Thoughts on Expectations in Relationships: Expecting A Lobster in a Hamburger World with Dr. Shemena

Imagine you walked into McDonald's and asked for a lobster, only to be disappointed when they served you a hamburger. Sounds absurd, right? But what if I told you that's exactly how some of us approach our relationships? Listen in as Dr. Shemena shares an illuminating perspective on expectations in relationships. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hi, this is Dr Shimina Johnson, and today I
just want to share some thoughtsthat I have on relationships,
and, as you know, i work withindividuals and I work with
couples, but I find this kind ofconcept pretty applicable, you
know, when it comes to dealingwith relationships, and so I'll

(00:36):
tell you a little bit of a story.
You know about my thoughtprocess in this regard, and so
last year, or maybe it was twoyears ago, i was in Peru and I
went with a group of friends,but that's, i'm gonna put that
to the side.
But while I was there in Peru,i noticed there was a KFC at

(00:59):
McDonald's.
You know, things that remind meof home.
But all throughout my time oftravel and I love to travel
where I go, state to state,country to country I seem to be
able to always find a KFC or aMcDonald's everywhere.

(01:22):
Everywhere I go, there'sthere's.
It's in every state, in everycountry, and I can always order
my favorites extra crispychicken wings or a hamburger and
fries something very basic,very simple.
And I think that's what makesMcDonald's and KFC great is that

(01:45):
it's always the same and I knowexactly what to expect.
It never disappoints, ever.
But imagine if I went toMcDonald's asking for lobster, i
would be very disappointed.
But when you think about it andI hope you're just following me,

(02:09):
follow, follow me with me onthis thought this is how some
people approach relationshipsasking for something that is not
available, knowing that certainpeople in your life are
equivalent to a burger and fries.
But you approach them hopingfor lobster.

(02:30):
But when you get the burger,you get disappointed, confused,
angry and discouraged.
But there were so many clues onthe wall in these relationships
that lead you to knowing thereis no lobster available.
It's practically a sign sayingno lobster here.

(02:53):
And yet you go inside yourself,you trick yourself into
believing that if I ask theright way, maybe I'll get what I
want.
But this creates a reallyvicious cycle of the more you
ask for approval and you don'treceive it, the worse you feel.

(03:14):
So the way to escape this kindof pattern with relationships of
asking for lobster when youknow that only that's available
for you is like a hamburger andfries, is that you have to learn
to accept the difficult truthof who this person is, their

(03:37):
abilities and their limitations.
I mean, maybe, when you thinkabout it, maybe your partner is
not emotionally available andhas limitations that go beyond
your ability to fix.
Seeing your relationshipsexactly the way they are, not as
you hope for them to be orimagine for them to be, it frees

(04:02):
you to make better choices foryour emotional health.
So, therefore, you won'tcontinue to go to McDonald's and
ask for lobster when all theyhave is a hamburger and fries.
So that's my thoughts.
Take care, be well.