February 14, 2024 • 68 mins
To say that Pervert Nation is in for a treat with this episode is the biggest understatement of the year! For this "can't miss, don't miss" episode, Dick is joined by co-hosts Madalynn Raye and Dahlia Dee, and the team discuss the award they didn't win. Then everyone gets wrapped up in an incredible true story that happened to Dick. It may be the most entertaining show you will hear from any podcast this year. So grab your popcorn, tune in and Dangle On!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Dangling after Dark with Dick Dangle.Episode five twenty one features co host Dollia
d and Madeline Ray and the beststory ever told on this podcast. Warning,
this show is only for adults wholike sex. Does your dick hang?
(00:30):
No? Does it dangle to andfro? Can you tie it in?
Then? Can you tie it ina boat? Don't worry, Dick
(00:52):
will be coming. Welcome to thepresent nation. Here he is Dick Dangle,
Dick Dangle. He Hello every badand welcome to episode five twenty one
of Dangling after Dark with Dick Dangle. Welcome to the pervert Nation. I
(01:15):
am your host, Dick Dangle andjoining me for this unbelievable episode. Let's
start here first. She is everythingyou could possibly want in a fetish model
and content creator and more. Sheis the Fungui fem fatale, the mushroom
maid in, the caterpillar Concubine,the buxom butterfly bombshell, the pantehose and
(01:38):
plant princess, and the Potata pamp. She is Madeline Ray. How are
you doing girl? I'm doing great? How are you? I Am doing
so well? And let's add tothis show. It is your goddess from
the Great White North. She isyour Manitoba maple syrup made in your saucy
(02:01):
spot from Saskatoon, your cover fromthunder Bay, the Bitch and Concubine from
British Columbia, the pro twerker,but Asaskorna from Alberta, your perfect Vagina
from Rajada, as well as yourbargain ben beauty from Brampton. She is
(02:22):
no wonderful Dahlia d How are youdoing, girl? I just came.
I'm so glad I got to watch. That was such a great intro.
I love it. I love it. The barge it's me. I love
it. You said it in ashow and I had to put it in
your your intro. I love itso much. So this, dear listeners,
(02:45):
came together so quickly. I've beentrying to organize myself and my thoughts
and recordings for this show, andthen the heavens opened up, serendipity ensued,
and now we are able to havethe three of us record for this
episode. So what are you gonnaget with this episode? A little bit
(03:05):
of talk in the beginning, andthen I am going to have these wonderful
women helped me through a story thatcould quite possibly be the greatest story I
have ever told on this podcast.I'm so excited for this, but I'm
just gonna tell you right now,Dick, if this has anything to do
(03:28):
with Olivia Rodrigo, Oh, she'sold news. Now you're canceled. There's
the new lust he's got going on. Let's start, Okay, Olivia Rodrigou,
she had a place in my heart, but then she was quickly replaced
by Tate McCrae. Fellow Canadian bythe way, and I am now on
(03:53):
the outs with her because she wasa celebrity coach at the NHL All Star
Game and was making eyes at oneof the greatest hockey players to ever play
the game. So now, becauseshe obviously didn't realize word had not gotten
to hard that she has this placein my heart, she is now second
(04:16):
place. I am going with duaLipa. So dual lipa. Interesting.
I thought you were going to saythe hockey player that she was making eyes
af hockey player. Out of thefour of them, he is probably the
most age appropriate. But I meanhe does not handle a stick, does
(04:38):
he does? He's got quick hands, as they say, yes, So
I think the first thing we needto get to in this episode is the
fact. I mean, what doI say? Obviously it was rigged.
There are there are forces in placethat made sure that we did not win
(05:03):
the AVN for Best Adult Podcast.I don't even know where to begin.
I'm honestly, I'm afraid to sayanything because apparently there's an illuminati. Oh
my goodness, the porn Mafiayah.If I am to say anything negative,
(05:24):
they may come to the dangle Dome. You're gonna get murdered and take care
of business. And I cannot havethat happen. So we will work wear
some concrete shows. They're gonna whackthem in all the wrong ways. Yeah,
So I will be as delicate aboutthis as possible. So the podcast
(05:45):
that won last year that Shall RemainNameless won again this year because as Dahlia
we were discussing, all three ofus were kind of talking on our own
and she didn't even know that thispot cast existed. And the thing about
the podcast that one is it's kindof like part podcast, not really,
(06:10):
it's seeing creation because what that showdoes is they kind of talk to the
person beforehand and then they have sexwith the person afterwards. Oh that's why
they won. They're literally fucking andbetween the two hosts they have about two
million plus listeners and uh, andit's also part soap opera because that is
(06:33):
what gains attention because there's there's somuch story behind it. But I don't
get into it because, as MadelineRay likes to say, uh, not
my circus, not my monkeys,not my circuit. There you go.
Yes, So I'm a leader overhere, so I'm happy to dive in
(06:56):
Nelly's going rogue. Wow, thatwould be a shocker, crazy. So
may I also say before I continue, out of the three of us,
one of us is naked. Whocould it be? I think that pretty
much answered the question. She gotoff cam and uh and jumped right on
(07:19):
post shower to record this. Sosadly she has cropped herself like an Awestome
Powers movie, so we cannot enjoyit. But that's okayaginations though, let
the listeners picture my half cleavage.That's not even showing. That's right.
You're crease, Your crease? Isit moist? Little damp? She's logging
(07:50):
off. The only word worse thancreases in that context is fold. So
let's just laundry. Let's not whateverit's like an accordion material there just filled
with liquid. So hang in there, hang too much. So but I
(08:13):
would like to say thank you toevery single person that voted for US.
I don't like to bog down timelineswith a lot of oh, people are
voting for US. Maybe I should, Maybe that would help me be more
visible for next year. But thereare so many people that really went out
(08:35):
of their way to let me knowthey were voting, and I did what
I could to either say as areply or maybe in DM you know,
thank you very much. If Idid not, I apologize. But yeah,
I just thank you to everyone rightnow for voting, for listening,
for existing. We appreciate you oneso flee next year. I said on
(09:01):
Twitter, I think what this meansis I need to start sleeping with the
people that I interview. Lucky foryou, you guys are co hosts,
so this does not involve you.You are very lucky because I don't know
what would happen, considering the historywe now have with each other. More
(09:26):
than likely there's gonna be crying onmy part at the end, out of
pure joy, of course, maybemaybe a little embarrassment. But yes,
so I'm apologizing. Yeah, youknow how it goes. That's okay.
I'm used to people crying after sexwith me. So the chorus like,
(09:48):
yes, another one more tears formy file. Do you have a tear
drop stamp that you just hit thebed with its like bunk and like a
other victim. That's yeah, exactlyit. I have like a little like
jar beside my bed, and everytime they cry, I just collect their
tears and it's three quarters of thewayful we're getting there. Is it a
(10:13):
mason jar or just like a tinyvial like a pickle jar, pickle jar
of tears just as salty. Yeah, a brine. That's it. I'm
gonna make pickles with your tears.Wow, Dolia D's dill teared pickles.
(10:33):
I like it. That's it.That would probably sell. Not gonna lie.
Oh my god, I think Ineed to make some pickles. Sure,
I'll call them dildos. That's howyou make pickled bread? Is what
dildo? Oh god? Hey putit in chips, you put it in
(10:58):
bread. So all right, let'sget this started. I'm so excited.
As I normally do. I liketo approach whatever I'm going to talk about
by starting with a question to myhosts. So Madelin has the answer first.
That's fine, that's fine. It'snot a it is not a directly
(11:24):
personal question. But since Madeline isgoing to answer this first, Madeline,
are you aware or have you everseen a massage business that may have not
been above board? Shall we callit a robin tug? I think I
(11:50):
have walked by one once, butI have never never have I entered said
establishment turned down by so many ofthose places? Wait, wait as a
client, as an employee, like, you know what, it's actually shocking
(12:13):
how many rub and tugs don't servicewomen. It is it's shocking. I
have heard that. Actually, yeah, I was, you know, when
I was single and I was,you know, getting a little desperate,
needing a little handsiness. I calledaround to a whole bunch of them in
Toronto, and uh, not asingle one of them was open to women
(12:35):
or couples. So yeah, which, like, wow, yeah, they
don't have money? Did you arub and tug deck? Well? Hold
on, hold on, So youbeing from the great state of Canada,
what are the rules when it comesto rub and tugs? Like? Is
(12:56):
that? Because I know they they'rea little bit more liberal when it comes
to sex work and the like,So is that legislated, Like, how
does that work for you? I'mnot one hundred percent. I'm sure,
like I'm sure they operate into somekind of like legal gray area. I'm
not sure what the laws are surroundingthat, but I do know that there
(13:20):
are quite a few of them thatdo operate like pretty openly, like you
can google them and they are fullytransparent about like erotic massage and like all
that stuff. So I don't know, I'd actually have to like look into
that. I know that like brothelsand stuff like that are legal also,
but then it depends on like zoningbylaws and stuff. So maybe that's that's
(13:41):
where like the the rub comes in. But yeah, yet I would think
that those safer the brothel massage experiencewould be a little bit more expensive than
the massage for lack of a betterterm, massage parlor massage experience, right,
Yeah, makes sense, Yes,But there aren't really many of them
(14:03):
because like a lot of cities havegotten around the legality of them by like
saying that they can't be built oroperate within like x amount of meters of
a school or a church or aresidential area. So basically they're saying like,
if you want to get jerked offby a stranger, you got to
drive out to butt fuck nowhere,and that just doesn't really happen a whole
(14:26):
lot. So yeah, well,in except in places that have brothels throughout
the US, they are not legal, and I'm not gonna lie. I
actually thought it was an urban legendbecause there were so many people that I
(14:50):
know that said that they went toone, and I didn't necessarily go to
the ones that they went to,but I would go to ones that weren't
like brick and mortar, chain massageplaces, trubshop. Right, you know,
go I right, can I geta piece of borrow pizza with this?
(15:18):
So, dude, that is agenius idea. Jerk you off,
give you a slice of pizza,and send you on your way. Somebody
fus, this, this is wherethe dildo comes in. So I had
some friends that were like, hey, if you go to this place,
and it was dreadfully out of theway for me, it wasn't really even
(15:39):
worth the drive. But they wouldsay, listen, here's what you do.
You go in. There's a door, you knock on a little hole
in the top of the door slidesopen, you give some kind of code
word in a secret handshake, andthey let you in. And then they
go through a series of steps likedo you want this option in your massage?
(16:00):
And they're like yes, And thatis a signal to the person that
they are there for special services quoteunquote interesting. And so if you order
like goldfish crackers with your massage,they know to put a pinky in your
ass, right, that is nowincluded if you want to try jam Yeah,
(16:29):
I think that's a chocolate covered pretzelrod actually. So anyway, and
years ago, I went to aplace fairly close to my house and there
were rumors that it was a ruband tug and I go and I actually
needed a legitimate massage, but Ithought, you know what, if something
(16:52):
else were to come of it,we'll kind of play it as it happens.
And nothing did happen. I don'tknow if they thought I was a
plant or a narc But the guyin the room next to me, and
I say room very kindly because itwas basically just drapery rooms. He was
(17:14):
trying to pay it. He wastrying to pay for extra services. The
woman clearly did not understand what hewas trying to say, thinking he was
just giving an extremely generous tip.Oh, he was out whatever amount of
money he was giving because he justhe didn't want to fight it because everyone
could hear him. So I'm like, you, yeah, that's how they
(17:38):
do it. I don't understand you. Thanks for the money. All of
a sudden, they're like, Idon't speak English, I know what,
what can you do? So Ialways thought, you know what, I
think people are just making this up. I think they know something that I
(17:59):
do not until this day. Soat the end of twenty twenty three,
I was working a lot, andmy day job is extremely physical, and
I was getting to the point whereI was starting to run down a bit.
(18:21):
So I'm like, you know what, I gotta get a massage.
And there really isn't brick and mortarplaces around me to go to, and
there are telling somebody to your house. Do you like call them, like,
come massage me in my living room? Was that usually how it works?
No, because Craigslist shut that downyears ago, none of that happens.
(18:42):
And I don't think anyone really truststhat dynamic anymore. So how do
you get a massage? So?You have to go to any place you
could really find, and there areof course places that have sort of licensed
massage therapist, but when it comesto that, you don't know if how
(19:07):
they are going to give you amassage is going to be what you enjoy.
Everyone kind of gives the massage theywant, so I hate going through
that trial and error. So it'sa lot easier to just go to kind
of a pop up massage place.You know what you're getting, You don't
have high expectations that be disappointed.Yeah, you know it's not going to
(19:32):
be great, but at least it'shands on a body. Hopefully they can
tell what you need because if musclesare tight, they can work through it.
Take that joke where you will,So quite literally, a pop up
place shows up less than three milesfrom my house about a year and a
(19:56):
half ago, and there was apoint where they had a ton of traffic.
It was seeing a lot of people. I'm like, man, that's
fantastic, and I wonder why,well, and see before I thought that,
my thought was, well, ifyou see a lot of people going
(20:17):
in and out, they must havea good reputation and they must be good
enough that they are getting return clientssaid, I did see women coming out
right, So okay, this works. So I'm like, let's give it
a shot. My legs are killingme. I gotta get a massage.
(20:41):
So I go in and there aretwo women working. Do I need to
say where they are from? Doesthat help the story? Wait? There
is there like a stereotype of likea like messuse one. Absolutely if you
(21:02):
find a place that is a veryquick pop up place may not have the
I'm not saying all of them maynot have the best reputation, typically Asian
massage people. Okay, so let'ssave a nail salon. Correct. Okay,
cuckuck cool. So I go inand there are two Asian women there.
(21:23):
One is about to walk into aroom with a client, and the
second one because I called ahead tomake sure I had a time, the
second one is there waiting for me. So I go in and very broken
English but good enough that we couldunderstand each other, and we go.
(21:45):
You have to set the scene.What does she look like? She is
probably late thirties. Okay, myguess is about five nine whoa, yeah,
yeah, she was tall and pretty. She was very pretty. Damn
five Yeah that her coworker was muchshorter than she was, that's right.
(22:11):
So we go into one room becausethat is the room that has like the
price breakdowns of what you want,like how long of a massage stuff like
that. So I said I wouldlike an hour, and they had like
regular massage, therapy, creams andlotions, or if you wanted CBD,
(22:33):
they had that option, which Ithought was pretty interesting because I have never
done anything CBD oriented. I justwent with the regular because I didn't know
how I would physically react to it. And she said, do you want
deep tissue? And I said,just a regular massage. It's been a
long time since I've had a massage, so I didn't want to end up
(22:56):
more sore than when I went in. If it's good enough, then I
can go back and get deep tissuelater. So okay, great deep.
We set on not settle on theprice, but you know, we figure
out the price, and she wantedpayment beforehand, which I actually appreciated because
(23:17):
one that means that you're paying forthe services that you expect. So I'm
thinking, well, even if thiswas a rub and tug that wouldn't happen.
I would imagine that would all benegotiated throughout and you just pay at
the end. But then I thought, well you could just say well here's
(23:37):
forty bucks and leave if you don'tpay them. So it was like one
of those well at least are gettingpaid something. This must be professional.
Oh, Dick. We go intothe room that we are actually going to
do she is actually doing the massagein and it is street and sidewalk fa
(24:00):
with a window. So that isthat is another thing where I go,
Well, if this was a placeof ill repute, that wouldn't happen.
They would want you no window coverings, nothing. It was like it had
window coverings, but they were allsheer. So the room is a little
(24:22):
bit darker, so if someone wereto try and look in, they wouldn't
see the person giving massage, butyou could look out. Okay, we'll
get there, so no relax.Relax. So she says, okay,
(24:45):
take off your clothes, lay downon the table. I'll be back.
So she leaves and I look atthe table. There is zero draping material.
It is basically the fitted sheet thatfits over the massage table. There's
(25:06):
a bolster for your ankles if you'relaying face down, and nothing there's no
body drape, there's no backpal,there's no cleanex like, there is nothing
that I could cover myself face down, face you start face down, okay,
(25:26):
your parents is gonna be one.Oh my god, that is so
funny. Exit when she comes in, ready, that's a fage in your
ass. So god. So thisis when I start to think maybe this
is a naughty massage place. SoI am going to run with this.
(25:53):
I'm just gonna see what I Whenshe came in and saw your ass,
well once again, the room isa little bit dark. Here is that
a spotlight? Is there a planeoverhead? Now people can see in through
the window. You're not wrong,So I figured, you know what,
let's just go with this. Icompletely undress and I lay down face down
(26:17):
on the table. What the heck'sfor you? She walks in, no
pause, no words, nothing,She just starts the massage, and even
though she was using massage cream,it's a really light massage. And I'm
(26:37):
thinking to myself, like I reallyneed a massage more than I need jerked
off like this isn't gonna do it, but you know what, I've paid.
I'll just hang out. And shestarts like my neck and my shoulders
(26:57):
and my upper backs face down,and it's it's okay, you know,
it's it's not bad. So sheworks down. She starts on my legs
and it's almost too late, likeit's it's almost ticklish, and I'm trying
to relax enough that it doesn't botherme. I love how much you guys
(27:21):
will laugh. I'm just picturing youlaying there, butt ass naked, blowing
ass cheeks, illuminating this room whilethis lady tickles you and you're like,
stop it, just stop, don'tstop, stop, don't stop. And
(27:41):
then the point where I realize ifI choose to, shit's gonna get real.
She is. She's not in there, let me say that, but
she is as she's going through themassage movements very fluidly. She's you're ass
like a credit card. Correct.She is going up just between my budgets.
(28:04):
Like I said, she's not searchingfor gold. She's just going through
just to let you just kind ofget the juices flowing. What kind of
nevermind? No please, I wasgonna say, what kind of butt do
you have? But you know,what do you mean? What kind of
butt do I have? So she'stouching your butt and then you're like,
(28:25):
get the juices flowing, and allI'm thinking about is you and your juicy
ass. Oh no, my frontaljuices, not my rear juices. Going
back to moist folds. No,it was just one of those things because
I hate to say the phrase primingthe pump, but it's one of those
motions that if you are not expectingthis feeling that you're gonna go oh oh,
(28:53):
things are about to go down.So she did it a lot,
I guess would be the nice wayto put it. But I'm yeah,
but I'm like, that is ratherdelightful. I could really get used to.
(29:15):
Ladies take note. So so forabout thirty minutes or so, she
is working on the back of mybody and it's it's good. I'm a
bit relaxed, but it's not whatI wanted. That's okay. So as
(29:36):
she works her way back up tomy shoulders and neck, she very nicely
puts her hands both hands on myshoulders and says, turnover. Well,
now now it's on. Now it'sgame time. Did you take a chunk
out of the ceiling? There wasa big woosh as I turned over the
(29:59):
lamp. It was so embarrassing now, So I'm like, well, now
this is where the rubber meets theroad. This is where I'm gonna turn
over, and we're going to seewhat happens. So I turn over once
again. She says nothing, itdoesn't break her rhythm. It's just what's
happening. So she very appropriately movesthe bolster from where it would be at
(30:25):
my ankles now behind my knees,very safe, posturally correct, like,
here we go. So she startsonce again shoulders chest, which I typically
don't like a chest massage, butit worked, and she is working her
way down my body. She's touchingmy stomach, she is working on my
(30:48):
thighs. She steps away from thetable, snaps a photo, but she
had she had to panorama that photo. Hold on, let me self emode
this bad boy and put this ina corner. So I have my eyes
(31:15):
closed. But because she has letme get let me say this, as
a massage therapist for many years,you always keep contact with your client and
so they know where so you knowwhere they are, basically right, she
(31:37):
lets me go, steps away,puts a heavy almost like a moving box
over the lamp in the room tomake it darker. Comes back over to
me, gives me a double boopto my penis. What double boom?
(32:02):
She goes, penis with her finger. She just tapped it. Like,
is this thing on right on thefranulum? Oh my god, she goes,
yes, I like I need anadult what? Yes? What?
(32:22):
Yes? Penis? Yes? Touchy? I don't, I don't know,
Oh my god. Double boom though, that's my Favorite'm gonna I'm gonna adopt
that as my signature move. Yeah, that's the little microphone. Is this
thing on? Oh when you saidthe box, she was just gonna put
(32:42):
it over your junk and like maneuveraround it. That's I was like,
we gotta get this thing out ofthe way. Maybe it would be like
some kind of puppet show where youknow, all you see is the hands
(33:04):
come in and they're like dark gloves, so you don't see that. But
anyway, did you say yes?I did not, God, I did
not. The first story ever.I was here for hand jobs, God
damn it. That's the thing Iwasn't. I was there to get the
(33:28):
legitimate massage. And I know thatthere are probably men listening to the show
and they're saying the address right now. They're like, I am so disappointed
in you, dick dangle, I'mdisappointed in you. What the fuck?
Here's the problem. I am difficultto bring to orgasm, so to get
(33:52):
your money's worth, Well, thereit is the problem. There's a point
where every man knows nothing is goingto happen. So do I put my
hand on her wrist and be like, cut this short, We're done.
Nothing's gonna happen. Don't worry.You're gonna get paid extra anyway. Do
(34:15):
I just let her keep going inperpetuity until she can't feel her hand?
So, and this is all runningthrough your brain as she's boom boom,
as she bootbet me yes, oh, my flesh before his eyes, he's
little weighing all the pros and cons. You can see all the medical formulas
(34:37):
floating in front of his eyes.Oh, there's as of them, like
getting married and then being like oldpeople together. He's like, oh God,
I didn't prepare for this. Whowould have? And I would tell
that story to everyone. Have thoughtthat me and my lovely wife of thirty
(34:57):
four years got to meet each otherand instantly fell in love at the massage
parlor where she jerked me off.I knew it was love at first sight.
When she was taller than me,What are you talking about? I'm
six foot? How dare you any? Guy says I was just gonna say
thatches. Do I want to showyou? Do? I need to show
(35:22):
you my driver's license? I've metyou in person, Dick, I don't
know. I don't I don't thinkyou're that tall. Well we'll cover this
on another shi. Yeah, yeah, So it was a very Russell Crowe
beautiful mind thing of just all thisthoughts running through my head. So okay,
(35:45):
so how did you let her down? Though? I have to know
this, like I have to knowhow this played out. So he ran
out of the room, just jumpflopping. Just I gotta leave out.
Well, we will cover why thatwould be a very bad decision in a
second. So she double boops.I run through all the scenarios of me
(36:13):
not getting off and her may befeeling bad about herself. I don't want
her to think her hand technique isn'tgood. She may think, well,
it's just an off day. He'sthat guy. Everyone else I'm scraping stuff
off the ceiling. This guy isI just don't have his technique down yet.
So instead of going through all that, I'm like, no, thank
(36:35):
you. She who knows. Maybeshe would have blown your fucking mind.
Maybe that would have been the handjob to end all hand jobs. Yeah,
I thought that afterwards, but afterwards, when he's at home, the
regrets. But I have never hada woman finish me strictly with a hand
(36:55):
job, so that happening would bealmost zero. There's no way. Once
again, maybe I'm wrong. Wecould be married right now. Who knows
wife material? But so double boop, No thank you, she says,
She says sorry, uncovers the light, goes to what I believe was a
(37:24):
secret cabinet because I didn't see itwhen I walked in. She pulls out
a hand towel or like a dishtowel, covers my privates with it,
and continues the regular massage. Butit's like half regular because she really didn't
(37:45):
do anything to my package during thefirst like the first part of that before
the double boop. But now she'steasing me, hoping that I will change
my mind. Oh that's sod.See if this towel starts levitating a little
(38:06):
bit, I called my dick Aladdinbecause it was just a it was just
a flying carpet above my penis awhole new world. Anyway, Wait,
were you hard through parts of it? Yes? Kay? Because what she
would do is she would come uplike the inside of my knee, of
(38:30):
my inner thigh, and oh sosubtly brush past my balls and then yeah,
I just oh just whisper soft orover my penis. And I'm like,
come on, You're making this adifficult decision to say no to,
(38:52):
but I'm going to continue to sayno. This might actually be the most
awkward shit I've ever heard of myno thank you? Well, what do
you want me to do? Slapher hand away like I'm scorning her.
(39:13):
No bad massage therapists do not knowbecause I didn't tell her my safe word,
right, yeah, well next timeyou know better. Yes, I
wasn't, Like my safe word isrude a bega. If you hear me
say that, no, double boop, let it go, I'll cry.
(39:37):
So I guess that we were closingin on the hour, and she knew
that I wasn't going to make thechoice. So she then starts kind of
working more on my legs, worksher way up my body, and she's
ending on my chest and my shouldersand my neck, and the massage ends.
(40:00):
Okay, yes, I'm good,We're good. I made it.
I made it, get dressed,and as I walk out, she is
in the lobby of this place,and because I did feel bad, I
(40:23):
hold on. I gave her avery generous tip because I figured this may
lay the groundwork for another visit,you never know. I wanted to let
(40:44):
her know that I wasn't undercover,you know, wasn't an ARC. So
she gives me, uh, thebusiness card to the facility, but it
is her specific card, which Ithought, that's kind of ballsy, right,
(41:08):
if you're going to have a nota massage facility. I'm sure it's
not her real name, but whywould you have a personalized business card?
Why wouldn't you call and ask forthe person. So it's just it does.
(41:30):
But I thought it was kind oflike, wow. Now, I
didn't look to see if it wasthe same number as the building, because
then if it's a different number,she might come to the house. But
that is neither here nor there.But I left, gave her the tip
and I said it was very nice, thank you very much. She smiled,
(41:52):
she was she didn't look like shewas disappointed or surprised or you know,
I think she genuinely was happy thatI was happy. Well, yeah,
she did not have to jerk youoff and you gave her extra money.
That's a weird win everything. It'severybody's dream, come on, Yeah,
that's my dream for real. Sowe say goodbye and I leave.
(42:14):
Now. I have not been back. This has been a little bit over
two months ago and I have notbeen back there. But the place is
still open and it operates under crazyhours because there have been times that I
have gone past this place at nineo'clock at night and there's nobody there,
(42:37):
lights are off, open sign isoff. There have been times I've gone
past at one am and the opensign is on and lights are on.
Like, interesting, when did yougo? What time of day? Was
it? Midday? So it wasabout two or three o'clock right around in
there. Interesting. Who is goingto get jerked off? I guess on
(42:58):
their lunch break? Maybe could benever? Yeah, why not, handy?
If there, let's go. Thereis no better way that I could
think of to get through a shipjob than by leaving for lunch, getting
worked over, and then going backto that job to get your piece of
(43:20):
pizza. Yeah, a free sliceof free slaves with every hand job,
I'm telling you, the viable business. I would be the most relaxed eight
hundred pound man on the planet thatexisted. So here's the kicker to the
story. There's a war. Thisis the epilogue to the story. And
(43:45):
it ties into something that you said, Dahlia, Oh god, oh,
I could not run out of thisplace naked because, and I mean this
in the most literal sense, directlybehind the building. Now, the actual
(44:05):
massage building is right on a mainroad pass my house into the next town.
No, there's a school behind it, better a police station for them.
And when I say they're the biggestpatrons of that place, let's be
fucking honest. That is my wholething with this because and when I say
(44:30):
directly behind it, it is directlybehind it. It is this building,
an alleyway and the police station,and it is one of the bigger police
stations in the county. And mythought is they have to know, right
are they getting see I don't wantto call it a kickback, a stroke
(44:51):
back for not closing it down.Are they maybe taken like they're going on
their lunch break? Could be arethey skimming a little bit? Like,
Hey, we won't close you,but we expect some money. Like I
don't know how that works because there'spart of me that wants to go to
(45:12):
one of the officers would be like, do you know just but then you're
a rat? But yeah, I'ma rat. But I kind of want
to see the reaction because people havetells. It would be very telling.
You're like, oh, you gotjerked off by the Amazon? Which one?
She's good, Martha has the besthands in the game. Yo.
(45:38):
You ever had the box cover thelight? Big guy? When the box
goes on, shit goes down?Oh my god? It actually kills me
at a place that presumably makes alot of money, because like, jerking
(45:59):
people off is not cheap. Rightthat they don't have dimmable lights. You
couldn't buy a lamp with a dimmerswitch. Why a box is it for?
Like the magician aspect, like youpull out the box and what's going
to happen next? What I cando? She pulls a rabbit out of
(46:20):
it. I'm allergic. I gottaget out of here. Yeah, I'm
face down. She's pulling out thehandkerchiefs like like a nutrition yeah, yeah,
and you're like, oh, trustme, sweetheart, you are going
to eat all of that for me. I didn't realized I had all those
(46:45):
in my ass. You are amagician. But yeah, it makes me
wonder like if I went to oneof the officers in that behind the building.
Listen, I don't want to bethat guy, but for public safety
(47:07):
and awareness, I feel like Ineed to be that guy. This place
is a naughty massage place. Doyou think it'd be like what this is
is the first we've heard of itand over sell it because literally four hours
before that he was in there onall fours with something in his asses.
(47:28):
He's getting a downward hand job,or you know, I think for a
police officer, that sounds about right. Yeah. Wait a minute, do
you know something that I don't Everycop? Okay, So I I have
dealt with a lot of cop clients, like a lot, every cop and
(47:51):
every military man that I have everserviced has been into submission and or ladies
patties Like you would be mind blownto know how many of the men that
are protecting and serving are doing soin pink freely undies. So what you're
(48:15):
saying is if I were to goback to this massage place, and I
had the fortune to be with thesame massage therapist to be back there with
Martha. If she were to comeinto the room after I were to disrobe
and I had a pair of women'sundergarments on, she'd be like, are
(48:38):
you from the police stations right?Do you get the discount right now?
Now? I can't run out becauseif I could get a discount, But
it does make me wonder would itbe different. Would she be like coaching
me through, like, oh,this is a tell this is someone that
(49:02):
works with certain organizations. So we'regoing to prop up as hips and we're
gonna put something in his butt.Like it would be more than a credit
card swipe on the ass crack,that's for sure. And there would be
like a like so much loom youhear the lucky you know, maybe maybe
she's mad, Maybe you get done. That is definitely when I give my
(49:30):
safe word for sure. Oh mygod, that is amazing. But you
know what I have to say,I think the cops have to know.
They have to know that it doesa revonde because so many members of our
society are so fucking stupid that ifthey were to get into a situation where
they disagreed on price. Who arethey gonna call? You're they're gonna call
(49:52):
the cops and tell on themselves.I've seen that happen so many times,
so like I feel like they know. I think they have to. I
think you're right, Yeah, thereare they got. There are so many
stories that you hear on the newswhere someone tries to buy drugs, gets
ripped off and then goes to thepolice to say that they got ripped off
(50:13):
on the drug deal. So oran escort, any full service sex worker.
They are dumb enough that if theyget ripped off, they will call
the cops. You're not wrong,So I guess what you're saying is I
need to go back and have thisexperience. Isn't your birthday coming up?
(50:36):
Oh, I'm about a month away, as we say, You're you're a
March baby, if I remember.I wonder if you get like a discount
at Starbucks when you get a freedrink, you gotta make sure you get
a boobardy hat. I'm here formy hand job, yeah, because I'm
a piscey. So she's trying tostick goldfish in my butt, you know.
(51:02):
Oh, I mean I you knowwin in France, you know,
yeah, Oh my god, I'mjust I'm picturing this whole scenario like unfolding,
and it is just playing in mymind like a episode of a sitcom.
No thank you, no thank you. And she's like, oh,
sorry, really you came here fora massage. You didn't want this?
(51:28):
Wait a minute. You know whatyou should have said is no, I
already came thank you. I rolledover in it. I'm so sorry.
Yeah. So what she's She's like, so you're here for an actual massage?
You are adorable? Come on,like, I'm not even good at
(51:49):
those. If I am to goback, well, because you're making it
someth I have to go back,you know, I go if the listeners
didn't want it, or if youguys didn't want I mean, I am
a gentleman. What planet are wegoing to be? Like? No,
(52:12):
dick, that's a bad idea.It's terrible, doll don'll So if I
am to go back, how doI make it really known that I am
there? Like, because, asI said, you start massages face down?
Do I have a butt plug in? Take a viagra before you get
(52:32):
on the table. Leave a tinynote folded up in your butt crack.
Yes, it just says I'm readyon the inside. Yeah, yeah,
no, just yes, like alittle little stick figure peanut, Well not
(52:52):
a stick, but like you know, a little happy penis in there.
Good hands, because it is funnierwith hands always. How about you know
how they make pop guns where theflag comes out and it says, how
you buttole Yeah, maybe I putin like a small cylinder. My god,
(53:15):
no, not in my butt,just like on the like I've squeeze
it with my cheeks and she pullsthe string and this this flag comes out
and either says yes or enter hereor something like that. Here we've skipped
the hand job and we've gone straightto butt stuff. Okay, he's a
cop, remember, Officer Dangle,Detective Dangle here to protect but wants to
(53:45):
get served. I have to takethis podcast on a different note, like
we're gonna have to be like crimescene investigators. Now says we can't win
a porn award, like we wegotta go somewhere else. Time to change
the nature of this podcast. Well, what may happen is if I go
(54:07):
about this process all wrong and Ido disappear. The Dangling after Dark Podcast
could just be YouTube doing the searchfor Dick Dangle podcast. True. Again,
that is amazing. That is ahell of a story. Thank you
(54:30):
very much. I'm glad you likeit, and I will let you know
if I go back to this place, and we will of course talk about
it in the three way like weare having now, We will talk about
it. Do you think they issuegift cards like I could get you on
for your birthday? He was like, oh my god, is that possible.
(54:59):
I know, literally have a punchcard. Oh my god, you
get a freebie after like what fifteennine nine? Oh, man, hand
job is free? But that's amazing. Is it a bad hand job?
Like is it like, oh,this is a free one. This is
just let me slap it around abit. I don't care. Boo yes,
(55:22):
nothing but booboo came yet. Orbecause they now have you down to
a science through the first nine andthe tenth one is just magical and mind
blowing. Oh yeah, oh mygod, that's so funny. I'm actually
so curious about the quality of thishand job. And also I feel like
(55:43):
if you go back, you needto like warn them, like you need
to be that guy. And it'slike eighteen long time to come and you'll
be done because they'll be like okay, and then they'll blow your mind in
like two seconds flat. You're like, yeah, whatever, guy, Yeah,
how about that? So many dicks. I have seen all the dicks.
How about this. I'm going toput the gauntlet in right. What
(56:07):
I'm going to do is have anactual clock timer with one hundred dollars bill
under him, and I'm gonna setthe timer for like I'll be generous,
seven minutes. And if they don'tget me off, okay, if they
don't get me off, then Iliterally I hit the timer goes off.
I hit it. I put themoney back in my pocket or back under
(56:29):
my butt cheek, and then likeyou lose and you know, make a
scene of it. They'll like,what's that, Madeline. So they'll take
the box and hit you with it. Now give me that box over my
head as they punch me in thedick. Yes, oh my god,
(56:52):
give me my money, Madeline.I will give you their phone number and
you can call them and say thatI would like to purchase a gift certificate
for a friend. They will bein tomorrow at this time. Get the
(57:13):
most calloused hands you could possibly findCan you just get some sandpaper, mits
wear some strug gloves and the showerhave rice in it, Brillo pads,
oven cleaners, Like we we needthis thing, right, I mean,
(57:37):
oh my god, is that gonnatake stick? Is that going to take
as a rough hand? No,but it makes it fun. It's fun
for me. It is very muchtechnique. Okay, so it may take
them a while. And see nowthat that leads to a good question.
Does that mean I need to showthem them how to do it? Like
(58:01):
guide them through it? Or Ithink you would be surprised. I think
you're sitting on a bit of ahigh horse here, dick. I feel
like they've gotten off so many peoplethat they're not going to have a problem
with you. I feel like that'sprobably the case. See I disagree with
that, I really really do.I wonder how many men have had that
attitude and went in there and beenlike, oh, probably so many,
(58:23):
every single one, so many becauselike I personally like I suck a lot
of dick, okay, like alot. And I want to say,
nine times out of ten when Istuck somebody's dick, they're like, oh,
I hope you don't mind, ButI take a really long time to
come, and then I get themoff in like two minutes flat. So
I feel like that's probably the case. I feel like their expertise goes beyond
(58:47):
your hang ups about coming. You'resaying they're Jedi masters. Well not Jedi
masters, but I feel like theyjerk off a lot of people. I
feel like the dick is not astreet to these people. They know how
it ticks and they know how tomake it come. I'm telling you,
I will bet you five dollars anda year's subscription to my only fans that
(59:10):
they can make you come. Fivedollars really, yeah, and a year's
subscription time. That's a deal anda half. It's really like a two
hundred dollars value. Yeah, that'sokay. See my thought was put your
money where your mouth is. Iwill say one hundred dollars. Ooh,
what if he lies to us?We've got to be there, Yeah,
(59:34):
we got to watch. We'll haveto be standing outside the window, just
your face pressed up. I guessthat steaming up the glass. Well why
is the glass fucking up? Ifyou guys are there, excuse me?
Yeah, yeah, we know what'sgoing on there. We've had stuff in
(59:57):
our butts. Keep walking, hbut if you guys are there, I'll
probably finish faster. So that's notfair. Yeah, just staring at you
condescendingly. Is that what you're into? I might be. I've never had
that happen. I've never been thatoverly submissive part money. Yeah, one
(01:00:22):
day, I'm not against it.I don't know what I like and what
I don't. I've had very boringpartners in my life, and that's another
reason that I think that they wouldjust blow your mind. Yeah. I
think you just haven't experienced a trueprofessional just yet. Have you gone to
an escort before? Have you everhad full service? Well? I went
(01:00:42):
Okay, I'll say this. I'vebeen to a brothel twice. Okay,
I did not orgasm at the time. Interesting ners, No, it was
just technique. I think that's partof it. I am someone very connection
oriented, and even though people promotetheir girlfriend experience, when you go to
(01:01:08):
a brothel, at some level mybrain goes but it's not. But you're
lying to me, right, Youdon't love me? Yes, I mean
I still enjoy it, but it'sjust it doesn't get me over the edge.
(01:01:28):
Okay, So here you need tosee the same provider two or three
times, so maybe you can geton that sort of like, oh,
yeah, we've done this before,and I know you really liked a certain
book that you read and she askedyou about hockey or whatever, and then
maybe it'll be a little bit moreso I should go back. Yeah,
(01:01:51):
get Martha, Yes, get regularmassages. Yes. And then when the
box goes over the light and Ireceived a double boop, then yeah,
I go for the kill. Yes. Or just show up in like a
thong that just says, jerk meoff on it. Well, I could
(01:02:16):
I don't need to wear a thongthat says that. I could literally just
hold up a piece of paper whenI roll over and be like or just
like write on your sharpie it downthere to make sure it's not backwards so
she can actually read it like anambulance, right, what say? Or
(01:02:42):
I could put I could paint atarget on my belly. You know what
that would actually be like going tothe massage carp or whatever they called messuse
uh itself. That's like putting thataside, a target on your belly is
actually fucking genius. That's what Ido. That's it. Everybody who ever
jerks off for me from now onis going to have to put a target
(01:03:05):
on their belly. I will notaccept anything. But this is a fun
game. You get ten points,oh yeah, do you do it like
ski ball where you have several forthere's like if you not in the middle
circle and get a bull's eye andthen the hand jobs free. Okay,
Wow, you don't even need thepunch. This is amazing. This is
(01:03:31):
actually like a great fucking story.I'm so glad that you shared this with
us, Dick, and now continue, Yeah, I uh, I will
go back for you guys, andfor the show. You have to five
dollars and my only fans, I'mtelling you stay tuned. Listeners, stay
(01:03:52):
tuned. Yes, So thank youone and all or listening to this story
and listening to this episode. Ilove every single listener of the show so
much, and I'm glad that youare part of this incredible experience with me.
(01:04:15):
And until we are as disappointed inhim as you all are, I
promise we've been giving him judgy looksthis entire recording sage. I feel it.
It's burned into my chest. Sosince Dahlia let Madeline go first on
the question, at the beginning episode, we will let Madeline go first.
(01:04:39):
Again. Madeline, please tell everybodywhere they could find you online, on
social media and every place so theycan support you and your greatness. All
right, So you guys can hitup madelinay dot com for everything that is
WAW and then mostly social media sothat you can find me on Twitter because
(01:05:00):
it'll always, forever and never beTwitter. And that's at Madeline Ray.
And that's all you need to knowright now. And can I just say,
for anybody who's listening that is notcurrently following Madeline Ray on Twitter,
you're fucking up, my friend.You are fucking up if you are not
following her on Twitter. She posteda photo today that I'm masturbated to probably
(01:05:23):
ten times in the last three hours. So I just want to let you
guys know following her is so fuckingworth it, so fucking she's as hot
as she sounds. I promise Ican agree with that wholeheartedly. Also turned
off to the photo. I'm surehe did, Dick, I didn't because
(01:05:44):
you didn't double boot me raw,all right, you said it. You
just wait. Well, I don'tthink I will post some shit U,
So, dear Dahlia, please telleverybody where they can find your greatness online.
All of my links can be foundat Dalia d dot com. That's
(01:06:05):
d A h L I A de e dot com. Very very nice.
I am at Dick Dangle dot com. That's my links page. Dangling
after Dark is the website if youwant to do direct downloads of the episodes,
and of course my Twitter, whichis my main platform, is at
(01:06:26):
the Dick Dangle. So once again, thank you, dear ladies for being
a part of this episode. I'mso glad that I was here. I
would not have missed this for theworld. Thanks unch my throat keeps doing
the thing with the stuff in it, like okay, okay, I'm just
(01:06:47):
choked up over this whole ordeal andhow you didn't get a handy understandable.
I will find you, I promise, And once again, thank you so
much, dear listeners for listening tothis episode. Please take care of yourselves
and the people around you, payfor your poor and and support amazing content
(01:07:10):
creators like Malin Ray, like DahliaD and all of the incredible guests that
I have had on this show overthe years. Please find something that feeds
your soul. Do it as oftenas you possibly can. If you get
a double boop, realize it's decisiontime, and ladies give it and dear
(01:07:32):
ladies give it to me simultaneously becauseI need it, and what else dangle darn s
Dangling after Dark with Dick Dangle.Episode five twenty one features co host Dollia
d and Madeline Ray and the beststory ever told on this podcast. Warning,
this show is only for adults wholike sex. Does your dick hang?
(00:30):
No? Does it dangle to andfro? Can you tie it in?
Then? Can you tie it ina boat? Don't worry, Dick
(00:52):
will be coming. Welcome to thepresent nation. Here he is Dick Dangle,
Dick Dangle. He Hello every badand welcome to episode five twenty one
of Dangling after Dark with Dick Dangle. Welcome to the pervert Nation. I
(01:15):
am your host, Dick Dangle andjoining me for this unbelievable episode. Let's
start here first. She is everythingyou could possibly want in a fetish model
and content creator and more. Sheis the Fungui fem fatale, the mushroom
maid in, the caterpillar Concubine,the buxom butterfly bombshell, the pantehose and
(01:38):
plant princess, and the Potata pamp. She is Madeline Ray. How are
you doing girl? I'm doing great? How are you? I Am doing
so well? And let's add tothis show. It is your goddess from
the Great White North. She isyour Manitoba maple syrup made in your saucy
(02:01):
spot from Saskatoon, your cover fromthunder Bay, the Bitch and Concubine from
British Columbia, the pro twerker,but Asaskorna from Alberta, your perfect Vagina
from Rajada, as well as yourbargain ben beauty from Brampton. She is
(02:22):
no wonderful Dahlia d How are youdoing, girl? I just came.
I'm so glad I got to watch. That was such a great intro.
I love it. I love it. The barge it's me. I love
it. You said it in ashow and I had to put it in
your your intro. I love itso much. So this, dear listeners,
(02:45):
came together so quickly. I've beentrying to organize myself and my thoughts
and recordings for this show, andthen the heavens opened up, serendipity ensued,
and now we are able to havethe three of us record for this
episode. So what are you gonnaget with this episode? A little bit
(03:05):
of talk in the beginning, andthen I am going to have these wonderful
women helped me through a story thatcould quite possibly be the greatest story I
have ever told on this podcast.I'm so excited for this, but I'm
just gonna tell you right now,Dick, if this has anything to do
(03:28):
with Olivia Rodrigo, Oh, she'sold news. Now you're canceled. There's
the new lust he's got going on. Let's start, Okay, Olivia Rodrigou,
she had a place in my heart, but then she was quickly replaced
by Tate McCrae. Fellow Canadian bythe way, and I am now on
(03:53):
the outs with her because she wasa celebrity coach at the NHL All Star
Game and was making eyes at oneof the greatest hockey players to ever play
the game. So now, becauseshe obviously didn't realize word had not gotten
to hard that she has this placein my heart, she is now second
(04:16):
place. I am going with duaLipa. So dual lipa. Interesting.
I thought you were going to saythe hockey player that she was making eyes
af hockey player. Out of thefour of them, he is probably the
most age appropriate. But I meanhe does not handle a stick, does
(04:38):
he does? He's got quick hands, as they say, yes, So
I think the first thing we needto get to in this episode is the
fact. I mean, what doI say? Obviously it was rigged.
There are there are forces in placethat made sure that we did not win
(05:03):
the AVN for Best Adult Podcast.I don't even know where to begin.
I'm honestly, I'm afraid to sayanything because apparently there's an illuminati. Oh
my goodness, the porn Mafiayah.If I am to say anything negative,
(05:24):
they may come to the dangle Dome. You're gonna get murdered and take care
of business. And I cannot havethat happen. So we will work wear
some concrete shows. They're gonna whackthem in all the wrong ways. Yeah,
So I will be as delicate aboutthis as possible. So the podcast
(05:45):
that won last year that Shall RemainNameless won again this year because as Dahlia
we were discussing, all three ofus were kind of talking on our own
and she didn't even know that thispot cast existed. And the thing about
the podcast that one is it's kindof like part podcast, not really,
(06:10):
it's seeing creation because what that showdoes is they kind of talk to the
person beforehand and then they have sexwith the person afterwards. Oh that's why
they won. They're literally fucking andbetween the two hosts they have about two
million plus listeners and uh, andit's also part soap opera because that is
(06:33):
what gains attention because there's there's somuch story behind it. But I don't
get into it because, as MadelineRay likes to say, uh, not
my circus, not my monkeys,not my circuit. There you go.
Yes, So I'm a leader overhere, so I'm happy to dive in
(06:56):
Nelly's going rogue. Wow, thatwould be a shocker, crazy. So
may I also say before I continue, out of the three of us,
one of us is naked. Whocould it be? I think that pretty
much answered the question. She gotoff cam and uh and jumped right on
(07:19):
post shower to record this. Sosadly she has cropped herself like an Awestome
Powers movie, so we cannot enjoyit. But that's okayaginations though, let
the listeners picture my half cleavage.That's not even showing. That's right.
You're crease, Your crease? Isit moist? Little damp? She's logging
(07:50):
off. The only word worse thancreases in that context is fold. So
let's just laundry. Let's not whateverit's like an accordion material there just filled
with liquid. So hang in there, hang too much. So but I
(08:13):
would like to say thank you toevery single person that voted for US.
I don't like to bog down timelineswith a lot of oh, people are
voting for US. Maybe I should, Maybe that would help me be more
visible for next year. But thereare so many people that really went out
(08:35):
of their way to let me knowthey were voting, and I did what
I could to either say as areply or maybe in DM you know,
thank you very much. If Idid not, I apologize. But yeah,
I just thank you to everyone rightnow for voting, for listening,
for existing. We appreciate you oneso flee next year. I said on
(09:01):
Twitter, I think what this meansis I need to start sleeping with the
people that I interview. Lucky foryou, you guys are co hosts,
so this does not involve you.You are very lucky because I don't know
what would happen, considering the historywe now have with each other. More
(09:26):
than likely there's gonna be crying onmy part at the end, out of
pure joy, of course, maybemaybe a little embarrassment. But yes,
so I'm apologizing. Yeah, youknow how it goes. That's okay.
I'm used to people crying after sexwith me. So the chorus like,
(09:48):
yes, another one more tears formy file. Do you have a tear
drop stamp that you just hit thebed with its like bunk and like a
other victim. That's yeah, exactlyit. I have like a little like
jar beside my bed, and everytime they cry, I just collect their
tears and it's three quarters of thewayful we're getting there. Is it a
(10:13):
mason jar or just like a tinyvial like a pickle jar, pickle jar
of tears just as salty. Yeah, a brine. That's it. I'm
gonna make pickles with your tears.Wow, Dolia D's dill teared pickles.
(10:33):
I like it. That's it.That would probably sell. Not gonna lie.
Oh my god, I think Ineed to make some pickles. Sure,
I'll call them dildos. That's howyou make pickled bread? Is what
dildo? Oh god? Hey putit in chips, you put it in
(10:58):
bread. So all right, let'sget this started. I'm so excited.
As I normally do. I liketo approach whatever I'm going to talk about
by starting with a question to myhosts. So Madelin has the answer first.
That's fine, that's fine. It'snot a it is not a directly
(11:24):
personal question. But since Madeline isgoing to answer this first, Madeline,
are you aware or have you everseen a massage business that may have not
been above board? Shall we callit a robin tug? I think I
(11:50):
have walked by one once, butI have never never have I entered said
establishment turned down by so many ofthose places? Wait, wait as a
client, as an employee, like, you know what, it's actually shocking
(12:13):
how many rub and tugs don't servicewomen. It is it's shocking. I
have heard that. Actually, yeah, I was, you know, when
I was single and I was,you know, getting a little desperate,
needing a little handsiness. I calledaround to a whole bunch of them in
Toronto, and uh, not asingle one of them was open to women
(12:35):
or couples. So yeah, which, like, wow, yeah, they
don't have money? Did you arub and tug deck? Well? Hold
on, hold on, So youbeing from the great state of Canada,
what are the rules when it comesto rub and tugs? Like? Is
(12:56):
that? Because I know they they'rea little bit more liberal when it comes
to sex work and the like,So is that legislated, Like, how
does that work for you? I'mnot one hundred percent. I'm sure,
like I'm sure they operate into somekind of like legal gray area. I'm
not sure what the laws are surroundingthat, but I do know that there
(13:20):
are quite a few of them thatdo operate like pretty openly, like you
can google them and they are fullytransparent about like erotic massage and like all
that stuff. So I don't know, I'd actually have to like look into
that. I know that like brothelsand stuff like that are legal also,
but then it depends on like zoningbylaws and stuff. So maybe that's that's
(13:41):
where like the the rub comes in. But yeah, yet I would think
that those safer the brothel massage experiencewould be a little bit more expensive than
the massage for lack of a betterterm, massage parlor massage experience, right,
Yeah, makes sense, Yes,But there aren't really many of them
(14:03):
because like a lot of cities havegotten around the legality of them by like
saying that they can't be built oroperate within like x amount of meters of
a school or a church or aresidential area. So basically they're saying like,
if you want to get jerked offby a stranger, you got to
drive out to butt fuck nowhere,and that just doesn't really happen a whole
(14:26):
lot. So yeah, well,in except in places that have brothels throughout
the US, they are not legal, and I'm not gonna lie. I
actually thought it was an urban legendbecause there were so many people that I
(14:50):
know that said that they went toone, and I didn't necessarily go to
the ones that they went to,but I would go to ones that weren't
like brick and mortar, chain massageplaces, trubshop. Right, you know,
go I right, can I geta piece of borrow pizza with this?
(15:18):
So, dude, that is agenius idea. Jerk you off,
give you a slice of pizza,and send you on your way. Somebody
fus, this, this is wherethe dildo comes in. So I had
some friends that were like, hey, if you go to this place,
and it was dreadfully out of theway for me, it wasn't really even
(15:39):
worth the drive. But they wouldsay, listen, here's what you do.
You go in. There's a door, you knock on a little hole
in the top of the door slidesopen, you give some kind of code
word in a secret handshake, andthey let you in. And then they
go through a series of steps likedo you want this option in your massage?
(16:00):
And they're like yes, And thatis a signal to the person that
they are there for special services quoteunquote interesting. And so if you order
like goldfish crackers with your massage,they know to put a pinky in your
ass, right, that is nowincluded if you want to try jam Yeah,
(16:29):
I think that's a chocolate covered pretzelrod actually. So anyway, and
years ago, I went to aplace fairly close to my house and there
were rumors that it was a ruband tug and I go and I actually
needed a legitimate massage, but Ithought, you know what, if something
(16:52):
else were to come of it,we'll kind of play it as it happens.
And nothing did happen. I don'tknow if they thought I was a
plant or a narc But the guyin the room next to me, and
I say room very kindly because itwas basically just drapery rooms. He was
(17:14):
trying to pay it. He wastrying to pay for extra services. The
woman clearly did not understand what hewas trying to say, thinking he was
just giving an extremely generous tip.Oh, he was out whatever amount of
money he was giving because he justhe didn't want to fight it because everyone
could hear him. So I'm like, you, yeah, that's how they
(17:38):
do it. I don't understand you. Thanks for the money. All of
a sudden, they're like, Idon't speak English, I know what,
what can you do? So Ialways thought, you know what, I
think people are just making this up. I think they know something that I
(17:59):
do not until this day. Soat the end of twenty twenty three,
I was working a lot, andmy day job is extremely physical, and
I was getting to the point whereI was starting to run down a bit.
(18:21):
So I'm like, you know what, I gotta get a massage.
And there really isn't brick and mortarplaces around me to go to, and
there are telling somebody to your house. Do you like call them, like,
come massage me in my living room? Was that usually how it works?
No, because Craigslist shut that downyears ago, none of that happens.
(18:42):
And I don't think anyone really truststhat dynamic anymore. So how do
you get a massage? So?You have to go to any place you
could really find, and there areof course places that have sort of licensed
massage therapist, but when it comesto that, you don't know if how
(19:07):
they are going to give you amassage is going to be what you enjoy.
Everyone kind of gives the massage theywant, so I hate going through
that trial and error. So it'sa lot easier to just go to kind
of a pop up massage place.You know what you're getting, You don't
have high expectations that be disappointed.Yeah, you know it's not going to
(19:32):
be great, but at least it'shands on a body. Hopefully they can
tell what you need because if musclesare tight, they can work through it.
Take that joke where you will,So quite literally, a pop up
place shows up less than three milesfrom my house about a year and a
(19:56):
half ago, and there was apoint where they had a ton of traffic.
It was seeing a lot of people. I'm like, man, that's
fantastic, and I wonder why,well, and see before I thought that,
my thought was, well, ifyou see a lot of people going
(20:17):
in and out, they must havea good reputation and they must be good
enough that they are getting return clientssaid, I did see women coming out
right, So okay, this works. So I'm like, let's give it
a shot. My legs are killingme. I gotta get a massage.
(20:41):
So I go in and there aretwo women working. Do I need to
say where they are from? Doesthat help the story? Wait? There
is there like a stereotype of likea like messuse one. Absolutely if you
(21:02):
find a place that is a veryquick pop up place may not have the
I'm not saying all of them maynot have the best reputation, typically Asian
massage people. Okay, so let'ssave a nail salon. Correct. Okay,
cuckuck cool. So I go inand there are two Asian women there.
(21:23):
One is about to walk into aroom with a client, and the
second one because I called ahead tomake sure I had a time, the
second one is there waiting for me. So I go in and very broken
English but good enough that we couldunderstand each other, and we go.
(21:45):
You have to set the scene.What does she look like? She is
probably late thirties. Okay, myguess is about five nine whoa, yeah,
yeah, she was tall and pretty. She was very pretty. Damn
five Yeah that her coworker was muchshorter than she was, that's right.
(22:11):
So we go into one room becausethat is the room that has like the
price breakdowns of what you want,like how long of a massage stuff like
that. So I said I wouldlike an hour, and they had like
regular massage, therapy, creams andlotions, or if you wanted CBD,
(22:33):
they had that option, which Ithought was pretty interesting because I have never
done anything CBD oriented. I justwent with the regular because I didn't know
how I would physically react to it. And she said, do you want
deep tissue? And I said,just a regular massage. It's been a
long time since I've had a massage, so I didn't want to end up
(22:56):
more sore than when I went in. If it's good enough, then I
can go back and get deep tissuelater. So okay, great deep.
We set on not settle on theprice, but you know, we figure
out the price, and she wantedpayment beforehand, which I actually appreciated because
(23:17):
one that means that you're paying forthe services that you expect. So I'm
thinking, well, even if thiswas a rub and tug that wouldn't happen.
I would imagine that would all benegotiated throughout and you just pay at
the end. But then I thought, well you could just say well here's
(23:37):
forty bucks and leave if you don'tpay them. So it was like one
of those well at least are gettingpaid something. This must be professional.
Oh, Dick. We go intothe room that we are actually going to
do she is actually doing the massagein and it is street and sidewalk fa
(24:00):
with a window. So that isthat is another thing where I go,
Well, if this was a placeof ill repute, that wouldn't happen.
They would want you no window coverings, nothing. It was like it had
window coverings, but they were allsheer. So the room is a little
(24:22):
bit darker, so if someone wereto try and look in, they wouldn't
see the person giving massage, butyou could look out. Okay, we'll
get there, so no relax.Relax. So she says, okay,
(24:45):
take off your clothes, lay downon the table. I'll be back.
So she leaves and I look atthe table. There is zero draping material.
It is basically the fitted sheet thatfits over the massage table. There's
(25:06):
a bolster for your ankles if you'relaying face down, and nothing there's no
body drape, there's no backpal,there's no cleanex like, there is nothing
that I could cover myself face down, face you start face down, okay,
(25:26):
your parents is gonna be one.Oh my god, that is so
funny. Exit when she comes in, ready, that's a fage in your
ass. So god. So thisis when I start to think maybe this
is a naughty massage place. SoI am going to run with this.
(25:53):
I'm just gonna see what I Whenshe came in and saw your ass,
well once again, the room isa little bit dark. Here is that
a spotlight? Is there a planeoverhead? Now people can see in through
the window. You're not wrong,So I figured, you know what,
let's just go with this. Icompletely undress and I lay down face down
(26:17):
on the table. What the heck'sfor you? She walks in, no
pause, no words, nothing,She just starts the massage, and even
though she was using massage cream,it's a really light massage. And I'm
(26:37):
thinking to myself, like I reallyneed a massage more than I need jerked
off like this isn't gonna do it, but you know what, I've paid.
I'll just hang out. And shestarts like my neck and my shoulders
(26:57):
and my upper backs face down,and it's it's okay, you know,
it's it's not bad. So sheworks down. She starts on my legs
and it's almost too late, likeit's it's almost ticklish, and I'm trying
to relax enough that it doesn't botherme. I love how much you guys
(27:21):
will laugh. I'm just picturing youlaying there, butt ass naked, blowing
ass cheeks, illuminating this room whilethis lady tickles you and you're like,
stop it, just stop, don'tstop, stop, don't stop. And
(27:41):
then the point where I realize ifI choose to, shit's gonna get real.
She is. She's not in there, let me say that, but
she is as she's going through themassage movements very fluidly. She's you're ass
like a credit card. Correct.She is going up just between my budgets.
(28:04):
Like I said, she's not searchingfor gold. She's just going through
just to let you just kind ofget the juices flowing. What kind of
nevermind? No please, I wasgonna say, what kind of butt do
you have? But you know,what do you mean? What kind of
butt do I have? So she'stouching your butt and then you're like,
(28:25):
get the juices flowing, and allI'm thinking about is you and your juicy
ass. Oh no, my frontaljuices, not my rear juices. Going
back to moist folds. No,it was just one of those things because
I hate to say the phrase primingthe pump, but it's one of those
motions that if you are not expectingthis feeling that you're gonna go oh oh,
(28:53):
things are about to go down.So she did it a lot,
I guess would be the nice wayto put it. But I'm yeah,
but I'm like, that is ratherdelightful. I could really get used to.
(29:15):
Ladies take note. So so forabout thirty minutes or so, she
is working on the back of mybody and it's it's good. I'm a
bit relaxed, but it's not whatI wanted. That's okay. So as
(29:36):
she works her way back up tomy shoulders and neck, she very nicely
puts her hands both hands on myshoulders and says, turnover. Well,
now now it's on. Now it'sgame time. Did you take a chunk
out of the ceiling? There wasa big woosh as I turned over the
(29:59):
lamp. It was so embarrassing now, So I'm like, well, now
this is where the rubber meets theroad. This is where I'm gonna turn
over, and we're going to seewhat happens. So I turn over once
again. She says nothing, itdoesn't break her rhythm. It's just what's
happening. So she very appropriately movesthe bolster from where it would be at
(30:25):
my ankles now behind my knees,very safe, posturally correct, like,
here we go. So she startsonce again shoulders chest, which I typically
don't like a chest massage, butit worked, and she is working her
way down my body. She's touchingmy stomach, she is working on my
(30:48):
thighs. She steps away from thetable, snaps a photo, but she
had she had to panorama that photo. Hold on, let me self emode
this bad boy and put this ina corner. So I have my eyes
(31:15):
closed. But because she has letme get let me say this, as
a massage therapist for many years,you always keep contact with your client and
so they know where so you knowwhere they are, basically right, she
(31:37):
lets me go, steps away,puts a heavy almost like a moving box
over the lamp in the room tomake it darker. Comes back over to
me, gives me a double boopto my penis. What double boom?
(32:02):
She goes, penis with her finger. She just tapped it. Like,
is this thing on right on thefranulum? Oh my god, she goes,
yes, I like I need anadult what? Yes? What?
(32:22):
Yes? Penis? Yes? Touchy? I don't, I don't know,
Oh my god. Double boom though, that's my Favorite'm gonna I'm gonna adopt
that as my signature move. Yeah, that's the little microphone. Is this
thing on? Oh when you saidthe box, she was just gonna put
(32:42):
it over your junk and like maneuveraround it. That's I was like,
we gotta get this thing out ofthe way. Maybe it would be like
some kind of puppet show where youknow, all you see is the hands
(33:04):
come in and they're like dark gloves, so you don't see that. But
anyway, did you say yes?I did not, God, I did
not. The first story ever.I was here for hand jobs, God
damn it. That's the thing Iwasn't. I was there to get the
(33:28):
legitimate massage. And I know thatthere are probably men listening to the show
and they're saying the address right now. They're like, I am so disappointed
in you, dick dangle, I'mdisappointed in you. What the fuck?
Here's the problem. I am difficultto bring to orgasm, so to get
(33:52):
your money's worth, Well, thereit is the problem. There's a point
where every man knows nothing is goingto happen. So do I put my
hand on her wrist and be like, cut this short, We're done.
Nothing's gonna happen. Don't worry.You're gonna get paid extra anyway. Do
(34:15):
I just let her keep going inperpetuity until she can't feel her hand?
So, and this is all runningthrough your brain as she's boom boom,
as she bootbet me yes, oh, my flesh before his eyes, he's
little weighing all the pros and cons. You can see all the medical formulas
(34:37):
floating in front of his eyes.Oh, there's as of them, like
getting married and then being like oldpeople together. He's like, oh God,
I didn't prepare for this. Whowould have? And I would tell
that story to everyone. Have thoughtthat me and my lovely wife of thirty
(34:57):
four years got to meet each otherand instantly fell in love at the massage
parlor where she jerked me off.I knew it was love at first sight.
When she was taller than me,What are you talking about? I'm
six foot? How dare you any? Guy says I was just gonna say
thatches. Do I want to showyou? Do? I need to show
(35:22):
you my driver's license? I've metyou in person, Dick, I don't
know. I don't I don't thinkyou're that tall. Well we'll cover this
on another shi. Yeah, yeah, So it was a very Russell Crowe
beautiful mind thing of just all thisthoughts running through my head. So okay,
(35:45):
so how did you let her down? Though? I have to know
this, like I have to knowhow this played out. So he ran
out of the room, just jumpflopping. Just I gotta leave out.
Well, we will cover why thatwould be a very bad decision in a
second. So she double boops.I run through all the scenarios of me
(36:13):
not getting off and her may befeeling bad about herself. I don't want
her to think her hand technique isn'tgood. She may think, well,
it's just an off day. He'sthat guy. Everyone else I'm scraping stuff
off the ceiling. This guy isI just don't have his technique down yet.
So instead of going through all that, I'm like, no, thank
(36:35):
you. She who knows. Maybeshe would have blown your fucking mind.
Maybe that would have been the handjob to end all hand jobs. Yeah,
I thought that afterwards, but afterwards, when he's at home, the
regrets. But I have never hada woman finish me strictly with a hand
(36:55):
job, so that happening would bealmost zero. There's no way. Once
again, maybe I'm wrong. Wecould be married right now. Who knows
wife material? But so double boop, No thank you, she says,
She says sorry, uncovers the light, goes to what I believe was a
(37:24):
secret cabinet because I didn't see itwhen I walked in. She pulls out
a hand towel or like a dishtowel, covers my privates with it,
and continues the regular massage. Butit's like half regular because she really didn't
(37:45):
do anything to my package during thefirst like the first part of that before
the double boop. But now she'steasing me, hoping that I will change
my mind. Oh that's sod.See if this towel starts levitating a little
(38:06):
bit, I called my dick Aladdinbecause it was just a it was just
a flying carpet above my penis awhole new world. Anyway, Wait,
were you hard through parts of it? Yes? Kay? Because what she
would do is she would come uplike the inside of my knee, of
(38:30):
my inner thigh, and oh sosubtly brush past my balls and then yeah,
I just oh just whisper soft orover my penis. And I'm like,
come on, You're making this adifficult decision to say no to,
(38:52):
but I'm going to continue to sayno. This might actually be the most
awkward shit I've ever heard of myno thank you? Well, what do
you want me to do? Slapher hand away like I'm scorning her.
(39:13):
No bad massage therapists do not knowbecause I didn't tell her my safe word,
right, yeah, well next timeyou know better. Yes, I
wasn't, Like my safe word isrude a bega. If you hear me
say that, no, double boop, let it go, I'll cry.
(39:37):
So I guess that we were closingin on the hour, and she knew
that I wasn't going to make thechoice. So she then starts kind of
working more on my legs, worksher way up my body, and she's
ending on my chest and my shouldersand my neck, and the massage ends.
(40:00):
Okay, yes, I'm good,We're good. I made it.
I made it, get dressed,and as I walk out, she is
in the lobby of this place,and because I did feel bad, I
(40:23):
hold on. I gave her avery generous tip because I figured this may
lay the groundwork for another visit,you never know. I wanted to let
(40:44):
her know that I wasn't undercover,you know, wasn't an ARC. So
she gives me, uh, thebusiness card to the facility, but it
is her specific card, which Ithought, that's kind of ballsy, right,
(41:08):
if you're going to have a nota massage facility. I'm sure it's
not her real name, but whywould you have a personalized business card?
Why wouldn't you call and ask forthe person. So it's just it does.
(41:30):
But I thought it was kind oflike, wow. Now, I
didn't look to see if it wasthe same number as the building, because
then if it's a different number,she might come to the house. But
that is neither here nor there.But I left, gave her the tip
and I said it was very nice, thank you very much. She smiled,
(41:52):
she was she didn't look like shewas disappointed or surprised or you know,
I think she genuinely was happy thatI was happy. Well, yeah,
she did not have to jerk youoff and you gave her extra money.
That's a weird win everything. It'severybody's dream, come on, Yeah,
that's my dream for real. Sowe say goodbye and I leave.
(42:14):
Now. I have not been back. This has been a little bit over
two months ago and I have notbeen back there. But the place is
still open and it operates under crazyhours because there have been times that I
have gone past this place at nineo'clock at night and there's nobody there,
(42:37):
lights are off, open sign isoff. There have been times I've gone
past at one am and the opensign is on and lights are on.
Like, interesting, when did yougo? What time of day? Was
it? Midday? So it wasabout two or three o'clock right around in
there. Interesting. Who is goingto get jerked off? I guess on
(42:58):
their lunch break? Maybe could benever? Yeah, why not, handy?
If there, let's go. Thereis no better way that I could
think of to get through a shipjob than by leaving for lunch, getting
worked over, and then going backto that job to get your piece of
(43:20):
pizza. Yeah, a free sliceof free slaves with every hand job,
I'm telling you, the viable business. I would be the most relaxed eight
hundred pound man on the planet thatexisted. So here's the kicker to the
story. There's a war. Thisis the epilogue to the story. And
(43:45):
it ties into something that you said, Dahlia, Oh god, oh,
I could not run out of thisplace naked because, and I mean this
in the most literal sense, directlybehind the building. Now, the actual
(44:05):
massage building is right on a mainroad pass my house into the next town.
No, there's a school behind it, better a police station for them.
And when I say they're the biggestpatrons of that place, let's be
fucking honest. That is my wholething with this because and when I say
(44:30):
directly behind it, it is directlybehind it. It is this building,
an alleyway and the police station,and it is one of the bigger police
stations in the county. And mythought is they have to know, right
are they getting see I don't wantto call it a kickback, a stroke
(44:51):
back for not closing it down.Are they maybe taken like they're going on
their lunch break? Could be arethey skimming a little bit? Like,
Hey, we won't close you,but we expect some money. Like I
don't know how that works because there'spart of me that wants to go to
(45:12):
one of the officers would be like, do you know just but then you're
a rat? But yeah, I'ma rat. But I kind of want
to see the reaction because people havetells. It would be very telling.
You're like, oh, you gotjerked off by the Amazon? Which one?
She's good, Martha has the besthands in the game. Yo.
(45:38):
You ever had the box cover thelight? Big guy? When the box
goes on, shit goes down?Oh my god? It actually kills me
at a place that presumably makes alot of money, because like, jerking
(45:59):
people off is not cheap. Rightthat they don't have dimmable lights. You
couldn't buy a lamp with a dimmerswitch. Why a box is it for?
Like the magician aspect, like youpull out the box and what's going
to happen next? What I cando? She pulls a rabbit out of
(46:20):
it. I'm allergic. I gottaget out of here. Yeah, I'm
face down. She's pulling out thehandkerchiefs like like a nutrition yeah, yeah,
and you're like, oh, trustme, sweetheart, you are going
to eat all of that for me. I didn't realized I had all those
(46:45):
in my ass. You are amagician. But yeah, it makes me
wonder like if I went to oneof the officers in that behind the building.
Listen, I don't want to bethat guy, but for public safety
(47:07):
and awareness, I feel like Ineed to be that guy. This place
is a naughty massage place. Doyou think it'd be like what this is
is the first we've heard of itand over sell it because literally four hours
before that he was in there onall fours with something in his asses.
(47:28):
He's getting a downward hand job,or you know, I think for a
police officer, that sounds about right. Yeah. Wait a minute, do
you know something that I don't Everycop? Okay, So I I have
dealt with a lot of cop clients, like a lot, every cop and
(47:51):
every military man that I have everserviced has been into submission and or ladies
patties Like you would be mind blownto know how many of the men that
are protecting and serving are doing soin pink freely undies. So what you're
(48:15):
saying is if I were to goback to this massage place, and I
had the fortune to be with thesame massage therapist to be back there with
Martha. If she were to comeinto the room after I were to disrobe
and I had a pair of women'sundergarments on, she'd be like, are
(48:38):
you from the police stations right?Do you get the discount right now?
Now? I can't run out becauseif I could get a discount, But
it does make me wonder would itbe different. Would she be like coaching
me through, like, oh,this is a tell this is someone that
(49:02):
works with certain organizations. So we'regoing to prop up as hips and we're
gonna put something in his butt.Like it would be more than a credit
card swipe on the ass crack,that's for sure. And there would be
like a like so much loom youhear the lucky you know, maybe maybe
she's mad, Maybe you get done. That is definitely when I give my
(49:30):
safe word for sure. Oh mygod, that is amazing. But you
know what I have to say,I think the cops have to know.
They have to know that it doesa revonde because so many members of our
society are so fucking stupid that ifthey were to get into a situation where
they disagreed on price. Who arethey gonna call? You're they're gonna call
(49:52):
the cops and tell on themselves.I've seen that happen so many times,
so like I feel like they know. I think they have to. I
think you're right, Yeah, thereare they got. There are so many
stories that you hear on the newswhere someone tries to buy drugs, gets
ripped off and then goes to thepolice to say that they got ripped off
(50:13):
on the drug deal. So oran escort, any full service sex worker.
They are dumb enough that if theyget ripped off, they will call
the cops. You're not wrong,So I guess what you're saying is I
need to go back and have thisexperience. Isn't your birthday coming up?
(50:36):
Oh, I'm about a month away, as we say, You're you're a
March baby, if I remember.I wonder if you get like a discount
at Starbucks when you get a freedrink, you gotta make sure you get
a boobardy hat. I'm here formy hand job, yeah, because I'm
a piscey. So she's trying tostick goldfish in my butt, you know.
(51:02):
Oh, I mean I you knowwin in France, you know,
yeah, Oh my god, I'mjust I'm picturing this whole scenario like unfolding,
and it is just playing in mymind like a episode of a sitcom.
No thank you, no thank you. And she's like, oh,
sorry, really you came here fora massage. You didn't want this?
(51:28):
Wait a minute. You know whatyou should have said is no, I
already came thank you. I rolledover in it. I'm so sorry.
Yeah. So what she's She's like, so you're here for an actual massage?
You are adorable? Come on,like, I'm not even good at
(51:49):
those. If I am to goback, well, because you're making it
someth I have to go back,you know, I go if the listeners
didn't want it, or if youguys didn't want I mean, I am
a gentleman. What planet are wegoing to be? Like? No,
(52:12):
dick, that's a bad idea.It's terrible, doll don'll So if I
am to go back, how doI make it really known that I am
there? Like, because, asI said, you start massages face down?
Do I have a butt plug in? Take a viagra before you get
(52:32):
on the table. Leave a tinynote folded up in your butt crack.
Yes, it just says I'm readyon the inside. Yeah, yeah,
no, just yes, like alittle little stick figure peanut, Well not
(52:52):
a stick, but like you know, a little happy penis in there.
Good hands, because it is funnierwith hands always. How about you know
how they make pop guns where theflag comes out and it says, how
you buttole Yeah, maybe I putin like a small cylinder. My god,
(53:15):
no, not in my butt,just like on the like I've squeeze
it with my cheeks and she pullsthe string and this this flag comes out
and either says yes or enter hereor something like that. Here we've skipped
the hand job and we've gone straightto butt stuff. Okay, he's a
cop, remember, Officer Dangle,Detective Dangle here to protect but wants to
(53:45):
get served. I have to takethis podcast on a different note, like
we're gonna have to be like crimescene investigators. Now says we can't win
a porn award, like we wegotta go somewhere else. Time to change
the nature of this podcast. Well, what may happen is if I go
(54:07):
about this process all wrong and Ido disappear. The Dangling after Dark Podcast
could just be YouTube doing the searchfor Dick Dangle podcast. True. Again,
that is amazing. That is ahell of a story. Thank you
(54:30):
very much. I'm glad you likeit, and I will let you know
if I go back to this place, and we will of course talk about
it in the three way like weare having now, We will talk about
it. Do you think they issuegift cards like I could get you on
for your birthday? He was like, oh my god, is that possible.
(54:59):
I know, literally have a punchcard. Oh my god, you
get a freebie after like what fifteennine nine? Oh, man, hand
job is free? But that's amazing. Is it a bad hand job?
Like is it like, oh,this is a free one. This is
just let me slap it around abit. I don't care. Boo yes,
(55:22):
nothing but booboo came yet. Orbecause they now have you down to
a science through the first nine andthe tenth one is just magical and mind
blowing. Oh yeah, oh mygod, that's so funny. I'm actually
so curious about the quality of thishand job. And also I feel like
(55:43):
if you go back, you needto like warn them, like you need
to be that guy. And it'slike eighteen long time to come and you'll
be done because they'll be like okay, and then they'll blow your mind in
like two seconds flat. You're like, yeah, whatever, guy, Yeah,
how about that? So many dicks. I have seen all the dicks.
How about this. I'm going toput the gauntlet in right. What
(56:07):
I'm going to do is have anactual clock timer with one hundred dollars bill
under him, and I'm gonna setthe timer for like I'll be generous,
seven minutes. And if they don'tget me off, okay, if they
don't get me off, then Iliterally I hit the timer goes off.
I hit it. I put themoney back in my pocket or back under
(56:29):
my butt cheek, and then likeyou lose and you know, make a
scene of it. They'll like,what's that, Madeline. So they'll take
the box and hit you with it. Now give me that box over my
head as they punch me in thedick. Yes, oh my god,
(56:52):
give me my money, Madeline.I will give you their phone number and
you can call them and say thatI would like to purchase a gift certificate
for a friend. They will bein tomorrow at this time. Get the
(57:13):
most calloused hands you could possibly findCan you just get some sandpaper, mits
wear some strug gloves and the showerhave rice in it, Brillo pads,
oven cleaners, Like we we needthis thing, right, I mean,
(57:37):
oh my god, is that gonnatake stick? Is that going to take
as a rough hand? No,but it makes it fun. It's fun
for me. It is very muchtechnique. Okay, so it may take
them a while. And see nowthat that leads to a good question.
Does that mean I need to showthem them how to do it? Like
(58:01):
guide them through it? Or Ithink you would be surprised. I think
you're sitting on a bit of ahigh horse here, dick. I feel
like they've gotten off so many peoplethat they're not going to have a problem
with you. I feel like that'sprobably the case. See I disagree with
that, I really really do.I wonder how many men have had that
attitude and went in there and beenlike, oh, probably so many,
(58:23):
every single one, so many becauselike I personally like I suck a lot
of dick, okay, like alot. And I want to say,
nine times out of ten when Istuck somebody's dick, they're like, oh,
I hope you don't mind, ButI take a really long time to
come, and then I get themoff in like two minutes flat. So
I feel like that's probably the case. I feel like their expertise goes beyond
(58:47):
your hang ups about coming. You'resaying they're Jedi masters. Well not Jedi
masters, but I feel like theyjerk off a lot of people. I
feel like the dick is not astreet to these people. They know how
it ticks and they know how tomake it come. I'm telling you,
I will bet you five dollars anda year's subscription to my only fans that
(59:10):
they can make you come. Fivedollars really, yeah, and a year's
subscription time. That's a deal anda half. It's really like a two
hundred dollars value. Yeah, that'sokay. See my thought was put your
money where your mouth is. Iwill say one hundred dollars. Ooh,
what if he lies to us?We've got to be there, Yeah,
(59:34):
we got to watch. We'll haveto be standing outside the window, just
your face pressed up. I guessthat steaming up the glass. Well why
is the glass fucking up? Ifyou guys are there, excuse me?
Yeah, yeah, we know what'sgoing on there. We've had stuff in
(59:57):
our butts. Keep walking, hbut if you guys are there, I'll
probably finish faster. So that's notfair. Yeah, just staring at you
condescendingly. Is that what you're into? I might be. I've never had
that happen. I've never been thatoverly submissive part money. Yeah, one
(01:00:22):
day, I'm not against it.I don't know what I like and what
I don't. I've had very boringpartners in my life, and that's another
reason that I think that they wouldjust blow your mind. Yeah. I
think you just haven't experienced a trueprofessional just yet. Have you gone to
an escort before? Have you everhad full service? Well? I went
(01:00:42):
Okay, I'll say this. I'vebeen to a brothel twice. Okay,
I did not orgasm at the time. Interesting ners, No, it was
just technique. I think that's partof it. I am someone very connection
oriented, and even though people promotetheir girlfriend experience, when you go to
(01:01:08):
a brothel, at some level mybrain goes but it's not. But you're
lying to me, right, Youdon't love me? Yes, I mean
I still enjoy it, but it'sjust it doesn't get me over the edge.
(01:01:28):
Okay, So here you need tosee the same provider two or three
times, so maybe you can geton that sort of like, oh,
yeah, we've done this before,and I know you really liked a certain
book that you read and she askedyou about hockey or whatever, and then
maybe it'll be a little bit moreso I should go back. Yeah,
(01:01:51):
get Martha, Yes, get regularmassages. Yes. And then when the
box goes over the light and Ireceived a double boop, then yeah,
I go for the kill. Yes. Or just show up in like a
thong that just says, jerk meoff on it. Well, I could
(01:02:16):
I don't need to wear a thongthat says that. I could literally just
hold up a piece of paper whenI roll over and be like or just
like write on your sharpie it downthere to make sure it's not backwards so
she can actually read it like anambulance, right, what say? Or
(01:02:42):
I could put I could paint atarget on my belly. You know what
that would actually be like going tothe massage carp or whatever they called messuse
uh itself. That's like putting thataside, a target on your belly is
actually fucking genius. That's what Ido. That's it. Everybody who ever
jerks off for me from now onis going to have to put a target
(01:03:05):
on their belly. I will notaccept anything. But this is a fun
game. You get ten points,oh yeah, do you do it like
ski ball where you have several forthere's like if you not in the middle
circle and get a bull's eye andthen the hand jobs free. Okay,
Wow, you don't even need thepunch. This is amazing. This is
(01:03:31):
actually like a great fucking story.I'm so glad that you shared this with
us, Dick, and now continue, Yeah, I uh, I will
go back for you guys, andfor the show. You have to five
dollars and my only fans, I'mtelling you stay tuned. Listeners, stay
(01:03:52):
tuned. Yes, So thank youone and all or listening to this story
and listening to this episode. Ilove every single listener of the show so
much, and I'm glad that youare part of this incredible experience with me.
(01:04:15):
And until we are as disappointed inhim as you all are, I
promise we've been giving him judgy looksthis entire recording sage. I feel it.
It's burned into my chest. Sosince Dahlia let Madeline go first on
the question, at the beginning episode, we will let Madeline go first.
(01:04:39):
Again. Madeline, please tell everybodywhere they could find you online, on
social media and every place so theycan support you and your greatness. All
right, So you guys can hitup madelinay dot com for everything that is
WAW and then mostly social media sothat you can find me on Twitter because
(01:05:00):
it'll always, forever and never beTwitter. And that's at Madeline Ray.
And that's all you need to knowright now. And can I just say,
for anybody who's listening that is notcurrently following Madeline Ray on Twitter,
you're fucking up, my friend.You are fucking up if you are not
following her on Twitter. She posteda photo today that I'm masturbated to probably
(01:05:23):
ten times in the last three hours. So I just want to let you
guys know following her is so fuckingworth it, so fucking she's as hot
as she sounds. I promise Ican agree with that wholeheartedly. Also turned
off to the photo. I'm surehe did, Dick, I didn't because
(01:05:44):
you didn't double boot me raw,all right, you said it. You
just wait. Well, I don'tthink I will post some shit U,
So, dear Dahlia, please telleverybody where they can find your greatness online.
All of my links can be foundat Dalia d dot com. That's
(01:06:05):
d A h L I A de e dot com. Very very nice.
I am at Dick Dangle dot com. That's my links page. Dangling
after Dark is the website if youwant to do direct downloads of the episodes,
and of course my Twitter, whichis my main platform, is at
(01:06:26):
the Dick Dangle. So once again, thank you, dear ladies for being
a part of this episode. I'mso glad that I was here. I
would not have missed this for theworld. Thanks unch my throat keeps doing
the thing with the stuff in it, like okay, okay, I'm just
(01:06:47):
choked up over this whole ordeal andhow you didn't get a handy understandable.
I will find you, I promise, And once again, thank you so
much, dear listeners for listening tothis episode. Please take care of yourselves
and the people around you, payfor your poor and and support amazing content
(01:07:10):
creators like Malin Ray, like DahliaD and all of the incredible guests that
I have had on this show overthe years. Please find something that feeds
your soul. Do it as oftenas you possibly can. If you get
a double boop, realize it's decisiontime, and ladies give it and dear
(01:07:32):
ladies give it to me simultaneously becauseI need it, and what else dangle darn s
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