October 16, 2024 • 31 mins
Bekah Slider is a Confidence & Authenticity Coach, Speaker & Host of the Podcast “The Courage to Fully Live”. Slider is an ex-pastor who walked away from ministry, religion and unsupportive beliefs, in order to find, fall in love with, and live as her true self. She now helps ambitious humans build unshakable confidence, liberate their expression & create a life they’re lit the f*ck up by.
IG: @bekahslider
FB: bekahslider
OnlyFans: Bekah Slider
Podcast: Listen on Apple or Listen on Spotify
Stay tuned next week for Part 2...
A 501C3 to combat the mental health struggles which come with service to the United States
Info@dailyamericanpodcast.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to Daily American guys.
Today we have with us BeccaSlider Becca welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Thanks, happy to be here with you, dan.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Yeah, a little bit of technical difficulties, because
I'm always ill-prepared, but Iappreciate your patience.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Yeah, that's not a problem?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Yeah, why don't you let the audience know you know
where you were born and a littlebit about your childhood?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I was born in New London, Connecticut.
Actually, my dad was in theNavy.
Didn't stay there long.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
So you were a brat.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, temporarily.
He got out not long after I wasborn, I believe, so I didn't
really experience the militarylife growing up.
Yeah soon after that tovirginia beach.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
So I actually grew up in virginia beach, not in
connecticut which is even, andhow far are you from there now,
because I know you're fromvirginia, right?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
always I'm in, yeah, I'm in ohio.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
So nice land, ohio that's right I always think yeah
, I always get confused, that'sright.
Oh hi, what brought you there?
Family?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
no, originally um work, work related stuff okay,
what do, you do for work now.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And is it rebecca or is it becca?
Is it becca or?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
either.
I typically introduce myself asbecca.
Rebecca doesn't bother meeither, though okay, it seems
more formal, but it doesn'tbother me to be called.
Yeah, um, what do I do for work?
So I, I do a few differentthings.
I am a speaker and I'm a coach,so those are my two main things
, and I have a podcast.
Yeah, the courage to fully live.
(01:41):
So it's.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I relate, Like she's on point, with exactly what
she's saying, Like everybodyshould be paying attention and
listening to you because you'reright.
I mean earlier in your video Iwas watching being about being
your authentic self and how it'slike.
Dude, nobody does that,especially in the social media
world.
Nobody can be like themselves.
It's just a facade that theywant people to perceive and it's
(02:16):
jacked up.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, it's jacked up and it's also so conditioned.
I think it's so conditionedinside of us and then, when you
get used to that, the fear ofwhat other people think has
become so great at that point.
Because there's a point formost of us when we were, you
know, you see, liketwo-year-olds, they don't give
two fucks about what peoplethink they're out there ruling
the world.
But there's a point for all ofus like we start giving a fuck
(02:40):
and then, depending on whatfamily you grew up in and the
culture you're in and where youlive and if you're in church or
whatever, like that all plays arole into how much you should
care.
And it's not like people saythat it's not like although
maybe some people do, but a lotof times you're not hearing like
you need to care about whatpeople think.
It's so much more subtle in theway that it's delivered, subtle
(03:04):
in the way that it's delivered,and it's so much sounds so much
more practical and logical oflike, yeah, you need to present
yourself this way so that youknow people will take you
seriously, or things like that.
And so long before you can evereven get to know you figure out
what you like and how you'rewired and how you want to show
up and express yourself in theworld, you're already being
conditioned to fit in a box.
So of course, course peopledon't know how to be their
authentic self.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Right.
So what led?
What led like?
Because I feel like I'm in themidst of this, if not the
beginning stages of figuringshit out, and, like you know, I
look, I look around and I see,like all these people who are at
the high school you know, notall of these, but a good amount
went to high school they'realready on like their second
marriage and they're 35, 36years old my age and it's like
(03:46):
no wonder because again, more,uh, like society just pushing
all these norms onto people.
You better get married, youknow, if you're, if you're 30,
you better start having kids, oryou know you're going to be
alone your whole life and like,just like you know all this
nonsense and it lands people inbad situations.
So that's where you know I'm at.
(04:08):
What led you to this journey?
Like, how did you figure thisout?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
oh well, I have always, for my entire life,
loved to ask the question why,like even when I was a kid, I
had a very authoritativecontrolling home environment and
I didn't.
I didn't get it.
I didn't understand the rules,I didn't know, know why things
were happening, and I alwaysquestioned everything and that
was not approved of.
I did it anyway, and so I thinkjust having that type of
(04:34):
personality was probablybeneficial to me in leading me
back to myself.
But, honestly, that journeyreally didn't happen until I
deconstructed all of likereligious beliefs and things
that kept me in my own personalbox of who I thought I was
supposed to be.
And if you would have asked me10 years ago if I was living
true to myself, I would havetold you yes, because I would
(04:54):
have believed that that was thetruest version of myself,
because it was in the context ofthe box I lived in, if that
makes sense.
Like I'm being as true as I canwith the things that I believe
at this point, but really, onceI started pulling back the
layers of like, why do I believeanything Like, and not just
specifically religion, I meanjust all the things Like?
(05:16):
You hit just a second ago onthe idea of marriage and having
kids and all that these societalnorms that we're again
programmed with they're allaround us of.
Like this is what a good lifeis, this is what you should
aspire to do or be or have.
And yet people get those thingsand they do those things and
they're still not happy becausethey actually don't.
(05:37):
Did they do them for themselves, or did they do them because
they were actually told that waslike what would make them happy
?
So it's pulling back, startingto ask really hard questions,
really hard fucking questions tomyself.
It was actually an extremelypainful process to get to the
core of like why do I believewhat I believe?
What do I actually want tobelieve?
Like, if nobody told me what tobelieve and I didn't have to
believe it.
Like, what do I want to believe?
What do I really like and wantthat I've been denying myself
(06:00):
because I think it's wrong orbad or I've been told it's not
acceptable.
And then you learn all thatshit about yourself.
But then it's like the realcourage comes, because now
you've got to have the courageto start stepping toward that,
and that means all the peoplewho have had their idea of how
you are, how you show up who youare like, you're about to give
(06:22):
them a run for their money, andmost of them are not going to
like it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, it, yeah, yeah, I mean that's.
Yeah, you're 100 right?
Um, I can attest to that justbecause, like I used to just
post my social media pictures ofvacation, you know, when I
bought my house, just all nice,little like dandy, little like
accomplishments or whatever,just like pretty much all good
things and nothing ever been.
And then, like I came out withthis podcast, blah, blah, blah,
(06:47):
and I still was like kind ofdoing that, just all good stuff,
but not like anything real,like positive like.
But these people come on theyand they talk about their true
stories and shit, and it's justlike, yeah, like who am I to
just sit there and pretend likeeverything's like unkey dory.
So then, like you know, I'mtrying to become I think it was.
It's still way more authenticthan even in the very beginning.
(07:07):
It's more authentic than mostpeople's like I'm not doing it
for for for that reason orwhatever.
But now I think it's gettinglike more and more authentic
because I don't, I'm startingnot to give a fuck.
But it's still so hard, becca,it's really hard not to give a
fuck with what like everybody'sthinking, especially when, like
you're getting kind of badfeedback from, like those that
(07:29):
are like close to you and I'mjust like yo shut the fuck up,
you know.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, well, I feel like that's the most common
theme is that that's who you getthe worst feedback from and
that's who we're scared of theiropinions the most.
Those are the whoseexpectations we try to appease
the most.
It's all the people who areclosest to us, and the thing
that has always sat in the backof my mind is there's a quote,
and I don't know who said it,otherwise I'd give them credit
(07:54):
but basically it's this idea ofif people are loving a version
of you that's just to appeasethem or just to make them feel
good about themselves the wayyou act, then they're not really
loving you.
Who are they actually loving?
Right, if you becomeauthentically you and you decide
to do whatever, whatever thatmeans and I I take the theme of,
like you know, do no harm.
So it's not like this energy ofdo whatever the fuck you want
(08:17):
and it shitty things.
I just mean like things thatare true to you and other people
don't like it.
It makes them uncomfortable.
Well, they can either love thetrue, authentic version of you
or they were never loving you tobegin with, and then it's like
what kind of acceptance andapproval was that anyway?
So do I really want that Iwould rather be hated for who I
am than loved for who I'm not.
(08:38):
That's the quote.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah, that's a really , that's just a perfect quote.
Yeah, that's a really, that'sjust a perfect quote.
Now, did you like subalternthis like this is there like a
word for becoming your authenticself?
Is there like or like, apsychology behind it?
Because it seems like everytime I I don't know I listen to
(09:01):
you, I'm like fuck, like she'sgot something.
I don't know exactly what, whatit's titled or anything.
Is there like a title to it?
Uh I think there's a lot ofdifferent words probably used.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Self-actualization is is one of the words I've seen
thrown around a lot, but it's it.
I think people, I think thereis kind of a wake-up call
happening in our generation,like where people are starting
to question everything, and Ithink for many generations they
never felt permission toquestion everything.
You just go along with it, youdo the thing, you move along,
(09:33):
and I think I mean the internet.
You can't lie like that helpeda ton right, create so much out
there where you had access toother people questioning things,
and so you start questioning,questioning, questioning and
what I think what people findout is like you can do all the
blaming and all the shit youwant, but at the end of the day,
everything comes down to thisrelationship with yourself.
Everything.
(09:54):
It's the foundation ofeverything.
You want to look at why you knowthe dopamine fixes don't work
because they're all external.
It's like, oh, make me feelgood about myself.
Tell me these wonderful things,say this stuff.
If I get like you know thisreview or this testimonial, then
I'll feel good.
It doesn't fucking last.
The only thing sustainable iswhen we actually go back to like
why do we need that?
We wouldn't need that if weactually felt those things
(10:16):
already about ourselves, if wewere grounded and secure in our
value and our worth, apart fromother people's opinions and we
don't need them, they're greatDoesn't mean we don't want them
and they're not fun to have.
But we're not living in thisconstant data.
Please, please, people, make mefeel good.
We don't fucking need it.
That's power right there to notneed it.
To know you're good with you,like no matter what, not in an
(10:37):
ego way, like yeah, I'm goodwith me, fuck you very much.
In a sincere like no, like I'mactually at peace with myself.
I'm not going to sit inreactive mode.
I know how to regulate mynervous system and like people
can lose their shit and I'm justlike, okay, that's your choice,
you can stay over there in yourbubble and I'm going to stay
over here.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah, that's why you're crushing it.
I wish I was like I wish I,yeah, I wish I was there, but
there, but you know, I'm notanywhere near there, but it's,
it's what would you say?
You're like not.
Would you say you're 100 there,or is it a consistent incline?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
and like you're definitely like you gotta you
better be the 90s, because ifyou're not the 90s, I might as
well just give up right now well, I I think that's probably
where we're always looking tolike hit this attainable mark,
this goal, this accomplishment,and if that's always what we're
looking for, we're like alwaysin this state of lack.
(11:30):
It's not enough.
And then, as you can probablythink about times in your life
where you've made like crazyaccomplishments, things that
you've checked off the box andit was awesome and you felt
great for a minute, and then,like within a week, within a
month at the most, you're like,ok, well, next thing, next thing
, like what's next, versusstaying in this state of like
consistent, like shit.
(11:51):
This is amazing.
So my point is just even whenit comes to this level of
authenticity right, and gettingto know yourself and love
yourself and and redefining yourlife, self and redefining your
life, there's no, there's nolike end, it's just a journey.
Authenticity it doesn't have anend, it just has a journey,
(12:13):
because even who I am today,right now, in this moment, I
will be someone different infive years, probably even five
months, because I'm justcontinuing to evolve.
So I don't really look at it aslike yeah, I'm like in the 90%.
I celebrate wherever I am, evenwhen and this was a really
important part of my journey,even when I felt like I had only
taken like two steps forwardand 20 steps back.
I celebrate the things that Ihad done.
(12:36):
I focus on the things that havebeen going right, because you
celebrate what you want to seemore of.
We are so good at criticizingwhat we don't want, and you know
what that does.
It puts focus on what we don'twant, and you know what you get.
When you focus on what youdon't want, you get more of what
you don't fucking want.
When you celebrate what youwant to see more of, you
celebrate it, and it doesn'tmean like not taking into
(12:57):
consideration that you want toshift some things and do some
new things.
It's just like no, I'm going tofucking celebrate that I had
that win today, that normally Iwould have reacted this way and
I didn't.
I'm going to start celebratingthose things.
When you do that, you rewireyour brain.
It's literally neurologicalshit going on that actually
helps you look for more ways toact in that way, more ways to
experience that again.
(13:17):
So you literally start trainingyour brain.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
You start training your behaviors yeah, something
I'm not very good at.
I don't ever celebrate anything.
I mean, I'm sure a lot ofpeople are like that, but no
small wins or anything like that.
It's like the next time I'llcelebrate is probably like when
I surpass where I wasfinancially.
(13:39):
It always comes down to likemoney for some reason and
probably because I grew up withnone, but when I surpassed where
I was, you know, when I wasmaking pretty good money, like a
few months ago, but thatfucking doesn't mean anything, I
anything, the same exact shitthat I do now.
Like the money had nothing,like the status of the money had
nothing to do with anything.
It doesn't.
(14:00):
I'm happier today than I wasthen by far.
Um, and things are going likeyou know, things aren't going
like great, but it's like Idon't know.
I've at least learned somethingout of this whole like situation
I'm in recently.
But I don't yeah, I don'tcelebrate any small wins.
I just feel like a of like,almost like a failure if I do.
(14:20):
Because why like?
Why would I celebrate thispodcast that I just did with you
?
Because, hey, it's a pod, likeI put myself out there that I'm
going to do podcast.
So I'm just doing what I'msupposed to do and b I'm not
that good at it anyway.
So like what the fuck?
Like what sort of celebrate?
But in all reality, you know, Icould have like been sleeping
(14:44):
or something, or canceled forsome for some reason, and, like
you know it, that would havebeen the wrong decision.
I would have felt worse in thatscenario, but I I didn't.
You know, it's not like Icelebrate shit, so so so yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
You got to think about this idea of like oh, I
don't celebrate shit because, oh, it's just what I'm supposed to
do anyway.
How does that feel?
How did that energy feel tothink that way?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, it feels like does make you there's never
going to.
Just, I just got a new car thecar, just like you were saying
earlier, like these, thesethings that we're all excited
about them, and then literallyit's been two weeks and I don't
even give a shit.
I kind of miss my old car, youknow it's like it's, it's, it's
(15:29):
crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Well, everything we want, we want for a feeling, we
want for the feeling it willgive us, and so what's happening
, though, is, instead ofpracticing that feeling before
we even have the things, andjust living in those states of
feelings, we are only waitingfor it to come.
It's coming, we're feeling thattemporarily, and then the
feeling goes because we don'tknow how to live in a state of
joy, in a state of peace, in astate of abundance, in a state
of celebration, in a state oflike, of like, seeing the beauty
(15:53):
everywhere around us, stayingin gratitude.
We don't know how to do that.
We need again this goes to theexternal of like, what I was
talking about externalvalidation, like make me feel
good.
It's like we want everythingelse to happen so that we can
feel a certain way.
I want the new car so I can feelwhatever, but the truth is that
you just made such a greatpoint, you, you, the car came,
yeah, you liked it, and nowyou're just like eh, whatever,
(16:15):
like it, it didn't day, and itactually didn't matter.
And so, if that's the case, andyou know that it's not going to
sustain the feelings like, whatfeelings do you want to have
and how can you give them to youregularly?
Well, one of the ways you cangive yourself better feelings is
by practicing celebration, andyou do it in little ways,
because when you start, youalready told me enough
information for me to knowyou're going to be like this
(16:37):
feels stupid as shit.
I don't want to say why am Iselling?
You already give me enoughinformation that I know that's
how you would start.
First of all, just know mostpeople start that way.
Most people are like this isawkward as fuck.
I don't want to do this.
This doesn't feel natural.
Yeah, it's only because it'sunfamiliar.
You know, it's wild is thatwhen little kids are little
(16:57):
they're like two years old andthey're like they fucking take
one step.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
We're like you know, like maybe I'm like one year old
.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
When they do that and we're so excited for them, Like
they took one fucking step andthen they fell back down the war
and you know what happens.
They're like shit, yeah, thisis amazing, I can do this again.
They get excited.
There's something that happensneurologically, but we stopped
doing that.
Right, A kid comes home with adecent grade a lot of times
older.
They're like, yeah, that's goodKind of expect that.
I mean, that was my house.
I came home with straight A'sone time.
(17:26):
I'll never forget.
Two times in my entirechildhood I came home with
straight A's.
That was it and it.
And it was like I was so excitedbecause performance-driven
behavior was theperformance-driven approval was
the only thing in my house.
My dad said, yeah, all right,well, I expected that of you.
There was never a celebration.
There was never this like oh mygosh, you didn't make, it was
(17:50):
nothing, it was never goodenough because the bar was
perfection and nobody canfucking be perfect.
So, like you, just it didn'thappen.
And even when I thoughtstraight A's was perfect, it was
like no, it's not right, Likeit just doesn't exist, Like
you're just never good enough.
So that was my story.
My story was and still willcome up never good enough, never
good enough, never fucking goodenough.
And so to combat that and that'smost people's stories, A lot of
people have that similar storybut to combat that is work.
(18:15):
And here's the thing Peopledon't want to do the fucking
work to like dig into that shit.
And I get it, because you haveto actually like go inside and
actually feel things.
You have to feel some shittyfeelings.
The craziest part is that youcan handle the feelings we think
we can't, but you just form arelationship with discomfort.
(18:35):
We do it with physical pain.
I bet if I told you especiallyeven men, especially men, but
women too like, oh, like, canyou push through this physical
pain?
Women have fucking babies, Menhave like natural physiological
strength and like can pushthrough a lot of stuff
physically right.
And it's like, yeah, I canfucking do that, I'll deal with
that, I'll push through thediscomfort, I'll get familiar
(18:57):
with the discomfort.
But damn, do we avoid thediscomfort of our fucking
feelings?
And that is what keeps us stuck.
That's it.
That's the real truth of it.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, I mean.
So many people I know are inthis exact situation, just
numbing their feelings ordrowning them or whatever, just
pushing them down, because a lotof times you know like your
example.
So I have a question for you,becca when you went out with
(19:29):
your father, say he would havedid the complete opposite and
like celebrated that win andpositively reinforced it, rather
than kind of just like it wasexpected, somebody that grew up
like that, how would they bedifferent than somebody like you
know?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
us.
I think they're probably lessuncomfortable with celebrating
their wins.
They're less uncomfortable withgiving themselves credit, less
uncomfortable with beingoptimistic of like, no, like.
I feel like there would be atleast some greater level of
confidence in themselves Becausefrom a young age they were
being affirmed about their worthand their value.
(20:05):
And now that sounds almost likeit contradicts what I said
earlier about the external in.
But when you're a kid, you needthat.
You don't know any better.
You're a child.
You need to have your parentstelling you you're fucking
valuable shit.
Not even because you're a kid,you need that.
You don't know any better.
You're a child.
You need to have your parentstelling you you're fucking
valuable shit.
Not even because you're my kid.
Just because you're a human andyou're alive, you are valuable.
Your life has purpose and value.
(20:25):
Like celebrating all the thingsthey do, not just their
performance, because that's theother thing.
If only the way they behave andperform is celebrated, they
will still find all their valuethrough the way they behave and
perform, not just in being ahuman, just having innate divine
worth as a human.
And we all need that, becausewe're all gonna have fucked up
(20:46):
days or fucked up weeks orfucked up seasons of our life
and we need to know that ifwe're fucking jacked up on drugs
and laid out for a week likeour value didn't change, our
value didn't change because it'snot something that can be given
or it can't be taken Likeneither.
Neither is true.
It's innate, it's from thebeginning, it always will be.
(21:06):
It cannot be taken away and wecannot do more to make ourselves
more valuable.
We already are and so I want todifferentiate that, because a
kid who grows up with theirvalue and being celebrated only
for performance and like oh, youdid all this, you're so great,
we're going to celebrate allthis, and not just like I just
want to celebrate you as a humanbeing.
You Like you're amazing, yourlaughter is fantastic, your
(21:29):
smile is great, like I just lovebeing around you, you're just a
wonderful human is like adeeper celebratory expression of
a human and of their value.
And I think those two wouldalso be different humans growing
up right Like different adultswith different particular issues
and more confidence Does thatmake?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
sense?
Yeah, it does.
That was a perfect answer.
Yeah, Back to what you weresaying about like the man.
Like the man, you didn't saythe word man, but pretty much
you were touching on like how,as men, it's even harder for us
to, you know, feel emotions andprocess situations and stuff.
I was talking to my buddy lastnight.
(22:06):
I haven't spoken to him in likea little while.
I'm like what's going on withthis guy?
He had a girlfriend and theywere getting really close.
I don't know if I should betelling the story.
I'm not going to dive intoanything personal.
Yeah, yeah, he was just like Iwas like dude, I'm here, and I
said something like nice to himand while I was saying it I was
like is this authentic?
Like I feel like I'm like beinglike softy, like reach.
(22:30):
So, anyhow, I was like dude,just you, if you need anything,
I'm always around.
If you just want to talk aboutit, it sounds like probably like
the biggest like pussy thingever.
Though if he's, you know, Idon't know it's just, but it's
not.
Though that's the thing, that'swhat like my brain wants me to
think, because that's what I'mused to thinking.
But you know, and then, andthen afterwards if I said I said
(22:52):
, bro, honestly, like I knowthat sounds like a, like a I
didn't say feminine or anythingLike somehow girls got brought
up and then I was like I knowthat sounds like real, like
cheesy for me to say somethinglike that, but in all reality,
like women are so much strongerthan like men and they are Like
not only, I think, like mentallythey are, but in certain like
(23:14):
aspects of pain, like givingbirth they say that's like the
most painful shit ever andcertainly aspects of pain like
giving birth they say that'slike the most painful shit ever.
So I mean I don't know Ourperception of those two I mean
mine is at least skewed, likeyou know.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Right, it's hard to say.
I mean I did have my thirdchild at home with no pain meds.
It was fucking horrible.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
But it was great.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
I don't regret it, but it was horrible.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
The pain was horrible .
The pain was horrible, yeahsure, yeah sure.
It was super painful.
I don't know, becky, you'redefinitely onto something.
So what's next in this?
So so what do you do for fun?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
what I do for fun.
I dance a lot.
I love dancing.
I do a lot of latin dancinglike salsa, bachata.
But I like all sorts of dancing.
I say all sorts and I'm likethat sounds like I'm in ballroom
and all this shit.
I don't't really do any of that.
It's more like club typedancing.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, you get down.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
I love, I just love it, I love.
I've always loved dancing, butI grew up like you said, you
grew up with no money, same.
So I was number two of fivekids and my mom was at home
almost my entire childhood as astay-at-home mom and then I just
worked I don't know like threejobs, maybe just to keep us or
head above water, and was tooproud to be on welfare ever.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Same.
I agree with you, Dad.
I mean, I'll eat ramen noodlesif I have to, but yeah, yeah, it
is what it is.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
But because of that, like there was, there was, of
course there was no like I can'tgo to dance, like I wasn't
going to be in dance, that costa ton of money, and so I would
uh, I have two younger sistersand I would.
I would turn on like mariahcarey and whitney houston songs
and I'd take them out in thedriveway and be like, hey, I
choreographed this piece I needyou to learn it with me so we
can do it together.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
And would they follow suit, would they listen?
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Yeah, especially like the one right below me, Sarah.
She would dance with me quite abit, yeah, which I appreciated.
Are you still?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
close with all of your sisters.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
No, I'm only out.
Of the four siblings I have,I'm close with one.
I don't talk to the othersreally at all.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
It's such a shame, bill, but like I see that in my
life like starting to to happenas well, it's like I don't know
what the hell happens, like Idon't, I really don't get it.
I really don't get it.
But it's like the older I get,or the more I open my eyes to
like what's going on in regardsto my family.
(25:38):
It's makes me want to fuckingrun in the other direction.
And, you know, it seems likeyou're in a similar situation.
Do you talk to your, yourparents?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
not really no, maybe once or twice a year yeah,
that's just yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
It's crazy because probably because you know
alignments on what they thinkyou should be doing versus what
you're doing and like orwhatever.
Just judgment, pretty much Likethose that are supposed to be
close to you and love youunconditionally just want to
fucking judge you because you'renot following the same like
(26:12):
path that they think is theright path, but they could be on
the wrong, the completely wrongtrack.
Yeah, I want to talk about thereligion with you as well,
because that's that's anotherbig thing.
Like you got these so manychristians out there, right,
you're a christian, but like youknow you're sitting there,
you're losing your temper, justlike you know my father or even
(26:34):
whoever growing up.
Catholic, you're believing inchrist.
You're.
This man was like a man of love.
Catholic you're believing inChrist.
This man was like a man of love, and all you're doing is
spewing hate around thehouseholds.
What the fuck am I supposed tobelieve?
You know I didn't take theapproach, but what do you think?
What's going on with thereligion?
How'd you grow upreligious-wise?
Actually, you know what we'regoing to take a break and then
(26:55):
we're going gonna come rightback, if that's okay with you.
Is that okay?
All right, sounds good.
I just did that real quick,just so I know.
Yeah, but I'll edit this partout.
But, becky, do you mind talkingabout religion?
Not at all.
All right, do you god?
Yeah, all right, perfect.
How did you grow up catholic?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
no, okay, funny, funny little side note.
My mother was Catholic.
She grew up Catholic in theboondocks of Wisconsin on a farm
.
One of 11 children and myfather was Lutheran grew up with
a dad in the military, harshman.
He ended up being a Lutheranminister.
So my dad actually converted toCatholicism to marry my mother,
because you know that's whatyou have to do to be in.
(27:38):
I don't know, anyway, but Iguess they went to Catholic mass
for a while.
My dad would ask the priestquestions and then the priest
was like you don't talk to me, Italk to God.
I tell you what God says.
And he didn't like that.
You wonder where I get my likerebellious attitude from.
And then they left the church.
So then they very soon afterstarted going to some
(27:58):
non-denominational church thiswas when I was very little and
they got saved.
Right, because I say that inquotations, because in
Catholicism that's not a thing,this is more of an evangelical
type approach right, you getsaved.
So they got saved.
We moved to Virginia Beach andI was, as a child, a part of
(28:19):
several church plants.
So there it's now.
It is a denomination, I believe, but it's called Vineyard, but
it was.
It was a non-denominationalchurch at the time.
So I grew up in a yeah there.
I mean believe in the gifts ofthe spirit, all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
What's a plant church ?
Like a church that's juststarting out.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, a church plant is just like a new baby church
and so typically they start inlike they'll rent a school, like
on Sundays public schoolsaren't used, so public schools
will typically allow you to rentlike their cafeteria out and
you can move all the chairs andset up chairs, because most
churches, like the Vineyard andthe other churches I went to,
they always had a band forworship so it was like a whole
(29:04):
set, you know, a drum set, likea guitar player, a bass player,
all of that stuff for the song,for like praise, praise and
worship.
So they'd set that up, put thechairs out.
I mean, they used a lot ofschools until they could raise
the funds to get their ownbuilding.
So that's a church plant.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Yeah, okay, side note real quick.
Just speaking of church plants,this universal religion that I
don't know if I've watched abrief documentary on it, but
whatever, I was driving in thecity of philly and I saw one of
the churches you know, they havelike um, like basically,
imagine like nine inch nails orlike some heavy metal screamy,
(29:31):
like death music, but that's thechurch band and, like you know,
I just think that's, that's oddas hell.
But then there's other peoplethat probably think, you know,
there's other people thatprobably think that, like you
know, the contemporary, I likethe contemporary, like christian
rock or what have you, but somepeople think that's weird as
hell.
The catholics can't stand thatbecause it's like new age and
(29:52):
like there's just so much likeI'm being judgy when I say that.
But again, these plants thatjust pop up out of yeah and
they're doing yeah, it's allthese followers just follow.
It's like that was just a littleside note yeah, no it's.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I mean it's very interesting.
And, yes, judgment throughoutall the denominations and, uh,
cultish behavior in manychurches.
Not gonna lie, I've been in theback end of church.
So the ministry side, theleadership side, because not
only was I part of church plants, my parents were part of
leadership in church almost myentire childhood.
My dad actually was a pastor atone point.
(30:28):
So that's what I'm talkingabout the back end.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
And this was for non-denominational, uh-huh.
Welcome back to Daily American guys.
Today we have with us BeccaSlider Becca welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Thanks, happy to be here with you, dan.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Yeah, a little bit of technical difficulties, because
I'm always ill-prepared, but Iappreciate your patience.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Yeah, that's not a problem?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Yeah, why don't you let the audience know you know
where you were born and a littlebit about your childhood?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I was born in New London, Connecticut.
Actually, my dad was in theNavy.
Didn't stay there long.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
So you were a brat.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, temporarily.
He got out not long after I wasborn, I believe, so I didn't
really experience the militarylife growing up.
Yeah soon after that tovirginia beach.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
So I actually grew up in virginia beach, not in
connecticut which is even, andhow far are you from there now,
because I know you're fromvirginia, right?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
always I'm in, yeah, I'm in ohio.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
So nice land, ohio that's right I always think yeah
, I always get confused, that'sright.
Oh hi, what brought you there?
Family?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
no, originally um work, work related stuff okay,
what do, you do for work now.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And is it rebecca or is it becca?
Is it becca or?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
either.
I typically introduce myself asbecca.
Rebecca doesn't bother meeither, though okay, it seems
more formal, but it doesn'tbother me to be called.
Yeah, um, what do I do for work?
So I, I do a few differentthings.
I am a speaker and I'm a coach,so those are my two main things
, and I have a podcast.
Yeah, the courage to fully live.
(01:41):
So it's.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I relate, Like she's on point, with exactly what
she's saying, Like everybodyshould be paying attention and
listening to you because you'reright.
I mean earlier in your video Iwas watching being about being
your authentic self and how it'slike.
Dude, nobody does that,especially in the social media
world.
Nobody can be like themselves.
It's just a facade that theywant people to perceive and it's
(02:16):
jacked up.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, it's jacked up and it's also so conditioned.
I think it's so conditionedinside of us and then, when you
get used to that, the fear ofwhat other people think has
become so great at that point.
Because there's a point formost of us when we were, you
know, you see, liketwo-year-olds, they don't give
two fucks about what peoplethink they're out there ruling
the world.
But there's a point for all ofus like we start giving a fuck
(02:40):
and then, depending on whatfamily you grew up in and the
culture you're in and where youlive and if you're in church or
whatever, like that all plays arole into how much you should
care.
And it's not like people saythat it's not like although
maybe some people do, but a lotof times you're not hearing like
you need to care about whatpeople think.
It's so much more subtle in theway that it's delivered, subtle
(03:04):
in the way that it's delivered,and it's so much sounds so much
more practical and logical oflike, yeah, you need to present
yourself this way so that youknow people will take you
seriously, or things like that.
And so long before you can evereven get to know you figure out
what you like and how you'rewired and how you want to show
up and express yourself in theworld, you're already being
conditioned to fit in a box.
So of course, course peopledon't know how to be their
authentic self.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Right.
So what led?
What led like?
Because I feel like I'm in themidst of this, if not the
beginning stages of figuringshit out, and, like you know, I
look, I look around and I see,like all these people who are at
the high school you know, notall of these, but a good amount
went to high school they'realready on like their second
marriage and they're 35, 36years old my age and it's like
(03:46):
no wonder because again, more,uh, like society just pushing
all these norms onto people.
You better get married, youknow, if you're, if you're 30,
you better start having kids, oryou know you're going to be
alone your whole life and like,just like you know all this
nonsense and it lands people inbad situations.
So that's where you know I'm at.
(04:08):
What led you to this journey?
Like, how did you figure thisout?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
oh well, I have always, for my entire life,
loved to ask the question why,like even when I was a kid, I
had a very authoritativecontrolling home environment and
I didn't.
I didn't get it.
I didn't understand the rules,I didn't know, know why things
were happening, and I alwaysquestioned everything and that
was not approved of.
I did it anyway, and so I thinkjust having that type of
(04:34):
personality was probablybeneficial to me in leading me
back to myself.
But, honestly, that journeyreally didn't happen until I
deconstructed all of likereligious beliefs and things
that kept me in my own personalbox of who I thought I was
supposed to be.
And if you would have asked me10 years ago if I was living
true to myself, I would havetold you yes, because I would
(04:54):
have believed that that was thetruest version of myself,
because it was in the context ofthe box I lived in, if that
makes sense.
Like I'm being as true as I canwith the things that I believe
at this point, but really, onceI started pulling back the
layers of like, why do I believeanything Like, and not just
specifically religion, I meanjust all the things Like?
(05:16):
You hit just a second ago onthe idea of marriage and having
kids and all that these societalnorms that we're again
programmed with they're allaround us of.
Like this is what a good lifeis, this is what you should
aspire to do or be or have.
And yet people get those thingsand they do those things and
they're still not happy becausethey actually don't.
(05:37):
Did they do them for themselves, or did they do them because
they were actually told that waslike what would make them happy
?
So it's pulling back, startingto ask really hard questions,
really hard fucking questions tomyself.
It was actually an extremelypainful process to get to the
core of like why do I believewhat I believe?
What do I actually want tobelieve?
Like, if nobody told me what tobelieve and I didn't have to
believe it.
Like, what do I want to believe?
What do I really like and wantthat I've been denying myself
(06:00):
because I think it's wrong orbad or I've been told it's not
acceptable.
And then you learn all thatshit about yourself.
But then it's like the realcourage comes, because now
you've got to have the courageto start stepping toward that,
and that means all the peoplewho have had their idea of how
you are, how you show up who youare like, you're about to give
(06:22):
them a run for their money, andmost of them are not going to
like it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, it, yeah, yeah, I mean that's.
Yeah, you're 100 right?
Um, I can attest to that justbecause, like I used to just
post my social media pictures ofvacation, you know, when I
bought my house, just all nice,little like dandy, little like
accomplishments or whatever,just like pretty much all good
things and nothing ever been.
And then, like I came out withthis podcast, blah, blah, blah,
(06:47):
and I still was like kind ofdoing that, just all good stuff,
but not like anything real,like positive like.
But these people come on theyand they talk about their true
stories and shit, and it's justlike, yeah, like who am I to
just sit there and pretend likeeverything's like unkey dory.
So then, like you know, I'mtrying to become I think it was.
It's still way more authenticthan even in the very beginning.
(07:07):
It's more authentic than mostpeople's like I'm not doing it
for for for that reason orwhatever.
But now I think it's gettinglike more and more authentic
because I don't, I'm startingnot to give a fuck.
But it's still so hard, becca,it's really hard not to give a
fuck with what like everybody'sthinking, especially when, like
you're getting kind of badfeedback from, like those that
(07:29):
are like close to you and I'mjust like yo shut the fuck up,
you know.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, well, I feel like that's the most common
theme is that that's who you getthe worst feedback from and
that's who we're scared of theiropinions the most.
Those are the whoseexpectations we try to appease
the most.
It's all the people who areclosest to us, and the thing
that has always sat in the backof my mind is there's a quote,
and I don't know who said it,otherwise I'd give them credit
(07:54):
but basically it's this idea ofif people are loving a version
of you that's just to appeasethem or just to make them feel
good about themselves the wayyou act, then they're not really
loving you.
Who are they actually loving?
Right, if you becomeauthentically you and you decide
to do whatever, whatever thatmeans and I I take the theme of,
like you know, do no harm.
So it's not like this energy ofdo whatever the fuck you want
(08:17):
and it shitty things.
I just mean like things thatare true to you and other people
don't like it.
It makes them uncomfortable.
Well, they can either love thetrue, authentic version of you
or they were never loving you tobegin with, and then it's like
what kind of acceptance andapproval was that anyway?
So do I really want that Iwould rather be hated for who I
am than loved for who I'm not.
(08:38):
That's the quote.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah, that's a really , that's just a perfect quote.
Yeah, that's a really, that'sjust a perfect quote.
Now, did you like subalternthis like this is there like a
word for becoming your authenticself?
Is there like or like, apsychology behind it?
Because it seems like everytime I I don't know I listen to
(09:01):
you, I'm like fuck, like she'sgot something.
I don't know exactly what, whatit's titled or anything.
Is there like a title to it?
Uh I think there's a lot ofdifferent words probably used.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Self-actualization is is one of the words I've seen
thrown around a lot, but it's it.
I think people, I think thereis kind of a wake-up call
happening in our generation,like where people are starting
to question everything, and Ithink for many generations they
never felt permission toquestion everything.
You just go along with it, youdo the thing, you move along,
(09:33):
and I think I mean the internet.
You can't lie like that helpeda ton right, create so much out
there where you had access toother people questioning things,
and so you start questioning,questioning, questioning and
what I think what people findout is like you can do all the
blaming and all the shit youwant, but at the end of the day,
everything comes down to thisrelationship with yourself.
Everything.
(09:54):
It's the foundation ofeverything.
You want to look at why you knowthe dopamine fixes don't work
because they're all external.
It's like, oh, make me feelgood about myself.
Tell me these wonderful things,say this stuff.
If I get like you know thisreview or this testimonial, then
I'll feel good.
It doesn't fucking last.
The only thing sustainable iswhen we actually go back to like
why do we need that?
We wouldn't need that if weactually felt those things
(10:16):
already about ourselves, if wewere grounded and secure in our
value and our worth, apart fromother people's opinions and we
don't need them, they're greatDoesn't mean we don't want them
and they're not fun to have.
But we're not living in thisconstant data.
Please, please, people, make mefeel good.
We don't fucking need it.
That's power right there to notneed it.
To know you're good with you,like no matter what, not in an
(10:37):
ego way, like yeah, I'm goodwith me, fuck you very much.
In a sincere like no, like I'mactually at peace with myself.
I'm not going to sit inreactive mode.
I know how to regulate mynervous system and like people
can lose their shit and I'm justlike, okay, that's your choice,
you can stay over there in yourbubble and I'm going to stay
over here.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah, that's why you're crushing it.
I wish I was like I wish I,yeah, I wish I was there, but
there, but you know, I'm notanywhere near there, but it's,
it's what would you say?
You're like not.
Would you say you're 100 there,or is it a consistent incline?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
and like you're definitely like you gotta you
better be the 90s, because ifyou're not the 90s, I might as
well just give up right now well, I I think that's probably
where we're always looking tolike hit this attainable mark,
this goal, this accomplishment,and if that's always what we're
looking for, we're like alwaysin this state of lack.
(11:30):
It's not enough.
And then, as you can probablythink about times in your life
where you've made like crazyaccomplishments, things that
you've checked off the box andit was awesome and you felt
great for a minute, and then,like within a week, within a
month at the most, you're like,ok, well, next thing, next thing
, like what's next, versusstaying in this state of like
consistent, like shit.
(11:51):
This is amazing.
So my point is just even whenit comes to this level of
authenticity right, and gettingto know yourself and love
yourself and and redefining yourlife, self and redefining your
life, there's no, there's nolike end, it's just a journey.
Authenticity it doesn't have anend, it just has a journey,
(12:13):
because even who I am today,right now, in this moment, I
will be someone different infive years, probably even five
months, because I'm justcontinuing to evolve.
So I don't really look at it aslike yeah, I'm like in the 90%.
I celebrate wherever I am, evenwhen and this was a really
important part of my journey,even when I felt like I had only
taken like two steps forwardand 20 steps back.
I celebrate the things that Ihad done.
(12:36):
I focus on the things that havebeen going right, because you
celebrate what you want to seemore of.
We are so good at criticizingwhat we don't want, and you know
what that does.
It puts focus on what we don'twant, and you know what you get.
When you focus on what youdon't want, you get more of what
you don't fucking want.
When you celebrate what youwant to see more of, you
celebrate it, and it doesn'tmean like not taking into
(12:57):
consideration that you want toshift some things and do some
new things.
It's just like no, I'm going tofucking celebrate that I had
that win today, that normally Iwould have reacted this way and
I didn't.
I'm going to start celebratingthose things.
When you do that, you rewireyour brain.
It's literally neurologicalshit going on that actually
helps you look for more ways toact in that way, more ways to
experience that again.
(13:17):
So you literally start trainingyour brain.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
You start training your behaviors yeah, something
I'm not very good at.
I don't ever celebrate anything.
I mean, I'm sure a lot ofpeople are like that, but no
small wins or anything like that.
It's like the next time I'llcelebrate is probably like when
I surpass where I wasfinancially.
(13:39):
It always comes down to likemoney for some reason and
probably because I grew up withnone, but when I surpassed where
I was, you know, when I wasmaking pretty good money, like a
few months ago, but thatfucking doesn't mean anything, I
anything, the same exact shitthat I do now.
Like the money had nothing,like the status of the money had
nothing to do with anything.
It doesn't.
(14:00):
I'm happier today than I wasthen by far.
Um, and things are going likeyou know, things aren't going
like great, but it's like Idon't know.
I've at least learned somethingout of this whole like situation
I'm in recently.
But I don't yeah, I don'tcelebrate any small wins.
I just feel like a of like,almost like a failure if I do.
(14:20):
Because why like?
Why would I celebrate thispodcast that I just did with you
?
Because, hey, it's a pod, likeI put myself out there that I'm
going to do podcast.
So I'm just doing what I'msupposed to do and b I'm not
that good at it anyway.
So like what the fuck?
Like what sort of celebrate?
But in all reality, you know, Icould have like been sleeping
(14:44):
or something, or canceled forsome for some reason, and, like
you know it, that would havebeen the wrong decision.
I would have felt worse in thatscenario, but I I didn't.
You know, it's not like Icelebrate shit, so so so yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
You got to think about this idea of like oh, I
don't celebrate shit because, oh, it's just what I'm supposed to
do anyway.
How does that feel?
How did that energy feel tothink that way?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, it feels like does make you there's never
going to.
Just, I just got a new car thecar, just like you were saying
earlier, like these, thesethings that we're all excited
about them, and then literallyit's been two weeks and I don't
even give a shit.
I kind of miss my old car, youknow it's like it's, it's, it's
(15:29):
crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Well, everything we want, we want for a feeling, we
want for the feeling it willgive us, and so what's happening
, though, is, instead ofpracticing that feeling before
we even have the things, andjust living in those states of
feelings, we are only waitingfor it to come.
It's coming, we're feeling thattemporarily, and then the
feeling goes because we don'tknow how to live in a state of
joy, in a state of peace, in astate of abundance, in a state
of celebration, in a state oflike, of like, seeing the beauty
(15:53):
everywhere around us, stayingin gratitude.
We don't know how to do that.
We need again this goes to theexternal of like, what I was
talking about externalvalidation, like make me feel
good.
It's like we want everythingelse to happen so that we can
feel a certain way.
I want the new car so I can feelwhatever, but the truth is that
you just made such a greatpoint, you, you, the car came,
yeah, you liked it, and nowyou're just like eh, whatever,
(16:15):
like it, it didn't day, and itactually didn't matter.
And so, if that's the case, andyou know that it's not going to
sustain the feelings like, whatfeelings do you want to have
and how can you give them to youregularly?
Well, one of the ways you cangive yourself better feelings is
by practicing celebration, andyou do it in little ways,
because when you start, youalready told me enough
information for me to knowyou're going to be like this
(16:37):
feels stupid as shit.
I don't want to say why am Iselling?
You already give me enoughinformation that I know that's
how you would start.
First of all, just know mostpeople start that way.
Most people are like this isawkward as fuck.
I don't want to do this.
This doesn't feel natural.
Yeah, it's only because it'sunfamiliar.
You know, it's wild is thatwhen little kids are little
(16:57):
they're like two years old andthey're like they fucking take
one step.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
We're like you know, like maybe I'm like one year old
.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
When they do that and we're so excited for them, Like
they took one fucking step andthen they fell back down the war
and you know what happens.
They're like shit, yeah, thisis amazing, I can do this again.
They get excited.
There's something that happensneurologically, but we stopped
doing that.
Right, A kid comes home with adecent grade a lot of times
older.
They're like, yeah, that's goodKind of expect that.
I mean, that was my house.
I came home with straight A'sone time.
(17:26):
I'll never forget.
Two times in my entirechildhood I came home with
straight A's.
That was it and it.
And it was like I was so excitedbecause performance-driven
behavior was theperformance-driven approval was
the only thing in my house.
My dad said, yeah, all right,well, I expected that of you.
There was never a celebration.
There was never this like oh mygosh, you didn't make, it was
(17:50):
nothing, it was never goodenough because the bar was
perfection and nobody canfucking be perfect.
So, like you, just it didn'thappen.
And even when I thoughtstraight A's was perfect, it was
like no, it's not right, Likeit just doesn't exist, Like
you're just never good enough.
So that was my story.
My story was and still willcome up never good enough, never
good enough, never fucking goodenough.
And so to combat that and that'smost people's stories, A lot of
people have that similar storybut to combat that is work.
(18:15):
And here's the thing Peopledon't want to do the fucking
work to like dig into that shit.
And I get it, because you haveto actually like go inside and
actually feel things.
You have to feel some shittyfeelings.
The craziest part is that youcan handle the feelings we think
we can't, but you just form arelationship with discomfort.
(18:35):
We do it with physical pain.
I bet if I told you especiallyeven men, especially men, but
women too like, oh, like, canyou push through this physical
pain?
Women have fucking babies, Menhave like natural physiological
strength and like can pushthrough a lot of stuff
physically right.
And it's like, yeah, I canfucking do that, I'll deal with
that, I'll push through thediscomfort, I'll get familiar
(18:57):
with the discomfort.
But damn, do we avoid thediscomfort of our fucking
feelings?
And that is what keeps us stuck.
That's it.
That's the real truth of it.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, I mean.
So many people I know are inthis exact situation, just
numbing their feelings ordrowning them or whatever, just
pushing them down, because a lotof times you know like your
example.
So I have a question for you,becca when you went out with
(19:29):
your father, say he would havedid the complete opposite and
like celebrated that win andpositively reinforced it, rather
than kind of just like it wasexpected, somebody that grew up
like that, how would they bedifferent than somebody like you
know?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
us.
I think they're probably lessuncomfortable with celebrating
their wins.
They're less uncomfortable withgiving themselves credit, less
uncomfortable with beingoptimistic of like, no, like.
I feel like there would be atleast some greater level of
confidence in themselves Becausefrom a young age they were
being affirmed about their worthand their value.
(20:05):
And now that sounds almost likeit contradicts what I said
earlier about the external in.
But when you're a kid, you needthat.
You don't know any better.
You're a child.
You need to have your parentstelling you you're fucking
valuable shit.
Not even because you're a kid,you need that.
You don't know any better.
You're a child.
You need to have your parentstelling you you're fucking
valuable shit.
Not even because you're my kid.
Just because you're a human andyou're alive, you are valuable.
Your life has purpose and value.
(20:25):
Like celebrating all the thingsthey do, not just their
performance, because that's theother thing.
If only the way they behave andperform is celebrated, they
will still find all their valuethrough the way they behave and
perform, not just in being ahuman, just having innate divine
worth as a human.
And we all need that, becausewe're all gonna have fucked up
(20:46):
days or fucked up weeks orfucked up seasons of our life
and we need to know that ifwe're fucking jacked up on drugs
and laid out for a week likeour value didn't change, our
value didn't change because it'snot something that can be given
or it can't be taken Likeneither.
Neither is true.
It's innate, it's from thebeginning, it always will be.
(21:06):
It cannot be taken away and wecannot do more to make ourselves
more valuable.
We already are and so I want todifferentiate that, because a
kid who grows up with theirvalue and being celebrated only
for performance and like oh, youdid all this, you're so great,
we're going to celebrate allthis, and not just like I just
want to celebrate you as a humanbeing.
You Like you're amazing, yourlaughter is fantastic, your
(21:29):
smile is great, like I just lovebeing around you, you're just a
wonderful human is like adeeper celebratory expression of
a human and of their value.
And I think those two wouldalso be different humans growing
up right Like different adultswith different particular issues
and more confidence Does thatmake?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
sense?
Yeah, it does.
That was a perfect answer.
Yeah, Back to what you weresaying about like the man.
Like the man, you didn't saythe word man, but pretty much
you were touching on like how,as men, it's even harder for us
to, you know, feel emotions andprocess situations and stuff.
I was talking to my buddy lastnight.
(22:06):
I haven't spoken to him in likea little while.
I'm like what's going on withthis guy?
He had a girlfriend and theywere getting really close.
I don't know if I should betelling the story.
I'm not going to dive intoanything personal.
Yeah, yeah, he was just like Iwas like dude, I'm here, and I
said something like nice to himand while I was saying it I was
like is this authentic?
Like I feel like I'm like beinglike softy, like reach.
(22:30):
So, anyhow, I was like dude,just you, if you need anything,
I'm always around.
If you just want to talk aboutit, it sounds like probably like
the biggest like pussy thingever.
Though if he's, you know, Idon't know it's just, but it's
not.
Though that's the thing, that'swhat like my brain wants me to
think, because that's what I'mused to thinking.
But you know, and then, andthen afterwards if I said I said
(22:52):
, bro, honestly, like I knowthat sounds like a, like a I
didn't say feminine or anythingLike somehow girls got brought
up and then I was like I knowthat sounds like real, like
cheesy for me to say somethinglike that, but in all reality,
like women are so much strongerthan like men and they are Like
not only, I think, like mentallythey are, but in certain like
(23:14):
aspects of pain, like givingbirth they say that's like the
most painful shit ever andcertainly aspects of pain like
giving birth they say that'slike the most painful shit ever.
So I mean I don't know Ourperception of those two I mean
mine is at least skewed, likeyou know.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Right, it's hard to say.
I mean I did have my thirdchild at home with no pain meds.
It was fucking horrible.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
But it was great.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
I don't regret it, but it was horrible.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
The pain was horrible .
The pain was horrible, yeahsure, yeah sure.
It was super painful.
I don't know, becky, you'redefinitely onto something.
So what's next in this?
So so what do you do for fun?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
what I do for fun.
I dance a lot.
I love dancing.
I do a lot of latin dancinglike salsa, bachata.
But I like all sorts of dancing.
I say all sorts and I'm likethat sounds like I'm in ballroom
and all this shit.
I don't't really do any of that.
It's more like club typedancing.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, you get down.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
I love, I just love it, I love.
I've always loved dancing, butI grew up like you said, you
grew up with no money, same.
So I was number two of fivekids and my mom was at home
almost my entire childhood as astay-at-home mom and then I just
worked I don't know like threejobs, maybe just to keep us or
head above water, and was tooproud to be on welfare ever.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Same.
I agree with you, Dad.
I mean, I'll eat ramen noodlesif I have to, but yeah, yeah, it
is what it is.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
But because of that, like there was, there was, of
course there was no like I can'tgo to dance, like I wasn't
going to be in dance, that costa ton of money, and so I would
uh, I have two younger sistersand I would.
I would turn on like mariahcarey and whitney houston songs
and I'd take them out in thedriveway and be like, hey, I
choreographed this piece I needyou to learn it with me so we
can do it together.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
And would they follow suit, would they listen?
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Yeah, especially like the one right below me, Sarah.
She would dance with me quite abit, yeah, which I appreciated.
Are you still?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
close with all of your sisters.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
No, I'm only out.
Of the four siblings I have,I'm close with one.
I don't talk to the othersreally at all.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
It's such a shame, bill, but like I see that in my
life like starting to to happenas well, it's like I don't know
what the hell happens, like Idon't, I really don't get it.
I really don't get it.
But it's like the older I get,or the more I open my eyes to
like what's going on in regardsto my family.
(25:38):
It's makes me want to fuckingrun in the other direction.
And, you know, it seems likeyou're in a similar situation.
Do you talk to your, yourparents?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
not really no, maybe once or twice a year yeah,
that's just yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
It's crazy because probably because you know
alignments on what they thinkyou should be doing versus what
you're doing and like orwhatever.
Just judgment, pretty much Likethose that are supposed to be
close to you and love youunconditionally just want to
fucking judge you because you'renot following the same like
(26:12):
path that they think is theright path, but they could be on
the wrong, the completely wrongtrack.
Yeah, I want to talk about thereligion with you as well,
because that's that's anotherbig thing.
Like you got these so manychristians out there, right,
you're a christian, but like youknow you're sitting there,
you're losing your temper, justlike you know my father or even
(26:34):
whoever growing up.
Catholic, you're believing inchrist.
You're.
This man was like a man of love.
Catholic you're believing inChrist.
This man was like a man of love, and all you're doing is
spewing hate around thehouseholds.
What the fuck am I supposed tobelieve?
You know I didn't take theapproach, but what do you think?
What's going on with thereligion?
How'd you grow upreligious-wise?
Actually, you know what we'regoing to take a break and then
(26:55):
we're going gonna come rightback, if that's okay with you.
Is that okay?
All right, sounds good.
I just did that real quick,just so I know.
Yeah, but I'll edit this partout.
But, becky, do you mind talkingabout religion?
Not at all.
All right, do you god?
Yeah, all right, perfect.
How did you grow up catholic?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
no, okay, funny, funny little side note.
My mother was Catholic.
She grew up Catholic in theboondocks of Wisconsin on a farm
.
One of 11 children and myfather was Lutheran grew up with
a dad in the military, harshman.
He ended up being a Lutheranminister.
So my dad actually converted toCatholicism to marry my mother,
because you know that's whatyou have to do to be in.
(27:38):
I don't know, anyway, but Iguess they went to Catholic mass
for a while.
My dad would ask the priestquestions and then the priest
was like you don't talk to me, Italk to God.
I tell you what God says.
And he didn't like that.
You wonder where I get my likerebellious attitude from.
And then they left the church.
So then they very soon afterstarted going to some
(27:58):
non-denominational church thiswas when I was very little and
they got saved.
Right, because I say that inquotations, because in
Catholicism that's not a thing,this is more of an evangelical
type approach right, you getsaved.
So they got saved.
We moved to Virginia Beach andI was, as a child, a part of
(28:19):
several church plants.
So there it's now.
It is a denomination, I believe, but it's called Vineyard, but
it was.
It was a non-denominationalchurch at the time.
So I grew up in a yeah there.
I mean believe in the gifts ofthe spirit, all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
What's a plant church ?
Like a church that's juststarting out.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, a church plant is just like a new baby church
and so typically they start inlike they'll rent a school, like
on Sundays public schoolsaren't used, so public schools
will typically allow you to rentlike their cafeteria out and
you can move all the chairs andset up chairs, because most
churches, like the Vineyard andthe other churches I went to,
they always had a band forworship so it was like a whole
(29:04):
set, you know, a drum set, likea guitar player, a bass player,
all of that stuff for the song,for like praise, praise and
worship.
So they'd set that up, put thechairs out.
I mean, they used a lot ofschools until they could raise
the funds to get their ownbuilding.
So that's a church plant.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Yeah, okay, side note real quick.
Just speaking of church plants,this universal religion that I
don't know if I've watched abrief documentary on it, but
whatever, I was driving in thecity of philly and I saw one of
the churches you know, they havelike um, like basically,
imagine like nine inch nails orlike some heavy metal screamy,
(29:31):
like death music, but that's thechurch band and, like you know,
I just think that's, that's oddas hell.
But then there's other peoplethat probably think, you know,
there's other people thatprobably think that, like you
know, the contemporary, I likethe contemporary, like christian
rock or what have you, but somepeople think that's weird as
hell.
The catholics can't stand thatbecause it's like new age and
(29:52):
like there's just so much likeI'm being judgy when I say that.
But again, these plants thatjust pop up out of yeah and
they're doing yeah, it's allthese followers just follow.
It's like that was just a littleside note yeah, no it's.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I mean it's very interesting.
And, yes, judgment throughoutall the denominations and, uh,
cultish behavior in manychurches.
Not gonna lie, I've been in theback end of church.
So the ministry side, theleadership side, because not
only was I part of church plants, my parents were part of
leadership in church almost myentire childhood.
My dad actually was a pastor atone point.
(30:28):
So that's what I'm talkingabout the back end.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
And this was for non-denominational, uh-huh.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.