her, being almost
a toddler now, it's like a.
It's just like a, a visceral,murdered cry.
You know, it's just so loud.
(05:58):
So you think like I got to getup there and make sure she's
okay.
But she's fed, she's clean,she's even got a little bottle
in there Like she's good.
You know, it's just she wantsthem up.
So we kind of revert back to thesleep training where it's like
we're gonna let you cry to thosetime limits before we jump.
And tonight was really like thefirst time where it was like
(06:18):
okay, it worked.
You know she finally gave up, iguess you could say, and went
to sleep, you know.
So we'll see how the rest ofthe night goes.
But I would say, just stickwith what works until it doesn't
.
And you know, then maybe youhave to pivot.
But we haven't had to try thisyet and we tried it and it
worked.
So just try the things thathave worked before, because
(06:38):
chances are they probably will.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yeah, score one for the parents tonight.
Score 99 million, though theguilt is strong.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
The guilt is strong, though, and my poor wife.
You know they won her so badlythat it just you know she gets
the brunt of it.
But it worked tonight.
So we'll say There you go.
How about you, justin?
You got the three of them, so Ican't imagine the wisdom you
have for it.
How many times the wisdom.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Well, sleep is going pretty well.
Knock on wood for right now.
But you know, everybody hasthose regressions, but for me
the segment was tough, to behonest, this week.
But let me tell you somethingthat 100% surprised me.
So our finished basement is ourplayroom and we try to shove as
much of the toys and stuff downthere as we can So it's out of
(07:24):
our sight.
So the other day we'redownstairs and the room is an
absolute train wreck.
There's stuff all over thefloor Like you can't even walk
without stepping on a Lego andsaying words that you shouldn't
say in front of toddlers.
And my oldest, without beingasked, just cleaned up the
entire room without being askedGet out of here.
And he finished and there wasand I didn't say anything.
(07:46):
He was, he was cleaning, he wasdoing his thing, he was putting
things away And there wasabsolutely nothing on the floor
and I was shocked, to be honest.
But it's one of those thingsthat happened.
You're like little guy isgrowing up.
Little guy was like this iscrazy And we need to get our
lives together.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I need room to play down here.
Dad Didn't even know that,Right.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
He took it upon himself and he just took some
responsibility And you know, myson has first child energy, like
totally without a doubt, firstchild energy.
And I think the brood wisdomfor me is the tricky part was
how do you reinforce thebehavior, like telling me
appreciate it and thank him.
I don't know, it's probablysmall, but for me it was my four
(08:30):
, almost five year old.
It was a proud papa moment Andyou know, i think another piece
of that brood wisdom is reallypay attention to those small,
seemingly small developmentalmoments, because he just was
like you know what I'm done withthis.
This room is crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Literally.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
So that was my moment .
Speaker 3 (08:51):
That was my moment I feel like it's full circle
because he showed like when hewas very little he had this
obsession with the vacuum andthe broom and other cleaning
supplies And I feel like thatwent away And now he's finally
like all right, I kind of likelet me dip into, like my bag of
tricks And, like he's alwaysshown, he appreciated a nice,
(09:11):
clean place.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Right, So true, though My son this week he did
the same thing.
He didn't go to the lengths ofcleaning the entire basement And
I was like that is a good firststep.
Dude, Like I'm proud of you.
Right, just like positivereinforcement all over him.
That's a great way to clean up.
Great job.
I will help you clean some ofthese toys.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
You're better than me .
I didn't help, i just watched,i just helped.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I cleaned his sister's toys up a little bit,
because she's just like wreckingball.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Fair enough.
So before we dive deeper intoyour experiences with mealtime,
let's take a look at somestatistics related to kids
mealtime behavior.
So, according to a surveyconducted by the American Heart
Association, 75% of parents saytheir children influence what
they eat And 73% say their kids'preferences impact the meals
(10:03):
they prepare.
Furthermore, 58% of parents saythey struggle to get their
children to eat healthy foodsAnd 55% say they struggle to get
their children to try new foods.
So, according to the samesurvey, 91% of parents believe
it's important for theirchildren to eat a balanced and
nutritious diet, but only 32%feel confident in their ability
(10:24):
to provide their children withhealthy meals.
This kind of shows that,despite the best intentions that
many parents have, we struggleto provide healthy meals to our
children.
One of the reasons for thiscould be the picky eating habits
of children.
A study conducted by theUniversity of Michigan found
that almost half of parentssurveyed reporting having a
(10:45):
picky eater in their householdsAnd, from a definition
standpoint, picky eaters arechildren who refuse to eat
certain foods or food groups,making it challenging for
parents to provide balancedmeals.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
To either of you.
like, kory, i think you've saidyou're pretty health conscious.
Justin, i think you guys do apretty good job, but do either
of you have like you're sittingup in the other, who is a picky
eater or not, into their greensand vegetables?
I would say no.
My wife is So it's like anotherworld.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Better than me with her nutrition, which is funny
because I'm a personal trainerand I have my nutritional certs
and everything like that.
But she is very invested in themicro nutrient side of things
And I'm coming from theaesthetic fitness.
When I was younger I was moreinto the macro nutrient.
That would get me to how Iwanted to look, but wasn't
(11:36):
necessarily the healthiest wayof getting there.
And so our house has beenhealthy from the get-go with our
kids.
So we've always tried differentmeals, like home-cooked meals.
I would say I cook 75% of themeals that we have And my wife
she makes a ton of meals, but alot of the times both of us
helping each other because sheworks these crazy hours and she
(11:58):
needs to have those meals readyfor her And our kids never
really had a chance to get usedto anything else because that's
all we did.
So when we did startintroducing the bad stuff,
that's when things got wild.
I'll be honest tonight we hadMcDonald's because we didn't
plan with groceries and wedidn't have them yet And we were
like all right, tonight we gotto do it And he goes off the
(12:19):
walls about a happy beeler withthe whatever it is.
So it's like.
It's always been very healthyand nutritious.
But once in a while it's likethe 80, 20%.
We're eating what we can, andthen the other side.
So my son he's always willingto try something new because
we're always cycling outdifferent meals.
So it's been working out reallywell.
(12:40):
And my daughter's just like avacuum.
So it's just, you know,whatever falls in front of her
she's gonna be eating.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I'm the picky eater in my house.
Oh no, that's me, but I'vegotten better.
I've gotten better.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Do you have to pretend, like you put vegetables
and stuff on your plate, thatyou don't like to be a good
example?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
No, so I'm a picky eater, but I do eat everything
on the plate.
I just don't like it, likeeverything on the plate.
I think that that's what we'regonna be doing.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I think, like my wife is gonna, i'm gonna be putting
broccoli and Brussels sprouts onher plate and it's like we're
all eating vegetables and it'sgonna appear like we are, but
I'm gonna be eating vegetablesfor two, just to give that
appearance.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
She promised in her vows that she would eat her
carrots.
Is she breaking her vows?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
The laundry is still not put away, just played off,
like she's very good at sharingher food with you.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
You know, Mommy loves sharing food with everyone.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Here's my vegetables I think another challenge that
parents face is that there'sjust busy schedules and Cor, you
alluded to this a little bit.
You get to the end of the dayand you're like, oh, it's dinner
time and we don't either haveanything to make or we don't
have anything to whip up right.
And that compounds with thingslike extra curricular activities
after school programs and itcan just be challenging to find
(13:49):
time to prepare and eat mealstogether as a family, and I
think that can lead to morefrequent consumption of fast
food, mcdonald's.
We have our occasional Panerabread, because it's down the
street and just like unhealthysnacks.
And I think, despite thosechallenges, many parents are
finding creative ways to makemeal time with their children
(14:11):
enjoyable and nutritious.
Would love to hear from you allabout experiences, strategies,
because it's clear that mealtime can be a challenge.
But let's hear from you all tohear about your experiences.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
What really blew my mind about what you read when
you were going over thepercentages was 91% of parents
believe it's important for theirchildren to eat a balanced and
nutritious diet.
But I wonder what those andother 9% of people were doing
like, whether or not they care,or if they weren't even part of
the survey.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
You're like.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Ness, like we've been fine, like none of us had any
problems.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So if you can feed them anything, they'll still
gonna grow.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, they'll be fine .
Those are your early years,don't matter.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
So all three of my kids were primarily breastfed
babies And so by the last andall kind of self-weened, for the
most part we all did like babyled feeding, where we put what
we were eating on their highchair tray and they ate whatever
they wanted along with us atthe dinner table, and for all
(15:15):
three kids that worked great.
That worked fantastic in termsof like baby led weaning, in
terms of moving from exclusivelyto milk to food.
One thing we also do is we eatas a family at the dinner table
every night, and that'ssomething that my grandparents
taught me.
Some of the best and fondestmemories with them is sitting at
(15:35):
the table, listening to themtalk about local issues.
They were very involved in theschool district and the church
or whatever, or the family orwhatever, and I really miss them
and I miss that dearly.
But I carry that tradition intomy own family and my wife's
family always did kind of tablemeals And so that's a really
important part of dinner timefor us.
Just love that time And askingabout their day and all that.
(15:58):
From an actual food standpoint,my wife is very you eat what's
on your plate And she cooksdinner every night.
I am not a good cook.
I clean.
I clean, she cooks.
It's a great arrangement.
It's amazing.
You eat what's on your plate,though.
Like we don't make chickennuggets or mac and cheese or
peanut butter and jelly.
Like no, you eat what's on yourplate or you don't eat.
(16:19):
Certainly we're not gonna havethem starve.
You can have a cup of milk orwith your dinner or whatever,
but we're not making a separatemeal, and I think some parents
that I know they'll be like oh,you don't wanna eat what's on
your plate.
Well then, let me make you some.
They travel with chicken nuggets, dino nuggets, and like the
specific mac and cheese thatthey will eat right, right And
like we're not about that life,like when we go to other
(16:41):
people's house, people are likeoh well, what is your kid?
eat Whatever you make and puton the plate is what they will
eat.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Keep them trying something new and they'll get
used to it.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Right, right, and I think that's really important.
At least it's been importantfor us.
I mean certainly not perfect.
Certainly you have days whereone child loves it, the other
child hates it.
We joke sometimes.
You can like my one son we eatall of the rice on this plate
and the other son, we eat all ofthe protein and then they'll
swap and it's like fine,whatever You guys do you as long
(17:11):
as you're fed at the end of theday.
So for us that's kind of beenthe strategy around meal time.
But, bobby, how about?
Speaker 3 (17:18):
you.
Well, our madness is still alittle bit different.
We're in I guess we've justleft newborn stage.
We can probably debate whatwhen is newborn, when is infant,
when is baby, timelines Butanyways, we're still doing
bottles.
My wife was able to breastfeed.
So I've talked in the previouspodcast that a lot of our run up
(17:42):
to having a child was not asPlanned right.
Things didn't go as planned forconceiving.
We went through IVF and thensome of the things towards the
end of the pregnancy were, youknow, needed to be watched a
little bit in greater detail.
So rather than having theUnmedicated, like natural
childbirth, we went through aC-section.
(18:03):
So going into now having thechild we were, you know we only
had a few days of process but itwas like how is breastfeeding
and That gonna go, because ourplan was to breastfeed.
But that is a challenge in ofitself and the way things were
going, it was very likely thatyou know it may also not go to
(18:24):
plan.
Yeah we were lucky.
So Right after delivery she wasable to latch, and then it was
a struggle.
I remember a couple hours laterwhen it was without the nurses
in the room, getting her tolatch.
If your plan is a breastfeed, ithink that that's great and you
(18:44):
should like give it your alland really try.
And I think that also I'msaying this because I think that
The guys also have a part toplay in that madness and in that
right realm, right.
So I remember literally likepicking.
It'd be like alright, we'd bein the hospital the first couple
days and Try and the helpfigure out this whole feeding,
(19:06):
latching or deal.
I Would pick her up out of thebassinet and I would like
basically have her and I'd bringher in, like Trying to line her
up the way I thought like thismouth needs to fit onto the
breast and like be able to tofigure it out, trying to give
the best opportunity for both,you know, mom and baby, and
(19:29):
let's basically like all threeof us get this Figured out
together.
I don't know if I did more helpor harm with that or maybe me
just trying was like Supportivein of itself for my wife to keep
, like you know, working throughit, because those first couple
weeks it is just a challengegetting it figured out.
And my daughter was prettysmall.
(19:49):
She was born.
She's about six pounds, soshe's tiny, and the biggest
thing that we found was that hermouth just wasn't big enough
for the, for the nipple, so sheneeded like other stuff.
So my other piece of freeadvice to the people is, if that
is your plan, looked into likelactation consultants and talked
(20:10):
to a couple.
They're out there And you knowI think a lot of people get
derailed with their plan tobreastfeed because, just like
raising a child, the go, thegoalpost changes every couple of
days and like how fast,especially in the beginning,
what your wife might beproducing, how much, how big
your child is and, like you know, the milk is changing From that
(20:34):
first, was it liquid gold tolike the, the, the regular
breast milk, and also get, like,get advice from lactation
consultant and also maybe acouple, because they have
Different pieces of that adviceand you kind of want to be able
to pick and choose, just likeyou would Anybody else, and see
what fits and works for you.
Yeah, so After all that, youknow we got it figured out and
(20:57):
now we say, like she is alatching master, like it's all
good, she's breastfed, mama andbaby got it all figured out.
But me, coming back on parentalleave, we're doing
significantly more bottlefeeding.
So our madness and this alsohappened, i alluded to it coming
home and then after a day ofwork and doing my one bottle a
(21:17):
day and Struggling through itand that was really hard, like
the madness of just like she'shad mom all day and now she you
know you want to spend some timewith her and have that moment
and give her a bottle and Shewants nothing to do with it.
So That's different.
So, guys, just stick it out.
You know it's a little bit of abattle of wills.
(21:39):
Try to keep Trying untilhopefully she'll take the bottle
or, you know, baby will take a.
Take the bottle, stay patientthrough it all, and there's just
a learning curve for both ofyou, right, just like your baby
and mama had to figure out howto get aligned and do it all,
you're also, whether you realizeit or not, going through the
(21:59):
same thing and, just like you,know The position and how
they're comfortable and all ofthat.
So the best news is it goes bypretty quick, i guess you know,
keep on it that learning in themoment.
It does feel like eternity,especially when, like you, just
want to feed your child and theywant nothing to do with it, and
it feels like an absolutemadness.
(22:20):
It gets easier.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, definitely.
I would just cosign some of thethings that you said.
Like there's a really awesomeOrganization called it's called
la la la ché League, whichoffers some really good support
to women who are Breastfeedingor trying to breastfeed.
I think probably what I wouldadd to what you said is building
(22:43):
out that that support structurearound you, that The, your,
your partner is definitely thatneeds to be your advocate and
your ally.
Because there's so many Modernmedicine they'll say they don't
make you do an interventionearlier than you probably could.
I mean, mom and baby willfigure it out.
Sometimes they don't, but a lotof times they they will if you
give them the, the patience andthe time.
(23:04):
And I remember All three of mykids last pretty, pretty, pretty
quickly and pretty well.
But we were ready for you know,a pediatrician or someone to
say, well, why don't you tryformula, why don't you try
supplementing or whatever?
and that's fine if you need todo that, but you shouldn't give
up on yourself so quickly, andhaving a really strong Support
network around you that iswilling to help you stick it out
(23:27):
to for it to work is reallyimportant.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, absolutely Just to piggyback you guys.
I was just thinking.
You know I had similarexperiences.
My wife did really well withbreastfeeding and her goal was
to, you know, hit a year foreach child and She pretty much
did that.
You know, at a certain point Itjust became a mix of a formula
or bottle fed and you know justthe convenience of it.
Or if there were, you know,discomforts with you know the
actual breasts and things likethat, where you know you
(23:51):
couldn't physically, you knowone night do it, you know it was
like alright, well, we pumped,we're good, we could do some
bottles, but it's not to takeaway, to, like you said, with
the support system, it's likethat goes both ways right.
So it's supporting them intheir journey of breastfeeding
and if that's not a possibilityfor Mom and baby to, you know
just to be there for them.
If that was their plan and itdoesn't, you know pan out the
(24:14):
way they wanted Or wish for andthey need to go strict bottle
feeding Formula or whatever itmay be.
You know it's just.
It's just.
You know they take the leadright.
So you follow Mama's lead andwhat they can or can't do or
what what they want to do as faras breastfeeding, and and just
Do what you can as dad, whetherthat's bottle feeding at you
(24:37):
know 3 am, or just being awakeat the same time to to offer
help and hands, like you'resaying, or or just, you know,
just being there to listen ifthey're having struggles with it
.
Is is the most important thing,i think, no matter what road
they take with breastfeeding oror bottle feeding.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Yeah, absolutely.
One of the things in myExperience and from my
perspective is big breast milkhas done a really good job of
getting the message of like Whatis it breast is best like into
a lot of women's heads.
And I think a lot of women gointo having a child thinking
like that will be the root andfor various reasons, you know,
(25:11):
it doesn't always work out thatway.
But there are ways to be likean advocate and like kind of
stick through it, even if Ithink the biggest one right
there's expected weight loss.
Those first couple days Baby'sjust peeing and pooping and
there's gonna be weight loss andif it gets too low You they
might suggest the formula.
But there's ways to like get toadd the formula in to keep the
(25:32):
baby safe and the weight on andthen transition back and keep
like the mix back in and likepeople just need that guidance
and they need guidance with alot of other Things that like
you can't even.
I can't even remember all of itthat we, everything that we
learned, it's so much It'soverwhelming.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, it's very unique time It's going through
all that and it's just mesticking the guy.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
This came off.
This became a podcast aboutbreast milk and breastfeeding.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
It's your meal time right now.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
It's not the dinner table but it's the one thing I
Thinking about a three-month-oldand a four-month-old is, while
you're trying to eat, you haveto hold The, the baby, and so
you learn how to eat one-handed,or you rotate so like you eat
first and then you hold the babyAnd then I'll eat, so that
there's that reality of me alltime to.
Even though that she's noteating with you, she's still
(26:30):
part of me all time, because youstill got a juggler.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Yeah, i now cut up my like.
I guess maybe it's inpreparation for when the child
is older.
But I cut up my wife's likepancakes and stuff so that she
can like use the fork one handed, be able to eat while she's uh,
feeding the child.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
It's all the little things that make life easier
totally um.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
So meal time can be stressful and challenging time
for parents, but it's also anopportunity for families to bond
and create lasting memories.
Justin, you said you knowdinner table very important
cornerstone And I'm I think alot of families can resonate
that it's not like that for them, something we certainly need to
get better with as our daughtergets older, but it's an
(27:13):
important for parents to takecare of themselves and find ways
to reduce stress and recharge.
According to a survey conductedby the american psychology
association, 77 of adults in theunited states experience
physical symptoms of stress,such as fatigue, headaches,
muscle tension.
It's not familiar, uh.
Furthermore, 48 of adultsreport that their stress has
(27:37):
increased in the past five years.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Mine definitely has that just made me sit up
straight in my chair.
It's like wait.
He'll be five yep.
The last five years I havedefinitely reported more stress.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
So then, now, now, now, elaborate on that.
like, well, how do you likereduce the stress and find time
for yourselves?
So, jason, like take it away?
What are you doing to likemanage your last five years of
your life to keep you willapparently have two more
children in that time and Keepit all going?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Fellows I could probably use.
This is probably the area thatI could probably use the most
help.
I think in general My stressrelief has just been kind of
collapsing on the couch has beenmy outlet, which is, you know,
it's Sometimes in moderation,everything is fine, right.
So my kids go to bed around 738, so typically we have about
two hours Before before my wifeand I go to bed.
(28:35):
We always go to bed at the sametime.
Uh, i also have a prettyintense job, so sometimes I use
that two hour block to catch upon work.
Sometimes we do like, if I geta workout in, we'll get a
couple's workout, but thatdoesn't happen as often as it
should.
Um, one thing I do really enjoythat I've gotten away from Is
(28:55):
just reading 10 pages per day.
Um, that's it.
10 pages before bed, um, i wasgood about it.
But it helps me turn my brainoff and have a good night's
sleep.
But I would say stress relief,stress de-stressing, is probably
something I should be a littlebit better at.
But, cory, How about you?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
You know it really makes me think about what I do
to cope and what I do for fun Asfar as stress relief.
So there are things that I doThat I, you know I I cope to get
through stress, and then thereare things that I do as hobbies
that are fun for me, that arealso, like you know, to help
with stress.
But I would say, um, lately,because of the winter and
everything.
It's much like you, i've justbeen collapsing on the couch.
(29:36):
You know, my kids go to bed asimilar time and, if they get to
bed on time, and my wife withwith her hours, she tries to get
to bed early and my thing hasjust been, my thing has just
been watching Netflix, sittingon the couch, eating you know
terrible snacks and, um, andgoing to bed entirely too late.
(29:57):
So my stress relief of just,you know, needing some time
alone has turned really into, uh, more stress because the next
day I'm twice as tired or, youknow I don't, you know my
stomach doesn't feel goodbecause I had, you know, some
snacks that don't agree with meor whatever.
But besides that, like I triedto dive into you know old
hobbies to to try and kind ofdive into my creative outlet
(30:19):
again.
I, you know, growing up I wouldwrite a lot.
You know golf is alwayssomething, but I don't.
You know We don't play that inthe winter, so you know I can't
go the sport route.
So I tried to go my creativeroute and writing has always
been really important to me.
So I attempted to, you know,get back into writing and then I
would start to write and thenthat became stressful.
So then I moved away from that,because writing is very
(30:40):
stressful and I just land rightback on the couch again.
So I think I think for me it'sit's getting time out of the
house.
You know my kids see me all thetime.
I see them all the time.
I probably have more of anattachment disorder than they do
.
And the whole dad's gettingcoffee thing.
You know, justin, where we met,it's just it has it.
Originally It was just to getout of the house on my own at a
(31:02):
time where I knew it wouldn'tNegatively affect my family and
figure other people might begoing through it as well, and it
kind of worked out where, youknow, We're creating these
relationships.
I mean we, we talk now all thetime and it's just been great.
It's just like a nice outlet tohave New friends who are going
through similar experiences Andthat has become for me a stress
relief.
Even this podcast has beengreat.
(31:23):
It's just nice to have like aconversation with adults,
whether we agree on things ornot, it's just nice to You know,
especially when my wife isworking so many hours, like when
she's home.
Obviously we spend a ton oftime together, but just just
having someone outside of thehouse to talk to is always so
nice.
So that has been a great stressrelief.
For me.
Lately has just been Kind ofgoing out of my comfort zone
(31:45):
socially, but it's been.
It's definitely been for thebetter and I think the challenge
of that has been rewarding Andnot as stressful as it used to
be with with socializing or just.
You know, i've always been veryopen about how I feel, but not
necessarily with everyone Youknow, and now it's just been
nice to be vulnerable with withpeople in Similar situations as
me.
So I've definitely been usingthat as a stress relief And yeah
(32:07):
, i think that's.
I think that's where I'm atright now.
So this has been great likejust talking to you guys and
just getting to know you throughhere and through text, and
through getting coffee.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think that this, like we allhave said at some point, like
you know, we're either excitedleading up to getting on the mic
or like right afterwards comingoff on like a high From doing
the podcast.
I think Having this time tokind of connect is been very
helpful.
Useful and definitely a moodbooster, if not a hobby or
(32:40):
stress reliever.
Yet For myself I mean, i'mstill new to this I've had a
couple of weeks where I, youknow, I've put it together and
gone to work and got a workoutin a couple days that week and
other things.
And I'll say like I don't knowif I ever felt the stress relief
from working out, like it wassomething like I had to do
before I had a kid.
Um, and it was, like you know,i did it for various reasons,
(33:03):
but now I definitely feel thatsense of like the endorphins and
the stress relief afterwardsAnd it's no longer like I have
to go work out, which was mymentality for having kids.
It's a I get to work out today,like I've somehow aligned my
schedule and figured it out thatI have this time to do my
workout and like.
So I think that in of itself isjust completely kind of changed
(33:25):
the mindset of around workingout.
It was like it was work, it wassomething I had like just felt
like burdened and had to do forwhatever reason, and now it's
like I get to do it.
It's, which is much better, um,and I'm excited to see how
maybe some of those other thingsin my life might start to look
more like a hobby now that theyAre something that I get to do
again.
(33:45):
So before having kids, like theoffice that I'm sitting in now,
i built like these, likebuilt-in desks, and I kind of
got into woodworking But likeall the tools and stuff and
actually looking forward to somenice weather and maybe a couple
hours and Maybe able to do somemore woodworking and tinker
around with my drills and sawsand stuff and you know in order,
(34:09):
so make it worth it.
I'll probably build somethingelse that my wife also can enjoy
, so that She's gettingsomething out of it as well.
But uh, yeah, i think any ofthose hobbies definitely working
out.
I felt so far looking forwardto you know carpentry and seeing
what else can be a good outletand free time.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I was talking to my dad and he was telling me that
his stress with stress reliefWas cutting the grass because he
would get out on the lawnmowerand he would just push the
lawnmower And he'd be by himselfand he could.
He was just him and histhoughts and I was like you know
what?
I think I'm missing out onsomething.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
That is definitely a generational thing.
My dad's got his ride onlawnmower.
There's a cup holder where hecould put, you know, like a beer
or whatever, it was water wherehe's got and he just you know
He takes his time.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
I say I like that stuff.
I always have, though I grew uplike always cutting grass for
like a ton of relatives wholived around me and also like If
snow days weren't snow days, itwas go shovel everybody out day
.
And now that I live in likesoutheast pa, we get way less
snow.
I don't get the shovel anymore,so I'm a little bummed out.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
We haven't had to shovel lately either over here,
which is interesting.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
No, no shovel just like the lightest winter ever.
Either you have like sayings orthings that you just say, that
like in hard moments With thekids, just like help you get
through it.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I feel like you need to be more specific and I need
to hear yours first so that itcan Register in my mind what
mine are like give us a few ofthem.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
I'll be like pheebs, which is the cat's name, like,
just like.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
I don't know If you're talking about randomly
singing like tunes throughoutthe day, like I definitely do
that.
Like just make up.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Yeah, like just like you have to turn on like a goofy
, like Drive, like in, like howyou behave and just how you are
in the moment, because, likethis Diaper change is not only a
disaster, but like she's alsoscreaming and oh, then there's
10 other things going on.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
It's just so many.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Right now I don't know like you just put it in
like a different gear And then,like you're like somehow, me
just being over the top,ridiculous and dumb is just I
think that's just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
That's helping me get through it right.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I think it's just being a dad, it's a permanent
state of that mind.
I don't think I'm not with youguys on this one.
This might be a hot take, butI'm like, i'm with you.
Try it, man, you just need tolike.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
You just need to detach and just be like a
Complete idiot, like, so that'sjust 95 of my day and the other
5% is just losing my mind instress.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Like 90% is just like cracking jokes or making sound
effects or you know whatever itis, just to like Make the kids
laugh or just get through these.
You know funny little momentsthroughout the day, like one
just off the top of my head.
This is like it's.
It's irrelevant, but you knowI'll be changing my daughter and
if she doesn't have poop in herdiaper I'll just look and I'll
go No boops.
And then she thinks it's funnyand I think it's funny And it's
(37:00):
just two words It's stupid, it'slike it's just a factual
statement, but we both thinkit's funny and it happens 10
times a day and it's always thesame.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
So it's just a funny little thing Like yeah, I guess
maybe a couple other examples.
Like I have come to theconclusion that like the word
britches is reserved for when,like somebody has shit their
britches.
So like when getting into adiaper or whatever, I'm like are
we a little britch maker And welike start singing things like
(37:29):
britch maker, britch maker, makeme a britch.
Or I call her like LadyBritcherton.
There's like a million thingsAnd it just like it transpires
into like one crazy thing intoanother thing And it's just
absolutely nuts Evolvingnonsense.
It's just like a spiral downwardas of like insanity And like
the other thing that I do islike I threaten things that are
(37:50):
like whatever, like bad babieshave to do tummy time And I
don't know why that makes mefeel better.
But like, obviously she's notbad, she's three months, she
just has needs, but she alsoneeds to do tummy time, so she
hates it.
So by like somehow positioningit like a threat and like we're
going to have to be punishedwith that, oh my, just like
makes me feel like I don't know,like it's funny and like it
(38:14):
helps.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
So I can talk about like this for hours, just all
the little things we do to getthrough the day that are also
fun at the same time.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
I mean, maybe I do some stuff, like they were
cracking up laughing when wewere doing bath time tonight,
but I don't even remember what Iwas doing.
I was, it was just my face andthey were just like losing their
minds.
And maybe if I asked Kayleeshe'd be like oh no, you're,
you're nuts, and here are allthe things that you do.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
That's crazy And I just think it's normal.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
I think it's normal And you guys are just saying
like no, I intentionally amsilly And I'm like I am not, I'm
just.
I wouldn't say it's intentional, I think it's just.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
It's just a visceral reaction to the day, like my son
will get out of the tub andhe's usually upset when he gets
out of the tub, so he'll likeI'll cover him up, he gets out
of the tub.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
He doesn't want to be in the tub, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
So it will put his collar over his head and I'll
get under there with him Andit's usually a white towel and
I'll pretend like we're in somesort of you know whatever.
I was like oh man, how did weget stuck in this igloo?
And he's like what are youtalking about?
I'm like we are stuck in here.
We got to break our way out ofhere.
And then, like he'll try andlike push through the top of the
towel and I'm just like pullingit down his head.
I'm like why are we stuck inhere?
(39:18):
You know it could be likeanything.
And he was like how did we getstuck in this egg shell?
Like this is ridiculous, likewe got to break out.
You know it's always likebreaking out and he thinks it's
hilarious.
But, then he's freezing and hestarts yelling, So then it's a
whole thing after.
But for those like a minute,you know it's always fun.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
We might have to revisit the segment, because I'm
sure there's things that I needto make a list.
My loony brain is saying anddoing that I can't remember to
talk about in this moment, soI'll have to like write them
down and we'll do like a wholesegment about it.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Or just like singing throughout the day, like picking
a tune that you know and justadd living it with nonsense, and
then that becomes like a staple.
every time you start singing arandom song throughout the house
.
Yep.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
I have no idea how to transition from this topic to
the next topic.
Like what?
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Well, we got to do hot takes, yeah, i mean just
like we're like, like we'reloose, now We're good, we're
flowing.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
The hot take that I have is I can't believe Justin
isn't.
You know, isn't Like singingsongs around his house all day,
I guess.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
I guess, yeah, hot takes.
What we want to talk about iswhere this part of what we're
trying to talk about is our dadsshare something they can't stop
thinking about, whether it'srelated to parenting or not.
But it feels like we just wentthrough a whole, like that was
your whole hot take, bobby doyou have any others?
Speaker 3 (40:39):
We got to share something they can't stop
thinking about Oh, I mean, I'm atake artist, I can go for an.
You need another take because.
Give me another, take This one,i'm like all right, we're in a
safe place, All right.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
No one else is going to hear this.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
We're not going to put this on the internet.
A bunch of people.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I think you're okay.
I'm actually going to mute you,so I don't hear it myself.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Okay, sure, because this one a little worried about.
But being a parent withoutboobs who has to feed the child
with a bottle, i'm jealous Andin a small fraction of my brain
have this thought that maybeit's easier or nicer or more
convenient for women who arebreastfeeding because they get
(41:23):
to have their other handavailable.
Like I have to hold the bottleand the kid and I can't do
anything.
But my wife gets to hold thebaby and breastfeed and have
like a hand to like to eat or,like we said, or turn the
channel or play music or dosomething else.
And I'm like I have to think ofeverything that I got to do,
because then I'm locked, Likeonce we start there's no break
(41:43):
until, like, the next burp.
So I don't know how to phraseit, whether I'm jealous, whether
it's a convenience, but thereit is.
That's definitely a hot take.
I've got it off my face.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
Definitely a hot take because someone could listening
.
I mean not that anyone would belistening, but if someone
listening could easily say, getover it, because the baby is
attached to her and not attachedto you And you have this
miniscule amount of physicaltime and it's like, just cherish
it for what it is.
They could say that.
But I also understand whereyou're coming from because you
(42:16):
know most dads don't aren't ableto bond with their baby
physically, you know, untilthey're out.
You know, and like the motherhas all had all this bonding
time with this baby And likeyour hot take I mean this wasn't
my hot take And I don't think Ireally had one set But like
when, when my wife was pregnant,it was a little bit of the
(42:37):
jealousy thing too, because Ifelt super guilty that I wasn't
creating this relationship withthe baby and that, like I I
didn't feel like like I knewinnately that I loved this baby
because they are mine and wemade the baby together.
But in those first, like veryearly moments, i was like I
(42:58):
don't know, i don't even knowwhat our relationship is yet.
You know, like you're my baby,but I don't, i don't know, like
right now, in these early stages, i have to take care of you and
keep you alive and keep yousafe And I love you in the realm
of love, but like I don't havea relationship with you yet And
like I need to build thatrelationship.
You know what I mean, how toput that.
(43:20):
But I was, i was jealous that Ididn't have already have this
bonded Physical time that Iguess my wife had, obviously
through the whole pregnancy, oflike singing to the baby,
touching the baby, you know,through rebellion, all this is
like all I could do is say likehey, like I hope you're doing
good in there, you know, andthey're just like, okay, that's,
that's a familiar voice.
But you know, until My son, youknow, was a little older, i was
(43:43):
like okay now, like all right,we really love each other, like
this is great.
But in those early stages I waslike what?
like what is this relationshipright now?
You know, and it was, there wasa lot of guilt, surrounded by
that a little jealousy, thatlike I didn't have the same
bonded, bonded time that thatshe did.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
From a hot take standpoint.
Let me go back to Bobby, toyours.
I embrace my useless nipples.
I don't have that same hot takeas you do.
I am body dysmorphia I don'thave that, and I use my
underhand, the, the hand that issupporting the baby.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Yes, and I put my phone.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
And I put my phone in that hand and the bottle in
this hand, so there's still sometime for you to use.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
You just got a fingertip, the bottom of the
bottle and then you got yourfree arm.
If you're on the couch too, Youcan position I had totally had
been holding the bottle, likewith my cheek, like.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
Oh, totally cool sound effect like.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
That's, that's definitely.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
But if anybody is not watching the video, i was
trying to hit the microphonewith my cheek to make the sound
effect, but like, basicallyholding the bottle with my cheek
to like send off one text tolike by you guys or whatever, or
like other ways of trying tolike get my hands free, to just
like Put on, hit, play on likeNetflix so I could sit there
first.
I do actually just recentlylock eyes because I'm like oh,
(45:10):
we're locking eyes, we'rebonding now like doing this.
All right, i'm like get allabout that, so having Netflix on
is pointless.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
But let me just see back on background noise
background noise.
But I can't let go of mychild's daycare calendar.
So like, if you ever heard of,like Spirit Week, like crazy
hair day and just like awhatever day.
My kids daycare has a spiritculture, like pajama days.
I don't really mind that muchbut because it's actually easier
(45:39):
, but like I'm actually readingfrom my kids Calendar wear crazy
socks day, dress like a dentistday.
Crazy green hair day.
Wear green day dress like aleprechaun day.
Pajama day dress like a doctorday.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Now, first of all, what the heck is the difference
between just like a doctor,dentist, and just like a dentist
day, like do I send him in thesame stuff Accessory work that
you have one has a toothbrushbrush in the pocket exactly.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
These are all over the last month, so here's my hot
take, well, maybe a few.
one who has each of these itemsnot for one, not for two, but
for three kids to participate inCrazy whatever day like what.
what is going on here?
Speaker 3 (46:26):
You're sending them to a Halloween school.
Oh, this is what it sounds likeevery day, spirit every week to
make sure they're like what.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
And, as we talked about the uncontrollable cost of
child care, this just adds tothat cost, because you don't
want your child to be the onlyone not dressed in the dentist
outfit, apparently.
My second hot take kind ofrelates to the last, but there's
like this, like mental guiltwhen you do forget and you're
walking into the school And theydon't have crazy socks on or
(47:00):
their hair is the right color orwhatever, and it's really tough
because They want to belong andthey don't want to be left out
and all the things right.
So when you do forget, thatsucks.
And not to mention that in somehouseholds this responsibility
of remembering This thing mosttypically falls to one caregiver
(47:23):
or the other, which mostcommonly is the woman of the
house or the mom of the house.
So I could rant and rave aboutthis for a while, but I'll just
leave it.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
At daycare, spirit culture grinds all of my gears
and I now know and I know thatnot everyone would agree with me
, but that's my hot take thisweek It grinds my gears if this
podcast doesn't last, becauseI'm the real one out here saying
hot takes that arecontroversial, like I'm sorry,
i'm just saying now Cuz I'mprobably gonna have everybody
(47:55):
coming after me for my thing.
I meant it, i'm just jealous, ithink.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
I think jealousy is healthy, because at least you're
being honest about it and youcould like work through it.
If you were just like if youwere just like keeping it to
yourself.
I think that would be Unhealthy.
So the fact that you're talkingabout it all, or or even quote,
you know like feel guilty aboutyour jealousy Not that you need
to feel guilty, but just it'sjust how you feel.
So being honest with how youfeel is never going to be a bad
thing.
And You know, i don't know ifyou've talked to your wife about
(48:23):
how you feel about it, but youknow that could open up doors to
just being like hey, like Ikind of feel like this.
You know, and I mean I don'tknow she knows what kind of
lunatic he is.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
I say all in, like, just like that.
I say all of my hot, take theentire thing and just a
light-hearted like, thesentiment of like I.
I Clearly know that I'm on thewrong side of this one, but it's
still.
Let's just, let's just get itout, right.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
That's all I'm doing here.
I appreciate your honesty.
I appreciate grass is alwaysgreener.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
You know, there's always it's like, oh man, i wish
I had that.
You know, like I'm sure she'sthinking like, oh man, I wish I
had like a second.
You know, it's just, we allhave our own individual
experiences and that's all wecan go off of.
We can't, you know you, wecan't fault ourselves for for
having feelings.
So power to you for talkingabout it.
That's good.
Speaker 3 (49:14):
All right, well, before I get us in any more
trouble, anything else we needto air out before we wrap this
baby up.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
I got nothing.
I got no more hot takes for it.
I'm gonna think harder nexttime, instead of going off of
what you guys I'm gonna, i'mdefinitely gonna have some hot
takes To get into but that's allthe time we have for today's
episode of dad's getting coffee.
Speaker 2 (49:33):
As always, fellas, it was nice unpacking another
Relevant and important topic onthis journey called fatherhood,
and to all you parents oraspiring parents out there,
thanks for listening.
We hope you enjoyed ourconversation, our banter, and it
gave you some new ideas,perspectives And just a laugh on
parenting and childcare, orjust an understanding that
(49:54):
you're not alone.
If you did, please leave us afive-star review on your
favorite podcast app.
It really helps us reach morelisteners like you and grow our
community.
And if you want to stay up todate with the latest episodes
and news from dad's gettingcoffee, be sure to follow us on
social media.
You can find us on Instagram atdad's getting coffee podcast.
We love hearing from you, sodon't hesitate to reach out and
(50:16):
share your thoughts, questionsor dad jokes with us.
Thanks again for tuning in.
We'll be back next week withanother episode of dad's getting
coffee.
Until then, keep on brewing andkeep on dadding.
Remember, being a dad isn'teasy, but it's worth it coffee.
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