October 8, 2023 • 12 mins
Ever wondered why joy, the most precious emotion, often seems so elusive? Join me as I discuss the emotion of joy, its core essence, and how we can cultivate more of this beautiful emotion in our lives. Drawing from my personal experience and insights from my practice, I'll guide you with practical tips, compassionate understanding, and a healthy dose of empowerment to inspire you to take the first step towards a more joyous life.
Get in touch with Dr. Shemena
· Tweet me at @ShemenaJohnson
· Follow me on IG at @DrShemenaJohnson
· Email me at info@shemenajohnson.com
Thank you for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Shemena (00:05):
This is the Dark Matters podcast with Dr.
Shemena.
I'm Dr.
Shemena, a licensed therapistthat underwent my own
transformation, and I'm here toshare my insights and
revelations.
This is a podcast that goeswell beyond the surface of
everyday psychology to help youbecome conscious and aware.
It's about understanding andit's about empowerment so that
(00:28):
you can take control of yourlife in this challenging world.
So what do you say?
Let's dive in.
Hi everybody, this is Shemenaagain, and today I want to talk
about something that's a littledifferent, kind of unique, but I
(00:49):
want to talk about joy.
Just the other day, I met withsomeone kind of like a potential
client, and one of the thingsthat she said that really stood
out for me was .
.
"I don't know the last time Ifelt a sense of joy in my life.
(01:12):
I don't even know if I knowwhat it feels like, and in that
moment when I heard her utterthese words, my heart felt what
she said, and then also, on theother hand, I started to think
about what it feels like toexperience joy.
(01:35):
I think a lot of people don'treally think about.
What does joy really feel like?
When was the last time you feltpure, unadulterated joy?
And also what made youconscious of that feeling?
(01:56):
I've always felt that joyusually floods the mind and the
body when everything in lifefeels acceptable and stable.
You like your job, yourrelationships are good with
family, in family, platonicrelationships, both platonic and
(02:19):
intimate relationships likeeven your health is good, you
feel, on some level, content andsatisfied with life.
I've always felt that joy issomething much more than
happiness.
Like, happiness is a fleetingemotional reaction, but joy, on
the other hand, is a little bitmore persistent.
(02:41):
It's almost spiritual.
It's a spiritual sensation thatendures way beyond just the
moment.
I think feeling joy entailsliving in the moment and
embracing life at its fullest.
Joy is understanding the trueessence of life and in our
(03:02):
society and culture it's aboutworking hard.
There's this emphasis on doingand performing and trying really
hard, and to resist that kindof culture it takes a herculean
effort.
You don't have to be in theposition where the doing and the
(03:27):
performing and the constanttrying starts to have an
outsized influence on how youchoose to live your life,
because it can become veryanxiety-filled when you start to
come up with rationalizationsand different thoughts of why
you should continue down thesame road, and sometimes it's
(03:49):
even to the point of exhaustion,when anxiety and fears are
driving the vehicle.
It's not a conscious part ofyou that has a sense of reality
of your own life.
And then there's this idea thatif I'm content with what I have
and I've cultivated from myself, then that means I'm being lazy
(04:11):
, or maybe I'm being mediocre.
Again, these arerationalizations that I say to
myself, and it's like you becomelike a real estate developer
who builds one building and thennow I feel like I need to take
over the block.
Why, why, why are you doingthese things?
(04:33):
Because these unconsciousforces of what to do, what you
should do, who you are, they caneasily move you to a place
where you're not in control.
It's like having ghosts in yourhead telling you what to do.
This idea of being superwoman,superman, ends up being too much
(04:57):
and can lead you to a place ofexhaustion.
I think learning to experience asense of joy of one's own
accomplishments and what you'vecreated for yourself, it's about
empowerment that can help youheal the deeper wounds of
history.
It's so vital.
I'm here to tell you that andlet you know that you are
(05:22):
allowed to find joy andhappiness in your life and start
living as such.
One of the primary reasons joyhas become so important to me is
that as a black woman in thisworld, from the moment I was
born, I was told on a macro anda micro level how I should think
(05:44):
about myself, how I shouldbehave.
I was told to quiet down a lot.
You're too loud, you're toomuch, you're too bright.
I internalize those statementsas fact.
When they were only someoneelse's projections.
(06:05):
Those statements hampered mysense of finding joy in every
sense of my being.
I had to make a consciouseffort to say to myself that I
wanted to decide how to live mylife and choose how I wanted to
think about myself.
I was told too many timesgrowing up better to be safe
(06:28):
than sorry.
How many times have you heardthat Better to be safe than
sorry?
Sometimes the risk of losingfeels too much, so we end up
sabotaging ourselves and we loseit ourselves so that we can
avoid feeling the plank pain ofthat loss, like you end up
(06:51):
working against yourself.
If I convince myself that Ireally don't want it, then I'm
safe from feeling disappointedand hurt.
The constant contact with thatkind of trauma, like with a
small "T, lives inside of us andmanifests in waves that are not
easy to spot.
They're slowly etching away atyour peace your sense of being
(07:18):
and how you behave.
Think about how many times youmay have said this silently to
yourself when you really, reallywant to take a giant leap into
uncharted areas.
Better to be safe than sorry.
But what I realize is it's a lotof fear fear of feeling
(07:41):
pleasure and joy.
I'm discussing this becausemany people fear experiencing
joy.
How many times have you feltjoyful at something awesome,
like an awesome, great time inyour life, and then you suddenly
felt afraid.
And I'm not saying it's thatkind of primal fear that you
(08:03):
experience when you're watchinga Stephen King movie or you hear
a strange noise outside yourwindow at midnight, but instead
it's the anxiety within is morelike a sense of dread, a sense
of unease.
It's like when is the othershoe going to drop?
The fear of losing what you'veaccomplished, maybe people
(08:28):
around you or just those momentsthat bring you so much joy is
what stops you from beingvulnerable and allowing yourself
to experience this fireworkmoment.
Joy is one of the mostvulnerable emotions a human can
feel, because when youexperience joy, there is an
(08:50):
opening up of oneself to theexperience or to another person,
and when we allow ourselves toexperience it fully, we are in a
vulnerable state.
And when we fear that takesover because we don't want to
feel as opposite, which is thepain of the loss, we believe
(09:10):
that in our state of blissfuljoy, something bad's going to
happen.
It's like climbing up abeautiful hill to catch the view
of the sunset, but thenbecoming afraid and running back
down to the bottom for safety.
It's the fear of the unknown,an uncertainty that you become
(09:31):
all too familiar with.
You know what would be easiestto not allow yourself to be
vulnerable to people or to yourexperiences.
I thought of this before.
But without that kind ofvulnerability, without being
completely present or all in,you wouldn't get a chance to
experience what joy feels like.
(09:52):
Feels like never eating anorange and not knowing what it
tastes like, or a mandarin, andthen finally taking a bite and
realizing "Wow, it's so sweet.
Joy, like other emotions, is afeeling.
Feelings pass from moment tomoment and, yes, the joy isn't
(10:16):
going to stay forever, butneither will pain, fear, or
anxiety.
These emotions pass too.
You know, if we never allowourselves the opportunity to
experience joy, to be present inour emotional experiences.
It becomes a loss for yourselfbecause this world is full of
(10:36):
choices, opportunities, andmeaningful experiences just
waiting for you to seize andenjoy.
But you can do it without thefear.
Now I'm getting close towrapping up and you know I
wanted to give again.
Turn the lens on you to askyourself some questions.
Have a moment of reflection,like what brings you joy?
(11:02):
When have you self-sabotagedbecause that felt better to you
than experiencing your life asbeing content and joyful?
And, last but not least, howcan you start from this moment,
learning how to create more joyin your life and being present?
(11:24):
Thank you for tuning in.
That's all I got for today.
I'll catch you next time.
Be well, I hope you enjoyedthis episode of Dark Matters
with Dr.
Shemena.
Thank you for listening in.
You can find me atshemenajohnson.
com.
All the links of where you canfind me are in the show summary.
(11:47):
Come back often and make sureyou subscribe, rate, and review
because I'd love to hear yourcomments and remember either you
deal with your feelings or theydeal with you.
See you guys soon.
This is the Dark Matters podcast with Dr.
Shemena.
I'm Dr.
Shemena, a licensed therapistthat underwent my own
transformation, and I'm here toshare my insights and
revelations.
This is a podcast that goeswell beyond the surface of
everyday psychology to help youbecome conscious and aware.
It's about understanding andit's about empowerment so that
(00:28):
you can take control of yourlife in this challenging world.
So what do you say?
Let's dive in.
Hi everybody, this is Shemenaagain, and today I want to talk
about something that's a littledifferent, kind of unique, but I
(00:49):
want to talk about joy.
Just the other day, I met withsomeone kind of like a potential
client, and one of the thingsthat she said that really stood
out for me was .
.
"I don't know the last time Ifelt a sense of joy in my life.
(01:12):
I don't even know if I knowwhat it feels like, and in that
moment when I heard her utterthese words, my heart felt what
she said, and then also, on theother hand, I started to think
about what it feels like toexperience joy.
(01:35):
I think a lot of people don'treally think about.
What does joy really feel like?
When was the last time you feltpure, unadulterated joy?
And also what made youconscious of that feeling?
(01:56):
I've always felt that joyusually floods the mind and the
body when everything in lifefeels acceptable and stable.
You like your job, yourrelationships are good with
family, in family, platonicrelationships, both platonic and
(02:19):
intimate relationships likeeven your health is good, you
feel, on some level, content andsatisfied with life.
I've always felt that joy issomething much more than
happiness.
Like, happiness is a fleetingemotional reaction, but joy, on
the other hand, is a little bitmore persistent.
(02:41):
It's almost spiritual.
It's a spiritual sensation thatendures way beyond just the
moment.
I think feeling joy entailsliving in the moment and
embracing life at its fullest.
Joy is understanding the trueessence of life and in our
(03:02):
society and culture it's aboutworking hard.
There's this emphasis on doingand performing and trying really
hard, and to resist that kindof culture it takes a herculean
effort.
You don't have to be in theposition where the doing and the
(03:27):
performing and the constanttrying starts to have an
outsized influence on how youchoose to live your life,
because it can become veryanxiety-filled when you start to
come up with rationalizationsand different thoughts of why
you should continue down thesame road, and sometimes it's
(03:49):
even to the point of exhaustion,when anxiety and fears are
driving the vehicle.
It's not a conscious part ofyou that has a sense of reality
of your own life.
And then there's this idea thatif I'm content with what I have
and I've cultivated from myself, then that means I'm being lazy
(04:11):
, or maybe I'm being mediocre.
Again, these arerationalizations that I say to
myself, and it's like you becomelike a real estate developer
who builds one building and thennow I feel like I need to take
over the block.
Why, why, why are you doingthese things?
(04:33):
Because these unconsciousforces of what to do, what you
should do, who you are, they caneasily move you to a place
where you're not in control.
It's like having ghosts in yourhead telling you what to do.
This idea of being superwoman,superman, ends up being too much
(04:57):
and can lead you to a place ofexhaustion.
I think learning to experience asense of joy of one's own
accomplishments and what you'vecreated for yourself, it's about
empowerment that can help youheal the deeper wounds of
history.
It's so vital.
I'm here to tell you that andlet you know that you are
(05:22):
allowed to find joy andhappiness in your life and start
living as such.
One of the primary reasons joyhas become so important to me is
that as a black woman in thisworld, from the moment I was
born, I was told on a macro anda micro level how I should think
(05:44):
about myself, how I shouldbehave.
I was told to quiet down a lot.
You're too loud, you're toomuch, you're too bright.
I internalize those statementsas fact.
When they were only someoneelse's projections.
(06:05):
Those statements hampered mysense of finding joy in every
sense of my being.
I had to make a consciouseffort to say to myself that I
wanted to decide how to live mylife and choose how I wanted to
think about myself.
I was told too many timesgrowing up better to be safe
(06:28):
than sorry.
How many times have you heardthat Better to be safe than
sorry?
Sometimes the risk of losingfeels too much, so we end up
sabotaging ourselves and we loseit ourselves so that we can
avoid feeling the plank pain ofthat loss, like you end up
(06:51):
working against yourself.
If I convince myself that Ireally don't want it, then I'm
safe from feeling disappointedand hurt.
The constant contact with thatkind of trauma, like with a
small "T, lives inside of us andmanifests in waves that are not
easy to spot.
They're slowly etching away atyour peace your sense of being
(07:18):
and how you behave.
Think about how many times youmay have said this silently to
yourself when you really, reallywant to take a giant leap into
uncharted areas.
Better to be safe than sorry.
But what I realize is it's a lotof fear fear of feeling
(07:41):
pleasure and joy.
I'm discussing this becausemany people fear experiencing
joy.
How many times have you feltjoyful at something awesome,
like an awesome, great time inyour life, and then you suddenly
felt afraid.
And I'm not saying it's thatkind of primal fear that you
(08:03):
experience when you're watchinga Stephen King movie or you hear
a strange noise outside yourwindow at midnight, but instead
it's the anxiety within is morelike a sense of dread, a sense
of unease.
It's like when is the othershoe going to drop?
The fear of losing what you'veaccomplished, maybe people
(08:28):
around you or just those momentsthat bring you so much joy is
what stops you from beingvulnerable and allowing yourself
to experience this fireworkmoment.
Joy is one of the mostvulnerable emotions a human can
feel, because when youexperience joy, there is an
(08:50):
opening up of oneself to theexperience or to another person,
and when we allow ourselves toexperience it fully, we are in a
vulnerable state.
And when we fear that takesover because we don't want to
feel as opposite, which is thepain of the loss, we believe
(09:10):
that in our state of blissfuljoy, something bad's going to
happen.
It's like climbing up abeautiful hill to catch the view
of the sunset, but thenbecoming afraid and running back
down to the bottom for safety.
It's the fear of the unknown,an uncertainty that you become
(09:31):
all too familiar with.
You know what would be easiestto not allow yourself to be
vulnerable to people or to yourexperiences.
I thought of this before.
But without that kind ofvulnerability, without being
completely present or all in,you wouldn't get a chance to
experience what joy feels like.
(09:52):
Feels like never eating anorange and not knowing what it
tastes like, or a mandarin, andthen finally taking a bite and
realizing "Wow, it's so sweet.
Joy, like other emotions, is afeeling.
Feelings pass from moment tomoment and, yes, the joy isn't
(10:16):
going to stay forever, butneither will pain, fear, or
anxiety.
These emotions pass too.
You know, if we never allowourselves the opportunity to
experience joy, to be present inour emotional experiences.
It becomes a loss for yourselfbecause this world is full of
(10:36):
choices, opportunities, andmeaningful experiences just
waiting for you to seize andenjoy.
But you can do it without thefear.
Now I'm getting close towrapping up and you know I
wanted to give again.
Turn the lens on you to askyourself some questions.
Have a moment of reflection,like what brings you joy?
(11:02):
When have you self-sabotagedbecause that felt better to you
than experiencing your life asbeing content and joyful?
And, last but not least, howcan you start from this moment,
learning how to create more joyin your life and being present?
(11:24):
Thank you for tuning in.
That's all I got for today.
I'll catch you next time.
Be well, I hope you enjoyedthis episode of Dark Matters
with Dr.
Shemena.
Thank you for listening in.
You can find me atshemenajohnson.
com.
All the links of where you canfind me are in the show summary.
(11:47):
Come back often and make sureyou subscribe, rate, and review
because I'd love to hear yourcomments and remember either you
deal with your feelings or theydeal with you.
See you guys soon.
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