January 13, 2025 • 39 mins
Nate Williams and the Dangerous Life Team talk conflict resolution. What happens AFTER the argument? How do we make things right?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Dangerous Faith Podcast.
My name is Nate Williams.
With me we have Zeke, chloe,blake, justin and Mariah.
We're going to get to conflictresolution.
What happens after the argument?
What happens after the fight?
How do we heal things?
But before we do so, werecently survived a major
(00:22):
weather event.
Justin, would you like todescribe what happened on Friday
?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Well, this is Snowmageddon Part 2.
Last year we had SnowmageddonPart 1 starring Bruce Willis.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I don't remember him being here.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah, he was here, he was here, it was amazing, but
we survived.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Barely though.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Now, last night was Icemageddon, so you could slip
and slide without all the extrasteps you know, and total your
car.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
It was pretty cool.
Did you slip and slide last?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
night Only a lot.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Only a lot.
So we survived the snow, andfor Coleman it's just how would
you describe the snow we get?
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Anyone Probably like my love life Quick and
disappointing.
Speaker 5 (01:09):
Okay, yes.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Pretty accurate.
Yeah, few inches no offense toanybody who's ever dated me.
That's not a dig at you, that'sjust me personally.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I think that they're the ones that need the help.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
They're the ones that pray for them.
And because of this, we spenttime out in the snow and doing
fun things, and now we all lovethe cold right.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I actually love the cold Justin's in.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Mariah a little bit.
Zeke, Chloe, we love the cold.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
Now no, Archie does though Archie loves the cold.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Goodness.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
At least y'all have one family member who has some
sense.
No, I hate the cold.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Blake loves the cold.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
I'd rather be butt naked in Florida, being chased
by a crack addict, than build asnowman.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
That is very common down there.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
It has happened before.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
He's speaking from experience, especially the butt
naked part.
The butt naked part.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Is it buck naked or butt naked?
Speaker 5 (02:02):
Oh yeah, it depends how you want to say it, it is
buck.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
But Is it Buck naked or Butt naked.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
It depends how you want to say it.
Speaker 6 (02:06):
It is Buck.
But I say, butt, wait, it'sBuck.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
No, it's Butt naked, right it's always been.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
Buck, but we say Butt .
Speaker 3 (02:13):
I said Butt, Justin Stoddard.
Which one is it?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Justin Stoddard.
Which one is it?
He's our live audience fortoday.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
If you'd like to be a part of the live audience, call
Nate at audience for today.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
If you would like to be a part of the live audience,
call me that.
Moving on to our actual topicfor today, we are all adults
working adult jobs.
I know we make you very proud,dear listener, but anyways, uh,
conflict resolution, okay.
So let's say you're with apartner spouse it could be your
mom, dad, sibling, who knows,who knows but you get into,
let's say, a pretty seriousargument, pretty serious fight,
(02:48):
and you know you need to makethings better, you need to heal
things, you need to just getback on good terms with said
person.
What happens next for you?
And we can ask clarifyingdetails from there.
But what do you do, justin?
Divorce Right away?
That sounds like the oppositeof resolution.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Says divorce, we solved all the problems right
there, okay, okay, by justcutting it off Now, while there
is.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
That is a response, lets away other potential inputs
Anyone else get into anargument.
What happens then?
Other potential inputs.
Anyone else Get into anargument?
Speaker 6 (03:25):
What happens then?
I think for me, one of the mostimportant things to realize is
it's not me, like, say, if it'sme and Zeke, it's not me versus
Zeke, it's me and Zeke versusthe problem.
I know that's so like okay, Iknow that's so like cliche, you
hear that everywhere, but it'sso true because it's really hard
to remember in the middle of afight that that it's y'all
against the problem.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's not you versus the other person true, okay, so
that's a change of perspective.
You're not fighting the otherperson, at least you're not
trying to okay, what else?
Speaker 5 (03:56):
this might be more in the midst of one, but I guess
it could still be after.
I know y'all probably all heardthis phrase as a little kid if
you don't have anything nice tosay, don't say anything at all.
And so I think if you're a veryreactive, like quick to jump at
something person, maybe youshould take that and be like
okay, I don't have anything nice, that's definitely what I do, I
(04:17):
just which I know, not sayinganything at all.
You obviously should saysomething.
You know you should continue onfor the resolution of the
conflict, but I think if you'rehot-headed and don't have
anything great to say, right,then you need to take a moment
and be like okay, evaluate yoursteps before taking any.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Yeah, I just do deep self-reflection.
I'm like how much of that wasmy fault, like truly my fault,
and then be able to say sorryfor everything that I did that's
how I like to, that's how Ilike to resolve things is like,
yeah, I can't.
I just realized like what I didwrong, where I was at fault.
I'm going to apologize for that.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And then go based off their response off of that.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
So I do something very similar to that, where I
just realize that it's literallynever my fault.
And it's always the otherperson that's to blame.
Yeah, and if you're alwaysright, you can never be wrong.
I thought I was wrong one time.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
That is right.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
But then I realized I wasn't.
Speaker 5 (05:19):
I was wrong about being wrong actually.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I think, serious people.
So, mariah and Blake, I thinky'all actually did a good job of
explaining exactly what Jamestalks about.
With Mariah, your point ofbeing, I don't want to just say
something that could be hurtfulor harmful.
So James talks about how it'simportant that we be careful
(05:44):
with our words, because ourwords can bring life or death,
and that's a pretty extreme wayof putting it, but I think it's.
We take that for granted, so Iapplaud you for that.
I think that's good.
And, blake, you said you knowself-reflection.
I think there's a.
That's also James, because hesays like, be slow to speak,
quick to listen and slow toanger.
(06:05):
I may have got those out oforder, but the point still
stands of speaking is the thingthat we shouldn't just jump into
.
Both of you are kind of sayingthe same thing but also the
self-reflection and that's beenthe case for us.
So just one.
I don't get this from biblicalanything.
It's just something we've doneand it worked for us and if it
works for someone else, awesome.
But if we're upset aboutsomething like in our marriage
(06:26):
or it could be with a friendship, if it's something that we're
upset about, we try.
If it's, we're not sure if it'ssomething serious enough, we
try to take 24 hours before wesay anything.
And if like, for example, ifI'm mad at or annoyed with Chloe
at something, or just mad orwhatever, I go 24 hours and I've
already forgotten about it,obviously, or just mad or
whatever and I go 24 hours andI've already forgotten about it,
obviously it wasn't a bigenough deal to matter.
But if I'm still dwelling on it24 hours later and I've had
(06:48):
time to reflect on it, is thisjust me or is this something
serious?
If I'm still thinking about it24 hours later, I'll bring it up
and we'll discuss it, chloe.
Speaker 6 (06:58):
I think it's also really important to acknowledge
the time and place that you'rein when you're having an
argument, because me and Zekeit's funny we found that most of
our arguments we've had arelike right before we're about to
go to sleep, like we're aboutto go to bed because, you know,
we, we spend all day apart.
He's at work, I'm at school,and then when we finally come
together and then like at night,I just want to like say
(07:18):
everything, and then it's likeat least sometimes not not
always, but at least through theargument and, um, you know, a
lot of people will say likebefore you get married, don't
let the sun go down your anger.
But I actually disagree withthat because um so you would say
to stay angry?
there's no no, no, no.
I would say sometimes you needsleep for your mind and your
body to function appropriately.
(07:39):
And I don't think that you needto stay awake, because the
longer you stay awake, the moretired you're going to get, the
more irritated're going to get.
The more irritated you're goingto get, the more angry you're
going to speak Like it justleads to all these things.
Sometimes you just need sleep.
And then the next morningyou'll wake up and be like wow,
that really wasn't even a bigdeal.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
True, there's a sense in which I don't, because I
mean that does come from theBible, so I get where people are
coming from, are times whereyou need to work something out,
but yeah I know for us themajority sound like you said,
like it's been.
If I'm frustrated and upset, Ican tell I'm not thinking
clearly because I'm tired.
And at that moment like I canjust say like god, I know I'm
angry, please take this awayfrom me and I'm going to try and
(08:14):
rest.
And then 99 times out of 100 Iwake up, I'm like I'm an idiot,
like I'm not angry anymore, likeI realize how stupid and cranky
but then there's that 1% whereyou're like I had a point, no,
it hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 6 (08:27):
I do think that is biblical.
So I'm not saying I disagreewith the Bible.
I'm just saying sometimes youneed it in a certain context.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
The passage you're referring to.
I think it does make a goodpoint.
You want to let go of youranger before you go to sleep, so
that's a healthy thing to do.
However, that doesn't mean youhave to solve all your
relationship issues that night.
There are two separate issues.
(08:53):
One let your anger go so thatyou can go to bed.
Two, but if there's somethingto work on or work through in a
relationship, yeah, you canaddress it the next day.
We try to put those two thingstogether of oh, to solve my
anger, we need to talk till 2 amin the morning and figure this
out.
That's not what Paul was sayingthere.
So I think that is a gooddistinction.
(09:15):
What happens when, let's say,there's an incident, argument,
fight?
You may be slightly in thewrong, more or less, but let's
say it's mostly the other person.
You're actually correct, it'smostly their fault.
They won't recognize it, theywon't acknowledge, they won't
admit, they won't apologize.
(09:38):
And now you're left with this.
You're angry, you're bitter,you're holding on to it, but
they just they're not going torespond in any sort of way on
their end.
What do you do in thosesituations?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
all right, so I'll speak because obviously the like
depending on the situation, itcould be different.
So I'm just going to speak forme, if this is a friend kind of
thing, where it's like they'reso mad, like, but they've done
something wrong, I'm not sayingyou've done this, just Justin,
because this isn't you, youapologize for literally nothing.
But for me, what I like to dobecause I've actually had to
deal with some of thesesituations with people is one if
(10:14):
I am so angry, I do not speakto them, and not just out of
rudeness, it's just like I don'twant to say anything to make
the situation worse.
So I won't talk to them andI'll get as far away from the
situation as I possibly can.
And then immediately this islike so I'll get away, won't say
anything, I'll leave thesituation and then I'll find a
quiet place and I'll actually goin prayer and I'll pray not
(10:34):
just for my anger, but I'll alsopray for them as well, and not
some like cynical, like God,strike them down, like you know,
like nothing like that, likegenuinely ask God for
reconciliation on this and to bewith them, because most of the
time when things get that bad,there's some underlying issue
that's more than just theproblem that's being presented.
(10:54):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:58):
I think.
So you kind of said what wouldour reaction be if they will not
let down?
There's no, no, like it's theirway.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Let's say, yeah, they're mostly in the wrong, but
they're not going to admit it.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
So definitely, I feel like, okay, I'll give you an
example.
So say, you have a parent whokind of um, what's the word
Estranged from them?
Is that the right word to useEstranged?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Anyway, and you know that they're in the wrong,
there's been some things andthey'll never apologize and they
never will.
There will never be a day thatthat parent will ever say
they're sorry for any of thosethings.
I think you just have to acceptthat that's the way the things
are going to be and that's theway they.
I think you just have to acceptthat that's the way that things
are going to be and that's theway they are, and you just have
to let it go and be like youknow what.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Okay, so accept, let it go.
I like that, Mariah Chloe.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
I think you need to be really humble and first
acknowledge what you've done,Because you said there was like
like, if you've done something,you know more minor.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Maybe you did something minor.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
Yeah.
So maybe first like start withan apology and a humbleness of
what you did.
But I think some of those mostimportant we learned in our
premarital counseling thisapplies to any kind of
relationship too um is do notuse you statements.
Um, we learned this thing inone of our books that says I
feel blank when you blankbecause blank, and that puts
(12:27):
like that's like putting it allon the table.
That's like how you feel whenthis person does this.
It's not saying you do this andyou were like this and you said
this You're not keeping scorelike you're not, you know,
bringing up all their faults andhow they're wrong.
You're just bringing up how youfeel when they do a certain
action.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
It's not putting all the weight on them certain
actions, not putting all theweight on them, okay.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
So be careful.
Yeah, how you talk about it,because being accusatory doesn't
often help.
Are you adding fuel to theflame or are you trying to put
it out?
Your words can do both.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Justin, you wanted to share something.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I don't think it's relevant.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
actually I was actually going to share
something I learned from Justinthat he taught me because he's
done this really cool thing withthe celebrate recovery and like
learning and like learning howto get all that started and you
know I can't wait to see what hedoes for people.
But something that I learnedfrom just talking with him about
stuff like that is uh, causeI've had to deal with people who
(13:21):
I know they'll never likeMariah said, like I know they'll
never apologize.
But what's helped me out a lotis, even though they'll never
say sorry, learning to allowChrist to enter into my heart to
give them that forgiveness andlearning how to just walk in
that forgiveness.
And I learned that a lot fromJustin through his lessons,
through Celebrate Recovery andstuff.
(13:41):
Like it's really good to justlearn how to forgive them even
if they're not going to saysorry.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Okay, yeah, you can't .
You can't go into a situationlike that expecting that in
return.
You need to go to somebody withthese things and just knowing
that you can do your part of thesituation, forgive them.
God knows what you've done.
You've done your part and ifthings turn out well amazing, if
(14:07):
they don't you've still donethe right thing.
That's true.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
What about when you found it really hard to forgive
someone?
What do you do?
What if you're not married tothem?
Plead the fifth.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Sabbatical, sabbatical.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I think sometimes Z, because that's a great question.
That's a great question.
That's a great question withsome parts of forgiveness,
depending on just how deeplythey've hurt you, how deeply
they've wronged you.
Forgiveness is a can, can be amiracle, if we're being honest,
because some people have beenhurt extremely badly and, and
(14:44):
From a perspective of justearthly, I'm trying to get past
it, trying to move on, dependingon what's been done to you.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
That can be a miracle .
Speaker 1 (14:54):
And so it's going to the Lord in prayer, saying God,
I can't forgive this person.
I need your supernatural helpto change my heart, because if
it's up to me, I'm going to holdon to it forever.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
That's really how I think of it, because you think
about the verse where it's likepeace that surpasses all
understanding.
A miracle doesn't have to juststop with peace.
It could be forgiveness.
You could get that blessing ofbeing able to forgive somebody
and everybody else would look atyou like there's no possible
way.
It's straight up like I wouldview it as a miracle.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
That's something as well when you talk about the way
of estranged parents.
I never thought that I wouldever get an apology from my mom
about the stuff that's happenedwith my mom, but God works in
wonderful ways.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
So don't lose hope.
If that's something you'regoing through, god can work
miracles.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
And I think too when it comes to resolution conflicts
, is you have to enter it, justlike you would enter anything
else.
You first have to like youcan't think about how you want
it to benefit you if that makessense.
You can't go in and think ithas to be your way and that's
the only way that it's going towork out, because then we lose
sight of just how powerful Godreally is.
(16:11):
And so it's just like withanything in life, whether it is
conflict resolution or prayer,anything like that you go to God
first and you just lay it allat his feet and then you just
remain obedient and faithful tohim and it just works out.
It's almost like that's how itwas meant to be.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, it's wild.
So I think those are goodpoints and we can keep moving on
in this direction if y'all want.
But I also want to address theother side, when you know you've
messed up, yeah, all right.
How do you construct, how doyou build a good apology?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
What should be contained in a good apology.
So I've been on this side a lot, so I've got a lot of
experience with this.
So a really good apology, areally good apology, is one
you've got to first ask yourselfam I actually sorry for what
I've done?
Because if you're not actuallysorry and you just want to
band-aid the solution, you'regoing to have this apology of
just like, say whatever you want, but nothing's going to change.
So for me, one you've got to betruly sorry, and then, when you
(17:11):
apologize, don't fluff it up,don't try to say all these
beautiful, wonderful things.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
What he's saying is don't give an excuse.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Yeah, don't give an excuse I'm sorry, but I'm sorry.
But Never say I'm sorry, butJust state I'm sorry, this is
what I've done.
I I'm sorry, this is what I'vedone.
I'm sorry I've caused the painthat I've caused you.
And then you just leave it atthat and, as me and Nate have
talked about, whatever responsethey have is what they have.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
But at the end of the day, you've done your part and
you've been a good servant ofChrist by doing what you do.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
We kind of brought it up earlier with the anger thing
.
But I think going into all thethings you just said were good.
The only thing I was originallyjust going to say I'm sorry,
period.
Like you said, I think that'sbeen the biggest help, because
it's anytime I add a but orsomething, it immediately starts
going downhill.
Chloe can attest to that.
(18:03):
The night before we weresupposed to do the podcast, I
did that, so it was kind ofprophetic and it doesn't work
out.
But, dude, the only other thingI was going to add and I'm
sorry if you said this and Ijust didn't catch it, but sorry,
there was a but.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
But no prayer.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Prayer, like I don't know why this has been something
like for me.
Y'all probably all have done it, but for me is there something
that I literally just starteddoing like a year ago.
I'm like, why did I just nowstart doing this?
And it was like over somethingsmall things, like my mom was
getting on my nerves aboutsomething and I just felt like
so much hatred and anger aboutsomething so stupid and I was
(18:45):
like I finally was like God,please help me.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
I take this anger away like praying about it.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I'm just like, as a Christian, that should have been
my first instinct.
But like I'm 28 and I'm justlearning about it at 28.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
You know, I literally just started doing it like a
couple months ago.
So I know I'm with you, butyeah, I'm like why didn't we
think of this to begin?
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (19:03):
But it helps a ton.
Yeah, involve prayer.
I think, um, another good partof an apology is just saying
what exactly you're sorry for,because I just know that there's
many times, like in my pastwith my parents, like I would
just say I'm sorry.
Just to say it like, um, sothey'd be like, oh, you
apologize, great job.
But like if you actually cantell the person what you're
sorry for, you recognize yourwrongs and you want to try to
(19:25):
change from that next time you?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Yeah, I think that's good and then, oh just and this
is like on the last part of like, so you know we apologize and
say no, like don't give excusesand stuff like that when you're
done with your apology, where Ithink a lot of people get it
wrong it's like they'll give agood apology.
And this is literally speakingfrom experience.
This is not like this is.
(19:47):
I've literally made thismistake plenty of times.
Respect the boundaries after.
Don't try to like overstepanything.
Just because you got an apologydoesn't mean everything's back
to normal.
Their trust is still broken.
They're still hurt.
There's still healing thatneeds to be done.
So the best thing you need todo is, whatever boundaries are
set Like if you break up withsomebody and've apologized,
(20:10):
let's say it's just a nastybreakup, you admit you're wrong.
Respect the boundary.
Don't try to make things goback to normal.
Don't try to force situationsto be normal again.
Respect boundaries and heal.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I think that's a great point, because forgiveness
and apologies, those are goodthings, but trust takes time,
and so this often happens withparents and children, or vice
versa, where there will be anapology and then the other party
says well, I apologize, whycan't we go back to whatever,
(20:44):
why can't we?
And well, you've got to buildtrust again and so you have,
like you said, boundaries andrules.
It takes time to build thatback.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I think you're dancing around a point that you
made me think of, but anytimeyou've wronged someone else I'm
trying to think through my headright now, so you'll help me
think through this, but anytimeyou, thank you for closing your
eyes to do this.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
I'm getting in your head.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Thank you, but I mean think about it.
Anytime you've wronged someoneelse, something has been done
against them.
And let's say, if it was amonetary like if you just stole
money you could just pay backthe money and then you're even
right, right.
But if you lie or do somethingthat isn't monetary or physical
to someone else that you are nowindebted to them, how do you
pay that back?
(21:29):
How can that debt be paid?
If you've done something wrongthat can't be physically repaid,
go ahead, mariah.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
I think it's their decision if they want to decide
to reconcile with you orwhatever.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Yeah, I agree with Mariah.
I think it's just like what meand Nate talked about is you can
only say you're sorry, so I'vedone.
That I'll just use like I'mvery crappy when it comes to
relationships, so I've wronged alot of people in my past
relationships and I haveapologized to those people.
But where I go wrong is, youknow, not respecting the
boundary part trying to makethings go back to normal when
that's not the case and so, yeah, it stinks because you know
(22:05):
there's that part of that.
That's how I think a debt isforgiven is when things can go
back to normal, because thatshows me that there's trust
again there and there's all this.
So what do you do when youcan't go back that way and I,
you know you just have to.
I guess you just kind of.
For me, the way I know, is like, if I am sorry for what I've
done, and then I truly go towork on myself, that doesn't
(22:28):
mean that that is going to goback to normal, but that's kind
of like how I repay that debt isby not giving it to somebody
else, like, yeah, this person,they've forgiven me, but I may
never be able to have that samerelationship with that person
ever again.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
But think about this when they forgive you, in a
sense, what they're saying isyour debt's been covered.
That doesn't mean that the debtjust disappeared.
It means that by forgiving that, they're saying you what you
did was wrong and you deservesome form of punishment.
punishment sounds like a harshword, but some form of
punishment needs to be taken,and they're saying I'm going to
(23:00):
take on the punishment of, I'mgoing to take the hurt of that,
I'm going to forgive you anyways, instead of making you
constantly feel bad about it,and I feel like that's kind of a
reflection of what christ doesfor us in the sense of like.
Anytime we forgive anotherperson, we're essentially
becoming not.
We're reflecting christ in thatsituation, because we're taking
on the debt to say, hey, youwronged me, you deserve
(23:20):
punishment, but I'm not going toenforce that, I'm just going to
forgive you 100, and I guess onthe flip side of that too is,
like you know, because christtook that punishment on for us
and we should live accordinglyto him, like we can sacrifice
our life for Christ as well.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
And so, in a way like , yeah, they'll take on, like,
even if you can't really like,if you physically or mentally or
spiritually or physically havewronged somebody and you can't
really repay that debt likemonetary value, you know, a good
way of paying it forward, in myopinion, is not doing it, like
not doing those things tosomeone else, like I feel like
that that's the best way to doit.
I feel like there's healing onboth sides.
(23:55):
You know, you give them thespace for them to heal and then
you're also healing as well, soyou don't go and commit the same
mistakes on somebody else.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, so what are y'all's thoughts on the silent
treatment?
Any, all right.
Y'all's thoughts on the silenttreatment?
Any, all right.
You messed up, you made anargument or whatever, and then
the other person or maybe thisis you you start, you stop
talking to that person for aperiod of time.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Thoughts on that I don't like I said it's like I
wouldn't say this likeapplicable for all situations,
because some situations are liketotally different, but I'm not.
I'm not against the silenttreatment in the sense of,
especially if it's like you'vehandled it in a way.
Are you talking about givingthem a silent treatment without
handling the situation?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yes, so you wronged a person or they wronged you, and
the response is I'm not goingto talk to you?
Speaker 4 (24:47):
I think it's just something that you have to
respect.
It's just that's their response.
You can't really.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Who's going first?
I don't think it's healthy.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
I don't think it's healthy, but I don't think you
can do anything to.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Okay, well, yeah, I think.
But if your question is, is itsomething we should do?
I'm going to go back to myoriginal one of like we in a
sense say that we're going toset the thing to the side for a
second.
So we may.
If Chloe's mad at me or I'm madat her, we're going to say,
okay, we're going to take abreak, I'm going to set it to
the side, we're both going topray and think about it.
(25:22):
For now.
We probably don't actually saythat, but that's what we should
be doing and in a sense, we'resilencing the issue.
But we're not giving each othersilence.
We're not punishing the personand saying, oh, I'm not going to
talk to you at all because ofwhat you did.
I don't know, maybe I'm tryingto think of a situation where
that would be healthy.
There's a I can understandhaving wanting distance and
(25:44):
telling the person like, hey, Ijust need time right now.
I need distance away.
That doesn't.
That's not the same as just notsaying anything.
Saying literally.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Are we talking?
Speaker 4 (25:52):
about ghosting, where you just ghost someone.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Well, using that word is a little bit different.
I wouldn't say ghosting.
This is again there's argument,there's a fight.
Someone responds by completelyjust not talking to you Okay.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Okay then, if that's the case, I think that's just.
I'm with Zeke on that.
I think that's just Not in thesense that he said this, but I'm
just saying to me that's justimmature.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
You ain't got to explain everything If you just
say the words I need time, andthen you don't want to talk.
I'm okay with that.
I do see a little bit ofimmaturity.
I'm not thinking of likeabusive or something like that,
but I'm just talking aboutgeneral.
I'm mad at you for somethingstupid you did.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I can think for me specifically times at work I've
fought with a coworker orsomething like that.
I know because I have aterrible temper what If I go and
try to.
I agree.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
I do.
I do have a bad temper, thankyou.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
If I go and try to talk to them, it's going to
result, because I handle angervery poorly it's going to result
in me screaming.
It's going to start in metrying to do something and it's
going to result in me screamingbecause I get too emotional.
So I do that, but it's not forlike a long, long period of time
.
It's more like do thequote-unquote silent treatment
(27:14):
for like really no more than aweek A week.
I've never done it longer thana week A week.
Speaker 5 (27:24):
You ghost me for a week, I think in his context
he's leaning towards like acoworker.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
You're just screaming .
And I think y'all hit the nailon the head we can't avoid each
other.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
The silent treatment does not replace the need for
communication.
Let them know.
Hey, I need space, I need timeand we will talk at some point
soon, and then also I wouldn'tdrag it out too terribly long
after that.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Zeke, I think we heard someone who spoke on this
who's a counselor.
Of course, this is very commonwith parents and children.
I'm sure most of us have hadthe silent treatment from a
parent at least one time in ourlife.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
The opposite, Really Todd the opposite.
I got the yelling treatment.
Yeah, we got the yellingtreatment, See I feel like
that's the well.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
I had both extremes, but we got the yelling treatment
.
See, I feel like that's thewell, I had both extremes.
But I feel like those aretypically the two extremes
either constant screaming, orit's complete silence, or
occasionally both.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Oh yeah, no, I've never got the silent treatment
ever.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
I don't know.
I've heard that it's nothealthy because, in a sense,
what you're telling your kid isyou messed up so bad that I want
to pretend like you don't exist?
That's what it sounds like tome.
What it sounds like to me, nate, you want to correct me, I
think that's accurate.
So I think, as we grow up, noneof us here have kids because
McKenzie and Isaac aren't here.
But I mean, I think that's.
I mean it probably goes toother people too.
Like I said, the communicationpart's important to say, hey,
(28:39):
there's a reason I just can'ttalk to you right now.
It's not that I don't careabout you.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
Time that's completely different from just
shutting them off and pretendinglike they're not there.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah, yeah, that's just immature, in my opinion any
other broad thoughts oncommunicating and trying to
resolve and heal after a fightor conflict.
And then I'll have just a finalgospel uh, take home, but
anything else y'all want toshare.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
Don't love bomb don't love bomb.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Oh, that's a phenomenal point.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Blake just brought up Hold on.
I'm glad this is rare.
Hold on.
Blake had a good point.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Blake had a great point where sometimes after a
fight, uh, the other person willbe all nicey, nicey friendly,
joking as if it never happened,and so that way you don't have
to have awkward conversations,you can just move on.
What do y'all?
Blake calls it love bombing.
What do y'all think about that?
(29:39):
A person who they don't addresswhat happens, but they just try
to move on and act like it'sall good.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
I think that's just a recipe for narcissism.
Speaker 5 (29:48):
I think that's it is a dangerous game to play.
I say I'll admit I do that Idon't like conflict at all.
So I'll just be like, hey,everything's fine, Even if I'm
dying Like I think that's not.
Yeah, with conflict too, yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
But that's not love bombing.
Speaker 5 (30:06):
Love bombing when you're like, yeah, I guess
that's not love bombing, that'sjust deflecting.
But love bombing, you could doit.
Yeah, I guess that's not lovebombing, that's just deflecting,
but love bombing.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
You could do it accidentally.
Speaker 5 (30:16):
I feel like Y'all are around the same thing.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
Yeah, I feel like I'm talking about more
intentionality.
You're doing it like you'rejust being so nice because you
don't want to have to deal withthe consequences.
That's more like you do that.
Yeah, I've done it too, Okay,high five, yeah, high five for
trauma.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Chloe, did you want to bring something up?
I saw you brought out yournotes.
Yeah, Chloe, please add to this.
Speaker 6 (30:36):
It's kind of an off topic, but on topic at the same
time.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
How do you prevent conflict?
Yeah, I have two tips onpreventing conflict.
And one of them is from a guyin this room.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Oh I didn't know that was from him.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 6 (30:51):
Okay, well, Nate, one of your pieces of advice has
helped us a lot.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Maybe I don't know, I haven't heard it yet.
Speaker 6 (30:56):
So a way to prevent conflict is like, say, I come
home from a really bad day and Ijust want to rant to Zeke All
this stuff, blah, blah, blah andif he like, there's three ways.
He can ask me how he can helpme Okay, he can ask me how he
can help me.
Okay, he could say would youlike a hug or would you like
advice or would you do you justwant me to listen?
(31:19):
And that's honestly been reallyhelpful.
It's mostly listen, yeah,because sometimes I just want to
rant about my day and that'sterrible.
But that's been really helpfulbecause Zeke is a guy.
I'm assuming Wait, what You'reassuming?
You?
Speaker 3 (31:32):
don't know, Zeke, as a guy I'm assuming Wait what
You're assuming.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
You don't know Zeke as a guy at this point.
No.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
I said Zeke as a guy, not is a guy.
Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I was hoping at this point in the marriage.
I would hope that you couldconfirm is a guy.
Speaker 6 (31:46):
Zeke is a guy, but Zeke as a guy I'm assuming as a
guy he would want to comestraight to me with advice with
my problems.
Um, as a guy he would want tocome straight to me with advice
with my problems, like, oh, whydidn't you?
just do this or say this or likeyou know, but I don't want to
hear that most of the time,because sometimes I'm like, wow,
I feel stupid, I didn't eventhink of that, or like you know,
something like most of the timeI just want to hug or I want
him to listen and I think thathelps prevent conflict, cause if
(32:09):
I'm like kind of you know, I'mjust in a rage because of my day
, like all this stuff, and thenhe tries to come at me with
advice, I might just get likemore upset because that's not
what I'm looking for in thatinstance.
Good communication, yes, andthen the second one that we've
been trying to implement morelately is never using the words
never or always, in any case.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Bless you Sorry.
Speaker 5 (32:38):
Chloe, you um in any way, you always do that I know,
you just roared like a thing.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
She just had an exorcism I just ate too, so
she's short-circuited, I'm sorryI've been sick this week.
Speaker 6 (32:42):
I'm really stuffy, um , but yes, so that's that's been
really helpful, because I can'tsay, zeke, you always say this
when this happens, becausethat's not true.
He doesn doesn't always.
Or I can't say Zeke, you neverhelp me pick up this thing,
because that's not true.
He does.
So that's just being very tooexaggerated and it makes it
makes him, it would make him mad.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Always and never.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
I like that Is that just a rule between you two, or
is that just?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
a rule for everyone.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
No, what, We'll be playing Rocket League and Zeke
will be like here, comes thepass Blake and obviously I suck,
so I don't get it and he goes.
I just never have any help.
Speaker 6 (33:16):
Just take those words out of your vocabulary.
Zeke, do we need?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
to do marital counseling with Blake?
Yes, one.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
Two, when I say never to.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Blake, I mean never.
Zeke is like I'm going fullthrottle into this Dude, that's
just rude bro, I help you outmore Like never, Never.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
I'm just kidding.
And he goes and you're alwaysin the way.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Yes, always.
You block our own shots Onpurpose.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
That's kind of impressive.
All right, so, chloe, I likethat.
Good communication rules Becareful the language you use and
clarify what you need from theother person as you go to talk
to them.
All right, anything else?
Big picture Thoughts, comments,questions, blake.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
When me and Justin get into our little lover's
quarrels, we always find that anice date fixes everything.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
So you just push away the problems with money.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
And kissing.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Okay, especially kissing.
Speaker 6 (34:12):
Yeah, that's also not true, Kissing, we believe that
kissing, that's how you solveeverything, true?
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Sometimes, if we're a little too mad, we do do some
kind of butterfly kisses.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
you know, with your eyelashes Butterfly kisses.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
Yeah, it doesn't work in every situation, like when I
went for my parking ticket.
The judge wasn't too happy.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Neither was the correctional officer.
He also had pink eye that day.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Or the inmate Just didn't do good, or my bonds, or
my lawyer.
My dad was really not happy.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Understood.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
All for parking tickets.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
He just kissed his dad on his mouth.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
He should have just done the butterfly kisses then.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Blake, we don't want to copy Tom Brady with
everything.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Actually, do you have that many rings?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Do you kiss your son?
Well, I have the ring thatmatters.
Tom Brady lost his Lord of theRings.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Oh wow, hey, Tom Brady, you didn't know he got
divorced from.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Giselle.
Yeah, he chose both, tom.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Brady, if you're listening to this podcast, we
know how to get your marriageback.
Jesus, jesus.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
All right, speaking of Jesus, that's actually a
great segue Subway.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Great subway, I want to write a segue.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Ultimately, with forgiveness and conflict
resolution, we seek harmony inour relationships, because
ultimately, that's what God'sdone with us.
We rebelled, we ran from himand by sending Jesus to the
earth, well, guess what he'sdoing?
He is repairing, reconcilingthat relationship, and so we
(35:48):
forgive because Christ forgaveus.
So we can't call ourselvesChristians if we then don't
forgive those around us and wedon't try to heal and mend and
repair relationships.
And, going to Matthew, blessedare the peacemakers.
Notice, jesus didn't sayblessed are the peacekeepers.
It's peacemakers where we makepeace where there was none
(36:13):
before, and so that's somethingthat we need to be known for.
But anyways, alright, enough ofmy rambling.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
I think that deserves a standing ovation sarcastic
clapping let's see who has nottaken us home.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Finish the episode.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Mariah no, she's taken us home.
Justin hasn't been here allyear.
She did the Bob Dylanimpression.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
The Bob Dylan impression.
That wasn't very good, yes,we're.
Speaker 5 (36:38):
Justin hasn't been here all year.
I'll say the first part.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Justin, it's been a moment since you've been in a
Whoops my bad, I mean.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
I don't know why I said that.
I said in a podcast episode.
He said it's been a momentsince you've been in a relation,
and then he caught himself.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
I was like I don't know why I said that.
Podcast episode.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Relation podcast episode.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
You take us home by taking Nate to the cleaners.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Well, I just want to tell you, nate, it's been a
moment since you've had aforehead smaller than the size
of Antarctica, so shut up, gooff, keep going.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
I've actually worked with my sermon illustration
today.
Boom roll you look like greatvalue, jesus.
Boom roasted.
That was good, thank you.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
I think we just end it right there have a good day.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Wow, are y'all ready?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Guys right.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Guys, seriously, that's the way we can never
start on time.
He never says it, but it's justthat he's ready to hear himself
talk.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
He's ready to hear himself in his headphones.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
He just plays all the old podcasts on loop.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
He edited it to where it's only him talking.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
It's just the best of Nate Williams and it's just all
of us cut out.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
They're all private, it's only he can access Time for
my nighttime ASMR Hello.
Nathan Williams, you'relistening to Nathan Williams.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
No, it's him giving himself daily affirmations like
you did so good today, nate.
Speaker 5 (38:49):
You're the goodest boy.
Speaker 4 (38:51):
There's no one like you.
Alright, we're ready.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Okay, we're good.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Your dad's not upset.
You're not a lawyer.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Justin chill dude.
Speaker 5 (39:14):
Sorry, zeke is crying , go off King.
Welcome to the Dangerous Faith Podcast.
My name is Nate Williams.
With me we have Zeke, chloe,blake, justin and Mariah.
We're going to get to conflictresolution.
What happens after the argument?
What happens after the fight?
How do we heal things?
But before we do so, werecently survived a major
(00:22):
weather event.
Justin, would you like todescribe what happened on Friday
?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Well, this is Snowmageddon Part 2.
Last year we had SnowmageddonPart 1 starring Bruce Willis.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I don't remember him being here.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah, he was here, he was here, it was amazing, but
we survived.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Barely though.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Now, last night was Icemageddon, so you could slip
and slide without all the extrasteps you know, and total your
car.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
It was pretty cool.
Did you slip and slide last?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
night Only a lot.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Only a lot.
So we survived the snow, andfor Coleman it's just how would
you describe the snow we get?
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Anyone Probably like my love life Quick and
disappointing.
Speaker 5 (01:09):
Okay, yes.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Pretty accurate.
Yeah, few inches no offense toanybody who's ever dated me.
That's not a dig at you, that'sjust me personally.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I think that they're the ones that need the help.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
They're the ones that pray for them.
And because of this, we spenttime out in the snow and doing
fun things, and now we all lovethe cold right.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I actually love the cold Justin's in.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Mariah a little bit.
Zeke, Chloe, we love the cold.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
Now no, Archie does though Archie loves the cold.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Goodness.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
At least y'all have one family member who has some
sense.
No, I hate the cold.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Blake loves the cold.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
I'd rather be butt naked in Florida, being chased
by a crack addict, than build asnowman.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
That is very common down there.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
It has happened before.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
He's speaking from experience, especially the butt
naked part.
The butt naked part.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Is it buck naked or butt naked?
Speaker 5 (02:02):
Oh yeah, it depends how you want to say it, it is
buck.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
But Is it Buck naked or Butt naked.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
It depends how you want to say it.
Speaker 6 (02:06):
It is Buck.
But I say, butt, wait, it'sBuck.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
No, it's Butt naked, right it's always been.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
Buck, but we say Butt .
Speaker 3 (02:13):
I said Butt, Justin Stoddard.
Which one is it?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Justin Stoddard.
Which one is it?
He's our live audience fortoday.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
If you'd like to be a part of the live audience, call
Nate at audience for today.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
If you would like to be a part of the live audience,
call me that.
Moving on to our actual topicfor today, we are all adults
working adult jobs.
I know we make you very proud,dear listener, but anyways, uh,
conflict resolution, okay.
So let's say you're with apartner spouse it could be your
mom, dad, sibling, who knows,who knows but you get into,
let's say, a pretty seriousargument, pretty serious fight,
(02:48):
and you know you need to makethings better, you need to heal
things, you need to just getback on good terms with said
person.
What happens next for you?
And we can ask clarifyingdetails from there.
But what do you do, justin?
Divorce Right away?
That sounds like the oppositeof resolution.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Says divorce, we solved all the problems right
there, okay, okay, by justcutting it off Now, while there
is.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
That is a response, lets away other potential inputs
Anyone else get into anargument.
What happens then?
Other potential inputs.
Anyone else Get into anargument?
Speaker 6 (03:25):
What happens then?
I think for me, one of the mostimportant things to realize is
it's not me, like, say, if it'sme and Zeke, it's not me versus
Zeke, it's me and Zeke versusthe problem.
I know that's so like okay, Iknow that's so like cliche, you
hear that everywhere, but it'sso true because it's really hard
to remember in the middle of afight that that it's y'all
against the problem.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's not you versus the other person true, okay, so
that's a change of perspective.
You're not fighting the otherperson, at least you're not
trying to okay, what else?
Speaker 5 (03:56):
this might be more in the midst of one, but I guess
it could still be after.
I know y'all probably all heardthis phrase as a little kid if
you don't have anything nice tosay, don't say anything at all.
And so I think if you're a veryreactive, like quick to jump at
something person, maybe youshould take that and be like
okay, I don't have anything nice, that's definitely what I do, I
(04:17):
just which I know, not sayinganything at all.
You obviously should saysomething.
You know you should continue onfor the resolution of the
conflict, but I think if you'rehot-headed and don't have
anything great to say, right,then you need to take a moment
and be like okay, evaluate yoursteps before taking any.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Yeah, I just do deep self-reflection.
I'm like how much of that wasmy fault, like truly my fault,
and then be able to say sorryfor everything that I did that's
how I like to, that's how Ilike to resolve things is like,
yeah, I can't.
I just realized like what I didwrong, where I was at fault.
I'm going to apologize for that.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And then go based off their response off of that.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
So I do something very similar to that, where I
just realize that it's literallynever my fault.
And it's always the otherperson that's to blame.
Yeah, and if you're alwaysright, you can never be wrong.
I thought I was wrong one time.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
That is right.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
But then I realized I wasn't.
Speaker 5 (05:19):
I was wrong about being wrong actually.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I think, serious people.
So, mariah and Blake, I thinky'all actually did a good job of
explaining exactly what Jamestalks about.
With Mariah, your point ofbeing, I don't want to just say
something that could be hurtfulor harmful.
So James talks about how it'simportant that we be careful
(05:44):
with our words, because ourwords can bring life or death,
and that's a pretty extreme wayof putting it, but I think it's.
We take that for granted, so Iapplaud you for that.
I think that's good.
And, blake, you said you knowself-reflection.
I think there's a.
That's also James, because hesays like, be slow to speak,
quick to listen and slow toanger.
(06:05):
I may have got those out oforder, but the point still
stands of speaking is the thingthat we shouldn't just jump into
.
Both of you are kind of sayingthe same thing but also the
self-reflection and that's beenthe case for us.
So just one.
I don't get this from biblicalanything.
It's just something we've doneand it worked for us and if it
works for someone else, awesome.
But if we're upset aboutsomething like in our marriage
(06:26):
or it could be with a friendship, if it's something that we're
upset about, we try.
If it's, we're not sure if it'ssomething serious enough, we
try to take 24 hours before wesay anything.
And if like, for example, ifI'm mad at or annoyed with Chloe
at something, or just mad orwhatever, I go 24 hours and I've
already forgotten about it,obviously, or just mad or
whatever and I go 24 hours andI've already forgotten about it,
obviously it wasn't a bigenough deal to matter.
But if I'm still dwelling on it24 hours later and I've had
(06:48):
time to reflect on it, is thisjust me or is this something
serious?
If I'm still thinking about it24 hours later, I'll bring it up
and we'll discuss it, chloe.
Speaker 6 (06:58):
I think it's also really important to acknowledge
the time and place that you'rein when you're having an
argument, because me and Zekeit's funny we found that most of
our arguments we've had arelike right before we're about to
go to sleep, like we're aboutto go to bed because, you know,
we, we spend all day apart.
He's at work, I'm at school,and then when we finally come
together and then like at night,I just want to like say
(07:18):
everything, and then it's likeat least sometimes not not
always, but at least through theargument and, um, you know, a
lot of people will say likebefore you get married, don't
let the sun go down your anger.
But I actually disagree withthat because um so you would say
to stay angry?
there's no no, no, no.
I would say sometimes you needsleep for your mind and your
body to function appropriately.
(07:39):
And I don't think that you needto stay awake, because the
longer you stay awake, the moretired you're going to get, the
more irritated're going to get.
The more irritated you're goingto get, the more angry you're
going to speak Like it justleads to all these things.
Sometimes you just need sleep.
And then the next morningyou'll wake up and be like wow,
that really wasn't even a bigdeal.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
True, there's a sense in which I don't, because I
mean that does come from theBible, so I get where people are
coming from, are times whereyou need to work something out,
but yeah I know for us themajority sound like you said,
like it's been.
If I'm frustrated and upset, Ican tell I'm not thinking
clearly because I'm tired.
And at that moment like I canjust say like god, I know I'm
angry, please take this awayfrom me and I'm going to try and
(08:14):
rest.
And then 99 times out of 100 Iwake up, I'm like I'm an idiot,
like I'm not angry anymore, likeI realize how stupid and cranky
but then there's that 1% whereyou're like I had a point, no,
it hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 6 (08:27):
I do think that is biblical.
So I'm not saying I disagreewith the Bible.
I'm just saying sometimes youneed it in a certain context.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
The passage you're referring to.
I think it does make a goodpoint.
You want to let go of youranger before you go to sleep, so
that's a healthy thing to do.
However, that doesn't mean youhave to solve all your
relationship issues that night.
There are two separate issues.
(08:53):
One let your anger go so thatyou can go to bed.
Two, but if there's somethingto work on or work through in a
relationship, yeah, you canaddress it the next day.
We try to put those two thingstogether of oh, to solve my
anger, we need to talk till 2 amin the morning and figure this
out.
That's not what Paul was sayingthere.
So I think that is a gooddistinction.
(09:15):
What happens when, let's say,there's an incident, argument,
fight?
You may be slightly in thewrong, more or less, but let's
say it's mostly the other person.
You're actually correct, it'smostly their fault.
They won't recognize it, theywon't acknowledge, they won't
admit, they won't apologize.
(09:38):
And now you're left with this.
You're angry, you're bitter,you're holding on to it, but
they just they're not going torespond in any sort of way on
their end.
What do you do in thosesituations?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
all right, so I'll speak because obviously the like
depending on the situation, itcould be different.
So I'm just going to speak forme, if this is a friend kind of
thing, where it's like they'reso mad, like, but they've done
something wrong, I'm not sayingyou've done this, just Justin,
because this isn't you, youapologize for literally nothing.
But for me, what I like to dobecause I've actually had to
deal with some of thesesituations with people is one if
(10:14):
I am so angry, I do not speakto them, and not just out of
rudeness, it's just like I don'twant to say anything to make
the situation worse.
So I won't talk to them andI'll get as far away from the
situation as I possibly can.
And then immediately this islike so I'll get away, won't say
anything, I'll leave thesituation and then I'll find a
quiet place and I'll actually goin prayer and I'll pray not
(10:34):
just for my anger, but I'll alsopray for them as well, and not
some like cynical, like God,strike them down, like you know,
like nothing like that, likegenuinely ask God for
reconciliation on this and to bewith them, because most of the
time when things get that bad,there's some underlying issue
that's more than just theproblem that's being presented.
(10:54):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:58):
I think.
So you kind of said what wouldour reaction be if they will not
let down?
There's no, no, like it's theirway.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Let's say, yeah, they're mostly in the wrong, but
they're not going to admit it.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
So definitely, I feel like, okay, I'll give you an
example.
So say, you have a parent whokind of um, what's the word
Estranged from them?
Is that the right word to useEstranged?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Anyway, and you know that they're in the wrong,
there's been some things andthey'll never apologize and they
never will.
There will never be a day thatthat parent will ever say
they're sorry for any of thosethings.
I think you just have to acceptthat that's the way the things
are going to be and that's theway they.
I think you just have to acceptthat that's the way that things
are going to be and that's theway they are, and you just have
to let it go and be like youknow what.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Okay, so accept, let it go.
I like that, Mariah Chloe.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
I think you need to be really humble and first
acknowledge what you've done,Because you said there was like
like, if you've done something,you know more minor.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Maybe you did something minor.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
Yeah.
So maybe first like start withan apology and a humbleness of
what you did.
But I think some of those mostimportant we learned in our
premarital counseling thisapplies to any kind of
relationship too um is do notuse you statements.
Um, we learned this thing inone of our books that says I
feel blank when you blankbecause blank, and that puts
(12:27):
like that's like putting it allon the table.
That's like how you feel whenthis person does this.
It's not saying you do this andyou were like this and you said
this You're not keeping scorelike you're not, you know,
bringing up all their faults andhow they're wrong.
You're just bringing up how youfeel when they do a certain
action.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
It's not putting all the weight on them certain
actions, not putting all theweight on them, okay.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
So be careful.
Yeah, how you talk about it,because being accusatory doesn't
often help.
Are you adding fuel to theflame or are you trying to put
it out?
Your words can do both.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Justin, you wanted to share something.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I don't think it's relevant.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
actually I was actually going to share
something I learned from Justinthat he taught me because he's
done this really cool thing withthe celebrate recovery and like
learning and like learning howto get all that started and you
know I can't wait to see what hedoes for people.
But something that I learnedfrom just talking with him about
stuff like that is uh, causeI've had to deal with people who
(13:21):
I know they'll never likeMariah said, like I know they'll
never apologize.
But what's helped me out a lotis, even though they'll never
say sorry, learning to allowChrist to enter into my heart to
give them that forgiveness andlearning how to just walk in
that forgiveness.
And I learned that a lot fromJustin through his lessons,
through Celebrate Recovery andstuff.
(13:41):
Like it's really good to justlearn how to forgive them even
if they're not going to saysorry.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Okay, yeah, you can't .
You can't go into a situationlike that expecting that in
return.
You need to go to somebody withthese things and just knowing
that you can do your part of thesituation, forgive them.
God knows what you've done.
You've done your part and ifthings turn out well amazing, if
(14:07):
they don't you've still donethe right thing.
That's true.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
What about when you found it really hard to forgive
someone?
What do you do?
What if you're not married tothem?
Plead the fifth.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Sabbatical, sabbatical.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I think sometimes Z, because that's a great question.
That's a great question.
That's a great question withsome parts of forgiveness,
depending on just how deeplythey've hurt you, how deeply
they've wronged you.
Forgiveness is a can, can be amiracle, if we're being honest,
because some people have beenhurt extremely badly and, and
(14:44):
From a perspective of justearthly, I'm trying to get past
it, trying to move on, dependingon what's been done to you.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
That can be a miracle .
Speaker 1 (14:54):
And so it's going to the Lord in prayer, saying God,
I can't forgive this person.
I need your supernatural helpto change my heart, because if
it's up to me, I'm going to holdon to it forever.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
That's really how I think of it, because you think
about the verse where it's likepeace that surpasses all
understanding.
A miracle doesn't have to juststop with peace.
It could be forgiveness.
You could get that blessing ofbeing able to forgive somebody
and everybody else would look atyou like there's no possible
way.
It's straight up like I wouldview it as a miracle.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
That's something as well when you talk about the way
of estranged parents.
I never thought that I wouldever get an apology from my mom
about the stuff that's happenedwith my mom, but God works in
wonderful ways.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
So don't lose hope.
If that's something you'regoing through, god can work
miracles.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
And I think too when it comes to resolution conflicts
, is you have to enter it, justlike you would enter anything
else.
You first have to like youcan't think about how you want
it to benefit you if that makessense.
You can't go in and think ithas to be your way and that's
the only way that it's going towork out, because then we lose
sight of just how powerful Godreally is.
(16:11):
And so it's just like withanything in life, whether it is
conflict resolution or prayer,anything like that you go to God
first and you just lay it allat his feet and then you just
remain obedient and faithful tohim and it just works out.
It's almost like that's how itwas meant to be.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, it's wild.
So I think those are goodpoints and we can keep moving on
in this direction if y'all want.
But I also want to address theother side, when you know you've
messed up, yeah, all right.
How do you construct, how doyou build a good apology?
Speaker 4 (16:50):
What should be contained in a good apology.
So I've been on this side a lot, so I've got a lot of
experience with this.
So a really good apology, areally good apology, is one
you've got to first ask yourselfam I actually sorry for what
I've done?
Because if you're not actuallysorry and you just want to
band-aid the solution, you'regoing to have this apology of
just like, say whatever you want, but nothing's going to change.
So for me, one you've got to betruly sorry, and then, when you
(17:11):
apologize, don't fluff it up,don't try to say all these
beautiful, wonderful things.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
What he's saying is don't give an excuse.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Yeah, don't give an excuse I'm sorry, but I'm sorry.
But Never say I'm sorry, butJust state I'm sorry, this is
what I've done.
I I'm sorry, this is what I'vedone.
I'm sorry I've caused the painthat I've caused you.
And then you just leave it atthat and, as me and Nate have
talked about, whatever responsethey have is what they have.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
But at the end of the day, you've done your part and
you've been a good servant ofChrist by doing what you do.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
We kind of brought it up earlier with the anger thing
.
But I think going into all thethings you just said were good.
The only thing I was originallyjust going to say I'm sorry,
period.
Like you said, I think that'sbeen the biggest help, because
it's anytime I add a but orsomething, it immediately starts
going downhill.
Chloe can attest to that.
(18:03):
The night before we weresupposed to do the podcast, I
did that, so it was kind ofprophetic and it doesn't work
out.
But, dude, the only other thingI was going to add and I'm
sorry if you said this and Ijust didn't catch it, but sorry,
there was a but.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
But no prayer.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Prayer, like I don't know why this has been something
like for me.
Y'all probably all have done it, but for me is there something
that I literally just starteddoing like a year ago.
I'm like, why did I just nowstart doing this?
And it was like over somethingsmall things, like my mom was
getting on my nerves aboutsomething and I just felt like
so much hatred and anger aboutsomething so stupid and I was
(18:45):
like I finally was like God,please help me.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
I take this anger away like praying about it.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
I'm just like, as a Christian, that should have been
my first instinct.
But like I'm 28 and I'm justlearning about it at 28.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
You know, I literally just started doing it like a
couple months ago.
So I know I'm with you, butyeah, I'm like why didn't we
think of this to begin?
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (19:03):
But it helps a ton.
Yeah, involve prayer.
I think, um, another good partof an apology is just saying
what exactly you're sorry for,because I just know that there's
many times, like in my pastwith my parents, like I would
just say I'm sorry.
Just to say it like, um, sothey'd be like, oh, you
apologize, great job.
But like if you actually cantell the person what you're
sorry for, you recognize yourwrongs and you want to try to
(19:25):
change from that next time you?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Yeah, I think that's good and then, oh just and this
is like on the last part of like, so you know we apologize and
say no, like don't give excusesand stuff like that when you're
done with your apology, where Ithink a lot of people get it
wrong it's like they'll give agood apology.
And this is literally speakingfrom experience.
This is not like this is.
(19:47):
I've literally made thismistake plenty of times.
Respect the boundaries after.
Don't try to like overstepanything.
Just because you got an apologydoesn't mean everything's back
to normal.
Their trust is still broken.
They're still hurt.
There's still healing thatneeds to be done.
So the best thing you need todo is, whatever boundaries are
set Like if you break up withsomebody and've apologized,
(20:10):
let's say it's just a nastybreakup, you admit you're wrong.
Respect the boundary.
Don't try to make things goback to normal.
Don't try to force situationsto be normal again.
Respect boundaries and heal.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I think that's a great point, because forgiveness
and apologies, those are goodthings, but trust takes time,
and so this often happens withparents and children, or vice
versa, where there will be anapology and then the other party
says well, I apologize, whycan't we go back to whatever,
(20:44):
why can't we?
And well, you've got to buildtrust again and so you have,
like you said, boundaries andrules.
It takes time to build thatback.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
I think you're dancing around a point that you
made me think of, but anytimeyou've wronged someone else I'm
trying to think through my headright now, so you'll help me
think through this, but anytimeyou, thank you for closing your
eyes to do this.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
I'm getting in your head.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Thank you, but I mean think about it.
Anytime you've wronged someoneelse, something has been done
against them.
And let's say, if it was amonetary like if you just stole
money you could just pay backthe money and then you're even
right, right.
But if you lie or do somethingthat isn't monetary or physical
to someone else that you are nowindebted to them, how do you
pay that back?
(21:29):
How can that debt be paid?
If you've done something wrongthat can't be physically repaid,
go ahead, mariah.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
I think it's their decision if they want to decide
to reconcile with you orwhatever.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Yeah, I agree with Mariah.
I think it's just like what meand Nate talked about is you can
only say you're sorry, so I'vedone.
That I'll just use like I'mvery crappy when it comes to
relationships, so I've wronged alot of people in my past
relationships and I haveapologized to those people.
But where I go wrong is, youknow, not respecting the
boundary part trying to makethings go back to normal when
that's not the case and so, yeah, it stinks because you know
(22:05):
there's that part of that.
That's how I think a debt isforgiven is when things can go
back to normal, because thatshows me that there's trust
again there and there's all this.
So what do you do when youcan't go back that way and I,
you know you just have to.
I guess you just kind of.
For me, the way I know, is like, if I am sorry for what I've
done, and then I truly go towork on myself, that doesn't
(22:28):
mean that that is going to goback to normal, but that's kind
of like how I repay that debt isby not giving it to somebody
else, like, yeah, this person,they've forgiven me, but I may
never be able to have that samerelationship with that person
ever again.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
But think about this when they forgive you, in a
sense, what they're saying isyour debt's been covered.
That doesn't mean that the debtjust disappeared.
It means that by forgiving that, they're saying you what you
did was wrong and you deservesome form of punishment.
punishment sounds like a harshword, but some form of
punishment needs to be taken,and they're saying I'm going to
(23:00):
take on the punishment of, I'mgoing to take the hurt of that,
I'm going to forgive you anyways, instead of making you
constantly feel bad about it,and I feel like that's kind of a
reflection of what christ doesfor us in the sense of like.
Anytime we forgive anotherperson, we're essentially
becoming not.
We're reflecting christ in thatsituation, because we're taking
on the debt to say, hey, youwronged me, you deserve
(23:20):
punishment, but I'm not going toenforce that, I'm just going to
forgive you 100, and I guess onthe flip side of that too is,
like you know, because christtook that punishment on for us
and we should live accordinglyto him, like we can sacrifice
our life for Christ as well.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
And so, in a way like , yeah, they'll take on, like,
even if you can't really like,if you physically or mentally or
spiritually or physically havewronged somebody and you can't
really repay that debt likemonetary value, you know, a good
way of paying it forward, in myopinion, is not doing it, like
not doing those things tosomeone else, like I feel like
that that's the best way to doit.
I feel like there's healing onboth sides.
(23:55):
You know, you give them thespace for them to heal and then
you're also healing as well, soyou don't go and commit the same
mistakes on somebody else.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, so what are y'all's thoughts on the silent
treatment?
Any, all right.
Y'all's thoughts on the silenttreatment?
Any, all right.
You messed up, you made anargument or whatever, and then
the other person or maybe thisis you you start, you stop
talking to that person for aperiod of time.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Thoughts on that I don't like I said it's like I
wouldn't say this likeapplicable for all situations,
because some situations are liketotally different, but I'm not.
I'm not against the silenttreatment in the sense of,
especially if it's like you'vehandled it in a way.
Are you talking about givingthem a silent treatment without
handling the situation?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yes, so you wronged a person or they wronged you, and
the response is I'm not goingto talk to you?
Speaker 4 (24:47):
I think it's just something that you have to
respect.
It's just that's their response.
You can't really.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Who's going first?
I don't think it's healthy.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
I don't think it's healthy, but I don't think you
can do anything to.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Okay, well, yeah, I think.
But if your question is, is itsomething we should do?
I'm going to go back to myoriginal one of like we in a
sense say that we're going toset the thing to the side for a
second.
So we may.
If Chloe's mad at me or I'm madat her, we're going to say,
okay, we're going to take abreak, I'm going to set it to
the side, we're both going topray and think about it.
(25:22):
For now.
We probably don't actually saythat, but that's what we should
be doing and in a sense, we'resilencing the issue.
But we're not giving each othersilence.
We're not punishing the personand saying, oh, I'm not going to
talk to you at all because ofwhat you did.
I don't know, maybe I'm tryingto think of a situation where
that would be healthy.
There's a I can understandhaving wanting distance and
(25:44):
telling the person like, hey, Ijust need time right now.
I need distance away.
That doesn't.
That's not the same as just notsaying anything.
Saying literally.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Are we talking?
Speaker 4 (25:52):
about ghosting, where you just ghost someone.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Well, using that word is a little bit different.
I wouldn't say ghosting.
This is again there's argument,there's a fight.
Someone responds by completelyjust not talking to you Okay.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Okay then, if that's the case, I think that's just.
I'm with Zeke on that.
I think that's just Not in thesense that he said this, but I'm
just saying to me that's justimmature.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
You ain't got to explain everything If you just
say the words I need time, andthen you don't want to talk.
I'm okay with that.
I do see a little bit ofimmaturity.
I'm not thinking of likeabusive or something like that,
but I'm just talking aboutgeneral.
I'm mad at you for somethingstupid you did.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I can think for me specifically times at work I've
fought with a coworker orsomething like that.
I know because I have aterrible temper what If I go and
try to.
I agree.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
I do.
I do have a bad temper, thankyou.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
If I go and try to talk to them, it's going to
result, because I handle angervery poorly it's going to result
in me screaming.
It's going to start in metrying to do something and it's
going to result in me screamingbecause I get too emotional.
So I do that, but it's not forlike a long, long period of time
.
It's more like do thequote-unquote silent treatment
(27:14):
for like really no more than aweek A week.
I've never done it longer thana week A week.
Speaker 5 (27:24):
You ghost me for a week, I think in his context
he's leaning towards like acoworker.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
You're just screaming .
And I think y'all hit the nailon the head we can't avoid each
other.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
The silent treatment does not replace the need for
communication.
Let them know.
Hey, I need space, I need timeand we will talk at some point
soon, and then also I wouldn'tdrag it out too terribly long
after that.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Zeke, I think we heard someone who spoke on this
who's a counselor.
Of course, this is very commonwith parents and children.
I'm sure most of us have hadthe silent treatment from a
parent at least one time in ourlife.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
The opposite, Really Todd the opposite.
I got the yelling treatment.
Yeah, we got the yellingtreatment, See I feel like
that's the well.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
I had both extremes, but we got the yelling treatment
.
See, I feel like that's thewell, I had both extremes.
But I feel like those aretypically the two extremes
either constant screaming, orit's complete silence, or
occasionally both.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
Oh yeah, no, I've never got the silent treatment
ever.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
I don't know.
I've heard that it's nothealthy because, in a sense,
what you're telling your kid isyou messed up so bad that I want
to pretend like you don't exist?
That's what it sounds like tome.
What it sounds like to me, nate, you want to correct me, I
think that's accurate.
So I think, as we grow up, noneof us here have kids because
McKenzie and Isaac aren't here.
But I mean, I think that's.
I mean it probably goes toother people too.
Like I said, the communicationpart's important to say, hey,
(28:39):
there's a reason I just can'ttalk to you right now.
It's not that I don't careabout you.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
Time that's completely different from just
shutting them off and pretendinglike they're not there.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah, yeah, that's just immature, in my opinion any
other broad thoughts oncommunicating and trying to
resolve and heal after a fightor conflict.
And then I'll have just a finalgospel uh, take home, but
anything else y'all want toshare.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
Don't love bomb don't love bomb.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Oh, that's a phenomenal point.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Blake just brought up Hold on.
I'm glad this is rare.
Hold on.
Blake had a good point.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Blake had a great point where sometimes after a
fight, uh, the other person willbe all nicey, nicey friendly,
joking as if it never happened,and so that way you don't have
to have awkward conversations,you can just move on.
What do y'all?
Blake calls it love bombing.
What do y'all think about that?
(29:39):
A person who they don't addresswhat happens, but they just try
to move on and act like it'sall good.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
I think that's just a recipe for narcissism.
Speaker 5 (29:48):
I think that's it is a dangerous game to play.
I say I'll admit I do that Idon't like conflict at all.
So I'll just be like, hey,everything's fine, Even if I'm
dying Like I think that's not.
Yeah, with conflict too, yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
But that's not love bombing.
Speaker 5 (30:06):
Love bombing when you're like, yeah, I guess
that's not love bombing, that'sjust deflecting.
But love bombing, you could doit.
Yeah, I guess that's not lovebombing, that's just deflecting,
but love bombing.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
You could do it accidentally.
Speaker 5 (30:16):
I feel like Y'all are around the same thing.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
Yeah, I feel like I'm talking about more
intentionality.
You're doing it like you'rejust being so nice because you
don't want to have to deal withthe consequences.
That's more like you do that.
Yeah, I've done it too, Okay,high five, yeah, high five for
trauma.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Chloe, did you want to bring something up?
I saw you brought out yournotes.
Yeah, Chloe, please add to this.
Speaker 6 (30:36):
It's kind of an off topic, but on topic at the same
time.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
How do you prevent conflict?
Yeah, I have two tips onpreventing conflict.
And one of them is from a guyin this room.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Oh I didn't know that was from him.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 6 (30:51):
Okay, well, Nate, one of your pieces of advice has
helped us a lot.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Maybe I don't know, I haven't heard it yet.
Speaker 6 (30:56):
So a way to prevent conflict is like, say, I come
home from a really bad day and Ijust want to rant to Zeke All
this stuff, blah, blah, blah andif he like, there's three ways.
He can ask me how he can helpme Okay, he can ask me how he
can help me.
Okay, he could say would youlike a hug or would you like
advice or would you do you justwant me to listen?
(31:19):
And that's honestly been reallyhelpful.
It's mostly listen, yeah,because sometimes I just want to
rant about my day and that'sterrible.
But that's been really helpfulbecause Zeke is a guy.
I'm assuming Wait, what You'reassuming?
You?
Speaker 3 (31:32):
don't know, Zeke, as a guy I'm assuming Wait what
You're assuming.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
You don't know Zeke as a guy at this point.
No.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
I said Zeke as a guy, not is a guy.
Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I was hoping at this point in the marriage.
I would hope that you couldconfirm is a guy.
Speaker 6 (31:46):
Zeke is a guy, but Zeke as a guy I'm assuming as a
guy he would want to comestraight to me with advice with
my problems.
Um, as a guy he would want tocome straight to me with advice
with my problems, like, oh, whydidn't you?
just do this or say this or likeyou know, but I don't want to
hear that most of the time,because sometimes I'm like, wow,
I feel stupid, I didn't eventhink of that, or like you know,
something like most of the timeI just want to hug or I want
him to listen and I think thathelps prevent conflict, cause if
(32:09):
I'm like kind of you know, I'mjust in a rage because of my day
, like all this stuff, and thenhe tries to come at me with
advice, I might just get likemore upset because that's not
what I'm looking for in thatinstance.
Good communication, yes, andthen the second one that we've
been trying to implement morelately is never using the words
never or always, in any case.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Bless you Sorry.
Speaker 5 (32:38):
Chloe, you um in any way, you always do that I know,
you just roared like a thing.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
She just had an exorcism I just ate too, so
she's short-circuited, I'm sorryI've been sick this week.
Speaker 6 (32:42):
I'm really stuffy, um , but yes, so that's that's been
really helpful, because I can'tsay, zeke, you always say this
when this happens, becausethat's not true.
He doesn doesn't always.
Or I can't say Zeke, you neverhelp me pick up this thing,
because that's not true.
He does.
So that's just being very tooexaggerated and it makes it
makes him, it would make him mad.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Always and never.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
I like that Is that just a rule between you two, or
is that just?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
a rule for everyone.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
No, what, We'll be playing Rocket League and Zeke
will be like here, comes thepass Blake and obviously I suck,
so I don't get it and he goes.
I just never have any help.
Speaker 6 (33:16):
Just take those words out of your vocabulary.
Zeke, do we need?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
to do marital counseling with Blake?
Yes, one.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
Two, when I say never to.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Blake, I mean never.
Zeke is like I'm going fullthrottle into this Dude, that's
just rude bro, I help you outmore Like never, Never.
Speaker 4 (33:38):
I'm just kidding.
And he goes and you're alwaysin the way.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Yes, always.
You block our own shots Onpurpose.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
That's kind of impressive.
All right, so, chloe, I likethat.
Good communication rules Becareful the language you use and
clarify what you need from theother person as you go to talk
to them.
All right, anything else?
Big picture Thoughts, comments,questions, blake.
Speaker 4 (34:03):
When me and Justin get into our little lover's
quarrels, we always find that anice date fixes everything.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
So you just push away the problems with money.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
And kissing.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Okay, especially kissing.
Speaker 6 (34:12):
Yeah, that's also not true, Kissing, we believe that
kissing, that's how you solveeverything, true?
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Sometimes, if we're a little too mad, we do do some
kind of butterfly kisses.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
you know, with your eyelashes Butterfly kisses.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
Yeah, it doesn't work in every situation, like when I
went for my parking ticket.
The judge wasn't too happy.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Neither was the correctional officer.
He also had pink eye that day.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Or the inmate Just didn't do good, or my bonds, or
my lawyer.
My dad was really not happy.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Understood.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
All for parking tickets.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
He just kissed his dad on his mouth.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
He should have just done the butterfly kisses then.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Blake, we don't want to copy Tom Brady with
everything.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Actually, do you have that many rings?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Do you kiss your son?
Well, I have the ring thatmatters.
Tom Brady lost his Lord of theRings.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Oh wow, hey, Tom Brady, you didn't know he got
divorced from.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Giselle.
Yeah, he chose both, tom.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Brady, if you're listening to this podcast, we
know how to get your marriageback.
Jesus, jesus.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
All right, speaking of Jesus, that's actually a
great segue Subway.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Great subway, I want to write a segue.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Ultimately, with forgiveness and conflict
resolution, we seek harmony inour relationships, because
ultimately, that's what God'sdone with us.
We rebelled, we ran from himand by sending Jesus to the
earth, well, guess what he'sdoing?
He is repairing, reconcilingthat relationship, and so we
(35:48):
forgive because Christ forgaveus.
So we can't call ourselvesChristians if we then don't
forgive those around us and wedon't try to heal and mend and
repair relationships.
And, going to Matthew, blessedare the peacemakers.
Notice, jesus didn't sayblessed are the peacekeepers.
It's peacemakers where we makepeace where there was none
(36:13):
before, and so that's somethingthat we need to be known for.
But anyways, alright, enough ofmy rambling.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
I think that deserves a standing ovation sarcastic
clapping let's see who has nottaken us home.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Finish the episode.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Mariah no, she's taken us home.
Justin hasn't been here allyear.
She did the Bob Dylanimpression.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
The Bob Dylan impression.
That wasn't very good, yes,we're.
Speaker 5 (36:38):
Justin hasn't been here all year.
I'll say the first part.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Justin, it's been a moment since you've been in a
Whoops my bad, I mean.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
I don't know why I said that.
I said in a podcast episode.
He said it's been a momentsince you've been in a relation,
and then he caught himself.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
I was like I don't know why I said that.
Podcast episode.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Relation podcast episode.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
You take us home by taking Nate to the cleaners.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Well, I just want to tell you, nate, it's been a
moment since you've had aforehead smaller than the size
of Antarctica, so shut up, gooff, keep going.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
I've actually worked with my sermon illustration
today.
Boom roll you look like greatvalue, jesus.
Boom roasted.
That was good, thank you.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
I think we just end it right there have a good day.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Wow, are y'all ready?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Guys right.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Guys, seriously, that's the way we can never
start on time.
He never says it, but it's justthat he's ready to hear himself
talk.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
He's ready to hear himself in his headphones.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
He just plays all the old podcasts on loop.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
He edited it to where it's only him talking.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
It's just the best of Nate Williams and it's just all
of us cut out.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
They're all private, it's only he can access Time for
my nighttime ASMR Hello.
Nathan Williams, you'relistening to Nathan Williams.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
No, it's him giving himself daily affirmations like
you did so good today, nate.
Speaker 5 (38:49):
You're the goodest boy.
Speaker 4 (38:51):
There's no one like you.
Alright, we're ready.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Okay, we're good.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Your dad's not upset.
You're not a lawyer.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Justin chill dude.
Speaker 5 (39:14):
Sorry, zeke is crying , go off King.
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